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00:00:09,052 --> 00:00:10,792
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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00:00:10,836 --> 00:00:13,056
KID CAPRI: It's the
Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam.
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00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:15,100
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
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00:00:37,167 --> 00:00:38,727
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]
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00:00:39,691 --> 00:00:42,171
[SLOW CLAPPING]
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00:00:42,216 --> 00:00:44,216
Ladies and gentlemen,
my name is the Kid Capri.
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00:00:44,261 --> 00:00:46,481
I'd like to welcome you and
y'alls to the place to be.
8
00:00:46,524 --> 00:00:48,354
Do me a big favor,
put your hands together
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00:00:48,396 --> 00:00:55,226
for my main man,
Mr. Martin Lawrence!
10
00:00:55,272 --> 00:00:57,062
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
11
00:01:13,203 --> 00:01:14,993
[MUSIC STOPS]
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00:01:16,772 --> 00:01:18,302
Thank you!
13
00:01:18,339 --> 00:01:20,119
My man, Kid Capri!
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00:01:20,993 --> 00:01:22,653
MARTIN: Wassup?
15
00:01:24,823 --> 00:01:26,223
Yo.
16
00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:28,310
We going to have
a good time here tonight.
17
00:01:28,349 --> 00:01:31,609
Welcome to the
Def Comedy Jam
18
00:01:31,656 --> 00:01:33,216
where we present
young, black...
19
00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:35,097
No, I mean, I don't
just mean black
20
00:01:35,138 --> 00:01:36,268
because, I know, white people
are going to go,
21
00:01:36,313 --> 00:01:39,103
"Fuck! Is it a black thing?"
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00:01:39,142 --> 00:01:41,142
Where we present...
[CHUCKLES]
23
00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:43,448
Where we present young comics
from all over the world,
24
00:01:43,494 --> 00:01:44,714
so y'all have a good time.
25
00:01:44,756 --> 00:01:46,666
And when we say def,
26
00:01:46,715 --> 00:01:48,975
for those who don't know
what the fuck we're talking about
27
00:01:49,021 --> 00:01:50,551
we don't mean deaf like,
28
00:01:50,588 --> 00:01:53,368
"Okay."
[SPEAKS GIBBERISH]
29
00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:54,977
No.
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00:01:55,027 --> 00:01:58,157
We mean as, you know,
a cool thing happening.
31
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You know, we get a lot
of deaf people like,
32
00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:01,857
[IMPERSONATING
A DEAF PERSON] "Uh-uh! Nu-uh! You wrong!
33
00:02:03,775 --> 00:02:07,165
"You don't do no shit
like that, man. You are wrong!"
34
00:02:07,214 --> 00:02:08,564
I don't...
35
00:02:08,606 --> 00:02:10,166
So, I don't mean
to offend... [CHUCKLES]
36
00:02:10,217 --> 00:02:11,347
To offend deaf people.
37
00:02:11,392 --> 00:02:12,782
I'm not sayin' that.
38
00:02:12,828 --> 00:02:14,048
But wassup?
39
00:02:14,090 --> 00:02:15,180
Y'all feel good?
40
00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:16,442
AUDIENCE: Yeah!
41
00:02:16,484 --> 00:02:17,704
That's right!
Let that shit out!
42
00:02:17,746 --> 00:02:19,176
Women look good, too.
God damn!
43
00:02:20,531 --> 00:02:22,101
This... This row right here.
44
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,882
Just a... Just pussy.
Just...
45
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You know that...
You just want to jump in that mug.
46
00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:29,240
Just splash!
47
00:02:32,891 --> 00:02:34,591
You know what I'm saying?
48
00:02:34,632 --> 00:02:36,502
I wish I... I wish I
couldn't do nuthin else.
49
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:37,937
I... I wish I couldn't
tell jokes.
50
00:02:37,983 --> 00:02:40,203
I wish I could just
go all day fuckin'.
51
00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:42,067
Just walk around,
just, ugh.
52
00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:43,818
[WOMEN SCREAM EXCITEDLY]
53
00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:46,209
[CHUCKLES] Uh. Yeah.
54
00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:48,523
But no, have a good time.
Let it out. I know...
55
00:02:48,559 --> 00:02:51,209
Black people, if y'all want to
jump on the stage and... Uh!
56
00:02:51,258 --> 00:02:54,608
Cause that's how
we laugh anyway. "Uhhhhh!"
57
00:02:54,652 --> 00:02:55,912
You know, like,
white people are just
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00:02:55,958 --> 00:02:57,178
"Ha, ha, ha."
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00:03:01,616 --> 00:03:03,486
We're here to have
a good time.
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00:03:03,531 --> 00:03:05,711
Damn, they ain't
serving no drinks, huh?
61
00:03:05,750 --> 00:03:07,670
They ain't serve
y'all no drinks?
62
00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:08,749
Yeah, I know y'all want
to get comfortable. Loose, right?
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00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:10,057
Have some drinks.
Mmm, you know.
64
00:03:10,102 --> 00:03:11,502
You know?
65
00:03:11,539 --> 00:03:13,279
But ladies, y'all
don't drink no alcohol.
66
00:03:13,323 --> 00:03:14,543
I'm gonna get y'all
to start fuckin' with alcohol.
67
00:03:14,585 --> 00:03:16,105
Because y'all don't know
how to drink.
68
00:03:16,152 --> 00:03:17,552
Y'all get hot...
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00:03:17,588 --> 00:03:19,238
Hot if a motherfucker
gave you some wine.
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00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:21,676
Y'all just start
[SQUEALING].
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00:03:23,464 --> 00:03:25,814
That's why brothers be like,
"Drink up. Go on! Drink up!
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00:03:27,294 --> 00:03:29,604
"Drink that shit, girl."
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00:03:29,644 --> 00:03:31,254
I'm serious. Don't...
Don't be going out
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00:03:31,298 --> 00:03:33,518
with brothers
that's getting you drunk,
75
00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:34,911
'cause I'm telling you,
you wake up with a dick in your mouth like this...
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00:03:34,953 --> 00:03:37,263
[SMACKS LIPS]
"Whose dick is this?
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"Whose dick is this?
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"Uh-uh!
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"Uh-uh!
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00:03:43,745 --> 00:03:46,045
"No, I ain't havin' it,
uh-uh.
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00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:48,915
"Don't be storin' no dicks
in my mouth.
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00:03:48,967 --> 00:03:51,537
"Okay, 'cause
it ain't like that."
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00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:52,799
[SMACKS LIPS]
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00:03:53,407 --> 00:03:54,497
[CHUCKLES]
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00:03:56,627 --> 00:03:58,407
So, we gonna move on
with the show.
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Our first performer
comes to you from Strong Island.
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00:04:00,675 --> 00:04:02,845
Give it up for my man,
Steve White.
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00:04:02,894 --> 00:04:04,594
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
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00:04:14,732 --> 00:04:16,652
Thank you very much,
Mr. Capri!
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00:04:18,214 --> 00:04:20,304
[LAUGHS]
92
00:04:20,347 --> 00:04:22,257
Ladies and gentleman,
Martin Lawrence, a force to be reckoned with!
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00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:23,565
Rattle the floor
for Martin Lawrence!
94
00:04:23,611 --> 00:04:25,441
And his suit!
95
00:04:25,482 --> 00:04:26,922
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
96
00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:30,530
And he had
such a nice ass, didn't he?
97
00:04:32,010 --> 00:04:34,450
I'm kidding!
I'm not gay, my husband is.
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00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:36,621
Pah! My husband is!
99
00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:38,317
Where does he get it from?
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00:04:40,192 --> 00:04:41,192
Anyway.
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00:04:48,026 --> 00:04:49,326
No, no, no, no.
I'm getting old.
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00:04:49,376 --> 00:04:50,936
I'm gonna have
to settle down.
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00:04:50,986 --> 00:04:51,986
I'm gonna seckle down
and get a woman, you know?
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00:04:52,030 --> 00:04:53,640
I'm gettin' married.
105
00:04:53,684 --> 00:04:55,034
I was thinking about maybe
getting married and my...
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00:04:55,077 --> 00:04:56,337
My girl brought up
this engagement ring thing.
107
00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:57,783
Guys, watch out
for this trap, man.
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00:04:57,819 --> 00:04:59,649
Women pull this stuff like
that, these phrases,
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00:04:59,690 --> 00:05:01,300
"No ring? No thing."
110
00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:06,998
Penis, penis, penis!
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00:05:07,045 --> 00:05:09,305
That's one thing I hate
about being a man, man.
112
00:05:09,352 --> 00:05:11,662
Guys, the right ladies, guys,
always talk about the penis, regardless, man.
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00:05:11,702 --> 00:05:12,882
Even when it's
not necessary.
114
00:05:12,921 --> 00:05:14,311
Pull up to a club,
"How you doin', sir?
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00:05:14,357 --> 00:05:15,747
"We have valet parking
this evening."
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00:05:15,793 --> 00:05:18,323
"Yeah, I got your valet
parking right here!
117
00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:21,451
"Here's your valet
parking, 10 inches!"
118
00:05:21,495 --> 00:05:23,405
See, women have more class.
They don't do that.
119
00:05:23,453 --> 00:05:27,683
You never see a woman go,
"Yo, get these titties, my man!
120
00:05:27,718 --> 00:05:29,938
"As a matter of fact,
suck this pussy!"
121
00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:32,508
You never hear that, man.
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00:05:32,549 --> 00:05:34,599
Guys always brag
about the penis
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00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:37,898
like they doing damage
to women.
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00:05:37,946 --> 00:05:40,426
Wake up, guys.
Babies come out of women.
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00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:42,690
Unless your dick is
eight pounds three ounces...
126
00:05:42,733 --> 00:05:44,563
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
127
00:05:47,564 --> 00:05:49,134
You ain't doin' shit!
128
00:05:55,964 --> 00:05:58,404
To a woman, you're like
a ringer in a triangle.
129
00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:00,655
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Ding! Ding! Ding!
130
00:06:00,708 --> 00:06:01,838
Come and get it!
131
00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:05,890
I want it to touch both sides
next time, scooter!
132
00:06:05,930 --> 00:06:07,450
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
133
00:06:09,107 --> 00:06:11,017
And a man'll still get
up and go, "Yo, man!
134
00:06:11,066 --> 00:06:13,156
"I almost broke her
motherfuckin' back!"
135
00:06:13,198 --> 00:06:14,898
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND APPLAUDS]
136
00:06:19,422 --> 00:06:21,342
And women play with us
because they know we're gullible,
137
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,511
so they say stuff like,
"Oh, honey, look what you did!
138
00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:25,557
"I'm walking funny. Ooh!
139
00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:28,342
"I'm gonna have to
call in sick, big daddy!"
140
00:06:30,607 --> 00:06:32,127
Meanwhile the guy's head
is like,
141
00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:34,574
"Oh, yeah!
I'm a motherfucker!
142
00:06:34,611 --> 00:06:37,921
"I'm a..." [MUMBLES]
143
00:06:37,962 --> 00:06:40,362
Well, I eventually, you know,
I want to have kids, you know.
144
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,750
And you need a woman
for that.
145
00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:44,193
And I want to have
a baby sooner or later.
146
00:06:44,229 --> 00:06:46,059
Women get very picky
when they're pregnant, too.
147
00:06:46,101 --> 00:06:47,621
I met this one girl,
she's walking down the street,
148
00:06:47,668 --> 00:06:49,578
rubbing her belly,
talkin' about,
149
00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:51,406
"Ooh, I have to have
a girl with blue eyes and blonde hair.
150
00:06:51,454 --> 00:06:53,594
"I have to have a girl
with blue eyes and blonde hair."
151
00:06:53,630 --> 00:06:56,680
Gimme a break!
If you get a healthy child, you should be happy, right?
152
00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:57,720
Right!
153
00:07:00,158 --> 00:07:02,768
It's not like your crotch
is a crapshoot, you know?
154
00:07:02,813 --> 00:07:04,733
You can't go walking around,
155
00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:07,472
"All right! Give me a girl
with blues eyes and blonde hair!
156
00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:10,387
"Nope. That's a boy!
Back it up. One more time.
157
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:12,040
"Here we go! Here we go!
Hold on!
158
00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:16,093
"Give me a girl
with blue eyes and blonde hair!
159
00:07:16,131 --> 00:07:18,091
"Nope. That's a Chinese kid
who'll fuck up traffic.
160
00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:20,883
"Back it up! One more time,
here we go! Shootin' again. Shootin' again."
161
00:07:26,271 --> 00:07:29,841
That's why you got to
wear those condoms if you don't want those kids!
162
00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:33,501
But I gotta get out
of here, folks.
163
00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:37,810
But... But... But...
[STARTS RAPPING] But before I go, yo!
164
00:07:37,848 --> 00:07:40,328
♪ Let me do this,
because my name is Steve White,
165
00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:42,032
♪ I'm on top of the list
166
00:07:42,070 --> 00:07:44,420
♪ A lot of people say,
"Yo, brother, what do you do?"
167
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:47,254
♪ 'Cause I can write, act,
direct and do comedy too
168
00:07:47,292 --> 00:07:49,992
♪ 'Cause I'm a smooth
black brother and I don't eat pork
169
00:07:50,034 --> 00:07:52,824
♪ Spend all of my time
in LA and New York
170
00:07:52,863 --> 00:07:55,613
♪ Strong Isle and then
Brooklyn's the place for me
171
00:07:55,649 --> 00:07:58,389
♪ And a special shout out
for my man, Spike Lee
172
00:07:58,434 --> 00:08:01,574
♪ I got dumb mad lyrics
to make the crowd slam
173
00:08:01,611 --> 00:08:04,221
♪ As I rip up the
whole Def Comedy Jam
174
00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:07,096
♪ I ripped it up and
knocked you out the box
175
00:08:07,138 --> 00:08:09,918
♪ And I dedicate the show
to my man, Redd Foxx ♪
176
00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:11,227
Peace!
177
00:08:11,273 --> 00:08:12,973
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
178
00:08:24,939 --> 00:08:26,809
Steve White! My man!
179
00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:33,339
I ain't gonna be picking up
after yo ass though, motherfucker.
180
00:08:33,382 --> 00:08:36,082
Yeah, y'all, Steve was
talking about them condoms and shit, you know.
181
00:08:36,124 --> 00:08:37,824
Use them, motherfuckers,
fellas.
182
00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:40,685
I know you don't want
to use them, man. I know.
183
00:08:40,737 --> 00:08:44,217
But use them, man.
You gonna be out here just givin' women shit, use them!
184
00:08:44,262 --> 00:08:46,092
Brothers that ain't
circumcised, too.
185
00:08:46,134 --> 00:08:47,404
Get your shit right.
186
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:49,658
You know who you are!
187
00:08:49,703 --> 00:08:50,833
You're sitting there
like this.
188
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:56,490
Some brothers got dicks so
ugly, a crack addict would get her money back!
189
00:08:56,536 --> 00:09:01,626
"Ahhh! Nu-uh. Uh-uh.
I'll get high tomorrow. That's all right! Uh! Uh-uh."
190
00:09:01,671 --> 00:09:03,021
[CHUCKLES]
191
00:09:04,631 --> 00:09:07,721
"Uh! Uh-uh.
You don't put that up to me. Uh, no!"
192
00:09:07,764 --> 00:09:09,854
[CHUCKLES]
193
00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:12,117
We gonna keep
this show rollin'!
194
00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:14,599
[CHUCKLES]
195
00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:17,911
Coming to the stage
is my man. He's from New Jersey.
196
00:09:17,948 --> 00:09:19,298
Derrick Fox!
197
00:09:19,341 --> 00:09:21,041
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]
198
00:09:21,082 --> 00:09:22,782
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
199
00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:39,624
Stupid McNupid!
200
00:09:39,666 --> 00:09:41,756
All right.
Boom! Ding dong. Where's the bomb?
201
00:09:41,798 --> 00:09:43,758
Before I get started,
I'm gonna let y'all know why I know for a fact
202
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:47,460
I gotta be one of the
funniest comedians workin' alive today.
203
00:09:47,499 --> 00:09:48,759
Because can't nobody do
what I do.
204
00:09:48,805 --> 00:09:50,235
This is mine.
This is my trademark.
205
00:09:50,285 --> 00:09:51,625
If you see somebody
doin' it let me know,
206
00:09:51,678 --> 00:09:52,808
'cause they bitin' my shit.
All right.
207
00:09:56,378 --> 00:09:58,338
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
208
00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:02,728
Y'all should clap for that
because my head hurt when I do it.
209
00:10:02,776 --> 00:10:04,726
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
210
00:10:11,175 --> 00:10:13,475
For those of you who
do not know me,
211
00:10:13,525 --> 00:10:15,475
I grew up
in a very religious household
212
00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:17,487
with a very religious
black mother
213
00:10:17,529 --> 00:10:19,659
that associated God
with everything.
214
00:10:19,706 --> 00:10:21,706
Her favorite saying,
"God don't like ugly."
215
00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:24,321
All day, every day.
"God don't like ugly. God don't like ugly."
216
00:10:24,362 --> 00:10:27,632
So I grew up thinking,
"Damn, Whoopi Goldberg going to hell!
217
00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:31,275
"Mike Tyson, hell.
218
00:10:31,326 --> 00:10:33,496
"J.J. going to hell
with gasoline drawers on!"
219
00:10:33,545 --> 00:10:34,545
[WHOOPS]
220
00:10:36,026 --> 00:10:37,546
But just imagine
if that's true, right?
221
00:10:37,593 --> 00:10:39,863
If that's true, God really
don't like ugly.
222
00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:42,600
I guess that mean
Biz Markie is the antichrist, right?
223
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,562
[AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS]
224
00:10:46,384 --> 00:10:48,954
I mean...
225
00:10:48,996 --> 00:10:50,996
Now, come on.
Y'all know Biz is ugly. You know what I'm saying?
226
00:10:51,041 --> 00:10:53,701
That's not like
a bulletin or nothing. You know what I'm saying?
227
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:57,920
Homie's so ugly,
he could make an onion cry. That ain't right.
228
00:10:57,961 --> 00:11:01,441
This is something
that has to be talked about. You know what I'm saying?
229
00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:04,356
Oh, man. I like to talk
about stuff that I see around my way all the time,
230
00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:06,842
like the drug dealers,
the young drug dealers. Y'all see them.
231
00:11:06,883 --> 00:11:09,543
These are the stupidest people
on Earth. You know what I'm saying?
232
00:11:09,581 --> 00:11:11,671
Not... They ain't stupid
just because they selling that poison,
233
00:11:11,714 --> 00:11:13,984
they stupid 'cause
of the way they dress. Know what I'm saying?
234
00:11:14,021 --> 00:11:17,291
They all do the same thing,
go out and buy those tailor-made leather jackets.
235
00:11:17,328 --> 00:11:22,028
And they put they name on
the back, Raheem Clockin Doodle Dum Dollas.
236
00:11:22,072 --> 00:11:23,942
Then they go on the corner
and sell they drugs.
237
00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:32,343
The cops roll up,
"Excuse me, Raheem?"
238
00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:37,221
"Now, one of y'all niggas
ratted me out! Word is mum.
239
00:11:37,261 --> 00:11:39,091
"No, no, he just said Raheem.
240
00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:41,003
"You heard him, right?
He said... How you know my name?
241
00:11:41,048 --> 00:11:42,348
"Now, how you know my name?"
242
00:11:43,877 --> 00:11:45,307
Stupid McNupid.
243
00:11:47,663 --> 00:11:49,843
Before I go,
ladies and gentlemen,
244
00:11:49,883 --> 00:11:52,103
it wouldn't be fun if I
didn't bring out Shante.
245
00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:55,188
But in order for Shante
to come out,
246
00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:56,406
the crowd gotta be ready
247
00:11:56,454 --> 00:11:57,764
and y'all gotta bring her out.
248
00:11:57,804 --> 00:12:00,594
Ladies and gentlemen,
go Shante! Go Shante!
249
00:12:00,632 --> 00:12:03,202
AUDIENCE: [CHANTING]
Go Shante! Go Shante! Go Shante! Go Shante!
250
00:12:03,244 --> 00:12:05,164
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]
251
00:12:05,202 --> 00:12:07,202
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
252
00:13:02,999 --> 00:13:04,909
Uh-uh! Uh-uh! Uh-uh!
253
00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:08,478
Turn my music off, okay?
254
00:13:08,526 --> 00:13:12,436
No, you did not say
no to Shante in front of all these people, okay?
255
00:13:12,487 --> 00:13:14,837
In front of my fans?
Uh-uh! Uh-uh! Uh-uh!
256
00:13:14,881 --> 00:13:17,231
Scandal.
257
00:13:17,274 --> 00:13:19,714
I don't... I don't believe
you actually think that you cute.
258
00:13:19,755 --> 00:13:22,535
Look at your hair,
like you designed it with a firecracker or something.
259
00:13:24,542 --> 00:13:27,632
With them booger green
M.C. Hammer pants on. Oh, no!
260
00:13:29,460 --> 00:13:30,810
Oh, no!
261
00:13:35,553 --> 00:13:37,383
Don't you know
I'm the captain, sergeant,
262
00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:39,115
and the head lieutenant
of the fashion police?
263
00:13:39,166 --> 00:13:42,386
I'll have you locked up
dressin' like that.
264
00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:44,480
And I don't know
why you think you cute or something like that
265
00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:46,259
because you ain't, okay?
266
00:13:46,303 --> 00:13:47,833
Just between me and you,
you ugly.
267
00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:50,130
As a matter of fact,
you so ugly that when you cry,
268
00:13:50,177 --> 00:13:51,607
your tears go down
the back of your head
269
00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:53,656
because they scared to come
down your face, okay?
270
00:13:53,702 --> 00:13:55,572
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
271
00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:07,461
How dare you say
no to Shante?
272
00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:10,238
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to thank you for having me.
273
00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:12,594
My name is Shante
and it's all about me.
274
00:14:12,634 --> 00:14:14,514
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]
275
00:14:14,549 --> 00:14:16,249
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
276
00:14:39,226 --> 00:14:43,486
You... We just some
partyin' motherfuckers, ain't we?
277
00:14:43,534 --> 00:14:44,934
I know white people
are just like,
278
00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:47,321
"Oh, God! Look at him!
279
00:14:47,364 --> 00:14:49,324
The niggers are goin' crazy!"
280
00:14:50,672 --> 00:14:53,022
Oh shit, boy.
Hey, we parties.
281
00:14:53,066 --> 00:14:55,676
I... They... I'm not gonna
tell that lie.
282
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:58,510
That Derrick Fox
and that Shante shit.
283
00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:05,297
Right? Yeah.
That... No, that's some...
284
00:15:05,339 --> 00:15:07,379
That's some funny shit.
I ain't gonna lie.
285
00:15:07,428 --> 00:15:10,818
But when he turned around,
I wanted to fuck him. I'm sorry!
286
00:15:10,866 --> 00:15:14,166
I forgot he was a dude.
I was like, "Hey! Who's that?
287
00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:15,917
"Oh, dang! That's Derrick!"
288
00:15:19,266 --> 00:15:21,826
Woo! That motherfucker
better not go to jail, he know that!
289
00:15:22,878 --> 00:15:24,528
[CHUCKLES]
290
00:15:24,575 --> 00:15:26,315
You know what I'm saying?
You like to be Shante, huh?
291
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:30,540
Scandalous!
292
00:15:30,581 --> 00:15:32,151
[LAUGHS]
293
00:15:34,368 --> 00:15:36,018
All right. Yo!
294
00:15:36,065 --> 00:15:37,675
Y'all... Y'all a hell
of a crowd.
295
00:15:37,719 --> 00:15:39,679
We having a good time,
so we gonna keep it rollin'!
296
00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:41,241
Yo.
297
00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:44,158
This next performer
is a female, and she's bad.
298
00:15:44,204 --> 00:15:48,124
She's from Los Angeles.
Please give it up for Yvette Wilson.
299
00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:49,994
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]
300
00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:51,906
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
301
00:16:37,561 --> 00:16:39,041
Oh, Lord!
302
00:16:39,085 --> 00:16:40,695
It's some good lookin' men
in New York.
303
00:16:40,738 --> 00:16:42,478
Give it up for them, women.
They look good!
304
00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:47,531
Boyfriend right here...
305
00:16:47,571 --> 00:16:49,791
Yeah, you got it goin' on.
306
00:16:49,834 --> 00:16:51,974
He's just a cutie,
grinning and everything.
307
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,661
Stand up and
show the people again. Come on, stand up.
308
00:16:53,708 --> 00:16:54,708
Look at him.
309
00:16:56,711 --> 00:16:58,151
He's just as cute
and grinning.
310
00:16:58,191 --> 00:17:00,111
You know when they grin
like that, they can't fuck.
311
00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:01,849
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
312
00:17:05,589 --> 00:17:08,979
Awe, I ain't... I ain't
saying you can't fuck.
313
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:12,118
But I had a man like that,
cute, grinned all the time,
314
00:17:12,161 --> 00:17:14,211
he's what I call
a calypso fucker.
315
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:16,560
Because he was
always doin' it offbeat 'cause he was grinning.
316
00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:22,867
And I be trying
to catch on.
317
00:17:27,524 --> 00:17:31,444
That's why now all I
mess with is ugly men.
318
00:17:31,485 --> 00:17:33,005
Right, girlfriend?
319
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,402
Oh, you're ignoring me now!
320
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,536
'Cause ugly men know.
321
00:17:38,579 --> 00:17:40,189
They come in bringin' it.
322
00:17:40,233 --> 00:17:41,503
They come in the house
like this... [VOCALIZES BOOM]
323
00:17:42,409 --> 00:17:44,979
"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
324
00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:47,540
"Oh, you know I'm gonna
be givin' it to you, girl!"
325
00:17:47,588 --> 00:17:51,198
And they go right to work.
Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh!
326
00:17:51,244 --> 00:17:53,124
You're like, "Damn!
Go on with your ugly self."
327
00:17:56,249 --> 00:18:00,429
But then they always get happy
and want to talk to you while they do it.
328
00:18:00,470 --> 00:18:03,730
"Pop! Come on, girl. Pop!
Tell me you like it. Tell me!
329
00:18:03,778 --> 00:18:05,518
"Pop! Come on, girl."
330
00:18:08,174 --> 00:18:09,704
And I'm like,
"Yeah, it's good!
331
00:18:09,740 --> 00:18:11,660
"But I ain't got to look
at your ugly ass."
332
00:18:14,223 --> 00:18:17,623
I ain't tryin'
to talk about nobody 'cause we all got problems.
333
00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:19,971
If y'all ain't notice, I'm...
I'm a little overweight.
334
00:18:22,275 --> 00:18:25,315
Hey, that's all right though
'cause see, I learned how to trick 'em.
335
00:18:25,365 --> 00:18:27,755
Got to have
a little plan, girlfriend.
336
00:18:27,802 --> 00:18:29,632
'Cause I wear loose,
free-flowing clothes.
337
00:18:29,673 --> 00:18:31,503
I mean, y'all know
there's rolls under here,
338
00:18:31,545 --> 00:18:32,755
but I ain't got to show you.
339
00:18:32,807 --> 00:18:34,107
You got to use
your imagination.
340
00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:39,247
'Cause I get plenty brothers
to the house and get naked
341
00:18:39,292 --> 00:18:41,032
and they like, "Damn!
342
00:18:42,730 --> 00:18:44,080
"What is all that?"
343
00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:49,042
I'm like, "Too late now.
Hey! It's on."
344
00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:54,308
But man, I'm gonna tell you
what got us like that.
345
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,350
It's 'cause men are dogs.
Is that right, ladies?
346
00:18:56,396 --> 00:18:59,396
FEMALE AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Yeah!
347
00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:01,532
See, now, I know a lot more
of y'all would be clapping,
348
00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:03,395
but you brought your dog
with you, didn't you?
349
00:19:04,882 --> 00:19:07,062
I suggest you get
that ass a longer leash.
350
00:19:08,321 --> 00:19:10,191
I'm not saying
all men are dogs,
351
00:19:10,236 --> 00:19:11,976
but I can say
that my man is a dog,
352
00:19:12,020 --> 00:19:14,280
'cause he came in
at four in the morning.
353
00:19:14,327 --> 00:19:17,027
Four o'clock?
I was like, "Hey!
354
00:19:17,068 --> 00:19:18,848
"It's four in the morning.
[SIMULATES KNOCKING]
355
00:19:18,896 --> 00:19:19,896
"Where ya been?
356
00:19:21,072 --> 00:19:22,602
"Hey! It's 4 o'clock."
357
00:19:22,639 --> 00:19:24,209
You know what
he said to me?
358
00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:26,170
He's like, "Oh, baby.
Well..." [VOCALIZES BOOM]
359
00:19:27,296 --> 00:19:28,946
[VOCALIZES BOOM-BOOM]
360
00:19:28,993 --> 00:19:30,343
[IN ROUGH VOICE]
"Well, I don't know.
361
00:19:30,386 --> 00:19:31,686
"Well, I love you.
362
00:19:31,735 --> 00:19:33,905
"I love you very much."
363
00:19:33,955 --> 00:19:37,475
[HOWLING]
364
00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:43,923
I said, "Sit!
365
00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:46,923
"Stay!
366
00:19:50,885 --> 00:19:52,015
"You want to make
that up to me?"
367
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:55,060
He said [PANTING]
368
00:19:55,106 --> 00:19:56,926
I said, "All right.
Be a good boy. [VOCALIZES KISSING]
369
00:19:56,978 --> 00:19:58,108
"Come on, lick!"
370
00:19:59,937 --> 00:20:01,157
Good night! I'm Yvette.
371
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,810
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]
372
00:20:02,853 --> 00:20:04,293
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
373
00:20:12,602 --> 00:20:14,042
Y'all alive.
374
00:20:15,170 --> 00:20:16,740
This next performer
is my man.
375
00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:18,960
He's from St. Louis!
You...
376
00:20:20,436 --> 00:20:22,736
Oh, you from St. Louis?
Okay, all right.
377
00:20:22,786 --> 00:20:25,436
Please give it up
for, yo, Joe Torry.
378
00:20:25,485 --> 00:20:27,045
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]
379
00:20:38,324 --> 00:20:39,724
Uh, wassup?
380
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:41,500
AUDIENCE: Wassup!
381
00:20:41,544 --> 00:20:42,944
Look here,
if you motherfuckers are ready to laugh,
382
00:20:42,980 --> 00:20:44,370
let me hear you say,
"Hell yeah!"
383
00:20:44,417 --> 00:20:45,717
AUDIENCE: Hell yeah!
384
00:20:45,766 --> 00:20:47,116
All right.
385
00:20:47,158 --> 00:20:49,158
Wassup, man?
386
00:20:49,204 --> 00:20:51,474
Look at this motherfucker
over here, like an old gay scientist.
387
00:20:51,511 --> 00:20:53,251
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
388
00:20:58,169 --> 00:20:59,779
Motherfucker, he the only one
that went to Yale and shit.
389
00:20:59,823 --> 00:21:02,303
I seen your
motherfuckin' ass, man.
390
00:21:02,348 --> 00:21:04,438
Gay ass scientist probably
inventing dicks at home.
391
00:21:06,743 --> 00:21:07,923
With your ass.
392
00:21:07,962 --> 00:21:09,622
Got on that old ass
civil rights suit.
393
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:12,970
Like you ran here
from a fucking rally.
394
00:21:14,011 --> 00:21:15,011
Got a laugh.
395
00:21:15,056 --> 00:21:17,146
How you doing? God damn!
396
00:21:17,188 --> 00:21:20,628
He wasn't bullshitting about
these fine-ass women in the front.
397
00:21:20,670 --> 00:21:22,060
Them big-ass legs, girl.
398
00:21:22,106 --> 00:21:23,326
You'll never kick me
in the ass.
399
00:21:24,935 --> 00:21:26,195
That's for damn sure.
400
00:21:26,241 --> 00:21:27,201
What the fuck are
you laughing at?
401
00:21:28,591 --> 00:21:32,121
The big, thick glasses
you got on, shit.
402
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:33,810
Yeah, it look like she
lookin' through an aquarium.
403
00:21:36,686 --> 00:21:37,766
Take a little shit.
404
00:21:39,733 --> 00:21:41,523
Look at this shit.
405
00:21:41,561 --> 00:21:44,171
All right?
We probably all look like fish to her ass.
406
00:21:45,042 --> 00:21:46,702
[VOCALIZING BOOP BOOP]
407
00:21:49,743 --> 00:21:51,883
Yeah, I'm workin' my way
around this motherfucker.
408
00:21:53,660 --> 00:21:56,100
Look at boomshika
sittin' down here.
409
00:21:56,140 --> 00:21:57,970
Wassup baby?
410
00:21:58,012 --> 00:21:59,622
Got on her little outfit
and boots and tights and shit.
411
00:21:59,666 --> 00:22:00,666
You a super hero?
412
00:22:03,974 --> 00:22:06,504
Damn! Super hero.
Part-time super hero, huh?
413
00:22:06,542 --> 00:22:08,682
Look, up in the sky!
414
00:22:08,718 --> 00:22:10,068
It's a nappy weave!
415
00:22:10,111 --> 00:22:11,631
[ALL LAUGHING]
416
00:22:17,858 --> 00:22:19,558
No, it's ghetto girl!
417
00:22:21,992 --> 00:22:23,652
Flying over pawn shops
and shit.
418
00:22:28,782 --> 00:22:30,522
Fucked up.
Doing this HBO thing.
419
00:22:30,566 --> 00:22:32,736
It's a motherfucker.
I ain't bullshitting, y'all.
420
00:22:32,786 --> 00:22:35,006
Make some money
now doin' some shit.
421
00:22:35,049 --> 00:22:37,529
I had a plane
with a name this time. I ain't bullshitting.
422
00:22:37,573 --> 00:22:39,533
For real.
423
00:22:39,575 --> 00:22:41,055
Last year,
I was working this shit, brother flew me out here,
424
00:22:41,098 --> 00:22:43,268
the plane didn't have
no fucking name on it.
425
00:22:43,318 --> 00:22:44,928
Shit just said "plane"
on the motherfucker.
426
00:22:46,016 --> 00:22:47,056
I ain't lying.
427
00:22:47,104 --> 00:22:49,854
Written P-L-A-I-N. Plain!
428
00:22:49,890 --> 00:22:51,070
In crayon like a motherfucker.
429
00:22:51,108 --> 00:22:53,068
I'm like, "Damn!"
430
00:22:53,110 --> 00:22:55,110
And it's a five-hour flight,
know what I'm saying?
431
00:22:55,156 --> 00:22:57,066
I get on the plane,
I'm like, you know,
432
00:22:57,114 --> 00:22:59,164
I'm like asking the
stewardess, "Wassup? What's for lunch?"
433
00:22:59,203 --> 00:23:01,553
She's like, "We don't
have lunch on this. We just have snacks."
434
00:23:01,597 --> 00:23:04,427
It's like, "Snacks?
It's a five-hour flight. We gonna starve!"
435
00:23:04,470 --> 00:23:06,300
"Well, we just
servin' snacks."
436
00:23:06,341 --> 00:23:08,741
It's like, "Give me
my fucking snack then, all right?"
437
00:23:08,778 --> 00:23:11,908
She gonna hand me
a little-ass bag of fucking peanuts and shit.
438
00:23:11,955 --> 00:23:13,475
I'm like, "Damn!"
439
00:23:13,522 --> 00:23:14,782
So, I'm eating those
motherfuckers one at a time,
440
00:23:14,828 --> 00:23:17,348
trying to savor them
motherfuckers, right?
441
00:23:17,396 --> 00:23:19,046
She come here, tell me,
saying, "What you doing?"
442
00:23:19,093 --> 00:23:20,833
I'm like, "I'm savoring
these motherfuckers."
443
00:23:20,877 --> 00:23:22,917
She's like, "Shit. You got
to share them with the row!"
444
00:23:25,273 --> 00:23:27,413
I'm like, "Damn!
445
00:23:27,449 --> 00:23:29,759
"These motherfuckers then."
446
00:23:29,799 --> 00:23:32,669
Man, then brother
had me staying in an old fucked-up hotel.
447
00:23:32,715 --> 00:23:34,755
Room was small as a...
448
00:23:34,804 --> 00:23:36,944
Room was so damn small,
I didn't need no remote control, right?
449
00:23:36,980 --> 00:23:38,850
'Cause you could turn
everything on and off with your feet and shit.
450
00:23:38,895 --> 00:23:40,845
Right?
451
00:23:40,897 --> 00:23:42,677
I'm layin' in the bed
clicking channels and shit. You know?
452
00:23:42,725 --> 00:23:44,725
Turn on the
motherfuckin' shower. I'm like, "Damn!"
453
00:23:46,816 --> 00:23:48,466
Then this shit had
roaches in it.
454
00:23:48,514 --> 00:23:50,474
Roaches in a hotel!
455
00:23:50,516 --> 00:23:52,606
Bullshit! I came in late
one night, shit. Right?
456
00:23:52,648 --> 00:23:55,648
There's a roach sitting
on my bed in a bathrobe smokin' a cigarette
457
00:23:55,695 --> 00:23:57,215
talking about,
"You got some messages."
458
00:24:02,397 --> 00:24:05,047
"Who the fuck is you, man?"
459
00:24:05,095 --> 00:24:07,355
Fuck that!
So I'm making money now, so I can get my own shit.
460
00:24:07,402 --> 00:24:08,712
I'm tellin' y'all.
461
00:24:08,751 --> 00:24:09,931
Got to worry about
no girl in the house
462
00:24:09,970 --> 00:24:11,280
because women,
you know, women...fuck.
463
00:24:11,319 --> 00:24:13,229
Damn!
464
00:24:13,277 --> 00:24:15,277
Because women out here,
I got to give it to y'all, though.
465
00:24:15,323 --> 00:24:16,893
Women, y'all the only
living beings on the face of this Earth
466
00:24:16,933 --> 00:24:19,333
that can be broke
as a motherfucker and still kick it.
467
00:24:19,370 --> 00:24:21,330
For real! 'Cause y'all can
be sitting at home broke
468
00:24:21,372 --> 00:24:23,422
'cause you know
there's gonna be some more lollipop sucker
469
00:24:23,462 --> 00:24:25,992
tootsie roll motherfucker
470
00:24:26,029 --> 00:24:27,859
that's gonna set your ass up!
471
00:24:27,901 --> 00:24:29,991
For real! Women be sitting
home talkin' about some,
472
00:24:30,033 --> 00:24:32,993
"I'm broke but I feel like
doin' something today.
473
00:24:33,820 --> 00:24:36,300
"Who can I call?
474
00:24:36,344 --> 00:24:38,484
"Let me look through
my rolo-fuck right here.
475
00:24:41,741 --> 00:24:44,351
"Hello, sucker? I mean, Joe?"
476
00:24:44,395 --> 00:24:47,175
Uncle joey ain't going
for that bullshit. I'm tellin' y'all.
477
00:24:47,224 --> 00:24:49,014
This 90th Street...
I gotta wrap up tight, too.
478
00:24:49,052 --> 00:24:51,052
Wrap up tight now,
'cause this shit is fucking up.
479
00:24:51,098 --> 00:24:52,838
Women freaky
as a motherfucker.
480
00:24:52,882 --> 00:24:54,932
Just... Everybody
just doin' all type of bullshit.
481
00:24:54,971 --> 00:24:56,151
And, you know, for real.
482
00:24:56,190 --> 00:24:58,540
And women,
you gotta watch out.
483
00:24:58,584 --> 00:25:00,504
'Cause you know, brothers brag
about knockin', you know, bottoms out of women?
484
00:25:00,542 --> 00:25:01,852
I ain't gonna brag,
485
00:25:01,891 --> 00:25:03,631
I ain't got but like
a four-inch dick.
486
00:25:03,676 --> 00:25:04,806
That's from the ground.
487
00:25:08,071 --> 00:25:09,161
For real. Peace.
488
00:25:09,203 --> 00:25:10,253
Yo, my name is Joe Torry.
489
00:25:10,291 --> 00:25:11,861
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]
490
00:25:11,901 --> 00:25:13,641
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
491
00:25:22,608 --> 00:25:25,568
Yeah, y'all like that.
Look at them.
492
00:25:25,611 --> 00:25:29,311
I'd like to bring out
the brother who made it possible.
493
00:25:29,353 --> 00:25:32,533
Uh, he's rich,
but he look broke than a motherfucker.
494
00:25:32,574 --> 00:25:34,274
Russell Simmons,
ladies and gentlemen.
495
00:25:39,929 --> 00:25:41,409
Yeah.
496
00:25:41,452 --> 00:25:43,062
We want to thank you
for making it possible.
497
00:25:43,106 --> 00:25:44,586
We want to thank HBO.
498
00:25:44,630 --> 00:25:45,980
Y'all be safe.
Bye-bye.
499
00:25:52,551 --> 00:25:54,201
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]
500
00:25:54,251 --> 00:25:58,801
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