All language subtitles for Adams Rib

Right into the car.
To the back of the car.

- Watch your step.
- Right in.

That's all. That's all.
Take the next train.

- 'Step back.'
- Step back. Step aside.

- Now look here, Doris--
- Shut up, you! Shut up!

My dear husband!

Oh, no, no.
D-D-Doris, please! Please!

'Aah!'

- D-d-don't, Doris! Don't!
- 'Aah!'

Oh, Doris.

Help! Help! Help!

Help! Murder! Help!

'Help! Help! Help!'

No.

- No. No.
- Please, don't.

Please, no, don't do this.

'Okay.'

7:30.

7:30.

Mm, mm.

Oh! Hmm.

You said it. You said it. 7:30.

Mm.

Hey.

- Mm.
- Hello, Pinky.

Hello, Pinkie.

You feel alright?

No. Why?

You were making some noises
in the night.

- Funny noises.
- I always do, don't I?

That is, you always say that
I always do. H-how do I know?

You always do,
but not this kind.

What kind?

Well, I don't remember exactly,
naturally, but sort of like..

- Like that, sort of.
- Really? You don't say.

Yeah.

- Fascinating.
- Huh?

I say, I sound fascinating.

You d..

- Hot dog.
- What? What?

Wait a second.

What is it?

- Woman shot her husband.
- Ah, kill him?

Wait a second, I think she, uh..

Let's see.

- Nope. No.
- That's a shame.

- Condition critical though.
- Mm, mm, congratulations.

Wow!

- What?
- Wait a second.

- Well, what is it?
- Oh, find it in yours.

It isn't in here.

He was playing her
fast and loose

so she caught him out
and popped him

a few .32 calibers.

- Who?
- This lady.

This lady
I've been telling you--

Some lady, some lady.

Serves him right,
the little two-timer.

Mm-mm. Says here he's 5'11,
weighs 180. Some little.

Little in spirit, I mean,
of course. Little in spirit.

I don't approve of people
rushing around

carrying loaded revolvers.

Depends on who they're rush,
rushing at.

Yeah, is that what they taught
you at, uh, Yale Law School?

- Ha-ha.
- It's not funny.

Contempt for the law, you know,
is the first thing..

You're pretty f..
Come in.

Better get movin', you two.
Heavy traffic today.

Attagirl.

- ...you big pig.
- W-why don't you let him go by?

- It will be simpler.
- Well, he wants the whole road.

Now, look,
all I'm trying to say is

that there are lots of things
that a man can do

and in society's eyes,
it's all hunky-dory.

A woman does the same thing

the same, mind you,
and she's an outcast.

- Finished?
- No.

Now I'm not blaming you
personally, Adam

because this is so.

Oh, well,
that's awfully large of you.

No, no, it's not your fault.

All I'm saying is
why let this deplorable system

seep into our courts of law

where women
are supposed to be equal?

Mostly, I think,
females get advantages.

We don't want advantages,
and we don't want prejudices.

Oh, don't get excited, honey,
and don't..

Oh, you're giving me
the Bryn Mawr accent.

Well, what did she try to do?

She tried to keep
her home intact.

Yeah, by knocking off
her husband.

She didn't knock him off.
He's alive.

- She didn't kill him.
- She tried. She missed.

- Well, alright, now supposing--
- What do you wanna do?

- Give her another shot at him?
- No, I don't.

This sort of thing
burns my goat.

- Your what?
- My goat! My goat!

Crime should be punished,
not condoned.

- If a woman commits it.
- Anybody.. Here, pull over.

Oh!

- Sorry.
- Ah, you lady drivers!

You'll put me away yet.

See you later.

- Morning, sir.
- Morning.

- Hello, Ned.
- Morning, Roy.

- They down?
- Just now.

We've got five assaults
and seven robberies

and I'm still counting.

- Well, you're still young.
- Not for long.

After all, mommy's only got
one pair of brains.

I may give up smoking,
you know that?

What's this habeas corpus
on 904A?

- Search me.
- No sense to it.

On the other hand, why should I
give up smoking if I like it?

- Oh, no.
- Something?

- Oh, good heavens.
- What?

The one case I don't want
is the case I get.

'That's always the way.
Rule of the profession.'

- But this.
- 'Which one?'

This hysterical Hannah

who tried to kill her husband.

- My wife feels--
- 'Oh, that's a cinch.'

You've already got
your full confession.

That's the kind of case
you take your knitting. A cinch.

- A cinch, huh?
- What?

You don't happen
to be married to my wife.

- How do you know?
- A cinch.

I think I ought to
poke you one, Roy.

Yes, sir.

- 'Adam, you got a minute?'
- Right now, chief.

Cinch.

A case of overwrought.
Simple overwrought.

I've noticed guys doing that
sort of thing more and more.

I've got a theory.
You wanna hear it?

I think the human race
is having a nervous breakdown.

Which is, uh, why I am compelled

to return same to you
for further revision.

If this course seems, uh

to you unnecessarily exacting,
may I again remind you

that unless we obtain certiorari
in the immediate future..

- Grace.
- Yeah?

What do you think of a man
who's unfaithful to his wife?

Not nice, but..

Alright, now, what about a woman

who's unfaithful to her husband?

- Something terrible.
- A-ha!

- A-ha what?
- Why the difference?

Why the difference?

Why not nice if he does it

and something terrible
if she does it?

- I don't make the rules.
- Sure, you do. We all do.

"Unless we obtain certiorari
in the immediate future--"

Oh, yeah, yeah.
The, the, uh

matter looks hopeless.

I again urge you to study
and consider United Zinc..

A boy sows a wild oat or two,
the world winks.

A girl does the same, scandal.

- Yeah.
- 'Hello, honey.'

Hello. Hello, husband.

'You've been on my mind, baby.'

Where have you been
keeping yourself?

- 'I've been resting up after--'
- Adam.

'You know the woman
who shot her husband yesterday?'

- Yeah.
- 'Want a good laugh?'

- Sure, go ahead.
- 'Well, I'm elected.'

'I was gonna ask the chief
to let me off'

'if only on account
of peace at home.'

- What?
- Uh..

The boss wants
a quick conviction.

And I'm just the little guy

who can get it for him.
So he says.

'You great, big he-men
make me sick.'

- What?
- An outrage.

That's what I think.

'You're getting awful dramatic.'

Why? Why? What's so funny?

Nothin'.

You just sound cute
when you get causey.

'Oh!'

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

- Grace.
- Yeah?

Did you ever hear
about the straw

that broke the camel's back?

Many times.

Yeah, well, it just happened
again, right on that phone.

The last straw
on a female camel.

- Right on that phone?
- Yeah.

Now you better take
all this down.

- This is important.
- Go ahead.

There's a woman
named, uh, uh, uh..

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Hey, Bobby, bring me
the morning papers

in here right away,
will you, please?

Well, whatever her name was,
she shot her husband last night.

- Served him right.
- I'm not joking, this is big.

- I see that.
- One, find out where she is.

Two, uh, uh, uh, get me copies
of all the police

and court records
that are available.

Three, uh, find out
who's handling her.

Probably Legal Aid Society.

If that's it, let me
talk to Rogers down there.

If she's privately defended,
find out who

and let me talk to them.

Four, get Miss Bassett

over at Women's Council
for Equal Rights.

Five, get my husband
on the phone.

Six.. Oh, no, don't get
my husband on the phone.

Thank you, Bobby.

"Woman popped her ever-lovin'."
See that?

Yeah. Thanks. Beat it.

- Attinger.
- "A-T-T-I-N-G-E-R."

Yes, Doris Attinger. I want
to see her today without fail.

- What's going to happen?
- Plenty.

What's the,
what explanation have you got?

She's crazy, that's all.
That's the only explanation.

Plain crazy.

Plain crazy.

She's always been crazy,
if you want a fact.

- Crazy when you married her?
- Oh, certainly. A fruitcake.

- Why did you marry her?
- How should I know? Who knows?

Why'd you marry yours?
Does anybody know?

Now, wait just a minute,
Mr. Attinger.

Let's not play around with
this thing too free and easy.

Now after you filed complaint--

I've been complaining ever since

the day I got married to her.

So go ahead and file it.

She's nuts!
That's my complaint.

I'd like to see her
put away somewheres.

That's all.
Uh, out of my hair.

Murderers running around.
What kind of a town is this?

We don't have so many murderers
running around, miss, uh

but we have a lot
of other things just as bad.

You mean like me, huh?

Listen, bub, I connect with you.

- You ain't over my head.
- Good.

I'm gonna get a lawyer
on my own or somebody.

- I gotta get her put away.
- Now, listen, pal.

You're running
way ahead of yourself.

You just give us the facts
and the background.

We'll get a conviction
on an attempted murder

or a first-degree assault
or however... else

the office wishes to proceed.
You understand that?

What do I do?

You just tell us the truth

as clearly and as accurately
as you can.

Shoot. Oh, I-I mean, go ahead.

- State your full name.
- Warren Francis Attinger.

- Where do you live?
- 66 West 12 Street.

- New York City?
- New York City.

Occupation?

Nothing, no occupation.

- Housewife.
- Uh, that's right. Housewife.

- Alright.
- And mother?

Yes.

Uh, no, thank you.

I don't believe
women should smoke

if you'll excuse me saying it.

- Yes, I'll excuse you.
- Thank you.

- Now, how--
- It's not feminine.

How long have you been married,
Mrs. Attinger?

- Nine years and four months.
- I see.

- And 12 days.
- Finished?

- Yes, thank you.
- Thank you.

Thank you.

And you have three children?

Warren, Jr., he's eight

Allan, he's seven,
and Trudy, she's six.

And that's all.

Now, when did you begin
to suspect

that you were losing
your husband's affection?

Um, when he stopped
battin' me around.

- When was that?
- Eleven months ago. March 14.

- He struck you?
- First time, he broke a tooth.

- My tooth.
- I see.

Upper left molar.

- And how often--
- It's capped now.

- You can't notice a thing.
- Good.

Now, let's start
with the day of the accident--

Oh, no accident.
I wanted to shoot him.

Suppose we decide later
just what you wanted to do.

Silly.

The difference
between ten years in prison

and freedom is not silly,
Mrs. Attinger.

Call me Doris.

Now you pay attention
to what I'm saying.

I don't care what happens to me.

Do you care what happens
to Warren and Allan and Trudy?

Yes, I do. I wanna go home.

Can't you fix it
so I should go home?

Not right now,
but we're working on it. Here.

I promised my kids I'd take 'em
to Coney Island tomorrow.

Yes, you drink that.

Now, you would help us very much

if you could reconstruct
the day.

All of yesterday.

Well, first thing
in the morning..

- Yes?
- I woke up.

Yes.

And I see he didn't sleep home.

You were shocked and surprised.

Oh, no.
Not shocked, not surprised.

He used to not do that a lot,
come home.

Did you ever question him
about his behavior?

- Certainly.
- Did he offer any explanation?

Certainly. He told me to shut up
and mind my own business.

I see.

But yesterday I got worried.

No, not worried. Mad.

- I got mad. You know why?
- Why?

'Cause it was the fourth night
in a row he didn't.

- Come home?
- Yeah.

- And that made you angry?
- Sure.

It was gettin' a habit with him.

So I sent the kids to school,
and I went and bought a gun.

- Where?
- This hockshop I go to.

I bought a gun and they gave me
a book how to, free.

Had you decided by this time
exactly what you planned to do?

I'll tell you the honest truth.
I didn't decide nothin'.

I was doin' everything
like in a dream.

Like, I was watchin' myself,
but I couldn't help it.

- Like a dream?
- Yeah. Wait a second.

You got all that?

"Like, I was watching myself

but couldn't help it.
Like a dream."

Yeah, good.
Now go on, Doris.

- So then I got very hungry.
- When?

- When I bought the gun.
- Yeah.

So I went
in this hamburger place

and I ate two rare

and one lemon meringue pie.

And then?

- And then I was still hungry.
- Think of that.

I, uh..

So... I walked all around

and I kept talkin' to myself
not to be foolish.

- And then?
- And then I called up Warren.

He was just gettin'
his lunch hour by now.

So I said to him
I wanna see him important

so if we could have lunch
together.

So he said no, naturally.

So I asked him,
"You comin' home after?"

So he says, "What for?"

So I said to him, "Well,
don't you live there no more?"

So he says,
"Don't bother me at the office.

You want me to lose my job?"

Loud. So then he hung up.

- And what did you do?
- I had a cup of coffee.

- Where?
- The same place as him.

Only he didn't see me.
It was crowded.

The Buffet Exchange.

So then I bought
some chocolate nut bars

and I went outside of his office

and I waited
the whole afternoon.

And I kept eatin' the candy bars
and waitin' until he come out.

And then I followed him.

And then I shot him.

And after you shot him,
how did you feel then?

Hungry.

Everything looks lovely, Mary.

You must be dead.

Oh, I don't care,
except the extra help.

With me, the more help I got,
the harder I have to work.

- 'Hello, I'm not late, am I?'
- Isn't that typical?

Twenty minutes of 8:00.

Oh!

Beautiful.

Uh, I don't..

Uh..

Can you get dressed
in four minutes?

Of course, I can't get dressed
in four minutes.

What do you mean, can I..

Why, sure, darling, I can, I can
get dressed in four minutes.

I may have a little trouble
getting in a bath in that time.

I, uh, uh..

'You are hurrying up,
aren't you, darling?'

'Oh, what is Judge Marcasson's
wife's name?'

'Do you remember?'

'Oh, I do, I do. Alice.'

'I hope Kip knows enough to
behave with the judges around.'

'I'll keep him playing the piano
as much as possible.'

- Have a good day?
- 'Yeah.'

- Uh, you make a lot of money?
- 'Nope.'

- 'Better than money.'
- Really? What?

'A very
interesting development.'

- 'Very.'
- 'Good.'

I hope you'll think so
when you find out what it is.

It may jar you a bit at first,
but, uh..

- Pinky.
- Calling me?

What's that?

Just the best hat in the world..

...for the best head.

I may ask you to come home late
every single night.

- Oh!
- 'Mm.'

'Mwah. Hey.'

Someday they're gonna build
a statue to you somewhere.

- Huh?
- I said..

- Oh.
- Well, now, what about that?

That's sweet.

Isn't that absolutely a miracle?

Yeah, you look kind of like
Grandma Moses.

Boy, I'm a lucky girl. Yeah?

'Your mother and father
are here.'

Alright, tell 'em
we'll be right down.

Tell 'em to fix themselves
a drink!

- 'What?'
- 'A drink.'

'No, thanks.'

What?

I said I don't want one, thanks.

Oh, for the love of heaven.

- How do I look?
- Oh, boy, you look handsome.

- This is a dress I have on.
- Oh, it's beautiful. Beautiful.

They'll be right down,
Mrs. Bonner.

- How are you, Mary?
- 'Hello, everybody.'

- Well, hello, honey.
- It's just us right over there.

Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

- Well, son, how are you?
- Dad. Hiya.

- Hello, Adam.
- Hello, dear.

Adam, go ahead.
Mix the drinks.

I'm sorry we're so late,
but I'm not to blame.

I have an irresponsible husband.

Hereditary.

We're gonna have the most
sensational dinner. I hope..

Oh, oh, my dress.
Do it up, will you?

Oh, I'm sorry.
I-I forgot my glasses.

You did? Oh, well, Adam!

Hey, come on in here
and fasten me up, will you?

- Sit down.
- Fasten? Oh, here, pop.

- Oh, yeah, sure.
- Mix 'em, don't drink 'em now.

I suppose someday
somebody will invent something--

- You've got no complaint.
- Uh, just pull..

You ought to see
some of the things

that I used to have to handle.

Hooks and eyes, begad.

She had an evening gown
one time, had about 2000.

- Don't exaggerate.
- Alright then, 1000.

Used to start to hook her up
sometimes right after breakfast.

- 'Good evening.'
- 'Good evening, Mary.'

Anybody else important here yet?

Well, look at us.

All the way from across the hall
and right on time.

- Don't we look nice?
- 'You certainly do.'

You know Emerald Messel,
don't you?

- Hello, Emerald, how are you?
- Mrs. Bonner.

You know Adam's father
and mother?

- Emerald Messel.
- How do you do?

She's just been proposing to me.

That's why we're on time.

Ha-ha!

No humor, but stinkin' rich.

Emerald, what do you want
to drink?

Oh, whatever's going.

Dad, would you be an angel?

- You bet.
- Thank you.

Need some help, old friend?

- No, no, thanks.
- Well, why not?

She may be your wife,
but she's my lawyer.

Amanda, my love,
why do you stay married

to a legal beagle
with ten thumbs?

Alright, Kip. That's enough.

Not for me, it's not.

'Why don't you go
play the piano?'

Alright, I suppose
that is why I was invited.

That's right, that's right.

Somebody ought to
bring me a drink.

♪ I choose Amanda ♪♪

Are you the judges?

Somebody said
judges were coming.

Kip.

Hello, Dotty.

You always have judges here.
Why is that?

To get in good with them?

- Well..
- Hello, Adam.

How very nice to see you,
Mrs. Marcasson.

♪ How very nice to see you
Mrs. Marcasson ♪

♪ How very nice to see you
Mrs. Marcasson ♪

♪ The judge is standing by
but I really don't know why ♪

♪ How very nice to.. ♪♪

What were you doing
down in my, uh, bailiwick today?

Oh, just a little
ambulance chasing.

Mm-hmm. Successful?

- Well, I got the case.
- What case?

A girl named Doris Attinger
shot her husband.

I'm going to defend her.

- Dinner is served, madam.
- Uh..

Oh, well, let's go on in,
everyone. That's..

That's alright, darling, um..

'The trouble with this picture,
it drags.'

'Shut up, Kip.'

Are you all sure
that you want to see this?

I don't.

Oh, look at that, will you?

'Oh, this is our main house.'

'The cottage is out here
by the camera.'

'I can't see it.'

What an unusual name.
Your idea, Adam?

Cute outfit, Amanda.
Really cute.

Mighty pretty country up there!

Ha-ha.

I know a lady collapsed a lung
once laughing like that.

Oh, cute outfit, Adam.
Really cute.

Oh-ho-ho!

'Mm.'

'Oh, look at those
darling dogs.'

One, two, three.

Sort of an animal picture,
isn't it?

- 'Oh, now.'
- 'Kip.'

'I would say this movie has
a rather limited appeal.'

- 'What's that anyhow?'
- 'It's-it's the mortgage.'

'Uh, that was the day
they paid off the mortgage.'

'I brought it out myself.'

'Looks like rubber from here.'

We acted this all out later,
of course.

'I mean, it's not actual.'

Alright, bigmouth, settle down.

Oh, Kip.

'Seems much slower than the
other eight times I've seen it.'

Who took these pictures?
Your cow?

'You ought to be on the stage,
judge.'

'Yeah, anywhere
but in this picture.'

'You should have taken
a picture'

'of burning the mortgage.'

'That would have been
a good one.'

'We did, dad. Wait, look.'

Oh, cute, Adam. Very cute.

- 'Oh, expensive hot dogs.'
- 'Mm.'

'Oh.'

Tree kissing,
a famous old Connecticut custom.

- 'Really?'
- 'Mm.'

- 'Saddle horse.'
- 'Yeah. Mm-hmm.'

Barn kissing,
a famous old Connecticut custom.

'What a funny, funny..
Oh, so funny.'

- 'Oh!'
- 'Oh!'

Whoo!

- 'Oh, that's real good.'
- 'That's real good.'

- 'Aww.'
- 'Aww.'

Wife kissing,
a famous old Connecticut custom.

- 'Ooh!'
- 'Oh, oopsie daisy.'

Okay, everybody, on your heads.

'What a clown.'

'And as the sanking soo sunks
into the sinking sand'

we say goodbye to Bonner Hill

and the sickening home movies.

- Very good.
- Wonderful.

Alright! Alright! Alright!

You've said the same thing
nine times.

For the tenth time then,
will you, please

stay out of this Attinger thing,
darling, would you, please--

Did you have to sulk
all evening?

- Look, look, look..
- And with a growl on your face?

How could a man have
a growl on his face?

If you think you're gonna
turn a court of law

into a "Punch And Judy" show--

Darling, please, please,
this means a great deal to me.

- Yes, would you--
- And it's not a stunt.

This poor woman, isn't she
entitled to the same justice

I mean, that's usually
reserved for men?

The same unwritten law
that got Lennahan off.

I know what you're going to say.

That he should have been
convicted, too, but he wasn't.

And you're not gonna
put this poor girl away

just because she had the
misfortune to be born a female.

- Just one word--
- Not if I can help it.

Couldn't I, could I, please,
get a word in edgewise?

- Go ahead.
- Not one sybbal..

Not one syllable

of what you have been
blabbering here tonight--

You always do that
when you get excited.

I am going to cut you
into 12 little pieces

and feed you to the jury,
so get prepared for it.

Goodnight, Pinky.

Aww, goodnight.

Mr. Bonner.

People versus Delwyn
has been assigned to part 3.

All witnesses in that case
will proceed to that part.

That's part three.

People against Attinger.

You may proceed.

Your Honor, I move the case

of the people
of the state of New York

against Doris Szabo Attinger
to trial.

- Is the defendant ready?
- Defendant is ready.

Very well. You may proceed
to select the jury.

Paul Hurlock.

Take your coat with you, please.

Place your left hand on the
Bible, raise your right hand.

You do solemnly swear that
you will true answers make

to all questions put to you
upon the several challenges

'touching upon
your competence as a fair'

'and impartial juror
in this proceeding'

'between the people
of the state of New York'

and Doris Szabo Attinger,
so help you God?

- I do.
- Be seated.

State your full name
and address.

Paul Hurlock, 1731
Boylston Avenue, New York City.

Mr. Hurlock,
what's your occupation?

Infants' headgear.

Uh, are you
personally acquainted

with one Warren Attinger?

- 'No.'
- Doris Szabo Attinger?

- 'No.'
- 'Beryl Caighn?'

No.

Uh, do you think that
you're able to render

a just and honest verdict
in this case

as deduced by the evidence
of the law

as laid down by the court?

- Sure.
- Yes?

Uh, uh, yes.

The juror is acceptable
to the people.

- Good morning, Mr. Hurlock.
- Good morning.

Do you believe
in the equal rights for women?

- What?
- Objection.

May it please the court,
I submit that my entire line

of defense is based
on the proposition

that persons of the female sex

should be dealt with,
before the law

as the equals of persons
of the male sex.

'I submit that I cannot hope
to argue this line'

'before minds hostile to'

'and prejudiced
against the female sex.'

Objection still stands,
Your Honor.

- Overruled.
- Exception.

Repeat the question, counselor.

Do you believe
in equal rights for women?

I should say not.

The defendant challenges
this juror for cause.

'Excused. Ahem.'

Benjamin Klausner.

'Your Honor, in view of the fact
that counsel have agreed'

'that alternate jurors
are not to be selected'

'may we proceed
without making a call'

'for additional prospective
jurors at this time?'

'You may proceed.'

'Place your left hand
on the Bible'

'raise your right hand.'

'You do solemnly swear
that you will true answers'

'make to all questions put to
you upon the several challenges'

'touching upon your competence
as a fair'

'and impartial juror
in this proceeding'

'between the people
of the state of New York'

'and Doris Szabo Attinger,
so help you God?'

- I do.
- Be seated.

- You're Benjamin Klowsner?
- Klausner.

State your address.

107 East 77 Street,
New York City.

- Occupation.
- Projectionist.

Motion picture projectionist.

Have you ever served on a motion
picture projectionist before?

- What?
- Uh..

'uh, h-have you ever served
on a jury before?'

'No.'

- Hello, thing.
- Hello.

At last.

- Well, well, well.
- Well, well, well, what?

- Here we are.
- How true.

Home at last.

Took the words right out of my..

Uh-huh, huh.

- Darling?
- Mm.

Are you, are you alright?

How do you mean?

I mean,
in, in health and so forth.

- Sure.
- Good.

In health, excellent.
In so forth, fair.

- What's that some?
- Some daiquiris.

Oh, good. Good.

Hmm, nobody died
in the evening papers.

- Isn't that nice?
- Hm. What do you suppose it is?

Just perverseness
of human nature or what?

Well, it seems that every night
when Mary's out in the night

that's the night I wanna
stay home and vice-versa.

Not me.
I love to go out to dinner.

I'd rather go out than anything.

Mm. Where do you
wanna go tonight?

No place.
I wanna stay home tonight.

- What? What?
- Would you mind? Please?

- Well, I don't know.
- Cook up something ourselves.

Something exotic. How would you
care for some of that?

- Oh, I would.
- Of what?

What you said.

Oh, fine.
You gonna make it?

Say, you're not making
too much sense, uh..

What do you wanna do?
Talk to me or read that paper?

- Read the paper.
- Why?

Quite a lot about me in it.

- I guess that's why.
- Yes, I'll bet.

You feel Pinky, cranky?

Hmm.

- You feel cranky, Pinky?
- Hm.

- Hard day, huh?
- Mm-hmm.

- In court all day, were you?
- Yes.

Had to mix it up
with a tough customer, I'll bet.

That always makes you
kind of irritable.

Not so bad, not so bad.

As a matter of fact,
it was a cinch.

Well, that's good, isn't it?

Hm. Isn't it?

Oh, my, my, my.

Dear?

- You mean me?
- I sure do.

- Listen.
- I'm all ears.

- Oh, sure.
- What?

You alright?

Me? Sure. Of course. Why?

Well, I just wouldn't
wanna think of you

not being alright, that's all.

- You know what you are?
- What?

- Lovable.
- I know. I know.

- Are you hungry? I'm hungry.
- Yes, I'm starving.

Let's go.

Oh. Mmm!

Thank you, thank you, thank you
from the bottom of my heart.

Give you a real rubdown later
if you'll give me one.

Yeah. Adam!

'There. That's more like it.'

- 'Ouch.'
- 'What's the matter?'

Oh.

Anything for a hungry man?

- Cheese. A souffle, maybe?
- No, no, no, no.

See, I've got enough on my mind
without a souffle.

There, there ought to be
some lamb left.

Lamb.. I don't think..

Hey, wait a minute. Yes!

- Lamb?
- Mm-hmm.

Curry! Lamb curry.
What do you say?

Perfect. With rice.

Ha! Chutney, chutney, chutney.

Yes, I think so.

Tea. Tea and curry,
that's the thing.

And salad is the thing.

Give me the junk for the salad.

Hey, do you know you were pretty
cute in there today, my little?

You weren't so bad yourself,
chum.

You mind a bit
of the old garlic?

Why a bit?

- Pinkie?
- What, Pinky?

- Do me a favor, will ya?
- Not too much salt?

No. Drop the case.

- I can't.
- Why not?

- It's my cause.
- I know. I know.

But I, I could see in there
even today.

It's gonna get sillier
and messier day by day by day.

By day.

- I don't ask many favors.
- Sure, you do.

You could handle it
from your desk.

- Not as good.
- Practically.

Listen, darling,
I know that deep down

you agree with me,
with everything I want

and hope and believe in.

We couldn't be so close
if you didn't

if I didn't feel that you did.

- Oh, sure, sure.
- I'll take this trial, sure.

Maybe it has some of the
inconvenience of the spotlight.

- But that's my whole point.
- What point?

Not any green peppers.
Indigestible.

Well, everything's indigestible
to some people--

Anyway, I don't like
green peppers.

- Alright, no green peppers.
- Take the Boston Tea Party.

You mean
instead of the green peppers?

What did they do?

- They dramatized an injustice.
- Yeah.

- That's all I'm trying to do.
- Yeah.

You know, people will be
making jokes about us

over the radio before long.

- All in a good cause.
- Your cause.

Everybody's.

Now there's just enough for us.

Hello,
you well-known thing, you.

How are you?

You just ask that because

you can't think
of anything else to say.

You don't care
whether I live or die.

Hello, lawyer dear.
Seen all these?

- Yeah. Thank you.
- Well, have some extras.

Marvelous goings-on.
Simply marvelous.

- Everybody's talking about it.
- Yeah.

- That's the idea.
- Sort of like the World Series.

- Sort of, isn't it?
- Yes, yes. I'm afraid it is.

What have you been eating?
Raspberry jam or Amanda's face?

Oh, very funny.
Very, very funny.

No, but I didn't even notice it.

Well, if you'd look at me
once in a while

you would notice
things like that.

Bicker, bicker, bicker,
I give them

three months at the most.

What do you want around here,
anyway?

As if you didn't know.

Oh, well..

- How's, how's it coming?
- The show?

- Hmm.
- Smashing. Simply smashing.

Couldn't get much work
done today though.

- Another notion got in the way.
- Oh, what?

A new song. Wanna hear it?

- Well, maybe some other time--
- It's not finished yet, but..

Please, it's for you.

And, Adam,
you don't have to listen.

- He's written a song.
- Darling, don't be so cross.

- He really is sweet.
- Listening?

♪ Farewell Amanda ♪

♪ Adios addio adieu ♪

♪ Farewell Amanda ♪

♪ It all was great fun
but it's done it's through ♪

♪ Still now and then
fair Amanda ♪

♪ When you're stepping
on the stars above ♪

♪ Please recall
that wonderful night ♪

♪ On the veranda ♪

♪ Sweet Amanda ♪

♪ And our love ♪

No verse yet.

'Listening?'

'Listening?'

♪ Farewell Amanda ♪

♪ Adios addio adieu ♪

♪ Farewell Amanda ♪

♪ It all was great fun
but it's done it's through ♪

♪ Still now and then
fair Amanda ♪

♪ When you're stepping
on the stars above ♪

♪ Please recall
that wonderful night ♪

♪ On the veranda ♪

♪ Sweet Amanda ♪

♪ And our love ♪♪

Hey! Oh!

- Ow!
- Pardon.

Did I hear someone say
sing it again?

- No.
- I haven't got time, anyway.

- It's very pretty.
- Pretty fresh.

You're not friendly to me.
I may consult my lawyer.

I think you ought to
change the name--

Can't. Can't.
It won't scan, see?

Well, good luck tomorrow,
Amanda.

I'm on your side.
I guess you know that.

You've got me so convinced

I may even go out
and become a woman.

Well, goodnight all.

And he wouldn't have far
to go either.

- Shh!
- What's the matter?

He can hear you.

'And then what happened?'

And then I heard a noise,
and then I--

What kind of a noise?

Like a sound.
Like a loud sound going off.

- Yes?
- So I jumped up.

And all of a sudden, I saw her.

- Mrs. Attinger?
- Yes.

- Say so, please.
- I seen Mrs. Attinger.

And she was comin' after me
with this gun of hers

right in her two hands,
so I guess

I must have started
to conk out or somethin'.

Excuse me,
to faint or something.

So then Mr. Attinger grabbed me

so's I shouldn't fall down,
I guess.

And then she, Mrs. Attinger,
tried to kill me.

Objection, will the court,
please, instruct the witness

to refrain from testifying
to conclusions?

Sustain that.
Jury, disregard reply.

Strike from record.

Witness will, please, confine
herself to the recital of facts.

- What did she do?
- Well, she shot me. At me.

I mean, she tried to shoot me.

- How do you know that?
- Because she did it.

So then he jumped in front
of me, Warren, Mr. Attinger

and I ran out
in the hall hollering

and then I fainted
and everything went black.

Your witness.

Everything went black
a little earlier.

- Didn't it, Miss Caighn?
- 'What?'

I refer to the color
of the black silk negligee

you put on
to receive Mr. Attinger.

- Objection. Irrelevant.
- Not at all.

What difference does it make
what color--

- A lot.
- Oh, come, come.

- 'Overruled.'
- Exception.

Were you wearing a black
silk lace negligee?

- Yes.
- Speak up, Miss Caighn.

We're all very interested
in what you have to say.

- What else?
- What?

Answer the question.

- I can't remember.
- Shoes? Slippers?

- Yes.
- Which?

- Slippers.
- Stockings?

Yes.

Think again.

- No.
- Nothing else?

- Yes.
- What?

A hair ribbon.

This your usual costume
for receiving casual callers?

- Objection.
- Sustained.

Withdrawn. Uh, uh, Miss Caighn

you said, uh, Mr. Attinger
came to see you about--

About another insurance policy.
I said this already.

Well, say it again.

Mr. Attinger came to collect
on my policy

and explained me another kind.

- You hold?
- Straight Life 3000.

- And he came to discuss?
- Health and accident.

He showed remarkable foresight
in this, wouldn't you say?

Would Your Honor
instruct counsel refrain

from these sly and feminine
hints to the jury?

I'll withdraw the question,
Your Honor, on condition

that the word feminine
be stricken from the record.

- So be it.
- So ordered.

Miss Caighn, uh,
a while ago you said, uh, um..

Would you be kind enough
to read me

some of Miss Caighn's testimony?

Uh, she just fainted, I believe,
for the first time.

"So I guess I must have started
to conk out or something.

"Excuse me,
to faint or something.

So Mr. Attinger grabbed me--"

Ah! That's it.
Thank you very much.

You said
Mr. Attinger grabbed you.

Yes.

Had he ever grabbed you before?

No.

- Never before?
- No.

You're aware that
you're under oath, Miss Caighn?

And that any false answer
makes you liable to perjury?

Yes.

Mr. Attinger had never
touched you before this time.

- Sure.
- Ah!

We used to shake hands
quite a lot.

I see. Did you enjoy it?

- Objection!
- Sustained.

And the year before that,
what did you

give your wife for her birthday?

- Nothing.
- Nothing again.

- And the year before that?
- I don't remember.

You don't remember because
there's nothing to remember.

Wait a second. It was, uh..

Ah, husbands remember the gifts
they give, Mr. Attinger.

- 'Okay, so I didn't.'
- 'Why?'

Had she ceased to be
a good wife to you?

Uh, she's okay.

Mr. Attinger, do you wish to see
justice done in this case?

- Yes.
- Alright then. Tell the truth.

Do you love your wife?
Tell the truth.

No.

Did you love her
before she shot you?

Tell the truth.

- When before?
- The day before.

No.

When did you meet Beryl Caighn?

A year, maybe and a half.

And when did you stop loving
your wife? Tell the truth.

At least three years.

Why? Tell the truth.

She started getting too fat.

- Did you tell her about that?
- Yeah.

- What happened?
- She got fatter.

Mr. Attinger, did you ever..

...strike your wife?

- Not much.
- Tell the jury yes or no.

- Yeah.
- Knock her down?

- What?
- You heard me.

Did you ever knock her down?

Tell the truth.

Maybe a couple of times,
she tripped or slipped.

- Scold her?
- Well--

Tell the jury yes or no.

- Yeah.
- Stay out all night?

Yep.

'Do you consider yourself
a good husband?'

Yes.

That's all.

- Your wife ever scold you?
- Yes.

- Strike you?
- Yes.

- Knock you down?
- Yes.

Did she ever stay out all night?

No. I wish she did.

Never mind the comment.
Just answer the questions.

What I'm doin' now,
all day, all day.

Now listen to this
very carefully.

Did your wife ever threaten you?

Sure. Yeah.

- When?
- Every day.

And, uh, what effect
did this have upon you?

It made me into a nervous wreck.

How else did she mistreat you?

In bed. She used to hit me
in my sleep.

- How?
- What do you mean how?

With her fist.

Now, you're, uh, you're sure

this wasn't
just your imagination?

You don't get a split lip
from imagination.

She used to wait
until I went to sleep.

Then pow, pow!
So then an argument.

So then I'd go to sleep again.
So then pow, pow!

And this caused you
great distress?

Yes. Also sleepless nights.

I says, "Listen, Warren."

I says, "You can't have it
both ways, you know

"so make up your mind
and don't try to make

some kind of part-timer
out of me."

So he says,
"Bite your tongue, fatso."

So I says,
"You comin' home for supper?"

So he says,
"I'll write you a letter."

So I said,
"You comin' home after?"

So he says, "I'll put an ad

"in the 'New York Times'
personal column

and let you know."

So I says, "Don't get too sassy,
Mr. Attinger."

So he says, "And don't you be
lookin' at me so cockeyed

"'cause I don't wanna
have to shake your head up

to straighten 'em out."

So I threw it.

- 'Threw what?'
- The pot.

So he left mad.

'And that was the last
you saw him?'

Till later
when I followed him up

and caught him
muzzlin' that tall job.

- Objection.
- 'Sustained.'

'Instruct jury, bear in mind'

'activity not yet known.'

When you entered Department D,
what did you see?

Them clutchin'.

'How close together were they?'

No close. Together.

- 'No space between them?'
- No space.

- Where were her hands?
- On his ears.

- On his ears?
- One on each ear.

Hey, maybe that's why
he didn't hear me come in.

- 'And where were his hands?'
- Who knows?

'You didn't see them?'

Around her someplace.

- 'Did that surprise you?'
- No. I figured.

But it enraged you?

- 'Objection. Leading.'
- Sustained.

When you found them
thus embraced, what happened?

Uh, it enraged me.

'Then what?'

I pressed the gun.

- 'And?'
- Bang.

- 'Did you take careful aim?'
- I was too nervous.

- 'Did you aim at all?'
- I was too nervous.

Did you at that time
intend to kill Beryl Caighn?

- No.
- 'To wound her?'

- No.
- 'To frighten her?'

Yes.

To kill your husband,
Warren Attinger?

- No.
- 'To wound him?'

- No.
- 'To frighten him?'

- No.
- 'No?'

No.

In other words,
you fired the pistol

only to frighten Beryl Caighn.

Yes.

'What was the point of that?'

I have three children!

She was breakin' up my home.

That's right, Mrs. Attinger,
you go right ahead

and have a good cry.

But somewhere in between
those sobs

maybe you could find time
to tell us

just who it is
you're crying for.

Is it for Beryl Caighn,
an innocent bystander

to your sordid domestic failure

or is it your husband
driven ill by your shrewishness?

Or is it your children

cursed with an unstable
and irresponsible mother?

Or could it be for yourself?

I object to this pre-peroration,
Your Honor

on the grounds that it is
prejudicial to the defendant.

Oh, let it stand. I can't see
that it much matters.

- Overruled.
- Exception.

But do get on with it,
Mr. Bonner, please.

Your husband has testified,
Mrs. Attinger

that you have frequent fits
of temper.

- What have you--
- I must object--

Oh, what are you gonna do?

Object before I ask
the question?

...paint the defendant as a kind
of lunatic of some sort.

Mrs. Attinger is a fine,
healthy, a noble wife, mother.

Just a moment, please!

May I remind the court of
the words of the poet Congreve?

"Heaven has no rage
like love to hatred turned

nor hell a fury
like a woman scorned!"

Now just a moment!

Read the question.

"Your husband has testified,
Mrs. Attinger

"that you are subject to
frequent fits of violent temper.

Now what about.."

Don't tell me
that judge is impartial, mm.

Every time I look up at him,
I can just see him.

Quiet, please.

It doesn't do you any good
if you don't..

- Wait a minute. Relax.
- I'm relaxed.

- Uh, you're not. I can feel.
- So can I.

- You can?
- Hmm.

- Ow! What are you doing?
- Testing.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, I thank you,
thank you, thank you.

Seems to me I need this more
every year.

- You're aging fast, that's all.
- You can say that again.

Alright, I will.
You're aging fast, that's all.

Oh, and you're helping.

Mm. Done.

Oh! I thank you. I thank you.

'Wha..'

Oh, there's some news
on the radio. You wanna hear it?

- If it's good news, yep.
- Oh, well.

- Oh, sorry.
- I'll do my best.

Why don't they have all
the good news on one station

and all the bad news
on another station?

- Wouldn't that be good?
- Hmm.

♪ Farewell Amanda ♪

I guess nobody's ever thought
of it before.

♪ Adios♪♪

I got the station
with the bad news.

Getting awfully popular,
Kip's song.

- I hear it everywhere.
- Yeah, so do I.

I hear it sometimes
even when it isn't playing.

♪ Farewell Amanda ♪

♪ Adios addio adieu ♪

♪ Farewell Amanda ♪♪

What's the matter? Don't you
want your rub now or what?

What's, uh, what, are you sore
about a little slap?

- No.
- Well, what then?

You meant that, didn't you?

- You really meant that.
- Why, no!

Yes, you did. I can tell.
I know your touch.

- I know a slap from a slug!
- Well, okay, okay.

I'm not so sure it is,
I'm not so sure

I care to expose myself

to typical instinctive
masculine brutality.

Oh, come now!

And it felt not only as though

you meant it,
but as though you felt

you had a right to.

I can tell.

What have you got back there?
Radar equipment?

You're really sore at me,
aren't you?

Oh, don't be diriculous,
ridiculous.

- There. Proves it.
- Alright.

Alright, I am sore!
I am sore! What about it?

- Why are you?
- You know why.

You mean Kip? Just because
he's having a little fun?

No, because you're having
a little fun.

You're having
the wrong kind of fun

down in that courtroom.

You're shaking the law
by the tail

and I don't like it!

I'm ashamed of you, Amanda.

- Is that so?
- Yes, that's so.

We've had our little differences

and I've always tried
to see your point of view

but this time
you've got me stumped, baby.

You haven't tried to see
my point of view.

You haven't even
any respect for my, my, my--

There we go. There we go.

There we go, oh, oh.

Here we go again.
The old juice.

Oh.

Guaranteed heart melter.
A few female tears.

- I can't help it.
- Stronger than any acid.

But this time they won't work.

You can cry from now
until the time the jury comes in

and it won't make you right

and it won't win you
that silly case!

Adam! Please, please,
try to understand!

Ah!

Don't you want your rubdown?

You want a drink?

- No.
- Do you want any..

What, honey?

- Ow!
- Let's all be manly!

And represents a wanton waste

of the taxpayer's money.
Your Honor--

I have called
these few witnesses

to assist me in graphically
illustrating my point

that woman as the equal of man
is entitled

to equality before the law.

'They have been
carefully selected'

'to testify in this case.'

'Each representing a particular
branch of American womanhood'

'for not only one woman is on
trial here but all women.'

'Your Honor, I submit that
not one of this long string'

'of witnesses has any
direct bearing on the case.'

'For years, women have been
ridiculed, pampered'

'chucked under the chin.'

'I ask you on behalf of us all'

'be fair to the fair sex.'

We'll be here a year.

Mrs. Bonner,
couldn't you cover the ground

with, say, three witnesses?

Well, uh,
Dr. Margaret Brodeigh

would you take the stand,
please?

'With this witness
to be examined'

'this case
will certainly continue'

'for at least
two or three days.'

'With Your Honor's permission,
I'll report that'

'no new cases are to be added
to our day calendar.'

'Place your left hand on the
Bible, raise your right hand.'

'You do solemnly swear
that the evidence'

'you shall give to the court
and jury in this case'

'will be the truth,
the whole truth'

'and nothing but the truth,
so help you God?'

- 'I do.'
- 'Please be seated.'

- 'State your name and address.'
- 'Dr. Margaret Brodeigh.'

'58 East, 88 Street.'

Dr. Brodeigh, would you be
good enough to state your age?

Thirty three.

- Your occupation?
- Chemist.

Now will you tell the court
what position

'or positions you now hold?'

Gladly.
Chief consulting chemist

Institute for Advanced Studies.

Director,
Brodeigh-Halleck Laboratories.

Civilian consultant,
United States Army

Chemical Warfare Service.

'Advisor to supply officer,
British Embassy.'

'Director
of Chemical Field Research'

United States Department
of Agriculture.

That's this year.

Now will you tell the court
what degrees you have?

Well, let's see.

AB, BS, Bryn Mawr.

MA, Ph.D, MD, Columbia.

Then, uh.. Do you want
the European ones too?

- Please.
- Well.

I see. Now how many months

have you been foreman,
Mrs. McGrath?

Seventeen.

And this promotion
placed under you how many?

Uh, 383.

- Any men?
- Mostly.

- They didn't complain?
- Couldn't. Seniority.

'Does your husband object
to your employment?'

- No.
- 'Is he employed?'

- Yes.
- 'Where?'

Under me.

Now just what do you mean
by show business, Miss La Pere?

Well, I mean, all different
kinds of show business.

There's carnival and vaudeville,
Ringling Brothers, nightclubs.

- I even did legit once.
- Just what is it that you do?

Well, it changes, see? Like,
take, for instance, tumbling.

I used to do
a lot of that tumbling

but it gets corny, and I'm stuck
with the role of flip-flap--

- Just what are they?
- Well, it's a..

They, uh, start with a..

Hey, look.

That's it.

But nobody wants it.
It's corny.

So then I got to trapeze work
and high bar

but I'm getting a little heavy
for that now

so two years back,
I got into this lift act.

I'm one of the only female
understanders around.

- What?
- Yeah.

We do this open pyramid

where I support five men.

Surely, you're not the only

female who does that.

Oh, no, I mean, in the act..
Oh, a gag.

Hey, you know,
that's pretty good.

Yeah, support.

Hey, you know,
that was a good one.

'Let's get on, counsel,
shall we?'

Uh, uh, yes, sir.

Uh, now, um,
what do you consider

your best physical
or athletic accomplishment?

Mm, my lifts, I guess.

I was out last year, these three
Olympic guys and me. Just lifts.

You see, I've done the finish
where I lift

the champ
with his barbell together.

- What?
- Oh, yeah. This was a good act.

You see, they lift, lift, lift

and then the last guy does
a one-hand 350 barbell lift.

Then while he's still got it up

I come on and lift him
with his barbell together.

Peeled down, see, so they could
tell I was a woman.

- Remarkable.
- Oh, yeah.

I used to get a good hand.

Can you lift any man?

Well, I don't know.

- Could you lift Mr. Bonner?
- Who's he?

Your Honor, I object to this
farce. I call the counsel's..

- That's him.
- Him? Oh, sure.

May it, please, the court,
I strenuously object

to the methods being used
in this matter, Your Honor

if for no other reason
that it's a, it's an insult

to the dignity of the court.
Now we all love the circus.

I love it just as much
as anybody else, I'm sure.

But it seems to me..
No, no, no, no!

I'll get you up here.
That's it.

- Clap your hands.
- Put him down!

Your Honor, I am only trying
to demonstrate--

Let me down!
Let me down, lady!

Come on down from there!

Your Honor, Your..

Just put him down!

Put him down. Put him down.

Let me down, lady.

Now, baby, there you are now.

Hello, thing.

I'm sorry I'm so late, darling,
but I..

Guess who this is for.

Adam.

Darling, please.

You're real mad
or is this a tease or what?

Real mad.

Shouldn't we talk about it?

Don't you wanna hear my side?

Oh, Adam.

Oh, Adam,
don't you wanna talk to me?

Oh.

Well, what is it?

Did I go too far?

Well, if you think I did,
then I'm sorry.

Well, can't I apologize?

Didn't you ever go too far?

Once.

Now, Adam, if I'm in the wrong,
I want to make it right

but you're making a mountain
out of something

that isn't even a anthill,
let alone a molehill.

- A hill of beans--
- Excuse me, excuse me.

- May I say just one thing?
- Of course.

Save your eloquence
for the jury.

- Adam, please, forgive me.
- What for?

For whatever it is
that's upset you.

- Oh, you don't know what it is?
- Oh, not exactly, no.

- Uh-huh, that's just my point.
- What point?

We've been close, but we've
never been this close

and I wanna tell you that this
close I see something in you

I've never seen before
and I don't like it.

As a matter of fact, I hate it.

Go ahead.

Contempt for the law,
that's what you've got.

It's a disease.
A spreading disease.

You think the law is something
that you can get over

or get under or get around
or get.. Or just plain flaunt.

You start with that,
you wind up in the..

Well, look at us.

The law is the law
whether it's good or bad!

If it's bad, the thing to do
is to change it.

Not just to bust it wide open.

You start with one law.
Then pretty soon, it's all laws.

And pretty soon,
it's everything.

Then it's me.

You got no respect for me,
have you?

Not at the moment, no.

Answer me one question,
will you?

What is marriage? Tell me that.

- You tell me.
- Alright, I will tell you.

It's a contract.
It's the law.

Are you going to outsmart that

the way you've outsmarted
all other laws?

That's clever.
That's very clever.

You've outsmarted yourself
and you've outsmarted me

and you've outsmarted
everything.

You get yourself set
on some dimwitted cause

and you go ahead regardless.

You don't care
what it does to me

or does to you
or does to anybody.

And you don't care what people
watching will think of us.

Well, I'll tell you
what they think of us.

They think we're a couple
of uncivilized nuts!

Uncivilized!

Just what blow you struck
for women's rights

or what have you,
I am sure I don't know.

But you certainly have fouled us
up beyond all recognition.

You split us
right down the middle.

How?

Just how?

I've done it all the way
I said I would.

Sickness, health, richer

poorer, better or worse.

This is too worse.
This is basic.

I'm old-fashioned.
I like two sexes.

Yeah, and another thing,
all of a sudden, I don't like

being married to what is known
as a new woman.

I want a wife, not a competitor.

Competitor! Competitor!

If you wanna be a big he-woman,
go and be it, but not with me.

You're not gonna solve anything
by running away.

Where are you going?

Why don't you stand still
and have it out?

- Where are you going?
- Because I don't want to.

Adam, please.
I've said all the wrong things.

I don't know what's the matter
with me. But you, you've said--

Oh, no, I haven't.
I've said everything I meant.

- Adam!
- What?

Don't you dare slam that door.

Alright.

♪ Farewell Amanda ♪

♪ Adios adios adieu♪♪

And so the question here
is equality before the law

regardless of religion,
color, wealth

or, as in this instance, sex.

Excuse me.

Law, like man,
is composed of two parts.

Just as man is body and soul

so is the law letter and spirit.

The law says
thou shalt not kill.

Yet men have killed

and proved a reason

and been set free.

Self-defense, defense of others

of wife, of children and home.

If a thief
breaks into your house

and you shoot him

the law will not deal
harshly with you

nor indeed should it.

So here you are asked to judge

not whether or not

these acts were committed

but to what extent
they were justified.

Now, ladies and gentlemen
of the jury

I request that you join me

in a revealing experiment.

I ask you all

to direct your attention

to the defendant, Mrs. Attinger.

Now keep looking at her.
Keep watching.

Listen carefully and look
at her. Look at her hard.

Now imagine her a man.

'Go on now.
Use your imaginations.'

'Think of her as a man'

'sitting there accused
of a like crime.'

'A husband who was only trying
to protect his home.'

'Now hold it,
hold that impression'

'and look at Beryl Caighn.'

'Look at her. Look at her hard.'

'A man. A slick homewrecker.'

'A third party.'

'A wolf. You know the type.'

'Alright, hold that impression
and look at Mr. Attinger'

'and suppose him a woman.'

'Try. Try hard.'

'Ah, yes, there she is.'

'The guilty wife. Look at her.'

Does she arouse your sympathy?

Alright. Now you have it.

Judge it so!

An unwritten law
stands back of a man

who fights to defend his home.

Apply this same law

to this maltreated wife
and neglected woman.

'We ask you no more. Equality.'

Deep in the heart
of South America

there thrives today
a civilization

far older than ours.

A people known as the Lorcananos
descended from the Amazons.

'In this vast tribe'

'members of the female sex'

'rule and govern'

'and systematically deny'

equal rights to the men

made weak and puny
by years of subservience

too weak to revolt.

'And yet how long have we lived'

'in the shadow
of a like injustice?'

Consider
this unfortunate woman's act

as though you yourselves
had each committed it.

Every living being

is capable of attack

if sufficiently provoked.

'Assault lies dormant
within us all.'

'It requires only circumstance'

to set it in violent motion.

I ask you..

...for a verdict of not guilty.

There was
no murder attempt here.

Only a..

...pathetic attempt
to save a home.

First of all, I should like
to say at the outset

that I think the, uh, arguments

advanced by the counsel
for the defense were sound.

Mere sound.

Ladies and joodlemen
of the gerry

uh, that is to say,
gentlemen of the jury.

While I have been vastly amused

by some of the entertainment
provided here

I must remind you that it has

absolutely no bearing
on the case.

Of course, I'm going to ask you
for a verdict

of guilty as charged.

You, not I,
must speak for the people

and the people ask you to say

citizens abide by the law.

No one can feel safe
living in a community

when there are reckless
and irresponsible neurotics

wandering about
its thoroughfares

armed with deadly weapons.

- You must deal with criminals--
- Objection!

- You must deal with criminals--
- Not brought out by testimony--

Sit down, Pinkie! I didn't
get up and interrupt you--

- 'Just a moment!'
- I didn't get his last--

You said sit down somethin'.

Uh, no matter, no matter,
no matter.

May I have it for the record,
please?

Sit down, Pinkie.

Pinkie?

- Yes.
- What's that? A name?

- Yes.
- Whose?

The counsel for the defense.

Oh. Is that a Y or an I-E?

Y for him, I-E for me.

Can, uh, can we get on with it?

What-what-what was your
objection, Pinkie, counsel?

I object to the characterization
of the defendant as a criminal.

- A strange appellation indeed..
- Sustained.

...for one who has
an unblemished record

as a citizen, wife and mother.

Just a moment. I have ruled.

- The court has ruled.
- Alright, Pinky.

Well, uh, as I was saying

or rather as I was hoping
I would be able to say

uh, the purpose of any summation

it seems to me
in any lourt of caw

uh, in any court of caw..

'I beg your pardon,
ladies and gentlemen.'

'Let me begin again.'

What is there for you
to decide? One thing.

Was she trying
to kill her husband

and Beryl Caighn or both?
I smile.

I find it a little difficult
to proceed in this case

without bursting into laughter

at the utter plimsicity
of the answer

and the puny excuse
well after the fact

that she was merely trying
to frighten them.

Simplicity!

I resent, I resent any neighbor

who takes the law
into her own hands

and places
a special interpretation

upon it just for herself.

Now let's-let's take
the character

of this, uh, Doris Attinger.

I'm afraid that's going
to be a little difficult

because we haven't been told
much about her in here

and we certainly haven't seen

Doris Attinger
in this courtroom.

What we have seen
is a performance

complete with makeup
and c-costume.

Coached by her counsel
for the defense

she has presented a sweet face.

What a sweet face.

Crowned
by a tenderly trimmed bonnet.

I find it a little difficult
to be taken in

ladies and gentlemen, because
I happen to be the fellow

who paid for the bonnet, and
here's the receipt to prove it.

Do you mind if I show that
to the court and to the jury?

I'd like to enter this
as people's exhibit number 12.

And also, Mrs. Attinger, I would
like to have my hat back!

- Your Honor!
- Mr. District Attorney--

Now any further attempts--

You will conclude your summation

without any further
demonstration!

Okay, everybody, let's go!

'Please rise.'

Please be seated.

Mr. Foreman, please rise.

Have you agreed upon a verdict?

We have.

'Jurors, please rise.'

Defendant, rise.

Jurors, look upon the defendant.

Defendant, look upon the jurors.

How say you? Do you find the
defendant guilty or not guilty?

We find the defendant
not guilty.

'Hearken to your verdict
as it stands recorded.'

'You say you find the defendant
not guilty of the offense'

'as charged in the indictment.'

- 'So say you all?'
- Yes, sir.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury

thank you for your efforts.

'Jury dismissed.
Defendant discharged.'

- Court is adjourned.
- 'Please rise.'

I, I don't want
my picture taken.

How about the three of you
shakin' hands?

Shakin' hands, that's it.
All is forgiven.

Warren!

Hey, no, wait a minute.
One more picture.

- My babies! My babies!
- Come on, get me a camera!

Now let's get
the two of these together.

- There she is.
- My babies! Oh!

Come on,
let's get some pictures.

Hey, bring the children around.

Turn around, son.
Let your face love the camera.

Bring the father in!

Turn around.
Bring Beryl in. Where's Beryl?

- Congratulations.
- Thanks.

Or should I say congratulations?

Yeah.

Well.

I wish it could have
been a tie, Adam--

Stand together, will you,
right there?

Do you consider
this a significant verdict?

- Yes, she does.
- Can you look pleasant at her?

- Laugh it up for the camera.
- Smile!

"A small but important step
in women's march

toward equality and justice."

From the front part
of your summation.

- Okay to quote you now?
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

How 'bout shakin' hands?
Come on. Shake hands.

Good idea. Shake hands.
All is forgiven. Swell.

- One more.
- No, that's enough.

Put your arm around her.

- That's enough!
- Oh! Let's go.

- I'm sorry about--
- Excuse me, please.

- Great job, Mrs. Bonner.
- Thank you.

- Well.
- Yeah.

Adam.

We have to get with Julie
over the quarterly tax return.

- Remember?
- Oh.

Um, tomorrow alright?

- Fine.
- Want me to set it up?

- No, no, I'll do it.
- Thanks.

- Well.
- Nothing.

See you.

Yes, I suppose so.

Question of the value

of the residuals of the piece.

You see, the, the, uh, question
of retaining copyright..

You know,
I made a mistake tonight.

So?

I should have invited
your mind to supper too.

- What?
- Your absent mind.

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry, Kip.

- Sure, this is in order though.
- Thanks.

Want a drink?

- He thinks I'm unreasonable.
- Who?

- Adam.
- Oh, never mind Adam.

Well, just, just as a,
as a friend, Kip.

Yes, you beautiful barrister,
you.

As a friend, do..

...do you think
that I'm unreasonable?

I think you're reasonable.

Yes, but, but do,
do I strike you

strike you as overbearing?

Under-bearing.

I may be wrong about much

about plenty,
but not about this.

- Not about what?
- Marriage.

What it's supposed to be?

- What makes it work or perfect?
- You're so right.

Balance, equality,
mutual everything.

There's no room in marriage

for what used to be known
as the little woman.

She's got to be
as big as the man is.

- What if he's a little man?
- Sharing.

That's what it takes
to make a marriage.

Keep a marriage
from getting sick

of all the duties and respon..

Now you're sure that
we can hear my phone in here?

'I'm sure.'

All the duties
and responsibilities

and-and troubles.

Listen, no part of marriage

is the exclusive province
of any one sex.

Well, now why can't he see that?

Because he's unreasonable.

- Well..
- And overbearing.

Sore as he was

that was wrong, wrong

to call me a comtetitor.

- A what?
- A competitor?

Oh.

What a way to put it.

Well, he's just miffed
because he lost.

Oh, don't be idiotic.

Be something, won't it?

Win the case
and lose my husband.

Well, maybe it's a test.

Maybe, if we weather this,
we'll be better together and..

...if we don't..

Lawyers should never marry
other lawyers.

This is called inbreeding
from which comes

idiot children and more lawyers.

I wish he'd call me up.

You're-you're sure that
we can hear my phone in here?

Lawyers should marry
piano players

or songwriters or both.

How would you like
to give me a little kiss?

- What time is it?
- Wouldn't like to, hmm?

Why don't I?
Why don't I call him up?

How would you like me
to give you a little kiss?

I would, but I don't know
where to call him, that's why.

Well, you couldn't
with your mouth full, anyway.

I don't know where he is.

- Amanda. Amanda.
- What?

Do you mind
if I call you Mrs. Bonner?

Equality. Mutual everything.

- Or nothing.
- Mrs. Bonner, I love you.

I love lots of girls
and ladies and women and so on

but you're the only one I know
why I love, and you know why?

Because you live
right across the hall from me.

You're mighty attractive
in every single way, Mrs. Bonner

but I'd probably love anybody
who lived

right across the hall from me.
It's so convenient.

Is there anything worse than
that awful taking a girl home

and then that long trek back
alone?

Want to trade kisses?
That's equal.

Now you look here, Kip,
I'm fighting my prejudices

but it's clear that you're
behaving like a, like a..

Well, I hate to put it this way,
but like a man.

You watch your language.

Was that my phone?

- Oh, could I use your pass key?
- 'Sure thing.'

What would I ever do
without you, Louie?

You'd remember your keys.

Don't wait.
I'll be right down.

Sure thing.

Just pretend like they do on the
stage like Lunt and Fontanne.

You be Lunt
and I'll be Fontanne.

- Uh, the other way.
- Okay.

Alright. Alright.

Break it up.

Adam, Adam.

L-listen to me, Adam.

Don't you handle me, lady.

I'm not nutty.
Not any more than the average.

You said it yourself today,
didn't you?

You said anyone is capable
of attack if provoked.

You bet, including me. Yes.

Don't you move, young man.

You stand as still
as you can be.

Now, Adam, Adam.

You said that before.

Now, Adam, you're sick. Please.

What do you think you're doing?

Teaching a lesson.

Him first.

Then comes yours.

Now get away, Amanda.

- Adam, stop.
- 'Get away, Amanda!'

- Don't you do it, Amanda.
- Stop it, Adam. Stop it.

You've no right.
You can't do what you're doing.

- 'You've no right?'
- What?

No one has a right to..

That's all, sister.
That's all I wanted to hear.

Music to my tin ear.

Licorice.

Mm, if there's anything
I'm a sucker for, it's licorice.

I'll never forget this!

Never!

Me neither.

I'll never forget that no matter
what you think you think

you think the same as I think.

That I have no right.

That no one has a right
to break the law.

That your client had no right.

That I'm right and you're wrong.

...worthless, corrupt,
mean, rotten

dirty, contemptible, little,
petty, gruesome, contemptible--

- You said all that before.
- What?

Go on back
to your wrestling match.

You think you can
just hit and run?

Well, that's where you're wrong.

I have a thing or two
to say too--

Oh, no, no.
Don't try me now, Pinkie.

- Don't you Pinkie me.
- What's biting you, Adam?

'You're biting me,
that's what is biting me.'

- 'How dare you!'
- 'I can have you arrested!'

You just get out of here.

The manners of a great
big educated ape.

You think you've humiliated me.

Well, that's where
you're wrong, my boy.

You haven't humiliated anyone

with the possible exception
of yourself.

You've just revealed yourself
for what you are.

You just couldn't bear
to be bested by a woman--

Alright, alright,
that's enough yelling

just to let the people..

If you wanna talk to me,
go on in and sit down

we'll talk things over.

Are you joking?
I'd be afraid

to be in the same room
with a mad bull.

I'll never be in the same room
with you again!

- That's fine. Suits me fine.
- What?

You will be
in the same room with me

don't forget that,
to settle things.

- Alright!
- And that's tomorrow.

And don't forget it.

...for what you owe me,
you great clumsy oaf!

Oh, go inside!

You think you know
something about law.

Well, let me tell you.
I know something about law too.

Let me tell you,
I know something about the law

and there's gonna be a law
against you!

Nobody. Like I told you,
just plain nobody.

I don't know what's the matter
with you lately.

'You're always hearing things.'

Now, here's a check.

$337.41
issued to Martin L. Baumer.

What's that?
It's on the joint account.

- Furrier.
- Mending a coat.

Put it on mine, please.

- Wait.
- The coat was a present.

- I know.
- Well, I gave you the coat.

That's why I expect
to keep it in repair.

- Not at all.
- But I want to.

I can't help that.

Listen, if we're gonna debate

every one of these,
we'll be here

till the next quarter.

- Okay.
- Mine.

And not deductible. ND.

Alright. Now, next is
Pollard and Douglas.

That's seeds.

Seeds for the house
in the country.

$478.60?

- We like a lot of plants.
- Liked.

ND.

Alright, $100.
$100 to Dwight Everly.

That was a.. Remember that.

Uh, that was a bet, uh, we lost.

- I lost.
- A bet? What kind of bet?

Uh, what difference
does it make?

ND.

- Something you can't tell me?
- Oh, it's nothing. It's silly.

Uh-huh. Alright.

Juel Delwyn, $280.

You should note all these
on your stubs. Saves time.

That was mine. Not deductible.

- What is it? Maybe it is.
- Just some underwear.

- Underwear?
- Hm.

Two hundred and eighty dollars'
worth?

Wasn't my underwear.

Very well.

Thank you.

Bridgeport, Connecticut
Citizens Bank, $8740.30.

That's what?

That's the last payment
on the farm.

Written on the stub there,
I'm sure, Jules.

I made out that check myself.
I'm sure it's there, Julie.

Well, who said it wasn't?
I-i-it isn't.

The point is, how much of that
is interest, which is deductible

and how much of it is actual
mortgage payment, which is not?

Uh, I don't know.
Do you, Adam?

No, no, I suppose by that time,
we were so excited

at getting it paid off
that we just got careless.

- 'Oh, uh, this was final?'
- Yes.

We, um, own it now.

Every scrap.

It took us six years.

But we made it.

Free and clear.

Yeah.

'You know, there's a new ruling
on that.'

'This process
could be considered'

as paying the interest
in advance.

The taxpayer, however,
can deduct this type

of interest payment
only at the time

the mortgage is fully paid.

Taxpayers who use
the accrual method of accounting

can, of course,
take the deduction

as the interest payments accrued
during the life of the mortgage.

But I don't know
whether that would actually..

- Listen, Pinky.
- What?

If we started now, we could
get there in time for dinner.

You mean, and see the dogs?

Yeah, yeah.

Of course, there isn't much
in the freeze.

You don't wanna go.

Oh, uh, we'll be here
another two hours at least.

Yes, I do.

You don't really wanna go.

'But there are a lot
more items.'

Here.

Come on. Come on.

Where?

Come on.

Home. Back to the farm.

Oh, wait a minute.
You've got to--

Oh, sign our names.
Give them all the money.

- Sign anything.
- But this could cost you.

Oh, we don't care about that.

The more taxes we pay,
the better we like it.

See?

- Hey!
- Speakin' to me?

- You were pretty good.
- When?

All the way through.
Especially the summation.

You had me.

- Almost.
- Almost?

What?

- You weren't so bad yourself.
- No, I didn't think so either.

Uh, we got a big thing
to talk about tomorrow.

- What?
- Uh..

They want me to run
for that county court judgeship.

The Republicans do.
It's a sure seat, practically.

- Pinky.
- Yeah, yeah, that's me.

County Court Judge Pinky.

I'm real proud of you.

I'd rather have you say that
than anything.

Thank you.

♪ Hello Amanda ♪

♪ Here's a hearty welcome
to you ♪

♪ Hello Amanda ♪

♪ The battle was fun
but it's done it's through ♪

♪ And from now on fair Amanda ♪

♪ Oh when you're gazing
at the stars above ♪

♪ We'll revive
that wonderful night ♪

♪ On the veranda ♪

♪ Sweet Amanda ♪

- Adam.
- 'Yes?'

♪ And our love ♪♪

Have they picked the,
uh, Democratic candidate yet?

I was just wondering.

- You were.
- Mm.

But you wouldn't.

How do you know?

Because I'd cry,
and then you wouldn't.

- What?
- I'd cry.

The way I did
in Julie's office today.

Got me what I wanted, didn't it?
Got me you back.

- Those were real, those tears.
- Of course, they were.

But I can turn 'em on
anytime I want to.

Us boys can do it, too,
you know.

It's just that
we just never think to.

- Bunk!
- Bunk, huh?

Keep your eye on the eye.

Now we're having a-a little fuss

see, and I'm losing.

So here they come.

On your mark now. Get set, go.

See?

Now I'll help it along
a little like this.

Oh, yes.

There ain't any of us don't have
our little tricks, you know.

Alright, but, but what does that
show? What have you proved?

It shows the score.

Shows that what I said was true.

There's no difference
between the sexes.

Men, women, the same.

They are, huh?

Well, maybe
there is a difference

but it's a little difference.

Well, you know,
as the French say.

What do they say?

- Vive la difference.
- Which means?

Which means hooray
for that little difference.