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00:00:06,963 --> 00:00:10,183
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
2
00:00:10,227 --> 00:00:13,397
KID CAPRI: It's the
Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam.
3
00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:38,211
Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together for my main man,
4
00:00:38,255 --> 00:00:42,215
Mr. Martin Lawrence.
5
00:00:42,259 --> 00:00:45,089
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
6
00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:47,402
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
7
00:00:50,093 --> 00:00:51,573
Yeah!
8
00:00:51,616 --> 00:00:53,836
Wassup?[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
9
00:00:53,879 --> 00:00:57,189
Oh, y'all come out
for these damn Def Jamsagain, don't y'all?
10
00:00:57,231 --> 00:00:58,711
Thank you.
11
00:00:58,754 --> 00:01:00,934
This is where we present
all the best young black...
12
00:01:00,973 --> 00:01:04,373
All right, all the best
young comedians all over the world.
13
00:01:04,412 --> 00:01:06,152
You know all the
white people going,
14
00:01:06,196 --> 00:01:07,106
[IN AMERICAN ACCENT]
"Why does it have to be black?
15
00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:09,244
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
16
00:01:09,286 --> 00:01:13,246
"We ain't seen none
on this motherfuckin' show."
17
00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:15,080
[NORMAL ACCENT]
I'm just having a lot of fuckin' fun, man.
18
00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:17,078
Now I gotta get these brothers
that keep rollin' up on me,
19
00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:18,990
askin' me questions
about Hollywood.
20
00:01:19,035 --> 00:01:22,295
Yes, Hollywood is Hollywood
but you can't get...
21
00:01:22,343 --> 00:01:24,953
Go follow that shit,
you'll be fucked up.
22
00:01:24,997 --> 00:01:28,217
Brothers keep runnin' on me,
"You fuckin' all them girls in Hollywood, man?"
23
00:01:28,262 --> 00:01:29,392
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
24
00:01:29,437 --> 00:01:30,697
Brothers asking
dumb questions,
25
00:01:30,742 --> 00:01:32,352
they don't even know
they asking that shit.
26
00:01:32,396 --> 00:01:35,656
Stopping you,
"Bro, come here for a minute.
27
00:01:35,704 --> 00:01:37,624
"Man, you fucking any of them
Envoguebitches, man?"
28
00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:40,012
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
29
00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:47,018
And there's people...
People try to come up to me like I've changed.
30
00:01:47,063 --> 00:01:48,593
You know, it's people that
changed on you.
31
00:01:48,630 --> 00:01:49,980
Friends that you thought
you had,
32
00:01:50,022 --> 00:01:51,372
you know, that was
cool with you.
33
00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:53,325
They... You could just say,
"What's up?" to them
34
00:01:53,374 --> 00:01:57,684
and they go...
"Oh! Oh, nigga, it's like that?
35
00:01:57,726 --> 00:01:59,156
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
36
00:01:59,206 --> 00:02:01,156
"I ain't wanna
touch your vibe."
37
00:02:01,208 --> 00:02:02,468
That's what
a brother told me,
38
00:02:02,513 --> 00:02:03,863
"I ain't wanna fuck
with your vibe.
39
00:02:03,906 --> 00:02:05,126
"I see you have
your people with you."
40
00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:07,168
'Cause you know,
I walk with buddies now.
41
00:02:07,214 --> 00:02:09,654
You know, I have friends
and people say it's security.
42
00:02:09,694 --> 00:02:12,834
But, you know, I have
to have security sometimes.
43
00:02:12,871 --> 00:02:15,221
There's some
crazy motherfuckers out here.
44
00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:17,305
Brothers be rolling up on you.
45
00:02:17,354 --> 00:02:19,184
They mean well,
but they just don't know what they doing to you.
46
00:02:19,226 --> 00:02:21,136
Brothers just...
47
00:02:21,184 --> 00:02:22,934
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
48
00:02:22,968 --> 00:02:26,188
I had a motherfucker, y'all,
come up to me in the airport.
49
00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:27,363
Called me...
50
00:02:27,408 --> 00:02:28,578
"Hey!"
51
00:02:32,195 --> 00:02:34,195
"You the Def Comedyman?"
52
00:02:34,241 --> 00:02:35,681
I said, "Yeah."
He come up.
53
00:02:37,069 --> 00:02:39,029
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
54
00:02:41,248 --> 00:02:43,248
I'm like, "What the fuck
you want, man?"
55
00:02:45,252 --> 00:02:47,732
I ain't trippin' off nothin',
I'm just havin' a good time.
56
00:02:47,776 --> 00:02:49,686
And you guys
have always been a good audience.
57
00:02:49,734 --> 00:02:51,564
And these comics that
come out for you,
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00:02:51,606 --> 00:02:53,296
they're coming out
'cause they're expressing themselves.
59
00:02:53,347 --> 00:02:54,697
These are brothers
that are in the neighborhood
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00:02:54,739 --> 00:02:55,869
and they letting
the shit out,
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00:02:55,914 --> 00:02:57,874
they bloatin' it out for you.
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00:02:57,916 --> 00:02:59,786
You know,
and you made it possible.
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00:02:59,831 --> 00:03:01,181
Hi, white lady in the back.
64
00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:03,274
I see ya.
You didn't think I'd see ya.
65
00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:05,493
How you doing?
Are you with a brother?
66
00:03:05,533 --> 00:03:08,453
You with a black man?
Yeah, you! Yes, you!
67
00:03:08,492 --> 00:03:10,672
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
68
00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:12,242
Why do white people
never sit up front,
69
00:03:12,279 --> 00:03:14,889
we're not gonna
bother y'all. Huh?
70
00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:16,413
They wouldn't
let me sit in front.
71
00:03:16,457 --> 00:03:18,367
They wouldn't let you
sit up front? Come here.
72
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:20,455
I'm gonna show you.
I'm gonna show America what's going on.
73
00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:26,545
Hi, America.
Come on up here, come on.
74
00:03:26,597 --> 00:03:27,897
You're gonna be on TV.[CHUCKLES]
75
00:03:27,946 --> 00:03:29,856
Look at the camera...
76
00:03:29,905 --> 00:03:33,425
...and say to
all of the white people all over America...
77
00:03:33,474 --> 00:03:35,484
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]Say it.
78
00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:39,349
Say, "I love Def Comedy Jam
and you can love it too."
79
00:03:39,393 --> 00:03:41,263
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
80
00:03:42,918 --> 00:03:47,138
Say it, talk to your people,
come on.
81
00:03:47,183 --> 00:03:48,713
All right, go ahead
and sit down.
82
00:03:50,447 --> 00:03:52,277
Got some ass for you, too,
next time you come.
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00:03:52,319 --> 00:03:53,969
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
84
00:03:57,672 --> 00:03:59,112
[LAUGHS]
85
00:03:59,151 --> 00:04:02,201
Oh, I'm just...
I'm just playin' with you.
86
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,982
Stop it! Stop.
Hey. Hey, hey.
87
00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:08,339
I'm just playin'.
88
00:04:11,425 --> 00:04:14,115
I'm just joking.
'Cause you know white people lookin' at this
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00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:16,076
gonna be at home going,
[AMERICAN ACCENT] "See, he didn't have to...
90
00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:18,075
"Fucking nigger
didn't have to do that.
91
00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:20,127
"He didn't have to fucking...
92
00:04:20,172 --> 00:04:21,872
"Turn the fucking channel!"
93
00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:23,263
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
94
00:04:27,528 --> 00:04:29,178
[NORMAL ACCENT] Just joking.
95
00:04:30,661 --> 00:04:32,881
But you know it's true.
I mean...
96
00:04:32,924 --> 00:04:36,014
It ain't y'all fault.
Y'all don't have ass, white people don't have ass.
97
00:04:36,058 --> 00:04:37,798
Remember Michael Douglas?
98
00:04:37,842 --> 00:04:39,412
Did anybody see
Basic Instinct?AUDIENCE: Yeah.
99
00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:41,153
He had the nerve
to go butt naked.
100
00:04:41,193 --> 00:04:43,153
And walking around
talking about...
101
00:04:43,195 --> 00:04:45,195
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
102
00:04:47,374 --> 00:04:50,164
Ass looked like somebody
hit him with a book bag, didn't it?
103
00:04:50,202 --> 00:04:51,202
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
104
00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:57,557
Black people, we have ass.
105
00:04:57,601 --> 00:05:01,171
When women...
When we make love to our ladies, they grip ass.
106
00:05:01,213 --> 00:05:02,783
Like this.
107
00:05:02,824 --> 00:05:04,264
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
108
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,184
"Come on, nigga,
do your shit."
109
00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:10,475
So, yo, y'all keep
that energy going.
110
00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:13,177
Coming to the stage,
this is the second time on the show,
111
00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:15,265
'cause last time
he was here, he just rocked.
112
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,395
He rocked.
He was ready to show his ass to the world,
113
00:05:17,447 --> 00:05:19,877
but we told him
to keep his pants up. But I don't know.
114
00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:21,798
This is my man though,
very funny brother.
115
00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:24,063
Give it up for...
Everybody's my man... [LAUGHS]
116
00:05:24,106 --> 00:05:26,016
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
117
00:05:26,064 --> 00:05:28,074
You know what I'm saying,
I got a lot of friends. [LAUGHS]
118
00:05:28,110 --> 00:05:30,680
No, this is my man.
Give it up for my man, Chriss Charles.
119
00:05:30,721 --> 00:05:33,901
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
120
00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:36,382
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
121
00:05:39,774 --> 00:05:42,434
Can I get
an "ah-yeah"?AUDIENCE: Ah-yeah.
122
00:05:42,472 --> 00:05:44,212
See now,
I had this problem last time.
123
00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:46,346
Can I get a motherfuckin'
ah-yeah?
124
00:05:46,389 --> 00:05:48,039
AUDIENCE: [LOUDLY] Ah-yeah.
125
00:05:48,086 --> 00:05:50,046
Damn, that's all
a nigga want.
126
00:05:50,088 --> 00:05:51,438
I just wanted an ah-yeah.
127
00:05:52,787 --> 00:05:54,397
What's up, black?
How you doin'?
128
00:05:54,441 --> 00:05:56,881
You look like you'd rob
a motherfucker in a minute.
129
00:05:56,921 --> 00:05:59,231
Look at this...
I don't trust, man, black people...
130
00:05:59,271 --> 00:06:02,321
Actually I'm from the '70s.
I remember, man, when people would at least wait
131
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:05,062
until you
parked your shit and break into your car, right?
132
00:06:05,103 --> 00:06:06,843
You know what I mean?
133
00:06:06,888 --> 00:06:09,368
Thieves are lazy.
They wait until you get your shit warmed up.
134
00:06:09,412 --> 00:06:10,672
You can't even stop
at a light
135
00:06:10,718 --> 00:06:12,068
and then you get
your motherfucker...
136
00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:13,420
[STUTTERING]
"Get out the car."
137
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:14,720
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
138
00:06:14,765 --> 00:06:16,715
Fuck you, nigga,
go on please. Shit.
139
00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:20,077
That's fucked up,
we need to go back to some basic shit.
140
00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:21,948
We all fucked up
in the mind.
141
00:06:21,990 --> 00:06:23,560
It's this music.
Records are getting us fucked up, man.
142
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,300
I don't even like listening
to music no more.
143
00:06:25,341 --> 00:06:26,731
I can't stand it.
I used to love Sade,
144
00:06:26,777 --> 00:06:28,867
but that bitch
is so depressing,
145
00:06:28,910 --> 00:06:31,740
you'd fucking cut your wrists
listening to one of her albums, man.
146
00:06:31,782 --> 00:06:34,092
Sade... And you know what.
I... I started checking out...
147
00:06:34,132 --> 00:06:35,662
See, that's why I smoke weed.
148
00:06:35,699 --> 00:06:37,439
'Cause I notice shit
when I smoke weed. You know what?
149
00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:40,444
You know, I noticed.
Ah, motherfuckin', yeah. Check this out.
150
00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:43,747
I noticed there ain't
never been no black men in none of Sade's videos.
151
00:06:43,794 --> 00:06:46,104
Always white men.
152
00:06:46,144 --> 00:06:48,414
Now the bitch is a mermaid.
Did you check that out? She's a fucking mermaid.
153
00:06:48,451 --> 00:06:50,711
She's all depressed
in the bottom of the fucking ocean.
154
00:06:50,758 --> 00:06:53,278
She gets out the ocean,
chasing this white man across the...
155
00:06:53,325 --> 00:06:55,105
I hope the bitch trip
and drown, fuck her.
156
00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:56,943
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
157
00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:02,287
See, 'cause that kind of shit
gets the women confused.
158
00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:04,644
Like Mary J. Blige
going around singing, Real Love.
159
00:07:04,685 --> 00:07:06,685
What the fuck is real love?
160
00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:08,170
See, y'all always
asking niggas for some shit you know we can't give you.
161
00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:09,780
'Cause we don't
comprehend what's...
162
00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:11,610
I can ask any woman
up in here what real love is,
163
00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:13,078
she won't be able
to tell me.
164
00:07:13,128 --> 00:07:15,128
What's real love?
You don't know. You're like,
165
00:07:15,173 --> 00:07:16,743
"If I knew what real love is,
I wouldn't be with this bitch."
166
00:07:16,784 --> 00:07:18,264
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
167
00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:20,314
What's real love?
168
00:07:20,352 --> 00:07:21,482
It's when
you love somebody.
169
00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:23,228
"It's when you love..."
What the...
170
00:07:23,268 --> 00:07:24,528
Get out.
171
00:07:24,574 --> 00:07:26,184
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
172
00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:32,356
That ain't got shit to do
to do with real... "When you love somebody."
173
00:07:32,408 --> 00:07:34,668
That's... I should hit you
with this damn stand.
174
00:07:34,715 --> 00:07:36,625
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
175
00:07:36,673 --> 00:07:39,683
I'll tell you what used
to be motherfuckin' real love.
176
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,240
See, I don't believe
in love.
177
00:07:41,286 --> 00:07:43,106
I used to believe in love,
but love is like a high.
178
00:07:43,158 --> 00:07:45,158
Love will cut out on your ass
when you're having the best...
179
00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:47,163
When you start having fun,
love is gone.
180
00:07:47,205 --> 00:07:49,635
Smoking a joint
and police roll up on you, the high is gone.
181
00:07:49,686 --> 00:07:50,686
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
182
00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:54,080
That's how
fucking love is, man.
183
00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:55,515
Love don't stick around
for you motherfucker...
184
00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:57,832
Love will trick your ass
into giving up some shit
185
00:07:57,868 --> 00:07:59,648
and in a minute,
it's just gone.
186
00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:02,436
Fuck that. I'd rather have
a girl that can fuck me good
187
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:03,832
than give me some real love.
188
00:08:03,874 --> 00:08:05,314
And give me some head.
That's all I want.
189
00:08:05,354 --> 00:08:06,794
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
190
00:08:06,834 --> 00:08:08,184
Can I get an ah-yeah, brother?
You know it...
191
00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:10,226
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
192
00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:11,532
See the thing is,
193
00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:14,278
I believe that...
194
00:08:14,319 --> 00:08:16,319
See, I like giving
head to women.
195
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:19,625
My thing is, if I do you,
you should be able to do me.
196
00:08:19,673 --> 00:08:21,373
That's called recycling.
What's wrong with that?
197
00:08:21,413 --> 00:08:23,503
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
198
00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:28,684
And don't be experimenting
down up in here,
199
00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:30,635
if you don't know
what you're doin'.
200
00:08:30,684 --> 00:08:32,424
Don't be sittin' there
reading Essence and Cosmopolitan
201
00:08:32,468 --> 00:08:33,688
and be telling them
shit to do
202
00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:35,430
that's supposed
to be erotic.
203
00:08:35,471 --> 00:08:38,041
Like suckin' on the balls.
You don't suck on no balls.
204
00:08:38,082 --> 00:08:39,652
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
205
00:08:39,693 --> 00:08:41,393
Who told you
suckin' on the balls felt good?
206
00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:44,223
That's why they got wrinkles.
So they can hang, hang.
207
00:08:44,262 --> 00:08:46,262
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
208
00:08:49,093 --> 00:08:52,053
Oh, you may go
down there and blow... [BLOWING]
209
00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:53,876
But you don't...
[SUCKING] Ah!
210
00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:55,324
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
211
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:56,800
Have a brother
walking home like a crab.
212
00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,890
They don't do that. No.
213
00:08:58,929 --> 00:09:00,709
And you gotta be careful
with your shit.
214
00:09:00,757 --> 00:09:03,587
You gotta be careful.
You have to practice safe sex.
215
00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:06,330
You just
can't be lackadaisical about it no more
216
00:09:06,371 --> 00:09:08,071
like we used to be
back in the day.
217
00:09:08,112 --> 00:09:10,252
You gotta practice safe sex.
218
00:09:10,288 --> 00:09:12,768
There are a few ways
that brothers and sisters can practice safe sex.
219
00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:15,383
One, talk to the sisters.
Sisters.
220
00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:19,694
Don't be afraid to take out
the dick, the penis, whatever. Look at it.
221
00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:21,473
Put it in the light,
say, "Hey."
222
00:09:21,517 --> 00:09:23,207
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
223
00:09:26,087 --> 00:09:28,217
Sniff it. [SNIFFS]
224
00:09:28,263 --> 00:09:31,353
If it smell like booty,
something wrong with his motherfucker.
225
00:09:31,396 --> 00:09:32,616
Give it the flex test.
226
00:09:33,703 --> 00:09:35,143
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
227
00:09:35,183 --> 00:09:37,713
If it don't spring back,
something's wrong with it.
228
00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:40,621
Same thing, fellas.
You gotta practice safe sex,
229
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,757
'cause there's stuff
out there knockin' brothers out.
230
00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:44,109
Do you know
how you can do that?
231
00:09:44,148 --> 00:09:45,318
Simple. Go in the room,
232
00:09:45,367 --> 00:09:46,627
be a man,
beat on your chest,
233
00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:48,153
kick down the door
and tell her,
234
00:09:48,196 --> 00:09:49,626
"Spread 'em out,
get 'em up."
235
00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,156
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
236
00:09:59,816 --> 00:10:01,596
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
237
00:10:16,006 --> 00:10:17,656
You don't wanna get
that smell on you,
238
00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:18,974
'cause if you fuck around
and get that shit on you,
239
00:10:19,009 --> 00:10:20,319
cats will be following
your ass home.
240
00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:22,488
[IMITATES CAT PURRING]
241
00:10:22,534 --> 00:10:24,754
You gotta ask questions.
'Cause sometimes you may have a cold
242
00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:26,708
and your senses
would be kinda messed up.
243
00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:28,666
You gotta ask the woman,
"When's the last time you made love?"
244
00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:31,845
She'll always tell you
six months, they always lyin'.
245
00:10:31,892 --> 00:10:34,072
You know how
you can catch 'em?
246
00:10:34,111 --> 00:10:37,161
Yeah, you ever been
in a real tight space? There's no echo or nothin'?
247
00:10:37,201 --> 00:10:40,161
You been in a real,
open space and shit echo. Just be... "Hey!"
248
00:10:42,859 --> 00:10:44,949
About six months,
you're telling the truth.
249
00:10:44,992 --> 00:10:47,822
But if you yell
up in there, "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
250
00:10:47,864 --> 00:10:50,264
"hey, hey! What up!"
251
00:10:50,301 --> 00:10:51,871
[LAUGHING]
252
00:10:51,912 --> 00:10:53,702
Yo, my name is
Chriss Charles. Peace.
253
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:55,000
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
254
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,193
Kid Capri.
255
00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:07,189
Give him a round of applause,
my man, Kid Capri.
256
00:11:07,231 --> 00:11:09,061
[AUDIENCE APPLAUD]
257
00:11:09,973 --> 00:11:12,453
You changed, man.
258
00:11:12,497 --> 00:11:14,977
Success didn't go
to your head, did it, Kid Capri?
259
00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:16,592
'Cause you blew up.
260
00:11:16,632 --> 00:11:18,422
And the world
knows that now.
261
00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:20,640
You are Kid Capri.
262
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,640
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
263
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,902
Better not be doing
no show in no cape and no shit like that.
264
00:11:27,251 --> 00:11:29,041
[MARTIN CHUCKLES]
265
00:11:29,079 --> 00:11:31,299
Coming to the stage.
This brother... Every time I...
266
00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:33,042
The one thing I like
about this brother is...
267
00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:34,963
Anything... You talk
about persistence
268
00:11:34,998 --> 00:11:36,738
and somebody
working out,
269
00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:38,743
and it's a lot of comments
and people say that they wanna...
270
00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:40,255
They wanna make it
in this business
271
00:11:40,308 --> 00:11:42,178
and they wanna grow
to be big or whatever.
272
00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:44,053
And no matter what,
anything you do,
273
00:11:44,094 --> 00:11:46,054
it takes hard work.
You gotta work at it, work at it.
274
00:11:46,096 --> 00:11:48,446
And every time I see
this brother, he's out in the clubs,
275
00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:50,800
just tyrin', tryin',
working hard, working hard.
276
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,890
And he's getting
better and better, makin' them laugh.
277
00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:54,319
So I know you're
gonna enjoy the brother,
278
00:11:54,365 --> 00:11:55,925
cause he's
from Los Angeles, California.
279
00:11:55,976 --> 00:11:57,756
So give it up for D'Militant.
280
00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:03,463
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
281
00:12:12,383 --> 00:12:14,303
Well, assalam-alaikum.
282
00:12:14,342 --> 00:12:15,782
AUDIENCE: Walaikum-assalam.
283
00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:18,302
Hello, brothers, sisters
and the rest of ya.
284
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,830
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
285
00:12:22,872 --> 00:12:26,442
So, it's 1993 and we got
a new president.
286
00:12:26,484 --> 00:12:28,274
I don't trust him.
287
00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:32,492
I don't trust any man
that says he smoked dope but didn't inhale.
288
00:12:32,534 --> 00:12:37,234
That's like a punk
sayin' he sucked dick and didn't swallow.
289
00:12:37,278 --> 00:12:40,058
See, Clinton needs
to take care of the situation in the hood,
290
00:12:40,107 --> 00:12:41,457
'cause you can't go nowhere.
291
00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:43,759
I was out 6:00 a.m.
the other morning,
292
00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:45,766
here come a damn panhandler
293
00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:47,848
talking about,
"Excuse me, brother,
294
00:12:47,897 --> 00:12:50,857
"can you give me
some money so I can get something to eat?"
295
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:52,820
I'm like, "Motherfucker,
if you wasn't up so early
296
00:12:52,859 --> 00:12:54,079
"you wouldn't need
nothin' to eat.
297
00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:57,652
"Get your ass
back in that box."
298
00:12:57,689 --> 00:12:59,209
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
299
00:13:06,568 --> 00:13:08,878
And then you got
motherfuckers walking across the street
300
00:13:08,918 --> 00:13:11,878
like they got an airbag
up in their ass.
301
00:13:11,921 --> 00:13:15,491
See, when the light
turns green, I'm ready to drive a militant mobile.
302
00:13:15,533 --> 00:13:17,973
I don't got time
for no shithead in an intersection
303
00:13:18,014 --> 00:13:20,324
talking about,
"Yeah, punk, that's right.
304
00:13:20,364 --> 00:13:24,764
"I'ma take my time
and if you hit me, I'll sue."
305
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,894
Shit, not if I hit you
hard enough.
306
00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:28,196
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
307
00:13:31,114 --> 00:13:33,254
Oh, the drivers are worse,
308
00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:36,470
'cause coming up here tonight,
some Asian comes slamming into my car.
309
00:13:36,511 --> 00:13:39,041
Cool, new wave Chinaman.
Got out.
310
00:13:39,731 --> 00:13:41,431
"Oh!
311
00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:47,302
"Oh, that's fucked up,
black soul brother, yo, yo."
312
00:13:47,348 --> 00:13:50,528
Ridin' around, eyes so tight
you can blindfold 'em with speaker wire.
313
00:13:57,271 --> 00:13:59,971
But the main problem
the black man got is racism.
314
00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:02,713
And to me, racism's bullshit
'cause it's hypocritical.
315
00:14:02,754 --> 00:14:04,894
Now check this shit out.
316
00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:07,851
You got white boys
that hate black people but they fuckin' black women.
317
00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:11,330
Brothers can't stand
white folks strokin' white girls.
318
00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:13,902
Shit's so crazy
you could have people come from Mars,
319
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:15,330
everybody could hate 'em.
320
00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:16,896
But I bet you
my last bean pie,
321
00:14:16,943 --> 00:14:18,683
somebody's gonna fuck
one of them green bitches.
322
00:14:18,727 --> 00:14:19,897
[LAUGHING]
323
00:14:23,645 --> 00:14:28,035
Yeah, racism's crazy.
They give us these bullshit role models to look up to.
324
00:14:28,084 --> 00:14:31,044
Confused motherfuckers
like Michael Jackson,
325
00:14:31,087 --> 00:14:33,047
talking about black or white,
black or white.
326
00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:34,919
That fucker look like chalk.
327
00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:36,571
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
328
00:14:38,181 --> 00:14:39,531
Shit, man, I'm telling ya,
329
00:14:39,574 --> 00:14:42,664
we've been hoodwinked,
bamboozled, led astray.
330
00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:44,617
Sisters charging brothers up.
331
00:14:44,666 --> 00:14:46,186
I went out to a club
the other night,
332
00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:48,673
fine little honey asked me
to buy her a drink.
333
00:14:48,713 --> 00:14:50,633
She had a big ass,
so I did it.
334
00:14:50,672 --> 00:14:52,242
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
335
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,936
Now, the drink get there
and she talkin' about,
336
00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:01,805
"I hope you don't mind,
but I'd like to be left alone."
337
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:04,030
Ain't that a bitch?
338
00:15:04,077 --> 00:15:05,507
Oh, I didn't argue with her.
339
00:15:05,556 --> 00:15:06,856
I just drank her drink
and left. "See ya."
340
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,556
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
341
00:15:10,431 --> 00:15:12,521
'Cause I can't afford
to get charged.
342
00:15:12,563 --> 00:15:16,093
Being a militant
ain't paying too well these days.
343
00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:19,182
Uh, dashiki sales are down
like a motherfucker.
344
00:15:19,222 --> 00:15:20,882
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
345
00:15:23,705 --> 00:15:25,875
Besides, you gotta be careful
who you're fucking with anyway,
346
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,315
'cause you got all these
diseases going around.
347
00:15:28,362 --> 00:15:31,972
And what bothers me
is they blame diseases on the black man.
348
00:15:32,018 --> 00:15:34,058
Talking about,
[BRITISH ACCENT] "Oh, it was Haitians.
349
00:15:34,107 --> 00:15:36,237
"They were fucking monkeys."
350
00:15:36,283 --> 00:15:37,683
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
351
00:15:37,719 --> 00:15:39,329
[NORMAL ACCENT]
Man, that's bullshit.
352
00:15:39,373 --> 00:15:41,203
I'ma tell y'all
from personal experience,
353
00:15:41,244 --> 00:15:43,514
monkeys don't let you
get close enough to fuck.
354
00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:44,861
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
355
00:15:53,213 --> 00:15:54,873
And I love fuckin'.
356
00:15:54,910 --> 00:15:57,000
Cause I love sisters.
357
00:15:57,043 --> 00:15:58,443
'Cause sisters go through
a lot of trouble to look good for brothers.
358
00:15:58,479 --> 00:16:00,829
I mean, hair, nails,
make-up, clothes.
359
00:16:00,872 --> 00:16:02,832
Go out looking for
a halfway decent guy...
360
00:16:02,874 --> 00:16:04,834
Who's the first one
to hit on you, ladies?
361
00:16:04,876 --> 00:16:06,136
Musty man!
362
00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:08,142
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
363
00:16:08,184 --> 00:16:09,664
Brothers gonna be all
in your face,
364
00:16:09,707 --> 00:16:11,487
"Hey, what's happening, baby?
I'm musty man.
365
00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:14,015
"And I don't fake the funk."
366
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:18,020
And musty man
is one of these brothers with fucked-up dental work.
367
00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:21,854
I'm talking about rows
of teeth just spilling out their mouth.
368
00:16:21,893 --> 00:16:23,903
Teeth just fighting
for position.
369
00:16:23,939 --> 00:16:25,509
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
370
00:16:32,687 --> 00:16:34,517
Gotta be careful
who you fucking with, fellas.
371
00:16:34,558 --> 00:16:36,388
Women don't play no more.
372
00:16:36,430 --> 00:16:38,170
In relationships,
they get tired of your ass nowadays.
373
00:16:38,214 --> 00:16:40,264
They drop you
like it ain't shit!
374
00:16:40,303 --> 00:16:43,183
Hell, they'll have their
new boyfriend call and tell you it's over.
375
00:16:43,219 --> 00:16:46,219
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
376
00:16:46,266 --> 00:16:48,306
And they always gotta
have a smart-ass comment.
377
00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:49,695
'Cause I'm the kind
of brother, man,
378
00:16:49,747 --> 00:16:51,577
I like to talk shit
while I'm fuckin'.
379
00:16:51,619 --> 00:16:53,099
I'll be poppin'
and talkin' about, "Whose is it, baby?
380
00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:54,672
"Come on, now. Tell me now.
Whose is it? Whose is it?"
381
00:16:54,709 --> 00:16:56,059
[MOANS]
382
00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:57,062
[FEMININE VOICE]
"You don't know him."
383
00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:58,973
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
384
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,888
[NORMAL ACCENT]
I'm D'Militant, talk with you next time.
385
00:17:00,932 --> 00:17:02,762
[MUSIC PLAYING][AUDIENCE CHEERING]
386
00:17:08,897 --> 00:17:11,897
Give him another round
of applause. Yo!
387
00:17:11,943 --> 00:17:13,383
[MUSIC STOPS]
388
00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:20,038
Michael Jackson, if you're
watching Def Comedy Jam,
389
00:17:20,082 --> 00:17:21,692
I know you're thinking
everybody's messing with ya.
390
00:17:21,736 --> 00:17:24,386
We're not.
We love you, Michael.
391
00:17:24,434 --> 00:17:26,394
But stop using
them kids, Michael.
392
00:17:26,436 --> 00:17:28,126
What the fuck ever happened
to Webster, huh?
393
00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:30,397
You had him under your arm.
Where is he now?
394
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:32,360
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
395
00:17:32,399 --> 00:17:35,229
You done put him
down to the side and took Macaulay Culkin.
396
00:17:35,271 --> 00:17:36,971
We want Webster back, man.
397
00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:39,674
Don't Michael do that shit?
398
00:17:39,710 --> 00:17:41,410
Little kids
and then they don't...
399
00:17:41,451 --> 00:17:44,591
When they grow...
That's it, they gone.
400
00:17:44,628 --> 00:17:46,848
And now Webster's
on crack some-goddamn-where.
401
00:17:46,891 --> 00:17:48,421
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
402
00:17:52,462 --> 00:17:54,682
So, yo, y'all keep
that energy going.
403
00:17:54,725 --> 00:17:58,075
Coming to the stage,
from Detroit, Michigan.
404
00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:01,120
He's living
in Washington, D.C., my hometown,
405
00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:03,817
Maryland, that whole nine,
coming home to ya.
406
00:18:03,865 --> 00:18:07,255
Coming to the stage,
give it up for my man, Bill Hill.
407
00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:09,263
[MUSIC PLAYING]
408
00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:10,955
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
409
00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:17,793
[MUSIC STOPS]
410
00:18:17,835 --> 00:18:19,095
Wassup, wassup, New York?
411
00:18:20,447 --> 00:18:22,277
I got one thing
to say first.
412
00:18:22,318 --> 00:18:24,628
Peace out
to Thurgood Marshall, y'all, on the real tip.
413
00:18:24,668 --> 00:18:26,448
For real.[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
414
00:18:26,496 --> 00:18:28,106
No shit, man,
they getting us.
415
00:18:28,977 --> 00:18:30,977
One more thing.
416
00:18:31,022 --> 00:18:33,422
Give it up for getting
George Bush the fuck out the White House.
417
00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:34,940
See ya!
418
00:18:34,983 --> 00:18:37,593
See ya! You outta there.
419
00:18:37,638 --> 00:18:38,938
Bam, nigga.
420
00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:40,897
I voted for Bill Clinton.
I can do my thing.
421
00:18:42,077 --> 00:18:43,337
Bill Clinton in the house.
422
00:18:44,253 --> 00:18:45,393
But I'm going to hell.
423
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:49,264
[INHALES SHARPLY]
424
00:18:49,302 --> 00:18:50,522
Fuck what you heard.
425
00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:52,044
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
426
00:18:53,697 --> 00:18:55,607
Def Jam,they said
I could go hard.
427
00:18:55,656 --> 00:18:57,216
Wassup, man?
We fucking up yo.
428
00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:58,266
The black race...
429
00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:01,010
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
430
00:19:01,836 --> 00:19:03,006
...we fuckin' up.
431
00:19:06,232 --> 00:19:09,282
I'm sayin', you ever see
432
00:19:09,322 --> 00:19:11,322
niggas always talking
about the white man.
433
00:19:11,367 --> 00:19:12,887
"The white man owe me."
434
00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:15,024
What the fuck
he owe us, man?
435
00:19:15,066 --> 00:19:16,846
He gave us welfare.
What'd we do?
436
00:19:16,894 --> 00:19:18,464
Commit welfare fraud.
437
00:19:18,505 --> 00:19:20,025
Ain't that a bitch?
438
00:19:20,071 --> 00:19:23,291
Can I borrow your kid,
and a social security card?
439
00:19:23,336 --> 00:19:25,286
Foul. Niggas foul.
440
00:19:25,338 --> 00:19:27,908
Women, y'all shouldn't even
fuck with us no more 'cause we foul.
441
00:19:27,949 --> 00:19:29,559
Niggas foul, all we
want is some pussy.
442
00:19:31,387 --> 00:19:32,907
[INHALES SHARPLY]
I'ma tell you...
443
00:19:33,911 --> 00:19:35,091
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
444
00:19:36,697 --> 00:19:39,087
This that Jamaica funk here.
445
00:19:39,134 --> 00:19:40,744
That Grand Poobah shit.
446
00:19:40,788 --> 00:19:42,218
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
447
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,013
I'ma tell you, this is
how you know a nigga foul, right?
448
00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:49,835
Nigga with a beeper
and ain't got no car.
449
00:19:49,884 --> 00:19:51,494
That's a foul nigga.
450
00:19:51,538 --> 00:19:52,758
He's foul, man.
451
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:55,020
Then you page the nigga.
452
00:19:55,063 --> 00:19:57,283
He'd be like, "I ain't
called you back 'cause you didn't put no code in."
453
00:19:57,326 --> 00:19:58,886
Ain't that a bitch?
454
00:19:58,936 --> 00:20:00,676
"You a triple agent
or somethin', motherfucker?"
455
00:20:00,721 --> 00:20:02,901
Then you page a nigga,
"Where you at, man?"
456
00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:04,250
"At home."
457
00:20:04,290 --> 00:20:05,550
"Give me your home number,
you fool."
458
00:20:05,595 --> 00:20:06,855
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
459
00:20:06,901 --> 00:20:09,251
Niggas fuckin' up, man.
You see niggas...
460
00:20:09,295 --> 00:20:11,815
Niggas got nice clothes,
a car and shit, jewelry.
461
00:20:11,862 --> 00:20:14,392
Go over their house,
the first three steps are all broke up.
462
00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:16,260
That's a foul nigga, man.
463
00:20:16,302 --> 00:20:17,392
Foul.
464
00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:18,873
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
465
00:20:21,916 --> 00:20:23,346
This weed,
shit's a motherfucker.
466
00:20:23,396 --> 00:20:25,266
You know what? It's always
a nigga wanna talk to you
467
00:20:25,311 --> 00:20:27,571
when he's smoking
the weed though, ain't it?
468
00:20:27,617 --> 00:20:28,877
Nigga's hittin' the joint
talking about,
469
00:20:30,316 --> 00:20:31,746
"Wassup?
470
00:20:31,795 --> 00:20:34,145
"You go to work today?
471
00:20:34,189 --> 00:20:36,279
"Oh, I had to call in, right,
'cause, like, you know, shit just ain't goin' on
472
00:20:36,322 --> 00:20:37,542
"the way I want it to go on,
you know?"
473
00:20:39,281 --> 00:20:41,021
Then smoke weed
with girls, right?
474
00:20:41,065 --> 00:20:44,195
They smoke the joint.
Hit the joint one time, talking about,
475
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,463
[FEMININE VOICE] "I'm higher
than a motherfucker.''
476
00:20:45,505 --> 00:20:47,375
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
477
00:20:47,420 --> 00:20:48,990
[NORMAL ACCENT]
You ain't high, baby, don't sweat on me.
478
00:20:49,030 --> 00:20:51,290
I ain't tryin'
to hit that shit.
479
00:20:51,337 --> 00:20:53,297
Peace out,
I'm Bill Hill, y'all.
480
00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:55,169
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
481
00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:56,860
[MUSIC PLAYING]
482
00:21:03,174 --> 00:21:05,094
Give him a round
of applause, Bill Hill.[MUSIC STOPS]
483
00:21:05,133 --> 00:21:06,483
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
484
00:21:08,441 --> 00:21:10,491
Was that a real joint
he was smoking?
485
00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:12,050
That was a real joint?
486
00:21:12,096 --> 00:21:13,576
Oh, man, let me hit that.
487
00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:14,800
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
488
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,315
This brother coming out
on the stage,
489
00:21:18,364 --> 00:21:20,244
this is the first brother
I've ever seen do an impression of me.
490
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,239
And so...
But I couldn't get mad
491
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,631
'cause it's a compliment,
I guess, for somebody to do that.
492
00:21:24,674 --> 00:21:28,334
So, very funny,
coming to you from Irvington, New Jersey.
493
00:21:28,374 --> 00:21:31,254
Yo, give it up for my man,
Kool Bubba Ice.
494
00:21:35,642 --> 00:21:37,212
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]
495
00:21:41,082 --> 00:21:42,652
[MUSIC STOPS]
496
00:21:42,692 --> 00:21:44,092
Wassup, y'all?
497
00:21:44,955 --> 00:21:46,085
I said wassup?
498
00:21:46,130 --> 00:21:47,180
AUDIENCE: Wassup!
499
00:21:47,218 --> 00:21:48,518
All right, God damn it.
500
00:21:48,568 --> 00:21:50,348
Now, how many of y'all
have got robbed before?
501
00:21:50,396 --> 00:21:52,396
I got robbed
a couple weeks ago around my own area.
502
00:21:52,441 --> 00:21:54,841
I got robbed by a guy
who sounded just like
503
00:21:54,878 --> 00:21:56,918
Homer Simpson
from The Simpsons.
504
00:21:56,967 --> 00:21:59,357
I'm walking down the street
just chillin', minding my business.
505
00:21:59,405 --> 00:22:01,355
Hey, ooh.
506
00:22:01,407 --> 00:22:02,627
[AS HOMER]
"Hey, buddy, got a light?"
507
00:22:02,669 --> 00:22:04,109
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
508
00:22:04,148 --> 00:22:05,408
[NORMAL ACCENT] "No, man.
Not on me, why?"
509
00:22:05,454 --> 00:22:07,984
[AS HOMER]
"Good, this is a stick-up.
510
00:22:08,022 --> 00:22:09,982
"Give me your fucking money.
Give it up, give it up.
511
00:22:10,024 --> 00:22:11,724
"Marge, Marge, Marge!
512
00:22:11,765 --> 00:22:13,845
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
513
00:22:13,897 --> 00:22:16,247
"Check him, Marge, check him.
Marge, check him."
514
00:22:16,291 --> 00:22:18,421
[AS MARGE] "Oh, Homer,
he doesn't have any money."
515
00:22:18,467 --> 00:22:20,117
[AS HOMER]
"I said check him anyway."
516
00:22:20,164 --> 00:22:23,044
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND CHEERING]
517
00:22:27,694 --> 00:22:29,744
[NORMAL ACCENT]
And if that weren't bad enough, the cops came.
518
00:22:29,783 --> 00:22:32,793
And the cop
sounded like Al Bundy from Married with Children.
519
00:22:32,829 --> 00:22:34,919
And I'm like, "Damn, man,
he busted my grill,
520
00:22:34,962 --> 00:22:37,882
"took my money.
Can you do something?"
521
00:22:37,921 --> 00:22:39,231
[AS AL BUNDY]
"Now, look here, Bubba.
522
00:22:39,270 --> 00:22:42,230
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
523
00:22:42,273 --> 00:22:44,063
"Look likes your ass
outta all your goddamn money.
524
00:22:44,101 --> 00:22:46,061
"So, don't fuck with me,
I got enough problems."
525
00:22:50,020 --> 00:22:52,280
[NORMAL ACCENT]
So, then I get home and my house all wrecked up
526
00:22:52,327 --> 00:22:54,197
'cause I got a dog and a cat,
and they never get along
527
00:22:54,242 --> 00:22:56,072
because, you know,
they both be getting their heat, right.
528
00:22:56,113 --> 00:22:58,073
And my dog
acts like Richard Pryor
529
00:22:58,115 --> 00:23:00,505
and my cat acts like
Tony Montana from Scarface.
530
00:23:00,553 --> 00:23:02,603
And they was
in heat one night and the house is a wreck,
531
00:23:02,642 --> 00:23:05,252
I said, "Hey!
What the hell happened?
532
00:23:05,296 --> 00:23:08,516
"Tony, what happened, man?
You the cat, what's up, huh?"
533
00:23:08,561 --> 00:23:09,741
[AS TONY] "Let me
tell you something, man.
534
00:23:09,779 --> 00:23:11,129
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
535
00:23:11,172 --> 00:23:12,612
"I sit in front
of the television
536
00:23:14,567 --> 00:23:16,437
"eating my Tender Vittles,
537
00:23:16,482 --> 00:23:19,272
"and all of a sudden
this big fucking dog comes behind me
538
00:23:19,310 --> 00:23:20,700
"and tried to get me
in the ass.
539
00:23:20,747 --> 00:23:22,097
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
540
00:23:22,139 --> 00:23:23,749
"I don't play
that shit, baby.
541
00:23:23,793 --> 00:23:26,063
"I'm the pussy cat, okay?
542
00:23:26,100 --> 00:23:28,930
"Who put this shit
together, huh? Me!
543
00:23:28,972 --> 00:23:30,932
"I'm the pussy cat, huh!
544
00:23:30,974 --> 00:23:32,414
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
545
00:23:36,066 --> 00:23:38,106
"Do you wanna fuck with me?
You wanna fuck with me?
546
00:23:38,155 --> 00:23:39,155
"You make a move.
547
00:23:40,941 --> 00:23:42,121
"But yo..."
548
00:23:42,159 --> 00:23:44,949
[LAUGHS][AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
549
00:23:44,988 --> 00:23:46,688
[NORMAL ACCENT]
I said, "All right, man, you had your piece.
550
00:23:46,729 --> 00:23:48,429
"Richard, what happened?"
551
00:23:48,470 --> 00:23:49,730
[AS RICHARD] "Now this is
what happened, motherfucker,
552
00:23:49,776 --> 00:23:51,426
"I'm trying to get
some pussy, right?
553
00:23:51,473 --> 00:23:52,953
"Motherfucker just actin'
like a motherfuckin' fool,
554
00:23:52,996 --> 00:23:54,296
"tryin' to get the
motherfuckin' ass and tits."
555
00:23:54,345 --> 00:23:55,735
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
556
00:23:55,782 --> 00:23:57,442
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
557
00:23:58,132 --> 00:23:59,482
[CHEERING]
558
00:24:01,135 --> 00:24:02,135
[NORMAL ACCENT] But yo.
559
00:24:02,919 --> 00:24:04,529
Right about now,
560
00:24:04,573 --> 00:24:07,363
I'ma do the ultimate
impersonation.
561
00:24:07,402 --> 00:24:08,402
The ultimate.
562
00:24:10,013 --> 00:24:12,363
Check this out.
563
00:24:12,407 --> 00:24:15,277
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's put your hands together for the Def Comedy Jam,
564
00:24:15,323 --> 00:24:17,113
the Kid Capri
565
00:24:17,151 --> 00:24:20,461
and your host,
Mr. Martin Lawrence!
566
00:24:22,678 --> 00:24:24,328
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
567
00:24:27,553 --> 00:24:29,423
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
568
00:24:39,042 --> 00:24:41,182
[AS MARTIN] "Yo, mama!
569
00:24:48,182 --> 00:24:50,052
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
570
00:24:57,713 --> 00:25:00,153
"Just pussy, just layin'
on there. Just pussy.
571
00:25:00,194 --> 00:25:01,374
[LAUGHS]
572
00:25:05,591 --> 00:25:07,031
"Comin' to the stage...
573
00:25:11,422 --> 00:25:13,292
"...here's my boy from D.C.
[CHUCKLES]
574
00:25:17,341 --> 00:25:19,131
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
575
00:25:26,220 --> 00:25:29,480
"But yo, I wanna thank
who put all this together.
576
00:25:29,528 --> 00:25:31,918
"Thank you to my homeboy
Russell Simmons. Come on out, Russell."
577
00:25:34,620 --> 00:25:36,400
[AS RUSSELL]
"Thanks for coming out. See you next week."
578
00:25:36,447 --> 00:25:38,147
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
579
00:25:43,019 --> 00:25:44,849
[NORMAL ACCENT]
Peace. Bye-bye.
580
00:25:44,891 --> 00:25:46,851
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]
581
00:25:46,893 --> 00:25:49,293
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
582
00:26:00,036 --> 00:26:01,166
Oh![MUSIC STOPS]
583
00:26:01,211 --> 00:26:03,431
Yo, give a round of applause.
584
00:26:03,474 --> 00:26:05,304
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]
585
00:26:08,479 --> 00:26:10,349
So yo, that's our show
for this evening,
586
00:26:10,394 --> 00:26:12,354
let me bring my man
Russell Simmons up.
587
00:26:12,396 --> 00:26:13,916
Come on, Scooby.
588
00:26:13,963 --> 00:26:17,183
Russell got on
the butter jacket.
589
00:26:17,227 --> 00:26:18,617
What that mean, Russell,
the butter?
590
00:26:18,664 --> 00:26:20,544
Just means it's cool,
it's smooth.
591
00:26:20,579 --> 00:26:23,799
Put the cards in.
Thank you.
592
00:26:23,843 --> 00:26:25,933
Thanks for coming out.
God bless you. Good night.
593
00:26:25,975 --> 00:26:27,755
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
594
00:26:27,803 --> 00:26:29,373
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]
595
00:26:29,423 --> 00:26:33,973
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