All language subtitles for The Opposite Sex and How to Live with Them (1992) 1080p.WEBRip x264-RARBG.1080p.AMZN..WEBRip.DDP2.0.x264-NTb.720p & 1080p.WEBRip [YTS.LT]
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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:42,316 --> 00:00:46,316
www.titlovi.com
2
00:00:49,316 --> 00:00:52,484
Two types of creatures
in the wild kingdom...
3
00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:54,486
The predators and the prey.
4
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:56,488
When we decide to predate...
5
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,791
they had better pray.
6
00:01:00,327 --> 00:01:03,095
Whatever.
7
00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:05,731
You see, life was
simple for David and me.
8
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:07,733
We were captains of our own ships.
9
00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:10,636
We decided when the periscope goes up.
10
00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:12,471
And when the periscope goes down,
11
00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:16,375
when to fire the torpedoes
and who was under attack.
12
00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:21,814
And then David ventured
foolishly into uncharted waters.
13
00:01:21,816 --> 00:01:25,851
# The purpose of a man
is to love a woman
14
00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:30,289
# The purpose of a
woman is to love a man
15
00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:32,458
# So come on, baby,
let's start today
16
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,293
# Come on, baby, let's play
17
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:35,861
# The game of love
18
00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:40,399
# The game of love
19
00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:47,840
# Come on, baby, 'cause
the time is right
20
00:01:47,842 --> 00:01:51,844
# Love your daddy
with all your might
21
00:01:51,846 --> 00:01:56,615
# Put your arms around
me and hold me tight
22
00:01:58,352 --> 00:02:00,886
# Play the game of love
23
00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:04,890
# The purpose of a man
is to love a woman
24
00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:09,228
# The purpose of a
woman is to love a man
25
00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:11,597
# So come on, baby,
let's start today
26
00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:12,898
# Come on, baby, let's play
27
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:15,140
- Ow!
- # The game of love
28
00:02:16,137 --> 00:02:19,805
Aah! Ow.
29
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,773
It's not polite to spy.
30
00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:24,710
I wasn't spying. I was leering.
31
00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:27,312
You know, this thing
reinforces bad viewing habits.
32
00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:29,481
You should learn to look
at a woman as a whole.
33
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,700
Hey, listen.
34
00:02:31,701 --> 00:02:33,918
I'm way too enlightened
to look at women like that.
35
00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:35,821
I meant as opposed to just half.
36
00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:39,892
It's a periscope in a bar. Lighten up.
37
00:02:39,894 --> 00:02:41,527
You just shouldn't look
at women as objects.
38
00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:45,731
Oh, no. You see, I was
looking at women objectively.
39
00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:48,267
You know, I don't care for semantics.
40
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:51,236
Hmm. Too bad. I'm Jewish.
41
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,866
Hey, can I buy you a drink?
42
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:57,776
I don't think so.
43
00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:59,611
The... the whole you?
44
00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:02,881
Ow.
45
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:07,219
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
46
00:03:07,922 --> 00:03:12,558
- Trouble, skipper?
- Uh, flesh wound.
47
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,894
There we go. That's much better.
48
00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:17,396
Mm-hmm. Thank you.
49
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:18,864
Medicinal purposes.
50
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:23,402
Hi!
51
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:25,404
Hey. Oh, you look great.
I've never seen this.
52
00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:27,940
Yes. Well, I can hide
a small child in this.
53
00:03:27,942 --> 00:03:31,310
So you should go for it.
Little dimples, little ass.
54
00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:32,644
Little potential.
55
00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:34,646
You and your potential quotient.
56
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:37,916
Have you got some sort of
potential-calculator device in your head?
57
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:41,553
- I mean, how do you know?
- Zoe, I know the type.
58
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,959
I am in love with that girl.
59
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:53,332
David, that girl intended and
inflicted bodily injury on you.
60
00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:54,866
You don't marry girls like that.
61
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:56,735
You file restraining
orders against them.
62
00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:00,606
- Ho. Spider sense tingling.
- Where?
63
00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:04,009
Don't look. 3:00. Don't look!
64
00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:06,011
I'm sensing a Germanic accent.
65
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:08,247
Swedish. Stewardesses, maybe.
66
00:04:08,249 --> 00:04:11,350
Uh, secretaries. German
bank upstairs. Ah.
67
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:12,818
Two Beck's. Two Beck's.
68
00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:15,060
Cover me. I'm going in.
69
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:22,861
One more furtive glance between you
two, and I will spew piña colada.
70
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:27,599
He is cute.
71
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,902
I was sitting down the end of the bar,
72
00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:32,721
and I was thinking, "Jeez.
73
00:04:32,722 --> 00:04:34,539
I've never met a European
woman who didn't like beer."
74
00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:36,541
I've got two. Is this perfect?
75
00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:37,876
One for you and one for you.
76
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,878
Now, if you don't
like beer, that's fine.
77
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:44,449
Could be now is a good time for beer.
78
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:51,490
For all you know, he may be the sweetest,
most sensitive, evolved guy on the planet.
79
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,796
I like dark beer, actually.
80
00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:00,158
Hanna, Marta, this is
my, uh, good friend David.
81
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:04,803
- Then again...
- Let's go.
82
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:07,873
So, uh, you're both secretaries.
83
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:10,409
No... tellers. Munchen Bank.
84
00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:11,910
I bank there. Yeah.
85
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:13,005
- Bye.
- Bye.
86
00:05:13,030 --> 00:05:17,354
Last week. I, uh, you broke a
Deutschemark for me. Do... do you remember?
87
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:19,651
No. Mnh-mnh.
88
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,921
So, here it is, Friday
night. Early Friday night.
89
00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:26,842
And I'm sure it's only a matter of time
before you revert to shelter mentality...
90
00:05:26,843 --> 00:05:29,094
- ...and say something like...
- I'm so tired. I just want to go home.
91
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:30,796
Exactly.
92
00:05:30,798 --> 00:05:33,865
Zoe, any guy you meet in a
bar picks up women in bars.
93
00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:36,034
Therefore, I can safely
rule out that guy,
94
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:38,937
as cute as he may have been,
just based on the general theory
95
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,806
of guilt by geographic association.
96
00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:44,676
Then I have to ask you, what
were we doing in the bar?
97
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:47,512
We were having a drink.
98
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:50,415
Okay. We were spending
some time together.
99
00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:53,585
- We live together.
- All right, Zoe. Okay.
100
00:05:53,586 --> 00:05:55,419
We were scoping and scamming,
just like everybody else.
101
00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:57,923
- Are you happy?
- Was that so hard?
102
00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,658
Oh.
103
00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:02,828
Red line outbound. Next
stop, Harvard square.
104
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:07,799
Oh, perfect. Ten of my
favorite pickup lines,
105
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:11,403
25 bucks worth of drinks,
a whole lot of wasted charm
106
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:13,805
only to find out that
Hanna and Marta were lovers.
107
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:16,458
- I hate that.
- Yeah. Go figure.
108
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:17,942
Well, the night's not a total wash, huh?
109
00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:20,112
We'll go catch a little Joe
down at the Cantab Lounge.
110
00:06:20,114 --> 00:06:21,847
- What do you say?
- Oh, great. Great.
111
00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:25,550
Oh, please tell me you've
gotten over the finger crusher.
112
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,652
Yeah, well...
113
00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:30,822
- The memory lingers a bit, yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
114
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:32,824
But you've got the answer
for that, don't you?
115
00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:34,893
Sure, I do.
116
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:36,961
We erase that memory by
staying out all night,
117
00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:38,897
destroying our brain cells with alcohol
118
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,165
and sociopathic behavior.
119
00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:43,702
Easy solutions to life's
difficult problems.
120
00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:47,773
- I feel better.
- Of course you do.
121
00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:52,978
So we stayed out all night and drank
Tequila, and neither one of us scored.
122
00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:58,483
I, uh, of course, succeeded in the
research-and-development department.
123
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:04,656
Andrea. Mm-hmm.
652-94...
124
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:07,492
I don't remember Andrea.
125
00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:11,663
Aha. Yeah. Mimi. Mimi, I remember.
126
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:15,000
627-43...
127
00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:17,669
I don't remember Mimi.
128
00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:20,639
That's the problem with Tequila.
129
00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:22,107
Mimi.
130
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:26,978
# Take me out to the ball game
131
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:31,216
# Take me out with the crowd
132
00:07:31,218 --> 00:07:35,053
# Buy me some peanuts
and Cracker Jack
133
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:39,591
Oh, he is too darling. I love him.
134
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:44,696
- That is an MVP ass.
- No. It's entirely too small.
135
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:48,486
- No! No!
- I'm telling you, it's too small.
136
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:52,304
- There. Big enough for you?
- Whoa!
137
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,065
Now, that's better.
138
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:03,982
Peanuts! Get your peanuts!
139
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,917
Yeah! All right! Here!
140
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:07,886
Comin' at ya! Here you go. Honey!
141
00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:09,120
Peanuts!
142
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:12,591
Peanuts!
143
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,962
Beer here. Beer.
144
00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:19,898
- Yo. Two beers.
- Light?
145
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:22,767
- What?
- Light beer?
146
00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:24,836
Do I look like a pussy?
147
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:31,209
- Here you go.
- Thanks, pal.
148
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:33,211
Beer here.
149
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:36,915
- Spider sense tingling.
- Oh, your spider sense is fucked.
150
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:41,019
No, I wish. Red hair, blue top.
151
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:42,820
It's Winnie the Pooh and
Tigger, too, from last night.
152
00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:45,408
- No.
- Yes.
153
00:08:45,433 --> 00:08:46,958
How many chicks have the joker's hair?
154
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,960
- Joker has green hair, asshole.
- Cracker Jacks here. Cracker Jacks.
155
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:51,229
- What did I say?
- Garcon!
156
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:53,598
Cracker Jacks. Cracker Jacks.
Um, yeah. Cracker Jack here.
157
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,767
All right. Hey, Cracker
Jacks, everybody.
158
00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,202
Peanuts, Cracker Jacks a buck.
159
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,737
You got any Cracker Jack?
160
00:08:58,739 --> 00:08:59,905
- Give me a minute here.
- Plenty of Cracker Jacks.
161
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:03,108
Anybody for peanuts and Cracker Jacks?
162
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:06,111
Yeah. Yeah!
163
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:09,581
All right. Now, listen. Do me a favor.
164
00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:12,918
Bring this down, please,
to that lady in blue.
165
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,819
What do I look like, a freakin' mailman?
166
00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:20,325
- Here. Look. Buy yourself a beer.
- Hey. Special delivery.
167
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,061
Look. They're not
even watching the game.
168
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:26,598
It looks like they're checking
out Bruno's back. Look.
169
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,768
- Come on, batter!
- Play ball!
170
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:32,237
Okay. I bet she goes for
the toy surprise first.
171
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:36,240
- What's this?
- What do I know? Secret admirer.
172
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:40,845
- Secret admirer.
- Wow!
173
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:44,182
Come on! Come on!
174
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:50,021
That's hysterical!
175
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:04,002
- They're back.
- And they're really dorky-looking.
176
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:06,004
And they're right behind
you. How about that, huh?
177
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:08,273
Oh, you know, you really
shouldn't look at men like this.
178
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:11,710
It's demeaning. Visual
dismemberment, remember?
179
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:14,813
All right, lighten up. It's
just a day at the ball park.
180
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:18,683
I think I'm gonna have to give the nod to
Mattingly for the best seat in the majors.
181
00:10:18,685 --> 00:10:20,852
Are you nuts? What about Bo?
182
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,988
I mean, are we talking
size or shape here?
183
00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:25,724
I think I'm secure
enough in my own sexuality
184
00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:28,693
to say that Mattingly's ass
kicks ass on any other ass.
185
00:10:28,695 --> 00:10:30,862
You are so enlightened.
186
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:33,798
- Uh, I'm David.
- Carrie.
187
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:37,836
- Eli Mattingly. How are you?
- Hi. I'm Zoe.
188
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:40,939
- I see you brought a glove.
- Um, it's Zoe's.
189
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:43,108
We could tell. It kind
of matches her hair.
190
00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:45,877
Oh! Well, if it were skin tone,
191
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:48,013
I guess I could say the
same thing about you.
192
00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:50,248
Ouch. A hair-loss joke. Very good.
193
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:53,917
Luckily for me, women are very
attracted to a receding hairline.
194
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:57,222
- Oh, I don't think so.
- I said
women.
195
00:10:57,224 --> 00:11:00,191
You know, if you're
gonna make the catch, um,
196
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:02,961
it's easier if you do it like this.
197
00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:03,928
- Yeah.
- There you go.
198
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:06,931
- Okay. Thank you.
- Sure.
199
00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:10,769
Course, I don't think there's gonna
be any homers with the wind blowing in.
200
00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:15,073
Oh!
201
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:18,977
Great grab.
202
00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:21,846
Of course, when you hit
it that hard, you know,
203
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:24,082
cuts right through that wind.
204
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:26,851
Throw it back! Throw it back!
205
00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,486
Throw it back!
206
00:11:28,487 --> 00:11:30,120
House rules... Bleacher
etiquette dictates
207
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:33,024
that you got to throw back
a homer by the opposition.
208
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:36,728
Throw it back! Throw
it back! Throw it back!
209
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:40,365
Yes! A woman after my own heart.
210
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:45,203
So, um, how about an autograph
and, uh, phone number?
211
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:49,774
- It was on the ball. Yeah.
- No.
212
00:11:50,777 --> 00:11:52,310
No!
213
00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:54,846
No!
214
00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:55,847
Ohh!
215
00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:59,150
- Ah, chill, babe. It ain't over.
- It's over.
216
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:03,755
- No, it isn't. Lick me.
- What are we, Siegfried and Roy?
217
00:12:03,757 --> 00:12:06,291
Aw! Ick!
218
00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:13,264
- And?
Voilà .
- Hmm.
219
00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:17,402
So I give the number
on the tattoo to Eli.
220
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:18,903
I thought it would be a laugh.
221
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:21,506
And what happens? David calls Carrie.
222
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:23,341
Carrie blows up at me.
223
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:26,411
See, she thinks David
is hugely unimpressive.
224
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:29,914
So I go, "Fine. If David
is so hugely unimpressive,
225
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:32,784
why have you accepted his
invitation to the movies?"
226
00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:35,320
So she goes, "Well, I
felt sorry for the guy.
227
00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:37,021
He sounded so desperate."
228
00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:42,160
Then she locks herself in the bathroom
and removes all superfluous body hair.
229
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:44,329
I'm worried.
230
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:50,969
The three F's of dating...
231
00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:53,037
One... film, two... food,
232
00:12:53,039 --> 00:12:55,940
- three... fuck.
- Can you write that down?
233
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,942
You'll remember. You're gonna be fine.
234
00:12:57,944 --> 00:13:01,863
- And you're gonna need this.
- What's that?
235
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:03,814
- Remember how Batman had a utility belt?
- Yeah.
236
00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:06,317
Yeah, well, he should've had one of
these. He would've done a lot better.
237
00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:09,053
I got everything you need
for the date, all right?
238
00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:11,055
I got a tongue depressor in here.
239
00:13:11,057 --> 00:13:13,892
- I got a little dental dam here for you.
- What is that?
240
00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:16,394
Safe sex includes our
dear friend fellatio.
241
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:17,862
- Hiya.
- Hi.
242
00:13:17,863 --> 00:13:19,329
Where do you get this stuff?
243
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:21,800
Remember the dental
hygienist I was dating?
244
00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:24,436
Kept a few samples.
245
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:27,071
Now, the condoms are from
my own personal stock, huh?
246
00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:28,439
The good stuff.
247
00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:31,976
Eli, look, it's... It's a first date.
248
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:35,046
It's, well, my future wife.
249
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:37,549
We have film? Yes.
250
00:13:37,551 --> 00:13:40,018
Food? Probably.
251
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:42,020
Anything else after
that, I can't really say.
252
00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:44,189
All right.
253
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:46,670
Worst comes to worst,
you make balloon animals.
254
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:51,296
- So I haven't been to a movie
- So, what do you, uh...
255
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:53,298
So, uh... I'm sorry.
256
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:54,999
No, sorry. What?
257
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:57,135
No, just... you haven't
been to a movie, or...
258
00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:58,903
No, what were you gonna say?
259
00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:03,274
Um, uh, what... what do
you do? That, actually.
260
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,577
Mm. I work for the mayor.
261
00:14:05,579 --> 00:14:07,512
Our mayor?
262
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:11,616
Your mayor. I-I work in his
office. I mean, for his office.
263
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:14,085
- Hey.
- Hey.
264
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,187
Sounds... sounds impressive.
265
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,223
It's not.
266
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:19,991
Well, I'm impressed.
267
00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:21,459
Yeah?
268
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:24,462
Well, you're easily impressed.
I like that in a man.
269
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:27,432
I'll remember that.
270
00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:35,907
- This guy is kicking my seat.
- Oh, I hate that.
271
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:39,577
Hey, could you just knock it off?
272
00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:41,112
Knock what off?
273
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:43,281
- Well, anyway, you see that guy there?
- Yeah.
274
00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:47,018
- Are they bothering you?
- Do you want to move?
275
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:49,387
No.
276
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:52,156
Hey. Why bother whispering?
277
00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,098
# Oh, darling...
278
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,567
Talk about violence in the movies.
279
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:05,003
Boy, your eye is really swollen.
280
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:08,072
You know, you should've told
me. We wouldn't have stayed.
281
00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:10,074
No, no, no. It's... glancing blow.
282
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:13,544
- I wanted you to see the movie.
- Oh, that's very thoughtful of you.
283
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:17,916
- Ooh. Is that better?
- Considerably.
284
00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:19,550
Thanks.
285
00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:29,093
So, um... What are you gonna have?
286
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:30,962
Uh...
287
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:32,297
Strudel sounds good.
288
00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:34,966
Oh, no. No. You never order the strudel.
289
00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:38,970
See, restaurants always are out of it,
so they try and push the cheesecake on you
290
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:40,438
'cause they have too much of that.
291
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:44,976
- You ready?
- Uh, yeah. I'm gonna have the strudel.
292
00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:48,346
- We're out.
- Well, gee, what do you recommend?
293
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:51,115
Cheesecake is good.
294
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:52,450
- Soup.
- Soup.
295
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:55,019
- Large bowl?
- Two spoons.
296
00:15:55,021 --> 00:15:56,621
Hmm. How romantic.
297
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:59,223
I'm charging you for the extra spoon.
298
00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:00,625
I'll splurge.
299
00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:06,631
So, what did you call
those things in the soup?
300
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:09,467
- You're not Jewish, are you?
- No.
301
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,135
I'm from Wellesley,
302
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:15,206
a suburb rivaled only by Green
Acres in ethnic diversity.
303
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:16,641
Okay. All right.
304
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:21,179
Well, the little round things are called matzo
balls, or knaidlach, called by my people.
305
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:24,215
Um, little ravioli things
are called kreplach,
306
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:26,751
invented while we were wandering in
the desert and needed something to eat
307
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,720
after throwing all the
knaidlach at our enemies.
308
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:32,991
I knew that.
309
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,394
Well, thanks for seeing my movie.
310
00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:38,062
- Sure.
- Did you like it?
311
00:16:38,064 --> 00:16:40,365
Uh, no.
312
00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:42,533
I-I liked you.
313
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:46,070
The way that you laughed
at all the wrong stuff.
314
00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:49,173
And cried with her.
315
00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:53,277
You're not cynical.
316
00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:58,149
You surrendered yourself to the story.
317
00:16:59,319 --> 00:17:01,686
I like that.
318
00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:13,681
Um, you know, David,
319
00:17:13,682 --> 00:17:16,099
I-I don't think that we should
get into anything physical.
320
00:17:16,102 --> 00:17:19,604
Ow! Ooh. That hurts.
321
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:22,306
That's one of those cliché lines
they teach them to say in
Cosmo,
322
00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:23,641
and she just fired it right at him.
323
00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,927
Real nice.
324
00:17:25,928 --> 00:17:28,212
I mean, the guy just wanted
a kiss, not
The Story of O.
325
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:31,382
I-I didn't...
326
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,451
Could you please repeat that?
327
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:37,555
I just don't think we
should rush into anything.
328
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:43,127
- What changed your mind?
- I started kissing you.
329
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:49,200
- What was that?
- The lamp.
330
00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:51,069
Oh.
331
00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:54,072
- What was that?
- Cat.
332
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:55,073
Oh.
333
00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:57,842
W-whoa!
334
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:04,115
- Haagen-dazs?
- Don't panic, dude.
335
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:07,785
We're like hell's angels.
We share everything.
336
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:29,307
Oh, I'm sorry.
337
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:31,175
M-maybe we can fix it or something.
338
00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:33,111
That's my parents' wedding picture.
339
00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:34,412
It's 35 years old.
340
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:36,347
Shit.
341
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:41,619
Well, maybe we can glue it or... something.
- I'll be right back.
342
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:47,692
Keep away from my precious daughter.
343
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:51,546
- Kenneth, they're just necking.
- Oh, yes?
344
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:55,366
Well, maybe we better check the
contents of his bat utility belt.
345
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:59,237
With all due respect, sir,
we are consenting adults.
346
00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:02,840
Carrie is an adult,
and you are consenting.
347
00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:06,811
My daughter is not going to be
another one of your little conquests.
348
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:09,847
- Do you hear me, young man?
- Kenneth.
349
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,649
David, I'm sorry, but, um...
350
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:16,220
It's late, and I have to
be at aerobics at 5:30.
351
00:19:16,222 --> 00:19:17,388
- A.M.?
- Mm-hmm.
352
00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:19,557
Bryant Gumbel sleeps later than that.
353
00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:22,894
No. I-I understand.
354
00:19:22,896 --> 00:19:24,228
It's...
355
00:19:24,230 --> 00:19:28,566
- Um, here.
- Thanks.
356
00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:30,801
I'm kind of tired myself.
357
00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:35,306
- Good night.
- Good night.
358
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:43,814
Gentlemen, we came, we
saw, we kicked pomboose.
359
00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:47,351
Ah. Next week, try 5:00,
5:30. Any questions?
360
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:50,221
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crown's date
...Uh, recap, inning by inning.
361
00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:51,722
We lucked out in this market, babe.
362
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:53,391
Oh, we got duffed.
363
00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:56,594
Suffice to say, I haven't seen
any balloon-animal giraffes
364
00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:58,362
roaming the streets of our fair town.
365
00:19:58,364 --> 00:19:59,830
This Carrie chick... What does she do?
366
00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:01,699
Uh, mayor's office.
367
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,534
Uh, speech-writing,
fund-raising...
368
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:05,536
- ...staff work for the mayor.
- Hey, can she fix my parking tickets?
369
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:06,737
Can she fix me up?
370
00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:08,706
Ooh. You should see this chick, man.
371
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:11,375
- Brunette, baby blues.
- Hey.
372
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:12,877
- Titties?
- Nice.
373
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:17,448
Very nice. Perhaps the perfect woman.
374
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,384
- Eli, gentlemen.
- Uh-huh.
375
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:23,977
Now, the perfect woman is
more than simply a genetically
376
00:20:24,002 --> 00:20:26,224
desirable combination of tits and ass.
377
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:28,859
Oh, at last... a real man.
378
00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:32,630
She's also rich, cooks,
and pees standing up.
379
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:33,931
Pigs.
380
00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:40,271
I feel terrible about this.
381
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:44,008
I mean, you suppose Carrie and her friends
are sitting around, schmoozing like this?
382
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:45,910
What, do you think she's a cheerleader?
383
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:48,813
She's not sitting around like
Olivia Newton-John in
Grease, pal.
384
00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:50,881
# Tell me more, tell me more
385
00:20:50,883 --> 00:20:52,883
# Was it love at first sight?
386
00:20:58,524 --> 00:21:00,625
Solid shot on the left-hand lane.
387
00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:01,993
So Ferraro, who's playing a little...
388
00:21:01,995 --> 00:21:03,894
You gonna call her?
389
00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:06,264
- Hmm?
- Carrie chick.
390
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:09,934
Maybe. Just maybe.
391
00:21:12,038 --> 00:21:15,773
You know, Care, there's no rule
that says you can't call him.
392
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:18,909
You realize, of course,
there's only two scenarios here.
393
00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:22,280
If you got laid, there's
no reason to call her again.
394
00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:25,583
And if you didn't, no
reason to call her again.
395
00:21:25,585 --> 00:21:31,255
The beach master is the most
respected and exalted of all the males.
396
00:21:31,256 --> 00:21:33,690
But notice when the
female enters his focuses,
397
00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:38,963
even the revered beach master
is struck by innate awkwardness.
398
00:21:38,965 --> 00:21:42,400
All he does now is lie there, inert,
399
00:21:42,402 --> 00:21:44,902
like a giant bowl of marmalade,
400
00:21:44,904 --> 00:21:48,572
while she waits... and waits...
401
00:21:48,574 --> 00:21:49,907
And waits.
402
00:21:49,909 --> 00:21:55,346
The female understands this ritual. But
that does not make it any easier for her.
403
00:21:55,348 --> 00:21:59,383
As the beach master feigns
supposed indifference,
404
00:21:59,385 --> 00:22:06,490
this stalemate can only be broken if he
and she leave their respective fields,
405
00:22:06,492 --> 00:22:11,780
And meet in a neutral area, perhaps
here, in the ocean's icy depths...
406
00:22:11,805 --> 00:22:12,930
...to frolic.
407
00:22:17,970 --> 00:22:21,839
- One of my favorites.
- Yeah, me too.
408
00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:24,508
- Its
Colors, right?
- No, no.
409
00:22:24,510 --> 00:22:28,112
It's just that whenever I've been scalped
with a particularly treacherous haircut,
410
00:22:28,114 --> 00:22:29,947
I check out the Vin-Man's do.
411
00:22:29,949 --> 00:22:32,817
Come on. The guy could
care less about appearances.
412
00:22:32,819 --> 00:22:35,486
I mean, the way he perceived
the world in his mind,
413
00:22:35,488 --> 00:22:36,654
he... he was a genius.
414
00:22:36,656 --> 00:22:39,056
Yeah, agreed, albeit
a sick, nutty genius.
415
00:22:39,058 --> 00:22:43,247
This is a guy who lopped off his ear
and federal-expressed it to his honey.
416
00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:49,967
Vinny, babe, what
were you thinking, huh?
417
00:22:49,969 --> 00:22:51,836
Walk with me. Talk to me.
418
00:22:51,838 --> 00:22:53,904
You don't cut off anything for anybody.
419
00:22:53,906 --> 00:22:56,941
Not above the waist, not
below. It ain't worth it.
420
00:22:56,943 --> 00:23:00,111
Do you remember Samson at all?
421
00:23:00,113 --> 00:23:02,480
I don't care if
Michelle fucking Pfeiffer
422
00:23:02,482 --> 00:23:04,582
and Madonna want to give
you a pedicure and a trim.
423
00:23:04,584 --> 00:23:07,451
The answer is no. No can do.
424
00:23:07,453 --> 00:23:09,620
Yeah. O-okay.
425
00:23:09,622 --> 00:23:12,423
Look, I really don't think
it's a mistake on our part.
426
00:23:12,425 --> 00:23:15,126
But if it is, you can be sure
I'll get to the bottom of it.
427
00:23:17,463 --> 00:23:21,465
Yeah, zoning law
passed on July 14, 1973.
428
00:23:21,467 --> 00:23:23,134
Next time you don't do your homework,
429
00:23:23,136 --> 00:23:25,536
bring a note from your mother.
430
00:23:26,038 --> 00:23:28,038
All right. Terrific.
431
00:23:29,041 --> 00:23:30,608
Fax me.
432
00:23:30,610 --> 00:23:32,727
All right. I want a
Turkey on whole wheat.
433
00:23:32,728 --> 00:23:34,845
Tell Linda whatever you want. We'll go
through the North End as we eat, okay?
434
00:23:34,847 --> 00:23:38,015
- Hey, David.
- I thought I'd take you out to lunch.
435
00:23:38,017 --> 00:23:40,885
Oh, I'm sorry. Adam, did you meet David?
436
00:23:40,887 --> 00:23:42,019
No.
437
00:23:42,922 --> 00:23:44,889
- Nice to meet you.
- How are you?
438
00:23:44,891 --> 00:23:46,891
I would love to, but I
got so much to do, hon.
439
00:23:46,893 --> 00:23:48,893
Why don't you go ahead?
I'll take care of it.
440
00:23:48,895 --> 00:23:51,896
No, no. It's okay. I-I understand.
441
00:23:51,898 --> 00:23:54,932
Okay. Sorry.
442
00:23:57,703 --> 00:24:00,504
Hey, how about a movie tonight?
443
00:24:00,506 --> 00:24:01,672
Is Adam coming?
444
00:24:01,674 --> 00:24:05,576
He'd love to, but Thursday
nights is his gay-rights meeting.
445
00:24:05,578 --> 00:24:08,012
- Really?
- No.
446
00:24:08,014 --> 00:24:10,448
But I thought it'd make you feel better.
447
00:24:20,059 --> 00:24:23,411
- Coffee? That's all? Coffee?
- Yes, coffee.
448
00:24:23,412 --> 00:24:24,829
- The stuff from Brazil?
- In a cup?
449
00:24:24,831 --> 00:24:27,131
You know, I'd also like to have the...
450
00:24:27,133 --> 00:24:28,833
Never mind.
451
00:24:28,835 --> 00:24:30,968
There's a $2.50 minimum per person.
452
00:24:30,970 --> 00:24:33,571
We understand and
accept your conditions.
453
00:24:34,974 --> 00:24:36,474
I never liked you.
454
00:24:36,476 --> 00:24:39,009
Yes, we know that. And that's okay.
455
00:24:41,881 --> 00:24:44,915
Why didn't you let me order?
456
00:24:49,822 --> 00:24:52,690
Strudel! Your own recipe?
457
00:24:52,692 --> 00:24:54,225
Entenmann's.
458
00:24:57,763 --> 00:24:59,230
Oh!
459
00:24:59,232 --> 00:25:01,112
- New lamp.
- Oh.
460
00:25:03,836 --> 00:25:05,002
Same cat?
461
00:25:08,140 --> 00:25:09,139
- Oh!
- Oh!
462
00:25:12,178 --> 00:25:14,011
Wait. No roommate?
463
00:25:14,013 --> 00:25:18,749
- Zoe's gone the whole weekend.
- Let's get the Haagen-dazs.
464
00:25:26,893 --> 00:25:30,027
- Here. There.
- Where?
465
00:25:31,731 --> 00:25:33,564
And this is supposed to prove...?
466
00:25:33,566 --> 00:25:35,733
How gullible you are after great sex.
467
00:25:35,735 --> 00:25:37,568
Yeah? And you need proof?
468
00:25:37,570 --> 00:25:41,839
Actually, the melting point will
determine the hottest part of your body...
469
00:25:41,841 --> 00:25:45,009
- And, thus, the most susceptible.
- Oh, come on! It's running!
470
00:25:45,011 --> 00:25:48,012
- The most sensitive.
- David, these are new sheets.
471
00:25:48,014 --> 00:25:50,714
The most erogenous.
472
00:25:50,716 --> 00:25:53,717
This is like some bizarre
checkup from Mr. Freeze.
473
00:25:53,719 --> 00:25:55,853
Wait till you see my bill.
474
00:25:55,855 --> 00:25:59,990
If you fuck her, she will come.
475
00:26:02,862 --> 00:26:05,863
Stop. Stop.
476
00:26:05,865 --> 00:26:09,199
If you fuck her, she will come.
477
00:26:09,201 --> 00:26:11,201
Oh.
478
00:26:11,203 --> 00:26:12,736
Psst.
479
00:26:12,738 --> 00:26:15,739
Psst. David! Listen up.
480
00:26:15,741 --> 00:26:17,374
Champ, you looked good.
481
00:26:17,375 --> 00:26:19,008
You looked good. It
was great, wonderful.
482
00:26:19,009 --> 00:26:20,642
Right now you're in the
grips of her hormonal madness,
483
00:26:20,643 --> 00:26:22,276
which is good. Don't get me
wrong. It's a lot of fun to watch.
484
00:26:22,281 --> 00:26:24,982
Just don't get carried away
here, okay? This is business.
485
00:26:24,984 --> 00:26:27,284
All right? Stick and
move. Stick and move.
486
00:26:27,286 --> 00:26:30,054
I mean, don't let your emotions
get the better of you here.
487
00:26:30,056 --> 00:26:32,856
Very important. And, David...
488
00:26:32,858 --> 00:26:37,595
Whatever you do, do not... I
repeat... do not spend the night.
489
00:26:40,866 --> 00:26:43,000
Either I've developed a
horrible scalp problem...
490
00:26:43,002 --> 00:26:45,903
or I have rum raisin all in my hair.
491
00:26:45,905 --> 00:26:47,938
Oh, here. Let me do it.
492
00:26:47,940 --> 00:26:50,674
- You don't have to.
- I want to.
493
00:26:54,947 --> 00:26:57,114
- How's that?
- Mmm...
494
00:26:57,116 --> 00:27:01,952
- Oh, you like that?
- Mm-hmm.
495
00:27:05,124 --> 00:27:08,826
I remember when I was little...
496
00:27:08,828 --> 00:27:12,663
my dad used to do this for
me when I couldn't sleep.
497
00:27:12,665 --> 00:27:15,399
Would you do this for me every night?
498
00:27:15,401 --> 00:27:18,235
Comb her hair every
night? What am I, nuts?
499
00:27:18,237 --> 00:27:23,240
The implication of that
question is downright unnerving.
500
00:27:23,242 --> 00:27:27,978
But you know, sometimes you...
just can't help yourself.
501
00:27:29,048 --> 00:27:32,916
I mean, you got to say what you feel.
502
00:27:32,918 --> 00:27:35,953
Sometimes it... it just comes out.
503
00:27:43,029 --> 00:27:45,029
Absolutely.
504
00:27:45,031 --> 00:27:48,198
I would do this for you every night.
505
00:27:58,878 --> 00:28:00,318
That's right.
506
00:28:00,343 --> 00:28:04,637
We call the following stage in this
new relationship "the sickening phase,"
507
00:28:04,662 --> 00:28:09,321
during which he doesn't care if she
window-shops for 31/2 hours nonstop,
508
00:28:09,346 --> 00:28:13,724
and she suddenly loves to measure
the firing gap in his spark plugs.
509
00:28:13,726 --> 00:28:18,895
And they feed each other and stroll
together with these "Kumbaya" smiles,
510
00:28:18,898 --> 00:28:22,933
and when they do actually
speak, it's that baby talk.
511
00:28:22,935 --> 00:28:26,904
You know the baby talk you
share only with your loved one,
512
00:28:26,906 --> 00:28:30,441
'cause you know that shit don't
fly at work with your buddies.
513
00:28:30,443 --> 00:28:33,911
The rigors of courtship completed,
514
00:28:33,913 --> 00:28:36,814
all animals enjoy a period of bliss,
515
00:28:36,816 --> 00:28:38,449
known as "the sickening phase."
516
00:28:38,451 --> 00:28:43,387
Here are the zebra,
the penguin, the ape.
517
00:28:43,389 --> 00:28:48,242
Perhaps the most intriguing species
to observe during this phase...
518
00:28:48,267 --> 00:28:51,912
...is the human being. The couple.
519
00:28:51,913 --> 00:28:55,466
Here we see them deriving mutual
pleasures from feeding ducks.
520
00:28:55,468 --> 00:28:57,618
Oops.
521
00:28:57,619 --> 00:28:59,819
They have sensed our camera's presence.
522
00:29:00,740 --> 00:29:03,307
They have decided to move on.
523
00:29:03,309 --> 00:29:07,044
Here we see them walking
arm in arm down a path,
524
00:29:07,046 --> 00:29:09,847
and... no. W-we are scientists.
525
00:29:09,849 --> 00:29:11,315
We are from nature films!
526
00:29:11,317 --> 00:29:12,783
We... oh! I'm s...
527
00:29:12,785 --> 00:29:13,984
Oh, shit! Mad!
528
00:29:13,986 --> 00:29:15,919
Oh, God! Philippe!
529
00:29:15,921 --> 00:29:17,971
Cut.
530
00:29:17,972 --> 00:29:20,022
Another salient
characteristic of this phase...
531
00:29:20,025 --> 00:29:24,394
The loyal friends of the afflicted
couple may as well drop off the planet.
532
00:29:24,396 --> 00:29:26,256
I mean, forget midnight pig-outs,
533
00:29:26,281 --> 00:29:29,081
when the only thing that kept
you from joining a convent...
534
00:29:29,106 --> 00:29:31,835
was four bags of garlic potato
chips and your best friend.
535
00:29:31,837 --> 00:29:33,270
Forget your best friend.
536
00:29:33,272 --> 00:29:36,974
I mean, she's a Siamese
twin, and three's a crowd.
537
00:29:37,877 --> 00:29:41,411
Of course, she still
has to meet his friends.
538
00:29:45,384 --> 00:29:48,218
So, how long have you known David?
539
00:29:48,220 --> 00:29:50,053
Oh, David?
540
00:29:50,055 --> 00:29:52,156
Uh, David's one of my
oldest and closest friends.
541
00:29:52,158 --> 00:29:55,459
I mean, he's a really, really great guy.
542
00:29:55,461 --> 00:29:58,195
I mean, you're really
lucky to have snagged him.
543
00:29:58,197 --> 00:30:01,999
- I mean, he's a great guy, really.
- Yeah, I know.
544
00:30:02,001 --> 00:30:07,888
- Good friend, great guy. I mean it.
- I believe you.
545
00:30:07,889 --> 00:30:09,939
That's why it hurts me so much
that I have to ask you out.
546
00:30:09,942 --> 00:30:11,625
Excuse me?
547
00:30:11,626 --> 00:30:15,479
Normally, I would think twice about
hitting on a friend's chick like this.
548
00:30:15,481 --> 00:30:19,183
But, Carrie, you're just
too awesome to let go.
549
00:30:21,287 --> 00:30:25,389
- Let go.
- Hmm.
550
00:30:27,927 --> 00:30:30,494
- Mm, what do you got there?
- Drop dead.
551
00:30:30,496 --> 00:30:32,563
#You know I like it
552
00:30:32,565 --> 00:30:35,933
# I like it, I like it
553
00:30:35,935 --> 00:30:38,335
# You know I like it
554
00:30:38,337 --> 00:30:41,071
# I like it, and I love you so
555
00:30:41,073 --> 00:30:42,406
What are you doing?
556
00:30:42,408 --> 00:30:44,975
Oh, I gotta judge the
perfect-breast competition.
557
00:30:44,977 --> 00:30:46,543
What do you think?
558
00:30:46,545 --> 00:30:51,114
Well, I don't think that there, um...
should be chocolate-chip cookies.
559
00:30:51,116 --> 00:30:52,449
You're right. They're too small.
560
00:30:52,451 --> 00:30:55,085
Hey, can I get a couple
cupcakes down here?!
561
00:30:55,087 --> 00:30:57,554
# Feel it, feel it
562
00:30:57,556 --> 00:31:00,357
# Baby, let me feel it
563
00:31:00,359 --> 00:31:03,026
# Feel it, feel it
564
00:31:03,028 --> 00:31:05,395
# In my soul
565
00:31:05,397 --> 00:31:07,464
Friendly face at last.
566
00:31:07,466 --> 00:31:10,300
- # Feel it in my soul
- Hiya.
567
00:31:10,302 --> 00:31:12,302
Hey, well, what are you making?
568
00:31:12,304 --> 00:31:15,005
Well, you know, they have their
perfect-breast competition,
569
00:31:15,007 --> 00:31:17,241
so I thought I'd sculpt
the perfect penis.
570
00:31:17,243 --> 00:31:20,644
- Isn't it a dream come true?
- Hey!
571
00:31:20,646 --> 00:31:22,279
# You know I like it
572
00:31:22,281 --> 00:31:23,914
# I like it
573
00:31:23,916 --> 00:31:26,383
Fellas! Look!
574
00:31:26,385 --> 00:31:29,920
Looks like something out
of
Dune. Nice job, Zoe.
575
00:31:29,922 --> 00:31:31,154
- Hey, you.
- No.
576
00:31:31,156 --> 00:31:33,557
Yes. We need more
bodies for strip twister.
577
00:31:33,559 --> 00:31:34,892
- Zoe!
- Yes!
578
00:31:34,894 --> 00:31:36,093
Aaah!
579
00:31:36,095 --> 00:31:38,028
So jealous.
580
00:31:38,898 --> 00:31:41,899
Hey, wait for me! I'm double-jointed!
581
00:31:41,901 --> 00:31:44,234
Wait! I can do amazing things!
582
00:31:44,236 --> 00:31:47,938
Right hand, blue. Left hand, yellow.
583
00:31:47,940 --> 00:31:50,574
Very nice.
584
00:31:50,575 --> 00:31:53,209
Babies. You see, I'm a guy
who knows a lot about babies.
585
00:31:53,212 --> 00:31:56,013
# I want to love somebody
586
00:31:56,015 --> 00:31:59,216
I'm not having a good time.
587
00:31:59,218 --> 00:32:02,185
Oh, was Eli cheating again?
588
00:32:02,187 --> 00:32:07,124
You know, you cannot trust that guy
to call a clean round of strip twister.
589
00:32:07,126 --> 00:32:09,026
Yeah, he made up the colors.
590
00:32:09,028 --> 00:32:11,628
Well, you see, he's
color-blind like a, you know...
591
00:32:11,630 --> 00:32:13,797
Like a schnauzer.
592
00:32:13,798 --> 00:32:17,434
And then he brings over this cooler
full of ice water and... dumps it on me.
593
00:32:17,436 --> 00:32:20,037
See, you gotta hose down
the board between games.
594
00:32:20,039 --> 00:32:22,639
Otherwise, it gets all gritty.
595
00:32:22,641 --> 00:32:24,508
- And, David...
- Yeah?
596
00:32:24,510 --> 00:32:30,013
- One of your friends keeps hitting on me.
- What? Who is it? Point him out.
597
00:32:31,016 --> 00:32:34,800
- There. That guy.
- George? George!
598
00:32:34,825 --> 00:32:38,322
- Hey, George, over here!
- Me?
599
00:32:38,324 --> 00:32:40,284
- Yeah.
- All right, don't move.
600
00:32:42,695 --> 00:32:45,362
George, you're hitting on my girlfriend?
601
00:32:45,364 --> 00:32:48,398
Yeah, absolutely. She's
really awesome, David.
602
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:50,667
Yeah, she is, isn't she?
603
00:32:50,669 --> 00:32:54,371
Hey, look, George, please
don't do it anymore, okay?
604
00:32:54,373 --> 00:32:57,341
- I'll try.
- Thanks.
605
00:33:00,079 --> 00:33:04,314
Look, so, my friends don't sit
around discussing Susan Sontag.
606
00:33:04,316 --> 00:33:07,551
Face it, David... your friends
couldn't discuss Dr. Seuss.
607
00:33:07,553 --> 00:33:09,186
They're normal people, Carrie.
608
00:33:09,188 --> 00:33:12,522
Is it normal for George
to proposition me?
609
00:33:12,524 --> 00:33:15,776
- George propositions everyone.
- Terrific.
610
00:33:15,777 --> 00:33:19,062
And what about Eli railroading
me into that degrading beach game?
611
00:33:21,133 --> 00:33:25,769
David, if it's pop psychology you
want... "I'm okay, you're okay"...
612
00:33:25,771 --> 00:33:27,537
Your friends are dickheads.
613
00:33:47,159 --> 00:33:48,692
Excuse me.
614
00:33:50,496 --> 00:33:52,796
Charles, have you seen, uh, Carrie?
615
00:33:52,798 --> 00:33:55,665
I believe Lizbeth is showing
the new China pattern.
616
00:33:55,667 --> 00:33:58,201
Come on, come on, join
us. We're playing charades.
617
00:33:58,203 --> 00:33:59,770
- Charades.
- Charades.
618
00:33:59,772 --> 00:34:02,639
Oh, I just love charades.
619
00:34:02,641 --> 00:34:04,374
That's right, we're playing charades.
620
00:34:04,376 --> 00:34:06,676
Come on, everybody,
charades. Buffy, Jody, Sissy.
621
00:34:06,678 --> 00:34:09,146
Brian, Keith, you play, too.
622
00:34:09,148 --> 00:34:12,215
Okay. I go first.
623
00:34:12,217 --> 00:34:15,819
- You always go first.
- Chipper's host. He's got dibs.
624
00:34:17,256 --> 00:34:18,755
All right.
625
00:34:20,793 --> 00:34:22,292
It's a movie.
626
00:34:22,294 --> 00:34:23,660
Fatal Attraction.
627
00:34:27,099 --> 00:34:28,131
Lucky guess.
628
00:34:28,133 --> 00:34:32,469
Okay. I get to go again.
629
00:34:34,206 --> 00:34:36,139
All right.
630
00:34:37,609 --> 00:34:41,278
- A book.
- Bonfire of the Vanities.
631
00:34:47,853 --> 00:34:50,787
Perhaps we should play some other game.
632
00:34:52,691 --> 00:34:55,592
- I meant to tell you.
- Oh, yeah.
633
00:34:59,865 --> 00:35:02,566
Hi. I'm, uh...
634
00:35:03,802 --> 00:35:05,702
Hey.
635
00:35:05,703 --> 00:35:07,603
Welcome to
Thirtysomething.
Can I get you some brie?
636
00:35:07,606 --> 00:35:09,639
Uhh... you got any bean dip?
637
00:35:09,641 --> 00:35:12,409
Thank God. So, what are you doing here?
638
00:35:12,411 --> 00:35:14,111
Zoe said it was cool.
639
00:35:14,113 --> 00:35:15,879
She's not here. She knew better.
640
00:35:15,881 --> 00:35:18,849
Bitch! I've been had.
641
00:35:18,851 --> 00:35:20,350
Oh!
642
00:35:23,755 --> 00:35:26,156
Of course, the view is awfully nice.
643
00:35:26,158 --> 00:35:29,826
Interesting food,
stocked bar. I'm staying.
644
00:35:31,463 --> 00:35:35,298
Carrie, darling. So
good to see you. Kisses.
645
00:35:40,906 --> 00:35:43,807
That ice looks cold. Is it?
646
00:35:43,809 --> 00:35:46,643
Eli, this is my... this is Charles.
647
00:35:46,645 --> 00:35:48,278
Charles, my friend Eli.
648
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:50,247
Honest to God pleasure
to meet you, Chas.
649
00:35:50,249 --> 00:35:51,815
May I call you Chas?
650
00:35:51,817 --> 00:35:53,817
- Actually, I prefer "Chipper."
- "Chipper" it is.
651
00:35:53,819 --> 00:35:57,187
Help yourself to a
drink. Pictionary later.
652
00:36:00,759 --> 00:36:02,859
Unh, unh, unh, unh, unh, unh.
653
00:36:02,861 --> 00:36:04,628
Let me freshen that for you.
654
00:36:04,630 --> 00:36:06,796
- What is that?
- A vodka and bourbon?
655
00:36:08,267 --> 00:36:10,901
No, I'm a doctor. Now, listen.
656
00:36:10,903 --> 00:36:13,336
He's pawing my friends.
657
00:36:13,338 --> 00:36:15,405
I think she wants to be pawed.
658
00:36:15,407 --> 00:36:19,342
No, she's just getting over a
divorce. She's very vulnerable.
659
00:36:20,345 --> 00:36:23,747
- And I don't think that Eli...
- Eli is what... not good enough?
660
00:36:23,749 --> 00:36:25,949
Y-you don't think my
friends are good enough?
661
00:36:25,951 --> 00:36:27,918
Is that what you're trying
to say? Huh, huh, huh?
662
00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:29,886
...is aware that his fly is open.
663
00:36:30,923 --> 00:36:36,793
- Oh. Eli!
- Yeah.
664
00:36:36,795 --> 00:36:40,897
- Psst!
- Ah.
665
00:36:42,301 --> 00:36:43,700
I tried.
666
00:36:43,702 --> 00:36:47,837
Well, what about your friend Chipper?
He was following me from room to room.
667
00:36:47,839 --> 00:36:51,508
"Excuse me, David, but what
exactly kind of Jew are you?
668
00:36:51,510 --> 00:36:54,844
Are you an assimilated Jew
or are you a committed Jew?"
669
00:36:54,846 --> 00:36:57,480
Chipper's minor was
Comparative Religion.
670
00:36:57,482 --> 00:37:02,619
At least he didn't rip off your bathing
suit, and spray ice water on you.
671
00:37:02,621 --> 00:37:06,856
Eli is absolutely right. You
just have no sense of humor.
672
00:37:08,227 --> 00:37:10,827
And yet their relationship survived.
673
00:37:10,829 --> 00:37:14,564
I mean, I've heard that love is blind,
but I guess it's also deaf, dumb,
674
00:37:14,566 --> 00:37:18,802
and undauntingly tolerant of all
prejudices, personal or external.
675
00:37:18,804 --> 00:37:20,804
There just might be something to it.
676
00:37:20,806 --> 00:37:22,505
I'm not sure.
677
00:37:22,507 --> 00:37:23,940
Gather 'round, children. Gather 'round.
678
00:37:23,942 --> 00:37:26,343
Yo, yo, yo, quiet now.
No flashing. No flashing.
679
00:37:26,345 --> 00:37:27,978
I'll send you people home. I'll do it.
680
00:37:27,980 --> 00:37:30,513
Construction of the Statehouse
681
00:37:30,515 --> 00:37:34,284
was completed under
budget and on time in 1782.
682
00:37:34,286 --> 00:37:36,526
Guess they didn't have
a Union then. Ha ha ha.
683
00:37:37,923 --> 00:37:40,957
Anyways, if you notice the
beautiful rococo tile...
684
00:37:40,959 --> 00:37:43,293
Isn't is beautiful?
Can you say "rococo"?
685
00:37:43,295 --> 00:37:44,461
- Rococo.
- Rococo.
686
00:37:44,463 --> 00:37:45,795
Very good. Very good.
687
00:37:45,797 --> 00:37:47,831
So, this is where it all happens...
688
00:37:47,833 --> 00:37:50,934
Discussion, or discourse,
between the governor...
689
00:37:50,936 --> 00:37:53,803
Can the governor park
his car anywhere he wants?
690
00:37:53,805 --> 00:37:55,772
What happens in there?
691
00:37:55,774 --> 00:37:57,507
I'll check.
692
00:38:03,548 --> 00:38:05,999
Whoo!
693
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:08,451
That's what we like to
call a gubernatorial aide
694
00:38:08,453 --> 00:38:11,788
and her gentleman friend,
and they are, uh...
695
00:38:11,790 --> 00:38:13,456
Photocopying.
696
00:38:16,862 --> 00:38:19,796
Are they facilitating state government?
697
00:38:19,798 --> 00:38:23,300
W-well, what's good for the
people is good for the state.
698
00:38:23,302 --> 00:38:25,535
Alexander Hamilton said that.
699
00:38:25,537 --> 00:38:27,437
Actually, this is my lunch hour.
700
00:38:27,439 --> 00:38:28,838
And you spend it with him?
701
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:30,040
Hey.
702
00:38:30,042 --> 00:38:33,643
I'm... in love with this woman.
703
00:38:33,645 --> 00:38:38,048
And she's in love with me. Right?
704
00:38:38,050 --> 00:38:39,950
Yes, I am.
705
00:38:39,951 --> 00:38:41,851
But aren't you afraid of being caught?
706
00:38:41,853 --> 00:38:44,354
Why not save it for later... at home?
707
00:38:44,356 --> 00:38:46,556
Well, see, we work different hours,
708
00:38:46,558 --> 00:38:49,359
and h-her apartment's
really very far away, so...
709
00:38:49,361 --> 00:38:52,662
- Wait... you two don't live together?
- They don't have to.
710
00:38:52,664 --> 00:38:54,497
Puh-lease, Bobby.
711
00:38:54,499 --> 00:38:58,335
If you and I were sharing conjugal
relations on a laser copier...
712
00:38:58,337 --> 00:39:02,189
- Fat chance!
- We'd be living together,
713
00:39:02,190 --> 00:39:05,310
especially if I kept clothes and
stuff and shampoo at your place.
714
00:39:05,977 --> 00:39:09,612
- You do keep shampoo there?
- And conditioner.
715
00:39:09,614 --> 00:39:12,916
Look, you either move in or move on.
716
00:39:12,918 --> 00:39:16,052
Face it, dude. The
writing's on the wall.
717
00:39:16,888 --> 00:39:21,591
You know, they call it
"living in sin" for a reason.
718
00:39:21,593 --> 00:39:23,927
Whatever. They did
it. She moved in, yeah.
719
00:39:23,929 --> 00:39:26,930
"Stop by our apartment,"
David says the other day to me.
720
00:39:26,932 --> 00:39:28,732
"Our apartment?" Excuse me?
721
00:39:28,734 --> 00:39:33,136
She moves into his apartment,
and suddenly it's
"our apartment."
722
00:39:33,138 --> 00:39:34,771
I don't know.
723
00:39:34,773 --> 00:39:36,940
Maybe I'm taking this
too hard. I don't know.
724
00:39:36,942 --> 00:39:41,578
W-w-what... I should bring them a
housewarming gift for their apartment?
725
00:39:41,580 --> 00:39:43,113
You tell me. I don't know.
726
00:39:43,115 --> 00:39:46,883
What's the perfect
housewarming gift for
them?
727
00:39:46,885 --> 00:39:48,852
Brought you a little housewarming gift.
728
00:39:48,854 --> 00:39:50,120
Oh, Eli.
729
00:39:50,122 --> 00:39:51,988
You didn't have to.
730
00:39:51,990 --> 00:39:54,090
They'll come in handy.
Don't kid yourself.
731
00:39:54,092 --> 00:39:55,725
Where's Carrie?
732
00:39:55,727 --> 00:39:57,827
Um, she's out getting some more plants.
733
00:39:57,829 --> 00:40:00,663
More plants? Well, that's good.
734
00:40:00,665 --> 00:40:03,733
It's kind of phase one of
the master plan, isn't it?
735
00:40:03,735 --> 00:40:06,870
Plants need a lot of watering, a
lot of feeding, a lot of attention.
736
00:40:06,872 --> 00:40:10,440
It softens you up a
little bit for phase two...
737
00:40:10,442 --> 00:40:11,841
Babies.
738
00:40:11,843 --> 00:40:14,544
You're getting a little paranoid.
739
00:40:14,546 --> 00:40:16,012
Paranoid. Who said I'm paranoid?
740
00:40:16,014 --> 00:40:18,548
If I told you once, I
told you a million times...
741
00:40:18,550 --> 00:40:21,451
If you let a babe
infiltrate the home base,
742
00:40:21,453 --> 00:40:25,622
eventually she'll eradicate
every trace of the essential you.
743
00:40:26,958 --> 00:40:28,958
- Oh, what's this?
- What's what?
744
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:31,127
This... colors and bad frame.
745
00:40:31,129 --> 00:40:33,763
Oh, I don't know. Carrie likes it.
746
00:40:33,765 --> 00:40:36,205
- Carrie likes it?
- Yeah, yeah, I like it, too.
747
00:40:36,868 --> 00:40:38,752
Aah.
748
00:40:38,753 --> 00:40:40,637
You think Carrie's different, don't you?
749
00:40:40,639 --> 00:40:43,873
Yes. Yes. You don't think
she's gonna make demands...
750
00:40:43,875 --> 00:40:47,911
...move you to the suburbs and load
you down with babies and barbecue.
751
00:40:47,913 --> 00:40:50,146
Y-you know something?
I think Carrie's right.
752
00:40:50,148 --> 00:40:51,848
You're a little afraid of women.
753
00:40:51,850 --> 00:40:53,583
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait.
754
00:40:53,585 --> 00:40:54,884
You talk to Carrie about me?
755
00:40:54,886 --> 00:40:57,187
Eli, we live together.
Of course I talk to her.
756
00:40:57,189 --> 00:40:58,922
I talk to her about everything.
757
00:40:58,924 --> 00:41:01,791
- W-what'd you tell her?
- Nothing.
758
00:41:01,793 --> 00:41:06,229
You know, it's just... For the first time,
I'm looking at things from another side.
759
00:41:07,833 --> 00:41:11,134
There is no other side.
There's them and there's us.
760
00:41:11,136 --> 00:41:12,936
Exactly. You're right.
761
00:41:12,938 --> 00:41:15,572
And sometimes we're a little disgusting.
762
00:41:15,574 --> 00:41:17,574
Okay? So, let's drop it.
763
00:41:17,576 --> 00:41:18,975
Yes, we're disgusting!
764
00:41:18,977 --> 00:41:21,811
We're men. We're idiots. It's the law.
765
00:41:21,813 --> 00:41:24,948
Eli, remember at college
your definition of a lesbian?
766
00:41:24,950 --> 00:41:26,616
Any girl who wouldn't put out.
767
00:41:26,618 --> 00:41:27,851
Right. Exactly.
768
00:41:27,853 --> 00:41:30,220
Well, you know, I no longer agree.
769
00:41:30,222 --> 00:41:32,622
All right, all right.
Do me a favor, okay?
770
00:41:32,624 --> 00:41:34,824
In a couple of months
when you get some time,
771
00:41:34,826 --> 00:41:36,893
fax me your balls,
'cause you don't need 'em.
772
00:41:36,895 --> 00:41:39,162
You ever have one of those
dreams where you're in the water,
773
00:41:39,164 --> 00:41:40,830
you're trying to save
someone from drowning,
774
00:41:40,832 --> 00:41:42,198
and you can't quite reach him?
775
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:43,733
You're about a fingertip away,
776
00:41:43,735 --> 00:41:46,769
but the current keeps pulling him
further and further out to sea,
777
00:41:46,771 --> 00:41:49,772
and there's nothing
you can do but watch.
778
00:41:49,774 --> 00:41:52,108
How do I save him from slipping away?
779
00:41:52,110 --> 00:41:55,078
How do I bring him back to shore?
780
00:41:57,516 --> 00:41:58,882
Hi, this is David.
781
00:41:58,884 --> 00:42:00,784
Carrie and I aren't here right now,
782
00:42:00,785 --> 00:42:02,685
But you can leave a message,
783
00:42:02,687 --> 00:42:03,853
and we'll get back to you later.
784
00:42:03,855 --> 00:42:04,821
Bye-bye.
785
00:42:04,823 --> 00:42:07,690
Hi, Care. Hello, David.
786
00:42:07,692 --> 00:42:11,827
Three weeks now, and my period is
already in sync with Oprah Winfrey.
787
00:42:11,830 --> 00:42:13,930
Just thought you'd like to know.
788
00:42:15,733 --> 00:42:17,533
David, sweetheart, this is your mother.
789
00:42:17,536 --> 00:42:18,902
Oh! Ugh.
790
00:42:18,904 --> 00:42:20,870
I have two questions...
791
00:42:20,872 --> 00:42:23,873
Number one, why don't you call?
792
00:42:23,875 --> 00:42:27,844
And number two, is
Carrie a boy or a girl?
793
00:42:27,846 --> 00:42:30,113
Shit! I knew I forgot to call someone!
794
00:42:36,721 --> 00:42:40,089
I'm telling you,
everything's gonna be fine.
795
00:42:43,261 --> 00:42:44,727
Oh!
796
00:42:44,729 --> 00:42:48,097
There's a Cohen Brothers Shoes.
Yeah, of course, on Beacon.
797
00:42:48,099 --> 00:42:51,935
No, no, no, further east,
next to the Indian restaurant.
798
00:42:51,937 --> 00:42:53,736
You got it. Okay, Bobby.
799
00:42:53,738 --> 00:42:55,972
Well, it was nice
talking to you, too, hon.
800
00:42:55,974 --> 00:42:58,875
Good luck. Yeah. Bye-bye.
801
00:43:00,612 --> 00:43:03,980
Wrong number, hm.
802
00:43:03,982 --> 00:43:09,085
Don't worry. Brisket
is coming, but first...
803
00:43:09,087 --> 00:43:13,590
- A little soup with knaidlach.
- Oh, I've had those.
804
00:43:13,592 --> 00:43:14,924
Not like these.
805
00:43:14,926 --> 00:43:16,326
This is the tough part.
806
00:43:16,328 --> 00:43:19,228
See, Mrs. C makes this
killer brisket... world-class.
807
00:43:19,230 --> 00:43:22,999
But before you can eat any, you
gotta survive the interrogation...
808
00:43:23,001 --> 00:43:26,269
Survive the interrogation...
809
00:43:33,178 --> 00:43:36,913
So, Carrie, tell us a
little bit about yourself.
810
00:43:36,915 --> 00:43:39,849
I was... I was born and raised
here... I mean, Wellesley.
811
00:43:39,851 --> 00:43:42,919
- Date of birth?
- June 6, 1963.
812
00:43:42,921 --> 00:43:46,789
- Earlier, I thought you said July!
- July. I-I meant July.
813
00:43:46,791 --> 00:43:49,325
Aha. Do I make you nervous, Carrie?
814
00:43:49,327 --> 00:43:52,128
You're my guest. Eat!
815
00:43:56,901 --> 00:43:58,034
Oh, that's good.
816
00:43:58,036 --> 00:43:59,669
I mean, that was excellent!
817
00:43:59,671 --> 00:44:01,371
It was the best knaidlach I've ever had!
818
00:44:01,373 --> 00:44:03,906
Have you ever seen this man before?
819
00:44:05,777 --> 00:44:07,377
Uh, I-I don't think so.
820
00:44:07,379 --> 00:44:11,381
- You don't think so?! Think!
- Uh, no, I'm sure.
821
00:44:11,383 --> 00:44:15,818
And where was your father
during World War II?
822
00:44:15,820 --> 00:44:18,021
Um, college, uh, uh, medical school...
823
00:44:18,023 --> 00:44:20,323
Uh, Dartmouth University.
I went there, also.
824
00:44:20,325 --> 00:44:21,991
Huh.
825
00:44:24,929 --> 00:44:26,696
She made it! Yes!
826
00:44:26,698 --> 00:44:31,000
My David could have gone
to B.U... Harvard, even.
827
00:44:31,002 --> 00:44:35,238
He had the S.A.T.S, but he
wanted to go away from home.
828
00:44:35,240 --> 00:44:37,907
Go figure.
829
00:44:39,077 --> 00:44:41,944
Dear, my husband is a very proud man.
830
00:44:41,946 --> 00:44:46,315
He doesn't like to lose, so if you
could just ease up a bit on your serve.
831
00:44:46,317 --> 00:44:48,985
- You want me to throw the game?
- Come on, come on, come on.
832
00:44:48,987 --> 00:44:50,319
Powwow's over.
833
00:44:50,321 --> 00:44:53,222
No strategy's gonna beat
my little Care Bear and I.
834
00:44:57,896 --> 00:45:02,031
Please, dear? It's in
your own best interest.
835
00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:10,206
Out!
836
00:45:10,208 --> 00:45:14,477
- With a smile.
- By a mile.
837
00:45:15,980 --> 00:45:17,847
I don't know.
838
00:45:17,849 --> 00:45:20,049
I mean, to swallow
your pride in one gulp?
839
00:45:20,051 --> 00:45:22,251
David must be...
840
00:45:22,253 --> 00:45:23,886
...in love.
841
00:45:23,888 --> 00:45:25,755
I don't know.
842
00:45:26,491 --> 00:45:29,125
I do know you won't see
me sucking up like that,
843
00:45:29,127 --> 00:45:33,930
selling out to Kenneth and Giselle for a
few free drinks and convenient court time.
844
00:45:33,932 --> 00:45:36,733
Hey, do you think that's why
I've never been asked back?
845
00:45:44,809 --> 00:45:48,177
David, man-to-man, you had a
pretty fair game going there,
846
00:45:48,179 --> 00:45:51,047
but then you lost the
scent and screwed the pooch.
847
00:45:51,049 --> 00:45:55,885
Killer instinct wins matches.
K.I... close the deal.
848
00:45:55,887 --> 00:45:58,888
- You read Trump?
- I'm waiting for the movie.
849
00:45:58,890 --> 00:46:00,423
Consistency. Follow-through.
850
00:46:00,425 --> 00:46:02,325
Like I tell my lovely wife, Giselle,
851
00:46:02,327 --> 00:46:06,529
tennis, proctology... It's
all in the follow-through.
852
00:46:06,531 --> 00:46:09,932
Well, not... not many people
enjoy your consistency, sir.
853
00:46:09,934 --> 00:46:13,836
Hell, you can smoke a pipe and
play tennis at the same time.
854
00:46:13,838 --> 00:46:16,973
Grace under pressure. I
learned that during the war.
855
00:46:16,975 --> 00:46:19,008
- Uh, Korea?
- No, no, no, no.
856
00:46:19,010 --> 00:46:22,011
Carter administration...
Four years of economic hell.
857
00:46:22,013 --> 00:46:23,980
Crown. Crown.
858
00:46:23,982 --> 00:46:26,449
Should I know that name?
What's the old man do?
859
00:46:26,451 --> 00:46:29,919
- Oh, eat... sleep... complain.
- What?
860
00:46:29,921 --> 00:46:31,888
I'll tell you what
the old man doesn't do.
861
00:46:31,890 --> 00:46:33,389
He doesn't collect animal heads,
862
00:46:33,391 --> 00:46:35,792
he doesn't say things
like "screw the pooch,"
863
00:46:35,794 --> 00:46:37,894
and he doesn't call
Ronald Reagan "the Gipper."
864
00:46:37,896 --> 00:46:41,864
He calls him "that bad actor
from the chimp movies." Oy!
865
00:46:41,866 --> 00:46:44,967
- You like guns, David?
- Well, to tell you the truth, sir, I...
866
00:46:44,969 --> 00:46:47,069
This is a beauty... 12
Gauge over-and-under.
867
00:46:47,071 --> 00:46:49,238
Here, take ahold of it.
Go on, take it. Take it!
868
00:46:49,240 --> 00:46:53,176
Uh. It's not loaded or anything, is it?
869
00:46:53,178 --> 00:46:54,577
Oh, let's see.
870
00:46:56,414 --> 00:46:58,281
Ah. No, it isn't.
871
00:47:03,254 --> 00:47:06,022
Now it is. Here, put
this on your shoulder.
872
00:47:06,024 --> 00:47:07,890
There. Now grab ahold
of the stock there.
873
00:47:07,892 --> 00:47:09,992
And put this hand up
there. There you go.
874
00:47:09,994 --> 00:47:13,462
Now, lean into it. Lean into it.
875
00:47:15,066 --> 00:47:17,133
- How's that feel, son?
- It feels good, sir.
876
00:47:17,135 --> 00:47:19,202
It feels... you know, it
makes you feel like a man.
877
00:47:20,305 --> 00:47:21,571
Aaah!
878
00:47:24,008 --> 00:47:25,048
Lunch.
879
00:47:29,614 --> 00:47:31,414
If you really want to know,
880
00:47:31,416 --> 00:47:34,550
the real expert on the subject
was a girl that Eli knew.
881
00:47:34,552 --> 00:47:37,353
- Yeah? Shock me.
- Yeah.
882
00:47:37,355 --> 00:47:40,489
She's a nurse... nutritionist.
883
00:47:40,491 --> 00:47:45,428
She said that guys are, like,
you know... pure protein.
884
00:47:48,967 --> 00:47:52,068
Of course, that's it... protein.
885
00:47:52,070 --> 00:47:55,938
And... and... and you guys are
just the surgeon generals of love,
886
00:47:55,940 --> 00:47:59,108
just sharing this with
us for our own well-being.
887
00:47:59,110 --> 00:48:00,476
Hmm? Hmm?
888
00:48:00,478 --> 00:48:04,180
Oh, come on, David, can you honestly
say that if you were in my position,
889
00:48:04,182 --> 00:48:05,915
you'd feel any differently?
890
00:48:05,917 --> 00:48:09,352
Hon, if Eli and I were
shipwrecked on a deserted island,
891
00:48:09,354 --> 00:48:13,956
and the only way to survive was,
you know, the nutrients involved,
892
00:48:13,958 --> 00:48:18,094
then, yes, yes! We'd be going down
on each other every five minutes.
893
00:48:18,096 --> 00:48:21,330
I'd kill myself and then him.
894
00:48:32,911 --> 00:48:38,014
Hello? Eli. What's up?
895
00:48:38,016 --> 00:48:41,450
David, get down here
right now. I'm telling you.
896
00:48:41,452 --> 00:48:44,453
The planets are lined up tonight
or something, I don't know,
897
00:48:44,455 --> 00:48:46,989
but the chicks here tonight
are not to be missed.
898
00:48:46,991 --> 00:48:49,558
Now, huh? Mmm...
899
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:52,295
You don't have to
touch. You can just look.
900
00:48:52,297 --> 00:48:53,629
Yeah, Eli,
901
00:48:53,631 --> 00:48:57,033
look, I can't come down now. It's, uh...
902
00:48:57,035 --> 00:48:59,235
Carrie's not feeling real well,
903
00:48:59,237 --> 00:49:02,505
and I just... I just
can't. It's not a good time.
904
00:49:02,507 --> 00:49:06,042
- What about Friday?
- Friday... uh, yeah, Friday...
905
00:49:06,044 --> 00:49:09,712
- Friday night, definitely.
- No, dinner with Charles and Lizbeth.
906
00:49:09,714 --> 00:49:11,681
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
907
00:49:11,683 --> 00:49:18,020
- Uh... Eli, I'll call you tomorrow?
- Oh, man, I hope she's worth it.
908
00:49:18,022 --> 00:49:21,590
I'm telling you, you're
missing out big-time, pal.
909
00:49:21,592 --> 00:49:23,125
Big-time.
910
00:49:31,602 --> 00:49:35,237
Mm. You know what? I'm
gonna go take a bath.
911
00:49:47,986 --> 00:49:49,618
Missing out.
912
00:49:52,757 --> 00:49:57,760
Two words that have
haunted me my entire life.
913
00:49:57,762 --> 00:50:02,531
Why can't I just be happy with
where I am and with what I've got?
914
00:50:04,002 --> 00:50:09,138
Why do I keep thinking about where
I could be and what I could get?
915
00:50:12,777 --> 00:50:14,276
Christ.
916
00:50:14,278 --> 00:50:16,078
My scoping days are over.
917
00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:20,082
I mean, I'm different. I'm in love.
918
00:50:21,786 --> 00:50:25,087
Why can't I just be
happy with what I've got?
919
00:50:27,125 --> 00:50:28,724
I just don't know who David is.
920
00:50:28,726 --> 00:50:31,627
I mean, sometimes I-I feel like
I'm living with three men...
921
00:50:31,629 --> 00:50:36,198
Mrs. Crown's little boy, who throws a
tantrum every time he runs out of shampoo,
922
00:50:36,200 --> 00:50:42,238
Eli's best buddy, the one who pulls
back when things get too intimate...
923
00:50:42,240 --> 00:50:45,041
And then there's my David.
924
00:50:45,043 --> 00:50:46,542
He's funny...
925
00:50:46,544 --> 00:50:49,078
he's sensitive...
926
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:50,813
and considerate.
927
00:50:50,815 --> 00:50:53,416
He's the one I moved in with.
928
00:50:54,552 --> 00:50:57,386
How'd I end up with the other two?
929
00:51:00,058 --> 00:51:02,058
Missing out.
930
00:51:02,794 --> 00:51:08,297
Missing out, like Eli's really doing
something that I want to be a part of.
931
00:51:12,070 --> 00:51:13,736
Excuse me, mister.
932
00:51:13,738 --> 00:51:15,838
We were just coming back
from our cheerleading meet.
933
00:51:15,840 --> 00:51:18,574
We're all virgins,
but for some reason...
934
00:51:18,576 --> 00:51:20,676
maybe it's the planet alignment...
935
00:51:20,678 --> 00:51:24,814
Well, we all decided that
tonight was the night to...
936
00:51:24,816 --> 00:51:29,718
Well... You know...
937
00:51:29,720 --> 00:51:31,320
Go all the way.
938
00:51:31,322 --> 00:51:34,723
So, perhaps you and your
friend could help us out...
939
00:51:34,725 --> 00:51:38,260
You know, take us around
the city, ply us with liquor,
940
00:51:38,262 --> 00:51:40,529
and then take us back to your place?
941
00:51:40,531 --> 00:51:42,832
Well, I'd be delighted, uh...
942
00:51:42,834 --> 00:51:44,867
Of course, it's just
gonna have to be me.
943
00:51:44,869 --> 00:51:48,270
See, all my friends are
busy tonight or too tired,
944
00:51:48,272 --> 00:51:51,574
or home with their live-in girlfriends.
945
00:51:51,576 --> 00:51:53,175
Oh.
946
00:51:53,177 --> 00:51:55,311
Well...
947
00:51:55,313 --> 00:51:59,882
Do you think maybe you could
handle us all by yourself?
948
00:52:02,153 --> 00:52:05,387
Yes. Yes, I do.
949
00:52:07,758 --> 00:52:09,725
David.
950
00:52:09,727 --> 00:52:11,460
David. Listen to me.
951
00:52:11,462 --> 00:52:12,828
What?
952
00:52:14,332 --> 00:52:17,399
Sorry. Uh, what?
953
00:52:18,769 --> 00:52:20,769
You're bored with this
relationship, is that it?
954
00:52:20,771 --> 00:52:23,873
No, no, God, no.
955
00:52:23,875 --> 00:52:26,275
No, you see, it's just that...
956
00:52:28,513 --> 00:52:30,679
Listen...
957
00:52:30,681 --> 00:52:33,916
Pizza is my favorite food...
958
00:52:33,918 --> 00:52:36,318
Pepperoni and sausage, right?
959
00:52:37,755 --> 00:52:41,891
- W-w-what's your favorite food?
- What?
960
00:52:43,528 --> 00:52:45,261
Linguine and clam sauce.
961
00:52:45,263 --> 00:52:48,564
An excellent choice...
Linguine and clam sauce.
962
00:52:48,566 --> 00:52:50,900
It's great. You love it
more than anything else.
963
00:52:50,902 --> 00:52:53,169
You could probably have
it almost every night.
964
00:52:54,172 --> 00:52:57,506
Almost every night, but
you... you wouldn't want to.
965
00:52:57,508 --> 00:53:00,476
You'd want to try something
new, something different.
966
00:53:00,478 --> 00:53:01,810
You know what?
967
00:53:01,812 --> 00:53:04,780
Your little analogy's
starting to piss me off.
968
00:53:04,782 --> 00:53:08,250
Okay. Okay. Let's... let's forget it.
969
00:53:08,252 --> 00:53:09,818
Good.
970
00:53:14,825 --> 00:53:16,825
Let's just...
971
00:53:20,264 --> 00:53:22,598
...go to sleep.
972
00:53:27,872 --> 00:53:29,405
Ow!
973
00:53:39,884 --> 00:53:43,819
- Where were you?
- I was out.
974
00:53:45,756 --> 00:53:47,790
With Eli.
975
00:53:47,792 --> 00:53:51,660
- You could have called.
- Am I on a leash?
976
00:53:52,797 --> 00:53:54,964
Can't I have a good time without you?
977
00:53:54,966 --> 00:53:57,206
Can't you have a good time with me?
978
00:53:57,835 --> 00:53:59,802
Would it be so bad
to... to invite me along?
979
00:53:59,804 --> 00:54:02,404
You know, you used to think
I was pretty good company.
980
00:54:02,406 --> 00:54:05,274
Oh, hon, you know, when...
when Eli and I go out,
981
00:54:05,276 --> 00:54:07,576
you know, it's a... It's a guy thing.
982
00:54:07,578 --> 00:54:10,312
Eli... David and Eli.
983
00:54:10,314 --> 00:54:12,881
David, you're not married to Eli.
984
00:54:12,883 --> 00:54:15,951
Well, I'm not married to you, either.
985
00:54:24,929 --> 00:54:26,695
David, wait.
986
00:54:27,965 --> 00:54:29,531
What's wrong?
987
00:54:29,533 --> 00:54:31,533
A phone call costs 20 cents.
988
00:54:31,535 --> 00:54:34,637
Hello, mommy, can I stay out and play?
989
00:54:34,639 --> 00:54:36,339
Oh, grow up!
990
00:54:36,340 --> 00:54:38,040
All right, you fellas, give
me a little help here, please.
991
00:54:38,042 --> 00:54:39,402
Can I have a show of hands...
992
00:54:39,427 --> 00:54:42,778
All of you who agree with me that a
relationship is a fine place to sleep,
993
00:54:42,780 --> 00:54:44,747
but you wouldn't want to live there.
994
00:54:44,749 --> 00:54:47,750
Ah! See? Clear majority.
995
00:54:47,752 --> 00:54:50,086
Four guys?
996
00:54:50,087 --> 00:54:52,421
What do you want from me?
They're surrounded by the enemy.
997
00:54:58,629 --> 00:54:59,962
What?
998
00:55:01,666 --> 00:55:04,767
- W-we're not talking.
- We're eating.
999
00:55:04,769 --> 00:55:07,603
We used to talk when we ate.
1000
00:55:10,875 --> 00:55:12,941
What do you want to talk about?
1001
00:55:13,944 --> 00:55:16,745
I don't know. Anything.
1002
00:55:21,085 --> 00:55:26,955
- Can we just enjoy our dinner?
- Fine. Yeah.
1003
00:55:31,862 --> 00:55:35,431
I can't enjoy my dinner.
1004
00:55:35,433 --> 00:55:41,470
Something's happened. I-I just... I
don't feel connected to you anymore.
1005
00:55:41,472 --> 00:55:43,339
Do you feel connected to me?
1006
00:55:43,341 --> 00:55:45,741
Oh, please don't give
me that look, okay?
1007
00:55:45,743 --> 00:55:48,077
And please don't say,
"Oh, Jesus, Carrie."
1008
00:55:48,079 --> 00:55:49,978
Okay.
1009
00:55:51,015 --> 00:55:53,849
What do you want from me?
1010
00:55:57,922 --> 00:56:00,923
We're in trouble, and I just
want to talk to you about it.
1011
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:04,660
Why do you want to talk about it?
1012
00:56:04,662 --> 00:56:06,061
When you hit a rough spot,
1013
00:56:06,063 --> 00:56:09,565
sometimes the best thing to
do is just ride through it.
1014
00:56:10,901 --> 00:56:12,901
Sometimes talking makes it worse.
1015
00:56:12,903 --> 00:56:15,904
- Let it go.
- I can't let it go.
1016
00:56:15,906 --> 00:56:18,073
We have to deal with this now.
1017
00:56:18,075 --> 00:56:20,442
There's nothing to deal with.
1018
00:56:20,444 --> 00:56:21,910
You know, Eli's right.
1019
00:56:21,912 --> 00:56:24,847
Sometimes you just
over-analyze everything.
1020
00:56:24,849 --> 00:56:26,949
What, you and Eli sit
around talking about me?
1021
00:56:26,951 --> 00:56:28,917
What do you... what do
you say to Eli about me?
1022
00:56:30,388 --> 00:56:32,788
Eli's my friend. We talk about things.
1023
00:56:32,790 --> 00:56:34,890
Look, can... can... Can we not do this?
1024
00:56:34,892 --> 00:56:37,926
Let... let's stop this
before it turns into a fight.
1025
00:56:37,928 --> 00:56:39,428
It is a fight.
1026
00:56:41,832 --> 00:56:43,065
Look at me, David.
1027
00:56:43,067 --> 00:56:46,702
Wouldn't you rather someone
else be sitting here right now?
1028
00:56:46,704 --> 00:56:48,871
No, I wouldn't.
1029
00:56:48,873 --> 00:56:51,573
Be honest... wouldn't you
be having a better time...
1030
00:56:51,575 --> 00:56:53,876
...if someone else was here and not me?
1031
00:56:54,879 --> 00:57:00,416
- No. No one else.
- I don't believe you.
1032
00:57:01,485 --> 00:57:02,751
Yeah, okay, all right.
1033
00:57:02,753 --> 00:57:05,421
I-I-I can imagine another
woman here with me.
1034
00:57:05,423 --> 00:57:07,139
You know what?
1035
00:57:07,140 --> 00:57:08,856
And you're right... I'm
having a better time.
1036
00:57:08,859 --> 00:57:10,409
Want to know why?
1037
00:57:10,410 --> 00:57:11,960
Because she doesn't tell
me what I'm thinking.
1038
00:57:11,962 --> 00:57:13,662
And lead me around on a leash,
1039
00:57:13,664 --> 00:57:15,664
and she doesn't hang
Hockneys on my wall.
1040
00:57:15,666 --> 00:57:19,668
And she doesn't drive me crazy
with bullshit while I'm eating!
1041
00:57:21,572 --> 00:57:26,208
Carrie!
Let me in!
1042
00:57:41,459 --> 00:57:45,494
Wilma!
1043
00:57:45,496 --> 00:57:48,163
Aw! Hate to see that happen.
1044
00:57:50,067 --> 00:57:53,769
I'll go make up the couch.
1045
00:57:53,771 --> 00:57:57,906
So, she locked you out
of your own apartment.
1046
00:57:57,908 --> 00:57:58,941
Our apartment.
1047
00:57:58,943 --> 00:58:00,142
Mm-hmm.
1048
00:58:00,144 --> 00:58:02,644
Well...
1049
00:58:02,646 --> 00:58:06,482
I say let her stay there.
1050
00:58:06,484 --> 00:58:08,917
Let her sit in the
apartment with her plants,
1051
00:58:08,919 --> 00:58:11,520
and her rolled-up socks
and her Hockster paintings.
1052
00:58:11,522 --> 00:58:14,122
Hockney, Eli...
1053
00:58:14,124 --> 00:58:17,926
Whatever it is, it's
hers. She can have it.
1054
00:58:17,928 --> 00:58:23,966
- I've got the old David back, don't I?
- Yeah. Yeah.
1055
00:58:23,968 --> 00:58:27,002
Y-you do remember the
old David, don't you?
1056
00:58:27,004 --> 00:58:29,204
Come on, quick... the three F's.
1057
00:58:29,206 --> 00:58:31,073
F... what are they?
1058
00:58:31,075 --> 00:58:32,708
F... film.
1059
00:58:32,710 --> 00:58:34,910
- Yeah.
- F... food.
1060
00:58:34,912 --> 00:58:37,813
Yes! Film, food, fuck. Yes!
1061
00:58:37,815 --> 00:58:40,055
Welcome back, David.
1062
00:58:41,852 --> 00:58:46,288
So, why did we break up?
Why does anybody break up?
1063
00:58:46,290 --> 00:58:48,857
Her friends don't like your friends.
1064
00:58:48,859 --> 00:58:50,592
Her mother doesn't like you.
1065
00:58:50,594 --> 00:58:53,896
She's a prude. You're
an inconsiderate slob.
1066
00:58:53,898 --> 00:58:56,064
She forgets to cap the toothpaste.
1067
00:58:56,066 --> 00:58:58,901
You like to sleep with the window open.
1068
00:58:58,903 --> 00:59:01,870
Is that what it's all about?
1069
00:59:01,872 --> 00:59:04,907
Or is being with somebody like...
1070
00:59:04,909 --> 00:59:06,608
...getting too close to the sun?
1071
00:59:06,610 --> 00:59:10,612
Y-y-you gotta jump back or you're
gonna get burned or go blind.
1072
00:59:14,184 --> 00:59:17,819
Hi, you've reached the
apartment of Carrie and Mr. Shit.
1073
00:59:17,821 --> 00:59:21,690
We're not here right now, and
if he were, I wouldn't be. Bye.
1074
00:59:28,599 --> 00:59:31,233
...earn 11/2 times our income
for the same fucking job,
1075
00:59:31,235 --> 00:59:33,035
nut-scratching,
beer-belching,
1076
00:59:33,037 --> 00:59:34,970
"Was it good for you?"
Like he really cares,
1077
00:59:34,972 --> 00:59:36,905
belligerent, "Hey, what's on cable?"
1078
00:59:36,907 --> 00:59:39,974
Only own three pairs of shoes and pay
half of what you do for formal wear,
1079
00:59:39,977 --> 00:59:43,278
and then can wear it again,
sports-obsessed, genetically inferior,
1080
00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:45,781
orally fixated,
perpetually adolescent...
1081
00:59:45,783 --> 00:59:48,016
Left, left, left, right, left.
1082
00:59:48,018 --> 00:59:50,152
Left.
1083
00:59:50,153 --> 00:59:52,287
I think my friend David
needs a refresher course.
1084
00:59:52,289 --> 00:59:53,956
Back to basics.
1085
00:59:53,958 --> 00:59:55,958
Lights!
1086
00:59:58,829 --> 01:00:02,030
- You really think this is necessary?
- It's very dark in a bar.
1087
01:00:02,032 --> 01:00:04,166
You're not Spider-Man, okay?
1088
01:00:04,168 --> 01:00:07,069
Being able to identify
a woman by silhouette...
1089
01:00:07,071 --> 01:00:10,072
...proves to be both
necessary and cost-effective.
1090
01:00:10,074 --> 01:00:12,441
Look, David,
1091
01:00:12,442 --> 01:00:14,809
no one can afford to buy a drink
for every ugly woman in a bar.
1092
01:00:14,812 --> 01:00:17,079
Not you, not me, not the
brothers Shearson Lehman.
1093
01:00:17,081 --> 01:00:20,649
- Eli, come on.
- Okay. You're gonna like this, huh?
1094
01:00:20,651 --> 01:00:22,985
This'll be good for you.
1095
01:00:22,987 --> 01:00:26,355
- Babe or troll?
- Babe.
1096
01:00:26,357 --> 01:00:27,656
Eh...
1097
01:00:27,658 --> 01:00:30,626
Yes. Very nice. Nicely done.
1098
01:00:30,628 --> 01:00:31,927
And next.
1099
01:00:31,929 --> 01:00:33,295
Babe...
1100
01:00:33,297 --> 01:00:34,963
Or troll?
1101
01:00:34,965 --> 01:00:39,668
- Eli, I... can't really...
- Yes, you can.
1102
01:00:39,670 --> 01:00:42,190
Think. Come on. You've got time.
1103
01:00:42,940 --> 01:00:44,306
Babe.
1104
01:00:47,111 --> 01:00:48,777
Yes!
1105
01:00:48,779 --> 01:00:50,412
Yes, Claudia.
1106
01:00:50,414 --> 01:00:52,214
Mmm, Claudia.
1107
01:00:52,216 --> 01:00:55,017
Buy a drink for Claudia?
Mnh-mnh. I don't think so.
1108
01:00:55,019 --> 01:00:56,318
Buy a condo for Claudia.
1109
01:00:56,320 --> 01:00:59,087
Uh, okay, Eli, this is
all very well and good,
1110
01:00:59,089 --> 01:01:01,857
but does intelligence
factor into this at all?
1111
01:01:01,859 --> 01:01:04,893
You want brains, fuck Margaret Thatcher.
1112
01:01:04,895 --> 01:01:06,028
Next.
1113
01:01:07,698 --> 01:01:11,166
- Babe or troll?
- Oh, babe, definitely.
1114
01:01:11,168 --> 01:01:14,970
Oh, that's a shame.
1115
01:01:16,006 --> 01:01:20,809
You've chosen Marge Simpson...
1116
01:01:20,811 --> 01:01:24,946
An animated cartoon of a
hausfrau to turn your crank.
1117
01:01:24,948 --> 01:01:26,314
You must be very pleased.
1118
01:01:26,316 --> 01:01:27,916
Jessica Rabbit, I could understand.
1119
01:01:27,918 --> 01:01:30,886
Even myself, I've thought on
occasion, "yes," but Marge?
1120
01:01:30,888 --> 01:01:32,538
I don't think so.
1121
01:01:32,539 --> 01:01:34,189
We've had enough for today, though.
Let's go out and have some fun.
1122
01:01:34,191 --> 01:01:35,223
Okay.
1123
01:01:35,225 --> 01:01:37,426
He's ready. I can feel it.
1124
01:01:37,428 --> 01:01:40,896
He's ready to re-enter
society a reformed man.
1125
01:01:40,898 --> 01:01:43,065
Sure, sure, I gotta
worry about a relapse,
1126
01:01:43,067 --> 01:01:45,767
but I got two words that
should do the trick...
1127
01:01:45,769 --> 01:01:47,402
Tracy Seymour,
1128
01:01:47,404 --> 01:01:51,873
A.K.A. "Let's 'see more' Tracy"...
1129
01:01:51,875 --> 01:01:54,342
A sure thing.
1130
01:02:04,054 --> 01:02:06,221
Ping-pong balls?
1131
01:02:06,223 --> 01:02:08,457
I thought you wanted King Kong's balls.
1132
01:02:08,459 --> 01:02:11,059
Oh, that is a great joke!
1133
01:02:12,062 --> 01:02:14,930
That's very funny.
1134
01:02:14,932 --> 01:02:17,833
It's funny because the
guy wanted... right?
1135
01:02:17,835 --> 01:02:20,302
to play ping-pong,
and then structurally,
1136
01:02:20,304 --> 01:02:22,938
it's a funny joke because he
wants... let's get out of here.
1137
01:02:22,940 --> 01:02:25,006
The guy wants ping-pong balls, right?
1138
01:02:25,008 --> 01:02:26,975
And the store owner
thinks literally that he...
1139
01:02:26,977 --> 01:02:29,978
Like, if you wanted potato
salad and you asked for coleslaw,
1140
01:02:29,980 --> 01:02:32,247
so you ask for potato
salad, and the guy says,
1141
01:02:32,249 --> 01:02:36,384
"I have, uh... coleslaw for
you, and why not give me, uh..."
1142
01:02:36,386 --> 01:02:40,088
But in this case, you asked for ping-pong
balls and you got huge gorilla balls!
1143
01:02:40,090 --> 01:02:42,457
That's very funny.
1144
01:02:48,198 --> 01:02:50,098
David.
1145
01:02:56,907 --> 01:02:59,875
Tracy, I can't make love to you.
1146
01:02:59,877 --> 01:03:01,877
I'm sorry. What?
1147
01:03:01,879 --> 01:03:05,013
Tracy, I can't make love to you.
1148
01:03:05,015 --> 01:03:06,882
One more time, please.
1149
01:03:06,884 --> 01:03:08,316
I can't make love to you.
1150
01:03:08,318 --> 01:03:11,052
Oh, I-I thought that's what he said.
1151
01:03:11,054 --> 01:03:12,187
Aaaaaah!
1152
01:03:12,189 --> 01:03:15,891
- Fine.
- I'll walk you home.
1153
01:03:15,893 --> 01:03:18,193
No. I'll be fine.
1154
01:03:30,507 --> 01:03:31,973
Hello?
1155
01:03:31,975 --> 01:03:33,275
Carrie, it's me.
1156
01:03:33,277 --> 01:03:35,076
I, uh...
1157
01:03:35,078 --> 01:03:37,579
Really need to talk to you.
1158
01:03:44,121 --> 01:03:47,022
You fuckin' pussy.
1159
01:03:50,194 --> 01:03:53,895
It's like when you finally
meet the right person.
1160
01:03:53,897 --> 01:03:56,498
I mean, the most important
thing to me is commitment.
1161
01:03:56,500 --> 01:03:58,934
I mean, we're all afraid to trust.
1162
01:03:58,936 --> 01:04:01,303
And I don't just mean
trust each other...
1163
01:04:01,305 --> 01:04:05,273
I mean trust ourselves,
trust our feelings.
1164
01:04:05,275 --> 01:04:07,475
And share those feelings.
1165
01:04:07,477 --> 01:04:10,445
I mean, what are you supposed
to do... read my mind?
1166
01:04:10,447 --> 01:04:14,049
No. Men and women have to
tell each other what they want.
1167
01:04:14,051 --> 01:04:15,917
I can tell you what I want, Carrie.
1168
01:04:15,919 --> 01:04:20,555
I want a relationship
based on honesty, trust,
1169
01:04:20,557 --> 01:04:22,424
and continual communication,
1170
01:04:22,426 --> 01:04:24,359
And... oh.
1171
01:04:24,361 --> 01:04:27,062
Oh, I gotta take that. Excuse me.
1172
01:04:27,064 --> 01:04:30,532
Could I get you anything else?
1173
01:04:33,871 --> 01:04:36,071
How's the cheesecake?
1174
01:04:37,941 --> 01:04:43,144
The only thing worse than not getting
what you want is getting what you want.
1175
01:04:43,146 --> 01:04:46,982
Oscar Wilde. He knew.
1176
01:04:47,651 --> 01:04:50,986
...Cubic zirconia. Nice
matching rubies, vibrant color,
1177
01:04:50,988 --> 01:04:56,291
the gemstone of the souls,
as it's been called. Only $35.
1178
01:04:56,293 --> 01:04:58,226
# I am such a funny clown
1179
01:04:58,228 --> 01:05:00,161
# I like to travel
'round and 'round
1180
01:05:00,163 --> 01:05:02,163
# The circus is my home
1181
01:05:02,165 --> 01:05:04,065
# I always sleep alone
1182
01:05:27,925 --> 01:05:32,294
Ohh! Make up or break up!
This stalemate has got to end.
1183
01:05:32,296 --> 01:05:35,931
You know, for once, I agree with
her. I do. I don't care what happens.
1184
01:05:35,933 --> 01:05:38,500
I just want my couch back.
1185
01:05:38,502 --> 01:05:41,970
He's not calling her.
She's not calling him.
1186
01:05:41,972 --> 01:05:44,172
Can someone help this couple?
1187
01:05:45,709 --> 01:05:50,445
Good evening. I'm Ted
Koppel, and this...
1188
01:05:50,447 --> 01:05:52,247
...is Nightline.
1189
01:05:52,249 --> 01:05:55,050
Tonight, "Love on the Rocks"...
1190
01:05:55,052 --> 01:05:57,319
Crown versus Davenport.
1191
01:05:57,321 --> 01:06:03,358
You'd have to be living in a vacuum the
past week not to notice the friction...
1192
01:06:03,360 --> 01:06:08,430
...between young lovers David
Crown and Carrie Davenport.
1193
01:06:08,432 --> 01:06:12,567
Standing by in our Boston affiliate,
1194
01:06:12,569 --> 01:06:15,337
the principals.
1195
01:06:15,339 --> 01:06:18,406
David, is there a case to be made...
1196
01:06:18,408 --> 01:06:26,247
that the final blowup was only
symptomatic of much deeper problems?
1197
01:06:26,249 --> 01:06:30,452
Deeper problems? What do you mean?
1198
01:06:30,454 --> 01:06:33,989
David, I'm referring to
this "missing out" feeling,
1199
01:06:33,991 --> 01:06:37,993
which, as you put it, has, and I quote,
1200
01:06:37,995 --> 01:06:41,229
"haunted me my entire life."
1201
01:06:41,231 --> 01:06:43,398
Phew! Who does your research?
1202
01:06:43,400 --> 01:06:47,235
Why do you worry about what
you might be missing, David,
1203
01:06:47,237 --> 01:06:50,672
outside of your relationship
with miss Davenport,
1204
01:06:50,674 --> 01:06:53,919
instead of concentrating
on creating a deeper,
1205
01:06:53,944 --> 01:06:56,611
more meaningful relationship with her?
1206
01:06:56,613 --> 01:06:58,747
It's not that I don't love her.
1207
01:06:58,749 --> 01:07:02,017
I-I do. I-I love her
with all my heart.
1208
01:07:02,019 --> 01:07:04,352
I-I just...
1209
01:07:04,354 --> 01:07:07,655
I don't know. Sometimes
I-I feel trapped.
1210
01:07:07,657 --> 01:07:10,058
But why, David? I'm
not trying to trap you.
1211
01:07:10,060 --> 01:07:12,327
Yeah, I know that, hon. I just... um...
1212
01:07:12,329 --> 01:07:18,066
Carrie, David is simply expressing
a general fear of commitment.
1213
01:07:18,068 --> 01:07:22,470
Let me see if I can give you an example.
1214
01:07:24,074 --> 01:07:27,175
- What's your favorite food?
- No, Ted, shh!
1215
01:07:27,177 --> 01:07:30,045
Look, we're trying to
reach an accord here, okay?
1216
01:07:31,782 --> 01:07:34,482
Carrie?
1217
01:07:34,484 --> 01:07:39,554
I will do everything
in my power to change...
1218
01:07:39,556 --> 01:07:45,293
...because... I-I love you...
1219
01:07:45,295 --> 01:07:47,162
...and I need you.
1220
01:07:48,331 --> 01:07:50,799
And...
1221
01:07:50,801 --> 01:07:53,168
I want to come home.
1222
01:07:56,606 --> 01:07:59,507
Ted, how do we get out of these boxes?
1223
01:08:21,798 --> 01:08:24,265
Linguine and clam sauce.
1224
01:08:24,267 --> 01:08:26,234
Your favorite.
1225
01:08:26,236 --> 01:08:28,269
That's very sweet of you.
1226
01:08:28,271 --> 01:08:30,405
It is.
1227
01:08:30,407 --> 01:08:32,207
But, um...
1228
01:08:32,209 --> 01:08:37,112
...why don't we try something
just... a little different?
1229
01:08:37,114 --> 01:08:38,613
Mmm.
1230
01:08:42,786 --> 01:08:43,785
Unh!
1231
01:08:43,787 --> 01:08:45,454
Uhh...
1232
01:08:45,455 --> 01:08:47,122
That's it... drive it.
Foul! That's a foul!
1233
01:08:47,124 --> 01:08:48,507
Where's the call?!
1234
01:08:48,508 --> 01:08:49,891
- Where's the fucking call?!
- Oh, man!
1235
01:08:49,893 --> 01:08:52,527
There should be... David,
do you believe this shit?
1236
01:08:52,529 --> 01:08:55,130
This liver's great. What? What happened?
1237
01:08:55,132 --> 01:08:57,632
Bird brings it in, around-the-back
pass to Lewis, right?
1238
01:08:57,634 --> 01:09:00,902
Sweet baseline move, and then
Laimbeer and Rodman mug him.
1239
01:09:00,904 --> 01:09:02,904
No, no, they rape him, like in prison!
1240
01:09:02,906 --> 01:09:04,506
The Pistons aren't a team.
1241
01:09:04,508 --> 01:09:06,233
They're the Manson family in shorts.
1242
01:09:06,258 --> 01:09:09,410
- Here. You liked that... the liver, right?
- It's great.
1243
01:09:09,412 --> 01:09:11,546
Okay, now try the pasta
salad with peppers.
1244
01:09:11,548 --> 01:09:13,748
- Give me a "T" here.
- Do I like this?
1245
01:09:13,750 --> 01:09:15,783
Hold on, folks.
1246
01:09:15,785 --> 01:09:18,620
I can't believe what I've just heard.
1247
01:09:18,622 --> 01:09:20,822
- What?
- "Do I like this?"
1248
01:09:20,824 --> 01:09:22,190
You all right?
1249
01:09:22,192 --> 01:09:24,259
Did I hear you correctly?
1250
01:09:24,261 --> 01:09:27,629
Did you ask her if you
liked a particular food?
1251
01:09:27,631 --> 01:09:30,665
- So?
- So? So?!
1252
01:09:30,667 --> 01:09:34,335
That's a question that an old man
asks his wife at a salad bar.
1253
01:09:34,337 --> 01:09:36,804
Couples who have been
married thousands of years.
1254
01:09:36,806 --> 01:09:40,441
Men who no longer own
their own prostate.
1255
01:09:40,443 --> 01:09:44,312
Men who have no free
will ask that question.
1256
01:09:44,314 --> 01:09:48,650
It's beyond pathetic. I
have a radio in my car.
1257
01:09:48,652 --> 01:09:51,886
- Oh, guys! Zoe, wait.
- Eli, it's the fourth quarter.
1258
01:09:51,888 --> 01:09:54,789
- They're turning into the Reagans.
- Do I hate this?
1259
01:09:54,791 --> 01:09:57,292
1:37 in the ballgame.
1260
01:09:58,762 --> 01:10:00,428
Carrie.
1261
01:10:05,368 --> 01:10:09,204
- Eli. Where's Carrie?
- Yes, David?
1262
01:10:09,206 --> 01:10:11,806
Oh, well, I'd rather...
1263
01:10:11,808 --> 01:10:13,808
I know you think I'm pussy-whipped,
but tell me where she is.
1264
01:10:13,810 --> 01:10:15,143
I won't.
1265
01:10:15,144 --> 01:10:16,477
You know where she is.
Tell me where she is.
1266
01:10:16,479 --> 01:10:17,879
I'd really rather not say.
1267
01:10:17,881 --> 01:10:19,614
Please, Eli, tell me where she is.
1268
01:10:19,616 --> 01:10:21,816
- You're not going to like it, David.
- Where is she?
1269
01:10:21,818 --> 01:10:24,219
She got tired of waiting
for you to commit.
1270
01:10:24,221 --> 01:10:26,854
Where's Carrie? Where
is she?! Where is she?!
1271
01:10:26,856 --> 01:10:29,857
She's about to marry a proctologist!
1272
01:10:29,859 --> 01:10:31,492
- Taxi! Taxi!
- Oof!
1273
01:10:39,769 --> 01:10:42,337
I know. I know.
1274
01:10:42,339 --> 01:10:45,974
A dream is your subconscious
trying to get through.
1275
01:10:45,976 --> 01:10:50,712
But, you know, it's like a bad
connection to Wabash, Australia.
1276
01:10:50,714 --> 01:10:53,514
You miss every other word,
and nothing makes sense.
1277
01:10:57,254 --> 01:11:01,022
Somehow you know it's the most
important call of your life.
1278
01:11:02,959 --> 01:11:04,726
So, what do you do?
1279
01:11:04,728 --> 01:11:08,696
I mean, if you can't be
sure? If you can only guess?
1280
01:11:09,866 --> 01:11:13,301
When it's your turn to
talk, what do you say?
1281
01:11:17,941 --> 01:11:19,941
Excuse me.
1282
01:11:59,716 --> 01:12:03,718
# While there is time
1283
01:12:03,720 --> 01:12:06,654
- # Let's go out...
- Carrie Davenport...
1284
01:12:08,525 --> 01:12:12,060
- # If you hold me
- ...will you marry me?
1285
01:12:12,062 --> 01:12:15,863
# I will let you into my dreams
1286
01:12:15,865 --> 01:12:18,399
# For time is a river
1287
01:12:18,401 --> 01:12:19,901
I will.
1288
01:12:19,903 --> 01:12:21,736
# Roll...
1289
01:12:29,813 --> 01:12:34,082
I will. I will. I will.
1290
01:12:34,084 --> 01:12:37,685
Reactions were... varied.
1291
01:12:37,687 --> 01:12:40,455
Shiksa. Oh, God!
1292
01:12:41,458 --> 01:12:43,858
Married. March.
1293
01:12:43,860 --> 01:12:46,594
Lovely wife Giselle,
are we in town then?
1294
01:12:46,596 --> 01:12:49,063
We nailed one!
1295
01:12:49,065 --> 01:12:52,133
Hey, guys, man overboard! Man overboard!
1296
01:12:52,135 --> 01:12:54,435
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
1297
01:12:54,437 --> 01:12:56,804
This means we get to throw
a bachelor party, right?
1298
01:12:56,806 --> 01:12:59,474
Yeah! Whoo! Yeah! Yeah!
1299
01:13:20,130 --> 01:13:24,065
Love's latest victim, David crown.
1300
01:13:24,067 --> 01:13:30,037
David, from your best
man to his best friend.
1301
01:13:32,842 --> 01:13:36,944
The key to my hotel
room and to the city...
1302
01:13:36,946 --> 01:13:39,013
...are yours.
1303
01:13:39,015 --> 01:13:41,449
David? Hey, David.
1304
01:13:42,786 --> 01:13:43,918
Hi!
1305
01:13:43,920 --> 01:13:46,087
- David. David.
- Hello!
1306
01:13:47,891 --> 01:13:49,757
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh.
1307
01:13:49,759 --> 01:13:50,992
You're the best man, son.
1308
01:13:50,994 --> 01:13:53,494
You should know where
he is at all times.
1309
01:13:53,496 --> 01:13:56,864
So, uh, where is she,
Zoe? And why is she there?
1310
01:13:56,866 --> 01:13:58,533
Well, I'm not sure.
1311
01:13:58,535 --> 01:14:00,535
But I'm sure this is the
happiest day of her life.
1312
01:14:00,537 --> 01:14:01,869
It better be.
1313
01:14:01,871 --> 01:14:05,039
- The natives are getting restless.
- No shit. We need some entertainment.
1314
01:14:05,041 --> 01:14:07,775
- Do you play the piano, sir?
- No!
1315
01:14:07,777 --> 01:14:11,179
But my lovely wife, Giselle, does.
1316
01:14:11,181 --> 01:14:19,120
- Find him!
- Aah! Aah!
1317
01:14:31,901 --> 01:14:36,037
- Hi.
- Hiya.
1318
01:14:49,185 --> 01:14:51,519
How's David?
1319
01:14:51,521 --> 01:14:53,588
It was hard to tell.
1320
01:14:54,591 --> 01:14:56,924
Zoe, you're my best friend.
1321
01:14:56,926 --> 01:14:59,627
What's gonna happen
to us if I get married?
1322
01:15:00,630 --> 01:15:02,597
Nothing.
1323
01:15:03,066 --> 01:15:06,000
What's gonna happen
to me if I get married?
1324
01:15:07,170 --> 01:15:09,036
What do you mean?
1325
01:15:10,874 --> 01:15:15,176
Remember what you said to me at my
party... about me losing my identity?
1326
01:15:15,178 --> 01:15:17,945
I know you were kidding...
1327
01:15:17,947 --> 01:15:20,248
But I don't know... I
think you might be right.
1328
01:15:21,784 --> 01:15:23,618
Well, I was right.
1329
01:15:23,620 --> 01:15:29,857
I mean, you will lose your identity,
but only to find a new identity.
1330
01:15:29,859 --> 01:15:32,159
And, no offense, maybe a better one.
1331
01:15:32,161 --> 01:15:34,028
As a wife?
1332
01:15:34,030 --> 01:15:36,163
As a wife...
1333
01:15:36,165 --> 01:15:37,932
As a mother...
1334
01:15:37,934 --> 01:15:40,001
As a grandmother.
1335
01:15:41,304 --> 01:15:46,607
- Boy, can you imagine me as a grandmother?
- Sure!
1336
01:15:50,079 --> 01:15:52,847
Zoe, can I rely on him?
1337
01:15:54,250 --> 01:15:57,585
Can I rely on... on me?
1338
01:16:00,723 --> 01:16:03,024
Do you love him?
1339
01:16:05,828 --> 01:16:07,128
Yes.
1340
01:16:08,298 --> 01:16:11,198
Would you rather go
back to living with me?
1341
01:16:12,769 --> 01:16:14,569
I love you, too, but...
1342
01:16:16,739 --> 01:16:18,873
Then let's go get married.
1343
01:16:21,044 --> 01:16:23,010
- Okay.
- Okay.
1344
01:16:49,038 --> 01:16:53,307
- Hey, you're in my seat.
- How'd you know I'd be here?
1345
01:16:54,978 --> 01:16:58,685
Come on. We've been coming
here since we were 6.
1346
01:17:00,016 --> 01:17:04,852
Oh, by the way, Kenneth is muy pissed.
1347
01:17:04,854 --> 01:17:11,692
- How about Carrie?
- She, uh... didn't say.
1348
01:17:17,400 --> 01:17:21,068
Everything is always right here.
1349
01:17:22,405 --> 01:17:26,307
Life is perfect under the green
monster. You ever notice that?
1350
01:17:27,777 --> 01:17:32,213
I'm usually too drunk by the
sixth inning, but... yeah.
1351
01:17:35,952 --> 01:17:40,988
I don't think anything in my marriage
is ever gonna be as perfect as that.
1352
01:17:40,990 --> 01:17:44,291
- Oh, it won't be.
- Thank you.
1353
01:17:44,293 --> 01:17:48,863
- I'm sorry, David, but it won't be.
- Why not?
1354
01:17:48,865 --> 01:17:52,299
Because marriage isn't baseball, man.
1355
01:17:52,301 --> 01:17:55,670
It isn't a game. It's very real.
1356
01:17:55,672 --> 01:17:58,072
Besides, there's a lot less spitting.
1357
01:17:59,442 --> 01:18:04,311
- So why am I doing this?
- Because you want to.
1358
01:18:04,313 --> 01:18:06,947
Because I want to... eventually.
1359
01:18:09,052 --> 01:18:11,986
You never really liked Carrie, did you?
1360
01:18:13,056 --> 01:18:17,124
You know, when I first met
her, I thought, "Carrie."
1361
01:18:17,126 --> 01:18:19,894
You know... Stephen King's
Carrie.
1362
01:18:21,030 --> 01:18:24,865
But I got to know her, and, uh...
1363
01:18:24,867 --> 01:18:28,969
She's okay. She's all right. She's good.
1364
01:18:30,773 --> 01:18:34,108
I'm gonna marry Carrie Davenport.
1365
01:18:41,951 --> 01:18:43,784
Ah.
1366
01:18:43,786 --> 01:18:48,456
You know, someday... not too soon,
but someday, we're gonna come out here,
1367
01:18:48,458 --> 01:18:52,026
and you-know-who is gonna be sitting
right between us, sucking on a frosty malt.
1368
01:18:52,028 --> 01:18:53,761
Who?
1369
01:18:53,763 --> 01:18:56,897
- Your kid, "who?"
- You think?
1370
01:18:56,899 --> 01:19:00,735
Come on, the first thing Uncle Eli
teaches the little sperm in Reeboks...
1371
01:19:00,737 --> 01:19:03,504
...is how to sneak into the park.
1372
01:19:03,506 --> 01:19:04,505
I love you.
1373
01:19:04,507 --> 01:19:05,940
I love you, too.
1374
01:19:05,942 --> 01:19:08,426
Aw. Aw. Aw. Aw.
1375
01:19:14,383 --> 01:19:16,083
Psst.
1376
01:19:16,085 --> 01:19:18,886
I never asked you. What
do you do for a living?
1377
01:19:18,888 --> 01:19:20,321
I'm an accountant.
1378
01:19:20,323 --> 01:19:22,056
And do you, Carrie,
1379
01:19:22,058 --> 01:19:25,526
take this man, David, to be
your lawfully wedded husband,
1380
01:19:25,528 --> 01:19:30,965
in sickness and in health
till death do you part?
1381
01:19:30,967 --> 01:19:32,166
I do.
1382
01:19:32,168 --> 01:19:33,901
And do you, David,
1383
01:19:33,903 --> 01:19:37,037
take this woman, Carrie, to
be your lawfully wedded wife
1384
01:19:37,039 --> 01:19:38,939
in sickness and in health,
1385
01:19:38,941 --> 01:19:41,876
to love, honor, and respect
her till death do you part?
1386
01:19:41,878 --> 01:19:43,844
I do.
1387
01:19:43,846 --> 01:19:46,781
Then if there is no one here
who objects to this union...
1388
01:19:46,783 --> 01:19:49,316
- Then by the powers vested in me...
- And me.
1389
01:19:49,318 --> 01:19:51,552
...and by the covenant
of Moses and Abraham...
1390
01:19:51,554 --> 01:19:53,988
By God and the state of Massachusetts.
1391
01:19:53,990 --> 01:19:55,556
...by the state of Israel...
1392
01:19:55,558 --> 01:19:58,425
We now pronounce you husband and wife.
1393
01:19:58,427 --> 01:20:00,027
You may kiss the bride.
1394
01:20:01,063 --> 01:20:03,030
Wait! Wait! Wait!
1395
01:20:03,031 --> 01:20:04,998
We're not done, huh?
That's it? This is it? What?
1396
01:20:05,001 --> 01:20:07,201
Talk to me about rules.
Talk to me about love.
1397
01:20:07,203 --> 01:20:09,170
All right, it's a 4-letter word, huh?
1398
01:20:09,172 --> 01:20:13,073
All right, when King Kong grabbed
Fay Wray, that was love, was it not?
1399
01:20:13,075 --> 01:20:14,909
Sweet love, absolutely, yeah.
1400
01:20:14,911 --> 01:20:16,944
But afterwards, boom! Dead monkey.
1401
01:20:16,946 --> 01:20:19,446
What the hell's that? Just
tell me it was worth it, okay?
1402
01:20:19,448 --> 01:20:21,382
You're goddamn right it was worth it!
1403
01:20:21,384 --> 01:20:24,451
They knew it the minute
they met. I knew it.
1404
01:20:24,453 --> 01:20:25,462
Even you knew it,
1405
01:20:25,487 --> 01:20:28,489
although that didn't stop you from
torturing them every step of the way,
1406
01:20:28,491 --> 01:20:29,990
did it, studmuffins?
1407
01:20:29,992 --> 01:20:35,062
W-what are best friends for? I
mean, I had to be sure he was sure.
1408
01:20:35,064 --> 01:20:37,364
- Really?
- Yes.
1409
01:20:37,366 --> 01:20:40,167
Well, that's very sweet.
1410
01:20:40,169 --> 01:20:43,938
- I may have misjudged you.
- What are you saying?
1411
01:20:43,940 --> 01:20:47,174
Well, you want to go
to a movie sometime?
1412
01:20:47,176 --> 01:20:49,977
- What... you and me?
- Yeah.
1413
01:20:49,979 --> 01:20:53,280
Dutch, no strudel, no Haagen sex,
1414
01:20:53,282 --> 01:20:56,250
although I know you desperately want me.
1415
01:20:56,252 --> 01:20:59,019
Just a movie.
1416
01:21:01,958 --> 01:21:02,990
You may kiss the bride.
1417
01:21:02,992 --> 01:21:04,892
Not so fast, padre.
1418
01:21:04,894 --> 01:21:07,428
The ceremonial breaking of the glass.
1419
01:21:10,967 --> 01:21:13,267
- Mazel tov! Mazel tov!
- Mazel tov!
1420
01:21:13,269 --> 01:21:15,102
Mazel tov!
1421
01:21:24,547 --> 01:21:27,081
Roll credits.
1422
01:21:49,071 --> 01:21:51,538
# Love comes
1423
01:21:51,540 --> 01:21:54,208
# Love goes
1424
01:21:54,210 --> 01:21:56,610
# Where to
1425
01:21:56,612 --> 01:21:59,580
# Nobody knows
1426
01:21:59,582 --> 01:22:05,019
# And it's strange
how feelings change
1427
01:22:05,021 --> 01:22:09,056
# But it's all the same to me
1428
01:22:10,192 --> 01:22:14,128
# With a little time
1429
01:22:15,698 --> 01:22:19,500
# The feeling grows
1430
01:22:20,636 --> 01:22:25,039
# Her heart and mine
1431
01:22:25,942 --> 01:22:30,077
# I know she knows
1432
01:22:30,947 --> 01:22:34,148
# Oh
1433
01:22:34,150 --> 01:22:38,485
# I'm so happy now
1434
01:22:41,424 --> 01:22:45,559
# Oh, I was lost
1435
01:22:45,561 --> 01:22:49,163
# But now I'm found
1436
01:22:51,701 --> 01:22:54,068
# Daddy was a good man
1437
01:22:54,070 --> 01:22:56,570
# Used to work the land
1438
01:22:56,572 --> 01:22:58,973
# Sometimes life would fight him
1439
01:22:58,975 --> 01:23:02,109
# But he'd always understand
1440
01:23:02,111 --> 01:23:04,445
# Went to work every day
1441
01:23:04,447 --> 01:23:07,147
# I can still hear him say
1442
01:23:07,149 --> 01:23:09,616
# Can't beat love, my son
1443
01:23:09,618 --> 01:23:12,453
# To chase those blues away
1444
01:23:12,455 --> 01:23:12,753
# Ooh
1445
01:23:12,755 --> 01:23:17,524
# With a little time
1446
01:23:17,526 --> 01:23:18,192
# Ooh
1447
01:23:18,194 --> 01:23:22,596
# The feeling grows
1448
01:23:22,598 --> 01:23:23,097
# Ooh
1449
01:23:23,099 --> 01:23:27,601
# Her heart and mine
1450
01:23:27,603 --> 01:23:29,003
# Ooh
1451
01:23:29,005 --> 01:23:32,039
# I know she knows
1452
01:23:34,143 --> 01:23:37,011
# Oh
1453
01:23:37,013 --> 01:23:40,781
# I'm so happy now
1454
01:23:44,720 --> 01:23:48,555
# I was lost
1455
01:23:48,557 --> 01:23:51,692
# But now I'm found
1456
01:24:26,529 --> 01:24:29,229
# Oh
1457
01:24:29,231 --> 01:24:33,133
# I'm so happy now
1458
01:24:37,239 --> 01:24:40,674
# I was lost
1459
01:24:40,676 --> 01:24:43,844
# But now I'm found
1460
01:24:46,849 --> 01:24:50,084
# Gonna learn to
1461
01:24:50,086 --> 01:24:54,254
# Brush these blues away
1462
01:24:57,426 --> 01:25:00,694
# Gonna learn to
1463
01:25:00,696 --> 01:25:04,798
# Smile every day
1464
01:25:07,803 --> 01:25:11,238
# Oh
1465
01:25:11,240 --> 01:25:15,242
# I'm so happy now
1466
01:25:18,581 --> 01:25:22,716
# Oh, I was lost
1467
01:25:22,718 --> 01:25:25,619
# But now I'm found
1468
01:25:28,657 --> 01:25:31,859
# Oh
1469
01:25:31,861 --> 01:25:36,330
# I'm so happy now
1470
01:25:39,235 --> 01:25:39,433
# Ohhh
1471
01:25:39,435 --> 01:25:42,736
# Oh, ohhh
1472
01:25:42,738 --> 01:25:46,840
# I'm so happy now
1473
01:25:49,612 --> 01:25:49,810
# Ohhh
1474
01:25:49,812 --> 01:25:52,846
# Ooh, oh
1475
01:25:52,848 --> 01:25:57,251
# I'm so happy now
1476
01:25:59,555 --> 01:26:03,490
# Ohhh
1477
01:26:03,492 --> 01:26:07,161
# I'm so happy now
1478
01:26:10,161 --> 01:26:14,161
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