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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:08,838 - ♪ Now as our poor young lungs deflate ♪ 2 00:00:08,908 --> 00:00:12,808 ♪ I'll admit I've gotten older ♪ 3 00:00:12,879 --> 00:00:18,549 ♪ Mellowed out, chatting up those I used to hate ♪ 4 00:00:18,651 --> 00:00:21,091 ♪ ♪ 5 00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:25,427 ♪ The feeling that we're lost will always fade ♪ 6 00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:29,595 ♪ I present no explanations ♪ 7 00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:33,196 ♪ Can't expect our tired patience ♪ 8 00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:37,496 ♪ To satiate for long ♪ 9 00:00:37,570 --> 00:00:41,340 ♪ Therein lies a truth we can sip when we want ♪ 10 00:00:41,408 --> 00:00:45,448 ♪ Disciples of the flow, we can float anywhere ♪ 11 00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:51,946 [knocking] - Uh, principal? 12 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,922 They told me you wanna see me 13 00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:57,620 and that you're-you're furious. Principal, you there? 14 00:00:57,724 --> 00:01:00,134 - [laughs] Gotcha. - Wait, what? 15 00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:01,426 - The principal's at lunch. 16 00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:02,958 - That's not funny at all, Brenda. 17 00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,703 I gotta question your sense of humor. 18 00:01:04,764 --> 00:01:06,474 - It's super funny, trust me. 19 00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,226 - Since when do you have a good personality? 20 00:01:08,301 --> 00:01:10,041 I thought you were the boring lady who sits in the hall. 21 00:01:10,103 --> 00:01:12,473 - When the principal is here, I'm buttoned-up Brenda. 22 00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:15,312 But once he leaves, man, I let lose. 23 00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:16,938 - Let's get buttoned-up Brenda back. 24 00:01:17,043 --> 00:01:19,083 This is not working. - Here's why I called you in. 25 00:01:19,145 --> 00:01:20,975 - Okay. - The principal's 20th 26 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,721 anniversary at school is coming up. 27 00:01:22,782 --> 00:01:25,322 So we're throwing him a roast. - A roast? 28 00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:27,818 - Where you make fun of people, but you do it in a fun way. 29 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:30,591 And we want you to be the roast master. 30 00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:32,487 - Roast master? That sounds like a lot of work. 31 00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:34,292 I'm-I'm gonna pass. - There's no passing. 32 00:01:34,394 --> 00:01:35,664 No, no. No passing. - Eh. 33 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,102 Count me out. - It's been decided. 34 00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:38,333 We already went to the print shop. 35 00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:39,831 We made a cardboard cutout. 36 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,333 - I didn't approve that. That's not sanctioned. 37 00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:43,074 - It's not up to you to approve anything. 38 00:01:43,136 --> 00:01:45,406 Once you're on school grounds, pfft with your rights. 39 00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:47,842 - I'm a minor, so you can force me to be a roast master? 40 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,081 - Yes. We'll force you to sit in a room as long as we want, 41 00:01:50,143 --> 00:01:52,183 and we can force you to make jokes. 42 00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:53,678 - I know we friends and everything 43 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,320 but this is a travesty. - I know. 44 00:01:55,415 --> 00:01:57,615 - I got passed over for roast master, for you. 45 00:01:57,684 --> 00:01:59,454 - I agree, you would have been better, but hey, 46 00:01:59,519 --> 00:02:01,319 don't let it ruin the sleepover. 47 00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:03,091 Do you mind if I run some of my jokes by ya? 48 00:02:03,156 --> 00:02:04,616 - What you got? 49 00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:06,531 - I think I'm gonna open with, "Greetings. 50 00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:07,926 "The principal is very excited 51 00:02:07,994 --> 00:02:09,534 "when he heard we're having a roast. 52 00:02:09,629 --> 00:02:11,199 "But I think the guy was--I think 53 00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:12,867 "he might have thought we were 54 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:14,626 talking about roast beef." 55 00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:17,371 - Oh, no. - I gotta work on the phrasing 56 00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:18,770 but that's the gist of the joke. 57 00:02:18,838 --> 00:02:20,208 - Yeah, we get it. What else you got? 58 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:22,376 - The principal drives a Ford Fiesta, 59 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:23,805 which is Spanish for "party." 60 00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:25,447 But the last time I checked this guy's a real 61 00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:27,052 party pooper. Am I right, people? 62 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,717 - Man, this is gonna be terrible, man. 63 00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,115 You gonna bomb. - You're right, actually. 64 00:02:30,183 --> 00:02:31,453 This is not funny. 65 00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:32,818 - We got one night to make you funny. 66 00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:34,046 - All right, what do I do? 67 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,364 - Come with me, Tom. 68 00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:36,615 - Wait, where are we going? 69 00:02:36,689 --> 00:02:37,819 - Shh. My dad's asleep. 70 00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,661 I don't wanna wake him. 71 00:02:39,726 --> 00:02:42,496 - What is this weird room? - This is a man cave. 72 00:02:42,562 --> 00:02:45,172 - Are we allowed to be in here? - We not men. 73 00:02:45,231 --> 00:02:46,871 So technically we breaking and entering. 74 00:02:46,966 --> 00:02:48,836 - Oh, my God, what an incredible room. 75 00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:51,242 Wesley Snipes, grown lady's boobs, 76 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:53,237 couple of weird hats. This is incredible. 77 00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:54,969 What do we do now? - Oh, man, we are about 78 00:02:55,041 --> 00:02:56,411 to watch some roast. 79 00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:58,509 - Oh, he's got a collection of roasts. 80 00:02:58,578 --> 00:03:01,178 This is perfect. Learn from the professionals. 81 00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:03,217 - Ryan is so unattractive. 82 00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:06,186 When he smiles at me, I take an immediate shit. 83 00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:07,922 - [laughing] 84 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,921 - Huh, kind of an off-color joke. 85 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,533 - Oh, Brian, look at the nose on that guy. 86 00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:13,932 If you can find it. 87 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,657 It looks like a pig's butthole. 88 00:03:15,728 --> 00:03:18,768 - [laughing] I love this dude, man. 89 00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,325 - Is that funny or very hurtful? 90 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,600 - At a roast you say things that are hurtful. 91 00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:25,942 But then you laugh and say, "Just kidding. Love you buddy." 92 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,239 - Why not just say the last part? 93 00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:28,740 - Oh, that's not a joke really. 94 00:03:28,841 --> 00:03:30,541 - What a dog-shit career this guy has. 95 00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:32,350 I mean, if I woke up with that career 96 00:03:32,412 --> 00:03:34,282 I'd put a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger. 97 00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:35,950 [laughing] Oh, Brian, 98 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:38,279 you pig nose son of a bitch. Love you buddy. 99 00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:39,894 Oh, you're the man. You're the man. 100 00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:41,723 - Ah, you see people are having a ball. 101 00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:43,618 Look at that. - Right, but I can't say 102 00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,123 any of these things. I'm a kid. 103 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,955 - Like my dad says, nothing more adorable 104 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:49,730 than a curse word coming out of a young child's mouth. 105 00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:51,556 - I don't think my mom would agree, 106 00:03:51,631 --> 00:03:53,971 but you guys seem to know what you're talking about over here. 107 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:57,097 [crowd cheers, applauds] - Uh, hi, gang. 108 00:03:57,203 --> 00:03:59,043 I can't believe you guys did this for me. 109 00:03:59,105 --> 00:04:02,475 It's--after 20 years, I love you people like family. 110 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:03,875 And as the saying goes, 111 00:04:03,943 --> 00:04:06,413 you can't spell "principal" without pal. 112 00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:10,319 And that's--that's how you kids make me feel. 113 00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:13,146 Not like I'm your principal or an authoritative figure, 114 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:17,393 just feel like I'm your pal. And I--and I do appreciate it. 115 00:04:17,457 --> 00:04:19,427 [applause] 116 00:04:19,492 --> 00:04:21,162 - Wow, so emotional. 117 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,131 All right, I'm your roast master. 118 00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:24,829 If you need anything, just holler. 119 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:27,271 Uh, why don't we start with Dakota. 120 00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:31,296 - Hi. 121 00:04:31,404 --> 00:04:36,784 The Principal is a real bozo, like, bozo the clown. 122 00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:40,083 - Aw, so precious. - Oh. [laughing] 123 00:04:40,146 --> 00:04:41,676 Oh, she got me good. 124 00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:45,951 - The principal is here and he's really silly. 125 00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:47,519 [laughs] Am I right, guys? 126 00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:50,290 - Oh, man, I'm questioning the material, I really am. 127 00:04:50,356 --> 00:04:53,156 - But we do love you and we're so happy that you're here. 128 00:04:53,259 --> 00:04:55,459 Thank you. You've been roasted. 129 00:04:55,528 --> 00:04:57,528 - Aw, this is adorable. 130 00:04:57,630 --> 00:05:00,200 Oh, I hope someone's filming this stuff. 131 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:04,300 - Um...all right. Number one. 132 00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:06,710 The principal's glasses are always dirty. 133 00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,636 - [chuckling] That is true. 134 00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:10,708 - The only thing filthier than his glasses is his ex-wife 135 00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:13,780 Shannon who was caught sucking off the UPS guy. 136 00:05:13,846 --> 00:05:15,846 - What? - Language. Tom. 137 00:05:15,948 --> 00:05:17,118 Okay. Wow. Tom. 138 00:05:17,183 --> 00:05:18,553 - I got--I got more. I got more. 139 00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:20,191 I shouldn't have opened with that. 140 00:05:20,286 --> 00:05:22,356 The principal dreamed of playing for the Yankees. 141 00:05:22,455 --> 00:05:24,855 Right, Principal? - Eh, it is true. 142 00:05:24,957 --> 00:05:27,487 - But the last time I checked there's no position in baseball 143 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,060 called fat piece of shit. 144 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:32,172 - Oh, this is horrible. What the hell is going on? 145 00:05:32,231 --> 00:05:34,231 - Do you just maybe have some normal jokes? 146 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,574 - I was told foul language is encouraged. 147 00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:38,539 - Who told you that? - You know what? 148 00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:40,868 I-I know I had some disappointments in my life 149 00:05:40,973 --> 00:05:42,583 but I didn't know--I mean, 150 00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:46,975 I'm gonna go drink myself to sleep and cry into a sock. 151 00:05:47,046 --> 00:05:49,246 - I should have stopped with the roast beef joke. 152 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,919 [smoke alarm blares] - Hey, kids. Get back in class. 153 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,688 Just because the principal is out 154 00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:55,393 does not mean it's a free for all. 155 00:05:55,488 --> 00:05:57,418 - Hey, go suck off the UPS guy! 156 00:05:57,523 --> 00:06:00,093 Bam, you've been roasted, Tom style, baby! 157 00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,203 - They really latched on to that phrase, didn't they? 158 00:06:02,261 --> 00:06:04,401 - Well, well. - I came to apologize. 159 00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:06,767 - Sorry, Tom. Principal called in sick. 160 00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:08,766 - Oh, no. - He's very depressed. 161 00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:10,698 - I gotta say, I think maybe Hector shouldn't have 162 00:06:10,770 --> 00:06:13,040 called him a dumb-dumb. That was in poor taste. 163 00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:14,936 - Are you kidding, Tom? Do you realize 164 00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:17,541 that all the teachers are calling you Asshole Tom? 165 00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:19,380 - Now, that's crossing the line. 166 00:06:19,445 --> 00:06:20,945 - Oh, that's crossing the line? 167 00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,777 Now you're deciding what's in good taste. 168 00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:24,282 - Well, just tell him I'm sorry. 169 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,724 If you talk to him, just tell him I'm sorry. 170 00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:27,385 - No, there's no I'm telling him anything. 171 00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:29,623 You need to talk to him and make this right. 172 00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:31,392 - All right, I'll go pop in and say hi. 173 00:06:31,457 --> 00:06:33,687 I'm sure he's fine, though. I mean, he's the principal. 174 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:35,800 [moody pop ballad playing over speakers] 175 00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:37,625 [doorbell rings] 176 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:41,400 - [moaning along to the music] 177 00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:43,697 - What's going on in there? - Principal, are you in there? 178 00:06:43,770 --> 00:06:45,140 - [groans] 179 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,108 - Principal, are you okay? - We gotta get in there. 180 00:06:47,206 --> 00:06:49,606 - All right, you know what? We're coming in. 181 00:06:49,709 --> 00:06:52,209 Principal? - Oh. Hey, guys. 182 00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:54,148 Come on in. Grab a slice. 183 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,447 - Are you okay? - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 184 00:06:56,549 --> 00:06:58,989 - Are you sure? You really look like a train wreck. 185 00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:01,315 - Tom, your insults were a real wake-up call. 186 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:02,991 And I've decided to quit my job 187 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:05,489 and become an assistant bookie with my friend, Lu. 188 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:07,891 - Oh, no, don't do that. Nah. Those were jokes. 189 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,730 - I'm sorry, which part was untrue? 190 00:07:09,796 --> 00:07:11,256 Do I not have a weight problem? 191 00:07:11,330 --> 00:07:12,670 - Yes. It's not an ideal physique. 192 00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:15,065 - Did my wife not blow the UPS driver? 193 00:07:15,134 --> 00:07:17,004 - She did. That's a well-documented story. 194 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:19,643 - Have I not failed at pursuing all my childhood dreams? 195 00:07:19,739 --> 00:07:21,469 - You've clearly failed at many things. 196 00:07:21,574 --> 00:07:23,484 But we can--you can laugh about it now, right? 197 00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:25,106 - Nah, you just don't laugh. It's tragic. 198 00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,608 Look at my bucket list. 199 00:07:26,679 --> 00:07:28,509 I've crossed not one thing off of it! 200 00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:29,984 - Huh, let's see what you got here. 201 00:07:30,082 --> 00:07:31,822 Sit on a hammock? That's pretty easy to do. 202 00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:34,088 - Well, I literally sat on a hammock an hour ago. 203 00:07:34,153 --> 00:07:35,693 - Eat a steak? - Yeah. 204 00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:37,458 - You've never eaten a steak? - I've come close but, 205 00:07:37,523 --> 00:07:39,263 you know, something always goes wrong. 206 00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:41,185 - These seem like very easy dreams to achieve. 207 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:42,934 - Yeah, well, that's what makes it so pathetic. 208 00:07:42,995 --> 00:07:44,425 - Oh, how does this sound? Look. 209 00:07:44,497 --> 00:07:46,797 If we help you check everything off your list, 210 00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:48,366 you come back to school on Monday. 211 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,298 - How are you gonna help me check every single thing 212 00:07:50,369 --> 00:07:51,969 off this bucket list? Take another look at it. 213 00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:53,308 - Principal, we're gonna do it. 214 00:07:53,372 --> 00:07:54,672 We're not taking no for an answer. 215 00:07:54,774 --> 00:07:56,214 - Deal. - That's great. All right. 216 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,709 Let's shake. Oh, wow. That's disgusting. 217 00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,310 That's a very greasy hand. 218 00:07:59,378 --> 00:08:02,818 - Number ten on the list. Sit on a hammock. 219 00:08:02,882 --> 00:08:04,382 - I did it. Check it off the list. 220 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,054 I sat in a hammock. Yes! 221 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:08,122 - Okay. You sat in a hammock. 222 00:08:08,187 --> 00:08:11,157 - Oh, my God, I ate a steak! After all these years. 223 00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:13,864 Check another one off the list, baby! 224 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,800 - Number three on the list, believe it or not, 225 00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:20,402 is slide down a bowling alley like a human bowling ball. 226 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,500 - [laughing] [pins clatter] 227 00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:25,169 - Wow, that's top five? 228 00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:28,138 - Oh, my God, I'm riding in a Buick. 229 00:08:28,207 --> 00:08:29,807 Check it off the list. 230 00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:32,506 - Did number two on the list really say "ride in Buick"? 231 00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:35,078 - Says it right here. "Ride in a late model Buick." 232 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:36,421 [indistinct chatter] 233 00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:38,715 - Okay, one last thing on the list. 234 00:08:38,818 --> 00:08:42,758 See Glenn Hubert the comedian. Who's Glenn Hubert by the way? 235 00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,555 - He's only my favorite comedian. 236 00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:47,187 He does a clean act, just like a ton of observational humor 237 00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:50,930 about church and pudding and cookies and picnics. 238 00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:52,330 - Sounds like he sucks. 239 00:08:52,398 --> 00:08:54,668 - Wait. Wait, what's this? Sold out. Oh, no. 240 00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:57,444 - This is just... just the story of my life. 241 00:08:57,537 --> 00:09:00,237 I'm, like, so close and then I blow it. 242 00:09:00,339 --> 00:09:02,679 My neighbor's right. I don't deserve to be happy. 243 00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:04,082 - C'mon, don't give up. 244 00:09:04,176 --> 00:09:05,946 We promised we would get you to return to school. 245 00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:08,075 Let me--let me see what I can do. 246 00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:09,720 - Go ahead. - Hey. 247 00:09:09,782 --> 00:09:11,222 Can I have a quick chat? - Mm-hmm. 248 00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:13,224 - Can we--can we talk, comedian to comedian? 249 00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:14,916 - I'm a doorman. I'm not a comedian. 250 00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:16,521 I'm not funny. - Seem pretty funny. 251 00:09:16,589 --> 00:09:17,919 - No, I'm not funny. 252 00:09:18,024 --> 00:09:19,464 - Is there any way you could sneak us in 253 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,429 to see Glenn Hubert? It's for my pal. 254 00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:23,927 He's not doing so well. He's seen better days. 255 00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:25,870 - What, your pal? Which one? 256 00:09:25,932 --> 00:09:27,372 - Over there, over my shoulder. 257 00:09:27,433 --> 00:09:29,103 - That's so sad. - It is sad. 258 00:09:29,201 --> 00:09:30,871 The number one thing on his bucket list, 259 00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:32,067 you ready for this? 260 00:09:32,138 --> 00:09:34,068 See Glenn Hubert live in concert. 261 00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,540 - I'll talk to Glenn. - That's amazing. 262 00:09:35,608 --> 00:09:36,978 - Maybe he'll even give him a shout out. 263 00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:38,806 He loves doing good deeds like this. 264 00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:40,581 - That's a very good deed. 265 00:09:40,646 --> 00:09:42,476 Listen, if I can ever repay the favor, just say the word. 266 00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,152 - Okay. What is it he can do? 267 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,150 - Anything, as long as, like, it's related to the bassoon 268 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,152 or Wiffle ball or basic things like that. 269 00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:49,964 If you need a back--you wanna borrow a backpack? 270 00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:51,486 - Why would I want a backpack? - I don't know. 271 00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,791 I can't repay the favor. This is a one way street. 272 00:09:53,893 --> 00:09:55,263 All right, guys, I pulled some strings. 273 00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:56,928 I told him I'm a roast master. We're in. 274 00:09:56,996 --> 00:09:58,096 - What? Oh, you're the best. 275 00:09:58,164 --> 00:09:59,404 - We're seeing the whole act. 276 00:09:59,465 --> 00:10:01,465 Glenn Hubert, Todd Glass and free nachos. 277 00:10:01,567 --> 00:10:03,837 - Wow. Maybe he is the roast master. 278 00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:06,136 - Yeah, in the comedy circles, I get a lot of respect. 279 00:10:06,238 --> 00:10:09,178 - You guys ready for some wholesome comedy? Huh? 280 00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,605 - Yes. What a night. - Incredible. 281 00:10:11,677 --> 00:10:14,477 - Yeah. Yeah. How 'bout some clean jokes? 282 00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:16,980 Well, here's your guy. 283 00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:18,623 The sweetest, cleanest, 284 00:10:18,684 --> 00:10:21,194 nicest guy in the game, here he comes. 285 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:24,817 Give it up for Glenn Hubert. 286 00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:26,864 [cheers and applause] 287 00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:30,859 - [chuckles] Hi. Hi, everyone. 288 00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:33,633 I went to church this morning. 289 00:10:33,699 --> 00:10:36,099 What's up with these pews? 290 00:10:36,168 --> 00:10:39,668 Why are they always made of wood? 291 00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:42,142 Eh? Ever hear of cushions? 292 00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:43,878 C'mon. [cheers and laughter] 293 00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:46,806 - So him just saying the word "cushions" is the punchline? 294 00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:48,879 - Look at the principal. He really loves this guy. 295 00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,051 - Look at his eyes. I've never seen him 296 00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:51,449 light up like that before. 297 00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:52,987 - I've never seen a guy laugh like this. 298 00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:55,322 - You know what ruffles my feathers? 299 00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:56,718 Pudding. 300 00:10:56,822 --> 00:11:00,892 It's not quite ice cream but not quite custard. 301 00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:04,533 C'mon, pudding. Make a decision. 302 00:11:04,630 --> 00:11:07,400 - Not a great joke. - Look, I like to tease. 303 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,470 But let's take it down a notch. 304 00:11:09,535 --> 00:11:14,035 I understand we have a special guest in the audience. 305 00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:16,740 He's always wanted to see me live, 306 00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:18,712 and tonight he gets his wish. 307 00:11:18,811 --> 00:11:20,911 Where is the little guy? Don't be shy. 308 00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:22,423 - Right here. - Oh. 309 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:23,875 This is the guy. - Right here, right here. Look. 310 00:11:23,983 --> 00:11:25,723 - Wait. This is him? [crowd murmuring] 311 00:11:25,818 --> 00:11:28,248 I was told this is the Make-A-Wish thing 312 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:31,024 for a little kid. - Oh, no, I never said that. 313 00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:33,590 - You clearly said my pal. I thought it was him. 314 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,763 - If I said my pal, I meant princi-pal. 315 00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:37,501 - Princi what? - You can't spell principal 316 00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:39,073 without pal. - What the hell does that mean? 317 00:11:39,165 --> 00:11:40,925 - He's not a kid. He's, like, in his early 50s. 318 00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:42,603 - 46. - Folks, 319 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:46,912 there's always one asshole in the crowd, 320 00:11:47,006 --> 00:11:48,436 and here he is. 321 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,011 - Wait. I'm actually, like, your biggest fan. 322 00:11:51,077 --> 00:11:55,347 - I tried to do a clean act, folks, but fuck this guy. 323 00:11:55,414 --> 00:11:57,284 - Glenn, please, this is a special night. 324 00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:58,783 - Oh, it's a special night? 325 00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:02,094 In that case, have a drink on me, asshole! 326 00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:04,458 - C'mon, that was uncalled for. 327 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,127 - [groans] - Oh, no, not the crotch. 328 00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:08,426 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 329 00:12:08,527 --> 00:12:10,197 - Hey, don't touch me. 330 00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:12,702 I still need to cross this off my list. 331 00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:14,095 - Look, if we need a replacement, 332 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,770 I was on the shortlist for roast master. 333 00:12:15,868 --> 00:12:19,138 See what you think of this. What's up with Tom's mom? 334 00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:21,568 - Nelson, no. - Always with the flip flops. 335 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:24,410 You live in New Jersey, biatch. Buy some shoes. 336 00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,477 Am I right? [laughter] 337 00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:27,909 - Wow, he is good. 338 00:12:27,980 --> 00:12:29,280 If he'd have been the roast master, 339 00:12:29,381 --> 00:12:32,551 we would have avoided so many problems. 340 00:12:32,601 --> 00:12:37,151 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 26844

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