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00:00:06,876 --> 00:00:10,836
[APPLAUSE]
2
00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:14,580
KID CAPRI:
It's the Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam!
3
00:00:14,623 --> 00:00:16,673
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
4
00:00:36,427 --> 00:00:38,207
And now your host,
5
00:00:38,255 --> 00:00:41,735
Martin Lawrence!
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00:00:56,273 --> 00:00:58,063
Shut up, girl.
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00:00:58,101 --> 00:00:59,971
Give... Give my man
a round of applause, Kid Capri.
8
00:01:00,016 --> 00:01:02,536
Give my man
a round of applause.[APPLAUSE]
9
00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:04,244
My muff fucked up.
10
00:01:06,805 --> 00:01:08,625
Yeah, I had a... Hey, hey!
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00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:11,554
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
12
00:01:24,954 --> 00:01:27,264
And then... You know
what I'm saying?
13
00:01:27,304 --> 00:01:29,654
Dude, you my motherfucker,
you know that?
14
00:01:29,698 --> 00:01:31,528
'Cause you
a big boy, man!
15
00:01:31,569 --> 00:01:32,879
How old are you?
16
00:01:32,918 --> 00:01:35,528
19.19? God damn!
17
00:01:35,573 --> 00:01:37,623
Oh, Lord!
18
00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:39,932
You ain't know that other
big motherfucker, you know that big...
19
00:01:39,969 --> 00:01:42,669
You this big boy,
I'm happy for you, you just hungry.
20
00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:47,632
Don't worry about it though,
you know you a big boy though, right?
21
00:01:47,672 --> 00:01:50,242
Don't leave here crying,
"He cutting on me and shit."
22
00:01:50,284 --> 00:01:52,244
I mean, don't leave here
wobbling and shit.
23
00:01:55,854 --> 00:01:57,424
I'm sorry.
I'm fucking with...
24
00:01:57,465 --> 00:01:58,935
You my motherfucker, man!
25
00:02:01,295 --> 00:02:03,595
Thank you for coming out
though man, black man.
26
00:02:03,645 --> 00:02:05,595
You a good looking
brother too, man.
27
00:02:05,647 --> 00:02:07,737
Women don't care that.
You could be... Stay large,
28
00:02:07,779 --> 00:02:09,959
don't try to trim down
for no-god damn-body.
29
00:02:09,999 --> 00:02:12,179
Just get some dollars
in your pocket.
30
00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:13,829
You have ladies on
your stomach like this...
31
00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:17,012
"You so crazy."
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00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:20,364
They'll cook for
your ass every day.
33
00:02:20,401 --> 00:02:22,321
"You want something to eat?
What you want a hamburger?
34
00:02:22,359 --> 00:02:24,409
"Oh, okay. You want cheese
on that? Oh, okay."
35
00:02:27,756 --> 00:02:29,106
Aight?
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00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,409
So just get paid,
you gonna be a'ight!
37
00:02:33,065 --> 00:02:35,545
Like to acknowledge some
people in the house!
38
00:02:35,590 --> 00:02:37,590
I wanna thank y'all
first of all for coming out.
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00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:39,935
I'd like to acknowledge
my partners,
40
00:02:39,985 --> 00:02:43,205
right there, boom.
Derrick Coleman.
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00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:45,730
My man Billy Owens,
thank you for coming out.
42
00:02:45,774 --> 00:02:48,564
Brothas from Syracuse
now in the NBA, doing their thing.
43
00:02:48,603 --> 00:02:50,173
Heavy D!
44
00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:51,173
Heavy!
45
00:02:52,911 --> 00:02:55,481
See, Heavy up there, see?
46
00:02:55,523 --> 00:02:57,573
Heavy making money!
47
00:02:57,612 --> 00:02:59,482
That's my nigga there!
48
00:02:59,527 --> 00:03:02,307
That's my motherfucker
there!
49
00:03:02,356 --> 00:03:04,526
Girls love Heavy,
don't they, Heavy?
50
00:03:04,575 --> 00:03:07,445
"Hi, Heavy D,
how you doing?"
51
00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:10,931
"How you doing, Heavy D?"
52
00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:14,023
Now, I gotta ask you
a question 'cause these legs are throwing me.
53
00:03:14,063 --> 00:03:16,243
You got on shorts and...
54
00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:17,893
Don't be embarrassed now!
55
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,980
Gotta use a condom
for that shit, though.
56
00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:27,729
You ever lose
the motherfuckers, though?
57
00:03:27,772 --> 00:03:29,342
I'm saying fellas,
you all know what I'm talking about.
58
00:03:29,383 --> 00:03:31,123
It's very hard to
use them shits.
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00:03:31,167 --> 00:03:33,207
'Cause you know.
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00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:36,216
You know, 'cause you
wake up in the morning, you want a li'l bit.
61
00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:37,609
You know you wanna turn over,
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00:03:37,652 --> 00:03:39,922
stinking breath and all,
and just like this...
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00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:44,052
Good morning to you,
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00:03:44,093 --> 00:03:46,053
good morning to you.
65
00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:47,395
But now you gotta
use them condoms,
66
00:03:47,444 --> 00:03:48,714
you wake up in the
morning like this...
67
00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:50,490
"You trying to do
something this morning?"
68
00:03:50,534 --> 00:03:53,454
And your shit is like
"Pow!" You like, "Hold on, where my bag?"
69
00:03:53,494 --> 00:03:56,544
"Where my motherfucking
bag at, where my motherfucking bag?"
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00:03:56,584 --> 00:03:59,064
"God damn, what you do
with my bag?"
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00:03:59,108 --> 00:04:01,678
By this point,
your dick done went down, you like this.
72
00:04:01,719 --> 00:04:03,419
"Just go ahead to work,
I'll call you."
73
00:04:04,766 --> 00:04:06,376
"Go the fuck to work."
74
00:04:09,118 --> 00:04:10,728
So you know, use them.
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00:04:10,772 --> 00:04:12,302
I'm just saying, you know,
76
00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:15,559
'cause you a clean girl.
Good girl, good girl.
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00:04:15,603 --> 00:04:17,213
Good, clean girl.
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00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:20,607
Yo, coming to the stage
from Oakland, California,
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00:04:20,651 --> 00:04:23,261
give it up for my man,
Andrea Covington.
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00:04:23,306 --> 00:04:25,266
[APPLAUSE]
81
00:04:31,053 --> 00:04:32,923
Wassup New York?
What's happening, y'all?
82
00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:35,842
Good to be up here, man.
83
00:04:35,884 --> 00:04:37,584
I'm glad you all came out,
especially with this recession going on.
84
00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:40,755
How many people just got
like broke-ass friends?
85
00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:43,202
That just like never
have any money.
86
00:04:43,239 --> 00:04:45,809
Look at people point and say,
"Yeah, that motherfucker right here, man." [LAUGHS]
87
00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:47,770
Don't you hate it, man?
88
00:04:47,809 --> 00:04:49,379
'Cause you can tell
when your poor friends call the house,
89
00:04:49,419 --> 00:04:50,289
'cause when your friends
with money call it's like,
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00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:52,123
"Hey, man, what you doing?
91
00:04:52,161 --> 00:04:53,991
"You eating? Well,
look here, let me call you back."
92
00:04:54,032 --> 00:04:55,692
But when your broke-ass
friends call it's like,
93
00:04:55,730 --> 00:04:57,340
"Hey, man,
what you doing?
94
00:04:57,384 --> 00:05:00,344
"You eating?
What you eating?
95
00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:04,426
"Chicken? Baby,
get the kids."
96
00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:09,180
There some fine women
up in here too, man. Damn!
97
00:05:09,221 --> 00:05:11,051
I was fucking this girl,
we was making love, right?
98
00:05:11,093 --> 00:05:13,363
I was in there just
waxing it. Thought I was waxing it.
99
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,140
Feel this tap on my shoulder,
she goes, "Uh, look here.
100
00:05:15,184 --> 00:05:18,324
"Uh, I think I wanna
get on top now."
101
00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:20,231
I said, "Well, what
do you want me to do?"
102
00:05:20,276 --> 00:05:22,316
She said, "I want you to
lay there and cry like a woman."
103
00:05:22,365 --> 00:05:25,145
I said, "Look here, baby,
I'm a man, I ain't gonna be crying like...
104
00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:27,154
[STARTS CRYING]
105
00:05:28,937 --> 00:05:30,367
"Work it, Keysha!
106
00:05:33,028 --> 00:05:35,548
"It's your thing, hey!"
107
00:05:36,988 --> 00:05:39,298
I'd come home every day.
"Did Keysha call?"
108
00:05:44,866 --> 00:05:46,686
I am a breast man.
Love breasts, man.
109
00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:48,167
How many fellas
like breasts, man?
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00:05:48,217 --> 00:05:49,997
Just... Look at that. Fellas!
111
00:05:50,045 --> 00:05:51,565
[APPLAUSE]
112
00:05:51,612 --> 00:05:53,702
We just love some
breasts, don't we?
113
00:05:53,744 --> 00:05:56,054
And see, women, y'all don't
understand why we like breasts so much.
114
00:05:56,094 --> 00:05:57,404
Here, let me
explain it to you.
115
00:05:57,444 --> 00:05:58,754
See, when we was
babies we would cry,
116
00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,013
mothers would put their
breasts in our mouth.
117
00:06:00,055 --> 00:06:02,405
We would shut up.
We like that.
118
00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:05,499
But what y'all don't realize,
that still works this very day.
119
00:06:05,539 --> 00:06:07,579
Really, next time your
boyfriend or husband at home,
120
00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:10,278
he's bitching about
those bills and those shoes you just bought.
121
00:06:10,326 --> 00:06:11,716
Throw a titty in his mouth!
122
00:06:13,721 --> 00:06:15,901
That's all.
123
00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:18,510
He'd be like, "Girl,
every time I turn around, you buying shoes,
124
00:06:18,552 --> 00:06:20,382
"I'm just getting...
[CHOKING]
125
00:06:23,905 --> 00:06:25,775
"Well, go get
another pair, shit!"
126
00:06:28,605 --> 00:06:30,555
I hate it, though,
when that gravity take hold,
127
00:06:30,607 --> 00:06:34,177
'cause like gravity
and breasts do not get along at all, man.
128
00:06:34,219 --> 00:06:36,569
'Cause I walked in on my
grandmother one time, I was like six years old,
129
00:06:36,613 --> 00:06:38,223
she didn't have a bra on...
130
00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:40,397
Looked like she had four
arms, man. She was just...
131
00:06:50,671 --> 00:06:52,411
She said, "Baby,
help me find my bra."
132
00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:54,105
I'm like, "Shit,
you got four arms!"
133
00:06:57,504 --> 00:06:59,244
And see, most women are
good with they bras.
134
00:06:59,288 --> 00:07:01,248
They get a little hole in it,
they'll throw it away.
135
00:07:01,290 --> 00:07:02,600
Some of y'all.
136
00:07:03,988 --> 00:07:05,288
I was with this
girl one time,
137
00:07:05,337 --> 00:07:07,467
girl had holes all
in her bra y'all,
138
00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:10,084
had her nipple sticking out
one of the holes.
139
00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:13,735
Looked like a big-ass
eyeball and shit.
140
00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:17,571
Wherever I walk, that eye
just followed me around the room and shit.
141
00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:19,661
I said, "Look here,
I'm going to the bathroom."
142
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:21,400
She said, "Well, you hurry
back. I'm a keep an eye out for you."
143
00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:25,788
And, fellas, you guys...
With our underwear.
144
00:07:25,836 --> 00:07:28,446
See guys, we keep
our drawers too long too, don't we?
145
00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:30,281
I ain't... I got a pair
of drawers so old,
146
00:07:30,319 --> 00:07:33,709
just a band and
a label left, man.
147
00:07:33,757 --> 00:07:37,327
They used to say
"Fruit of the Loom" and now they just say "Frooms."
148
00:07:37,369 --> 00:07:39,939
My wife was washing, she
goes. She said, "Baby, whose headband is this?"
149
00:07:39,981 --> 00:07:41,201
I was like
"Gimme my drawers."
150
00:07:43,985 --> 00:07:46,725
But I got here. I gotta say
something to the young brothers out here, man.
151
00:07:46,770 --> 00:07:48,210
We gotta go back,
we gotta talk to our
152
00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:49,640
younger brothers and
set them straight, man.
153
00:07:49,686 --> 00:07:51,166
Teach them about
our black history.
154
00:07:51,209 --> 00:07:52,689
[APPLAUSE]
155
00:07:52,733 --> 00:07:54,523
Because we got
brothers out now,
156
00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:56,481
I was with a young brother
other day,
157
00:07:56,519 --> 00:07:58,349
I say, "Man, how do you
feel about apartheid?" He was like, "Apartheid?
158
00:07:58,390 --> 00:08:00,090
"Shit, I love to partay!
159
00:08:01,437 --> 00:08:03,477
"I was at a partay
last night, man!"
160
00:08:06,007 --> 00:08:07,487
And we gotta educate
white people too,
161
00:08:07,530 --> 00:08:08,750
'cause a white lady came
to me the other day,
162
00:08:08,792 --> 00:08:10,452
she said, "Let me
get this right,
163
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,060
"your great-great father,
grandfather, he was a colored,
164
00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:16,801
"your grandfather was negro,
your father was black, you're African American.
165
00:08:16,844 --> 00:08:18,454
"What do you want
your kids to be?"
166
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,628
I said, "Just equal, baby."
Peace, I'm outta here.
167
00:08:20,674 --> 00:08:22,684
[APPLAUSE]
168
00:08:28,246 --> 00:08:30,676
Yeah, just equal.
169
00:08:30,727 --> 00:08:32,857
It's all we want.
170
00:08:32,903 --> 00:08:34,513
Black people
don't want much.
171
00:08:36,733 --> 00:08:38,043
Give him
a round of applause,
172
00:08:38,082 --> 00:08:40,822
that was Andre Covington.[APPLAUSE]
173
00:08:40,868 --> 00:08:41,868
This is you.
174
00:08:42,739 --> 00:08:43,829
Come here.
175
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:45,480
Come here.
176
00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:49,624
[CHEERING AND WHOOPING]
177
00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:54,750
This is my girl,
my... My...
178
00:08:54,795 --> 00:08:57,485
My... I mean, people
are gonna think we go together when I say girl.
179
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,407
But this is a good
friend of mine, Leslie,
180
00:08:59,451 --> 00:09:01,851
and you viewers
don't get to see this.
181
00:09:01,889 --> 00:09:04,109
She dances her ass off
for everybody.
182
00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:05,762
Do the flip thing.
183
00:09:05,806 --> 00:09:08,066
The flip thing one time
for me on television.
184
00:09:08,112 --> 00:09:10,112
They gotta
see the flip.Can I have some room?
185
00:09:10,158 --> 00:09:13,378
Yeah. No, no, Leslie,
the split in the air thing.
186
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,080
Hold that motherfucker,
Leslie! Hold that...
187
00:09:22,605 --> 00:09:23,555
Okay.
188
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,046
[AUDIENCE WHOOPING]
189
00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:33,364
Woo-hoo! Hold that
motherfucker!
190
00:09:33,398 --> 00:09:36,398
Woo! Nigga like this...
191
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:38,877
Oh.
192
00:09:38,926 --> 00:09:40,446
Oh.
193
00:09:40,492 --> 00:09:42,802
Oh, God damn!
194
00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:44,933
We gotta talk, girl.
195
00:09:44,975 --> 00:09:47,455
We got to get together!
196
00:09:48,892 --> 00:09:51,502
That's a motherfucker's
dream move!
197
00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:53,717
Oh, you all that,
you all that!
198
00:09:55,812 --> 00:09:56,812
A'ight.
199
00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:02,600
A'ight, coming to the stage
200
00:10:02,645 --> 00:10:06,075
from Atlanta, Georgia.
I got to see her work in Atlanta.
201
00:10:06,127 --> 00:10:08,127
I got to work with her.
202
00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:10,782
Very funny, very gorgeous
but boom, I know you gonna love her.
203
00:10:10,827 --> 00:10:12,957
Give it up for Angela Means!
204
00:10:13,003 --> 00:10:15,053
[APPLAUSE]
205
00:10:23,144 --> 00:10:26,324
Hey! I'm in New York
feeling good,
206
00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:27,934
New York is going on.
207
00:10:27,975 --> 00:10:29,625
Hey, girl with a fro.
208
00:10:31,021 --> 00:10:33,111
The men here,
209
00:10:33,154 --> 00:10:36,774
the men are so different.
Y'all are so cute.
210
00:10:36,810 --> 00:10:39,510
Some cutie pies
in New York. Hi, cutie.
211
00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:41,731
I met one today,
I was shopping.
212
00:10:41,771 --> 00:10:44,771
Brother came up to me,
asked me would I be free for dinner after the show?
213
00:10:44,818 --> 00:10:48,168
And I told him, I said,
"Well, no, I'm not gonna be free.
214
00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:52,701
"You know, shit.
I'll be reasonable.
215
00:10:55,045 --> 00:10:56,655
"Fuck that free shit."
216
00:11:00,572 --> 00:11:03,492
But he was a dark brother,
like I like them.
217
00:11:03,532 --> 00:11:06,232
You can't be too dark,
and you can't... Shut up, nigga.
218
00:11:09,146 --> 00:11:11,626
Don't let this light skin
fool your ass.
219
00:11:13,368 --> 00:11:16,148
'Cause I'm the wrong
nigga to fuck with!
220
00:11:16,197 --> 00:11:17,847
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
221
00:11:19,156 --> 00:11:21,116
A'ight.
222
00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:24,248
Word to your momma,
'cause I come up there and cut your ass!
223
00:11:37,218 --> 00:11:39,438
Y'all like, "Look at
this bitch, she think she cute."
224
00:11:40,569 --> 00:11:41,829
I do, shoot.
225
00:11:44,529 --> 00:11:46,359
No, but you can't be too dark
and you can't be too light,
226
00:11:46,401 --> 00:11:48,661
'cause like I live in
South Central, right?
227
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,538
During the riots, my bro...
My man broke up with me,
228
00:11:50,579 --> 00:11:52,889
told me I was too light
to hang out with him.
229
00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:55,499
After that white man got
pulled out his truck.
230
00:11:55,540 --> 00:11:59,720
Like, "No, baby, you can't
roll with the kid.
231
00:11:59,762 --> 00:12:03,422
"Keep your high yella
ass in the house.
232
00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:05,811
"You'll be all right,
this ain't gonna last too long,
233
00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:07,935
"we get back together.
Love ya, girl.
234
00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:11,768
"I love your high yella ass.
235
00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:15,078
"Stay in the house."
I stayed in the house and watch what was going on.
236
00:12:15,125 --> 00:12:18,735
Rodney King came on and
I almost lost my mind.
237
00:12:18,781 --> 00:12:21,351
Tell it... Say it, girl.
[SCREAMS]
238
00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:24,612
Look at Rodney, he's so fine.
Looking like Karl Malone.
239
00:12:26,049 --> 00:12:27,879
Lookin' just like
Karl Malone.
240
00:12:27,921 --> 00:12:30,101
And I was like talking about,
"Can we get along?"
241
00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:32,360
I was like, "Rodney,
we can get along!"
242
00:12:33,361 --> 00:12:35,931
I could get along wit you!
243
00:12:35,972 --> 00:12:39,152
And after you get paid,
a whole lot better!
244
00:12:43,110 --> 00:12:47,070
I mean, 'cause who can't
get along with a brother with money? You know?
245
00:12:47,114 --> 00:12:51,604
I mean, I'm not saying
you can't get along with a broke brother, but, no,
246
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,290
I ain't putting
no effort for him.
247
00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:58,339
Shit, I got to be
comfortable.
248
00:12:58,386 --> 00:13:01,256
With my damn self.
249
00:13:01,302 --> 00:13:05,092
No, it's... I get along
with people pretty good. I do. Like...
250
00:13:05,132 --> 00:13:07,702
'Cause there some guys that
they really have a hard time.
251
00:13:07,743 --> 00:13:09,183
There's a certain
kinda guy...
252
00:13:09,223 --> 00:13:11,493
Like that brother that be
in the night club.
253
00:13:11,529 --> 00:13:14,619
Just ask every female
in there to dance.
254
00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:17,103
And he don't
dance all night.
255
00:13:17,144 --> 00:13:19,414
Now see,
when I see this brother, I'll dance with him.
256
00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:21,410
Okay, we can dance.
257
00:13:21,452 --> 00:13:23,722
Not on the outside
of the crowd,
258
00:13:23,759 --> 00:13:26,499
we got to go in
the middle. [LAUGHS]
259
00:13:26,544 --> 00:13:29,424
I can't be seen
with your ass.
260
00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:33,675
Get back just a li'l bit.
261
00:13:33,725 --> 00:13:36,465
You working my ovaries
with yo black ass.
262
00:13:37,904 --> 00:13:41,264
You wanna do what?
You wanna do the bump?
263
00:13:43,561 --> 00:13:45,301
Hell, can't nobody see us.
264
00:13:47,174 --> 00:13:50,004
Ow! Oh. Oh!
265
00:13:52,179 --> 00:13:56,359
Get back,
you ancient negro.
266
00:13:56,400 --> 00:14:00,190
With your li'l gold tooth.
Okay. What's that in there? Your initials?
267
00:14:00,230 --> 00:14:02,840
Oh, sweetie, that's
some food or something, go like that.
268
00:14:04,495 --> 00:14:05,975
And then he want to
get loud, right?
269
00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:08,719
"Ho, there's a party
over here, ho there's..."
270
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:12,240
Look, calm your butt down,
ain't no party over here.
271
00:14:13,591 --> 00:14:15,291
What you looking at?
272
00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:19,422
I don't know this man.
I... You thought I came here with him?
273
00:14:19,467 --> 00:14:23,597
No, I didn't. You know him?
He drive a what?
274
00:14:24,428 --> 00:14:25,778
He play for who?
275
00:14:26,822 --> 00:14:28,482
Party over here!
276
00:14:36,179 --> 00:14:40,049
Woo, there's a party in
this motherfucker!
277
00:14:41,271 --> 00:14:42,271
Woo!
278
00:14:46,711 --> 00:14:49,711
Woo! Shit.
A'ight, okay,
279
00:14:49,758 --> 00:14:52,108
peace out.
I'm Angela Means. Thank you.
280
00:14:52,152 --> 00:14:54,202
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
281
00:15:08,864 --> 00:15:11,304
Kid Capri and Angela Means.
282
00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:12,605
[APPLAUSE]
283
00:15:16,872 --> 00:15:19,272
Yo, my man in the house,
I'd like to say what's up to him,
284
00:15:19,309 --> 00:15:21,219
my partner Mark Breland.
Wassup, Mark?
285
00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:22,528
[APPLAUSE]
286
00:15:26,447 --> 00:15:29,057
You know they want a white
heavyweight champion bad, America?
287
00:15:29,102 --> 00:15:30,412
They really do, man.
288
00:15:30,451 --> 00:15:33,191
Fuck. "Tommy Morris.
Let's go Tommy Morris."
289
00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:37,806
Sorry, America,
not gonna happen.
290
00:15:37,849 --> 00:15:41,809
Long as a black man
is outta work, it ain't gonna happen.
291
00:15:41,853 --> 00:15:42,853
[APPLAUSE]
292
00:15:45,118 --> 00:15:49,248
You got some brothers
that'll beat your ass for $2 and a biscuit.
293
00:15:49,296 --> 00:15:52,686
We gotsta have it
this evening.
294
00:15:52,734 --> 00:15:55,614
Hey, how you doing,
white man? How you doing?
295
00:15:55,650 --> 00:15:57,910
It's funny, I kid.
And I'd like to say,
296
00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,437
'cause people wonder,
they say,
297
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:02,090
"Why the black guy always
onto white people?"
298
00:16:02,135 --> 00:16:05,005
There's very good
white people out there, nice people.
299
00:16:07,444 --> 00:16:09,274
A'ight. I don't mean
to mess with y'all.
300
00:16:09,316 --> 00:16:11,836
Y'all just very funny
people, you know that though?
301
00:16:11,883 --> 00:16:15,193
Like we're very nice
to you tonight after this Rodney King shit.
302
00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:22,417
We're very nice.
303
00:16:22,459 --> 00:16:25,419
Y'all change your attitude
around black people now but, yeah.
304
00:16:25,462 --> 00:16:29,952
We're cool. We're not
gonna mess with ya because we love ya.
305
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:33,039
'Cause y'all... White people
panic when they see a whole lot of black people, though.
306
00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:36,129
Like tonight, when they
see us coming into their venues, they start,
307
00:16:36,169 --> 00:16:40,999
"Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck!
Is this Boyz n the Hood?
308
00:16:43,132 --> 00:16:45,312
"What, what?
309
00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:47,052
"Oh, honey, they're back!"
310
00:16:49,182 --> 00:16:51,662
Like they... White people
won't let you in a secure building,
311
00:16:51,706 --> 00:16:53,056
you ever notice that?
312
00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:54,969
Like they... If they
don't have their key
313
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,934
to get in the secure
building, they ask you,
314
00:16:56,972 --> 00:17:00,062
"Excuse me, but...
Hi, how you doing?
315
00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:03,106
"I forgot my key, yeah.
316
00:17:03,152 --> 00:17:05,982
"I live... Yeah.
I live on the third... Yeah.
317
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:08,065
"Thank you. This is great.
Thank you.
318
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:10,034
"I don't know what
I was thinking about."
319
00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:12,862
Let a black person forget
their goddamn key.
320
00:17:12,901 --> 00:17:15,991
"Excuse me, partner?
Eh, read the sign!
321
00:17:17,949 --> 00:17:21,739
"Read the fucking sign!
Read the fucking sign!
322
00:17:23,825 --> 00:17:27,655
"I'm sorry, I can't help ya.
Love ya."
323
00:17:30,745 --> 00:17:32,485
So we gonna unite though,
right?
324
00:17:32,529 --> 00:17:33,879
After this whole Rodney thing,
325
00:17:33,922 --> 00:17:35,882
we gonna unite.
We like this now.
326
00:17:35,924 --> 00:17:39,064
A'ight. Moving on.
327
00:17:39,101 --> 00:17:41,801
Come to the stage, I know
you gonna enjoy him so yo, give it up.
328
00:17:41,843 --> 00:17:43,893
Keep the energy going.
From St. Louis,
329
00:17:43,932 --> 00:17:46,332
give it up for
Cedric the Entertainer.
330
00:17:46,369 --> 00:17:48,369
[APPLAUSE]
331
00:17:53,942 --> 00:17:55,732
Wassup?
332
00:17:55,770 --> 00:18:00,210
I wrote that. How y'all
doing? Man, I'm put this over here, man.
333
00:18:00,253 --> 00:18:02,563
Check this out, man.
Y'all like impressions?
334
00:18:02,603 --> 00:18:03,733
Check this out, man.
335
00:18:03,778 --> 00:18:05,608
Quick impression, man.
336
00:18:05,649 --> 00:18:07,779
HECKLER: Hey, buddy,
with the [INAUDIBLE] shoes!
337
00:18:09,827 --> 00:18:11,697
From yo momma, Annie.
338
00:18:16,399 --> 00:18:20,449
Everybody know this brother.
"Yeah, lemme get a pack of Kools,
339
00:18:20,490 --> 00:18:22,750
"and some cherry
Now and Laters."
340
00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:28,669
Or I could be that one brother
that always get interviewed on the news
341
00:18:28,716 --> 00:18:30,626
when something
happen in a black neighborhood.
342
00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:36,290
"Yeah, I seen what happened,
I seen the whole thing.
343
00:18:36,332 --> 00:18:39,072
"Me and my boy TO,
we was out here chilling, you know.
344
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,248
"We out chilling.
We had just bought a 40 ounce.
345
00:18:41,294 --> 00:18:44,304
"Hey, T. Hey, T,
don't drink the whole 40, man!
346
00:18:44,340 --> 00:18:48,000
"No, dog, don't drink
the whole 40. I'm doing an intervrew.
347
00:18:48,039 --> 00:18:49,949
"I'm doing an intervrew.
348
00:18:49,998 --> 00:18:52,438
"So anyway, these two...
Two dudes went past,
349
00:18:52,479 --> 00:18:54,739
"I was like, 'Damn, they
gone like a mother,' right?
350
00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:57,175
"And this lady, she came
and she said, 'Help me, help me. Can you help me?'
351
00:18:57,223 --> 00:19:00,313
"I said, "Damn, you got $5?
'Cause I gotsta get paid, you know what I'm saying?
352
00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:02,916
"And I just happen to have
on a brand new pair of Reebok pumps.
353
00:19:02,967 --> 00:19:05,707
"So I reached down,
pump, pump, pump me up!
354
00:19:05,753 --> 00:19:08,323
"Psshhhh, calling." Or...
355
00:19:08,364 --> 00:19:11,284
"I could be your junior
high school lunchroom cafeteria lady.
356
00:19:13,021 --> 00:19:14,591
"Ain't no mo' green bean.
357
00:19:16,503 --> 00:19:19,903
"Just mash potato and corn."
358
00:19:24,598 --> 00:19:25,898
Tripping, man.
359
00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:28,379
Tripping, man.
360
00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:30,037
A'ight.
361
00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:35,776
Be traveling around, man.
362
00:19:35,826 --> 00:19:37,436
Been down south.
Man, y'all go down south?
363
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:38,790
They got some different
white folks down there, man.
364
00:19:38,829 --> 00:19:40,659
They got them good ol' boys.
365
00:19:40,701 --> 00:19:44,181
Brothers talk like
this here. [SQUEALS]
366
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:45,966
I met a dude named Hank.
367
00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:47,530
Had that laugh like
he'd been smoking
368
00:19:47,577 --> 00:19:49,967
non-filtered Camels since
he was about six.
369
00:19:50,014 --> 00:19:52,284
[WHEEZING]
370
00:19:54,497 --> 00:19:57,197
[SQUEALING]
371
00:19:57,239 --> 00:20:00,159
I was lost. Don't ask
no country people for directions, man.
372
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,199
I was lost. I'm like,
"Hey, brother, you know, you know...
373
00:20:02,244 --> 00:20:04,254
"I'm trying to get
to Memphis."
374
00:20:04,290 --> 00:20:05,250
"From here?"
375
00:20:06,727 --> 00:20:10,207
"Uh, no, goober, from
somewhere else."
376
00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:12,082
Dude was a trip though,
'cause you know how white people are.
377
00:20:12,123 --> 00:20:14,043
He was trying to make
me feel comfortable.
378
00:20:14,082 --> 00:20:16,352
You know how they are,
when they all wanna say the right thing to you,
379
00:20:16,389 --> 00:20:19,649
you know what I'm talking
about? "You know what, Cedric? [LAUGHS]
380
00:20:19,696 --> 00:20:21,656
"I like black people.
381
00:20:21,698 --> 00:20:24,568
"Hell, I got a pair of
black boots! [LAUGHS]
382
00:20:25,615 --> 00:20:27,875
"I got a black pickup truck.
383
00:20:27,922 --> 00:20:29,972
"I even got a colored TV!"
384
00:20:31,795 --> 00:20:35,755
I was all like, "Damn. Bam!
Now you got a black eye!"
385
00:20:39,542 --> 00:20:41,542
A trip, man.
386
00:20:41,588 --> 00:20:44,328
I'm Cedric the Entertainer,
y'all. Holla, peace!
387
00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:46,383
[APPLAUSE]
388
00:20:59,867 --> 00:21:02,697
Yo, give it up
for my man, Cedric the Entertainer.
389
00:21:02,739 --> 00:21:04,569
You coming on stage now.
390
00:21:04,611 --> 00:21:06,051
No, yes.
391
00:21:06,090 --> 00:21:08,220
Hey, well...
392
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:12,267
Hey, I wanna thank you guys
for joining us again on another Def Jam.
393
00:21:12,314 --> 00:21:14,754
We had fun.
Ladies and gentlemen.
394
00:21:14,795 --> 00:21:17,275
My man who made it possible,
hanging out with him.
395
00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:19,539
My partner, Russell Simmons.
Give him a round of applause.
396
00:21:19,582 --> 00:21:22,242
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
397
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,721
Thank you for coming
out tonight, making history.
398
00:21:24,761 --> 00:21:26,461
We'll be black
next week. Peace!
399
00:21:26,502 --> 00:21:28,502
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
400
00:21:28,552 --> 00:21:33,102
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