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1
00:00:04,103 --> 00:00:05,903
KNOW WHEN YOU'REAT THE FERRARI DEALERSHIP
2
00:00:05,896 --> 00:00:08,026
AND THEY'RE, LIKE, "SIR, YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE TO WAIT TWO WEEKS
3
00:00:08,034 --> 00:00:08,974
FOR A CANARY YELLOW."
4
00:00:08,965 --> 00:00:10,205
MAN, IF I WANTED
TO WAIT TWO WEEKS,
5
00:00:10,206 --> 00:00:11,306
I'D HAVE GOT A LEXUS.
6
00:00:11,310 --> 00:00:13,340
WAIT, HOLD FOR APPLAUSE.
7
00:00:13,344 --> 00:00:15,004
- WHAT YOU DOIN',
PRETTY RICKY?
8
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,690
- OH, JUST PRACTICING FOR
OPEN MIC AT THE COMEDY CLUB.
9
00:00:17,689 --> 00:00:19,169
- WHAT? OPEN MIC?
10
00:00:19,172 --> 00:00:20,722
[laughs]
THAT'S CRAZY.
11
00:00:20,724 --> 00:00:22,344
WHAT IF YOU REALLY DID THAT?
12
00:00:22,344 --> 00:00:24,624
YOUR BIG ASS SITTING UP THERE
TELLING JOKES.
13
00:00:24,620 --> 00:00:26,000
[laughs]
THAT'S INSANE.
14
00:00:28,310 --> 00:00:31,380
OH. YOU'RE SERIOUS.
YOU WASN'T BEING FUNNY?
15
00:00:31,379 --> 00:00:32,829
- NO, OF COURSE NOT.
16
00:00:32,827 --> 00:00:34,587
THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY
ABOUT MY COMEDY, TASHA.
17
00:00:34,586 --> 00:00:36,066
- OH. OH, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
18
00:00:36,068 --> 00:00:37,208
HOLD ON. HOLD ON.
19
00:00:37,206 --> 00:00:40,026
OKAY, SO THIS IS, LIKE,
YOUR IMAGINARY AUDIENCE.
20
00:00:40,034 --> 00:00:41,004
- OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
21
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,720
OVER HERE,
I GOT DAVID HASSELHOFF.
22
00:00:42,724 --> 00:00:43,904
- OH, OKAY.
23
00:00:43,896 --> 00:00:45,376
- AND THEN OVER HERE,
WE GOT EDDIE MURPHY.
24
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:46,479
AND THEN, OF COURSE,
25
00:00:46,482 --> 00:00:48,072
RIGHT IN THE CENTER
IS BARACK AND MICHELLE.
26
00:00:48,068 --> 00:00:49,338
- OH, OKAY.
27
00:00:49,344 --> 00:00:51,174
OKAY, LOOK, NOW SEE
LITTLE MALIA AND LITTLE SASHA.
28
00:00:51,172 --> 00:00:52,692
- NO, NO, THEY CAN'T BE THERE.
29
00:00:52,689 --> 00:00:54,719
I'M ABOUT TO TELL THIS JOKE
ABOUT HILLARY CLINTON'S ASS.
30
00:00:54,724 --> 00:00:55,834
SHE GOT A NICE ONE.
31
00:00:55,827 --> 00:00:57,207
- [laughs]
THAT'S FUNNY.
32
00:00:57,206 --> 00:00:59,136
- YEAH--HEY, YOU WANT TO HEAR
SOME MORE OF MY STUFF?
33
00:00:59,137 --> 00:01:02,067
- YEAH, SURE.
- OKAY, COOL.
34
00:01:02,068 --> 00:01:03,548
ALL RIGHT. MIC CHECK, MIC CHECK.
35
00:01:03,551 --> 00:01:04,831
- [laughs]
36
00:01:04,827 --> 00:01:06,587
- YO, HASSELHOFF, COME ON,
BUDDY--MAN, SIT DOWN.
37
00:01:06,586 --> 00:01:07,656
WE GET IT, YOU HAD A COOL CAR.
38
00:01:07,655 --> 00:01:09,165
[laughs]
39
00:01:09,172 --> 00:01:10,412
SO, UH, WHAT DO YOU GET
WHEN YOU PUT
40
00:01:10,413 --> 00:01:14,623
A BASKETBALL PLAYER
TOGETHER WITH A BABY?
41
00:01:14,620 --> 00:01:16,380
DOUBLE DRIBBLE.
42
00:01:16,379 --> 00:01:18,689
[laughs]
GET IT?
43
00:01:18,689 --> 00:01:20,829
'CAUSE BASKETBALL PLAYERS
DRIBBLE AND BABIES DRIBBLE,
44
00:01:20,827 --> 00:01:22,687
SO YOU PUT THE TWO TOGETHER...
45
00:01:22,689 --> 00:01:24,759
- YOU WANT TO HAVE
SOME MORNING SEX?
46
00:01:24,758 --> 00:01:28,238
- MM, OKAY.
47
00:01:31,344 --> 00:01:34,344
[aggressive rock music]
48
00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:37,314
♪
49
00:01:42,517 --> 00:01:43,517
- MORNING, SUNSHINE.
50
00:01:43,517 --> 00:01:44,447
- OH!
51
00:01:44,448 --> 00:01:45,588
[gasps] GIRL--
52
00:01:45,586 --> 00:01:46,586
- [chuckles]
53
00:01:46,586 --> 00:01:47,786
- I FORGOT YOUR ASS WAS HERE.
54
00:01:47,793 --> 00:01:49,283
- CLEARLY,
'CAUSE ALL I'VE BEEN HEARING
55
00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:50,375
FOR THE PAST TWO HOURS
56
00:01:50,379 --> 00:01:52,409
IS YOUR HIGH-PITCHED MOANING
AND GROANING.
57
00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:56,383
OH!
MOUNT ME LIKE A PONY, BABY!
58
00:01:56,379 --> 00:01:58,239
- GIRL, THAT WASN'T ME.
THAT WAS RICK.
59
00:01:58,241 --> 00:02:00,661
- OH. MY BAD. TASHA, I'M SORRY.
60
00:02:00,655 --> 00:02:01,825
I CERTAINLY DIDN'T MEAN
61
00:02:01,827 --> 00:02:04,067
TO INFRINGE
ON YOUR HONEYMOON PHASE.
62
00:02:04,068 --> 00:02:05,408
- [scoffs] CHILD, PLEASE.
63
00:02:05,413 --> 00:02:06,833
WHAT HONEYMOON?
64
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:09,207
GIRL, RICK'S BEEN
SOUL-SEARCHING, OKAY?
65
00:02:09,205 --> 00:02:10,855
HE'S TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
WHAT HE'S GONNA DO
66
00:02:10,862 --> 00:02:11,792
FOR THE REST
OF HIS LIFE.
67
00:02:11,793 --> 00:02:12,973
NOW HE'S GOT THIS CRAZY-ASS IDEA
68
00:02:12,965 --> 00:02:14,205
THAT HE WANTS TO PARLAY
HIS HUMOR
69
00:02:14,206 --> 00:02:15,966
INTO A DAMN COMEDY CAREER.
70
00:02:15,965 --> 00:02:17,335
- IS HE FUNNY?
71
00:02:17,344 --> 00:02:20,174
- WELL, I MEAN, NOT THE WAY
YOU WOULD THINK.
72
00:02:20,172 --> 00:02:22,972
HE'S FUNNY LIKE
A FALSE-POSITIVE HIV TEST.
73
00:02:22,965 --> 00:02:24,305
- OH.
74
00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:25,860
- I'M STARTING TO THINK
I CHOSE WRONG.
75
00:02:25,862 --> 00:02:27,722
- STOP IT.
76
00:02:27,724 --> 00:02:29,214
YOU DUMPED POOKIE FOR HIM.
77
00:02:29,206 --> 00:02:30,546
YOU MADE YOUR CHOICE.
78
00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:32,901
YOU CAN'T JUST JUMP SHIP
'CAUSE YOU'RE UNHAPPY.
79
00:02:32,896 --> 00:02:34,656
THAT'S NOT HOW
RELATIONSHIPS WORK.
80
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,405
- OH, OH, THIS IS COMING FROM
THE SAME GIRL
81
00:02:36,413 --> 00:02:37,593
WHO JUMPED OFF OF JASON'S DINGHY
82
00:02:37,586 --> 00:02:38,996
AND THEN SWAM ON
OVER TO MY CRUISE SHIP,
83
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:41,140
THE S.S. TASHA MACKEREL.
84
00:02:41,137 --> 00:02:42,657
- OKAY, THIS IS DIFFERENT.
85
00:02:42,655 --> 00:02:45,135
I COULDN'T SIT AROUND AND WATCH
JASON KILL HIMSELF.
86
00:02:45,137 --> 00:02:48,407
BUT YOU CAN SIT AROUND AND
LISTEN TO A COUPLE OF BAD JOKES.
87
00:02:48,413 --> 00:02:50,283
- YOU AIN'T HEARD HIS JOKES.
88
00:02:50,275 --> 00:02:52,475
- WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY TO
BE A LITTLE BIT MORE SUPPORTIVE.
89
00:02:52,482 --> 00:02:54,312
I MEAN, HE MIGHT SURPRISE YOU.
90
00:02:54,310 --> 00:02:56,340
WHY DON'T YOU TRY TO BE A LITTLE
BIT MORE POSITIVE?
91
00:02:56,344 --> 00:03:00,694
KIND OF LIKE THAT FALSE
HIV TEST OF YOURS.
92
00:03:00,689 --> 00:03:01,689
[laughs]
93
00:03:01,689 --> 00:03:02,689
- OKAY.
94
00:03:02,689 --> 00:03:03,859
- WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
95
00:03:03,862 --> 00:03:05,692
- TO POUR MYSELF ANOTHER
SCALDING CUP OF COFFEE
96
00:03:05,689 --> 00:03:07,999
SO I CAN
JUAN VALDEZ YOUR ASS.
97
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,210
[football audience cheering]
98
00:03:09,206 --> 00:03:10,926
- BRYCE WESTBROOK CATCHES
THE BALL AT THE 50.
99
00:03:10,931 --> 00:03:11,901
- NICE.
100
00:03:11,896 --> 00:03:13,206
- OUTRUNS THE SECONDARY
IN THE 40,
101
00:03:13,206 --> 00:03:14,096
CONTINUES DOWN TO THE 30,
102
00:03:14,103 --> 00:03:15,383
THE 20--
103
00:03:15,379 --> 00:03:16,859
- UH, SO WHEN MARIE CLAIRE
READERS HEARD
104
00:03:16,862 --> 00:03:18,622
WE WERE DOING A "DAY IN
THE LIFE" FEATURE ON YOU,
105
00:03:18,620 --> 00:03:21,550
THEY WENT BANANAS AND SENT IN,
LIKE, A BAZILLION QUESTIONS.
106
00:03:21,551 --> 00:03:22,551
- [giggles]
107
00:03:22,551 --> 00:03:24,861
- SO THIS READER,
FORMERELMOFAN24,
108
00:03:24,862 --> 00:03:28,002
WANTS YOU TO TAKE US THROUGH
YOUR TYPICAL MORNING ROUTINE.
109
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:28,930
- OH, WELL--
110
00:03:28,931 --> 00:03:30,171
[clears throat]
111
00:03:30,172 --> 00:03:32,692
RECENTLY I'VE
BEEN WAKING UP EARLY TO DO YOGA.
112
00:03:32,689 --> 00:03:33,899
- MM.
113
00:03:33,896 --> 00:03:35,446
- I BELIEVE, YOU KNOW,
THE MIND AND THE BODY
114
00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:37,758
SHOULD BE TREATED
LIKE TEMPLES.
115
00:03:37,758 --> 00:03:39,168
- AREN'T THOSE CHILI FRIES?
116
00:03:39,172 --> 00:03:42,592
- UH, YEAH, WELL,
THE TEMPLE'S CLOSED TODAY
117
00:03:42,586 --> 00:03:43,786
ON ACCOUNT OF THE GAME.
118
00:03:43,793 --> 00:03:45,453
IT'S, LIKE, A HOLIDAY
FOR MY BODY.
119
00:03:45,448 --> 00:03:46,858
- IRONICALLY,
YOUR RITUAL SOUNDS LIKE
120
00:03:46,862 --> 00:03:48,412
IT MIGHT BE INFLUENCED BY
YOUR NEW BOO.
121
00:03:48,413 --> 00:03:51,413
WESTBROOK'S BEEN KNOWN TO LEAD
A VERY HEALTHY, ZEN LIFESTYLE.
122
00:03:51,413 --> 00:03:53,243
- YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT
THEY SAY ABOUT COUPLES,
123
00:03:53,241 --> 00:03:55,281
AFTER A WHILE, THEY START
TO ACT AND LOOK ALIKE.
124
00:03:55,275 --> 00:03:57,135
- HAVEN'T YOU ONLY BEEN
TOGETHER A WEEK?
125
00:03:57,137 --> 00:03:58,477
- UH, WELL, NO.
126
00:03:58,482 --> 00:04:00,282
IT'S ACTUALLY BEEN
A LITTLE BIT LONGER THAN THAT,
127
00:04:00,275 --> 00:04:01,995
BUT WE JUST ANNOUNCED IT
PUBLICLY A WEEK AGO.
128
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,720
- BUT YOU KNOW, I'M GLAD
WE'RE ON THIS SUBJECT
129
00:04:03,724 --> 00:04:05,594
BECAUSE A LOT OF
OUR READERS WANT TO KNOW MORE
130
00:04:05,586 --> 00:04:09,236
ABOUT THIS HOT NEW CELEBRITY
COUPLE, "BLEIRA."
131
00:04:09,241 --> 00:04:10,241
- [laughs]
132
00:04:10,241 --> 00:04:12,141
YEAH, WE WERE GONNA
GO WITH "KLUE"
133
00:04:12,137 --> 00:04:15,207
BUT FIGURED WE WERE LEAVING
OURSELVES OPEN FOR JOKES.
134
00:04:15,206 --> 00:04:16,646
I MEAN, EVEN IF YOU
LOVE ALLITERATION,
135
00:04:16,654 --> 00:04:17,724
YOU HAVE TO GO A LONG WAY
136
00:04:17,724 --> 00:04:20,004
TO COME UP WITH A PUN
FOR "BLEIRA."
137
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,480
- "BLEIRA, BLEIRA, ON THE WALL,
138
00:04:21,482 --> 00:04:24,722
WHO'S THE MOST SELF-ABSORBED
COUPLE OF THEM ALL?"
139
00:04:24,724 --> 00:04:26,864
- OH, MAYBE WE WERE WRONG.
140
00:04:26,862 --> 00:04:28,832
- SO HOW DO YOU THINK
HE'S GONNA DO TONIGHT?
141
00:04:28,827 --> 00:04:30,027
- UH, WELL, GREAT.
142
00:04:30,034 --> 00:04:32,074
I MEAN, HE HAS
HIS GOOD LUCK CHARM.
143
00:04:32,068 --> 00:04:34,028
- WHAT'S THAT? DIRTY SOCK?
144
00:04:34,034 --> 00:04:36,074
OLD JOCK STRAP?
RATTY PAIR OF BOXERS?
145
00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:37,718
- NO. ME.
146
00:04:37,724 --> 00:04:38,864
[football audience cheering]
147
00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:40,142
- BREAKS INSIDE...
148
00:04:40,137 --> 00:04:42,897
AND DROPS THE WIDE OPEN
UNCONTESTED PASS FROM WRIGHT.
149
00:04:42,896 --> 00:04:43,996
A LOOK OF UTTER DISGUST
150
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:45,590
IS WRITTEN ALL OVER
WESTBROOK'S FACE.
151
00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,066
[football audience boos]
152
00:04:47,068 --> 00:04:49,028
I GUESS HE DIDN'T HAVE HIS GOOD
LUCK CHARM WITH HIM TODAY.
153
00:04:49,034 --> 00:04:50,034
- YIKES.
154
00:04:50,034 --> 00:04:51,344
- THAT BALL WAS TOO EASY
TO HANDLE.
155
00:04:51,344 --> 00:04:52,484
- I GUESS YOU DIDN'T VISUALIZE
156
00:04:52,482 --> 00:04:54,382
THAT WHEN YOU WERE MEDITATING
THIS MORNING.
157
00:05:00,827 --> 00:05:03,097
- ANDHAS BEEN TAKEN
OUT ON JASON PITTS.
158
00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:04,593
- NOW HIS COMEBACK MAKES SENSE,
159
00:05:04,586 --> 00:05:06,716
'CAUSE HE'S GONNA DIE
ON THE FIELD THIS SEASON.
160
00:05:06,724 --> 00:05:07,724
- [laughs]
161
00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:09,524
LET'S GET TO THE BIG STORY.
162
00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:12,167
- SO TODAY THE SABERS ENDURED
ANOTHER DEVASTATING LOSS,
163
00:05:12,172 --> 00:05:13,592
AND APPARENTLY THE FANS
ARE BLAMING
164
00:05:13,586 --> 00:05:15,136
WESTBROOK'S NEW LOVE INTEREST,
165
00:05:15,137 --> 00:05:17,927
THE FORMER TEEN STAR
KEIRA WHITAKER.
166
00:05:17,931 --> 00:05:19,141
- OUCH!
167
00:05:19,137 --> 00:05:21,167
SOMEBODY PLEASE UN-INVITE
THIS CHICK TO THE GAMES!
168
00:05:21,172 --> 00:05:22,552
- YEAH, IT LOOKS LIKE
KEIRA WHITAKER
169
00:05:22,551 --> 00:05:24,721
JOINS THE RANKS OF
OTHER CURSED CUTIES.
170
00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:29,004
JESSICA SIMPSON,
GISELLE BUNDCHEN, EVELYN LOZADA.
171
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:32,000
AND VIRTUALLY EVERY FEMALE
REALITY STAR ON VH1.
172
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,550
- HEY, NO OFFENSE, LADIES.
173
00:05:33,551 --> 00:05:35,411
YOU STILL LOOK HOT
IN THEIR JERSEYS.
174
00:05:35,413 --> 00:05:36,933
- [growls]
OH, MY GOD!
175
00:05:36,931 --> 00:05:38,971
- HEY, HEY, HEY!
JUST IGNORE IT.
176
00:05:38,965 --> 00:05:40,825
- HOW CAN I IGNORE MILLIONS OF
PEOPLE HATING ON US?
177
00:05:40,827 --> 00:05:42,067
INSTEAD OF CALLING US, "BLEIRA,"
178
00:05:42,068 --> 00:05:43,658
THEY'RE CALLING US, "BLAH."
179
00:05:43,655 --> 00:05:45,545
- BABE, PEOPLE
WILL GRASP ONTO ANYTHING
180
00:05:45,551 --> 00:05:47,521
TO MAKE SENSE OF A LOSS.
181
00:05:47,517 --> 00:05:49,237
DON'T LET THEM SUCK YOU IN.
182
00:05:49,241 --> 00:05:50,831
HEY, COME HERE.
183
00:05:50,827 --> 00:05:52,897
COME ON, COME ON.
184
00:05:52,896 --> 00:05:54,896
AW, BOO-HOO.
185
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:57,276
[chuckles]
186
00:05:57,275 --> 00:05:59,445
LOOK,
THIS IS SOME SUPERSTITIOUS CRAP
187
00:05:59,448 --> 00:06:02,858
THAT WILL BLOW OVER AS SOON
AS WE WIN OUR NEXT GAME.
188
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:05,862
AND YOU'LL GO RIGHT BACK
TO BEING IN THE STANDS
189
00:06:05,862 --> 00:06:08,522
AND EATING
YOUR CHILI CHEESE FRIES.
190
00:06:08,517 --> 00:06:13,097
AND WE'LL GO BACK TO BEING,
"BLEIRA," YOU'LL SEE.
191
00:06:13,103 --> 00:06:14,863
- ACTUALLY I WON'T.
192
00:06:14,862 --> 00:06:17,552
I HAVE TO GO TO L.A.
AND DO SOME PRESS STUFF,
193
00:06:17,551 --> 00:06:20,281
SO UNFORTUNATELY I WON'T
BE HERE TO TEST OUT
194
00:06:20,275 --> 00:06:22,165
YOUR LITTLE THEORY.
195
00:06:22,172 --> 00:06:23,522
- WATCH, NOW I'M GONNA LOSE
196
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:25,377
BECAUSE MY GOOD LUCK CHARM'S
NOT IN THE STANDS.
197
00:06:25,379 --> 00:06:27,169
[cheering]
198
00:06:27,172 --> 00:06:28,172
- WE'RE BACK, BABY!
199
00:06:28,172 --> 00:06:29,592
- YES, SIR!
200
00:06:29,586 --> 00:06:31,926
AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE
OF THIS MAN RIGHT HERE, BABY!
201
00:06:31,931 --> 00:06:32,971
WELL, HIM AND ME.
202
00:06:32,965 --> 00:06:35,715
OKAY, IT'S MOSTLY ME! HA!
203
00:06:35,724 --> 00:06:38,524
- [laughs]
YEAH! WHOO!
204
00:06:46,241 --> 00:06:47,341
I'M ONLY 20% BLACK!
205
00:06:47,344 --> 00:06:48,414
[laughter]
206
00:06:48,413 --> 00:06:50,173
WELL, ACTUALLY
IT'S MORE LIKE 25%.
207
00:06:50,172 --> 00:06:52,212
'CAUSE ON MY MOM'S SIDE,
MY GRANDMOTHER'S INDIAN.
208
00:06:52,206 --> 00:06:54,276
YO, ISN'T MATH, LIKE,
CRAZY FUNNY?
209
00:06:54,275 --> 00:06:55,235
[laughter]
210
00:06:55,241 --> 00:06:56,691
- OOH, GIRL, LOOK AT THIS.
211
00:06:56,689 --> 00:06:58,409
SEE?
YOUR MAN IS KILLING IT.
212
00:06:58,413 --> 00:07:00,173
WITH YOUR SUPPORT,
RICK CAN DO ANYTHING.
213
00:07:00,172 --> 00:07:01,692
- GIRL, PLEASE.
214
00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:03,689
HONEY, THEY AIN'T LAUGHING
AT RICK 'CAUSE HE'S FUNNY.
215
00:07:03,689 --> 00:07:05,309
THEY'RE LAUGHING
'CAUSE I PAID THEIR ASSES.
216
00:07:05,310 --> 00:07:06,340
- YOU'RE LYING.
217
00:07:06,344 --> 00:07:07,454
- LOOK, FOR THE NEXT TWO HOURS,
218
00:07:07,448 --> 00:07:09,068
THESE IDIOTS WILL LAUGH
AT ANYTHING.
219
00:07:09,068 --> 00:07:10,278
- WOW.
220
00:07:10,275 --> 00:07:11,785
- WHAT?
221
00:07:11,793 --> 00:07:14,723
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT TOLD ME
I NEEDED TO BE MORE SUPPORTIVE!
222
00:07:14,724 --> 00:07:16,314
- YEAH, BUT NOT LIKE THIS.
223
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:18,930
I MEAN, WHY IS THE FIRST PLACE
YOU GO TO ALWAYS A LIE?
224
00:07:18,931 --> 00:07:20,001
- I DON'T KNOW.
225
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,310
HELL, SOME PEOPLE GO OFF TO WAR.
226
00:07:21,310 --> 00:07:23,140
OTHER PEOPLE RUN OFF
AND SELL THEIR BODIES.
227
00:07:23,137 --> 00:07:24,097
I LIE, OKAY?
228
00:07:24,103 --> 00:07:25,073
DO I TAKE PRIDE IN IT?
229
00:07:25,068 --> 00:07:26,278
NO, ALL RIGHT?
230
00:07:26,275 --> 00:07:27,995
BUT IT'S A WARM
AND COMFORTABLE PLACE FOR ME.
231
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:29,210
IT'S LIKE OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE.
232
00:07:29,206 --> 00:07:30,896
- WELL, YOU BETTER HOPE
RICK DOESN'T FIND OUT
233
00:07:30,896 --> 00:07:32,406
YOU WENT TO
OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE TONIGHT,
234
00:07:32,413 --> 00:07:34,693
BECAUSE HE MIGHT JUST CRUSH YOUR
BLOOMING ONION, HONEY.
235
00:07:34,689 --> 00:07:35,929
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
236
00:07:35,931 --> 00:07:37,761
YOU BETTER SHUT YOUR
BLOOMING ONION AND LAUGH.
237
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:39,098
- SO HE'S GONNA WRITE
THE TICKET,
238
00:07:39,103 --> 00:07:40,553
AND I'M, LIKE, "PLEASE OFFICER,
239
00:07:40,551 --> 00:07:46,591
I'M NOT ACTUALLY BLACK
AT ALL!"
240
00:07:46,586 --> 00:07:48,586
- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
HOLD UP, GUYS.
241
00:07:48,586 --> 00:07:50,236
HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP.
242
00:07:50,241 --> 00:07:53,411
A TOAST TO THE SECOND
MOST TALENTED,
243
00:07:53,413 --> 00:07:58,073
SECOND FASTEST, SECOND MOST
IMPRESSIVE MAN ON THIS TEAM.
244
00:07:58,068 --> 00:07:58,998
- TO MALIK WRIGHT, Y'ALL.
245
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,000
[laughter]
246
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,450
- OKAY.
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT, GUYS?
247
00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:02,788
HOLD UP, HOLD UP.
248
00:08:02,793 --> 00:08:05,453
IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, ALL RIGHT?
249
00:08:05,448 --> 00:08:07,098
TO THE MAN OF THE HOUR.
250
00:08:07,103 --> 00:08:10,933
TO THE REASON WE CAN ALL HOLD
OUR HEADS UP HIGH TONIGHT.
251
00:08:10,931 --> 00:08:13,621
TO THE REAL LEADER ON THIS TEAM.
252
00:08:13,620 --> 00:08:14,620
TO MYSELF.
253
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:16,000
[laughter]
254
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,030
SERIOUSLY, DOG.
255
00:08:17,034 --> 00:08:19,104
BLUE, YOU DID AN AMAZING JOB,
BROTHER.
256
00:08:19,103 --> 00:08:20,073
- THANKS.
257
00:08:20,068 --> 00:08:21,138
- TO BLUE!
all: TO BLUE!
258
00:08:21,137 --> 00:08:22,587
- THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
259
00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:24,406
- YOU KNOW THAT'S 'CAUSE
YOKO WASN'T THERE, RIGHT?
260
00:08:24,413 --> 00:08:25,553
- [laughs]
261
00:08:25,551 --> 00:08:27,001
- YO, WHAT THE HELL
IS HE TALKING ABOUT?
262
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,690
- I THINK HE'S REFERRING
TO YOUR LESSER HALF,
263
00:08:28,689 --> 00:08:30,069
BETTER KNOWN
AS THE, "AH," IN "BLAH."
264
00:08:30,068 --> 00:08:34,068
- WOW! WOW, I WOULD HAVE
EXPECTED MORE FROM YOU, MALIK.
265
00:08:34,068 --> 00:08:35,718
I THOUGHT KEIRA WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE YOUR GIRL.
266
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:37,034
- DOG, SHE IS MY GIRL, OKAY?
267
00:08:37,034 --> 00:08:39,344
BUT LOOK, I FOR ONE BELIEVE IN
THE AGE-OLD TRADITION
268
00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:40,934
OF SUPERSTITION IN SPORTS.
269
00:08:40,931 --> 00:08:43,381
LOOK, WHY DO Y'ALL THINK JORDAN
WORE HIS NORTH CAROLINA SHORTS
270
00:08:43,379 --> 00:08:45,929
UNDER EVERY SINGLE UNIFORM
BEFORE HIS GAMES?
271
00:08:45,931 --> 00:08:47,481
WHY IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK
WE DON'T SHOWER
272
00:08:47,482 --> 00:08:49,312
BEFORE EACH CHAMPIONSHIP GAME?
273
00:08:49,310 --> 00:08:50,240
- NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?
274
00:08:50,241 --> 00:08:51,411
THAT'S TRUE.
275
00:08:51,413 --> 00:08:53,103
BECAUSE NORMALLY,
I SHAVE COUNTER-CLOCKWISE
276
00:08:53,103 --> 00:08:54,343
BEFORE EACH GAME.
277
00:08:54,344 --> 00:08:56,834
AND TWO GAMES AGO,
I SHAVED CLOCKWISE.
278
00:08:56,827 --> 00:08:57,927
MY ASS ENDED UP ON THE BENCH.
279
00:08:57,931 --> 00:08:59,591
[all laugh]
280
00:08:59,586 --> 00:09:01,966
- NEGRO, YOUR ASS IS ALWAYS
ON THE BENCH, OKAY?
281
00:09:01,965 --> 00:09:02,995
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
282
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:04,310
MAYBE I WOULD
GET MORE PLAYING TIME
283
00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:05,830
IF I SHAVED YOU
COUNTER-CLOCKWISE.
284
00:09:05,827 --> 00:09:06,857
- [groans]
285
00:09:06,862 --> 00:09:07,832
Y'ALL NASTY.
286
00:09:07,827 --> 00:09:11,477
- OH, HERE COMES
SCHLEPROCK NOW.
287
00:09:11,482 --> 00:09:12,862
- HEY, DUDE, RELAX.
288
00:09:12,862 --> 00:09:14,342
MY GIRL BRINGS ME NOTHING
BUT GOOD VIBES.
289
00:09:14,344 --> 00:09:15,384
- OH, HI, BABY!
290
00:09:15,379 --> 00:09:16,379
[glass shattering]
291
00:09:16,379 --> 00:09:18,719
- OH!
- WHAT THE HELL?
292
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:19,694
- I'M REALLY SORRY.
293
00:09:19,689 --> 00:09:22,029
- I TOLD YOU.
294
00:09:22,034 --> 00:09:24,074
- NO, IT'S--UM, IT'S GOOD.
295
00:09:24,068 --> 00:09:25,238
DON'T...
296
00:09:25,241 --> 00:09:28,031
[knock on door]
297
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,480
UH, WHO IS IT?
298
00:09:37,482 --> 00:09:38,662
- IT'S ME, BABE.
299
00:09:38,655 --> 00:09:42,065
I CAME TO GIVE YOU A PRE-GAME
GOOD LUCK KISS.
300
00:09:42,068 --> 00:09:43,658
- [sighs]
MWAH!
301
00:09:43,655 --> 00:09:44,715
HEY, THANKS FOR THAT.
302
00:09:44,724 --> 00:09:46,314
I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER,
ALL RIGHT?
303
00:09:46,310 --> 00:09:47,410
- [laughs]
DUDE, STOP PLAYING.
304
00:09:47,413 --> 00:09:48,413
LET ME IN.
305
00:09:48,413 --> 00:09:49,593
MY FEET HURT IN THESE SHOES.
306
00:09:49,586 --> 00:09:51,306
- WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD CHANGE
INTO SOME SHOES
307
00:09:51,310 --> 00:09:53,590
YOU DIDN'T BUY
FROM THE GROCERY STORE.
308
00:09:53,586 --> 00:09:54,516
[chuckles]
309
00:09:54,517 --> 00:09:57,897
- UH, WHAT?
310
00:09:57,896 --> 00:10:01,136
- OH, IN FACT,
INSTEAD OF COMING TO THE GAME,
311
00:10:01,137 --> 00:10:04,517
WHY DON'T YOU
BUY YOURSELF A NEW PAIR?
312
00:10:04,517 --> 00:10:07,207
MY TREAT.
313
00:10:12,896 --> 00:10:15,476
- THIS IS ABOUT THAT
SUPERSTITIOUS CRAP, ISN'T IT?
314
00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:17,902
DO YOU THINK I'M A JINX?
315
00:10:17,896 --> 00:10:23,826
- I MEAN, I DON'T NOT THINK
YOU'RE A JINX.
316
00:10:23,827 --> 00:10:25,757
- FINE. WHATEVER!
317
00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:27,338
YOU KNOW, I MIGHT NOT
HAVE WENT TO STANFORD,
318
00:10:27,344 --> 00:10:28,764
BUT I KNOW WHAT
A DOUBLE-NEGATIVE IS,
319
00:10:28,758 --> 00:10:31,138
AND I AIN'T NEVER
BEEN DISRESPECTED LIKE THIS.
320
00:10:31,137 --> 00:10:32,517
SO SCREW YOU!
321
00:10:32,517 --> 00:10:34,277
YOU DON'T WANT ME AT THE GAME,
I WON'T GO.
322
00:10:34,275 --> 00:10:35,375
IN FACT, I WON'T EVEN WATCH IT.
323
00:10:35,379 --> 00:10:37,209
SO PEACE OUT AND GOOD LUCK!
324
00:10:37,206 --> 00:10:40,786
- [groans]
325
00:10:40,793 --> 00:10:42,033
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
326
00:10:42,034 --> 00:10:43,244
- UNH!
327
00:10:43,241 --> 00:10:44,791
- WHOA! HEY, HEY!
I'M SORRY, ALL RIGHT?
328
00:10:44,793 --> 00:10:46,213
SOME OF THE GUYS
JUST GOT INTO MY HEAD.
329
00:10:46,206 --> 00:10:47,516
- WELL,
WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THAT,
330
00:10:47,517 --> 00:10:49,277
"DON'T LISTEN TO THEM,
JUST IGNORE THEM," CRAP?
331
00:10:49,275 --> 00:10:50,785
- I KNOW, ALL RIGHT?
332
00:10:50,793 --> 00:10:52,723
IT'S JUST--LOOK, IT'S HARD
TO KEEP IT OUT OF YOUR HEAD
333
00:10:52,724 --> 00:10:54,004
WHEN EVERYBODY'S
TALKING ABOUT IT.
334
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,280
- [scoffs]
335
00:10:58,275 --> 00:11:00,995
- YOU'RE HURT, AND I'M SORRY.
336
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:04,930
I WAS BEING STUPID.
337
00:11:04,931 --> 00:11:06,551
SO...
338
00:11:06,551 --> 00:11:11,411
HEY, HOW ABOUT A GOOD LUCK KISS?
339
00:11:12,689 --> 00:11:15,479
- NO. TOO LATE.
340
00:11:15,482 --> 00:11:18,932
OH, AND FYI, I WILL BE GETTING
SOME NEW SHOES.
341
00:11:18,931 --> 00:11:21,931
RED BOTTOMS WITH THE MATCHING
HANDBAG, ALL YOUR TREAT.
342
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:25,241
HAVE A GOOD GAME.
343
00:11:25,241 --> 00:11:26,141
- HEY, WHAT...
344
00:11:37,172 --> 00:11:38,412
- MM-HMM.
345
00:11:38,413 --> 00:11:40,173
- TASHA, I REALLY APPRECIATE
YOU COMING WITH ME
346
00:11:40,172 --> 00:11:41,282
TO WATCH
THE GAME ON THE DL.
347
00:11:41,275 --> 00:11:42,615
'CAUSE, GIRL,
YOU KNOW I'M TRYING
348
00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:44,030
TO BOYCOTT JASON'S
FOOTBALL CAREER.
349
00:11:44,034 --> 00:11:46,724
- GIRL, ANYTHING TO UNDERMINE
THAT ALBINO, OKAY?
350
00:11:46,724 --> 00:11:48,214
AND PLUS, YOU KNOW WHAT?
351
00:11:48,206 --> 00:11:50,236
GIRL, THEY DON'T KNOW ME HERE
LIKE THEY DO AT THE STADIUM.
352
00:11:50,241 --> 00:11:52,411
SO THAT MEANS THEY DON'T KNOW
WHEN TO SAY WHEN.
353
00:11:52,413 --> 00:11:54,283
- RIGHT?
- BARTENDER?
354
00:11:54,275 --> 00:11:55,275
KEEP IT COMING, BABY.
355
00:11:55,275 --> 00:11:56,275
I KNOW YOU'RE A LITTLE SLOW.
356
00:11:56,275 --> 00:11:57,405
[laughs]
357
00:11:57,413 --> 00:11:58,903
- OKAY, OKAY, OKAY,
BRACE YOURSELVES.
358
00:11:58,896 --> 00:11:59,896
- WHAT?
359
00:11:59,896 --> 00:12:00,856
- I GOT GREAT NEWS.
360
00:12:00,862 --> 00:12:01,792
- WHAT, BABY?
361
00:12:01,793 --> 00:12:02,723
- SO GUESS WHO'S 6'8"--
362
00:12:02,724 --> 00:12:03,664
- MM-HMM.
363
00:12:03,655 --> 00:12:04,785
- AN EX-LAKER. PRETTY AS HELL.
364
00:12:04,793 --> 00:12:06,863
AND GOING ON TOUR?
365
00:12:06,862 --> 00:12:08,522
- METTA WORLD PEACE.
366
00:12:08,517 --> 00:12:11,067
- WHAT? NO. ME.
367
00:12:11,068 --> 00:12:13,028
LOOK, I FIGURED AFTER MY
PERFORMANCE THE OTHER NIGHT,
368
00:12:13,034 --> 00:12:14,034
THE NEXT OBVIOUS THING TO DO
369
00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:16,724
WOULD BE TO HEADLINE
A COMEDY TOUR.
370
00:12:16,724 --> 00:12:18,034
- OBVIOUSLY.
371
00:12:18,034 --> 00:12:19,904
- SO I CALLED SHAQ UP,
AND HE SAID I COULD USE HIS BUS.
372
00:12:19,896 --> 00:12:22,166
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?
373
00:12:22,172 --> 00:12:24,412
- WELL, RICK, I THINK IT'S,
UM...
374
00:12:24,413 --> 00:12:25,793
DAMN, I THINK IT'S UNBELIEVABLE!
375
00:12:25,793 --> 00:12:27,103
- YEAH, ME TOO.
376
00:12:27,103 --> 00:12:28,553
SO I WAS MAKING A LIST
OF SOME COMEDIANS
377
00:12:28,551 --> 00:12:31,001
WHO MIGHT BE A GOOD FIT
TO GO ON MY TOUR.
378
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,070
AND I WAS THINKING--WELL, ME.
379
00:12:33,068 --> 00:12:34,028
- YEAH.
380
00:12:34,034 --> 00:12:35,104
- DAVE CHAPELLE.
381
00:12:35,103 --> 00:12:36,663
UH, JERRY SEINFELD.
382
00:12:36,655 --> 00:12:39,165
AND OF COURSE, IT'S NOT A PARTY
WITHOUT ROCK.
383
00:12:39,172 --> 00:12:41,032
YOU KNOW, MY CONTEMPORARIES.
384
00:12:41,034 --> 00:12:45,214
I'M THINKING OF CALLING IT
"THE GODS OF COMEDY."
385
00:12:45,206 --> 00:12:46,616
- BABY, DON'T YOU THINK
YOU MIGHT WANT
386
00:12:46,620 --> 00:12:47,970
TO START OFF JUST
A LITTLE SMALLER?
387
00:12:47,965 --> 00:12:50,305
LIKE, I DON'T KNOW,
MAYBE A SECOND SHOW?
388
00:12:50,310 --> 00:12:51,310
- FUNNY YOU SHOULD SAY THAT.
389
00:12:51,310 --> 00:12:52,620
- MM-HMM.
390
00:12:52,620 --> 00:12:54,450
- 'CAUSE I ACTUALLY JUST BOOKED
THE OPEN MIC NIGHT
391
00:12:54,448 --> 00:12:55,688
DOWN AT THE COMEDY CLUB.
392
00:12:55,689 --> 00:12:57,519
- OKAY, RICK, WHAT DO YOU MEAN
YOU BOOKED OPEN MIC?
393
00:12:57,517 --> 00:12:58,827
IT'S OPEN MIC.
394
00:12:58,827 --> 00:13:00,687
ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS JUST SIGN
IN ON THE SIGN UP SHEET.
395
00:13:00,689 --> 00:13:03,409
- WELL, IT'S IN A BOOK.
396
00:13:03,413 --> 00:13:04,383
- OH.
397
00:13:04,379 --> 00:13:05,589
IT'S IN A BOOK.
398
00:13:05,586 --> 00:13:07,586
OKAY, I NEED ANOTHER DRINK.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
399
00:13:07,586 --> 00:13:08,896
MATTER OF FACT,
BRING THE BOTTLE.
400
00:13:08,896 --> 00:13:09,826
- BLUE, BLUE!
401
00:13:09,827 --> 00:13:10,897
IS THERE ANY CREDENCE
402
00:13:10,896 --> 00:13:12,446
TO YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND
KEIRA WHITAKER
403
00:13:12,448 --> 00:13:14,138
BEING YOUR BAD LUCK CHARM?
404
00:13:14,137 --> 00:13:15,407
- ABSOLUTELY NOT.
405
00:13:15,413 --> 00:13:16,763
I JUST HAD A BAD GAME.
406
00:13:16,758 --> 00:13:18,998
THERE'S NOBODY TO BLAME HERE
BUT ME.
407
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,790
OH, AND MALIK. MOSTLY MALIK.
408
00:13:21,793 --> 00:13:23,143
[Rihanna's Lost In Paradise]
409
00:13:23,137 --> 00:13:24,927
- ♪ HOW WAS I TO KNOW
410
00:13:24,931 --> 00:13:28,481
♪ MY LOVE WAS DELUSIONAL
411
00:13:28,482 --> 00:13:29,482
♪ OOH-OOH
412
00:13:29,482 --> 00:13:31,622
♪ SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW TO MEND
413
00:13:31,620 --> 00:13:35,070
♪ A BROKEN-HEARTED SOUL
414
00:13:35,068 --> 00:13:37,098
♪ IN LOVE WE ALL WILL FALL
415
00:13:37,103 --> 00:13:41,483
♪ BUT WE FELL A LITTLE HARDER
416
00:13:41,482 --> 00:13:42,932
♪ WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO
417
00:13:42,931 --> 00:13:44,691
♪ WITH THIS HEART
418
00:13:44,689 --> 00:13:48,339
- SO WHO HERE LIKES PIZZA?
419
00:13:48,344 --> 00:13:50,004
COME ON.
420
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,380
NO ONE HERE LIKES PIZZA?
421
00:13:52,379 --> 00:13:54,339
COME ON, PEPPERONI.
422
00:13:54,344 --> 00:13:56,344
ANCHOVIES?
423
00:13:56,344 --> 00:13:59,594
CHEESE?
424
00:13:59,586 --> 00:14:03,026
OKAY, NOW Y'ALL ARE JUST
BEING MEAN.
425
00:14:03,034 --> 00:14:04,454
OKAY, FINE, NO PIZZA.
426
00:14:04,448 --> 00:14:06,588
MONEY. EVERYBODY LOVES MONEY.
427
00:14:06,586 --> 00:14:07,686
- I KNOW I DO, HONEY.
428
00:14:07,689 --> 00:14:08,789
- OKAY?
429
00:14:08,793 --> 00:14:10,143
- SO I WAS AT THE BANK
THE OTHER DAY
430
00:14:10,137 --> 00:14:11,587
TRYING TO DO
A WIRE TRANSFER, RIGHT?
431
00:14:11,586 --> 00:14:19,716
AND THIS LADY, SHE SAYS, "SIR,
YOU CAN'T WIRE $20 MILLION."
432
00:14:19,724 --> 00:14:21,524
WOMEN. RIGHT, FELLAS?
433
00:14:21,517 --> 00:14:22,787
CAN'T LIVE WITH THEM.
434
00:14:22,793 --> 00:14:28,143
CAN'T GET THEM
TO WIRE YOU $20 MILLION, RIGHT?
435
00:14:28,137 --> 00:14:29,447
HELLO?
IS THIS THING ON?
436
00:14:29,448 --> 00:14:30,448
- DUDE, DUDE, YOU SUCK.
437
00:14:30,448 --> 00:14:31,928
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN HAVE
YOUR 20 MILLION.
438
00:14:31,931 --> 00:14:33,241
JUST GIVE US
OUR 20 BUCKS BACK.
439
00:14:33,241 --> 00:14:34,551
[laughs]
440
00:14:34,551 --> 00:14:36,341
- YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO
WITH YOUR 20 MILLION?
441
00:14:36,344 --> 00:14:37,934
HIRE SOMEBODY TO SHOOT YOU
IN THE FACE.
442
00:14:37,931 --> 00:14:39,001
[laughter]
443
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,480
- HEY, TALK MORE
ABOUT THE PIZZA!
444
00:14:40,482 --> 00:14:41,482
- HEY, HEY, HEY!
445
00:14:41,482 --> 00:14:43,212
LOOK, BALDING WHITE MAN,
SHUT UP!
446
00:14:43,206 --> 00:14:44,546
[laughter]
447
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,591
DAMN, DON'T YOU SEE THIS BROTHER
UP HERE TRYING TO WORK?
448
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:47,926
HELL, HE DON'T COME DOWN
TO YOUR JOB--
449
00:14:47,931 --> 00:14:49,141
OH, MY BAD,
YOU DON'T HAVE ONE!
450
00:14:49,137 --> 00:14:50,307
[laughter]
451
00:14:50,310 --> 00:14:52,550
SO THANKS FOR SAVING US
THE TRIP!
452
00:14:52,551 --> 00:14:55,031
AND YOU! REALLY?
I MEAN, REALLY?
453
00:14:55,034 --> 00:14:56,244
DON'T EVEN GET ME
STARTED ON YOU.
454
00:14:56,241 --> 00:14:57,551
THANK YOU, BABY.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
455
00:14:57,551 --> 00:14:59,311
YOU DON'T EVEN NEED
TO OPEN UP YOUR DAMN MOUTH.
456
00:14:59,310 --> 00:15:01,410
YOU SEEN HIS MOUTH?
HE'S GOT A DAMN GUMMY SMILE.
457
00:15:01,413 --> 00:15:02,693
JUST, HAR-HAR-HAR-HAR-HAR!
458
00:15:02,689 --> 00:15:03,999
[laughter]
459
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,100
HE'S GOT A DAMN MOUTH FULL
460
00:15:05,103 --> 00:15:07,243
OF SOME TINY, ROTTEN
LITTLE PIG TEETH.
461
00:15:07,241 --> 00:15:10,411
AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED
ON YOUR LOVER.
462
00:15:10,413 --> 00:15:12,103
- THIS IS MY SON, GENIUS.
463
00:15:12,103 --> 00:15:14,863
- OH, OKAY, HE'S YOUR SON
AND YOUR LOVER, OKAY!
464
00:15:14,862 --> 00:15:17,552
[laughter]
465
00:15:17,551 --> 00:15:21,101
DID YOU TEACH HIM ANY STANDARDS?
466
00:15:21,103 --> 00:15:22,413
YOU KNOW WHAT, BABY?
467
00:15:22,413 --> 00:15:24,073
DON'T FEEL BAD,
'CAUSE YOU GOT A NICE HAIRCUT.
468
00:15:24,068 --> 00:15:25,028
YOU DO, IT'S CUTE.
469
00:15:25,034 --> 00:15:26,144
WHO GAVE IT TO YOU? DEXTER?
470
00:15:26,137 --> 00:15:27,547
[laughter]
471
00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:29,481
'CAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE
A SERIAL KILLER!
472
00:15:29,482 --> 00:15:31,312
DON'T HE?
THEY ALL GOT IT.
473
00:15:31,310 --> 00:15:32,310
HELL, YOU'RE JUST LATE.
474
00:15:32,310 --> 00:15:35,000
[laughter]
475
00:15:36,517 --> 00:15:40,237
OH, MY GOD, I'M SORRY.
476
00:15:40,241 --> 00:15:44,971
RICK! BABY!
477
00:15:44,965 --> 00:15:46,715
WHAT'S UP, Y'ALL,
I'M TASHA MACK.
478
00:15:46,724 --> 00:15:48,004
TIP YOUR WAITRESSES, ALL RIGHT?
479
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,520
DON'T GET NOTHING ON
YOU ABOUT THAT LIFE!
480
00:15:49,517 --> 00:15:50,517
- OH, YEAH!
481
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:53,167
[cheers and applause]
482
00:15:55,517 --> 00:15:57,407
- HAD TO STEAL MY THUNDER, HUH?
483
00:15:57,413 --> 00:15:58,693
- RICK, COME ON, NOW.
484
00:15:58,689 --> 00:16:00,409
YOU KNOW THOSE PEOPLE.
THEY ARE NOT HERE FOR ME.
485
00:16:00,413 --> 00:16:01,343
THEY CAME TO SEE YOU, BABY.
486
00:16:01,344 --> 00:16:02,384
all: [chanting] TASHA!
487
00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:05,379
TASHA! TASHA! TASHA! TASHA!
488
00:16:05,379 --> 00:16:06,379
- LOOK, I'M SORRY, RICK--
489
00:16:06,379 --> 00:16:09,689
WAIT, SINCE WHEN
DID YOU BECOME A WINO?
490
00:16:09,689 --> 00:16:11,789
- SINCE I BECAME
A STRUGGLING COMEDIAN.
491
00:16:11,793 --> 00:16:13,143
YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHAT WE DO.
492
00:16:13,137 --> 00:16:14,687
WE STROLL BACK AND FORTH
BACKSTAGE HERE
493
00:16:14,689 --> 00:16:17,999
DRINKING HARD LIQUOR
AND GRIPING ABOUT OUR SETS.
494
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,380
YOU KNOW, IT'S A THANKLESS TASK
495
00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:25,139
TRYING TO SPREAD HUMOR
TO THE MASSES.
496
00:16:25,137 --> 00:16:27,617
[coughs]
497
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,830
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
498
00:16:29,827 --> 00:16:32,547
I SUGGEST YOU GET ACCUSTOMED
TO THE COMEDIAN LIFESTYLE,
499
00:16:32,551 --> 00:16:35,661
SINCE YOU OBVIOUSLY DECIDED
TO BECOME A COMEDIAN.
500
00:16:35,655 --> 00:16:38,095
- RICK, COME ON, I WAS JUST
TRYING TO SAVE YOU OUT THERE.
501
00:16:38,103 --> 00:16:39,003
- SAVE ME?
502
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,140
- YES.
503
00:16:40,137 --> 00:16:42,097
- TASHA, DID IT EVER
OCCUR TO YOU
504
00:16:42,103 --> 00:16:44,103
THAT GIVEN
THE APPROPRIATE AMOUNT OF TIME,
505
00:16:44,103 --> 00:16:45,313
I COULD HAVE
SAVED MYSELF?
506
00:16:45,310 --> 00:16:46,520
- REALLY?
507
00:16:46,517 --> 00:16:49,207
YOU WERE 14 MINUTES
INTO A 15-MINUTE SET.
508
00:16:49,206 --> 00:16:50,716
YOU'RE SECONDS AWAY
FROM A MAN COMING OUT
509
00:16:50,724 --> 00:16:52,904
IN SOME DAMN TAP SHOES
AND SWEEPING YOU OFF THE STAGE!
510
00:16:52,896 --> 00:16:56,026
- OH, I COULD HAVE BROUGHT THAT
AUDIENCE BACK AND KILLED!
511
00:16:56,034 --> 00:16:57,344
YOU SAW ME THE OTHER NIGHT.
512
00:16:57,344 --> 00:16:58,384
THEY LOVED ME.
513
00:16:58,379 --> 00:17:01,239
- YES, BECAUSE I PAID THEM,
RICK.
514
00:17:01,241 --> 00:17:02,211
- YOU WHAT?
515
00:17:02,206 --> 00:17:03,476
- I PAID THEM, RICK.
516
00:17:03,482 --> 00:17:05,342
I TOOK A BUNCH OF HOBOS
AND CHEAPOS DOWN TO GOODWILL,
517
00:17:05,344 --> 00:17:07,104
AND I CLEANED THEM UP.
518
00:17:07,103 --> 00:17:09,033
I TOLD THEM I'D GIVE THEM
A COUPLE OF HOURS OF WARMTH
519
00:17:09,034 --> 00:17:10,554
AND SOME POCKET CHANGE
IF THEY...
520
00:17:10,550 --> 00:17:14,410
LAUGHED AT YOUR DAMN JOKES.
521
00:17:14,413 --> 00:17:15,523
- I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
522
00:17:15,517 --> 00:17:17,277
- YOU'RE NOT FUNNY, RICK!
523
00:17:17,275 --> 00:17:18,335
AND I'M NOT HAPPY!
524
00:17:22,482 --> 00:17:25,662
LOOK, I'M SORRY, OKAY?
525
00:17:25,655 --> 00:17:26,955
I'VE BEEN TRYING
TO CONVINCE MYSELF
526
00:17:26,964 --> 00:17:28,484
THAT THINGS WILL CHANGE AND GET
BETTER,
527
00:17:28,482 --> 00:17:32,762
BUT I'M JUST NOT
CONVINCED ANYMORE.
528
00:17:32,758 --> 00:17:34,998
I THINK I MIGHT HAVE MADE
THE WRONG CHOICE.
529
00:17:41,862 --> 00:17:44,722
- [chuckles]
530
00:17:44,724 --> 00:17:46,594
YOU'RE NOT HAPPY WITH RICK FOX.
531
00:17:51,482 --> 00:17:54,072
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,
SWEETHEART.
532
00:17:54,068 --> 00:17:58,098
BEING WITH YOU HASN'T BEEN
A CAKE-WALK EITHER.
533
00:17:58,103 --> 00:18:01,313
I STOOD BY YOU AND DEALT
WITH YOUR DRAMA,
534
00:18:01,310 --> 00:18:03,830
YOUR DISRESPECT,
YOUR LIES.
535
00:18:06,413 --> 00:18:09,973
BUT IN HINDSIGHT,
YOU WERE SO NOT WORTH IT.
536
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:12,764
- [gasps]
537
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,718
- AND NO MATTER HOW BAD
MY COMEDY IS,
538
00:18:14,724 --> 00:18:19,104
AT THE END OF THE DAY,
I'M STILL RICK FOX!
539
00:18:19,103 --> 00:18:21,793
BUT YOU'RE JUST SOME MIDDLE-AGED
LOUD, OBNOXIOUS WOMAN
540
00:18:21,793 --> 00:18:23,453
WHO HAS QUESTIONABLE
FASHION SENSE
541
00:18:23,448 --> 00:18:25,858
AND HAS NO IDEA HOW TO USE
A PREPOSITION!
542
00:18:29,413 --> 00:18:34,073
- OKAY, LOOK, I DIDN'T WANT
TO HURT YOU, OKAY?
543
00:18:34,068 --> 00:18:36,028
I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YOU.
544
00:18:36,034 --> 00:18:37,904
RICK, I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY,
THAT'S IT.
545
00:18:37,896 --> 00:18:39,826
- YOU DON'T WANT TO BE HAPPY.
546
00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:41,657
NOT WITH ME,
NOT WITH YOUR EX-CON BOYFRIEND.
547
00:18:41,655 --> 00:18:44,965
NOT WITH ANYONE!
548
00:18:44,965 --> 00:18:46,275
- [sighs]
549
00:18:46,275 --> 00:18:49,965
- I STRONGLY SUGGEST
YOU FIGURE OUT WHY
550
00:18:49,965 --> 00:18:52,095
BEFORE YOU END UP
ALL ALONE IN LIFE.
551
00:18:52,145 --> 00:18:56,695
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