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KID CAPRI: It's the
Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam.
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00:00:12,534 --> 00:00:14,494
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
3
00:00:15,754 --> 00:00:17,894
[CHEERING]
4
00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:36,508
Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together
5
00:00:36,558 --> 00:00:40,558
for my main man,
Mr. Joe Torry!
6
00:00:43,565 --> 00:00:45,175
[TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
7
00:00:45,219 --> 00:00:47,869
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
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00:00:47,917 --> 00:00:49,307
Get up for
Kid Capri, y'all.
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00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:54,100
Damn.
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00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:57,541
The baddest DJ in the land!
11
00:00:57,579 --> 00:00:59,539
Hello,
what's up, man?
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00:00:59,581 --> 00:01:02,151
How you doing?
Y'all came out to laugh at me, say, hell yeah.
13
00:01:02,192 --> 00:01:04,152
AUDIENCE: Hell yeah.
14
00:01:04,194 --> 00:01:05,984
All right, we about
to have some fun up in this motherfucker.
15
00:01:06,022 --> 00:01:09,202
Touch your hair. I just
want to touch that shit.
16
00:01:09,243 --> 00:01:11,423
It's all I wanted to do,
make sure the shit was real.
17
00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:13,856
Now, you black?
18
00:01:13,899 --> 00:01:16,119
Half?
Wait, you a nigger.
19
00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:17,383
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]That's it.
20
00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:20,165
No motherfuckin' half shit.
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00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:22,600
If you have one ounce of...
Drop of black in ya, you're black.
22
00:01:23,779 --> 00:01:26,129
Now, she's white.
He black.
23
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:27,573
See the difference?
Feel her hair.
24
00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:34,657
How you say
motherfucker?
25
00:01:35,356 --> 00:01:36,746
I don't know.
26
00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:38,922
Well, say it.Motherfucker.
27
00:01:38,968 --> 00:01:41,098
You black, my brother,
you black.
28
00:01:41,144 --> 00:01:42,674
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]You black.
29
00:01:42,711 --> 00:01:44,891
How you doing, man?
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00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:48,020
Don't tell me what's goin' on
over there. I'm speaking to you, man.
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Them old tight-ass
Burt Reynold jeans you got on, motherfucker.
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00:01:50,893 --> 00:01:52,763
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
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00:01:52,808 --> 00:01:55,808
He's sitting there,
his nuts is up on his belly button and shit.
34
00:01:57,813 --> 00:01:59,823
[LAUGHS]
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00:01:59,858 --> 00:02:02,118
You better stretch
that shit out, motherfucker,
36
00:02:02,165 --> 00:02:04,905
and do nut swinging shit.
37
00:02:04,950 --> 00:02:06,470
Nuts stacked on top of each
other like,
38
00:02:06,517 --> 00:02:08,687
"Nigger, move,
get the fuck off me."
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00:02:08,737 --> 00:02:10,867
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS][LAUGHS]
40
00:02:10,913 --> 00:02:13,183
You won't get a yeast
infection though. [LAUGHS]
41
00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:15,960
[LAUGHTER]
42
00:02:16,005 --> 00:02:18,785
Man... [LAUGHS]
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00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:21,184
Man, them
tight ass jeans, man.
44
00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:23,398
You cool?
I ain't gonna fuck with you.
45
00:02:23,447 --> 00:02:25,537
Shit, it looks like you got
a rolling pin in your purse.
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[LAUGHING]
She'll fuck me up.
47
00:02:27,277 --> 00:02:29,057
She'll go, "Pow!
48
00:02:29,105 --> 00:02:31,625
"I threw the shot put in
high school motherfucker."
49
00:02:31,673 --> 00:02:33,153
What's your name?
50
00:02:33,196 --> 00:02:34,326
[SCATTERED LAUGHING]
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00:02:35,242 --> 00:02:37,112
Don't act all shy.
52
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,717
What's your name?
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00:02:38,767 --> 00:02:39,897
[SHYLY] Mimi.
54
00:02:41,335 --> 00:02:43,465
[WEAKLY] Mimi.
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00:02:43,511 --> 00:02:45,341
Oh, shit, I get your ass
home, you be like, "Motherfucker,
56
00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:47,732
"take your
fucking clothes off."
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00:02:47,776 --> 00:02:49,466
Mimi wants you.
58
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHS][LAUGHS] That shit.
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00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:53,739
Fuck that. I'm going...
I want to give a shout-out to somebody.
60
00:02:53,782 --> 00:02:56,222
That's what I do sometimes,
man, let people give a shout-out to whoever.
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00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:57,923
Mimi, who you want to
give a shout out to?
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00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:00,400
Who at home
in the kitchen, you know,
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00:03:00,441 --> 00:03:02,181
making a fried jelly sandwich
or something?
64
00:03:02,225 --> 00:03:03,965
[LAUGHS]
65
00:03:04,009 --> 00:03:06,139
Tell them you going to be
home soon, come on, Mimi.
66
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,746
Give a shout out
to somebody.
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00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:10,927
You better say something
or I'll take them biscuits out your purse.
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00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:14,060
I'm trying to be nice.
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00:03:14,106 --> 00:03:15,196
She's trying to play me.
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00:03:16,718 --> 00:03:18,458
Give a shout out
to somebody.
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00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:20,242
Say something.
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00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:21,327
Look at him,
"Say something, God damn it. Shit!"
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00:03:22,071 --> 00:03:23,461
Say something.
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00:03:23,507 --> 00:03:26,157
You ain't got
nothing to say? Why not?
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00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,336
Why?
76
00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:28,731
Aw!
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00:03:29,818 --> 00:03:32,338
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
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00:03:32,386 --> 00:03:35,126
You better say
something to somebody.
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00:03:35,171 --> 00:03:36,741
I'm gonna
bite your nipples off.
80
00:03:36,781 --> 00:03:38,571
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
81
00:03:40,959 --> 00:03:42,479
Say something
to somebody.
82
00:03:42,526 --> 00:03:43,876
Say hi.
Where your boyfriend at?
83
00:03:43,919 --> 00:03:45,309
[TALKS INDISTINCTLY]
84
00:03:45,355 --> 00:03:46,835
[MIMICS SOBBING] I don't
have a boyfriend.
85
00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:48,358
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:03:48,402 --> 00:03:50,062
Well, you got dick
in your lap now.
87
00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:52,579
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
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00:03:52,623 --> 00:03:53,933
Okay, so say
hi to me.
89
00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:56,372
Or you know,
say hi to Martin for me.
90
00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:57,670
Say, "Hi, Martin,
I miss you."
91
00:03:58,934 --> 00:04:00,284
[CHUCKLES]
92
00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:02,757
You just don't want
to say shit, huh?
93
00:04:02,807 --> 00:04:04,897
Fuck, all right, all right.
I won't fuck with you.
94
00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:06,330
Who want to say something
to somebody?
95
00:04:06,376 --> 00:04:08,806
You? Fuck you.
96
00:04:08,857 --> 00:04:11,287
You probably be like,
"Yeah, tell that motherfucker in, uh...
97
00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:13,598
"In... Over in Alcatraz
I say wassup!"
98
00:04:13,644 --> 00:04:14,994
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
99
00:04:15,037 --> 00:04:16,727
You'll be like a
jail bait motherfucker.
100
00:04:16,778 --> 00:04:18,478
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
101
00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:21,129
I want to give a shout-out
to, uh, my friends in Georgia.
102
00:04:22,566 --> 00:04:23,996
You know I don't live there,
but, uh,
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00:04:24,046 --> 00:04:25,996
I like the club Magic City.
How y'all doing?
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00:04:26,048 --> 00:04:28,268
[LAUGHS][AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
105
00:04:28,311 --> 00:04:30,571
I'll be there next week.
[CHUCKLES]
106
00:04:30,618 --> 00:04:33,358
If y'all don't know what
it is, it's a strip club.
107
00:04:33,403 --> 00:04:34,843
Titties just...
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[CHUCKLES]
Asses and shit.
109
00:04:38,147 --> 00:04:40,237
That's where I go
for relaxation.
110
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,670
[LAUGHS][AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
111
00:04:41,716 --> 00:04:43,406
Vacation.
[LAUGHS]
112
00:04:43,457 --> 00:04:45,417
All right, y'all,
y'all ready to kick this show off?
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AUDIENCE: Yeah.
114
00:04:47,069 --> 00:04:48,329
Now, y'all with me?AUDIENCE: [LOUDER]
Yeah!
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00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:50,325
Now, are y'all ready
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00:04:50,377 --> 00:04:52,767
for the next comedian?
117
00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:56,084
AUDIENCE: Damn, is he funny?
118
00:04:56,121 --> 00:04:58,471
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
119
00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:00,385
Hell yeah, give it up,
from Brooklyn,
120
00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:01,950
for my man Brooklyn Mike.
121
00:05:06,044 --> 00:05:07,664
[MUSIC PLAYING]
122
00:05:12,094 --> 00:05:13,704
Give it up
for Joe Torry, y'all.
123
00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:17,969
Brooklyn, where y'all at?
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00:05:18,013 --> 00:05:20,973
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
125
00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:23,496
A nigga's just happy.
Just happy.
126
00:05:23,540 --> 00:05:25,370
Today is me and
my wife's anniversary.
127
00:05:25,412 --> 00:05:27,332
Y'all could give it up
for black love.
128
00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:30,370
[APPLAUDING]
129
00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:33,767
Yeah, it's been five years
we've been separated.
130
00:05:33,811 --> 00:05:35,771
[LAUGHS][AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
131
00:05:35,813 --> 00:05:38,033
You know, people
don't be caring though.
132
00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:39,726
I don't care about nothin'.
133
00:05:39,774 --> 00:05:42,654
No, y'all just get up
and do stupid shit now.
134
00:05:42,690 --> 00:05:44,610
You ever get up early
in the morning, man,
135
00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:47,168
you got that
Speed Stick deodorant? [CHUCKLES]
136
00:05:47,216 --> 00:05:49,866
Now, you know ain't nothing
in that motherfucker,
137
00:05:49,914 --> 00:05:54,624
but you still scrape
your arm anyway, man.
138
00:05:54,658 --> 00:05:57,568
And then what do you do
when a small piece fall on the floor?
139
00:05:57,618 --> 00:06:00,578
You pick that motherfucker
right on up.
140
00:06:00,621 --> 00:06:02,711
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
141
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:06,320
Just stupid shit, man.
142
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,146
I do stupid shit.
143
00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:10,203
Last night I had
nothing to do, right?
144
00:06:10,239 --> 00:06:12,629
[LAUGHS] So I called up
Dionne Warwick
145
00:06:12,676 --> 00:06:14,496
and her
psychic friends, right?
146
00:06:14,548 --> 00:06:16,378
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
147
00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:19,809
You know, and I'm like,
"Hello, Dionne?"
148
00:06:19,857 --> 00:06:21,287
She said, "Hello, who this?"
149
00:06:21,337 --> 00:06:24,427
I said, "No bitch,
you psychic. You tell me."
150
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:32,959
You know, I don't be caring
about nothing, man. Nothing.
151
00:06:33,001 --> 00:06:36,001
Motherfuckers going
to find me two weeks before Christmas...
152
00:06:36,657 --> 00:06:38,397
Two weeks.
153
00:06:38,441 --> 00:06:41,441
Now, I've been working at
McDonald's for 10 years, man.
154
00:06:41,488 --> 00:06:42,708
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]You see...
155
00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:44,970
And see everything
was cool, right?
156
00:06:45,013 --> 00:06:48,713
Until motherfuckin' Calvin
came along.
157
00:06:48,756 --> 00:06:51,496
Oh, you all know who
Calvin is.
158
00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:53,671
He's a part of
the new management team.
159
00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:54,887
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
160
00:06:54,936 --> 00:06:58,326
Little Calvin
from the corner.
161
00:06:58,374 --> 00:07:02,644
You see... See Calvin going
to tell me to get the fries.
162
00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:05,383
And I'm like,
"Nigga, please."
163
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,945
You know, I said
I'm from Brooklyn, man.
164
00:07:07,992 --> 00:07:09,652
I got to work on the register.
165
00:07:11,126 --> 00:07:12,906
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
166
00:07:12,954 --> 00:07:15,224
How else a nigga
goin' get paid?
167
00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:17,310
[LAUGHTER]
168
00:07:17,349 --> 00:07:19,309
I don't be caring
about nothing, man.
169
00:07:19,351 --> 00:07:22,141
Now black people,
we do have our problems, don't get me wrong.
170
00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:24,140
When you come from
a big family,
171
00:07:24,182 --> 00:07:26,102
you fight over bullshit.
Don't we?
172
00:07:26,141 --> 00:07:27,581
Don't we fight
over bullshit?
173
00:07:27,621 --> 00:07:29,841
Like your brother
fucking in your shit.
174
00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:32,674
Your sister
messing in your shit.
175
00:07:32,713 --> 00:07:37,023
Especially, you ever
buy something to drink, man,
176
00:07:37,065 --> 00:07:39,975
put in the refrigerator,
go to sleep,
177
00:07:40,024 --> 00:07:43,684
wake up and somebody
drank all yo shit?
178
00:07:43,724 --> 00:07:45,604
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
179
00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:52,205
Man, don't you feel like
killing the whole house, man?
180
00:07:52,254 --> 00:07:54,654
'Cause you know
it was an inside job.
181
00:07:54,691 --> 00:07:56,821
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
182
00:07:56,867 --> 00:08:00,997
Man, last week somebody
drank my cold, cold Pepsi.
183
00:08:01,045 --> 00:08:02,215
[AUDIENCE GROANS]
184
00:08:02,264 --> 00:08:04,014
Uh-huh.
I had my whole family,
185
00:08:04,048 --> 00:08:05,658
Grandma and everybody,
at gunpoint
186
00:08:05,702 --> 00:08:07,702
waiting for the
first motherfucker to burp.
187
00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:10,578
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
188
00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:13,320
Come on mother...
Who want to take the Pepsi Challenge?
189
00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:14,802
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
190
00:08:14,842 --> 00:08:17,322
My motherfucking brother
burped, I'm like,
191
00:08:17,366 --> 00:08:19,316
"Bam, bam, motherfucker!"
192
00:08:19,368 --> 00:08:22,368
Y'all back up,
this motherfucker up.
193
00:08:22,414 --> 00:08:24,504
I don't care the nigga
was only five.
194
00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:28,159
He won't go to daycare
telling motherfuckers
195
00:08:28,203 --> 00:08:31,033
he drank my
cold, cold Pepsi.
196
00:08:31,075 --> 00:08:33,245
I don't be kidding
about stuff, man.
197
00:08:33,295 --> 00:08:35,985
I took my girlfriend
to go see Indecent Proposal.
198
00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:38,387
Fellas, I got a question
for y'all.
199
00:08:38,430 --> 00:08:40,610
If anybody offered
any one of y'all
200
00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:43,000
a million dollars for
your girl, your wife, fiance,
201
00:08:43,044 --> 00:08:45,394
would you take it?
202
00:08:45,437 --> 00:08:48,347
You damn right
you'll take it, man.
203
00:08:48,397 --> 00:08:50,827
Let somebody...
I love my wife to death,
204
00:08:50,878 --> 00:08:53,008
let somebody offered me
a million dollars. [CHUCKLES]
205
00:08:53,054 --> 00:08:56,584
Fuck that.
Official, she gotta go!
206
00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:58,193
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
207
00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:06,550
My name is Brooklyn Mike
and you all know I don't be kidding. I'm out.
208
00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:11,332
[MUSIC PLAYING]
209
00:09:12,987 --> 00:09:14,507
Brooklyn Mike!
210
00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:18,862
Fuck that, who was he
talking about? You?
211
00:09:18,906 --> 00:09:20,596
[SCATTERED LAUGHTER]
212
00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:22,997
I don't see nobody over there
that look too, you know,
213
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:26,040
too bad like he was talking
about, I'd go with all y'all.
214
00:09:26,087 --> 00:09:28,737
All three of y'all,
y'all got on cowboy boots, too? Shit.
215
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,220
Got some corns?
216
00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:32,916
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
217
00:09:32,963 --> 00:09:34,183
You got
whatever I got?
218
00:09:34,225 --> 00:09:36,095
My feet
look good now.
219
00:09:36,140 --> 00:09:38,270
I ain't the type of person
gonna buy a damn shoe
220
00:09:38,316 --> 00:09:40,276
and just squeeze my foot
in that motherfucker.
221
00:09:41,276 --> 00:09:42,446
Can I see your feet?
222
00:09:43,539 --> 00:09:45,109
Damn shit.
223
00:09:46,324 --> 00:09:48,024
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
224
00:09:48,065 --> 00:09:51,065
Motherfucker,
I'm toe checking this motherfucker.
225
00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:53,592
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]Mmm-mmm-mmm.
226
00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:02,170
[LAUGHING]
227
00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:04,170
These are
very suckable.
228
00:10:05,474 --> 00:10:08,224
Goddamn. Uh-huh.
229
00:10:08,259 --> 00:10:10,649
Little damage...
Little damage to the pinky, but, uh...
230
00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:12,387
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
231
00:10:12,437 --> 00:10:14,477
We can work with the rest
of the four of them right now.
232
00:10:14,526 --> 00:10:15,826
Uh-huh.
233
00:10:15,876 --> 00:10:17,436
You'll get these back
after the show.
234
00:10:17,486 --> 00:10:20,486
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS][LAUGHS]
235
00:10:20,532 --> 00:10:21,802
I got to check the other
one out, too, though,
236
00:10:21,838 --> 00:10:23,318
she can have one good foot.
237
00:10:23,361 --> 00:10:24,621
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
238
00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:26,017
She could have been
on the good foot.
239
00:10:29,716 --> 00:10:31,366
All right,
240
00:10:31,413 --> 00:10:35,643
are y'all ready
for the next comedian?
241
00:10:35,678 --> 00:10:38,768
AUDIENCE: Damn, is she funny?
242
00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:41,032
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
243
00:10:41,075 --> 00:10:42,895
Hey, y'all got that right,
too, because it's a "she" from Dallas, Texas.
244
00:10:42,946 --> 00:10:44,986
Give it up for Amazing Grace.
245
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,907
[MUSIC PLAYING]
246
00:10:54,697 --> 00:10:56,257
[DEEP VOICE]
Cut.
247
00:10:56,307 --> 00:10:57,787
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
248
00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:00,620
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
Psyche.
249
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,180
[NORMAL VOICE] Whoop!
It ain't real.
250
00:11:02,226 --> 00:11:03,836
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
251
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:06,140
[CLICKS TONGUE]
252
00:11:06,187 --> 00:11:07,227
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
Hi.
253
00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:09,485
[LAUGHS]
254
00:11:09,538 --> 00:11:11,888
[NORMAL VOICE] I know
y'all wondering why I'm dressed like this.
255
00:11:11,932 --> 00:11:15,812
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
256
00:11:15,849 --> 00:11:18,369
You know I know there's a lot
of motherfuckers out there
257
00:11:18,416 --> 00:11:20,416
saying he a fool,
but you know what?
258
00:11:20,462 --> 00:11:22,072
When you go to Burger King
tomorrow and I pull up in my Porsche,
259
00:11:22,116 --> 00:11:23,466
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
"Give me a burger, nigger."
260
00:11:23,508 --> 00:11:26,468
[AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS]
261
00:11:26,511 --> 00:11:28,731
[NORMAL VOICE] But, you know,
the reason why I dress up like a woman
262
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:30,775
is because I love women,
women of all races.
263
00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:32,000
Black, white, Mexican.
264
00:11:32,039 --> 00:11:33,339
[MIMICS SPEAKING CHINESE]
265
00:11:33,388 --> 00:11:35,698
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
266
00:11:35,738 --> 00:11:37,568
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
Thank you girl, hey.
267
00:11:37,609 --> 00:11:39,569
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
268
00:11:42,571 --> 00:11:44,011
[NORMAL VOICE] Now,
I love to hear white women
269
00:11:44,051 --> 00:11:45,791
and black women
talk about certain subjects,
270
00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:48,355
especially about sex, okay?
271
00:11:48,403 --> 00:11:50,753
A whole bunch of women
together in an office
272
00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:53,967
talking, white woman,
273
00:11:54,017 --> 00:11:55,537
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
"Last night..."
274
00:11:55,584 --> 00:11:57,154
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
275
00:11:57,194 --> 00:11:58,724
[NORMAL VOICE] Now,
when I talk about
276
00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:00,281
black and white, y'all,
I'm not being racial.
277
00:12:00,328 --> 00:12:01,938
We all come from different
cultural backgrounds,
278
00:12:01,982 --> 00:12:04,032
and that's what makes us
so unique, okay?
279
00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:05,681
That's why I had to
put on a little gold,
280
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,805
all this red
be kind of boring. [CHUCKLES]
281
00:12:07,857 --> 00:12:10,027
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
282
00:12:10,077 --> 00:12:12,817
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Okay,
back to where I was, y'all. Oh, shit. Okay.
283
00:12:12,862 --> 00:12:13,912
[NORMAL VOICE]
Okay!
284
00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:15,740
[CLICKS TONGUE]
285
00:12:15,778 --> 00:12:17,298
[HIGH-PITCHED] Yes.
You're so stupid.
286
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:19,735
[SCOFFS] Last night,
me and Bob made love.
287
00:12:21,305 --> 00:12:23,735
He laid me down on the bed
288
00:12:24,787 --> 00:12:27,217
at the hotel,
289
00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:29,268
and he went down
to bite my navel
290
00:12:30,271 --> 00:12:31,711
and I was like...
291
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:32,751
[NORMAL VOICE] Now meanwhile,
black fish.
292
00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:38,058
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] And then
he went down and he...
293
00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:39,575
[GASPS] And I just...
294
00:12:39,628 --> 00:12:40,928
Oh, my God.
295
00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:42,667
[GASPS][AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
296
00:12:44,198 --> 00:12:45,808
Oh, it was just so...
297
00:12:45,852 --> 00:12:48,292
He just paralyzed me.
What about you, Debra, girl?
298
00:12:50,726 --> 00:12:53,076
[RASPY VOICE] Ray Ray
came over last night.
299
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:54,950
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
300
00:12:54,991 --> 00:12:56,561
Girl, you know
that motherfucker
301
00:12:56,601 --> 00:12:58,731
makes some good loving, girl.
302
00:12:58,778 --> 00:12:59,868
What do you mean?
Girl, he ate my pussy.
303
00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:01,169
[IMITATES DOG CHOMPING]
304
00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:15,929
Girl, you lick my pussy go...
305
00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:17,359
[IMITATES CAT YOWLING]
306
00:13:18,145 --> 00:13:19,485
That was not...
307
00:13:19,537 --> 00:13:21,627
[IMITATES DOG GROWLING]
308
00:13:21,670 --> 00:13:22,670
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
309
00:13:24,978 --> 00:13:27,018
[NORMAL VOICE]
Now you can tell when a white woman has sex,
310
00:13:28,938 --> 00:13:30,508
she walk like this.
311
00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:34,683
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
312
00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:41,173
And then you hear that whistle
because it's so tight.
313
00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:43,815
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
314
00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:45,906
[WHISTLING]
315
00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:48,435
Now, you could tell when a
black woman have had sex.
316
00:13:48,479 --> 00:13:50,349
[HIGH-PITCHED]
Girl, where you going, girl?
317
00:13:50,394 --> 00:13:51,534
I'm going...
Can I take off? [DEEP VOICE] Yeah, you can.
318
00:13:51,569 --> 00:13:53,569
[HIGH-PITCHED] Okay then.
319
00:13:53,615 --> 00:13:54,955
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
Then I'm going home, my boyfriend coming in
320
00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:56,838
from football practice.
321
00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:59,619
He been around all these men,
I know he gonna tear this up.
322
00:13:59,664 --> 00:14:01,494
Girl, you know, I may be
skinny and I'm a snack,
323
00:14:01,536 --> 00:14:04,146
but I'll fill him up
in a minute, girl.
324
00:14:04,191 --> 00:14:06,021
[NORMAL VOICE]
Next day come to work,
325
00:14:06,062 --> 00:14:07,322
you're gonna talk for...
326
00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:08,758
[HIGH-PITCHED]
Girl, was it good?
327
00:14:08,804 --> 00:14:10,154
You heard?
She getting out of the car? Yeah.
328
00:14:10,197 --> 00:14:11,717
I wonder how she look.
329
00:14:11,763 --> 00:14:13,643
[HIGH-PITCHED] Hey, y'all.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
330
00:14:13,678 --> 00:14:15,288
[NORMAL VOICE]
I'm out of here, goodbye.
331
00:14:18,031 --> 00:14:19,821
[MUSIC PLAYING]
332
00:14:26,213 --> 00:14:27,953
Amazing Grace.
333
00:14:27,997 --> 00:14:30,087
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]Is your foot cold?
334
00:14:31,435 --> 00:14:32,865
Your foot cold?
It's still warm?
335
00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:35,045
Mmm-hmm.
336
00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:36,351
I got to take
the other boot.
337
00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:39,924
Then the jeans,
then the drawers.
338
00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:41,226
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING][CHUCKLING]
339
00:14:42,229 --> 00:14:43,879
Got to work my way up.
340
00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:46,971
Goddamn.
341
00:14:47,016 --> 00:14:49,186
From Cleveland, Ohio,
but he's really from like Fort Lauderdale,
342
00:14:49,236 --> 00:14:51,016
and you seen
him in a movie with me,
343
00:14:51,064 --> 00:14:52,544
Cousin Pete,
Poetic Justice.
344
00:14:52,587 --> 00:14:54,457
Get up for
my man, Special K.
345
00:14:54,502 --> 00:14:56,242
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
346
00:15:13,782 --> 00:15:15,922
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
347
00:15:15,958 --> 00:15:19,568
Y'all looking at me
like I'm the wrong motherfucker, man.
348
00:15:19,614 --> 00:15:21,274
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
349
00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:26,404
Now, you weren't looking for
that little bitty fat motherfucker
350
00:15:26,447 --> 00:15:29,357
with the Winnie the Pooh
shoes on to come out here.
351
00:15:29,406 --> 00:15:30,926
But it's me, Cousin Pete,
352
00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:32,933
Special K in the house.
New York.
353
00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:35,055
I'm happy too.
Are you happy?
354
00:15:35,108 --> 00:15:37,498
AUDIENCE: Yes.I mean, you ought to be happy,
355
00:15:37,545 --> 00:15:40,675
1993 was
a rough year, y'all.
356
00:15:40,722 --> 00:15:44,862
Had hurricane, riots, flood,
357
00:15:44,900 --> 00:15:46,820
and now you got earthquake.
358
00:15:46,858 --> 00:15:51,338
I'm happy to be alive
this long in 1994.
359
00:15:52,168 --> 00:15:54,478
A lot of people wait...
360
00:15:54,518 --> 00:15:56,738
A lot of people wait
till the end of the show
361
00:15:56,781 --> 00:15:58,781
and they say I want
to thank God, and they get the hell on up.
362
00:15:58,827 --> 00:16:01,997
I want to thank my God
right now, see?
363
00:16:02,048 --> 00:16:03,918
[CHUCKLES][AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
364
00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:06,916
Oh, yeah.
365
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,396
See, because I know
366
00:16:08,445 --> 00:16:11,005
that there was
somebody somewhere
367
00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:13,357
woke up this morning
368
00:16:13,407 --> 00:16:14,927
deader than a motherfucker.
369
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,504
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
370
00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:24,810
They knew right away it wasn't
gonna be a good day for them.
371
00:16:24,853 --> 00:16:26,253
[LAUGHTER]
372
00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:29,547
I've got to get out of here,
but I got to tell you,
373
00:16:29,597 --> 00:16:31,077
don't be a dog.
Be like my buddy.
374
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,510
My buddy man, he was a dog,
375
00:16:32,556 --> 00:16:34,206
got a girl pregnant
back in high school,
376
00:16:34,254 --> 00:16:37,954
had to pay child support
for the next 18 goddamn years.
377
00:16:38,867 --> 00:16:41,827
Month after month
378
00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:46,010
after every
goddamn month
379
00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:48,268
he had to pay
that child support.
380
00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:50,141
Finally, his daughter
turned 18 years old,
381
00:16:50,183 --> 00:16:51,663
he called up to the house.
382
00:16:51,706 --> 00:16:54,006
"K., you better come over
to my house, boy.
383
00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:55,836
"We're having a party.
You know what today is?"
384
00:16:55,884 --> 00:16:57,674
I said,
"No, man, what's today?"
385
00:16:57,712 --> 00:17:01,852
He said, "Today is
my daughter's 18th birthday today,
386
00:17:01,890 --> 00:17:03,200
"and do you know
what that mean?"
387
00:17:03,239 --> 00:17:05,149
I said, "No, man.
What do that mean?"
388
00:17:05,198 --> 00:17:10,028
He said, "That mean that
after 18 goddamn years,
389
00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:13,212
"that the last check she gonna
ever get from me. Now, watch this."
390
00:17:13,249 --> 00:17:16,039
He said, "Baby,
I want you to take this check home to your mama.
391
00:17:16,078 --> 00:17:21,948
"I want you to tell her that
after 18 goddamn years..."
392
00:17:21,997 --> 00:17:23,037
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
393
00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:26,435
"...month after month,
394
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:29,530
"after every
goddamn month,
395
00:17:29,570 --> 00:17:31,700
"this the last one.
396
00:17:31,746 --> 00:17:33,096
"This is it.
397
00:17:33,139 --> 00:17:36,529
"She ain't never gonna
get shit from me again.
398
00:17:36,577 --> 00:17:41,667
"And I want you to look
at the expression on that bitch face."
399
00:17:41,712 --> 00:17:44,282
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
400
00:17:44,324 --> 00:17:47,894
She took the check home
and she gave it to her.
401
00:17:47,936 --> 00:17:49,546
And she came on back
and said, "Daddy, I did it."
402
00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:52,460
He said, "What did
that bitch have to say?"
403
00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:56,546
"She said to tell you
that you ain't my father..."
404
00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:58,247
[LOUD LAUGHTER]
405
00:18:02,559 --> 00:18:04,869
"Then...
406
00:18:04,909 --> 00:18:07,479
"Then she wanted me
to look at the expression
407
00:18:07,521 --> 00:18:09,131
"on your goddamn face."
408
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:10,735
I've got to go,
peace out.
409
00:18:10,785 --> 00:18:12,125
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
410
00:18:12,178 --> 00:18:14,088
[RAP MUSIC PLAYING]
411
00:18:18,967 --> 00:18:20,527
Special goddamn K.
412
00:18:21,970 --> 00:18:23,540
Give it up to him
one more time.
413
00:18:23,580 --> 00:18:25,280
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
414
00:18:32,981 --> 00:18:35,111
Look at the expression
on my goddamn face.
415
00:18:35,157 --> 00:18:36,507
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
416
00:18:38,291 --> 00:18:40,821
I need some smelling salt.
417
00:18:40,858 --> 00:18:42,118
Should I give
the boot back yet?
418
00:18:42,164 --> 00:18:43,254
AUDIENCE: No.
419
00:18:43,296 --> 00:18:44,776
Yeah. What y'all say?
420
00:18:44,819 --> 00:18:46,909
Should I give the boot back?AUDIENCE: No!
421
00:18:46,951 --> 00:18:48,081
Should I give
the boot back?
422
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,997
AUDIENCE: No.
423
00:18:50,041 --> 00:18:51,651
KID CAPRI:
Let's take a smell test.AUDIENCE: [SCATTERED] No!
424
00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:52,825
Smell test...KID CAPRI:
Pass it around the room.
425
00:18:52,870 --> 00:18:53,960
Okay, do it.
426
00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:55,262
AUDIENCE: No!
427
00:19:00,574 --> 00:19:02,364
Somebody whiter
smell this damn boot. Come on.
428
00:19:02,402 --> 00:19:04,452
Come on, tugboat,
come smell the boot, man.
429
00:19:04,491 --> 00:19:06,231
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]Come on, man.
430
00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:08,275
Come on up here and come
and smell the goddamn boot.
431
00:19:08,321 --> 00:19:09,801
What the fuck
is your problem?
432
00:19:11,498 --> 00:19:12,978
How the boot smell?
433
00:19:14,327 --> 00:19:16,197
[LAUGHS][AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
434
00:19:16,242 --> 00:19:17,372
That's your own feet.
435
00:19:18,853 --> 00:19:20,203
Boots smell good.
436
00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:21,286
[SNIFFS]
437
00:19:21,334 --> 00:19:22,514
Can't have the boot back.
438
00:19:24,511 --> 00:19:26,121
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
439
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,645
This might fit.
440
00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:30,169
Don't try to grab
this motherfucker either.
441
00:19:31,474 --> 00:19:32,654
All right.
442
00:19:32,693 --> 00:19:34,043
Kid!
443
00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:37,441
[SCATTERED LAUGHTER]
444
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:38,830
KID CAPRI: Can I come
get that shit?
445
00:19:38,873 --> 00:19:40,833
Say what?Can I come
get that shit?
446
00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:42,395
You come get
the boot then.
447
00:19:44,008 --> 00:19:46,968
God damn it.
Kid gonna put a smell test on.
448
00:19:47,011 --> 00:19:48,801
All right, I'll do
the music for you. Come up here and shit.
449
00:19:48,839 --> 00:19:51,279
[BEAT-BOXING]
450
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:52,930
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
451
00:19:55,237 --> 00:19:56,797
♪ Here comes Kid Capri
452
00:20:00,024 --> 00:20:03,514
The fuck you goin'?
We got a show to do.
453
00:20:03,550 --> 00:20:05,730
[LAUGHING] What
is wrong with him?
454
00:20:05,769 --> 00:20:07,249
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
455
00:20:07,293 --> 00:20:09,083
[JOE TORRY LAUGHS]
456
00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:12,250
Get your ass back
in the booth, man.
457
00:20:13,603 --> 00:20:16,043
Don't give
the boot back.
458
00:20:16,084 --> 00:20:18,174
Yo, sock, give me
the goddamn boot.
459
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:19,827
She ain't getting
the boot back. I want the ass, give me the boot.
460
00:20:19,870 --> 00:20:21,220
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
461
00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:26,825
Damn, Kid Capri, y'all.
462
00:20:26,877 --> 00:20:29,097
No one ever get to see
his ass back in the booth.
463
00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:38,591
Check this out.
464
00:20:38,628 --> 00:20:40,668
Give it up for my man who pay
all the goddamn bills...
465
00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:48,200
Mr. Russell Simmons.
466
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:50,547
Thanks for coming out.
God bless you, good night.
467
00:20:50,597 --> 00:20:52,207
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
468
00:20:53,164 --> 00:20:55,214
[MUSIC PLAYING]
469
00:20:55,264 --> 00:20:59,814
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