All language subtitles for 01. Random Acts of Mayhem

I'm actually
really looking forward to this.

This place has won
two global wellness awards,

mental wellness and social impact.

Though, the latter might have been
an honorable mention.

The fact is, this woman is giving us
a massive price break.

What a socially progressive thing to do.

To put healing people ahead
of the profit motive.

I mean, I think some
of these other folks here

are paying thousands of dollars.

We got the golden ticket

I actually feel myself
getting lighter as I get nearer.

It’s going to be a good thing.
Don’t you think so, honey?

-I do.
-Yeah. How you doing, Zoe? Zoe!

-Yeah.
-How you doing back there?

Never better, Dad. Just looking forward.

It’s going to be great, honey.

Hey guys, it's Jess.
Okay, so, we're headed

to a transformation retreat
called Tranquillum.

I would tag them for you,
but they're not on social.

It's, like, super mysterious.

Anyway, we're gonna spend ten days
doing meditation, yoga, healthy eating,

and spending some quality time
with my man--

Damn it, Ben,
did you do that on purpose?

It's this road. It’s beating
the shit out of my car.

Now I have to record
the whole thing again.

-You don't have to.
-Yes, I do.

Look, if you ask me,
I feel like we're taking

this whole self-improvement thing
a little too far.

I didn’t ask, but what’s that supposed
to mean?

It means that-- Whoa, God!

Look, if we keep getting better,
eventually, we’ll be perfect, right?

Then what?

-Maybe you’ll be a perfect little asshole.
-I’m not being an asshole.

I just don’t understand
why I’m going to this place.

We’re going because we have issues,
Benjamin...

with us. That should mean more to you
than your fucking car.

We need something dramatic.

Yeah, this is definitely dramatic.
You know, if I fuck up my suspension--

Yes, it's a good day
How could anything be wrong

A good day from mornin' till night

Wellness, here I come. Francis 2.0.

Get ready.

Yeah, get ready.

Little shit. Not even a phone call, huh?

Why not? Would it be too courteous?

-Hello?
-Hey. So, have we achieved nirvana yet?

Still way off from infinite serenity.

Well, you need to give
this a real chance, honey.

I am giving this a real--
I'm literally going there right now.

That's giving it a chance.

And do not even think about him.
He's an asshole.

I wasn't. If I could just get my friends
to stop calling and bringing him up.

-Any ideas how I could do that?
-Have you heard from your agent?

I have not, but now you've brought up him
and work, so you got anything else

-you wanna throw at me?
-Just that I love you.

The new book is fantastic.
You are fantastic,

and you're gonna have
a fabulous ten days at Tranquillum.

Yes. I know. I feel the same way.
I'll come back a whole new me.

I'm sure everyone will
like that one better.

Well, I like this one.

Thanks. Oh, Erin, it's my agent,
I'm gonna have to call you back.

-Get that. Call me back, I love you!
-Love you!

-Hey there.
-Francis?

So, how's the book biz going today?

Whoa! You just sound so upbeat!

I’m on my way to that health retreat
I told you about.

I'm just trying to put myself
in a positive state of mind.

Yeah, well, remember those people
who died in that sweat lodge,

they thought they were being enlightened
when in reality they were being cooked.

This is nothing like that.
This place looks amazing.

I'm just going there for some healing.

You know, massage.
Maybe some gentle fasting.

Great, well, I’m not the bearer
of good news, Franny.

What is that supposed to mean?

I think it is beautifully written,
I really, really do.

Wait a minute.
Are you saying they don't want the book?

There's no easy way to say this, Franny,
so I'm just gonna tell you.

They want to buy you out of your contract.

I'm so sorry about this, Franny,
especially after everything that happened

with that horrendous drifter man.
I mean, I just feel so awful for you.

I do not wanna talk about this with you.

That's it.

I'm done. This is how it ends.
Dead to the fucking world!

Fucking dead!

You're dead to the fucking world!

-Oh my God.
-Hello?

You okay?

Do you need some help, Miss?

-No. I'm good. I'm good.
-You don't seem good.

Well, I was just having
a quiet moment of despair.

Okay. Well, that’s your idea
of a quiet moment? 'Cause you seemed...

You were screaming like a banshee.
That's why I pulled over.

-Well, I'm sorry. I apologize.
-It's okay.

I thought I was in the middle
of nowhere, completely alone.

-Clearly, that is not the case.
-Are you sick?

-I beg your pardon?
-You seem to be having

some kind of a mental breakdown
episode sort of thing.

I’m not judging, you know,
I got mental illness in my own family.

Is that right? I'm fine, thank you.

You know, it's not normal to be screaming
"dead to the fuckin' world"

-at the top of your lungs, you know?
-You know what it is?

I was having a hot flash.

-So I'm good. Thank you so much.
-You take supplements?

I'm sorry?

Progesterone? Progesterone.
I heard that helps.

Are we actually having this conversation
right now?

-What's with the tone, lady?
-I don't have a tone.

I am just not used to complete strangers
prescribing hormone replacement therapy

-curbside!
-Apologies.

I can see now that you’re a tragic person.
Have a good day.

-Good morning.
-Hey.

Okay.

Headed to Tranquillum, I see.

Why would you say that?

You're loading up on
all the forbidden food items.

I’m going there too.

Excellent.

You'd be lucky if you get past
the front door with this stuff.

They’ll be taking that too.

They don't allow

-phones at Tranquillum.
-Excuse me?

-What have you heard about the place?
-Not much.

The guests go in looking one way.
Come out looking another.

So, she must be doing something
to them.

And have you met her?
The woman that runs it?

No, no, but...

from what I’ve heard, I’d like to.

Supposedly, she completely changes people.

I mean, that’s why I’m going.
To be transformed.

Good luck with that.

-Hi.
-Hi.

It’s the market, you know.

Romance is taking the worst hit.
It won't be forever.

This tension is not good
for my back, Marty.

Franny, come on, stop it.

Don't waste your energy
on this nonsense.

Just try to forget about it.
Have a great time.

I'm a blight on feminism
because I described

the eye color of my hero?

Namaste. Welcome to Tranquillum.

So excited to hear about it.
Give me one second. Just one second.

They said I should have killed off Jane.
Who kills their main character? Who?

You must be Francis? Come.
One journey ends and another begins.

How can they say I hate women?

I can't hate women.
I am a woman. And I'm crazy about myself.

Look. It’s not too late
to call this whole thing off.

-Ben, please, we’re here.
-I just feel like this is something

-we can work on ourselves.
-We’ve been working on it.

We're not in a good place obviously,
and either we try or...

we don't.

What the fuck is your problem, man?

No problem.

I just need you to nudge it up a little,
so I can pull in.

So you're gonna just keep
blowing your horn like that?

Like what? It’s a horn,

it's not a musical instrument.
You just, you know, push.

-See? It’s only got the one note.
-Namaste! Welcome to Tranquillum.

Oh, my God, your skin is amazing.

-Ben, look at her skin!
-I’m Lulu,

-one of the wellness consultants here.
-Cool skin.

-Hi.
-You guys ready for the tour?

-Yes.
-Guess so.

-It's nice.
-Well, great.

We’ll have to unburden you from that soon.

-Oh shit.
-What?

It hurts, but it’s so worth it.

But I'm-- Do you mean like...
like the whole time?

But it's my phone.

-Hello?
-Can we eject him,

evict him, get him out of here?

You know what that is?
I know exactly what--

That's because it's just so in vogue now
to kill your characters.

Well, they’re my babies.
Okay, I'm sorry if I'm not a baby-killer.

I don’t even wound my characters.

After we get you checked in,

I would suggest a little forest bathing
to lower your cortisol.

Oh wow. That sounds nice.

We have an award-winning arboretum.

And I'll tell you what,
what I've never been called is dangerous.

How would I even be dangerous?
Oh no. I'm sorry.

No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No worries.

-I'm sorry.
-I'm Carmel.

-Yeah. It's...
-No, get it. I get it.

I was just on the phone with my kids too.

-I miss them so much.
-Yeah. No.

-This is Bella. This is--
-That's not-- No, that's not--

I'm not doing-- It's a work call.

I do something for a living.

-So, I don't do--
-Well, I...

Not meaning--

-Yeah.
-I don't mean to diminish.

-I just-- I have to take this.
-No. No, no. Yeah.

-I appreciate what you do. I was-- God.
-I get-- No, I understand.

Carmel. It’ll be fine, I promise.
They aren’t in there.

They’re in here.

And in here.

You're so pretty.

-May I ask, is everybody here beautiful?
-Yeah. As a matter of fact, yes.

-Oh wow.
-Including you, Carmel.

-Thank you.
-Yeah.

-It's okay. All right?
-No.

I just need to pull something.

-Okay. No--
-I need to pull something up.

-Francis. Francis.
-And then I just need to--

Francis. Imagine you didn’t,
because you don’t.

You actually don't need to.

Okay. Here's the thing,
something’s come up.

-So I'm gonna have to leave.
-Something always does.

But you’re here.

Be here, Francis.

-You're very good at this.
-Sign here, please.

Hi. Sorry about before.
I'm Francis Welty.

-I didn't mean anything by it.
-No, no. I-- No. No, Francis.

I'm sorry, Francis Welty,
the writer Francis Welty?

Well, that depends on who you ask.

Well, ask me. I have read everything.
I'm a--

I think we're going.
I'll see you soon, or never again.

Chatty. Very chatty.

-Here. This is our pool area.
-This is nice.

-And the--
-Oh God. You?

Crap.

-You must be Tony.
-Yeah.

I gotta take a piss.

Your personal wellness consultant
will be back momentarily to assist you.

Swell.

You know, for what it's worth,
I'm not a tragic person.

I'm not gonna...

I mean, don't you vet your clientele?

He just seems like a criminal.
I don't think he's right.

I 100% understand why they want me
to give up my phone.

So no problem then?

I'm just thinking in logical terms.
What if there's an emergency?

Like, what if there's a murderer
or a bear?

Okay, logically,
if there's a bear or a murderer,

what are you gonna do?

Breakfast, 7:00.
Lunch, noon. Dinner, 7:30.

And all of our guests eat together.

-And how many guests are there?
-Nine total. It’s very intimate.

It all looks so fabulous.
I mean, I already feel better,

I really do. Is this not fantastic?

-Yeah.
-And this is our spa.

Wow. I mean, you rarely see engineering
like this in a resort.

The craftsmanship,
the attention to detail. Incredible.

Hey! Napoleon.

-Genghis Khan? Patton?
-Oh, I get it.

-No, Napoleon Marconi, that's my name.
-Oh, Francis.

I thought we were doing a military thing.
I think I lost my guide.

Yeah, it's super to meet you.
You here for the ten-day retreat? Us 2.0?

-I certainly am.
-There you are.

-Thought we had a runner for a second.
-What is this?

Tailored specifically
to your metabolic needs,

so please do not share.

Also it has been precisely constructed,
so please be sure to drink it all.

That is just the best.

Meet my beautiful, beautiful girls.
Wife, Heather. Daughter, Zoe.

-Hi.
-Pleasure to meet you.

Likewise. So what brings you here?

Because I have to say,
you look pretty perfect.

Why would you say something like that?

I meant it as a compliment.
Sorry if--

I think we're gonna explore
the hot springs, maybe get a quick soak,

do a few laps in the pool,
maybe even visit the sacred spa.

Should I show you the hot springs?

-Please do. Ciao, Francis.
-Ciao.

C’mon, ladies. Jump start on bliss.

Nice to meet you.

Heather's a bitch.

-Okay.
-Please, your room is this way.

Wow. You have an MRI machine?

Yeah, we've got all the toys here
at Tranquillum.

-How much does an MRI machine cost?
-I wouldn’t know, I’m afraid.

I hear that Bill Gates funded
all of this, or at least put up a lot

of the initial seed money. Is it true?

I wouldn't know.

Awful lot of not knowing going on.

-What's this?
-It's just our legal disclaimer.

Does anyone come all
the way here and not sign it?

You would be the first not to sign.

“Clients are prohibited
from posting about Tranquillum

on social media platforms.”

-So, how do you attract new guests?
-Word of mouth.

-That’s an impressive smile.
-I like to think so.

-What's that?
-Blood draw. Standard practice.

That’s standard? I’ve already submitted
my medical records

-which I found to be a tad bit bizarre--
-We do a blood intake every few days.

It was outlined
in the document you just signed.

It’s part of how we tailor
your wellness journey.

All right. Fine.

Which arm?

This won't hurt a bit.

You are brave. You are powerful.

You shall be new again.

You shall be who you came here to be.

Yes.

Get a grip, Carmel.

Come on.

-I'm sorry,
-Sorry!

No, I'm so sorry. I was forest bathing
and I mistook you for a creek.

My bad. I shouldn't have done that.

-I just-- You know, I had to go...
-Yeah.

...and my wellness consultant
was nowhere to be found.

Just don’t rat me out
to the warden, okay?

-No. Wait, the warden?
-You know.

-The Russian lady.
-Have you met her?

No. Not yet. You?

No, I haven't. But I can’t wait.
I mean, I’ve heard so much about her.

Sorry, I just...

-God, you look so familiar. I don't...
-No. I'm not.

Yeah. I’m Carmel.

Tony. What are you in for?

Weight loss. Esteem building,

mind and body transformation.
And what about you?

Yeah, no, same thing.

-Are you married?
-Am I married?

Fuck, this isn’t one of those places,
is it?

Wait, what? What do you mean by that?

Lifelong bachelor.
Rest of my life, anyway.

-So, I gotta go finish here, okay?
-I didn't get to the shake.

Nice to meet you, Chanelle.

Yeah.

Right this way.

Wow.

This...

this is Heaven.

Welcome to Tranquillum.

Your wellness journey has begun, Francis.

You know, I have been feeling
rather unwell lately.

Yes, I know you have.

This is going to be the best thing.

I just know it.

It has to be.

We’ll get you well, Francis.

We’ll get you feeling
as well as you’ve ever felt

in your whole life.

Yeah.

God...

How did you get in here?

I came in through the door.

I'm Masha.

You're her.

Why are you crying, Francis?

You know, just a little bit of a
“my career is over” kind of thing,

bit of menopause, you know,
mix in a little bad relationship

and a dash of crippling shame.

We're gonna get you well.

You know, I almost didn’t come.

And then, when I did get here,
I really thought about leaving.

Nearly everyone here almost didn’t come.

They sense it's going to take courage.

And it'll be sometimes unpleasant.

And I’ll tell you something else.
The people who come here, most of them,

they have fairly good lives.
Comfortable, even.

They come for the suffering.

I don’t want to suffer.

You’re already suffering.

No. What the hell? Yup, all right.

What?

Nothing.

Why is Zoe in another room?

Because the rooms
are double occupancy, darling.

She loves having her own room,

-you kidding?
-Did she tell you that?

Well, what 20-year-old doesn’t want
to get away from her parents?

Perhaps, our 20-year-old.

Perhaps, on this weekend
of all weekends.

Just ride it out, sweetheart. Yeah.

Hey.

I thought I might hit the hot springs
before orientation. Join me?

You go, honey.
I think I'll go for a run.

No, I haven’t met her yet.
The official orientation is this evening.

But it’s fucked up,
that I can already tell.

I'll ring you again tomorrow.

-Hello?
-Hey.

Lars?

-Forget my voice already?
-Where are you?

I'm at some fucked up spa thing.

Again?

Cool.

-It's for work.
-Yeah, okay.

I’m just gonna be off-grid for ten days,
I wanted you to know. Just in case...

-I don’t know--
-Lars, where you go, that’s no longer

any of my business. Is it?

All right.

-Well--
-Enjoy your ten days.

Ray.

So many rules here...

I would've thought eavesdropping
must be on the list.

Hey, how do you still have a phone?

-I don't have a phone.
-Right, right.

You just have a watch
and an earpiece and...

-Lars Lee.
-Zoe Marconi.

And what brings a Zoe Marconi
to Tranquillum?

My parents.

Yeah, what brings a Lars Lee?

And why do you think
this place is fucked up?

Well, they all are, aren’t they?

Wellness retreats.

Just another construct to separate
rich people from their money.

Get them to feel good
about themselves in the process.

It's such utter crap.

And yet here you are, spending your money,
feeling good about yourself.

Wow. You and I could actually be friends.

And how would Ray feel about that?

Hey, honey, hi. It's me again.
Just leaving you another message.

Look, I’m going to be off the grid
for a few days.

I'm at a wellness retreat.

Anyway, I’m gonna be unreachable.
Not that you care.

Sorry...

I love you. It's, you know, I'll...

Yeah, love you. Okay.

Tony. I’ll need to take your phone now.

Yeah, I was just leaving a message
for my daughter.

Got it. But we have rules, so...

-the phone, please?
-Okay, look.

I don't think
I’m really supposed to be here.

I mean, the whole thing
was kind of random.

I was having a terrible fucking day,
and I Googled “spa.”

And then to save a little time,

I typed in “most expensive”
and your place popped up,

-but now that I'm here...
-We don’t really believe in “random” here.

The phone, please.

Thank you, Tony.

This is going to be really good for us.

I can feel it.

What do you think?

Yeah, this definitely
feels real good right now.

I think these mineral baths are
"aphrodisia-cal"?

-“Aphrodisiacal”, is that a word?
-Aphrodis-- I don't know,

-I think you just made that one up.
-It should be a word.

It definitely should.

You remember right after?

When we went to celebrate
at Two Bunch,

and they had to ask us
to leave 'cause we were fucking

so much in the hot springs?

I do, that was crazy.

So crazy...

Oh dear.

-What's up, man?
-Hi.

Am I intruding? I'd be the last person
to interrupt a romantic interlude.

-Come on in.
-The more the merrier.

It's just I've been in a car all day,
you know?

All right.

Wonderful.

I'm sorry, Napoleon Marconi.

-Hi.
-Ben Chandler.

-This is my wife, Jessica.
-Lovely to meet you both.

Wait a minute. You’re not the fella
that drives the Lamborghini, are you?

-I am.
-Holy moly!

Oh boy!
I’d like a ride in one of those things.

-Before this is all said and done.
-Okay.

Yeah. You see,
I’m just a high school teacher.

We got in here on a discount.

You know what?
I’d be happy to give you a ride.

Maybe even let you take it for a spin.

Oh my God! You're not kidding?

-Nah.
-Wow.

-Thank you.
-Yeah, don't mention it.

High school teacher's an admirable job.

-The offer is only limited to my car.
-Benjamin, stop.

-Beg your pardon?
-I don't think he was--

You looking at my wife
like you want to take her for a spin.

-No.
-Oh my heavens! That's not what I...

I mean, you're obviously-- No. I--

Look, I give you my word.
“Thou shalt not covet.”

I'm a happily married man.

-And one of my solemn word.
-Sounds good.

-I might have to watch out for you.
-Nah.

Yeah, because my wife's a humdinger too.

-Oh yeah?
-Yeah.

Yeah, she's pretty attractive.

So much so that my nickname
is pretty much “That guy? Really?”

People look at her and look at me,
and think, “That guy? Really?”

I get it. That's funny.

Yeah, you probably don’t get that
because you're comparably attractive,

you drive a Lamborghini.

-Thank you.
-I’ll shut up.

I am perfectly willing to shut up.

I’m a chronically loquacious person
and if you let me talk long enough,

I always seem to find
the poop and step right in it.

All right, so, I'm going to adjourn...

to here.

And wonderful to meet you both.

-You too.
-You too.

What an extraordinary place.

Are you kidding me?

It's just one.
Tradition, one before every session.

But seriously.
We are a health resort.

One cigarette is not going to kill me.

And if it helps me cope,
better for the guests, right?

Something tells me with this group...

What? What about this group?

Just the vibe seems
a little charged, right?

Too many cases in the basket.

Masha knows what she’s doing.

What do you mean she curates?

That's the rumor, she mixes
and matches her guests.

-It's like a cocktail.
-Not sure how I made the cut.

Well, I guess you must be
really fucked up.

Just your run-of-the-mill asshole.

-Hello, again.
-Hello.

-Feeling any better?
-I am, thank you.

I’m so glad to hear it.

I’m so glad to be able
to share that with you.

-Have a wonderful life now.
-You too.

I bring it out of people. It’s a gift.

-Namaste.
-Where are they? Does anybody know?

Or are we expected to self-orientate?

-I think they leave us alone on purpose.
-Why?

Like in Law & Order,
they always put the suspects

in a room alone at first
to soften them up.

-Wait. So, you met her?
-I did. Yeah.

And did she give you any idea
what to expect?

Suffering.

-I have a very low pain threshold.
-What else did she say?

That was really about the gist of it.

Really, just that we'd all come here
to suffer.

And I get the feeling she aims
to deliver. Wait till you see her.

She's kind of an amazing,
mystical Eastern Bloc unicorn.

-See what I mean?
-Namaste.

Welcome to Tranquillum House.

Right now you’re
at the foot of a mountain.

And the summit,
it seems impossibly far away,

and I'm gonna help you reach
that summit.

In ten days, you will leave here,

you will not be the person
that you are now.

You will leave Tranquillum House
and you will feel happier, healthier...

lighter, freer.

And on the last day of your stay,
you will come to me and you will say,

“Yes, Masha. Masha, you were right!
I am not the same person."

"I'm not the same person that I was.
I'm healed."

"I am free. Free of the negative habits

and chemicals and toxins and thoughts
that were holding me back."

"My mind and my body are clear."

"And I am changed in ways
I could never have imagined.”

Did you go through our bags?
Because I seem to be missing a few things.

Yes. You are missing chocolate and wine.
As is Francis.

Well. And they're both antioxidants, so...

Yeah, I’m missing stuff too.
You don’t get to just steal our shit.

But you’re mine now, Tony.
And you want to be mine.

You want me to see you.
Peel you. Fix what I see.

Tell me, does any of this
feel random to you?

Answer me. Does it feel random?

No.

What is it, huh?

I'm so happy.

You are everything I hoped for.

I’m sorry. But you want us
to just put ourselves in your hands,

but we don’t know the first thing
about you. I mean, what’s your story?

My story is I died.

I came here from Russia and I worked.

And I worked and I worked and I worked.

I consumed, I climbed, I worked.

I built a company.

I worked, I consumed.

I went over people,
I went through people.

And then...

I was shot dead.

In parking garage, I was clinically dead.

And that man...

he brought me back to life.

He cut into my chest,
he reached inside me.

Just as I will reach inside all of you.

Metaphorically.

You have all come here to die.

I will bring you back.

There can birth in death.
Tragedy...

can be a blessing.

I know. I was a corporate CEO
and then boom!

I was a little girl
and I was riding my bicycle.

Reconnected with joy and innocence.

Excuse me, this is not appropriate.

I will decide what is appropriate,
Heather.

Well, you know our story.

Death will not be your story.

-Zoe.
-I'm sorry.

Honey.

-She's okay.
-No, she's not okay.

What is wrong with you?

Step to the center please, Heather.

Step to the center.

I prefer you not upset the group.

You prefer I not upset the group?

I prefer yo not upset the group.

We came here for a retreat,
to escape.

None of you shall retreat,
you will not escape.

You know why we're here!

Do you really mean to fuck
with us like this?

Lapochka.

This is Tranquillum.

I mean to fuck with all of you.

Part of the healing is finding the wound.

That's why you picked us, right?

We complement each other’s demons.

This is a particularly volatile group.

Who do you think you're kidding?

I've become a punchline.

-Tell me. Why doesn't he love you anymore?
-I don't know.

Although I can get violent,
I am not violent.

The biggest threat to the planet
is overpopulation

and these bloody breeders
keep pumping them out.

It's incredible you're still single.

-I should've never come to this place.
-I'm worried about you.

-You don't need to be worried about me.
-I know I don't need to. I...

I want to.

Think of the lies we have told,
people we have hurt.

-What do you want?
-I just want my son back.

This is what you do, right?

Get people to talk about their shit,
and then you use it against 'em.

They're on their hands and knees.
They're begging...

begging to be saved. Start the protocol.

They're blossoming.

I've been feeling unlike myself.

I don't know what Lars is,
but he's not just a guest.

It seems like you might be getting worse.

There is nothing to fear.

You will all die here.

Is Masha batshit or is she the real deal?