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00:00:06,876 --> 00:00:10,356
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
2
00:00:10,401 --> 00:00:13,801
KID CAPRI: It's the
Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam.
3
00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:39,080
Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together
4
00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,036
for my main man
5
00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:44,744
Mr. Martin Lawrence.
6
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:59,756
Hey. Where my music, man?Count it off.
7
00:00:59,798 --> 00:01:01,578
One, two...[DRUM BEATS]
8
00:01:01,626 --> 00:01:03,496
One, two, nigga.
9
00:01:03,541 --> 00:01:05,071
[MUSIC PLAYING]
10
00:01:18,730 --> 00:01:22,260
Yeah. Give my man
Kid Capri a round of applause.
11
00:01:22,299 --> 00:01:23,609
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
12
00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:32,001
I got a friend in the house
I'd like to say hello to.
13
00:01:32,048 --> 00:01:33,528
Spike Lee, what's up, man?
14
00:01:33,571 --> 00:01:35,491
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
15
00:01:36,487 --> 00:01:38,747
Oh, you cool now.
16
00:01:38,794 --> 00:01:40,804
He like, "Peace."
17
00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:43,759
Spike put me in
my first movie, Do the Right Thing,man.
18
00:01:43,799 --> 00:01:46,979
Motherfucker ain't
employed me since.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
19
00:01:47,019 --> 00:01:49,199
What'd I do to you, man?
20
00:01:49,239 --> 00:01:51,149
I'm just fucking
with you, right?
21
00:01:51,198 --> 00:01:55,418
I'm just fucking
with you, man. [HIGH-PITCHED] You my boy.
22
00:01:55,463 --> 00:01:59,033
That's my motherfucker!
23
00:01:59,075 --> 00:02:03,555
No, I... You know
I won't be in no more Spike Lee movies and shit.
24
00:02:03,601 --> 00:02:05,341
"Spike, why I ain't
in any of your movies?" "Fuck you."
25
00:02:05,386 --> 00:02:06,776
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
26
00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:17,175
No, a black man doing it.
Give him a round of applause, straight up.
27
00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:18,494
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
28
00:02:20,096 --> 00:02:23,186
Make sure you go see X.
Make sure you go see X.
29
00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:25,490
'Cause that's us.
Everybody go see it.
30
00:02:25,536 --> 00:02:27,926
Oh, another partner
in the house that I was...
31
00:02:27,973 --> 00:02:29,193
We did a couple
of shows together.
32
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:32,276
My man Aaron from Guy.
33
00:02:32,326 --> 00:02:33,976
Wassup?
34
00:02:35,981 --> 00:02:38,111
Wassup, Aaron?
35
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,938
And Damien. What's up,
man, his brother.
36
00:02:39,985 --> 00:02:42,375
Oh, y'all cool
with that, yeah.
37
00:02:42,423 --> 00:02:45,903
Wassup, audience?
How y'all doing? And we are Guy.
38
00:02:47,776 --> 00:02:50,256
Teddy couldn't be
here tonight.
39
00:02:50,300 --> 00:02:53,000
But, no, Aaron,
you sing your ass off.
40
00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:55,652
I want y'all to keep...
Keep the energy going
41
00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:59,347
because y'all are
a live audience. I am so proud of you guys.
42
00:03:00,223 --> 00:03:02,273
Fire!
43
00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:04,792
Yo, coming to the stage
is my man...
44
00:03:04,836 --> 00:03:07,446
When I first started
comedy, I used to... To watch this brother
45
00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:09,491
'cause he used
to be out there.
46
00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:12,057
I mean, he was
the headliner in D.C, and he's still headlining.
47
00:03:12,104 --> 00:03:15,984
The boy is funny. Give it up
for my partner, my man,
48
00:03:16,021 --> 00:03:18,151
my buddy in crime,
from Washington, D.C,
49
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,198
give it up
for my man, Fat Doctor.
50
00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:30,905
Hey, how y'all doing?
51
00:03:30,949 --> 00:03:33,169
Everybody in
a good mood?AUDIENCE: Yeah.
52
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,613
Yeah, I'm in
a good mood, too.
53
00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:37,829
I just finished eating,
so I feel real good, boy.
54
00:03:37,869 --> 00:03:40,789
Man, I got a big appetite,
boy. I go out to eat,
55
00:03:40,829 --> 00:03:43,219
I sit at the salad bar.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
56
00:03:45,921 --> 00:03:51,061
Whole plate of croutons.
"Man, get out the way, man. All you can eat, man."
57
00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:53,540
I'm telling you, boy,
I love to eat, man.
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00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:55,931
Woo, good-looking lady
sitting up front, boy.
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00:03:55,974 --> 00:03:59,854
How you doing, girl?
All right. What's your name?
60
00:03:59,891 --> 00:04:01,201
SHARON: Sharon.Sharon.
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00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,201
You like fat guys?[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
62
00:04:04,722 --> 00:04:06,592
Yeah, baby, you looking good.
63
00:04:06,637 --> 00:04:09,377
Boy, I mean, you know,
it ain't long, but it's wide, baby.
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00:04:09,423 --> 00:04:11,473
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
65
00:04:17,126 --> 00:04:19,556
Yeah, I can get fixin'
on a pickle jar, baby.
66
00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:24,663
Bet you've never seen
a penis with a double chin, have you?
67
00:04:26,004 --> 00:04:29,014
Could make you happy, baby.
68
00:04:29,051 --> 00:04:31,881
Man, I love the women, man.
I'm telling you, man.
69
00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:34,623
Better than being a fag,
ain't it? I'm serious, man.
70
00:04:34,665 --> 00:04:36,665
Not that I got anything
against gay people, man.
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00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:38,711
Gay people losing
they mind now, ain't they?
72
00:04:38,756 --> 00:04:40,846
They are going crazy, man.
73
00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:44,679
They sticking all kind
of objects up their ass, can't get them out.
74
00:04:44,719 --> 00:04:48,589
I mean chipmunks, monkeys,
mice, gerbils, cattle.
75
00:04:48,636 --> 00:04:52,466
Anything they can
stick in their ass and can't get them out.
76
00:04:52,509 --> 00:04:54,249
A friend of mine
told me about this guy.
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00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:57,304
He came in the
emergency room, right? He worked there, right?
78
00:04:57,340 --> 00:05:00,130
And he had a vibrator
caught in his ass,
79
00:05:00,169 --> 00:05:02,259
and it was
still running, right?
80
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:05,522
So... So the doctors,
they were trying to get it out, right,
81
00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:07,736
but it kept shocking
them, right?
82
00:05:07,785 --> 00:05:10,915
They... They were
reaching in like this going, "Oh, Jesus.
83
00:05:10,962 --> 00:05:12,182
"Okay, let's try this again.
84
00:05:12,224 --> 00:05:14,754
"Oh, Jesus.
I'm sorry, sir.
85
00:05:14,792 --> 00:05:18,672
"We're going to have
to let that run down before we can get it."
86
00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:20,319
The fag turned around
and went like this,
87
00:05:20,363 --> 00:05:22,933
"Oh, my God. What a time
for me to use Energizers."
88
00:05:26,848 --> 00:05:31,108
'Cause they keep going
and going.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
89
00:05:31,156 --> 00:05:33,156
Two days later, still going.
90
00:05:37,815 --> 00:05:41,295
Oh, man. Oh, man.
Oh, man.
91
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,991
But y'all are
a good-looking bunch of people.
92
00:05:43,038 --> 00:05:44,688
You really are, man.
You look good, man.
93
00:05:44,735 --> 00:05:46,815
Nice looking ladies
all over the place.
94
00:05:46,868 --> 00:05:50,868
Thorough looking guys, man.
I'm serious, man. You look good, man.
95
00:05:50,915 --> 00:05:53,135
Treat them women good, man.
You got to, man.
96
00:05:53,178 --> 00:05:56,358
Got to treat them good
even though they drive us crazy, don't they, guys?
97
00:05:56,399 --> 00:05:58,229
I tell you, you're gonna
have trouble any time
98
00:05:58,270 --> 00:06:01,800
you don't make a woman
have an orgasm. Isn't that true?
99
00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:04,189
A woman will put up
with anything that you do
100
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:06,323
as long as you
making them cum, man.
101
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,236
That's right...
That's right.
102
00:06:09,281 --> 00:06:10,981
You can't get away
with a damn thing
103
00:06:11,022 --> 00:06:13,292
unless you make them
have an orgasm.
104
00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:15,419
And some women
are not orgasmic.
105
00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:19,472
Did you know that?
That's right, some women are not orgasmic.
106
00:06:19,509 --> 00:06:21,689
I see there's one
right up front, I got.
107
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:25,040
She went, "Oh,
my God, that's me."
108
00:06:27,212 --> 00:06:31,172
And if a woman tell you
that she ain't ever had an orgasm,
109
00:06:31,216 --> 00:06:32,906
you know that's
a challenge for us guys.
110
00:06:32,957 --> 00:06:34,917
You know what
you gonna have to do.
111
00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:37,529
You gonna have to
go down on her.
112
00:06:37,571 --> 00:06:39,491
'Cause sometimes
to get the gravy...
113
00:06:39,529 --> 00:06:41,879
Hey, sometimes
to get the gravy, you got to sop the plate.
114
00:06:41,923 --> 00:06:44,973
Ain't nothing wrong
with that.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
115
00:06:45,013 --> 00:06:48,503
And they love it, man.
Don't let them fool you, they love it just as much...
116
00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:51,148
But I'm gonna tell you.
If you go down on a woman woman ain't never had an
117
00:06:51,193 --> 00:06:55,153
orgasm, you better have
some oxygen with you, jack.
118
00:06:55,197 --> 00:06:57,027
'Cause when she
get that orgasm,
119
00:06:57,068 --> 00:07:00,028
she get super-human strength
like the Hulk, man.
120
00:07:00,071 --> 00:07:02,681
You know, you be
down there, right? You know, you be down there,
121
00:07:02,726 --> 00:07:06,426
you be having
a good time, right. [SPEAKS GIBBERISH]
122
00:07:09,994 --> 00:07:12,394
And then all of a sudden
you hear that noise, "Argh."
123
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,522
"Hey...
Hey, what was that?"
124
00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:18,664
"Argh." "Hey."
[GROWLS]
125
00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:21,659
"Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a fucking minute.
126
00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:23,532
"I can't fucking breathe."
127
00:07:23,573 --> 00:07:27,063
And you trying to turn
your head around like this.
128
00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:30,098
She got the back
of your head, boom, boom, boom, boom.
129
00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:33,185
So you're gonna need
a shampoo afterwards,
130
00:07:33,235 --> 00:07:34,885
but it's well worth
the effort.
131
00:07:34,932 --> 00:07:36,242
Hey, y'all been great.
I'm the Fat Doctor.
132
00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:37,721
I'll see y'all next time.
Good night.
133
00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:39,071
[MUSIC PLAYING]
134
00:07:51,209 --> 00:07:52,249
Man,
135
00:07:53,908 --> 00:07:56,128
I'd like to
acknowledge someone else
136
00:07:56,171 --> 00:07:58,261
that's in the house that...
I love her.
137
00:07:58,303 --> 00:08:02,793
You know, she's one of
the baddest women vocalists out there, Alyson Williams.
138
00:08:05,049 --> 00:08:09,399
And she's tall,
oh... You like, oh.
139
00:08:09,445 --> 00:08:11,265
Is that your man
sitting next to you?WILLIAMS: Yes.
140
00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:14,356
MARTIN: Damn...
[MUMBLES]KID CAPRI: Hey, yo, Martin.
141
00:08:14,406 --> 00:08:16,536
What?KID CAPRI: I see Big Daddy
Kane over there.
142
00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:17,933
Where? Where is
Big Daddy Kane?
143
00:08:17,975 --> 00:08:19,105
KID CAPRI: All the way
over there.
144
00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:22,200
Where? Hey!
145
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:26,380
It's Kane...
Smooth operator.
146
00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:28,028
You a smooth boy, man.
147
00:08:28,072 --> 00:08:30,862
Love you, man.
Yo, I'd like to acknowledge...
148
00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:33,991
Man, we just got everybody
in the house and I just want to acknowledge them.
149
00:08:34,035 --> 00:08:36,855
My man, Matty Rich.
Wassup?[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
150
00:08:36,907 --> 00:08:39,867
And Rocky Carroll from Roc.
What's up, man?
151
00:08:44,132 --> 00:08:48,142
Oh, and Olivia.
Hi. How you doing?
152
00:08:48,179 --> 00:08:53,319
Yeah, oh that's you?
Rocky's with Olivia now?
153
00:08:53,358 --> 00:08:55,268
Let me give you the gossip.
154
00:08:58,059 --> 00:09:01,669
Well, you made the right
choice, 'cause God damn!
155
00:09:01,715 --> 00:09:05,405
You... Hey, brother,
you don't mind me saying, she's... You are fine.
156
00:09:05,457 --> 00:09:10,637
I mean, I could never
leave you, and he ain't going nowhere, too.
157
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:14,510
And I know it's good.
God damn, I know it's good.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
158
00:09:18,732 --> 00:09:21,342
Is that what a TV series
do for you, man?
159
00:09:21,386 --> 00:09:23,296
God... No, I'm joking.
160
00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:27,915
Okay, no, look,
these next brothers,
161
00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:30,698
y'all, they're from
Houston, Texas.
162
00:09:30,744 --> 00:09:33,364
Now they live in New York,
so they one of yours.
163
00:09:33,398 --> 00:09:35,358
Boom, they one of yours
'cause they black anyway.
164
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:39,010
Yo, give it up
for Arceneax and Mitchell.[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
165
00:09:47,151 --> 00:09:49,591
All right...
All right. Wassup? Wassup?
166
00:09:49,632 --> 00:09:51,592
We watch a lot
of TV, you know?
167
00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:54,074
And I think you can tell
when you're addicted to television.
168
00:09:54,115 --> 00:09:56,195
That's when you're
up at 2:30 in the morning.
169
00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:58,897
Watching Spanish
soap operas.
170
00:09:58,946 --> 00:10:01,556
You know you don't
speak Spanish.
171
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:04,911
But you sitting there
like you can understand this shit, right?
172
00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:05,952
[MIMICS REMOTE CLICK]
173
00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:08,906
[SPEAKS SPANISH]
174
00:10:10,566 --> 00:10:13,256
[SPEAKS SPANISH]
175
00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:18,530
Yeah, that's right, Maria.
You tell him... Tell him.
176
00:10:19,314 --> 00:10:21,584
[SPEAKS SPANISH]
177
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,541
Tell him you ain't taking
that shit no more.
178
00:10:23,579 --> 00:10:26,409
[SPEAKS SPANISH]Tell him to kiss your ass.
179
00:10:26,451 --> 00:10:27,671
[SPEAKS SPANISH]
180
00:10:28,453 --> 00:10:29,633
Yes! Yes!
181
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:39,115
So you up, you just flipping.
182
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:42,420
Oh, and by the way,
I'm not only the hair club president...
183
00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,297
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
184
00:10:48,778 --> 00:10:54,438
Hi. Does your car
sound like this?[MIMICS FLAT TIRE]
185
00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:58,879
If it does,
then your tire is on flat.
186
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:04,449
However, if it sounds
like this...[MIMICS HORSE WHINNYING]
187
00:11:04,489 --> 00:11:07,409
[MIMICKING VARIOUS ANIMALS]
188
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:21,380
Well then, you've
probably got an asshole doing your sound effects.
189
00:11:24,422 --> 00:11:26,032
But it don't make
no never mind.
190
00:11:26,076 --> 00:11:28,986
I want you to bring it on in
to me and let me fix it.
191
00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:32,946
You know, people come up to
me all the time and they say,
192
00:11:32,996 --> 00:11:37,306
"Bubba, do you think
you can fix my truck?"
193
00:11:37,348 --> 00:11:42,438
And I just stare at them,
'cause my name ain't Bubba.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
194
00:11:42,484 --> 00:11:44,924
It's Zack and I own
Zack's Car Repair
195
00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:46,705
where my motto is,
196
00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:48,319
"if I can't fix it,
you better take the son of a bitch back
197
00:11:48,359 --> 00:11:50,839
"where you got it from,
'cause it's broke. Thank you."
198
00:11:52,624 --> 00:11:54,454
[HIGH-PITCHED] Whoo,
and welcome back
199
00:11:54,496 --> 00:11:56,796
to the program,
ladies and gentlemen.
200
00:11:56,846 --> 00:11:58,936
Now, for those of you
who are just joining us,
201
00:11:58,979 --> 00:12:03,509
we were talking
about oral sex.
202
00:12:03,548 --> 00:12:06,248
Yes, well, hoo-hoo![AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
203
00:12:06,290 --> 00:12:13,250
And we know that this is
sexual gratification...[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
204
00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:17,297
Received chiefly
from the mouth parts, yes, well, hoo-hoo.
205
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:20,345
But what we shall do now
is go to the phones
206
00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:23,871
and answer any questions
you may have
207
00:12:23,917 --> 00:12:28,487
pertaining to oral sex.
208
00:12:28,530 --> 00:12:30,100
[ARCENEAX MIMICS TELEPHONE]
209
00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:33,140
Hello, you're on the air.ARCENEAX: Hello, Dr. Ruth.
210
00:12:33,187 --> 00:12:34,967
Yes.ARCENEAX: How the hell
are you doing,
211
00:12:35,015 --> 00:12:37,885
you pretty
little ole' filly you.Oh, I'm sure...
212
00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:39,581
ARCENEAX: Oh, I sure
do like you, woman.
213
00:12:39,628 --> 00:12:41,198
I just wanted to let you
know that.
214
00:12:41,238 --> 00:12:43,808
Thank you very much.Boy you got lips on you...
215
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:46,810
Well.ARCENEAX: I bet you can suck
a marble through a straw.
216
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:49,203
Woo!
217
00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:52,466
Oh, let me ask
you a question, sir.ARCENEAX: What do you want?
218
00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:54,210
What is your name?
219
00:12:54,251 --> 00:12:57,121
Let me tell you, ma'am.
My name's Buck.Buck. I see.
220
00:12:57,167 --> 00:12:58,467
I drive a truck...Woo!
221
00:12:58,516 --> 00:13:00,906
And I love to...Oh, listen Buck.
222
00:13:00,954 --> 00:13:04,444
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
223
00:13:04,479 --> 00:13:09,049
Buck, we are on the air
so there are some things that we cannot say, you know.
224
00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:11,832
ARCENEAX: Well I wasn't
really paying no attention to that.
225
00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:13,658
But I tell you what...ARCENEAX: I like you, though.
226
00:13:13,705 --> 00:13:16,185
I tell you what, Buck.
You sound like you're a man
227
00:13:16,230 --> 00:13:19,150
who's very sexually active.
Yes, you do.
228
00:13:19,189 --> 00:13:21,449
Well I'm gonna tell you
something about that.Uh-huh.
229
00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:24,886
I'm so doggone
sexually active,
230
00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:26,894
that sometimes
I screw myself.
231
00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:29,846
Woo, masturbation!You ought to see
me do it.
232
00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:31,766
Well I wouldn't want to
see you do that, Buck.
233
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,031
Got that Vaseline
in one hand...
234
00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:35,863
Oh, no! Listen...
Listen...
235
00:13:35,902 --> 00:13:39,862
Listen, I tell you what, Buck.
I don't care what you screw,
236
00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:44,426
just as long as you use
contraceptives. Okay? Okay.
237
00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:48,515
I sure do like the way
you roll your tongue, woman. You know that?
238
00:13:48,566 --> 00:13:50,696
Well thank you,
Buck. It's...
239
00:13:50,742 --> 00:13:52,662
You know what I'd like to
get you to do for me?Oh, what is that, Buck?
240
00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:55,311
I'd love to get you
to roll your tongue crossing my balls.
241
00:13:55,356 --> 00:13:57,576
[MUMBLES]Oh! Buck... Buck...
Buck... Buck... Buck...
242
00:13:57,619 --> 00:14:00,139
Buck, please, please.There ain't no need...
243
00:14:00,187 --> 00:14:03,967
Buck, I'm...I'll grab you by your ankles
and make a wish.
244
00:14:04,017 --> 00:14:07,537
Whoo! Oh, listen...listen.You think I won't?
245
00:14:07,585 --> 00:14:09,405
Listen, I tell you
what, Buck.
246
00:14:09,457 --> 00:14:12,107
I tell you what, Buck.
We're out of time.Hey! Hey! Hey!
247
00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:15,285
God damn,
I'll treat you like a postage stamp.
248
00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:16,992
Listen Buck, listen.
I told you we were out of time.
249
00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:19,640
I'll lick you...Hello?
250
00:14:19,684 --> 00:14:21,384
...stick you...Hello?
251
00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:23,465
...and send you
on your goddamn way.
252
00:14:23,514 --> 00:14:26,084
Whoo! Thank you.
We're out of here.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
253
00:14:41,924 --> 00:14:43,934
Yo, comin' to the stage,
254
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,890
give it up for my man,
Reynaldo Rey.
255
00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:48,059
[MUSIC PLAYING]
256
00:14:57,853 --> 00:14:58,853
Thank you.
257
00:15:00,421 --> 00:15:06,341
I'm the token old person
on this goddamn show.
258
00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:10,133
It was hard for me
to get here 'cause it's hell leaving a freak party.
259
00:15:10,170 --> 00:15:12,000
You know what I'm saying?
260
00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:14,221
And I just left
Rick James' house.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
261
00:15:20,223 --> 00:15:23,713
And Rick go to smoking that
shit and turn cowboy on you.
262
00:15:24,575 --> 00:15:26,225
Want to brand your ass.
263
00:15:29,537 --> 00:15:32,927
All the freaks
were at Rick's party.
264
00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:36,065
A bunch of freaks.
Reverend Swaggart was there.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
265
00:15:39,895 --> 00:15:43,895
We got all kind of succulent,
tantalizing, vivacious,
266
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:48,083
scrumptious hunks
of feminine pulchritude,
267
00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:51,211
and he brings
a two-dollar whore.
268
00:15:51,254 --> 00:15:53,784
All these pretty women,
he can't wait to take up
269
00:15:53,822 --> 00:15:57,042
the collection
to run out there and grab a whore.
270
00:15:57,086 --> 00:16:00,606
And brought her
to Rick James' freak party.
271
00:16:00,655 --> 00:16:02,605
Pee-wee Herman was there.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
272
00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:08,181
They introduced me
to Pee-wee, but I didn't shake his hand.
273
00:16:12,623 --> 00:16:15,243
Mike Tyson was there.
You know he was at the freak party.
274
00:16:15,278 --> 00:16:19,758
God damn, shit, Mike
just running around just feeling ass.
275
00:16:19,804 --> 00:16:21,244
[GROWLS][AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
276
00:16:31,207 --> 00:16:33,687
Let's be realistic.
277
00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:37,611
It's rough to leave
a freak party. I'm a freak,
278
00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:42,178
and, gentlemen, if you're not
a freak, keep your lady from around me.
279
00:16:42,218 --> 00:16:47,178
I was with a married woman
the other night, married 22 years.
280
00:16:47,223 --> 00:16:49,313
Her husband
never freaked her.
281
00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:53,835
Never put his face
in the place.
282
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,150
God damn it, I did.
283
00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:03,977
She went home and
stabbed that man 58 times.
284
00:17:05,502 --> 00:17:07,292
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND LAUGHING]
285
00:17:08,984 --> 00:17:10,384
Thank you very much!
286
00:17:16,383 --> 00:17:19,043
Reynaldo Rey.
Give him a round of applause.
287
00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:20,171
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
288
00:17:22,954 --> 00:17:26,654
All right, fasten
your seat belts
289
00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:28,957
'cause this is my man.
290
00:17:29,004 --> 00:17:32,444
Man, this brother work out
in California all the time at the comedy clubs,
291
00:17:32,486 --> 00:17:36,006
yo, trying to make
our way, and we're doing it. The boy is hilarious.
292
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:39,355
He's from Kansas. Give it up
for my man, Eddie Griffin.
293
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,420
Wassup in the house?
294
00:17:56,031 --> 00:17:59,341
I ain't gonna talk
about Magic Johnson,
295
00:17:59,382 --> 00:18:03,732
'cause I think Magic's a
hell of a man to come on TV and say what he had to say.
296
00:18:03,778 --> 00:18:06,388
He got a lot of heart.[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
297
00:18:08,435 --> 00:18:10,645
You know what I'm saying?
And did it with a smile on his face.
298
00:18:10,698 --> 00:18:15,048
"I feel good. I feel good.
Life goes on. I'm going to beat this."
299
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,834
Because if that had been me,
I'd a came on,
300
00:18:18,836 --> 00:18:20,656
"Y'all looking
at a dead man.
301
00:18:21,970 --> 00:18:24,450
"I got five,
six years, tops.
302
00:18:24,494 --> 00:18:28,154
"I'm robbing banks,
I'm assassinating the president,
303
00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:30,944
"I ain't got shit to lose."[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
304
00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:41,344
'Cause '91 was a trip.
'91 was the year everybody went crazy.
305
00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:44,911
Police lost they
motherfucking minds.
306
00:18:44,949 --> 00:18:47,819
I know y'all seen
the Rodney King beating. Came on every night,
307
00:18:47,865 --> 00:18:50,905
turned into a TV series.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
308
00:18:50,955 --> 00:18:53,085
"Let's watch the
Rodney King beating tonight,
309
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:56,142
"7:30, 8:30, 9:30.
We're whipping his ass just for you."
310
00:18:58,702 --> 00:19:01,182
And they fucked
the brother up.
311
00:19:01,227 --> 00:19:02,837
And now that it's getting
ready to go to trial,
312
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,320
the police can come on TV.
"We're not guilty."
313
00:19:05,361 --> 00:19:09,021
Stevie Wonder can see
these motherfuckers are guilty.
314
00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:11,410
But that's all right,
'cause the brother getting paid.
315
00:19:11,454 --> 00:19:13,804
He getting a million dollars
for every blow...
316
00:19:13,848 --> 00:19:16,978
Fifty-six million dollars.[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
317
00:19:17,025 --> 00:19:20,415
I'm looking
to get fucked up.
318
00:19:20,463 --> 00:19:23,953
I'm doing 300 miles an hour
in a Volkswagen
319
00:19:23,988 --> 00:19:27,298
yelling out the window,
"Fuck the police!
320
00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:30,170
"Fuck all you bashin'
motherfuckers!
321
00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:33,962
"Come over here, whoop my
ass, give me my cash."
322
00:19:33,998 --> 00:19:35,298
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
323
00:19:41,484 --> 00:19:43,664
If I know I'm getting
a million dollars for every blow,
324
00:19:43,704 --> 00:19:46,494
I will grab their billy club
and fuck my own shit up.
325
00:19:48,839 --> 00:19:51,929
Then you had
Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill.
326
00:19:51,973 --> 00:19:55,633
Black-on-black crime
at the highest level.
327
00:19:55,672 --> 00:19:57,852
And I think both of them
was telling the truth
328
00:19:57,892 --> 00:19:59,462
'cause Clarence had pinched
so many asses,
329
00:19:59,502 --> 00:20:01,462
he just forgot
about that one.
330
00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:03,994
'Cause you know
Clarence pinched that ass.
331
00:20:04,028 --> 00:20:08,208
He married to a white woman,
no ass at home.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
332
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:16,562
He showed up at the
job scene, that big, fat, black juicy ass.
333
00:20:16,606 --> 00:20:18,566
Pow!
334
00:20:18,608 --> 00:20:23,868
"Welcome to the job, baby.
You ever seen Long Dong Silver?"
335
00:20:23,918 --> 00:20:27,008
Yeah. And the real
hypocrites was the senators.
336
00:20:27,051 --> 00:20:30,101
Your biggest crooks
in the world up there trying to jail somebody,
337
00:20:30,141 --> 00:20:32,141
especially
Ted Kennedy's ass.
338
00:20:32,187 --> 00:20:38,717
Rapist, murderer,
drive-by shooting, you name it, he done it.
339
00:20:38,759 --> 00:20:40,369
And every time
they ask him a question,
340
00:20:40,413 --> 00:20:42,423
"I yield to
Senator Kassebaum.
341
00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:45,238
"Just don't bring up
none of my shit. She's right over there."
342
00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:53,160
Shit. And I found out
that a lot of our nation's great forefathers
343
00:20:53,208 --> 00:20:55,298
were heavy
cocaine users.
344
00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:57,471
Like Alexander Graham Bell,
345
00:20:57,517 --> 00:21:01,297
that's how he got his
middle name, "gram."[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
346
00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:03,997
He like to buy it
by the gram.
347
00:21:04,045 --> 00:21:06,655
'Cause you
got to be totally high and out your mind
348
00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:10,620
to come up with
a concept like telephone sitting at home.
349
00:21:10,660 --> 00:21:13,400
"I wish I could talk to
somebody ain't even here."[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
350
00:21:15,404 --> 00:21:18,974
[SHOUTING]
"Hello? Hello?"
351
00:21:25,588 --> 00:21:27,328
And you know
Ben Franklin was fucked up.
352
00:21:27,373 --> 00:21:29,383
He went out in
a lightning storm with a kite.
353
00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:31,809
Need I say more?
354
00:21:36,251 --> 00:21:39,251
And Michael Jackson's got
his new album out.
355
00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:41,738
The stuff Teddy did
on there is slamming. The rest of that...
356
00:21:41,778 --> 00:21:42,778
Uh...
357
00:21:44,433 --> 00:21:46,133
I think Michael's on crack.
358
00:21:47,610 --> 00:21:49,480
Myself.
359
00:21:49,525 --> 00:21:52,825
Anybody that will fuck
they face up like that on purpose,
360
00:21:52,876 --> 00:21:55,786
he doing something.
361
00:21:55,836 --> 00:21:57,706
I bet ya Michael's at home,
Michael's like...
362
00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:00,318
[SNIFFS]
363
00:22:02,016 --> 00:22:03,796
Ooh![AUDIENCE CHEERING]
364
00:22:09,980 --> 00:22:11,370
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
365
00:22:12,113 --> 00:22:13,113
[SNIFFS]
366
00:22:22,166 --> 00:22:23,516
[AUDIENCE CONTINUES CHEERING]
367
00:22:32,829 --> 00:22:34,049
[SNIFFS]
368
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:37,615
Ho!
369
00:22:37,660 --> 00:22:38,970
Good night, y'all.
370
00:22:41,272 --> 00:22:42,622
[AUDIENCE CHANTING]
371
00:22:48,149 --> 00:22:49,369
[MUSIC PLAYING]
372
00:22:55,896 --> 00:22:58,856
Eddie Griffin...
Eddie Griffin. Give it up one more time.
373
00:23:00,553 --> 00:23:03,823
I would...
Well, Russell...
374
00:23:03,860 --> 00:23:07,520
This is a special night
'cause Mia Duke's in the house. Y'all give her a hand.
375
00:23:11,172 --> 00:23:12,652
It's been flavorful.
Thank you.
376
00:23:12,695 --> 00:23:14,695
Yo.God bless you.
We'll see you.
377
00:23:14,741 --> 00:23:16,871
Before we go...No, no, no. Before we go,
we thanked a lot of
378
00:23:16,917 --> 00:23:18,567
celebrities that
came here tonight.
379
00:23:18,614 --> 00:23:20,184
Most of all,
we want to thank you,
380
00:23:20,224 --> 00:23:23,844
because you made it
possible. Thank you. Peace.
381
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:25,710
[AUDIENCE CHEERING][MUSIC PLAYING]
382
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:30,310
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