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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,012 --> 00:00:01,562 Previously on "The Big Bang Theory"... 2 00:00:01,902 --> 00:00:04,140 Can you believe our little lamb is 3 00:00:04,232 --> 00:00:05,832 finally getting married? 4 00:00:05,924 --> 00:00:07,688 He can't believe it. 5 00:00:08,399 --> 00:00:10,305 And neither can I. 6 00:00:11,683 --> 00:00:13,524 Hi, Dad. How you doing? 7 00:00:16,510 --> 00:00:18,554 Then by the power vested in me... 8 00:00:18,646 --> 00:00:22,274 by EvenYouCanPerformWeddings.com... 9 00:00:23,646 --> 00:00:26,704 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 10 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,727 You may kiss the bride. 11 00:00:36,724 --> 00:00:38,470 Good morning, wife. 12 00:00:40,612 --> 00:00:42,970 Good morning, husband. 13 00:00:43,404 --> 00:00:45,660 I can't believe we're actually married. 14 00:00:45,752 --> 00:00:47,802 It's official. According to tradition, 15 00:00:47,894 --> 00:00:49,443 we should hang the bedsheets outside 16 00:00:49,535 --> 00:00:52,102 so the villagers can see that we consummated. 17 00:00:53,029 --> 00:00:54,706 I don't think that that's appropriate, 18 00:00:54,798 --> 00:00:56,865 considering where we're starting our honeymoon. 19 00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:59,220 Well, I suppose you're right. 20 00:01:01,872 --> 00:01:03,648 Although, when you think about it, 21 00:01:03,740 --> 00:01:06,391 Lego is the perfect metaphor for marital congress. 22 00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:10,188 Two pieces that interlock with a satisfying snap. 23 00:01:11,412 --> 00:01:14,610 Oh, that's the sound you were making. 24 00:01:14,832 --> 00:01:16,208 Oh, I almost forgot. 25 00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:17,806 While you were sleeping, 26 00:01:17,898 --> 00:01:19,443 I ordered room service. 27 00:01:19,535 --> 00:01:20,818 Really? 28 00:01:20,971 --> 00:01:22,630 Voilà! 29 00:01:24,609 --> 00:01:27,048 You thought it was going to be food, didn't you? 30 00:01:28,072 --> 00:01:31,687 ♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪ 31 00:01:31,779 --> 00:01:35,098 ♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... ♪ 32 00:01:35,190 --> 00:01:36,770 ♪ The Earth began to cool ♪ Wait! 33 00:01:36,862 --> 00:01:38,315 ♪ The autotrophs began to drool ♪ 34 00:01:38,407 --> 00:01:39,788 ♪ Neanderthals developed tools ♪ 35 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:41,766 - ♪ We built the Wall ♪ - ♪ We built the pyramids ♪ 36 00:01:41,858 --> 00:01:44,600 ♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪ 37 00:01:44,692 --> 00:01:46,757 ♪ That all started with a big bang ♪ 38 00:01:46,849 --> 00:01:48,446 ♪ Bang! ♪ *THE BIG BANG THEORY* Season 12 Episode 01 39 00:01:48,662 --> 00:01:50,953 *THE BIG BANG THEORY* Episode Title: "The Conjugal Configuration" 40 00:01:52,451 --> 00:01:55,297 Is it nice having Sheldon and Amy away on their honeymoon? 41 00:01:55,389 --> 00:01:56,427 Yeah, because now 42 00:01:56,519 --> 00:01:58,292 Leonard and I get all this alone time. 43 00:01:58,384 --> 00:01:59,893 But you're not alone. We're here. 44 00:01:59,985 --> 00:02:02,626 Yes. Yes, you are. 45 00:02:03,662 --> 00:02:04,765 Would you like us to leave 46 00:02:04,857 --> 00:02:06,097 so you and Leonard can talk about 47 00:02:06,189 --> 00:02:07,612 all the things you have in common? 48 00:02:07,704 --> 00:02:09,806 Ha, ha, she called your bluff. 49 00:02:11,343 --> 00:02:13,093 So, something pretty cool happened. 50 00:02:13,185 --> 00:02:15,268 Channel 3 asked me to be on the news tomorrow night 51 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:16,614 to talk about the meteor shower. 52 00:02:16,682 --> 00:02:17,702 - Oh, that's great. - Hey! 53 00:02:17,794 --> 00:02:19,089 - Congratulations. - You know, that's how 54 00:02:19,157 --> 00:02:20,534 Neil deGrasse Tyson got his start. 55 00:02:20,626 --> 00:02:22,136 He went from the Hayden Planetarium 56 00:02:22,228 --> 00:02:23,794 to guesting on the local news 57 00:02:23,886 --> 00:02:26,688 to ruining everyone's favorite movies on the Internet. 58 00:02:27,218 --> 00:02:28,633 Now it's happening to me. 59 00:02:28,701 --> 00:02:29,893 Ooh, I should probably make 60 00:02:29,985 --> 00:02:33,517 a list of all the scientific inaccuracies in Mamma Mia 2. 61 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:37,563 You're gonna go on live TV and admit you've seen that movie? 62 00:02:37,655 --> 00:02:39,699 Hey, your husband's the one who took me. 63 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:44,446 Meryl Streep and Cher? Yeah, I saw it. 64 00:02:47,615 --> 00:02:49,450 Sounds like someone's in there. 65 00:02:49,595 --> 00:02:52,252 My God, what if Sheldon and Amy are getting robbed? 66 00:02:52,344 --> 00:02:55,095 Or worse, what if they're back early? 67 00:02:56,204 --> 00:02:57,815 They're not; they just posted a picture 68 00:02:57,907 --> 00:02:59,196 in front of the Statue of Liberty. 69 00:02:59,288 --> 00:03:01,321 - Real or Lego? - Lego. 70 00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:04,509 So, what should we do? Should someone go check it out? 71 00:03:04,662 --> 00:03:06,547 I would, but I got to be on TV tomorrow. 72 00:03:06,639 --> 00:03:08,399 Got to protect the money. 73 00:03:11,068 --> 00:03:12,758 Oh, yeah, someone's definitely in there. 74 00:03:12,850 --> 00:03:14,461 Okay, let's go into our apartment. 75 00:03:14,553 --> 00:03:15,985 We'll lock the door, we'll call the pol... 76 00:03:16,053 --> 00:03:17,767 Hello?! Anyone in there?! 77 00:03:20,180 --> 00:03:21,710 - Yes? - Oh, uh, 78 00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:23,942 Mr. Fowler, sorry, we didn't know you were here. 79 00:03:24,041 --> 00:03:25,980 We-We actually thought someone was breaking in. 80 00:03:26,065 --> 00:03:28,462 And we were ready to take them down. 81 00:03:29,251 --> 00:03:31,645 Amy asked me to water her plants. 82 00:03:31,737 --> 00:03:33,407 She doesn't have any plants. 83 00:03:33,740 --> 00:03:34,781 Oh. 84 00:03:34,873 --> 00:03:37,017 Well, you caught me in a lie. 85 00:03:37,173 --> 00:03:39,110 Have a good day. 86 00:03:45,529 --> 00:03:46,976 That was weird, right? 87 00:03:47,068 --> 00:03:49,780 Was it? I-I honestly can't tell anymore. 88 00:03:50,271 --> 00:03:52,153 Hey, did you even see Mamma Mia 1? 89 00:03:52,245 --> 00:03:54,665 Didn't need to. The sequel stands on its own. 90 00:04:08,357 --> 00:04:09,852 Here you go. 91 00:04:10,126 --> 00:04:13,159 If you need any recommendations while visiting New York, 92 00:04:13,251 --> 00:04:15,425 please don't hesitate to contact me. 93 00:04:15,517 --> 00:04:17,290 Well, it is our honeymoon. 94 00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:19,001 So we are going to be quite busy. 95 00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:20,499 Got it. 96 00:04:20,755 --> 00:04:23,556 Harry Potter play, parts one and two. 97 00:04:24,156 --> 00:04:25,917 And tomorrow, a tour of the sites 98 00:04:26,009 --> 00:04:29,438 where Nikola Tesla lived, worked and slowly went crazy. 99 00:04:30,274 --> 00:04:32,646 And, of course, coitus. 100 00:04:34,091 --> 00:04:35,732 Ah. 101 00:04:36,164 --> 00:04:40,079 Well, enjoy New York. And, I guess, coitus. 102 00:04:44,357 --> 00:04:45,729 Really, Sheldon? 103 00:04:45,821 --> 00:04:48,216 You want to do it again? 104 00:04:48,638 --> 00:04:50,297 Don't act surprised. 105 00:04:50,389 --> 00:04:52,384 It's clearly marked on the schedule. 106 00:04:52,622 --> 00:04:54,991 Now, shall we steam the wrinkles 107 00:04:55,083 --> 00:04:56,323 out of our wizard robes, 108 00:04:56,415 --> 00:04:59,356 or make vigorous, socially sanctioned love? 109 00:04:59,448 --> 00:05:02,071 Either way, I can check something off my to-do list. 110 00:05:02,384 --> 00:05:04,218 Socially sanc... Oh, wow. 111 00:05:04,310 --> 00:05:06,110 Yeah, there it is right there. 112 00:05:09,053 --> 00:05:10,923 Uh, hurry. Raj is on next. 113 00:05:11,091 --> 00:05:13,559 All right. I can't believe they canceled Vampire Diaries 114 00:05:13,651 --> 00:05:15,345 but they'll show this. 115 00:05:16,740 --> 00:05:18,782 This is the news. 116 00:05:20,163 --> 00:05:22,850 And that was a woman torn between two hunky vampires. 117 00:05:22,942 --> 00:05:24,446 What is your point? 118 00:05:25,945 --> 00:05:29,548 Larry? I know you're in there! 119 00:05:30,122 --> 00:05:31,370 Is that Amy's mom? 120 00:05:31,462 --> 00:05:32,726 Let me in. 121 00:05:32,818 --> 00:05:35,360 Let me in! 122 00:05:37,772 --> 00:05:40,290 Either that or the Big Bad Wolf. 123 00:05:41,766 --> 00:05:43,232 Larry? 124 00:05:43,818 --> 00:05:45,925 Mrs. Fowler, are you okay? 125 00:05:46,017 --> 00:05:47,239 Oh, I'm okay. 126 00:05:47,331 --> 00:05:48,909 It's my husband you should worry about. 127 00:05:49,001 --> 00:05:50,083 Oh, we do. 128 00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,153 Larry, come on. 129 00:05:53,245 --> 00:05:54,829 I don't think he's in there. 130 00:05:58,068 --> 00:06:00,687 I mean, he came by to water the imaginary plants, 131 00:06:00,779 --> 00:06:02,157 but then he left. 132 00:06:02,387 --> 00:06:04,005 You are so naive. 133 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:07,587 Blondie here is gonna chew you up and spit you out. 134 00:06:08,794 --> 00:06:10,477 Well, don't tell him. 135 00:06:11,964 --> 00:06:14,569 Come on, you have an extra key. Open it up. 136 00:06:15,521 --> 00:06:17,362 All right, but I'm telling you 137 00:06:17,454 --> 00:06:18,798 he's not in there. 138 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:23,143 There. See? 139 00:06:23,235 --> 00:06:24,921 Oh, he's in here. 140 00:06:25,013 --> 00:06:27,954 I can smell his Axe body spray. 141 00:06:28,904 --> 00:06:30,401 He wears Axe body spray. 142 00:06:30,493 --> 00:06:33,157 You happy? You smell like Amy's dad. 143 00:06:35,620 --> 00:06:37,390 - Larry? - Ooh, come on. 144 00:06:37,482 --> 00:06:39,698 Ah, shouldn't we mind our own business? 145 00:06:39,790 --> 00:06:42,774 Wow, sometimes it's like you don't know me at all. 146 00:06:45,068 --> 00:06:46,985 See, he's not here. 147 00:06:47,344 --> 00:06:49,204 You don't know him like I do. 148 00:06:49,296 --> 00:06:52,227 To be fair, we don't know either of you. 149 00:06:55,385 --> 00:06:56,818 Satisfied? 150 00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:05,198 Oh, yeah, now I smell him. 151 00:07:07,374 --> 00:07:08,421 Tomorrow will be... 152 00:07:08,513 --> 00:07:10,491 Man, that is one hot weather girl. 153 00:07:10,583 --> 00:07:12,066 ..inches, 82. And we can... 154 00:07:12,158 --> 00:07:14,565 How come if I say that I get in trouble? 155 00:07:15,171 --> 00:07:17,339 You want to say it? You can say it. 156 00:07:23,968 --> 00:07:26,042 - ..be sure... yet. - Nice try. 157 00:07:26,804 --> 00:07:27,997 You're gonna have to find some other way 158 00:07:28,089 --> 00:07:30,276 to not have sex with me tonight. 159 00:07:30,567 --> 00:07:32,747 And it's not weather girl, it's weather woman. 160 00:07:34,119 --> 00:07:35,600 And with us today to talk about 161 00:07:35,692 --> 00:07:38,424 the upcoming meteor shower and the best places to view it, 162 00:07:38,516 --> 00:07:43,088 Caltech astrophysicist Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali. 163 00:07:43,180 --> 00:07:45,926 - Thank you for being here. - Thank you for having me. 164 00:07:46,018 --> 00:07:48,339 I guess Neil deGrasse Tyson was unavailable. 165 00:07:49,763 --> 00:07:50,925 Yeah. 166 00:07:53,748 --> 00:07:54,885 What do you mean, "yeah"? 167 00:07:54,953 --> 00:07:55,999 Not important. 168 00:07:56,091 --> 00:07:58,401 So, what can we expect to see from 169 00:07:58,493 --> 00:07:59,936 this meteor shower? 170 00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:03,243 Well, I think you can count on a lot of flaming gas, 171 00:08:03,335 --> 00:08:04,444 which is what you would have gotten 172 00:08:04,536 --> 00:08:07,143 from your first choice, Neil deGrasse Tyson. 173 00:08:07,646 --> 00:08:10,495 Pull up, Raj, pull up! 174 00:08:11,023 --> 00:08:14,529 Sounds like there's no love lost between you and Dr. Tyson. 175 00:08:14,621 --> 00:08:16,675 Oh, no, I love Neil. 176 00:08:16,968 --> 00:08:19,817 I mean, not as much as Neil loves Neil, but who does, right? 177 00:08:21,765 --> 00:08:24,596 I want to look away, but I can't. 178 00:08:25,159 --> 00:08:28,364 Oh, you know, I'm told we are out of time, 179 00:08:28,456 --> 00:08:31,338 having learned nothing about meteor showers 180 00:08:31,430 --> 00:08:34,495 and too much about Dr. Koothrappali. 181 00:08:34,874 --> 00:08:36,687 Thank you. 182 00:08:42,359 --> 00:08:44,619 Do you know what I love about Broadway theater? 183 00:08:44,711 --> 00:08:46,495 It's so interactive. 184 00:08:46,685 --> 00:08:48,132 Uh-huh. 185 00:08:48,420 --> 00:08:51,269 You're so close to the actors. It's like you're in the play. 186 00:08:51,361 --> 00:08:52,616 Uh-huh. 187 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,325 I mean, you yell, "Harry, watch out," 188 00:08:54,393 --> 00:08:55,987 he looks right at you. 189 00:08:56,098 --> 00:08:58,940 And not just Harry, everyone onstage. 190 00:08:59,421 --> 00:09:02,901 At the risk of sounding redundant, uh-huh. 191 00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:04,960 All right, well, it's a bit late, 192 00:09:05,052 --> 00:09:06,854 but I did block out the rest of the evening 193 00:09:06,946 --> 00:09:08,487 for conjugal relations. 194 00:09:08,593 --> 00:09:09,978 Should we shower? 195 00:09:10,070 --> 00:09:11,445 I mean before, not during. 196 00:09:11,537 --> 00:09:13,464 That's how you fall and break a hip. 197 00:09:13,791 --> 00:09:15,290 You know, I'm a little jet-laggy. 198 00:09:15,382 --> 00:09:17,143 Maybe we can revisit this in the morning. 199 00:09:17,235 --> 00:09:19,384 Oh, no can do. If we miss tonight, 200 00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,642 it's not scheduled until Thursday at 6:00. 201 00:09:21,734 --> 00:09:23,143 And that'll have to be "no frills," 202 00:09:23,235 --> 00:09:25,914 'cause we've got a 6:30 reservation at Benihana. 203 00:09:26,741 --> 00:09:29,878 Sheldon, do we really have to do this on a schedule? 204 00:09:30,421 --> 00:09:32,442 Are you suggesting spontaneity? 205 00:09:32,534 --> 00:09:34,721 I-I guess, yeah. 206 00:09:34,821 --> 00:09:37,944 So, now that we're married, sex can occur at any time? 207 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,024 Like, we can be brushing our teeth, 208 00:09:40,116 --> 00:09:41,908 and suddenly your minty-fresh tongue is in my mouth? 209 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,229 No, thank you. 210 00:09:43,336 --> 00:09:46,198 Really? Would it be so bad to mix it up a little? 211 00:09:46,359 --> 00:09:49,346 Mix it up? Who are you, Betty Crocker? 212 00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:50,817 Where are you going? 213 00:09:50,909 --> 00:09:52,325 Uh, to take a shower. 214 00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:54,254 Now that sex can happen at any time, 215 00:09:54,346 --> 00:09:56,112 I always have to be ready. 216 00:09:56,306 --> 00:09:58,854 Should probably live under a waterfall. 217 00:09:58,946 --> 00:10:00,961 Well, you don't have to worry about sex happening tonight. 218 00:10:01,053 --> 00:10:04,391 Oh. Well, thanks, but I'm still gonna rinse off. 219 00:10:04,483 --> 00:10:06,675 I touched a lot of stuff in the gift shop. 220 00:10:09,391 --> 00:10:12,826 No message, no note. Who would do that? 221 00:10:12,918 --> 00:10:14,306 What kind of husband would... 222 00:10:14,398 --> 00:10:16,541 If you let him talk, maybe you'll find out. 223 00:10:16,827 --> 00:10:19,547 Fine. Larry? 224 00:10:22,778 --> 00:10:25,401 Well, there you go. What more can he say? 225 00:10:25,493 --> 00:10:26,671 Let's go home. 226 00:10:28,217 --> 00:10:29,963 I think I'll stay. 227 00:10:30,055 --> 00:10:33,682 Well, if you're going to stay, then I'll stay. 228 00:10:33,835 --> 00:10:36,371 All right, well, you know who doesn't need to stay? 229 00:10:36,463 --> 00:10:38,260 Us. Come on. 230 00:10:41,663 --> 00:10:42,948 Penny, come on. 231 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:44,045 Aw. 232 00:10:48,827 --> 00:10:51,713 I don't think those two are gonna make it. 233 00:10:56,124 --> 00:10:59,002 Poor Mr. Fowler, I really feel sorry for the little guy. 234 00:10:59,094 --> 00:11:00,803 I know. After they had Amy, 235 00:11:00,895 --> 00:11:03,760 she should've just eaten him and been done with it. 236 00:11:05,077 --> 00:11:08,432 Look at you retaining facts from a nature show. 237 00:11:09,171 --> 00:11:11,400 I know, really, what did he ever see in her? 238 00:11:11,492 --> 00:11:14,138 He's so, so sweet, and she's such a ballbuster. 239 00:11:14,230 --> 00:11:16,529 Some guys think strong women are sexy. 240 00:11:16,621 --> 00:11:18,513 Yeah, but they seem to have nothing in common. 241 00:11:18,605 --> 00:11:22,510 Yeah, well, sometimes opposites attract. 242 00:11:24,163 --> 00:11:27,057 Wait, are-are you saying we are like them? 243 00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:29,432 I don't know, maybe a little. 244 00:11:30,116 --> 00:11:34,719 So you're the sweet, quiet one and I'm Amy's mom? 245 00:11:34,811 --> 00:11:36,783 Is that what you're saying? 246 00:11:45,956 --> 00:11:48,522 Hey, check out what Neil deGrasse Tyson just tweeted. 247 00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:50,385 "I've been informed that some random, 248 00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:51,815 attention-seeking nobody 249 00:11:51,907 --> 00:11:54,319 took a cheap shot at me on the local news." 250 00:11:54,745 --> 00:11:58,030 That's me. Guys, he's talking about me! 251 00:11:58,672 --> 00:12:00,245 You know, I cut you a lot of slack 252 00:12:00,337 --> 00:12:01,750 'cause you come from another country, 253 00:12:01,842 --> 00:12:04,561 but you've been here a long time. 254 00:12:05,682 --> 00:12:08,195 Raj, you need to apologize to Dr. Tyson. 255 00:12:08,287 --> 00:12:10,256 Why? This could be good for me. 256 00:12:10,348 --> 00:12:12,737 Everybody loves a good Twitter feud. 257 00:12:12,829 --> 00:12:13,928 Neil and I could be like 258 00:12:14,020 --> 00:12:16,879 the new, uh, Katy Perry and Taylor Swift. 259 00:12:16,971 --> 00:12:18,840 Come on, Raj, you're better than this. 260 00:12:18,932 --> 00:12:20,382 Oh, leave room for dessert 261 00:12:20,474 --> 00:12:22,350 'cause I'm gonna make you eat those words. 262 00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:25,303 "Dear Dr. Tyson, 263 00:12:26,081 --> 00:12:27,997 "much like epithelial tissue, 264 00:12:28,089 --> 00:12:31,029 it appears I've gotten under your skin." 265 00:12:32,034 --> 00:12:33,260 iPhone drop, 266 00:12:33,352 --> 00:12:35,850 but I won't 'cause I don't have AppleCare. 267 00:12:36,933 --> 00:12:39,545 What'd he say? 268 00:12:39,637 --> 00:12:43,835 "Nice try, genius. The skin is epithelial tissue." 269 00:12:45,001 --> 00:12:46,504 Oh, it's on. 270 00:12:46,596 --> 00:12:49,150 He's Katy, I'm T-Swift. 271 00:12:54,377 --> 00:12:57,061 What are you gonna do? He's from another country. 272 00:13:00,734 --> 00:13:03,618 And here we have the former hotel where Tesla 273 00:13:03,710 --> 00:13:06,757 perfected the three-phase alternating current motor. 274 00:13:06,917 --> 00:13:08,502 That's wrong. I'm gonna say something. 275 00:13:08,594 --> 00:13:09,900 Don't. 276 00:13:09,993 --> 00:13:12,827 Well, then how will everyone know I'm the smartest boy here? 277 00:13:13,373 --> 00:13:14,999 Just let it go. 278 00:13:15,487 --> 00:13:16,815 Is everything all right? 279 00:13:16,907 --> 00:13:18,420 You seem testy this morning. 280 00:13:18,512 --> 00:13:19,749 I'm not testy. 281 00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:21,451 I'll have to take your word for it. 282 00:13:21,543 --> 00:13:23,514 There's no test for testy. 283 00:13:24,995 --> 00:13:27,397 Is it possible that you're sexually frustrated? 284 00:13:27,489 --> 00:13:29,467 Okay, now I'm testy. 285 00:13:29,777 --> 00:13:31,823 If you had adhered to my coital schedule, 286 00:13:31,915 --> 00:13:34,687 your brain would be floating on a sea of oxytocin right now. 287 00:13:34,779 --> 00:13:37,617 Don't talk to me about my brain. I'm a neurobiologist. 288 00:13:37,709 --> 00:13:40,209 Then you should know the benefits of the special hug 289 00:13:40,301 --> 00:13:42,213 that grown-ups give each other. 290 00:13:44,105 --> 00:13:45,706 Sheldon, everybody's listening. 291 00:13:45,798 --> 00:13:48,170 Of course they're listening; we're interesting. 292 00:13:48,262 --> 00:13:49,686 Unlike that guy. 293 00:13:50,904 --> 00:13:52,882 I-I'm walking away from you. 294 00:13:58,769 --> 00:14:00,242 I'm only recently married. 295 00:14:00,334 --> 00:14:03,397 Do I stay here? Do I follow? Say something useful. 296 00:14:11,224 --> 00:14:13,342 Morning, sunshine. 297 00:14:16,644 --> 00:14:18,626 So I see you're making espresso. 298 00:14:18,718 --> 00:14:19,718 Yup. 299 00:14:19,819 --> 00:14:21,069 Just need that extra jolt 300 00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:24,022 for a successful day of ballbusting. 301 00:14:25,157 --> 00:14:27,655 Really? I don't, I don't think you do. 302 00:14:28,439 --> 00:14:31,467 You know, you compared us to the strangest couple we know, 303 00:14:31,559 --> 00:14:32,936 and we know Amy and Sheldon, 304 00:14:33,028 --> 00:14:36,014 Howard and Bernadette, Raj and his twitchy little dog. 305 00:14:37,035 --> 00:14:39,135 I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. 306 00:14:39,227 --> 00:14:41,397 Because it wasn't nice or because it wasn't true? 307 00:14:41,489 --> 00:14:42,981 It's not true. 308 00:14:43,176 --> 00:14:45,889 Mrs. Fowler is an angry, vindictive woman, 309 00:14:45,981 --> 00:14:49,624 whereas you are warm and-and loving, 310 00:14:49,878 --> 00:14:51,428 quick to forgive. 311 00:14:51,628 --> 00:14:52,689 Oh, please. 312 00:14:52,781 --> 00:14:55,581 I-I'm serious. And I'm nothing like Amy's dad. 313 00:14:55,673 --> 00:14:58,780 He's a mousy little man who can't stand up for himself. 314 00:15:01,878 --> 00:15:04,569 My point is you're not like her, so we're not like them. 315 00:15:05,089 --> 00:15:08,118 Well, 30 years from now, are you gonna hide from me 316 00:15:08,210 --> 00:15:09,482 because I'm so scary? 317 00:15:09,574 --> 00:15:12,678 Hey, I-I don't think you're scary. 318 00:15:12,788 --> 00:15:16,608 Yes, I flinch when you make sudden moves, but... 319 00:15:17,029 --> 00:15:20,061 that says more about my childhood than you. 320 00:15:20,521 --> 00:15:21,706 Aw. 321 00:15:28,508 --> 00:15:29,650 Your turn. 322 00:15:29,742 --> 00:15:31,925 Hang on, I'm checking to see if Neil replied 323 00:15:32,017 --> 00:15:33,817 to my latest smackdown. 324 00:15:33,952 --> 00:15:37,099 Really? Don't you think this Twitter feud is a little silly? 325 00:15:37,191 --> 00:15:38,180 Absolutely not. 326 00:15:38,272 --> 00:15:40,212 It's-it's two respected scientists 327 00:15:40,304 --> 00:15:42,443 debating opposing views in a public forum. 328 00:15:42,703 --> 00:15:46,043 You called him Mike Tyson's little sister. 329 00:15:46,829 --> 00:15:49,910 Yeah, and now Mike Tyson's mad at me, too. 330 00:15:51,501 --> 00:15:54,875 Raj, you're not going to impress anyone by attacking him. 331 00:15:54,967 --> 00:15:58,481 Oh, Bernadette, you sound so old right now. 332 00:16:02,393 --> 00:16:06,135 He said he needs a break, and I'm too much for him. 333 00:16:06,227 --> 00:16:08,277 Oh. I'm sure he didn't mean that. 334 00:16:08,369 --> 00:16:10,902 He said I'm overbearing! 335 00:16:12,079 --> 00:16:15,231 Oh, please, you're just the right amount of bearing. 336 00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:18,102 Look, I know he loves you. 337 00:16:18,194 --> 00:16:21,067 If you just give him some space, I'm sure he'll come back. 338 00:16:21,159 --> 00:16:22,590 You really think so? 339 00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:24,340 Yeah, I do. 340 00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:27,832 You're a good person, Penny. 341 00:16:28,053 --> 00:16:31,893 I hope we get to spend lots of time together. 342 00:16:34,768 --> 00:16:36,516 Me, too. 343 00:16:39,571 --> 00:16:41,832 - Yes? - Hit the road. 344 00:16:42,915 --> 00:16:44,474 - But... - Now! 345 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:46,174 Can I get my stuff? 346 00:16:46,266 --> 00:16:48,031 Be quick about it! 347 00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:57,059 - Hello. - Hello. 348 00:16:57,197 --> 00:16:59,332 I brought you two hot dogs. 349 00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:01,340 A-Aren't you gonna eat one? 350 00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:04,042 From a street cart? Are you crazy? 351 00:17:04,134 --> 00:17:06,449 I'm amazed that I'm holding them. 352 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:08,832 I'm not really hungry. 353 00:17:09,383 --> 00:17:13,707 You realize that I'm not a particularly physical person. 354 00:17:14,555 --> 00:17:16,523 - I know. - When I was little, 355 00:17:16,615 --> 00:17:18,871 and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, 356 00:17:18,963 --> 00:17:22,176 I'd always say, "A brain in a jar." 357 00:17:22,858 --> 00:17:24,082 Sure. 358 00:17:24,174 --> 00:17:26,394 Yeah, but I want to be a good husband to you, 359 00:17:26,486 --> 00:17:29,215 and intimacy is a part of that. 360 00:17:30,540 --> 00:17:32,488 Please put those down. 361 00:17:33,329 --> 00:17:35,346 I'm just worried that if I don't schedule 362 00:17:35,438 --> 00:17:38,152 our bedroom endeavors, then I may not think about them, 363 00:17:38,244 --> 00:17:40,484 and you'll grow cold and distant 364 00:17:40,576 --> 00:17:44,817 and seek solace in the arms of a heavily-muscled longshoreman. 365 00:17:45,610 --> 00:17:47,808 Where would I find a longshoreman? 366 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,152 Along the shore. It's in the name. 367 00:17:52,896 --> 00:17:56,973 Sheldon, I could never be with anybody but you. 368 00:17:57,274 --> 00:17:58,619 That's good to know. 369 00:17:58,711 --> 00:17:59,886 I wouldn't want to fight a man 370 00:17:59,978 --> 00:18:02,410 who's brave enough to touch a fish. 371 00:18:04,828 --> 00:18:07,301 How's this for a compromise? 372 00:18:07,536 --> 00:18:11,900 Make all the schedules you want, just don't tell me about them. 373 00:18:11,992 --> 00:18:13,177 Excellent. 374 00:18:13,269 --> 00:18:15,345 I'll create an algorithm that'll generate 375 00:18:15,437 --> 00:18:16,766 a pseudo-random schedule. 376 00:18:16,858 --> 00:18:17,999 Yeah, and do you know why 377 00:18:18,091 --> 00:18:19,994 it won't be a true random schedule? 378 00:18:20,592 --> 00:18:22,939 Because the generation of true random numbers 379 00:18:23,031 --> 00:18:25,533 remains an unsolved problem in computer science. 380 00:18:25,625 --> 00:18:26,713 Come with me. 381 00:18:26,805 --> 00:18:28,315 - Where are we going? - To the hotel room. 382 00:18:28,383 --> 00:18:29,751 And when we get there, I'm gonna need you 383 00:18:29,843 --> 00:18:31,960 to say that again, except naked. 384 00:18:46,615 --> 00:18:48,404 Go for Dr. K. 385 00:18:49,399 --> 00:18:51,126 NEIL deGRASSE TYSON: Is this Rajesh Koothrappali? 386 00:18:51,218 --> 00:18:52,460 Yes. Who is this? 387 00:18:52,552 --> 00:18:54,748 Neil deGrasse Tyson. 388 00:18:57,110 --> 00:18:58,591 Uh, w-wow. 389 00:19:00,015 --> 00:19:02,279 How fun is this Twitter thing, huh? 390 00:19:03,103 --> 00:19:04,556 You think you're funny? 391 00:19:04,648 --> 00:19:07,652 I'm-I'm not Seinfeld funny, but I did an open mic night once. 392 00:19:07,744 --> 00:19:09,521 You're not funny. 393 00:19:09,742 --> 00:19:12,357 Yeah, that's what they said at the Chuckle Hut. 394 00:19:12,829 --> 00:19:14,198 How about this: 395 00:19:14,290 --> 00:19:17,189 I've got a book signing at Vroman's in Pasadena next week. 396 00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:20,527 Why don't you come by and say some of those things to my face. 397 00:19:21,068 --> 00:19:22,204 Oh, no, 398 00:19:22,272 --> 00:19:24,262 but thanks for the invite. 399 00:19:25,558 --> 00:19:27,999 Smart move, and the next time you pick up your phone, 400 00:19:28,091 --> 00:19:32,793 remember, I'm the guy who kicked Pluto out of the solar system. 401 00:19:32,885 --> 00:19:34,669 And it deserved it, sir. 402 00:19:34,761 --> 00:19:36,568 Thank you. Bye-bye. 403 00:19:37,371 --> 00:19:40,013 Well, that was fun. 404 00:19:41,166 --> 00:19:44,505 Let's see who else needs a deGrasse kickin'. 405 00:19:48,495 --> 00:19:50,966 Bill Nye the Science Guy. 406 00:19:51,752 --> 00:19:55,145 Hey, Bill, Neil Tyson. We've got to talk. 30510

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