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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,876 --> 00:00:10,356 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:10,401 --> 00:00:13,801 KID CAPRI: It's the Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam. 3 00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:39,080 Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together 4 00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,036 for my main man 5 00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:44,744 Mr. Martin Lawrence. 6 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:59,756 Hey. Where my music, man?Count it off. 7 00:00:59,798 --> 00:01:01,578 One, two...[DRUM BEATS] 8 00:01:01,626 --> 00:01:03,496 One, two, nigga. 9 00:01:03,541 --> 00:01:05,071 [MUSIC PLAYING] 10 00:01:18,730 --> 00:01:22,260 Yeah. Give my man Kid Capri a round of applause. 11 00:01:22,299 --> 00:01:23,609 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDS] 12 00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:32,001 I got a friend in the house I'd like to say hello to. 13 00:01:32,048 --> 00:01:33,528 Spike Lee, what's up, man? 14 00:01:33,571 --> 00:01:35,491 [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 15 00:01:36,487 --> 00:01:38,747 Oh, you cool now. 16 00:01:38,794 --> 00:01:40,804 He like, "Peace." 17 00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:43,759 Spike put me in my first movie, Do the Right Thing,man. 18 00:01:43,799 --> 00:01:46,979 Motherfucker ain't employed me since.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 19 00:01:47,019 --> 00:01:49,199 What'd I do to you, man? 20 00:01:49,239 --> 00:01:51,149 I'm just fucking with you, right? 21 00:01:51,198 --> 00:01:55,418 I'm just fucking with you, man. [HIGH-PITCHED] You my boy. 22 00:01:55,463 --> 00:01:59,033 That's my motherfucker! 23 00:01:59,075 --> 00:02:03,555 No, I... You know I won't be in no more Spike Lee movies and shit. 24 00:02:03,601 --> 00:02:05,341 "Spike, why I ain't in any of your movies?" "Fuck you." 25 00:02:05,386 --> 00:02:06,776 [AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 26 00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:17,175 No, a black man doing it. Give him a round of applause, straight up. 27 00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:18,494 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDS] 28 00:02:20,096 --> 00:02:23,186 Make sure you go see X. Make sure you go see X. 29 00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:25,490 'Cause that's us. Everybody go see it. 30 00:02:25,536 --> 00:02:27,926 Oh, another partner in the house that I was... 31 00:02:27,973 --> 00:02:29,193 We did a couple of shows together. 32 00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:32,276 My man Aaron from Guy. 33 00:02:32,326 --> 00:02:33,976 Wassup? 34 00:02:35,981 --> 00:02:38,111 Wassup, Aaron? 35 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,938 And Damien. What's up, man, his brother. 36 00:02:39,985 --> 00:02:42,375 Oh, y'all cool with that, yeah. 37 00:02:42,423 --> 00:02:45,903 Wassup, audience? How y'all doing? And we are Guy. 38 00:02:47,776 --> 00:02:50,256 Teddy couldn't be here tonight. 39 00:02:50,300 --> 00:02:53,000 But, no, Aaron, you sing your ass off. 40 00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:55,652 I want y'all to keep... Keep the energy going 41 00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:59,347 because y'all are a live audience. I am so proud of you guys. 42 00:03:00,223 --> 00:03:02,273 Fire! 43 00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:04,792 Yo, coming to the stage is my man... 44 00:03:04,836 --> 00:03:07,446 When I first started comedy, I used to... To watch this brother 45 00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:09,491 'cause he used to be out there. 46 00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:12,057 I mean, he was the headliner in D.C, and he's still headlining. 47 00:03:12,104 --> 00:03:15,984 The boy is funny. Give it up for my partner, my man, 48 00:03:16,021 --> 00:03:18,151 my buddy in crime, from Washington, D.C, 49 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,198 give it up for my man, Fat Doctor. 50 00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:30,905 Hey, how y'all doing? 51 00:03:30,949 --> 00:03:33,169 Everybody in a good mood?AUDIENCE: Yeah. 52 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,613 Yeah, I'm in a good mood, too. 53 00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:37,829 I just finished eating, so I feel real good, boy. 54 00:03:37,869 --> 00:03:40,789 Man, I got a big appetite, boy. I go out to eat, 55 00:03:40,829 --> 00:03:43,219 I sit at the salad bar.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 56 00:03:45,921 --> 00:03:51,061 Whole plate of croutons. "Man, get out the way, man. All you can eat, man." 57 00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:53,540 I'm telling you, boy, I love to eat, man. 58 00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:55,931 Woo, good-looking lady sitting up front, boy. 59 00:03:55,974 --> 00:03:59,854 How you doing, girl? All right. What's your name? 60 00:03:59,891 --> 00:04:01,201 SHARON: Sharon.Sharon. 61 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,201 You like fat guys?[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 62 00:04:04,722 --> 00:04:06,592 Yeah, baby, you looking good. 63 00:04:06,637 --> 00:04:09,377 Boy, I mean, you know, it ain't long, but it's wide, baby. 64 00:04:09,423 --> 00:04:11,473 [AUDIENCE CHEERS] 65 00:04:17,126 --> 00:04:19,556 Yeah, I can get fixin' on a pickle jar, baby. 66 00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:24,663 Bet you've never seen a penis with a double chin, have you? 67 00:04:26,004 --> 00:04:29,014 Could make you happy, baby. 68 00:04:29,051 --> 00:04:31,881 Man, I love the women, man. I'm telling you, man. 69 00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:34,623 Better than being a fag, ain't it? I'm serious, man. 70 00:04:34,665 --> 00:04:36,665 Not that I got anything against gay people, man. 71 00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:38,711 Gay people losing they mind now, ain't they? 72 00:04:38,756 --> 00:04:40,846 They are going crazy, man. 73 00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:44,679 They sticking all kind of objects up their ass, can't get them out. 74 00:04:44,719 --> 00:04:48,589 I mean chipmunks, monkeys, mice, gerbils, cattle. 75 00:04:48,636 --> 00:04:52,466 Anything they can stick in their ass and can't get them out. 76 00:04:52,509 --> 00:04:54,249 A friend of mine told me about this guy. 77 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:57,304 He came in the emergency room, right? He worked there, right? 78 00:04:57,340 --> 00:05:00,130 And he had a vibrator caught in his ass, 79 00:05:00,169 --> 00:05:02,259 and it was still running, right? 80 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:05,522 So... So the doctors, they were trying to get it out, right, 81 00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:07,736 but it kept shocking them, right? 82 00:05:07,785 --> 00:05:10,915 They... They were reaching in like this going, "Oh, Jesus. 83 00:05:10,962 --> 00:05:12,182 "Okay, let's try this again. 84 00:05:12,224 --> 00:05:14,754 "Oh, Jesus. I'm sorry, sir. 85 00:05:14,792 --> 00:05:18,672 "We're going to have to let that run down before we can get it." 86 00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:20,319 The fag turned around and went like this, 87 00:05:20,363 --> 00:05:22,933 "Oh, my God. What a time for me to use Energizers." 88 00:05:26,848 --> 00:05:31,108 'Cause they keep going and going.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 89 00:05:31,156 --> 00:05:33,156 Two days later, still going. 90 00:05:37,815 --> 00:05:41,295 Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. 91 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,991 But y'all are a good-looking bunch of people. 92 00:05:43,038 --> 00:05:44,688 You really are, man. You look good, man. 93 00:05:44,735 --> 00:05:46,815 Nice looking ladies all over the place. 94 00:05:46,868 --> 00:05:50,868 Thorough looking guys, man. I'm serious, man. You look good, man. 95 00:05:50,915 --> 00:05:53,135 Treat them women good, man. You got to, man. 96 00:05:53,178 --> 00:05:56,358 Got to treat them good even though they drive us crazy, don't they, guys? 97 00:05:56,399 --> 00:05:58,229 I tell you, you're gonna have trouble any time 98 00:05:58,270 --> 00:06:01,800 you don't make a woman have an orgasm. Isn't that true? 99 00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:04,189 A woman will put up with anything that you do 100 00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:06,323 as long as you making them cum, man. 101 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,236 That's right... That's right. 102 00:06:09,281 --> 00:06:10,981 You can't get away with a damn thing 103 00:06:11,022 --> 00:06:13,292 unless you make them have an orgasm. 104 00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:15,419 And some women are not orgasmic. 105 00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:19,472 Did you know that? That's right, some women are not orgasmic. 106 00:06:19,509 --> 00:06:21,689 I see there's one right up front, I got. 107 00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:25,040 She went, "Oh, my God, that's me." 108 00:06:27,212 --> 00:06:31,172 And if a woman tell you that she ain't ever had an orgasm, 109 00:06:31,216 --> 00:06:32,906 you know that's a challenge for us guys. 110 00:06:32,957 --> 00:06:34,917 You know what you gonna have to do. 111 00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:37,529 You gonna have to go down on her. 112 00:06:37,571 --> 00:06:39,491 'Cause sometimes to get the gravy... 113 00:06:39,529 --> 00:06:41,879 Hey, sometimes to get the gravy, you got to sop the plate. 114 00:06:41,923 --> 00:06:44,973 Ain't nothing wrong with that.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 115 00:06:45,013 --> 00:06:48,503 And they love it, man. Don't let them fool you, they love it just as much... 116 00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:51,148 But I'm gonna tell you. If you go down on a woman woman ain't never had an 117 00:06:51,193 --> 00:06:55,153 orgasm, you better have some oxygen with you, jack. 118 00:06:55,197 --> 00:06:57,027 'Cause when she get that orgasm, 119 00:06:57,068 --> 00:07:00,028 she get super-human strength like the Hulk, man. 120 00:07:00,071 --> 00:07:02,681 You know, you be down there, right? You know, you be down there, 121 00:07:02,726 --> 00:07:06,426 you be having a good time, right. [SPEAKS GIBBERISH] 122 00:07:09,994 --> 00:07:12,394 And then all of a sudden you hear that noise, "Argh." 123 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,522 "Hey... Hey, what was that?" 124 00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:18,664 "Argh." "Hey." [GROWLS] 125 00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:21,659 "Hey, wait a minute. Wait a fucking minute. 126 00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:23,532 "I can't fucking breathe." 127 00:07:23,573 --> 00:07:27,063 And you trying to turn your head around like this. 128 00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:30,098 She got the back of your head, boom, boom, boom, boom. 129 00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:33,185 So you're gonna need a shampoo afterwards, 130 00:07:33,235 --> 00:07:34,885 but it's well worth the effort. 131 00:07:34,932 --> 00:07:36,242 Hey, y'all been great. I'm the Fat Doctor. 132 00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:37,721 I'll see y'all next time. Good night. 133 00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:39,071 [MUSIC PLAYING] 134 00:07:51,209 --> 00:07:52,249 Man, 135 00:07:53,908 --> 00:07:56,128 I'd like to acknowledge someone else 136 00:07:56,171 --> 00:07:58,261 that's in the house that... I love her. 137 00:07:58,303 --> 00:08:02,793 You know, she's one of the baddest women vocalists out there, Alyson Williams. 138 00:08:05,049 --> 00:08:09,399 And she's tall, oh... You like, oh. 139 00:08:09,445 --> 00:08:11,265 Is that your man sitting next to you?WILLIAMS: Yes. 140 00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:14,356 MARTIN: Damn... [MUMBLES]KID CAPRI: Hey, yo, Martin. 141 00:08:14,406 --> 00:08:16,536 What?KID CAPRI: I see Big Daddy Kane over there. 142 00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:17,933 Where? Where is Big Daddy Kane? 143 00:08:17,975 --> 00:08:19,105 KID CAPRI: All the way over there. 144 00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:22,200 Where? Hey! 145 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:26,380 It's Kane... Smooth operator. 146 00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:28,028 You a smooth boy, man. 147 00:08:28,072 --> 00:08:30,862 Love you, man. Yo, I'd like to acknowledge... 148 00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:33,991 Man, we just got everybody in the house and I just want to acknowledge them. 149 00:08:34,035 --> 00:08:36,855 My man, Matty Rich. Wassup?[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS] 150 00:08:36,907 --> 00:08:39,867 And Rocky Carroll from Roc. What's up, man? 151 00:08:44,132 --> 00:08:48,142 Oh, and Olivia. Hi. How you doing? 152 00:08:48,179 --> 00:08:53,319 Yeah, oh that's you? Rocky's with Olivia now? 153 00:08:53,358 --> 00:08:55,268 Let me give you the gossip. 154 00:08:58,059 --> 00:09:01,669 Well, you made the right choice, 'cause God damn! 155 00:09:01,715 --> 00:09:05,405 You... Hey, brother, you don't mind me saying, she's... You are fine. 156 00:09:05,457 --> 00:09:10,637 I mean, I could never leave you, and he ain't going nowhere, too. 157 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:14,510 And I know it's good. God damn, I know it's good.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 158 00:09:18,732 --> 00:09:21,342 Is that what a TV series do for you, man? 159 00:09:21,386 --> 00:09:23,296 God... No, I'm joking. 160 00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:27,915 Okay, no, look, these next brothers, 161 00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:30,698 y'all, they're from Houston, Texas. 162 00:09:30,744 --> 00:09:33,364 Now they live in New York, so they one of yours. 163 00:09:33,398 --> 00:09:35,358 Boom, they one of yours 'cause they black anyway. 164 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:39,010 Yo, give it up for Arceneax and Mitchell.[AUDIENCE CHEERING] 165 00:09:47,151 --> 00:09:49,591 All right... All right. Wassup? Wassup? 166 00:09:49,632 --> 00:09:51,592 We watch a lot of TV, you know? 167 00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:54,074 And I think you can tell when you're addicted to television. 168 00:09:54,115 --> 00:09:56,195 That's when you're up at 2:30 in the morning. 169 00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:58,897 Watching Spanish soap operas. 170 00:09:58,946 --> 00:10:01,556 You know you don't speak Spanish. 171 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:04,911 But you sitting there like you can understand this shit, right? 172 00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:05,952 [MIMICS REMOTE CLICK] 173 00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:08,906 [SPEAKS SPANISH] 174 00:10:10,566 --> 00:10:13,256 [SPEAKS SPANISH] 175 00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:18,530 Yeah, that's right, Maria. You tell him... Tell him. 176 00:10:19,314 --> 00:10:21,584 [SPEAKS SPANISH] 177 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,541 Tell him you ain't taking that shit no more. 178 00:10:23,579 --> 00:10:26,409 [SPEAKS SPANISH]Tell him to kiss your ass. 179 00:10:26,451 --> 00:10:27,671 [SPEAKS SPANISH] 180 00:10:28,453 --> 00:10:29,633 Yes! Yes! 181 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:39,115 So you up, you just flipping. 182 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:42,420 Oh, and by the way, I'm not only the hair club president... 183 00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,297 [AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 184 00:10:48,778 --> 00:10:54,438 Hi. Does your car sound like this?[MIMICS FLAT TIRE] 185 00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:58,879 If it does, then your tire is on flat. 186 00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:04,449 However, if it sounds like this...[MIMICS HORSE WHINNYING] 187 00:11:04,489 --> 00:11:07,409 [MIMICKING VARIOUS ANIMALS] 188 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:21,380 Well then, you've probably got an asshole doing your sound effects. 189 00:11:24,422 --> 00:11:26,032 But it don't make no never mind. 190 00:11:26,076 --> 00:11:28,986 I want you to bring it on in to me and let me fix it. 191 00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:32,946 You know, people come up to me all the time and they say, 192 00:11:32,996 --> 00:11:37,306 "Bubba, do you think you can fix my truck?" 193 00:11:37,348 --> 00:11:42,438 And I just stare at them, 'cause my name ain't Bubba.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 194 00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:44,924 It's Zack and I own Zack's Car Repair 195 00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:46,705 where my motto is, 196 00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:48,319 "if I can't fix it, you better take the son of a bitch back 197 00:11:48,359 --> 00:11:50,839 "where you got it from, 'cause it's broke. Thank you." 198 00:11:52,624 --> 00:11:54,454 [HIGH-PITCHED] Whoo, and welcome back 199 00:11:54,496 --> 00:11:56,796 to the program, ladies and gentlemen. 200 00:11:56,846 --> 00:11:58,936 Now, for those of you who are just joining us, 201 00:11:58,979 --> 00:12:03,509 we were talking about oral sex. 202 00:12:03,548 --> 00:12:06,248 Yes, well, hoo-hoo![AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 203 00:12:06,290 --> 00:12:13,250 And we know that this is sexual gratification...[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 204 00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:17,297 Received chiefly from the mouth parts, yes, well, hoo-hoo. 205 00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:20,345 But what we shall do now is go to the phones 206 00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:23,871 and answer any questions you may have 207 00:12:23,917 --> 00:12:28,487 pertaining to oral sex. 208 00:12:28,530 --> 00:12:30,100 [ARCENEAX MIMICS TELEPHONE] 209 00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:33,140 Hello, you're on the air.ARCENEAX: Hello, Dr. Ruth. 210 00:12:33,187 --> 00:12:34,967 Yes.ARCENEAX: How the hell are you doing, 211 00:12:35,015 --> 00:12:37,885 you pretty little ole' filly you.Oh, I'm sure... 212 00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:39,581 ARCENEAX: Oh, I sure do like you, woman. 213 00:12:39,628 --> 00:12:41,198 I just wanted to let you know that. 214 00:12:41,238 --> 00:12:43,808 Thank you very much.Boy you got lips on you... 215 00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:46,810 Well.ARCENEAX: I bet you can suck a marble through a straw. 216 00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:49,203 Woo! 217 00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:52,466 Oh, let me ask you a question, sir.ARCENEAX: What do you want? 218 00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:54,210 What is your name? 219 00:12:54,251 --> 00:12:57,121 Let me tell you, ma'am. My name's Buck.Buck. I see. 220 00:12:57,167 --> 00:12:58,467 I drive a truck...Woo! 221 00:12:58,516 --> 00:13:00,906 And I love to...Oh, listen Buck. 222 00:13:00,954 --> 00:13:04,444 [AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 223 00:13:04,479 --> 00:13:09,049 Buck, we are on the air so there are some things that we cannot say, you know. 224 00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:11,832 ARCENEAX: Well I wasn't really paying no attention to that. 225 00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:13,658 But I tell you what...ARCENEAX: I like you, though. 226 00:13:13,705 --> 00:13:16,185 I tell you what, Buck. You sound like you're a man 227 00:13:16,230 --> 00:13:19,150 who's very sexually active. Yes, you do. 228 00:13:19,189 --> 00:13:21,449 Well I'm gonna tell you something about that.Uh-huh. 229 00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:24,886 I'm so doggone sexually active, 230 00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:26,894 that sometimes I screw myself. 231 00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:29,846 Woo, masturbation!You ought to see me do it. 232 00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:31,766 Well I wouldn't want to see you do that, Buck. 233 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,031 Got that Vaseline in one hand... 234 00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:35,863 Oh, no! Listen... Listen... 235 00:13:35,902 --> 00:13:39,862 Listen, I tell you what, Buck. I don't care what you screw, 236 00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:44,426 just as long as you use contraceptives. Okay? Okay. 237 00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:48,515 I sure do like the way you roll your tongue, woman. You know that? 238 00:13:48,566 --> 00:13:50,696 Well thank you, Buck. It's... 239 00:13:50,742 --> 00:13:52,662 You know what I'd like to get you to do for me?Oh, what is that, Buck? 240 00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:55,311 I'd love to get you to roll your tongue crossing my balls. 241 00:13:55,356 --> 00:13:57,576 [MUMBLES]Oh! Buck... Buck... Buck... Buck... Buck... 242 00:13:57,619 --> 00:14:00,139 Buck, please, please.There ain't no need... 243 00:14:00,187 --> 00:14:03,967 Buck, I'm...I'll grab you by your ankles and make a wish. 244 00:14:04,017 --> 00:14:07,537 Whoo! Oh, listen...listen.You think I won't? 245 00:14:07,585 --> 00:14:09,405 Listen, I tell you what, Buck. 246 00:14:09,457 --> 00:14:12,107 I tell you what, Buck. We're out of time.Hey! Hey! Hey! 247 00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:15,285 God damn, I'll treat you like a postage stamp. 248 00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:16,992 Listen Buck, listen. I told you we were out of time. 249 00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:19,640 I'll lick you...Hello? 250 00:14:19,684 --> 00:14:21,384 ...stick you...Hello? 251 00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:23,465 ...and send you on your goddamn way. 252 00:14:23,514 --> 00:14:26,084 Whoo! Thank you. We're out of here.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 253 00:14:41,924 --> 00:14:43,934 Yo, comin' to the stage, 254 00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,890 give it up for my man, Reynaldo Rey. 255 00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:48,059 [MUSIC PLAYING] 256 00:14:57,853 --> 00:14:58,853 Thank you. 257 00:15:00,421 --> 00:15:06,341 I'm the token old person on this goddamn show. 258 00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:10,133 It was hard for me to get here 'cause it's hell leaving a freak party. 259 00:15:10,170 --> 00:15:12,000 You know what I'm saying? 260 00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:14,221 And I just left Rick James' house.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 261 00:15:20,223 --> 00:15:23,713 And Rick go to smoking that shit and turn cowboy on you. 262 00:15:24,575 --> 00:15:26,225 Want to brand your ass. 263 00:15:29,537 --> 00:15:32,927 All the freaks were at Rick's party. 264 00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:36,065 A bunch of freaks. Reverend Swaggart was there.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 265 00:15:39,895 --> 00:15:43,895 We got all kind of succulent, tantalizing, vivacious, 266 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:48,083 scrumptious hunks of feminine pulchritude, 267 00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:51,211 and he brings a two-dollar whore. 268 00:15:51,254 --> 00:15:53,784 All these pretty women, he can't wait to take up 269 00:15:53,822 --> 00:15:57,042 the collection to run out there and grab a whore. 270 00:15:57,086 --> 00:16:00,606 And brought her to Rick James' freak party. 271 00:16:00,655 --> 00:16:02,605 Pee-wee Herman was there.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 272 00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:08,181 They introduced me to Pee-wee, but I didn't shake his hand. 273 00:16:12,623 --> 00:16:15,243 Mike Tyson was there. You know he was at the freak party. 274 00:16:15,278 --> 00:16:19,758 God damn, shit, Mike just running around just feeling ass. 275 00:16:19,804 --> 00:16:21,244 [GROWLS][AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 276 00:16:31,207 --> 00:16:33,687 Let's be realistic. 277 00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:37,611 It's rough to leave a freak party. I'm a freak, 278 00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:42,178 and, gentlemen, if you're not a freak, keep your lady from around me. 279 00:16:42,218 --> 00:16:47,178 I was with a married woman the other night, married 22 years. 280 00:16:47,223 --> 00:16:49,313 Her husband never freaked her. 281 00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:53,835 Never put his face in the place. 282 00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,150 God damn it, I did. 283 00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:03,977 She went home and stabbed that man 58 times. 284 00:17:05,502 --> 00:17:07,292 [AUDIENCE CHEERING AND LAUGHING] 285 00:17:08,984 --> 00:17:10,384 Thank you very much! 286 00:17:16,383 --> 00:17:19,043 Reynaldo Rey. Give him a round of applause. 287 00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:20,171 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 288 00:17:22,954 --> 00:17:26,654 All right, fasten your seat belts 289 00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:28,957 'cause this is my man. 290 00:17:29,004 --> 00:17:32,444 Man, this brother work out in California all the time at the comedy clubs, 291 00:17:32,486 --> 00:17:36,006 yo, trying to make our way, and we're doing it. The boy is hilarious. 292 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:39,355 He's from Kansas. Give it up for my man, Eddie Griffin. 293 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,420 Wassup in the house? 294 00:17:56,031 --> 00:17:59,341 I ain't gonna talk about Magic Johnson, 295 00:17:59,382 --> 00:18:03,732 'cause I think Magic's a hell of a man to come on TV and say what he had to say. 296 00:18:03,778 --> 00:18:06,388 He got a lot of heart.[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS] 297 00:18:08,435 --> 00:18:10,645 You know what I'm saying? And did it with a smile on his face. 298 00:18:10,698 --> 00:18:15,048 "I feel good. I feel good. Life goes on. I'm going to beat this." 299 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,834 Because if that had been me, I'd a came on, 300 00:18:18,836 --> 00:18:20,656 "Y'all looking at a dead man. 301 00:18:21,970 --> 00:18:24,450 "I got five, six years, tops. 302 00:18:24,494 --> 00:18:28,154 "I'm robbing banks, I'm assassinating the president, 303 00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:30,944 "I ain't got shit to lose."[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 304 00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:41,344 'Cause '91 was a trip. '91 was the year everybody went crazy. 305 00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:44,911 Police lost they motherfucking minds. 306 00:18:44,949 --> 00:18:47,819 I know y'all seen the Rodney King beating. Came on every night, 307 00:18:47,865 --> 00:18:50,905 turned into a TV series.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 308 00:18:50,955 --> 00:18:53,085 "Let's watch the Rodney King beating tonight, 309 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:56,142 "7:30, 8:30, 9:30. We're whipping his ass just for you." 310 00:18:58,702 --> 00:19:01,182 And they fucked the brother up. 311 00:19:01,227 --> 00:19:02,837 And now that it's getting ready to go to trial, 312 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,320 the police can come on TV. "We're not guilty." 313 00:19:05,361 --> 00:19:09,021 Stevie Wonder can see these motherfuckers are guilty. 314 00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:11,410 But that's all right, 'cause the brother getting paid. 315 00:19:11,454 --> 00:19:13,804 He getting a million dollars for every blow... 316 00:19:13,848 --> 00:19:16,978 Fifty-six million dollars.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 317 00:19:17,025 --> 00:19:20,415 I'm looking to get fucked up. 318 00:19:20,463 --> 00:19:23,953 I'm doing 300 miles an hour in a Volkswagen 319 00:19:23,988 --> 00:19:27,298 yelling out the window, "Fuck the police! 320 00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:30,170 "Fuck all you bashin' motherfuckers! 321 00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:33,962 "Come over here, whoop my ass, give me my cash." 322 00:19:33,998 --> 00:19:35,298 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 323 00:19:41,484 --> 00:19:43,664 If I know I'm getting a million dollars for every blow, 324 00:19:43,704 --> 00:19:46,494 I will grab their billy club and fuck my own shit up. 325 00:19:48,839 --> 00:19:51,929 Then you had Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill. 326 00:19:51,973 --> 00:19:55,633 Black-on-black crime at the highest level. 327 00:19:55,672 --> 00:19:57,852 And I think both of them was telling the truth 328 00:19:57,892 --> 00:19:59,462 'cause Clarence had pinched so many asses, 329 00:19:59,502 --> 00:20:01,462 he just forgot about that one. 330 00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:03,994 'Cause you know Clarence pinched that ass. 331 00:20:04,028 --> 00:20:08,208 He married to a white woman, no ass at home.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 332 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:16,562 He showed up at the job scene, that big, fat, black juicy ass. 333 00:20:16,606 --> 00:20:18,566 Pow! 334 00:20:18,608 --> 00:20:23,868 "Welcome to the job, baby. You ever seen Long Dong Silver?" 335 00:20:23,918 --> 00:20:27,008 Yeah. And the real hypocrites was the senators. 336 00:20:27,051 --> 00:20:30,101 Your biggest crooks in the world up there trying to jail somebody, 337 00:20:30,141 --> 00:20:32,141 especially Ted Kennedy's ass. 338 00:20:32,187 --> 00:20:38,717 Rapist, murderer, drive-by shooting, you name it, he done it. 339 00:20:38,759 --> 00:20:40,369 And every time they ask him a question, 340 00:20:40,413 --> 00:20:42,423 "I yield to Senator Kassebaum. 341 00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:45,238 "Just don't bring up none of my shit. She's right over there." 342 00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:53,160 Shit. And I found out that a lot of our nation's great forefathers 343 00:20:53,208 --> 00:20:55,298 were heavy cocaine users. 344 00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:57,471 Like Alexander Graham Bell, 345 00:20:57,517 --> 00:21:01,297 that's how he got his middle name, "gram."[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 346 00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:03,997 He like to buy it by the gram. 347 00:21:04,045 --> 00:21:06,655 'Cause you got to be totally high and out your mind 348 00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:10,620 to come up with a concept like telephone sitting at home. 349 00:21:10,660 --> 00:21:13,400 "I wish I could talk to somebody ain't even here."[AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 350 00:21:15,404 --> 00:21:18,974 [SHOUTING] "Hello? Hello?" 351 00:21:25,588 --> 00:21:27,328 And you know Ben Franklin was fucked up. 352 00:21:27,373 --> 00:21:29,383 He went out in a lightning storm with a kite. 353 00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:31,809 Need I say more? 354 00:21:36,251 --> 00:21:39,251 And Michael Jackson's got his new album out. 355 00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:41,738 The stuff Teddy did on there is slamming. The rest of that... 356 00:21:41,778 --> 00:21:42,778 Uh... 357 00:21:44,433 --> 00:21:46,133 I think Michael's on crack. 358 00:21:47,610 --> 00:21:49,480 Myself. 359 00:21:49,525 --> 00:21:52,825 Anybody that will fuck they face up like that on purpose, 360 00:21:52,876 --> 00:21:55,786 he doing something. 361 00:21:55,836 --> 00:21:57,706 I bet ya Michael's at home, Michael's like... 362 00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:00,318 [SNIFFS] 363 00:22:02,016 --> 00:22:03,796 Ooh![AUDIENCE CHEERING] 364 00:22:09,980 --> 00:22:11,370 [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 365 00:22:12,113 --> 00:22:13,113 [SNIFFS] 366 00:22:22,166 --> 00:22:23,516 [AUDIENCE CONTINUES CHEERING] 367 00:22:32,829 --> 00:22:34,049 [SNIFFS] 368 00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:37,615 Ho! 369 00:22:37,660 --> 00:22:38,970 Good night, y'all. 370 00:22:41,272 --> 00:22:42,622 [AUDIENCE CHANTING] 371 00:22:48,149 --> 00:22:49,369 [MUSIC PLAYING] 372 00:22:55,896 --> 00:22:58,856 Eddie Griffin... Eddie Griffin. Give it up one more time. 373 00:23:00,553 --> 00:23:03,823 I would... Well, Russell... 374 00:23:03,860 --> 00:23:07,520 This is a special night 'cause Mia Duke's in the house. Y'all give her a hand. 375 00:23:11,172 --> 00:23:12,652 It's been flavorful. Thank you. 376 00:23:12,695 --> 00:23:14,695 Yo.God bless you. We'll see you. 377 00:23:14,741 --> 00:23:16,871 Before we go...No, no, no. Before we go, we thanked a lot of 378 00:23:16,917 --> 00:23:18,567 celebrities that came here tonight. 379 00:23:18,614 --> 00:23:20,184 Most of all, we want to thank you, 380 00:23:20,224 --> 00:23:23,844 because you made it possible. Thank you. Peace. 381 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:25,710 [AUDIENCE CHEERING][MUSIC PLAYING] 382 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:30,310 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 31151

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