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00:00:06,963 --> 00:00:10,143
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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00:00:10,184 --> 00:00:13,014
KID CAPRI: It's the
Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam.
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00:00:35,861 --> 00:00:37,211
KID CAPRI: Ladies
and gentleman,
4
00:00:37,254 --> 00:00:40,484
put your hands together
for my main man,
5
00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:43,698
Mr. Martin Lawrence!
6
00:00:44,957 --> 00:00:47,997
[MUSIC PLAYING]
7
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:51,088
AUDIENCE: Go Martin!
Go Martin! Go Martin!
8
00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:55,658
Go Martin! Go Martin!
Go Martin! Go Martin!
9
00:00:55,707 --> 00:00:57,617
Go Martin! Go Martin...
10
00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:02,280
Y'all ain't making me
out to be no dancer.
11
00:01:03,628 --> 00:01:05,538
Wassup?AUDIENCE: Wassup?
12
00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:08,547
How my motherfuckers doing?
13
00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:11,510
That's right, you here
to have a good time. Y'all feel good?
14
00:01:11,549 --> 00:01:13,679
AUDIENCE: Yeah!'Cause you look good.
15
00:01:13,725 --> 00:01:16,545
You know when you was
playing that music, you see how good-looking...
16
00:01:16,598 --> 00:01:19,818
See how black people
just go with the flow? They just smooth.
17
00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:22,262
I saw some white people.
Y'all fuckin' it up, white lady.
18
00:01:22,299 --> 00:01:24,299
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
19
00:01:34,485 --> 00:01:37,225
I saw ya.
20
00:01:37,271 --> 00:01:40,931
Man, get your feet
off my stage, man. Nah, I'm fuckin with you, man.
21
00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:44,150
Wassup! Give Kid Capri
a round of applause, my man.AUDIENCE: Wassup?
22
00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:45,761
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]
23
00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:50,808
You've changed, man.
24
00:01:50,849 --> 00:01:52,629
You got
a big head now, Kid Capri.
25
00:01:53,896 --> 00:01:55,456
I don't wanna talk about it.
26
00:01:55,506 --> 00:01:57,026
Motherfuckers getting
crazy out here.
27
00:01:57,073 --> 00:02:00,473
Who's the man who
killed somebody on the job?
28
00:02:00,511 --> 00:02:03,471
Who's the motherfucker that
came back to the job
29
00:02:03,514 --> 00:02:05,264
and killed everybody
up in the bitch.
30
00:02:05,299 --> 00:02:06,599
You hear about that, anybody?
31
00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:08,778
AUDIENCE: Yeah.Motherfucker, was it...
32
00:02:08,824 --> 00:02:10,654
Motherfucker came back
like this.
33
00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:12,605
[MIMICS GUN SHOTS]
34
00:02:12,654 --> 00:02:16,484
Shit, when you fire
a motherfucker, don't let him back in.
35
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,400
I'm serious, man. Ain't...
36
00:02:21,445 --> 00:02:23,925
Fire a motherfucker,
ain't do like black people too. Shit.
37
00:02:23,969 --> 00:02:26,539
It's a recession.
You can't fire us.
38
00:02:26,581 --> 00:02:29,371
Black people like this,
"I'm what? Okay."
39
00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:31,410
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
40
00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:40,196
Fuckers are crazy, man.
41
00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:42,814
[CHUCKLES]
42
00:02:42,858 --> 00:02:44,428
And black people, we make
excuses when we get fired.
43
00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:46,598
Know we was wrong.
44
00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:49,524
See a white guy get fired...
[IN MOCKING TONE] "Well, wait, okay.
45
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:53,260
"So, okay, the guy says
that I'm late, okay.
46
00:02:53,303 --> 00:02:56,133
"But I fucking have
excuses and I'm...
47
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:59,916
"This is bullshit.
This is bullshit!
48
00:02:59,962 --> 00:03:01,962
"Fuckin' bullshit!
49
00:03:02,007 --> 00:03:04,617
"Well, I'll have your ass,
you can best believe that!
50
00:03:04,662 --> 00:03:06,402
"This shit is going to court!"
51
00:03:07,622 --> 00:03:09,282
Black people
don't do that shit.
52
00:03:09,319 --> 00:03:10,669
We're like, "Yeah."
53
00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:12,932
And we make excuses
and, "Why you get fired?"
54
00:03:12,975 --> 00:03:16,275
"Well, uh, motherfuckers say
that all... All right...
55
00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:20,326
"So, okay, I was late
like, for five months, right?
56
00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:22,334
"But I had
a motherfuckin' excuse.
57
00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:24,806
"There's a lot
of traffic out there. I told the motherfucker,
58
00:03:24,856 --> 00:03:26,856
"'Do you want me
to get there safe late?
59
00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:29,992
"'Or do you want me
to get there hurt early, motherfucker?'"
60
00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:31,905
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
61
00:03:35,693 --> 00:03:38,833
Well, we gonna have
a line-up today on this motherfuckin' show.
62
00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,740
We have a really good line-up.
63
00:03:40,785 --> 00:03:42,305
And I'm happy
for some of the brothers that are on here.
64
00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:44,222
Now this first brother
coming to the stage,
65
00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:46,267
and y'all keep that
energy going 'cause you know what I'm saying?
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00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:49,793
[STAMMERS] You guys
are the ones who make us who we are.
67
00:03:50,839 --> 00:03:51,839
[DRUM BEAT]
68
00:03:52,971 --> 00:03:55,281
See. See. Damn it!
69
00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:58,282
See how Kid Capri knows me.
We've been doing this long enough.
70
00:03:58,325 --> 00:03:59,275
[DRUM BEAT]
71
00:04:00,196 --> 00:04:02,626
[DRUM BEAT]
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00:04:12,556 --> 00:04:14,556
Man, my motherfucker, boy.
73
00:04:15,559 --> 00:04:17,299
All right. [LAUGHS]
74
00:04:17,344 --> 00:04:19,304
Coming to
the stage, all right.
75
00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:22,516
This brother making his home
here in New York City.
76
00:04:22,566 --> 00:04:26,656
Brother's toured for...
With a lot of the music stars and everything.
77
00:04:26,701 --> 00:04:29,141
Give it up for
my man, Lenny Vornadoe.
78
00:04:29,181 --> 00:04:31,141
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING][MUSIC PLAYING]
79
00:04:34,926 --> 00:04:36,576
Give it up y'all.
Martin Lawrence y'all! Give it up!
80
00:04:39,017 --> 00:04:41,237
How's everybody feel?
81
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,461
Actually, I'll tell you guys,
I am so damn tired.
82
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:45,150
Last night, some drunk
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00:04:45,197 --> 00:04:47,847
naked woman was
beating on my door about 5:00.
84
00:04:47,896 --> 00:04:49,416
Shit, I had to wake up
and let her out.
85
00:04:49,463 --> 00:04:50,773
You know, I told her...
86
00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:52,682
You know 'cause... You know.
87
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,084
[EXCLAIMS]
88
00:04:56,121 --> 00:04:57,911
Shit's done got out of hand.
89
00:04:57,949 --> 00:04:59,559
I'm riding around
New York City the other day,
90
00:04:59,603 --> 00:05:02,913
72-year-old prostitute
jumps in the car with me.
91
00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:05,354
Seventy-two-year-old
prostitute jumps in the car with me, talkin' about,
92
00:05:05,392 --> 00:05:08,742
"Ain't no shame in my game."
I say, "No teeth in your mouth either."
93
00:05:10,745 --> 00:05:12,825
Has shit gotten
out of hand or what?
94
00:05:12,877 --> 00:05:14,787
Had a man come up to me
the other day and he goes, "Excuse me, sir,
95
00:05:14,836 --> 00:05:17,746
"but can you...
Can you spare a dollar so I can get home?"
96
00:05:17,795 --> 00:05:19,225
I said, "A dollar?"
97
00:05:19,275 --> 00:05:20,965
I said,
"Is that all you need?"
98
00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:22,966
I said, "It fuckin' sound
like walking distance to me."
99
00:05:23,018 --> 00:05:25,148
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
100
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,994
Shit has gotten out of hand.
101
00:05:36,031 --> 00:05:37,771
But you must ask why and how.
102
00:05:37,815 --> 00:05:40,075
Don't go through life
not knowing what's going on.
103
00:05:40,122 --> 00:05:41,782
Nothing but terrible shit.
And before we go...
104
00:05:41,819 --> 00:05:44,039
Before we move along,
let's have, on the count of three,
105
00:05:44,082 --> 00:05:46,002
a nice "see ya" to Mr. Bush.
106
00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:47,651
One, two, three.
107
00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:50,345
ALL: See ya!
108
00:05:50,393 --> 00:05:53,093
[EXCLAIMS] And wasn't
Bush time was all fucked up, wasn't it?
109
00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:55,085
He wait to the end
of his term
110
00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:58,397
to send the troops to Somalia
to help the starving people.
111
00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:00,315
But what puzzled me
about the whole situation
112
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,360
is that they still over
there having babies.
113
00:06:02,405 --> 00:06:04,355
Now, I don't know about
you people out here,
114
00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:07,017
but if I ain't had nothing
to eat in two, three years...
115
00:06:07,062 --> 00:06:09,412
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
116
00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:11,236
Poontang would be
the last thing on my mind.
117
00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:17,031
Shit can get out of hand.
Nothing but terrible things in the news.
118
00:06:17,072 --> 00:06:19,942
Nothing in the news
but rape, sex, drugs and violence.
119
00:06:19,988 --> 00:06:23,378
I said to myself,
"I'm gonna stop reading the sports page altogether."
120
00:06:27,343 --> 00:06:29,003
Shit can get out of hand.
121
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,170
But you must ask why and how.
122
00:06:31,216 --> 00:06:33,436
And I know y'all read about
them serial killers that's been sweeping the nation.
123
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:34,830
Scared me!
124
00:06:34,872 --> 00:06:36,662
I didn't know
what a serial killer was.
125
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,350
I didn't eat
breakfast for a month.
126
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,178
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
127
00:06:43,794 --> 00:06:46,844
I didn't. They said, "Lenny,
what you want for breakfast?" "Nothing, honey."
128
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,669
But you saw
this man Jeffrey Dahmer?
129
00:06:50,714 --> 00:06:53,244
The man chopped up
15 people and ate them.
130
00:06:53,282 --> 00:06:57,592
I think we should send his ass
out to California and let Judge Wapner hear his case.
131
00:06:57,634 --> 00:06:59,554
Right? 'Cause you know
when you gonna see Judge Wapner,
132
00:06:59,593 --> 00:07:01,123
if you ain't got no
estimates and no receipts,
133
00:07:01,159 --> 00:07:02,939
you can kiss
your ass goodbye.
134
00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:06,430
[EXCLAIMS]
135
00:07:06,469 --> 00:07:08,689
The man chopped
up 15 people.
136
00:07:08,732 --> 00:07:12,082
Chopped 'em up, ate
'em up, pleaded insanity and went to jail.
137
00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:13,737
Mike Tyson ate one person.
138
00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:15,781
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
139
00:07:17,393 --> 00:07:18,393
[LAUGHS]
140
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,868
Huh? Huh?
141
00:07:22,877 --> 00:07:24,527
Shit's done got out of hand.
142
00:07:24,574 --> 00:07:25,844
And if that wasn't enough
for you in the news,
143
00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,060
I got sick
of the Amy Fisher story.
144
00:07:28,099 --> 00:07:29,929
You know.
I got sick of that.
145
00:07:29,971 --> 00:07:32,971
And I got sick of
that Mary Jo Buttafuoco on the news.
146
00:07:33,017 --> 00:07:35,237
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
147
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,980
You know,
with her mouth all twisted to the side, you know.
148
00:07:38,022 --> 00:07:42,202
"And she showed
no remorse, Your Honor."
149
00:07:42,244 --> 00:07:44,734
I'm like,
"Get the fuck off the news!"
150
00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:47,418
Thank you all, New York.
Goodnight. Thank you. Peace.
151
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,767
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING][MUSIC PLAYING]
152
00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:00,348
[LAUGHS]
153
00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:02,182
All right.
Coming to the stage, this is my man...
154
00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:05,140
Uh, in the first couple
of years of In Living Color,
155
00:08:05,180 --> 00:08:08,440
he was a writer on there.
I mean, you name it, he's done all the comedy specials.
156
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,528
Give it up for my man,
Warren Thomas.
157
00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:12,397
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING][MUSIC PLAYING]
158
00:08:15,886 --> 00:08:18,186
Martin Lawrence, give it up
for Martin Lawrence, ladies and gentleman.
159
00:08:18,236 --> 00:08:20,586
Doing a good job
for y'all. What's up?
160
00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:22,720
I am thrilled to be here.
161
00:08:22,763 --> 00:08:25,113
You know, you ever
go out with your ex? You ever go out with you ex?
162
00:08:25,156 --> 00:08:27,376
That's a good situation.
163
00:08:27,419 --> 00:08:29,549
'Cause you got nothin'
to lose. They already know you're a fuck-up, right?
164
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:31,246
You go out,
you don't have to have money or nothing.
165
00:08:31,293 --> 00:08:32,863
Sit around,
don't shower, don't shave.
166
00:08:32,903 --> 00:08:35,043
"Yeah, you got any
money?" "Uh-uh."
167
00:08:35,079 --> 00:08:37,519
"Oh, same motherfucker,
that's why I dropped you in the first place."
168
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:39,130
'Cause you go out
with somebody new,
169
00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:41,390
you gotta front it off
like you all cool and shit.
170
00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:43,443
Gotta be acting all polite.
171
00:08:43,479 --> 00:08:45,349
[IN DEEP VOICE] "Let me
get that door, let me do this for you.
172
00:08:45,394 --> 00:08:46,794
"Hey, Prince...
Hey, nice hairstyle, is that a new dress?
173
00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:49,400
"I love your perfume."
[EXCLAIMS]
174
00:08:49,441 --> 00:08:52,271
Like, "Who is
this motherfucker. I don't know him."
175
00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:54,364
'Cause I'm on a date,
and I said, "What would you like to have?"
176
00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:56,623
She said, "Well,
I guess I'll have some steak and lobster
177
00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:59,536
"and a little bit
of champagne, if it's imported."
178
00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:02,802
I said, "Guess again.
[EXCLAIMS] Wrong answer.
179
00:09:02,846 --> 00:09:04,666
"The password's combo plate.
180
00:09:05,893 --> 00:09:08,643
"Combo plate."
181
00:09:08,678 --> 00:09:11,508
Ban gays in the military.
You can't ban gays in the military.
182
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,291
They always been there,
always will be.
183
00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:15,205
I don't know what the fuck
they problem is.
184
00:09:15,250 --> 00:09:17,820
If somebody want
to defend the country, let them go do it.
185
00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:21,081
The fuck, I don't care if you
got no arms no legs, throw a grenade with your mouth.
186
00:09:21,125 --> 00:09:23,475
I don't give a shit.
[EXCLAIMS] "Kill all these motherfuckers."
187
00:09:23,519 --> 00:09:26,219
Like some gay guy
goin' be in the military ready to shoot somebody and go,
188
00:09:26,261 --> 00:09:28,181
"Oh, my god,
he's too cute to shoot.
189
00:09:28,219 --> 00:09:29,739
"Come here.
190
00:09:29,786 --> 00:09:32,086
"Come here!
191
00:09:32,136 --> 00:09:35,526
"I couldn't shoot you,
not with that tight little butt look like a Clydesdale.
192
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:39,005
"Come here, kiss me,
blow me. Let's do stuff.
193
00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:41,666
"Let's do lunch.
What's your sign?"
194
00:09:41,711 --> 00:09:43,581
How are they gonna
find out who the gays are in the military?
195
00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:44,976
They gonna show
a picture of Denzel.
196
00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:48,199
Whoever gets
a hard-on has to leave?
197
00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:50,679
"What do you think of that?"
Boing. "Come here! Aah!"
198
00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:55,726
That's 'cause
everybody all homophobic and shit, man.
199
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:58,379
Somebody had spit
on somebody who had AIDS,
200
00:09:58,423 --> 00:10:01,953
they arrested him
for manslaughter. Attempted manslaughter.
201
00:10:01,992 --> 00:10:04,392
Let's change this crime.
You can walk into a bank with no weapon.
202
00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:06,649
"I got HIV.
Back off or I'm gonna spit.
203
00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:08,783
[COLLECTING SPIT FROM THROAT]
204
00:10:08,825 --> 00:10:12,045
"Fill up this sack
with twenties. Don't make me use this, it's loaded.
205
00:10:12,089 --> 00:10:14,219
"Don't make me use it."
206
00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:16,615
"Put down the penis
or we're gonna shoot."
207
00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:21,009
That's why they banned
Magic out of the NBA.
208
00:10:21,055 --> 00:10:23,405
All the players
was griping about Magic.
209
00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:25,058
I don't know too much
about the disease,
210
00:10:25,102 --> 00:10:27,542
but I don't think you can
get it playing basketball.
211
00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:30,243
I'd hate to see that game,
"Magic with the ball, fakes left, fakes right,
212
00:10:30,281 --> 00:10:32,241
"dribbles down the lane,
falls on top of a player!
213
00:10:32,283 --> 00:10:33,683
"Ooh! He penetrates
him in the butt!"
214
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:36,240
"That's gotta hurt!"
215
00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:40,597
"Ooh, you hate
to see that happen this early in the season.
216
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,640
"Marv Albert is courtside.
Marv, did he penetrate him in the ass?"
217
00:10:43,686 --> 00:10:45,296
"Yes!"
218
00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:48,650
"He busted a nut in his ass.
Back to you, Bob, yes!"
219
00:10:50,432 --> 00:10:54,002
"Ooh! You hate
to see that happen!"
220
00:10:54,044 --> 00:10:57,744
Magic's crazy though,
man. He's on that pussy tip really big.
221
00:10:57,787 --> 00:11:01,697
Magic had six women
in bed at one time.
222
00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:04,098
Damn, I don't need
that much pressure.
223
00:11:04,141 --> 00:11:07,011
I get two hard-ons,
I'm calling my neighbor up. "Look, I got another one.
224
00:11:07,057 --> 00:11:09,447
"Come on over and look at it.
I swear to God."
225
00:11:09,494 --> 00:11:11,714
Six people and you're in bed.
"Hey, how you doin', baby?"
226
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:13,928
"You all right? Did I grab
your titties? All right, are your titties good?
227
00:11:13,977 --> 00:11:15,757
"How you doin'?
All right, [EXCLAIMS] okay. Who didn't come?
228
00:11:15,805 --> 00:11:18,235
"If you didn't come,
get on this side of the bed.
229
00:11:19,722 --> 00:11:21,552
"All right, I'm confused.
230
00:11:21,593 --> 00:11:23,683
"Are you doing it? Okay."
You're bouncing people, spinning people.
231
00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:25,726
[MIMICS CIRCUS SONG]
232
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:29,780
"Hey, how you doing,
all right. Look, I'm confused.
233
00:11:29,819 --> 00:11:33,039
"If you didn't get
a booty lick, get on this side of the pillow.
234
00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:34,963
"Fill out a number two form."
235
00:11:34,998 --> 00:11:36,648
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
236
00:11:38,045 --> 00:11:39,825
No idea what's going on.
237
00:11:39,873 --> 00:11:43,143
Wilt Chamberlain slept
with 20,000 women.
238
00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:44,490
Twenty-thousand.
239
00:11:44,529 --> 00:11:46,749
That's a lot of nookie.
240
00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:49,883
I figured out my career,
I don't have 20,000 strokes in my life.
241
00:11:49,926 --> 00:11:51,886
That's counting
like, one, two.
242
00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:53,581
[CHUCKLES]
243
00:11:55,018 --> 00:11:57,108
Three, four.
244
00:11:57,151 --> 00:11:59,721
I don't think
I'm up to 20,000.
245
00:11:59,762 --> 00:12:01,682
My girlfriend say,
"I didn't have an orgasm."
246
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:04,381
I say, "It's an
individual sport. I got mine, you get yours."
247
00:12:04,419 --> 00:12:06,459
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
248
00:12:06,508 --> 00:12:09,158
"Two pumps and a squirt,
I'm watching Arsenio,baby."
249
00:12:14,211 --> 00:12:17,351
Ever try to get head on a date
and be subtle about it?
250
00:12:17,388 --> 00:12:19,778
There's no way to do it.
You always slip your hand behind their head.
251
00:12:19,826 --> 00:12:22,086
And then go like,
kind of like this,
252
00:12:22,132 --> 00:12:24,872
like they don't notice
a big hand pushing their head down towards your dick.
253
00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:26,828
"I wonder what he's doing?"
254
00:12:26,876 --> 00:12:31,006
It's like a big Nautilus
workout plan, you know.
255
00:12:31,054 --> 00:12:33,754
"Yeah, I'm getting
buffed for the revolution. Yeah, that's right.
256
00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:35,146
"That's right.
257
00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:37,409
"Getting buffed
for the cause, uh-huh."
258
00:12:37,452 --> 00:12:38,932
And she's licking on...
I always tell my girl,
259
00:12:38,975 --> 00:12:41,625
she got the biggest
neck in the... [EXCLAIMS]
260
00:12:41,673 --> 00:12:43,723
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
261
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,503
"I still haven't sucked it.
262
00:12:45,547 --> 00:12:46,937
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
263
00:12:50,639 --> 00:12:52,859
"There will be no head here."
264
00:12:52,902 --> 00:12:56,172
She got a picture
of her head with a slash over it in her bedroom.
265
00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:57,470
No head zone.
266
00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:02,085
There's a lot
of crazy shit out there.
267
00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:04,389
You gotta be careful,
keep your shit out, man.
268
00:13:04,435 --> 00:13:06,605
Crack and all that crazy shit.
269
00:13:06,655 --> 00:13:08,825
When I was kid,
crack was when a fat guy come fix your washing machine,
270
00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:13,875
you could see his butt hole.
That was crack and we was happy to have it.
271
00:13:13,923 --> 00:13:17,753
They be throwing you down.
Look last year, when they had Willie Smith Kennedy guy.
272
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:21,237
Willie Kennedy Smith,
raped this woman. They said he didn't.
273
00:13:21,278 --> 00:13:24,718
Then the same time,
Mike got sent to jail. All fucked up.
274
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:27,070
Now the case is coming out
like he really didn't do it.
275
00:13:27,110 --> 00:13:31,460
I mean it's hard. Mike is like
25, worth $60 million. Of course he has attitude.
276
00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:34,806
When I got my student loan,
I was a dickhead for three weeks.
277
00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:38,507
I woke up saying,
"I am king of the world, you will all be my slave."
278
00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:40,646
I mean,
imagine being the heavyweight champion of the world.
279
00:13:40,689 --> 00:13:42,689
You know, I'd have attitude.
280
00:13:42,734 --> 00:13:44,784
I'd walk into a real nice
restaurant, just put my dick in the butter tray.
281
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,174
"Who don't like my dick
in the butter tray?
282
00:13:47,217 --> 00:13:50,217
I said, "Who don't like
my dick in the butter dish?"
283
00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:53,924
"I don't mind, champ,
can you move your nuts over so I can butter this roll?"
284
00:13:53,963 --> 00:13:55,533
You guys have been great.
Thanks for coming out here.
285
00:13:55,573 --> 00:13:56,883
Peace.
286
00:13:56,923 --> 00:13:59,103
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]Thanks, everybody.
287
00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:05,848
Warren Thomas, give it up.
288
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,330
See, talent.AUDIENCE MEMBER 1: Yo!
289
00:14:12,373 --> 00:14:13,723
Hey...AUDIENCE MEMBER 2: Yo!
290
00:14:13,765 --> 00:14:15,195
AUDIENCE MEMBER 1: Yo!What?
291
00:14:15,245 --> 00:14:16,765
AUDIENCE MEMBER 1: Bring
that camera up here.
292
00:14:16,812 --> 00:14:19,422
What?
293
00:14:19,467 --> 00:14:21,247
AUDIENCE MEMBER 1: Bring
that camera up here.AUDIENCE MEMBER 3: You shut the fuck up!
294
00:14:21,295 --> 00:14:23,035
[LAUGHS][AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
295
00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:25,039
Motherfucker said,
"Bring that camera up here."
296
00:14:25,081 --> 00:14:27,341
Y'all don't wanna be
on TV, do you?AUDIENCE: Yeah.
297
00:14:27,388 --> 00:14:29,478
We saw you
on the news last week.
298
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:30,910
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
299
00:14:31,653 --> 00:14:32,653
[CHUCKLES]
300
00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:36,087
[AUDIENCE CONTINUES LAUGHING]
301
00:14:40,575 --> 00:14:44,405
All right,
coming to the stage from Jacksonville, Florida.
302
00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:46,098
Give it up for Doo Doo Brown.
303
00:14:46,146 --> 00:14:48,366
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING][MUSIC PLAYING]
304
00:15:00,073 --> 00:15:02,123
What the fuck is that?
305
00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:03,512
What's up, New York?
306
00:15:03,554 --> 00:15:05,824
[AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS]
307
00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:07,521
No, fuck that. That ain't
the New York motherfuckers been telling me about.
308
00:15:07,558 --> 00:15:09,388
What the fuck is up, New York?
309
00:15:09,430 --> 00:15:10,690
AUDIENCE: Wassup?
310
00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:12,385
Hell, yeah.
311
00:15:12,433 --> 00:15:14,393
You understand
what I'm saying?
312
00:15:14,435 --> 00:15:16,385
Goddamn,
I'm gonna start off letting you motherfuckers know,
313
00:15:17,525 --> 00:15:19,695
I don't fuck around!
314
00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:23,404
Oh, yeah, and some
fine motherfuckers out here.
315
00:15:23,444 --> 00:15:26,494
Goddamn, some fine
motherfuckers out here.
316
00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:28,494
Yo, let me start...
Let me ask a question.
317
00:15:28,536 --> 00:15:30,796
How many brothers came out
here with your girlfriend?
318
00:15:30,842 --> 00:15:33,542
Came out here with your
girlfriend or you brought some lady here with you.
319
00:15:33,584 --> 00:15:36,024
Let me hear you clap.
You brought a lady with you, let me hear you clap.
320
00:15:36,065 --> 00:15:38,365
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
321
00:15:38,415 --> 00:15:40,765
Sixteen stupid motherfuckers.
322
00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:42,249
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
323
00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:45,993
Stupid motherfuckers, yo.
324
00:15:47,337 --> 00:15:49,377
I'mma tell you, bro.
325
00:15:49,426 --> 00:15:50,726
My girl...
326
00:15:50,775 --> 00:15:52,945
She can't even
ride with me, bro.
327
00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:55,997
No, mo.
328
00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:58,442
She can't even
ride with me, bro.
329
00:15:58,479 --> 00:16:00,869
Too much stupid shit
be jumpin' off when she with me.
330
00:16:00,916 --> 00:16:02,176
You understand
what I'm saying?
331
00:16:02,222 --> 00:16:04,222
Oh, I, oh, bro,
I don't fuck around.
332
00:16:04,267 --> 00:16:07,577
She get a kiss
and a bus pass. I don't bullshit.
333
00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:09,528
She can't even
ride with me, bro.
334
00:16:09,577 --> 00:16:11,747
Too much stupid shit
be jumpin' off, dog.
335
00:16:11,796 --> 00:16:14,626
You know what I'm saying?
Like the other day, bro, had her in the car with me.
336
00:16:14,669 --> 00:16:16,799
At the stop light.
337
00:16:16,845 --> 00:16:18,665
Motherfucker pulls up
alongside of the... Yelling at a motherfucker.
338
00:16:18,716 --> 00:16:20,236
[SCREAMS]
339
00:16:20,283 --> 00:16:21,283
[EXCLAIMS]
340
00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:24,977
"You need to cut that zero
341
00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:28,808
"and get with this hero."
342
00:16:28,857 --> 00:16:33,427
He callin' me zero,
bro don't even know me.
343
00:16:33,470 --> 00:16:36,910
'Cause he in a Benz
and I'm in a Nova. That nigga don't me.
344
00:16:36,952 --> 00:16:38,302
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
345
00:16:40,303 --> 00:16:41,653
You know what I'm saying?
My girl don't say nothing.
346
00:16:41,696 --> 00:16:44,386
Fuck it. I don't say nothin'.
347
00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:48,088
Nigga gets mad 'cause
she ignoring his ass, pulls out his pistol.
348
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:51,045
Wavin' it at my shit.
349
00:16:52,794 --> 00:16:56,104
"Hey! Hey, I ain't no
motherfuckin' punk, bro."
350
00:16:56,145 --> 00:16:59,575
I'mma say something, bro.
I said, "Hey, motherfucker!
351
00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:01,977
"You hear that man
talking to you!
352
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,201
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
353
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:07,330
"What, you too cute to speak?
354
00:17:07,374 --> 00:17:10,554
"Well you better
say something, goddamn.
355
00:17:12,205 --> 00:17:15,295
"Trying to get me fucked up."
356
00:17:15,338 --> 00:17:18,598
I don't fuck with her,
bro, no more.
357
00:17:18,646 --> 00:17:20,906
She can't even
ride with me, bro.
358
00:17:20,952 --> 00:17:22,782
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
359
00:17:25,522 --> 00:17:27,052
You understand
what I'm sayin'?
360
00:17:30,658 --> 00:17:34,138
Y'all gotta excuse me,
bro, I'm fucked up. You know what I'm sayin'?
361
00:17:34,183 --> 00:17:36,713
I don't give a fuck
what time it is.
362
00:17:36,751 --> 00:17:38,061
I don't fuck around!
363
00:17:38,883 --> 00:17:40,233
Shit.
364
00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:42,096
I'm the real
nigga's comedian, what's up?
365
00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:44,758
Yo, how many real
niggas we got in the house?
366
00:17:44,802 --> 00:17:46,722
If you a real nigga,
put your hand on your dick
367
00:17:46,761 --> 00:17:50,501
and let them
motherfuckin' dogs loose.
368
00:17:50,547 --> 00:17:52,547
Ain't no real niggas
in this motherfucker?
369
00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:55,157
Goddamn.
370
00:17:55,204 --> 00:17:57,384
I know we got
some real niggas in here.
371
00:17:57,424 --> 00:17:59,954
Yo, all you real niggas...
372
00:17:59,991 --> 00:18:01,781
How many of you
niggas eat pussy?
373
00:18:03,212 --> 00:18:05,652
If you eat pussy,
let the dogs loose.
374
00:18:05,693 --> 00:18:07,483
[AUDIENCE MEMBERS WOOFING]
375
00:18:07,521 --> 00:18:10,831
Goddamn, look at the girls.
Look it. "Who roof, girl, who roof?
376
00:18:10,872 --> 00:18:11,962
"Who roof?"
377
00:18:12,003 --> 00:18:13,743
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
378
00:18:13,788 --> 00:18:16,438
Damn, they up
there got binoculars, "Was it him?"
379
00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:19,837
Oh, I don't fuck around.
380
00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:21,231
Niggas scared to roof.
381
00:18:21,274 --> 00:18:24,324
Niggas still scared
to say they eat pussy, bro.
382
00:18:24,364 --> 00:18:26,894
I ain't scared to say it.
You know why?
383
00:18:26,931 --> 00:18:28,191
AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Why?
384
00:18:28,237 --> 00:18:30,147
Cause I'm good at it, goddamn.
385
00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:31,366
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
386
00:18:31,414 --> 00:18:32,944
Oh, I don't fuck around!
387
00:18:33,938 --> 00:18:35,288
I don't fuck around!
388
00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:39,424
No, your man
might fuck around.
389
00:18:39,466 --> 00:18:43,076
See what I'm saying?
I ain't one of them little minute motherfuckers.
390
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,652
You know what I'm sayin'?
391
00:18:44,688 --> 00:18:46,648
I ain't one of them
little minute motherfuckers.
392
00:18:46,690 --> 00:18:49,040
You know what I'm saying?
Them niggas tried for a minute...
393
00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:50,354
And then they through.
394
00:18:51,739 --> 00:18:55,179
No, Doo Doo don't stop
till you beg him to.
395
00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:56,871
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]
396
00:18:56,918 --> 00:18:58,438
I don't fuck around!
397
00:19:00,095 --> 00:19:01,785
See what I'm sayin'?
398
00:19:01,836 --> 00:19:03,446
Oh, no, I don't fuck around.
399
00:19:03,490 --> 00:19:05,270
I get straight to the shit.
400
00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:08,280
Straight to the shit!
401
00:19:13,108 --> 00:19:14,848
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
402
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,460
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
403
00:19:31,126 --> 00:19:33,816
Oh no, they don't call me
Doo Doo for nothing.
404
00:19:33,868 --> 00:19:36,348
They don't call me
Doo Doo Brown for nothing!
405
00:19:36,392 --> 00:19:40,272
Oh, no, I do
toes, assholes and elbows.
406
00:19:40,309 --> 00:19:42,359
Give it to me.
407
00:19:42,398 --> 00:19:44,618
Peace, I'm Doo Doo
motherfuckin' Brown.
408
00:19:44,661 --> 00:19:46,711
[MUSIC PLAYING][AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]
409
00:20:03,332 --> 00:20:05,472
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
410
00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:08,423
[LAUGHS]
411
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:13,429
"Toes, elbows and assholes."
412
00:20:13,473 --> 00:20:15,653
I don't give a shit.
413
00:20:15,692 --> 00:20:17,222
I ain't lickin' the asshole.
414
00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:19,349
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
415
00:20:19,392 --> 00:20:22,662
And you have
doo doo crumbs all over this motherfucker.
416
00:20:22,699 --> 00:20:25,489
All right, coming to stage,
he was on here before
417
00:20:25,528 --> 00:20:27,528
'cause Steve,
you know, last time he was here, he rocked,
418
00:20:27,574 --> 00:20:29,184
and we brung him back again.
419
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,268
And he's gonna do it again
and have fun with you guys.
420
00:20:31,317 --> 00:20:34,407
Also he's hosting Apollo now.
Give it up for my man, Steve Harvey.
421
00:20:34,450 --> 00:20:36,630
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING][MUSIC PLAYING]
422
00:20:44,286 --> 00:20:46,806
New York, Def Jam,
what's happenin'?
423
00:20:46,854 --> 00:20:48,644
Let's try it again.
What's happenin'?
424
00:20:48,682 --> 00:20:50,772
AUDIENCE: Wassup?Look at y'all.
425
00:20:50,814 --> 00:20:53,694
[LAUGHS] Ain't you
glad you black?
426
00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:55,690
Now, ain't you glad you black?
427
00:20:55,732 --> 00:20:57,472
AUDIENCE: [APPLAUDING] Yeah.Goddamn.
428
00:20:57,517 --> 00:20:59,297
I sit around all the
day just thinking,
429
00:20:59,345 --> 00:21:02,085
"What would you do if your ass
wasn't black no more?"
430
00:21:02,130 --> 00:21:04,000
Boy, you just have to...
431
00:21:04,045 --> 00:21:06,565
I was sitting on a plane with
a white boy the other day.
432
00:21:06,613 --> 00:21:09,443
"You know, you're such
a mixed-up people.
433
00:21:09,485 --> 00:21:11,005
"Some of you
are lighter than the others."
434
00:21:11,052 --> 00:21:14,062
I don't give a damn,
I'm black. "Look at you."
435
00:21:14,098 --> 00:21:16,668
Look at me. Look at my shit.
436
00:21:16,710 --> 00:21:18,970
Look, look, look at my shit.
437
00:21:19,016 --> 00:21:23,886
Look at how full it is.
Look at the round nose, big nice-ass lips.
438
00:21:23,934 --> 00:21:26,374
You're damn right I'm black.
Look at the profile. Look.
439
00:21:26,415 --> 00:21:28,325
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
440
00:21:28,374 --> 00:21:31,904
Look. Look how even
the nose and lips are. Look at that.
441
00:21:31,942 --> 00:21:34,602
That's that black,
that good shit.
442
00:21:34,641 --> 00:21:36,561
Ain't none of that
European look.
443
00:21:36,599 --> 00:21:41,909
Big honk-ass nose sticking
way out there. Mouth way back here somewhere.
444
00:21:41,952 --> 00:21:44,782
That's why there ain't
more of them in the NBA.
445
00:21:44,825 --> 00:21:47,035
'Cause they ain't got
no peripheral vision.
446
00:21:47,088 --> 00:21:51,008
They can't see cross
that big honk-ass nose.
447
00:21:51,048 --> 00:21:54,658
You know, Magic used
to bring it on the floor. Magic, come on the floor, ha!
448
00:21:56,402 --> 00:21:59,582
White boy come on the floor,
gotta look right at you.
449
00:21:59,622 --> 00:22:01,622
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
450
00:22:07,674 --> 00:22:09,894
You know you black.
Some advantages to being black.
451
00:22:09,937 --> 00:22:11,587
You gotta give
it some thought.
452
00:22:11,634 --> 00:22:13,384
See, don't let them trip you
out about your education,
453
00:22:13,419 --> 00:22:15,379
'cause they denied us
that for years.
454
00:22:15,421 --> 00:22:18,381
But don't ever
let them mess you up. Black folk got good old
455
00:22:18,424 --> 00:22:19,824
common-ass sense.
456
00:22:19,860 --> 00:22:22,120
You know what to do.
457
00:22:22,166 --> 00:22:25,646
'Cause there some things
you know to do and some stuff you know not to do.
458
00:22:25,692 --> 00:22:27,612
You just know
it automatically.
459
00:22:27,650 --> 00:22:29,910
Here are some things
you probably ain't never thought about.
460
00:22:29,957 --> 00:22:32,437
Here are some things
you ain't ever seen black people do.
461
00:22:32,481 --> 00:22:34,271
Ain't gonna ever see it
and here it is.
462
00:22:35,615 --> 00:22:37,435
You ain't ever seen
463
00:22:37,486 --> 00:22:38,966
no black serial killer.
464
00:22:41,272 --> 00:22:44,452
You ain't never seen
a black person go out and kill 16, 17 people.
465
00:22:44,493 --> 00:22:46,543
You know why?
'Cause we know better.
466
00:22:46,582 --> 00:22:48,282
We ain't got to go that far.
467
00:22:48,323 --> 00:22:50,723
Hell, we steal a hot dog,
we gonna get life.
468
00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:52,890
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
469
00:22:52,936 --> 00:22:55,416
White people don't know.
White people wake up, go next door,
470
00:22:55,461 --> 00:22:57,071
and kill everybody
in the house.
471
00:22:57,114 --> 00:22:59,334
Go to bed, catch a train,
go across town,
472
00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:01,208
kill 15, 16 more people.
473
00:23:01,249 --> 00:23:03,689
You know why?
'Cause they don't know.
474
00:23:03,730 --> 00:23:05,560
They don't think
they ass gonna go to jail.
475
00:23:05,601 --> 00:23:07,651
Shit they ain't went
to jail for nothing else.
476
00:23:09,823 --> 00:23:13,173
Here's another one.
You ain't ever see no black people
477
00:23:13,217 --> 00:23:15,307
out on a highway hitchhiking.
478
00:23:15,350 --> 00:23:18,350
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
479
00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:21,837
'Cause we know good
and damn well we ain't getting no goddamn ride!
480
00:23:21,878 --> 00:23:23,918
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
481
00:23:31,497 --> 00:23:34,237
After a while, brother just
be waving. "Wassup?
482
00:23:34,282 --> 00:23:37,462
[LAUGHS] "Nice tires, dog."
483
00:23:37,503 --> 00:23:39,373
'Cause we know, man.
There's just stuff we can't do.
484
00:23:39,418 --> 00:23:41,938
You just saw the presidential
debates, didn't you?
485
00:23:41,985 --> 00:23:44,635
That's another thing
you don't ever see no black people doing.
486
00:23:44,684 --> 00:23:47,474
You ain't never see no black
people on TV in no debate.
487
00:23:48,731 --> 00:23:50,951
That's 'cause we can't.
488
00:23:50,994 --> 00:23:52,874
We can't argue that long.
489
00:23:52,909 --> 00:23:54,429
See we argue
four or five minutes
490
00:23:54,476 --> 00:23:56,436
then after that, hell,
something gotta happen.
491
00:23:56,478 --> 00:23:58,478
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
492
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,960
The debate gonna end up
in the parking lot.
493
00:24:05,444 --> 00:24:07,144
"What'd you say in there?"
494
00:24:08,838 --> 00:24:10,668
It ain't gonna happen.
495
00:24:10,710 --> 00:24:12,540
That whole
presidential election talkin' about America,
496
00:24:12,581 --> 00:24:13,841
"What's wrong with America?"
497
00:24:13,887 --> 00:24:15,577
They debated about it.
498
00:24:15,628 --> 00:24:18,198
You could have saved
them a whole... Could of just asked me.
499
00:24:18,239 --> 00:24:20,239
I know what's wrong
with this country.
500
00:24:20,284 --> 00:24:23,074
See, they try to
talk about there's crime. That ain't it.
501
00:24:23,113 --> 00:24:26,383
They talkin' about
it's unemployment, that ain't it.
502
00:24:26,421 --> 00:24:28,081
They talking about,
"There ain't enough jobs."
503
00:24:28,118 --> 00:24:29,508
You know what's
wrong with America?
504
00:24:29,555 --> 00:24:31,505
You ain't kicking
your kid's ass no more.
505
00:24:31,557 --> 00:24:33,597
That's what's wrong
with America.[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
506
00:24:33,646 --> 00:24:36,736
You ain't kicking
your kid's ass like you got your ass whooped.
507
00:24:36,779 --> 00:24:38,649
That's what's wrong.
You got... Listen to me.
508
00:24:38,694 --> 00:24:40,964
You got to go back
to the old school.
509
00:24:41,001 --> 00:24:43,741
You got...
Forget this new crap. This "discipline a child."
510
00:24:43,786 --> 00:24:47,616
You got to unload
on his little ass.
511
00:24:47,660 --> 00:24:51,230
I know what I'm talking
about 'cause I used to get my ass whooped e'erywhere.
512
00:24:51,272 --> 00:24:54,622
My old man...
Every... E'erywhere. I said it right, e'erywhere.
513
00:24:54,667 --> 00:24:57,057
See everywhere is
a whole lot of places.
514
00:24:57,104 --> 00:24:59,504
E'erywhere is wherever
the hell he felt like.
515
00:25:00,107 --> 00:25:01,457
That's why.
516
00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:03,110
'Cause my old man
had a simple motto,
517
00:25:03,153 --> 00:25:05,853
"Wherever you show out,
that's where you get worked out."
518
00:25:05,895 --> 00:25:07,845
And he wasn't playing either.
519
00:25:07,897 --> 00:25:11,117
You mess up in the grocery
store, he'd drown your ass in a gallon of milk.
520
00:25:15,557 --> 00:25:19,557
Can't even kick a kid's
ass in public no more. No, white people messed it up.
521
00:25:19,605 --> 00:25:21,605
Gave them little bastards
a 1-800 number.
522
00:25:21,650 --> 00:25:23,220
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
523
00:25:23,260 --> 00:25:25,180
They'll call in
on your ass, too.
524
00:25:25,219 --> 00:25:27,089
1-800, he whooppin' my ass!
525
00:25:29,397 --> 00:25:31,697
Wish they'd of had this number
when I was growing up.
526
00:25:31,747 --> 00:25:34,577
I'd a stayed on the phone.
527
00:25:34,620 --> 00:25:36,360
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
528
00:25:43,846 --> 00:25:46,496
"Hey! It's me!
529
00:25:46,545 --> 00:25:50,155
"You need to get
down here 'cause he about to kick my ass again!
530
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:54,070
"It'll be the little short
black man on the tree line with the skillet in his hand!"
531
00:25:55,989 --> 00:25:59,649
Goddamn kids got out of hand.
Then went over into rap too.
532
00:25:59,688 --> 00:26:01,998
Got new little
kitty-ass rap groups.
533
00:26:02,038 --> 00:26:03,998
Kriss Kross,
y'all like Kriss Kross?
534
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:07,220
AUDIENCE: [APPLAUDING] Yeah!I can't stand
them little rich-ass kids.
535
00:26:07,261 --> 00:26:09,521
Make me sick.
Thirty-five-years-old,
536
00:26:09,568 --> 00:26:12,008
I was 34 before
I got a credit card.
537
00:26:12,048 --> 00:26:15,488
They little punk-ass
making millions of dollars.
538
00:26:15,530 --> 00:26:17,580
Talkin' about some
damn "Jump, jump."
539
00:26:18,707 --> 00:26:20,097
Motherfucker...
540
00:26:20,143 --> 00:26:22,363
They got their clothes
on backwards, too.
541
00:26:22,406 --> 00:26:25,406
Your daddy would have
kicked your ass, you'd put your pants on backwards!
542
00:26:26,802 --> 00:26:28,892
Coming out here.
543
00:26:28,935 --> 00:26:30,495
And what else they going
to write a song about except Jump. Jump?
544
00:26:30,545 --> 00:26:32,105
They 13!
545
00:26:32,155 --> 00:26:34,285
Hell, they ain't
got the blues!
546
00:26:34,331 --> 00:26:37,421
They woman ain't left
them and they ain't no job.
547
00:26:37,465 --> 00:26:39,545
You damn right, jump jump.
548
00:26:39,598 --> 00:26:42,468
You got your pants
on backwards, it's time to go pee,
549
00:26:42,513 --> 00:26:43,953
it's goin' be some jumpin'.
550
00:26:45,516 --> 00:26:47,556
I'm Steve Harvey,
I'm out of here, yo.
551
00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:49,646
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING][MUSIC PLAYING]
552
00:26:59,618 --> 00:27:02,318
Steve Harvey, give it up.
Another round of applause.
553
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:04,579
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]
554
00:27:04,623 --> 00:27:06,893
Bring my man Russell Simmons
up here to say goodnight
555
00:27:06,929 --> 00:27:09,319
and thank you guys
for coming out.
556
00:27:11,020 --> 00:27:13,110
Thanks for coming out.
God bless you. Goodnight.
557
00:27:13,153 --> 00:27:14,763
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
558
00:27:14,807 --> 00:27:16,417
[MUSIC PLAYING]
559
00:27:22,771 --> 00:27:24,771
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
560
00:28:00,113 --> 00:28:02,163
[AUDIENCE CONTINUES CHEERING]
561
00:28:02,213 --> 00:28:06,763
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