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? It seems today that all you see ?
2
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? Is violence in movies and sex on TV ?
3
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? But where are those
good old-fashioned values ?
4
00:00:11,762 --> 00:00:14,472
? On which we used to rely? ?
5
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? Lucky there's a family guy ?
6
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? Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ?
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? All the things that make us ?
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? Laugh and cry ?
9
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? He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ?
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- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -
11
00:00:36,078 --> 00:00:37,662
Ah, the record store...
12
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:39,747
Full of the greatest albums of all time
13
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and the employees
who hate every one of 'em.
14
00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:44,168
Hey, do you have
the Eagles' Greatest Hits?
15
00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:46,671
Yeah. It's under "O" for "obvious."
16
00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:48,047
And "overrated."
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Thank you, bearded failures.
18
00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:51,842
You know, it's stores like this
where you learn
19
00:00:51,843 --> 00:00:53,970
about the real history of rock and roll,
20
00:00:53,971 --> 00:00:56,097
not the watered-down version
you get in every movie
21
00:00:56,098 --> 00:00:57,682
about a musician's life.
22
00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:59,517
Yeah, all those biopics
are the same story:
23
00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:01,310
unsupportive parents, hit song,
24
00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:02,853
band turmoil...
25
00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:04,772
Having giant horse teeth
and dying of AIDS.
26
00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:06,691
All of 'em are exactly the same.
27
00:01:06,692 --> 00:01:08,651
Check out this section for the Doors.
28
00:01:08,652 --> 00:01:10,194
Jim Morrison is a legend,
29
00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:11,404
whether we like it or not.
30
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:12,989
He had the good sense to die
31
00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:15,283
before we could see him
at the Pechanga Casino and go,
32
00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:16,909
"Oh, my God, that's him?"
33
00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:21,372
It was the '60s,
34
00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:24,792
a time of great
fateful missed Frisbee catches.
35
00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:27,003
The iconic band was formed one day
36
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:29,922
when Ray Manzarek met
Jim Morrison on Venice Beach.
37
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:32,700
Thanks! I'm Ray Manzarek.
What's your name?
38
00:01:32,701 --> 00:01:34,260
Jim Morrison. Light my fire.
39
00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:35,761
W-Wait a minute, wait.
What'd you just say?
40
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,597
- Say that again.
- Light my fire?
41
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,432
Yeah, that! That could be a song
42
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,392
that's tolerated for generations!
43
00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:43,227
What do you say you and I form a band?
44
00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:45,605
A band? But this is the '60s.
45
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:48,899
We don't have nearly enough
floppy heads of hair to do that.
46
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:50,985
Hey, you guys starting a band?
Mind if we join?
47
00:01:50,986 --> 00:01:52,403
Yes. You're both in.
48
00:01:52,404 --> 00:01:54,155
We are gonna be huge, you guys.
49
00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:55,740
And nothing's gonna get between us...
50
00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:58,034
Not drugs or alcohol
51
00:01:58,035 --> 00:02:00,578
or the first toxic relationship
that comes my way.
52
00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:04,373
Look out! Easily manipulated
runaway comin' through!
53
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:06,584
Screw you guys! I'm following that lady,
54
00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,252
and there's nothing you can do about it!
55
00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:09,629
I am the Doors!
56
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:10,838
Jim, be reasonable.
57
00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:13,007
We haven't even named ourselves
that yet.
58
00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:14,592
Look, I'm gonna get right to it
59
00:02:14,593 --> 00:02:18,012
and say I miss making music
with you bastards.
60
00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:19,472
Thanks!
61
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,349
I'm Charles Manson. What's your name?
62
00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:22,975
Jim Morrison. Kill Sharon Tate.
63
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:25,061
Wait a minute. What did you just say?
64
00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:26,729
Say that again.
65
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:32,818
? This is how women on drugs dance. ?
66
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:33,987
Yeah.
67
00:02:36,111 --> 00:02:37,907
Jim Morrison. Love me two times.
68
00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:39,575
W-Wait a minute. What'd you just say?
69
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:40,898
Say that again.
70
00:02:42,454 --> 00:02:44,955
Well, Jim, I'm flattered
you broke into my home,
71
00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:47,500
but I have a serious boyfriend
and I think you should leave.
72
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,959
But I'm a rock star!
73
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,087
And he's an astronaut.
74
00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:53,673
You know, unfortunately for you,
this is the one time in history
75
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:56,008
where astronauts are cooler
than rock stars.
76
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,094
Well, I don't care. You're my muse,
77
00:02:58,095 --> 00:03:00,931
and I'm moving in with
my trash bags of bad poetry.
78
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,433
"The caterpillar...
79
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:06,227
"A tiny hair snake?
80
00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:09,605
Nay. Because of his many, many legs."
81
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:10,898
"The snake.
82
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,442
"A large, hairless caterpillar?
83
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:16,362
Nay. On account of no legs."
84
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:18,155
"The snakeapillar..."
85
00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:20,852
Wow. Such a genius, huh?
86
00:03:20,853 --> 00:03:22,410
Now, I do have a boyfriend,
87
00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:24,787
but I'm also a free spirit.
88
00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:27,916
That's my fun
little way of sayin' I'm a slut.
89
00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:32,545
So, how'd you like to have sex
with my kite-sized woman weave?
90
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:36,924
Mm, it'll mesh perfectly with
my giant nest of tight ringlets.
91
00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:40,553
Oh, Jim.
92
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,346
Call me the Lizard King.
93
00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:44,932
Oh, Lizard King!
94
00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:47,268
Yeah. Now call me Archduke Salamander,
95
00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:48,811
Emperor of Newts.
96
00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:50,146
You're the Archduke...
97
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:51,147
Ah, I'm done.
98
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:55,234
Velcro.
99
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:56,902
Just like my shoes.
100
00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:07,747
Early on, Jim Morrison
had terrible stage fright,
101
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:10,040
so he performed
with his back to the crowd.
102
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:11,751
The only thing that calmed his nerves
103
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,794
was what everyone was using back then,
104
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:15,254
Strawberry Nesquik.
105
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,922
It upset his stomach terribly
106
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,591
because of his lactose intolerance,
107
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:21,886
a condition that would escalate
to full-on cream bigotry.
108
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:24,096
Yeah, that's the stuff.
109
00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:27,850
? And a one, two, three. ?
110
00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:30,060
Uh-oh.
111
00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:34,940
My fart's stuck in the pants.
112
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:37,109
Well, get it out.
We've got a show to do.
113
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,784
We all feeling good tonight?
114
00:04:46,495 --> 00:04:48,622
I know I'm feeling good.
115
00:05:00,379 --> 00:05:03,636
Uh, this next one's called
"Break On Through."
116
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,389
Yes.
117
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:09,809
"Break on through."
118
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,647
Jim, there's someone you have to meet.
119
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,650
Hello. I'm someone
with no knowledge of music
120
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:20,319
who is somehow controlling
the music industry,
121
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,822
and I want to make you a star.
122
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,240
How do I know I can trust you?
123
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:25,825
'Cause I'm not just an agent...
124
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,201
I'm a fan.
125
00:05:27,202 --> 00:05:29,119
- Really?
- Absolutely.
126
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,831
In fact, I'd love your autograph
on the bottom of this contract,
127
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,999
in absence of any legal counsel.
128
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,168
Come on, buddy, you're embarrassing me.
129
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,253
They did it.
130
00:05:37,254 --> 00:05:38,629
They signed the contract
131
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:41,006
that would make
their cocaine dealer rich.
132
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:42,466
And then it was off to the studio
133
00:05:42,467 --> 00:05:44,010
for a shirtless rehearsal.
134
00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:58,983
What the hell, Jim? You look terrible.
135
00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:00,109
Are you back on the Quik?
136
00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:04,071
Please, I've barely stirred today.
137
00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:05,948
Look, I'm sorry.
I'm ready now, all right?
138
00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:08,701
I'm ready to make
this college dorm room poster.
139
00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:14,832
Damn it, Jim. We're here
to make an album, not a poster.
140
00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,792
Make an album?
141
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,377
Why didn't you say so?
142
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,548
Bring in the terrible,
too-involved girlfriends, guys!
143
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:27,094
Jim, meet my girlfriend, Yoko O-yes.
144
00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:29,471
She's beloved by everyone close to me
145
00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:31,515
and prides herself on
not messing with a good thing.
146
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:32,641
I'm just gonna get out of the way
147
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:33,851
and let you guys do your music.
148
00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:35,227
You won't even know I'm here.
149
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:52,745
You guys want to see something?
150
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:55,248
You want to see if it's as big
as they say it is?
151
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:58,250
What the hell is he doing now?
152
00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,960
That night marked the end
153
00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:02,421
of Jim Morrison's rock god status,
154
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:05,049
when he was unable to find
and expose his penis
155
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:06,592
in a Florida music venue.
156
00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:14,600
Like every man who can't find his penis,
157
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,518
Jim Morrison moved to Paris,
158
00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:19,647
where he did heroin one night
and drowned in a bathtub.
159
00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:21,148
There was a movie about the Doors.
160
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:22,775
If you're a bunch of guys in college
161
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,360
wanting to make all the girls go away,
162
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:26,654
put on the movie The Doors.
Poof, they're gone.
163
00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:28,292
Then it's just you and your buddies.
164
00:07:28,293 --> 00:07:29,907
You could've gotten laid,
but you put on The Doors.
165
00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:32,035
Why'd you do that?
166
00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:41,460
Well, if we learned anything
from Jim Morrison's tragic tale,
167
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,338
it's that white guys definitely
invented rock and roll.
168
00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:46,382
What? That's bullcrap!
169
00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:48,717
Rock and roll was invented
in the Mississippi Delta
170
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,302
by Black people.
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00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,680
Jerome, if Black guys
invented rock and roll,
172
00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:55,182
then how come everyone else
in a vintage vinyl record store
173
00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:57,435
is a stock photo meme white guy?
174
00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:09,947
You ain't heard of the Black man
who invented rock and roll
175
00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:12,199
'cause he never got a movie
about his life.
176
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:15,828
But I'm-a educate y'all on
the greatest rocker of all time,
177
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,664
Delta bluesman Muddy Drawers.
178
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:25,504
Muddy grew up in a shotgun shack
in the Deep South.
179
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:27,423
His family was so poor,
180
00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:30,426
they lived underneath
the mighty Mississippi.
181
00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:33,470
They all had to share one room
182
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:36,181
and one mustache.
183
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:39,852
Well, I'm off to make something
of myself with this here guitar.
184
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,854
Don't go chasin' no white women!
185
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,398
Too far away! Can't hear you!
186
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:50,487
In those days, Black people had nothing,
187
00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:53,198
but they still had
to wear suits everywhere.
188
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:57,619
The only instrument Muddy could
afford was a one-string guitar.
189
00:08:57,620 --> 00:09:01,207
That one guitar string
was also the family belt.
190
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:07,421
Despite all his setbacks,
191
00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:10,424
Muddy would do whatever it took
to master the guitar,
192
00:09:10,425 --> 00:09:14,136
even if it meant making a deal
with the devil himself.
193
00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:17,931
So he headed on down to the crossroads.
194
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:21,268
The Crossroads being
a fancy school in Los Angeles.
195
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:23,604
Tobey Maguire's kid goes there.
196
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:26,065
You'd see him sometimes, dropping off.
197
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,567
Not all the time but sometimes.
198
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,693
Hey, Tobey!
199
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:31,487
See you at the holiday show!
200
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:34,239
Stupid fanboy.
201
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,824
You ain't ever getting that invite
202
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,493
to dinner with the Gyllenhaals.
203
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:39,286
Muddy was right.
204
00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:42,289
He never got invited to dinner
with Jake Gyllenhaal
205
00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:44,416
or his sleepy-eyed sister,
206
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,293
which is probably for the best.
207
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:49,004
She looks like she chews
with her mouth open.
208
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:51,590
But Muddy did get his guitar lessons.
209
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,550
From the devil.
210
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:56,011
Sign here and you'll be
the greatest guitar player
211
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:57,096
who ever lived.
212
00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:00,057
All it'll cost you is... your soul.
213
00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:02,976
Okay. You got yourself a deal.
214
00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:05,395
And just so you know,
with this purchase of a soul,
215
00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:07,606
I will also give a soul
to a child in need.
216
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,191
Yeah, yeah, I don't want that.
217
00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:11,443
- It's no additional cost to you.
- Mm-hmm.
218
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,946
It's just my way of giving back,
out of my end.
219
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:16,782
Seems like it's
probably baked into the price.
220
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:20,202
So Muddy went out
and created a new sound,
221
00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:22,746
the sound of rock and roll.
222
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:24,623
It was so groundbreaking
223
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,417
that an apathetic sound mixer
put down his newspaper
224
00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:30,712
and his stale cup of coffee
to pay attention.
225
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:36,176
? This song has one line ?
226
00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:40,681
? I'm gonna sing it several times ?
227
00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:42,474
? That's it ?
228
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,476
? Well ?
229
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:47,271
? This song has one line ?
230
00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:51,358
? I'm gonna sing it several times ?
231
00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,861
? Not just once ?
232
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:55,654
? Listen ?
233
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,448
? This song has one line ?
234
00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:01,577
? I'm gonna sing it several times. ?
235
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:05,247
The song was a hit
236
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:08,834
and got Muddy his first record contract.
237
00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:12,671
Now, since he was a Black performer,
238
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,339
naturally, he went on tour
239
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:17,176
in the part of the country
that's so racist
240
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,178
it's known as the Boston of the South.
241
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,930
He was given a white driver.
242
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:25,392
The record company chose
an Italian American man
243
00:11:25,393 --> 00:11:27,019
so Muddy would be used to hearing
244
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,604
all the worst racial slurs
245
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,439
before he got there.
246
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,608
Big crawdads guy, huh?
247
00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,276
Oh, yeah. They're the best.
248
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:36,278
Please look at the road
while you're driving.
249
00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:38,155
I wouldn't know about crawdads.
250
00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:39,740
- Never had 'em.
- What?
251
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:40,824
You got to try 'em!
252
00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:42,784
Here, take the rest of mine. I insist.
253
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:45,287
But Muddy had had crawdads.
254
00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:47,164
Many times.
255
00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:50,042
That was just his little trick
for getting free crawdads
256
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,169
from coarse Italians.
257
00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:56,924
What are you working on?
258
00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:59,426
I'm trying to write a nice
letter to my wife Margerie,
259
00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:01,511
but I never been any good with...
260
00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:03,931
- Damn it, what are those things?
- Words?
261
00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:06,016
Yeah, I-I never been any good at words.
262
00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:08,018
In fact, I'm downright great at 'em.
263
00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:09,770
I could help you if you want.
264
00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:12,773
Yeah? Could you make it sound
so she thinks me,
265
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:15,234
a white guy, is the one
who actually wrote it?
266
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,860
Easy. Write this.
267
00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,570
"Dearest Margerie,
268
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,572
"I can't wait to get home
269
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:24,076
"and back that big fat ass up.
270
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:26,578
"Back, back, back it up.
271
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:29,331
"Back, back, back it up.
272
00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:32,501
Wu Tang Clan
ain't nothing to mess with."
273
00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:34,086
Dearest Margerie,
274
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,546
a lady who worked at the hotel
we were staying at
275
00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:39,675
had, like, the freckliest chest
I've ever seen.
276
00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:41,343
Yours, Vinny.
277
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:43,178
Ultimately, Vinny went his own way
278
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,513
with the letter.
279
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:48,850
Hey, Muddy, I was thinking,
280
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:50,769
since we made it
to the part of the story
281
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,896
where we realize that we're not
so different from each other,
282
00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:54,231
we should celebrate.
283
00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:56,233
Yeah? What did you have in mind?
284
00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:57,734
I don't know. Maybe...
285
00:12:57,735 --> 00:12:59,027
that!
286
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,453
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
287
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,414
This is a "whites only" carnival.
288
00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:12,582
It's okay, Vinny. Let's get out of here.
289
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:16,421
No! This is unacceptable,
and it will not stand!
290
00:13:18,812 --> 00:13:21,064
My friend is a human being!
291
00:13:24,907 --> 00:13:26,700
We demand recourse!
292
00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:33,186
Unconscionable!
293
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,272
And though the trip was soon over,
294
00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:38,442
a friendship was formed
that transcended race.
295
00:13:38,443 --> 00:13:39,985
But it would not last long.
296
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,403
What the hell?!
297
00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:44,073
All the pages in my songbook
are torn out!
298
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:49,536
Dear Muddy, I have something to confess.
299
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:51,413
I stole all your songs,
300
00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:52,956
and my real name is Elvis Presley.
301
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:55,083
That son of a bitch!
302
00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:57,336
Damn you, Elvis Presley!
303
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:58,754
Oh, well.
304
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:01,298
There's still an exciting future
ahead of me.
305
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,629
This ain't the end of my story.
306
00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:07,262
Oh, no. The screen's turnin' sepia.
307
00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:09,097
This is the end of my story!
308
00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:10,515
I got to get to a stool for the one
309
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,434
"old-timey Black guy musician" photo
310
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,644
anyone will ever know me by.
311
00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:18,190
Muddy didn't make it to
the stool in time for his photo.
312
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,942
Elvis never gave him
the credit he deserved.
313
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:24,780
And people were pissed
when Green Book won that Oscar.
314
00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:27,033
The end.
315
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:34,373
Great story, Jerome.
316
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:37,292
Elvis really was the best.
317
00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:39,419
Peter, is that Stewie?
318
00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:41,755
Oh, yeah.
Looks like he's gonna do one next.
319
00:14:41,756 --> 00:14:43,215
You're gonna let the baby do one?
320
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,801
Oh, I'm sorry, are your children funny?
321
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:47,094
No.
322
00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:49,554
Ah, here it is.
323
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,765
Elton John's Greatest Hits,
324
00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:54,393
a collection of songs
by the one gay guy on earth
325
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,019
with a worse haircut than Pete Rose.
326
00:14:59,482 --> 00:15:01,775
We'll defer that end-of-year bonus
327
00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:03,485
to the following fiscal quarter,
328
00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:05,112
harvest the losses on our cap gains...
329
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,571
That's a no-brainer... And, let's see,
330
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:08,490
update my beneficiary designations?
331
00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:10,242
Uh, yeah, I think so.
332
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,744
Damn, I'm good.
333
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:15,997
Elton John, what the hell
do you think you're doing?!
334
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,833
It's just a little
number crunchin', Pop.
335
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,709
What's going on in here?
336
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:21,795
Why don't you ask your son, the tax man?
337
00:15:21,796 --> 00:15:23,839
I found these under his mattress!
338
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,424
W-2s!
339
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,885
I-I was holding them for a friend.
340
00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:32,055
Wh-Wh-What are you doin', Pop?
341
00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:35,517
No son of mine is gonna be
a heterosexual paper pusher.
342
00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:39,230
You need to be a loud-and-proud
performer like your gay old dad!
343
00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:52,868
Aah! You hit me!
344
00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:56,413
Oh, Elton. I'm telling you this
because I love you.
345
00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:58,748
You'll never find someone to love you.
346
00:15:58,749 --> 00:16:01,418
Not even Dolly Levi could help you.
347
00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:03,378
Who's Dolly Levi?
348
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:06,756
Oh, where did we go so wrong?!
349
00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:09,801
So Elton John
collaborated with Bernie Taupin,
350
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:12,304
who would write the lyrics
for Elton's songs.
351
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:15,015
Bernie was married three times
in a desperate bid
352
00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:17,517
to convince the world
he was not a homosexual.
353
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:20,312
All right, Bernie, what do you got?
354
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,313
Uh, how 'bout this?
355
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,023
"Yours are the sweetest eyes
356
00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:24,149
I've ever seen."
357
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,567
They are?
358
00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:28,111
Whoa! I-I'm not gay.
359
00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:29,988
You're not? Y-You just seem very...
360
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,324
Yeah. I'm British. We all seem that way,
361
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,284
even if we're not but secretly are.
362
00:16:36,787 --> 00:16:39,789
Elton, meet the best producer
in the business.
363
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:42,334
Kid, how would you like to sign
with my label,
364
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,794
Naive-Young-Talent Records.
365
00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:48,006
Together, we are gonna make me millions!
366
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,383
Sounds fair to me. Let's get to it!
367
00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:52,719
From then on, Elton's new male producer
368
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:55,430
rode him day and night.
369
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:57,974
When Elton was tired of playing,
he'd get right behind him
370
00:16:57,975 --> 00:17:00,560
and push him on the stool
until he was finished.
371
00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:01,770
Sometimes Elton would cry
372
00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:03,772
because of how hard he was pushing.
373
00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:05,819
But it paid off, because, in the end,
374
00:17:05,820 --> 00:17:08,568
they had a massive load. Of hits.
375
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:12,072
Just a... just a big,
messy load of hits.
376
00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:15,158
The night Elton John performed
at Dodger Stadium,
377
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:18,411
he was so nervous, he almost
never left the dressing room.
378
00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:20,163
Elton! Elton!
379
00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:22,170
Elton! Elton!
380
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:31,716
Whoa, dude, no!
381
00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:33,385
I'm just a straight moment of clarity.
382
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,720
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't, uh...
383
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:37,639
But his reflection had walked away,
384
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,307
never to return.
385
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,439
And he had to do his own makeup.
386
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,354
Also, due to a scheduling error,
387
00:17:44,355 --> 00:17:46,439
the Dodgers had a game that night,
388
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,820
and Elton had to bat fourth
in the lineup.
389
00:17:52,008 --> 00:17:55,369
It's a mince-off
single and the Dodgers win!
390
00:17:58,661 --> 00:18:01,830
Elton John was heavily
involved in the L.A. party scene,
391
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:04,249
and things took a dark turn one night
392
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:06,876
when he and Bernie went to
a party in the Hollywood Hills,
393
00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:08,587
one where you park
way down at the bottom
394
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:10,419
and have to walk all the way up.
395
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,509
God, how much farther is it?
396
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:16,136
I don't know. You didn't get a TripTik.
397
00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:18,597
That's 'cause the rock star
doesn't get the TripTik.
398
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,390
The writer gets the TripTik.
399
00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:21,600
Damn it, here comes another person
400
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,602
walking to the same party.
401
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,854
Let's stop, so we don't have
to walk with him the whole way.
402
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:28,231
When they said this party was "far out,"
403
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:29,691
they weren't kidding.
404
00:18:29,692 --> 00:18:31,610
I know, right? Yeah.
405
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,700
Look, we've got to be close.
I can hear the music.
406
00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:35,697
Damn it! We're in the wrong canyon!
407
00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:37,240
Well, I'm exhausted.
408
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:38,700
Come on, let's just go home.
409
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:40,452
I don't know.
I kind of want to stay out.
410
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,454
Hang on. Hey!
411
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:45,165
What's the cocaine sitch like
at that party?!
412
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:47,042
Enough to kill a Belushi!
413
00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:48,752
But you probably don't want to come!
414
00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:51,254
It's a real sausage fest over here!
415
00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,089
I'm going to that [BLEEP] party.
416
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:56,051
Elton, if you leave me
right now, it's a big deal,
417
00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:58,511
because this is the time of the
story where that's a big deal.
418
00:18:58,512 --> 00:19:01,931
What'd you say?! I couldn't hear
you over the sound of snorting!
419
00:19:01,932 --> 00:19:05,060
Have fun getting home
without a TripTik, trip dick!
420
00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:08,188
Whoa-ho! Looks like Elton
learned how to write!
421
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,862
How is he, Doctor?
422
00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:18,615
Well, looks like your husband's
gonna be all right, Mr., uh...
423
00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:20,867
I've been married three times!
I'm Bernie Taupin!
424
00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:22,827
You know what, don't worry about it.
I already forgot who you are.
425
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,412
Anyway, congratulations.
426
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:27,207
Elton will be back on his knees
in no time.
427
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:29,084
Look at me. At some hospital
428
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:31,086
next to a Denny's by the airport.
429
00:19:31,087 --> 00:19:33,880
All day long,
it's just Denny's and the jets.
430
00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:35,675
Wait, what'd you just say?
Say that again.
431
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,386
The important thing is you're alive.
432
00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:42,305
Thanks. Hey, what do you say we
get the ole team back together
433
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:45,767
for a "what do they look like
now" credits montage?
434
00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:48,353
Well, we can,
but I'm not sure you'll like it.
435
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:50,397
That's what I look like?!
436
00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:52,691
Who is letting me out
of the house like...
437
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:55,985
Someone in the future
is seriously failing me!
438
00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:58,321
Yeah, you look like a
Candy Land villain that came to life.
439
00:19:58,322 --> 00:19:59,864
- I know!
- You look like a Muppet
440
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:01,908
that teaches kids about being gay.
441
00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,910
All right, that's enough.
Why are we making fun of me?
442
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:07,039
I'm not a bad guy. Let's just
make fun of Sean Hannity again.
443
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,999
He looks like a guy
who just OD'd on Just For Men.
444
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,793
He looks like Alan Thicker.
445
00:20:11,794 --> 00:20:13,294
He's a guy whose wife yells at him
446
00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:15,338
for getting his ball powder
all over the bathroom.
447
00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:17,257
All right, we could do this all day.
448
00:20:17,258 --> 00:20:20,802
For more Hannity slams, go
to Family Guy's YouTube page.
449
00:20:20,803 --> 00:20:23,555
And, hey, if you think of your
own, leave it in the comments.
450
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,306
He's the guy your mom dates twice
451
00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:27,100
and then yells at you for the remote.
452
00:20:27,101 --> 00:20:29,650
Okay. But now we're done.
453
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,110
Well, I can't think
of a better way to end our visit
454
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:41,030
than by remembering the four
lads who started a band in 1962
455
00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:42,989
and changed the world forever.
456
00:20:42,990 --> 00:20:45,243
- Steve, Dal, Bob and Robin.
- John, Paul, George and Ringo.
457
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,245
- Who?
- Steve, Dal, Bob and Robin.
458
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:48,371
The Trashmen.
459
00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:49,581
Oh...
460
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:50,749
? Uh, well, everybody's heard ?
461
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:51,750
? About the bird ?
462
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:53,084
? B-B-B-Bird, bird, bird ?
463
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:54,085
? B-Bird's the word ?
464
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:55,587
? Uh, well, a bird, bird, bird ?
465
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,010
? Bird is the word, uh, well... ?
34654
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