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1
00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:15,152
He said he'd meet us at the quad!
2
00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:25,077
...with Anise,
like, seven minutes ago.
3
00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:27,510
I'm sorry if that makes me,
like, moralistic or whatever,
4
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:28,954
but I have my principles.
5
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:30,593
Uh, where were your principles
6
00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:33,439
when you were rolling around
under a porch with Tom,
7
00:00:33,480 --> 00:00:35,472
like, "Oh, where's my headband?"
8
00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:38,632
Tom is poly, and we all know that.
Don't sleep on that fact.
9
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:40,319
Look, I ain't sleeping on shit,
10
00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:43,120
except maybe Tom, because he's also bi.
11
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:47,439
And I'd like to remind the three of you
not to sleep on this friendship,
12
00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:49,199
because I know it feels like
it's just gonna be, like,
13
00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:50,794
love and lust pushing you forward,
14
00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:53,719
but lust fades, and friendship never does,
if you nurture it.
15
00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:54,950
Do you need something?
16
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:58,272
Mmm-mmm. Nope, just loving
the vibe of the campus, very evolved.
17
00:00:58,320 --> 00:00:59,834
Loving the smoothie bar.
18
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:01,320
Have a beautiful day.
19
00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:03,400
- Somebody's mom?
- Did you see her...
20
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,518
- Oh, she's probably continuing ed.
- That is so sad.
21
00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:08,799
So, yeah,
I'm just kind of amazed to be at this interview.
22
00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:11,276
I mean, to me, professors have always
been people with, you know, like,
23
00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:15,917
MFAs and country houses
and possibly a neck goiter.
24
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,879
When I came here
two years ago from Syracuse...
25
00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:21,919
- Mmm-hmm.
- ...armpit, don't tell anyone,
26
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,435
I had one goal in mind
when I took over this department,
27
00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:27,718
and that was to just pump it
full of fresh blood, you know?
28
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:31,111
Just like a human heart
beating, beating, beating.
29
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:32,799
Or a nice young cock.
30
00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:33,830
Whoa. Yeah.
31
00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:37,516
Because, hey, what do you want
your students to leave with?
32
00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:39,956
Hope and wonder and "Yes"!
33
00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:43,917
And do you know what has more possibility
than absolutely anything else?
34
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,874
A nice young cock? Is that it?
35
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,400
The Internet.
36
00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:50,156
Yes.
37
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,760
And you, my dear, you write for the Internet.
38
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,075
And, boy, do you write.
39
00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:57,198
And when I read your stuff,
it's honest, it's frank,
40
00:01:57,240 --> 00:02:00,233
it's, "Here I am. Fucking take it or leave it."
41
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,199
- Yeah.
- You are a fucking hotshot.
42
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:04,875
Thank you.
43
00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:06,593
Okay, so let's talk logistics.
44
00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:08,353
Um, hundred students...
45
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,520
- Groups of 25.
- Mmm-hmm.
46
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:14,715
Doing seminars, then a little one-on-one time.
"Cozy time," I like to call it.
47
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:15,910
Can you do it?
48
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:20,836
Can you show these students
the real guts and meat of the Internet?
49
00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:22,109
What it's really for?
50
00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:23,510
Yes, I can.
51
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:26,029
I am 100% the right person
to show them the Internet.
52
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,231
And also, just to bring up, whatever,
the elephant in the room,
53
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:29,270
I know it's illegal for you to ask.
54
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:32,600
I know my body's kind of confusing,
but, yes, I am pregnant.
55
00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:34,558
And I plan to work
right through having the baby.
56
00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:37,838
That is not an issue for me. I got through
a high school production of Guys and Dolls
57
00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:39,513
with full-scale spinal meningitis.
I can do anything.
58
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,916
You know what gave it away
as soon as you came in the door?
59
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:43,917
- What?
- Breasts.
60
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,198
Gorgeous fruit.
61
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:47,953
Beautiful.
62
00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:52,557
Pregnant women and young mothers
are the most vital force on this earth,
63
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:55,957
and when I was pregnant, oh, my God,
64
00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:57,793
the men that hit on me...
65
00:02:58,160 --> 00:02:59,753
Do you know who Norman Mailer is?
66
00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:01,029
Yeah, Norman Mailer.
67
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:04,437
He had a friend named Jeff
who was fucking crazy for me.
68
00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:36,509
Powerful.
69
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,356
Hello?
70
00:03:58,440 --> 00:03:59,840
Hi, Hannah?
71
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:01,476
Hannah, Phaedra.
72
00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:04,433
Oh, hi! Oh, my God, I'm so glad I answered.
When do I ever do that?
73
00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:05,994
Because, like, who the hell
wants to talk on the phone?
74
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:08,834
Well, I do.
For hours a night, actually.
75
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:10,553
Great, yeah. I mean, I love it.
76
00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:13,519
It's just hard to find other,
you know, millennials to engage. Hi.
77
00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:17,514
I just wanted to let you know
that I have spoken with my colleagues,
78
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,876
and, despite their old, shriveled balls,
79
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,713
we would like to offer you the position.
80
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:25,749
Oh! Oh, my God. Wow.
I mean, I must have been very impressive.
81
00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:27,320
That was so fast.
82
00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:28,760
We connected hard-core.
83
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,117
Listen, this is so weird,
84
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:33,078
but my mom always says
that you should sleep on it
85
00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:34,640
before accepting any new job,
86
00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:36,319
and I've literally never taken her advice,
87
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:40,400
but I've also never been successful at a job.
88
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:44,474
So, I want to take 24 hours
to think about it, if that's okay.
89
00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:47,877
Follow your bliss, my lady.
Just get back to me by Monday.
90
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,792
Okay, great. Thank you so much.
91
00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:53,035
Fuck!
92
00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:01,113
I just don't understand
why you would want to leave New York, okay?
93
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,317
That's like something
your family makes you do
94
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:06,199
when you're too deep into crack to stop them.
95
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:09,917
That's not something that a young, vibrant,
96
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,878
albeit pregnant, person does.
97
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:15,271
I don't know, Elijah,
I just think it's time to admit that, like,
98
00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:17,511
New York hasn't brought me
anything but misery.
99
00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:18,914
That's insane!
100
00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:22,438
This is the greatest city in the world.
101
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:24,632
What are you gonna do? You're gonna leave,
102
00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:29,639
gonna go up to the goddamn woods,
or wherever the fuck you're going,
103
00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:31,470
teach?
104
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:33,714
Write?
105
00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:35,794
Live in a house?
106
00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:37,997
I mean, literally all three of those things.
107
00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:42,752
I don't know, Elijah, you know?
108
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,679
This place is just...
It's too hard to make a living here.
109
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:49,192
My baby needs some kind of peace.
I don't even have health insurance.
110
00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:50,760
This job has benefits and stuff.
111
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:52,359
Do you remember when we first moved here?
112
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,113
Yeah, like it was yesterday.
113
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,915
You proposed on St. Mark's Place,
but then you admitted you had chlamydia,
114
00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:58,918
and you were crying,
and you wouldn't say where it came from.
115
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:00,076
You said it was a McDonald's bathroom.
116
00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:03,717
The details are not important.
117
00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,556
What's important is
118
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:11,117
we agreed to live here,
and suffer, and be miserable
119
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:14,591
in this godforsaken rat hole together.
120
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,916
That's a contract you and me made.
121
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:20,954
You can't give up on that.
122
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:24,476
I don't know.
123
00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:27,797
And if you think I'm gonna move up there
and marry you and be your Tad,
124
00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:30,190
you are sorely mistaken, ma'am.
125
00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:31,509
Probably.
126
00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:37,232
Hey, you want to come sleep with me?
127
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:39,200
No.
128
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,354
Wait, for sex?
129
00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:44,033
No, what?
130
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:46,077
I mean, what if it was for sex?
131
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:47,640
No?
132
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,197
I just want to be clear about the invitation.
133
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:52,714
Will you sing to me?
134
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:58,269
I'll give you one Demi, but then it's lights out.
135
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,993
I had to unfollow her on Instagram.
It's too much negativity.
136
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:07,154
Tell me what you want,
what you like
137
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,920
It's okay
138
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:13,755
I'm a little curious, too
139
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:18,595
Tell me if it's wrong, if it's right
140
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:21,195
I don't care
141
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:25,314
I can keep a secret, can you?
142
00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:29,354
Got my mind on your body
143
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:32,160
and your body on my mind
144
00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:36,679
Want a taste of the cherry
145
00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:39,633
I just need to take a bite
146
00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:42,712
Don't tell your mother
147
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:45,913
Live for each other
148
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,395
We're cool for the summer
149
00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:52,271
Ooh
150
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,635
I think it's wonderful.
I think it's just what you need.
151
00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,120
We'll come visit you on the weekends,
152
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,396
and you can stay with us
whenever you have work to do.
153
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,033
Go, baby, go.
154
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:06,232
On the other hand,
if I had left New York when I wanted to,
155
00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:08,351
I never would have met your dad on Gay.com.
156
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:12,597
And I bless that sexual GPS service every day.
157
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:15,519
Listen, Banana,
it's only a bus ride away.
158
00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:19,793
We can bring cheese, wine,
books, diapers, culture.
159
00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:21,075
Let's do this!
160
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:22,873
You guys will take the bus?
161
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:25,960
No. No, it was just an expression of distance.
162
00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,509
I was trying to give you a sense
of how close you would be.
163
00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:30,990
Well, this drum circle's
as good a reason to leave New York as any.
164
00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:32,753
Can't you drum somewhere else?
165
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,078
Ugh. Get a life.
166
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:37,559
You've reached Marnie Michaels.
167
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,080
Have a blessed day.
168
00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:43,637
Marn, where are you, okay? I'm trying
to figure something out, and I really need you.
169
00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,120
Does that one send strength?
170
00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:00,799
That one smells really good.
171
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:02,754
I like the slip top.
172
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:06,237
Okay, so we need
one for wealth, one for romance,
173
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:09,956
and also one to promote,
like, an ease of creativity.
174
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,999
Mmm. Yeah. Like a candle's gonna
help us find an apartment
175
00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:14,594
that doesn't smell like hot wings.
176
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,393
I literally don't care
if it smells like hot wings
177
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:17,470
as long as you're there.
178
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,231
See?
That's why you're my best friend.
179
00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:25,554
I kind of like this one.
180
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:26,756
I don't want that in our apartment.
181
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,473
Oh, okay.
182
00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:33,633
- Yeah?
- I like purple. It's nice.
183
00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:35,234
It'll go with the wallpaper.
184
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:47,070
The number you are
trying to call is not reachable.
185
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:55,876
Ugh. I can't believe this is my fourth callback
for this fucking show.
186
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:57,314
At some point,
I'm just gonna have to ask them,
187
00:09:57,360 --> 00:10:00,194
"Hey, are we fuck buddies
or are we exclusive?"
188
00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,590
Well, maybe they're waiting
for your hoop shooting to improve.
189
00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:04,160
How's your goodbye tour?
190
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:06,679
Confusing.
191
00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:08,877
I mean, can't someone
just tell me exactly what to do,
192
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,117
but in a way that makes it seem
like it's my idea?
193
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,669
Yes. You should have sex before you leave
194
00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:16,275
'cause I don't know what kind of dicks
are gonna be up in the boondocks.
195
00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:21,435
Great idea. I will call up one of the guys
who would love to have sex with this.
196
00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:24,080
I'm sure there's plenty of quality people
197
00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:27,198
who would love to have sex
with what you got going on,
198
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:28,356
and not murder you.
199
00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:31,634
I don't know. Maybe you're right.
200
00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:33,712
Maybe I am leaving too early,
and I haven't, like,
201
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,439
made a proper mark on this city.
202
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:39,036
Hannah, you've made
so many wonderful friendships here.
203
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:44,399
That's not a thing.
204
00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:46,756
I got to go.
205
00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:48,797
Look. I stole these.
206
00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,156
Oh, my God! I'm so proud of you.
207
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,152
This is the type of fun that we have.
208
00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:55,550
I steal yogurts, and then we laugh about it.
209
00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:57,994
What the fuck are you doing?
210
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,240
- Good luck.
- Thank you.
211
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,116
Kick.
212
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:50,636
This is Greenpoint Avenue.
Next stop, 21st Street.
213
00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:52,279
Stand clear of the closing doors.
214
00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:59,518
Do you need help walking up the steps
or anything, ma'am?
215
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,796
The "ma'am" is a little much, I would say.
216
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:06,873
Shall we do it now? You do yours.
217
00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:10,233
Whoa, Caroline, hi.
218
00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:12,391
My darling one.
219
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,954
Wow. It's really wild to see you.
220
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:20,072
We did not know, uh, if you were alive.
221
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:23,359
Ooh, wow.
222
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,312
Life's so wild, isn't it?
223
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:27,589
Isn't it?
224
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:31,151
I mean, you know, who knew all you needed
was the right cocktail of pills,
225
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,510
and then you could really stabilize.
226
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:36,240
I mean, for now. Who knows for sure?
227
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:40,837
And you, my beauty,
how are you experiencing life?
228
00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:44,396
Laird tells me that
you are with child.
229
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,233
I am, yes. I'm carrying a child.
230
00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:48,789
And it looks like
I'm gonna be moving out of the city, so...
231
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:54,199
Good. Good. I'm fairly certain that
my leaving the city is what cured me.
232
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,799
- Really?
- Oh, yes.
233
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,196
And a very short
but powerful stay in the hospital.
234
00:12:58,440 --> 00:12:59,476
Yeah.
235
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:01,830
So, yes. Yes.
236
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,389
Yes, Hannah, go. Go.
237
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:09,440
I release you like a bird,
like a wild bird into the night.
238
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:13,070
I release you like a bird!
239
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,958
Go! Go!
240
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,794
You know, I forgot something
that I was gonna get at the corner store.
241
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:18,870
Bye, Sample.
242
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,350
Oh. Well, I didn't mean right now, but, yes.
243
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:37,111
Marn, call me back, okay?
I have an actual problem about actual life.
244
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:38,350
Please.
245
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:21,876
...rice.
246
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:25,271
I know it's so traditional to throw rice,
but I just don't think I want them throwing it,
247
00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:27,073
because then the pigeons eat it,
and I hear they die.
248
00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:28,600
I don't want that
on my conscience, you know?
249
00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:30,438
Hey. Hi.
250
00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:32,675
Hannah.
251
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,640
Hi, um...
252
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:38,478
I'm so sorry, will you guys
just excuse me for just one second?
253
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:41,275
Um, hi.
254
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:44,035
I don't mean to be rude,
but what are you doing here?
255
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:45,759
Uh, well, I stopped by to see you,
256
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:48,235
but it seems like maybe I picked a bad time.
257
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,955
Uh, yeah, actually, you kind of did.
258
00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:56,354
You had a party, and you didn't invite me?
I mean, this place is, like, at capacity.
259
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:58,397
Yeah, I did,
260
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,995
which would be strange,
except you're having a baby
261
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:04,630
and you neglected to tell me after you literally
told everyone else on the face of the earth.
262
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:08,151
So, um, I guess that just kind of says
who we are to each other.
263
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:10,636
Will you actually excuse me?
264
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:13,992
It's just kind of impolite to leave your guests
hanging at your own engagement party.
265
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:20,680
You're engaged?
This is an engagement party for you?
266
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:23,394
Yeah, so, you know,
I'm still at my mom's condo.
267
00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:25,278
Like, a totally temp situation,
268
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:27,920
and all my stuff is in these cute little things
at Manhattan Mini Storage.
269
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,320
What the fuck is going on?
270
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:31,750
Why didn't you answer
any of my calls all day?
271
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:35,550
Could you, uh, just... We'll be back.
272
00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:36,710
Or we won't.
273
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:43,429
I didn't want you to feel left out.
274
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:46,911
Good job. Yeah, it worked super great.
What the fuck is this party?
275
00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:49,279
Shosh is engaged.
276
00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:52,114
I can see that.
I didn't even know she was dating anyone.
277
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:53,316
It's actually very cute.
278
00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:56,751
She and Byron met
at a Sprinkles vending machine for cupcakes.
279
00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:59,196
I don't even know
if she has a new number or something.
280
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:01,874
- Hello!
- Hello, everyone.
281
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:03,320
- Hi!
- Pardon us.
282
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:07,149
We just wanted to take
a moment to thank our most important people
283
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:12,639
for gathering in our newly shared dwelling
for this very important soir�e.
284
00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:16,509
We are so happy to have
everyone we love most in one place
285
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:17,960
to celebrate the fact that I asked...
286
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:19,196
And I said yes!
287
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:24,716
And I know that we moved fast,
and that doesn't always work out...
288
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,075
- No, it doesn't.
- Jesus.
289
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:29,198
- You're here, too?
- Yeah, Shosh and I are bros.
290
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:32,790
...and I truly cannot wait
to be Mrs. Byron Long.
291
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:34,560
Aw!
292
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:36,718
- I love you.
- I love you.
293
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:38,754
- Cheers!
- Cheers!
294
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:41,036
Cheers, guys! Enjoy.
295
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:42,400
This is insane.
296
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:44,318
Hannah, hi.
297
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:47,154
Um, since you're here, this is Byron.
298
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,277
- Hi.
- Pleasure, Byron.
299
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:52,279
So, um, basically,
you're gonna act as if you invited me?
300
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:55,672
Uh, yeah, I think I'm gonna pretend
like I invited you to my engagement party,
301
00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:58,275
and you wore overalls,
which is a pretty typical move.
302
00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:00,152
- There you go.
- Slim, I'm gonna go out and grab some ice.
303
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,232
- All right. I love you, Sticks.
- Love you.
304
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:07,878
I mean, what am I gonna do, like, start a fight
and ruin this for Byron and for me?
305
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,030
I don't think so.
306
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:12,190
- Hey!
- Not you, and not now.
307
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:13,794
- Not in the mood.
- Okay, you know what?
308
00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:15,274
I can't handle this right now.
309
00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:17,232
So, my fianc� has gone to get ice
310
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:19,749
and I'm going to enjoy
my engagement party, okay?
311
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:23,430
No. Group meeting. Outside. Now.
312
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:25,279
- Gross.
- No.
313
00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:28,478
Okay, group meeting in the bathroom.
Let's do that.
314
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:38,878
Marnie, I want you to know
that the only reason that I am tolerating
315
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,520
this insanely rude and inconsiderate behavior
316
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,637
is the fact that every wise woman knows
317
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:46,036
that the worse the engagement party,
the better the wedding, okay?
318
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:48,680
Can you tell me what this is,
what we're doing here?
319
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:49,955
I don't understand.
320
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,912
We're having a group meeting.
321
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,957
I don't want to have a group meeting.
322
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,593
This seems inappropriate.
323
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,155
Well, that's probably about the only thing
we can all agree on right now.
324
00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:02,234
We are not going to throw randomized
grenades of hostility at each other.
325
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:06,155
Okay? We're gonna be
the adult women that I know we can be,
326
00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:07,520
and say what we're feeling.
327
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:10,314
If I've learned anything
from my online therapist...
328
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:11,510
Okay, great. I'll start.
329
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:15,076
I'm feeling extremely shitty about not
being invited to Shosh's engagement party.
330
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:17,755
I'm feeling like I would like to go one place
331
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:22,153
without being treated
like I'm a jezebel or a witch.
332
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:25,916
- Particularly by Hannah.
- Good luck with that.
333
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:29,317
I am feeling a lot of anxiety about the fact
that we've allowed our friendship
334
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:32,159
to reach this place
of aggression and isolation.
335
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:33,634
And I am proposing that...
336
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,400
Yes, Shosh, and thank you so much
for the hand raise.
337
00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:38,360
If you don't mind,
338
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,909
I would like to take a step back,
339
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:45,074
and say that this is the reason
that we can't hang out together anymore.
340
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,755
No, no, no. See, I am trying to fix this
341
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:51,311
so that we can hang out
as the friends that we've always been,
342
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,039
and we can be again if we just...
343
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:56,318
Mmm-mmm. Nope. No, that's not it.
344
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,471
We can't hang out together anymore
345
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,552
because we cannot be in the same room
346
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:04,236
without one of us making it
completely and entirely about ourselves.
347
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,920
In this instance, in particular,
it happens to be Hannah,
348
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:10,033
who has decided to crash
my engagement party
349
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:12,356
by showing up dressed like
a member of the Teen Mom cast.
350
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,357
Well, that's not an insult to me
351
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,835
because it means
I look like I got railed by a football star.
352
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:18,593
Wasn't intended to be a compliment.
353
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:22,151
With the help of Byron,
who has completed all 12 steps of Al Anon,
354
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:25,950
I have come to realize
how exhausting and narcissistic
355
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,236
and ultimately boring this whole dynamic is.
356
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:32,559
And I finally feel brave enough
to create some distance for myself.
357
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,672
If you guys happen to know
all of those really pretty girls out there
358
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:40,277
who have, like, jobs and purses
and nice personalities,
359
00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:42,829
those are now my friends, not you guys.
360
00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:47,752
I think we should all just agree to call it.
Okay? Great.
361
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:50,759
If you guys wanna stay,
Byron allotted for extra guests
362
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:52,911
because that's just
the kind of guy that Byron is.
363
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:56,636
That's who I'm with now. My fianc�. Okay?
364
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,471
Well, Shosh will definitely get her wish.
365
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:04,677
All of you will,
because I got an important job upstate
366
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:06,194
and I am moving there with my child,
367
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:07,714
and none of you
will probably ever see me again.
368
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:08,870
Wait, what?
369
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:14,672
On the way over here,
I saw a man take a shit in the street.
370
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:17,480
And in that moment,
as if it were like a near-death experience,
371
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:21,594
I flashed upon every piece of shit
I have ever seen on the streets of New York
372
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:23,074
that I assumed was from a dog.
373
00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:24,315
And guess what?
374
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:27,757
That shit's not from a dog.
At least not all of it.
375
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:31,589
'Cause this is a city
where people take shits on the street!
376
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,996
You are moving upstate,
377
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:36,509
and you didn't even care
to tell me one-on-one?
378
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:39,320
I called you a million times,
but you were too busy ignoring me
379
00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:40,953
since you were going to
a party I wasn't invited to.
380
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:41,990
I got it!
381
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:45,232
I got the part in White Men Can't Jump,
382
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:50,111
the fucking musical spectacular,
you feckless whores!
383
00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:51,958
Hannah, I will see you at home tomorrow
384
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,072
roughly around noon,
when I'm done partying this out.
385
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:56,560
Eat a dick!
386
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:00,150
Shosh was right.
387
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,117
She was right about everything.
388
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:07,517
Can you stop being so dramatic?
I mean, have a little perspective.
389
00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:11,349
She's planning a wedding.
It makes people very hostile and aggressive.
390
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,800
- You should know.
- Get the fuck out.
391
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,513
Get the fuck out. I need the room.
392
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,160
Great, 'cause this place smells
like pussy cream, and I wish I was dead.
393
00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:23,355
Eight million people in this city...
394
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:26,040
...and she thinks
all the shit's supposed to be from dogs?
395
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:29,312
I mean, of course people shit in the street.
396
00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:31,955
- You've shit in the street, right?
- No.
397
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:36,071
Oh, you're telling me every shit
you've ever taken has been on a toilet?
398
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:38,676
Yes.
399
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:39,995
Oh, God.
400
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:41,713
You know, you're impossible.
401
00:21:56,880 --> 00:22:00,396
You know, I was barely invited myself.
I was, um...
402
00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:03,079
I just spoke to Shosh this morning
403
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:07,234
because I needed her
to tell me my ATM code, so...
404
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:11,760
It's okay. I'm fine. You don't have to say that.
I'm really fine.
405
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:15,560
Are you?
406
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,513
Yeah. I mean, this job I got,
it's, like, a very big deal for me.
407
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:19,920
- It's really good, so.
- Yeah.
408
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:23,080
How's school?
409
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:25,794
Uh...
410
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:27,155
Yeah, I quit.
411
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:29,630
- Um...
- Yeah.
412
00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:32,115
How come?
413
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:36,599
Um, well, I think it turns out
414
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:42,557
that I wasn't as ready to help people
as I thought.
415
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:49,311
Um, and I just needed to take
a long, hard look in the mirror
416
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:51,232
as my mother would say.
417
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:52,839
What'd you see?
418
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:56,873
A fucking bitch.
419
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,229
Oh. Um...
420
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:11,069
I got you something, actually.
I assumed you'd be here, so...
421
00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:15,190
You know...
422
00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:26,510
It's, um, for a child.
423
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:28,319
- Yeah.
- It's a dress.
424
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:30,278
The baby's actually a boy.
425
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:31,800
Is it really?
426
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:37,551
I don't know how the fuck that happened.
I haven't really processed it.
427
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:39,711
You're actually kind of, like,
the first person I'm telling.
428
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:41,314
I mean, what am I supposed to do with a boy?
429
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:42,669
I don't know.
430
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:44,592
What if I raise him perfectly
and do everything right,
431
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,991
and then he, like, rapes a bajillion people
and, like, runs a lawnmower over a town?
432
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:51,830
No. He'll be perfect.
433
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:55,713
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
434
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:08,034
I'm sorry.
435
00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:12,554
Um...
436
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:18,391
I am sorry for...
437
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:22,555
For everything. I don't really...
438
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:24,793
You don't have to be sorry. It's okay.
439
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:26,394
I mean, it's like... I mean, it's not okay,
440
00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:28,995
but it's, like, I don't know
who's really supposed to be sorry for what,
441
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:30,918
so at this point,
we should kind of just call it a...
442
00:24:32,360 --> 00:24:33,430
Like, say it.
443
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,713
- It's okay.
- Mmm-hmm.
444
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:37,995
It's okay.
445
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,552
I mean, think about it.
Like, we were all just doing our best, so...
446
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:46,313
Our best was awful.
447
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:49,632
Worst best.
448
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,233
So, what do you think? Should we, like...
449
00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:00,631
Try to get into
this cool metropolitan vibe, or...
450
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:02,313
Yeah, um...
451
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:04,672
I mean, what else am I doing?
452
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:09,437
Literally been waiting
outside Shoshanna's house since 4:00.
453
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:18,039
Last night was a bad one
454
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,917
Screaming and fighting for nothing at all
455
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:26,033
Last night was a hard one
456
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:30,759
Pinning each other up against the wall
457
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:35,392
We make each other small
458
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:43,430
I know we make each other fall
459
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:50,636
When we toss off what was said
460
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:54,956
how are we to just forget?
461
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:59,273
When the night is ringing in our heads
462
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:02,950
how do we get back to love?
463
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:08,992
I wanna get you in my spaces
464
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:12,869
I wanna take you different places
465
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:16,271
I'm not at all really this romantic
466
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:19,950
I know you see me as a frantic girl
467
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:23,391
But I can give you what you want
468
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:27,596
I know you like the way I held my temper
469
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:29,831
when I gave you to the world
470
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:31,599
Gave you to the world
471
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:33,353
I can be your heart type of girl
472
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:37,878
'Cause I've been scared of crowded places
473
00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,474
Come with me
474
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:47,517
I'll take you home
475
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:52,671
'Cause I've been scared of crowded places
476
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:58,711
Come with me
477
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:02,476
I'll take you home
37944
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