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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,133 --> 00:00:06,163 ♪♪ You're the light of love ♪♪ 2 00:00:06,500 --> 00:00:11,250 ♪♪ You're the light ♪♪ 3 00:00:11,283 --> 00:00:17,383 ♪♪ Of love ♪♪ 4 00:00:17,416 --> 00:00:22,496 Yes! Bravo! Bravo! 5 00:00:22,830 --> 00:00:25,180 Oh, this benefit will make a fortune for Broadway Cares. 6 00:00:25,216 --> 00:00:27,316 With Roslyn Kind singing 7 00:00:27,350 --> 00:00:32,220 and her sister Barbra Streisand hosting the event-- 8 00:00:32,250 --> 00:00:34,660 Which is not why we hired you. 9 00:00:35,233 --> 00:00:38,403 Well, I haven't exactly gotten around to calling Barbra yet. 10 00:00:38,433 --> 00:00:40,833 BOTH: Why? 11 00:00:41,183 --> 00:00:44,383 Well, she hasn't given me her new number. 12 00:00:44,416 --> 00:00:48,656 But I do a great impersonation of Barbra. 13 00:00:48,100 --> 00:00:51,280 Although, personally, I think for years she's been doing me. 14 00:00:51,316 --> 00:00:53,216 [PLAYING PIANO] 15 00:00:53,250 --> 00:00:55,430 ♪♪ To find the way of your heart ♪♪ 16 00:00:55,466 --> 00:00:58,296 ♪♪ Sometimes you must say goodbye ♪♪ 17 00:00:58,333 --> 00:01:01,273 ♪♪ And trust that time will take you where ♪♪ 18 00:01:01,300 --> 00:01:06,280 ♪♪ Your greatest visions lie ♪♪ 19 00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:10,326 Barbra? Barbra? Barbra? 20 00:01:12,116 --> 00:01:15,346 ♪♪ Shine your light ♪♪ 21 00:01:15,383 --> 00:01:20,233 ♪♪ A smile deep down inside of you ♪♪ 22 00:01:20,266 --> 00:01:23,126 ♪♪ It is waiting there ♪♪ 23 00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:26,226 ♪♪ Just to guide you through ♪♪ 24 00:01:26,266 --> 00:01:30,146 ♪♪ You're the light of love ♪♪ 25 00:01:30,183 --> 00:01:34,283 - ♪♪You're the light ♪♪ - [DOORBELL RINGS] 26 00:01:34,316 --> 00:01:36,826 [CONTINUES RINGING] 27 00:01:36,116 --> 00:01:39,316 ♪♪ Of love ♪♪ 28 00:01:40,466 --> 00:01:44,326 Barbra, Barbra, Barbra! 29 00:01:44,300 --> 00:01:45,380 Barbra's sister. 30 00:01:45,416 --> 00:01:47,296 Close enough. Same DNA. 31 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:53,660 Nanny Fine, you are drooling on Roslyn's shoes. 32 00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:55,330 It doesn't matter. They're my sister's. 33 00:01:55,660 --> 00:01:57,320 Take them off! Take them off! 34 00:01:57,350 --> 00:01:59,400 Nanny Fine! 35 00:02:00,450 --> 00:02:02,400 This nut isn't working with us, is she? 36 00:02:02,433 --> 00:02:05,183 Oh, good heavens, no, no, no. 37 00:02:05,216 --> 00:02:07,326 She takes care of my children. 38 00:02:07,466 --> 00:02:09,096 Hi. 39 00:02:09,133 --> 00:02:11,373 Why don't we all go into Maxwell's office? 40 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,250 - Good idea. - Yeah. That's better. 41 00:02:13,283 --> 00:02:16,253 More intimate. It's got the little couch and everything. 42 00:02:16,283 --> 00:02:19,153 Tell me where Barbra lives and no one gets hurt. 43 00:02:21,333 --> 00:02:23,373 [THEME SONG PLAYING] 44 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:26,280 ♪♪ She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens ♪♪ 45 00:02:26,316 --> 00:02:28,156 ♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out ♪♪ 46 00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:29,450 ♪♪ In one of those crushing scenes ♪♪ 47 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,323 ♪♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪♪ 48 00:02:31,350 --> 00:02:34,300 ♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪ 49 00:02:34,333 --> 00:02:37,123 ♪♪ So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door ♪♪ 50 00:02:37,150 --> 00:02:39,400 ♪♪ She was there to sell makeup but the father saw more ♪♪ 51 00:02:39,433 --> 00:02:42,503 ♪♪ She had style! She had flair! She was there! ♪♪ 52 00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:45,280 ♪♪ That's how she became the nanny ♪♪ 53 00:02:45,316 --> 00:02:48,276 ♪♪ Who would have guessed that the girl we've described ♪♪ 54 00:02:48,316 --> 00:02:50,426 ♪♪ Was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? ♪♪ 55 00:02:50,466 --> 00:02:52,296 ♪♪ Now the father finds her beguiling ♪♪ 56 00:02:52,333 --> 00:02:54,003 ♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪ 57 00:02:54,330 --> 00:02:55,100 ♪♪ And the kids are actually smiling ♪♪ 58 00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,253 ♪♪ Such♪♪ 59 00:02:56,283 --> 00:02:57,483 ♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪ 60 00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:02,170 ♪♪ When everybody else is wearing tan ♪♪ 61 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:04,660 ♪♪ The flashy girl from Flushing ♪♪ 62 00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:06,830 ♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪ 63 00:03:08,233 --> 00:03:10,273 [♪♪♪] 64 00:03:15,183 --> 00:03:16,483 - Hey, Fran. - Shh! 65 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:19,160 My mother can't hear Barbra Streisand's sister. 66 00:03:22,133 --> 00:03:24,663 Well, if you'd stop chewing. 67 00:03:26,183 --> 00:03:27,483 I need to talk to you about a personal problem. 68 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:30,450 Honey, you're at that age, you should be talking to your butler. 69 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,170 No, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. 70 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:37,250 Your father's telling hisPirates of Penzance What's up? 71 00:03:37,283 --> 00:03:40,203 Well, I like this girl, Julie, but she just wants to be friends. 72 00:03:40,233 --> 00:03:42,323 How am I gonna get her to make a deeper commitment? 73 00:03:43,183 --> 00:03:44,403 You're asking me? 74 00:03:47,433 --> 00:03:49,183 Oh, Fran, I've had it. 75 00:03:49,216 --> 00:03:52,496 Dad is obviously not getting me a car for my birthday. 76 00:03:52,830 --> 00:03:55,120 So I figured out a way to win one. 77 00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:58,130 Miss Trans Am contest? 78 00:03:58,166 --> 00:04:01,126 Oh, honey, I am not letting you enter some contest 79 00:04:01,166 --> 00:04:03,276 where you parade around in some skimpy outfit 80 00:04:03,316 --> 00:04:06,296 so a bunch of men could stare at you like you're a piece of meat. 81 00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:07,303 No, ma'am. 82 00:04:07,333 --> 00:04:09,203 Not me. You. 83 00:04:09,233 --> 00:04:11,473 Oh, how sweet! 84 00:04:14,116 --> 00:04:17,656 Listen, all you have to do is win the talent portion 85 00:04:17,100 --> 00:04:19,280 drive a five-speed Trans Am through an obstacle course 86 00:04:19,316 --> 00:04:22,296 and be between the ages of 18 and 25. 87 00:04:22,333 --> 00:04:25,183 Oh, well, that lets me out. 88 00:04:25,216 --> 00:04:26,466 I can't drive a stick shift. 89 00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:30,660 Oh, you can't? 90 00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:32,470 Mm-mm. Nobody in my family can. 91 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,830 I think it's in the Torah or something. 92 00:04:36,466 --> 00:04:39,416 Well, maybe my dad could teach you on his Porsche. 93 00:04:39,450 --> 00:04:42,660 Oh, no. What am I saying? 94 00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:45,130 He would never help you win a car for me. 95 00:04:45,166 --> 00:04:46,996 Uh, you know, Maggie, 96 00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:49,180 I've seen your father drive his Porsche. 97 00:04:49,216 --> 00:04:52,346 Believe me, he's nobody to teach anybody how to drive a stick. 98 00:04:53,133 --> 00:04:55,663 I beg your pardon? 99 00:04:55,283 --> 00:04:56,433 We're in. 100 00:04:59,233 --> 00:05:01,333 [♪♪♪] 101 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,320 Oh, this entire thing is ridiculous. 102 00:05:12,350 --> 00:05:15,230 Maggie is far too young to have a car. 103 00:05:15,266 --> 00:05:17,996 Mr. Sheffield, you know, I understand you're a foreigner 104 00:05:18,330 --> 00:05:21,320 and that's why I cut you slack when you wear dark socks and sandals. 105 00:05:24,316 --> 00:05:28,466 But in this country, when a girl turns 17, she gets herself a car. 106 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,270 Unless you come from my neighborhood. 107 00:05:30,300 --> 00:05:32,230 Then it's a car or a nose job. 108 00:05:34,330 --> 00:05:35,250 I got the car. 109 00:05:37,316 --> 00:05:40,426 Ms. Fine, why don't you just get her one of those Remington Steele 110 00:05:40,466 --> 00:05:43,246 Lady Schick things you get everyone else? 111 00:05:43,283 --> 00:05:46,303 Are you kidding? She's like a daughter to me. 112 00:05:46,333 --> 00:05:49,223 Besides, you always get her expensive stuff. Now, I can. 113 00:05:49,250 --> 00:05:53,370 Oh, Ms. Fine, what you give my children, you can't put a price on. 114 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:56,230 And yet you find six bucks an hour sufficient. 115 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,420 Oh, Ms. Fine, go into third. 116 00:06:00,450 --> 00:06:02,470 You've gotta feel it when it's time to shift. 117 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,180 Do I have to squeeze your leg every time? 118 00:06:05,216 --> 00:06:07,176 I guess I'm a slow learner. 119 00:06:08,283 --> 00:06:11,503 There you go. That's the way. 120 00:06:11,233 --> 00:06:12,373 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 121 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:13,420 Oh, my God! 122 00:06:13,450 --> 00:06:15,500 Wait, wait, wait, where you going? 123 00:06:15,830 --> 00:06:16,420 - Why are you turning off? - Oh, Loehmann's. 124 00:06:16,450 --> 00:06:18,130 Warehouse. Mothership. 125 00:06:18,166 --> 00:06:21,316 No, no. Just-- just-- just drive. 126 00:06:21,350 --> 00:06:24,830 All right. All right. 127 00:06:25,350 --> 00:06:27,270 No more distractions. 128 00:06:28,316 --> 00:06:30,276 Shifting. 129 00:06:30,316 --> 00:06:32,346 Beautiful, babe. 130 00:06:33,183 --> 00:06:34,473 [CAR PHONE RINGING] 131 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,830 Yello. 132 00:06:36,116 --> 00:06:37,266 Oh, here, would you just-- 133 00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:39,200 Just put both hands on the wheel. 134 00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:43,133 Hello. Oh, C.C., hold on. I'm gonna put you on speaker. 135 00:06:43,166 --> 00:06:46,116 Maxwell, great news. Barbra Streisand called. 136 00:06:46,150 --> 00:06:47,280 Oh, I'm putting you off speaker. 137 00:06:47,316 --> 00:06:49,416 You touch that button and I'll kill us both. 138 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,450 Barbra's agreed to host the benefit, 139 00:06:53,483 --> 00:06:55,453 but only if we do it at her house in the Hamptons. 140 00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:59,203 Oh, my God. I can't believe I'm going to Barbra's house. 141 00:06:59,233 --> 00:07:02,663 - No, you're not. - This is the most exciting day of my life. 142 00:07:02,100 --> 00:07:05,100 - No, it's not. - Oh, Mr. Sheffield, how can I ever thank you? 143 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:07,003 By looking that way. Look out! 144 00:07:07,330 --> 00:07:09,230 - [SHRIEKS] Oh! - [TIRES SCREECHING] 145 00:07:09,266 --> 00:07:10,426 Stop! Stop! 146 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:14,350 Oh, my God. 147 00:07:14,383 --> 00:07:16,333 Oh, I think I hit something. 148 00:07:16,660 --> 00:07:18,100 No, I-- uh, it's all right, Ms. Fine, it was, uh-- 149 00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:20,103 it was just a piece of rubbish. 150 00:07:20,133 --> 00:07:23,333 With bunny ears and a little cotton tail? 151 00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,150 No. No. No. 152 00:07:25,183 --> 00:07:28,133 I saw it quite clearly. It really-- It was-- It was nothing. 153 00:07:28,166 --> 00:07:30,466 C.C.:No, no, no. I know that sound. 154 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:35,450 Nanny Fine killed a wittle wascawy wabbit. 155 00:07:37,450 --> 00:07:39,420 [♪♪♪] 156 00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:47,200 Oh, I can't believe I killed an innocent rabbit. 157 00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:50,373 Oh, Nanny Fine, you must feel horrible. 158 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,150 Oh, I do. 159 00:07:52,183 --> 00:07:54,123 Oh, you know what you need? 160 00:07:54,150 --> 00:07:56,280 Some comfort food. 161 00:07:57,660 --> 00:08:02,100 [C.C. LAUGHS] 162 00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:04,333 Now, Ms. Fine, it's not your fault. 163 00:08:04,366 --> 00:08:08,826 Sometimes horrible accidents happen. 164 00:08:08,116 --> 00:08:09,246 Exhibit A. 165 00:08:13,166 --> 00:08:15,326 You really shouldn't feel so bad. 166 00:08:15,660 --> 00:08:17,350 It's not as if rabbits are an endangered species. 167 00:08:17,383 --> 00:08:21,663 They spend their entire lives mating and reproducing. 168 00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:23,380 Oh, great. So not only did I kill an animal, 169 00:08:23,416 --> 00:08:26,266 but I killed one with a better social life than mine. 170 00:08:28,166 --> 00:08:31,096 Ms. Fine, you have to move on with your life. 171 00:08:31,133 --> 00:08:34,423 Now, let me ask you. What would Barbra do if she killed an animal? 172 00:08:34,450 --> 00:08:37,350 First, she'd fire her chauffeur. 173 00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:41,383 And then she'd write a beautiful ballad about it. 174 00:08:41,416 --> 00:08:44,496 Marvin Hamlisch would arrange. 175 00:08:44,830 --> 00:08:47,150 And then she'd do the duet with Julio Iglesias. 176 00:08:47,183 --> 00:08:49,203 You know, to pick up the foreign market. 177 00:08:50,166 --> 00:08:51,346 [SIGHS] 178 00:08:51,383 --> 00:08:55,663 - I feel better. - Mm. Thattagirl. 179 00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:58,280 I am going to win this Miss Trans Am contest 180 00:08:58,316 --> 00:09:01,416 and make my platform animal rights. 181 00:09:01,450 --> 00:09:03,280 I am going to speak out 182 00:09:03,316 --> 00:09:06,296 for all the little creatures that no one cares about. 183 00:09:06,333 --> 00:09:08,003 Exhibit B. 184 00:09:11,366 --> 00:09:16,156 ANNOUNCER:Welcome to the auto show at the Nassau Coliseum. 185 00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:19,270 You know, B, you didn't have to come with us. 186 00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,450 Hey, I love cars. 187 00:09:24,116 --> 00:09:26,126 Fran, shouldn't you be getting ready for the contest? 188 00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,316 We don't have time to meet Miss America. 189 00:09:28,350 --> 00:09:32,400 Honey, I was Miss Subways. It's a professional courtesy. 190 00:09:32,433 --> 00:09:36,103 Oh, if word got out that I was here and I snubbed her? 191 00:09:36,133 --> 00:09:40,233 Forget about it. It could start a whole inter-pageantary incident. 192 00:09:41,216 --> 00:09:43,396 - Tara. - Hi! 193 00:09:43,433 --> 00:09:47,223 Fran Fine, Miss Subways, 1980-- 194 00:09:47,250 --> 00:09:49,160 Uh... '90. 195 00:09:50,216 --> 00:09:52,426 Oh, it's always nice to meet another pageant winner. 196 00:09:52,466 --> 00:09:54,246 - Oh. - What was your platform? 197 00:09:54,283 --> 00:09:56,663 Uh, 59th and Lex. 198 00:09:57,333 --> 00:10:00,333 We two have so much in common. I mean, we're both title holders 199 00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:04,216 and, well, you can't get married for the duration of your reign 200 00:10:04,250 --> 00:10:07,330 and I can't get married for the love of God. 201 00:10:08,433 --> 00:10:11,163 I assume you're here for Miss Trans Am contest. 202 00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:12,200 Oh, is it that obvious? 203 00:10:12,233 --> 00:10:14,473 Absolutely. Good luck to you. 204 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:17,150 Oh, no. Fran's the one in the contest. 205 00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:19,323 Oh. Good luck to you. 206 00:10:21,433 --> 00:10:23,433 Meanwhile, I voted for Miss Kentucky. 207 00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:29,420 Moving into our final round, the driving competition 208 00:10:29,450 --> 00:10:33,160 and our current leader, Fran Fine. 209 00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,180 [APPLAUSE] 210 00:10:43,116 --> 00:10:44,416 This is so sexist. 211 00:10:44,450 --> 00:10:48,500 I mean, what do women in swimsuits have to do with selling cars? 212 00:10:48,830 --> 00:10:51,170 Sir, I think we've produced one too many revivals ofMame. 213 00:10:52,166 --> 00:10:56,196 Ms. Fine, start your engine! 214 00:11:11,266 --> 00:11:13,266 [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] 215 00:11:15,100 --> 00:11:16,480 [SHRIEKING] Oh! Oh! 216 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:18,450 [SCREAMS] 217 00:11:29,500 --> 00:11:33,450 Oh, Fran, don't feel bad about not winning me the car. 218 00:11:33,483 --> 00:11:36,203 I just love my new Wet/Dry Lady Schick. 219 00:11:37,350 --> 00:11:40,400 No. No. Really. Look. 220 00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:42,123 It's great. 221 00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:45,330 Oh, honey, you're so sweet. 222 00:11:45,366 --> 00:11:49,216 But aren't your friends disappointed that you didn't get a car? 223 00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:52,220 Uh... I don't have any friends anymore. 224 00:11:54,433 --> 00:11:56,453 Come on, Ms. Fine, let's go for a drive. 225 00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:59,133 You know what they say, when you fall off a horse, 226 00:11:59,166 --> 00:12:01,826 you gotta get right back on. 227 00:12:01,116 --> 00:12:03,116 Oh, I'm Jewish. The closest I ever get 228 00:12:03,150 --> 00:12:05,330 to a horse is Polo at Ralph Lauren. 229 00:12:08,133 --> 00:12:10,233 You'll drive us to the Paramus Mall. 230 00:12:10,266 --> 00:12:14,176 We'll tear buttons off things and get an extra ten percent discount. 231 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:17,350 No, I can't. 232 00:12:17,383 --> 00:12:20,123 You have to drive again, Ms. Fine. 233 00:12:20,150 --> 00:12:23,250 No. I mean, I've been barred from the Paramus Mall. 234 00:12:25,483 --> 00:12:27,323 Oh, Mr. Sheffield, it's okay. 235 00:12:27,350 --> 00:12:29,450 Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. 236 00:12:29,483 --> 00:12:31,433 I've decided to get therapy. 237 00:12:31,466 --> 00:12:34,426 How are we feeling today? 238 00:12:36,166 --> 00:12:39,176 I'm afraid we're going to have to cancel our appointment. 239 00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:41,496 I have a date coming over. 240 00:12:41,830 --> 00:12:43,330 That's how you therapists keep us coming back. 241 00:12:43,366 --> 00:12:45,116 You make us more bitter. 242 00:12:47,316 --> 00:12:50,396 Come on, Maxwell, we have a lot of work to do for the benefit. 243 00:12:50,433 --> 00:12:54,003 Don't mind me, Nanny Fine. I'm just passing through. 244 00:12:54,330 --> 00:12:56,150 [WHISTLES "THE BUNNY HOP"] 245 00:12:56,183 --> 00:12:58,833 Hop, hop, hop. 246 00:13:03,166 --> 00:13:05,416 Oh, come on, Ms. Fine, 247 00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:08,270 I can't stand seeing you like this. 248 00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:12,450 Can't you just forget what happened and get on with your life? 249 00:13:12,483 --> 00:13:16,133 Well, if you're gonna cuddle and touch me every time I'm depressed, 250 00:13:16,166 --> 00:13:19,346 I gotta tell you, this is pretty much my mood for a while. 251 00:13:23,283 --> 00:13:26,453 Oh, come on, there must be something I can do to cheer you up. 252 00:13:26,483 --> 00:13:29,153 Isn't there some favorite place you'd like to go? 253 00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:32,123 No. Nothing's giving me a buzz. 254 00:13:32,150 --> 00:13:34,160 How about Barbra Streisand's house? 255 00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:37,330 Oh, would you do that? 256 00:13:37,660 --> 00:13:40,830 Of course, Ms. Fine. Anything for you. 257 00:13:40,116 --> 00:13:45,116 Oh, this is like a dream come true, I'm so excited! 258 00:13:45,150 --> 00:13:47,660 Pack your bags and get out. 259 00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:58,333 Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Streisand. 260 00:13:58,660 --> 00:14:00,120 Oh, no, that's way too formal. 261 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,470 Nice knowing you, Babs. 262 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,470 No. That's way too familiar. 263 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:10,000 Oh, I've got such a shtuk in my gadehrum. 264 00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:12,200 Oh, you know, that's perfect. 265 00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:16,430 This is gonna be a disaster. 266 00:14:16,466 --> 00:14:21,496 First, we have to shake three bus loads of Fines trailing us. 267 00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:26,146 Come on, C.C., leave Ms. Fine alone. 268 00:14:26,183 --> 00:14:28,373 This is a very important night for her. 269 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:32,170 Ms. Fine, your hair is looking particularly big tonight. 270 00:14:33,483 --> 00:14:37,133 Well, yours would, too, if you had a camcorder hidden in it. 271 00:14:38,350 --> 00:14:41,320 Kidding! Would you relax? 272 00:14:41,350 --> 00:14:44,170 I am not going to embarrass you. 273 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:47,300 I'm on a pilgrimage to meet my spiritual leader. 274 00:14:49,416 --> 00:14:52,246 - What? - Oh, my stomach is killing me. 275 00:14:52,283 --> 00:14:54,303 It must be that pâté Niles made. 276 00:14:54,333 --> 00:14:57,333 Well, we're going to Barbra's house. 277 00:14:57,660 --> 00:14:58,280 She's a sister. 278 00:14:58,316 --> 00:15:02,826 She'll have Tagamet, Mylanta, Pepcid AC. 279 00:15:02,116 --> 00:15:03,166 Don't worry. 280 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,450 No. I'm serious, Ms. Fine. I'm sweaty. 281 00:15:05,483 --> 00:15:07,373 I'm starting to shake. 282 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:09,830 I'm gonna have to pull over. 283 00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:11,656 Yeah, we'll pull over. In her driveway. 284 00:15:11,100 --> 00:15:12,300 Now, floor it. 285 00:15:12,333 --> 00:15:14,383 C.C., you're gonna have to drive. 286 00:15:14,416 --> 00:15:16,476 Oh, that's a good idea. C.C., you drive. 287 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:20,330 Don't even stop the car. Just switch. Switch. 288 00:15:20,660 --> 00:15:22,450 Maxwell, you know I can't drive a stick. 289 00:15:22,483 --> 00:15:24,283 It's no good. I've got to get out, get some air. 290 00:15:24,316 --> 00:15:27,496 No. We'll drive with the windows open. 291 00:15:27,830 --> 00:15:30,150 So it's a little dewy. I'll frizz for my queen. 292 00:15:31,366 --> 00:15:33,466 Nanny Fine, Nanny Fine, Nanny Fine. 293 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,150 You drive a stick. 294 00:15:35,183 --> 00:15:37,323 No. I can't. I can't. 295 00:15:37,350 --> 00:15:40,380 I know. You put it in neutral, I'll push. 296 00:15:40,416 --> 00:15:43,246 I shoved my mother up a hill in San Francisco once. 297 00:15:43,283 --> 00:15:45,303 This is just a small foreign car. 298 00:15:47,316 --> 00:15:50,296 Nanny Fine, Maxwell and I are producing this for Broadway Cares. 299 00:15:50,333 --> 00:15:53,123 And I don't care if Broadway cares if I'm not there to get the credit! 300 00:15:54,450 --> 00:15:57,470 I can't. I can't! 301 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:02,100 ♪♪ Can it be that it was all so simple then ♪♪ 302 00:16:02,133 --> 00:16:03,323 Stop it! 303 00:16:03,350 --> 00:16:08,450 ♪♪ Or has time rewritten every line? ♪♪ 304 00:16:08,483 --> 00:16:12,273 [CRYING] I'm not gonna see my Barbra. 305 00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:15,430 Oh, my God. Forgive me. 306 00:16:17,830 --> 00:16:20,660 Nanny Fine, Roz swore me to secrecy 307 00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:23,100 but James Brolin is gonna propose to Barbra tonight. 308 00:16:23,133 --> 00:16:25,103 You'll know before Mary Hart. 309 00:16:25,133 --> 00:16:27,163 [GASPS] 310 00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:30,660 Get in! You'll puke in the Porsche! 311 00:16:34,116 --> 00:16:36,166 [♪♪♪] 312 00:16:39,133 --> 00:16:40,303 So, what was she like? 313 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:42,383 Did you actually get to talk to Miss Streisand? 314 00:16:42,416 --> 00:16:45,326 Uh-huh. I told her, 315 00:16:45,660 --> 00:16:47,120 "I love you, my queen." 316 00:16:47,150 --> 00:16:49,250 And she said, 317 00:16:49,283 --> 00:16:52,103 "Put those boots back in my closet." 318 00:16:55,466 --> 00:16:57,476 Well, it was a banner night for both of us. 319 00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,470 You got to meet your idol and overcome your fear of driving, 320 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,400 - Mm-hm. - while I got a safety pin 321 00:17:02,433 --> 00:17:06,163 and worked that little string through Mr. Sheffield's sweat pants. 322 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:13,180 And I've got you to thank for getting over my fear of driving. 323 00:17:13,216 --> 00:17:14,396 It never would've happened 324 00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:18,133 if you hadn't fed Mr. Sheffield that rancid pâté. 325 00:17:18,166 --> 00:17:20,496 I'm highly offended. 326 00:17:20,830 --> 00:17:21,450 Why? Because I called your pâté rancid? 327 00:17:21,483 --> 00:17:24,433 No. That you'd think I'd actually take the time to make it. 328 00:17:24,466 --> 00:17:27,366 I buy it, peel off the label, and slap it on a plate. 329 00:17:28,416 --> 00:17:30,216 I haven't even done that in months. 330 00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:34,416 Well, then, why would he say he got sick? 331 00:17:34,450 --> 00:17:36,400 Why would he fake it? 332 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:40,380 Oh, that sweet man. 333 00:17:40,416 --> 00:17:42,326 Do you know what he did for me? 334 00:17:42,366 --> 00:17:44,276 Threw up on Ms. Babcock? 335 00:17:45,450 --> 00:17:48,220 No. That would have been for me. 336 00:17:50,266 --> 00:17:55,376 No. He pretended to be sick to force me to drive. 337 00:17:55,416 --> 00:17:58,126 Oh, he was showing his love for me 338 00:17:58,166 --> 00:18:01,366 by acting like he was nauseous. 339 00:18:04,150 --> 00:18:06,400 Did you know how he felt about me? 340 00:18:06,433 --> 00:18:10,003 Did I know? For four years, I've been hinting to him, 341 00:18:10,330 --> 00:18:11,830 I've been hinting to you, 342 00:18:11,116 --> 00:18:12,346 I've been hinting to him to hint to you. 343 00:18:12,383 --> 00:18:15,133 Why do you think I don't have enough time to make pâté? 344 00:18:16,133 --> 00:18:18,273 [♪♪♪] 345 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:25,000 Mr. Sheffield, I know what you did. 346 00:18:25,330 --> 00:18:29,250 Oh, well, Ms. Fine, James and Barbra insisted we go out for a drink. 347 00:18:29,283 --> 00:18:31,503 I couldn't find you. 348 00:18:31,830 --> 00:18:33,120 I'm not talking about that. 349 00:18:33,150 --> 00:18:34,300 You what?! 350 00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:38,320 Gotcha. 351 00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:40,370 [LAUGHING] 352 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:43,160 Let's get back to what you were saying. 353 00:18:43,500 --> 00:18:47,170 I know that you pretended to be sick to get me to drive. 354 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,370 I'll tell you, it is just so adorable 355 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:52,480 how you can't really express the way you feel. 356 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,320 Like all the times that you yell and scream at me 357 00:18:55,350 --> 00:18:59,280 when in reality, you want to hug me. 358 00:19:00,466 --> 00:19:02,146 Well... 359 00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:05,103 And all those times that you fired me, 360 00:19:05,133 --> 00:19:06,423 in reality... 361 00:19:07,316 --> 00:19:09,166 ...you want to kiss me. 362 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:11,380 All right. 363 00:19:13,350 --> 00:19:16,000 When you told me you loved me and you took it back, 364 00:19:16,330 --> 00:19:18,100 - when in reality-- - No. Actually, that I meant. 365 00:19:18,133 --> 00:19:19,303 I hate you. 366 00:19:20,483 --> 00:19:23,003 No, you don't. You really want to hug me. 367 00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:24,300 Okay. I'm busted. 368 00:19:26,116 --> 00:19:27,416 Tell me, Ms. Fine, just out of curiosity, 369 00:19:27,450 --> 00:19:29,400 how did you know I was faking? 370 00:19:29,433 --> 00:19:32,103 Oh, Niles spilled the beans. 371 00:19:55,166 --> 00:19:59,326 Now, now, I'm just saying I'm surprised that Barbra called you out of the blue 372 00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:01,996 and invited you back to her house. 373 00:20:02,330 --> 00:20:03,330 What don't you get? 374 00:20:03,366 --> 00:20:05,126 We share the same heritage. 375 00:20:05,166 --> 00:20:07,296 We both have a distinctive voice. 376 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:12,220 I had an Andre Agassi poster in my room. 377 00:20:12,250 --> 00:20:14,130 She had Andre Agassi. 378 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,470 It just seems very bizarre to me, that's all. 379 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:21,320 She's a very private person. I can't imagine what she wants with you. 380 00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:24,480 Look, we just hit it off. In fact, she said she was gonna come right over, 381 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,130 but I said, "Don't bother. We'll come to you." 382 00:20:27,166 --> 00:20:29,146 Oh, wait, let me get my purse. 383 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,280 Goodbye, gorgeous. 384 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,220 I suppose she's gonna want this purse back, too. 385 00:20:57,216 --> 00:21:00,226 Listen, all you have to do is win a talent portion... 386 00:21:00,266 --> 00:21:02,326 - Yeah. - ...drive a-- drive a-- Bleah! 387 00:21:02,366 --> 00:21:05,216 Okay. Listen, you're in two movies of the week. 388 00:21:05,250 --> 00:21:08,150 You're overworked already this week. 389 00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:10,503 [LAUGHS] 390 00:21:10,830 --> 00:21:12,180 Okay. 391 00:21:12,216 --> 00:21:16,376 But in this country, when a girl turns 17, she gets herself a car. 392 00:21:16,416 --> 00:21:20,096 Unless you come from my neighborhood, then it's a car or a nose job. 393 00:21:22,133 --> 00:21:23,233 I got the nose job-- 394 00:21:23,266 --> 00:21:24,376 Oh! 395 00:21:24,416 --> 00:21:26,366 [BOTH LAUGHING] 396 00:21:32,300 --> 00:21:33,470 Not. 397 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:41,660 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 29402

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