All language subtitles for Def Comedy Jam s03e07.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt-PT Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,963 --> 00:00:10,143 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:10,184 --> 00:00:13,014 KID CAPRI: It's the Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam. 3 00:00:35,861 --> 00:00:37,211 KID CAPRI: Ladies and gentleman, 4 00:00:37,254 --> 00:00:40,484 put your hands together for my main man, 5 00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:43,698 Mr. Martin Lawrence! 6 00:00:44,957 --> 00:00:47,997 [MUSIC PLAYING] 7 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:51,088 AUDIENCE: Go Martin! Go Martin! Go Martin! 8 00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:55,658 Go Martin! Go Martin! Go Martin! Go Martin! 9 00:00:55,707 --> 00:00:57,617 Go Martin! Go Martin... 10 00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:02,280 Y'all ain't making me out to be no dancer. 11 00:01:03,628 --> 00:01:05,538 Wassup?AUDIENCE: Wassup? 12 00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:08,547 How my motherfuckers doing? 13 00:01:08,590 --> 00:01:11,510 That's right, you here to have a good time. Y'all feel good? 14 00:01:11,549 --> 00:01:13,679 AUDIENCE: Yeah!'Cause you look good. 15 00:01:13,725 --> 00:01:16,545 You know when you was playing that music, you see how good-looking... 16 00:01:16,598 --> 00:01:19,818 See how black people just go with the flow? They just smooth. 17 00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:22,262 I saw some white people. Y'all fuckin' it up, white lady. 18 00:01:22,299 --> 00:01:24,299 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING] 19 00:01:34,485 --> 00:01:37,225 I saw ya. 20 00:01:37,271 --> 00:01:40,931 Man, get your feet off my stage, man. Nah, I'm fuckin with you, man. 21 00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:44,150 Wassup! Give Kid Capri a round of applause, my man.AUDIENCE: Wassup? 22 00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:45,761 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING] 23 00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:50,808 You've changed, man. 24 00:01:50,849 --> 00:01:52,629 You got a big head now, Kid Capri. 25 00:01:53,896 --> 00:01:55,456 I don't wanna talk about it. 26 00:01:55,506 --> 00:01:57,026 Motherfuckers getting crazy out here. 27 00:01:57,073 --> 00:02:00,473 Who's the man who killed somebody on the job? 28 00:02:00,511 --> 00:02:03,471 Who's the motherfucker that came back to the job 29 00:02:03,514 --> 00:02:05,264 and killed everybody up in the bitch. 30 00:02:05,299 --> 00:02:06,599 You hear about that, anybody? 31 00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:08,778 AUDIENCE: Yeah.Motherfucker, was it... 32 00:02:08,824 --> 00:02:10,654 Motherfucker came back like this. 33 00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:12,605 [MIMICS GUN SHOTS] 34 00:02:12,654 --> 00:02:16,484 Shit, when you fire a motherfucker, don't let him back in. 35 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:21,400 I'm serious, man. Ain't... 36 00:02:21,445 --> 00:02:23,925 Fire a motherfucker, ain't do like black people too. Shit. 37 00:02:23,969 --> 00:02:26,539 It's a recession. You can't fire us. 38 00:02:26,581 --> 00:02:29,371 Black people like this, "I'm what? Okay." 39 00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:31,410 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING] 40 00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:40,196 Fuckers are crazy, man. 41 00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:42,814 [CHUCKLES] 42 00:02:42,858 --> 00:02:44,428 And black people, we make excuses when we get fired. 43 00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:46,598 Know we was wrong. 44 00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:49,524 See a white guy get fired... [IN MOCKING TONE] "Well, wait, okay. 45 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:53,260 "So, okay, the guy says that I'm late, okay. 46 00:02:53,303 --> 00:02:56,133 "But I fucking have excuses and I'm... 47 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:59,916 "This is bullshit. This is bullshit! 48 00:02:59,962 --> 00:03:01,962 "Fuckin' bullshit! 49 00:03:02,007 --> 00:03:04,617 "Well, I'll have your ass, you can best believe that! 50 00:03:04,662 --> 00:03:06,402 "This shit is going to court!" 51 00:03:07,622 --> 00:03:09,282 Black people don't do that shit. 52 00:03:09,319 --> 00:03:10,669 We're like, "Yeah." 53 00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:12,932 And we make excuses and, "Why you get fired?" 54 00:03:12,975 --> 00:03:16,275 "Well, uh, motherfuckers say that all... All right... 55 00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:20,326 "So, okay, I was late like, for five months, right? 56 00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:22,334 "But I had a motherfuckin' excuse. 57 00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:24,806 "There's a lot of traffic out there. I told the motherfucker, 58 00:03:24,856 --> 00:03:26,856 "'Do you want me to get there safe late? 59 00:03:26,902 --> 00:03:29,992 "'Or do you want me to get there hurt early, motherfucker?'" 60 00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:31,905 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 61 00:03:35,693 --> 00:03:38,833 Well, we gonna have a line-up today on this motherfuckin' show. 62 00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,740 We have a really good line-up. 63 00:03:40,785 --> 00:03:42,305 And I'm happy for some of the brothers that are on here. 64 00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:44,222 Now this first brother coming to the stage, 65 00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:46,267 and y'all keep that energy going 'cause you know what I'm saying? 66 00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:49,793 [STAMMERS] You guys are the ones who make us who we are. 67 00:03:50,839 --> 00:03:51,839 [DRUM BEAT] 68 00:03:52,971 --> 00:03:55,281 See. See. Damn it! 69 00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:58,282 See how Kid Capri knows me. We've been doing this long enough. 70 00:03:58,325 --> 00:03:59,275 [DRUM BEAT] 71 00:04:00,196 --> 00:04:02,626 [DRUM BEAT] 72 00:04:12,556 --> 00:04:14,556 Man, my motherfucker, boy. 73 00:04:15,559 --> 00:04:17,299 All right. [LAUGHS] 74 00:04:17,344 --> 00:04:19,304 Coming to the stage, all right. 75 00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:22,516 This brother making his home here in New York City. 76 00:04:22,566 --> 00:04:26,656 Brother's toured for... With a lot of the music stars and everything. 77 00:04:26,701 --> 00:04:29,141 Give it up for my man, Lenny Vornadoe. 78 00:04:29,181 --> 00:04:31,141 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING][MUSIC PLAYING] 79 00:04:34,926 --> 00:04:36,576 Give it up y'all. Martin Lawrence y'all! Give it up! 80 00:04:39,017 --> 00:04:41,237 How's everybody feel? 81 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,461 Actually, I'll tell you guys, I am so damn tired. 82 00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:45,150 Last night, some drunk 83 00:04:45,197 --> 00:04:47,847 naked woman was beating on my door about 5:00. 84 00:04:47,896 --> 00:04:49,416 Shit, I had to wake up and let her out. 85 00:04:49,463 --> 00:04:50,773 You know, I told her... 86 00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:52,682 You know 'cause... You know. 87 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,084 [EXCLAIMS] 88 00:04:56,121 --> 00:04:57,911 Shit's done got out of hand. 89 00:04:57,949 --> 00:04:59,559 I'm riding around New York City the other day, 90 00:04:59,603 --> 00:05:02,913 72-year-old prostitute jumps in the car with me. 91 00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:05,354 Seventy-two-year-old prostitute jumps in the car with me, talkin' about, 92 00:05:05,392 --> 00:05:08,742 "Ain't no shame in my game." I say, "No teeth in your mouth either." 93 00:05:10,745 --> 00:05:12,825 Has shit gotten out of hand or what? 94 00:05:12,877 --> 00:05:14,787 Had a man come up to me the other day and he goes, "Excuse me, sir, 95 00:05:14,836 --> 00:05:17,746 "but can you... Can you spare a dollar so I can get home?" 96 00:05:17,795 --> 00:05:19,225 I said, "A dollar?" 97 00:05:19,275 --> 00:05:20,965 I said, "Is that all you need?" 98 00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:22,966 I said, "It fuckin' sound like walking distance to me." 99 00:05:23,018 --> 00:05:25,148 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 100 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,994 Shit has gotten out of hand. 101 00:05:36,031 --> 00:05:37,771 But you must ask why and how. 102 00:05:37,815 --> 00:05:40,075 Don't go through life not knowing what's going on. 103 00:05:40,122 --> 00:05:41,782 Nothing but terrible shit. And before we go... 104 00:05:41,819 --> 00:05:44,039 Before we move along, let's have, on the count of three, 105 00:05:44,082 --> 00:05:46,002 a nice "see ya" to Mr. Bush. 106 00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:47,651 One, two, three. 107 00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:50,345 ALL: See ya! 108 00:05:50,393 --> 00:05:53,093 [EXCLAIMS] And wasn't Bush time was all fucked up, wasn't it? 109 00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:55,085 He wait to the end of his term 110 00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:58,397 to send the troops to Somalia to help the starving people. 111 00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:00,315 But what puzzled me about the whole situation 112 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,360 is that they still over there having babies. 113 00:06:02,405 --> 00:06:04,355 Now, I don't know about you people out here, 114 00:06:04,407 --> 00:06:07,017 but if I ain't had nothing to eat in two, three years... 115 00:06:07,062 --> 00:06:09,412 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 116 00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:11,236 Poontang would be the last thing on my mind. 117 00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:17,031 Shit can get out of hand. Nothing but terrible things in the news. 118 00:06:17,072 --> 00:06:19,942 Nothing in the news but rape, sex, drugs and violence. 119 00:06:19,988 --> 00:06:23,378 I said to myself, "I'm gonna stop reading the sports page altogether." 120 00:06:27,343 --> 00:06:29,003 Shit can get out of hand. 121 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,170 But you must ask why and how. 122 00:06:31,216 --> 00:06:33,436 And I know y'all read about them serial killers that's been sweeping the nation. 123 00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:34,830 Scared me! 124 00:06:34,872 --> 00:06:36,662 I didn't know what a serial killer was. 125 00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,350 I didn't eat breakfast for a month. 126 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,178 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 127 00:06:43,794 --> 00:06:46,844 I didn't. They said, "Lenny, what you want for breakfast?" "Nothing, honey." 128 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,669 But you saw this man Jeffrey Dahmer? 129 00:06:50,714 --> 00:06:53,244 The man chopped up 15 people and ate them. 130 00:06:53,282 --> 00:06:57,592 I think we should send his ass out to California and let Judge Wapner hear his case. 131 00:06:57,634 --> 00:06:59,554 Right? 'Cause you know when you gonna see Judge Wapner, 132 00:06:59,593 --> 00:07:01,123 if you ain't got no estimates and no receipts, 133 00:07:01,159 --> 00:07:02,939 you can kiss your ass goodbye. 134 00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:06,430 [EXCLAIMS] 135 00:07:06,469 --> 00:07:08,689 The man chopped up 15 people. 136 00:07:08,732 --> 00:07:12,082 Chopped 'em up, ate 'em up, pleaded insanity and went to jail. 137 00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:13,737 Mike Tyson ate one person. 138 00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:15,781 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING] 139 00:07:17,393 --> 00:07:18,393 [LAUGHS] 140 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,868 Huh? Huh? 141 00:07:22,877 --> 00:07:24,527 Shit's done got out of hand. 142 00:07:24,574 --> 00:07:25,844 And if that wasn't enough for you in the news, 143 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,060 I got sick of the Amy Fisher story. 144 00:07:28,099 --> 00:07:29,929 You know. I got sick of that. 145 00:07:29,971 --> 00:07:32,971 And I got sick of that Mary Jo Buttafuoco on the news. 146 00:07:33,017 --> 00:07:35,237 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 147 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,980 You know, with her mouth all twisted to the side, you know. 148 00:07:38,022 --> 00:07:42,202 "And she showed no remorse, Your Honor." 149 00:07:42,244 --> 00:07:44,734 I'm like, "Get the fuck off the news!" 150 00:07:44,768 --> 00:07:47,418 Thank you all, New York. Goodnight. Thank you. Peace. 151 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,767 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING][MUSIC PLAYING] 152 00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:00,348 [LAUGHS] 153 00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:02,182 All right. Coming to the stage, this is my man... 154 00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:05,140 Uh, in the first couple of years of In Living Color, 155 00:08:05,180 --> 00:08:08,440 he was a writer on there. I mean, you name it, he's done all the comedy specials. 156 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,528 Give it up for my man, Warren Thomas. 157 00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:12,397 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING][MUSIC PLAYING] 158 00:08:15,886 --> 00:08:18,186 Martin Lawrence, give it up for Martin Lawrence, ladies and gentleman. 159 00:08:18,236 --> 00:08:20,586 Doing a good job for y'all. What's up? 160 00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:22,720 I am thrilled to be here. 161 00:08:22,763 --> 00:08:25,113 You know, you ever go out with your ex? You ever go out with you ex? 162 00:08:25,156 --> 00:08:27,376 That's a good situation. 163 00:08:27,419 --> 00:08:29,549 'Cause you got nothin' to lose. They already know you're a fuck-up, right? 164 00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:31,246 You go out, you don't have to have money or nothing. 165 00:08:31,293 --> 00:08:32,863 Sit around, don't shower, don't shave. 166 00:08:32,903 --> 00:08:35,043 "Yeah, you got any money?" "Uh-uh." 167 00:08:35,079 --> 00:08:37,519 "Oh, same motherfucker, that's why I dropped you in the first place." 168 00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:39,130 'Cause you go out with somebody new, 169 00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:41,390 you gotta front it off like you all cool and shit. 170 00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:43,443 Gotta be acting all polite. 171 00:08:43,479 --> 00:08:45,349 [IN DEEP VOICE] "Let me get that door, let me do this for you. 172 00:08:45,394 --> 00:08:46,794 "Hey, Prince... Hey, nice hairstyle, is that a new dress? 173 00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:49,400 "I love your perfume." [EXCLAIMS] 174 00:08:49,441 --> 00:08:52,271 Like, "Who is this motherfucker. I don't know him." 175 00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:54,364 'Cause I'm on a date, and I said, "What would you like to have?" 176 00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:56,623 She said, "Well, I guess I'll have some steak and lobster 177 00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:59,536 "and a little bit of champagne, if it's imported." 178 00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:02,802 I said, "Guess again. [EXCLAIMS] Wrong answer. 179 00:09:02,846 --> 00:09:04,666 "The password's combo plate. 180 00:09:05,893 --> 00:09:08,643 "Combo plate." 181 00:09:08,678 --> 00:09:11,508 Ban gays in the military. You can't ban gays in the military. 182 00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,291 They always been there, always will be. 183 00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:15,205 I don't know what the fuck they problem is. 184 00:09:15,250 --> 00:09:17,820 If somebody want to defend the country, let them go do it. 185 00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:21,081 The fuck, I don't care if you got no arms no legs, throw a grenade with your mouth. 186 00:09:21,125 --> 00:09:23,475 I don't give a shit. [EXCLAIMS] "Kill all these motherfuckers." 187 00:09:23,519 --> 00:09:26,219 Like some gay guy goin' be in the military ready to shoot somebody and go, 188 00:09:26,261 --> 00:09:28,181 "Oh, my god, he's too cute to shoot. 189 00:09:28,219 --> 00:09:29,739 "Come here. 190 00:09:29,786 --> 00:09:32,086 "Come here! 191 00:09:32,136 --> 00:09:35,526 "I couldn't shoot you, not with that tight little butt look like a Clydesdale. 192 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:39,005 "Come here, kiss me, blow me. Let's do stuff. 193 00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:41,666 "Let's do lunch. What's your sign?" 194 00:09:41,711 --> 00:09:43,581 How are they gonna find out who the gays are in the military? 195 00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:44,976 They gonna show a picture of Denzel. 196 00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:48,199 Whoever gets a hard-on has to leave? 197 00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:50,679 "What do you think of that?" Boing. "Come here! Aah!" 198 00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:55,726 That's 'cause everybody all homophobic and shit, man. 199 00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:58,379 Somebody had spit on somebody who had AIDS, 200 00:09:58,423 --> 00:10:01,953 they arrested him for manslaughter. Attempted manslaughter. 201 00:10:01,992 --> 00:10:04,392 Let's change this crime. You can walk into a bank with no weapon. 202 00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:06,649 "I got HIV. Back off or I'm gonna spit. 203 00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:08,783 [COLLECTING SPIT FROM THROAT] 204 00:10:08,825 --> 00:10:12,045 "Fill up this sack with twenties. Don't make me use this, it's loaded. 205 00:10:12,089 --> 00:10:14,219 "Don't make me use it." 206 00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:16,615 "Put down the penis or we're gonna shoot." 207 00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:21,009 That's why they banned Magic out of the NBA. 208 00:10:21,055 --> 00:10:23,405 All the players was griping about Magic. 209 00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:25,058 I don't know too much about the disease, 210 00:10:25,102 --> 00:10:27,542 but I don't think you can get it playing basketball. 211 00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:30,243 I'd hate to see that game, "Magic with the ball, fakes left, fakes right, 212 00:10:30,281 --> 00:10:32,241 "dribbles down the lane, falls on top of a player! 213 00:10:32,283 --> 00:10:33,683 "Ooh! He penetrates him in the butt!" 214 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:36,240 "That's gotta hurt!" 215 00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:40,597 "Ooh, you hate to see that happen this early in the season. 216 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,640 "Marv Albert is courtside. Marv, did he penetrate him in the ass?" 217 00:10:43,686 --> 00:10:45,296 "Yes!" 218 00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:48,650 "He busted a nut in his ass. Back to you, Bob, yes!" 219 00:10:50,432 --> 00:10:54,002 "Ooh! You hate to see that happen!" 220 00:10:54,044 --> 00:10:57,744 Magic's crazy though, man. He's on that pussy tip really big. 221 00:10:57,787 --> 00:11:01,697 Magic had six women in bed at one time. 222 00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:04,098 Damn, I don't need that much pressure. 223 00:11:04,141 --> 00:11:07,011 I get two hard-ons, I'm calling my neighbor up. "Look, I got another one. 224 00:11:07,057 --> 00:11:09,447 "Come on over and look at it. I swear to God." 225 00:11:09,494 --> 00:11:11,714 Six people and you're in bed. "Hey, how you doin', baby?" 226 00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:13,928 "You all right? Did I grab your titties? All right, are your titties good? 227 00:11:13,977 --> 00:11:15,757 "How you doin'? All right, [EXCLAIMS] okay. Who didn't come? 228 00:11:15,805 --> 00:11:18,235 "If you didn't come, get on this side of the bed. 229 00:11:19,722 --> 00:11:21,552 "All right, I'm confused. 230 00:11:21,593 --> 00:11:23,683 "Are you doing it? Okay." You're bouncing people, spinning people. 231 00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:25,726 [MIMICS CIRCUS SONG] 232 00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:29,780 "Hey, how you doing, all right. Look, I'm confused. 233 00:11:29,819 --> 00:11:33,039 "If you didn't get a booty lick, get on this side of the pillow. 234 00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:34,963 "Fill out a number two form." 235 00:11:34,998 --> 00:11:36,648 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 236 00:11:38,045 --> 00:11:39,825 No idea what's going on. 237 00:11:39,873 --> 00:11:43,143 Wilt Chamberlain slept with 20,000 women. 238 00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:44,490 Twenty-thousand. 239 00:11:44,529 --> 00:11:46,749 That's a lot of nookie. 240 00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:49,883 I figured out my career, I don't have 20,000 strokes in my life. 241 00:11:49,926 --> 00:11:51,886 That's counting like, one, two. 242 00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:53,581 [CHUCKLES] 243 00:11:55,018 --> 00:11:57,108 Three, four. 244 00:11:57,151 --> 00:11:59,721 I don't think I'm up to 20,000. 245 00:11:59,762 --> 00:12:01,682 My girlfriend say, "I didn't have an orgasm." 246 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:04,381 I say, "It's an individual sport. I got mine, you get yours." 247 00:12:04,419 --> 00:12:06,459 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 248 00:12:06,508 --> 00:12:09,158 "Two pumps and a squirt, I'm watching Arsenio,baby." 249 00:12:14,211 --> 00:12:17,351 Ever try to get head on a date and be subtle about it? 250 00:12:17,388 --> 00:12:19,778 There's no way to do it. You always slip your hand behind their head. 251 00:12:19,826 --> 00:12:22,086 And then go like, kind of like this, 252 00:12:22,132 --> 00:12:24,872 like they don't notice a big hand pushing their head down towards your dick. 253 00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:26,828 "I wonder what he's doing?" 254 00:12:26,876 --> 00:12:31,006 It's like a big Nautilus workout plan, you know. 255 00:12:31,054 --> 00:12:33,754 "Yeah, I'm getting buffed for the revolution. Yeah, that's right. 256 00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:35,146 "That's right. 257 00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:37,409 "Getting buffed for the cause, uh-huh." 258 00:12:37,452 --> 00:12:38,932 And she's licking on... I always tell my girl, 259 00:12:38,975 --> 00:12:41,625 she got the biggest neck in the... [EXCLAIMS] 260 00:12:41,673 --> 00:12:43,723 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 261 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,503 "I still haven't sucked it. 262 00:12:45,547 --> 00:12:46,937 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 263 00:12:50,639 --> 00:12:52,859 "There will be no head here." 264 00:12:52,902 --> 00:12:56,172 She got a picture of her head with a slash over it in her bedroom. 265 00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:57,470 No head zone. 266 00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:02,085 There's a lot of crazy shit out there. 267 00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:04,389 You gotta be careful, keep your shit out, man. 268 00:13:04,435 --> 00:13:06,605 Crack and all that crazy shit. 269 00:13:06,655 --> 00:13:08,825 When I was kid, crack was when a fat guy come fix your washing machine, 270 00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:13,875 you could see his butt hole. That was crack and we was happy to have it. 271 00:13:13,923 --> 00:13:17,753 They be throwing you down. Look last year, when they had Willie Smith Kennedy guy. 272 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:21,237 Willie Kennedy Smith, raped this woman. They said he didn't. 273 00:13:21,278 --> 00:13:24,718 Then the same time, Mike got sent to jail. All fucked up. 274 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:27,070 Now the case is coming out like he really didn't do it. 275 00:13:27,110 --> 00:13:31,460 I mean it's hard. Mike is like 25, worth $60 million. Of course he has attitude. 276 00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:34,806 When I got my student loan, I was a dickhead for three weeks. 277 00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:38,507 I woke up saying, "I am king of the world, you will all be my slave." 278 00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:40,646 I mean, imagine being the heavyweight champion of the world. 279 00:13:40,689 --> 00:13:42,689 You know, I'd have attitude. 280 00:13:42,734 --> 00:13:44,784 I'd walk into a real nice restaurant, just put my dick in the butter tray. 281 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,174 "Who don't like my dick in the butter tray? 282 00:13:47,217 --> 00:13:50,217 I said, "Who don't like my dick in the butter dish?" 283 00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:53,924 "I don't mind, champ, can you move your nuts over so I can butter this roll?" 284 00:13:53,963 --> 00:13:55,533 You guys have been great. Thanks for coming out here. 285 00:13:55,573 --> 00:13:56,883 Peace. 286 00:13:56,923 --> 00:13:59,103 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]Thanks, everybody. 287 00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:05,848 Warren Thomas, give it up. 288 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,330 See, talent.AUDIENCE MEMBER 1: Yo! 289 00:14:12,373 --> 00:14:13,723 Hey...AUDIENCE MEMBER 2: Yo! 290 00:14:13,765 --> 00:14:15,195 AUDIENCE MEMBER 1: Yo!What? 291 00:14:15,245 --> 00:14:16,765 AUDIENCE MEMBER 1: Bring that camera up here. 292 00:14:16,812 --> 00:14:19,422 What? 293 00:14:19,467 --> 00:14:21,247 AUDIENCE MEMBER 1: Bring that camera up here.AUDIENCE MEMBER 3: You shut the fuck up! 294 00:14:21,295 --> 00:14:23,035 [LAUGHS][AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 295 00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:25,039 Motherfucker said, "Bring that camera up here." 296 00:14:25,081 --> 00:14:27,341 Y'all don't wanna be on TV, do you?AUDIENCE: Yeah. 297 00:14:27,388 --> 00:14:29,478 We saw you on the news last week. 298 00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:30,910 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 299 00:14:31,653 --> 00:14:32,653 [CHUCKLES] 300 00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:36,087 [AUDIENCE CONTINUES LAUGHING] 301 00:14:40,575 --> 00:14:44,405 All right, coming to the stage from Jacksonville, Florida. 302 00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:46,098 Give it up for Doo Doo Brown. 303 00:14:46,146 --> 00:14:48,366 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING][MUSIC PLAYING] 304 00:15:00,073 --> 00:15:02,123 What the fuck is that? 305 00:15:02,162 --> 00:15:03,512 What's up, New York? 306 00:15:03,554 --> 00:15:05,824 [AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS] 307 00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:07,521 No, fuck that. That ain't the New York motherfuckers been telling me about. 308 00:15:07,558 --> 00:15:09,388 What the fuck is up, New York? 309 00:15:09,430 --> 00:15:10,690 AUDIENCE: Wassup? 310 00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:12,385 Hell, yeah. 311 00:15:12,433 --> 00:15:14,393 You understand what I'm saying? 312 00:15:14,435 --> 00:15:16,385 Goddamn, I'm gonna start off letting you motherfuckers know, 313 00:15:17,525 --> 00:15:19,695 I don't fuck around! 314 00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:23,404 Oh, yeah, and some fine motherfuckers out here. 315 00:15:23,444 --> 00:15:26,494 Goddamn, some fine motherfuckers out here. 316 00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:28,494 Yo, let me start... Let me ask a question. 317 00:15:28,536 --> 00:15:30,796 How many brothers came out here with your girlfriend? 318 00:15:30,842 --> 00:15:33,542 Came out here with your girlfriend or you brought some lady here with you. 319 00:15:33,584 --> 00:15:36,024 Let me hear you clap. You brought a lady with you, let me hear you clap. 320 00:15:36,065 --> 00:15:38,365 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 321 00:15:38,415 --> 00:15:40,765 Sixteen stupid motherfuckers. 322 00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:42,249 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 323 00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:45,993 Stupid motherfuckers, yo. 324 00:15:47,337 --> 00:15:49,377 I'mma tell you, bro. 325 00:15:49,426 --> 00:15:50,726 My girl... 326 00:15:50,775 --> 00:15:52,945 She can't even ride with me, bro. 327 00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:55,997 No, mo. 328 00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:58,442 She can't even ride with me, bro. 329 00:15:58,479 --> 00:16:00,869 Too much stupid shit be jumpin' off when she with me. 330 00:16:00,916 --> 00:16:02,176 You understand what I'm saying? 331 00:16:02,222 --> 00:16:04,222 Oh, I, oh, bro, I don't fuck around. 332 00:16:04,267 --> 00:16:07,577 She get a kiss and a bus pass. I don't bullshit. 333 00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:09,528 She can't even ride with me, bro. 334 00:16:09,577 --> 00:16:11,747 Too much stupid shit be jumpin' off, dog. 335 00:16:11,796 --> 00:16:14,626 You know what I'm saying? Like the other day, bro, had her in the car with me. 336 00:16:14,669 --> 00:16:16,799 At the stop light. 337 00:16:16,845 --> 00:16:18,665 Motherfucker pulls up alongside of the... Yelling at a motherfucker. 338 00:16:18,716 --> 00:16:20,236 [SCREAMS] 339 00:16:20,283 --> 00:16:21,283 [EXCLAIMS] 340 00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:24,977 "You need to cut that zero 341 00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:28,808 "and get with this hero." 342 00:16:28,857 --> 00:16:33,427 He callin' me zero, bro don't even know me. 343 00:16:33,470 --> 00:16:36,910 'Cause he in a Benz and I'm in a Nova. That nigga don't me. 344 00:16:36,952 --> 00:16:38,302 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 345 00:16:40,303 --> 00:16:41,653 You know what I'm saying? My girl don't say nothing. 346 00:16:41,696 --> 00:16:44,386 Fuck it. I don't say nothin'. 347 00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:48,088 Nigga gets mad 'cause she ignoring his ass, pulls out his pistol. 348 00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:51,045 Wavin' it at my shit. 349 00:16:52,794 --> 00:16:56,104 "Hey! Hey, I ain't no motherfuckin' punk, bro." 350 00:16:56,145 --> 00:16:59,575 I'mma say something, bro. I said, "Hey, motherfucker! 351 00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:01,977 "You hear that man talking to you! 352 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,201 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 353 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:07,330 "What, you too cute to speak? 354 00:17:07,374 --> 00:17:10,554 "Well you better say something, goddamn. 355 00:17:12,205 --> 00:17:15,295 "Trying to get me fucked up." 356 00:17:15,338 --> 00:17:18,598 I don't fuck with her, bro, no more. 357 00:17:18,646 --> 00:17:20,906 She can't even ride with me, bro. 358 00:17:20,952 --> 00:17:22,782 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING] 359 00:17:25,522 --> 00:17:27,052 You understand what I'm sayin'? 360 00:17:30,658 --> 00:17:34,138 Y'all gotta excuse me, bro, I'm fucked up. You know what I'm sayin'? 361 00:17:34,183 --> 00:17:36,713 I don't give a fuck what time it is. 362 00:17:36,751 --> 00:17:38,061 I don't fuck around! 363 00:17:38,883 --> 00:17:40,233 Shit. 364 00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:42,096 I'm the real nigga's comedian, what's up? 365 00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:44,758 Yo, how many real niggas we got in the house? 366 00:17:44,802 --> 00:17:46,722 If you a real nigga, put your hand on your dick 367 00:17:46,761 --> 00:17:50,501 and let them motherfuckin' dogs loose. 368 00:17:50,547 --> 00:17:52,547 Ain't no real niggas in this motherfucker? 369 00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:55,157 Goddamn. 370 00:17:55,204 --> 00:17:57,384 I know we got some real niggas in here. 371 00:17:57,424 --> 00:17:59,954 Yo, all you real niggas... 372 00:17:59,991 --> 00:18:01,781 How many of you niggas eat pussy? 373 00:18:03,212 --> 00:18:05,652 If you eat pussy, let the dogs loose. 374 00:18:05,693 --> 00:18:07,483 [AUDIENCE MEMBERS WOOFING] 375 00:18:07,521 --> 00:18:10,831 Goddamn, look at the girls. Look it. "Who roof, girl, who roof? 376 00:18:10,872 --> 00:18:11,962 "Who roof?" 377 00:18:12,003 --> 00:18:13,743 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 378 00:18:13,788 --> 00:18:16,438 Damn, they up there got binoculars, "Was it him?" 379 00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:19,837 Oh, I don't fuck around. 380 00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:21,231 Niggas scared to roof. 381 00:18:21,274 --> 00:18:24,324 Niggas still scared to say they eat pussy, bro. 382 00:18:24,364 --> 00:18:26,894 I ain't scared to say it. You know why? 383 00:18:26,931 --> 00:18:28,191 AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Why? 384 00:18:28,237 --> 00:18:30,147 Cause I'm good at it, goddamn. 385 00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:31,366 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING] 386 00:18:31,414 --> 00:18:32,944 Oh, I don't fuck around! 387 00:18:33,938 --> 00:18:35,288 I don't fuck around! 388 00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:39,424 No, your man might fuck around. 389 00:18:39,466 --> 00:18:43,076 See what I'm saying? I ain't one of them little minute motherfuckers. 390 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,652 You know what I'm sayin'? 391 00:18:44,688 --> 00:18:46,648 I ain't one of them little minute motherfuckers. 392 00:18:46,690 --> 00:18:49,040 You know what I'm saying? Them niggas tried for a minute... 393 00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:50,354 And then they through. 394 00:18:51,739 --> 00:18:55,179 No, Doo Doo don't stop till you beg him to. 395 00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:56,871 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING] 396 00:18:56,918 --> 00:18:58,438 I don't fuck around! 397 00:19:00,095 --> 00:19:01,785 See what I'm sayin'? 398 00:19:01,836 --> 00:19:03,446 Oh, no, I don't fuck around. 399 00:19:03,490 --> 00:19:05,270 I get straight to the shit. 400 00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:08,280 Straight to the shit! 401 00:19:13,108 --> 00:19:14,848 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING] 402 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,460 [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 403 00:19:31,126 --> 00:19:33,816 Oh no, they don't call me Doo Doo for nothing. 404 00:19:33,868 --> 00:19:36,348 They don't call me Doo Doo Brown for nothing! 405 00:19:36,392 --> 00:19:40,272 Oh, no, I do toes, assholes and elbows. 406 00:19:40,309 --> 00:19:42,359 Give it to me. 407 00:19:42,398 --> 00:19:44,618 Peace, I'm Doo Doo motherfuckin' Brown. 408 00:19:44,661 --> 00:19:46,711 [MUSIC PLAYING][AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING] 409 00:20:03,332 --> 00:20:05,472 [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 410 00:20:07,423 --> 00:20:08,423 [LAUGHS] 411 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:13,429 "Toes, elbows and assholes." 412 00:20:13,473 --> 00:20:15,653 I don't give a shit. 413 00:20:15,692 --> 00:20:17,222 I ain't lickin' the asshole. 414 00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:19,349 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING] 415 00:20:19,392 --> 00:20:22,662 And you have doo doo crumbs all over this motherfucker. 416 00:20:22,699 --> 00:20:25,489 All right, coming to stage, he was on here before 417 00:20:25,528 --> 00:20:27,528 'cause Steve, you know, last time he was here, he rocked, 418 00:20:27,574 --> 00:20:29,184 and we brung him back again. 419 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,268 And he's gonna do it again and have fun with you guys. 420 00:20:31,317 --> 00:20:34,407 Also he's hosting Apollo now. Give it up for my man, Steve Harvey. 421 00:20:34,450 --> 00:20:36,630 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING][MUSIC PLAYING] 422 00:20:44,286 --> 00:20:46,806 New York, Def Jam, what's happenin'? 423 00:20:46,854 --> 00:20:48,644 Let's try it again. What's happenin'? 424 00:20:48,682 --> 00:20:50,772 AUDIENCE: Wassup?Look at y'all. 425 00:20:50,814 --> 00:20:53,694 [LAUGHS] Ain't you glad you black? 426 00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:55,690 Now, ain't you glad you black? 427 00:20:55,732 --> 00:20:57,472 AUDIENCE: [APPLAUDING] Yeah.Goddamn. 428 00:20:57,517 --> 00:20:59,297 I sit around all the day just thinking, 429 00:20:59,345 --> 00:21:02,085 "What would you do if your ass wasn't black no more?" 430 00:21:02,130 --> 00:21:04,000 Boy, you just have to... 431 00:21:04,045 --> 00:21:06,565 I was sitting on a plane with a white boy the other day. 432 00:21:06,613 --> 00:21:09,443 "You know, you're such a mixed-up people. 433 00:21:09,485 --> 00:21:11,005 "Some of you are lighter than the others." 434 00:21:11,052 --> 00:21:14,062 I don't give a damn, I'm black. "Look at you." 435 00:21:14,098 --> 00:21:16,668 Look at me. Look at my shit. 436 00:21:16,710 --> 00:21:18,970 Look, look, look at my shit. 437 00:21:19,016 --> 00:21:23,886 Look at how full it is. Look at the round nose, big nice-ass lips. 438 00:21:23,934 --> 00:21:26,374 You're damn right I'm black. Look at the profile. Look. 439 00:21:26,415 --> 00:21:28,325 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 440 00:21:28,374 --> 00:21:31,904 Look. Look how even the nose and lips are. Look at that. 441 00:21:31,942 --> 00:21:34,602 That's that black, that good shit. 442 00:21:34,641 --> 00:21:36,561 Ain't none of that European look. 443 00:21:36,599 --> 00:21:41,909 Big honk-ass nose sticking way out there. Mouth way back here somewhere. 444 00:21:41,952 --> 00:21:44,782 That's why there ain't more of them in the NBA. 445 00:21:44,825 --> 00:21:47,035 'Cause they ain't got no peripheral vision. 446 00:21:47,088 --> 00:21:51,008 They can't see cross that big honk-ass nose. 447 00:21:51,048 --> 00:21:54,658 You know, Magic used to bring it on the floor. Magic, come on the floor, ha! 448 00:21:56,402 --> 00:21:59,582 White boy come on the floor, gotta look right at you. 449 00:21:59,622 --> 00:22:01,622 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING] 450 00:22:07,674 --> 00:22:09,894 You know you black. Some advantages to being black. 451 00:22:09,937 --> 00:22:11,587 You gotta give it some thought. 452 00:22:11,634 --> 00:22:13,384 See, don't let them trip you out about your education, 453 00:22:13,419 --> 00:22:15,379 'cause they denied us that for years. 454 00:22:15,421 --> 00:22:18,381 But don't ever let them mess you up. Black folk got good old 455 00:22:18,424 --> 00:22:19,824 common-ass sense. 456 00:22:19,860 --> 00:22:22,120 You know what to do. 457 00:22:22,166 --> 00:22:25,646 'Cause there some things you know to do and some stuff you know not to do. 458 00:22:25,692 --> 00:22:27,612 You just know it automatically. 459 00:22:27,650 --> 00:22:29,910 Here are some things you probably ain't never thought about. 460 00:22:29,957 --> 00:22:32,437 Here are some things you ain't ever seen black people do. 461 00:22:32,481 --> 00:22:34,271 Ain't gonna ever see it and here it is. 462 00:22:35,615 --> 00:22:37,435 You ain't ever seen 463 00:22:37,486 --> 00:22:38,966 no black serial killer. 464 00:22:41,272 --> 00:22:44,452 You ain't never seen a black person go out and kill 16, 17 people. 465 00:22:44,493 --> 00:22:46,543 You know why? 'Cause we know better. 466 00:22:46,582 --> 00:22:48,282 We ain't got to go that far. 467 00:22:48,323 --> 00:22:50,723 Hell, we steal a hot dog, we gonna get life. 468 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:52,890 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING] 469 00:22:52,936 --> 00:22:55,416 White people don't know. White people wake up, go next door, 470 00:22:55,461 --> 00:22:57,071 and kill everybody in the house. 471 00:22:57,114 --> 00:22:59,334 Go to bed, catch a train, go across town, 472 00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:01,208 kill 15, 16 more people. 473 00:23:01,249 --> 00:23:03,689 You know why? 'Cause they don't know. 474 00:23:03,730 --> 00:23:05,560 They don't think they ass gonna go to jail. 475 00:23:05,601 --> 00:23:07,651 Shit they ain't went to jail for nothing else. 476 00:23:09,823 --> 00:23:13,173 Here's another one. You ain't ever see no black people 477 00:23:13,217 --> 00:23:15,307 out on a highway hitchhiking. 478 00:23:15,350 --> 00:23:18,350 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING] 479 00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:21,837 'Cause we know good and damn well we ain't getting no goddamn ride! 480 00:23:21,878 --> 00:23:23,918 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 481 00:23:31,497 --> 00:23:34,237 After a while, brother just be waving. "Wassup? 482 00:23:34,282 --> 00:23:37,462 [LAUGHS] "Nice tires, dog." 483 00:23:37,503 --> 00:23:39,373 'Cause we know, man. There's just stuff we can't do. 484 00:23:39,418 --> 00:23:41,938 You just saw the presidential debates, didn't you? 485 00:23:41,985 --> 00:23:44,635 That's another thing you don't ever see no black people doing. 486 00:23:44,684 --> 00:23:47,474 You ain't never see no black people on TV in no debate. 487 00:23:48,731 --> 00:23:50,951 That's 'cause we can't. 488 00:23:50,994 --> 00:23:52,874 We can't argue that long. 489 00:23:52,909 --> 00:23:54,429 See we argue four or five minutes 490 00:23:54,476 --> 00:23:56,436 then after that, hell, something gotta happen. 491 00:23:56,478 --> 00:23:58,478 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING] 492 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,960 The debate gonna end up in the parking lot. 493 00:24:05,444 --> 00:24:07,144 "What'd you say in there?" 494 00:24:08,838 --> 00:24:10,668 It ain't gonna happen. 495 00:24:10,710 --> 00:24:12,540 That whole presidential election talkin' about America, 496 00:24:12,581 --> 00:24:13,841 "What's wrong with America?" 497 00:24:13,887 --> 00:24:15,577 They debated about it. 498 00:24:15,628 --> 00:24:18,198 You could have saved them a whole... Could of just asked me. 499 00:24:18,239 --> 00:24:20,239 I know what's wrong with this country. 500 00:24:20,284 --> 00:24:23,074 See, they try to talk about there's crime. That ain't it. 501 00:24:23,113 --> 00:24:26,383 They talkin' about it's unemployment, that ain't it. 502 00:24:26,421 --> 00:24:28,081 They talking about, "There ain't enough jobs." 503 00:24:28,118 --> 00:24:29,508 You know what's wrong with America? 504 00:24:29,555 --> 00:24:31,505 You ain't kicking your kid's ass no more. 505 00:24:31,557 --> 00:24:33,597 That's what's wrong with America.[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 506 00:24:33,646 --> 00:24:36,736 You ain't kicking your kid's ass like you got your ass whooped. 507 00:24:36,779 --> 00:24:38,649 That's what's wrong. You got... Listen to me. 508 00:24:38,694 --> 00:24:40,964 You got to go back to the old school. 509 00:24:41,001 --> 00:24:43,741 You got... Forget this new crap. This "discipline a child." 510 00:24:43,786 --> 00:24:47,616 You got to unload on his little ass. 511 00:24:47,660 --> 00:24:51,230 I know what I'm talking about 'cause I used to get my ass whooped e'erywhere. 512 00:24:51,272 --> 00:24:54,622 My old man... Every... E'erywhere. I said it right, e'erywhere. 513 00:24:54,667 --> 00:24:57,057 See everywhere is a whole lot of places. 514 00:24:57,104 --> 00:24:59,504 E'erywhere is wherever the hell he felt like. 515 00:25:00,107 --> 00:25:01,457 That's why. 516 00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:03,110 'Cause my old man had a simple motto, 517 00:25:03,153 --> 00:25:05,853 "Wherever you show out, that's where you get worked out." 518 00:25:05,895 --> 00:25:07,845 And he wasn't playing either. 519 00:25:07,897 --> 00:25:11,117 You mess up in the grocery store, he'd drown your ass in a gallon of milk. 520 00:25:15,557 --> 00:25:19,557 Can't even kick a kid's ass in public no more. No, white people messed it up. 521 00:25:19,605 --> 00:25:21,605 Gave them little bastards a 1-800 number. 522 00:25:21,650 --> 00:25:23,220 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 523 00:25:23,260 --> 00:25:25,180 They'll call in on your ass, too. 524 00:25:25,219 --> 00:25:27,089 1-800, he whooppin' my ass! 525 00:25:29,397 --> 00:25:31,697 Wish they'd of had this number when I was growing up. 526 00:25:31,747 --> 00:25:34,577 I'd a stayed on the phone. 527 00:25:34,620 --> 00:25:36,360 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING] 528 00:25:43,846 --> 00:25:46,496 "Hey! It's me! 529 00:25:46,545 --> 00:25:50,155 "You need to get down here 'cause he about to kick my ass again! 530 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:54,070 "It'll be the little short black man on the tree line with the skillet in his hand!" 531 00:25:55,989 --> 00:25:59,649 Goddamn kids got out of hand. Then went over into rap too. 532 00:25:59,688 --> 00:26:01,998 Got new little kitty-ass rap groups. 533 00:26:02,038 --> 00:26:03,998 Kriss Kross, y'all like Kriss Kross? 534 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:07,220 AUDIENCE: [APPLAUDING] Yeah!I can't stand them little rich-ass kids. 535 00:26:07,261 --> 00:26:09,521 Make me sick. Thirty-five-years-old, 536 00:26:09,568 --> 00:26:12,008 I was 34 before I got a credit card. 537 00:26:12,048 --> 00:26:15,488 They little punk-ass making millions of dollars. 538 00:26:15,530 --> 00:26:17,580 Talkin' about some damn "Jump, jump." 539 00:26:18,707 --> 00:26:20,097 Motherfucker... 540 00:26:20,143 --> 00:26:22,363 They got their clothes on backwards, too. 541 00:26:22,406 --> 00:26:25,406 Your daddy would have kicked your ass, you'd put your pants on backwards! 542 00:26:26,802 --> 00:26:28,892 Coming out here. 543 00:26:28,935 --> 00:26:30,495 And what else they going to write a song about except Jump. Jump? 544 00:26:30,545 --> 00:26:32,105 They 13! 545 00:26:32,155 --> 00:26:34,285 Hell, they ain't got the blues! 546 00:26:34,331 --> 00:26:37,421 They woman ain't left them and they ain't no job. 547 00:26:37,465 --> 00:26:39,545 You damn right, jump jump. 548 00:26:39,598 --> 00:26:42,468 You got your pants on backwards, it's time to go pee, 549 00:26:42,513 --> 00:26:43,953 it's goin' be some jumpin'. 550 00:26:45,516 --> 00:26:47,556 I'm Steve Harvey, I'm out of here, yo. 551 00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:49,646 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING][MUSIC PLAYING] 552 00:26:59,618 --> 00:27:02,318 Steve Harvey, give it up. Another round of applause. 553 00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:04,579 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING] 554 00:27:04,623 --> 00:27:06,893 Bring my man Russell Simmons up here to say goodnight 555 00:27:06,929 --> 00:27:09,319 and thank you guys for coming out. 556 00:27:11,020 --> 00:27:13,110 Thanks for coming out. God bless you. Goodnight. 557 00:27:13,153 --> 00:27:14,763 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 558 00:27:14,807 --> 00:27:16,417 [MUSIC PLAYING] 559 00:27:22,771 --> 00:27:24,771 [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 560 00:28:00,113 --> 00:28:02,163 [AUDIENCE CONTINUES CHEERING] 561 00:28:02,213 --> 00:28:06,763 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 45389

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.