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- ♪ Now as our pooryoung lungs deflate ♪
2
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:12,712
♪ I'll admitI've gotten older ♪
3
00:00:12,812 --> 00:00:18,492
♪ Mellowed out, chatting upthose I used to hate ♪
4
00:00:18,551 --> 00:00:20,991
♪ ♪
5
00:00:21,054 --> 00:00:25,334
♪ The feeling thatwe're lost will always fade ♪
6
00:00:25,392 --> 00:00:29,502
♪ I present no explanations ♪
7
00:00:29,562 --> 00:00:33,102
♪ Can't expectour tired patience ♪
8
00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:37,439
♪ To satiate for long ♪
9
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:41,237
♪ Therein lies a truthwe can sip when we want ♪
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00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:45,381
♪ Disciples of the flow,we can float anywhere ♪
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00:00:47,347 --> 00:00:48,617
[bell rings]
12
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,915
- Kids, I've graded
your mid-term exams.
13
00:00:51,017 --> 00:00:53,617
Some of you
performed atrociously,
14
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,190
while others
stepped up quite well.
15
00:00:56,256 --> 00:00:57,786
- B-minus?
16
00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:00,031
- Oh, don't be mad, Tom,
it was a hard test.
17
00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:01,363
- Mad? I'm ecstatic.
18
00:01:01,428 --> 00:01:02,758
I've never gotten
a B-minus in my life!
19
00:01:02,862 --> 00:01:04,462
- Oh, well.
Congratulations, then.
20
00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:06,474
- Oh, my God, I'm gonna dance.
I can't control myself.
21
00:01:06,566 --> 00:01:08,226
- My man!
I knew you could do it, baby!
22
00:01:08,301 --> 00:01:10,301
- I've never been this happy
in my life. I got a B-minus!
23
00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:11,973
[feedback squeaks]- Attention, students.
24
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,212
I'm sorry to interrupt,but this is very urgent.
25
00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:16,244
Tom, I need to see you now.
26
00:01:16,309 --> 00:01:18,579
- Kind of puts a damper
on the B-minus dance.
27
00:01:18,645 --> 00:01:20,475
- Get up right nowand go, go, go, go.
28
00:01:20,580 --> 00:01:22,420
Run towards my office!
29
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:27,249
- Hey, Principal,
I ran down the hall.
30
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,390
What's going on?
- Tom, it's about your mother.
31
00:01:29,456 --> 00:01:30,616
- My mom? What do you mean?
Is she okay?
32
00:01:30,723 --> 00:01:31,993
- Are you kidding me?
33
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,892
She's better than okay.
She's on fire.
34
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:36,000
- Wait. I'm not following.
What?
35
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,156
- I'm attracted to your mom,
and I've been watching her
36
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:40,774
for years at PTA meetings,
at bake sales.
37
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,304
I saw her come out
of the supermarket;
38
00:01:42,402 --> 00:01:44,172
I sat in my car, I got aroused.
39
00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:46,510
- I'm not sure this was
an urgent matter.
40
00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:49,006
- Well, it's urgent for me.
I need a favor.
41
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,679
- Okay.
- When you get home, I want you
42
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:53,807
to try to casually weave
my name into the conversation.
43
00:01:53,913 --> 00:01:56,023
- Just casually weave it in?
- Casually. Something like,
44
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,176
I don't know, "The principal's
got a great personality.
45
00:01:58,284 --> 00:01:59,754
Hey, ever notice his tush,
Mom?"
46
00:01:59,819 --> 00:02:01,419
- That's not gonna
sound natural.
47
00:02:01,488 --> 00:02:02,988
When I get home, I usually
just say, "When's dinner?"
48
00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:04,419
- Tom, you owe me.
- Do I?
49
00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:05,961
- How do you think
you got a B-minus?
50
00:02:06,025 --> 00:02:07,755
- Hard work?
- I pulled strings, okay?
51
00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:09,357
- Wait, you're saying
it's a fake grade?
52
00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:11,032
- Yeah.
- Oh, this is really going to
53
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,331
a dark place here.
54
00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:13,672
- Not if you know how
the world works,
55
00:02:13,766 --> 00:02:14,796
it's not dark, Tom.
56
00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:16,438
But the most important thing is
57
00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:18,043
please keep this between us.
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00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,838
- Why?
- Well, the school frowns
59
00:02:19,939 --> 00:02:23,479
upon--they almost over-frown
upon principals
60
00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:25,013
hitting on moms.
61
00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:27,851
- My son got a B-minus?
- Yeah, it's no big deal.
62
00:02:27,947 --> 00:02:29,217
- This is amazing!
63
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:30,515
- Yeah, enough
about me, though.
64
00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:31,987
- I couldn't be more proud.
65
00:02:32,051 --> 00:02:33,651
- Uh, anyway,
on an unrelated note,
66
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:36,190
I just overheard some of
the moms talking at school.
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00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:38,629
They really seem to think
the principal is hot.
68
00:02:38,691 --> 00:02:40,061
- Excuse me?
- The principal.
69
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,390
They seem to think he's got--
70
00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:43,564
uh, what was the phrase?
Cute buns or a--
71
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:45,063
- Cute buns?
- Hot tush.
72
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,725
- So a lot of butt talk
about the principal.
73
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,473
- It was a lot
of different stuff.
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00:02:48,535 --> 00:02:51,235
They got into the personality,
the fun sense of humor.
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00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:52,667
- Mm-kay.
- I don't know why
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00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:54,339
I focused on the--on
the butt comments,
77
00:02:54,407 --> 00:02:56,077
but it was a lot
of positive talk, is all.
78
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:59,076
- Did the principal tell you
to talk to me about his body?
79
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,749
- You know what?
I think the guy likes you,
80
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,717
so do--do what
you will with it.
81
00:03:02,815 --> 00:03:04,015
- He likes me?
82
00:03:04,083 --> 00:03:06,593
Wow, this day
keeps getting better.
83
00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:08,816
- Oh, it's a good thing?
- Guess what.
84
00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:10,158
The guy's a principal
85
00:03:10,223 --> 00:03:11,423
of a school.
- Okay.
86
00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:13,064
- This guy can declare
snow days.
87
00:03:13,159 --> 00:03:14,689
He can order textbooks in bulk.
88
00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:16,761
He can have bike racks
installed wherever he wants.
89
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,503
- I don't know if that's
considered powerful.
90
00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:20,825
- If I can upgrade
from plumber to principal,
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00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:22,600
we're back in business.
- Really?
92
00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:24,372
- You tell him I'm in.
- All right. Great.
93
00:03:24,437 --> 00:03:26,907
- Even if it gets weird.
Even if he's into some kink.
94
00:03:27,006 --> 00:03:29,876
Like, whatever kind of date
he wants to go on, I'm in.
95
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:31,413
- I'll just say you're in.
96
00:03:31,511 --> 00:03:33,111
[classy music plays]
97
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,613
- Excuse me.
When you get a chance,
98
00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:36,124
could we get some, uh,
99
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:39,246
water from the sink,
and is all the bread free?
100
00:03:39,352 --> 00:03:40,952
- Uh, yes, sir.
All the bread is free.
101
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,264
[crunching]
102
00:03:42,355 --> 00:03:43,855
- And I know
you brought us butter.
103
00:03:43,923 --> 00:03:45,793
If I asked for extra butter,
is that free, too?
104
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:48,362
- Yeah, that's free also, sir.
[crunching]
105
00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:50,098
- Okay, thank you very much.
106
00:03:50,196 --> 00:03:51,926
- Okay.
[chuckles]
107
00:03:52,031 --> 00:03:53,971
He's being silly
and hilarious.
108
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,467
We're gonna take
the seafood tower
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00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:57,368
and your classiest wine,
110
00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:59,807
'cause I am on a date
with a principal.
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00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:02,206
- [chuckles] What do you think
principals make?
112
00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:04,635
- Well, more than my jackass
husband used to make.
113
00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:06,484
Let's get some photos,
make him jealous,
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00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,719
show him how good I'm doing.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
115
00:04:08,781 --> 00:04:10,281
If this gets out,
I will lose my job.
116
00:04:10,383 --> 00:04:12,823
- No one's gonna see it.
Hey, waiter! Come over.
117
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,649
You're gonna get
some pictures of us. Okay?
118
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,324
- Okay.
- I'm gonna lay on the table.
119
00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:19,492
He's gonna undo his shirt,
and I'm gonna put lobster
120
00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:22,162
on his bare skin
and eat it off of his skin.
121
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,162
- I don't like to do that.
- Oh, okay.
122
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,474
- Oh, geez.
- Okay!
123
00:04:25,565 --> 00:04:26,925
- Oh, that's inappropriate.
124
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:30,300
- Okay, baby bird some lobster
into my mouth.
125
00:04:30,403 --> 00:04:31,843
- Okay.
[chuckles uncomfortably]
126
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:34,108
[dramatic tone]
127
00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:37,778
- What have I done?
Oh, this is not good.
128
00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:39,914
- Principal? Is that you?
- Oh, Tom!
129
00:04:39,979 --> 00:04:41,779
Oh, my God.
It's so funny seeing you here.
130
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:43,248
- It's my house.
This is my kitchen.
131
00:04:43,316 --> 00:04:44,646
- Yeah, I just didn't expect
to see ya--
132
00:04:44,751 --> 00:04:46,091
- Why are you here?
- I stopped by
133
00:04:46,152 --> 00:04:47,622
to go over your grades
with your mother.
134
00:04:47,687 --> 00:04:49,957
- Is that my dad's shirt?
- Oh, that?
135
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,923
I spilled coffee
on my shirt this morning.
136
00:04:51,991 --> 00:04:53,191
And I--
137
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,863
Tom, I'm gonna--I'm gonna
level with you.
138
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,301
I didn't think this thing
139
00:04:56,362 --> 00:04:58,032
with your mom
was gonna escalate so fast.
140
00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,471
- Okay.
- I mean, your mom's
141
00:04:59,532 --> 00:05:01,372
a wonderful woman,
but she's a maniac.
142
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:02,667
- That's a lot to take in.
143
00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:05,809
- Tom... I'm schtupping
your mother.
144
00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:08,042
- Schtup? What is that?
- We-we you know.
145
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,481
Flippity flip, floppity flop.
146
00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:11,182
Look, I don't know
how to say it in--in a--
147
00:05:11,277 --> 00:05:13,007
- Does it have to do with
pancakes or what are you--?
148
00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:15,352
- Tom, the important thing is
that no can know about this.
149
00:05:15,448 --> 00:05:17,378
If this word gets out,
I'm done.
150
00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,223
- All right, so what do you
want me to do?
151
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,289
- Promise me you'll keep it
our secret and I will give you
152
00:05:21,354 --> 00:05:23,464
anything you want at school.
You name it.
153
00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:24,893
- Anything?
- Anything.
154
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,161
- Literally anything?
155
00:05:26,225 --> 00:05:27,655
- Literally anything.
156
00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:28,997
- Just anything,
anything I want?
157
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,062
- Just say it.
158
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,533
- How about, uh, free pencils
159
00:05:31,631 --> 00:05:33,671
and some kind of, uh, pouch
to keep them in?
160
00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:35,073
- Done.
- Really?
161
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,368
- Yes.
- That's amazing.
162
00:05:36,469 --> 00:05:38,369
- Aw, look at my two guys.
163
00:05:38,471 --> 00:05:39,841
Tom, get on his lap.
164
00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:41,306
Principal, you feed him
some pancakes.
165
00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:42,584
We-we need to stick it
166
00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:44,535
to my ex-husband
and to Tina the slut.
167
00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:46,154
- This doesn't feel right
at all.
168
00:05:46,212 --> 00:05:47,512
- Let's just get it over with.
169
00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:48,880
[camera shutter clicks]
170
00:05:48,981 --> 00:05:50,751
- Free pencils?
- How sweet is that?
171
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:52,390
- Man, this guy is throwing rod
in your mom
172
00:05:52,485 --> 00:05:54,185
and all you asked
for was free pencils?
173
00:05:54,253 --> 00:05:56,723
- All I asked for? I'm never
going to need a pencil again.
174
00:05:56,823 --> 00:05:58,693
- Come on, man!
You need to think big.
175
00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:00,988
With a secret like that,
you could ask for anything.
176
00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:02,760
- All right. I mean,
I guess we could try
177
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:04,402
escalating this a bit.
- Nelson's right.
178
00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:05,927
- Oh, boy. Here we go.
179
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,672
- With blackmail,
you basically own the person.
180
00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:09,344
- Own them?
- In grown-up terms, Tom,
181
00:06:09,402 --> 00:06:10,842
you could say
he's your bitch now.
182
00:06:10,903 --> 00:06:12,043
- Please don't curse
on the bus.
183
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,265
- Guys, how do you think I got
184
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,543
this sweet bus driving gig?
185
00:06:14,607 --> 00:06:16,607
- You didn't just apply?
- Blackmail.
186
00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:18,279
- Oh.
- Got nude pics
187
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,078
of the bus dispatch guy.
- Henry?
188
00:06:20,179 --> 00:06:22,049
- That's how I have
job security.
189
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:23,345
I can do whatever I want.
190
00:06:23,416 --> 00:06:24,946
- I'm tempted to say,
can we see them?
191
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,521
- He's sucking his own
dick, guys.
192
00:06:26,586 --> 00:06:27,946
- Oh! Hey, hey, hey! Whoa.
- Whoa.
193
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:29,624
Wow.
- We've got to start sitting
194
00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:31,022
further back on the bus.
195
00:06:31,090 --> 00:06:32,290
[bell rings]
196
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,462
- Hey there, big boss man.
197
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,130
- Oh, wow. Is this peppermint?
198
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:37,799
Don't mind if I do.
199
00:06:38,798 --> 00:06:40,728
- All right. First of all,
put the peppermints down!
200
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,700
And you guys don't just come
running in here like that.
201
00:06:42,769 --> 00:06:44,239
Do you even
have an appointment?
202
00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:46,143
- Appointment?
- We're not appointment guys.
203
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,469
- Listen, I know what's what.
204
00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:49,813
Tom told me you's banging
his mom
205
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:51,309
and you offered him pencils.
206
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,811
You offered my man pencils?
- Are you joking?
207
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,153
- Sorry, I crack
under pressure.
208
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,878
I told him.
- This is outrageous.
209
00:06:56,949 --> 00:06:58,419
- We would like to leverage
this to our advantage.
210
00:06:58,484 --> 00:06:59,924
- Yeah, we want to, um, do
211
00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:01,386
a little blackmail type thing.
212
00:07:01,454 --> 00:07:02,994
- We've got a list of demands.
213
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,789
- This is ridiculous!
214
00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:07,591
A VIP card that gets you
out of trouble?
215
00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:09,460
- Laminated.
- Two recesses per day?
216
00:07:09,562 --> 00:07:12,172
Great. And I have to read
an anti-Hector announcement,
217
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,565
oh, that you guys write?
218
00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:15,843
- That's it.
- Come on, I can't do this.
219
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:19,005
- Who's the principal now,
bitch?
220
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:20,405
- Wow.
- All right, all right.
221
00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:22,143
That's too much.
I know we have power now,
222
00:07:22,241 --> 00:07:23,811
but that was crossing the line.
223
00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:26,007
[door opens]
224
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:28,922
- Um, may I ask why you two
aren't in class?
225
00:07:28,981 --> 00:07:31,981
- You may not.
Talk to the VIP note.
226
00:07:32,084 --> 00:07:33,454
- Oh, my God.
227
00:07:33,519 --> 00:07:34,849
[feedback squeaks]- All right, guys.
228
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,094
I have an announcement
229
00:07:36,155 --> 00:07:37,685
that I have to read to you.
230
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:39,360
Hector is stupid.
- What?
231
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,789
- Thank you.
I'm telling you
232
00:07:40,860 --> 00:07:42,300
because if I don't,
nobody else will.
233
00:07:42,361 --> 00:07:44,301
[bell rings]
- Come on, wrap it up.
234
00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:45,603
Recess is over.
235
00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:47,025
- Actually,
we're gonna double dip.
236
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,703
- Double dip?
- Double decker recess,
237
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,201
whatever you want to call it.
238
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,213
You have a problem,
talk to the principal.
239
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,705
- ♪ Let's get it on now ♪
240
00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:57,437
- Oh, we are living.
I'm having a great time.
241
00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:59,050
- Wow, I'm having
a good time too.
242
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,505
I mean, but, uh, just, uh,
if you could just ease up
243
00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:04,184
on the churros
because they're $10 each.
244
00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:06,293
- Why would you care about
$10 each?
245
00:08:06,352 --> 00:08:08,292
You're a prina-ci-pal-a.
246
00:08:08,354 --> 00:08:10,394
- Do you mind if I ask
how many you bought?
247
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,790
- 30.
- Oh, my! 30?
248
00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:13,628
Are you kidding me?
That's $300.
249
00:08:13,693 --> 00:08:15,333
- Yeah.
- What are you doing with them?
250
00:08:15,394 --> 00:08:17,904
- A couple I ate, but mostly
I'm just throwing them.
251
00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:19,197
- Hey, knock it off!
252
00:08:19,298 --> 00:08:21,668
- So 2 you ate and 28
you're throwing!?
253
00:08:21,734 --> 00:08:24,574
- I mean, some ratio
akin to that, yeah.
254
00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:25,910
- Oh, my God.
- [grunts]
255
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:27,135
- Give me my credit card.
Seriously.
256
00:08:27,206 --> 00:08:28,406
- Come and get it.
257
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:29,878
- I don't want to come
and get it.
258
00:08:29,976 --> 00:08:31,136
- Hey, you.
259
00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:33,180
- Stop throwing the churros,
lady!
260
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:37,150
- Oh, Nelson.
I like this VIP lifestyle.
261
00:08:37,216 --> 00:08:39,546
- The sun is shining on us.
- Taking a long lunch
262
00:08:39,652 --> 00:08:42,052
while the rest of the chumps
are in the cafeteria.
263
00:08:42,154 --> 00:08:43,764
- This whole mom banging
episode
264
00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:45,256
really worked out in our favor.
265
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,428
- Oh, no.
- What? What?
266
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:49,496
- What's this? Dakota's mom?
267
00:08:49,562 --> 00:08:51,002
- How many moms
is this guy banging?
268
00:08:51,063 --> 00:08:52,433
- All right,
we gotta stop this.
269
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,932
- We gotta do something.
270
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:56,043
If he break up with your mom,
our privileges are done.
271
00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:58,372
- This has to end now.
What do we do? Google it.
272
00:08:58,437 --> 00:09:00,937
"How to stop principal
from banging moms."
273
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,210
- "Stop principals
from banging moms."
274
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:06,276
- "Principal banging
multiple women."
275
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,449
- "Principal banging--" Ugh!
276
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,278
- Nothing comes up?
- We got 18 results.
277
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:11,783
Only two of them in English.
278
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:13,524
- Oh, man.
Let's get out of here.
279
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:14,786
All right. What's the plan?
280
00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:16,017
- We're gonna hack
his computer.
281
00:09:16,088 --> 00:09:17,518
- How are we gonna do that?
282
00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:19,130
- Look, we just need to guess
his password,
283
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,125
then write a break-up email
to Dakota's mom.
284
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:22,627
- Oh, I love that.
- What do you think
285
00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:24,258
a guy like him
would use for a password?
286
00:09:24,363 --> 00:09:26,703
- I don't know, "principal"
or, uh, "the principal"?
287
00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:29,136
- "The principal." Nope.
288
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,895
- Try "a principal."
- "A principal." Nope.
289
00:09:31,971 --> 00:09:36,311
- Try "I'm the principal."
- "I'm the principal." Nope.
290
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,909
[door opens]
- Hey, guys!
291
00:09:37,977 --> 00:09:39,147
Need some help
with your homework?
292
00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:40,475
- No. We're trying to hack
293
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:41,950
a grown man's email.
294
00:09:42,048 --> 00:09:44,418
What kind of passwords
do grown men use?
295
00:09:44,483 --> 00:09:47,723
- Try every variation of the
word penis, followed by 69.
296
00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:49,387
- How many variations of penis
are there?
297
00:09:49,455 --> 00:09:51,485
- Oh, there's a lot.
Are you ready?
298
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,331
- Dong69.
- "Dong69". Nope.
299
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,226
- Rod69.
- "Rod69." Nope.
300
00:09:55,294 --> 00:09:57,764
- Wiener69.
- "Wiener..." Nope.
301
00:09:57,830 --> 00:10:00,130
- Johnson69.
- "Johnson..." Nope.
302
00:10:00,232 --> 00:10:03,402
- How about Boner69?
- "Boner69." That's it!
303
00:10:03,469 --> 00:10:04,999
- All right, we're in!
- Thanks, Dad.
304
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:09,184
- I'm glad I could help.
- Screw unlimited pencils.
305
00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:11,675
We're getting unlimited
everything.
306
00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,677
Now we just need to craft
a carefully worded email.
307
00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:15,149
- All right, let me write it.
308
00:10:15,247 --> 00:10:16,847
I'm pretty smart,
with the B-minus and all that.
309
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:18,479
- Oh, no. No, Tom.
310
00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:20,654
This is my territory.
I know how adults talk.
311
00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:22,253
You see how I just
talked to that adult?
312
00:10:22,321 --> 00:10:23,421
- All right, you write it.
313
00:10:23,489 --> 00:10:24,659
I'll chime in.
- Let's go.
314
00:10:24,757 --> 00:10:26,357
"Dear Dakota's mom."
- Nice.
315
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:29,599
- "Pursuant to
my prior obligations"--
316
00:10:29,662 --> 00:10:32,702
- Pursuant. I love that.
- "As per our meeting..."
317
00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:34,998
- It sounds like a principal
wrote that. It's amazing.
318
00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:36,871
[whistle blows]
- Come on, everybody!
319
00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:37,969
- Hey, Coach?
320
00:10:38,037 --> 00:10:39,207
I know you got gym class
going on
321
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,765
but can you clear
the floor for us?
322
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,680
- What are you saying?
- Tom and I have chosen
323
00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:44,535
to play a game of one-on-one
today.
324
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:45,984
- Uh, this is a gym class.
325
00:10:46,045 --> 00:10:47,875
I can't clear the floor
for two kids.
326
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:49,380
- Oh, he don't know?
- Yeah, he doesn't know.
327
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,182
- Oh, you don't know?
- Talk to the card.
328
00:10:51,283 --> 00:10:52,853
- What is this?
329
00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:56,062
He's giving special treatment
to some kids and not others?
330
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:58,055
- Hey, I mean, this is the way
the world works, I was told.
331
00:10:58,157 --> 00:10:59,957
- This is what Martin Luther
King marched about.
332
00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:01,886
- Speaking of marches, Coach,
get the marching band together.
333
00:11:01,994 --> 00:11:03,734
We're about to play
full court one-on-one.
334
00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:05,329
- Full court?
- Let me get your whistle.
335
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:07,198
- Oh, no, no, no, no. You don't
touch my whistle.
336
00:11:07,299 --> 00:11:08,969
- Coach, I hate to pull rank.
- Tom, my whistle will not go
337
00:11:09,035 --> 00:11:10,465
in another man's mouth.
- Give me that whistle.
338
00:11:10,536 --> 00:11:12,036
- No. You're not--
What? No. No.
339
00:11:12,138 --> 00:11:13,408
- Hey, this is the game
of the century, Coach.
340
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,566
You don't want to miss this.
341
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,544
[lanyard rips, whistle blows]
342
00:11:16,642 --> 00:11:19,252
- No, I can't just leave school
to rent mopeds
343
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:21,145
and just cruise around all day.
344
00:11:21,213 --> 00:11:22,483
- Lady, you cannot go in there.
345
00:11:22,548 --> 00:11:23,878
- Hold on. I'll call you
right back.
346
00:11:23,983 --> 00:11:25,823
- No! I said you can't!
- Yes, I am.
347
00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:27,915
- Don't make me
forcibly restrain you.
348
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:31,920
- Don't touch me like that!
Gah! Oh, she's biting me!
349
00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:34,694
Oh, look who it is.
Principal Dickwad.
350
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:36,860
What is this email
that you sent?
351
00:11:36,929 --> 00:11:38,559
- I sent an email?
- Don't play dumb,
352
00:11:38,664 --> 00:11:40,534
'cause guess what?
I was smart and I printed it.
353
00:11:40,599 --> 00:11:42,599
I meet with you
to discuss a bake sale,
354
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,872
and then you write back
saying you can't bang me
355
00:11:44,937 --> 00:11:46,767
since you're already
banging Tom's mom?
356
00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:48,112
What is that?
357
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:49,837
- I didn't write anything.
What are you--
358
00:11:49,909 --> 00:11:51,709
- Dating a student's parent
is strictly off limits.
359
00:11:51,777 --> 00:11:52,777
It's taboo!
360
00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:54,278
- No, I--
- I swear to God,
361
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:57,120
you better fix this
and you better fix it now.
362
00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:58,946
- You know what?
I'm calling it off,
363
00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:01,121
because she's a handful anyway.
Thank you for swinging by,
364
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:03,060
because you're doing me
a favor.
365
00:12:03,122 --> 00:12:05,522
- Hey, look who it is.
- I have to break it off.
366
00:12:05,591 --> 00:12:08,131
- Oh, yes, I agree.
This is great.
367
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:09,797
- You're not upset at all?
368
00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:11,795
- I found out what grade school
principals make.
369
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:13,967
Heh, you make less than
an average plumber.
370
00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:15,466
- Okay, I'm not dirt poor,
but--
371
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,698
- I mean, you're pretty poor.
See ya!
372
00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:19,110
- Okay.
373
00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:22,483
- All right, me and Nelson
are gonna play
374
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,575
a little one-on-one
while you guys watch.
375
00:12:24,643 --> 00:12:26,253
- Hector gonna do
the play-by-play.
376
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:27,652
- That's just the way
it's gonna be.
377
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,077
- Ah! Percussion!
Start right now.
378
00:12:29,148 --> 00:12:30,818
Can I get a low
tat-tat-tat-tat?
379
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:31,876
♪ ♪
380
00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:33,221
- We've really come a long way
381
00:12:33,285 --> 00:12:34,815
from the pencil request,
I've got to say.
382
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,120
- We're two kings right now
about to make history.
383
00:12:37,223 --> 00:12:38,993
- Here we go!
[whistle blows]
384
00:12:40,059 --> 00:12:41,329
- What a match up.
385
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:44,957
Two legends in basketball
going head to head,
386
00:12:45,064 --> 00:12:49,904
where us losers get to watch
the best game of their lives?
387
00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:50,899
What?
388
00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:52,610
- Attention, everybody.
389
00:12:52,671 --> 00:12:54,271
I have a quick announcement.
390
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:58,080
Some fake VIP passeshave been floating around,
391
00:12:58,144 --> 00:13:00,114
so if any idiotscome up to you
392
00:13:00,179 --> 00:13:02,449
and say they should getspecial treatment,
393
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:06,085
please tell them to shut up.Have a nice day.
394
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:08,922
- All right, let's play!
395
00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:10,858
[students chattering]
396
00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:12,686
- Well, fun while it lasted,
I guess.
397
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,362
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What happens now?
398
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,130
- Just be regular
ten-year-old kids, I guess.
399
00:13:17,196 --> 00:13:20,196
- Aw, man.
We're falling on hard times.
400
00:13:20,299 --> 00:13:22,269
- ♪ Let's get it on now ♪
401
00:13:22,319 --> 00:13:26,869
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