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00:00:05,831 --> 00:00:09,441
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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00:00:09,487 --> 00:00:12,657
KID CAPRI: It's the
Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam.
3
00:00:36,514 --> 00:00:43,174
Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together for my main man, Mr. Joe Torry.
4
00:00:46,872 --> 00:00:48,092
How y'all doing?
5
00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:52,306
What the fuck is up
with y'all? Kid!
6
00:00:52,356 --> 00:00:54,576
The fuck wrong with you?
You know what night this is, man.
7
00:00:54,619 --> 00:00:55,969
Now, put the shit on, man.
8
00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:58,320
Fronting that shit.
9
00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:02,190
Fuckin' cooley
high night, man.
10
00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:03,796
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
11
00:01:05,891 --> 00:01:07,241
Motherfucker forgot.
12
00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:10,460
Now you're in the house.
13
00:01:10,505 --> 00:01:12,025
Check him out.
14
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,072
Shit, he ain't
fucking around.
15
00:01:14,117 --> 00:01:16,507
You see, I like this shit.
This is the "back in the day" shit.
16
00:01:16,554 --> 00:01:19,514
That old mac pimp ass shit.
Am I wrong, Kid?
17
00:01:19,557 --> 00:01:20,987
[KID TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
18
00:01:21,037 --> 00:01:22,427
Yeah, man, we can play
the music and shit.
19
00:01:22,473 --> 00:01:24,433
I want the real get low
with the shit,
20
00:01:24,475 --> 00:01:26,295
pass out some incense,
you know,
21
00:01:26,347 --> 00:01:28,217
black light poster,
shit like that.
22
00:01:30,002 --> 00:01:31,662
They wouldn't let me
do that shit, man.
23
00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:33,270
Goddamn.
I got on the plane with this shit, man,
24
00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:35,750
motherfuckers tried to
disrespect me.
25
00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:37,531
I'm saying,
I'm on a goddamn plane and shit, man.
26
00:01:37,575 --> 00:01:39,705
I'm on a plane
with this shit.
27
00:01:39,751 --> 00:01:43,191
I'm sitting, chilling in
motherfucking first class
28
00:01:43,233 --> 00:01:44,893
'cause that's how I do.
You know, you make a little money
29
00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:46,630
and now they
respect your ass.
30
00:01:46,671 --> 00:01:49,071
I'd be the only
black person in first class, too.
31
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,589
And I sit right
by the first door.
32
00:01:50,632 --> 00:01:51,942
Soon as they ask me
a goddamn question,
33
00:01:51,981 --> 00:01:53,031
"Mr. Torry, where you
want to sit?"
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00:01:53,069 --> 00:01:55,379
Motherfucker,
right by the door.
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00:01:55,419 --> 00:01:57,639
The first goddamn seat
so I can wave at all the white people.
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00:01:57,682 --> 00:01:59,422
"How you doin'?
Get the fuck to the back."
37
00:01:59,467 --> 00:02:00,727
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
38
00:02:02,296 --> 00:02:03,986
"How you doin'?
Get your ass to the back."
39
00:02:05,386 --> 00:02:06,866
Quit fucking around, man.
40
00:02:06,909 --> 00:02:09,219
Times has changed, man,
now the 'fros in the house.
41
00:02:09,259 --> 00:02:12,179
Act like a fool in
goddamn first class, too.
42
00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:13,959
Before I even sat down,
I'm asking for shit.
43
00:02:14,003 --> 00:02:17,753
"Bring me a drink in
this motherfucker, bring me something."
44
00:02:17,789 --> 00:02:21,489
Just gonna hand me a little
ass bottle of goddamn... What the fuck is this?
45
00:02:21,532 --> 00:02:23,452
A little bottle of tonic...
What the fuck is this?
46
00:02:23,491 --> 00:02:25,541
"Well, that's how
we serve it."
47
00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:27,760
"Bitch, no, fuck that.
Park the cart right here, park the cart."
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00:02:27,799 --> 00:02:29,889
"I'm entitled to all
this shit, right, ain't I?"
49
00:02:29,932 --> 00:02:32,202
"Yeah..."
"Well, park the fuckin' cart."
50
00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:34,979
All the shit I don't drink
I'm going to send it to the motherfuckers in coach.
51
00:02:36,895 --> 00:02:38,105
Because I know...
I know how to act.
52
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,158
I know how to act in
first class.
53
00:02:40,203 --> 00:02:41,773
I used to sit in coach,
right behind first class and peeking in
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00:02:41,813 --> 00:02:43,293
so I know how to act
when I get up there.
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00:02:45,121 --> 00:02:46,691
Just be ringing
the bell. Bing!
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00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:47,991
"Where's my goddamn pillow?"
57
00:02:48,037 --> 00:02:49,647
Bing. "Give me
a goddamn blanket."
58
00:02:49,691 --> 00:02:51,041
Bing. "Bring me some pussy
around this motherfucker."
59
00:02:51,083 --> 00:02:52,873
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:02:52,911 --> 00:02:54,301
They got to bring it, too.
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00:02:54,348 --> 00:02:55,958
I usually just be sitting
in first class, man,
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00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:58,051
white people will be looking
at me and shit.
63
00:02:58,090 --> 00:03:00,570
Wondering what the fuck
I'm doing in first class.
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00:03:00,615 --> 00:03:02,965
You know what I'm saying?
And they'll never like to stare at you,
65
00:03:03,008 --> 00:03:05,188
they get a little peek off
at your ass and shit.
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00:03:05,228 --> 00:03:07,098
You know what I'm saying?
But you know how like a pitcher
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00:03:07,143 --> 00:03:08,883
be looking at
first base just be like, you know, like...
68
00:03:09,885 --> 00:03:11,275
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:03:11,321 --> 00:03:12,671
And I'll be like,
"That fuck you want?"
70
00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:17,108
Well, start making
conversation, you know.
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00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,680
"What do you do?"
72
00:03:20,722 --> 00:03:22,462
I'm like, "Motherfucker,
what do you mean what the fuck I do?
73
00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:23,506
"What the fuck you do?"
74
00:03:23,551 --> 00:03:25,601
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
75
00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:27,950
"I'm just trying to make
conversation with you. I mean, you know,
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00:03:27,990 --> 00:03:29,910
"nice flight, isn't it?"
"Motherfucker, when we land,
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00:03:29,948 --> 00:03:31,468
"then it'll be a nice
goddamn flight."
78
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:34,560
"Well, where you headed?"
79
00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:36,345
"The fuck I'm headed?
80
00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:37,910
"Ain't this flight 250
going to New York?
81
00:03:37,956 --> 00:03:39,646
"Same motherfuckin' place
you going, right?
82
00:03:39,697 --> 00:03:41,697
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
83
00:03:41,743 --> 00:03:43,223
"What the fuck you really
want to know?"
84
00:03:44,354 --> 00:03:45,754
"What, do you rap? You sing?"
85
00:03:45,790 --> 00:03:47,180
"Hell, no,
I'm a motherfuckin' terrorist
86
00:03:48,663 --> 00:03:50,013
"and I kill
all the nosy motherfuckers.
87
00:03:50,055 --> 00:03:53,015
"You know
you're dying first, right?"
88
00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:56,108
Fucking with me in
goddamn first class acting like a goddamn fool
89
00:03:56,148 --> 00:03:59,368
because I waited too long.
Coach, they don't give a fuck about you in coach.
90
00:03:59,413 --> 00:04:01,073
Ride in coach
on a fucking airplane.
91
00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:04,030
You know, I asked for
an extra bag of peanuts one time,
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00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:06,679
she got quiet
like I was a slave discussing freedom.
93
00:04:06,724 --> 00:04:08,384
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
94
00:04:08,422 --> 00:04:10,082
[APPLAUSE]
95
00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:14,036
Fuck... The fuck...
How about the peanuts?
96
00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:15,389
"He's having an extra bag?"
97
00:04:16,952 --> 00:04:18,562
"Bitch, you got a whole
cart full of shit."
98
00:04:20,738 --> 00:04:22,038
"Got to give everybody
else some first."
99
00:04:22,087 --> 00:04:24,697
"Wait, bitch,
bitch, they peanuts."
100
00:04:24,742 --> 00:04:27,312
They don't even care,
they don't even read you the rules in goddamn coach.
101
00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:29,574
They took off one time,
people still putting their shit up like this.
102
00:04:29,617 --> 00:04:30,877
"What the fuck?"
103
00:04:33,838 --> 00:04:35,488
Def Jam take care
of your ass though.
104
00:04:35,536 --> 00:04:36,966
Flying first class,
105
00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:39,315
get a nice little limo
and shit like that.
106
00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:42,056
Usually for brothers back in
the day, man, when this shit was on, what they do?
107
00:04:42,107 --> 00:04:44,847
Brother flew me on a plane
one time, I ain't have a fucking seat.
108
00:04:44,893 --> 00:04:47,333
Me and five other people
standing up like we were on a bus, like this.
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00:04:47,374 --> 00:04:49,944
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
110
00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:52,155
We're like, ding,
"Drop me off over New York, shit."
111
00:04:54,076 --> 00:04:56,596
Fucker pick me up
in a stretch pinto. What the fuck?
112
00:04:57,384 --> 00:04:58,954
[LAUGHING]
113
00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:04,088
Hell, yeah.
114
00:05:04,129 --> 00:05:07,609
From D.C., y'all,
give it up for Joe Sinclair.
115
00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:09,175
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
116
00:05:15,053 --> 00:05:16,323
Wassup?
117
00:05:17,708 --> 00:05:21,968
All the ladies
in the house say, "Ow."
118
00:05:22,017 --> 00:05:23,447
WOMEN: Ow!
119
00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:27,067
All the niggers
in the house say, "Hell, yeah."
120
00:05:27,109 --> 00:05:28,419
MEN: Hell, yeah!
121
00:05:28,458 --> 00:05:30,288
Now all you others...
122
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,810
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
123
00:05:41,428 --> 00:05:42,988
Like you two brothers.
124
00:05:46,824 --> 00:05:49,004
Y'all know they're here.
Y'all know there's gay people everywhere.
125
00:05:49,044 --> 00:05:51,354
Y'all want to see them.
Where the... Where the dates?
126
00:05:52,656 --> 00:05:54,306
Are y'all on a date?
127
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,094
Hey, hey, y'all know
they're everywhere.
128
00:05:56,138 --> 00:05:57,968
Y'all see them and y'all
want to say nothing.
129
00:05:58,009 --> 00:05:59,969
Yeah, I know everybody, I'm...
130
00:06:00,011 --> 00:06:02,541
Y'all see them.
Y'all know what I mean. "Ooh, there he go."
131
00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:04,539
You know what I'm saying,
you see them.
132
00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:05,581
And I don't know why
we talk about them because everybody know
133
00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:07,756
they got one in their family.
134
00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:09,542
Everybody... Yeah, everybody
know they got an uncle in their peaches.
135
00:06:09,586 --> 00:06:10,626
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
136
00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:12,464
Everybody got...
You know you do.
137
00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:13,632
Motherfucker come
to the reunion,
138
00:06:13,677 --> 00:06:15,107
you won't say shit
to everybody
139
00:06:15,157 --> 00:06:16,377
and I'm going to tell
you now, ladies...
140
00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:17,589
Ladies, I'm going
to let you know now.
141
00:06:17,638 --> 00:06:19,028
Every nigger got
a little bitch in them.
142
00:06:20,597 --> 00:06:22,857
"Nigger like shit...
What, shit, what?"
143
00:06:22,904 --> 00:06:24,564
Every nigger got
a little bitch in them.
144
00:06:24,601 --> 00:06:25,691
I'm going to tell you how.
You walking down the street,
145
00:06:25,733 --> 00:06:27,783
10:30 at night.
146
00:06:27,822 --> 00:06:30,782
Two motherfuckers roll up
on you with 9 millimeters.
147
00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:36,090
You standing there,
eventually the bitch is gonna come out.
148
00:06:36,134 --> 00:06:37,704
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
149
00:06:37,745 --> 00:06:39,435
It might take a little while
but the bitch going...
150
00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:41,176
The niggers rolling up on you,
"Hey, what's up, nigger?"
151
00:06:41,226 --> 00:06:43,446
You like, "Damn."
152
00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:46,190
"Nigger, give me that
motherfucking vest, punk."
153
00:06:46,231 --> 00:06:48,451
You know, you try to be
a little hard about it. You be like this.
154
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,461
"All right, man."
155
00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:55,019
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
156
00:06:55,066 --> 00:06:57,286
"Matter of fact,
give me them rings too, bitch."
157
00:07:03,553 --> 00:07:04,643
"All right, man."
158
00:07:04,685 --> 00:07:06,685
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
159
00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:09,250
"Matter of fact, nigger,
give me them motherfucking boots, too."
160
00:07:13,824 --> 00:07:15,484
"All right, man."
161
00:07:15,522 --> 00:07:17,392
"Hand that shit over.
Matter of fact, nigger,
162
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,867
"we should make you
suck our dick."
163
00:07:19,917 --> 00:07:21,347
That's when you
get real hard.
164
00:07:21,397 --> 00:07:22,827
You're like,
"Oh, what? What?
165
00:07:22,877 --> 00:07:24,267
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
166
00:07:24,313 --> 00:07:26,183
"Hold on, hold on, hold on,
167
00:07:26,228 --> 00:07:27,968
"y'all could take
my motherfuckin' possessions and shit,
168
00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:29,412
"but y'all ain't going
to be taking my motherfucking dignity."
169
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:30,929
That nigger cock
the hammer back.
170
00:07:30,972 --> 00:07:32,892
You be like, "Psych, boy,
I was just playing.
171
00:07:32,930 --> 00:07:34,190
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
172
00:07:35,324 --> 00:07:36,464
"Let me see.
173
00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:38,109
[SQUEALS] Whoo!
174
00:07:38,153 --> 00:07:41,113
"Shit. Damn, where you get
all that dick from?
175
00:07:44,159 --> 00:07:46,199
"You want to tell me your
name or something first?
176
00:07:46,248 --> 00:07:50,338
"I mean this... This ain't
got to be a one-time thing or nothing."
177
00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:52,782
The bitch... Every nigger
got a little bitch in them.
178
00:07:52,820 --> 00:07:55,080
You do, I know I ain't
the only nigger peeked at
179
00:07:55,126 --> 00:07:57,126
another nigger dick
when you taking a piss.
180
00:07:57,172 --> 00:07:59,522
In the bathroom
taking a piss.
181
00:07:59,566 --> 00:08:01,786
You know, it never fails.
182
00:08:01,829 --> 00:08:03,919
Every time you be in the club,
chilling, having a good motherfucking time,
183
00:08:03,961 --> 00:08:06,051
you're feeling proud
about your dick.
184
00:08:06,094 --> 00:08:09,844
Some big 6'8" motherfucker
walk in that shit.
185
00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,710
Nigger dick down to here.
186
00:08:11,752 --> 00:08:14,322
You walk in,
you taking a piss and you see him coming.
187
00:08:14,972 --> 00:08:16,102
Look at him.
188
00:08:16,147 --> 00:08:17,187
"Shit."
189
00:08:17,235 --> 00:08:19,105
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
190
00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:21,890
Yeah, you taking a piss,
you be like, "Yeah, yeah, wassup?
191
00:08:21,936 --> 00:08:23,976
"Big dick motherfucker."
192
00:08:24,025 --> 00:08:26,105
But you want to see if
his dick is bigger. You be...
193
00:08:26,157 --> 00:08:27,417
[WHISTLES]
194
00:08:33,295 --> 00:08:34,725
You realize your dick bigger.
195
00:08:34,775 --> 00:08:37,075
[LAUGHS]
196
00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:40,605
"Yeah, buddy, I think
we know who's the king of the dicks here. All righty."
197
00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:43,040
Yo, my name is Joe Clair.
Y'all be cool. I'll see y'all later.
198
00:08:43,087 --> 00:08:44,517
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
199
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:52,751
Joe Clair, y'all,
200
00:08:53,837 --> 00:08:55,097
sucking dick.
201
00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:59,709
And admitted this shit
on live TV.
202
00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:02,236
All across America.
203
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,980
Kid, man, what happened to
the regular shit, man?
204
00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:07,112
Play some
goddamn music, man.
205
00:09:07,155 --> 00:09:10,155
Motherfuckers,
I'll set them up with a groove in this motherfucker.
206
00:09:10,201 --> 00:09:12,551
Shit, I ain't got this shit on
for nothing, God damn it.
207
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,343
[MUSIC PLAYING]
208
00:09:18,949 --> 00:09:20,209
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
209
00:09:27,088 --> 00:09:28,348
That shit.[MUSIC STOPS]
210
00:09:30,091 --> 00:09:31,571
Fucking, I ain't
forgot that shit.
211
00:09:34,399 --> 00:09:36,449
I was gonna do the bump
with your ass, though, but you know.
212
00:09:38,229 --> 00:09:41,279
From Dallas, Texas,
give it up for Shucky Duckey.
213
00:09:43,539 --> 00:09:45,539
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
214
00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:54,245
He come out here
talking about going down or something.
215
00:09:54,289 --> 00:09:56,679
You can't go down
on every-goddamn-body.
216
00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:58,636
Shit, your ass going to
come up with lock jaw.
217
00:09:58,685 --> 00:09:59,855
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
218
00:09:59,903 --> 00:10:01,643
"What happened?"
"I went down."
219
00:10:01,688 --> 00:10:04,128
You better bring your ass
back up, goddamn.
220
00:10:04,168 --> 00:10:05,518
Shucky Duckey, quack, quack.
221
00:10:05,561 --> 00:10:06,781
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
222
00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,314
Let me tell you what
"shucky duckey" is.
223
00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:13,790
See, shucky duckey's
this phrase that I created
224
00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:15,790
that means "disappointment"
or "excitement."
225
00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:17,662
For example,
instead of cursing when you stump your toe,
226
00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:19,664
you say, "shucky duckey."
227
00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:21,316
Now, if you see
a fine girl or a guy you like,
228
00:10:21,359 --> 00:10:25,099
you say,
"Oh, shucky duckey."
229
00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:28,146
Now if you get the girl
pregnant, you say, "Damn."
230
00:10:28,192 --> 00:10:30,502
Don't you say
"shucky duckey,"
231
00:10:30,542 --> 00:10:33,332
because you done
shuck your duckey too long.
232
00:10:33,371 --> 00:10:34,941
That's when you should be
using your rubber duckey.
233
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,640
Now your ass is
fucky duckey.
234
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:38,900
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
235
00:10:41,118 --> 00:10:42,378
Shucky duckey.
236
00:10:44,818 --> 00:10:46,338
And you know
the economy's bad
237
00:10:46,384 --> 00:10:48,004
when a joker go to the
pawn shop with an iron.
238
00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:51,956
Talking about
"What can I get for this?"
239
00:10:51,999 --> 00:10:53,169
You can get some
wrinkled clothes.
240
00:10:53,217 --> 00:10:54,087
That's what
your ass can get.
241
00:10:54,131 --> 00:10:55,391
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
242
00:10:56,786 --> 00:10:58,136
And I don't worry
about no bills, y'all.
243
00:10:58,179 --> 00:10:59,529
You know,
I got this gray hair on my head.
244
00:10:59,571 --> 00:11:01,361
Y'all see this gray hair
in this shit.
245
00:11:01,399 --> 00:11:03,309
They be talkin' about
a sign of good luck
246
00:11:03,358 --> 00:11:05,528
when you have gray hair
at a young age.
247
00:11:05,577 --> 00:11:08,227
I said, no, "It's a sign
of somebody worrying the shit out of your ass."
248
00:11:08,276 --> 00:11:10,146
No. This is rent,
child support and car note
249
00:11:10,931 --> 00:11:12,191
and back taxes.
250
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,330
And IRS called my house,
251
00:11:15,370 --> 00:11:17,850
told me they gonna put
a lien on my shit.
252
00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:20,774
And I said, "You gonna put
a lien on that coffee table
253
00:11:20,810 --> 00:11:23,680
"because that's
the only thing I own up in that motherfucker.
254
00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:26,286
"You better not lean too hard
'cause it's missing a leg, goddamn."
255
00:11:26,337 --> 00:11:27,687
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
256
00:11:30,037 --> 00:11:31,997
Think I'm lying,
Shucky Duckey quack, quack.
257
00:11:35,346 --> 00:11:36,776
Trying to find me a date.
258
00:11:36,826 --> 00:11:38,826
You know, I had one of
those raggety-ass car.
259
00:11:38,872 --> 00:11:40,352
I tried to pick up...
I picked this girl up in my car, right?
260
00:11:40,395 --> 00:11:42,435
I go to the passenger side
to open the door.
261
00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:43,754
She's talking about,
"I'm an independent woman,
262
00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:45,660
"you don't have to open
the door for me."
263
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,485
I said, "I'm not opening
the door for you,
264
00:11:47,532 --> 00:11:49,012
"I got to get in
on this side.
265
00:11:49,056 --> 00:11:50,576
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
266
00:11:55,671 --> 00:11:58,461
"Now, you can
independently shut it when you get your ass in."
267
00:12:01,329 --> 00:12:02,939
Shucky Duckey quack, quack.
268
00:12:05,115 --> 00:12:08,205
There was this guy,
walked up to this woman, he said, "Hey, baby.
269
00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:10,509
"I'll give you
$50 if you have sex the way I want to."
270
00:12:10,555 --> 00:12:12,465
She said, "Shit,
you've got to be crazy."
271
00:12:12,514 --> 00:12:14,044
He said,
"Baby, I'll give you $250
272
00:12:14,081 --> 00:12:15,651
"if you have sex
the way I want to."
273
00:12:15,691 --> 00:12:17,081
She said, "No, you might be
some kind of freak,
274
00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:18,647
"that's too little money."
275
00:12:18,694 --> 00:12:20,654
He said,
"Baby, I'll give you $500
276
00:12:20,696 --> 00:12:22,386
"if you have sex
the way I want to."
277
00:12:22,437 --> 00:12:25,007
She said, "Yeah,
let's get it on."
278
00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:27,748
So they was in a motel
having sex. They was about an hour into the sex.
279
00:12:27,790 --> 00:12:29,010
She stopped him,
"Wait a minute,
280
00:12:29,052 --> 00:12:30,882
"what is sex the way
you want to?"
281
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:33,364
He said, "On credit, baby,
on credit."[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
282
00:12:33,404 --> 00:12:35,284
I'm Shucky Duckey
and I'm out of here. See ya.
283
00:12:36,146 --> 00:12:37,406
[CHEERING]
284
00:12:43,066 --> 00:12:45,976
Shucky Duckey
quack, quack.
285
00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:47,896
Let me hear y'all say
"quack, quack."
286
00:12:47,941 --> 00:12:49,861
AUDIENCE: Quack, quack.
287
00:12:49,899 --> 00:12:53,249
Hell, yeah, give it up
from Mount Vernon, New York, Talent.
288
00:12:55,949 --> 00:12:57,299
[CHEERING]
289
00:13:04,261 --> 00:13:05,521
[CLICKS TONGUE]
290
00:13:09,310 --> 00:13:10,570
How y'all doing?
291
00:13:13,096 --> 00:13:15,576
We in this motherfucker.
292
00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:17,670
We gonna have some fun,
but before I start,
293
00:13:17,709 --> 00:13:20,229
you got to follow
just two simple rules.
294
00:13:20,277 --> 00:13:25,327
One, keep your noise down
because I don't talk that loud.
295
00:13:25,369 --> 00:13:29,549
Rule number two is don't take
none of this shit personal.
296
00:13:30,418 --> 00:13:32,378
It's just comedy.
297
00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:36,469
You know what I'm saying?
298
00:13:36,511 --> 00:13:38,511
I don't want
none of y'all leaving with a fucked-up attitude.
299
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:41,342
And more important
than that,
300
00:13:41,385 --> 00:13:43,255
I don't want to have
to fuck none of y'all up.
301
00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:44,560
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
302
00:13:46,216 --> 00:13:48,216
It's always just comedy,
you know what I'm saying?
303
00:13:48,262 --> 00:13:50,742
It's nice to see this many
black people together
304
00:13:50,786 --> 00:13:52,526
'cause y'all know
like I know,
305
00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:56,400
we ain't gonna ever get
where we got to go
306
00:13:56,444 --> 00:13:58,844
'cause we ain't
got no unity.
307
00:13:59,969 --> 00:14:01,669
Could we have unity tonight?
308
00:14:02,319 --> 00:14:03,449
AUDIENCE: Yeah.
309
00:14:03,494 --> 00:14:05,374
Could we have
unity tonight?
310
00:14:07,150 --> 00:14:09,240
All right, we'll start
with all the ladies.
311
00:14:09,283 --> 00:14:11,593
All the ladies,
pull your titties out.
312
00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:12,943
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
313
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:23,040
See? That's why we ain't
going to get where we got to go.
314
00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:24,519
[APPLAUSE]
315
00:14:26,996 --> 00:14:29,386
'Cause there ain't
no fucking unity.
316
00:14:30,304 --> 00:14:31,784
Damn, man.
317
00:14:31,827 --> 00:14:33,567
This is good shit
we got here, you know,
318
00:14:33,611 --> 00:14:36,961
when you in here,
white people working on shit.
319
00:14:37,006 --> 00:14:39,486
I ain't got nothing
against white people.
320
00:14:39,530 --> 00:14:42,010
Don't get me wrong.
You know, I just feel that, you know,
321
00:14:42,055 --> 00:14:43,745
white people, it's just that,
322
00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:48,926
they just do shit
nobody else do.
323
00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:50,625
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
324
00:14:50,672 --> 00:14:52,762
For real. Is it me?
Think about it,
325
00:14:52,804 --> 00:14:54,464
like, is it me,
326
00:14:54,502 --> 00:14:56,942
or do we seem like
327
00:14:56,983 --> 00:15:02,513
white people just don't know
when they babies are too big for strollers?
328
00:15:02,553 --> 00:15:03,953
[LAUGHTER]
329
00:15:10,039 --> 00:15:11,519
You ever see 'em?
330
00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:13,612
Feet be rubbing the wheels,
331
00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:16,828
kid got muscles,
332
00:15:16,872 --> 00:15:18,962
nigger be in the sixth grade.
333
00:15:20,745 --> 00:15:23,965
And they take shit
to the extreme.
334
00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:28,880
Like, when we make the news,
you can kinda relate to what a brother's going through.
335
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,888
Like, "A brother family
be starving."
336
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,931
[CLICKS TONGUE]
337
00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:36,236
"He robbed the bank."
[CLICKS TONGUE]
338
00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:40,901
"He got caught."
[CLICKS TONGUE]
339
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:46,340
White people make the news
and go to the extreme, like, "Homegirl in Virginia.
340
00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:49,170
"She got mad at her man."
[CLICKS TONGUE]
341
00:15:51,341 --> 00:15:53,391
"He went to sleep."
[CLICKS TONGUE]
342
00:15:56,216 --> 00:15:58,606
"She cut his dick off...
[CLICKS TONGUE]
343
00:16:00,176 --> 00:16:02,656
"Drove down the highway
344
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,104
"and threw it out the window."
345
00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:08,880
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
346
00:16:13,015 --> 00:16:15,405
Only white people.
347
00:16:15,452 --> 00:16:18,192
A brother ain't getting
his dick cut off.
348
00:16:18,238 --> 00:16:22,938
And, ladies, if you do
get lucky enough to cut a brother's dick off,
349
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:25,552
fellas, y'all know
like I know,
350
00:16:25,593 --> 00:16:28,733
while she driving
down the highway,
351
00:16:28,770 --> 00:16:30,550
we in the car
right behind your ass.
352
00:16:33,470 --> 00:16:36,690
Stinking ho.
353
00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:40,434
You throw our dick out,
we out there looking for our dick.
354
00:16:40,477 --> 00:16:43,177
"Where's my dick? Damn.
355
00:16:43,219 --> 00:16:45,919
"My boys was right,
I shouldn't have even fucked with this bitch.
356
00:16:45,961 --> 00:16:47,181
"Where's my dick?
357
00:16:47,919 --> 00:16:49,829
"Damn."
358
00:16:49,878 --> 00:16:52,008
And I'll be saying to myself,
359
00:16:52,054 --> 00:16:55,144
like, "What if you ain't
the only motherfucker who dick she cut off?"
360
00:16:55,188 --> 00:16:57,148
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
361
00:16:57,190 --> 00:17:00,150
That means you could be
out there all night trying on dicks.
362
00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:02,850
"Is this my shit?
363
00:17:02,891 --> 00:17:05,241
"That ain't my dick. Damn.
364
00:17:05,285 --> 00:17:07,495
"Where's my dick? Shit."
365
00:17:10,116 --> 00:17:12,286
Then they said they had
to call the cops
366
00:17:12,335 --> 00:17:15,075
to go find his dick
to sew it back on.
367
00:17:15,121 --> 00:17:18,121
I can see three cops
out there with flashlights.
368
00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:19,427
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
369
00:17:21,344 --> 00:17:24,484
"You know shit is fucked up
when we out here looking
370
00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:26,221
"for another
motherfucker's dick.
371
00:17:26,262 --> 00:17:28,092
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
372
00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:30,184
"This shit is crazy.
Okay, there it is.
373
00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:31,493
"There... There it goes.
374
00:17:31,528 --> 00:17:33,138
"Uh, Bob, get that."
375
00:17:35,619 --> 00:17:38,359
Crazy shit. And, fellas,
y'all got to think to the extreme.
376
00:17:38,405 --> 00:17:40,145
Think further.
377
00:17:40,189 --> 00:17:42,099
Say to yourself,
"What if all the women in the world
378
00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:43,408
"looked up to this bitch
379
00:17:43,453 --> 00:17:46,023
"like a role model
380
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:50,325
"and just start
chopping dicks off all over the world?"
381
00:17:50,373 --> 00:17:53,293
That'd be like all these
cars they stealing.
382
00:17:53,333 --> 00:17:56,813
We have to get
serial numbers branded on our dick.
383
00:17:56,858 --> 00:17:58,248
You see niggers
at the police...
384
00:17:58,294 --> 00:18:00,694
"Uh, yeah, I'd like
to report a lost dick.
385
00:18:00,731 --> 00:18:02,341
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
386
00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:06,345
"Yeah, B354."
387
00:18:06,389 --> 00:18:08,869
And they could, you know,
call you up when they find your car.
388
00:18:08,913 --> 00:18:11,443
"Hello? Yeah, you reported
a lost dick?
389
00:18:11,481 --> 00:18:14,831
"Yeah."
"Is your shit B354?"
390
00:18:14,876 --> 00:18:16,696
"Yeah, that's mine.
That's mine."
391
00:18:16,747 --> 00:18:19,317
"Yeah, we found your shit
banged up on the turnpike.
392
00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:22,578
"Yeah, you're missing a head,
393
00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:25,763
"a couple of veins.
Are you insured?"
394
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:28,760
And what if you're insured?
You still got to wait. You know how insurance is.
395
00:18:28,803 --> 00:18:33,113
Like with cars, you have to
wait so you dickless for about two, three months.
396
00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:35,375
You see fine girls
in the club, be like...
397
00:18:35,418 --> 00:18:36,678
All you could do is.
398
00:18:38,291 --> 00:18:39,601
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
399
00:18:41,424 --> 00:18:43,474
Oh, if I had my shit.
400
00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:44,783
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
401
00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:48,649
[MUSIC PLAYING]
402
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,346
Tell it y'all.
403
00:18:59,573 --> 00:19:01,583
Damn.
404
00:19:01,618 --> 00:19:03,878
White people like my shit.
You all like my shit, white people?
405
00:19:03,925 --> 00:19:05,665
You ain't going to say no.
406
00:19:05,709 --> 00:19:08,759
All these brothers in here,
how the fuck you gonna say no?
407
00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:11,109
Say, "Yeah, motherfucker,"
and get up and do this shit.
408
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,890
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
409
00:19:13,935 --> 00:19:16,065
Come on.
See, this is what we wore back in the day.
410
00:19:16,111 --> 00:19:18,851
Y'all wore that other shit,
beads and getting all that acid and shit.
411
00:19:20,071 --> 00:19:21,901
This is number high for us.
412
00:19:21,943 --> 00:19:23,643
You put this shit on,
y'all wore all that other shit.
413
00:19:23,684 --> 00:19:25,864
Flowers in your ass
and shit, you know what I mean?
414
00:19:25,903 --> 00:19:27,433
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
415
00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:28,990
We put this shit on,
go to a motherfuckin' party.
416
00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:30,597
You didn't get jacked,
417
00:19:30,647 --> 00:19:31,557
'cause motherfucker
didn't know if you had a pistol up
418
00:19:31,605 --> 00:19:33,905
on one of these hats.
419
00:19:33,955 --> 00:19:36,035
If I get kicked in the head
one of these motherfuckin'... You see this shoe?
420
00:19:37,828 --> 00:19:39,478
Ain't no jacking
going on back then.
421
00:19:40,788 --> 00:19:42,658
All right, y'all,
422
00:19:42,703 --> 00:19:44,623
let's keep this
motherfucker rolling, rolling, rolling.
423
00:19:44,661 --> 00:19:47,231
From Miami,
my man, Mr. Marvin Dixon.
424
00:19:56,107 --> 00:19:57,327
[CHEERING]
425
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:11,650
Wassup?
426
00:20:11,688 --> 00:20:13,038
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
427
00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:15,911
On the house.
First thing first,
428
00:20:15,953 --> 00:20:17,873
fellas give these
fine ass ladies a hand, man.
429
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,219
That shit must be...
Fuck, ladies, give y'all self a hand.
430
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,053
Give yourself a hand,
431
00:20:26,094 --> 00:20:28,054
because that's all
your ass gonna get is a hand.
432
00:20:29,184 --> 00:20:30,794
Lebron trust no woman
433
00:20:30,838 --> 00:20:33,228
because they got
that little shit between their legs man.
434
00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:35,445
The reason I'm like that, man,
because of how they treat brothers at clubs, man.
435
00:20:35,495 --> 00:20:37,925
Treating niggers at clubs
talking about, "Girl, he ugly."
436
00:20:37,975 --> 00:20:39,885
"Damn, look how he walk."
437
00:20:39,934 --> 00:20:41,414
"Ew. What he got on?"
Let me help you all with some shit,
438
00:20:41,457 --> 00:20:43,497
the ugly niggers are
the ones with the flow.
439
00:20:43,546 --> 00:20:45,676
And the pretty motherfuckers
are the ones that got to go.
440
00:20:45,722 --> 00:20:47,382
Because who the fuck
you think start eating pussy first?
441
00:20:47,420 --> 00:20:49,030
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
442
00:20:49,073 --> 00:20:51,863
Ugly nigger, he said,
"I ain't got shit to lose.
443
00:20:51,902 --> 00:20:55,342
"I'm ugly, I'm broke, fuck it,
I'm gonna go for glory.
444
00:20:55,384 --> 00:20:57,344
"Put my face in a place
and say my grace."
445
00:20:57,386 --> 00:20:59,516
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
446
00:20:59,562 --> 00:21:00,822
Because there ain't shit wrong
with eating pussy. You eat pussy, bro?
447
00:21:00,868 --> 00:21:01,868
That's why you by yourself.
448
00:21:01,912 --> 00:21:03,172
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
449
00:21:06,482 --> 00:21:08,442
I'm gonna tell you
something, nigger, you fuck with me,
450
00:21:08,484 --> 00:21:10,574
I'll set you free.
You better hope your woman don't want to cheat on you,
451
00:21:10,617 --> 00:21:12,617
'cause I see it now.
You'll take her out Friday night.
452
00:21:12,662 --> 00:21:14,272
Nigger, I'll take
her out Saturday.
453
00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:17,006
You would just fuck her.
I fuck and eat the pussy.
454
00:21:17,058 --> 00:21:18,668
I won't call her ass
none of that week.
455
00:21:18,712 --> 00:21:20,712
You'll call every day
that week.
456
00:21:20,757 --> 00:21:23,277
Matter of fact, you'll go
to her house three times that week,
457
00:21:23,325 --> 00:21:25,275
sit around and shit.
458
00:21:25,327 --> 00:21:28,327
She going... You going to call
her 2:00 Saturday afternoon.
459
00:21:28,374 --> 00:21:29,644
She finished cleaning up.
[IMITATES PHONE RINGING]
460
00:21:29,679 --> 00:21:31,119
"Hey, baby, what's up?"
461
00:21:31,159 --> 00:21:33,549
"Nothing, I just got through
cleaning up."
462
00:21:33,596 --> 00:21:35,156
"Well, let's go
to the movies and dinner."
463
00:21:35,206 --> 00:21:36,986
"Okay, what time
you coming to get me?"
464
00:21:37,034 --> 00:21:39,914
"At 7:00."
Nigger, I'm going to call her ass at 6:30.
465
00:21:39,950 --> 00:21:42,080
She ain't heard from my ass
through the whole week.
466
00:21:42,126 --> 00:21:43,556
Phone going to ring.
[IMITATES PHONE RINGING]
467
00:21:43,606 --> 00:21:44,476
She going to pick up.
"Hello? Who is this?"
468
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,000
"Marvin."
"Hey!
469
00:21:46,043 --> 00:21:47,353
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
470
00:21:47,393 --> 00:21:48,743
"How you doing?"
"I'm doing all right.
471
00:21:48,785 --> 00:21:50,785
"Why don't you come over
to my house?"
472
00:21:50,831 --> 00:21:51,751
"What time you coming
to get me?" "I'll come get you at 8:00."
473
00:21:51,788 --> 00:21:53,748
She forgot about your ass.
474
00:21:53,790 --> 00:21:56,140
But she going to remember.
She going to call you back and say,
475
00:21:56,184 --> 00:21:58,364
"Hey, hey, I can't make it."
476
00:21:58,404 --> 00:22:00,104
"Why?" you asked.
Because your ass was going to take her to the movies,
477
00:22:00,144 --> 00:22:01,494
but, nigger, I'm gonna
take her around the world.
478
00:22:01,537 --> 00:22:02,797
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
479
00:22:05,802 --> 00:22:08,372
Where in the hell would
y'all rather go?
480
00:22:08,414 --> 00:22:11,294
That's all right then.
But you know why I like that, man?
481
00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:13,030
Because when you
was young...
482
00:22:13,070 --> 00:22:14,330
Man, when you were young you
had no problem in the world.
483
00:22:14,376 --> 00:22:15,636
No problem with women
or nothing,
484
00:22:15,682 --> 00:22:17,252
just happy kicking it
with the boys.
485
00:22:17,292 --> 00:22:18,512
No problem. Only problem
you had playing kickball
486
00:22:18,554 --> 00:22:19,994
when a nigger
roll your ball fast.
487
00:22:20,034 --> 00:22:21,084
You pick it up and throw it
back and say,
488
00:22:21,122 --> 00:22:23,212
"My nigger rolled
my shit slow."
489
00:22:23,254 --> 00:22:25,744
When you used to go to
your cousin's house, you be leaving and shit.
490
00:22:25,779 --> 00:22:28,649
Leaving, going to your
cousin's house living life.
491
00:22:28,695 --> 00:22:30,645
All of a sudden your bitch
don't open the door.
492
00:22:30,697 --> 00:22:32,917
Your cousin run all
the way done touch, you say, "Tea tag."
493
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,960
You got to run that bitch
all the way back down to touch his ass again.
494
00:22:36,006 --> 00:22:37,786
You remember that shit
when you was a shorty?
495
00:22:37,834 --> 00:22:39,534
You had a problem,
well, the loudest power back then
496
00:22:39,575 --> 00:22:41,315
was everybody
could dance back then. You remember that shit?
497
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:42,540
Everybody here
could dance, man.
498
00:22:42,578 --> 00:22:44,538
I don't give a fuck
how old you was,
499
00:22:44,580 --> 00:22:46,100
how young, you could
dance back then. It ain't like that now.
500
00:22:46,147 --> 00:22:48,057
Back then, every song
had its own dance. Now?
501
00:22:48,758 --> 00:22:49,928
[EXHALES]
502
00:22:49,977 --> 00:22:51,627
Now, same dance
on every song.
503
00:22:51,674 --> 00:22:53,724
Ladies, y'all be doing
this shit all night long.
504
00:22:53,763 --> 00:22:55,943
Fellas, y'all ain't no better,
you be doing this shit.
505
00:22:55,983 --> 00:22:57,993
The breakdown comes,
you just go a little lower.
506
00:22:58,028 --> 00:22:59,858
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]This should do.
507
00:22:59,900 --> 00:23:01,420
But the loudest part,
I'm going to reminisce on y'all.
508
00:23:01,467 --> 00:23:02,727
I'm gonna take y'all back
to when I was a shorty
509
00:23:02,772 --> 00:23:04,302
bringing back up,
my kinda style.
510
00:23:04,339 --> 00:23:05,429
Y'all with that?
511
00:23:05,471 --> 00:23:06,991
AUDIENCE: Yeah.Capri, bust it.
512
00:23:07,037 --> 00:23:08,297
[MUSIC PLAYING]
513
00:23:18,614 --> 00:23:19,884
[WOMEN CHEERING]
514
00:23:54,084 --> 00:23:57,574
I ain't through with this.
I ain't through with y'all.
515
00:23:57,610 --> 00:24:00,260
Capri, slow that
motherfucker down. Bust it.
516
00:24:00,308 --> 00:24:01,528
[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
517
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:08,140
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
518
00:24:18,065 --> 00:24:20,235
No, bro.
519
00:24:20,284 --> 00:24:23,074
Speed that bitch up to 90.
Bust it.
520
00:24:23,113 --> 00:24:24,383
[HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
521
00:24:25,725 --> 00:24:26,985
[ALL SCREAMING]
522
00:24:46,093 --> 00:24:47,533
Peace. My name's
Marvin Dixon.
523
00:25:04,590 --> 00:25:06,160
All right.
524
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:07,460
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
525
00:25:08,376 --> 00:25:09,596
All right. [LAUGHS]
526
00:25:14,817 --> 00:25:17,557
All right, a little
Def Jamdong.
527
00:25:17,603 --> 00:25:21,223
Give it up
for my man up here. Come on, rebel.
528
00:25:21,258 --> 00:25:23,608
Russell Simmons,
he's going back with me.
529
00:25:23,652 --> 00:25:25,612
[CHEERING]
530
00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:30,436
You know I had to pull
a bigger suit.
531
00:25:30,485 --> 00:25:32,355
Thanks for coming out,
God bless you. Good night.
532
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:34,320
[HIP HOP SONG PLAYING][AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]
533
00:25:34,370 --> 00:25:38,920
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