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1
00:00:06,658 --> 00:00:08,965
[electronic beeping and chiming]
2
00:00:09,096 --> 00:00:11,620
Don't rot your brain
on Satan's calculator.
3
00:00:11,750 --> 00:00:14,231
Babies need real toys
like these.
4
00:00:16,451 --> 00:00:18,453
♪
5
00:00:20,803 --> 00:00:23,197
[fanfare plays]
6
00:00:23,371 --> 00:00:24,285
- It's Princess Maggie.
- [courtiers exclaiming]
7
00:00:24,415 --> 00:00:26,461
Princess Maggie's here.
8
00:00:26,548 --> 00:00:28,245
Princess Maggie, what's wrong?
9
00:00:28,332 --> 00:00:30,160
The girl is bored.
10
00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:32,902
Royal court,
entertain my daughter at once.
11
00:00:32,989 --> 00:00:36,079
No princess can frown
when her eardrums are pulsing
12
00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:38,690
with the beat
of iambic pentameter.
13
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,476
That's quite a frown.
14
00:00:41,563 --> 00:00:43,173
Out of my way!
15
00:00:43,304 --> 00:00:46,263
I've got no shame
or regard for my own well-being.
16
00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:48,570
Hey, hey!
17
00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:50,267
[Krusty groans]
18
00:00:50,354 --> 00:00:52,704
You fools have failed
the princess.
19
00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:55,142
We have no other option.
We must give her...
20
00:00:55,272 --> 00:00:57,492
- the special gift.
- [gasping]
21
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:01,713
- ♪
- [onlookers chatter in wonder]
22
00:01:07,110 --> 00:01:08,677
- [onlookers gasp]
- [roars]
23
00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:18,252
Goodbye, Princess Maggie.
Goodbye.
24
00:01:19,601 --> 00:01:20,906
[roaring]
25
00:01:21,907 --> 00:01:24,258
[screaming]
26
00:01:24,388 --> 00:01:25,389
¡Ay, caramba!
27
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:27,522
♪ ♪
28
00:01:29,350 --> 00:01:30,351
MARGE:
Oh, boy.
29
00:01:30,481 --> 00:01:31,613
Homer,
30
00:01:31,787 --> 00:01:33,832
your father's
messing up the baby again.
31
00:01:34,006 --> 00:01:35,530
[electronic beeping and chiming]
32
00:01:35,704 --> 00:01:38,446
♪
33
00:01:45,322 --> 00:01:47,368
♪
34
00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:55,985
[grunting]
35
00:01:57,552 --> 00:01:58,857
[belches]
36
00:02:02,992 --> 00:02:05,690
♪
37
00:02:07,649 --> 00:02:09,477
[groans]
38
00:02:10,782 --> 00:02:12,480
[bell dings]
39
00:02:14,395 --> 00:02:15,570
[whinnies]
40
00:02:20,357 --> 00:02:22,403
Way ahead of you, pal.
41
00:02:24,883 --> 00:02:26,450
[whistles]
42
00:02:30,585 --> 00:02:32,326
[laughing]
43
00:02:37,331 --> 00:02:38,158
My eyes...
44
00:02:50,344 --> 00:02:52,389
[horns honking]
45
00:02:55,479 --> 00:02:57,916
Where did all this traffic
come from?
46
00:02:58,047 --> 00:03:00,397
It's like my favorite
movie ever, Cars 3.
47
00:03:00,484 --> 00:03:02,486
I hated Cars 1 and 2.
48
00:03:02,617 --> 00:03:04,314
[horns honking]
49
00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:10,451
[chuckles]
I'm unsupervised.
50
00:03:10,581 --> 00:03:11,887
Have no fear.
51
00:03:12,017 --> 00:03:13,932
Safety is here. [grunts]
52
00:03:14,063 --> 00:03:16,457
Traffic, no traffic--
what's the difference?
53
00:03:16,587 --> 00:03:19,503
I got nothing to be late for
and no one who cares.
54
00:03:19,677 --> 00:03:21,418
♪
55
00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:30,035
[Homer and Marge giggling]
56
00:03:33,082 --> 00:03:36,999
Let's take this from Disney+
to HBO Max.
57
00:03:37,086 --> 00:03:39,393
[both giggling]
58
00:03:39,523 --> 00:03:42,309
[horn honking]
59
00:03:42,396 --> 00:03:44,180
HOMER: Oh, Marge,
you haven't honked
60
00:03:44,311 --> 00:03:45,616
like this since high school.
61
00:03:45,747 --> 00:03:47,662
It's a traffic jam.
62
00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:49,533
[horns continue honking]
63
00:03:52,101 --> 00:03:53,972
[humming]
64
00:03:54,103 --> 00:03:57,411
My, my, look at all those middle
fingers raised to the Lord.
65
00:03:59,151 --> 00:04:01,632
Wait a minute.
That car looks familiar.
66
00:04:01,763 --> 00:04:03,634
Hey, that looks like... [gasps]
67
00:04:03,765 --> 00:04:06,463
[intro to "The Way We Were"
by Barbra Streisand plays]
68
00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:08,422
No, don't go there, Moe.
Don't go there.
69
00:04:08,552 --> 00:04:09,988
Erase, erase, erase!
70
00:04:10,119 --> 00:04:12,121
[tires squealing]
71
00:04:25,569 --> 00:04:27,092
[grunts] Oh, come on.
72
00:04:27,223 --> 00:04:28,920
We put up a sign and everything.
73
00:04:29,051 --> 00:04:30,792
This is so unreal.
74
00:04:30,966 --> 00:04:33,882
Why did all this traffic
suddenly appear on our street?
75
00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:36,101
Wayz told me this was
the fastest route.
76
00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:38,495
That's important when
you're selling your organs.
77
00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:40,149
Oh, my God, I've heard of this.
78
00:04:40,236 --> 00:04:41,542
That app routes traffic
79
00:04:41,672 --> 00:04:43,457
through a quiet
residential neighborhood,
80
00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:45,894
turning it into
a gridlocked nightmare.
81
00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:47,025
["Traffic Jam" by James Taylor
playing]
82
00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:49,680
♪ Damn this traffic jam ♪
83
00:04:49,854 --> 00:04:52,204
♪ How I hate to be late,
it hurts my motor... ♪
84
00:04:52,335 --> 00:04:55,338
Sorry, I met someone
in another car.
85
00:04:55,469 --> 00:04:58,036
- [laughs]
- ♪ Time I get home, my supper will be cold ♪
86
00:04:58,167 --> 00:05:00,038
♪ Damn this traffic jam ♪
87
00:05:01,779 --> 00:05:03,825
♪ Well, I left my job
about five o'clock ♪
88
00:05:03,999 --> 00:05:05,957
♪ It took 15 minutes
to go three blocks... ♪
89
00:05:06,131 --> 00:05:07,959
We need to do something.
90
00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:10,222
This is driving
the neighborhood nuts.
91
00:05:10,353 --> 00:05:12,616
Even the guy who's always
in his underwear.
92
00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:14,488
This is more
than I put on for Zoom.
93
00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:16,577
Enough with the traffic.
94
00:05:16,707 --> 00:05:18,405
I'm calling
a neighborhood meeting.
95
00:05:18,535 --> 00:05:20,276
[bell chiming]
96
00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:21,756
TOWN CRIER:
Neighborhood Meeting.
97
00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:23,671
Neighborhood meeting.
98
00:05:23,801 --> 00:05:27,239
Please rate my app.
Please rate my app.
99
00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:30,112
Two stars? My IPO is ruined.
100
00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:32,636
Ruined! Ruined!
101
00:05:32,767 --> 00:05:35,204
[horns honking]
102
00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:36,727
We're here to talk about
103
00:05:36,858 --> 00:05:39,991
the terrible problem
on our street.
104
00:05:40,078 --> 00:05:41,993
- Finally.
- About time.
105
00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:45,997
We assume you're talking
about you, the Simpsons.
106
00:05:46,084 --> 00:05:47,216
BOTH:
Wha...?
107
00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:48,870
I've seen the boy's moons
more times
108
00:05:49,044 --> 00:05:51,089
than I've seen the real one,
and I'm an astronomer.
109
00:05:51,263 --> 00:05:52,743
What's wrong with us?
110
00:05:52,874 --> 00:05:55,746
You haven't stopped by
to say hello in 25 years,
111
00:05:55,877 --> 00:05:57,618
and I live next door.
112
00:05:57,748 --> 00:06:00,795
The only good one's the baby,
and she shot a guy.
113
00:06:00,882 --> 00:06:02,449
[neighbors murmuring]
114
00:06:02,536 --> 00:06:04,189
Wait, are we ignoring
the elephant in the room?
115
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:06,453
By which I mean
the big, fat husband.
116
00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:08,542
Every time Homer
wears corduroys,
117
00:06:08,672 --> 00:06:11,588
I just hear those thighs
scraping, scraping, scraping.
118
00:06:11,675 --> 00:06:14,417
Oh, my God.
I'm starting to get the idea
119
00:06:14,548 --> 00:06:16,550
you think
we're not good neighbors.
120
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:18,987
[pants scraping]
121
00:06:19,117 --> 00:06:20,249
You see? You see?
122
00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:22,120
Now, don't worry, my friends.
123
00:06:22,251 --> 00:06:24,732
I'm stepping forward
to fix this traffic.
124
00:06:24,862 --> 00:06:27,604
And by doing so, maybe...
just maybe I'll fix
125
00:06:27,691 --> 00:06:30,085
my reputation with you all.
126
00:06:30,215 --> 00:06:34,785
So just say to me what I say
to Tinker Bell: "I believe."
127
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:39,050
And... off I go.
128
00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:40,225
[pants scraping]
129
00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:47,276
Um... no.
130
00:06:48,277 --> 00:06:49,670
"Identify all traffic lights."
131
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:50,845
Done.
132
00:06:50,932 --> 00:06:52,281
"Identify all yield signs."
133
00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:53,630
Done.
134
00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:55,284
"Identify all the crosswalks."
135
00:06:55,458 --> 00:06:58,809
Oh! Lisa, help me.
136
00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:00,158
Done.
137
00:07:00,289 --> 00:07:01,899
"Identify all fire hydrants."
138
00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:02,987
Done.
139
00:07:03,074 --> 00:07:04,380
Jesuits? Done.
140
00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:06,077
20th-century dictators?
141
00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:08,558
Uh, overrated fiction?
142
00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:11,213
[groans] Hyperintelligent
cartoon characters?
143
00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:13,084
Vegan nut milks?
144
00:07:13,215 --> 00:07:15,173
Future criminals?
145
00:07:15,347 --> 00:07:17,262
Aah! New England doorways!
146
00:07:17,393 --> 00:07:19,613
Oh, forget this.
I'm calling instead.
147
00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:21,832
AUTOMATED VOICE:
You've reached Wayz customer service.
148
00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:25,749
You have 5,700 callers
ahead of you.
149
00:07:25,836 --> 00:07:29,144
Now, please enjoy the frustrated
noises of other callers on hold.
150
00:07:29,274 --> 00:07:31,189
[people groaning]
151
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:32,756
WOMAN:
I'm gonna blow my brains out.
152
00:07:34,062 --> 00:07:35,324
- [birds singing]
- [engines running]
153
00:07:35,411 --> 00:07:37,326
- [horn honks]
- You again?
154
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:39,633
[horn honking]
155
00:07:39,807 --> 00:07:41,983
Can it be her,
after all these years?
156
00:07:42,070 --> 00:07:45,552
The woman I thought was the one
stuck behind my car?
157
00:07:46,857 --> 00:07:49,251
["The Way We Were"
by Barbra Streisand playing]
158
00:07:49,338 --> 00:07:52,472
♪ Mmm, mmm ♪
159
00:07:54,430 --> 00:07:58,782
♪ Mmm-mmm-mmm, mmm-mmm-mmm... ♪
160
00:08:01,132 --> 00:08:02,569
Hi, Moe. I missed you.
161
00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:04,440
I never should've left.
162
00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:07,530
Maya. The longest,
best relationship of my life.
163
00:08:07,661 --> 00:08:10,490
That was a great six days.
164
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,841
You're a good kisser.
165
00:08:13,971 --> 00:08:16,365
[chuckles]: Yeah.
I practice by siphoning gas
166
00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:18,323
out of other people's tanks.
167
00:08:18,454 --> 00:08:21,501
So, is there a knob or an
"open sesame" type deal or what?
168
00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:23,372
My house is over there.
169
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,373
MOE:
Wha...?
170
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,506
♪ ♪
171
00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:31,859
Every day since you left me,
I've written you a letter.
172
00:08:33,774 --> 00:08:34,949
Really wish I had gotten
your address.
173
00:08:40,737 --> 00:08:42,478
♪
174
00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:44,393
So, how you been, Maya?
175
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,700
Well, I finally got my PhD.
176
00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:48,571
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
177
00:08:48,702 --> 00:08:50,181
You taking medicine
for that or what?
178
00:08:50,312 --> 00:08:51,835
[laughs]:
Oh, Moe.
179
00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:54,403
It's nice to laugh again.
How are you?
180
00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:56,187
Oh, I-I'm doing great.
181
00:08:56,274 --> 00:08:58,363
Yeah, the factory closed,
so there's lots of new drunks.
182
00:08:58,494 --> 00:09:00,409
And, uh, oh, the bathroom possum
183
00:09:00,496 --> 00:09:02,759
is getting real good
at handing out them combs.
184
00:09:07,024 --> 00:09:08,765
[sighs] Who am I kidding?
185
00:09:08,852 --> 00:09:10,811
My life is a wreck, Maya.
186
00:09:10,941 --> 00:09:13,770
The face recognition software
on my phone says, "Yuck."
187
00:09:13,857 --> 00:09:16,643
My playlist only has
breakup songs.
188
00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:18,819
[à la Rodney Dangerfield]:
It's rough, I'm telling you, yeah.
189
00:09:18,949 --> 00:09:21,952
I miss you, Moses Marie Szyslak.
190
00:09:22,126 --> 00:09:24,302
Oh, no, no, no.
Please don't give me that look.
191
00:09:24,476 --> 00:09:27,131
I can't go through it
again, Maya. I can't.
192
00:09:27,262 --> 00:09:30,004
Ah, just look at you walking
toward me, coming closer,
193
00:09:30,091 --> 00:09:31,962
with those big green eyes
of yours
194
00:09:32,093 --> 00:09:33,573
and the great-smelling hair,
195
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:36,445
skin smoother
than American cheese.
196
00:09:41,058 --> 00:09:43,583
But I want a drink now.
197
00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:45,802
♪ ♪
198
00:09:49,327 --> 00:09:52,983
Oh, I wish this moment could
last forever, like, uh...
199
00:09:53,114 --> 00:09:55,856
uh, I don't know, uh,
Henry Winkler's career.
200
00:09:55,986 --> 00:09:57,858
Boy, that guy
never jumped the shark.
201
00:09:57,988 --> 00:09:59,990
Not even when
he jumped the shark.
202
00:10:00,164 --> 00:10:03,254
Just so I know, have you had
another girlfriend since me?
203
00:10:03,428 --> 00:10:05,256
Uh, not really, no.
204
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:06,693
Uh, no one could match you.
205
00:10:06,867 --> 00:10:09,217
I mean, I have been
catfished a few times.
206
00:10:09,347 --> 00:10:10,784
Hey, Moe.
207
00:10:10,914 --> 00:10:13,221
[chuckling]:
It's us, "Online Gloria."
208
00:10:13,351 --> 00:10:15,484
I'll kill you!
Also, I love you.
209
00:10:15,658 --> 00:10:18,139
[both laughing]
210
00:10:18,269 --> 00:10:20,663
Oh, Moe, you poor guy.
211
00:10:21,708 --> 00:10:23,927
MOE:
Oh, everything is perfect.
212
00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:27,452
Which it always is
until I say, "I love you."
213
00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:31,979
I love you.
214
00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:40,074
[chuckles]:
I love you. Will you marry me?
215
00:10:44,513 --> 00:10:46,428
[buzzer blares]
216
00:10:46,515 --> 00:10:47,734
To hell with women.
217
00:10:47,864 --> 00:10:49,779
I love you, New York.
218
00:10:51,607 --> 00:10:53,740
Help me. Spider-Man!
219
00:10:57,308 --> 00:10:59,049
[sighs]
220
00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:02,923
Professor, can you get
the traffic off our street?
221
00:11:03,053 --> 00:11:04,576
I'll give you anything
except for money
222
00:11:04,707 --> 00:11:06,100
or credit for what you did.
223
00:11:06,187 --> 00:11:09,625
The only way to defeat
a global data behemoth
224
00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:12,193
is to get into the source code.
225
00:11:12,367 --> 00:11:15,196
Just look what I did here
on, uh... on the Wikipedia.
226
00:11:17,415 --> 00:11:18,765
[impressed murmuring]
227
00:11:18,852 --> 00:11:21,376
ANNOUNCER:
Welcome to Wayz.
228
00:11:21,506 --> 00:11:24,422
We figure out the fastest route
to get you where you want to go.
229
00:11:24,553 --> 00:11:26,903
Our secret?
Always collecting data.
230
00:11:26,990 --> 00:11:29,036
But we would never misuse it.
231
00:11:29,166 --> 00:11:30,602
[chuckling]:
Who do you think we are, Google?
232
00:11:30,733 --> 00:11:32,343
Disclaimer:
We're owned by Google.
233
00:11:32,474 --> 00:11:34,171
I've got the answer.
234
00:11:34,302 --> 00:11:36,957
What if we made your street...
[mutters gibberish]
235
00:11:37,087 --> 00:11:38,436
...not exist?
236
00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:40,351
Well, where would we live?
237
00:11:40,438 --> 00:11:42,179
[chuckles]:
Well, that's quite silly.
238
00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:45,226
It would, of course,
still exist in real life,
239
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,968
but I could make it disappear
from the database.
240
00:11:48,098 --> 00:11:49,883
[mutters gibberish]
241
00:11:50,013 --> 00:11:51,754
- All right, let us see here.
- [typing]
242
00:11:51,885 --> 00:11:53,974
Uh, keystrokes, keystrokes,
escape key,
243
00:11:54,104 --> 00:11:57,107
both colon and semicolon,
backslash, backslash,
244
00:11:57,238 --> 00:12:00,981
ampersand...
245
00:12:01,111 --> 00:12:03,548
we come to a new day
on "no such street."
246
00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:05,333
[chuckles, mutters gibberish]
247
00:12:05,463 --> 00:12:07,596
[Simpsons gasping]
248
00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:13,471
Never again
will we be afraid of cars.
249
00:12:13,645 --> 00:12:16,213
MAN:
Get thee out of my way, English!
250
00:12:16,344 --> 00:12:19,390
It's time to play
in the streets!
251
00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:21,828
Haw-haw!
252
00:12:28,573 --> 00:12:31,315
[whimpers]
Climate change is real.
253
00:12:31,402 --> 00:12:33,753
[applause]
254
00:12:36,016 --> 00:12:37,800
They know I did this.
255
00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:40,237
They're making eye contact
with me. Eye contact.
256
00:12:40,368 --> 00:12:42,936
Even the guy
with the boat in his driveway.
257
00:12:43,110 --> 00:12:45,199
Hey, hey, Homer, want to come
on my boat with me?
258
00:12:45,373 --> 00:12:46,200
In the water?
259
00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:47,636
Eh, we'll see.
260
00:12:47,723 --> 00:12:48,637
Uh, one step at a time.
261
00:12:48,811 --> 00:12:50,595
I will never get tired of this.
262
00:12:50,726 --> 00:12:53,033
Never. Never, ever.
263
00:12:54,077 --> 00:12:56,297
So, what do you feel like doing?
264
00:12:56,471 --> 00:12:58,647
I don't know, I...
I feel like singing.
265
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,215
♪ You're bringing me sunshine ♪
266
00:13:01,302 --> 00:13:03,086
♪ Moe ♪
267
00:13:03,217 --> 00:13:05,610
♪ It's like vodka
with fresh lime ♪
268
00:13:05,741 --> 00:13:07,743
♪ Let it flow ♪
269
00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:10,050
♪ I'm having a fun time ♪
270
00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:12,095
♪ Whoa ♪
271
00:13:12,226 --> 00:13:14,271
♪ Serving up red wine ♪
272
00:13:14,402 --> 00:13:16,186
♪ Pinot ♪
273
00:13:16,317 --> 00:13:18,101
♪ I drink more than I should ♪
274
00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:20,451
♪ Don't it, don't it,
don't it, don't it ♪
275
00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:22,323
♪ Don't it,
don't it feel good. ♪
276
00:13:22,497 --> 00:13:23,541
[belches]
277
00:13:23,672 --> 00:13:25,761
Hey, are you guys an item again?
278
00:13:25,892 --> 00:13:28,416
[chuckles]
Well, maybe, maybe.
279
00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:29,983
We definitely are.
280
00:13:30,113 --> 00:13:31,985
He has a toothbrush at my place.
281
00:13:32,115 --> 00:13:33,943
Yeah, but, yeah, it's a rental.
282
00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:36,728
Moe's the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
283
00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:39,122
And this time, it's gonna last.
284
00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:41,124
Way to go, Moe. Three cheers.
285
00:13:41,298 --> 00:13:42,691
ALL:
Hip, hip, hooray!
286
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:45,128
Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip...
287
00:13:45,259 --> 00:13:47,565
Homer, come in
the alley with me.
288
00:13:47,696 --> 00:13:50,351
[gasps] My doctor warned me not
to cut off a "hip, hip, hooray."
289
00:13:50,481 --> 00:13:52,353
[taking deep, gasping breaths]
290
00:13:52,527 --> 00:13:54,268
Look, Maya left me once.
291
00:13:54,355 --> 00:13:56,096
I just know she's gonna
leave me again.
292
00:13:56,226 --> 00:13:58,228
This-this is a disaster.
293
00:13:58,359 --> 00:14:01,101
You're the only guy here who
knows how to hold on to a woman.
294
00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:03,364
What is your secret?
How do you keep Midge?
295
00:14:03,538 --> 00:14:05,453
Well, it's, uh... it's, um...
296
00:14:05,583 --> 00:14:06,933
Hmm.
297
00:14:07,063 --> 00:14:08,717
It helps
if you get them pregnant.
298
00:14:08,804 --> 00:14:11,459
Please, I need some actual,
real advice here.
299
00:14:11,589 --> 00:14:13,200
Yeah, I better call Midge.
300
00:14:13,287 --> 00:14:14,679
Hello.
301
00:14:14,810 --> 00:14:16,290
Honey, I'm here in the alley
with Moe.
302
00:14:16,377 --> 00:14:17,944
The only woman
who ever loved him came back,
303
00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:19,684
and he's afraid
she's gonna leave him again.
304
00:14:19,815 --> 00:14:20,947
What should he do?
305
00:14:21,121 --> 00:14:22,731
Hand him the phone.
306
00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:25,081
Moe, trust love.
307
00:14:25,168 --> 00:14:26,387
Gotcha.
308
00:14:26,561 --> 00:14:27,649
Your wife's an idiot.
309
00:14:27,736 --> 00:14:29,346
Another tray of doughnuts.
310
00:14:29,477 --> 00:14:31,174
This time from
that family over there.
311
00:14:31,348 --> 00:14:33,698
Geez, I can't take
all this adulation.
312
00:14:33,829 --> 00:14:35,962
This must be what drove
Randy Quaid crazy.
313
00:14:36,049 --> 00:14:37,528
Mr. Simpson, will you throw out
314
00:14:37,615 --> 00:14:39,356
the first pitch
at my Little League game?
315
00:14:39,487 --> 00:14:41,619
Want to have coffee
on my boat in the parking lot?
316
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,186
Do you ever take it
in the water?
317
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:44,492
Not yet.
318
00:14:44,622 --> 00:14:46,407
Please, I'm just here to eat.
319
00:14:46,581 --> 00:14:48,191
Geez, you were mad
they didn't like you,
320
00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:50,193
and now you're mad
they like you.
321
00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:52,674
I just want to be left alone
with my to-do list.
322
00:14:52,761 --> 00:14:54,197
Excuse me.
323
00:14:54,328 --> 00:14:56,156
Will you be godfather
to my baby?
324
00:14:56,286 --> 00:14:57,505
Let me see it.
325
00:14:57,635 --> 00:14:59,550
Ugh. Pass.
326
00:14:59,637 --> 00:15:02,205
Okay, Moe.
I'll be back in 20 minutes.
327
00:15:02,379 --> 00:15:03,903
I'm just getting
some stuff for dinner.
328
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:05,774
- Love you.
- Mwah.
329
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,689
Love you, too.
330
00:15:07,776 --> 00:15:10,257
MOE:
Moe. Oh, Moe.
331
00:15:10,344 --> 00:15:12,650
Huh?
332
00:15:12,781 --> 00:15:14,739
Look at you. Look at us.
333
00:15:14,870 --> 00:15:16,872
She's not gonna come back.
334
00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:19,353
- They never come back.
- Oh, yeah?
335
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,529
Well, this time,
I'm not gonna listen to mirrors
336
00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:23,096
or mud puddles
337
00:15:23,226 --> 00:15:25,576
or my upside-down face
in a spoon.
338
00:15:25,663 --> 00:15:27,709
This time, I'm gonna believe.
339
00:15:27,796 --> 00:15:29,580
Oh, no, you're not.
340
00:15:30,842 --> 00:15:32,583
No one could love you.
341
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:34,281
Stop it, stop it, stop it!
342
00:15:34,411 --> 00:15:35,935
What does it take
to get a beer around here?
343
00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:37,240
BOTH MOES:
Shut up!
344
00:15:37,371 --> 00:15:39,460
Shut up?
I would stop coming here
345
00:15:39,634 --> 00:15:41,549
if you weren't the only place
in stumbling distance.
346
00:15:41,679 --> 00:15:43,246
You are not real.
347
00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:45,161
You're just that nagging
voice of self-doubt
348
00:15:45,248 --> 00:15:46,771
that lives in my head.
349
00:15:46,902 --> 00:15:48,991
That's right.
Easy in, easy out.
350
00:15:49,122 --> 00:15:50,645
Well, this time,
I'm gonna stop you
351
00:15:50,775 --> 00:15:52,734
before you wreck my life.
352
00:15:52,821 --> 00:15:55,128
[grunting]
353
00:15:55,302 --> 00:15:58,000
Now you're a loser
with seven years bad luck.
354
00:15:58,131 --> 00:15:59,741
[laughing]
355
00:15:59,828 --> 00:16:01,264
♪ ♪
356
00:16:01,438 --> 00:16:03,440
♪ No one likes you ♪
357
00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:05,486
♪ You're the worst ♪
358
00:16:05,573 --> 00:16:08,619
♪ We'd all be happy
if your head just burst ♪
359
00:16:08,706 --> 00:16:11,883
♪ The world could not
hate you more ♪
360
00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:16,932
♪ You lousy,
oozing canker sore ♪
361
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:19,065
[laughing]: I guess what
we're trying to say is...
362
00:16:19,239 --> 00:16:22,590
♪ You'll die alone. ♪
363
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:23,895
You're right.
364
00:16:24,026 --> 00:16:25,288
You beautiful bastards
are right.
365
00:16:25,419 --> 00:16:27,203
[groans]
366
00:16:29,249 --> 00:16:30,990
- [whistles]
- Mm-hmm. - Ah, yeah.
367
00:16:34,558 --> 00:16:36,299
Huh? What the...?
368
00:16:36,430 --> 00:16:38,649
Moe? You're hiding here?
369
00:16:38,736 --> 00:16:41,217
Yeah. Bart's treehouse
is the one place
370
00:16:41,304 --> 00:16:43,045
no one will look for me.
371
00:16:43,176 --> 00:16:44,612
Plus, there are
no girls allowed,
372
00:16:44,742 --> 00:16:46,918
which, uh, helps.
373
00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:48,877
Moe's going through
a tough time, son.
374
00:16:48,964 --> 00:16:50,183
Just play around him.
375
00:16:50,313 --> 00:16:51,967
We'll just pretend
he's a dead, rotting alien.
376
00:16:52,098 --> 00:16:53,316
Thank you, son.
377
00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:55,536
[Milhouse and Bart imitating
weapons blasting]
378
00:16:55,666 --> 00:16:57,842
[sobbing]
379
00:16:57,973 --> 00:16:59,975
The alien's alive!
380
00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:01,977
- And it has feelings.
- Kill him!
381
00:17:02,108 --> 00:17:03,413
[both resume imitating
weapons blasting]
382
00:17:03,544 --> 00:17:05,241
[groaning, sobbing]
383
00:17:11,856 --> 00:17:13,467
I'm sorry, no breakfast
384
00:17:13,554 --> 00:17:15,251
until you get Moe out
of the treehouse.
385
00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:19,255
And I'll keep your bacon safe
while you're gone.
386
00:17:20,996 --> 00:17:23,346
Thank God I have
my pocket bacon.
387
00:17:24,913 --> 00:17:27,959
Moe, you can't stay here
anymore.
388
00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:30,353
Sure, I can. Uh, you want
some eggs with that?
389
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:32,138
I got 'em out of that nest
over there.
390
00:17:32,268 --> 00:17:33,574
Just one.
391
00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,489
I don't want to be rude.
392
00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:37,708
Listen, Moe,
every once in a while,
393
00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:41,147
a beautiful woman falls in love
with a homely guy like us.
394
00:17:41,234 --> 00:17:42,887
You got to make the most of it.
395
00:17:43,018 --> 00:17:46,239
If Kevin James can find
happiness, why can't you?
396
00:17:46,369 --> 00:17:48,545
[laughs]: And he was always
wearing shorts.
397
00:17:48,676 --> 00:17:51,157
You know, after all these years,
I dated all these women,
398
00:17:51,331 --> 00:17:53,811
and it always just goes back
to square one.
399
00:17:53,942 --> 00:17:55,813
Lonely old Moe.
400
00:17:55,944 --> 00:17:57,685
Well, there is
a way around that.
401
00:17:57,815 --> 00:17:59,165
You could propose.
402
00:17:59,295 --> 00:18:01,123
Wha...?
403
00:18:01,254 --> 00:18:03,952
What are you proposing
I propose?
404
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,607
I mean the big "M."
405
00:18:06,737 --> 00:18:08,609
- Murder-suicide?
- No.
406
00:18:08,739 --> 00:18:11,133
- Marriage.
- [chuckles]: Marriage? Whoa.
407
00:18:11,264 --> 00:18:12,917
You mean I could have
the thing you're always
408
00:18:13,048 --> 00:18:15,094
coming into my bar
and moaning about?
409
00:18:17,183 --> 00:18:18,749
You know what? She's worth it.
410
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,534
I'll give it a shot.
411
00:18:21,970 --> 00:18:25,191
Okay. This is as far as we go.
412
00:18:25,365 --> 00:18:27,062
Yeah, yeah, okay.
413
00:18:27,236 --> 00:18:28,629
Let me just
straighten myself up.
414
00:18:34,635 --> 00:18:36,332
♪
415
00:18:45,863 --> 00:18:48,605
You'd better speak fast,
or for the second time,
416
00:18:48,736 --> 00:18:50,433
you're gonna lose
the first good thing
417
00:18:50,607 --> 00:18:52,087
that's ever happened to you.
418
00:18:52,261 --> 00:18:54,002
I'm so sorry.
You're great, so great,
419
00:18:54,089 --> 00:18:55,134
and all I've been is afraid.
420
00:18:57,005 --> 00:18:58,311
[gasps]
421
00:18:58,441 --> 00:19:00,878
But all I got to do
is look in your eyes.
422
00:19:01,052 --> 00:19:02,967
Baby, I love you so much.
423
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:05,622
You stick with me, you'll get
everything you ever wanted.
424
00:19:05,753 --> 00:19:07,450
I will never doubt you again.
425
00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:09,017
You can control the remote.
426
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,324
You can pick all our vacations.
427
00:19:11,454 --> 00:19:13,935
And because I know
the ladies like it this way,
428
00:19:14,022 --> 00:19:16,633
I will leave the toilet seat on.
429
00:19:16,764 --> 00:19:19,462
Maya, will you marry me?
430
00:19:19,636 --> 00:19:21,377
♪
431
00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:25,555
Forget it, loser.
432
00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:27,818
Gorillas like us
don't get the girl.
433
00:19:27,905 --> 00:19:30,952
We're lucky if our cage
gets hosed down once a week.
434
00:19:31,039 --> 00:19:32,475
Yes.
435
00:19:32,649 --> 00:19:34,434
I knew it! That's it.
436
00:19:34,564 --> 00:19:36,044
I'm never getting up again.
437
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:38,829
Staying here, on the ground.
438
00:19:38,916 --> 00:19:40,788
Wait, you-you said yes.
439
00:19:40,918 --> 00:19:43,269
Yes, Moe. Yes.
440
00:19:46,402 --> 00:19:47,969
["The Way We Were" playing]
441
00:19:48,056 --> 00:19:52,278
♪ Memories ♪
442
00:19:52,365 --> 00:19:57,152
♪ Light the corners of my mind ♪
443
00:20:00,590 --> 00:20:03,071
♪ Misty, watercolored ♪
444
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:07,597
♪ Memories ♪
445
00:20:07,728 --> 00:20:12,428
♪ Of the way we were. ♪
446
00:20:13,821 --> 00:20:15,866
Good song, but, uh,
the movie is crap.
447
00:20:21,045 --> 00:20:22,221
[crying, sniffling]
448
00:20:22,308 --> 00:20:23,396
What is it, Mosie?
449
00:20:23,526 --> 00:20:25,049
Oh, it's just, uh...
450
00:20:25,180 --> 00:20:26,660
I ain't never been able
to use this...
451
00:20:26,747 --> 00:20:28,052
until now.
452
00:20:29,750 --> 00:20:31,969
- [sobs]
- Aw.
453
00:20:32,143 --> 00:20:34,885
Here you go, my good man.
454
00:20:34,972 --> 00:20:37,453
Eh, this expired-a
ten years ago.
455
00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:39,107
Ah, damn it!
456
00:20:39,194 --> 00:20:40,108
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
457
00:20:40,195 --> 00:20:41,501
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
458
00:20:41,631 --> 00:20:43,067
And FORD.
We go further, so you can.
459
00:20:43,198 --> 00:20:44,591
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
460
00:20:44,721 --> 00:20:46,767
LISA: "Identify all
the existentialists."
461
00:20:47,898 --> 00:20:49,552
Celebrity chefs.
462
00:20:50,901 --> 00:20:53,208
Very soft minerals.
463
00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:55,471
Bebop jazz musicians. Yes!
464
00:20:57,343 --> 00:20:58,996
Tropical birds.
465
00:21:00,563 --> 00:21:02,348
Chess grand masters?
466
00:21:03,697 --> 00:21:05,220
Stone fruits?
467
00:21:06,787 --> 00:21:08,876
American Revolutionary battles?
468
00:21:10,225 --> 00:21:12,140
Nail shank diameters?
469
00:21:13,141 --> 00:21:15,317
Aah! And I'm in. Ha.
470
00:21:15,448 --> 00:21:17,014
MARGE:
Lisa, time for bed.
471
00:21:17,145 --> 00:21:18,712
LISA:
Oh, man.
472
00:21:25,371 --> 00:21:26,850
Shh!
473
00:21:26,900 --> 00:21:31,450
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