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just breathing it guys whenever you're
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ready
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i don't even know where to begin
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times of tough yes
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we may be undead
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but it's still a pandemic we're bored
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like immortally bored
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[Music]
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and then there's the hole
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everything
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no one will even invite you inside
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anymore well hello
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you can't come in without masks
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[Music]
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curfews have made food scarce like
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we can barely eat let alone afford rent
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okay she's underselling it we're
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desperate like
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lisa vanderpump's dog has died desperate
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very
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so now we have to
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find a third roommate
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is this thing on it is i can do like a
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is it don't tap it okay sorry
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test
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hi i'm charlie i'm a psychic vamp i'm an
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energy vamp like a high energy vamp if
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you will so i feed on like vibes like
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the spiritual would say chakras just
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energy in general
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um welcome to ghost housing it is a
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convenient way for the no longer living
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to find a place to live so being a day
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walker i can be out and about and i can
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scout locations for some of our more
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nocturnal clientele you know
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places like this
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windowless damp cold
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terrible for humans but perfect for
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vampires
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new york is full of these
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recently
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i have been dealing with this
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tough nut to crack i've got these two
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little sweethearts who are just so
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insistent on finding a millennial to
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live with and i'm just like wow there is
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not a ton of thousand-year-old vampires
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out here looking for temporary housing
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[Music]
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myself
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i am looking for a fresh dart
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i was recently exercised from my castle
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in my homeland of romania i went out for
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a stroll to clear my head for a decade
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or two and when i returned the entire
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thing was under quarantine
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so now i have crossed the terrors of the
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sea
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and found my way here
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to america to the blood apple
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and now i am in search of a residence
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from where i may brood and contemplate
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my immortal suffering
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and you know maybe make a friend or two
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hello
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yes is this charlie curator of housing
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for ghosts you must be lucian indeed
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yeah buzzy right in come on up hey
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curtis welcome
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no you have to do it like right away
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[Music]
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i'll actually let him in in a second i
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actually just sent you guys a gofundme
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link for um it's awareness around
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climate emissions from cell phone towers
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i know it doesn't seem like climate
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change would be a big deal to my people
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but we are here for an eternity and by
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the way when i say my people i'm not
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trying to be exclusive or offended oh
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hey
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hi buddy good morning
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wow
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oh by the way are we all composting
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here it's fine
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i guess charlie found us a new roommate
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so this is actually happening i mean i
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for one am excited to get some new
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energy in this place
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yes
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is this the residence of
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rebecca
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and brian
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yes
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obviously there was some sort of mistake
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i am
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former count of transylvania
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luchen vladimir
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worries to friends and close
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acquaintances
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may i enter
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well of course you may boris get on in
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here please make yourself at home
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oh my god
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he's so adorable
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he's like a real classic vampire
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it's a retro
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i think this is gonna work out
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i'll give you the tour
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ah this is perfect what dark and
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beautiful sleeping quarters oh actually
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glad you like it
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so meals have gotten a
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little complicated
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i tried for a while to go vampire vegan
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hashtag vampigan
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so i was only eating animals
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now
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after a while i realized that i actually
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love animals just as beings in the world
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sewing back on humans but with everyone
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staying inside
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we've had to get creative
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no
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no
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yes
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definitely us this was my genius
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dating apps
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obviously everyone's at their thirstiest
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right now so it's like spotting virgins
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it's never been easier
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oh
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yes but not for eating
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okay fine i'll eat them after
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that defeats the purpose of finding a
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virgin
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oh darn you're right
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i find your methods overly laborious i
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will return shortly with sustenance
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no you can't everyone's infected i've
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eaten people with all manner of disease
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plague malaria civilized hepatitis
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cooties
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plague
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i do not fear this covet 19.
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one
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one human ready for the vow oh my god i
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can smell how infected he is get him out
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of here dr fauci is a hologram forest
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he's too brainwashed to be hypnotized
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are you kidding me where do you find
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these people time square ew
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more for me
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oh
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the earth is flat the scientists were
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all wrong they're in the pocket so i
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think my first exposure was buffy
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yeah he was actually buffy um
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i mean listen i wasn't like trying to
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become a vampire god no um
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because listen yes i'm immortal okay
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fine i'm like undeniably more mysterious
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thank you um but no it's
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it's actually been kind of tough
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you see i was really trying to become an
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instant influencer but
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those streams are gone
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completely vanished
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and literally banished i can't be seen
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in photos
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but lately i've been trying to get into
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the undead online community
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[Music]
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it has been hard because it's niche you
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know there's not a ton of them i think
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what i'm finding out is that beings that
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have been around for centuries aren't
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like dying to learn new things
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i do think though that if i get to
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understand lucian closely
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then i can crack into this key
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demographic and it'll explode date of
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birth
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november 15th 988.
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oh this only goes to 1900. um
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we'll say 1988. okay
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i'm afraid i asked you um do you have an
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email i've actually been on social media
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for quite some time as the
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neck
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romancer
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i have a small following in bucharest
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lately i've just been getting lucian to
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count things out loud you know
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like the count does
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surprisingly tick tock loves it it's
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hide and seek you have to count out loud
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one
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two
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three hey lucian how many humans do you
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see um
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i see one
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two
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oh there's three
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why are we eating them
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the only thing he seems to have taken to
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is binge watching yeah i started him on
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game of thrones you know it's sexy it's
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gory plus i can't wait to see his hopes
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and dreams shatter by that trash ending
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jamie lannister no
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when the queen of dragons went mad and
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burned the city
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i found it quite tragic and
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sophisticated um is this you
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what you already have social oh my god
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you have more followers than me well i
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shared your videos they were quite well
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received
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those should have been my likes
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you know if we combine forces i think we
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could maximize our influence over the
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masses of mortals
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oh my god
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i also found that they knew exactly the
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right amount of blood to include in a
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wedding
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i think it started when i was very young
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and my mom would play rod stewart's
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forever young
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but actually
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i've always wanted to be mortal young
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people always act like they're going to
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live forever but i
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am actually gonna live forever
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so for the first couple of years
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i was teaching myself all kinds of
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skills
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then after a while i thought
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why
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i have all of eternity to learn
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everything
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and then after that
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i don't know things just
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things just stopped having a purpose
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i know but the idea of me outliving lady
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gaga really sucks like i want to go out
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into the sun and burn sucks so like i
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want to have a bad romance with her
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i want to turn her so that we can be on
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and off again forever
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well generally it's good not to turn
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more people into one day
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i help the non-living deal with their
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life after death you can read about it
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in my book living with eternity by
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walter ravenfeld
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that's me
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my running theory is that vampires are
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often stuck at the age and time they
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become vampires much like pop stars or
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celebrities who become famous at a young
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age
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these young vampires are just not
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equipped to handle what's out there
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so without a werewolf to be my rival in
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love
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what was the point in me hypnotizing a
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mortal man about three things i was
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absolute shut up chad so i've been
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setting up this real life gender
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gender-swapped twilight for myself it's
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like self-care so it's basically
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life and death but better excuse me
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forrest i'm on a call yes but i couldn't
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help but overhear that you're in need of
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a werewolf
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oh
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oh
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you don't get to be a millennial old
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without meeting a werewolf or two
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unfortunately
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they are savage and civilized beast but
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every once in a while you meet one that
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is alright
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i am happy i can provide this for
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rebecca
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00:12:47,040 --> 00:00:00,768
so like
290
00:00:00,768 --> 00:12:50,240
karen ate chad
291
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,480
like yes maybe i shouldn't have referred
292
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,760
to him as a tasty snack and yes it's
293
00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:58,240
kind of hot watching on a woman like
294
00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:00,800
totally murder a man in cold blood like
295
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,880
i'm really living for that
296
00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:06,079
but no she is not my lady jacob voris
297
00:13:06,079 --> 00:13:09,360
was completely wrong she cannot hang and
298
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:12,480
honestly i'm really disappointed in him
299
00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:17,440
like
300
00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:18,839
being a
301
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:20,399
werewolf
302
00:13:20,399 --> 00:13:22,240
it's kind of just like being a woman but
303
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:26,560
more intense
304
00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:29,040
i wanted to uh talk to you two about a
305
00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:32,639
round slave
306
00:13:32,639 --> 00:13:34,800
our slave the one who cleans does
307
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,600
laundry other unsavory tasks you mean
308
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:41,839
alex are familiar yes familiar slave
309
00:13:41,839 --> 00:13:44,320
what is the difference well we're paying
310
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:47,120
him we are yeah we are
311
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:48,639
in
312
00:13:48,639 --> 00:13:52,880
eventual immortality and everlasting
313
00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:54,720
life
314
00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:57,440
this seems like semantics okay he has a
315
00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:58,240
point
316
00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:01,440
no no no no oh my god no are we slave
317
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:02,639
voters no
318
00:14:02,639 --> 00:14:05,279
no oh my god
319
00:14:05,279 --> 00:14:06,959
i've got a pair of socks i would like
320
00:14:06,959 --> 00:14:12,160
him to throw in with the next load
321
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,399
anyone need anything
322
00:14:14,399 --> 00:14:17,040
i always saw it as kind of an unpaid
323
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:18,560
internship
324
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:20,639
you you hope it will go to something
325
00:14:20,639 --> 00:14:23,680
real but i also acknowledge that
326
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:25,519
it may just be sucking life out of you
327
00:14:25,519 --> 00:14:26,720
i'd rather
328
00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,199
hold out hope for immortality than for
329
00:14:29,199 --> 00:14:32,959
google stock options
330
00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:34,399
we're really so sorry about this that
331
00:14:34,399 --> 00:14:36,800
was not the attention oh i mean it's
332
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:39,400
totally fine i like working yeah
333
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:44,320
[Music]
334
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,320
it's for the best
335
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:49,360
we did the right thing yeah yeah
336
00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:50,800
should we watch the circle oh my god
337
00:14:50,800 --> 00:00:00,892
yeah
338
00:00:00,892 --> 00:14:54,880
so vorace wasn't exactly what we were
339
00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:56,959
looking for at all like
340
00:14:56,959 --> 00:14:58,800
at all
341
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:01,360
but but he's not the worst roommate i
342
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,440
mean he um
343
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,920
grounds us
344
00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,240
and we oh my god we all like the same tv
345
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:12,160
shows
346
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:14,399
i'm never gonna financially recover from
347
00:15:14,399 --> 00:15:15,760
this
348
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:17,680
we should totally get a tiger
349
00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:18,639
no
350
00:15:18,639 --> 00:15:30,400
but no
351
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:37,759
[Music]
352
00:15:37,759 --> 00:15:51,920
cause i don't understand
353
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:59,279
we were bound
354
00:15:59,279 --> 00:16:01,360
it's just not good enough
355
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:02,800
this is supposed to give me the shadows
356
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:06,079
house okay
357
00:16:06,079 --> 00:16:12,630
no one's even gonna watch this
358
00:16:12,630 --> 00:16:21,690
[Music]
359
00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:28,079
[Music]
360
00:16:28,079 --> 00:16:31,600
you guys are making a vampire jock
361
00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:33,279
when is somebody gonna make a werewolf
362
00:16:33,279 --> 00:16:35,946
doc i'm just saying like we have stories
22340
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