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1
00:00:04,917 --> 00:00:07,268
♪
2
00:00:34,730 --> 00:00:36,775
♪
3
00:00:48,613 --> 00:00:50,615
♪
4
00:00:50,659 --> 00:00:51,703
[grunts]
5
00:00:55,229 --> 00:00:58,580
Great work,
SEAL Team Ninja Rock Band Six.
6
00:00:58,623 --> 00:01:01,496
♪
7
00:01:06,327 --> 00:01:08,285
That's how we kiss
in America, pal!
8
00:01:08,329 --> 00:01:09,504
[laughs]
9
00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:10,505
[man screams]
10
00:01:10,548 --> 00:01:11,636
[Hulk roars]
11
00:01:12,985 --> 00:01:14,770
[grunting]
12
00:01:14,813 --> 00:01:17,816
Two roads diverged in a wood,
and I...
13
00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:20,254
I took the one less traveled by.
14
00:01:20,297 --> 00:01:24,171
Y'all, today is our annual
River Creek Fourth Fest
15
00:01:24,214 --> 00:01:25,737
at the country club.
16
00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:28,523
Fireworks, fun rides and games,
17
00:01:28,566 --> 00:01:31,569
food and big musical acts.
18
00:01:31,613 --> 00:01:33,919
Exclusively for the members
and residents
19
00:01:33,963 --> 00:01:36,357
of the Country Club Hills
gated community.
20
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:41,666
Which naturally reminds me
of the topic of crime.
21
00:01:41,710 --> 00:01:45,931
The city police are overloaded
and, frankly, too soft,
22
00:01:45,975 --> 00:01:51,459
so get your neighborhood to use
my new private security firm.
23
00:01:51,502 --> 00:01:54,505
[grunting]
24
00:01:54,549 --> 00:01:56,377
DEBBIE:
There.
25
00:01:56,420 --> 00:01:58,857
Just the right Fourth of July
movie for this morning,
26
00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:01,773
before we head up
to the Fourth Fest!
27
00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:04,167
Not Wonder Woman. Boo.
28
00:02:04,211 --> 00:02:07,344
What? She's a lady superhero.
29
00:02:07,388 --> 00:02:09,346
You should love her
even if you don't.
30
00:02:09,390 --> 00:02:11,827
Eh. I'm not sure
who this movie's for.
31
00:02:11,870 --> 00:02:13,307
Come on.
32
00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:16,179
Wonder Woman is like me:
33
00:02:16,223 --> 00:02:18,355
you know, a huge patriot.
34
00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:20,009
Celebrator of the Fourth.
35
00:02:20,052 --> 00:02:22,968
I am a pillar
of the local community, right?
36
00:02:23,012 --> 00:02:24,579
Huh?
37
00:02:24,622 --> 00:02:27,016
All right, guys, this is
the first time we get to attend
38
00:02:27,059 --> 00:02:29,714
a south side event since
the big move to the north side.
39
00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:31,455
But remember, we're just guests
40
00:02:31,499 --> 00:02:33,370
of Daddie Dan's
this year, right?
41
00:02:35,503 --> 00:02:37,113
[gulps]
42
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,855
So we need to make sure
to not, you know,
43
00:02:39,898 --> 00:02:42,727
let ourselves get out of hand
like last year.
44
00:02:42,771 --> 00:02:45,121
-Right?
-This is my favorite part.
45
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,731
[screams]
46
00:02:48,994 --> 00:02:51,258
Well, anyway, I can't wait
to see my old mom group
47
00:02:51,301 --> 00:02:55,044
to trade recipes, gossip and
multilevel marketing schemes.
48
00:02:55,087 --> 00:02:57,264
It'll be a dream come true.
[chuckles awkwardly]
49
00:02:57,307 --> 00:03:00,397
No, Dad, dreams are glimpses
into your many other lives,
50
00:03:00,441 --> 00:03:02,443
which are playing out
in other dimensions
51
00:03:02,486 --> 00:03:04,488
across the quantum universe.
52
00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:06,969
What? No.
53
00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:09,101
I never dream that cool.
54
00:03:09,145 --> 00:03:11,365
You know what
I'm dreaming about, Ollie?
55
00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:15,020
All the new innovations in
the field of deep-fried snacks.
56
00:03:15,064 --> 00:03:18,110
Yeah. And, Mama, I'm so stoked
to compete against you,
57
00:03:18,154 --> 00:03:20,417
as usual,
in the pie-eating contest.
58
00:03:20,461 --> 00:03:21,984
Mmm-mmm!
59
00:03:22,027 --> 00:03:24,726
I'm with Dad. Let's just
play it cool this year.
60
00:03:24,769 --> 00:03:27,772
In fact, Mom is
already too activated.
61
00:03:27,816 --> 00:03:30,035
Hello there, fellow Arkansans.
62
00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:33,213
I just wanted to jump in here
betweenSling Blade screenings
63
00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:35,258
with a few bits of trivia
64
00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:38,218
about the single greatest thing
to come out of our great state:
65
00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:42,961
Billy Bob Thornton's classic
1996 film,Sling Blade.
66
00:03:43,005 --> 00:03:44,963
Naturally, we play the film
67
00:03:45,007 --> 00:03:47,052
back-to-back all year long,
but today,
68
00:03:47,096 --> 00:03:50,621
we give a special shout-out
to River Creek, Arkansas,
69
00:03:50,665 --> 00:03:53,798
where, as always,
trusty Billy Bob Thornton,
70
00:03:53,842 --> 00:03:56,975
not to be mistaken with
the character Sling Blade,
71
00:03:57,019 --> 00:04:00,805
will headline the annual event
at Fourth Fest.
72
00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:02,633
Yeah! Billy Bob Thornton!
73
00:04:02,677 --> 00:04:04,679
-Let's watch Sling Bladenow.
-I don't know, Todd.
74
00:04:04,722 --> 00:04:06,289
I mean, even though it is
75
00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:08,248
the official movie
for the state of Arkansas,
76
00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:10,989
Sling Blademight be
too violent, you know?
77
00:04:11,033 --> 00:04:13,340
I-I mean, it's perfect
in its own dramatic, sad,
78
00:04:13,383 --> 00:04:15,342
Southern Gothic
and kind of accurate way,
79
00:04:15,385 --> 00:04:17,822
but it might hype Deb up
too much, you know?
80
00:04:17,866 --> 00:04:19,607
Remember what she did last year?
81
00:04:19,650 --> 00:04:21,565
She'll do it again.
Help me.
82
00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:23,698
Please, I got to take that risk.
83
00:04:23,741 --> 00:04:26,135
It's tradition.
Every Fourth, we get fireworks,
84
00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:28,268
frankfurters and BBT.
85
00:04:28,311 --> 00:04:29,791
I love that elfin cowboy.
86
00:04:29,834 --> 00:04:31,314
Who the hell doesn't?
87
00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:33,403
Some folks call it
a sling blade.
88
00:04:33,447 --> 00:04:35,362
I call it a kaiser blade.
89
00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:38,887
Mmm, I like dem
French-fried potaters.
90
00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:41,281
Mustard's good on 'em to me.
91
00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:44,109
"Mm, some call it
a sling blade..."
92
00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:46,329
"But I call it a kaiser blade."
93
00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:49,332
"Mustard's good on 'em to me.
Mm-hmm."
94
00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:52,117
Oh, boy.
95
00:04:58,733 --> 00:05:01,910
"I like dem
French-fried potaters."
96
00:05:01,953 --> 00:05:04,782
"Mustard's good on 'em to me.
Mm-hmm."
97
00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:07,959
[grunts]
"Some call it a sling blade..."
98
00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:11,311
"I call it a kaiser blade.
Mm-hmm."
99
00:05:11,354 --> 00:05:13,182
"You want mustard on 'em,
mm-hmm?"
100
00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:14,662
"Mm-hmm."
101
00:05:14,705 --> 00:05:16,577
Why does every single person
in Arkansas
102
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,143
have a Sling Bladevoice?
103
00:05:18,187 --> 00:05:21,321
Some people call it
a kaiser voice. Mm-hmm.
104
00:05:21,364 --> 00:05:24,367
♪
105
00:05:27,414 --> 00:05:29,503
[horns honking]
106
00:05:34,246 --> 00:05:35,552
Get your M-80s.
107
00:05:35,596 --> 00:05:38,163
Get your cherry bombs,
right here.
108
00:05:38,207 --> 00:05:41,471
Dum-dee-dum-dee-dum-dee-dum.
'Scuse me.
109
00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:42,820
TODD:
Look.
110
00:05:42,864 --> 00:05:45,083
It's our principal, Dr. Morocco.
111
00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:46,563
Man, he's so chill.
112
00:05:46,607 --> 00:05:48,609
Truly a role model for us youth.
113
00:05:48,652 --> 00:05:51,568
Ugh, he's so...
full of red flags.
114
00:05:51,612 --> 00:05:53,483
Hey, let him live.
115
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,183
♪
116
00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:11,980
[music playing faintly on radio]
117
00:06:12,023 --> 00:06:14,112
That Freddie.
118
00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:16,985
He just ain't
a man's man, Roy.
119
00:06:17,028 --> 00:06:18,726
I just figure
he's too uptight.
120
00:06:18,769 --> 00:06:20,597
It'd be fun to see him have fun,
wouldn't it?
121
00:06:21,598 --> 00:06:23,948
Uh, what's in the bag, babe?
122
00:06:23,992 --> 00:06:26,516
It's a costume change.
Gonna blow everyone's mind.
123
00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:28,605
Ah...
124
00:06:31,608 --> 00:06:33,305
[people screaming in distance]
125
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:39,747
Evening, Kelley.
126
00:06:39,790 --> 00:06:41,096
Cool if I bring in
this sandwich?
127
00:06:41,139 --> 00:06:42,402
I'm almost done.
128
00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:45,927
Anything for
a former pro athlete.
129
00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:49,713
And Miss Brenna.
Nice to see you, too.
130
00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:52,150
Such pillars of the community.
131
00:06:52,194 --> 00:06:54,631
Well, it takes a gated village.
132
00:06:54,675 --> 00:06:57,373
-Afternoon, Mayor.
-Daddie Dan.
133
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,027
You, the kids,
134
00:06:59,070 --> 00:07:02,422
and the uptight nerd
can come on in.
135
00:07:02,465 --> 00:07:05,555
But your worse daughter, Debbie,
136
00:07:05,599 --> 00:07:09,907
is banned from Fourth Fest
due to the incident.
137
00:07:09,951 --> 00:07:12,693
Come on, Sling Blade,
sing Skynard!
138
00:07:12,736 --> 00:07:15,609
Goddamn it,
this woman does this every year.
139
00:07:15,652 --> 00:07:17,306
Can't someone stop it?
140
00:07:17,349 --> 00:07:19,482
And, everybody,
my name ain't Sling Blade.
141
00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:20,918
-[clamoring]
-Yeah. Come here, come here...
142
00:07:20,962 --> 00:07:22,746
-[mutters, chuckles]
-[phone beeps]
143
00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:26,620
You are north side trash,
and you're banned.
144
00:07:26,663 --> 00:07:29,623
That was out of love,
for the Fourth of July!
145
00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:32,626
And patriotism!
And BBT!
146
00:07:32,669 --> 00:07:35,411
It's the American way:
to get physical.
147
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,587
So why single me out?
148
00:07:37,631 --> 00:07:39,546
-Don't make a scene.
-[gasps]
149
00:07:39,589 --> 00:07:43,463
Could you just go to my house
and eat my private ice cream?
150
00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:47,336
A-And the Crown whiskey
on the top shelf, okay?
151
00:07:47,379 --> 00:07:49,033
Okay, fine, fine, fine.
152
00:07:49,077 --> 00:07:51,645
My family is too cool
for this anyway, right?
153
00:07:51,688 --> 00:07:53,995
-Come on, guys. [gasps]
-Oh, man.
154
00:07:54,038 --> 00:07:55,605
Darn.
155
00:07:55,649 --> 00:07:57,302
Honey, shoot, I...
156
00:07:57,346 --> 00:08:00,784
You know, I'm really sorry,
but it's Fourth Fest.
157
00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:04,701
Whatever!
158
00:08:04,745 --> 00:08:05,789
I don't even care!
159
00:08:05,833 --> 00:08:07,704
[sobbing]
160
00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:10,054
I do care.
161
00:08:10,098 --> 00:08:11,839
I love you, Boy.
162
00:08:11,882 --> 00:08:14,537
I love you, too, Sling Blade.
163
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:17,148
[breathes deeply]
164
00:08:22,153 --> 00:08:24,199
[sniffles]
165
00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:28,029
Hey, wait a second.
166
00:08:28,072 --> 00:08:31,119
Toilets don't clog
in nice neighborhoods.
167
00:08:31,162 --> 00:08:33,208
♪
168
00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:36,341
[grunts]
169
00:08:37,691 --> 00:08:39,214
[panting]
170
00:08:39,257 --> 00:08:40,650
[grunts]
171
00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:42,826
VLAD:
Okay, listen.
172
00:08:42,870 --> 00:08:44,219
We hit all these houses
173
00:08:44,262 --> 00:08:45,525
that flank the golf course.
174
00:08:45,568 --> 00:08:46,830
All the people are away
175
00:08:46,874 --> 00:08:49,006
at their stupid
American festival.
176
00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:51,748
We just need to wait
for the signal,
177
00:08:51,792 --> 00:08:53,924
and then we rob them all.
178
00:08:54,882 --> 00:08:56,840
[panting]:
okay.
179
00:08:56,884 --> 00:08:58,929
[grunting, panting]
180
00:09:03,064 --> 00:09:05,501
Okay, okay, okay.
181
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:08,852
Do I call the cops
and give them all the glory?
182
00:09:08,896 --> 00:09:10,898
[chuckles]:
Or...
183
00:09:10,941 --> 00:09:13,901
do I take 'em all down myself
and prove to everyone
184
00:09:13,944 --> 00:09:17,382
that I am not trash,
and that I'm a goddamn patriot,
185
00:09:17,426 --> 00:09:21,125
a class act partier,
and a pillar of the community?
186
00:09:21,169 --> 00:09:22,953
Oh, it's a big opportunity.
187
00:09:22,997 --> 00:09:24,607
[exhales sharply]
188
00:09:24,651 --> 00:09:26,435
If it can be done...
189
00:09:26,478 --> 00:09:27,654
I can do it.
190
00:09:33,268 --> 00:09:35,487
♪
191
00:09:35,531 --> 00:09:37,402
All right, kids,
let's get the lay of the land
192
00:09:37,446 --> 00:09:39,535
before we enjoy the fest, okay?
193
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:42,146
Ooh, wow, look at that!
194
00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:44,235
Oh, my-- This is incredible!
195
00:09:44,279 --> 00:09:46,020
-There's Billy Bob!
-[cheering]
196
00:09:46,063 --> 00:09:47,717
-[Ollie whoops]
-[chanting]: Sling Blade! Sling Blade!
197
00:09:47,761 --> 00:09:50,415
Sling Blade! Sling Blade!
198
00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:53,331
What the fuck, guys, my name
ain't Sling Blade, all right?
199
00:09:53,375 --> 00:09:54,811
What the fuck am I doing here?
200
00:09:54,855 --> 00:09:57,727
Hey, Sling Blade!
Play some music!
201
00:09:57,771 --> 00:09:59,337
Oh, my God.
202
00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:01,339
I wouldn't even do this
if it wasn't for charity.
203
00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:04,734
-MAN: It's not for charity!
-It's for Sling Blade!
204
00:10:04,778 --> 00:10:06,518
[cheering]
205
00:10:06,562 --> 00:10:09,434
Ugh, I wish Mom were here.
She's the fun one.
206
00:10:09,478 --> 00:10:10,914
She and I would
already be covered
207
00:10:10,958 --> 00:10:12,873
in fried food by now.
208
00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:14,265
It's not the same.
209
00:10:14,309 --> 00:10:15,919
Why-why don't you go get
some gross food
210
00:10:15,963 --> 00:10:17,268
and come right back here, huh?
211
00:10:17,312 --> 00:10:19,183
I'll be at this picnic table.
212
00:10:19,227 --> 00:10:21,403
A-And get me a flavored water.
213
00:10:21,446 --> 00:10:22,534
Water flavor!
214
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:24,754
Oh.
215
00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:26,190
My old private school friends.
216
00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:28,105
You know,
Ollie might be bummed,
217
00:10:28,149 --> 00:10:30,107
but I'm so relieved
Mom isn't here
218
00:10:30,151 --> 00:10:32,327
to embarrass me like always.
219
00:10:32,370 --> 00:10:34,590
Wassup, Toddy?
Todd's dad.
220
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,418
'Sup...
221
00:10:36,461 --> 00:10:37,680
Sorry. I'm invisible.
222
00:10:37,724 --> 00:10:40,204
Hey, we miss you,
Todd ole boy.
223
00:10:40,248 --> 00:10:42,642
Really?
Thanks Dawson and Creek.
224
00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:44,861
-It's good to be back, guys.
-[chuckles]: Sure.
225
00:10:44,905 --> 00:10:46,689
You were always
the brains of our group.
226
00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:49,649
-Well, cool. I mean I am.
-Meaning you always did
227
00:10:49,692 --> 00:10:51,389
our shitty homework
for us, right?
228
00:10:51,433 --> 00:10:55,176
[laughs]:
Oh, man. Oh, good times.
229
00:10:55,219 --> 00:10:57,439
The memories, wow, yeah.
230
00:10:57,482 --> 00:11:00,485
Hey, say, We've got two extra
funnel cakes. You want them?
231
00:11:00,529 --> 00:11:03,140
Wow, what a nice gesture,
gentlemen.
232
00:11:03,184 --> 00:11:05,752
I feel very accepted.
Right, Todd?
233
00:11:05,795 --> 00:11:09,233
Yeah. Let's, uh, show
our gratitude and eat them. Now.
234
00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:14,064
-[snickering]
-FREDDIE: Mmm!
235
00:11:14,108 --> 00:11:15,936
This fest blows.
Hey, look!
236
00:11:15,979 --> 00:11:18,503
You want to go back to
my home movie theater, Dawson?
237
00:11:18,547 --> 00:11:21,115
Sounds great. Love to see
the old neighborhood.
238
00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:23,639
Not you, Todd.
You're not invited.
239
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,249
[laughing]
240
00:11:25,293 --> 00:11:27,425
-Buh-bye!
-Burn!
241
00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:30,994
Those boys aren't thatcool.
242
00:11:31,038 --> 00:11:32,082
Just kinda.
243
00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:33,605
Oh, Dad, it's fine.
244
00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:34,824
When you get as many A's
as I do,
245
00:11:34,868 --> 00:11:36,434
you deserve a couple wedgies.
246
00:11:36,478 --> 00:11:38,828
It kinda goes with
the territory. I'm fine with it.
247
00:11:38,872 --> 00:11:40,874
Such a great idea
to use Todd's dad
248
00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:42,832
as a guinea pig
for those drugs.
249
00:11:42,876 --> 00:11:46,488
Yeah, I got to see what Molly
does to someone before I try it.
250
00:11:46,531 --> 00:11:50,710
Really? Uh, I put
all the mushrooms on it, too.
251
00:11:50,753 --> 00:11:52,146
[Freddie chuckles]
252
00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:54,278
Ah...
253
00:11:57,064 --> 00:12:00,197
I'll show everyone
I'm not trash.
254
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:08,249
I'll show everyone who's
the top citizen in this town.
255
00:12:09,163 --> 00:12:11,252
-[birds chirping]
-[insects trilling]
256
00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:15,082
How incredibly courageous
of Sling Blade
257
00:12:15,125 --> 00:12:17,954
to direct himself
in his own movie.
258
00:12:19,869 --> 00:12:21,436
[ladder rattles]
259
00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:28,835
And now, they're
all gonna be like, "Whoa.
260
00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:31,141
"This is a special woman,
and we should never be a cook
261
00:12:31,185 --> 00:12:32,839
"in her kitchen
because we don't want to taint
262
00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:34,884
"her unpredictable genius
actions that we bear witness to
263
00:12:34,928 --> 00:12:36,712
now on this Fourth
of fucking July!"
264
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,235
Told you!
265
00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:40,063
[phone beeps]
266
00:12:40,107 --> 00:12:41,543
It's time.
267
00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:45,025
-[chanting]: Sling Blade...!
-Y'all know Scottie Pippen's from Arkansas, too.
268
00:12:45,068 --> 00:12:48,158
I heard he's got a band. Fuck.
Get him up here. Shit.
269
00:12:48,202 --> 00:12:51,292
What you need, Sling Blade?
Uh, dang it, I mean, Billy Bob?
270
00:12:51,335 --> 00:12:52,859
Coffee? Energy drink?
271
00:12:52,902 --> 00:12:54,774
Nah, I'm gonna need
something stronger.
272
00:12:57,298 --> 00:12:59,169
-Ah...
-[heartbeat throbbing]
273
00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:01,519
Running low.
274
00:13:01,563 --> 00:13:03,260
Got to hit Brad Pitt up
for more.
275
00:13:03,304 --> 00:13:06,002
That Missouri boy was around
the source for a good while.
276
00:13:08,135 --> 00:13:09,310
[grunts]
277
00:13:10,224 --> 00:13:14,010
[sighs] Just isn't the same
without Mom.
278
00:13:14,054 --> 00:13:15,707
Any minute now,
279
00:13:15,751 --> 00:13:18,798
that guy is gonna freak out.
280
00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:20,451
I wonder where Ollie is.
281
00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:22,845
[chuckles]:
Ooh. Oh, man.
282
00:13:22,889 --> 00:13:24,499
Hey, come on, Todd,
let's just
283
00:13:24,542 --> 00:13:27,241
you and me take everything
the fest has to offer.
284
00:13:27,284 --> 00:13:29,721
You know,
I mean, Ollie is fine.
285
00:13:29,765 --> 00:13:32,724
Ooh, man, I feel good. Wow.
286
00:13:32,768 --> 00:13:35,118
[echoing]:
Anyway, you know, it's a safe place.
287
00:13:35,162 --> 00:13:36,946
She'll find us in a bit.
288
00:13:36,990 --> 00:13:38,818
Ooh, let's play this!
289
00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:40,471
Oh, man.
290
00:13:40,515 --> 00:13:43,866
Hey, Todd,
how you doing?
291
00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:46,086
-[electrical whirring]
-Uh-uh. [grunts]
292
00:13:46,129 --> 00:13:49,045
-What the fudge?
-[chuckles]: Yeah, bitch.
293
00:13:49,089 --> 00:13:50,830
[grunting]
294
00:13:50,873 --> 00:13:52,832
Take that mother...
295
00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:54,224
-[grunts]
-[cries out]
296
00:13:54,268 --> 00:13:57,401
I'm a regular Sling Blade
over here, huh?
297
00:13:57,445 --> 00:14:00,230
F-ing awesome over here!
298
00:14:00,274 --> 00:14:02,798
Holy shit, look at Freddie!
299
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,105
-[Freddie whoops]
-Well, okay, okay, Freddie boy.
300
00:14:05,148 --> 00:14:07,455
-FREDDIE: Freddie's here!
-Having some fun, eh, kicking people in dicks
301
00:14:07,498 --> 00:14:09,631
and ripping their heads off
and flying around,
302
00:14:09,674 --> 00:14:11,589
but yeah,
he is having fun, sure enough.
303
00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:13,069
Roundhouse 'em, Freddie!
304
00:14:13,113 --> 00:14:14,897
[elongated groan]
305
00:14:20,294 --> 00:14:22,600
Ouch!
Looks like that hurt.
306
00:14:23,210 --> 00:14:25,168
[grunting]
307
00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:26,866
[groans] Please!
308
00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:29,129
Take me to the hospitals!
309
00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:32,045
[cries out]
310
00:14:35,439 --> 00:14:37,398
[grunting]
311
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:39,966
[straining]
312
00:14:40,009 --> 00:14:41,054
[grunts]
313
00:14:41,097 --> 00:14:42,272
Aah!
314
00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:44,100
[grunts]
315
00:14:44,144 --> 00:14:46,189
[groaning]
316
00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:48,713
[all moaning]
317
00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:50,498
You done activated me.
318
00:14:50,541 --> 00:14:53,501
Time to take this up a notch
to level two.
319
00:14:53,544 --> 00:14:54,937
[phone beeps]
320
00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:57,287
There's some unforeseen
husky Wonder Woman
321
00:14:57,331 --> 00:14:59,594
pulling a Home Aloneon us.
322
00:14:59,637 --> 00:15:01,683
[quiet chatter]
323
00:15:03,206 --> 00:15:06,949
...and that's all you need to do
to please your lady.
324
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:08,559
-Wow.
-Wow! [chuckles]
325
00:15:08,603 --> 00:15:10,170
You're pretty cool, man.
326
00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:13,086
Why do you hang out
with this gross little nobody?
327
00:15:13,129 --> 00:15:14,609
Oh, shit.
328
00:15:14,652 --> 00:15:16,219
Todd is cool, man.
329
00:15:16,263 --> 00:15:17,612
Cooler than you,
330
00:15:17,655 --> 00:15:19,657
because he still tries
to be nice to you
331
00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:21,746
even though
you're little shitheads.
332
00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:24,793
He's got a good heart,
and he's smart as hell.
333
00:15:24,836 --> 00:15:26,838
Plus, that's my son, dude.
334
00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:29,232
So chill out or watch out.
335
00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:32,148
Dude, you destroy us with words.
336
00:15:35,195 --> 00:15:37,849
[straining]
337
00:15:37,893 --> 00:15:39,677
-OLLIE: Hey, Biggun!
-[gasps]
338
00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:42,028
It just wasn't the same
without you.
339
00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:43,420
Oh, a penny for luck!
340
00:15:44,334 --> 00:15:46,249
Oh! Oh, my God, Ollie!
341
00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:47,947
[groans] Are you okay?
342
00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:51,776
Whoa, I nearly got deadened
right there, Mom.
343
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:53,517
What are you up to?
344
00:15:53,561 --> 00:15:55,780
Defending the neighborhood
from robbers like Wonder Woman.
345
00:15:55,824 --> 00:15:57,608
Why is Wonder Woman just like
346
00:15:57,652 --> 00:16:00,133
all the shitty men heroes
who just fight, fight, fight?
347
00:16:00,176 --> 00:16:03,179
Sometimes you got to fight,
babe. Now get inside.
348
00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:05,138
We say it's bad
that men are violent,
349
00:16:05,181 --> 00:16:07,227
and that they should be more
like us rad women
350
00:16:07,270 --> 00:16:09,533
who use our words
to overcome conflicts.
351
00:16:09,577 --> 00:16:12,710
But then we just make her
behave like a dude.
352
00:16:12,754 --> 00:16:14,016
[whispers]:
Listen to me.
353
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:15,496
There are violent criminals
here,
354
00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:17,193
so I'm getting violent!
355
00:16:17,237 --> 00:16:18,847
-And drunk.
-And drunk, yes.
356
00:16:18,890 --> 00:16:20,240
Limbers me up.
357
00:16:20,283 --> 00:16:22,416
I say we try diplomacy
with the bad guys,
358
00:16:22,459 --> 00:16:24,418
'cause these traps look mean.
359
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,030
Whoa, Mom! No!
360
00:16:28,074 --> 00:16:30,641
They're just robbers.
You can't kill people.
361
00:16:30,685 --> 00:16:33,035
You know what,
I am not passing up my moment
362
00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:34,297
to win back the hearts
of this town.
363
00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:36,082
-So...
-[grunting]
364
00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:38,606
-Ow!
-I got to subdue and present
365
00:16:38,649 --> 00:16:40,216
all these bad guys, Ollie.
But I do hear you.
366
00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:41,565
I promise I won't kill anyone
on purpose.
367
00:16:41,609 --> 00:16:42,566
Okay, good talk!
368
00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:44,568
[upbeat music playing]
369
00:16:44,612 --> 00:16:49,138
Things should be
right on schedule.
370
00:16:50,357 --> 00:16:52,446
[cheering]
371
00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:55,101
Mel Gibson...
372
00:16:55,144 --> 00:16:58,104
was in my favorite
Fourth of July movie:
373
00:16:58,147 --> 00:16:59,540
The Patriot.
374
00:17:00,497 --> 00:17:05,198
Mel was in this movie
back in the year 2000, y'all.
375
00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:08,375
He was an American
defending his homeland
376
00:17:08,418 --> 00:17:12,074
against the redcoats,
and he bathed in their blood
377
00:17:12,118 --> 00:17:15,425
like any red-blooded
American would do.
378
00:17:15,469 --> 00:17:18,515
He knew that
defending your home was
379
00:17:18,559 --> 00:17:21,301
the most important thing.
380
00:17:21,344 --> 00:17:23,129
And we didn't listen.
381
00:17:23,172 --> 00:17:24,782
Thus 9/11.
382
00:17:24,826 --> 00:17:27,829
So y'all should listen to me
383
00:17:27,872 --> 00:17:30,223
and buy one of
my home security systems
384
00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:32,703
from Kelley Frakes
White Glove Security.
385
00:17:32,747 --> 00:17:34,792
God bless the U.S. of A.
386
00:17:34,836 --> 00:17:36,359
-[upbeat music playing]
-[crying]
387
00:17:36,403 --> 00:17:38,100
[Freddie giggling]
388
00:17:38,144 --> 00:17:39,971
[crying]
389
00:17:40,015 --> 00:17:42,322
Your dad's tripping balls
on the drugs we put
390
00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:44,063
on his funnel cake.
391
00:17:44,106 --> 00:17:46,326
-You did what? Dad. Dad!
-It's gonna be really colorful!
392
00:17:49,155 --> 00:17:51,157
Whoa. Please. No, no, woman.
393
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,723
We just want to talk.
394
00:17:52,767 --> 00:17:53,942
[breathing heavily]
395
00:17:53,985 --> 00:17:54,943
[yells]
396
00:17:54,986 --> 00:17:56,118
[grunts]
397
00:17:56,162 --> 00:17:57,989
[cries out]
398
00:17:59,904 --> 00:18:02,168
Hey. 'Sup?
399
00:18:02,211 --> 00:18:05,345
Why do I even care
if their stuff gets stolen?
400
00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:08,652
Damn Kelley Frakes will
always fuck you over.
401
00:18:08,696 --> 00:18:11,525
Kelley? She'll fuck us over?
402
00:18:11,568 --> 00:18:14,223
Wait a second, does Kelley have
something to do with all this?
403
00:18:15,616 --> 00:18:19,141
Uh... let's talk?
404
00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:24,538
[grunts]
405
00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:28,716
I guess violence is in my genes.
406
00:18:28,759 --> 00:18:31,936
And if the "mom genes" fit,
wear 'em.
407
00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:35,114
I-It's so great being back
with you lovely mamas
408
00:18:35,157 --> 00:18:36,680
from my mom group. Aah!
409
00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:38,508
Your eczema cleared up,
Macy. Wow.
410
00:18:38,552 --> 00:18:39,944
You've been doing
the oatmeal scrubs?
411
00:18:39,988 --> 00:18:41,642
[laughs]
412
00:18:41,685 --> 00:18:44,079
Dad, you're dosed with drugs,
and we forgot about Ollie.
413
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,385
Where is she?
414
00:18:45,428 --> 00:18:48,127
[gasps] Oh, my God.
Ollie was right!
415
00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:50,172
I'm "dream seeing"
my alternative selves
416
00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:52,783
in the other dimensions
of the quantum universes!
417
00:18:52,827 --> 00:18:54,045
DREAM FREDDIE:
Looking good, buddy!
418
00:18:55,308 --> 00:18:57,353
Let Mom go!
419
00:18:57,397 --> 00:18:59,703
Little girl,
this might surprise you,
420
00:18:59,747 --> 00:19:02,837
but we've been having
diplomatic talks with your mama.
421
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,709
See? Wonder Woman can be cool.
422
00:19:05,753 --> 00:19:08,930
Damn, but all you robbers are
super messed up
423
00:19:08,973 --> 00:19:10,236
and need a hospital.
424
00:19:10,279 --> 00:19:14,979
Yes. This was meant to be
"no contact" job.
425
00:19:15,023 --> 00:19:18,418
-Our weapons are fake.
-It was Kelley.
426
00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:21,377
She hired us to rob this
neighborhood for some reason.
427
00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:24,337
Yeah,
and I know that reason.
428
00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:30,908
[clamoring]
429
00:19:30,952 --> 00:19:33,215
All right, y'all,
we're back for our second set.
430
00:19:33,259 --> 00:19:34,738
[panting]
431
00:19:34,782 --> 00:19:36,175
-[groans]
-[guards grunt]
432
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:38,046
[panting]
433
00:19:38,089 --> 00:19:39,352
Okay.
434
00:19:39,395 --> 00:19:41,963
How in the hell
did you get in here,
435
00:19:42,006 --> 00:19:43,660
you drunken trash?
436
00:19:43,704 --> 00:19:45,227
Recognize these criminals?
437
00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:49,231
They told me you hired them
to rob the neighborhood.
438
00:19:49,275 --> 00:19:51,581
Oh, that's the booze talking.
439
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:54,193
50-50. And now, guess what?
440
00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:56,760
I'm getting up on that stage
to say that you hired them
441
00:19:56,804 --> 00:20:00,111
so everyone would believe that
crime was on the rise in town,
442
00:20:00,155 --> 00:20:04,507
so they would then also buy
your new security system. Aha!
443
00:20:04,551 --> 00:20:07,249
You're taking advantage
of America's fear of violence,
444
00:20:07,293 --> 00:20:09,556
which comes from America's
addiction to violence,
445
00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:11,775
which comes from America's
fear of violence,
446
00:20:11,819 --> 00:20:14,300
which comes from America's
addiction to violence,
447
00:20:14,343 --> 00:20:16,302
which comes from America's
fear of violence,
448
00:20:16,345 --> 00:20:18,042
-which comes from...
-Look.
449
00:20:18,086 --> 00:20:21,698
I can lift the ban on you
partaking in the Fourth Fest.
450
00:20:21,742 --> 00:20:24,745
I'll even introduce you
as a model citizen.
451
00:20:24,788 --> 00:20:28,183
Ifyou keep this between us.
452
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,619
[Freddie giggling]
453
00:20:29,663 --> 00:20:31,447
All right,
let's get this thing going.
454
00:20:31,491 --> 00:20:34,363
-[whoops]
-What the fuck do you think you're doing, boy?
455
00:20:34,407 --> 00:20:35,582
Goddamn it.
456
00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:37,453
-[mumbling a tune]
-Yes, Dad!
457
00:20:37,497 --> 00:20:40,151
Dance like no one exists.
458
00:20:40,195 --> 00:20:41,718
♪ Ah, ooh, ah, da-da-da.♪
459
00:20:41,762 --> 00:20:43,807
-Shit. Fuck.
-[crowd gasps] -Hiss!
460
00:20:43,851 --> 00:20:46,506
Back, Redcoats. Back. Hiss.
461
00:20:46,549 --> 00:20:50,074
-Hey, watch it! [grunts]
-KELLEY: So we're cool?
462
00:20:50,118 --> 00:20:54,078
Double overtime and I get you
backstage with Billy Bob?
463
00:20:54,122 --> 00:20:55,384
[scoffs]
464
00:20:55,428 --> 00:20:56,994
Guys, I thought we were cool.
465
00:20:57,038 --> 00:20:59,127
Hey, it's Sling Blade, man.
466
00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:01,216
Hey, let go! Let go!
467
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:04,828
Now, all the Harpers are banned
from Fourth Fest!
468
00:21:04,872 --> 00:21:07,744
Ah. I am going to expose you!
469
00:21:07,788 --> 00:21:09,920
Who's going to believe you, huh?
470
00:21:09,964 --> 00:21:12,096
Get 'em out of here, boys!
471
00:21:14,011 --> 00:21:16,362
Good run being fun, man.
Too bad.
472
00:21:16,405 --> 00:21:18,102
Mm-hmm.
473
00:21:18,146 --> 00:21:20,801
-Ha-ha! [laughs]
-Later!
474
00:21:20,844 --> 00:21:22,193
[groans]
475
00:21:24,979 --> 00:21:26,589
That's good, kids.
You're doing great.
476
00:21:26,633 --> 00:21:28,765
Just take the alleys
and back roads.
477
00:21:28,809 --> 00:21:31,855
-[fireworks crackling]
-Ah...
478
00:21:31,899 --> 00:21:33,727
Happy birthday, July.
479
00:21:33,770 --> 00:21:36,033
I'm so sorry, everyone.
480
00:21:36,077 --> 00:21:38,645
I feel like such a hypocrite
for scolding you, Deb.
481
00:21:38,688 --> 00:21:43,302
I'm hungover, sunburned,
somehow I lost my shoes.
482
00:21:43,345 --> 00:21:45,086
Welcome to being me, babe.
483
00:21:45,129 --> 00:21:46,696
[tires screech]
484
00:21:46,740 --> 00:21:48,611
[engine idling]
485
00:21:48,655 --> 00:21:50,570
[tires squealing]
486
00:21:50,613 --> 00:21:53,355
Seems you all have had
a learning type of day.
487
00:21:53,399 --> 00:21:55,966
Tell me, what did you learn,
girl person?
488
00:21:56,010 --> 00:21:57,359
That...
489
00:21:57,403 --> 00:22:01,232
I'm a lot like my mom,
and she's a lot like me.
490
00:22:01,276 --> 00:22:03,147
And you, scowl-faced lad?
491
00:22:03,191 --> 00:22:05,889
I guess I learned that life is
a series of embarrassments.
492
00:22:05,933 --> 00:22:08,370
And if it's not one parent
then it's the other.
493
00:22:08,414 --> 00:22:11,721
And my old friends,
they're just sucky dicks.
494
00:22:11,765 --> 00:22:14,550
Yes, that's true.
Dicks are a dime a dozen.
495
00:22:14,594 --> 00:22:16,900
I learned "diplomacy" sucks
a big--
496
00:22:16,944 --> 00:22:19,163
Don't talk until
your name's called, Mother.
497
00:22:19,207 --> 00:22:21,035
Bad form, that.
[clicking tongue]
498
00:22:21,078 --> 00:22:22,471
Now, broken man.
499
00:22:22,515 --> 00:22:24,908
-Are you the father?
-Yep.
500
00:22:24,952 --> 00:22:27,084
Yeah. Yes.
501
00:22:27,128 --> 00:22:28,695
And your lesson?
502
00:22:28,738 --> 00:22:31,262
Well, I learned that
even though mushrooms and Molly
503
00:22:31,306 --> 00:22:34,788
make me the person
I've always dreamed of being
504
00:22:34,831 --> 00:22:38,269
but somehow was not really
ever able to be...
505
00:22:38,313 --> 00:22:40,837
eh, they're just not really
for me.
506
00:22:41,534 --> 00:22:44,319
And I just learned...
507
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:47,278
where my lost bag of drugs
ended up.
508
00:22:55,983 --> 00:22:57,898
♪
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00:22:57,941 --> 00:23:00,074
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Chirp.
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00:23:32,461 --> 00:23:37,011
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