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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:05,744 --> 00:00:08,834
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,965 --> 00:00:12,447
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:12,534 --> 00:00:15,450
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:15,537 --> 00:00:18,931
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:19,062 --> 00:00:22,109
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:23,719
♪ All the things that make us ♪
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00:00:23,849 --> 00:00:25,112
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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Ah, the record store--
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full of the greatest albums
of all time
12
00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:42,694
and the employees
who hate every one of 'em.
13
00:00:42,781 --> 00:00:44,653
Hey, do you have
the Eagles' Greatest Hits?
14
00:00:44,783 --> 00:00:47,047
Yeah. It's under "O"
for "obvious."
15
00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:48,483
And "overrated."
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00:00:48,570 --> 00:00:50,354
Thank you, bearded failures.
17
00:00:50,528 --> 00:00:52,356
You know, it's stores like this
where you learn
18
00:00:52,443 --> 00:00:54,445
about the real history
of rock and roll,
19
00:00:54,576 --> 00:00:56,578
not the watered-down version
you get in every movie
20
00:00:56,708 --> 00:00:58,232
about a musician's life.
21
00:00:58,362 --> 00:00:59,929
Yeah, all those biopics
are the same story:
22
00:01:00,103 --> 00:01:01,844
unsupportive parents, hit song,
23
00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:03,324
band turmoil...
24
00:01:03,454 --> 00:01:05,282
Having giant horse teeth
and dying of AIDS.
25
00:01:05,369 --> 00:01:07,154
All of 'em are exactly the same.
26
00:01:07,284 --> 00:01:09,025
Check out this section
for the Doors.
27
00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:10,679
Jim Morrison is a legend,
28
00:01:10,809 --> 00:01:11,941
whether we like it or not.
29
00:01:12,028 --> 00:01:13,464
He had the good sense to die
30
00:01:13,595 --> 00:01:15,727
before we could see him
at the Pechanga Casino and go,
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"Oh, my God, that's him?"
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♪
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It was the '60s,
34
00:01:22,038 --> 00:01:25,259
a time of great
fateful missed Frisbee catches.
35
00:01:25,389 --> 00:01:27,478
The iconic band
was formed one day
36
00:01:27,609 --> 00:01:30,351
when Ray Manzarek met
Jim Morrison on Venice Beach.
37
00:01:30,481 --> 00:01:32,875
Thanks! I'm Ray Manzarek.
What's your name?
38
00:01:32,962 --> 00:01:34,790
Jim Morrison. Light my fire.
39
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:35,965
W-Wait a minute, wait.
What'd you just say?
40
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,053
Say that again.
41
00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:37,923
Light my fire?
42
00:01:38,054 --> 00:01:39,969
Yeah, that! That could be a song
43
00:01:40,056 --> 00:01:41,971
that's tolerated
for generations!
44
00:01:42,058 --> 00:01:43,712
What do you say
you and I form a band?
45
00:01:43,842 --> 00:01:46,062
A band? But this is the '60s.
46
00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:49,283
We don't have nearly enough
floppy heads of hair to do that.
47
00:01:49,457 --> 00:01:51,415
Hey, you guys starting a band?
Mind if we join?
48
00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:52,851
Yes. You're both in.
49
00:01:53,025 --> 00:01:54,636
We are gonna be huge, you guys.
50
00:01:54,766 --> 00:01:56,203
And nothing's
gonna get between us--
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00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:58,509
not drugs or alcohol
52
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:01,251
or the first toxic relationship
that comes my way.
53
00:02:01,382 --> 00:02:04,863
Look out! Easily manipulated
runaway comin' through!
54
00:02:04,994 --> 00:02:07,039
Screw you guys!
I'm following that lady,
55
00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:08,737
and there's nothing
you can do about it!
56
00:02:08,867 --> 00:02:10,086
I am the Doors!
57
00:02:10,217 --> 00:02:11,348
Jim, be reasonable.
58
00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:13,437
We haven't even named ourselves
that yet.
59
00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:15,047
Look, I'm gonna get right to it
60
00:02:15,178 --> 00:02:18,486
and say I miss making music
with you bastards.
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00:02:18,573 --> 00:02:20,052
Thanks!
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00:02:20,183 --> 00:02:21,837
I'm Charles Manson.
What's your name?
63
00:02:21,967 --> 00:02:23,404
Jim Morrison. Kill Sharon Tate.
64
00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:25,580
Wait a minute.
What did you just say?
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00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:27,016
Say that again.
66
00:02:27,190 --> 00:02:29,497
- ♪
- [humming]
67
00:02:29,627 --> 00:02:33,240
♪ This is how women
on drugs dance. ♪
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00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:34,154
Yeah.
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00:02:36,982 --> 00:02:38,332
Jim Morrison.
Love me two times.
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00:02:38,462 --> 00:02:40,029
W-Wait a minute.
What'd you just say?
71
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,291
Say that again.
72
00:02:43,119 --> 00:02:45,469
Well, Jim, I'm flattered
you broke into my home,
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00:02:45,556 --> 00:02:47,993
but I have a serious boyfriend
and I think you should leave.
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00:02:48,124 --> 00:02:49,430
But I'm a rock star!
75
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,562
And he's an astronaut.
76
00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:54,130
You know, unfortunately for you,
this is the one time in history
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00:02:54,261 --> 00:02:56,480
where astronauts are cooler
than rock stars.
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00:02:56,611 --> 00:02:58,569
Well, I don't care.
You're my muse,
79
00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:01,529
and I'm moving in with
my trash bags of bad poetry.
80
00:03:03,792 --> 00:03:04,923
"The caterpillar--
81
00:03:05,054 --> 00:03:06,708
"a tiny hair snake?
82
00:03:06,838 --> 00:03:10,059
Nay. Because of his many,
many legs."
83
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,408
"The snake.
84
00:03:11,495 --> 00:03:13,932
"A large, hairless caterpillar?
85
00:03:14,063 --> 00:03:16,848
Nay. On account of no legs."
86
00:03:16,979 --> 00:03:18,633
"The snakeapillar..."
87
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,852
Wow. Such a genius, huh?
88
00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:22,854
Now, I do have a boyfriend,
89
00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:25,292
but I'm also a free spirit.
90
00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:29,296
[quietly]: That's my fun
little way of sayin' I'm a slut.
91
00:03:29,383 --> 00:03:33,082
So, how'd you like to have sex
with my kite-sized woman weave?
92
00:03:33,169 --> 00:03:37,434
Mm, it'll mesh perfectly with
my giant nest of tight ringlets.
93
00:03:37,521 --> 00:03:39,262
[moaning]
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00:03:39,393 --> 00:03:41,090
LOIS:
Oh, Jim.
95
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:42,874
PETER:
Call me the Lizard King.
96
00:03:42,961 --> 00:03:45,399
LOIS:
[moans] Oh, Lizard King!
97
00:03:45,529 --> 00:03:47,749
PETER:
Yeah. Now call me Archduke Salamander,
98
00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:49,316
Emperor of Newts.
99
00:03:49,403 --> 00:03:50,621
LOIS:
[exhales] You're the Archduke...
100
00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:51,666
PETER:
Ah, I'm done.
101
00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:53,450
[Velcro ripping]
102
00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:55,713
[giggles]
Velcro.
103
00:03:55,844 --> 00:03:57,280
Just like my shoes.
104
00:03:57,411 --> 00:03:59,413
♪
105
00:04:05,419 --> 00:04:08,204
Early on, Jim Morrison
had terrible stage fright,
106
00:04:08,335 --> 00:04:10,467
so he performed
with his back to the crowd.
107
00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:12,208
The only thing
that calmed his nerves
108
00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:14,123
was what everyone
was using back then,
109
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,733
Strawberry Nesquik.
110
00:04:15,864 --> 00:04:17,387
It upset his stomach terribly
111
00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:19,128
because of
his lactose intolerance,
112
00:04:19,215 --> 00:04:22,349
a condition that would escalate
to full-on cream bigotry.
113
00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:24,525
Yeah, that's the stuff.
114
00:04:24,655 --> 00:04:26,527
♪
115
00:04:26,657 --> 00:04:28,311
♪ And a one, two, three. ♪
116
00:04:28,442 --> 00:04:30,531
- [stomach gurgles]
- Uh-oh.
117
00:04:30,661 --> 00:04:32,402
[flatulence]
118
00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:35,362
[quietly]:
My fart's stuck in the pants.
119
00:04:35,536 --> 00:04:37,538
Well, get it out.
We've got a show to do.
120
00:04:37,668 --> 00:04:39,366
[cheering]
121
00:04:43,718 --> 00:04:45,241
We all feeling good tonight?
122
00:04:45,372 --> 00:04:46,982
[cheering]
123
00:04:47,112 --> 00:04:48,940
I know I'm feeling good.
124
00:04:50,072 --> 00:04:52,292
[jingling]
125
00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:54,729
[amplified flatulence]
126
00:04:58,254 --> 00:04:59,951
[woman coughs]
127
00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:03,912
Uh, this next one's called
"Break On Through."
128
00:05:04,042 --> 00:05:05,914
- ♪
- [cheering]
129
00:05:06,044 --> 00:05:07,829
Yes.
130
00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:10,135
"Break on through."
131
00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:12,790
[soft chatter]
132
00:05:12,921 --> 00:05:15,140
Jim, there's someone
you have to meet.
133
00:05:15,271 --> 00:05:18,143
Hello. I'm someone
with no knowledge of music
134
00:05:18,274 --> 00:05:20,798
who is somehow controlling
the music industry,
135
00:05:20,929 --> 00:05:23,323
and I want to make you a star.
136
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:24,759
How do I know I can trust you?
137
00:05:24,846 --> 00:05:26,326
'Cause I'm not just an agent--
138
00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:27,631
I'm a fan.
139
00:05:27,805 --> 00:05:29,633
- Really?
- Absolutely.
140
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:32,332
In fact, I'd love your autograph
on the bottom of this contract,
141
00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:34,421
in absence of any legal counsel.
142
00:05:34,595 --> 00:05:36,640
Come on, buddy,
you're embarrassing me.
143
00:05:36,771 --> 00:05:37,772
They did it.
144
00:05:37,859 --> 00:05:39,077
They signed the contract
145
00:05:39,251 --> 00:05:41,384
that would make
their cocaine dealer rich.
146
00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:42,951
And then it was off
to the studio
147
00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:44,431
for a shirtless rehearsal.
148
00:05:45,910 --> 00:05:46,998
[clacking]
149
00:05:47,129 --> 00:05:50,437
♪
150
00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:55,224
[hawking]
151
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,226
[coughing, chokes]
152
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,401
What the hell, Jim?
153
00:05:58,532 --> 00:05:59,402
You look terrible.
154
00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:00,447
Are you back on the Quik?
155
00:06:00,621 --> 00:06:02,318
[clearing throat]
156
00:06:02,492 --> 00:06:04,538
Please,
I've barely stirred today.
157
00:06:04,668 --> 00:06:06,453
Look, I'm sorry.
I'm ready now, all right?
158
00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:09,238
I'm ready to make
this college dorm room poster.
159
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,370
[inhales]
160
00:06:12,981 --> 00:06:15,157
Damn it, Jim. We're here
to make an album, not a poster.
161
00:06:15,244 --> 00:06:17,246
[grunts]
Make an album?
162
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:18,856
Why didn't you say so?
163
00:06:18,987 --> 00:06:21,816
Bring in the terrible,
too-involved girlfriends, guys!
164
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:24,993
- [tapping]
- [strumming]
165
00:06:25,123 --> 00:06:27,604
Jim, meet my girlfriend,
Yoko O-yes.
166
00:06:27,691 --> 00:06:29,954
She's beloved
by everyone close to me
167
00:06:30,085 --> 00:06:32,043
and prides herself on
not messing with a good thing.
168
00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:33,131
I'm just gonna get out
of the way
169
00:06:33,262 --> 00:06:34,306
and let you guys do your music.
170
00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:35,656
You won't even know I'm here.
171
00:06:35,786 --> 00:06:37,484
♪
172
00:06:39,790 --> 00:06:41,488
[cheering]
173
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:53,238
You guys want to see something?
174
00:06:53,369 --> 00:06:55,850
You want to see if it's as big
as they say it is?
175
00:06:57,155 --> 00:06:58,679
What the hell is he doing now?
176
00:06:58,809 --> 00:07:00,376
PETER:
That night marked the end
177
00:07:00,550 --> 00:07:02,900
of Jim Morrison's
rock god status,
178
00:07:03,031 --> 00:07:05,512
when he was unable to find
and expose his penis
179
00:07:05,642 --> 00:07:06,817
in a Florida music venue.
180
00:07:06,948 --> 00:07:09,298
[booing]
181
00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:15,043
Like every man
who can't find his penis,
182
00:07:15,173 --> 00:07:17,001
Jim Morrison moved to Paris,
183
00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:20,135
where he did heroin one night
and drowned in a bathtub.
184
00:07:20,265 --> 00:07:21,615
There was a movie
about the Doors.
185
00:07:21,745 --> 00:07:23,268
If you're a bunch of guys
in college
186
00:07:23,399 --> 00:07:24,835
wanting to make
all the girls go away,
187
00:07:24,966 --> 00:07:27,142
put on the movie The Doors.
Poof, they're gone.
188
00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:29,057
Then it's just you
and your buddies.
189
00:07:29,187 --> 00:07:30,319
You could've gotten laid,
but you put on The Doors.
190
00:07:30,493 --> 00:07:31,494
Why'd you do that?
191
00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:38,632
♪
192
00:07:38,806 --> 00:07:41,983
Well, if we learned anything
from Jim Morrison's tragic tale,
193
00:07:42,070 --> 00:07:44,768
it's that white guys definitely
invented rock and roll.
194
00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:46,857
What? That's bullcrap!
195
00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:49,251
Rock and roll was invented
in the Mississippi Delta
196
00:07:49,338 --> 00:07:50,731
by Black people.
197
00:07:50,861 --> 00:07:53,211
Jerome, if Black guys
invented rock and roll,
198
00:07:53,298 --> 00:07:55,562
then how come everyone else
in a vintage vinyl record store
199
00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:57,694
is a stock photo meme white guy?
200
00:08:07,574 --> 00:08:10,402
You ain't heard of the Black man
who invented rock and roll
201
00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:12,883
'cause he never got a movie
about his life.
202
00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:16,321
But I'm-a educate y'all on
the greatest rocker of all time,
203
00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:19,150
Delta bluesman Muddy Drawers.
204
00:08:19,281 --> 00:08:22,850
♪
205
00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:25,983
Muddy grew up in a shotgun shack
in the Deep South.
206
00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:27,898
His family was so poor,
207
00:08:28,029 --> 00:08:30,945
they lived underneath
the mighty Mississippi.
208
00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:33,948
They all had to share one room
209
00:08:34,035 --> 00:08:36,646
and one mustache.
210
00:08:36,777 --> 00:08:40,389
Well, I'm off to make something
of myself with this here guitar.
211
00:08:40,476 --> 00:08:42,391
Don't go chasin' no white women!
212
00:08:42,478 --> 00:08:44,828
Too far away! Can't hear you!
213
00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:48,223
♪
214
00:08:48,353 --> 00:08:50,921
In those days,
Black people had nothing,
215
00:08:51,095 --> 00:08:53,881
but they still had
to wear suits everywhere.
216
00:08:54,011 --> 00:08:58,059
The only instrument Muddy could
afford was a one-string guitar.
217
00:08:58,233 --> 00:09:01,802
That one guitar string
was also the family belt.
218
00:09:03,717 --> 00:09:05,457
♪
219
00:09:05,588 --> 00:09:07,895
Despite all his setbacks,
220
00:09:08,025 --> 00:09:10,898
Muddy would do whatever it took
to master the guitar,
221
00:09:11,028 --> 00:09:14,597
even if it meant making a deal
with the devil himself.
222
00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:18,514
So he headed on down
to the crossroads.
223
00:09:18,645 --> 00:09:21,735
The Crossroads being
a fancy school in Los Angeles.
224
00:09:21,865 --> 00:09:24,085
Tobey Maguire's kid goes there.
225
00:09:24,215 --> 00:09:26,522
You'd see him sometimes,
dropping off.
226
00:09:26,653 --> 00:09:29,046
Not all the time but sometimes.
227
00:09:29,177 --> 00:09:30,221
Hey, Tobey!
228
00:09:30,308 --> 00:09:31,962
See you at the holiday show!
229
00:09:32,093 --> 00:09:34,704
[scoffs]
Stupid fanboy.
230
00:09:34,835 --> 00:09:36,314
You ain't ever getting
that invite
231
00:09:36,445 --> 00:09:38,012
to dinner with the Gyllenhaals.
232
00:09:38,099 --> 00:09:39,753
Muddy was right.
233
00:09:39,883 --> 00:09:42,799
He never got invited to dinner
with Jake Gyllenhaal
234
00:09:42,886 --> 00:09:44,888
or his sleepy-eyed sister,
235
00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:46,803
which is probably for the best.
236
00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:49,545
She looks like she chews
with her mouth open.
237
00:09:49,719 --> 00:09:52,069
But Muddy did get
his guitar lessons.
238
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:54,028
From the devil.
239
00:09:54,115 --> 00:09:56,465
Sign here and you'll be
the greatest guitar player
240
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:57,597
who ever lived.
241
00:09:57,684 --> 00:10:00,382
All it'll cost you is...
your soul.
242
00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:03,559
Okay. You got yourself a deal.
243
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:05,866
And just so you know,
with this purchase of a soul,
244
00:10:05,996 --> 00:10:08,085
I will also give a soul
to a child in need.
245
00:10:08,216 --> 00:10:09,696
Yeah, yeah, I don't want that.
246
00:10:09,783 --> 00:10:11,915
- It's no additional cost to you.
- [skeptical]: Mm-hmm.
247
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:14,439
It's just my way of giving back,
out of my end.
248
00:10:14,570 --> 00:10:17,312
Seems like it's
probably baked into the price.
249
00:10:17,442 --> 00:10:20,663
So Muddy went out
and created a new sound,
250
00:10:20,794 --> 00:10:23,231
the sound of rock and roll.
251
00:10:23,361 --> 00:10:25,102
It was so groundbreaking
252
00:10:25,233 --> 00:10:27,888
that an apathetic sound mixer
put down his newspaper
253
00:10:28,018 --> 00:10:30,934
and his stale cup of coffee
to pay attention.
254
00:10:31,065 --> 00:10:33,937
♪
255
00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:36,810
♪ This song has one line ♪
256
00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:41,162
♪ I'm gonna sing it
several times ♪
257
00:10:41,292 --> 00:10:42,903
♪ That's it ♪
258
00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:44,948
♪ Well ♪
259
00:10:45,079 --> 00:10:47,734
♪ This song has one line ♪
260
00:10:47,864 --> 00:10:51,868
♪ I'm gonna sing it
several times ♪
261
00:10:51,955 --> 00:10:54,305
♪ Not just once ♪
262
00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:56,133
♪ Listen ♪
263
00:10:56,264 --> 00:10:58,919
♪ This song has one line ♪
264
00:10:59,049 --> 00:11:02,052
♪ I'm gonna sing it
several times. ♪
265
00:11:02,183 --> 00:11:04,098
♪
266
00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:05,752
The song was a hit
267
00:11:05,839 --> 00:11:09,059
and got Muddy
his first record contract.
268
00:11:09,190 --> 00:11:10,931
♪
269
00:11:11,061 --> 00:11:13,150
Now, since he was
a Black performer,
270
00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:15,022
naturally, he went on tour
271
00:11:15,152 --> 00:11:17,807
in the part of the country
that's so racist
272
00:11:17,938 --> 00:11:19,504
it's known as the Boston
of the South.
273
00:11:19,635 --> 00:11:22,420
He was given a white driver.
274
00:11:22,551 --> 00:11:25,859
The record company chose
an Italian American man
275
00:11:25,989 --> 00:11:27,512
so Muddy would be used
to hearing
276
00:11:27,643 --> 00:11:29,079
all the worst racial slurs
277
00:11:29,210 --> 00:11:30,864
before he got there.
278
00:11:30,994 --> 00:11:33,127
Big crawdads guy, huh?
279
00:11:33,214 --> 00:11:34,737
Oh, yeah. They're the best.
280
00:11:34,868 --> 00:11:36,739
Please look at the road
while you're driving.
281
00:11:36,870 --> 00:11:38,610
I wouldn't know about crawdads.
282
00:11:38,741 --> 00:11:40,221
- Never had 'em.
- What?
283
00:11:40,351 --> 00:11:41,352
You got to try 'em!
284
00:11:41,439 --> 00:11:43,224
Here, take the rest of mine.
I insist.
285
00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:45,748
JEROME:
But Muddy had had crawdads.
286
00:11:45,879 --> 00:11:47,619
Many times.
287
00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:50,535
That was just his little trick
for getting free crawdads
288
00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:52,494
from coarse Italians.
289
00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:55,497
♪
290
00:11:55,584 --> 00:11:57,412
What are you working on?
291
00:11:57,542 --> 00:11:59,936
I'm trying to write a nice
letter to my wife Margerie,
292
00:12:00,023 --> 00:12:01,982
but I never been any good
with...
293
00:12:02,112 --> 00:12:03,592
Damn it, what are those things?
294
00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:06,377
- Words?
- Yeah, I-I never been any good at words.
295
00:12:06,464 --> 00:12:08,597
In fact,
I'm downright great at 'em.
296
00:12:08,684 --> 00:12:10,251
I could help you if you want.
297
00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:13,254
Yeah? Could you make it sound
so she thinks me,
298
00:12:13,384 --> 00:12:15,560
a white guy, is the one
who actually wrote it?
299
00:12:15,691 --> 00:12:17,345
Easy. Write this.
300
00:12:17,475 --> 00:12:19,042
"Dearest Margerie,
301
00:12:19,173 --> 00:12:21,044
"I can't wait to get home
302
00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:24,569
"and back that big fat ass up.
303
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:27,050
"Back, back, back it up.
304
00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:29,836
"Back, back,
back it up.
305
00:12:29,923 --> 00:12:32,926
Wu Tang Clan
ain't nothing to mess with."
306
00:12:33,056 --> 00:12:34,579
PETER:
Dearest Margerie,
307
00:12:34,710 --> 00:12:37,017
a lady who worked at the hotel
we were staying at
308
00:12:37,147 --> 00:12:40,150
had, like, the freckliest chest
I've ever seen.
309
00:12:40,281 --> 00:12:41,848
Yours, Vinny.
310
00:12:41,935 --> 00:12:43,806
JEROME:
Ultimately, Vinny went his own way
311
00:12:43,937 --> 00:12:44,851
with the letter.
312
00:12:45,025 --> 00:12:47,854
♪
313
00:12:48,028 --> 00:12:49,290
Hey, Muddy, I was thinking,
314
00:12:49,464 --> 00:12:51,292
since we made it
to the part of the story
315
00:12:51,379 --> 00:12:53,424
where we realize that we're not
so different from each other,
316
00:12:53,511 --> 00:12:54,686
we should celebrate.
317
00:12:54,817 --> 00:12:56,645
Yeah? What did you have in mind?
318
00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:58,212
I don't know. Maybe...
319
00:12:58,342 --> 00:12:59,213
that!
320
00:12:59,387 --> 00:13:01,389
♪
321
00:13:04,522 --> 00:13:06,002
[tires screech]
322
00:13:07,177 --> 00:13:08,875
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
323
00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:11,094
This is
a "whites only" carnival.
324
00:13:11,181 --> 00:13:13,053
It's okay, Vinny.
Let's get out of here.
325
00:13:13,183 --> 00:13:17,013
No! This is unacceptable,
and it will not stand!
326
00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:21,365
My friend is a human being!
327
00:13:25,326 --> 00:13:27,110
We demand recourse!
328
00:13:30,331 --> 00:13:31,375
[slurping]
329
00:13:31,462 --> 00:13:33,769
Unconscionable!
330
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,727
JEROME:
And though the trip was soon over,
331
00:13:35,858 --> 00:13:38,818
a friendship was formed
that transcended race.
332
00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:40,471
But it would not last long.
333
00:13:40,602 --> 00:13:42,082
What the hell?!
334
00:13:42,212 --> 00:13:44,606
All the pages in my songbook
are torn out!
335
00:13:47,304 --> 00:13:50,046
PETER:
Dear Muddy, I have something to confess.
336
00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:51,918
I stole all your songs,
337
00:13:52,005 --> 00:13:53,441
and my real name
is Elvis Presley.
338
00:13:53,571 --> 00:13:55,573
That son of a bitch!
339
00:13:55,704 --> 00:13:57,837
Damn you, Elvis Presley!
340
00:13:57,924 --> 00:13:59,273
[sighs]
Oh, well.
341
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,710
There's still an exciting future
ahead of me.
342
00:14:01,884 --> 00:14:04,060
This ain't the end of my story.
343
00:14:05,714 --> 00:14:07,716
Oh, no.
The screen's turnin' sepia.
344
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,587
This is the end of my story!
345
00:14:09,761 --> 00:14:10,937
I got to get to a stool
for the one
346
00:14:11,111 --> 00:14:12,895
"old-timey Black guy musician"
photo
347
00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:15,376
anyone will ever know me by.
348
00:14:15,463 --> 00:14:18,727
Muddy didn't make it to
the stool in time for his photo.
349
00:14:18,814 --> 00:14:21,425
Elvis never gave him
the credit he deserved.
350
00:14:21,556 --> 00:14:25,255
And people were pissed
when Green Book won that Oscar.
351
00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:26,387
The end.
352
00:14:31,174 --> 00:14:33,568
♪
353
00:14:33,698 --> 00:14:34,830
Great story, Jerome.
354
00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:37,615
Elvis really was the best.
355
00:14:37,746 --> 00:14:40,053
Peter, is that Stewie?
356
00:14:40,183 --> 00:14:42,185
PETER:
Oh, yeah. Looks like he's gonna do one next.
357
00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:43,752
You're gonna let the baby
do one?
358
00:14:43,839 --> 00:14:46,320
Oh, I'm sorry,
are your children funny?
359
00:14:46,407 --> 00:14:47,321
No.
360
00:14:47,451 --> 00:14:49,932
Ah, here it is.
361
00:14:50,063 --> 00:14:52,239
Elton John's Greatest Hits,
362
00:14:52,369 --> 00:14:54,850
a collection of songs
by the one gay guy on earth
363
00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:56,504
with a worse haircut
than Pete Rose.
364
00:14:56,634 --> 00:14:59,768
♪
365
00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:02,205
We'll defer
that end-of-year bonus
366
00:15:02,379 --> 00:15:04,077
to the following fiscal quarter,
367
00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:05,600
harvest the losses
on our cap gains--
368
00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:06,993
that's a no-brainer--
and, let's see,
369
00:15:07,167 --> 00:15:08,951
update
my beneficiary designations?
370
00:15:09,082 --> 00:15:10,735
[chuckles]:
Uh, yeah, I think so.
371
00:15:10,866 --> 00:15:11,911
Damn, I'm good.
372
00:15:13,608 --> 00:15:16,437
Elton John, what the hell
do you think you're doing?!
373
00:15:16,611 --> 00:15:18,308
It's just a little
number crunchin', Pop.
374
00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:20,180
What's going on in here?
375
00:15:20,310 --> 00:15:22,225
Why don't you ask your son,
the tax man?
376
00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:24,358
I found these
under his mattress!
377
00:15:24,445 --> 00:15:25,881
W-2s!
378
00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:28,144
I-I was holding them
for a friend.
379
00:15:30,799 --> 00:15:32,583
Wh-Wh-What are you doin', Pop?
380
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:35,978
No son of mine is gonna be
a heterosexual paper pusher.
381
00:15:36,109 --> 00:15:39,590
You need to be a loud-and-proud
performer like your gay old dad!
382
00:15:41,462 --> 00:15:43,159
[air whooshing softly]
383
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:53,256
Aah! You hit me!
384
00:15:53,430 --> 00:15:56,868
Oh, Elton. I'm telling you this
because I love you.
385
00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:59,219
You'll never find someone
to love you.
386
00:15:59,349 --> 00:16:01,830
Not even Dolly Levi
could help you.
387
00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:03,832
- Who's Dolly Levi?
- [gasping]
388
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:07,488
Oh, where did we go so wrong?!
389
00:16:07,575 --> 00:16:10,273
STEWIE:
So Elton John collaborated with Bernie Taupin,
390
00:16:10,404 --> 00:16:12,841
who would write the lyrics
for Elton's songs.
391
00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:15,496
Bernie was married three times
in a desperate bid
392
00:16:15,626 --> 00:16:17,846
to convince the world
he was not a homosexual.
393
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,630
[plays note]
394
00:16:19,717 --> 00:16:20,805
All right, Bernie,
what do you got?
395
00:16:20,936 --> 00:16:21,806
Uh, how 'bout this?
396
00:16:21,937 --> 00:16:23,504
"Yours are the sweetest eyes
397
00:16:23,634 --> 00:16:24,635
I've ever seen."
398
00:16:24,766 --> 00:16:25,854
They are?
399
00:16:26,855 --> 00:16:28,465
Whoa! I-I'm not gay.
400
00:16:28,596 --> 00:16:30,467
You're not?
Y-You just seem very...
401
00:16:30,598 --> 00:16:32,817
Yeah. I'm British.
We all seem that way,
402
00:16:32,948 --> 00:16:34,558
even if we're not
but secretly are.
403
00:16:34,645 --> 00:16:37,213
♪
404
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:40,216
Elton, meet the best producer
in the business.
405
00:16:40,303 --> 00:16:42,827
Kid, how would you like to sign
with my label,
406
00:16:42,958 --> 00:16:45,265
Naive-Young-Talent Records.
407
00:16:45,395 --> 00:16:48,485
Together,
we are gonna make me millions!
408
00:16:48,616 --> 00:16:50,966
Sounds fair to me.
Let's get to it!
409
00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:53,229
From then on,
Elton's new male producer
410
00:16:53,316 --> 00:16:55,971
rode him day and night.
411
00:16:56,145 --> 00:16:58,452
When Elton was tired of playing,
he'd get right behind him
412
00:16:58,539 --> 00:17:00,889
and push him on the stool
until he was finished.
413
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,108
Sometimes Elton would cry
414
00:17:02,282 --> 00:17:04,197
because of how hard
he was pushing.
415
00:17:04,371 --> 00:17:06,242
But it paid off,
because, in the end,
416
00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:08,984
they had a massive load.
Of hits.
417
00:17:09,158 --> 00:17:12,553
Just a-- just a big,
messy load of hits.
418
00:17:12,683 --> 00:17:15,686
The night Elton John performed
at Dodger Stadium,
419
00:17:15,773 --> 00:17:18,994
he was so nervous, he almost
never left the dressing room.
420
00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:20,648
CROWD [in distance]:
Elton! Elton!
421
00:17:20,778 --> 00:17:22,476
Elton! Elton!
422
00:17:30,832 --> 00:17:32,181
Whoa, dude, no!
423
00:17:32,312 --> 00:17:33,878
I'm just
a straight moment of clarity.
424
00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:36,185
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't, uh...
425
00:17:36,316 --> 00:17:38,100
But his reflection
had walked away,
426
00:17:38,231 --> 00:17:39,797
never to return.
427
00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:41,712
And he had to do his own makeup.
428
00:17:41,843 --> 00:17:43,018
[cheering]
429
00:17:43,149 --> 00:17:44,933
Also, due to a scheduling error,
430
00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:47,022
the Dodgers had a game
that night,
431
00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:49,503
and Elton had to bat fourth
in the lineup.
432
00:17:53,376 --> 00:17:55,639
ANNOUNCER:
It's a mince-off single and the Dodgers win!
433
00:17:55,726 --> 00:17:59,252
[cheering, whooping]
434
00:17:59,426 --> 00:18:02,385
STEWIE:
Elton John was heavily involved in the L.A. party scene,
435
00:18:02,559 --> 00:18:04,692
and things took a dark turn
one night
436
00:18:04,866 --> 00:18:07,477
when he and Bernie went to
a party in the Hollywood Hills,
437
00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:09,088
one where you park
way down at the bottom
438
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:10,698
and have to walk all the way up.
439
00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:13,092
[panting]
440
00:18:13,179 --> 00:18:15,050
God, how much farther is it?
441
00:18:15,224 --> 00:18:16,617
I don't know.
You didn't get a TripTik.
442
00:18:16,747 --> 00:18:19,054
That's 'cause the rock star
doesn't get the TripTik.
443
00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:20,838
The writer gets the TripTik.
444
00:18:21,012 --> 00:18:22,101
Damn it,
here comes another person
445
00:18:22,188 --> 00:18:24,059
walking to the same party.
446
00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:26,279
Let's stop, so we don't have
to walk with him the whole way.
447
00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:28,716
When they said
this party was "far out,"
448
00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:30,152
they weren't kidding.
449
00:18:30,283 --> 00:18:32,241
[forced chuckling]
I know, right? Yeah.
450
00:18:32,372 --> 00:18:32,937
- ♪
- Look, we've got to be close.
451
00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:34,722
I can hear the music.
452
00:18:34,852 --> 00:18:36,158
Damn it!
We're in the wrong canyon!
453
00:18:36,289 --> 00:18:37,768
Well, I'm exhausted.
454
00:18:37,855 --> 00:18:39,161
Come on, let's just go home.
455
00:18:39,292 --> 00:18:40,945
I don't know.
I kind of want to stay out.
456
00:18:41,076 --> 00:18:42,947
Hang on. Hey!
457
00:18:43,078 --> 00:18:45,646
What's the cocaine sitch like
at that party?!
458
00:18:45,776 --> 00:18:47,561
Enough to kill a Belushi!
459
00:18:47,648 --> 00:18:49,215
But you probably don't want
to come!
460
00:18:49,345 --> 00:18:51,782
It's a real sausage fest
over here!
461
00:18:51,869 --> 00:18:53,654
I'm going to that [bleep] party.
462
00:18:53,741 --> 00:18:56,526
Elton, if you leave me
right now, it's a big deal,
463
00:18:56,657 --> 00:18:59,094
because this is the time of the
story where that's a big deal.
464
00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:02,445
What'd you say?! I couldn't hear
you over the sound of snorting!
465
00:19:02,532 --> 00:19:05,535
Have fun getting home
without a TripTik, trip dick!
466
00:19:05,666 --> 00:19:08,669
Whoa-ho! Looks like Elton
learned how to write!
467
00:19:08,799 --> 00:19:10,192
[snorting]
468
00:19:10,323 --> 00:19:13,239
♪
469
00:19:14,762 --> 00:19:16,546
How is he, Doctor?
470
00:19:16,677 --> 00:19:19,070
Well, looks like your husband's
gonna be all right, Mr., uh...
471
00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:21,334
I've been married three times!
I'm Bernie Taupin!
472
00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:22,030
You know what,
don't worry about it.
473
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:23,249
I already forgot who you are.
474
00:19:23,423 --> 00:19:24,902
Anyway, congratulations.
475
00:19:25,033 --> 00:19:27,688
Elton will be back on his knees
in no time.
476
00:19:27,818 --> 00:19:29,603
Look at me. At some hospital
477
00:19:29,690 --> 00:19:31,605
next to a Denny's
by the airport.
478
00:19:31,692 --> 00:19:34,260
All day long,
it's just Denny's and the jets.
479
00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:36,262
Wait, what'd you just say?
Say that again.
480
00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:39,874
The important thing is
you're alive.
481
00:19:40,004 --> 00:19:42,833
Thanks. Hey, what do you say we
get the ole team back together
482
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:46,228
for a "what do they look like
now" credits montage?
483
00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:48,883
Well, we can,
but I'm not sure you'll like it.
484
00:19:49,013 --> 00:19:50,885
STEWIE:
That's what I look like?!
485
00:19:51,015 --> 00:19:53,148
Who is letting me out
of the house like--
486
00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:56,499
Someone in the future
is seriously failing me!
487
00:19:56,586 --> 00:19:58,849
BRIAN:
Yeah, you look like a Candy Land villain that came to life.
488
00:19:58,936 --> 00:20:00,329
-STEWIE: I know!
- You look like a Muppet
489
00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:02,375
that teaches kids
about being gay.
490
00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:04,377
STEWIE:
All right, that's enough. Why are we making fun of me?
491
00:20:04,507 --> 00:20:07,771
I'm not a bad guy. Let's just
make fun of Sean Hannity again.
492
00:20:07,902 --> 00:20:10,470
BRIAN:
He looks like a guy who just OD'd on Just For Men.
493
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,298
STEWIE:
He looks like Alan Thicker.
494
00:20:12,385 --> 00:20:13,734
BRIAN:
He's a guy whose wife yells at him
495
00:20:13,908 --> 00:20:15,866
for getting his ball powder
all over the bathroom.
496
00:20:15,953 --> 00:20:17,738
STEWIE:
All right, we could do this all day.
497
00:20:17,868 --> 00:20:21,307
For more Hannity slams, go
to Family Guy's YouTube page.
498
00:20:21,394 --> 00:20:24,092
And, hey, if you think of your
own, leave it in the comments.
499
00:20:24,179 --> 00:20:25,746
BRIAN:
He's the guy your mom dates twice
500
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:27,574
and then yells at you
for the remote.
501
00:20:27,704 --> 00:20:29,097
STEWIE: [laughs]
Okay. But now we're done.
502
00:20:34,972 --> 00:20:37,584
Well, I can't think
of a better way to end our visit
503
00:20:37,714 --> 00:20:41,501
than by remembering the four
lads who started a band in 1962
504
00:20:41,631 --> 00:20:43,720
and changed the world forever.
505
00:20:43,851 --> 00:20:45,722
- Steve, Dal, Bob and Robin.
- John, Paul, George and Ringo.
506
00:20:45,853 --> 00:20:47,724
- Who?
- Steve, Dal, Bob and Robin.
507
00:20:47,855 --> 00:20:48,595
The Trashmen.
508
00:20:48,682 --> 00:20:50,161
Oh...
509
00:20:50,292 --> 00:20:51,206
♪ Uh, well, everybody's heard ♪
510
00:20:51,337 --> 00:20:52,251
♪ About the bird ♪
511
00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:53,556
♪ B-B-B-Bird, bird, bird ♪
512
00:20:53,687 --> 00:20:54,557
♪ B-Bird's the word ♪
513
00:20:54,688 --> 00:20:56,080
♪ Uh, well, a bird, bird, bird ♪
514
00:20:56,211 --> 00:20:57,473
♪ Bird is the word,
uh, well... ♪
515
00:20:57,523 --> 00:21:02,073
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