All language subtitles for Mad.About.You.S08E03.Body.Heat.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-TOMMY.1

- It's so cold in here!
- Leave it.

I finally got it
the way I like it.

- You poor thing.
Menopause sucks.

- What do you think?

- Turn around.

Super hot!

- I can't believe I fit into
Scarlett Johansson's dress.

Can I wear this
to an interview?

Hmm, try
Scarlett Johansson's dress

with Blake Lively's jacket.

Yes.

- These people just let you
borrow their clothes?

Yeah, it's part
of my house-sitting agreement

with them.

It's actually the unspoken part
of the agreement.

Until I get caught.

Then there will be
a lot of speaking.

- So we like it
with the jacket?

Here, here, um, try
Scarlett Johansson's dress

with Blake Lively's jacket
and Sandra Bullock's belt.

- Good?
- Yeah, perfect.

Young, modern professional.

I don't understand why you
wanna go back to work now.

- No, I just feel like
I need something.

A new purpose.

- Your kid's out of the house.

You should be rock climbing
and drinking tequila.

Not necessarily
at the same time, but well...

- Oh, my God.
- What?

- Frigging hot flash.
- Hey, do not sweat.

- Like I have a say in that.

- Oh, no.
You cannot sweat in this stuff.

Take off Blake's jacket!

- Okay, go to the kitchen.
Go to the kitchen.

Oh!

You know, I think when
we give him a name,

it's gonna be so helpful.

- I don't wanna rush it.

- Wow, look how nice you look.

- Lisa stole me
clothes for my interview.

- Really?

Do you happen to bring
a men's parka?

It's freezing!

- Don't touch it.
- Okay, okay.

Sweetie, I know you don't want
me to suggest Mark again.

- I really don't.
- Okay.

So the fact that he's
a distinguished OB-GYN...

- Babe.
- And--and our dear friend...

- Babe.
- Okay, I'm just--I just--

I'm trying to help.
I want you to feel better.

- Really, Paul?
- Hmm?

Is it about wanting
my sister to feel better,

or is about wanting
to climb on top of her

for a little
bow chicka wow wow?

- Okay, none of my business.
- Thank you.

I just know
from certain sources

that it's been awhile
for the two of you.

- How did--
- She asked, it came up.

- I see.

- Honey, you know that I want
to want to, right?

If it weren't for the fact
that I so don't want to,

but if I wanted to,
I would want to with you.

Oh, well, that's so sweet
to hear.

- I think it's adorable
you two still even try.

- Hey, bunny face.

Yes, I called earlier

to confirm tonight's
6:00 at Ira's.

Zero.

You can bring zero people,

'cause it's
our first family dinner

since you started school.

Emphasis, family.

Yes, I love you.
I'll see you then.

Family dinner?

Hello?
Am I not family?

- Yes.
- Do you wanna come?

- Thanks.
Can't.

I have to feed
Anderson Cooper's fish,

and then Shia LaBeouf's snake
is shedding.

Somebody's gotta clean that up.

- Shia LaBeouf.
Dog's name.

Huh?
Here, Shia LaBeouf.

Hey, Shia LaBeouf.

- We'll get it.
- We'll get it.

♪

♪ Tell me why

♪ I love you like I do

♪ Tell me who

♪ Can stop my heart
as much as you ♪

♪ If we take
each other's hands ♪

♪ We can fly
into the final frontier ♪

♪ I'm mad about you, baby
♪ Final frontier

♪ I'm mad about you, baby
- ♪ Final frontier

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ Final frontier

- There you go.

Hey, where'd he go?

- What--what did you do?
- Nothing.

- Did you scare him away?
- He went to the bathroom.

And why would you think
I'd scare him away?

- Because I know you,
with your snippy little remarks

and your attitude.

- I'm not snippy.

- Listen, this guy is
the hottest filmmaker

there is right now, okay?

And if his regular editor
wasn't home throwing up,

you would never get
an opportunity like this.

- No need to be snippy.

- All I'm saying is,
be professional

and don't fawn over him.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Okay.
- Lucas Cooper.

There you go, buddy.
There's your new chair.

- Great. Thank you.
- All right.

Yeah, sorry about that one.

I've been meaning
to replace all of them

- for a while, but...
- Oh, yeah, no worries, man.

Okay, you got
everything you need?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Okay, so I just want
to watch--

- Anything else comes up,
whatever you need,

let me know.
Here to help.

- Cool.

All right, so if you could just
bring it back to the part wh--

- I gotta say--I'm sorry.
You know what?

I've been trying
to play it cool

since you got here,

but I gotta say,
I'm a huge fan.

Loved your film.

- Ah, thank you, man.
I appreciate that.

- Yeah.
For a first film,

it's fantastic.

And look at you now.
Your second movie,

a big studio production.
Hee!

Pretty--pretty nice to be you,
I would imagine, huh?

- It's not terrible.

You're a filmmaker yourself,
right?

- Used to be.

Swear to God, as soon
as it came out of my mouth,

I already felt bad.

- Yeah.

- Run it from the top?

- Yeah.
You know what?

I was gonna make
a couple changes,

but I think we're good.
Send it.

- For real?
- Yeah.

It's perfect.
Send it to the studio.

Unless you wanna take a look.

Wanna see what a perfect film
looks like?

I-I don't want
to overstay my welcome.

- Oh, no.
Pull up a chair.

- I c--you know what?
I'll stand.

- Okay.

- Hello.

Thank you for meeting with me,
Ms. Martin.

- Oh, Meg.
Please, take a seat.

I looked for you on LinkedIn.

- Oh, no.

I'm not on that,
but I brought you a résumé,

analog style.

- Not to worry.

You're an autumn hire.
We like placing those.

- Well, it's autumn.

Isn't everyone an autumn hire
right now?

No, autumn as in...

- Ah.
Old.

Got it.

- Seasoned.
- Yes.

- Let's see.

You worked in PR,

you had a stint
in the mayor's office,

and then, oh, wow,

earned an MSW
master's degree.

- Yes, but I never got
my counseling hours.

Um, I decided to stay home
and raise my daughter.

- She just started college.
- Are you okay?

- I'm so good.
Can you open a window?

- I'm sorry.
They don't open.

Of course they don't.

- So we're dealing
with a 16-year employment gap.

Well, as I said,
I chose to stay home and--

- No worry.

We'll find a way to frame it.

Maybe frame it
as raising a human being.

- Are you sure
you're feeling okay?

- I'm fine.

You know Scarlett Johansson?

She, um...
Doesn't matter.

- Okay.

So Jamie, why don't we talk

about where you see yourself
in the near future?

- Ideally, Alaska.

'Cause it's colder.

Look at you,

how young and dry you are.

- If you're not feeling well,

perhaps we should reschedule
for a better day.

- There's no better day.
This is every day.

Listen, I apologize
if I--

- You didn't do anything.
I'm gonna go.

You were perfectly lovely,

sitting there in your...

plump, elastic skin,

with your estrogen keeping you
nice and cozy in your sweater,

but trust me,
it's coming for you.

Help.
- Sit.

Now, in terms of easing
menopause symptoms,

the first thing
we usually like to do

is try some hormone
replacement.

- I don't like the risks.

- I understand.

Diet and exercise help.

What kind of exercise
you getting?

- Crying and sweating.

- How's your libido?

Copy that.

Well, the good news is,

is that this
doesn't last forever.

Seven, ten years, tops.

Eh, sometimes for longer.

- There has to be something.

- Not really.

Well, hold on.

- What?

Well, there is something
we can try.

It's just, I don't know
whether I'm allowed to share.

- Please share.

- Ah, what the hell?

I got my hands
on this cream from Canada.

Now, it's still
undergoing trials,

but they've been reporting
some very positive results:

improved sleep,
more appetite, better libido,

It's all natural.
Has a lovely maple scent.

- I want it.

- Oh, okay.
It has some side effects:

nausea, headaches,
suicidal thoughts...

- I've already got all those.
Give it to me.

- No, no, not there.

Inside the elbow.

Small, dime-sized bit.

Once every 24 hours, no more.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

But if anybody
from Ottawa calls,

you don't know me.

- Hmm.

- You know what I'm thinking?
- What?

- I'm thinking about where
I'm gonna put my Academy Award!

That there

is a thing of beauty.

You send that to the studio
right now, baby.

Perfect, right?
- It's really good.

- Send it.

Can I say--

Can I--
can I offer one thought?

- Dear God.

- Go ahead.

- I know the payoff hinges
on the scene in the park,

but the way you have it now,
kind of drags, right?

But if you cut it up,
cut it in little pieces,

and then you scatter those
throughout the whole movie,

then I think
it has more of an impact.

Maybe.
I don't know.

Just a thought.

- No, man.
This--this totally works.

- Yes, it does.
- Yeah.

- Course it does.
You're right.

- Should I hit send?

- Well, mm...no.

No, he's right.
It drags.

It totally drags.
I-I'm an idiot.

We--we gotta recut
the whole thing.

Thank you, brother.
Thank you so much.

- Yeah.
- Thanks.

- Yeah.

We're gonna be here
all day,

all--all night,
all week, maybe.

Oh, damn.

I forgot I had
that NYU thing tomorrow.

- Huh?

My--my daughter
goes to NYU.

- Why do I say yes
to these things?

What's the--
what are you doing?

- I have to speak to some

"language of film" class
or something.

That's--I think
that's my daughter's class.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Great.
Why don't you do it?

What?

I'll stand there
instead of you?

- Yeah, yeah!
- I don't think so.

- You can screen
one of your films.

I'll say it was
a scheduling conflict,

and in my place, I'm sending in
an esteemed colleague--

tell me your name again.

- Paul Buchman.
- Paul Buchman,

whose documentary work has had
a profound influence on me.

- Huh?
- Like you've seen my films?

- No, but they don't know that.

- I-I...
- Come on.

You'd be doing me
a really big favor.

- I don't know.
That's a--I don't know.

Can I think about it?

- What, you got more chairs
to fix?

It's like a sickness with me.
I see it.

- Is it working?

- What?

- Your--your magic cream.
Do you feel anything yet?

Okay, sorry.
Understood.

It's just, let's stay positive,

'cause, you know,
if it does work,

eating and sleeping
and not overheating

- and, you know...
- sex,

all positive things.

Ooh, you smell good.
What is that, maple?

I honestly don't feel
anything yet.

Pass the bread, please.

- I'm late.
- There she is.

- Hey, hey.
- I had to un-invite

all the people
you wouldn't let me bring.

- Oh.

- What smells like pancakes?

- Okay, family dinner.

All here, so...

Just so you know, Lucia and I
are having

a little recipe competition
tonight.

So first course:

Melanzane alla parmigiana.

two versions:
her way and my way.

And that's--you know,
it's not to say

that one is better
than the other, but...

yeah, tell me
which one is better.

Mangia.

- Well, here's something
for you.

Guess who's gonna be
guest speaker

in your class tomorrow.

- Lucas Cooper, yeah,

but I heard he canceled.

- Right.

Guess who's taking
his place.

- What are you...

What do you mean,
taking his...

- Mm-hmm.

- I don't--what?

- He happens to be cutting
his new film

at our lovely facility.

We got to chatting, and yeah,

he asked me to stand in
for him,

show one of my films.

- In my class?
- Yeah.

- You're gonna come--

you're gonna come speak
to my class?

- Yeah.

- You in my class.

- Well...

- I hope you told him no!

- Well, I-I anticipated
you might feel that way...

- Uh, yeah!

- So if you don't want me
to do it...

- I don't.
- All you gotta do is say so.

It is--it's literally, like,
the worst idea ever.

- Again, I'm saying,
it's totally up to you.

- Okay, look at me.

I don't want you
to do this.

Please.

- Okay.
Glad I asked.

I appreciate the honesty.

- Well, I appreciate
the understanding.

Gotta wash my hands.

- What?

You already said yes,
didn't you?

- I may have, yes.

And now,
we have two interpretations

of fettucine ai funghi porcini.

Okay, first course,
which one did you like better?

And be honest.

Nobody's gonna be
insulted here.

We're professionals.

- That one.
- That's what I was gonna say.

- Yah!
- Ah!

- Gotta say, he's taking
the loss pretty well.

- Yeah.
So the class?

- Ah, I'll just get out of it.
It's okay.

I thought it might be fun,
but, uh, yeah,

she was pretty clear
about not wanting me there.

So--why do I have
no napkin here?

I can't believe Dad
would even consider doing this.

- Mm.
- What?

Oh, just say it.

You want me to let Dad
come speak to my class.

You think
I should let him come,

don't you, because it
would make him feel good,

and it would be good
for him to do it, right?

- Mm.
Mm--

- Okay, fine, you win.

Just stop yelling at me.

- All righty.

- Uh, so Dad...
- Yes?

Never mind
what I said before.

I was--
I was being horrible.

Of course you can come
speak to my class.

- Really?
Are you sure?

- With one condition.

- Don't blow raspberries
on your belly and say,

"Who's my little stinky?"

- Okay, listen to me.

No one can know
we're related,

because that would be
really uncomfortable for me.

- Sure.
- I'm serious.

Once you're in that room,

I don't know you,

you don't know me.
Agreed?

- Y-yeah.
- No, say it.

- What, gotta take a vow?
Okay.

Yes, uh, no one will know
we're related, I promise.

I promise, yes.

- Okay.

- Man, my little stinky's
so strict.

- Why do I have no napkin?

- I don't know.

Thank you, by the way.

- For what?

- Whatever you said to Mabel.

- I didn't say one thing.

- Okay, the pasta.

Which one do you like better?
And again,

there are
no wrong answers here.

- I like this.
- That one.

- Yah!
- Oh.

Bravo.

- So apparently there are
no losers in this competition.

Hey, maybe that cream
is working.

- Look, your appetite is back.
- Yeah.

- Maybe some other appetites
will be coming back.

- Don't go crazy.
You done with that?

Yeah, Mark,
I don't think it's working.

- The appetite?
Nothing with the appetite?

- I'm slightly hungrier,
but that's about it.

That's surprising.

All right,
what about the sleep?

Nope.

- Hey, nothing
in the libido department, huh?

- Nothing so far.
I'll let you know.

Thanks again.

- Hey, emergency.
I need the clothes back.

Blake's coming home
a day early,

and Scarlett's back tomorrow,
so...

How'd the interview go?

- Great.
I lost four pounds.

- Oh, no.
Scarlett's dress.

Sweat stains.
Huge sweat stains.

Did you sweat?
Because I specifically--

- I told you not to sweat.
- I know.

I'll get it dry cleaned.
- No, there's no time.

Ugh, it's all sweaty and...

Did you rub this
in pancakes?

Okay, okay,
go to the couch.

Go to the couch.

I think a name's
gonna be so helpful.

- Your wife has jeopardized

my impeccable house-sitting
reputation.

Now my clients
are gonna realize

- that I steal from them.
- Well...

- Thanks for the clothes.

You're the best sister
in the world.

Let's coffee soon.
Good luck with the snake.

I love you.
Bye-bye.

Wait!

- What's going on?

Oh.

Canada?

Mm.

- Mm!

So sorry.
I have to pee.

I'll meet you in there.

- Okay.

I shall await you
in our marital bed.

Oh, I'm so excited
about this.

I don't even know h--
I'm so very happy, honey.

And by the way, you know,
it's been a while, so, uh,

I'm not guaranteeing anything
in the quality control area,

but, you know,
we can always go again after.

Although at my age,
my refractory period

is, like, 2 1/2 months,
so don't worry,

you're gonna have
plenty of time

to get ready
for round two.

But it'll be good.
This is very exciting.

Honey?

Sweetie?
Honey?

- I know, I know.

We just have to figure out
the timing.

It seems like the horny
is a short window

between the hungry
and the sleepy.

- Yeah, okay.
So yesterday,

when did you
first apply the cream?

At Mark's, just after 1:00.

- Okay, 1:00.
And then?

- And then I was starving
from 5:00 till 8:00,

and then I jumped on you.

- Okay.

So that's seven hours.

Okay, and--and did you
put on the cream already today?

- 9:15.
- 9:15.

Okay, so by my calculations,

the window
will next be open

at exactly 4:15 today,

and I just did that
in my head, by the way.

- Where will you be
at 4:15?

- Oh, I'm gonna be right here.
- Perfect.

- Yes.
And you know what?

If you could be here
at that time, too,

that would be super.

- Well, we're sorry
Mr. Cooper

wasn't able to join us,

but we're certainly glad
to have you here.

- Thank you.
- He spoke very highly of you.

Are you and he working
on anything together?

- Uh, well, yeah,
he's cutting his new film,

so I'm helping him out
with that,

and I fixed his chair.

- I think you'll find
our students

are really quite engaged.

Oh, I'm s--

I'm sure they'll have
a lot to say about your film,

uh, "The Last Viennese Baker
in New York."

- Yeah, fascinating
older gentleman.

He's--he's a...

Wow.
Get--I get a spasm.

I got a rotator cuff,
and it's just...

a lot.
Sorry, I didn't...

You the guy
they sent instead?

- Ah, I am, yes.

Hope you won't be
too disappoint--

Excuse me.

One second.
- Sure.

- Uh, yeah.
Hi, honey, what's up?

Everything okay?

- I just thought
you'd like to know

the window is now open.

- So close it.
What do you want from me?

The window.

- Oh, the window.

Do--now?
No, no, no, are you sure?

No, that's not supposed
to be open

for another two hours.

- Well, I don't know
what to tell you,

and as much as I'd like it
to be you,

doesn't have to be.

I can make a few calls.

- I--hang on.
I'll be right there.

Um...

I have to run out
for a quick thing.

- But we're just
about to start.

- No, please, start the film.
I've seen it many times,

um, and it's good.

Uh, I--
I just gotta run home.

It's five blocks away,
and I'll be back

in plenty of time
for the Q&A afterwards, okay?

- Okay, but if--
- This won't take long.

Trust me.

Okay, I'm home!

I'm here!

Ready for the window treatment!

- Okay, well,

"The Last Viennese Baker
in New York."

Let's hear your comments
and thoughts.

- Okay, yeah, um,

I couldn't help but notice

there were no women
in the film.

- Uh, that's not untrue.

Well, 'cause it was--
it was about that one guy,

who--and that guy
was a guy.

So yeah,
I can't control that.

Yes?

But aren't we viewing
his world

through your lens?

- That's true, yes.
Very--very good.

Um, but you always have
to put it in the context,

you know, of the subject,

so that bakery in that place
in that time.

But don't we, as men,
have to stop making the excuse,

"Well, that was
the culture then"?

I, um--I don't know
that I was making an excuse.

I don't feel--
What about the women

in his world?
The guy's mother?

- His mother?
Uh, well, he was 92,

so the mother, I'm guessing--
dead.

- Or his wife or sister.

Uh, well,
I don't--I don't...

I mean, there had to be
a woman

somewhere in the kitchen.

Hey, can we--
can we let the guy talk?

- Thank you, honey.

- Whoa.
Did you just call her honey?

- No, not in the way
that you think.

No, she's my...

- She's your what?

Your adorable
five-year-old niece?

No, she's my--
shi smai.

Shi smai is a--

anybody speak Mandarin?
Uh, good.

Uh, uh, shi smai.
It's a--it's a colloquialism

the Chin--uh, Mandarin.

Uh, they use--they use it
to negate

the phrase
immediately preceding,

like, you know, in English,
we say,

"Nice hat--not"?

Right?
So the "not" would negate

the compliment of the hat.

So I'm saying
"Honey, shi smai."

Not?
Right?

So it's like, "Not honey."

Not honey.

Yeah, I'm gonna call bullshit
on that.

- Yeah.

- Why not call it
like it is?

You're just another misogynist
who doesn't get it.

Uh, believe me.

I'm not a misogynist.
No, the truth is...

Uh, the truth is, yes,
I am a misogynist,

and, uh,

I'll tell you something else.

Frankly, I think
a lot of you gals

would be a lot prettier
if you smiled.

Okay?

Just, you know...

Okay.

Oh, hello.

- Hey.
How'd it go with the class?

- Well, interesting
you would ask that.

Let's see, uh--let's see
if this doesn't paint

a picture for you.

Hey, it's Lucas Cooper.

What'd you do, man?
I heard you blew up the room,

and not in a good way.
Call me.

- Oh, my God.
What happened?

You don't even wanna know.

- Was Mabel just mortified?

- She's fine, she's fine.
She's clean.

As far as anybody knows,
I am just

an unredeemable pig
of a guy.

But our vow of anonymity
was upheld.

You're a very nice father
and a very nice man.

- Just so I'm clear,
is this the cream?

- Mm, I'm not sure.

- Wait a second.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Is this a pity thing?

- No.

Maybe.
What do we care?

- I don't care.

Mm, and you're not
getting sleepy yet.

- Nope.
- So this is on.

- This is on, baby.
- This is on.

- Hello!

- And it's off, okay.
- Hi, sweetie!

- Ah.
- I brought Thai food,

because Dad did
a very nice thing today.

- Yes, I did.
Yes, that's so sweet

and thoughtful of you
to do that.

You know what, though,
we are sadly out of?

Beverages.

We have no beverages,
which would go so great

with the Thai food,
so would you be an angel

and run down to the s--
don't run, actually.

Take your time,
nice and safe, right?

Better safe than sorry.
- Actually, you know what?

I think I'm gonna go lie down
for a minute.

- No, no, no!
No, no, no!

Honey, what about the pity?
We got pity!

- We always will have pity,

and the cream
just knocks me out.

- Ah.

- You know,

you'd be a lot prettier
if you smiled.

- A recall?

You're kidding.
Why?

Six women?

We talking peach fuzz
or a full beard?

Trace amounts of cocaine?

Holy Malloy.

No, no, I haven't given it
to anybody.

Yeah, my pleasure.
Uh, thank you for calling.

Jamie?

Funny thing...