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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,708 --> 00:00:08,583 Guys, I'm quitting. 2 00:00:09,166 --> 00:00:10,166 Wait, what? 3 00:00:10,542 --> 00:00:13,875 ♪ (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 4 00:00:14,125 --> 00:00:16,542 I'm going to have to insist that I keep the name Pied Piper, 5 00:00:16,542 --> 00:00:17,583 and I won't budge on that. 6 00:00:17,917 --> 00:00:19,500 -(ALL MUTTERING) -ELRICH: Who gives a shit? 7 00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:20,750 -JARED: Fine. That's fine. -ELRICH: Terrible. 8 00:00:20,750 --> 00:00:22,333 ♪ (HIP-HOP CONTINUES) ♪ 9 00:00:22,333 --> 00:00:24,417 RICHARD: I needed to build something else. 10 00:00:25,041 --> 00:00:26,417 We could build a new internet. 11 00:00:26,417 --> 00:00:28,125 You sound like a crazy person. 12 00:00:28,333 --> 00:00:30,417 Oh, my God. It's real. 13 00:00:31,375 --> 00:00:32,083 Can I just... 14 00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:33,583 -Can I try something? -Yeah. 15 00:00:34,125 --> 00:00:35,875 Whoo! (LAUGHS) 16 00:00:36,333 --> 00:00:38,000 -Okay. -(CHUCKLES) I don't know. 17 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,333 -Whoo! -Whoo! 18 00:00:39,583 --> 00:00:41,875 -Whoo-hoo-hoo! -I haven't had a lot of sleep. 19 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,166 ♪ (HIP-HOP CONTINUES) ♪ 20 00:00:44,375 --> 00:00:46,792 (SCREAMING) Whoo! Whoo! 21 00:00:46,792 --> 00:00:48,083 (SCREAM ECHOES) 22 00:00:48,291 --> 00:00:49,458 Whoo! 23 00:00:49,458 --> 00:00:50,959 (FAINT ECHO) 24 00:00:51,458 --> 00:00:52,583 -Sorry. -That's okay. 25 00:00:52,917 --> 00:00:55,834 ♪ (HIP-HOP MUSIC ENDS) ♪ 26 00:01:10,542 --> 00:01:13,417 (ominous music playing) (thunder crashes) 27 00:01:21,917 --> 00:01:26,000 (rock music playing) 28 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:27,667 Red or green? (chuckles) 29 00:01:27,667 --> 00:01:29,417 Should be pretty easy. 30 00:01:29,417 --> 00:01:30,875 Okay, so, I'll just go for it. 31 00:01:30,875 --> 00:01:32,125 (electrical zap) (screams) 32 00:01:32,125 --> 00:01:33,959 ♪ I remember one night the kid cut off his right arm ♪ 33 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:36,625 ♪ In a bid to save a bit of power ♪ (Mike grunting) 34 00:01:37,417 --> 00:01:39,000 ♪ He got 50,000 watts ♪ 35 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:40,166 (chuckles) Oh fuck. 36 00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:42,166 (sighs) ♪ In a big acoustic tower ♪ 37 00:01:42,166 --> 00:01:43,625 (coughs) Phew! 38 00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:45,834 Okay, so that one-- nuh-uh. ♪ Security's so tight tonight ♪ 39 00:01:45,834 --> 00:01:47,625 This one-- mm, eh, give it a shot. 40 00:01:47,625 --> 00:01:48,834 (electrical zap) Ow! fuck! 41 00:01:48,834 --> 00:01:50,333 Mm-hmm. ♪ Oh they're ready for a tussle ♪ 42 00:01:50,333 --> 00:01:52,208 Okay. Triangle, square, square, triangle. 43 00:01:52,208 --> 00:01:54,458 Oval into oval, hexagon into hexagon. 44 00:01:54,458 --> 00:01:57,708 Parallelogram into-- well, duh-- parallelogram. (laughs) All right. 45 00:01:57,708 --> 00:01:59,625 (snaps fingers) ♪ And so it goes and so it goes ♪ 46 00:01:59,625 --> 00:02:01,333 (clicks) ♪ And so it goes and so it goes ♪ 47 00:02:01,333 --> 00:02:06,041 (hums) (ecstatically) Fuck! Oh fuck. 48 00:02:06,041 --> 00:02:07,875 (stammers) I push that one, it... (mimics electrical zap) 49 00:02:07,875 --> 00:02:09,792 and I push that one, it's like... (mimics electrical zap) 50 00:02:09,792 --> 00:02:12,375 and it's like-- Wait a minute. ♪ But where it's goin' no one knows ♪ 51 00:02:12,375 --> 00:02:15,708 What if I push 'em both? (chuckles) 52 00:02:15,708 --> 00:02:18,417 (electrical zap) (screams) Fuck! 53 00:02:18,417 --> 00:02:20,291 (groans) ♪ In the tall buildings ♪ 54 00:02:20,291 --> 00:02:22,583 (whirs) Ow. Ow. Ow. 55 00:02:22,583 --> 00:02:24,166 ♪ Worthy men from Spain and Siam ♪ 56 00:02:24,166 --> 00:02:26,750 Whoa. (chuckles) Fuck. ♪ All day discussions ♪ 57 00:02:26,750 --> 00:02:29,166 (grunting) Fuck. Fucking button. ♪ With the Russians ♪ 58 00:02:29,166 --> 00:02:31,667 Ow. Ow. Okay, easy. Easy, easy, easy. Easy. 59 00:02:31,667 --> 00:02:33,375 (music fades) 60 00:02:33,375 --> 00:02:36,208 (coughs, sniffles) Hey, Mikey, you home yet? 61 00:02:36,208 --> 00:02:37,834 Phil. Hey, happy Friday, man. 62 00:02:37,834 --> 00:02:39,291 Huh? Hey! Likewise, dude. 63 00:02:39,291 --> 00:02:41,375 Oh, do you know what? Come here. I have a surprise for you. 64 00:02:41,375 --> 00:02:43,208 Oh, no way. Mike: Yeah. How was your day? 65 00:02:43,208 --> 00:02:45,750 It was good. They still got me on the button game. 66 00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:47,083 Oh, I remember the buttons, sure. 67 00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:49,208 Um, Jesus, it hurts, like, every time. 68 00:02:49,208 --> 00:02:51,500 I thought they were gonna come fix that. 69 00:02:51,500 --> 00:02:53,041 Hi, honey. Mwah. 70 00:02:53,041 --> 00:02:55,750 Lemme just wash up real quick and I'll be right back, okay? 71 00:02:55,750 --> 00:02:57,583 (water running) Oh, that's good. 72 00:02:57,583 --> 00:02:59,959 Just wash the work week off. It's the weekend. 73 00:02:59,959 --> 00:03:01,542 Um, so, what's this surprise you got? 74 00:03:01,542 --> 00:03:03,166 Oh my God, yeah. Okay, all right, close your eyes. 75 00:03:03,166 --> 00:03:04,959 Okay. Actually, open your eyes, I'll turn around. 76 00:03:04,959 --> 00:03:06,208 Okay, cool. Okay. All right. 77 00:03:06,208 --> 00:03:07,667 Are they-- Are your eyes closed? 78 00:03:07,667 --> 00:03:09,750 No, my eyes are open. I'm looking at the back of your head. 79 00:03:09,750 --> 00:03:11,000 Sorry. Okay, here we go. Okay, ready? 80 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,417 (wolf whistle) What the hell? 81 00:03:12,417 --> 00:03:14,458 Ah! Right? What is that? 82 00:03:14,458 --> 00:03:17,542 Where'd you get it from? It's basically like a... 83 00:03:17,542 --> 00:03:19,750 a warrior face paint. 84 00:03:19,750 --> 00:03:21,417 Warrior. I think it's like a trophy 85 00:03:21,417 --> 00:03:23,250 for killing it in my challenges. 86 00:03:23,250 --> 00:03:25,500 (chuckles) You know. It's warrior face paint? 87 00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:26,583 I look tough as hell, huh? 88 00:03:26,583 --> 00:03:28,417 I know, dude. I want some. 89 00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:31,333 The only down side is it does make my lips stick together a little bit. 90 00:03:31,333 --> 00:03:33,834 Wh-- I want my lips to stick. 91 00:03:33,834 --> 00:03:35,583 I want lipstick. 92 00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:37,625 This isn't fair, dude. I'm just, like, 93 00:03:37,625 --> 00:03:40,041 having a little bit of a panic attack. No, I see that. 94 00:03:40,041 --> 00:03:42,583 Every day's the same fucking thing here, man. 95 00:03:42,583 --> 00:03:44,208 I do the button game, I get zapped. 96 00:03:44,208 --> 00:03:47,375 You're doing your maze thing. It's just like, what is this, man? 97 00:03:47,375 --> 00:03:50,250 Where are we? What are we doing here, Mike? 98 00:03:50,250 --> 00:03:52,166 Dude, dude, dude, just take your green pellet. 99 00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:54,458 Okay? There you go. (gulps, sighs) 100 00:03:54,458 --> 00:03:57,375 I feel better. (chuckles) Those types of questions-- 101 00:03:57,375 --> 00:04:00,000 it's-- it's a fool's errand to try to answer. 102 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,417 Okay? This is our life. 103 00:04:01,417 --> 00:04:04,125 This is how it's always been and this is how it always will be. 104 00:04:04,125 --> 00:04:07,667 You know, I bet you the cave rats asked these very same questions 105 00:04:07,667 --> 00:04:10,291 when they weren't, you know, jerking off to stars or whatever. 106 00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:11,792 Mmm. Mm-hmm. You know? 107 00:04:11,792 --> 00:04:14,208 Well, here, take another pill, and let's-- No. You know what? 108 00:04:14,208 --> 00:04:16,959 I'm actually good. Me and Lumpy are going to dinner later 109 00:04:16,959 --> 00:04:18,500 and I don't wanna fill up. (laughs) 110 00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:20,959 Like my name. Philip. I love name jokes. 111 00:04:20,959 --> 00:04:23,375 That's cool. Oh, that's cool. You guys are going to dinner? 112 00:04:23,375 --> 00:04:25,083 Yeah. And that's just a you-and-her thing? 113 00:04:25,083 --> 00:04:27,166 Yeah, we're not double-dating or anything this week. Okay. 114 00:04:27,166 --> 00:04:29,000 Yeah, yeah. Right, right. It's just gonna be like-- 115 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,458 (sniffles) What did you say? 116 00:04:30,458 --> 00:04:33,500 I didn't. I breathed in through my nose sharply. (clears throat) 117 00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:36,208 If you're inviting me, I, of course, will go. No. 118 00:04:36,208 --> 00:04:38,542 You know Fridays are date nights for me and Lumpy. 119 00:04:38,542 --> 00:04:40,959 It's our one night a week to just get out and really enjoy-- 120 00:04:40,959 --> 00:04:42,542 You guys are together almost every night. 121 00:04:42,542 --> 00:04:44,625 I don't know how many times I have to go over this with you. 122 00:04:44,625 --> 00:04:47,500 (slowly) Friday nights? Can you understand me now? 123 00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:49,166 That's offensive. (coughs) If I just speak-- 124 00:04:49,166 --> 00:04:51,041 That's an offensive accent. What accent was I doing? 125 00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:53,917 I can't even tell, but there's a hint of something... It was just-- (coughs) 126 00:04:53,917 --> 00:04:55,291 ...and I don't like it. No. No, no, no. 127 00:04:55,291 --> 00:04:57,291 Can I please come? (emphatically) I'm not going 128 00:04:57,291 --> 00:05:00,458 over this again! Lumpy: Boys, boys. 129 00:05:00,458 --> 00:05:04,792 Boys. Now, Philly, I think it would be so nice 130 00:05:04,792 --> 00:05:09,291 to have Mike at dinner. You know, we've got plenty of pellets. 131 00:05:09,291 --> 00:05:12,041 (chuckles) Lumpy, you keep me sane. Do you know that? 132 00:05:12,041 --> 00:05:14,291 You're the only thing worth living for 133 00:05:14,291 --> 00:05:16,166 in this crazy, mixed-up world. 134 00:05:16,166 --> 00:05:18,708 Mike, of course you can come. I'm sorry. Oh, such a good man. 135 00:05:18,708 --> 00:05:20,542 Isn't he such a good man? A great guy. 136 00:05:20,542 --> 00:05:21,875 Great guy. Two great people. 137 00:05:21,875 --> 00:05:24,458 (chuckles) Our relationship is like two spring meadows 138 00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:28,083 just coming together and causing like a valley... Of mild arousal. 139 00:05:28,083 --> 00:05:30,667 I know. I was just gonna say that, too. Just mild arousal. 140 00:05:30,667 --> 00:05:34,417 (both laugh) It-- it's pretty sick. 141 00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:36,792 What are you guys talking about? Nothing, Michael. 142 00:05:36,792 --> 00:05:40,417 ♪ ♪ 143 00:05:40,417 --> 00:05:42,125 (beeping) 144 00:05:48,834 --> 00:05:51,083 (beeps, buzzes) 145 00:05:58,417 --> 00:06:00,041 (whirs) 146 00:06:00,041 --> 00:06:01,458 (sighs) 147 00:06:02,458 --> 00:06:05,250 (chimps chattering) (sniffles) 148 00:06:05,250 --> 00:06:08,583 (chatters) 149 00:06:10,959 --> 00:06:13,250 (slurps, chatters) 150 00:06:16,041 --> 00:06:18,458 (chuckling) You know what, Corey? 151 00:06:18,458 --> 00:06:21,375 It was your idea to get on this fucking monkey in the first place. 152 00:06:21,375 --> 00:06:23,166 Ugh! Come on, are you kidding me? 153 00:06:23,166 --> 00:06:24,625 No, that's exactly what you said, Corey. 154 00:06:24,625 --> 00:06:26,041 You said we're gonna get on the monkey 155 00:06:26,041 --> 00:06:28,041 and then we're gonna get front seats at the Knicks game. 156 00:06:28,041 --> 00:06:29,417 You know what? It was a good plan. 157 00:06:29,417 --> 00:06:31,625 Wh-wh-wh-what was the plan? We get on the circus monkey. 158 00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:34,166 And what? The circus monkey goes to Madison Square Garden. 159 00:06:34,166 --> 00:06:36,708 We hop off the monkey and we've got courtside seats for life. 160 00:06:36,708 --> 00:06:40,125 It was foolproof, you idiot. Yeah, and then the fucking monkey got kidnapped. 161 00:06:40,125 --> 00:06:42,375 How the fuck was I supposed to know it was gonna get kidnapped? 162 00:06:42,375 --> 00:06:45,542 Pass me the ball. Can you do this? Can you do this? 163 00:06:45,542 --> 00:06:47,333 I could do that. No, you can't do shit. 164 00:06:47,333 --> 00:06:49,208 You got no skills to pay the bills. 165 00:06:49,208 --> 00:06:51,500 Yeah, right, dude. They call me Carmelo Anthony, 166 00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:54,917 'cause I'm the best Knick of all time. Get the fuck outta here! 167 00:06:54,917 --> 00:06:57,917 What kind of Knicks fan are you? All right, who do you like? 168 00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:01,667 Top five Knicks of all time: I got Patrick Ewing at the center, 169 00:07:01,667 --> 00:07:04,417 Willis Reed-- I switch him over to the power forward-- 170 00:07:04,417 --> 00:07:06,041 Bernard King at the small forward, 171 00:07:06,041 --> 00:07:08,125 Earl "The Pearl" Monroe shooting guard, 172 00:07:08,125 --> 00:07:09,834 Walt "Clyde" Frazier at the two. 173 00:07:09,834 --> 00:07:11,208 That's just my starting team. 174 00:07:11,208 --> 00:07:13,500 Off the bench! God knows what I'm gonna do with you guys. 175 00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:16,333 You know what, dude? You and me should play for the Knicks. 176 00:07:16,333 --> 00:07:17,500 We would be good. Right? 177 00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:19,250 I mean, we'd be fantastic. Quick. 178 00:07:19,250 --> 00:07:20,917 We'd be sick. We have four arms. 179 00:07:20,917 --> 00:07:22,667 Four arms. Check it out. 180 00:07:22,667 --> 00:07:25,917 Okay, yeah, we would have some problems with the size. Yeah, you are a little short. 181 00:07:25,917 --> 00:07:27,750 (stammers) I had a little coffee in high school. 182 00:07:27,750 --> 00:07:30,291 Okay? It stunted my growth. Uh, that explains it. 183 00:07:30,291 --> 00:07:34,166 But I'm like Muggsy Bogues. He was 5'3". He was like a little gnat. 184 00:07:34,166 --> 00:07:36,083 Gnats are smaller than us! That's true. 185 00:07:36,083 --> 00:07:38,291 Gnats are smaller than fleas. Wait a second. 186 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:41,917 Did we not take a left? Jesus, everything looks the same. 187 00:07:41,917 --> 00:07:44,041 Huh. Maybe we'll go this way. 188 00:07:44,041 --> 00:07:46,542 (rustles) Holy shit. 189 00:07:46,542 --> 00:07:48,375 Look at fucking this. 190 00:07:48,375 --> 00:07:50,083 (heavenly choir sings) Erik: This is beautiful. 191 00:07:50,083 --> 00:07:51,959 Corey: It's fucking huge! 192 00:07:51,959 --> 00:07:53,875 (snores) (chimps chattering) 193 00:07:53,875 --> 00:07:57,375 God. Makes you think about how much smaller we are than this monkey. 194 00:07:57,375 --> 00:07:59,708 And then Madison Square Garden? I bet you could fit like, 195 00:07:59,708 --> 00:08:02,875 I don't know, 50 monkeys in there. At least 50 monkeys. 196 00:08:02,875 --> 00:08:06,291 I mean, can you imagine how big the whole world is? 197 00:08:06,291 --> 00:08:09,542 Damn, dude. Sometimes it's-- it's all too much. 198 00:08:09,542 --> 00:08:11,500 What do you mean, Erik? I was just thinking-- 199 00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:13,875 there's this monkey, we're in his asshole-- 200 00:08:13,875 --> 00:08:18,000 does he even know we exist? Probably not. You know? 201 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,208 But then, does God even know we exist? 202 00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:22,333 And-and-- and if he did know we existed, 203 00:08:22,333 --> 00:08:23,667 why would he even care about us? 204 00:08:23,667 --> 00:08:25,834 Corey: I don't know. Maybe he doesn't, man. 205 00:08:25,834 --> 00:08:29,250 Maybe we're free. Just passing through. 206 00:08:29,250 --> 00:08:32,250 A brief pause in the great cosmic dance. 207 00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:34,917 It's like we're between planes of existence, you know? 208 00:08:34,917 --> 00:08:37,083 We're ephemeral. You know what I like about you? 209 00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:39,542 You got good words, Corey. Thanks, Erik. 210 00:08:39,542 --> 00:08:42,750 We are ephemeral. It's like I'm only a small reflection 211 00:08:42,750 --> 00:08:45,583 of the world I constructed. Yeah, exactly. 212 00:08:45,583 --> 00:08:49,625 I-- I am big. I mean, I am the second-tallest flea on this monkey's ass. 213 00:08:49,625 --> 00:08:51,333 That's gotta stand for something, right? 214 00:08:51,333 --> 00:08:52,583 Yeah! You're getting it! 215 00:08:52,583 --> 00:08:54,834 Erik: Yo! I'm ephemeral! I don't give a shit! 216 00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:57,166 Corey: There you go, Erik! Let it out! 217 00:08:57,166 --> 00:08:58,792 Erik: I got blood pumping through my veins! 218 00:08:58,792 --> 00:09:01,834 I'm feeling good! It's mostly monkey blood, too! How you like that? 219 00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:04,375 Woo! I can see it on the Jumbotron right now. 220 00:09:04,375 --> 00:09:07,792 Erik and Corey are the two greatest Knicks of all time! 221 00:09:07,792 --> 00:09:09,959 (crowd cheering) There's three seconds left. I have the ball. 222 00:09:09,959 --> 00:09:11,625 I put it behind my back! Woo-hoo! 223 00:09:11,625 --> 00:09:13,625 Two, one! He shoots... 224 00:09:13,625 --> 00:09:14,917 And it's good! (buzzer sounds) 225 00:09:14,917 --> 00:09:18,583 Corey: Yeah, yeah! Woo-hoo! The crowd goes crazy. 226 00:09:18,583 --> 00:09:20,083 Everybody's going nuts. Yeah! 227 00:09:20,083 --> 00:09:23,500 (kisses) Whoa. Wh-wh-- what the-- What the fuck was that? 228 00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:26,291 Oh. Uh, I thought we were ephemeral, 229 00:09:26,291 --> 00:09:29,708 like "Who gives a shit?" You know? I don't know. I'm gay. 230 00:09:29,708 --> 00:09:32,625 Uh, yeah, no, I'm-- I'm gay too, but this is... 231 00:09:32,625 --> 00:09:34,959 this is a sacred place, my friend. You gotta earn that. 232 00:09:34,959 --> 00:09:37,291 I'm sorry. Shit. I'm an idiot. 233 00:09:37,291 --> 00:09:39,959 Well, don't apologize. Maybe-- maybe you try again. 234 00:09:39,959 --> 00:09:41,750 Oh. Maybe shut your eyes this time? 235 00:09:41,750 --> 00:09:44,250 Yeah. Sorry. None of that tongue shit. 236 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,834 Of course. Kiss me on the lips, 237 00:09:45,834 --> 00:09:47,917 like a gentleman. (kisses) 238 00:09:47,917 --> 00:09:50,542 There you go. Soft, nice. 239 00:09:50,542 --> 00:09:52,000 Hold me tight. 240 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,166 (owl hoots) 241 00:09:55,708 --> 00:09:57,291 (thunder crashes) 242 00:09:57,291 --> 00:10:00,208 (all laugh) Phil: Anyway, we're out to dinner with Craig and-- 243 00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:01,792 What's his wife's name? Sarah. 244 00:10:01,792 --> 00:10:03,291 Sarah, yeah. So we-- Yes. 245 00:10:03,291 --> 00:10:05,166 Craig and Sarah? She's just, I mean, beautiful, 246 00:10:05,166 --> 00:10:06,625 lovely, really nice. She's so nice, 247 00:10:06,625 --> 00:10:08,708 but Craig's got this nasally voice, so he's like... 248 00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:10,166 (nasally) talking about everything. 249 00:10:10,166 --> 00:10:12,000 (normal voice) The waiter comes over, right, 250 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,834 and he tells him, "I'm sorry. I think there's a cat in here or something." 251 00:10:14,834 --> 00:10:17,083 No, that's just Craig. That's just Craig! (laughs) That's Craig! 252 00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:19,917 (all laughing) Lumpy: I love it. It's so funny. 253 00:10:19,917 --> 00:10:21,291 Oh, careful. 254 00:10:21,291 --> 00:10:23,000 Oh fuck. Philly. 255 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,667 Philly. Philadelphia. Philly made a spilly. 256 00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:26,875 I'm sorry, dude. I'm sorry. Can we get some napkins over here? 257 00:10:26,875 --> 00:10:30,458 I'm sorry. I'm fucking sorry. Baby, I think you've had a bit too much. 258 00:10:30,458 --> 00:10:32,667 Mmm. I think you're all mixed up. 259 00:10:32,667 --> 00:10:35,208 You know what? We've been here a while. Why don't we call it a night? 260 00:10:35,208 --> 00:10:38,291 No, you guys stay. I-- I'm fucking wasted. 261 00:10:38,291 --> 00:10:40,834 You know, I know it. Listen, I know it. (laughs) Yes. 262 00:10:40,834 --> 00:10:42,542 Maybe you just need a little lie down. 263 00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:45,291 I love you so much, Lumpy. (chuckles) Oh. 264 00:10:45,291 --> 00:10:47,250 Give your little baby boy a kiss, Mommy-- 265 00:10:47,250 --> 00:10:49,708 (coughs) I mean, Lumpy. (laughs) Yes. 266 00:10:49,708 --> 00:10:52,708 My little sweetie. No, this is great. I'm glad I came. 267 00:10:52,708 --> 00:10:56,834 I'm gonna go lay my little head on my little bed. 268 00:10:56,834 --> 00:10:58,708 That's a good idea, probably. Sleepy bye-byes. 269 00:10:58,708 --> 00:11:00,708 I'll be dreaming about you... 270 00:11:00,708 --> 00:11:03,041 Oh. My darling. ...my precious Lumpy. 271 00:11:03,041 --> 00:11:05,291 The only thing that makes life worth living. 272 00:11:05,291 --> 00:11:07,083 Aww. Oop! I got it. 273 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,125 I got it. Get off. I got it. I got it. Oh, mind-- Okay. 274 00:11:09,125 --> 00:11:11,083 All right? Okay, see you guys later. 275 00:11:11,083 --> 00:11:13,792 Yeah, all right. Get some sleep, okay? Peace. Peace, Philly. 276 00:11:13,792 --> 00:11:16,625 (both laugh) Yeah, Phil is crazy, huh? 277 00:11:16,625 --> 00:11:19,583 No, he really is. He's absolutely mental. 278 00:11:20,667 --> 00:11:22,917 Yeah. You're not mental, though, are you? 279 00:11:22,917 --> 00:11:24,750 (clears throat) 280 00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:27,458 (whispering) Lumpy, we can't keep doing this. 281 00:11:27,458 --> 00:11:30,250 Oh, but why not, Mike? I want you. 282 00:11:30,250 --> 00:11:32,542 Don't do this. I just-- Please. 283 00:11:32,542 --> 00:11:34,500 He's right there. 284 00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:37,917 (snores) I pick the green one, I get zapped. 285 00:11:39,125 --> 00:11:40,750 I pick the red one, I get zapped. 286 00:11:40,750 --> 00:11:43,208 Oy vey. It's a whole thing. 287 00:11:43,208 --> 00:11:44,542 We have to tell him. No! 288 00:11:44,542 --> 00:11:49,333 (gasps) No, you can't, or all this falls apart. 289 00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:51,917 The guilt is eating me up inside. 290 00:11:51,917 --> 00:11:54,667 I should be eating you up outside. 291 00:11:54,667 --> 00:11:58,458 (slurps) Oh my God. 292 00:11:58,458 --> 00:12:00,959 ♪ ♪ Lumpy, what the fuck? 293 00:12:00,959 --> 00:12:03,291 (clatters) (kissing) 294 00:12:05,708 --> 00:12:08,792 (Phil moans) 295 00:12:08,792 --> 00:12:10,333 Morning, Mikey. Morning, Lumpy. 296 00:12:10,333 --> 00:12:11,542 Ah! What? 297 00:12:11,542 --> 00:12:15,250 (moans) I had the craziest dream last night, you guys. 298 00:12:15,250 --> 00:12:17,208 These two people just like wrestling, 299 00:12:17,208 --> 00:12:19,750 but it was also like they were having a lot of fun. 300 00:12:19,750 --> 00:12:22,125 So weird, dude. (both laugh nervously) 301 00:12:22,125 --> 00:12:23,125 That's crazy. 302 00:12:23,125 --> 00:12:24,792 Phil: Yeah, dude. So abnormal. 303 00:12:24,792 --> 00:12:26,792 But you were asleep for the whole night, though, right? 304 00:12:26,792 --> 00:12:29,125 Yeah, pretty uninterrupted. It felt good, actually. 305 00:12:29,125 --> 00:12:31,208 You needed that. Wait a-- mmm. 306 00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:33,291 Hold on a second. Hmm? What's up? 307 00:12:33,291 --> 00:12:36,500 Why are you stopping talking? Umm... Lumpy. 308 00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:39,834 Mm-hmm? What did you do last night after I went to bed? 309 00:12:39,834 --> 00:12:41,917 Nothing. She didn't really do anything. 310 00:12:41,917 --> 00:12:43,583 Nothing. Yeah. She just kind of hanging. 311 00:12:43,583 --> 00:12:45,166 So, I went to bed and nothing happened? 312 00:12:45,166 --> 00:12:48,041 No. No. No. No, no, I didn't. Did you? 313 00:12:48,041 --> 00:12:49,667 I didn't. No. Did I-- no. I didn't see-- 314 00:12:49,667 --> 00:12:51,625 Well, I can't believe this. 315 00:12:51,625 --> 00:12:53,000 Look, dude. O-okay. 316 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:56,333 They come in here overnight and give Lumpy warrior face paint. 317 00:12:56,333 --> 00:12:57,834 Mike's got warrior face paint. 318 00:12:57,834 --> 00:13:00,834 Philly's the only boy in the apartment not getting face paint! 319 00:13:00,834 --> 00:13:03,667 This is just rich, you know? This-- Phil. 320 00:13:03,667 --> 00:13:05,542 (sighs) Yeah, Mikey? 321 00:13:05,542 --> 00:13:08,000 What is it, my best friend in the whole world? 322 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,417 Lumpy and I are in love. (gasps) 323 00:13:10,417 --> 00:13:13,834 What'd you say? It's time to come clean. 324 00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:16,375 Lumpy, is this true? ♪ ♪ 325 00:13:16,375 --> 00:13:18,792 (sighs) I-- I don't know what to say. 326 00:13:18,792 --> 00:13:21,708 That's kind of all I can say. 327 00:13:21,708 --> 00:13:24,625 But... Lumpy is my girlfriend. 328 00:13:24,625 --> 00:13:27,625 And-- and, Mike, you're... (clearing throat) 329 00:13:27,625 --> 00:13:30,208 you're my best-- you're my best friend, dude. 330 00:13:30,208 --> 00:13:32,875 How could you-- ack! How could-- 331 00:13:32,875 --> 00:13:34,083 (choking) Mike: Phil! 332 00:13:34,083 --> 00:13:35,583 Lumpy: Oh my God. He's trying to kill himself. 333 00:13:35,583 --> 00:13:37,583 Okay, I'm gonna grab his legs. I wanna die! I wanna die! 334 00:13:37,583 --> 00:13:38,750 I'm trying! Get off of me! Go on! 335 00:13:38,750 --> 00:13:40,291 I'm not strong! Fuck you! Fuck you! 336 00:13:40,291 --> 00:13:41,875 (grunts) All right. 337 00:13:41,875 --> 00:13:43,542 (mumbles) Oh, there he goes. There he goes. 338 00:13:43,542 --> 00:13:44,583 Grab him. I'm trying. 339 00:13:44,583 --> 00:13:46,375 Lumpy: Phil. Phil, what are you doing? 340 00:13:46,375 --> 00:13:47,625 (chokes, coughs) I don't know how 341 00:13:47,625 --> 00:13:49,375 you could drown yourself with one of those anyway. 342 00:13:49,375 --> 00:13:50,875 Okay, get him. Keep an eye on him. No, get off! 343 00:13:50,875 --> 00:13:53,667 I wanna fucking die. Both: No, no, no, no, no! 344 00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,250 Ow! Shit. 345 00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:56,834 Oh God, here we go again. (lighter clinks) 346 00:13:56,834 --> 00:13:59,750 Light myself on fucking fire! No! Don't blow it out! (blowing) 347 00:13:59,750 --> 00:14:01,834 Lumpy, get a blanket! Watch me burn! 348 00:14:01,834 --> 00:14:03,792 Get off of me! Son of a bitch. 349 00:14:03,792 --> 00:14:05,917 (grunts) Oh... Mike: Well, that didn't work. 350 00:14:05,917 --> 00:14:07,417 Please. Just-- just stop. 351 00:14:07,417 --> 00:14:09,417 It's never going to work. You're not going to kill yourself 352 00:14:09,417 --> 00:14:11,959 by running into a wall, okay? Just quit it. Fuck, dude. 353 00:14:11,959 --> 00:14:13,959 Lumpy? Yes? 354 00:14:13,959 --> 00:14:16,250 Was I not a good boyfriend to you? 355 00:14:16,250 --> 00:14:18,458 Oh. Ohh. 356 00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:21,250 That's not really the answer I was looking for, Lumps. You... (sighs) 357 00:14:21,250 --> 00:14:23,583 I think you just need to eat. I think you need to eat something. 358 00:14:23,583 --> 00:14:25,458 Exactly. Darling, have some pellets. 359 00:14:25,458 --> 00:14:27,041 (excitedly) That's it! What? 360 00:14:27,041 --> 00:14:29,083 I'll go on a hunger strike, dude. 361 00:14:29,083 --> 00:14:32,000 No. D-- If I don't eat, then I'll die. 362 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,083 Don't do that. You two lovebirds are gonna have to watch me wither away! 363 00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:36,834 (laughs maniacally) 364 00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:39,792 ♪ Lump sat alone ♪ Mike: All right, get your hand on green. Go. 365 00:14:39,792 --> 00:14:42,500 Okay, I'm trying. (laughs) Where are you putting your hand? 366 00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:44,959 Where do you think I'm putting my hand? What are you, crazy? 367 00:14:44,959 --> 00:14:46,750 Oh my God. (Lumpy sighs) 368 00:14:46,750 --> 00:14:48,417 ♪ ...into Lump's pajamas ♪ 369 00:14:48,417 --> 00:14:51,125 (chanting) ♪ She totally confused all the passing piranhas ♪ 370 00:14:51,125 --> 00:14:52,667 Mike (on TV): Nobody ever thanks the plate guy. 371 00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:54,792 Can you believe Variety panned this? It's really good. 372 00:14:54,792 --> 00:14:56,583 Really funny and good. Really. Really funny and so good. 373 00:14:56,583 --> 00:14:59,208 (chanting) I'm in space. ♪ She's lump, she's lump, She's lump ♪ 374 00:14:59,208 --> 00:15:01,333 ♪ She might be dead ♪ 375 00:15:03,959 --> 00:15:07,792 ♪ Lump lingered last in line for brains ♪ 376 00:15:07,792 --> 00:15:11,166 ♪ And the one she got was sorta rotten and insane ♪ 377 00:15:11,166 --> 00:15:12,708 I think I'm gonna turn in. Okay. 378 00:15:12,708 --> 00:15:14,291 Night, baby. All right, good night. Love you. 379 00:15:14,291 --> 00:15:15,959 Okay, love you. (chuckles) 380 00:15:15,959 --> 00:15:18,166 (slurps) Hmm-hmm-hmm. (page flutters) 381 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,208 Umm... hey. Mmm? 382 00:15:22,208 --> 00:15:24,917 Do you mind just like-- I don't-- 383 00:15:24,917 --> 00:15:27,291 When you're turning the page, it's-- it's pretty loud. 384 00:15:27,291 --> 00:15:28,834 I'm literally just turning the page. 385 00:15:28,834 --> 00:15:31,625 It just feels like you're actually making a point to turn it loud. 386 00:15:31,625 --> 00:15:35,041 Hate to break it to you, me reading is not a personal attack on you. 387 00:15:35,041 --> 00:15:38,166 (whispers) Okay. This is exactly what Dr. Schumacher said. 388 00:15:38,166 --> 00:15:39,875 Mike: Schumacher's a quack. (Lumpy sighs) 389 00:15:39,875 --> 00:15:42,375 I don't understand why this is a thing that is rooted in the relationship. 390 00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,333 It's always, "Oh yeah, this thing you did this one time." 391 00:15:44,333 --> 00:15:46,166 Why are you being so aggressive toward me with this? 392 00:15:46,166 --> 00:15:48,291 I'm sorry. I'm being aggressive? Yeah, you are. 393 00:15:48,291 --> 00:15:50,834 (arguing continues) She could've read a magazine right on top of my head. 394 00:15:50,834 --> 00:15:53,458 I would've been a fucking magazine rack for her. 395 00:15:53,458 --> 00:15:55,834 I miss Lumpy's rack. 396 00:15:55,834 --> 00:16:00,417 Oh my God. (coughs) So sad. 397 00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:02,667 Mike: You actually make it a loud thing somehow! 398 00:16:02,667 --> 00:16:04,959 Lumpy: At least I'm reading, not watching porn. 399 00:16:04,959 --> 00:16:07,125 (snoring) Mike: Oh my God. 400 00:16:07,125 --> 00:16:09,375 ♪ ♪ 401 00:16:16,792 --> 00:16:19,333 Phil: A rat in the sewer. That's what makes sense. 402 00:16:19,333 --> 00:16:20,667 Mike: It just feels right. 403 00:16:20,667 --> 00:16:22,625 (coughs, moans) 404 00:16:22,625 --> 00:16:24,166 Mike: You know, it's really good, too. 405 00:16:24,166 --> 00:16:26,542 I wasn't expecting it to taste like this, which was really nice. 406 00:16:26,542 --> 00:16:27,708 (grunts) 407 00:16:27,708 --> 00:16:30,250 (moaning, chewing) 408 00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:32,542 (gasps) Whoa, dude. Mike: Politically, it makes a difference. 409 00:16:32,542 --> 00:16:34,458 What the fuck was that, man? 410 00:16:34,458 --> 00:16:36,083 You're cracking up, Philly. 411 00:16:36,083 --> 00:16:38,125 Mike: Good to take into consideration. Oh, Phil. (groans) 412 00:16:38,125 --> 00:16:40,542 Phil's up. Phil! Join us for brunch. Come on. 413 00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:42,625 I feel weird. Mike: Come on. 414 00:16:42,625 --> 00:16:44,333 You can still be on your "hunger strike" 415 00:16:44,333 --> 00:16:46,375 and hang out with your two roomies. Yeah. 416 00:16:46,375 --> 00:16:49,917 There he is. Welcome back. I can actually see your heart beating. 417 00:16:49,917 --> 00:16:52,041 I can see it through your chest. Mike: Wow. Look at that. 418 00:16:52,041 --> 00:16:54,500 Oh, interesting. So, listen, I was just telling this story. 419 00:16:54,500 --> 00:16:55,875 Yeah. So, Lumpy and I just had lunch 420 00:16:55,875 --> 00:16:57,166 with our friends Craig and Sarah. 421 00:16:57,166 --> 00:16:58,917 Craig and Sarah? So, Craig's got this... 422 00:16:58,917 --> 00:17:01,375 (nasally) nasally voice. What the fuck, dude? This all just happened. 423 00:17:01,375 --> 00:17:03,083 This all just happened. Wait, wait, wait, wait. 424 00:17:03,083 --> 00:17:05,500 Wait, Mike. Who is-- Who is Craig? 425 00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:07,375 (normal voice) Craig? Who actually is Craig? 426 00:17:07,375 --> 00:17:09,792 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Craig is... 427 00:17:09,792 --> 00:17:11,875 (smacks lips) Honey, how do we know Craig? 428 00:17:11,875 --> 00:17:14,208 (distorted) From college. Sarah is his wife. 429 00:17:14,208 --> 00:17:17,750 That was weird. That was-- She knows Craig from college. 430 00:17:17,750 --> 00:17:19,583 'cause Sarah is his wife. Well, exactly. Yeah. 431 00:17:19,583 --> 00:17:21,000 Mike. What's confusing? 432 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,625 Can I talk to you real quick over here? Is that cool? 433 00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:25,166 Why? Just a quick talk. 434 00:17:25,166 --> 00:17:27,125 Yeah, but we're eating. We're in the middle of eating. 435 00:17:27,125 --> 00:17:29,000 He hasn't actually had his morning pellets. 436 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,458 I have boy problems. It has to do with my wiener, 437 00:17:31,458 --> 00:17:32,959 and it's really personal. Oh! 438 00:17:32,959 --> 00:17:34,875 It's super embarrassing for me to bring it up right now. 439 00:17:34,875 --> 00:17:36,458 Phil has these problems all the time. No, I know. 440 00:17:36,458 --> 00:17:38,583 Let me go bro out with him for a little bit. Thank you so much. 441 00:17:38,583 --> 00:17:40,291 I'll be back. We'll be right back. I'm so sorry. 442 00:17:40,291 --> 00:17:42,542 Okay, Mike, I need you to listen to me, dude. 443 00:17:42,542 --> 00:17:44,792 Look, you just get some hand sanitizer and just douse the thing. 444 00:17:44,792 --> 00:17:48,542 No, Mike, dude, listen to me. Craig, Sarah, these fucking people-- 445 00:17:48,542 --> 00:17:50,875 they're not real, man, and neither is Lumpy. 446 00:17:50,875 --> 00:17:54,500 What are you talking about? Remember what we said earlier about this being everything? 447 00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:56,583 Uh-huh. I don't think this is everything, dude! 448 00:17:56,583 --> 00:18:00,375 I think there's more than that! I-- I had a fucking vision last night 449 00:18:00,375 --> 00:18:02,500 that we lived in the sewers, dude. 450 00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,250 I had a mom, and you had parents, 451 00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:06,792 and we'd listen to 311, dude, and it was sick tight. 452 00:18:06,792 --> 00:18:09,333 Phil, you're seriously acting crazy. 453 00:18:09,333 --> 00:18:11,834 You need to eat. Just take a pellet. I don't-- (gags) 454 00:18:11,834 --> 00:18:15,000 (slurring) Eat the pellet, dude. Eat the... Whoa! 455 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,750 (normal voice) pellet. Come on. That's it, dude. It's the pellets! 456 00:18:17,750 --> 00:18:20,250 They're clouding our fucking vision, man. That's why Lumpy-- 457 00:18:20,250 --> 00:18:22,375 What are you guys talking about? Jesus Christ. 458 00:18:22,375 --> 00:18:23,917 Okay, stand back from me, Lumpy. Hey, Lumpy. 459 00:18:23,917 --> 00:18:25,834 Hi. All right, dude? I don't want any trouble. 460 00:18:25,834 --> 00:18:27,917 Mike, listen to me. The pellets? 461 00:18:27,917 --> 00:18:30,041 It's like a brain wash or something like that. What? 462 00:18:30,041 --> 00:18:32,375 And Lumpy wants us to eat them because she only exists 463 00:18:32,375 --> 00:18:34,708 because we take the pills, Mike. That's nonsense. 464 00:18:34,708 --> 00:18:37,542 That's ridiculous. Why would you listen to him? Umm... 465 00:18:37,542 --> 00:18:39,000 He's crazy and half-starved. 466 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,834 Okay, well, that's a good point. 467 00:18:40,834 --> 00:18:43,625 That's what happens when you don't eat the pellets! I fucking look good, Mike. 468 00:18:43,625 --> 00:18:44,834 You get sad. You look terrible. 469 00:18:44,834 --> 00:18:46,333 I'm not sad! I'm the happiest I've ever been! 470 00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:48,792 Because I'm thinking straight, baby! If he's not gonna eat, 471 00:18:48,792 --> 00:18:50,708 we're gonna make him, okay, Mikey? 472 00:18:50,708 --> 00:18:52,458 Oh shit. Are you with me, or are you not? 473 00:18:52,458 --> 00:18:55,000 Mikey! This is a little nuts, Mike, don't you agree, dude? 474 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,542 Like maybe something bigger is at work here? 475 00:18:56,542 --> 00:18:57,959 It's for his own good. Give me the pill. 476 00:18:57,959 --> 00:18:59,667 I'm warning you, dude. You're gonna eat this shit. 477 00:18:59,667 --> 00:19:01,542 She's freaking me out. You'd better have an umbrella, 478 00:19:01,542 --> 00:19:03,625 'cause we're gonna make it rain up in this motherfucker. 479 00:19:03,625 --> 00:19:05,041 (grunts) What the fuck? 480 00:19:05,041 --> 00:19:07,208 I gotta make it hurt, motherfucker. What the hell, Lumpy? 481 00:19:07,208 --> 00:19:09,333 You're insane, dude! Not the vases! 482 00:19:09,333 --> 00:19:10,959 We got those in Prague! 483 00:19:10,959 --> 00:19:13,750 Phil: You broke my fricking heart, dude. (grunts) 484 00:19:13,750 --> 00:19:15,959 I loved you, Lumpy! (grunts) 485 00:19:15,959 --> 00:19:17,583 (rips) (Phil shouts) 486 00:19:17,583 --> 00:19:19,000 Oh shit. 487 00:19:20,083 --> 00:19:23,083 (screaming) What the fuck? 488 00:19:23,083 --> 00:19:26,166 Sorry, sorry, sorry. Motherfucker! You ripped my fucking arm off! 489 00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:29,375 You fucking monster. (grunts) 490 00:19:32,291 --> 00:19:35,417 (groans, grunts) Fucking... 491 00:19:35,417 --> 00:19:38,250 Mike: Did you want more syrup? (spits) 492 00:19:38,250 --> 00:19:40,125 What the fuck? Mike: What are you reading? 493 00:19:40,125 --> 00:19:41,583 Lumpy: War and Peace. Dude, seriously? 494 00:19:41,583 --> 00:19:43,458 Fucking... I mean, it's really dull, 495 00:19:43,458 --> 00:19:46,500 but I just feel like it's something you should do in life. 496 00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:49,750 ♪ ♪ 497 00:19:54,875 --> 00:19:55,959 (elevator dings) 498 00:19:57,750 --> 00:19:59,375 (beeping) 499 00:20:03,083 --> 00:20:04,583 (beeps) 500 00:20:04,583 --> 00:20:06,750 (hums, beeps) (bubbling) 501 00:20:10,750 --> 00:20:13,083 (elevator door opens, closes) 502 00:20:13,083 --> 00:20:15,291 ♪ ♪ 503 00:20:15,291 --> 00:20:17,792 All: Algae! Algae! 504 00:20:17,792 --> 00:20:19,458 (barking "algae") 505 00:20:19,458 --> 00:20:21,625 Algae. (sighs) Algae. 506 00:20:21,625 --> 00:20:23,000 Algae. (chuckles) 507 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,834 Algae, algae. Algae. 508 00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:27,000 Algae? Algae. 509 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,625 Algae, Algae. Algae! Algae. Algae. 510 00:20:28,625 --> 00:20:30,125 (stressed) Al-gae! Algae, algae. 511 00:20:30,125 --> 00:20:32,375 (crying) Algae! Algae! Algae? 512 00:20:32,375 --> 00:20:33,792 (screams) 513 00:20:33,792 --> 00:20:35,500 (spanks) Algae. 514 00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:36,708 (cries) Algae. (laughs) 515 00:20:36,708 --> 00:20:37,959 Parents: Algae. 516 00:20:37,959 --> 00:20:39,792 ♪ ♪ (passionately) Algae. Algae. 517 00:20:39,792 --> 00:20:41,166 (door opens) Algae? (gasps) 518 00:20:41,166 --> 00:20:42,834 (screams) Algae! Algae, algae! 519 00:20:42,834 --> 00:20:44,417 Algae! Algae? 520 00:20:44,417 --> 00:20:46,542 (sadly) Algae. (clears throat) 521 00:20:46,542 --> 00:20:49,875 Algae, algae. Algae, algae. Algae. 522 00:20:49,875 --> 00:20:52,000 Algae, algae. Algae, algae. 523 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,083 ♪ ♪ Huh! Algae, algae? 524 00:20:54,083 --> 00:20:56,500 Algae, algae. Algae, algae, algae. 525 00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:58,458 (laughs) Algae, algae. Algae. 526 00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:02,000 (chuckles) Algae. 527 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,959 (sniffles) This is good shit. What strain is this again? 528 00:21:04,959 --> 00:21:07,000 Uh, algae? W-- wait. What? 529 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:11,166 Uh, algae, algae. But-- okay, if this is algae, 530 00:21:11,166 --> 00:21:15,208 and I'm algae, then everything is algae, 531 00:21:15,208 --> 00:21:17,000 and then nothing is algae, 532 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:20,125 and nothing matters! Existence is futile! 533 00:21:20,125 --> 00:21:22,625 Life is meaningless! (laughs) 534 00:21:22,625 --> 00:21:24,417 Algae, algae. Shut the fuck up! 535 00:21:24,417 --> 00:21:26,417 Algae! Stop saying "algae"! 536 00:21:26,417 --> 00:21:28,750 Fucking think for once in your life! 537 00:21:28,750 --> 00:21:32,708 (laughing) Algae! Wake up, you fucking sheep! 538 00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:34,875 Mom, Dad! Both: Algae? 539 00:21:34,875 --> 00:21:37,291 Am I alive? Do I matter? 540 00:21:37,291 --> 00:21:40,375 Algae, algae, algae. No! Listen to yourselves! 541 00:21:40,375 --> 00:21:42,500 You're insane! Algae, algae! (gasps) 542 00:21:42,500 --> 00:21:44,542 You! Say something! Algae? 543 00:21:44,542 --> 00:21:47,208 Algae, algae, algae. (screams) This isn't real! 544 00:21:47,208 --> 00:21:49,291 This is a test! There is no God! Others: Algae, algae. 545 00:21:49,291 --> 00:21:52,000 Life is prison! Others: Algae, algae, algae... 546 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:55,959 I am insignificant. My existence carries no weight. 547 00:21:55,959 --> 00:22:00,500 I am ephemeral. I am-- I am nothing. 548 00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:01,834 (barking "algae") 549 00:22:01,834 --> 00:22:04,000 Could you get your fucking dog out of my-- Algae, algae, algae. 550 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,041 Oh. Algae, algae. Oh! Oh, I'm sorry. 551 00:22:06,041 --> 00:22:07,959 Algae, algae, algae. (chuckles) 552 00:22:07,959 --> 00:22:11,667 A-algae, algae. Algae. Algae. 553 00:22:11,667 --> 00:22:13,542 Algae, algae. (chuckles) Algae, algae. 554 00:22:13,542 --> 00:22:15,542 Algae, Algae. A-algae? 555 00:22:15,542 --> 00:22:17,667 Algae, algae. 556 00:22:17,667 --> 00:22:19,750 (chattering) 557 00:22:21,083 --> 00:22:24,375 (slurring) Lumpy, I swear to fucking God, 558 00:22:24,375 --> 00:22:26,125 I put the toilet seat down. 559 00:22:26,125 --> 00:22:28,834 God! What, are you on your period or something? Listen to me, man. 560 00:22:28,834 --> 00:22:30,667 Lumpy's not real, dude! It was a joke, Lumpy. 561 00:22:30,667 --> 00:22:32,500 She's just a side effect of the pellets, man! 562 00:22:32,500 --> 00:22:35,333 Remember the sewers, dude! Remember your family! You're so sensitive. 563 00:22:35,333 --> 00:22:37,708 Having freedom! Freedom? 564 00:22:37,708 --> 00:22:41,417 What is he saying? Don't listen to him. He's a gross little pervert. 565 00:22:41,417 --> 00:22:44,000 Please eat. I-- I don't know, Lumpy. 566 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,500 I mean, I sorta-- I remember tunnels. 567 00:22:46,500 --> 00:22:48,417 You know what? You're thinking of the tube challenge. 568 00:22:48,417 --> 00:22:51,208 The tube challenge? You know, the challenge with all the tubes and all the-- 569 00:22:51,208 --> 00:22:52,959 You're just mixed up, my darling. 570 00:22:52,959 --> 00:22:55,583 You're all mixed up. All mixed up? 571 00:22:55,583 --> 00:22:57,959 Mm-hmm. All mixed up with the tube challenge. 572 00:22:57,959 --> 00:22:59,166 ♪ ♪ 573 00:22:59,166 --> 00:23:00,917 (slurs) "All Mixed Up"? 574 00:23:00,917 --> 00:23:02,917 "All Mixed Up." 575 00:23:02,917 --> 00:23:05,792 Fucking "All Mixed Up," dude. 311! That's it! 576 00:23:05,792 --> 00:23:07,959 (clears throat) Mike, Mike, Mike! 577 00:23:07,959 --> 00:23:12,708 Huh? ♪ You've got to trust your instinct ♪ 578 00:23:12,708 --> 00:23:15,667 Mike, don't listen to him. ♪ And let go of regret ♪ 579 00:23:15,667 --> 00:23:17,125 (emphatically) Eat the pill. 580 00:23:17,125 --> 00:23:18,625 Mike, come back. ♪ You've got to bet ♪ 581 00:23:18,625 --> 00:23:20,959 ♪ On yourself now, star ♪ Come back to my sexiness. 582 00:23:20,959 --> 00:23:22,625 Have you forgotten our love? 583 00:23:22,625 --> 00:23:25,083 Come back and be with me, please. ♪ 'Cause that's your best bet ♪ 584 00:23:25,083 --> 00:23:26,458 (vocalizes music) Lumpy: Come on! 585 00:23:26,458 --> 00:23:28,834 Both: ♪ All mixed up, you don't know what to do ♪ 586 00:23:28,834 --> 00:23:31,542 ♪ Next thing, you turn around and find the person is you ♪ 587 00:23:31,542 --> 00:23:32,875 ♪ Thought a freak might be the thing ♪ 588 00:23:32,875 --> 00:23:34,375 ♪ But the first could be the last ♪ 589 00:23:34,375 --> 00:23:36,667 ♪ So just get off of your ass ♪ 590 00:23:36,667 --> 00:23:38,583 Dude, 311! I know. Right? 591 00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:40,625 Oh my God! So dope, that song. 592 00:23:40,625 --> 00:23:43,000 Dude, I remember the sewers now. Exactly. Right? 593 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,125 Holy shit. Wait, they kidnapped us. What the fuck? 594 00:23:45,125 --> 00:23:47,291 Dude, let's fucking bail. Yeah, no. Fuck this. 595 00:23:47,291 --> 00:23:48,834 Let's leave. Let's get the fuck outta here. 596 00:23:48,834 --> 00:23:52,583 Mike. Mikey. Phil. Philadelphia. 597 00:23:52,583 --> 00:23:56,708 You'll die out there. It's safe here. 598 00:23:56,708 --> 00:24:00,667 You're leaving heaven. You're leaving perfection. 599 00:24:00,667 --> 00:24:03,000 You're telling me you don't want it? 600 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,333 She's definitely not real. No, she's not real at all. 601 00:24:05,333 --> 00:24:07,083 I'm still-- the pill is still in my body... I know. 602 00:24:07,083 --> 00:24:08,875 ...so I'm still-- I'm seeing it too, actually. 603 00:24:08,875 --> 00:24:11,208 Fine, you fucking sewer rats! (sizzling) 604 00:24:11,208 --> 00:24:16,375 Go back to where you belong! You'll burn, you fucking pieces of shit. 605 00:24:16,375 --> 00:24:20,542 (high-pitched) Plague! You are a plague! 606 00:24:20,542 --> 00:24:22,708 (grunts, gasps) 607 00:24:23,959 --> 00:24:26,375 (whistles) Wow. That was... intense. 608 00:24:26,375 --> 00:24:27,667 Yeah. I gotta say. 609 00:24:27,667 --> 00:24:29,291 She really went for it at the end there. 610 00:24:29,291 --> 00:24:30,792 She went very hard, very hard about it. 611 00:24:30,792 --> 00:24:33,000 Wizard of Oz-y sort of thing. Oh, that's what it was. 612 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,083 Yeah, she just melted. Yeah. It was like a Wizard of Oz thing. 613 00:24:35,083 --> 00:24:38,375 Can you untie me and get me some water? Oh yeah, yeah, sorry. 614 00:24:38,375 --> 00:24:39,625 What do you want? What did you say? 615 00:24:39,625 --> 00:24:41,083 Can you untie me and get me some water? 616 00:24:41,083 --> 00:24:43,125 Water. Sorry, the water part-- I was gonna untie you. 617 00:24:43,125 --> 00:24:45,041 I just didn't hear the water part. Got it. Water. 618 00:24:46,834 --> 00:24:49,583 Hey, man. Sorry for what happened there before 619 00:24:49,583 --> 00:24:51,667 with me stealing Lumpy from you and everything. 620 00:24:51,667 --> 00:24:53,250 You know what? It's totally fine, dude. 621 00:24:53,250 --> 00:24:56,583 Now that we both realize she was a figment of both of our imaginations, 622 00:24:56,583 --> 00:24:58,375 I willed that into existence as well. 623 00:24:58,375 --> 00:25:01,166 I'm just glad we can be cool. Yeah, I know. Bros. 624 00:25:01,166 --> 00:25:02,750 Bros. (chuckles) So sick. 625 00:25:03,583 --> 00:25:05,083 (both snap fingers) (grunts) 626 00:25:05,083 --> 00:25:07,917 So, this situation. How do we get outta here? 627 00:25:07,917 --> 00:25:11,083 Umm... okay, here's a pitch. Mm-hmm. 628 00:25:11,083 --> 00:25:13,250 I'll sneak through these bars since I'm super skinny... Uh-huh. 629 00:25:13,250 --> 00:25:15,125 ...and I'll unlock it. And then, Mike, (door squeaks open) 630 00:25:15,125 --> 00:25:17,250 since you're good at mazes, you can navigate us (footsteps) 631 00:25:17,250 --> 00:25:18,667 through air-conditioning units or whatever. 632 00:25:18,667 --> 00:25:20,375 We'll just fucking like... (mimics kicking) 633 00:25:20,375 --> 00:25:22,834 And then we'll just like, "Whoa!" down some fucking slide or some shit. 634 00:25:22,834 --> 00:25:24,917 Then some guy will try to fucking stop us. (whistle tweets) 635 00:25:24,917 --> 00:25:28,041 (coughs) And we fucking just swung across this huge cavern 636 00:25:28,041 --> 00:25:30,417 with some floss or whatever. It was like, "Skloosh!" 637 00:25:30,417 --> 00:25:33,708 Slide into first, safe, dude. Two runs in, dude. (laughs) 638 00:25:33,708 --> 00:25:35,375 (cheering) Reporter: Wait, hold up. 639 00:25:35,375 --> 00:25:39,000 You mean to tell me that all that just worked? You just escaped? 640 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:40,375 Uh... Uh, yeah. 641 00:25:40,375 --> 00:25:42,583 I mean, basically just like that. Yeah. Yeah. Easy-peasy. 642 00:25:42,583 --> 00:25:44,959 (chuckles) Seems like you're skipping over a lot of details. 643 00:25:44,959 --> 00:25:46,542 Listen, dude, he just told you. (chuckles) 644 00:25:46,542 --> 00:25:48,750 Fucking... (mimics kick) and then it was all like... (whooshes) 645 00:25:48,750 --> 00:25:50,291 The whoosh, right? And I was like, "Whoa!" 646 00:25:50,291 --> 00:25:52,250 And then the guy was like-- Did you not hear what Phil said? 647 00:25:52,250 --> 00:25:54,291 Am I not speaking English? You guys need to hear this twice? 648 00:25:54,291 --> 00:25:55,875 You guys need to hear this again? Jesus Christ. 649 00:25:55,875 --> 00:25:57,834 Fine, fine. Back to this Lumpy character. 650 00:25:57,834 --> 00:26:01,375 You mean to tell me she was made up of sawdust, chewed up food, and your own feces? 651 00:26:01,375 --> 00:26:03,917 Yes, sir, that is correct, but Mike and I like to think of it-- 652 00:26:03,917 --> 00:26:05,500 it's on the inside what counts, you know? 653 00:26:05,500 --> 00:26:08,750 Which technically, for her, would be just more fecal matter and shit. 654 00:26:08,750 --> 00:26:10,959 It helped her stick together, just so that's clear. Yeah. 655 00:26:10,959 --> 00:26:12,792 Last question. Rumors are flying. 656 00:26:12,792 --> 00:26:14,625 Did either of you two ever find yourself 657 00:26:14,625 --> 00:26:16,417 in an intimate embrace with Lumpy, 658 00:26:16,417 --> 00:26:17,708 the shit-pile sawdust woman? 659 00:26:17,708 --> 00:26:20,000 Hmm. How do you mean? 660 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:21,542 Did you ever fuck a lump of your own shit? 661 00:26:21,542 --> 00:26:23,917 Both: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 662 00:26:23,917 --> 00:26:27,083 Actually, funny enough, she only did butt stuff to me. 663 00:26:27,083 --> 00:26:29,750 That's interesting. For me, she only held me like a baby, 664 00:26:29,750 --> 00:26:32,041 sang to me, and brushed my hair. That sorta stuff. Mm-hmm. 665 00:26:32,041 --> 00:26:34,166 Ah. Interesting. So, hmm, that's interesting. 666 00:26:34,166 --> 00:26:36,667 Mom: Okay, maybe that's enough questions for now. 667 00:26:36,667 --> 00:26:39,792 We're all very tired. (cheering) 668 00:26:39,792 --> 00:26:41,250 Can you two shake each other's hands 669 00:26:41,250 --> 00:26:43,125 so I can take a black and white photo with a flashbulb? 670 00:26:43,125 --> 00:26:44,834 I don't see why not? Phil: Yeah, sure. 671 00:26:44,834 --> 00:26:47,125 If you can imagine, it'll be right on the cover of the newspaper. 672 00:26:47,125 --> 00:26:48,333 Uh-uh, don't smile. (flash poofs) 673 00:26:48,333 --> 00:26:50,291 Reporter: Pssh! And here it spins. 674 00:26:51,208 --> 00:26:52,333 (rat coughs) 675 00:26:52,333 --> 00:26:53,834 Reporter: Any second now. 676 00:26:55,166 --> 00:26:56,834 Hmm. I don't know-- Oh, there it is. 677 00:26:58,583 --> 00:27:00,667 Ah. Feels good to be home, huh? 678 00:27:00,667 --> 00:27:03,000 It feels good, man. It feels good to be on the air. 679 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,625 Well, in New York City air. Safe and sound. 680 00:27:05,625 --> 00:27:07,041 (train rattles) 681 00:27:07,041 --> 00:27:09,708 (ominous music playing) (coughing) 682 00:27:11,041 --> 00:27:13,708 (speaks indiscernibly) 683 00:27:13,708 --> 00:27:17,375 (speaks indiscernibly) 684 00:27:21,083 --> 00:27:23,542 (hip-hop music playing) (cheering) 685 00:27:25,291 --> 00:27:27,667 Ice-T: ♪ Animals, we back at it ♪ 686 00:27:27,667 --> 00:27:29,834 ♪ First episode, we in with the credits ♪ 687 00:27:29,834 --> 00:27:31,834 ♪ Fleas on the monkey got me feeling kinda funky ♪ 688 00:27:31,834 --> 00:27:34,458 ♪ Who's messing with my head? It must be Lumpy ♪ 689 00:27:34,458 --> 00:27:36,417 ♪ Do the Lumpy now, rip your arm off ♪ 690 00:27:36,417 --> 00:27:38,708 ♪ Scream out loud! Scream out loud ♪ 691 00:27:38,708 --> 00:27:40,750 ♪ Do the Lumpy now, rip your arm off ♪ 692 00:27:40,750 --> 00:27:42,834 ♪ Scream out loud! Scream out loud ♪ 693 00:27:42,834 --> 00:27:45,083 ♪ What's in store for season two? ♪ 694 00:27:45,083 --> 00:27:47,083 ♪ Dr. Labcoat's a shady dude ♪ 695 00:27:47,083 --> 00:27:49,417 ♪ Who's gonna show up? Will the rats ever grow up? ♪ 696 00:27:49,417 --> 00:27:52,250 ♪ Put your dancing shoes on, it's time to blow up ♪ 697 00:27:52,250 --> 00:27:54,333 New York City. (people whooping) 698 00:27:54,333 --> 00:27:56,333 Let me hear it again! Man: Algae! 699 00:27:56,333 --> 00:27:59,458 (all chanting) Algae, Algae, Algae! 700 00:27:59,458 --> 00:28:02,667 Algae, algae, algae! 701 00:28:02,667 --> 00:28:05,750 Algae, algae! Ice-T: Algae, baby. 702 00:28:05,750 --> 00:28:07,417 Phil: All right, I'm gonna go now. 703 00:28:07,417 --> 00:28:09,041 Lemme go. I'm gonna split. Man: Oh yeah! 704 00:28:09,041 --> 00:28:10,542 Check. Oh. Phil: What? 705 00:28:10,542 --> 00:28:11,625 Okay, how much time do we have? 706 00:28:11,625 --> 00:28:13,333 Mike: What happened? It's almost over. 707 00:28:13,333 --> 00:28:15,250 You go, you go. No, you go. 708 00:28:15,250 --> 00:28:16,375 Do it. No, I can't. 709 00:28:16,375 --> 00:28:17,959 Well, now you're putting the pressure on me. 710 00:28:17,959 --> 00:28:19,291 Well, now it's almost over. 711 00:28:19,291 --> 00:28:21,041 It's basically over. I can't. I told you-- Just go. 712 00:28:21,041 --> 00:28:23,083 We should've written it. (sighs) Is Iced-T still here? 713 00:28:23,083 --> 00:28:24,458 Is he still here? Oh my God. He left but-- 714 00:28:24,458 --> 00:28:27,250 Okay, well, now the vanity cards are up and it's over. 715 00:28:31,250 --> 00:28:32,333 JACOB: Wh-- where am I? 716 00:28:32,333 --> 00:28:34,041 (GATE RATTLING) 717 00:28:34,041 --> 00:28:35,375 BIRD: There's no time to explain. 718 00:28:35,375 --> 00:28:37,792 We have a very big date to get to, Jacob, 719 00:28:37,792 --> 00:28:39,542 that I personally cannot miss. 720 00:28:40,125 --> 00:28:42,000 -♪ (METAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -(SCREAMS) 721 00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:43,291 PIGEON: One, two. Keep in place. 722 00:28:43,291 --> 00:28:45,125 -(BOTH SCREAMING) -(EVIL LAUGHTER) 723 00:28:45,125 --> 00:28:47,458 COOK: This is a fairy tale land. The keys are cookies, 724 00:28:47,458 --> 00:28:49,792 underwear is edible, it's a weird place. 725 00:28:49,792 --> 00:28:51,750 Look at this noose. It's just licorice. 726 00:28:51,750 --> 00:28:53,834 ♪ (METAL MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪ 727 00:28:53,834 --> 00:28:54,792 (SPLAT) 728 00:28:55,291 --> 00:28:57,125 You know, you can't kill yourself here, 729 00:28:57,125 --> 00:28:59,208 but the licorice is pretty good. 730 00:29:00,041 --> 00:29:02,125 ♪ (TRIUMPHANT NOTE PLAYING) ♪ 59324

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