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1
00:00:32,096 --> 00:00:36,064
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome.
2
00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:43,080
Welcome to the opening ceremony
of the Ellis Bell Satanic Experience.
3
00:00:45,028 --> 00:00:49,044
120 years ago to this very day,
4
00:00:49,060 --> 00:00:55,016
a young man named Ellis Bell
walked out of that house
5
00:00:55,032 --> 00:01:01,012
along that footpath
and into that summerhouse.
6
00:01:01,024 --> 00:01:03,004
He wrote a book
7
00:01:03,020 --> 00:01:06,012
that would put our much-loved village
of Upper Warden on the map.
8
00:01:06,028 --> 00:01:11,040
The book was called
The House Of Satan,
9
00:01:11,052 --> 00:01:18,072
now, as we all know, a major movie.
10
00:01:22,064 --> 00:01:26,048
The part of Ellis Bell will be played
by the star of the movie
11
00:01:26,064 --> 00:01:33,068
and another of Upper Warden's
most famous sons, Larry Smith.
12
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:45,048
Larry, Larry.
13
00:01:45,064 --> 00:01:51,056
It's five grand in cash for walking
down a path and into a summerhouse.
14
00:01:51,068 --> 00:01:56,080
I ain't wearing no bleeding rug.
15
00:01:56,096 --> 00:02:01,060
I've put a little surprise
in there for you.
16
00:02:01,072 --> 00:02:03,056
What?
17
00:02:03,072 --> 00:02:08,072
A tiny soupcon of your favourite
Peruvian marching powder.
18
00:02:13,072 --> 00:02:17,092
(COCKNEY ACCENT)
So march your bleedin' plates
19
00:02:18,008 --> 00:02:23,000
down that bleedin' path,
know what I mean, son?
20
00:02:28,084 --> 00:02:30,084
(CROWD CLAPS AND CHEERS)
21
00:04:06,084 --> 00:04:08,040
Troy, stop.
22
00:04:08,052 --> 00:04:11,072
We go down the hill, Troy.
23
00:04:11,088 --> 00:04:14,064
I thought we were
going to Upper Warden. We are.
24
00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:20,052
Upper Warden is down the hill.
Lower Warden is up the hill.
25
00:04:20,064 --> 00:04:22,028
That doesn't make any sense.
26
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:25,040
Troy, this is Midsomer.
27
00:04:25,052 --> 00:04:28,012
Sorry. I forgot.
28
00:05:05,020 --> 00:05:09,012
A bomb?
Semtex. Something of the sort.
29
00:05:09,028 --> 00:05:11,096
You can buy it at car boot sales
if you know where to look.
30
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:16,076
Triggered by what? I'd say
some sort of remote-control device.
31
00:05:16,092 --> 00:05:19,044
Where's our body?
In a bag.
32
00:05:19,060 --> 00:05:23,004
It was a big explosion
so he was somewhat dispersed.
33
00:05:23,020 --> 00:05:25,048
Troy says I should recognise
the name.
34
00:05:25,060 --> 00:05:27,036
Larry Smith.
35
00:05:27,048 --> 00:05:31,036
Nah. Larry Smiff?
36
00:05:31,052 --> 00:05:33,084
Why are you putting on
that absurd voice?
37
00:05:33,096 --> 00:05:36,076
That's the way he used to talk.
38
00:05:36,088 --> 00:05:39,052
He made his name in a TV series
39
00:05:39,068 --> 00:05:42,028
about loveable East End gangsters
called Diamond Geezers.
40
00:05:42,044 --> 00:05:44,052
He was famous?
Never out of the tabloids.
41
00:05:44,068 --> 00:05:47,060
Usual stuff. Birds and booze.
You know?
42
00:05:47,076 --> 00:05:52,008
What's a famous diamond geezer doing
in a stately home like this?
43
00:05:52,020 --> 00:05:55,004
Apparently he was the vicar's son.
44
00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:37,032
Here comes the bogeyman.
45
00:06:38,092 --> 00:06:40,092
MOBILE RINGS
46
00:06:42,088 --> 00:06:46,044
Mike, what's the story?
47
00:06:46,056 --> 00:06:49,080
Oh.
48
00:06:49,092 --> 00:06:52,092
What do we tell him?
49
00:06:53,008 --> 00:06:56,080
We maintain the family tradition.
We tell him the truth?
50
00:06:56,092 --> 00:07:00,032
That isn't at all what I said.
51
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,060
Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby.
52
00:07:09,044 --> 00:07:13,004
Ah. Rupert Smythe-Webster.
53
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:18,064
Please accept my deepest sympathy.
54
00:07:18,076 --> 00:07:21,000
Noted and appreciated, Inspector.
55
00:07:21,016 --> 00:07:26,024
Let me get you a seat.
Thank you.
56
00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:31,052
So, let me tell you who everybody
is.
57
00:07:31,068 --> 00:07:36,072
My younger brother Simon.
His wife Laura.
58
00:07:36,088 --> 00:07:40,020
And over there is
my youngest brother,
59
00:07:40,032 --> 00:07:43,068
who will join us when it suits him.
60
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,052
Me, darling.
61
00:07:45,068 --> 00:07:49,008
Forgive me, Inspector.
This is my third wife, Wendy.
62
00:07:49,024 --> 00:07:53,040
Fourth.
Fourth.
63
00:07:53,052 --> 00:07:58,036
Larry Smith was your son?
64
00:07:58,052 --> 00:08:02,072
Yes, he was my son. We brought
him up as Lawrence Smythe-Webster.
65
00:08:02,088 --> 00:08:05,016
Larry Smith is a creature
he invented after he left us.
66
00:08:05,028 --> 00:08:07,032
That is not entirely fair.
67
00:08:08,044 --> 00:08:14,008
This is my youngest brother Francis,
Inspector, who answers to Frank.
68
00:08:14,024 --> 00:08:17,080
We were telling Inspector Barnaby
all about our nephew.
69
00:08:20,060 --> 00:08:24,012
He had lovely eyelashes.
70
00:08:28,056 --> 00:08:31,000
Do you all live in Upper Warden?
71
00:08:31,016 --> 00:08:35,044
You're looking at a thousand-
year-old family tradition, Barnaby.
72
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:38,068
The first-born son stays at home.
73
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:40,064
We live in the east wing.
74
00:08:40,084 --> 00:08:44,048
The next son goes into the Church
and becomes the vicar
of Upper Warden.
75
00:08:44,064 --> 00:08:47,000
The youngest goes off
to the Crusades.
76
00:08:47,016 --> 00:08:49,048
But I decided to join
the godless infidels,
77
00:08:49,060 --> 00:08:51,080
and became a movie producer.
78
00:08:51,092 --> 00:08:54,004
You produced The House Of Satan?
79
00:08:54,020 --> 00:08:59,072
The highest-grossing UK-financed
movie of the past decade.
80
00:08:59,084 --> 00:09:02,016
Gross is an appropriate word.
81
00:09:05,076 --> 00:09:10,092
I'll need a large room where I can
set up a temporary headquarters.
82
00:09:11,004 --> 00:09:13,036
Absolutely no problem.
83
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:15,056
Simon will lend you
the church schoolroom.
84
00:09:15,068 --> 00:09:17,096
(LAUGHS)
85
00:09:18,008 --> 00:09:20,040
We need the schoolroom
86
00:09:20,056 --> 00:09:22,084
for the Sunday school anniversary
concert rehearsals.
87
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:26,012
It's God's will, Simon.
No it isn't - it's your will.
88
00:09:26,028 --> 00:09:28,084
In Upper Warden
it's all the same thing.
89
00:09:49,012 --> 00:09:53,076
Hi, Danny.
Hi, Phil. Coffee?
90
00:09:53,088 --> 00:09:55,076
You bet.
91
00:10:06,024 --> 00:10:09,080
What you doing here?
The guttering on the summerhouse?
92
00:10:09,092 --> 00:10:12,012
I made a start.
93
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:14,036
And then I had to check
Her Ladyship's jacuzzi.
94
00:10:14,048 --> 00:10:16,036
You're not the first.
95
00:10:16,048 --> 00:10:18,036
(LAUGHS)
96
00:10:18,048 --> 00:10:22,084
Here's to poor Larry.
97
00:10:22,096 --> 00:10:26,084
Yeah. Poor Larry.
98
00:10:30,068 --> 00:10:33,020
Ta.
99
00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:37,096
Got any more coffee?
100
00:10:38,008 --> 00:10:40,072
Go on.
101
00:10:42,060 --> 00:10:45,016
See you down the club later.
102
00:10:45,028 --> 00:10:48,040
Yeah. Later.
103
00:10:48,052 --> 00:10:53,024
Apparently it's all a pack of lies.
104
00:10:53,036 --> 00:10:54,072
Who says?
105
00:10:54,088 --> 00:10:57,068
The man I was standing next to
in the line of peasants.
106
00:10:57,084 --> 00:11:01,040
A local chap,
dressed as the village blacksmith.
107
00:11:01,052 --> 00:11:02,088
Ta.
108
00:11:03,004 --> 00:11:07,060
He said Ellis Bell never went near
the summerhouse.
109
00:11:07,076 --> 00:11:10,032
He wrote the book
in the neighbouring village
110
00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:12,080
of Lower Warden.
111
00:11:12,096 --> 00:11:16,040
My chap claimed the film was
a travesty and it was all
112
00:11:16,052 --> 00:11:18,060
Oliver Cromwell's fault.
113
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:22,040
Would you know this fellow again?
I doubt it.
He was covered in whiskers.
114
00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:25,036
He was local? He wasn't
one of the Causton am dram lot?
115
00:11:25,048 --> 00:11:27,012
Definitely local.
116
00:11:27,028 --> 00:11:29,024
We were only there
to make up the numbers.
117
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:32,036
Day in the fresh air.
Buffet lunch.
118
00:11:32,052 --> 00:11:34,016
Rather a good lunch,
as a matter of fact.
119
00:11:34,032 --> 00:11:37,088
Danny the chef's speciality -
meatballs.
120
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,032
Sweet boy.
121
00:11:40,048 --> 00:11:43,000
Apparently,
he'd just lost his mother.
122
00:11:43,012 --> 00:11:45,064
But he still insisted on turning up.
123
00:11:54,076 --> 00:11:58,064
All on your own, sir?
Yes, Danny.
124
00:11:58,076 --> 00:12:00,080
The family's deserted me.
125
00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:07,044
We're all very sorry about
what happened this afternoon, sir.
126
00:12:07,056 --> 00:12:11,024
Thank you, Danny. Very kind.
127
00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:15,000
I do appreciate the fact
that you turned up at all today.
128
00:12:15,012 --> 00:12:17,048
'Cause of my mum.
129
00:12:17,060 --> 00:12:20,068
So soon after the funeral?
130
00:12:20,084 --> 00:12:23,096
She brought Larry into the world,
you know.
131
00:12:24,008 --> 00:12:27,004
The same for me, I suppose.
132
00:12:27,020 --> 00:12:31,008
I wonder if you realise
the full tragic irony
133
00:12:31,020 --> 00:12:34,040
of today's whole sorry business.
134
00:12:34,056 --> 00:12:38,008
Getting blown up has got to be
a bit tragic.
135
00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:42,056
The irony is that
from the point of view of the film
136
00:12:42,068 --> 00:12:45,032
and of this place
137
00:12:45,048 --> 00:12:50,036
Larry's death could be
terribly good for business.
138
00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:23,036
Morning.
Morning.
139
00:13:23,048 --> 00:13:24,092
Morning.
140
00:13:27,092 --> 00:13:31,084
I'd like to talk
to Mr Frank Smythe-Webster.
141
00:13:31,096 --> 00:13:34,004
He calls himself Frank Webster.
142
00:13:34,020 --> 00:13:36,056
I want to talk to him
under either of his names.
143
00:13:36,072 --> 00:13:39,040
He's working out
in the Ellis Bell multi-gym.
144
00:13:39,056 --> 00:13:43,024
Don't blame me -
it's a marketing concept.
145
00:13:43,036 --> 00:13:45,068
Thank you, Helen.
146
00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:50,024
Mike, don't panic.
147
00:13:50,036 --> 00:13:51,072
My friend, there is no problem.
148
00:13:51,084 --> 00:13:54,052
Wasn't it Gertrude Stein who said
149
00:13:54,064 --> 00:13:57,080
a geezer is a geezer is a geezer?
150
00:13:57,096 --> 00:14:02,008
Yes, well... I'll call you back.
Two minutes.
151
00:14:06,016 --> 00:14:09,028
Inspector Barnaby.
How can I help you?
152
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:12,024
My first choice -
153
00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:17,040
who stood to gain
by killing your nephew?
154
00:14:17,052 --> 00:14:19,036
Certainly not me.
155
00:14:19,052 --> 00:14:22,056
You realise we start shooting
House Of Satan 2 next month?
156
00:14:22,068 --> 00:14:25,044
No, I didn't realise that.
157
00:14:25,060 --> 00:14:27,064
You're having to find another actor,
are you?
158
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:31,056
Yes. And once agents realise
the fine mess we're in,
159
00:14:31,068 --> 00:14:34,044
the price goes through the roof.
160
00:14:34,056 --> 00:14:36,088
I find that deeply offensive.
161
00:14:37,004 --> 00:14:39,076
Is that all it's about, then?
Money?
162
00:14:39,092 --> 00:14:43,032
The bottom line.
Everything's about money.
163
00:14:43,044 --> 00:14:45,052
What did you expect?
164
00:14:45,068 --> 00:14:50,012
I expected a little more grief
from the bereaved
165
00:14:50,028 --> 00:14:53,068
with the possible exception
of his mother.
166
00:14:53,088 --> 00:14:56,092
You could put it down
to the stiff upper lip
of the English ruling class.
167
00:14:57,008 --> 00:14:59,084
But more likely it's the fact
that nobody liked him.
168
00:14:59,096 --> 00:15:01,092
Mr Webster...
169
00:15:02,004 --> 00:15:04,000
Call me Frank.
170
00:15:04,012 --> 00:15:06,016
Frank.
171
00:15:06,032 --> 00:15:10,080
I've been bullied by the media
into holding a press conference.
172
00:15:10,092 --> 00:15:13,072
Would you mind taking part, please?
173
00:15:13,088 --> 00:15:18,036
My pleasure.
All publicity is good publicity.
174
00:15:20,060 --> 00:15:23,080
Yes. Yes.
175
00:15:23,092 --> 00:15:26,056
Yes, I'll come back to you.
176
00:15:28,016 --> 00:15:31,008
Larry Smith was not only my nephew,
177
00:15:31,024 --> 00:15:35,096
but a sweet guy
and a very dear friend -
178
00:15:36,012 --> 00:15:39,008
destined to become
a major international star
179
00:15:39,024 --> 00:15:44,012
in our next project together -
House Of Satan 2.
180
00:15:47,096 --> 00:15:51,072
We have no idea who has perpetrated
this ghastly crime.
181
00:15:51,088 --> 00:15:54,080
But we will give the police
every assistance
182
00:15:54,092 --> 00:15:57,068
in bringing the killer to justice.
183
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,016
Thank you.
184
00:15:59,028 --> 00:16:00,064
Thank you, Mr Webster.
185
00:16:00,076 --> 00:16:02,096
I'll take questions now, please.
186
00:16:03,008 --> 00:16:04,060
Yes?
187
00:16:04,072 --> 00:16:07,016
Murdoch. Causton Echo.
188
00:16:07,028 --> 00:16:08,076
Yes?
189
00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:13,012
Knowing of Larry Smith's history
of substance abuse,
190
00:16:13,024 --> 00:16:15,072
could his murder be drugs-related?
191
00:16:15,084 --> 00:16:18,092
At present nothing is ruled out.
192
00:16:21,044 --> 00:16:25,008
Jack Wilson.
Upper Warden Church Newsletter.
193
00:16:25,024 --> 00:16:27,080
I also keep the bookshop
in the high street.
194
00:16:27,096 --> 00:16:30,076
With respect, our friend
should go back home
195
00:16:30,088 --> 00:16:32,088
to his own kind in Causton.
196
00:16:33,004 --> 00:16:35,000
This is purely and simply
a local initiative.
197
00:16:35,016 --> 00:16:38,084
Thank you, Mr Wilson.
What's your question?
198
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,036
No question.
MOBILE RINGS
199
00:16:40,052 --> 00:16:41,088
I'm simply putting
the record straight.
200
00:16:42,004 --> 00:16:44,064
We're talking about Upper Warden
and Lower Warden.
201
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,068
Mr... We've been murdering
each other here
202
00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:48,072
since the time of Cromwell.
203
00:16:48,084 --> 00:16:51,008
We're not going to change now.
204
00:16:51,024 --> 00:16:54,044
March 14th 1643.
That's when it all began.
205
00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:59,012
Mr Wilson,
would you excuse me, please?
206
00:16:59,024 --> 00:17:01,096
My sergeant needs to speak to me.
207
00:17:06,052 --> 00:17:08,056
What's the crisis?
Fight broke out.
208
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:10,052
Really? Who's been fighting?
209
00:17:10,064 --> 00:17:13,000
Over there.
210
00:17:21,084 --> 00:17:24,012
What happened?
211
00:17:24,028 --> 00:17:26,012
I come here
with my flowers for Larry,
212
00:17:26,028 --> 00:17:28,040
and there she was
with her flowers for Larry.
213
00:17:28,056 --> 00:17:30,068
He would have been glad
to have flowers from you both.
214
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:32,056
When did you meet him?
215
00:17:32,072 --> 00:17:35,020
Last year. When he was here filming
The House Of Satan.
216
00:17:35,036 --> 00:17:37,068
Which is when our relationship
started.
217
00:17:37,084 --> 00:17:40,060
She called it a relationship.
So I called her a lying cow
218
00:17:40,072 --> 00:17:43,048
and she hit me with her flowers.
219
00:17:43,060 --> 00:17:46,012
How can you draw blood with flowers?
220
00:17:46,024 --> 00:17:48,092
It was an arrangement. In a pot.
221
00:17:49,008 --> 00:17:53,028
I always think a nice arrangement is
more appropriate on these occasions.
222
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:54,080
I think it would be more appropriate
223
00:17:54,096 --> 00:17:57,048
if you were both to go home
and grow up.
224
00:17:57,060 --> 00:17:59,032
In either order.
225
00:17:59,044 --> 00:18:01,028
Go.
226
00:18:15,068 --> 00:18:18,080
Seems to have put it about a bit
when he was here last year.
227
00:18:18,092 --> 00:18:24,076
Jane, Caroline, Michelle, Fiona.
228
00:18:27,036 --> 00:18:30,088
There's one here from Darren.
229
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:34,040
Darren? Any idea who Darren might be?
230
00:18:34,056 --> 00:18:37,000
Apparently
he's the local video nerd.
231
00:18:37,012 --> 00:18:38,052
He was covering the event.
232
00:18:38,068 --> 00:18:40,076
And a bit of an obsessive,
so worth checking out.
233
00:18:40,092 --> 00:18:43,032
He sometimes helps
at the local bookshop.
234
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,000
BELL CLATTERS
235
00:18:59,056 --> 00:19:01,068
Hello?
236
00:19:07,032 --> 00:19:09,032
MACHINERY CHURNS
237
00:19:30,092 --> 00:19:34,000
I'm looking for Mr Wilson.
238
00:19:34,012 --> 00:19:35,052
He's not here.
239
00:19:35,068 --> 00:19:40,052
You must be Darren.
That's very good.
240
00:19:40,064 --> 00:19:42,024
Lucky guess.
241
00:19:42,036 --> 00:19:45,088
Mr Wilson's out delivering these.
242
00:19:46,004 --> 00:19:49,000
These?
Well, he's not delivering these.
243
00:19:49,020 --> 00:19:52,008
He's delivering the ones
we've already done,
if you see what I mean.
244
00:19:52,020 --> 00:19:54,080
I see what you mean. May I?
245
00:19:54,092 --> 00:19:56,052
Oh, yes. It's free.
246
00:19:56,068 --> 00:20:00,048
Mr Wilson's brought out a special
edition because of the murder.
247
00:20:00,064 --> 00:20:04,096
He's written an editorial
about how the police haven't a clue.
248
00:20:09,016 --> 00:20:11,008
Ah.
249
00:20:11,020 --> 00:20:13,000
I see.
250
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:15,072
Shall I make us a cup of tea?
251
00:20:15,088 --> 00:20:20,072
Yeah. Then you can tell me what the
clue is that the police don't have.
252
00:20:24,092 --> 00:20:26,092
SPOOKY NOISES
253
00:20:34,076 --> 00:20:37,024
There you are, Barnaby.
254
00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:39,068
That's your basic
satanic experience.
255
00:20:39,084 --> 00:20:43,000
A darkened room
with some strange noises?
256
00:20:43,016 --> 00:20:46,080
It's an homage.
A key scene in the movie.
257
00:20:46,096 --> 00:20:50,092
Our hero is locked
in a darkened room by the bad guys,
258
00:20:51,008 --> 00:20:55,040
and driven mad
by a series of unexplained noises.
259
00:20:55,052 --> 00:20:58,096
SOUND EFFECTS STUCK IN A LOOP
260
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:06,032
Then of course he recovers
his sanity
261
00:21:06,044 --> 00:21:08,084
in order to kill off the bad guys.
262
00:21:08,096 --> 00:21:10,048
An homage?
263
00:21:10,064 --> 00:21:15,016
According to our market research
movie buffs love an homage.
264
00:21:15,032 --> 00:21:20,000
Show them a plastic shark
or the shower curtain from Psycho
265
00:21:20,016 --> 00:21:23,040
and they wet themselves with glee
and reach for their wallets.
266
00:21:23,052 --> 00:21:25,088
Where exactly are we?
267
00:21:26,004 --> 00:21:29,048
Immediately below the gymnasium?
Well spotted.
268
00:21:33,004 --> 00:21:36,096
What about this state of war
with Lower Warden?
269
00:21:37,008 --> 00:21:38,092
Mr Wilson knows about that.
270
00:21:39,004 --> 00:21:40,084
And Oliver Cromwell?
271
00:21:40,096 --> 00:21:43,092
Mr Wilson knows about that too.
272
00:21:45,076 --> 00:21:48,036
Do you know about anything, Darren?
273
00:21:48,052 --> 00:21:54,088
I know a lot about classic movies,
The Prisoner, and Doctor Who.
274
00:21:55,004 --> 00:21:57,092
You left some flowers
at the murder scene?
275
00:21:58,004 --> 00:22:00,028
Yes.
276
00:22:00,044 --> 00:22:03,088
Did you have a relationship
with Larry Smith?
277
00:22:04,004 --> 00:22:08,048
No. I don't have relationships,
as a rule.
278
00:22:08,064 --> 00:22:11,044
But I've got all 26 episodes
of Diamond Geezers on video,
279
00:22:11,060 --> 00:22:15,028
and The House Of Satan
on video and DVD.
280
00:22:16,044 --> 00:22:19,032
RECORDER CLICKS ON
281
00:22:20,032 --> 00:22:23,092
Tell me how you met Larry Smith.
282
00:22:24,008 --> 00:22:25,092
It was last year,
when they were making the film.
283
00:22:26,008 --> 00:22:28,076
I was chambermaiding at the house he
was staying at with the film unit.
284
00:22:28,088 --> 00:22:30,052
And you fell in love?
285
00:22:30,064 --> 00:22:32,056
That'd be pushing it a bit.
286
00:22:32,068 --> 00:22:35,048
But you had a relationship?
287
00:22:35,060 --> 00:22:40,020
Oh, yeah. Definitely a relationship.
288
00:22:40,032 --> 00:22:41,096
How long did it last?
289
00:22:44,012 --> 00:22:47,068
Couple of hours, maybe.
290
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:49,080
RECORDER CLICKS OFF
291
00:22:49,096 --> 00:22:54,000
Emily, my love,
the memory can do funny things.
292
00:22:54,016 --> 00:22:57,040
Now is there any way
I can persuade you
293
00:22:57,056 --> 00:23:01,048
that it might have lasted
a little longer than that?
294
00:23:01,060 --> 00:23:03,068
Now...
295
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,052
RECORDER CLICKS ON
296
00:23:05,068 --> 00:23:10,084
Tell me about your night of passion
with Larry Smith.
297
00:23:12,084 --> 00:23:15,040
It was a Thursday afternoon...
298
00:23:15,056 --> 00:23:17,004
RECORDER CLICKS OFF
Emily!
299
00:23:17,016 --> 00:23:22,000
What did I just say?
300
00:23:26,012 --> 00:23:28,008
RECORDER CLICKS ON
301
00:23:28,024 --> 00:23:32,036
I shall never forget the first time
he looked into my eyes.
302
00:23:33,076 --> 00:23:36,024
Would you like to be famous, Darren?
303
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:38,060
I'd love to. But I can't see it
happening. Can you?
304
00:23:38,072 --> 00:23:41,064
Let's hope not.
305
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:46,024
If you'd murdered Larry Smith,
you'd be famous.
306
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:49,016
But only for 15 minutes.
Is it worth it?
307
00:23:51,024 --> 00:23:54,000
I believe you made a video
of yesterday's events?
308
00:23:54,020 --> 00:23:57,084
I make videos of everything
that happens in the village.
Would you like it as evidence?
309
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,072
Please. Remind me to bring it
from home next time I see you.
310
00:24:00,084 --> 00:24:04,096
I'm reminding you now, Darren.
311
00:24:05,012 --> 00:24:08,028
And you can sell me a copy of
The House Of Satan before I leave.
312
00:24:09,084 --> 00:24:11,044
Right.
313
00:24:13,016 --> 00:24:15,000
Which one do you want?
314
00:24:15,012 --> 00:24:17,004
Is there more than one?
315
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:21,056
There's two.
There's the book of the film.
316
00:24:21,072 --> 00:24:24,012
And there's Ellis Bell's
original version.
317
00:24:24,028 --> 00:24:25,088
Are they different?
Yes.
318
00:24:26,004 --> 00:24:28,012
The book of the film's got
the haunted dungeon in it.
319
00:24:28,024 --> 00:24:30,048
Oh. I better have one of each, then.
320
00:24:30,064 --> 00:24:33,092
I'm sorry.
We only stock the book of the film.
321
00:24:34,008 --> 00:24:36,072
You'll have to go to Lower Warden
for the other one.
322
00:24:39,008 --> 00:24:41,080
Could Darren organise an explosion?
323
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:45,040
I bet you can learn how to do it
from the net
if you know where to surf.
324
00:24:45,056 --> 00:24:49,004
I'm seeing him again this evening.
I'll ask him about it then.
325
00:24:49,016 --> 00:24:51,016
Why? Why are you seeing him again?
326
00:24:51,032 --> 00:24:53,072
Oh, he's promised to do
some research
327
00:24:53,088 --> 00:24:56,028
on jealous husbands
and jealous boyfriends.
328
00:24:56,044 --> 00:24:58,096
And he's bringing his video in
from home. Excellent.
329
00:24:59,012 --> 00:25:03,052
In the words of Alfred Hitchcock,
actors are cattle.
330
00:25:03,068 --> 00:25:05,096
Yeah, yeah, that's a bit rough on
cattle, I know.
331
00:25:06,012 --> 00:25:09,072
So give the guy an evasive answer.
Tell him to go screw himself.
332
00:25:09,084 --> 00:25:11,068
MOBILE CLICKS OFF
333
00:25:11,084 --> 00:25:13,080
Film producers do that for fun,
do they?
334
00:25:13,092 --> 00:25:15,028
No. Because it's good for them.
335
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:17,024
I hate things that are good for me.
336
00:25:17,036 --> 00:25:19,072
So, what have we got?
337
00:25:24,016 --> 00:25:26,056
I'd rather do this my way.
Father's way.
338
00:25:26,068 --> 00:25:28,076
The short, sharp shock.
339
00:25:28,092 --> 00:25:34,024
Look. We talked about it,
we agreed, remember?
340
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:38,064
Hey, you remember how we used to
settle arguments when we were kids?
341
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:42,012
What? You can't settle a thing
like this with a toss of a coin.
342
00:25:42,024 --> 00:25:44,024
Want a bet?
343
00:25:44,036 --> 00:25:46,052
Heads.
344
00:25:56,088 --> 00:25:59,004
My way.
345
00:26:10,020 --> 00:26:11,068
This suit's going to be ruined.
346
00:26:11,084 --> 00:26:18,000
Well, it's your fault.
You won the toss, remember?
347
00:26:28,056 --> 00:26:31,068
Ah. Well, we've done as we were told.
348
00:26:31,084 --> 00:26:34,052
We've left the package
on the tree stump,
349
00:26:34,064 --> 00:26:38,032
and stayed well out of the way.
350
00:26:38,044 --> 00:26:40,020
We'll see how good they are.
351
00:26:40,036 --> 00:26:42,048
(AMERICAN ACCENT)
I keep telling you, bro.
352
00:26:42,060 --> 00:26:44,072
It's amateur night in Dixie.
353
00:26:44,084 --> 00:26:47,020
MOTORBIKE
354
00:27:10,028 --> 00:27:11,076
Now what happens?
355
00:27:11,088 --> 00:27:14,084
We watch this space.
356
00:27:40,068 --> 00:27:42,016
Morning, Helen.
357
00:27:42,032 --> 00:27:45,036
Morning, Mr Webster.
You're up early.
358
00:27:45,048 --> 00:27:48,052
Quick workout. Healthy breakfast.
359
00:27:48,072 --> 00:27:52,032
Then back to the big city
to find a cheap and willing actor
who wants to be a star.
360
00:27:52,048 --> 00:27:54,064
He'll have to be brave as well,
won't he?
361
00:27:54,076 --> 00:27:56,068
Stupid will do.
362
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:58,040
Did you know this, Troy?
363
00:27:58,056 --> 00:28:02,000
If a leading actor drops dead just as
he's about to make a film,
364
00:28:02,016 --> 00:28:04,064
apparently there's always
an insurance deal,
365
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:07,028
sometimes amounting to
millions of pounds.
366
00:28:07,044 --> 00:28:10,072
A lot of people are making money
from the situation.
367
00:28:10,088 --> 00:28:14,040
"My 24 hours of passion
by broken-hearted Emily Gaskell."
368
00:28:14,052 --> 00:28:17,064
Somebody's feeding the tabloids.
369
00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:20,092
Bet it's that journalist
from the Causton Echo.
370
00:28:25,092 --> 00:28:28,064
Was that there last night
when you left?
371
00:28:28,076 --> 00:28:30,032
No. Definitely not.
372
00:28:31,044 --> 00:28:34,032
Lev?
373
00:28:34,048 --> 00:28:37,044
Wasn't he a Russian goalie?
Lev Yashin?
374
00:28:37,056 --> 00:28:40,092
It's a biblical reference. Leviticus.
375
00:28:41,004 --> 00:28:43,000
From the Bible.
376
00:28:43,016 --> 00:28:47,036
Every schoolboy's
favourite dirty book.
377
00:28:47,052 --> 00:28:52,020
I'm going to talk
to the Reverend Simon.
378
00:29:03,004 --> 00:29:07,000
Mr Barnaby. Good morning.
Morning, sir.
379
00:29:07,012 --> 00:29:09,064
I'm very sorry to disturb you,
380
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:13,052
but I was hoping for some help
with a biblical reference.
381
00:29:13,064 --> 00:29:16,092
Leviticus, chapter 18, verse 16?
382
00:29:17,008 --> 00:29:21,020
Oh, you've seen it, have you?
I assume you didn't do it?
383
00:29:21,036 --> 00:29:25,092
I have many frailties,
but I'm not vulgar.
384
00:29:26,008 --> 00:29:30,020
The chapter deals with various
prohibitions in carnal matters.
385
00:29:30,036 --> 00:29:33,064
The people and, in the later verses
indeed, the animals
386
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:36,040
that one is not permitted to have
sexual relations with,
387
00:29:36,052 --> 00:29:38,044
according to God's law.
388
00:29:38,056 --> 00:29:42,020
Here we are. Verse 16.
389
00:29:46,076 --> 00:29:50,056
"Thou shalt not uncover the
nakedness of thy brother's wife."
390
00:29:50,068 --> 00:29:53,032
I think the meaning is clear.
391
00:29:57,068 --> 00:30:00,000
Please.
392
00:30:04,092 --> 00:30:08,072
Why would someone write that
on the schoolroom wall,
393
00:30:08,084 --> 00:30:11,084
knowing the police would see it?
394
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:15,072
I imagine they're
pointing the finger at our family.
395
00:30:15,084 --> 00:30:17,088
Anyone in particular?
396
00:30:20,084 --> 00:30:25,060
I'll answer your questions
truthfully and honestly, Mr Barnaby.
397
00:30:25,076 --> 00:30:28,020
But I don't deal
in gossip and innuendo.
398
00:30:28,032 --> 00:30:30,028
Oh, I'm sure you don't.
399
00:30:33,024 --> 00:30:37,088
Can we consider please
your eldest brother's wife,
400
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:41,064
Mrs Wendy Smythe-Webster?
401
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:47,084
Is it possible
that your brother Frank
402
00:30:47,096 --> 00:30:53,004
or even your late son, for example,
403
00:30:53,016 --> 00:30:57,032
might have uncovered her nakedness?
404
00:30:59,016 --> 00:31:01,092
And that brother Rupert
took exception to it?
405
00:31:06,024 --> 00:31:10,016
Wendy may not be the brightest star
in God's firmament,
406
00:31:10,028 --> 00:31:13,004
but she's fundamentally harmless.
407
00:31:13,020 --> 00:31:18,024
A flirt, and, in the vernacular,
a bimbo -
408
00:31:18,036 --> 00:31:22,040
but not, I believe, an adulteress.
409
00:32:40,072 --> 00:32:44,032
Men over a certain age
shouldn't take exercise.
410
00:32:44,048 --> 00:32:47,052
Promise me you'll never go searching
for your lost youth, Tom.
411
00:32:47,068 --> 00:32:50,020
It's lost because
it's meant to be lost.
412
00:32:50,032 --> 00:32:52,000
You're sure it's heart failure?
413
00:32:52,016 --> 00:32:56,008
Well, not till I've done
a full examination, but...
414
00:32:59,008 --> 00:33:02,056
Why would a man who's never had
a proper job in his life
415
00:33:02,068 --> 00:33:05,076
have a workman's hands?
416
00:33:05,088 --> 00:33:07,080
Or could that be a scorch mark?
417
00:33:07,092 --> 00:33:09,032
Let's have a look.
418
00:33:21,004 --> 00:33:23,076
These things usually
are connected to the mains?
419
00:33:23,092 --> 00:33:26,012
Yes. They're stuffed full
of computerised instrumentation
420
00:33:26,024 --> 00:33:28,048
so you can measure your progress.
421
00:33:28,064 --> 00:33:32,036
Right, well check that bike.
See if the circuits are blown.
422
00:33:33,092 --> 00:33:37,056
He was making an early start
back to London, he said.
423
00:33:37,068 --> 00:33:40,072
Did anyone else go into the gym?
424
00:33:40,088 --> 00:33:43,072
No. He's the only one
who's ever used it so far.
425
00:33:45,088 --> 00:33:49,000
Very healthy, he was.
426
00:33:49,012 --> 00:33:51,068
But you found the body?
427
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:54,012
Yeah.
428
00:33:54,024 --> 00:34:00,096
See, I assumed he'd have his workout
429
00:34:01,012 --> 00:34:03,080
and then go back to his room
for breakfast.
430
00:34:03,092 --> 00:34:06,012
That's what he usually did.
431
00:34:06,028 --> 00:34:09,060
Then I started getting
phone calls for him,
432
00:34:09,076 --> 00:34:13,008
and there was no answer
from his room,
433
00:34:13,020 --> 00:34:17,028
so I thought I'd better check.
434
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:19,076
And there he was.
435
00:34:25,048 --> 00:34:29,072
I've never seen anyone dead before.
436
00:34:29,084 --> 00:34:31,020
You should go home.
437
00:34:32,068 --> 00:34:35,064
Somebody's coming in to relieve me.
Good.
438
00:34:36,064 --> 00:34:38,020
Is this Ellis Bell?
439
00:34:38,032 --> 00:34:41,032
Ellis Bell. The proper one.
440
00:34:41,044 --> 00:34:46,060
What a mess, eh?
441
00:34:46,072 --> 00:34:48,092
It's all your fault.
442
00:34:54,076 --> 00:34:56,076
Yes, that would do it.
443
00:34:58,096 --> 00:35:02,048
So all anyone would need
to put a mains charge
through the exercise bike
444
00:35:02,060 --> 00:35:04,032
would be a set of jump leads?
445
00:35:04,044 --> 00:35:06,032
And rubber gloves.
446
00:35:06,044 --> 00:35:07,080
That means no fingerprints.
447
00:35:07,092 --> 00:35:10,012
It's obviously worth checking,
448
00:35:10,028 --> 00:35:12,060
but I wouldn't build your hopes
too highly.
449
00:35:12,072 --> 00:35:15,008
Thank you.
450
00:35:43,092 --> 00:35:47,008
And then there were four.
451
00:35:48,072 --> 00:35:51,052
I don't think that's very amusing.
452
00:35:51,064 --> 00:35:54,012
Did I say I was amused?
453
00:35:55,088 --> 00:35:57,096
Well, I think it's awful.
454
00:35:59,008 --> 00:36:01,052
Ah. Inspector Barnaby.
455
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:10,000
Why don't you sit
in your usual chair?
456
00:36:10,012 --> 00:36:12,004
Thank you very much.
457
00:36:17,060 --> 00:36:20,020
Please accept my deepest sympathy.
458
00:36:21,068 --> 00:36:24,032
Noted. Appreciated, as ever.
459
00:36:25,088 --> 00:36:28,084
Well, I have to ask
the obvious question -
460
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:31,032
did your brother Frank
have any enemies?
461
00:36:36,076 --> 00:36:40,000
Apparently.
Otherwise he'd still be alive.
462
00:36:46,064 --> 00:36:50,056
He was nice.
Everybody liked him.
463
00:36:51,084 --> 00:36:55,052
Is that the general view
around the table?
464
00:36:56,072 --> 00:36:59,020
He had great charm.
465
00:36:59,032 --> 00:37:01,052
Indeed, he had.
466
00:37:04,008 --> 00:37:06,004
Who's in charge of security?
467
00:37:06,016 --> 00:37:08,008
Oh, there isn't any.
468
00:37:08,020 --> 00:37:09,084
We lock the door
469
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:14,036
but the residents have keys, the
staff have keys, we all have keys.
470
00:37:14,056 --> 00:37:18,008
I imagine all the weasels
in the wild wood
have their own keys.
471
00:37:18,024 --> 00:37:21,032
They probably keep duplicates
in their little potting sheds.
472
00:37:21,044 --> 00:37:23,064
Weasels in the wild wood?
473
00:37:23,076 --> 00:37:25,012
As in Wind In The Willows?
474
00:37:25,024 --> 00:37:27,088
Ah, it's my brother's way
475
00:37:28,004 --> 00:37:30,084
of referring to the people
of Lower Warden.
476
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:33,004
Who'd like nothing more than
to overrun this place,
477
00:37:33,016 --> 00:37:35,000
the way the weasels do in the book.
478
00:37:35,016 --> 00:37:37,084
I don't think the weasels
murdered the inhabitants.
479
00:37:37,096 --> 00:37:39,096
Quite correct.
480
00:37:40,012 --> 00:37:44,000
As I recall it,
Mr Toad marshals his forces
481
00:37:44,016 --> 00:37:47,020
and they all mount
a very successful counterattack.
482
00:37:47,036 --> 00:37:50,072
To be precise, they whack 'em
and whack 'em and whack 'em.
483
00:37:58,072 --> 00:38:00,020
Look.
484
00:38:00,036 --> 00:38:02,076
Two members of your family
have now been murdered
485
00:38:02,088 --> 00:38:04,084
in as many days.
486
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:07,072
And when I talk to you,
or to anyone from Upper Warden,
487
00:38:07,084 --> 00:38:09,048
about possible motives,
488
00:38:09,064 --> 00:38:12,056
you all point me
in the direction of Lower Warden.
489
00:38:12,072 --> 00:38:16,088
Oh, of course.
It's in the natural order of things.
490
00:38:23,056 --> 00:38:28,048
I'm sure you'll forgive me,
Mrs Wendy Smythe-Webster,
491
00:38:28,060 --> 00:38:31,032
but it's a time for plain speaking.
492
00:38:31,048 --> 00:38:37,024
I've heard it suggested that you had
a sexual relationship
493
00:38:37,036 --> 00:38:38,072
with your late nephew.
494
00:38:40,048 --> 00:38:42,048
Which on the face of it,
495
00:38:42,064 --> 00:38:47,060
would provide your husband
with a motive to murder him.
496
00:38:47,076 --> 00:38:51,012
And the graffiti that appeared
on the schoolroom wall last night
497
00:38:51,028 --> 00:38:55,016
would suggest that one or other
of you three brothers
498
00:38:55,028 --> 00:38:57,016
had an extramarital relationship
499
00:38:57,032 --> 00:39:01,080
with one or the other
of your two wives.
500
00:39:01,092 --> 00:39:03,092
Which, if it were Frank,
501
00:39:04,004 --> 00:39:07,024
would give the aggrieved brother
502
00:39:07,036 --> 00:39:12,036
a motive for his murder.
503
00:39:19,024 --> 00:39:20,088
We're a family with secrets,
Inspector,
504
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,084
like any other family.
505
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:27,032
But if those secrets drove any of us
to murder, we would do it
506
00:39:27,048 --> 00:39:31,036
the gentleman's way -
with a bullet to the brain.
507
00:39:31,048 --> 00:39:33,092
And face to face.
508
00:39:34,008 --> 00:39:38,028
And remember,
the main purpose of this family -
509
00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:41,008
perhaps our only purpose -
510
00:39:41,020 --> 00:39:44,028
is survival.
511
00:39:57,048 --> 00:40:00,064
It says "The Shining" 'cause
that's what I'd like it to be.
512
00:40:00,076 --> 00:40:02,056
It's my only copy, so...
513
00:40:02,068 --> 00:40:04,048
We'll take good care of it, Darren.
514
00:40:04,060 --> 00:40:06,056
Now -
515
00:40:06,072 --> 00:40:09,024
you were going to go through
this list of people
516
00:40:09,036 --> 00:40:11,024
who left flowers for Larry Smith.
517
00:40:12,060 --> 00:40:15,084
Was I?
You were, Darren.
518
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,084
And I even bought you a pint
to assist your memory.
519
00:40:19,096 --> 00:40:23,092
Well, all right, then. Cheers.
520
00:40:28,092 --> 00:40:32,008
This must be Emily Gaskell.
She's from Lower Warden.
521
00:40:32,020 --> 00:40:34,012
Yes, we've met Emily.
522
00:40:34,024 --> 00:40:36,052
But what's a girl from Lower Warden
523
00:40:36,068 --> 00:40:38,088
doing leaving flowers
for a Smythe-Webster?
524
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:41,044
Emily is engaged to Phil Harrison.
525
00:40:41,060 --> 00:40:44,028
He's from Lower Warden.
He fixes windmills.
526
00:40:44,044 --> 00:40:46,080
He even lives in one.
Windmills?
527
00:40:46,096 --> 00:40:50,068
He fixes anything, really,
but mills is what he prefers -
528
00:40:50,084 --> 00:40:55,056
windmills, watermills,
Satanic mills maybe.
529
00:40:57,004 --> 00:40:58,056
That's a joke.
530
00:41:00,072 --> 00:41:02,040
Next?
531
00:41:02,052 --> 00:41:04,096
Here's a straight one - Wendy.
532
00:41:05,008 --> 00:41:07,044
Ah, the lady of the house.
533
00:41:07,056 --> 00:41:09,064
And... is she a lady?
534
00:41:10,092 --> 00:41:13,060
From what people say, not entirely.
535
00:41:13,076 --> 00:41:17,008
But that's people, not me.
I try not to have opinions.
536
00:41:21,024 --> 00:41:23,032
Darren. Oh, that's me, isn't it?
537
00:41:23,044 --> 00:41:25,048
You know about me.
538
00:41:25,060 --> 00:41:27,060
Not quite.
539
00:41:27,076 --> 00:41:31,028
Are you an Upper Warden man,
or a Lower Warden man?
540
00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:33,056
Well, I work mostly in Upper Warden,
541
00:41:33,072 --> 00:41:37,060
but I live mostly with my gran
on the edge of Lower Warden.
542
00:41:37,072 --> 00:41:39,084
But you're in the Upper Warden TA?
543
00:41:45,012 --> 00:41:48,068
Well, thank you, Darren.
544
00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:50,096
Isn't there one more thing?
545
00:41:51,012 --> 00:41:53,092
Columbo always has one more thing,
doesn't he?
546
00:41:54,004 --> 00:41:55,092
If you insist...
547
00:41:56,004 --> 00:41:58,064
One more thing -
548
00:41:58,076 --> 00:42:01,084
in the TA, do you handle explosives?
549
00:42:38,060 --> 00:42:41,080
Phil Harrison?
550
00:42:41,092 --> 00:42:43,028
Who wants to know?
551
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:46,012
Sergeant Troy. Causton CID.
552
00:42:47,068 --> 00:42:49,036
Yeah, I'm Phil Harrison.
What's your problem?
553
00:42:49,048 --> 00:42:51,064
I thought it might be your problem.
554
00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:56,028
"Larry my lost love.
By broken-hearted Emily Gaskell."
555
00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:58,024
Isn't she your girlfriend?
556
00:42:58,036 --> 00:42:59,080
So?
557
00:42:59,096 --> 00:43:02,068
Are you saying nothing happened
between her and Larry?
558
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:04,052
Nothing that bothered me.
559
00:43:04,064 --> 00:43:06,040
If I'd been bothered,
560
00:43:06,056 --> 00:43:08,096
I'd have taken little Larry
down some pretty country lane
561
00:43:09,008 --> 00:43:11,072
and punched his lights out.
562
00:43:11,084 --> 00:43:14,000
The squaddy's way.
563
00:43:15,032 --> 00:43:17,076
The squaddy's way?
Were you in the army?
564
00:43:17,088 --> 00:43:21,032
Yeah. After I left school.
565
00:43:21,048 --> 00:43:24,032
Do you have experience
of explosives?
566
00:43:24,044 --> 00:43:27,028
Obviously. It's the job.
567
00:43:27,044 --> 00:43:32,008
You can't do proper peacekeeping
without guns and bombs and stuff.
568
00:43:32,024 --> 00:43:34,096
Where were you when the bomb
went off, as a matter of interest?
569
00:43:35,012 --> 00:43:39,004
I was here,
preserving the nation's heritage.
570
00:43:39,016 --> 00:43:41,004
Heard the bang.
571
00:43:41,016 --> 00:43:43,068
Do you do any work at the big house?
572
00:43:43,084 --> 00:43:46,048
Yeah, I got a roofing job on
at the moment, as it happens.
573
00:43:46,064 --> 00:43:49,080
We can't pick and choose.
We go where the jobs are.
574
00:43:49,096 --> 00:43:52,028
Can I get on with the work now,
please?
575
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:55,000
And I'll get on with mine.
576
00:44:20,044 --> 00:44:21,092
How long you worked here, Darren?
577
00:44:22,004 --> 00:44:24,084
I don't work here. I just help out.
578
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:28,076
Same as I do
at Mr Wilson's bookshop.
579
00:44:28,088 --> 00:44:30,084
I'm basically a freelance.
580
00:44:30,096 --> 00:44:32,060
Freelance what?
581
00:44:32,076 --> 00:44:35,084
Don't laugh.
I've no intention of laughing.
582
00:44:35,096 --> 00:44:38,008
I want to be a film director.
583
00:44:40,088 --> 00:44:43,044
Set that aside for the moment.
584
00:44:43,060 --> 00:44:46,092
The other night you were working, you
were helping out as a night porter?
585
00:44:47,004 --> 00:44:48,040
Yes.
586
00:44:48,052 --> 00:44:50,052
Did you see anyone come and go?
587
00:44:50,064 --> 00:44:52,000
Not really.
588
00:44:52,016 --> 00:44:54,052
I came on at midnight,
and everybody was in by then.
589
00:44:54,068 --> 00:44:57,092
So, basically I went to sleep
in the little office there.
590
00:44:58,008 --> 00:45:00,088
There's a bell you can ring
if anybody has an emergency.
591
00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:05,096
But nobody rang any bells
last night?
592
00:45:06,008 --> 00:45:09,012
Only Danny. Danny the chef.
593
00:45:09,028 --> 00:45:12,036
He came in at six to start doing
the breakfast and he rang the bell.
594
00:45:12,048 --> 00:45:14,048
But that was more of a joke.
595
00:45:14,060 --> 00:45:17,020
He's a great joker, our Danny.
596
00:45:17,032 --> 00:45:18,072
Danny here now?
597
00:45:18,084 --> 00:45:20,076
He's in the kitchen.
598
00:45:25,016 --> 00:45:27,012
You talk to him, Troy.
599
00:45:27,028 --> 00:45:30,036
I'm going to meet
the weasels in the wild wood.
600
00:45:30,052 --> 00:45:32,020
Weasels?
I think it's time we heard
601
00:45:32,032 --> 00:45:35,048
the Lower Warden side of the story.
602
00:45:56,084 --> 00:45:58,084
CAT MIAOWS
603
00:46:26,060 --> 00:46:28,080
What's this?
604
00:46:28,096 --> 00:46:32,044
Are we going to read
about more nights of passion?
605
00:46:32,056 --> 00:46:34,024
You must be Danny?
606
00:46:34,036 --> 00:46:36,004
That's me.
607
00:46:38,004 --> 00:46:41,024
Sergeant Troy. Causton CID.
608
00:46:41,036 --> 00:46:43,040
Do you know Chief Inspector Barnaby?
609
00:46:43,052 --> 00:46:44,088
Yeah - he's my boss.
610
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:46,068
I've got something for him.
611
00:46:51,044 --> 00:46:54,056
You finished here?
612
00:46:54,068 --> 00:46:56,044
Have you a statement for the press?
613
00:46:56,056 --> 00:46:59,004
Yeah. Push off.
614
00:47:10,044 --> 00:47:13,048
That's for Mrs Barnaby.
I'm sorry?
615
00:47:13,064 --> 00:47:16,008
She was here for the opening
ceremony dressed as a milkmaid?
616
00:47:16,020 --> 00:47:17,096
I believe so.
617
00:47:18,012 --> 00:47:20,052
She admired my meatballs and
I promised to give her the recipe.
618
00:47:20,064 --> 00:47:22,084
Well, thank you, Danny.
619
00:47:22,096 --> 00:47:25,012
I'll pass it on.
620
00:47:58,092 --> 00:48:02,024
The police are not
my favourite people.
621
00:48:02,040 --> 00:48:05,020
But if the Smythe-Websters are
shovelling dirt all over us,
622
00:48:05,036 --> 00:48:08,036
I'll do what I can
to put the record straight.
623
00:48:08,052 --> 00:48:14,000
I hear tell that Ellis Bell
was a Lower Warden man
624
00:48:14,016 --> 00:48:17,032
and that you people
from Lower Warden
625
00:48:17,048 --> 00:48:20,076
are very aggrieved at the way
the Smythe-Websters
626
00:48:20,092 --> 00:48:23,012
have appropriated him.
MOTORBIKE
627
00:48:27,056 --> 00:48:30,044
Ellis Bell.
628
00:48:30,056 --> 00:48:33,016
Born out of wedlock here.
629
00:48:33,028 --> 00:48:36,028
In Lower Warden in 1867.
630
00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:38,068
Died in poverty. In Causton,
631
00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:40,068
in 1930.
632
00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:42,016
The year of the great slump.
633
00:48:42,028 --> 00:48:44,000
Out of wedlock?
634
00:48:44,016 --> 00:48:48,060
His mother worked
at the big house in Upper Warden.
635
00:48:48,076 --> 00:48:51,052
She was seduced
by the son of the house.
636
00:48:51,068 --> 00:48:55,016
The Smythe-Websters
denied paternity.
637
00:48:55,032 --> 00:48:57,096
But later they helped young
Ellis Bell to get work as a teacher.
638
00:48:58,012 --> 00:49:01,000
So I think that's a guilty plea,
don't you?
639
00:49:01,016 --> 00:49:04,004
Anyway, it's all in the book.
£9.99.
640
00:49:04,016 --> 00:49:06,092
Oh, please. Thank you.
641
00:49:07,008 --> 00:49:11,016
It looks very different
from the book of the film.
642
00:49:11,032 --> 00:49:17,008
That's because the original
is an old-fashioned socialist novel.
643
00:49:17,024 --> 00:49:21,092
He calls it The House Of Satan
because he saw the Smythe-Websters
644
00:49:22,008 --> 00:49:24,060
as totally corrupt
from top to bottom.
645
00:49:24,076 --> 00:49:28,064
They took our book and turned it
into a cut-price horror movie.
646
00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:32,088
So you're not one of the world's
greatest admirers
647
00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:34,088
of the Smythe-Websters, then?
648
00:49:35,004 --> 00:49:40,012
Everything we have of value,
they steal.
649
00:49:40,028 --> 00:49:44,064
We deal in truth.
And they deal in power.
650
00:49:47,088 --> 00:49:50,088
Whose idea was it to make the movie?
651
00:49:51,004 --> 00:49:54,020
Ask Jack Wilson.
The bard of Upper Warden.
652
00:49:54,036 --> 00:49:56,044
Oh, the editor
of the Church newsletter?
653
00:49:56,056 --> 00:49:59,088
And a failed writer.
654
00:50:00,004 --> 00:50:04,092
The most dangerous animal
in the jungle, a failed writer.
655
00:50:05,004 --> 00:50:08,020
If you hate these people so much...
656
00:50:08,032 --> 00:50:11,068
Would I consider murdering them?
657
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:16,008
No. I'm a card-carrying peacenik.
658
00:50:16,024 --> 00:50:19,076
Check with MI5.
Ask them about Sarah Proudie.
659
00:50:19,092 --> 00:50:23,096
They'll tell you.
Let me give you a bag for that.
660
00:50:30,064 --> 00:50:33,052
Is the spray can mightier
than the sword?
661
00:50:34,064 --> 00:50:36,076
Well, it doesn't kill people.
662
00:50:36,092 --> 00:50:40,012
And you're familiar
with the Book of Leviticus?
663
00:50:40,028 --> 00:50:45,000
I didn't reject the Bible
without reading it first.
664
00:50:45,016 --> 00:50:48,008
What sort of woman
do you think I am?
665
00:50:48,020 --> 00:50:50,056
GRINDER WHIRRS
666
00:50:59,032 --> 00:51:01,012
Have you always been a chef?
667
00:51:01,024 --> 00:51:03,068
It's the only job I've ever done.
668
00:51:03,084 --> 00:51:05,072
And you came here
straight from school?
669
00:51:07,076 --> 00:51:11,032
Ah... Not exactly.
670
00:51:11,048 --> 00:51:14,084
We're very good at guilty secrets,
Danny.
671
00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:18,064
It's not a secret.
It was in the local papers.
672
00:51:22,032 --> 00:51:24,032
I learned to cook
when I was in borstal.
673
00:51:24,044 --> 00:51:26,048
Ah, the cricket pavilion.
674
00:51:26,064 --> 00:51:31,084
You heard about that, did you?
I didn't do it, of course.
675
00:51:31,096 --> 00:51:33,032
I suppose they all say that.
676
00:51:33,044 --> 00:51:35,068
Yeah. They do all say that.
677
00:51:35,084 --> 00:51:38,040
But when I came out,
Mr Rupert gave me a job here.
678
00:51:38,056 --> 00:51:42,024
Hey, rehabilitation works -
I am the living proof.
679
00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:44,096
He even sent me
on a management course last year.
680
00:51:45,012 --> 00:51:47,032
I could end up running
the whole caboodle for the family.
681
00:51:47,044 --> 00:51:50,048
Chief executive. That'd be a laugh.
682
00:51:50,064 --> 00:51:54,000
And there's no reason
why you should want to murder
683
00:51:54,012 --> 00:51:56,060
Larry Smith or Frank Webster?
684
00:51:56,076 --> 00:51:59,048
Smythe-Websters might be
a bunch of chinless tossers,
685
00:51:59,060 --> 00:52:03,048
but they've been very good to me.
686
00:52:06,092 --> 00:52:08,092
Sit yourself down.
687
00:52:21,024 --> 00:52:23,072
Lovely things, don't you reckon?
688
00:52:23,084 --> 00:52:25,040
Are they yours?
689
00:52:25,056 --> 00:52:28,064
Yeah. Sort of extended loan
from Mr Rupert.
690
00:52:28,076 --> 00:52:30,064
Must be worth a bit?
691
00:52:30,076 --> 00:52:33,020
Around 50 grand each, I believe.
692
00:52:33,032 --> 00:52:36,028
And what did you do to deserve this?
693
00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:40,028
He never had kids of his own.
694
00:52:40,044 --> 00:52:43,052
So I'm a sort of mate, see?
Make him laugh.
695
00:52:43,068 --> 00:52:47,024
Go on, ask around.
Everybody likes Danny.
696
00:52:55,028 --> 00:52:58,000
Lunch?
Oh, thank you.
697
00:52:58,012 --> 00:52:59,080
Any joy at the manor?
698
00:52:59,096 --> 00:53:02,092
Both Danny and Darren were in the
right places at the right times
699
00:53:03,004 --> 00:53:04,072
for both murders.
700
00:53:04,088 --> 00:53:08,040
Motives? Darren's an obsessive nerd
with a grudge against Frank Webster
701
00:53:08,056 --> 00:53:11,040
for not giving him
a job on the movie,
702
00:53:11,056 --> 00:53:13,072
but I can't see him
as a cold-blooded killer.
703
00:53:13,084 --> 00:53:15,060
What about the video he gave you?
704
00:53:15,072 --> 00:53:17,048
It was The Shining.
705
00:53:19,060 --> 00:53:22,008
He apologised.
He got his labels mixed up.
706
00:53:22,024 --> 00:53:25,000
He's bringing the right one in
later. And Danny the chef?
707
00:53:25,016 --> 00:53:29,080
Oh, he asked me to give this recipe
to Mrs Barnaby.
708
00:53:31,084 --> 00:53:34,072
They were getting on
like a house on fire, apparently.
709
00:53:34,088 --> 00:53:37,084
Till the bomb went off.
Where were they? Thank you.
710
00:53:37,096 --> 00:53:40,076
God, these are bloody disgusting.
711
00:53:40,088 --> 00:53:42,088
Best I could get, sir. From the pub.
712
00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:44,084
Tell me about Danny.
713
00:53:44,096 --> 00:53:48,012
Well, he seems very popular.
714
00:53:48,028 --> 00:53:51,072
I mean, everybody likes him.
He said so himself.
715
00:53:51,088 --> 00:53:53,092
And he's well in with the family.
Especially Rupert.
716
00:53:54,004 --> 00:53:57,088
Is he now?
717
00:53:58,004 --> 00:54:00,060
And when two of the natural heirs
to the estate are murdered,
718
00:54:00,076 --> 00:54:04,072
it doesn't occur to you that he might
be getting a little impatient?
719
00:54:04,088 --> 00:54:08,056
Or possibly carrying out the wishes
of his master.
720
00:54:10,044 --> 00:54:13,036
How'd you get on with the weasels?
721
00:54:13,052 --> 00:54:18,008
I know now who put
your Russian goalie on our door.
722
00:54:18,020 --> 00:54:19,068
Oh, yeah? Who's that?
723
00:54:19,084 --> 00:54:23,076
Sarah Proudie,
curator of the Ellis Bell Museum.
724
00:54:23,096 --> 00:54:27,028
Either because she knows something
about the Smythe-Webster family
we do not,
725
00:54:27,044 --> 00:54:32,016
or because she wants to divert
our attention away from Lower Warden.
726
00:54:32,032 --> 00:54:37,020
She also told me that the person
most resentful about the film
727
00:54:37,032 --> 00:54:41,056
was the bookshop owner, Jack Wilson.
728
00:54:44,020 --> 00:54:45,072
BELL CLATTERS
729
00:54:51,008 --> 00:54:53,080
Hello?
730
00:54:53,092 --> 00:54:56,056
Afternoon, Mr Wilson.
731
00:55:00,056 --> 00:55:03,096
Forgive the mess.
I wasn't expecting company.
732
00:55:04,012 --> 00:55:08,072
This is just a routine
confirm-or-deny question.
733
00:55:08,084 --> 00:55:11,024
Is it true that it was your idea
734
00:55:11,040 --> 00:55:14,008
to make a film
based on Ellis Bell's book?
735
00:55:14,020 --> 00:55:16,008
It's no secret.
736
00:55:16,020 --> 00:55:18,004
Tell us what happened.
737
00:55:19,080 --> 00:55:21,084
I bought a copy of the book
738
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:23,088
when Sarah Proudie
brought out that reprint.
739
00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:26,008
I took it to Mr Smythe-Webster,
740
00:55:26,024 --> 00:55:28,048
suggesting that it might make
a successful film,
741
00:55:28,064 --> 00:55:31,028
and why didn't he show it
to his brother Frank?
742
00:55:31,044 --> 00:55:36,036
I met Mr Webster.
He liked the title.
743
00:55:36,048 --> 00:55:37,084
And?
744
00:55:50,092 --> 00:55:55,032
He encouraged me to write this.
745
00:55:55,048 --> 00:55:58,052
"The House Of Satan.
Screenplay by Jack Wilson."
746
00:55:58,064 --> 00:56:01,072
A year later, the film unit arrived.
747
00:56:01,088 --> 00:56:06,020
They used a screenplay written by
some chap he'd been at school with.
748
00:56:06,036 --> 00:56:09,016
And, as you probably know,
they turned it into a horror film.
749
00:56:09,028 --> 00:56:11,056
Did they pay you anything?
750
00:56:11,068 --> 00:56:13,052
Not a penny.
751
00:56:13,068 --> 00:56:15,056
I could have had two days' work
as an extra,
752
00:56:15,072 --> 00:56:19,008
playing the part of a corpse.
But I declined.
753
00:56:24,032 --> 00:56:27,068
Is that part of
your duplicating machine, Mr Wilson?
754
00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:29,044
No.
755
00:56:29,056 --> 00:56:31,076
You find me working in my capacity
756
00:56:31,092 --> 00:56:36,084
as Honorary Armourer of the
Upper Warden Territorial Army.
757
00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:55,080
Do you keep live ammunition here,
Mr Wilson?
758
00:56:55,096 --> 00:56:58,012
I'm permitted to dispense
blank ammunition
759
00:56:58,024 --> 00:57:00,044
for the purposes of field exercises.
760
00:57:00,060 --> 00:57:03,012
But live rounds -
for use on the firing range -
761
00:57:03,028 --> 00:57:06,024
may only be released
on the authority of the Major.
762
00:57:06,040 --> 00:57:09,028
Major Rupert Smythe-Webster.
Yes, sir.
763
00:57:09,040 --> 00:57:10,076
Those are thunderflashes.
764
00:57:10,088 --> 00:57:12,032
Just glorified fireworks.
765
00:57:14,044 --> 00:57:17,032
Do you have an inventory?
766
00:57:27,040 --> 00:57:29,052
You've been very keen, Mr Wilson,
767
00:57:29,064 --> 00:57:32,064
to blame the people from Lower Warden
768
00:57:32,076 --> 00:57:34,032
for these killings,
769
00:57:34,048 --> 00:57:39,056
even though you yourself have
even greater reason to feel betrayed.
770
00:57:39,072 --> 00:57:42,060
You refused to work on the film,
you say.
771
00:57:42,076 --> 00:57:46,032
Yet you were there
on the day of Larry's death.
772
00:57:46,044 --> 00:57:48,096
Dressed as a village blacksmith.
773
00:57:49,008 --> 00:57:50,064
Life's too short to bear grudges.
774
00:57:50,076 --> 00:57:52,020
There's one of these missing, sir.
775
00:57:53,072 --> 00:57:56,024
There'd be more than enough
explosive in a box
776
00:57:56,036 --> 00:57:57,076
to blow up the summerhouse.
777
00:57:57,088 --> 00:58:00,024
I had nothing to do with that.
778
00:58:00,040 --> 00:58:02,004
How do you account
for the missing box?
779
00:58:02,016 --> 00:58:04,000
I didn't know it was gone.
780
00:58:04,012 --> 00:58:06,028
Who else has a key?
781
00:58:07,092 --> 00:58:09,060
Only the Major, sir.
782
00:58:17,056 --> 00:58:20,052
Mrs Smythe-Webster?
783
00:58:21,084 --> 00:58:24,000
Good afternoon.
784
00:58:26,096 --> 00:58:30,020
What's this?
Window shopping as therapy, is it?
785
00:58:30,036 --> 00:58:34,048
No. I just thought
it might take my mind off things.
786
00:58:34,060 --> 00:58:36,028
Does it?
787
00:58:36,044 --> 00:58:39,004
Not really.
MOBILE RINGS
788
00:58:39,016 --> 00:58:41,052
Troy.
789
00:58:43,080 --> 00:58:46,012
Now that we're well away
from the big house,
790
00:58:46,024 --> 00:58:48,064
I have to ask you a rude question.
791
00:58:48,076 --> 00:58:50,052
Another one?
792
00:58:50,068 --> 00:58:53,076
Did you have an affair
with your husband's brother?
793
00:58:56,036 --> 00:58:58,076
Which one? Simon or Frank?
794
00:59:00,028 --> 00:59:02,052
Well... either.
795
00:59:02,064 --> 00:59:04,036
No, neither.
796
00:59:06,012 --> 00:59:08,048
Simon's a vicar.
797
00:59:08,060 --> 00:59:12,048
And Frank had sweaty feet.
798
00:59:12,060 --> 00:59:14,060
I like that, don't you?
799
00:59:16,024 --> 00:59:18,092
Would you call that beige?
800
00:59:19,004 --> 00:59:20,044
Sir.
801
00:59:21,080 --> 00:59:26,036
You need another word
with your sergeant, Mr Barnaby.
802
00:59:26,048 --> 00:59:28,084
So I do. Excuse me.
803
00:59:32,096 --> 00:59:35,044
I got the list of telephone numbers
that the late Frank Webster
804
00:59:35,056 --> 00:59:36,096
called from his mobile.
805
00:59:37,012 --> 00:59:39,052
Good.
Mostly to his office in London
806
00:59:39,068 --> 00:59:42,032
and also a film company
in Los Angeles.
807
00:59:42,048 --> 00:59:47,016
But also to Sarah Proudie
and Phil Harrison in Lower Warden.
808
00:59:47,032 --> 00:59:49,096
Phil Harrison who lives
in the windmill? That's right.
809
00:59:50,008 --> 00:59:51,064
I trust you are leaping into action.
810
00:59:51,080 --> 00:59:54,024
I'm meeting Phil for a drink
this evening. In The Chapel.
811
00:59:54,040 --> 00:59:56,076
That's excellent.
You keep him occupied in the pub
812
00:59:56,088 --> 01:00:00,040
whist I check up on the windmill.
813
01:00:50,080 --> 01:00:54,048
Too little too late.
814
01:00:54,064 --> 01:01:00,032
And besides... you're dealing
with the wrong person.
815
01:01:00,044 --> 01:01:04,012
Sorry. Am I interrupting?
816
01:01:04,024 --> 01:01:06,012
I'm looking for The Chapel.
817
01:01:06,028 --> 01:01:08,052
Smart money says
it's the building across the street
818
01:01:08,064 --> 01:01:10,052
that looks very much like a chapel.
819
01:01:10,068 --> 01:01:12,088
Though it hasn't been a chapel
for 50 years or more.
820
01:01:13,004 --> 01:01:17,088
We've never had much time
for God in Lower Warden.
821
01:01:18,000 --> 01:01:21,008
He doesn't seem to be on our side.
822
01:01:22,056 --> 01:01:24,008
Thank you.
823
01:01:27,036 --> 01:01:29,056
It was a nice try, Rupert.
824
01:01:29,068 --> 01:01:31,092
But you're much too late.
825
01:01:32,004 --> 01:01:34,000
A thousand years too late?
826
01:01:35,084 --> 01:01:39,012
Oh, you see, you do understand.
827
01:01:58,076 --> 01:02:00,044
Fancy a game?
828
01:02:00,060 --> 01:02:03,048
I was supposed to be playing a mate,
but he isn't here yet.
829
01:02:05,096 --> 01:02:08,004
I'm here on business.
830
01:02:08,016 --> 01:02:09,052
You can have a game of pool
831
01:02:09,068 --> 01:02:12,060
and do your cross-examination
at the same time.
832
01:02:12,072 --> 01:02:14,060
Loser buys the drinks. How's that?
833
01:03:07,000 --> 01:03:08,048
Bastard!
834
01:03:25,040 --> 01:03:28,072
Frank Webster made a series
of phone calls to you this week.
835
01:03:28,084 --> 01:03:30,064
What were they about?
836
01:03:30,076 --> 01:03:32,048
The windmill.
837
01:03:32,060 --> 01:03:34,072
The windmill?
838
01:03:34,088 --> 01:03:39,008
Yeah, he wanted a windmill
for The House Of Satan 2.
839
01:03:39,024 --> 01:03:42,084
So the villain could die
a horrible death.
840
01:03:43,000 --> 01:03:46,096
Still... I don't suppose
he'll be wanting that now,
841
01:03:47,008 --> 01:03:48,096
the way things have turned out.
842
01:03:49,012 --> 01:03:51,088
Stranger in town breaks.
OK.
843
01:04:03,096 --> 01:04:05,052
Whoa!
844
01:04:05,064 --> 01:04:07,000
We have a hustler in our midst.
845
01:04:07,012 --> 01:04:09,048
Minnesota Troy.
846
01:04:11,068 --> 01:04:13,024
Are you his mate?
847
01:04:13,036 --> 01:04:16,056
Yeah, sure, why not?
848
01:04:16,068 --> 01:04:19,028
We go back a long way.
849
01:04:19,044 --> 01:04:22,072
You've got your feet
well under the table at the manor.
850
01:04:22,092 --> 01:04:25,096
Chief-executive-in-waiting.
Are you still welcome
in Lower Warden?
851
01:04:26,012 --> 01:04:28,096
All that stuff's
what the old farts tell you.
852
01:04:29,012 --> 01:04:33,016
No, we haven't burned down
a castle for what? 500 years?
853
01:04:33,032 --> 01:04:37,052
Not a castle, maybe.
But what about a cricket pavilion?
854
01:04:50,032 --> 01:04:53,004
Same again?
Why, thank you, Sergeant.
855
01:04:53,016 --> 01:04:55,072
That's very decent of you.
856
01:04:58,048 --> 01:05:00,048
Having a bad night?
857
01:05:00,064 --> 01:05:03,028
Pool's not really my game.
We noticed.
858
01:05:03,044 --> 01:05:07,012
That's the secret. We all
have to find our natural game.
859
01:05:07,024 --> 01:05:08,088
Like nights of passion.
860
01:05:09,004 --> 01:05:13,040
What's your natural game?
Winning the class war?
861
01:05:14,084 --> 01:05:17,072
That's a bit 1960s.
862
01:05:17,088 --> 01:05:20,024
But I suppose
that was before your time.
863
01:05:53,016 --> 01:05:55,064
TYRE HISSES
864
01:06:08,024 --> 01:06:10,020
Mr Barnaby!
865
01:06:13,048 --> 01:06:16,036
What do you want?
866
01:06:16,052 --> 01:06:19,060
I can't talk about it out here
on account that it's private.
867
01:06:19,076 --> 01:06:22,000
And it might lead
to an early arrest.
868
01:06:22,016 --> 01:06:25,080
Oh, then make it quick.
Sergeant Troy will see to you.
869
01:06:34,076 --> 01:06:37,084
You'll need your notebook.
870
01:06:37,096 --> 01:06:40,048
And your tape recorder.
871
01:06:40,064 --> 01:06:44,092
Tape recorder?
This has to be on record.
872
01:06:45,004 --> 01:06:46,072
What has?
873
01:06:47,092 --> 01:06:51,048
Isn't it obvious?
I've come to confess.
874
01:06:56,008 --> 01:06:58,008
RECORDER CLICKS ON
875
01:06:59,064 --> 01:07:02,004
There have been two murders,
Darren.
876
01:07:02,020 --> 01:07:07,000
Which one are you holding
your hand up to?
877
01:07:07,012 --> 01:07:09,004
Or did you do both?
878
01:07:14,056 --> 01:07:16,052
I let your tyres down.
879
01:07:16,064 --> 01:07:19,076
It's an old tradition.
880
01:07:19,092 --> 01:07:22,052
Once a month someone
from Upper Warden goes
881
01:07:22,068 --> 01:07:25,004
to Lower Warden
and does something bad.
882
01:07:25,020 --> 01:07:27,084
This month it was my turn,
so I let your tyres down.
883
01:07:28,000 --> 01:07:30,036
But I thought it was
a Lower Warden car.
884
01:07:30,048 --> 01:07:32,040
I didn't realise it was yours.
885
01:07:36,088 --> 01:07:39,060
Well, Darren, I think this is a case
where we can
886
01:07:39,076 --> 01:07:44,060
exercise our discretion
and let you go with a caution.
887
01:07:44,076 --> 01:07:47,068
Don't you want to hear
the other stuff?
888
01:07:47,080 --> 01:07:49,040
What other stuff?
889
01:07:49,056 --> 01:07:53,088
Like what I saw in Lower Warden
after I let your tyres down.
890
01:07:54,000 --> 01:07:56,020
What did you see?
891
01:07:58,000 --> 01:08:00,044
I was lurking across the street.
892
01:08:00,060 --> 01:08:04,000
I don't see it as lurking,
but some people do.
893
01:08:04,016 --> 01:08:06,028
And I saw Danny and Phil
come out of The Chapel.
894
01:08:06,040 --> 01:08:08,076
And they were having a right set-to.
895
01:08:11,020 --> 01:08:12,068
So where was the money, Phil?
896
01:08:12,080 --> 01:08:14,084
He didn't give me any money.
897
01:08:14,096 --> 01:08:17,032
LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH
898
01:08:17,048 --> 01:08:22,084
Don't cross me.
I'll see you in the morning.
899
01:08:25,056 --> 01:08:27,048
Were they arguing about money?
900
01:08:27,060 --> 01:08:30,008
Definitely about money.
901
01:08:30,024 --> 01:08:33,092
Have you collected any other stuff
in the course of your lurking?
902
01:08:35,064 --> 01:08:38,016
I brought my videos.
903
01:08:38,032 --> 01:08:40,040
I make
fly-on-the-wall documentaries.
904
01:08:40,052 --> 01:08:44,012
It's like lurking with a camera.
905
01:08:44,024 --> 01:08:45,060
Here.
906
01:08:45,076 --> 01:08:48,020
That's the one
you've been waiting for.
907
01:08:48,036 --> 01:08:51,008
The opening ceremony
of The Satanic Experience.
908
01:08:51,024 --> 01:08:54,008
The explosion looks really good
on that one.
909
01:08:54,024 --> 01:08:56,060
What do you do with these
after you've made them?
910
01:08:56,076 --> 01:09:00,028
I put them on my website
and hope I'll be talent-spotted.
911
01:09:00,044 --> 01:09:04,004
The trouble is
I don't know what's on all of them.
912
01:09:04,020 --> 01:09:07,064
Your best plan might be
to suck it and see.
913
01:09:16,096 --> 01:09:20,080
This is when they made
The House Of Satan last year.
914
01:09:24,028 --> 01:09:27,052
On the first day of shooting
they held a bit of a party
915
01:09:27,068 --> 01:09:31,016
so the locals could meet
Larry Smith.
916
01:09:34,020 --> 01:09:36,016
Is that Sarah Proudie?
917
01:09:36,028 --> 01:09:38,056
Yeah, Mrs Proudie was there.
918
01:09:38,068 --> 01:09:40,036
Mrs Proudie? Is she married?
919
01:09:40,048 --> 01:09:43,028
I think she was.
920
01:09:43,044 --> 01:09:47,012
Called herself "Ms"
ever since she got liberated.
921
01:09:47,024 --> 01:09:48,092
Are they having a row?
922
01:09:49,004 --> 01:09:50,080
They might have been.
923
01:09:53,092 --> 01:09:56,048
There's not much more of this.
924
01:10:00,048 --> 01:10:02,096
Sorry - it's an old tape.
925
01:10:03,012 --> 01:10:06,076
We shot this bit
before the microphone went kaput.
926
01:10:06,088 --> 01:10:08,088
Is that Phil Harrison?
927
01:10:09,000 --> 01:10:11,048
Yeah. He's brilliant.
928
01:10:11,064 --> 01:10:14,016
He generally wins
when he's on field.
929
01:10:14,032 --> 01:10:17,076
Danny's brilliant as well,
but he's better on the flat.
930
01:10:17,088 --> 01:10:19,076
They got identical bikes.
931
01:10:22,048 --> 01:10:26,028
But they would -
they've always been mates.
932
01:10:26,040 --> 01:10:30,028
Darren, you are a prince amongst men.
933
01:10:44,012 --> 01:10:46,008
What are we looking for, sir?
934
01:10:46,024 --> 01:10:50,000
The row Darren witnessed
outside The Chapel after you'd left
935
01:10:50,012 --> 01:10:51,084
wasn't just about money.
936
01:10:51,096 --> 01:10:54,064
I think it was villains falling out.
937
01:10:54,080 --> 01:10:57,056
I saw Danny come here last night
to collect something.
938
01:10:57,072 --> 01:11:01,008
It must have been money. It must have
been from the Smythe-Websters.
939
01:11:01,020 --> 01:11:02,056
But he didn't find it.
940
01:11:02,068 --> 01:11:05,012
So something obviously went wrong.
941
01:11:05,028 --> 01:11:08,048
Are we talking blackmail?
Blackmail. Money with menaces.
942
01:11:08,064 --> 01:11:11,092
Pay up or we carry on
murdering your family.
943
01:11:12,008 --> 01:11:13,084
Danny's expecting his share
of the money,
944
01:11:13,096 --> 01:11:17,048
and instead he finds...
945
01:11:17,060 --> 01:11:19,096
He finds this.
946
01:11:37,012 --> 01:11:38,092
These murders, Danny.
947
01:11:40,060 --> 01:11:42,008
Yes, sir?
948
01:11:42,020 --> 01:11:45,072
We can't go on like this, can we?
949
01:11:45,088 --> 01:11:49,008
We're going to run
out of family, aren't we, sir?
950
01:11:50,032 --> 01:11:53,076
You've got such a sweet way
of putting things, Danny.
951
01:11:53,092 --> 01:11:57,000
Have you found us
anything in Lower Warden?
952
01:11:57,012 --> 01:11:59,032
I made a bit of progress.
953
01:11:59,048 --> 01:12:01,060
You might say my inquiries
are ongoing.
954
01:12:03,084 --> 01:12:07,048
I tried opening negotiations
with Sarah Proudie,
955
01:12:07,064 --> 01:12:12,020
but she indicated I was
talking to the wrong person.
956
01:12:12,032 --> 01:12:14,032
Ms Proudie knows most
957
01:12:14,048 --> 01:12:16,064
of what goes on
in Lower Warden, sir,
958
01:12:16,080 --> 01:12:20,056
but I don't think she approves
of it all, if you see what I mean.
959
01:12:20,068 --> 01:12:23,072
The whole thing's so ghastly.
960
01:12:23,084 --> 01:12:27,068
I'm sure it's affecting my nails.
961
01:12:49,052 --> 01:12:53,092
Take that. I'll join you later.
962
01:13:07,000 --> 01:13:08,048
Mrs Smythe-Webster.
963
01:13:10,008 --> 01:13:12,056
Good morning.
964
01:13:12,072 --> 01:13:15,064
I can't remember when I last
experienced a good morning.
965
01:13:21,036 --> 01:13:25,004
You were trying to scrub the graffiti
off the wall, weren't you?
966
01:13:25,016 --> 01:13:28,020
Yes.
967
01:13:28,036 --> 01:13:31,032
You seemed to think
it was a reference to Wendy.
968
01:13:31,044 --> 01:13:33,064
She was very upset about that.
969
01:13:33,076 --> 01:13:35,080
She's actually very sensitive.
970
01:13:35,092 --> 01:13:37,080
Stupid, but sensitive.
971
01:13:37,096 --> 01:13:41,004
But if it wasn't a reference to her,
then...
972
01:13:47,060 --> 01:13:49,060
It was me, Inspector.
973
01:13:51,008 --> 01:13:56,036
Mine was the nakedness
that was uncovered.
974
01:13:56,048 --> 01:14:00,032
I see.
975
01:14:00,044 --> 01:14:03,008
Well, I have to ask you -
976
01:14:03,020 --> 01:14:05,088
which brother?
977
01:14:06,000 --> 01:14:10,088
Goodness me. Frank, of course.
978
01:14:13,076 --> 01:14:17,084
Frank was funny. He made me laugh.
979
01:14:17,096 --> 01:14:20,092
I don't laugh very easily.
980
01:14:22,048 --> 01:14:24,084
Was this recently?
981
01:14:26,092 --> 01:14:28,080
Over 20 years ago.
982
01:14:30,088 --> 01:14:35,016
Are you telling me
that Lawrence was...
983
01:14:35,028 --> 01:14:37,056
Yes.
984
01:14:39,056 --> 01:14:42,084
Lawrence was Frank's son.
985
01:14:45,016 --> 01:14:47,016
Did your husband know about all this?
986
01:14:47,028 --> 01:14:50,084
Oh, yes.
987
01:14:51,000 --> 01:14:56,080
How did he feel about it?
How does he feel about it?
988
01:14:56,092 --> 01:15:00,084
He hated Frank. Hated Lawrence.
989
01:15:00,096 --> 01:15:03,080
He probably hates me.
990
01:15:03,092 --> 01:15:06,068
But we never talk about it.
991
01:15:08,076 --> 01:15:11,036
Do you think that your husband
992
01:15:11,052 --> 01:15:16,088
killed Lawrence,
and then killed Frank?
993
01:15:17,000 --> 01:15:19,076
No.
994
01:15:19,092 --> 01:15:23,060
Though I don't think
he'd object strenuously
995
01:15:23,072 --> 01:15:25,068
if somebody else did it for him.
996
01:15:25,080 --> 01:15:28,092
Simon is resolutely Christian.
997
01:15:29,004 --> 01:15:32,012
Everything is God's will.
998
01:15:32,028 --> 01:15:36,008
It's a very convenient
way of looking at things really.
999
01:15:36,024 --> 01:15:40,032
It means that nothing
is ever anyone's fault.
1000
01:15:40,044 --> 01:15:46,000
That is a wicked distortion.
1001
01:15:48,028 --> 01:15:51,000
Life in the big house, Inspector.
1002
01:15:51,012 --> 01:15:52,048
Laura, please!
1003
01:15:59,052 --> 01:16:04,012
I'm going to pray.
You can join me if you wish.
1004
01:16:39,040 --> 01:16:44,056
You've really made Ellis Bell
your mission in life, haven't you?
1005
01:16:44,072 --> 01:16:46,088
I'm Ellis Bell's
great-granddaughter.
1006
01:16:47,000 --> 01:16:50,012
Oh, I see.
1007
01:16:50,024 --> 01:16:53,036
You say...
1008
01:16:53,052 --> 01:16:56,028
In your preface to the new edition
of The House Of Satan
1009
01:16:56,044 --> 01:16:59,048
that when that book first appeared
in 1897
1010
01:16:59,064 --> 01:17:03,072
the Smythe-Websters of the day
bought out the publishers.
1011
01:17:03,088 --> 01:17:06,020
Bought the publishers
and burned the books.
1012
01:17:06,036 --> 01:17:09,096
They had a huge bonfire
in the grounds of the big house.
1013
01:17:10,012 --> 01:17:13,032
And then a hundred years later,
they stole it back,
1014
01:17:13,048 --> 01:17:17,028
corrupted it,
and made their millions.
1015
01:17:17,044 --> 01:17:19,056
They took a classic
and crapped all over it.
1016
01:17:19,072 --> 01:17:22,028
Is that what you said to
Mr Rupert Smythe-Webster
1017
01:17:22,044 --> 01:17:24,064
when he came here to see you
last night?
1018
01:17:24,076 --> 01:17:26,044
Oh, that was a social call.
1019
01:17:26,056 --> 01:17:29,004
Social call?
1020
01:17:29,020 --> 01:17:31,092
Very surprised
you're on speaking terms.
1021
01:17:34,024 --> 01:17:40,036
Thirty years ago we had a brief
and dangerous liaison.
1022
01:17:40,052 --> 01:17:44,064
It ended in tears, of course.
They were his not mine.
1023
01:17:44,076 --> 01:17:47,004
There's a potentially decent man
1024
01:17:47,020 --> 01:17:49,040
buried under that thousand years
of history.
1025
01:17:49,052 --> 01:17:51,084
And I thought I could dig him out.
1026
01:17:51,096 --> 01:17:54,008
I failed.
1027
01:17:54,024 --> 01:17:56,064
My sergeant says
he offered you money.
1028
01:17:56,080 --> 01:17:58,076
Which I refused.
Why?
1029
01:17:58,092 --> 01:18:03,060
I approached Frank Webster
at the proper time about making
1030
01:18:03,076 --> 01:18:06,048
a contribution to the running
of my museum.
1031
01:18:06,064 --> 01:18:10,040
He said the book was out of
copyright and told me to get lost.
1032
01:18:10,052 --> 01:18:11,088
End of story.
1033
01:18:12,000 --> 01:18:14,016
I don't grovel to these people.
1034
01:18:14,032 --> 01:18:18,028
I don't grovel to anyone,
as you've probably gathered.
1035
01:18:18,040 --> 01:18:21,060
Elsie Pinchel? Danny's mother?
1036
01:18:21,072 --> 01:18:25,004
She died a couple of weeks ago.
1037
01:18:25,016 --> 01:18:28,044
A legendary midwife of this parish.
1038
01:18:28,056 --> 01:18:31,032
And a formidable gossip.
1039
01:18:31,052 --> 01:18:34,080
She'd have answered all
your questions,
whether she knew the answers or not.
1040
01:18:34,092 --> 01:18:36,072
Would she really?
1041
01:18:37,096 --> 01:18:41,012
What do you think of Danny?
1042
01:18:41,024 --> 01:18:43,084
Everybody likes Danny.
1043
01:18:44,000 --> 01:18:48,024
I think that's his problem -
he wants to be liked.
1044
01:18:48,036 --> 01:18:50,040
And that's tricky.
1045
01:18:54,052 --> 01:18:57,024
Is this the famous chapel?
1046
01:18:57,036 --> 01:19:00,044
Well, it was. Before God retreated.
1047
01:19:00,060 --> 01:19:02,044
And the people's republic
of Lower Warden
1048
01:19:02,056 --> 01:19:04,044
turned it into a drinking club.
1049
01:19:04,060 --> 01:19:06,076
We did the conversion work
ourselves.
1050
01:19:06,088 --> 01:19:10,016
A collective enterprise.
1051
01:19:10,028 --> 01:19:12,028
Phil did the building work.
1052
01:19:12,044 --> 01:19:15,064
Danny did the rewiring.
I burned the altar.
1053
01:19:15,080 --> 01:19:17,036
Danny did the electrics?
Yes.
1054
01:19:17,048 --> 01:19:19,052
He's a wizard with wires.
1055
01:19:24,008 --> 01:19:28,004
Troy, can you meet me at the hotel
in 10 minutes, please?
1056
01:19:28,016 --> 01:19:30,052
We need to talk to Danny.
1057
01:19:41,080 --> 01:19:43,092
Helen. How are you feeling?
1058
01:19:44,004 --> 01:19:45,048
Heaps better, thanks.
1059
01:19:45,060 --> 01:19:46,096
Is Danny in this morning?
1060
01:19:47,012 --> 01:19:48,072
He's in the kitchen.
Yes.
1061
01:19:48,084 --> 01:19:50,052
Tell him it's well past coffee time.
1062
01:19:50,064 --> 01:19:53,048
I will.
1063
01:20:40,064 --> 01:20:42,028
Helen.
1064
01:20:42,044 --> 01:20:44,088
Has Danny had any visitors
this morning?
1065
01:20:45,004 --> 01:20:47,072
Only Mr Smythe-Webster.
What time did he leave?
1066
01:20:47,088 --> 01:20:51,024
I didn't see him leave. He could
have gone out the back door.
1067
01:20:51,036 --> 01:20:52,080
OK, thanks.
1068
01:20:52,092 --> 01:20:55,028
Has something happened to Danny?
1069
01:20:55,040 --> 01:20:59,076
Yes, something has happened to Danny.
1070
01:21:06,052 --> 01:21:10,004
Afternoon, Barnaby. Progress report?
1071
01:21:11,088 --> 01:21:16,028
I have one or two further questions,
please.
1072
01:21:19,008 --> 01:21:22,056
I'm told that you and Sarah Proudie
from Lower Warden
1073
01:21:22,072 --> 01:21:26,036
were once, if you'll pardon
the expression, an item.
1074
01:21:26,048 --> 01:21:28,016
My God.
1075
01:21:28,028 --> 01:21:30,048
You have been dredging, haven't you?
1076
01:21:30,064 --> 01:21:33,064
There seems an awful lot
to dredge in these parts.
1077
01:21:35,040 --> 01:21:36,088
She said,
1078
01:21:37,004 --> 01:21:40,016
you couldn't have a proper
relationship across the tracks
1079
01:21:40,032 --> 01:21:43,020
if one of the families
owns the tracks.
1080
01:21:43,032 --> 01:21:45,084
It's a fair point.
1081
01:21:45,096 --> 01:21:48,048
So I returned to my own kind.
1082
01:21:51,020 --> 01:21:53,028
That's all over now.
1083
01:21:59,060 --> 01:22:04,004
Good health.
Thank you.
1084
01:22:04,016 --> 01:22:07,024
How do you mean "it's all over now"?
1085
01:22:09,016 --> 01:22:14,012
Take a look at that photograph.
Up there on the mantle.
1086
01:22:15,048 --> 01:22:18,012
The Smythe-Webster boys when young.
1087
01:22:19,068 --> 01:22:21,016
Notice anything?
1088
01:22:21,032 --> 01:22:23,084
There were four of you.
Exactly.
1089
01:22:24,084 --> 01:22:26,088
My big brother St John
1090
01:22:27,004 --> 01:22:30,052
drove his Ferrari into a wall
when he was up at Oxford.
1091
01:22:30,064 --> 01:22:32,088
So we all moved up one.
1092
01:22:33,004 --> 01:22:35,040
I got landed with running
this place,
1093
01:22:35,052 --> 01:22:37,092
instead of becoming the local vicar.
1094
01:22:38,008 --> 01:22:40,084
Would you have enjoyed that?
It's a doddle.
1095
01:22:41,004 --> 01:22:44,028
The hours are undemanding
and you get first whack
at the young wives club.
1096
01:22:46,056 --> 01:22:50,024
Why? Why did you say
"it's all over now"?
1097
01:22:53,048 --> 01:22:57,028
Well, by the time big brother
had killed himself,
1098
01:22:57,040 --> 01:23:00,028
I'd had the operation.
1099
01:23:00,040 --> 01:23:02,008
The snip.
1100
01:23:02,024 --> 01:23:06,060
It was Sarah Proudie's idea,
but it made sense at the time,
1101
01:23:06,072 --> 01:23:08,080
looking ahead to the young wives.
1102
01:23:08,096 --> 01:23:11,048
Simon, as you will have observed,
is fundamentally sexless
1103
01:23:11,060 --> 01:23:13,028
And Frank...
1104
01:23:13,044 --> 01:23:16,020
Frank was always very careful
after the business with Laura
1105
01:23:16,032 --> 01:23:19,008
which brought forth little Larry.
1106
01:23:19,024 --> 01:23:22,056
We're running out of family,
Mr Barnaby.
1107
01:23:22,068 --> 01:23:25,052
A thousand years, and now it's over.
1108
01:23:25,064 --> 01:23:27,044
How do you plan to cope?
1109
01:23:29,028 --> 01:23:33,008
That's what The Satanic Experience
is all about.
1110
01:23:33,020 --> 01:23:34,080
Fatten up the place,
1111
01:23:34,096 --> 01:23:37,000
sell it to some
global leisure corporation
1112
01:23:37,012 --> 01:23:39,016
and spend the money on loose living.
1113
01:23:39,032 --> 01:23:42,056
It's the end of the line
and nobody will give a damn.
1114
01:23:42,072 --> 01:23:45,020
But why? Why would anyone want
to murder your nephew
1115
01:23:45,032 --> 01:23:47,012
and your brother? Why?
1116
01:23:47,028 --> 01:23:50,000
We've got the money
and they haven't.
1117
01:23:53,056 --> 01:23:57,036
A box of thunderflashes
went missing a few days ago.
1118
01:23:57,052 --> 01:24:02,076
Mr Wilson says the only other person
to hold a key to the armoury is you.
1119
01:24:02,088 --> 01:24:06,004
You think I killed Larry?
1120
01:24:06,016 --> 01:24:09,076
Anyone else have access to your key?
1121
01:24:09,092 --> 01:24:13,044
I did lose it for a couple of days.
But then it turned up,
1122
01:24:13,056 --> 01:24:15,040
so I thought no more about it.
1123
01:24:16,056 --> 01:24:19,024
I understand
that Danny Pinchel has become
1124
01:24:19,036 --> 01:24:21,088
quite a favourite of yours.
1125
01:24:22,000 --> 01:24:23,076
He's a good lad.
1126
01:24:23,088 --> 01:24:25,076
He manages to see past the money
1127
01:24:25,092 --> 01:24:27,092
and talk to me
like another human being.
1128
01:24:28,008 --> 01:24:31,048
Did you see him
as a prospective heir?
1129
01:24:33,028 --> 01:24:35,084
I don't know
what he's been telling you
1130
01:24:35,096 --> 01:24:38,024
but that's ridiculous.
1131
01:24:38,040 --> 01:24:42,012
I've always said that if we sold up
we'd try to protect his job.
1132
01:24:42,024 --> 01:24:44,080
But that's hardly the same thing.
1133
01:24:44,092 --> 01:24:47,052
Did you argue with him this morning?
1134
01:24:47,064 --> 01:24:49,056
Over the key perhaps?
1135
01:24:49,072 --> 01:24:52,032
Danny? You think Danny
stole the key?
1136
01:24:52,048 --> 01:24:55,032
No, I've always found him
an amiable soul.
1137
01:24:55,044 --> 01:24:58,032
He's a dead soul now.
1138
01:24:58,044 --> 01:25:01,084
Dead? What are you talking about?
1139
01:25:01,096 --> 01:25:04,056
Someone killed him.
1140
01:25:04,068 --> 01:25:07,004
Round about the time of your visit.
1141
01:25:12,016 --> 01:25:15,012
They can't kill Danny.
1142
01:25:15,024 --> 01:25:18,004
Everybody likes Danny.
1143
01:25:19,068 --> 01:25:22,024
Three possibilities.
1144
01:25:22,040 --> 01:25:25,040
There's a bruise indicating
he's been banged on the head,
1145
01:25:25,056 --> 01:25:29,048
more bruises on the neck indicating
that someone tried to strangle him.
1146
01:25:29,060 --> 01:25:31,064
But I've got a feeling
1147
01:25:31,080 --> 01:25:34,064
he's actually been drowned.
Drowned?
1148
01:25:34,076 --> 01:25:37,040
In gaspacho.
1149
01:25:37,056 --> 01:25:40,056
In what?
It's cold tomato soup.
1150
01:25:40,072 --> 01:25:43,076
I'd say he was held facedown
in that.
1151
01:25:43,092 --> 01:25:47,060
By a killer whose clothes
must be in a terrible mess.
1152
01:25:47,072 --> 01:25:49,080
This doesn't tie in with the others.
1153
01:25:49,092 --> 01:25:51,064
Danny wasn't a Smythe-Webster.
1154
01:25:51,076 --> 01:25:55,004
Not yet he wasn't.
1155
01:25:55,016 --> 01:25:57,076
Danny the chef?
1156
01:25:57,088 --> 01:26:00,076
What you going to do with this one?
1157
01:26:00,092 --> 01:26:03,052
Call it drugs-related and file under
pending?
1158
01:26:03,068 --> 01:26:07,024
You've done very well out of these
murders, haven't you, Mr Murdoch?
1159
01:26:07,036 --> 01:26:09,020
Just doing my job.
1160
01:26:09,036 --> 01:26:12,000
You see the bright lights beckoning,
don't you?
1161
01:26:12,012 --> 01:26:14,088
But I see a motive for murder.
1162
01:26:15,004 --> 01:26:17,076
That's outrageous.
That being the case,
1163
01:26:17,092 --> 01:26:22,056
your best plan will be to stay
out of my field of vision.
1164
01:26:22,068 --> 01:26:26,044
Now if there are no more questions...
1165
01:26:27,044 --> 01:26:30,040
Is it true a local man
is helping with your inquiries?
1166
01:26:30,052 --> 01:26:32,064
Well, if it is, it'll be a first.
1167
01:26:32,076 --> 01:26:35,012
Sir.
1168
01:26:36,084 --> 01:26:40,080
I found this in Danny's pocket.
It looks like his mum's diary.
1169
01:26:40,092 --> 01:26:43,028
Excellent.
1170
01:27:02,020 --> 01:27:05,048
What's the betting Phil
did a cross-country run on that bike
1171
01:27:05,060 --> 01:27:07,068
this morning to kill Danny?
1172
01:27:07,084 --> 01:27:11,068
Message received and understood,
sir.
1173
01:27:26,048 --> 01:27:28,048
SOBBING
1174
01:27:39,056 --> 01:27:43,072
I thought the point
of women's emancipation
1175
01:27:43,088 --> 01:27:47,016
was that you didn't have to do
the men's dirty washing.
1176
01:27:48,088 --> 01:27:51,040
Troy? Ta.
1177
01:28:27,036 --> 01:28:30,088
Sorry about the flat tyres. I don't
know where I get these ideas.
1178
01:28:31,004 --> 01:28:33,024
My sergeant has something
to say to you.
1179
01:28:33,040 --> 01:28:36,056
Philip Harrison, you are charged
with the murders
1180
01:28:36,072 --> 01:28:39,088
of Danny Pinchel, Larry Smith
and Frank Webster.
1181
01:28:59,040 --> 01:29:01,084
Why?
1182
01:29:02,000 --> 01:29:05,028
My nephew was a waster,
my brother was a waster
1183
01:29:05,040 --> 01:29:08,072
and I daresay I'm a waster too.
1184
01:29:08,084 --> 01:29:10,036
Everybody liked Danny!
1185
01:29:10,048 --> 01:29:11,084
No, no, no.
1186
01:29:11,096 --> 01:29:14,008
Everybody was wrong.
1187
01:29:15,044 --> 01:29:18,044
Danny was the worst of the lot.
1188
01:29:36,096 --> 01:29:41,040
What did you mean
Danny was the worst of the lot?
1189
01:29:41,052 --> 01:29:43,056
He was the brains.
1190
01:29:45,076 --> 01:29:47,096
I was the guy who pushed the button.
1191
01:29:50,028 --> 01:29:53,060
Danny borrowed your key
to the armoury.
1192
01:29:53,072 --> 01:29:57,000
CLAPPING AND CHEERING
1193
01:29:57,016 --> 01:30:00,068
And he planned the explosion
that killed Larry.
1194
01:30:05,092 --> 01:30:10,040
Three... Two... One...
1195
01:30:10,052 --> 01:30:11,088
Go!
1196
01:30:15,016 --> 01:30:17,088
Phil triggered the blast
by remote control.
1197
01:30:18,000 --> 01:30:20,036
SCREAMING
1198
01:30:23,044 --> 01:30:27,044
But Danny was on hand to give
the signal by mobile phone.
1199
01:30:31,036 --> 01:30:35,008
No. I don't believe this.
1200
01:30:36,064 --> 01:30:38,044
But why?
1201
01:30:38,060 --> 01:30:44,040
I saw Frank Webster laugh
at you that day.
1202
01:30:45,060 --> 01:30:47,056
Just because
some cheapskate ancestor
1203
01:30:47,072 --> 01:30:49,072
wrote a lousy book?
He was our ancestor.
1204
01:30:49,084 --> 01:30:51,068
You know the law.
1205
01:30:51,084 --> 01:30:54,088
There is no copyright on books
70 years after the writer's death.
1206
01:30:55,000 --> 01:30:57,032
Ellis Bell belongs to the world now.
1207
01:30:57,044 --> 01:30:59,060
Public ownership.
1208
01:30:59,076 --> 01:31:01,084
I thought you people
believed in that, darling.
1209
01:31:06,032 --> 01:31:09,096
He should never have laughed
at you, simple as that.
1210
01:31:11,084 --> 01:31:13,096
After Larry died, Frank was supposed
1211
01:31:14,012 --> 01:31:16,028
to come through with the money,
wasn't he?
1212
01:31:16,040 --> 01:31:18,084
But he didn't. Is that right?
1213
01:31:20,008 --> 01:31:22,060
Yeah, that's right.
1214
01:31:22,072 --> 01:31:25,068
I wanted to pay up. He didn't.
1215
01:31:25,080 --> 01:31:28,000
We tossed a coin to decide.
1216
01:31:31,008 --> 01:31:33,004
My way.
1217
01:31:33,020 --> 01:31:35,088
Yeah, he fancied himself
as a hard man.
1218
01:31:36,000 --> 01:31:38,024
He wasn't.
1219
01:32:38,020 --> 01:32:42,068
I assume you were going
to put pressure on Rupert next?
1220
01:32:42,080 --> 01:32:46,056
He was still the man with the money.
1221
01:32:50,004 --> 01:32:55,080
All right, I can understand
Phil hating the family.
1222
01:32:55,092 --> 01:32:58,084
But why Danny?
1223
01:32:58,096 --> 01:33:02,080
Go on. Tell him, Phil.
1224
01:33:02,092 --> 01:33:05,032
I went to see him this morning.
1225
01:33:05,044 --> 01:33:08,036
We had words, and suddenly he said -
1226
01:33:08,048 --> 01:33:11,044
You're an idiot. Just like your dad.
1227
01:33:11,060 --> 01:33:14,084
I haven't got a dad.
Everyone's got one somewhere.
1228
01:33:14,096 --> 01:33:18,016
Yours is lord of the manor. Yeah.
1229
01:33:18,028 --> 01:33:19,080
If you don't believe me
1230
01:33:19,096 --> 01:33:22,048
I can show you my mum's diary.
Oh, yeah, Rupert's my dad.
1231
01:33:36,044 --> 01:33:40,028
That means I could spoil everything
for you, couldn't I?
1232
01:33:40,040 --> 01:33:42,068
You set me up, didn't you?
1233
01:33:42,084 --> 01:33:45,024
You wanted me to go down
for all this stuff.
1234
01:33:45,040 --> 01:33:47,028
Well, I went down
for the cricket pavilion.
1235
01:33:47,044 --> 01:33:50,004
Then with me out of the way
you could have a clear run.
1236
01:33:50,016 --> 01:33:52,052
That's what friends are for.
1237
01:34:14,008 --> 01:34:19,032
What precisely am I being told here?
1238
01:34:21,056 --> 01:34:27,004
Danny's mother, Elsie,
was the midwife at Phil's birth.
1239
01:34:27,016 --> 01:34:29,052
And she always told the mother,
1240
01:34:29,068 --> 01:34:34,056
"If anything goes wrong,
I need to know who the father is."
1241
01:34:34,068 --> 01:34:38,004
And so I told her.
1242
01:34:38,020 --> 01:34:43,052
And she wrote all the names
down in her diary.
1243
01:34:44,080 --> 01:34:46,096
This diary.
1244
01:34:47,008 --> 01:34:49,060
Which we found on Danny's body.
1245
01:34:51,076 --> 01:34:54,008
Yes, Rupert.
1246
01:34:54,020 --> 01:34:57,036
You are Philip's father.
1247
01:34:57,048 --> 01:35:00,044
Yeah.
1248
01:35:00,056 --> 01:35:05,036
And I'm your son and heir.
1249
01:35:07,000 --> 01:35:10,092
Except that you people would have
found a way of screwing me.
1250
01:35:11,004 --> 01:35:12,092
We couldn't have some lout
1251
01:35:13,008 --> 01:35:15,036
from Lower Warden
taking over the manor, could we?
1252
01:35:15,048 --> 01:35:17,092
That's why I never told you.
1253
01:35:18,004 --> 01:35:21,064
You did the right thing, Mum.
1254
01:35:25,044 --> 01:35:29,044
Look at us. We're a family.
1255
01:35:42,028 --> 01:35:46,088
So long... Daddy.
1256
01:35:52,048 --> 01:35:54,096
CHOIR SINGS
1257
01:36:10,048 --> 01:36:12,056
Back to normal, then?
1258
01:36:12,072 --> 01:36:15,088
Normal's a bit weird round here,
isn't it, Mr Wilson?
1259
01:36:16,000 --> 01:36:20,032
No, Darren. Weird's another place.
1260
01:36:43,020 --> 01:36:47,024
Never thought of you as a gardener,
Sarah.
1261
01:36:47,036 --> 01:36:50,060
I'm keeping it nice for my son.
1262
01:36:57,088 --> 01:37:02,072
Is it too late for us to be friends?
1263
01:37:02,084 --> 01:37:04,052
Oh, I think so.
1264
01:37:06,000 --> 01:37:07,084
Don't you?
1265
01:37:31,076 --> 01:37:35,040
You were right. It's not a bad book.
1266
01:37:35,052 --> 01:37:37,016
It's very good.
1267
01:37:37,032 --> 01:37:41,012
You didn't tell me the hero's name
is Harrison.
1268
01:37:41,024 --> 01:37:43,012
Phil Harrison.
1269
01:37:43,024 --> 01:37:45,088
You didn't ask.
1270
01:37:46,004 --> 01:37:48,004
Is this your bookmark?
Probably.
1271
01:37:49,072 --> 01:37:52,028
Oh, no it's not.
1272
01:37:52,040 --> 01:37:55,004
Danny's meatball recipe.
1273
01:37:55,016 --> 01:37:57,008
He seemed a nice boy.
1274
01:37:57,020 --> 01:37:59,048
Oh, yeah.
1275
01:37:59,060 --> 01:38:01,096
Everybody liked him.
1276
01:38:09,064 --> 01:38:12,064
Closed Captions by CSI -
Adrian Tan
96650
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