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1
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- There's something I need to tell you.
2
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Rach, there's something
I need to tell you.
3
00:00:20,847 --> 00:00:24,430
Rach, there's something
I need to tell you.
4
00:01:18,972 --> 00:01:20,722
Hey, Connor.
5
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- Hey.
6
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- Sorry, sorry.
7
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- I thought maybe you bailed.
8
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- No, no, I'm sorry.
9
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Me and my housemates, we had
little fat Labrador puppy,
10
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that he shat, in the room, everything.
11
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- Yeah, I hate the way he does that.
12
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- I cut my finger on my tea bag
13
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and then I didn't have any band-aid.
14
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Anyway it's good to see you.
15
00:01:44,783 --> 00:01:46,927
- I actually have something pretty cool
16
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I wanted to show you.
- Where were you on Friday?
17
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- Isn't today Friday?
18
00:01:49,598 --> 00:01:50,431
- Last Friday.
19
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- Right.
20
00:01:51,264 --> 00:01:52,097
- I had birthday drinks.
21
00:01:52,097 --> 00:01:52,930
I was really hoping you'd come to that.
22
00:01:52,930 --> 00:01:54,319
- Yeah, yeah that wasn't my fault.
23
00:01:54,319 --> 00:01:55,152
- No, it's fine.
24
00:01:55,152 --> 00:01:55,985
Don't worry about it,
it's fine, you're busy.
25
00:01:55,985 --> 00:01:58,299
- No, it's not busy, but I
was actually waiting because--
26
00:01:58,299 --> 00:01:59,689
- Hey, what is that, you look nice.
27
00:01:59,689 --> 00:02:01,128
You've got hair gel.
28
00:02:01,128 --> 00:02:02,747
- Mousse.
29
00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:04,204
- Mousse.
30
00:02:04,204 --> 00:02:06,501
- To be precise, a mousse gel combination.
31
00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:07,334
- Can I touch it?
32
00:02:07,334 --> 00:02:08,630
It looks crispy.
33
00:02:08,630 --> 00:02:10,298
- Yeah, you can touch me, it.
34
00:02:10,298 --> 00:02:11,163
- Touch you?
35
00:02:11,163 --> 00:02:11,996
- Gross, why would you?
36
00:02:11,996 --> 00:02:13,354
- No, I mean I don't wanna ruin it.
37
00:02:13,354 --> 00:02:14,322
- I don't wanna ruin it either
38
00:02:14,322 --> 00:02:16,291
because we have been
friends for so long and--
39
00:02:16,291 --> 00:02:17,291
- Your hair.
40
00:02:20,288 --> 00:02:22,227
I don't wanna ruin your hair.
41
00:02:22,227 --> 00:02:23,963
- Right, yeah.
42
00:02:23,963 --> 00:02:25,380
Makes more sense.
43
00:02:27,608 --> 00:02:32,044
I am really sorry that I
didn't come to your birthday.
44
00:02:32,044 --> 00:02:33,044
- It's okay.
45
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:36,701
- Rach, there's something I--
46
00:02:36,701 --> 00:02:38,190
- Can I take your order, guys?
47
00:02:38,190 --> 00:02:40,498
- Oh, sorry I haven't
even looked at the menu.
48
00:02:40,498 --> 00:02:42,060
- Yeah, me neither.
49
00:02:42,060 --> 00:02:43,895
- You've been here for an hour.
50
00:02:43,895 --> 00:02:45,548
- An hour?
51
00:02:45,548 --> 00:02:46,747
- No I haven't.
52
00:02:46,747 --> 00:02:49,524
- You didn't think to look at the menu?
53
00:02:49,524 --> 00:02:50,357
At all?
54
00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:53,390
You were just staring at
her chair the whole time?
55
00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:54,223
- What's wrong with my chair?
56
00:02:54,223 --> 00:02:55,056
- Nothing.
57
00:02:55,056 --> 00:02:56,106
- He was really just,
58
00:02:56,106 --> 00:02:57,888
- Yeah it kind of does
feel a little bit wobbly.
59
00:02:57,888 --> 00:02:58,721
- Does it?
- Yeah.
60
00:02:58,721 --> 00:02:59,554
- Is it wobbly?
- Yeah.
61
00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:00,387
- Your chair seems fine.
62
00:03:00,387 --> 00:03:01,220
- Do you wanna swap?
63
00:03:01,220 --> 00:03:02,053
- What?
- We'll swap.
64
00:03:02,053 --> 00:03:03,197
'Cause if it's wobbly it's not safe
65
00:03:03,197 --> 00:03:05,608
and I just think it'll
be better if we swap.
66
00:03:05,608 --> 00:03:07,835
- No, but sure, if that'll
make you feel better.
67
00:03:07,835 --> 00:03:08,835
- Excuse me.
68
00:03:13,523 --> 00:03:14,523
- Thank you.
69
00:03:15,611 --> 00:03:16,444
Sorry.
70
00:03:27,413 --> 00:03:28,471
- Give you guys a few more minutes?
71
00:03:28,471 --> 00:03:31,011
- Yes please, thank you.
72
00:03:32,697 --> 00:03:33,573
It is wobbly.
73
00:03:33,573 --> 00:03:34,595
- Are you okay, Connor?
74
00:03:34,595 --> 00:03:35,580
- Why?
75
00:03:36,413 --> 00:03:38,672
- It's just, I haven't seen
you in like three weeks
76
00:03:38,672 --> 00:03:40,555
then you invite me out to lunch
and it's just the two of us
77
00:03:40,555 --> 00:03:42,319
and you've put mousse in your hair
78
00:03:42,319 --> 00:03:43,948
and I think you've attempted
to trim your beard.
79
00:03:43,948 --> 00:03:46,101
- I got you a birthday present.
80
00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:46,934
- Really?
81
00:03:48,045 --> 00:03:52,000
- Okay, so you remember
the first time we met?
82
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:52,833
- Yeah.
83
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,849
- And we were in second year astronomy
84
00:03:54,849 --> 00:03:57,692
and we were talking about
the meteor crash in Tunguska.
85
00:03:57,692 --> 00:04:00,704
- No, that's not where we met.
86
00:04:00,704 --> 00:04:01,692
- What do you mean?
87
00:04:01,692 --> 00:04:04,187
- We met at Paula's party
in Blackwood, didn't we?
88
00:04:04,187 --> 00:04:05,747
- Um, well...
89
00:04:05,747 --> 00:04:07,433
- It doesn't matter, that's fine.
90
00:04:07,433 --> 00:04:09,850
Astronomy, Tunguska,
sorry, yes, I remember.
91
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:13,132
- Yeah, well we were talking
about the unexplained explosion
92
00:04:13,132 --> 00:04:15,686
that happened in Siberia in 1908.
93
00:04:16,519 --> 00:04:18,668
And I was saying that there was no way
94
00:04:18,668 --> 00:04:21,958
that anything from space could
have survived that impact.
95
00:04:21,958 --> 00:04:23,651
But you were very sure that maybe it did.
96
00:04:23,651 --> 00:04:26,055
- Yeah I'm pretty sure it didn't.
97
00:04:26,055 --> 00:04:27,722
- You were saying that you always wanted
98
00:04:27,722 --> 00:04:31,884
too see for yourself, something amazing.
99
00:04:31,884 --> 00:04:33,059
- Yeah.
100
00:04:33,059 --> 00:04:36,109
- Well, the internet is a magical place.
101
00:04:37,224 --> 00:04:38,401
- Sorry.
102
00:04:38,401 --> 00:04:40,289
My phone, sorry, one second.
103
00:04:40,289 --> 00:04:41,872
I'll just get that.
104
00:04:43,791 --> 00:04:46,541
I promise it'll be just a second.
105
00:04:48,210 --> 00:04:49,460
Jack from work.
106
00:04:50,859 --> 00:04:53,002
You remember Jack?
107
00:04:53,002 --> 00:04:56,669
It's nothing but he's
been texting me a bit.
108
00:04:58,747 --> 00:05:01,414
Oh my God, Connor, are you okay?
109
00:05:03,907 --> 00:05:05,400
Are you okay?
110
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:06,483
- Yeah, yeah.
111
00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:13,945
- Is that my birthday present?
112
00:05:15,063 --> 00:05:15,980
- Surprise.
113
00:05:18,097 --> 00:05:19,220
- Is it a rock?
114
00:05:19,220 --> 00:05:21,047
- That is a piece of Siberian meteorite
115
00:05:21,047 --> 00:05:22,888
that I got off the internet.
116
00:05:22,888 --> 00:05:24,237
I don't think it's real but
117
00:05:24,237 --> 00:05:25,653
still maybe I could get you something
118
00:05:25,653 --> 00:05:29,066
that reminded you of how we met.
119
00:05:29,066 --> 00:05:33,399
Well, at least of how I
like to remember us meeting.
120
00:05:36,477 --> 00:05:38,144
You and I, astronomy
121
00:05:40,038 --> 00:05:42,871
arguing about magic and astronomy.
122
00:05:46,667 --> 00:05:47,500
- Connor.
123
00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:52,266
Why did you get me this?
124
00:05:57,166 --> 00:05:59,583
- Because it's your birthday.
125
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:02,736
Happy birthday.
126
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,055
Do you like it?
127
00:06:15,028 --> 00:06:16,963
- Well, Connor, it's
128
00:06:18,684 --> 00:06:19,851
What was that?
129
00:06:20,898 --> 00:06:23,231
- The chair's pretty flimsy.
130
00:06:30,683 --> 00:06:31,516
Huh, what?
131
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:33,086
Oh my god!
132
00:06:33,086 --> 00:06:34,293
- Oh fuck.
133
00:06:34,293 --> 00:06:35,577
- Oh my god, oh my god.
134
00:06:35,577 --> 00:06:37,160
Oh no, let me down!
135
00:06:42,176 --> 00:06:43,093
Oh, Connor!
136
00:06:46,651 --> 00:06:48,142
- Does anyone here speak Russian?
137
00:06:48,142 --> 00:06:49,229
- Russian?
138
00:06:49,229 --> 00:06:52,172
- I think I got some of the weird floating
139
00:06:52,172 --> 00:06:54,222
space rock on your chair.
140
00:06:54,222 --> 00:06:55,833
- The real, the what?
141
00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:57,007
- Have you got like a big ladder?
142
00:06:57,007 --> 00:06:57,891
- No.
143
00:06:57,891 --> 00:06:59,268
Hello, fire department?
144
00:06:59,268 --> 00:07:01,390
- What the actually shit is going on?
145
00:07:01,390 --> 00:07:02,223
- I'll get some cushions.
146
00:07:02,223 --> 00:07:03,463
- No, I'm not gonna jump.
147
00:07:03,463 --> 00:07:04,311
- It's not that far.
148
00:07:04,311 --> 00:07:05,811
- Come up me then.
149
00:07:07,247 --> 00:07:08,351
- I could catch you.
150
00:07:08,351 --> 00:07:09,843
- Absolutely not, change this Connor
151
00:07:09,843 --> 00:07:12,510
because just stop talking to me.
152
00:07:16,833 --> 00:07:19,187
- Rach, of all the many, many ways
153
00:07:19,187 --> 00:07:21,386
I thought today would end up,
154
00:07:21,386 --> 00:07:22,647
I didn't think this thing would actually--
155
00:07:22,647 --> 00:07:23,986
- All right buddy, just get back, man.
156
00:07:23,986 --> 00:07:25,036
- No, no, it wasn't my fault.
157
00:07:25,036 --> 00:07:25,869
- It's okay.
158
00:07:25,869 --> 00:07:27,560
- I knew you had something
funny going on with that chair.
159
00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:28,909
Okay guys, just remain calm.
160
00:07:28,909 --> 00:07:30,387
Yeah I called the fire department.
161
00:07:30,387 --> 00:07:31,359
Everything's gonna be okay.
162
00:07:31,359 --> 00:07:33,587
Hey, it's gonna be fine.
163
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:35,757
Okay I've done this
before, just calm down.
164
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:39,075
- Hey Jack.
165
00:07:41,743 --> 00:07:42,576
Connor.
166
00:07:43,976 --> 00:07:45,309
Um, she is here.
167
00:07:47,103 --> 00:07:50,214
She's occupied at the moment.
168
00:07:50,214 --> 00:07:51,047
- You're being very difficult.
169
00:07:51,047 --> 00:07:51,880
- I'm sorry.
170
00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:52,713
What are you doing
171
00:07:52,713 --> 00:07:53,546
poking me with a broom?
- Will this make it easier?
172
00:07:53,546 --> 00:07:54,786
- I'm up, I'm up on the roof!
173
00:07:54,786 --> 00:07:56,203
- Grab a bristle.
174
00:07:57,928 --> 00:08:02,095
- Actually, Jack, I'm gonna
have to call you back.
175
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:07,428
- Sir, please I just
told you to stay over.
176
00:08:07,428 --> 00:08:08,261
- Connor.
177
00:08:13,390 --> 00:08:14,307
Oh god, no.
178
00:08:15,388 --> 00:08:17,138
Connor, what are you?
179
00:08:25,936 --> 00:08:26,769
- Oh no.
180
00:08:26,769 --> 00:08:27,602
- Oh god!
181
00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:31,187
- Whoah.
182
00:08:33,925 --> 00:08:35,008
- Catch that.
183
00:08:38,889 --> 00:08:39,722
- Hey.
184
00:08:39,722 --> 00:08:41,215
- Hey.
185
00:08:41,215 --> 00:08:42,723
- Not really sure what
the next step
186
00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:43,556
of this plan was.
187
00:08:43,556 --> 00:08:45,132
- No.
188
00:08:45,132 --> 00:08:47,232
- To be honest I thought I was gonna be
189
00:08:47,232 --> 00:08:48,877
the right way up.
190
00:08:48,877 --> 00:08:49,877
- Yeah, ooh.
191
00:08:51,389 --> 00:08:53,080
- You like your birthday present?
192
00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,254
- It's the thought that counts.
193
00:08:55,254 --> 00:08:56,087
Thank you.
194
00:09:06,622 --> 00:09:08,789
- I really messed this up.
195
00:09:10,115 --> 00:09:10,948
Hey.
196
00:09:12,863 --> 00:09:13,696
Rach.
197
00:09:16,375 --> 00:09:19,458
There's something I need to tell you.
198
00:09:29,587 --> 00:09:31,695
- It's been six months.
199
00:09:31,695 --> 00:09:33,321
- I just miss you, Jen.
200
00:09:33,321 --> 00:09:35,125
- This really isn't healthy.
201
00:09:35,125 --> 00:09:36,777
I know you miss having a girlfriend, Max,
202
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:39,093
but we're done, over.
203
00:09:39,093 --> 00:09:41,093
So just stop calling me.
204
00:09:44,212 --> 00:09:49,212
♪ Eight pills on the
floor bathroom open door ♪
205
00:09:49,904 --> 00:09:54,904
♪ Eight pills will make them look at you ♪
206
00:09:55,492 --> 00:09:58,213
♪ Send your way talking a smile ♪
207
00:09:58,213 --> 00:10:01,276
♪ The longing that you couldn't hide ♪
208
00:10:01,276 --> 00:10:06,276
♪ But I could see right through ♪
209
00:10:06,870 --> 00:10:09,882
♪ Helpless open book ♪
210
00:10:09,882 --> 00:10:14,882
♪ Still the pictures tell lies ♪
211
00:10:16,073 --> 00:10:18,900
♪ Daylight night time ♪
212
00:10:18,900 --> 00:10:21,572
♪ Early skyline ♪
213
00:10:21,572 --> 00:10:26,572
♪ Nothing rhymes when you're blue ♪
214
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,288
♪ Gently anymore to you ♪
215
00:10:32,467 --> 00:10:33,300
- Hi.
216
00:10:34,433 --> 00:10:37,766
I'm looking for a girlfriend experience.
217
00:10:42,278 --> 00:10:44,042
- Max, hi, I'm Paige.
218
00:10:44,042 --> 00:10:44,875
- Hey.
219
00:10:44,875 --> 00:10:45,926
Come on in.
220
00:10:45,926 --> 00:10:47,593
- Thank you.
221
00:10:51,101 --> 00:10:53,101
- It's nice to meet you.
222
00:10:55,297 --> 00:10:56,931
- I'm your girlfriend, Max.
223
00:10:56,931 --> 00:10:59,507
I'm not gonna shake your hand.
224
00:10:59,507 --> 00:11:00,340
- Right.
225
00:11:01,488 --> 00:11:02,488
- It's $200.
226
00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:04,538
- Mhmm.
227
00:11:05,417 --> 00:11:07,413
Yeah, it should all be there.
228
00:11:07,413 --> 00:11:08,910
- Thank you.
229
00:11:08,910 --> 00:11:11,020
And I'm gonna go into
the bathroom and change.
230
00:11:11,020 --> 00:11:11,853
- Great.
231
00:11:13,081 --> 00:11:16,459
- Do you mind unzipping my dress for me?
232
00:11:16,459 --> 00:11:17,292
- Uh huh.
233
00:11:24,799 --> 00:11:25,882
- Thank you.
234
00:11:28,139 --> 00:11:30,534
Oh and if you have any whipped cream,
235
00:11:30,534 --> 00:11:32,034
I'm gonna need it.
236
00:11:36,170 --> 00:11:40,453
♪ She a sharpshooter ♪
237
00:11:40,453 --> 00:11:45,230
♪ He's a lazy mind ♪
238
00:11:45,230 --> 00:11:49,790
♪ She's a sharpshooter ♪
239
00:11:49,790 --> 00:11:53,207
♪ He's got a raging mind ♪
240
00:12:25,984 --> 00:12:29,163
- You wanna watch The Bachelor?
241
00:12:29,163 --> 00:12:30,580
- Not at all, no.
242
00:12:31,944 --> 00:12:33,287
- Okay well we're not
watching football again
243
00:12:33,287 --> 00:12:34,723
'cause you watch football
all weekend long.
244
00:12:34,723 --> 00:12:36,464
- I'm sorry, what?
245
00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:38,791
- I'm saying, I'm always at your place
246
00:12:38,791 --> 00:12:41,032
and we never get to watch my shows.
247
00:12:41,032 --> 00:12:43,210
Do you not like going to my place?
248
00:12:43,210 --> 00:12:44,984
Is it because of my cat?
249
00:12:44,984 --> 00:12:47,404
I know Mr. Buttons can
be a little picky but,
250
00:12:47,404 --> 00:12:48,789
I don't know, maybe
put a little effort in,
251
00:12:48,789 --> 00:12:49,975
he'll warm up to you.
252
00:12:49,975 --> 00:12:51,521
Some people say I look like Taylor Swift.
253
00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:52,354
Do you think so?
254
00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:53,937
Skinny jeans, sometimes they work on me,
255
00:12:53,937 --> 00:12:55,178
sometimes they don't.
256
00:12:55,178 --> 00:12:56,842
Why haven't you put the
you're in a relationship
257
00:12:56,842 --> 00:12:57,910
on Facebook yet?
258
00:12:57,910 --> 00:12:59,892
Do you think that I should get bangs?
259
00:12:59,892 --> 00:13:01,583
I just do whatever Rhianna does.
260
00:13:01,583 --> 00:13:03,488
You know, with her nails and her nail art.
261
00:13:03,488 --> 00:13:04,523
So then this girl was like
262
00:13:04,523 --> 00:13:06,201
have you had a nose job?
263
00:13:06,201 --> 00:13:09,290
And I was like uh, you can tell?
264
00:13:09,290 --> 00:13:10,515
If we were a celebrity couple
265
00:13:10,515 --> 00:13:13,631
our name would be Pax or Maige.
266
00:13:13,631 --> 00:13:14,753
Which one do you like better?
267
00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:17,222
I was like "Yeah I read, only on my iPad.
268
00:13:17,222 --> 00:13:19,174
"What do you read on?"
269
00:13:19,174 --> 00:13:20,544
She was like, "A book".
270
00:13:20,544 --> 00:13:21,903
Sometimes I wake up and I think
271
00:13:21,903 --> 00:13:25,375
what's a good new hashtag to use?
272
00:13:25,375 --> 00:13:26,848
I have this idea and I am not comfortable
273
00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:27,967
telling you about it yet
274
00:13:27,967 --> 00:13:29,943
but I think it's gonna be huge.
275
00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:32,412
What's my favorite color?
276
00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:33,245
- Blue.
277
00:13:33,245 --> 00:13:34,882
- Wrong.
278
00:13:34,882 --> 00:13:37,750
What would you say if I told
you I've had an abortion?
279
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:38,583
Twice.
280
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:48,897
I cannot keep plants alive.
281
00:13:48,897 --> 00:13:49,847
What is that about?
282
00:13:49,847 --> 00:13:51,236
It's like I wanna live by the beach
283
00:13:51,236 --> 00:13:54,274
but I think I get so smoky all the time.
284
00:13:54,274 --> 00:13:56,084
My mom's my best friend, you know?
285
00:13:56,084 --> 00:13:56,917
That's the truth.
286
00:13:58,090 --> 00:14:00,017
Anyway, I think I'm just
gonna do a little bit of Botox
287
00:14:00,017 --> 00:14:03,638
right between my eyes or
something, no big deal.
288
00:14:03,638 --> 00:14:05,665
- What is that?
289
00:14:05,665 --> 00:14:06,660
- My mouthguard.
290
00:14:06,660 --> 00:14:09,577
What, you want me to live with TMJ?
291
00:14:14,967 --> 00:14:16,824
You're acting really weird.
292
00:14:16,824 --> 00:14:18,407
Is everything okay?
293
00:14:20,126 --> 00:14:22,632
- No, no, no, no actually,
294
00:14:22,632 --> 00:14:24,477
you're supposed to be my girlfriend
295
00:14:24,477 --> 00:14:26,172
and all you've done since you've been here
296
00:14:26,172 --> 00:14:29,076
is yammer on about cats and your problems.
297
00:14:29,076 --> 00:14:30,838
And you were wearing a mouthguard,
298
00:14:30,838 --> 00:14:32,920
you were bleaching your mustache
299
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:36,670
and to top it all off,
you're wearing sweats.
300
00:14:37,592 --> 00:14:38,754
- They're comfortable.
301
00:14:38,754 --> 00:14:39,696
- And you were eating whipped cream
302
00:14:39,696 --> 00:14:41,262
right out of the can.
303
00:14:41,262 --> 00:14:42,622
- Are you calling me fat?
304
00:14:42,622 --> 00:14:43,455
- No, no, no, no, no.
305
00:14:43,455 --> 00:14:45,268
I'm not calling you--
306
00:14:45,268 --> 00:14:48,038
- Is this your ex-girlfriend?
307
00:14:48,038 --> 00:14:49,356
- Yes it is.
308
00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:51,208
- Why do you still have this?
309
00:14:51,208 --> 00:14:53,439
Whatever, she looks like a whore.
310
00:14:53,439 --> 00:14:54,939
- Okay, all right.
311
00:14:55,970 --> 00:14:57,948
Are we ever gonna have sex?
312
00:14:57,948 --> 00:15:00,021
- Oh my god, that's all you think about.
313
00:15:00,021 --> 00:15:02,561
Sometimes I wonder if it's the
only reason you're with me.
314
00:15:02,561 --> 00:15:06,228
Well, joke's on you
'cause I'm on my period.
315
00:15:10,845 --> 00:15:11,864
- I'm not trying to be negative.
316
00:15:11,864 --> 00:15:13,370
I'm just telling it how it is.
317
00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:14,203
- Come on!
318
00:15:14,203 --> 00:15:15,422
- And you don't know,
how can you be so sure?
319
00:15:15,422 --> 00:15:18,205
- These things never work out!
320
00:15:18,205 --> 00:15:19,937
They don't, not for me.
321
00:15:19,937 --> 00:15:21,770
It's destined to fail.
322
00:15:47,752 --> 00:15:49,388
- Yeah.
323
00:15:49,388 --> 00:15:51,739
We literally just got here.
324
00:15:51,739 --> 00:15:53,925
No, she drove in with us.
325
00:15:53,925 --> 00:15:55,384
Yeah.
326
00:15:55,384 --> 00:15:56,217
- Is that, is that um,
327
00:15:56,217 --> 00:15:57,570
- Yeah.
328
00:15:57,570 --> 00:16:00,831
- Yes, so exciting.
329
00:16:00,831 --> 00:16:01,664
- No, dude, hey,
330
00:16:01,664 --> 00:16:04,331
there's no reason to be nervous.
331
00:16:14,035 --> 00:16:14,981
- I wish I could say his ex-girlfriend
332
00:16:14,981 --> 00:16:17,658
was like this terrible person, but,
333
00:16:17,658 --> 00:16:19,042
I don't know, she's pretty fun.
334
00:16:19,042 --> 00:16:20,005
- Ex-fiancee.
335
00:16:20,005 --> 00:16:20,838
- What?
336
00:16:20,838 --> 00:16:22,527
- Ex, she was his ex-fiancee.
337
00:16:22,527 --> 00:16:25,346
- Ex-fiancee, hah.
338
00:16:43,131 --> 00:16:43,964
- Hi.
339
00:16:45,529 --> 00:16:46,362
Hi.
340
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:48,993
- Hi, hi.
341
00:16:50,145 --> 00:16:51,455
- So how was the drive?
342
00:16:51,455 --> 00:16:53,038
- It was all right.
343
00:16:54,048 --> 00:16:56,225
Why, I don't know, I was pretty desperate
344
00:16:56,225 --> 00:16:59,040
to go to the toilet halfway through.
345
00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:01,623
I don't know, I missed the Arco
346
00:17:02,949 --> 00:17:04,960
and so I just took this random exit
347
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,408
hoping to find another gas station and
348
00:17:07,408 --> 00:17:09,142
I just ended up in a random neighborhood.
349
00:17:09,142 --> 00:17:09,975
- Yeah.
350
00:17:09,975 --> 00:17:10,808
- Yeah.
351
00:17:10,808 --> 00:17:12,922
- I had to consider peeing
on someone's front lawn
352
00:17:12,922 --> 00:17:15,734
but it's not the best idea.
353
00:17:17,526 --> 00:17:21,121
- So I just eventually
got back on the freeway.
354
00:17:26,586 --> 00:17:28,336
- You're doing great.
355
00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:33,263
- Just does.
356
00:17:33,263 --> 00:17:34,096
- Subtle.
357
00:17:39,043 --> 00:17:40,667
- So what do you think?
358
00:17:40,667 --> 00:17:41,500
- I don't know.
359
00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:42,333
I don't know
360
00:17:42,333 --> 00:17:44,081
what kind of guy he is.
- Hey.
361
00:17:44,081 --> 00:17:45,248
Old fashioned?
362
00:17:47,375 --> 00:17:49,625
- No, sorry, I don't drink.
363
00:17:50,642 --> 00:17:52,297
Sorry.
364
00:17:52,297 --> 00:17:54,130
- I'll drink it.
365
00:17:55,188 --> 00:17:56,855
- Cool, yeah, sorry.
366
00:18:01,425 --> 00:18:02,408
- Babe, why don't you sit here
367
00:18:02,408 --> 00:18:05,741
so that they can sit next to each other?
368
00:18:06,595 --> 00:18:07,503
- She bopped me on the head
369
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:10,233
and dragged me back to her cave.
370
00:18:10,233 --> 00:18:15,150
- Might be hard to believe but
he was really hot back then.
371
00:18:19,196 --> 00:18:21,147
Anyway, enough about us.
372
00:18:21,147 --> 00:18:22,814
How'd you guys meet?
373
00:18:24,182 --> 00:18:25,868
- Good one.
- I know.
374
00:18:25,868 --> 00:18:27,868
- That's good.
- I know.
375
00:18:43,698 --> 00:18:45,923
- I'm not very good at this.
376
00:18:45,923 --> 00:18:47,422
- That's okay.
377
00:18:47,422 --> 00:18:51,339
The last thing I'd want
is to end up like them.
378
00:18:58,474 --> 00:18:59,891
Well, good night.
379
00:19:01,918 --> 00:19:03,001
- Good night.
380
00:19:49,808 --> 00:19:51,765
- How'd you sleep?
381
00:19:51,765 --> 00:19:52,682
- Meh, you?
382
00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:57,029
- Meh.
383
00:20:01,299 --> 00:20:02,632
Sorry, I'm just,
384
00:20:06,089 --> 00:20:10,529
I'm an expert at sabotaging
things like this and
385
00:20:10,529 --> 00:20:13,196
I don't wanna do that this time.
386
00:20:14,763 --> 00:20:18,642
I mean you're cute so we're here, right?
387
00:20:18,642 --> 00:20:20,142
- All right, yeah.
388
00:20:21,135 --> 00:20:25,052
I'm excited to being
forced to get to know you.
389
00:21:33,722 --> 00:21:35,389
- It's weird.
390
00:21:35,389 --> 00:21:38,032
She hasn't fucked this up yet.
391
00:21:38,032 --> 00:21:40,471
- Well, neither is he.
392
00:21:40,471 --> 00:21:41,385
- What?
393
00:21:41,385 --> 00:21:42,218
- And so,
394
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:48,339
would you be interested in that, maybe
395
00:21:48,339 --> 00:21:50,922
and please feel free to say no.
396
00:21:52,060 --> 00:21:54,477
But maybe having sex tonight?
397
00:21:58,600 --> 00:21:59,433
- Yes.
398
00:22:01,881 --> 00:22:02,714
Yeah.
399
00:22:02,714 --> 00:22:03,547
- Okay.
400
00:23:04,881 --> 00:23:06,218
- Wait, wait, wait.
401
00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:07,203
I haven't got a condom.
402
00:23:07,203 --> 00:23:08,036
- What?
403
00:23:08,036 --> 00:23:09,757
- I haven't got a condom.
404
00:23:09,757 --> 00:23:10,770
I mean I do have a condom
405
00:23:10,770 --> 00:23:11,603
but it's just in my room.
406
00:23:11,603 --> 00:23:12,436
- Yeah.
407
00:23:12,436 --> 00:23:13,840
Okay.
408
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:14,673
No, no, no, no, no.
409
00:23:14,673 --> 00:23:16,367
No, no, no don't put those on.
410
00:23:16,367 --> 00:23:17,950
Don't put those on.
411
00:23:18,899 --> 00:23:23,899
I dare you to go get it without
putting them on, you're it.
412
00:23:23,976 --> 00:23:26,506
What are you doing here?
413
00:23:26,506 --> 00:23:27,589
Go to it, go!
414
00:23:28,554 --> 00:23:30,054
- All right, fine.
415
00:23:31,214 --> 00:23:33,290
- Go, go, go, go.
416
00:23:33,290 --> 00:23:34,623
You could do it.
417
00:24:01,956 --> 00:24:04,623
- Hope this isn't the best part.
418
00:24:18,156 --> 00:24:19,955
- They say this is the worst drought
419
00:24:19,955 --> 00:24:22,492
since like the 1800s.
420
00:24:22,492 --> 00:24:25,144
And what are people gonna
do if it doesn't rain?
421
00:24:25,144 --> 00:24:26,727
And like the crops.
422
00:24:28,831 --> 00:24:33,248
Part of me thinks it's
pointless to even worry about.
423
00:24:34,572 --> 00:24:37,405
It's like, it's inevitable, right?
424
00:24:38,491 --> 00:24:40,324
And what do you think?
425
00:25:20,196 --> 00:25:22,940
- I'm gonna get a ride with Kevin.
426
00:25:22,940 --> 00:25:24,357
- Okay.
- So, bye.
427
00:25:25,874 --> 00:25:26,796
- Thank you.
428
00:25:26,796 --> 00:25:27,629
- See ya.
429
00:25:30,141 --> 00:25:33,796
- Think they'll invite
us to their wedding?
430
00:25:33,796 --> 00:25:35,879
- Wouldn't that be funny?
431
00:25:57,861 --> 00:25:59,160
- There's no food.
432
00:25:59,160 --> 00:25:59,993
- I know.
433
00:26:04,542 --> 00:26:05,819
- What are we gonna eat?
434
00:26:05,819 --> 00:26:06,709
- Let's go out.
435
00:26:06,709 --> 00:26:07,584
- Go out?
436
00:26:07,584 --> 00:26:09,167
- Why not, we never go out.
437
00:26:09,167 --> 00:26:10,347
We're not trendy enough anymore.
438
00:26:10,347 --> 00:26:11,430
I want to do something trendy.
439
00:26:11,430 --> 00:26:12,769
- No one says trendy anymore.
440
00:26:12,769 --> 00:26:14,955
- Don't they? Says who?
441
00:26:14,955 --> 00:26:16,585
- I don't know, they just don't.
442
00:26:16,585 --> 00:26:17,796
It dates you.
443
00:26:17,796 --> 00:26:18,679
- Well what do they say?
444
00:26:18,679 --> 00:26:20,001
- They say hipster.
445
00:26:20,001 --> 00:26:21,401
- You mean trendy is not trendy anymore?
446
00:26:21,401 --> 00:26:22,863
- Definitely not.
447
00:26:22,863 --> 00:26:24,252
- Goddamit, I'm so out of touch.
448
00:26:24,252 --> 00:26:25,749
That completely proves my point.
449
00:26:25,749 --> 00:26:27,655
We need to get out.
450
00:26:27,655 --> 00:26:29,905
Let's go somewhere hipster?
451
00:26:30,881 --> 00:26:32,461
- You can't say that.
452
00:26:32,461 --> 00:26:34,409
We could go to a hipster joint.
453
00:26:34,409 --> 00:26:35,353
- I can't say that.
454
00:26:35,353 --> 00:26:36,186
- Why not?
455
00:26:36,186 --> 00:26:38,837
- Because I sound completely
fucking ridiculous, that's why.
456
00:26:38,837 --> 00:26:40,977
I want to go somewhere new, is that okay?
457
00:26:40,977 --> 00:26:41,857
- It'll do.
458
00:26:41,857 --> 00:26:43,978
- Somewhere where
everyone wants to go.
459
00:26:43,978 --> 00:26:45,507
- Like where?
460
00:26:45,507 --> 00:26:47,088
- Toast.
461
00:26:47,088 --> 00:26:48,954
- Toast in Clerkenwell?
462
00:26:48,954 --> 00:26:50,819
- No, there's a
new branch in King's Cross.
463
00:26:50,819 --> 00:26:53,329
- So you are a hipster.
464
00:26:53,329 --> 00:26:56,079
It'll be really hard to get into.
465
00:26:57,092 --> 00:26:58,528
- We're always the last
to go anywhere new.
466
00:26:58,528 --> 00:27:01,525
I want to be the first for a change.
467
00:27:01,525 --> 00:27:03,275
Then we get bragging rights.
468
00:27:03,275 --> 00:27:05,127
By the time everyone else is going there,
469
00:27:05,127 --> 00:27:07,797
we'll be like, oh no, we
don't go there anymore.
470
00:27:07,797 --> 00:27:09,876
Or if someone comes up to me and they say
471
00:27:09,876 --> 00:27:11,896
"Have you been to the new
Toast in King's Cross?"
472
00:27:11,896 --> 00:27:15,183
I'll be like, "Yeah, it's okay."
473
00:27:15,183 --> 00:27:16,214
Like I've been there a couple of times
474
00:27:16,214 --> 00:27:17,579
and now I'm a little bit over it.
475
00:27:17,579 --> 00:27:19,643
- It's not your style,
you're not a hipster.
476
00:27:19,643 --> 00:27:20,855
- Why can't I try?
477
00:27:20,855 --> 00:27:22,421
- Because hipsters don't have to try.
478
00:27:22,421 --> 00:27:24,055
- Hipsters spend all their time trying.
479
00:27:24,055 --> 00:27:26,656
- It'll be full of young
people designing apps.
480
00:27:26,656 --> 00:27:28,592
Their facial hair will confuse you.
481
00:27:28,592 --> 00:27:30,996
It'll make you feel uncomfortable and old.
482
00:27:30,996 --> 00:27:31,859
- I can handle it.
483
00:27:31,859 --> 00:27:32,859
- You can't.
484
00:27:35,268 --> 00:27:36,851
On your head beard.
485
00:27:42,610 --> 00:27:44,596
- I can take a picture of
brunch and put it on Facebook
486
00:27:44,596 --> 00:27:46,318
and that way everyone
will know that we went
487
00:27:46,318 --> 00:27:47,558
to the new Toast.
488
00:27:47,558 --> 00:27:49,059
But in a non-obvious way.
489
00:27:49,059 --> 00:27:50,637
- You can't do that.
490
00:27:50,637 --> 00:27:51,498
- Why not?
491
00:27:51,498 --> 00:27:54,858
- Because putting photos of
your food on Facebook is banned.
492
00:27:54,858 --> 00:27:56,274
- Really, they banned that?
493
00:27:56,274 --> 00:27:57,291
- No, I banned it.
494
00:27:57,291 --> 00:27:58,964
If you upload that I'll
have to unfriend you.
495
00:27:58,964 --> 00:27:59,797
- Damn.
496
00:28:01,344 --> 00:28:02,694
Let's invite someone.
497
00:28:02,694 --> 00:28:03,527
- Why?
498
00:28:03,527 --> 00:28:04,948
- 'Cause we never go anywhere.
499
00:28:04,948 --> 00:28:07,569
And this way they'll think
that we go places all the time.
500
00:28:07,569 --> 00:28:09,018
They'll think we're spontaneous
501
00:28:09,018 --> 00:28:10,469
and then they'll tell everyone else.
502
00:28:10,469 --> 00:28:11,768
- That we're spontaneous?
503
00:28:11,768 --> 00:28:12,919
- Right, and then pretty soon
504
00:28:12,919 --> 00:28:14,996
our reputation will be
right back up there.
505
00:28:14,996 --> 00:28:16,413
- All right, who?
506
00:28:18,851 --> 00:28:20,743
What about Alice and Tom,
they're always going out.
507
00:28:20,743 --> 00:28:23,306
- No, they'll be at the gym.
508
00:28:23,306 --> 00:28:25,195
They'll be away on a weekend in Oxford.
509
00:28:25,195 --> 00:28:26,508
They're the kind of couple
that know what they're doing
510
00:28:26,508 --> 00:28:28,470
in December and July.
511
00:28:28,470 --> 00:28:30,552
Everything about them is perfect.
512
00:28:30,552 --> 00:28:32,817
The flat's perfect, the
relationship's perfect,
513
00:28:32,817 --> 00:28:35,641
their bodies are perfect,
their diaries are perfect.
514
00:28:35,641 --> 00:28:37,089
Besides, they're the one couple we know,
515
00:28:37,089 --> 00:28:39,785
they'll definitely have
already been to new Toast.
516
00:28:39,785 --> 00:28:41,471
- They're a very impressive couple.
517
00:28:41,471 --> 00:28:42,882
- They probably know the owner.
518
00:28:42,882 --> 00:28:45,279
To them, it's already over.
519
00:28:45,279 --> 00:28:46,911
You know when you wanted to go to Tanzania
520
00:28:46,911 --> 00:28:50,240
and then Alice was like,
"Guys, listen to me,
521
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:52,291
"you have to stay in the Victoria Lodge.
522
00:28:52,291 --> 00:28:54,036
"It's where I always stay."
523
00:28:54,036 --> 00:28:55,453
And when you wanted to go to Cambodia,
524
00:28:55,453 --> 00:28:56,286
she'd been staying with
525
00:28:56,286 --> 00:28:58,450
- The Prime Minister's daughter.
526
00:28:58,450 --> 00:29:00,407
- So there's no point inviting
them to the new Toast.
527
00:29:00,407 --> 00:29:02,238
To them it'd be practically an insult.
528
00:29:02,238 --> 00:29:05,502
It'll be more nuanced to
invite them to McDonalds.
529
00:29:05,502 --> 00:29:10,502
We need to find someone who's
barely even heard of it.
530
00:29:10,509 --> 00:29:11,414
I know!
531
00:29:11,414 --> 00:29:12,579
I'll invite Jerry.
532
00:29:12,579 --> 00:29:14,802
He's single, he won't be
doing anything, he'll come.
533
00:29:14,802 --> 00:29:15,881
- Jerry won't come.
534
00:29:15,881 --> 00:29:16,714
- How do you know?
535
00:29:16,714 --> 00:29:19,199
- Just call him, you'll see.
536
00:29:19,199 --> 00:29:21,302
- No, Jerry will come, you'll see.
537
00:29:24,414 --> 00:29:25,821
Hi Jerry, we're going to Toast.
538
00:29:25,821 --> 00:29:27,386
You wanna come?
539
00:29:27,386 --> 00:29:29,181
No, no, no, not the Clerkenwell one,
540
00:29:29,181 --> 00:29:30,476
the new one in King's Cross.
541
00:29:30,476 --> 00:29:32,726
The Clerkenwell one's over.
542
00:29:34,155 --> 00:29:37,021
Oh you can't, that's a shame.
543
00:29:37,021 --> 00:29:38,967
Oh I didn't know.
544
00:29:38,967 --> 00:29:40,200
Oh of course I understand.
545
00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:41,033
Okay, bye.
546
00:29:42,931 --> 00:29:45,457
He can't come, he's got a new puppy.
547
00:29:45,457 --> 00:29:46,379
- Told you.
548
00:29:46,379 --> 00:29:48,177
- Well why can't he leave
the puppy by itself?
549
00:29:48,177 --> 00:29:49,592
- The puppy destroys the flat.
550
00:29:49,592 --> 00:29:51,114
- But what if he has an emergency?
551
00:29:51,114 --> 00:29:53,236
- It turns out his neighbor's
a professional dogsitter
552
00:29:53,236 --> 00:29:55,549
but he charges seven pounds an hour.
553
00:29:55,549 --> 00:29:57,005
- So he can never go out?
554
00:29:57,005 --> 00:29:58,868
- Only if he got a full time
job to pay for the sitter
555
00:29:58,868 --> 00:30:00,224
but then he'll have to work all week
556
00:30:00,224 --> 00:30:02,538
just to pay for doggy daycare.
557
00:30:02,538 --> 00:30:04,596
He's a prisoner in his own home.
558
00:30:06,884 --> 00:30:08,943
- Oh hi, Jerry.
559
00:30:08,943 --> 00:30:11,450
Oh you are going to meet us, great.
560
00:30:11,450 --> 00:30:14,009
Who's looking after the dog?
561
00:30:14,009 --> 00:30:16,124
Your sister, mhmm.
562
00:30:16,124 --> 00:30:18,453
Oh yeah, seven pounds an
hour, yeah he told me.
563
00:30:18,453 --> 00:30:20,338
Hey look, will you go get a table
564
00:30:20,338 --> 00:30:23,675
and I'll tell Jerry where to meet us?
565
00:30:23,675 --> 00:30:26,038
So what type is it?
566
00:30:26,038 --> 00:30:27,205
Shits on what?
567
00:30:35,555 --> 00:30:37,066
Okay bye.
568
00:30:37,066 --> 00:30:38,624
- They don't have a table.
569
00:30:38,624 --> 00:30:40,977
Well they do have a table but
it's an hour and a half wait.
570
00:30:40,977 --> 00:30:42,377
- An hour and a half?
571
00:30:42,377 --> 00:30:43,488
All I want is a bagel.
572
00:30:43,488 --> 00:30:45,974
What is this place, a Michelin
star fucking restaurant?
573
00:30:45,974 --> 00:30:48,150
- This is the price you
pay for wanting to be hip.
574
00:30:48,150 --> 00:30:49,567
You've only got yourself to blame.
575
00:30:49,567 --> 00:30:52,952
- I know.
576
00:30:52,952 --> 00:30:53,819
I'm starving!
577
00:30:53,819 --> 00:30:54,652
- So am I.
578
00:30:59,124 --> 00:31:00,416
- Let's go to old Toast.
579
00:31:00,416 --> 00:31:01,926
- I thought you said it was over.
580
00:31:01,926 --> 00:31:03,295
- That's just what I
was going to tell people
581
00:31:03,295 --> 00:31:05,249
if we went to the new one.
582
00:31:05,249 --> 00:31:06,718
The thing about the old Toast
583
00:31:06,718 --> 00:31:09,715
is it's for the more
sophisticated bruncher.
584
00:31:09,715 --> 00:31:11,671
The kind of person who's
comfortable in their own skin
585
00:31:11,671 --> 00:31:15,496
and isn't swayed by the superficial
trendiness of new Toast.
586
00:31:15,496 --> 00:31:17,570
The kind of person who doesn't care
587
00:31:17,570 --> 00:31:18,833
what people think is hip.
588
00:31:18,833 --> 00:31:22,500
The kind of person who
is in fact truly hip.
589
00:31:23,502 --> 00:31:24,622
- Is that right?
590
00:31:24,622 --> 00:31:25,705
- Definitely.
591
00:31:27,308 --> 00:31:28,572
- We're getting into the danger zone.
592
00:31:28,572 --> 00:31:30,878
It's 12 o'clock, it's brunch rush hour.
593
00:31:30,878 --> 00:31:32,175
If we'd gone straight to the old one,
594
00:31:32,175 --> 00:31:33,229
we would have been okay
595
00:31:33,229 --> 00:31:34,827
but we burned our bridges coming here.
596
00:31:34,827 --> 00:31:36,902
We could get caught between
the old and new Toast
597
00:31:36,902 --> 00:31:38,711
and fall into the chasm in the middle.
598
00:31:38,711 --> 00:31:39,646
- No, it's gonna be fine.
599
00:31:39,646 --> 00:31:40,700
There'll be plenty of room.
600
00:31:40,700 --> 00:31:42,331
No one goes to the old Toast anymore.
601
00:31:45,933 --> 00:31:47,729
- What happened about Jerry?
602
00:31:47,729 --> 00:31:49,696
You gonna ring him and
tell him to meet us there?
603
00:31:49,696 --> 00:31:50,712
- No, he's not coming.
604
00:31:50,712 --> 00:31:53,387
He doesn't think the puppy's ready.
605
00:31:53,387 --> 00:31:55,128
The sitter turned up and he bit him.
606
00:31:55,128 --> 00:31:56,740
- Jerry bit him?
607
00:31:56,740 --> 00:31:59,944
- No, the puppy bit the sitter.
608
00:31:59,944 --> 00:32:01,094
You know, he'd have to
take him on the tube
609
00:32:01,094 --> 00:32:02,286
and he hasn't trained it
610
00:32:02,286 --> 00:32:04,540
and it might see another
dog and attack it, so.
611
00:32:04,540 --> 00:32:06,905
- People who like animals fundamentally
612
00:32:06,905 --> 00:32:09,594
are uncomfortable with people.
613
00:32:09,594 --> 00:32:11,865
People disagree with
you, people talk back.
614
00:32:11,865 --> 00:32:13,072
People who like animals don't want
615
00:32:13,072 --> 00:32:16,305
any of their opinions questioned.
616
00:32:16,305 --> 00:32:19,963
And if you think about it,
people who really like animals,
617
00:32:19,963 --> 00:32:22,262
what animals do they like the most?
618
00:32:22,262 --> 00:32:24,646
Goldfish, hamsters?
619
00:32:24,646 --> 00:32:27,781
No, they like something
that takes up a lot of space
620
00:32:27,781 --> 00:32:29,988
but doesn't have a mind
of its own like a dog.
621
00:32:29,988 --> 00:32:32,989
It's like a person but it
doesn't have any opinions.
622
00:32:32,989 --> 00:32:35,816
A dog will completely do
whatever it is you want it to do
623
00:32:35,816 --> 00:32:36,769
and never answer back.
624
00:32:36,769 --> 00:32:37,783
- As long as you feed it.
625
00:32:37,783 --> 00:32:38,805
- Even if you don't feed it.
626
00:32:38,805 --> 00:32:40,585
- What about cats, does
that apply to cats?
627
00:32:40,585 --> 00:32:41,696
'Cause I really like cats.
628
00:32:41,696 --> 00:32:43,635
- No, the rule doesn't apply with cats
629
00:32:43,635 --> 00:32:45,840
because cats don't give a fuck.
630
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:48,235
They categorically refuse
to do what you want.
631
00:32:48,235 --> 00:32:49,208
- Categorically.
632
00:32:49,208 --> 00:32:52,953
- So they can't be substituted for people.
633
00:32:52,953 --> 00:32:54,012
People never do what the fuck you want
634
00:32:54,012 --> 00:32:56,986
and neither does a cat so it doesn't work.
635
00:32:56,986 --> 00:32:59,775
- Beth used to have a cat that
she trained to shake paws.
636
00:32:59,775 --> 00:33:01,200
- Well you see what you have there
637
00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:02,837
is basically someone who wanted a dog
638
00:33:02,837 --> 00:33:05,454
but didn't want to put up
with all the mouth dribble
639
00:33:05,454 --> 00:33:07,621
and the smell and the fur.
640
00:33:08,787 --> 00:33:10,177
I think Jerry's got that puppy
641
00:33:10,177 --> 00:33:12,635
so he doesn't have to leave the house.
642
00:33:12,635 --> 00:33:16,131
Going out, having to talk to people.
643
00:33:16,131 --> 00:33:18,022
Worrying about what they think of you,
644
00:33:18,022 --> 00:33:20,151
he just can't take it anymore.
645
00:33:20,151 --> 00:33:21,320
Plus if he did go out,
646
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:22,917
he'd have to get back on the dating scene.
647
00:33:22,917 --> 00:33:25,598
Find a girlfriend, all
that girlfriend stuff,
648
00:33:25,598 --> 00:33:29,533
watch movies he hates, eat
food that sets off his IBS.
649
00:33:29,533 --> 00:33:30,426
They'd go out for a while,
650
00:33:30,426 --> 00:33:31,608
realize they have nothing in common,
651
00:33:31,608 --> 00:33:34,841
then they'd break up and
have to start all over again.
652
00:33:34,841 --> 00:33:36,874
This is the perfect solution.
653
00:33:36,874 --> 00:33:38,361
Somebody rings him up and asks him to go
654
00:33:38,361 --> 00:33:40,493
to the new hip brunch place
655
00:33:40,493 --> 00:33:42,770
and he says "I can't go
out, it's the puppy."
656
00:33:42,770 --> 00:33:44,353
The man's a genius.
657
00:33:45,755 --> 00:33:49,690
- Are you sure it's Jerry
you're talking about?
658
00:33:52,808 --> 00:33:54,905
You get the papers, I'll get the table.
659
00:33:54,905 --> 00:33:56,710
Pretty soon we'll be in brunch heaven.
660
00:34:06,252 --> 00:34:08,309
- What happened?
661
00:34:08,309 --> 00:34:09,729
- An hour.
662
00:34:09,729 --> 00:34:11,695
- An hour in not hip Toast?
663
00:34:11,695 --> 00:34:13,209
How can you be expected to wait an hour
664
00:34:13,209 --> 00:34:14,742
for somewhere that's already over?
665
00:34:14,742 --> 00:34:16,231
- That's what I said.
666
00:34:16,231 --> 00:34:18,302
The guy didn't seem interested.
667
00:34:18,302 --> 00:34:20,090
- I've got an idea.
668
00:34:20,090 --> 00:34:21,429
We could go to Marmalade.
669
00:34:21,429 --> 00:34:22,914
- Marmalade?
670
00:34:22,914 --> 00:34:24,208
- It's not as hip at Toast.
671
00:34:24,208 --> 00:34:26,751
In fact, it's not hip at all
672
00:34:26,751 --> 00:34:28,286
but if you think about it,
673
00:34:28,286 --> 00:34:30,472
it's where we should have gone all along.
674
00:34:30,472 --> 00:34:33,805
That would have been a truly hip choice.
675
00:34:34,830 --> 00:34:37,413
- I really want to believe you.
676
00:34:42,015 --> 00:34:43,809
I wanted to go somewhere new.
677
00:34:43,809 --> 00:34:45,788
I wanted to go to new Toast.
678
00:34:45,788 --> 00:34:47,903
I wanted to be hip.
679
00:34:47,903 --> 00:34:49,740
- I know you did.
680
00:34:49,740 --> 00:34:50,848
But maybe we have to admit
681
00:34:50,848 --> 00:34:54,822
that we're more Marmalade
than Toast kind of people.
682
00:35:01,606 --> 00:35:03,404
- We need to find someone for Rachel.
683
00:35:03,404 --> 00:35:04,623
She's such a lovely girl.
684
00:35:04,623 --> 00:35:06,930
You must know someone.
685
00:35:06,930 --> 00:35:08,066
Out of all your friends, there's no one
686
00:35:08,066 --> 00:35:09,874
you can think of?
687
00:35:09,874 --> 00:35:10,842
- Jerry?
688
00:35:10,842 --> 00:35:12,095
- No, she hates dogs.
689
00:35:12,095 --> 00:35:13,569
- I don't have any single friends anymore.
690
00:35:13,569 --> 00:35:14,469
They're either in a relationship
691
00:35:14,469 --> 00:35:15,837
or they're getting
married or they're going
692
00:35:15,837 --> 00:35:16,992
through a difficult split.
693
00:35:16,992 --> 00:35:18,394
And if they're not in a relationship,
694
00:35:18,394 --> 00:35:23,220
they've given up on dating
and acquired a puppy.
695
00:35:23,220 --> 00:35:25,108
What sort of guy is
she looking for anyway?
696
00:35:25,108 --> 00:35:28,478
- You know, a nice guy,
thoughtful, interesting.
697
00:35:28,478 --> 00:35:31,586
- There's Stewart, he's
nice and thoughtful.
698
00:35:31,586 --> 00:35:32,726
He likes helping people.
699
00:35:32,726 --> 00:35:34,367
- That sounds perfect.
700
00:35:34,367 --> 00:35:36,667
- Is Rachel bipolar?
701
00:35:36,667 --> 00:35:37,715
- I don't think so.
702
00:35:37,715 --> 00:35:38,838
- That's a shame 'cause he normally goes
703
00:35:38,838 --> 00:35:40,600
for girls who are bipolar.
704
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:42,799
- No one has a tendency
for girls who are bipolar.
705
00:35:42,799 --> 00:35:44,049
- Stewart does.
706
00:35:45,021 --> 00:35:47,228
- Oh she does get a little
bit depressed sometimes.
707
00:35:47,228 --> 00:35:48,061
Does that count?
708
00:35:48,061 --> 00:35:49,179
- Oh, I don't think so.
709
00:35:49,179 --> 00:35:50,171
Does she cut herself?
710
00:35:50,171 --> 00:35:51,004
- Don't think so.
711
00:35:51,004 --> 00:35:51,837
- Is she suicidal?
712
00:35:51,837 --> 00:35:52,694
- Definitely not.
713
00:35:52,694 --> 00:35:53,527
- Not even a little bit?
714
00:35:53,527 --> 00:35:54,360
- No!
715
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:58,360
- Well it's a shame,
'cause probably won't work.
716
00:35:59,968 --> 00:36:01,543
- What about Ben?
717
00:36:01,543 --> 00:36:03,136
- Ben is in love.
718
00:36:03,136 --> 00:36:05,048
- That's lovely.
719
00:36:05,048 --> 00:36:08,764
Oh I love hearing about people
who've found each other.
720
00:36:08,764 --> 00:36:09,597
With who?
721
00:36:09,597 --> 00:36:12,040
- The 19 year old Slovak
waitress from Cafe Bohemia.
722
00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:12,873
- Seriously?
723
00:36:12,873 --> 00:36:14,167
- Technically they're
not seeing each other.
724
00:36:14,167 --> 00:36:15,324
He's ordered tea off her twice
725
00:36:15,324 --> 00:36:17,451
and then he told her he
was in love with her.
726
00:36:17,451 --> 00:36:19,137
- And she said?
727
00:36:19,137 --> 00:36:21,637
- She got a restraining order.
728
00:36:24,763 --> 00:36:28,252
- Don't you have any normal friends?
729
00:36:28,252 --> 00:36:31,681
- You said you wanted
thoughtful and interesting.
730
00:36:31,681 --> 00:36:33,063
Isn't she Jewish?
731
00:36:33,063 --> 00:36:34,435
What about a Jewish guy?
732
00:36:34,435 --> 00:36:36,171
- Oh yeah, like you know
a lot of Jewish guys.
733
00:36:36,171 --> 00:36:38,231
- Patrick's Jewish.
734
00:36:38,231 --> 00:36:40,301
- Patrick is Irish.
735
00:36:40,301 --> 00:36:42,229
- He's not Irish anymore, he's Jewish.
736
00:36:42,229 --> 00:36:43,312
- Since when?
737
00:36:44,864 --> 00:36:46,315
- About six months ago.
738
00:36:46,315 --> 00:36:49,354
Now everything's Jewish
this and Jewish that.
739
00:36:49,354 --> 00:36:51,270
He keeps posting photos
of himself on Facebook
740
00:36:51,270 --> 00:36:52,648
at neo-Nazi rallies.
741
00:36:52,648 --> 00:36:53,820
- Doing what?
742
00:36:53,820 --> 00:36:56,470
- Fighting with neo-Nazis.
743
00:36:56,470 --> 00:36:59,684
He's very committed to his new identity.
744
00:36:59,684 --> 00:37:02,517
- Patrick O'Driscoll
doesn't sound very Jewish.
745
00:37:02,517 --> 00:37:03,995
He sound Irish.
746
00:37:03,995 --> 00:37:05,408
- His great grandmother's Jewish.
747
00:37:05,408 --> 00:37:06,736
- That doesn't mean he's Jewish.
748
00:37:06,736 --> 00:37:08,142
- He says if it means
he would have ended up
749
00:37:08,142 --> 00:37:11,009
in a concentration camp,
then he's passed the test.
750
00:37:11,009 --> 00:37:12,033
- That's not the only test.
751
00:37:12,033 --> 00:37:14,089
- I said to him, "I didn't
know you were Jewish."
752
00:37:14,089 --> 00:37:16,033
And he pointed and said
"With a face like this,
753
00:37:16,033 --> 00:37:17,398
"I'm straight through those gates."
754
00:37:17,398 --> 00:37:19,053
- He doesn't
look particularly Jewish.
755
00:37:19,053 --> 00:37:20,489
- That's what I said, he looks Irish.
756
00:37:20,489 --> 00:37:22,567
He's very enthusiastic about it.
757
00:37:22,567 --> 00:37:23,702
He says if it's good enough for Hitler,
758
00:37:23,702 --> 00:37:26,407
it's good enough for him.
759
00:37:26,407 --> 00:37:27,817
Would you like a Jewish guy?
760
00:37:27,817 --> 00:37:28,941
- No, not really.
761
00:37:28,941 --> 00:37:30,346
She's had a string of bad relationships
762
00:37:30,346 --> 00:37:32,262
with Jewish guys.
763
00:37:32,262 --> 00:37:34,823
But she really likes Irish guys.
764
00:37:34,823 --> 00:37:38,847
- That's a shame because
he's not Irish anymore.
765
00:37:47,851 --> 00:37:50,650
- What did they say?
766
00:37:50,650 --> 00:37:51,983
- They've stopped serving food.
767
00:37:51,983 --> 00:37:53,722
- Motherfuckers!
768
00:37:53,722 --> 00:37:56,503
God, I'm starving, what the
fuck is wrong with these people?
769
00:37:56,503 --> 00:37:58,451
I just want sodding brunch!
770
00:37:58,451 --> 00:38:00,828
- I think we should go
to Tesco, get some food
771
00:38:00,828 --> 00:38:02,220
and have brunch at home.
772
00:38:02,220 --> 00:38:03,303
- No, Tesco!?
773
00:38:04,521 --> 00:38:07,109
No, we're meant to be going out to brunch.
774
00:38:07,109 --> 00:38:09,920
This whole exercise was
supposed to stand for something!
775
00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:11,558
- Sometimes you have to admit defeat.
776
00:38:11,558 --> 00:38:13,097
Hold your head up high and move on
777
00:38:13,097 --> 00:38:15,180
or you lose your dignity.
778
00:38:16,858 --> 00:38:17,808
- Is that?
779
00:38:17,808 --> 00:38:19,369
Tom!
780
00:38:19,369 --> 00:38:20,759
- Hi!
781
00:38:20,759 --> 00:38:22,195
Didn't I just see you guys in Toast?
782
00:38:22,195 --> 00:38:23,529
- Us?
- Yeah.
783
00:38:23,529 --> 00:38:25,129
- In Toast?
784
00:38:25,129 --> 00:38:27,332
- The impossibly cool one in King's Cross.
785
00:38:27,332 --> 00:38:28,326
- Uh, not us.
786
00:38:28,326 --> 00:38:29,159
- Definitely not us.
787
00:38:29,159 --> 00:38:30,769
- No we can't be dealing
with all that hanging around
788
00:38:30,769 --> 00:38:33,091
waiting an hour for a table, no.
789
00:38:33,091 --> 00:38:34,770
Haven't got the energy.
790
00:38:34,770 --> 00:38:37,304
- We're over that kind
of desperate behavior.
791
00:38:37,304 --> 00:38:38,453
- No, I'm sure it was you.
792
00:38:38,453 --> 00:38:40,038
The guy wearing that scarf
793
00:38:40,038 --> 00:38:43,203
and someone wearing that coat.
794
00:38:43,203 --> 00:38:46,942
Maybe you got brunch doppelgangers.
795
00:38:46,942 --> 00:38:48,839
- Mhmm, could be.
796
00:38:48,839 --> 00:38:49,899
- It was us.
797
00:38:49,899 --> 00:38:51,214
- Yeah, I thought it was.
798
00:38:51,214 --> 00:38:52,097
- We couldn't get in.
799
00:38:52,097 --> 00:38:53,287
Then we tried to get into the old Toast
800
00:38:53,287 --> 00:38:54,664
and we couldn't get in there either
801
00:38:54,664 --> 00:38:55,838
and then we tried to go to Marmalade
802
00:38:55,838 --> 00:38:57,027
and the kitchen's just shut.
803
00:38:57,027 --> 00:38:58,419
- It's obviously not our scene.
804
00:38:58,419 --> 00:39:00,125
We're not just hip enough.
805
00:39:00,125 --> 00:39:02,931
- Plus I can't stand places like Toast.
806
00:39:02,931 --> 00:39:05,498
Stuck up staff and dickhead customers.
807
00:39:05,498 --> 00:39:07,222
- I thought you guys
always went to places like that.
808
00:39:07,222 --> 00:39:08,863
- 'Cause Alice likes them.
809
00:39:08,863 --> 00:39:12,167
I like Marmalade, it's
simple, it's unpretentious.
810
00:39:12,167 --> 00:39:13,535
- Me too, it's comforting.
811
00:39:13,535 --> 00:39:14,856
You can be who you are in Marmalade.
812
00:39:14,856 --> 00:39:16,158
- Yeah.
813
00:39:16,158 --> 00:39:17,490
- We were going to invite you
814
00:39:17,490 --> 00:39:19,772
but we thought you'd
probably be in Cambodia.
815
00:39:19,772 --> 00:39:20,919
- With the Prime Minister's daughter.
816
00:39:20,919 --> 00:39:22,773
- No, it's the King's niece, Tanzania.
817
00:39:22,773 --> 00:39:24,313
- I didn't think there
was a King in Tanzania.
818
00:39:24,313 --> 00:39:25,379
- Oh, there's thousands of them.
819
00:39:25,379 --> 00:39:27,086
- So how's Alice?
820
00:39:27,086 --> 00:39:28,253
- We split up.
821
00:39:29,853 --> 00:39:32,264
- Oh Tom, I'm so sorry
822
00:39:32,264 --> 00:39:35,812
but you guys seemed so
perfect for each other.
823
00:39:35,812 --> 00:39:37,146
You had so much in common.
824
00:39:37,146 --> 00:39:38,524
- That's what I thought.
825
00:39:38,524 --> 00:39:40,201
I was wrong.
826
00:39:40,201 --> 00:39:43,451
No, she likes going to galleria things.
827
00:39:45,391 --> 00:39:47,457
Go to the latest brunch place.
828
00:39:47,457 --> 00:39:49,684
I like staying in with the DVD.
829
00:39:49,684 --> 00:39:52,175
She likes Toast, I like Marmalade.
830
00:39:52,175 --> 00:39:53,062
She's hip, I'm--
831
00:39:53,062 --> 00:39:54,964
- Not hip?
832
00:39:54,964 --> 00:39:56,659
- It's weird, I always thought you're more
833
00:39:56,659 --> 00:39:58,385
of a Toast kind of guy.
834
00:39:58,385 --> 00:40:00,446
Just shows how wrong you can be.
835
00:40:00,446 --> 00:40:01,867
We always stay in.
836
00:40:01,867 --> 00:40:04,066
- It's all we do.
837
00:40:04,066 --> 00:40:07,003
- That's funny, she thought
you were the trendy ones.
838
00:40:07,003 --> 00:40:08,126
She said you were always busy.
839
00:40:08,126 --> 00:40:09,449
That's why we never invited you anywhere.
840
00:40:09,449 --> 00:40:10,282
- Us?
841
00:40:10,282 --> 00:40:11,248
- Wow.
842
00:40:11,248 --> 00:40:13,244
- Oh, you can't say trendy anymore.
843
00:40:13,244 --> 00:40:14,278
It's not hip, it dates you.
844
00:40:14,278 --> 00:40:15,861
- Really, who says?
845
00:40:17,190 --> 00:40:18,023
Well no.
846
00:40:18,900 --> 00:40:20,797
Oh, you're probably right.
847
00:40:20,797 --> 00:40:21,984
I can't be dealing with all that bollocks.
848
00:40:21,984 --> 00:40:23,119
I wanna be able to say what I wanna say,
849
00:40:23,119 --> 00:40:24,243
eat what I wanna eat
850
00:40:24,243 --> 00:40:25,238
and crap where I wanna crap
851
00:40:25,238 --> 00:40:27,637
without having to worry about
anyone thinks it's fashionable
852
00:40:27,637 --> 00:40:29,331
or trendy or whatever.
853
00:40:29,331 --> 00:40:30,164
- [Woman] I'm with you.
854
00:40:30,164 --> 00:40:30,997
- Me too.
855
00:40:33,714 --> 00:40:36,514
- Right, well, say hi to Alice
856
00:40:36,514 --> 00:40:37,419
next time you see her.
857
00:40:37,419 --> 00:40:38,862
- We're not really talking at the moment.
858
00:40:38,862 --> 00:40:40,719
She got a new boyfriend.
859
00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:44,206
She's seeing the new
chef from The Pudding?
860
00:40:44,206 --> 00:40:45,623
- Oh Tom.
861
00:40:47,172 --> 00:40:48,937
- It's all right.
862
00:40:48,937 --> 00:40:51,854
She's probably better off in there.
863
00:40:55,869 --> 00:40:57,382
Anyway, yeah, I'll see you then.
864
00:40:57,382 --> 00:40:58,425
- Yeah.
- See you around.
865
00:40:58,425 --> 00:40:59,258
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
866
00:40:59,258 --> 00:41:01,076
- Bye, yeah we'll call you
about dinner or something.
867
00:41:01,076 --> 00:41:02,845
- Yeah, see you.
868
00:41:02,845 --> 00:41:04,440
- Oh my god, that's really sad.
869
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:05,690
- I don't know.
870
00:41:07,463 --> 00:41:08,779
- Why, what?
871
00:41:08,779 --> 00:41:10,556
- Well he's probably relieved,
all that going to Toast
872
00:41:10,556 --> 00:41:12,242
when you're more a Marmalade kind of guy,
873
00:41:12,242 --> 00:41:14,184
that stuff can mess with your head.
874
00:41:14,184 --> 00:41:15,205
- I should probably ring Alice,
875
00:41:15,205 --> 00:41:16,910
see how she's doing.
876
00:41:16,910 --> 00:41:18,084
She's probably in Mauritius
877
00:41:18,084 --> 00:41:22,332
with the Administer of
Defense's cousin. (chuckling)
878
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:28,716
I had a dream last night.
879
00:41:28,716 --> 00:41:32,279
Chris Martin was giving
away all our stuff.
880
00:41:32,279 --> 00:41:33,112
- Why?
881
00:41:33,112 --> 00:41:34,356
- I don't know.
882
00:41:34,356 --> 00:41:36,482
First he gave away our sofa,
883
00:41:36,482 --> 00:41:39,600
then our fridge then our TV to charity.
884
00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:40,433
- That's a bit rich.
885
00:41:40,433 --> 00:41:41,597
Why doesn't he give away his own stuff?
886
00:41:41,597 --> 00:41:42,819
He can bloody afford it.
887
00:41:42,819 --> 00:41:43,745
- That's what I said to him
888
00:41:43,745 --> 00:41:47,515
but he just kind of smiled to himself.
889
00:41:47,515 --> 00:41:49,101
I was really angry at first
890
00:41:49,101 --> 00:41:54,101
but by the time he gave away
everything I'd calmed down.
891
00:41:56,788 --> 00:41:58,652
I can't wait to make brunch.
892
00:41:58,652 --> 00:42:01,485
- I'm hoping it's all right.
893
00:42:14,689 --> 00:42:15,689
- Delicious!
894
00:42:18,410 --> 00:42:20,749
We never made it to brunch.
895
00:42:20,749 --> 00:42:22,166
- This is brunch.
896
00:42:23,015 --> 00:42:24,951
- If you have brunch and
nobody knows about it,
897
00:42:24,951 --> 00:42:26,670
is it still brunch?
898
00:42:26,670 --> 00:42:29,610
- I know about it, I'm eating it.
899
00:42:29,610 --> 00:42:32,765
- I wanted to be ahead of
the curve just for once.
900
00:42:32,765 --> 00:42:35,682
- We're riding the curve right now.
901
00:42:36,953 --> 00:42:40,139
Maybe Chris Martin was
trying to tell you something.
902
00:42:40,139 --> 00:42:44,076
Maybe hipsters aren't
really that hip after all.
903
00:42:44,076 --> 00:42:46,616
- At least we have each other.
904
00:42:46,616 --> 00:42:50,636
- Unless you're planning to
leave me for the chef in Toast.
905
00:42:50,636 --> 00:42:53,929
- I hear he makes very tasty bagels.
906
00:42:53,929 --> 00:42:57,423
- Would you leave me for a bagel?
907
00:42:57,423 --> 00:43:00,006
- I have all the bagels I need.
908
00:43:07,172 --> 00:43:09,510
- Got a lot of that.
909
00:43:09,510 --> 00:43:10,753
You know, it's a cuddle party.
910
00:43:10,753 --> 00:43:12,313
We're gonna go in there
smelling like alcohol.
911
00:43:12,313 --> 00:43:14,783
- Well that's how you spent
the last year of our marriage.
912
00:43:14,783 --> 00:43:15,694
- Can we just go please?
913
00:43:15,694 --> 00:43:16,527
- Yes, okay, fine.
914
00:43:16,527 --> 00:43:17,966
Pass me my pajamas, okay?
915
00:43:17,966 --> 00:43:19,383
I need to change.
916
00:43:20,606 --> 00:43:21,439
- Fuck!
917
00:43:21,439 --> 00:43:22,862
- Did you fucking forget my pajamas?
918
00:43:22,862 --> 00:43:23,695
- I'm sorry!
919
00:43:23,695 --> 00:43:27,239
- Oh, for Christ's sake,
you had one job, Drew.
920
00:43:27,239 --> 00:43:31,348
- You're gonna have to get
cuddled in a business suit.
921
00:43:31,348 --> 00:43:32,881
- Why can't we just go
to couples counseling
922
00:43:32,881 --> 00:43:33,895
like everybody else we know?
923
00:43:33,895 --> 00:43:35,573
- Name one couples therapist
924
00:43:35,573 --> 00:43:37,882
that hasn't been divorced
like seven times.
925
00:43:37,882 --> 00:43:38,874
Name one!
926
00:43:38,874 --> 00:43:40,280
There are none.
927
00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:41,461
We have to try this.
928
00:43:41,461 --> 00:43:44,118
- You know what, I am
willing to go in there
929
00:43:44,118 --> 00:43:46,778
because I am not okay with the fact
930
00:43:46,778 --> 00:43:49,701
that we are completely fucked.
931
00:43:49,701 --> 00:43:51,553
- We're completely fucked!
932
00:43:51,553 --> 00:43:53,799
- I said the word completely fucked first.
933
00:43:53,799 --> 00:43:56,368
- I'm also saying that we're
fucked at the same time.
934
00:43:56,368 --> 00:43:58,378
- Cheese Puffs, as a snack?!
935
00:43:58,378 --> 00:44:00,565
- Can we just please go?
936
00:44:00,565 --> 00:44:02,947
- Everybody's gonna be covered
in neon orange shmegma.
937
00:44:02,947 --> 00:44:04,142
- They won't be covered in it
938
00:44:04,142 --> 00:44:05,528
because we're gonna put your Purell
939
00:44:05,528 --> 00:44:06,884
right by the bowl.
940
00:44:06,884 --> 00:44:08,349
- Wear your sweatpants.
941
00:44:08,349 --> 00:44:12,035
- Oh I'm sorry that I'm comfortable.
942
00:44:12,035 --> 00:44:15,285
Let's just fucking cuddle these people.
943
00:44:19,275 --> 00:44:21,874
- To the right,
and to the left again.
944
00:44:21,874 --> 00:44:23,291
Yup, lots of joy.
945
00:44:24,637 --> 00:44:25,470
Room full of joy.
946
00:44:25,470 --> 00:44:26,347
- Knock knock.
947
00:44:26,347 --> 00:44:27,180
- Oh!
948
00:44:27,180 --> 00:44:28,809
Jane and Drew I presume.
949
00:44:28,809 --> 00:44:30,558
We're just finishing some
icebreaking exercises
950
00:44:30,558 --> 00:44:31,419
so feel free to come in
951
00:44:31,419 --> 00:44:33,636
and set up your nest
as quickly as you can.
952
00:44:33,636 --> 00:44:36,004
Okay so we're a tad behind right now
953
00:44:36,004 --> 00:44:40,882
so we're gonna start to pass
around the talking stick, okay?
954
00:44:40,882 --> 00:44:42,394
So when you have the talking stick
955
00:44:42,394 --> 00:44:45,506
please respect others
with your silence, okay?
956
00:44:45,506 --> 00:44:46,355
Who wants to go first?
957
00:44:46,355 --> 00:44:47,987
Let's start with you.
958
00:44:47,987 --> 00:44:50,556
- Hello and namaste, everyone.
959
00:44:50,556 --> 00:44:54,174
I'm Perry Nanda and this is my
wife and life partner Grace.
960
00:44:54,174 --> 00:44:56,917
We're here to both
center our heart chakras
961
00:44:56,917 --> 00:44:59,002
and rekindle that bond of intimacy
962
00:44:59,002 --> 00:45:01,330
before we bring a life into this world
963
00:45:01,330 --> 00:45:02,897
in just a few short weeks.
964
00:45:02,897 --> 00:45:03,807
- Ugh.
- Namaste.
965
00:45:03,807 --> 00:45:05,205
- Lovely.
966
00:45:07,395 --> 00:45:09,582
- Hello everyone.
967
00:45:09,582 --> 00:45:12,431
This is Billy and I'm Wesley
968
00:45:12,431 --> 00:45:17,431
and we just thought this would
be a more centered way to,
969
00:45:17,488 --> 00:45:19,575
an anti-pharma way to deal with
970
00:45:19,575 --> 00:45:21,366
Billy's erectile dysfunction.
971
00:45:21,366 --> 00:45:23,827
- You know, your openness is inspiring.
972
00:45:23,827 --> 00:45:24,660
- Thank you.
973
00:45:24,660 --> 00:45:25,493
- Really?
974
00:45:25,493 --> 00:45:27,243
- Yeah sure.
975
00:45:29,134 --> 00:45:29,967
- Thanks.
976
00:45:31,292 --> 00:45:33,925
So we are Fred and Trish.
977
00:45:33,925 --> 00:45:37,132
And after we lost
Trish's mother to cancer,
978
00:45:37,132 --> 00:45:41,382
we lost a little piece of
ourselves, I guess, like.
979
00:45:44,380 --> 00:45:46,905
- Uh, Jane, Jane, Jane.
980
00:45:46,905 --> 00:45:49,130
Um, maybe just the
comforter would be fine?
981
00:45:49,130 --> 00:45:51,832
- Just blowing it up, keep
talking, I'm listening.
982
00:45:51,832 --> 00:45:52,665
- One minute, I'm sorry.
983
00:45:52,665 --> 00:45:53,588
No, no, Jane, Jane, no ,no.
984
00:45:53,588 --> 00:45:55,268
Really, just the comforter.
985
00:45:55,268 --> 00:45:57,393
- She's got a coccyx thing.
986
00:45:57,393 --> 00:45:58,226
- Yeah.
987
00:45:58,226 --> 00:46:00,706
- Jane, you don't have the stick.
988
00:46:00,706 --> 00:46:02,424
Fred has the stick.
989
00:46:02,424 --> 00:46:04,210
Fred, could you please continue?
990
00:46:04,210 --> 00:46:07,206
- So this is the one year
anniversary of losing Suzanne
991
00:46:07,206 --> 00:46:10,274
to a long, very courageous battle
992
00:46:10,274 --> 00:46:13,107
with a type II lymphoma that just,
993
00:46:14,253 --> 00:46:15,336
- Drew, Drew?
994
00:46:16,410 --> 00:46:17,580
- You said the comforter.
995
00:46:17,580 --> 00:46:20,110
- Yeah, not the time.
996
00:46:20,110 --> 00:46:22,620
- Yeah, finish up that cancer.
997
00:46:22,620 --> 00:46:25,232
- Oh, okay, I guess it's our turn.
998
00:46:25,232 --> 00:46:27,018
Don't know where it's been.
999
00:46:27,018 --> 00:46:28,604
Good thing I brought the Purell.
1000
00:46:28,604 --> 00:46:30,166
- Just start talking.
- Okay.
1001
00:46:34,033 --> 00:46:36,668
I'm Jane, this is Drew.
1002
00:46:36,668 --> 00:46:38,001
How to say this.
1003
00:46:39,443 --> 00:46:41,104
- Just go.
1004
00:46:41,104 --> 00:46:42,642
- I cheated.
1005
00:46:42,642 --> 00:46:43,943
Yes I did, there it is.
1006
00:46:43,943 --> 00:46:46,132
I had an affair with a coworker, okay?
1007
00:46:46,132 --> 00:46:50,549
So just savor that in your
mouth for a little second.
1008
00:46:51,384 --> 00:46:53,217
And this one over here
1009
00:46:55,270 --> 00:46:56,698
insists on acting like he just does--
1010
00:46:56,698 --> 00:46:57,531
- 'Cause I don't.
1011
00:46:57,531 --> 00:47:01,002
- He refuses to show any passion, none,
1012
00:47:01,002 --> 00:47:04,156
unless you count his ever changing careers
1013
00:47:04,156 --> 00:47:05,998
which he uses as an excuse to stay at home
1014
00:47:05,998 --> 00:47:07,826
and just play on his Xbox all goddamn day.
1015
00:47:07,826 --> 00:47:09,160
- I'm a professional gamer.
1016
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:12,311
- And just hurl really
passive-aggressive attacks at me
1017
00:47:12,311 --> 00:47:14,350
and my job, right?
- Tell them what you do.
1018
00:47:14,350 --> 00:47:17,114
- As if working for the
Department of Defense,
1019
00:47:17,114 --> 00:47:19,429
being a lawyer for the
Department of Defense
1020
00:47:19,429 --> 00:47:20,820
is working for Satan.
1021
00:47:20,820 --> 00:47:24,006
- Yes, you're with me on this, right?
1022
00:47:24,006 --> 00:47:25,845
Unbelievable.
- Anyway.
1023
00:47:25,845 --> 00:47:27,070
Where was I?
1024
00:47:27,070 --> 00:47:28,602
- I never asked for a divorce.
1025
00:47:28,602 --> 00:47:30,537
- No, Drew because you
don't ask for anything.
1026
00:47:30,537 --> 00:47:32,507
You don't say anything, you
don't talk about anything.
1027
00:47:32,507 --> 00:47:34,201
I'm really, I'll be honest
1028
00:47:34,201 --> 00:47:38,409
I'm really starting to feel
just completely invisible.
1029
00:47:38,409 --> 00:47:41,983
I mean husbands, how
many of you would notice
1030
00:47:41,983 --> 00:47:43,066
if your wives
1031
00:47:44,293 --> 00:47:45,766
wax their initials in their bush?
1032
00:47:45,766 --> 00:47:46,943
- Please don't go into this.
1033
00:47:46,943 --> 00:47:47,776
- Okay.
1034
00:47:47,776 --> 00:47:48,609
- Do you ever wax?
1035
00:47:48,609 --> 00:47:49,617
- That's it, hey hey, give me the stick.
1036
00:47:49,617 --> 00:47:53,272
- You seemed real serious
about a razor over there.
1037
00:47:53,272 --> 00:47:54,774
- Okay I have the stick.
1038
00:47:54,774 --> 00:47:55,607
Okay?
1039
00:47:56,618 --> 00:47:57,800
- It's a Comic Sans.
1040
00:47:57,800 --> 00:48:00,050
- You don't have the stick.
1041
00:48:02,562 --> 00:48:05,045
Facing your partner, legs crossed.
1042
00:48:05,045 --> 00:48:06,352
I want you to get as close as you can
1043
00:48:06,352 --> 00:48:09,211
to each other without touching.
1044
00:48:09,211 --> 00:48:13,378
Okay I want you to breathe
in, breathe out, relax.
1045
00:48:14,949 --> 00:48:19,454
I want your eyes to lock into
the gaze of your partner.
1046
00:48:19,454 --> 00:48:23,790
And I want you to communicate
only with that gaze.
1047
00:48:23,790 --> 00:48:25,207
Nice, breathe in.
1048
00:48:27,816 --> 00:48:30,733
Breathe out, as you lock your eyes.
1049
00:48:35,889 --> 00:48:37,351
- Alison, point of order.
1050
00:48:37,351 --> 00:48:39,134
- All right, all right, you know what?
1051
00:48:39,134 --> 00:48:40,936
Right now we're using our quiet voices.
1052
00:48:40,936 --> 00:48:41,769
- Uh huh yeah.
1053
00:48:41,769 --> 00:48:42,929
What are we supposed to be communicating?
1054
00:48:42,929 --> 00:48:44,628
- You communicate
whatever you want.
1055
00:48:44,628 --> 00:48:46,733
- Okay, what does it look like
he's communicating right now?
1056
00:48:46,733 --> 00:48:47,798
- I don't know.
1057
00:48:47,798 --> 00:48:48,631
- Do you see that?
1058
00:48:48,631 --> 00:48:49,464
- I see nothing.
1059
00:48:49,464 --> 00:48:50,297
- He hates my fucking face.
1060
00:48:50,297 --> 00:48:51,193
- I do not.
1061
00:48:51,193 --> 00:48:52,026
- Yes you do.
1062
00:48:52,026 --> 00:48:53,779
- Alison, that's not
what I was communicating.
1063
00:48:53,779 --> 00:48:54,947
If I wanted to say that,
1064
00:48:54,947 --> 00:48:58,056
I would look more like this.
1065
00:48:58,056 --> 00:48:59,364
- Okay, do you see what he's doing?
1066
00:48:59,364 --> 00:49:00,921
- You know what, you know
what's great about this?
1067
00:49:00,921 --> 00:49:03,318
You're communicating, even if
it's not what you want to hear
1068
00:49:03,318 --> 00:49:05,191
so all we have to do is
get to that next level.
1069
00:49:05,191 --> 00:49:07,358
We do it without speaking.
1070
00:49:16,541 --> 00:49:17,826
- You cheated.
1071
00:49:17,826 --> 00:49:18,659
- Can I have the talking stick?
1072
00:49:18,659 --> 00:49:19,492
- You cannot.
1073
00:49:19,492 --> 00:49:21,575
- Just for a second.
- No.
1074
00:49:24,088 --> 00:49:26,152
Okay, to keep loosening
up our cuddle muscles
1075
00:49:26,152 --> 00:49:28,737
I want us to move into a four way hug.
1076
00:49:28,737 --> 00:49:29,570
- Oh god.
1077
00:49:29,570 --> 00:49:30,745
- So feel free
to leave your partner
1078
00:49:30,745 --> 00:49:32,645
and share your energy with the room.
1079
00:49:32,645 --> 00:49:33,522
It's okay, yup.
1080
00:49:33,522 --> 00:49:35,688
I'll share your energy.
- Did you wanna?
1081
00:49:35,688 --> 00:49:36,993
Were you, is that a,
1082
00:49:36,993 --> 00:49:37,826
were you trying to let me know?
1083
00:49:37,826 --> 00:49:40,357
- Would you like to come up here?
1084
00:49:40,357 --> 00:49:41,675
- Am I in your way?
1085
00:49:41,675 --> 00:49:45,749
- Find your four way hug partners.
1086
00:49:45,749 --> 00:49:47,130
Embrace your partner.
1087
00:49:47,130 --> 00:49:48,937
- Oh you guys, before you lock it up.
1088
00:49:48,937 --> 00:49:50,709
- We're pretty locked up, actually.
1089
00:49:50,709 --> 00:49:52,100
- How about everybody down here,
1090
00:49:52,100 --> 00:49:53,458
is everybody good right now?
1091
00:49:53,458 --> 00:49:57,156
- Now, I want everyone to breathe out
1092
00:49:57,156 --> 00:49:58,843
everything that's
keeping you from complete
1093
00:49:58,843 --> 00:50:00,593
and total relaxation.
1094
00:50:01,621 --> 00:50:05,799
Remember that we're all learning
how to be intimate again.
1095
00:50:05,799 --> 00:50:08,297
So anything that does
not serve your spirit
1096
00:50:08,297 --> 00:50:11,482
and your mind and your
body, just push it out.
1097
00:50:11,482 --> 00:50:12,432
- Ugh.
1098
00:50:12,432 --> 00:50:14,170
- Oh, oh can you hear that?
1099
00:50:14,170 --> 00:50:16,608
That's someone reconnecting
with their pleasure center.
1100
00:50:18,482 --> 00:50:20,426
- Uh huh, because our reptile brains
1101
00:50:20,426 --> 00:50:22,563
are programmed for intimacy.
1102
00:50:22,563 --> 00:50:25,414
It's society that cuts
us away from our roots.
1103
00:50:26,473 --> 00:50:27,581
- Yes.
1104
00:50:27,581 --> 00:50:29,313
- Oh no.
- Oh my.
1105
00:50:29,313 --> 00:50:30,558
- Oh no.
1106
00:50:30,558 --> 00:50:32,459
- Oh that's nice, that's nice.
1107
00:50:32,459 --> 00:50:33,991
Yeah, yeah, let it out.
1108
00:50:33,991 --> 00:50:34,824
Breathe it out.
1109
00:50:37,921 --> 00:50:39,504
- Oooh yeah, oh no.
1110
00:50:43,021 --> 00:50:43,996
- Okay well you know,
1111
00:50:43,996 --> 00:50:46,261
we wanna stay clear of
the sexual side of things.
1112
00:50:46,261 --> 00:50:48,477
This is just relaxation.
1113
00:50:48,477 --> 00:50:49,310
- Brrr!
1114
00:50:50,775 --> 00:50:55,471
- Yes, that's great you guys. (clapping)
1115
00:50:55,471 --> 00:50:57,004
Okay, I think we did it.
1116
00:50:57,004 --> 00:50:59,005
I think you've all earned a snack
1117
00:50:59,005 --> 00:51:01,769
before we get into our freeform
cuddle exercises, okay?
1118
00:51:01,769 --> 00:51:02,602
- [Woman] For seven years
1119
00:51:02,602 --> 00:51:04,406
and I haven't even met her parents.
1120
00:51:04,406 --> 00:51:05,239
- It's okay.
1121
00:51:05,239 --> 00:51:06,548
I mean you just focus
on your relationship.
1122
00:51:06,548 --> 00:51:08,381
- He's met my parents.
1123
00:51:09,216 --> 00:51:10,923
Several times.
1124
00:51:10,923 --> 00:51:13,162
- You don't wanna meet her parents.
1125
00:51:13,162 --> 00:51:15,154
Meeting in-laws is,
1126
00:51:15,154 --> 00:51:17,154
she's doing you a favor.
1127
00:51:18,029 --> 00:51:20,868
- Jane just told me she doesn't
really like kids, you know?
1128
00:51:20,868 --> 00:51:23,672
She thinks they're like little people.
1129
00:51:23,672 --> 00:51:26,869
- We all have our problems,
that's why we're here.
1130
00:51:26,869 --> 00:51:27,921
- Yeah.
1131
00:51:27,921 --> 00:51:28,878
Sorry about your dick.
1132
00:51:28,878 --> 00:51:30,719
- Drew, could I speak with
you in private please?
1133
00:51:30,719 --> 00:51:31,552
- Sure.
1134
00:51:33,861 --> 00:51:36,021
- Some of the other cuddlers
have been suggesting
1135
00:51:36,021 --> 00:51:38,406
that you've been making
them feel uncomfortable,
1136
00:51:38,406 --> 00:51:40,748
that you've been manifesting
some palpable negative energy
1137
00:51:40,748 --> 00:51:42,485
towards each other.
1138
00:51:42,485 --> 00:51:44,335
- Oh well, I mean,
1139
00:51:44,335 --> 00:51:45,850
- That.
- Okay, we have issues
1140
00:51:45,850 --> 00:51:46,683
but so do they.
1141
00:51:46,683 --> 00:51:47,571
- Yeah.
1142
00:51:47,571 --> 00:51:49,848
- I mean nobody comes
here because they want to.
1143
00:51:49,848 --> 00:51:50,837
- There's a lot of people that come here
1144
00:51:50,837 --> 00:51:51,690
without having to, Jane.
1145
00:51:51,690 --> 00:51:53,089
- If I could say this,
1146
00:51:53,089 --> 00:51:54,598
I feel like we're doing a pretty good job
1147
00:51:54,598 --> 00:51:57,126
of keeping our personal stuff on the DL.
1148
00:51:57,126 --> 00:51:59,948
- What I need from you
is for you to stay here.
1149
00:51:59,948 --> 00:52:01,604
I want you to breathe.
1150
00:52:01,604 --> 00:52:05,155
I want you to find your calm place.
1151
00:52:05,155 --> 00:52:06,966
And then I want you to
return only when you're ready
1152
00:52:06,966 --> 00:52:10,598
to connect and communicate
with respect for everyone.
1153
00:52:10,598 --> 00:52:11,528
- So here's what we'll do.
1154
00:52:11,528 --> 00:52:13,068
We'll be aware of it.
1155
00:52:13,068 --> 00:52:13,901
We're gonna be
1156
00:52:13,901 --> 00:52:15,093
reflecting on it.
- You reflect on it.
1157
00:52:15,093 --> 00:52:16,332
- And then we're gonna move forward.
1158
00:52:16,332 --> 00:52:17,832
- Okay, all right.
1159
00:52:18,978 --> 00:52:20,860
It's time to start the second half
1160
00:52:20,860 --> 00:52:23,258
of our cuddle journey this afternoon
1161
00:52:23,258 --> 00:52:26,552
where we begin by expressing
what we learned so far.
1162
00:52:26,552 --> 00:52:29,469
Dakota, would you like to go first?
1163
00:52:31,563 --> 00:52:33,357
- You know what, I'll tell
you what I've learned.
1164
00:52:33,357 --> 00:52:35,323
I've learned that one of you cuddlers
1165
00:52:35,323 --> 00:52:38,255
has been talking smack about
Drew and me behind our backs.
1166
00:52:38,255 --> 00:52:39,680
- Yeah, who said shit about us?
1167
00:52:39,680 --> 00:52:42,511
- Jane, sweetheart, you
do not have the stick.
1168
00:52:42,511 --> 00:52:44,194
- Okay, fine, then give me
the talking stick please.
1169
00:52:44,194 --> 00:52:45,027
- No.
1170
00:52:46,082 --> 00:52:47,912
- You're not even talking,
give me the talking stick.
1171
00:52:47,912 --> 00:52:49,025
- I have the talking stick
1172
00:52:49,025 --> 00:52:50,589
and it is not your turn!
1173
00:52:50,589 --> 00:52:52,302
- No.
- Dakota, don't be a dick,
1174
00:52:52,302 --> 00:52:53,713
just give my wife the talking stick.
1175
00:52:53,713 --> 00:52:54,962
- Yeah, Dakota.
1176
00:52:54,962 --> 00:52:56,448
- Give her the talking stick.
1177
00:52:56,448 --> 00:52:57,774
- No, no, no man, no.
1178
00:52:57,774 --> 00:52:58,607
- Give it to her!
1179
00:53:02,124 --> 00:53:04,207
- That stick was blessed!
1180
00:53:06,048 --> 00:53:09,053
You will apologize now
from a place of sincerity
1181
00:53:09,053 --> 00:53:10,965
so we can continue with this afternoon!
1182
00:53:10,965 --> 00:53:13,492
- Now, nobody is apologizing for anything.
1183
00:53:13,492 --> 00:53:14,940
- Yeah, my wife does not apologize.
1184
00:53:14,940 --> 00:53:16,619
- Okay you know what,
1185
00:53:16,619 --> 00:53:17,751
I'm sorry.
1186
00:53:17,751 --> 00:53:19,433
There, you like that?
1187
00:53:19,433 --> 00:53:22,460
Here's your moment 'cause you were right.
1188
00:53:22,460 --> 00:53:25,833
Drew and I are horrible, insufferable,
1189
00:53:25,833 --> 00:53:28,956
self-centered, judgemental people.
1190
00:53:28,956 --> 00:53:32,456
But, newsflash, so is everybody else here.
1191
00:53:34,522 --> 00:53:36,939
And just like everybody else,
1192
00:53:38,104 --> 00:53:40,483
we deserve the same treatment
1193
00:53:40,483 --> 00:53:43,398
which is to just, I don't know,
1194
00:53:43,398 --> 00:53:45,330
just be acknowledged!
1195
00:53:45,330 --> 00:53:47,023
That's all I want!
1196
00:53:47,023 --> 00:53:50,439
It's all I want, starting with you, Drew.
1197
00:53:50,439 --> 00:53:52,279
I hate myself, okay?
1198
00:53:52,279 --> 00:53:54,125
I hate myself.
1199
00:53:54,125 --> 00:53:55,776
I hate myself for betraying you.
1200
00:53:55,776 --> 00:53:58,677
I hate myself for betraying us.
1201
00:53:58,677 --> 00:54:02,357
I felt like I had to do
something to get your attention.
1202
00:54:02,357 --> 00:54:04,051
'Cause I love you.
1203
00:54:04,051 --> 00:54:05,718
- Look I mean, yeah.
1204
00:54:06,792 --> 00:54:08,534
You fucked up.
1205
00:54:08,534 --> 00:54:10,451
You fucked up our lives
1206
00:54:12,452 --> 00:54:15,914
and then I fucked them up
too because I shut you out.
1207
00:54:15,914 --> 00:54:18,536
You know, I did, I shut you out
1208
00:54:18,536 --> 00:54:21,137
because I wanted to hurt you
1209
00:54:21,137 --> 00:54:24,302
in the same way that you hurt me.
1210
00:54:24,302 --> 00:54:26,552
And that's so fucking dumb.
1211
00:54:28,038 --> 00:54:31,008
You can't live like that,
that's not a marriage.
1212
00:54:31,008 --> 00:54:32,197
What's that gonna do for us?
1213
00:54:32,197 --> 00:54:34,615
We could do that for
the rest of our lives.
1214
00:54:34,615 --> 00:54:35,775
I don't wanna do that.
1215
00:54:36,936 --> 00:54:39,326
I don't wanna be here with these people.
1216
00:54:39,326 --> 00:54:43,818
I wanna be home with you
because I love you too.
1217
00:54:43,818 --> 00:54:46,376
I don't think this cuddle
party's gonna help us though.
1218
00:54:46,376 --> 00:54:48,500
So let's get the fuck out of here.
1219
00:54:48,500 --> 00:54:49,340
- Yeah let's get the fuck out of here.
1220
00:54:49,340 --> 00:54:50,749
- That's my blanket.
1221
00:54:50,749 --> 00:54:52,014
- Don't forget my air mattress.
1222
00:54:52,014 --> 00:54:53,264
- This is mine.
1223
00:54:56,840 --> 00:54:57,971
- Oh my god, babe.
1224
00:54:57,971 --> 00:54:59,580
Breathe.
1225
00:54:59,580 --> 00:55:00,655
Oh my god, someone help him.
1226
00:55:00,655 --> 00:55:01,611
- I'm a nurse.
1227
00:55:01,611 --> 00:55:02,660
Okay, okay, he's choking.
1228
00:55:02,660 --> 00:55:04,209
I'm a nurse, no problem.
1229
00:55:04,209 --> 00:55:05,431
Let's get him on his side.
1230
00:55:05,431 --> 00:55:07,448
Put him on his side, I'm
gonna administer the Heimlich.
1231
00:55:07,448 --> 00:55:08,593
- Somebody call 911!
1232
00:55:08,593 --> 00:55:11,041
- Just need to clear the airway.
1233
00:55:11,041 --> 00:55:12,055
- Don't cuddle him, man.
1234
00:55:12,055 --> 00:55:14,138
- I'm administering the Heimlich.
1235
00:55:28,448 --> 00:55:29,815
- I don't know what to say, I mean.
1236
00:55:29,815 --> 00:55:31,971
- I don't know what to say.
1237
00:55:31,971 --> 00:55:32,804
- I feel,
1238
00:55:34,711 --> 00:55:36,963
I mean I feel terrible.
1239
00:55:36,963 --> 00:55:38,296
I will say this.
1240
00:55:41,177 --> 00:55:43,427
Everything apart from that,
1241
00:55:46,237 --> 00:55:47,404
worked, right?
1242
00:55:49,525 --> 00:55:50,525
Even I feel,
1243
00:55:52,107 --> 00:55:53,546
- It did.
1244
00:55:53,546 --> 00:55:54,379
- I feel like it did, right?
1245
00:55:54,379 --> 00:55:55,332
- It did, it worked.
1246
00:55:55,332 --> 00:55:56,521
I mean for us.
1247
00:55:56,521 --> 00:55:58,354
- I think so.
- It did.
1248
00:55:59,627 --> 00:56:00,460
I didn't,
1249
00:56:01,307 --> 00:56:02,834
- I was very surprised.
1250
00:56:02,834 --> 00:56:05,001
- Did not expect that, no.
1251
00:56:12,622 --> 00:56:14,536
Do you wanna,
1252
00:56:14,536 --> 00:56:16,060
I mean shouldn't we,
1253
00:56:16,060 --> 00:56:17,977
like do we go home and,
1254
00:56:19,255 --> 00:56:21,458
do you wanna go home and cuddle?
1255
00:56:21,458 --> 00:56:22,625
I mean cuddle?
1256
00:56:23,840 --> 00:56:25,668
- Do you wanna cuddle me?
1257
00:56:25,668 --> 00:56:27,751
- Do you wanna cuddle me?
1258
00:56:29,726 --> 00:56:31,559
- No?
- I feel like no.
1259
00:56:35,046 --> 00:56:38,139
- You are hostile towards my boots!
1260
00:56:38,139 --> 00:56:41,556
- You don't appreciate my sense of humor!
1261
00:56:42,641 --> 00:56:44,376
- They are boots!
1262
00:56:44,376 --> 00:56:45,209
- Fine!
1263
00:56:46,983 --> 00:56:47,816
- Fine!
1264
00:56:50,599 --> 00:56:51,432
- Fine!
1265
00:56:54,471 --> 00:56:55,304
- Fine!
1266
00:56:58,527 --> 00:56:59,694
- You did not!
1267
00:57:11,087 --> 00:57:13,984
- Good fucking luck finding someone
1268
00:57:13,984 --> 00:57:15,796
as kickass as me.
1269
00:57:15,796 --> 00:57:17,071
- That's right.
1270
00:57:17,071 --> 00:57:17,935
- You know what, Court?
1271
00:57:19,018 --> 00:57:21,259
- I'm actually real sad for him, you know?
1272
00:57:21,259 --> 00:57:22,341
- Good for you.
1273
00:57:22,341 --> 00:57:24,833
- 'Cause he is just gonna live this like
1274
00:57:24,833 --> 00:57:28,885
super lonely, just
regrets all over the place
1275
00:57:28,885 --> 00:57:32,052
and I am in the line for awesome town.
1276
00:57:33,023 --> 00:57:34,183
Nothing but awesome.
1277
00:57:34,183 --> 00:57:35,016
- Yes.
1278
00:57:36,466 --> 00:57:39,216
You have cheesecake in your hair.
1279
00:57:40,775 --> 00:57:42,858
- Are you serious?
- Mhmm.
1280
00:57:45,175 --> 00:57:46,337
For two days now.
1281
00:57:46,337 --> 00:57:47,337
- Oh my god.
1282
00:57:49,509 --> 00:57:50,406
I'm sorry.
1283
00:57:50,406 --> 00:57:53,823
- Oh honey, this hasn't been treated yet.
1284
00:57:54,706 --> 00:57:56,407
- This is you, man.
1285
00:57:56,407 --> 00:57:57,960
This is you.
1286
00:57:57,960 --> 00:57:58,793
All right.
1287
00:58:04,083 --> 00:58:06,916
Right, let's do it, let's do this.
1288
00:58:07,828 --> 00:58:09,078
Starts with me.
1289
00:58:12,337 --> 00:58:13,595
Yes!
1290
00:58:13,595 --> 00:58:14,428
Whoo!
1291
00:58:24,932 --> 00:58:25,765
- Nick?
1292
00:58:25,765 --> 00:58:26,754
Hey, what's up man?
1293
00:58:26,754 --> 00:58:28,958
How's the missus?
1294
00:58:28,958 --> 00:58:30,549
See you at the top?
1295
00:58:34,476 --> 00:58:38,343
- Okay Brad, so this one
just came on the market.
1296
00:58:38,343 --> 00:58:40,426
If you wanna take a look.
1297
00:58:41,308 --> 00:58:43,235
- It's so angular.
1298
00:58:43,235 --> 00:58:44,525
I hate it.
1299
00:58:44,525 --> 00:58:45,358
Write this down.
1300
00:58:45,358 --> 00:58:46,814
I need an infinity driveway.
1301
00:58:46,814 --> 00:58:49,644
I need a library with books already in it.
1302
00:58:49,644 --> 00:58:51,881
I want something like Victorian
1303
00:58:51,881 --> 00:58:54,389
but also like mid 19th century.
1304
00:58:54,389 --> 00:58:55,356
I'm allergic to carpet.
1305
00:58:55,356 --> 00:58:56,614
Does it come with an American flag?
1306
00:58:56,614 --> 00:58:57,516
I don't do traditional.
1307
00:58:57,516 --> 00:58:59,357
I don't do mid-century Mediterranean.
1308
00:58:59,357 --> 00:59:00,782
I don't do contemporary.
1309
00:59:00,782 --> 00:59:01,756
I don't do blue!
1310
00:59:01,756 --> 00:59:03,058
I don't do picket fences.
1311
00:59:03,058 --> 00:59:05,475
A horse stable would be nice.
1312
00:59:07,517 --> 00:59:09,306
This literally makes my eyes hurt.
1313
00:59:09,306 --> 00:59:11,282
Is that a free-standing mailbox?
1314
00:59:11,282 --> 00:59:13,328
Ugh, why are you doing this to me?
1315
00:59:13,328 --> 00:59:14,715
How many texts did I send you?
1316
00:59:14,715 --> 00:59:16,715
- I don't know, like 34.
1317
00:59:17,875 --> 00:59:19,933
- No, 35 ,coz I just sent you
one that says you're fired.
1318
00:59:22,969 --> 00:59:24,551
- I feel happy.
1319
00:59:24,551 --> 00:59:26,486
I feel really happy.
1320
00:59:26,486 --> 00:59:27,819
I feel like, ah!
1321
00:59:29,298 --> 00:59:31,795
This smells amazing,
what is this, coconut?
1322
00:59:31,795 --> 00:59:32,953
- That's orange cream.
1323
00:59:32,953 --> 00:59:35,010
- Orange cream,
where'd you get that?
1324
00:59:35,010 --> 00:59:36,654
- Costco.
1325
00:59:36,654 --> 00:59:38,405
- I feel like I'm like,
1326
00:59:38,405 --> 00:59:41,460
like I'm a human joy bomb, you know?
1327
00:59:41,460 --> 00:59:42,856
Like being in this relationship,
1328
00:59:42,856 --> 00:59:44,952
I just feel so good.
1329
00:59:44,952 --> 00:59:47,473
I feel so good, my knees
are literally weak.
1330
00:59:47,473 --> 00:59:49,202
The stuff with my mom,
1331
00:59:49,202 --> 00:59:50,527
couldn't care less anymore.
1332
00:59:50,527 --> 00:59:54,575
I have not had a single
suicidal thought in months.
1333
00:59:54,575 --> 00:59:57,325
I used to feel like I was
being crushed by this weight
1334
00:59:57,325 --> 00:59:59,970
but now I'm just free, I feel great.
1335
00:59:59,970 --> 01:00:01,303
I feel so happy!
1336
01:00:02,724 --> 01:00:04,974
It's because of love, love!
1337
01:00:06,396 --> 01:00:07,992
Love!
1338
01:00:07,992 --> 01:00:09,397
Oh my god.
1339
01:00:09,397 --> 01:00:10,730
- Okay, bye bye.
1340
01:00:19,824 --> 01:00:21,239
- You sure you don't need anything else?
1341
01:00:21,239 --> 01:00:23,802
Any tea, sparkling water, hot cocoa?
1342
01:00:23,802 --> 01:00:25,590
- He's fine, honey, don't treat
him like a child, he's fine.
1343
01:00:25,590 --> 01:00:26,423
- Okay.
1344
01:00:26,423 --> 01:00:28,256
- Actually, hot cocoa,
1345
01:00:29,207 --> 01:00:31,940
that sounds good, I'd
like it if you have it
1346
01:00:31,940 --> 01:00:34,497
with like a little hot milk.
1347
01:00:34,497 --> 01:00:36,012
- Really?
1348
01:00:36,012 --> 01:00:38,485
That takes like five minutes to make.
1349
01:00:38,485 --> 01:00:39,972
- What are you doing?
1350
01:00:39,972 --> 01:00:41,113
- Well it just takes a long time.
1351
01:00:41,113 --> 01:00:42,118
- You offered him a hot cocoa,
1352
01:00:42,118 --> 01:00:42,951
now you don't wanna make it?
- Well I didn't
1353
01:00:42,951 --> 01:00:44,013
really think about it.
1354
01:00:44,013 --> 01:00:45,025
Do you really want that?
1355
01:00:45,025 --> 01:00:46,590
- [Man] He just said he wants it.
1356
01:00:46,590 --> 01:00:47,881
You offered it to him.
- I don't know.
1357
01:00:47,881 --> 01:00:48,714
Well I offered it.
1358
01:00:48,714 --> 01:00:49,547
- Make him a hot cocoa.
- He goes to sleep on,
1359
01:00:49,547 --> 01:00:50,380
- It's not a big deal.
1360
01:00:50,380 --> 01:00:51,213
- I don't think he really
has thought it through.
1361
01:00:51,213 --> 01:00:52,698
- Don't, please don't do this.
- Are you sure you want that?
1362
01:00:52,698 --> 01:00:54,474
If I'm gonna go make that and spend
1363
01:00:54,474 --> 01:00:55,860
the extra five minutes.
- Nick?
1364
01:00:55,860 --> 01:00:57,994
Do you want a hot cocoa?
1365
01:00:57,994 --> 01:00:59,038
Yes or no?
1366
01:00:59,038 --> 01:01:01,455
In your own brain, decide it.
1367
01:01:04,117 --> 01:01:05,763
- No?
1368
01:01:05,763 --> 01:01:07,827
- See, thank you very much.
1369
01:01:07,827 --> 01:01:08,925
- All right.
1370
01:01:08,925 --> 01:01:10,425
Night, night, bud.
1371
01:01:12,595 --> 01:01:15,845
- Level one, let's have some fun.
1372
01:01:16,838 --> 01:01:19,862
Level two, let's learn something new!
1373
01:01:19,862 --> 01:01:22,639
- Oh, okay, oh yeah!
1374
01:01:23,646 --> 01:01:26,025
oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
1375
01:01:26,025 --> 01:01:28,371
Oh my god, oh my god.
1376
01:01:28,371 --> 01:01:31,288
Oh my god, space alien meter maids!
1377
01:01:39,951 --> 01:01:41,632
Oh this is one of those
that comes back around.
1378
01:01:41,632 --> 01:01:42,465
Oh yeah!
1379
01:01:45,019 --> 01:01:47,984
- Hey, Disco Booties please.
1380
01:01:47,984 --> 01:01:49,444
- So it's that kind of night.
1381
01:01:49,444 --> 01:01:50,277
- Yeah.
1382
01:01:51,234 --> 01:01:53,651
(sexy music)
1383
01:01:56,507 --> 01:01:57,924
What's your name?
1384
01:02:33,221 --> 01:02:34,827
- Is that a sombrero?
1385
01:02:34,827 --> 01:02:37,827
No, as they say in Mexico, sayonara.
1386
01:02:39,100 --> 01:02:40,472
Let's see what else.
1387
01:02:40,472 --> 01:02:41,991
What, cowboy boots, no.
1388
01:02:41,991 --> 01:02:42,971
- What's wrong with--
- No.
1389
01:02:42,971 --> 01:02:45,461
It makes you look like a,
1390
01:02:45,461 --> 01:02:47,076
I don't know, like you wanna
eat nachos or something.
1391
01:02:47,076 --> 01:02:48,572
Just delete it, delete it.
1392
01:02:48,572 --> 01:02:51,220
See, I like the instinct
to have a bikini shot
1393
01:02:51,220 --> 01:02:52,602
but the shadow right
there makes it look like
1394
01:02:52,602 --> 01:02:53,589
you have a penis.
1395
01:02:53,589 --> 01:02:55,372
That makes you look
like a radical Islamist.
1396
01:02:55,372 --> 01:02:56,336
You should never wear burgundy.
1397
01:02:56,336 --> 01:02:57,482
You don't look good in baseball caps.
1398
01:02:57,482 --> 01:02:58,315
What are those pants?
1399
01:02:58,315 --> 01:02:59,359
You look like an astronaut.
1400
01:02:59,359 --> 01:03:00,277
No one wants to see that.
1401
01:03:00,277 --> 01:03:01,497
Delete that, delete that.
1402
01:03:01,497 --> 01:03:02,330
Delete, delete that.
1403
01:03:02,330 --> 01:03:03,163
Delete, delete.
1404
01:03:03,163 --> 01:03:03,996
Just delete it.
1405
01:03:03,996 --> 01:03:05,887
Gone.
1406
01:03:05,887 --> 01:03:07,410
This is the kind of
thing I wanna see, okay?
1407
01:03:07,410 --> 01:03:09,327
I mean you gotta show guys that you're hot
1408
01:03:09,327 --> 01:03:11,032
but approachable, you know?
1409
01:03:11,032 --> 01:03:13,070
A girl who's like just
as comfortable in heels
1410
01:03:13,070 --> 01:03:14,794
out on the town as she
is at home on the couch
1411
01:03:14,794 --> 01:03:16,070
curled up with her guy watching a movie.
1412
01:03:16,070 --> 01:03:17,185
- But I'm not.
1413
01:03:17,185 --> 01:03:18,169
- Zip it.
1414
01:03:18,169 --> 01:03:19,870
I'm gonna write that down, that's good.
1415
01:03:19,870 --> 01:03:21,600
I'm just as comfortable.
1416
01:03:21,600 --> 01:03:23,063
- Not me.
1417
01:03:23,063 --> 01:03:25,315
- It's not about you.
1418
01:03:25,315 --> 01:03:26,662
- I gotta get you under
a tether ball league
1419
01:03:26,662 --> 01:03:27,813
or something, get some action shots
1420
01:03:27,813 --> 01:03:29,652
to augment your profile.
1421
01:03:29,652 --> 01:03:31,139
Okay, oh tomorrow we
gotta get a picture of you
1422
01:03:31,139 --> 01:03:33,006
being good with kids.
1423
01:03:33,006 --> 01:03:33,926
Okay but not as your profile pic
1424
01:03:33,926 --> 01:03:35,392
or people will think you're a baby daddy.
1425
01:03:35,392 --> 01:03:36,636
Can't do that.
1426
01:03:36,636 --> 01:03:40,815
- You need to get a pic of
just your tongue like this.
1427
01:03:40,815 --> 01:03:41,690
- What?
1428
01:03:41,690 --> 01:03:43,565
- Yeah, so the girls can
put it up to themselves
1429
01:03:43,565 --> 01:03:45,600
and see if they like,
it makes sense for them.
1430
01:03:45,600 --> 01:03:46,936
- Are you kidding me?
1431
01:03:46,936 --> 01:03:48,897
- Or like do one where
you do the Nick dance.
1432
01:03:48,897 --> 01:03:50,713
Can you put Youtubes on the profiles?
1433
01:03:50,713 --> 01:03:52,843
- No, he's not putting that, no.
1434
01:03:52,843 --> 01:03:55,605
- You should use that pic
from that racist party
1435
01:03:55,605 --> 01:03:56,438
that we had in college.
1436
01:03:56,438 --> 01:03:57,287
- Oh gosh.
1437
01:03:57,287 --> 01:03:58,430
- Babe, you're--
- Just to be like
1438
01:03:58,430 --> 01:04:00,650
I got a sense of humor, I've grown, but
1439
01:04:00,650 --> 01:04:01,741
I'm cool like that.
1440
01:04:01,741 --> 01:04:03,567
- You're disgusting me right now.
1441
01:04:03,567 --> 01:04:06,150
- Bing bong, triple word score!
1442
01:04:10,968 --> 01:04:12,218
- Ugh, redhead.
1443
01:04:15,826 --> 01:04:17,493
No that's dangerous.
1444
01:04:19,033 --> 01:04:20,450
Oh, you are cute.
1445
01:04:22,483 --> 01:04:24,566
Yeah, and psycho, barely.
1446
01:04:27,181 --> 01:04:29,639
You are not a doctor.
- No.
1447
01:04:29,639 --> 01:04:30,472
No.
1448
01:04:30,472 --> 01:04:31,305
- Hey.
1449
01:04:32,338 --> 01:04:34,286
Good morning.
- What?
1450
01:04:34,286 --> 01:04:36,055
No, no.
- That's the one.
1451
01:04:36,055 --> 01:04:36,888
- Fuck no.
1452
01:04:38,381 --> 01:04:39,214
No.
1453
01:04:40,260 --> 01:04:41,983
Who does that?
1454
01:04:41,983 --> 01:04:43,972
What the fuck?
1455
01:04:43,972 --> 01:04:46,105
No, oh that was all right.
1456
01:04:46,105 --> 01:04:47,604
That's all right, yeah.
- Oh!
1457
01:04:47,604 --> 01:04:48,437
Oh!
1458
01:04:49,549 --> 01:04:50,382
Okay.
1459
01:04:51,257 --> 01:04:54,372
All right then we shall.
- This is my life.
1460
01:04:54,372 --> 01:04:55,585
- This is,
1461
01:04:55,585 --> 01:04:57,335
this is weirdly easy.
1462
01:05:01,127 --> 01:05:02,555
Nice.
1463
01:05:08,145 --> 01:05:08,978
Hey mom.
1464
01:05:10,998 --> 01:05:12,330
- First date!
1465
01:05:12,330 --> 01:05:13,697
- My horoscope said today
1466
01:05:13,697 --> 01:05:16,530
that I was gonna meet my soulmate.
1467
01:05:17,841 --> 01:05:19,469
- Ooh, no more nerves.
1468
01:05:19,469 --> 01:05:20,302
Okay, no more nerves.
1469
01:05:21,741 --> 01:05:23,465
- Did I really not mention this?
1470
01:05:23,465 --> 01:05:25,649
- I have a girlfriend right now, I do.
1471
01:05:25,649 --> 01:05:28,568
But I plan to break up once
I find the right person.
1472
01:05:28,568 --> 01:05:30,065
- My ex-girlfriend.
- Ex-girlfriend?
1473
01:05:30,065 --> 01:05:33,387
- Just, yeah, and it looks
like she is on a date.
1474
01:05:33,387 --> 01:05:34,671
Don't look, don't look, don't look.
1475
01:05:34,671 --> 01:05:35,586
- You like poetry?
1476
01:05:35,586 --> 01:05:37,205
Hell yeah, I'll answer for you.
1477
01:05:37,205 --> 01:05:38,561
Hell yeah you do.
1478
01:05:38,561 --> 01:05:39,706
Who doesn't love poetry, right?
1479
01:05:39,706 --> 01:05:41,237
You're a chick, right?
1480
01:05:41,237 --> 01:05:42,128
Actually, let me check.
1481
01:05:42,128 --> 01:05:43,961
You're a chick, right?
1482
01:05:46,348 --> 01:05:48,043
- What if you just took that sweater off?
1483
01:05:48,043 --> 01:05:48,924
It's a party here.
1484
01:05:48,924 --> 01:05:49,815
- Dogs.
1485
01:05:49,815 --> 01:05:51,979
- I love dogs, are you kidding me?
1486
01:05:51,979 --> 01:05:53,508
Are you kidding me?
1487
01:05:53,508 --> 01:05:54,341
- Cat.
1488
01:05:54,341 --> 01:05:56,165
- Cat, I, cats.
1489
01:05:56,165 --> 01:05:58,765
- Do you mind, like I'm
sorry, just a second.
1490
01:05:58,765 --> 01:05:59,845
Come here, put it in there.
1491
01:05:59,845 --> 01:06:00,925
There we go.
1492
01:06:00,925 --> 01:06:01,758
- Oh my god.
1493
01:06:01,758 --> 01:06:02,626
- Now we can talk.
1494
01:06:02,626 --> 01:06:03,459
- How tall are you?
1495
01:06:03,459 --> 01:06:04,645
Just wondering.
1496
01:06:04,645 --> 01:06:06,771
- Oh I'm about 5'7".
1497
01:06:06,771 --> 01:06:08,499
- 5'7", okay.
1498
01:06:08,499 --> 01:06:10,722
My current girlfriend's 5'6" so you win.
1499
01:06:10,722 --> 01:06:13,639
- Is he like, is he better-looking?
1500
01:06:16,160 --> 01:06:18,027
- Just take it off, just take it off!
1501
01:06:18,027 --> 01:06:19,332
- This is what's wrong with men.
1502
01:06:19,332 --> 01:06:22,550
- Everybody, take it off, take it off!
1503
01:06:22,550 --> 01:06:24,249
- No I'm just really sick of this!
1504
01:06:24,249 --> 01:06:27,002
- Shh, you should take it off.
1505
01:06:27,002 --> 01:06:28,275
- Laugh.
1506
01:06:30,173 --> 01:06:31,481
Now feel my bicep.
1507
01:06:31,481 --> 01:06:35,540
- You sitting here are so fricking hot.
1508
01:06:35,540 --> 01:06:37,775
You get me going in the right spot.
1509
01:06:37,775 --> 01:06:40,313
- Kiss me, kiss me.
1510
01:06:40,313 --> 01:06:41,580
- Oh, oh.
1511
01:06:41,580 --> 01:06:43,440
- I mean it's like I'm cooking,
1512
01:06:43,440 --> 01:06:44,940
I'm a boiling pot.
1513
01:06:45,933 --> 01:06:49,683
So take off your pants,
show me what you got.
1514
01:07:05,681 --> 01:07:06,694
- They're not showing, are they?
1515
01:07:06,694 --> 01:07:08,694
- No, doesn't appear so.
1516
01:07:11,255 --> 01:07:13,265
- Well they're idiots.
1517
01:07:13,265 --> 01:07:14,792
- Uh, totally.
1518
01:07:16,735 --> 01:07:18,572
- That's just 'cause we're so awesome.
1519
01:07:18,572 --> 01:07:20,072
- I was gonna say.
1520
01:07:23,369 --> 01:07:24,202
I'm Nick.
1521
01:07:25,474 --> 01:07:26,307
- Tea.
1522
01:07:27,234 --> 01:07:28,874
- Nice to meet you, Tea.
1523
01:07:28,874 --> 01:07:30,334
- Likewise, Nick.
1524
01:07:51,366 --> 01:07:52,366
- Thank you.
1525
01:08:16,896 --> 01:08:18,537
- Excuse me, is this chair taken?
1526
01:08:18,537 --> 01:08:19,671
- Excuse me?
1527
01:08:19,671 --> 01:08:20,504
- Is this taken?
1528
01:08:20,504 --> 01:08:22,186
- Yes, it is.
1529
01:08:22,186 --> 01:08:23,380
- Oh, sorry.
1530
01:08:23,380 --> 01:08:24,463
- Sure thing.
1531
01:08:28,916 --> 01:08:30,623
- Excuse me, is this chair taken?
1532
01:08:30,623 --> 01:08:31,533
- Excuse me?
1533
01:08:31,533 --> 01:08:32,394
- Is this taken?
1534
01:08:32,394 --> 01:08:34,136
- No, but I'm expecting
somebody in a minute.
1535
01:08:34,136 --> 01:08:35,412
- Oh, thanks anyways.
1536
01:08:35,412 --> 01:08:36,245
- Sure thing.
1537
01:08:37,078 --> 01:08:37,911
- Excuse me.
1538
01:08:37,911 --> 01:08:38,758
Is this chair taken?
1539
01:08:38,758 --> 01:08:40,791
- No, but I'm expecting
somebody any second.
1540
01:08:40,791 --> 01:08:42,154
- Would you mind if I sat here
1541
01:08:42,154 --> 01:08:44,404
until he, she, or it comes?
1542
01:08:45,309 --> 01:08:47,440
- Hmm, they do seem to be pretty late.
1543
01:08:47,440 --> 01:08:49,978
- You never know who you
might be turning down.
1544
01:08:49,978 --> 01:08:51,614
- Sorry, nice try though.
1545
01:08:51,614 --> 01:08:52,553
- Sure thing.
1546
01:08:54,613 --> 01:08:55,993
- Is this seat taken?
1547
01:08:55,993 --> 01:08:56,890
- No it's not.
1548
01:08:56,890 --> 01:08:58,538
- Would you mind if I sit here?
1549
01:08:58,538 --> 01:08:59,540
- Yes, I would.
1550
01:08:59,540 --> 01:09:00,555
- Oh.
1551
01:09:01,949 --> 01:09:03,198
- Is this chair taken?
1552
01:09:03,198 --> 01:09:04,313
- No it's not.
1553
01:09:04,313 --> 01:09:05,946
- Would you mind if I sit here?
1554
01:09:05,946 --> 01:09:07,269
- No, go ahead.
1555
01:09:07,269 --> 01:09:08,102
- Thanks.
1556
01:09:13,486 --> 01:09:14,875
Every place else seems to be taken.
1557
01:09:16,333 --> 01:09:17,922
- Oh, what's the book?
1558
01:09:17,922 --> 01:09:19,735
- I just wanna read in
quiet if you don't mind.
1559
01:09:19,735 --> 01:09:20,568
- Oh, sure thing.
1560
01:09:21,401 --> 01:09:22,529
- Every place else seems to be taken.
1561
01:09:24,320 --> 01:09:25,392
- Great place for reading.
1562
01:09:25,392 --> 01:09:26,884
- Yes, I like it.
1563
01:09:26,884 --> 01:09:28,288
- What's the book?
1564
01:09:28,288 --> 01:09:29,340
- The Sound and the Fury.
1565
01:09:29,340 --> 01:09:30,673
- Oh, Hemingway.
1566
01:09:32,378 --> 01:09:33,211
What's the book?
1567
01:09:33,211 --> 01:09:34,414
- The Sound and the Fury.
1568
01:09:34,414 --> 01:09:35,620
- Oh, Faulkner.
1569
01:09:35,620 --> 01:09:36,804
- Have you read it?
1570
01:09:36,804 --> 01:09:37,869
- No, actually.
1571
01:09:37,869 --> 01:09:40,364
I've sure read about it though.
1572
01:09:40,364 --> 01:09:42,738
It's supposed to be great.
1573
01:09:42,738 --> 01:09:44,126
- It is great.
1574
01:09:44,126 --> 01:09:45,793
- I hear it's great.
1575
01:09:46,978 --> 01:09:47,811
Waiter?
1576
01:09:48,644 --> 01:09:49,477
What's the book?
1577
01:09:49,477 --> 01:09:50,310
- The Sound and the Fury.
1578
01:09:50,310 --> 01:09:51,143
- Oh, Faulkner.
1579
01:09:51,143 --> 01:09:51,976
- Have you read it?
1580
01:09:51,976 --> 01:09:53,151
- I'm a Mets fan myself.
1581
01:09:53,984 --> 01:09:54,817
- Have you read it?
1582
01:09:54,817 --> 01:09:55,711
- Yeah I read it in college.
1583
01:09:55,711 --> 01:09:56,670
- Where was college?
1584
01:09:56,670 --> 01:09:58,376
- Oral Roberts University.
1585
01:09:59,268 --> 01:10:00,253
- Where was college?
1586
01:10:00,253 --> 01:10:03,684
- I was lying.
1587
01:10:03,684 --> 01:10:05,215
I never went to college.
1588
01:10:05,215 --> 01:10:06,413
I just like to party.
1589
01:10:07,246 --> 01:10:08,079
- Where was college?
1590
01:10:08,079 --> 01:10:08,912
- Harvard.
1591
01:10:10,280 --> 01:10:11,215
- Do you like Faulkner?
1592
01:10:11,215 --> 01:10:12,503
- I love Faulkner.
1593
01:10:12,503 --> 01:10:13,869
I spent a whole winter reading him once.
1594
01:10:13,869 --> 01:10:15,889
- I just started.
1595
01:10:15,889 --> 01:10:18,333
- I was so excited after reading 10 pages
1596
01:10:18,333 --> 01:10:20,227
that I went out and bought
everything he wrote.
1597
01:10:20,227 --> 01:10:23,429
It was one of the greatest
reading experiences of my life.
1598
01:10:23,429 --> 01:10:26,762
All of that psychological understanding.
1599
01:10:27,851 --> 01:10:30,883
Page after page of gorgeous prose,
1600
01:10:30,883 --> 01:10:34,800
his profound grasp of
time and human existence.
1601
01:10:38,596 --> 01:10:40,596
The smells of the earth.
1602
01:10:41,784 --> 01:10:43,284
What do you think?
1603
01:10:44,177 --> 01:10:46,150
- I think it's pretty boring.
1604
01:10:47,036 --> 01:10:47,869
- What's the book?
1605
01:10:47,869 --> 01:10:49,053
- The Sound of the Fury.
1606
01:10:49,053 --> 01:10:50,349
- Oh, Faulkner.
1607
01:10:50,349 --> 01:10:51,212
- Do you like Faulkner?
1608
01:10:51,212 --> 01:10:52,575
- I love Faulkner.
1609
01:10:52,575 --> 01:10:54,016
- He's incredible.
1610
01:10:54,016 --> 01:10:55,740
- I spent the whole
winter reading him once.
1611
01:10:55,740 --> 01:10:57,137
- I was so excited after 10 pages,
1612
01:10:57,137 --> 01:10:59,018
I went out and bought
everything else he wrote.
1613
01:10:59,018 --> 01:11:02,292
- All that incredible
psychological understanding.
1614
01:11:02,292 --> 01:11:04,127
- And the prose is so gorgeous.
1615
01:11:04,127 --> 01:11:06,111
- And the way he grasps
the mystery of time.
1616
01:11:06,111 --> 01:11:07,944
- And human existence.
1617
01:11:09,248 --> 01:11:11,677
I can't believe I waited
this long to read him.
1618
01:11:11,677 --> 01:11:13,205
- Well, you never know,
1619
01:11:13,205 --> 01:11:14,423
you might not have liked him before.
1620
01:11:14,423 --> 01:11:15,256
- That's true.
1621
01:11:15,256 --> 01:11:17,214
- You might not have been ready for him.
1622
01:11:17,214 --> 01:11:19,000
You have to hit these
things at the right moment
1623
01:11:19,000 --> 01:11:19,833
or it's no good.
1624
01:11:19,833 --> 01:11:21,751
- That's happened to me.
1625
01:11:21,751 --> 01:11:24,295
- It's all in the timing.
1626
01:11:24,295 --> 01:11:25,665
My name is Bill, by the way.
1627
01:11:25,665 --> 01:11:27,297
- I'm Betty.
1628
01:11:27,297 --> 01:11:28,130
- Hi.
- Hi.
1629
01:11:30,992 --> 01:11:35,742
- Yes, I thought reading
Faulkner was a great experience.
1630
01:11:37,229 --> 01:11:38,062
- Yes.
1631
01:11:40,705 --> 01:11:43,470
- The Sound and the Fury.
1632
01:11:43,470 --> 01:11:44,303
- Hmm.
1633
01:11:45,947 --> 01:11:48,114
Well, onwards and upwards.
1634
01:11:51,902 --> 01:11:52,794
- Waiter?
1635
01:11:53,627 --> 01:11:54,750
You have to hit these
things at the right moment
1636
01:11:54,750 --> 01:11:55,888
or it's no good.
1637
01:11:55,888 --> 01:11:57,704
- That's happened to me.
1638
01:11:57,704 --> 01:12:00,297
- It's all in the timing.
1639
01:12:00,297 --> 01:12:01,266
My name is Bill, by the way.
1640
01:12:01,266 --> 01:12:02,354
- I'm Betty.
1641
01:12:02,354 --> 01:12:03,852
- Hi.
- Hi.
1642
01:12:03,852 --> 01:12:04,976
- Do you come in here a lot?
1643
01:12:04,976 --> 01:12:07,746
- Actually I'm just in town
for two days from Pakistan.
1644
01:12:07,746 --> 01:12:09,083
- Oh, Pakistan.
1645
01:12:09,942 --> 01:12:11,035
Do you come in here a lot?
1646
01:12:11,035 --> 01:12:13,649
- Every once in a while, do you?
1647
01:12:13,649 --> 01:12:15,011
- Not so much anymore.
1648
01:12:15,011 --> 01:12:17,299
Not as much as I used to
1649
01:12:17,299 --> 01:12:18,914
before my nervous breakdown.
1650
01:12:20,191 --> 01:12:21,364
Do you come in here a lot?
1651
01:12:21,364 --> 01:12:23,152
- Why are you asking?
1652
01:12:23,152 --> 01:12:24,280
- Well, just interested.
1653
01:12:24,280 --> 01:12:25,386
- Are you really interested
1654
01:12:25,386 --> 01:12:26,630
or do you just wanna pick me up?
1655
01:12:26,630 --> 01:12:28,010
- No, I'm really interested.
1656
01:12:28,010 --> 01:12:29,692
- Why would you be interested
1657
01:12:29,692 --> 01:12:31,977
in whether I come here a lot?
1658
01:12:31,977 --> 01:12:33,476
- Just getting acquainted.
1659
01:12:33,476 --> 01:12:35,447
- Maybe you're only
interested for the sake
1660
01:12:35,447 --> 01:12:37,091
of making small talk long enough
1661
01:12:37,091 --> 01:12:38,617
to ask me back to your place
1662
01:12:38,617 --> 01:12:39,809
to listen to some music,
1663
01:12:39,809 --> 01:12:43,399
or because you cut this
great directors cut
1664
01:12:43,399 --> 01:12:45,551
or because you've got this terrific
1665
01:12:45,551 --> 01:12:47,318
unknown Django Reinhardt vinyl
1666
01:12:47,318 --> 01:12:49,790
only all you really wanna do is fuck
1667
01:12:49,790 --> 01:12:51,517
which you won't do very well,
1668
01:12:51,517 --> 01:12:53,272
after which you'll go into the bathroom
1669
01:12:53,272 --> 01:12:55,264
and pee very loudly.
1670
01:12:55,264 --> 01:12:57,182
And then you'll proceed
to go into the kitchen,
1671
01:12:57,182 --> 01:12:58,767
get yourself a beer from the refrigerator
1672
01:12:58,767 --> 01:13:01,006
without asking me
whether I'd like anything
1673
01:13:01,006 --> 01:13:03,818
and then you will proceed
to lie back down beside me
1674
01:13:03,818 --> 01:13:08,137
and confess that you've got
a girlfriend named Stephanie
1675
01:13:08,137 --> 01:13:10,469
who's been away at medical
school in Belgium for a year
1676
01:13:10,469 --> 01:13:13,046
and that you've been
involved with her off and on
1677
01:13:13,046 --> 01:13:16,139
in what you call a very
intricate relationship
1678
01:13:16,139 --> 01:13:18,203
for about seven years,
1679
01:13:18,203 --> 01:13:21,286
neither of which interest me, mister!
1680
01:13:23,176 --> 01:13:24,009
- So that's a no?
1681
01:13:24,842 --> 01:13:25,675
Do you come in here a lot?
1682
01:13:25,675 --> 01:13:27,122
- Every other day, I think.
1683
01:13:27,122 --> 01:13:28,111
- I come in here quite a lot
1684
01:13:28,111 --> 01:13:29,423
and I don't remember seeing you.
1685
01:13:29,423 --> 01:13:31,305
- I guess we must be
on different schedules.
1686
01:13:31,305 --> 01:13:32,520
- Missed connections.
1687
01:13:32,520 --> 01:13:34,192
- Yes, different time zone.
1688
01:13:34,192 --> 01:13:35,942
- Amazing how you can live right next door
1689
01:13:35,942 --> 01:13:37,928
to someone in this town
and never even know it.
1690
01:13:37,928 --> 01:13:38,761
- I know.
1691
01:13:38,761 --> 01:13:39,921
- City life.
1692
01:13:39,921 --> 01:13:41,004
- It's crazy.
1693
01:13:42,287 --> 01:13:44,508
- You weren't waiting for
somebody when I came in, were you?
1694
01:13:44,508 --> 01:13:45,341
- Actually I was.
1695
01:13:45,341 --> 01:13:46,489
- Oh, boyfriend?
1696
01:13:46,489 --> 01:13:47,322
- Sort of.
1697
01:13:47,322 --> 01:13:48,584
- What's a sort of boyfriend?
1698
01:13:48,584 --> 01:13:49,618
- My husband?
1699
01:13:50,451 --> 01:13:51,284
- You weren't waiting for somebody
1700
01:13:51,284 --> 01:13:52,117
when I came in here, were you?
1701
01:13:52,117 --> 01:13:52,980
- Actually I was.
1702
01:13:52,980 --> 01:13:54,169
- Oh, boyfriend?
1703
01:13:54,169 --> 01:13:55,002
- Sort of.
1704
01:13:55,002 --> 01:13:56,114
- What's a sort of boyfriend?
1705
01:13:56,114 --> 01:13:57,861
- We're meeting here to break up.
1706
01:13:57,861 --> 01:13:59,044
- Oh, so you're available.
1707
01:13:59,877 --> 01:14:00,903
What's a sort of boyfriend?
1708
01:14:00,903 --> 01:14:03,051
- My lover, here she comes right now.
1709
01:14:03,051 --> 01:14:03,884
Hi.
1710
01:14:05,298 --> 01:14:06,131
(bell dinging)
1711
01:14:06,131 --> 01:14:08,797
- You weren't waiting for
somebody when I came in, were you?
1712
01:14:08,797 --> 01:14:10,380
- No, just reading.
1713
01:14:11,953 --> 01:14:14,912
- Sort of a sad occupation for
a Friday evening, isn't it?
1714
01:14:14,912 --> 01:14:15,870
Reading by yourself.
1715
01:14:15,870 --> 01:14:17,303
- I guess I was trying to think of it
1716
01:14:17,303 --> 01:14:19,242
as existentially romantic.
1717
01:14:19,242 --> 01:14:22,736
You know, cappuccino, great
literature, summer night.
1718
01:14:22,736 --> 01:14:24,986
- That only works in Paris.
1719
01:14:26,573 --> 01:14:28,881
We could hop the late plane to Paris,
1720
01:14:28,881 --> 01:14:31,282
stroll down the left bank, find a cafe.
1721
01:14:31,282 --> 01:14:33,314
- Oh, I'm a little short
on plane fare tonight.
1722
01:14:33,314 --> 01:14:35,078
- Darn it, so am I.
1723
01:14:35,078 --> 01:14:36,543
- To tell you the truth
I was thinking of heading
1724
01:14:36,543 --> 01:14:38,938
to the movies after I finish this section.
1725
01:14:38,938 --> 01:14:40,681
Would you like to come along
1726
01:14:40,681 --> 01:14:43,710
since you can't seem to locate a waiter?
1727
01:14:43,710 --> 01:14:44,809
- That's a very nice offer, but,
1728
01:14:44,809 --> 01:14:45,744
- Uh huh, girlfriend.
1729
01:14:45,744 --> 01:14:47,041
- Two, actually.
1730
01:14:47,041 --> 01:14:50,729
One of them's pregnant and definitely.
1731
01:14:51,562 --> 01:14:52,395
- Girlfriend?
1732
01:14:52,395 --> 01:14:53,259
- No, I don't have a girlfriend.
1733
01:14:53,259 --> 01:14:54,367
- Oh.
1734
01:14:54,367 --> 01:14:55,917
- Not if you count that castrating bitch
1735
01:14:55,917 --> 01:14:56,917
I dumped last night.
1736
01:14:56,917 --> 01:14:57,750
- Ooh.
1737
01:14:57,750 --> 01:14:59,541
Girlfriend?
1738
01:14:59,541 --> 01:15:01,051
- Uh sort of, sort of.
1739
01:15:01,051 --> 01:15:02,768
- What's a sort of girlfriend?
1740
01:15:02,768 --> 01:15:03,721
- My mother.
1741
01:15:03,721 --> 01:15:04,845
- Oh.
1742
01:15:05,678 --> 01:15:07,509
- I just ended a relationship, actually.
1743
01:15:07,509 --> 01:15:08,342
- Oh.
1744
01:15:08,342 --> 01:15:09,516
- Of rather long standing.
1745
01:15:09,516 --> 01:15:11,313
- I'm sorry to hear it.
1746
01:15:11,313 --> 01:15:13,035
- It's my first night
out alone in a long time
1747
01:15:13,035 --> 01:15:14,417
and I feel a little bit at sea
1748
01:15:14,417 --> 01:15:15,538
to tell you the truth.
1749
01:15:15,538 --> 01:15:17,648
- So you didn't stop to
talk because you're a wiccan
1750
01:15:17,648 --> 01:15:20,378
or have some weird political affiliation?
1751
01:15:20,378 --> 01:15:21,211
- Nope.
1752
01:15:21,211 --> 01:15:22,631
Straight down the ticket Republican.
1753
01:15:23,468 --> 01:15:24,954
Straight down the ticket Democrat.
1754
01:15:24,954 --> 01:15:25,872
- God.
1755
01:15:25,872 --> 01:15:28,171
- Can I tell you something about politics?
1756
01:15:30,654 --> 01:15:33,417
- I like to think of myself
as a citizen of the universe.
1757
01:15:35,102 --> 01:15:35,935
I'm unaffiliated.
1758
01:15:35,935 --> 01:15:38,575
- That's a relief, so am I.
1759
01:15:38,575 --> 01:15:39,958
- I vote my beliefs.
1760
01:15:39,958 --> 01:15:41,444
- [Betty] Labels are not important.
1761
01:15:41,444 --> 01:15:43,886
- Labels are not important, exactly.
1762
01:15:43,886 --> 01:15:44,719
Take me for example.
1763
01:15:44,719 --> 01:15:45,703
So what if I had a two point,
1764
01:15:45,703 --> 01:15:46,536
a three point,
1765
01:15:46,536 --> 01:15:48,067
four point at college,
1766
01:15:48,067 --> 01:15:49,372
or that I came from Pittsburgh.
1767
01:15:49,372 --> 01:15:50,205
Cleveland,
1768
01:15:50,205 --> 01:15:51,280
Westchester County.
1769
01:15:51,280 --> 01:15:52,373
- Sure.
1770
01:15:52,373 --> 01:15:53,958
- I believe that a man is what he is.
1771
01:15:54,791 --> 01:15:55,700
A person is what he is.
1772
01:15:56,533 --> 01:15:58,189
A person is what they are.
1773
01:15:58,189 --> 01:15:59,345
- I think so too.
1774
01:15:59,345 --> 01:16:00,635
- So what if I admire Trotsky?
1775
01:16:01,468 --> 01:16:03,120
So what if I once had
total body liposuction?
1776
01:16:03,953 --> 01:16:06,386
So what if I don't have a penis?
1777
01:16:07,219 --> 01:16:09,333
So what if I once spent a
year in the Peace Corps?
1778
01:16:09,333 --> 01:16:10,480
I was acting on my conviction.
1779
01:16:10,480 --> 01:16:11,352
- Sure.
1780
01:16:11,352 --> 01:16:13,066
- You just can't hang a sign on a person.
1781
01:16:13,066 --> 01:16:14,445
- Absolutely.
1782
01:16:14,445 --> 01:16:16,362
I bet you're a Scorpio.
1783
01:16:18,316 --> 01:16:19,719
Listen, I was headed to the movies
1784
01:16:19,719 --> 01:16:21,143
after I finish this section.
1785
01:16:21,143 --> 01:16:22,703
Would you like to come along?
1786
01:16:22,703 --> 01:16:24,462
- Sounds like fun, what's playing?
1787
01:16:24,462 --> 01:16:27,031
- A couple of the really
early Woody Allen movies.
1788
01:16:27,031 --> 01:16:28,596
- Oh.
1789
01:16:28,596 --> 01:16:29,979
- You don't like Woody Allen?
1790
01:16:29,979 --> 01:16:31,254
- Sure I like Woody Allen.
1791
01:16:31,254 --> 01:16:33,553
- But you're not crazy about Woody Allen?
1792
01:16:33,553 --> 01:16:35,362
- Those early ones kind
of get on my nerves.
1793
01:16:37,028 --> 01:16:38,266
- You know, I was headed to
- I was going to,
1794
01:16:38,266 --> 01:16:39,099
- I'm sorry.
1795
01:16:39,099 --> 01:16:40,667
- No, go ahead.
1796
01:16:40,667 --> 01:16:42,567
- I was gonna say I was
headed to the movies
1797
01:16:42,567 --> 01:16:43,400
in a little while.
1798
01:16:43,400 --> 01:16:44,549
- So was I.
1799
01:16:44,549 --> 01:16:45,430
- The Woody Allen festival?
1800
01:16:45,430 --> 01:16:47,717
- Yeah, just up the street.
1801
01:16:47,717 --> 01:16:49,195
- Do you like his early ones?
1802
01:16:49,195 --> 01:16:50,106
- I think anyone who doesn't
1803
01:16:50,106 --> 01:16:51,897
ought to be run off the planet.
1804
01:16:51,897 --> 01:16:53,381
- How many times have you seen Bananas?
1805
01:16:53,381 --> 01:16:54,938
- 17 times.
1806
01:16:54,938 --> 01:16:55,771
- 22.
1807
01:16:56,906 --> 01:16:58,992
So are you still interested?
1808
01:17:02,351 --> 01:17:05,351
- Do you like Entemann's Crumb Cake?
1809
01:17:06,191 --> 01:17:10,803
- Last night I went out at
two in the morning to get one.
1810
01:17:10,803 --> 01:17:12,440
Did you have an Etch-a-Sketch as a child?
1811
01:17:12,440 --> 01:17:14,036
- Yes.
1812
01:17:14,036 --> 01:17:16,703
And do you like brussel sprouts?
1813
01:17:18,636 --> 01:17:19,709
- I think they're disgusting.
1814
01:17:19,709 --> 01:17:22,046
- They are disgusting.
1815
01:17:22,046 --> 01:17:22,988
- Do you still believe in marriage
1816
01:17:22,988 --> 01:17:24,634
in spite of current sentiments against it?
1817
01:17:24,634 --> 01:17:25,467
- Yes.
1818
01:17:26,531 --> 01:17:27,364
- And children?
1819
01:17:27,364 --> 01:17:28,197
- Three of them.
1820
01:17:28,197 --> 01:17:29,030
- Two girls and a boy.
1821
01:17:29,030 --> 01:17:30,921
- Harvard, Vasser and Brown.
1822
01:17:30,921 --> 01:17:32,244
- And will you love me?
1823
01:17:32,244 --> 01:17:33,292
- Yes.
1824
01:17:33,292 --> 01:17:34,653
- And cherish me forever?
1825
01:17:34,653 --> 01:17:35,486
- Yes.
1826
01:17:36,696 --> 01:17:39,271
- Do you still wanna go to the movies?
1827
01:17:39,271 --> 01:17:41,075
- Sure thing.
1828
01:17:41,075 --> 01:17:42,408
- Waiter.
1829
01:17:46,155 --> 01:17:47,155
- Excuse me.
1830
01:17:49,860 --> 01:17:51,162
Is this seat taken?
1831
01:17:51,162 --> 01:17:52,854
- No, it's not.
1832
01:17:52,854 --> 01:17:53,984
- Mind if I sit here?
1833
01:17:53,984 --> 01:17:55,833
- No, go ahead.
1834
01:17:55,833 --> 01:17:56,666
- Thanks.
1835
01:18:09,167 --> 01:18:10,604
What's the book?
118608
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