All language subtitles for the nanny s03e11

Maxwell, I can't
believe
you won't let me read
your first novel.

I've never been so
insulted
in my life.

You've never been
so insulted?

Well, now, I'm insulted.

C.C., my writing is very
personal to me.

Look, if it makes you
feel any better,

I can assure you no one has
read
it, and no one ever will.

Here's your
book,
Mr. Sheffield.

I got a little
Slim-Fast
on page nine.

Miss Fine, this manuscript
was in a folder

marked "Personal"
in a file marked "Private"
hidden in my desk drawer.

Oh, I get you.
I get you.

You don't want certain people
reading it.

Miss Fine, that
included you.

You're kidding? If you
didn't
want anybody reading it,

you should have put it
in your secret wall
safe.

You want me to open it for you?
Get out.

All right. Okay. But I'm
telling
you, this man is gifted.

Come back.

You really think so?

Oh, I was so
engrossed
in it.

Now, remember that script
you asked me

to hand-deliver
to Mandy Patinkin

before 12:00,

or he was gonna pass on
your new play?

Didn't do it.

What? He's getting on a
plane
for the coast in an hour.

Oh, well, do you want me
to rush and catch him,

because, you know, I can tell
you how great your book is
later.

Oh, no, no, no. Sit, sit, sit.
C.C. can go.

Maxwell! Oh, just give me
the script.

I'll never get to the airport
in an hour.

That's true, sir. She needs at
least two people on her broom

to use the express lane.

So, uh, Miss Fine,
you were saying?

Well, I just loved
the lead character.

You know, the rich, handsome
movie producer

tragically widowed in the
prime of his life,

struggling to raise three
children all by himself.

Oh, I don't know how you
come up with this stuff.

I just let my imagination
run wild.

And my favorite was the
over-the-hill houseboy.

Hmm?

What a riot. Thinks he
should
be king of the castle.

Every time the
boss
turns his back,

he's smoking his cigars
and drinking his brandy,

mumbling something
under his breath.

[MUMBLES] Probably make
another million.

Like he needs it.

Well, now that
they're gone,

can we talk
about
the producer

and that sexy,
gorgeous governess

he's got prancing
around
in those short skirts.

Oh, I'll tell you,

they've got so much...

[GROWLING]
..between
them.

-You like that, huh?
-Oh, baby.

And that wedding night after
all
those years of sexual tension.

Hoo-ah!

Miss Fine, they don't
get married.

Well, I'm just telling
you
what the public wants.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

SINGER:♪♪ She was working
in a bridal shop
in Flushing, Queens ♪♪

♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪♪

♪♪ In one of those
crushing scenes ♪♪

♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪

♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪

♪♪ So over the bridge
from Flushing
to the Sheffields' door ♪♪

♪♪ She was there
to sell makeup,
but the father saw more ♪♪

♪♪ She had style!
She had flair!
She was there! ♪♪

♪♪ That's how
she became the nanny! ♪♪

♪♪ Who would have guessed
that the girl
we've described ♪♪

♪♪ Was just exactly
what the doctor prescribed?
♪♪

♪♪ Now the father
finds her beguiling ♪♪

♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪

♪♪ And the kids
are actually smiling ♪♪

♪♪ Such♪♪

♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪

♪♪ When everybody else
is wearing tan ♪♪

♪♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪♪

♪♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪♪

Wait a minute. Is this
fat-free,
sugar-free and artificially
sweetened?

No. But I used an eight-inch
pan
instead of a ten.

-Close enough.
-Hm.

Spit that out.

She's like one of
those
dope-sniffing dogs.

Fran, this is how
you spend your day,

standing around the kitchen
eating cake?

Thank you.

Fran, you're probably wondering
why I'm acting so strange.

Ma, you've been here
for two seconds.

You yelled, you ate.

The only thing
strange is that

you haven't showed me
a wedding announcement

from a girl I
went
to high school
with.

It's in my purse.

Meanwhile, Cousin Susan's kid
is getting circumcised,

and she wants me to throw
the bris party.

Well, you're the one that
wanted
to have the apartment

professionally decorated.

Fran, it's too much for me.

I'm just gonna tell them
I'm having a hysterectomy.

You've already had four.
Don't you think someone's
gonna get wise?

I only said that to your
father's side.

Meanwhile, four times,

not one card.

Oh, why don't you just tell
them
the truth, that it's too much
for you?

What are they gonna do?

Never invite me to their
place
in Florida again.

I'll have to spend
all my winters here.

Oh, Ma, we better
look alive.

Now, the first
thing
we got to do

is find
ourselves
a mohel.

Well, there's a doozy
right there.

Not a mole. A mohel.

That's the person that
performs
the circumcision.

That's chocolate.

Thank you.

Fran, tell that little stain
that if he doesn't quit
filming me,

he'll be able to turn that
thing
off by pressing his navel.

Oh, yeah, like you're
gonna
shove it down my throat.

Guess again.

B, why don't you do something
constructive with yourself?

Because I've got a trust
fund
that kicks in at 18,

and everything between now
and then is all filler.

That's terrible. You should be
thinking about college, career,

what retirement condo you're
gonna buy for your nanny in
Boca.

Hey, if someone got me some
milk, it could happen.

B, you're gonna
make something

out of yourself, mister.

Now you love that camera
so much?

There you go. Why don't you
become a director?

You can move to Hollywood.

Hey, I'm not married
to Boca.

I wouldn't mind living
in Beverly Hills.

You know, I'm three hours
younger there.

Oh, Ma, I've got a great idea.

Why don't we hire B
to take the videotape
of the bris?

You're going to trust
an event like this
to the boy?

Yes, I trust him completely.

He's a very mature,
responsible
young man,

and I think this would be
a great experience for him.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Fran, my future freeloading
in Florida

depends on this party.

-There is no way
that I am going to...
-He'll do it for a 10.

You're hired.

Sweetheart, I don't like to be
filmed when I'm eating.

Which is why there's more
footage of Bigfoot than
her.

Ma, would you calm down?
I'm on my way.

Oh, well, if you want
an honest answer, yes.

I think serving miniature
franks
at a bris is tasteless, okay?

Miss--Miss Fine, do you really
think you should wear that?

You don't want to distract
the man doing the deed.

Oh, he's only got his
mind
on one thing.

Do you guys want to come?

-[MUMBLING]
-No.

Brighton, come on!

Oh, he's upstairs in my closet
trying on ties.

He wanted to look right
for his first job.

Oh, well, trust me, nobody in
my
family is gonna look at him
twice

unless he's
wrapped
in smoked turkey

with a toothpick
shoved through
him.

You know, Miss Fine,
I'm very impressed

with the way you've gotten
Brighton off his duff
and pushed him into this.

Well, you know,
this is what I
do.

I mean, I've been at
it
for years.

I thought this was your first
nanny job.

What nanny? I'm talking
about
being ayenta.

I mean, do I have
great
instincts or what?

You're the best.

And I do know when it's
the
right time to give a guy
a little push.

You're amazing.

So then, I was
right
to send your book
to a publisher?

You're fired.

Come on, Miss Fine,
you knew perfectly
well

I didn't want
anyone
to see that book.

Well, then, why did you
let me read it?

Well, because I value your--
I didn't ask you to read it!

Will you just calm down?

You're beginning to
pulsate over there.

You're very talented.

If I didn't push myself,

I wouldn't have a mansion,
a butler, and a limousine.

Miss Fine, you don't
have
those things.

Look, I like to see the glass
half-full. Do you mind?

The bottom line is
the book's great,

and you're a great writer.

Well, I suppose there
can't be any harm

in sending it
to one publisher.

One, 12.

The point being, I was right
about Brighton,

and I'm right about you.

Brighton, come on!

We're gonna be late for
the bris. Chop, chop!

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

FRAN: Gorgeous boy.

Beautiful boy.

Handsome boy.

Oh, is that the ugliest baby

you have ever seen
in your life?

Please. I had to come in
here
so I could eat.

If they were ever making
a Mr. Gefilte Fish Head,
that's the model.

So, what do you think
of my boy?

-Beautiful.
-Beautiful.

Meanwhile, everything
is just delicious.

Aye! What is this?
Cost Club mustard?

How dare you?

Ma, it is Cost Club mustard.

But I put it in
a Gray Poupon
jar.

How the hell did she know?

What is she,
a mustard
tester?

I owe you? You owe me.

1965,Fiddler on the Roof.
I paid for the parking.

You remember that? Who took
three sips of my Coke?

-Franny.
-Yeah?

You let someone bring
a mangy pet in here?

It's very unsanitary
for the baby.

Yetta, that is the baby.

I guess I shouldn't have given
him that meatball that...

that fell on the floor?

Ma, don't you think we
should
get this show on the road?

Morty, we're not waiting
for halftime.

Get out here!

Okay, B, we're
about
to get started.

What are you doing?

BRIGHTON: I'm shooting the bris.

FRAN: That's brisket.

Don't you know
what a bris is?

No.

Oh, well, fasten your lens
cap.
You're about to find out.

Shoot the baby.

All right. I'm just here to
do whatever you...

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

You don't look so good.

B, are you okay?

BRIGHTON: I don't really think
so. [CRASHES]

B, B, are you okay?

Get up. You're gonna miss it.

There's no "Take two"
in this.

[ALL CHEERING]

Oh, Miss Fine, the bris
was a week ago.

The baby's gotten over it.
I should think you could.

Oh, but
Brighton
is humiliated.

My mother is
barred
from Boca.

None of the family
is speaking to me.

Well, there's
the
silver lining.

Oh, B. B, please, cheer up.

Nobody cares that
you didn't tape the bris.

Your cousin Susan
spit on me.

Well, that's a Jewish
blessing.

Why do you think we have
plastic
on the furniture?

Just be glad Yetta
didn't bless you,

'cause when her teeth shoot
out,
you can lose an eye.

Oh, Niles, God, I thought
it was such a great idea.

You know, I think the old
instincts are just gone.

Watch. The next
thing
I'll hear,

Mr. Sheffield's
book
isn't any good.

MAXWELL: Miss Fine!

I guess the old instincts
are back.

Niles, have you seen
Miss Fine?

Um, sorry, sir.
I think she's gone out.

Oh, what a shame,
because here I am

standing with
Barbra Streisand...

I love you!
I love you!

What is the one thing

I asked you never
to
joke about?

Nice work, Miss Fine. My book
was rejected. They hated it.

Oh, I'm sure
you're
exaggerating.

They couldn't have hated it.
"We hate it."

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Sheffield.
I don't know what's happening.

I'm making mistakes
left and right.

I've lost my powers.
Oh, no.

I'm like Aunt Clara
onBewitched.

Fran, did you send
my videotape of the
bris

toAmerica's
Wackiest
Home Videos?

I quit. That's it.

I'm not fit to raise
children
anymore.

I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know anything anymore.

I don't know anything.

Well, my tape got picked.

I knew it. I knew it!

Well, the best part is
we all get a free trip
to Hollywood.

Oh, do you know
what this means?

You and Ethel are gonna steal
John Wayne's footprints?

No, no. It means that
my
instincts are back,

and I'm better than ever.

What about this?

Mr.
Sheffield,
I'm a nanny.

You hired me to take
care
of kids.

You're a grown man.

You want your problems solved,

get a wife.

SINGER:
♪♪ Out where they say ♪♪

♪♪ Let us be gay ♪♪

♪♪ I'm going Hollywood ♪♪

♪♪ I'm ballyhoo ♪♪

♪♪ Greetings to you ♪♪

♪♪ I'm going Hollywood ♪♪

Well, here we are back at
Stage 6 again.

You know, my people found
their way out of the desert

faster than you're gonna
find Stage 14.

Can you please ask someone
for directions?

Miss Fine, I have been in
show business my entire life.

I think I can find my way
around a studio.

Okay. Do you want to write it
down this time?

It's complicated.

You go down there past Stage 12
and next to it,

what do you know, 13.

And surprise, 14 is after that.

All right. No need to
be
so snide.

Really. You know,
he's a big-time producer.

Really?

What do you produce?

Broadway.

Theater? All right.
Move on. Move on.

These things cost
a buck fifty each.

Maybe I should just catch up
with you guys atWackiest
Videos.

I got to find myself
a bathroom.

Oh, ah, well, there's
one
of those right there.

Yeah, you go down to wardrobe
and make a right...

no left. Left.

[SCATTING]

♪♪ Bonanza ♪♪

♪♪ Meanwhile,
where do you pee? ♪♪

♪♪ Gotta go, gotta go,
gotta really go ♪♪

We don't want everyone to
panic,
but this could be an epidemic.

Well, maybe we should
move the children.

Pardon me.

WOMAN: Cut! Cut!

Oh, well, as long
as
you're stopped.

Oh, Dr. Quinn, I
just
love you so much.

I watch you every Saturday
night. Not that I don't date.

I mean, I can tape it
if someone would ask me out.

-Hi, I'm Fran Fine.
-I'm Joe Lando.

DR. QUINN: Excuse me. Excuse
me,
please, but we're...

we're--we're in the middle
of something.

FRAN: Honey, honey,

you're only married
to him on the show.

When they yell "Cut,"
let it go.

Meanwhile, that coat
is to die for.

Did you get that
over
at the mercantile?

Well, that's just a
storefront,
a set. It's--

Everything here is fake.
It's...

-Fake.
-Oh.

Even the john in your
clinic over here?

Mmm-hmm.

Fake.

I'm sorry. It looked real.

Oh, now I know how
Tom Arnold felt.

[♪♪♪]

Excuse me? Pardon me?
Cute shoes.

-Where's everybody going?
-Miss Fine, where have you been?

You missed the entire show.

Oh, I wandered onto
theDr. Quinn

Say, you know that
meeting
that you were gonna have

-with Jane Seymour
about that new play?
-Hmm-hmm.

Don't bring
her
to the house.

-So, what happened?
Did B win?
-Uh, no.

Something calledMeet
the Dunson Twins

Oh, is Brighton crushed?

No. Meet the Dunson twins.

I love show business.

Oh, another happy ending.

Oh, you know, a lot
of
people told me

that I should move
here
and get into movies.

Oh, what stopped you?

Talkies.

Oh, Maxwell, you're home.

Very funny.

You know, he's due back
any moment

so you'd better
get out of his
suit.

So the big, nosy butler just
couldn't wait to read
Maxwell's book.

How pathetic.

For your information,
this is not his book.

It's chapters
one
through five.

-I've got six through ten.
-I'll trade you, trade you.

[EXCLAIMING]

Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
you're home.

Oh, right.
[CHUCKLES]

Like I'm gonna fall for that?

[EXCLAIMING] I'm reading
Maxwell's stupid book.

-C.C.
-And it's great! It's good!

I tried to stop her, sir.

Look, I ripped half of it
out of her hand.

Oh, I'm so glad
to be home.

But I'll tell you, I'm
gonna
miss that room service.

Niles, could you make me some
hot tea and turn down my bed?

I can't wait to show
my class

the pretzels that
Joey Lawrence...

-..left on the plane.
- [SQUEALING]

Joey Lawrence wasn't
on the plane.

Neither was my class.

-I--I don't believe it.
-What? What?

Someone's going to publish
my book.

Oh, now you see,
I knew you had talent.

I hope you never doubt
yourself again.

Well, I must say, Miss Fine,
this is a little thrilling.

I, uh... I suppose I do
owe you a bit of an apology.

Oh, please, please,
all I'm happy about

is that everyone
knows
how good you are.

-Miss Fine?
-Yeah?

How much are you paying to have
his book published?

[SHUSHING]

$2,500.

Where are you
getting
the money?

I thought I'd ask you for it.

Old instincts
are gone
again.

Miss Fine, what
if
he finds out?

Oh, trust me, he's never
gonna find out.

What? They enclosed a bill
with the letter?

Miss Fine!

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]