All language subtitles for Hart To Heart s01e11 Jay Leno.eng

Can't start my show without
giving a good life anecdote.

This is one
that's for the books.

Pay attention.

When you take steps,
it's one foot after the other.

Steps can't be taken
if you don't brush your teeth.

What I'm saying is every morning
starts off with a smile.

Come on, now.

That one kind of made sense.

* *

Whew, another doozy!

And what doozy this one will be.

A comedy legend
on the show today.

Three-time Emmy winner
and avid car collector.

He hosted the number-one
late night show for 22 years,

and I'm lucky to have him
with me tonight.

Ladies and gentlemen, Jay Leno.

I think what you took is called
Orange Sunshine, okay?

-No, no.
-It's a hallucinogenic from the '60s.

-No, Jay.
-What are you talking about?

What do you mean what
am I talking about? That's a--

that's an anecdote.
I give these life anecdotes.

-I-I say things.
-Here, I'll give you one.

-Okay.
-Behind every successful man is a woman.

-Okay.
-And behind every unsuccessful man,

-there are two women.
-Okay, that's a-- yeah, it's good.

Right there. Jay Leno,
ladies and gentlemen.

Jay Leno, what's up, man?

Nothing. You called me.
This underground bunker--

Look, we are--
it's hard to believe

we're 60 stories underground.

This is amazing.

In case of a nuclear--
is that why you're here?

-This is what you've done?
-I'm scared. I'm scared.

That elevator ride, it was
seven minutes coming down here.

-This is unbelievable.
-I'm scared, Jay.

-(stammers) You should be.
-I'm living in fear.

-This is-- this is where I'm at.
-Yeah.

-We're in my wine cellar, man.
-Yeah.

Um, this is my somm.

This is my somm.
My-my-my sommeli-- my sommelier.

-We just say "somm," Mr. Leno.
How are you? -Nice to see you.

-What is that? That's...
-KEVIN: I've been having trouble pronouncing the word.

King Richard Reser--
I'm not familiar with that.

-A little Pinot Noir.
-Oh, okay.

-Yeah, Jay don't drink.
-2019 Russian River.

-You know, I don't...
-Nice.

I don't get to Dollar General
that often, so...

KEVIN:
Okay. Well, this is-- (laughs)

Okay, Jay, for you, uh,

what I'm going to do
right after this amazing pour

that I get for my wine, I did--

-myself and you...
-DLYNN: Enjoy.

-Thank you, man. Appreciate you.
-Thank you.

-Very welcome. Mr. Leno,
thank you. -Thank you, sir.

Uh, I got you a, uh,
a water somm, right?

-This is a guy
who specializes in water... -Okay.

-and-and all types
of water, right? -Oh, so, I-I get the white guy.

-Okay.
-There you-- Yes, yeah, I got the Black guy.

Is that what
we've come down to now?

We have to... Really?

Are we that careful
about, "Oh, my God"?

Do you think-- there's not
a lot of Black water somms

-out there, Jay.
-All right. Okay.

Yeah, I'll have some--
Yeah, that would be great.

Wonderful. Do you prefer
sparkling or still?

-It's not that.
-Uh...

I have one from Australia.

It's a still water.

-Or I have a sparkling
water from Spain. -From Spain.

-Uh, I'll take the still water.
-From Spain.

-Still water from...
-Still?

-Yeah, the flat water.
-From Australia, yeah.

-From Australia.
-I got you some still water from Australia, Jay.

-That's how much I like you.
-Oh, let me see how this-this, yeah.

-You know how much
that water cost me? -I don't know.

Huh? I don't know, either.
Was this expensive?

-Oh, yeah.
-Okay. All right.

-Well, it's hydrating, at least.
-Oh, that's Australia.

-Is it? Can you tell?
-Yeah.

-Here we go, cheers, my friends.
-Yeah. Yeah.

-Thank you, I appreciate you.
-Thank you, thank you, nice to see you.

Do you know that--
Did you know that they have...?

Well, you're gonna
hold onto your money.

No, go ahead. What'd you say?

Did you know
that they have water somms?

No, no, I didn't know.

I thought a psalm was something
you did in church.

-No, no, Jay!
-Oh.

I don't, I don't know
how to pronounce the word.

-Okay.
-I have trouble saying, uh, "sommelier."

You don't have to convince me.

I'm-I'm... (laughs)

Uh, let's talk, man.

-Okay.
-22 years.

-Yeah. Yeah.
-In your era...

We did 4,631 shows.

-When-when you look back
and you think about that, right? -Yeah.

You still got
the number in your head.

4,000-and-something episodes.
I mean, it's...

Good retention-- 4,631, it was.

4,631, right?

-When you look back at that
and you realize all the people -Mm-hmm.

that you've talked to,
uh... all of the entertainers

-that have come through
your particular platform... -Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

that you've amplified, you know?

You've-you've helped
make careers.

You've helped
boost opportunities,

-from comedians
to actors, et cetera. -Sure. Okay.

Do you, do you look at it
like that, or no?

I-I-- Yeah, I hope
it helped some people

and helped their careers.
I mean, I enjoyed it.

It was a lot of fun.
I mean, to me, 90% of the show

-was doing the monologue.
-Mm-hmm.

Because there are only 18 guests
in the whole world

-that really mean anything
rating-wise. -Mm-hmm.

You'll find that by show 18.

And-and, really,
everybody else is just--

so you have to have
something else-- a monologue,

comedy, something
to keep them interested.

Because we live in an era now
where, in the old days,

even before me, you did Johnny,

-and that was it.
-Mm-hmm.

By the time we came along,
me and Dave,

people were on "Entertainment
Tonight," "AM:PM" magazine,

"Good Morning" this...

So you had to have
something more, so we--

You know, Johnny used to do
a six, seven-minute monologue,

and we were doing 12,
14 minutes 'cause jokes

-are what kept people there.
-Yeah.

Was the goal late night,
or did you stumble into that?

Did you stumble
into the late-night...

Well, you know, I said
at my high-school graduation

that, "I'm gonna go out to
California to see if I can be

host of 'The Tonight Show.'"
"Oh-ho! Leno, you jerk..."

(mutters) Why? Why is that
such an impossible dream?

"Ah, you're an idiot, you are!"
(mutters)

So, naturally, when I go home,
"Hey, guys..." (chuckles)

You know, I have
the old yearbook there.

Uh, so, I mean, I thought
it'd be nice if it happened.

-Mm-hmm.
-I wouldn't have-- you know,

I've-I've been happy
at whatever level

-I was at in my career.
-Okay.

I was so happy to make
a living as a comedian.

I mean, I could buy a house,
I got married.

And that was my-- you know,
saying on my, on my income tax,

"Oh, I'm a comedian." Oh, wow,
that's-that's pretty good.

-Mm-hmm.
-I didn't have to have another job.

So I was always happy, you know?

I-I never even asked
what a job paid.

I just did the job,
and if you're any good,

the money would come.
That was always my attitude.

'Cause the same show
I do for free

is the same show you get paid.

When you go down to the clubs,
you get up, and you screw around

on stage, you're having
as much fun as you do

-when you're playing
a stadium show. -Absolutely.

-Absolutely.
-Probably more, because it's really loose,

and you can take your time,
so to me,

I was never concerned with it.
I wasn't one of those,

"Oh, I have to do this.
I have to do that."

I'll just see if it comes. I was
probably one of the last guys

to get "The Tonight Show,"
of the people I started with.

I was 27 when I did that, and
I thought I was the oldest guy

-in the world having
to do the show. -Mm-hmm.

So, but then I realized, no,
that's not the case.

But, you know, when you're
starting out in comedy,

days are weeks,
weeks are months,

months are years, and, you know,
if they're coming

to see you next Wednesday
for your audition,

well, that five or six days
leading up to that,

you're like, "Oh," you're doing
this set over and over,

and it seems like it's never
going to come, you know?

So-so I can't say

I would've been disappointed
if I didn't get it,

-but I was certainly
happy I did. -Mm-hmm.

My question to you
is, you know,

as-as I look back now, right,

-I think about how many times
I've done your show. -Mm-hmm.

KEVIN: I think about
how our relationship has grown,

and, of course, it's grown
from me touching the platform

and-and us having a good time.

Well, I don't think touching
really played much

-of a role in
our relationship, really. -Okay.

-There wasn't a lot of touching.
-No, no touching. Yeah.

You know, I don't want
to give the impression

that you got where you are
by touching.

-okay, because
that-that hurts you. -Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

-Not me. They know I...
-Thank you. Thank you for clear...

But you, of course, would
be the one who-- yeah, so...

-Yeah, thank you for clearing
that up for me. Yeah. -Yeah, yeah, yeah!

I don't want people to think
that your touching had anything

-to do with you getting ahead.
-No.

I-I mean, it may have. I don't--

What I'm saying is I don't know.

-Yeah, not from you.
-I don't, I don't know.

-It didn't,
it didn't happen on you. -Right.

Didn't happen to me.
Okay, go ahead.

When-when the show ends,

I want clarity as to why.

There-there was
so much conversation.

-So much...
-You mean when I stopped doing the show?

-Yes, when you stopped doing it.
-Oh, um...

What was the, what was
the reason behind the departure?

Well, you know, at some point,
I shouldn't have to know all

of Jay-Z's music, okay?
I mean, uh... at some point,

a 65-year-old guy

knowing all the hip-hop songs
seems ridiculous.

-Mm-hmm.
-You know, I think when you're mid-40s

and you're talking
to Cindy Crawford, it's sexy.

When you're 65 years old,
you're the creepy old guy.

-Mm-hmm.
-I-I mean, it's just--

I mean, it got to the point
where I would have people on.

"My next guest has sold
more albums than Elvis

and the Beatles combined.
Please welcome--" Who is this?

-Yeah, you had no idea.
-What--? I never heard the song.

-I don't know who this guy is.
-Wow.

I mean, that used
to just make me laugh.

Because I don't know
who that person is.

I don't know who it is.

So I was there--
22 years is a long run,

and that was fine,
so inevitably,

you have to leave at some point,
and it was fine.

So you just-- it was--
you pretty much felt like,

-"You know what?"
-You know something? I'm a stand-up comedian.

-Mm-hmm.
-I ended the show on a Thursday night.

And Friday,
I had three nights in Florida.

I went back to being
a stand-up, I...

To me,
I made my living as a stand-up.

I never touched a dime
of "Tonight Show" money.

-I ju-- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-I've heard that. Is that really true?

Yeah, it is true. I never did.

I always,
I always wanted to be hungry.

If I didn't work this week,
I'd go,

"I don't have any money."
Well, of course I do,

but in my mind, I didn't.

So I would always have a gig.

I mean, I tried to do
150 gigs a year

when I was doing "The Tonight
Show," and once it ended,

I was doing about 210
till the COVID thing hit.

-So, uh...
-Jay, you never touched

-the money
from "The Tonight Show"? -No, no.

'Cause I always lived on what
I made as-- because I'm

a stand-up comedian.
You know something? (chuckles)

TV is like--
the best show-business advice--

don't fall in love
with a hooker, okay?

It's not gonna work out.
And that's what TV is, okay?

I mean, TV is a lot of fun,
and you had a good time.

"Hey, my wallet's gone. Hey!

What?! Hey! What?! (mutters)
Oh, that's the way-- Okay."

The reason, the reason
TV pays a lot of money is,

when you get screwed,
at least you have some money!

-Yeah.
-Okay?

And, I mean, I see so many
people heart-- "My show ended."

(cries)
Well, yes, it's gonna end.

The ratings went down,
or whatever it might be,

or audience changed.
I mean, this is not--

I had something to fall back on.

I was a stand-up comedian,
so I went back to that,

which was my true lo--

You know, Letterman was
a broadcaster from the--

Letterman didn't like
to do stand-up.

We all started out together,
and Dave would open

for Tony Orlando and Dawn,
and he just hated it.

I mean, he wasn't-- that...
* Tie a yellow ribbon *

-Hey, here comes the--
-He didn't, he didn't--

-that wasn't his thing?
-No, he was a great, you know, he was a great stand-up.

-Mm-hmm.
-Dave was a great wordsmith.

He could weave phrases
and words together in a way

that I just went-- I remember
I went up to him, I said,

"How do you--?
Man, how do you do that?"

And he said to me, "Well, how
can you be so relaxed on stage?"

'Cause I was loud and,
and loquacious and verbose.

(stammers) But the jokes weren't
that funny, but I could,

I could sell it.
You know what I'm saying?

So a lot of times-- and I give
you that compliment, too,

in the fact that you could take
something that's not funny.

I don't mean that sarcastically,
but the way you say it

-and the way you react to it,
oh, is really funny. -Mm-hmm.

Uh, you know? So when I got
a TV show, I was happy.

I realized this could end
at any time.

And, when, eventually, it did,

well... that's fine.

* *

* *

In the beginning stages,
um, you know,

I'm-I'm familiar with the story.

I-I saw the film, uh,

where they kind of,
you know, tried to tell

-the story of you and Dave.
-Right.

-Um...
-Boy, that Australia's delicious, isn't it?

(Kevin laughs)

Uh, you and David's relationship
in the beginning,

was that relationship
a tough one,

or was it always,
uh, a good one?

-Because you guys
came from the same... -You know something?

-I think there's mutual respect.
-Okay.

I still think he's one
of the greatest.

I think he's
the best talk-show host.

I think Dave was
a better broadcaster,

-and I was probably
a better stand-up. -Mm-hmm.

Or somebody might say,
"No, you suck," or whatever.

But-but, I mean,
that's sort of my opinion.

-Okay.
-And the way-- we each came out with something.

-Okay.
-Dave was the critics' darling.

And he got the praise.

And I got the ratings,
and that's fine.

Or-or perchance it could've gone
the other way.

-Mm-hmm.
-But I think we each left with something,

and that's good.
It wasn't like either one of us

-got totally humiliated
and driven out of the game. -Mm-hmm.

-So that was okay.
-Do you feel that the times today,

did they play any part,
as well, in your departure?

Like, with this--
social media growing at the,

-at the pace that it was...
-You know something?

Here are the rules, okay?

The rules change.

Either you-you change
with the rules or you die.

-Mm-hmm.
-You know, I-I equate this to,

in the '70s,
in the automobile industry,

all the American
car manufacturers,

"We can't meet
these emission rule--

factories will close.
We'll go out a loser."

They spent millions
throwing money at lobbyists

in Washington, "Change
the rules, don't do this."

And the Japanese walked in
and said, "What are the rules?

"Okay, and what emissions
would you like to meet? Okay."

They went back to Japan,
and they came back

with the Honda CVCC engine
that-that met all the emissions,

got 40 miles to a gallon,
and made them

-the powerhouse
they were for 20 years. -Mm-hmm.

Until America realized, "Okay,
we got to stop throwing money

at lobbyists and get engineers
back at GM and Ford,"

which they've done now
and done a great job

and turned it around.
And same thing with comedy.

If I go to place
and they go, "Hey!

Well, we don't do drug jokes
or sex jokes."

All right,
I take those out of my act,

-and I don't do them here.
-Mm-hmm.

I don't find that hard to do.

People say,
"Oh, you're a sellout."

You're not a sellout.
You're-you're--

You have a customer-- the
customer's buying your service.

If you don't want to do it,
don't do it.

-Absolutely, mm-hmm.
-Don't-don't take the job, you know.

-Do you feel, now,
as a comedian... -Mm-hmm.

...and you're saying,
like, what you said.

The day that you stopped,
you had dates

-in Florida
on the following day. -Right. Right.

You're still
an active stand-up comic.

Do you feel like comedy, uh,
is suffering or has suffered

-um, with the changes, as well?
-Well, any-any performance has suffered,

it's merely because you can't
have an audience anymore,

or you have an audiences
like this... (muttering)

-You know?
-Yeah. Yeah.

You know, uh, so it's like...

I feel like I'm,
if I'm performing at somebody's

front door, and they're watching
me through the letter box,

you know, and you got to,
"Can you...?"

'Cause, you know, you look
at people and, if they're smi--

oh, you knew you... (mutters)

-With the mask, it's tough.
-Yeah, I'll give you an example.

I-I was dating this girl once,
and she goes,

"Oh, my parents are coming
to the show." I said, "Okay."

So her parents come
to the show and...

they're sitting, like,
right there, so I'm on stage,

"Ba-da-da-da," killing.

I look over at him.

-(Kevin chuckles)
-(Jay vocalizing)

I think, "Okay, I'll
do my parents stuff."

(vocalizing)

And this guy, nothing.
I'm thinking,

geez, this guy, like, this guy
doesn't crack a smile, you know?

So he-he comes back.

"Good show.
I really enjoyed it."

And she says to me,
"My dad has Bell's palsy.

He can't move his..." I go,
"Why didn't you tell me that

before the show?! I'm out
there, working my ass off!"

(stammers) And he's
sitting there like this,

watching the show.
I'm thinking I'm trying

to get something
out of this guy.

You know, I'm...
(vocalizing)

Nothing.
"I really enjoyed the show.

That was terrific."
Oh, well, thank you, sir.

Why didn't you tell, just say,
"Oh, my Dad's got Bell's..."

-(laughing)
-Stupid.

Because you are, you're so
serious about the craft, right?

Is that really bigger?
Yeah, okay, yeah.

What does the craft do for you?

Like-like, I know,
I know why I need comedy.

Comedy is my outlet.
Comedy is my...

You know, a lot of people
talk about therapy

-Right.
-and going to see thera--

That's not what I personally do.

-Right.
-Comedy, the stage,

that acts
as my-my therapeutic... thing.

Like, that's me getting
whatever I want to get out.

-Right.
-I'm talking, I'm-I'm releasing.

Whether good or bad,
I'm comfortable with that,

and I know that I need that.

Do you feel
like you need that stage?

It does something for you?

It gives you a sense of purpose
at this point in your life?

Well, I don't know
if I need the stage.

I need the human contact.

-Mm.
-Like, I'm talking to you now.

-Mm-hmm.
-It's the same as doing a show.

I-I feel the same.
It's just communicating

with people and having fun.

I don't feel that I'm, you know,
baring my soul or anything.

I'm just trying to-- you know,
there's nothing harder

-to do than write a joke.
-No, absolutely.

There's nothing funny to me,
though, when you see comedians:

"I'd like
to talk seriously now."

-(snoring) You know?
-Mm-hmm.

-Write a joke,
just write a joke. -Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Would you please
just write your joke?

And-and there's nothing harder
than writing a joke,

like when
I go on "The Tonight Show" now,

I do stand-up. I don't go out,

"You know, in my day, Jimmy,
I'll tell you what, we--"

-Yeah, nobody cares.
Nobody cares. -(Kevin laughing)

They don't. Nobody cares.

Just shut up.
Tell your joke and go home.

Thank you. Goodbye.
Nobody cares what you think.

Nobody cares what it was like
when you did it.

Just shut up, you know?

It's really-- it doesn't.
It doesn't.

All they want to do is, they'll
go, "Oh, that was funny,"

or, "That wasn't v--
that wasn't very funny."

You know, I mean, that's-that's
all they care about.

That's why,
that's why they're watching.

'Cause you're a comedian.
Write joke.

Tell joke.

Get check-- very simple.

* *

* *

Who is Jay Leno's top three?

Give me
your top three comedians.

Top three comedians?

Well, I like,
you know, I do like,

I do like all the comics.

I mean, Seinfeld and I
go way back.

-KEVIN: Seinfeld's amazing.
-JAY: Is fun.

-Uh, you're terrific.
-Thank you.

Uh, I like John Mulaney.
He's good.

-KEVIN: John Mulaney's great.
-John Mulaney's great.

-Mm-hmm.
-This new guy, Nate Bargatze is really good.

KEVIN: I know Nate.
Nate's really good, funny guy.

He's really good.
Um, I-I like people,

I like people that work clean,

not because I'm offended
by obscenity.

It's just the fact that...

it's ea-- you know,
it's harder to work clean.

-It is.
-You know, when I started, you had to work clean.

-It is.
-Uh, it changed. I remember Rodney did a...

(laughs)
...an HBO special he hosted,

and he fired a guy
'cause he wasn't dirty enough.

-Rodney Dangerfield.
-Yeah, right, said,

"You're not dirty enough,
you know, you got to be dirty."

And the kid was like, "Well,
I thought I had to be clean."

"No, no.
You weren't dirty enough."

-I'll tell you a funny Rodney
story. You'd like to know this. -Okay.

By the way, your
stories are always legendary.

-I-I could do stories all day.
-Okay, anyway, Rodney--

You know, as a comedian, you
know the other comedians' acts.

-Mm-hmm.
-I like to watch comedians

the way other people
listen to music.

I like the ebb and the flow
and the way...

I like, you know,
the way they talk.

So one day, Rodney's
on "The Tonight Show."

And he's sweating a little bit,
like he always does.

And I'm watching him-- he's
a little like this, you know?

And he's-he's getting
the laughs.

And I said to Debbie,
our producer.

I said, "Call the paramedics.

I think Rodney's having
a stroke."

She goes,
"What are you talking about?"

I said,
"I think he's having a stroke.

Just call the paramedics.
Just-just call them."

"Oh, okay."

Well, he did have a stroke.

And they took him
to the hospital, okay.

So I went to see him
in the hospital,

and he gets out of hospital
and then he had another stroke,

uh, a little while later,

and this one laid him out.

This is-- he was in a coma.

So Joan calls me one day,
and she says, uh,

"Uh, Jay,
Rodney's in a coma and...

"he can't see and he, I mean,
he can't react to anything,

"but I think he can hear us.

So would you--?"
I said, "Yeah, of course."

So I go on, and I'm
talking to Rodney, you know,

and Joan says to me--
and Rodney's lying there.

And Joan says, "Rodney."

Uh, she goes, "Jay,

"put your finger
in Rodney's hand.

"Rodney, if you know it's Jay,

just squeeze his finger,
if you can."

So I put my finger in his hand,
I feel a little squeeze,

and I go, "Rodney,
that's not my finger," right?

-(laughing)
-So Rodney does this.

And she goes,
"Aah! He moved! He moved!"

And Joan goes, "He moved!
He moved!" And-and he moved.

And I-- oh, and I felt so
good that I made Rodney laugh,

you know, and he didn't--

He-he died
soon after that, but...

-But you...
-I-I... I just remember that.

I just remember he went,
he went like this,

-'cause he did
hear the joke, and I thought... -It's always the laugh.

Yeah, and-and it, yeah,
and it's about the laugh.

And it was, yeah, it was
really a tender moment and, uh,

just one of those moments
that really make--

You tell that to some people,
they go, "How horrible,"

-but comics understand
what it is. -No, comics--

-What are you talking
about, it's... -I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I remember, I remember,
uh, Patrice O'Neal...

JAY:
Oh, boy, he was a great comic.

KEVIN: Unbelievable comic. We're
at Patrice's funeral, right?

And, you know, every-every comic

from New York, Jay,
came to Patrice's funeral.

We're all there and...

comics start to go up
and, you know, are speaking

and saying things
just about Patrice.

And the funeral slowly morphed

into one
of the best comedy shows

-that...
-Yeah, that's funny.

that you've ever seen.

I'm talking
Rich Vos, Colin Quinn,

Jim Norton, Bill Burr, myself,

Keith Robinson.
I mean, you-you... you name it.

(stammers) Robert Kelly.

Uh, I mean,
the list goes on and on.

But comics were coming up
and giving their best

15-minute sets,
but involving Patrice.

-Right.
-And it really made you understand

-we speak a language
of our own, right? -Right, right, right.

And-and that language
that we speak always,

it always involves the laugh.

-There's nothing more important
than the laugh. -Oh, yeah.

And that's-that's what
we always want and, you know,

I think sometimes
it's hard for people today

to understand that a comic

means no real harm.

-Yeah. Right, right.
-He's going after the laugh.

and in doing so,

you know,
the-the bullshit can happen

when the comic's like,
"Oh, my God, I stepped in it,"

but he was just trying
to go for the laugh,

-because that's-that's
the most important thing. -No, I know, I know. I-I get it.

Give me another comic, right,

that-that you have had
personal experiences with,

like, that has really
impacted your life.

-Oh, Kevin Rooney. Uh...
-Wow.

Uh, oh, there's just so many.
Uh, well, Seinfeld.

So we all started out together.
You know, when we started,

all the comics would come
to one another's "Tonight Show."

You know, people think
it's, like, this horrible,

cutthroat business, but other
comics will always get you

more work than any agent.

-You know, Steve Martin
brought Johnny to see me. -Wow.

And-and Harvey Korman brought
Johnny in to see me again.

And, you know, I brought,
uh, Johnny in to see, um,

uh, Ellen DeGeneres, and-and...
and we all help one another.

So-so, Johnny,
at this point, you know,

in-in this era
when you were coming up,

Johnny was the...

-Oh, yeah, yeah.
-He-he was the-the Mecca. Like, it was...

-Well, till the end.
Yeah, sure, sure. -Wow.

-Oh, yeah. I mean...
-Wow. And it was, and it was--

And-and was Johnny,
was Johnny, um...

was he receptive?
Like, was he a guy

that-that was open
about, you know, expressing

-who he felt was funny
or who he thought was talented? -Yeah.

Well, you have to understand,
we were young.

We weren't kids. We were young
adults in our early 20s.

Johnny was a man.

-Mm.
-And, you know, I grew up in a house

where you-you said,
"Mr. Carson."

I wouldn't,
I wouldn't call him Johnny.

-Mm.
-"Uh, Mr. Carson." "Call me Johnny, would ya?"

So that was always awkward
when I'd do "The Tonight Show"

with him, because
"Well, anyway, Mr. Carson..."

Uh, I just felt weird.
So when Letterman got his show

and I go, "Hey, Letterman,
nice tie," you know,

and I could trash him like
I would in a club or something,

and it-it just became
much looser.

So there was always
a-a reverence and respect

for Johnny that... it-it wasn't
like he was another comic.

He was the comic.

You know,
it's-it's like Eddie Murphy

to my generation.

-Oh, sure, yeah.
-Right? So, Eddie would

-occasionally pop in
to comedy clubs. -Right.

He would occasionally pop in
and sit in the back.

And when Eddie came in,
you always knew,

-because comics
just kept looking up. -Right.

E-Every comic
just kept looking up,

and the reference was,
"Eddie's up there."

And for some reason,
there was a thing that you felt.

You felt like if you looked up

and you saw Eddie laugh,

-well, that equaled success.
-Right. Sure.

To some degree,
it equaled, "Oh, my God."

Well, it did.
It did equal success.

It's a different stamp
of approval. Right?

Yeah.
Yeah, because if he liked it...

-Yeah. I mean,
-It's... I mean, it's gold.

there were so many shows.
You did Merv Griffin

and Mike Douglas,
but Johnny Carson was the one

that put you on...
If Johnny laughed,

well, then that was, you know.

'Cause the-the big thing
with Johnny was,

was it the couch or the, it was
the stage, right? It was like...

If you got called over
to the couch, you know,

that whole, that whole thing.

But-but every comic didn't
get called over to the couch.

-No, no, no. No.
Sometimes, yeah. -It was some of them.

Some of them got called
if Johnny felt it.

-And if you got called
to the couch, -Right.

it was a major thing
for you in your career.

Right, right, yeah.
I think that's fair to say.

* *

* *

Jay Leno. (chuckles) Jay...

What is a Jay Leno? I-I don't...

Jay spends his money

-on what I, too, love.
-Yeah.

You are the biggest
car enthusiast that I know of.

JAY: Well, I like--
Anything that rolls, explodes

and makes noise, I like.

When did you say,
"I'm going to do this

at the highest level"?

Like, did this,
did your love for cars

and the want to collect cars at
the level that you do start...

Well... the interesting thing
was, I realized

-I-I collect the stories
more than the cars. -Mm.

'Cause a lot of times,
the story is so good

that it makes you want the car.

-You know?
-Okay.

I mean, I had a 19,
uh, 53 Hudson Hornet.

And this lady calls me up,
94 years old,

"Hi, Mr. Leno.
Uh, I've got a '50,

uh, a '51 Hornet, uh,
I want to sell you."

I said, "You know, I got a '53.
It's the same car."

"Will you come look at mine?
It's the only car we ever had.

"My husband and I drove it.
We bought it new in New Jersey

"in '51 and drove it across
country to California

with our kids," and, you know,
blah, blah, blah, blah.

"Will you just come and look
at it?" Said, "Uh, okay."

So, I go out and look at it,
and it's-- He died in '96.

This is about, uh, 2002-3.

And she said,
"Would you buy it? Please?"

I said, "Okay." So I bought it.

So I get it back to my garage.

It takes about two years
to get it all finished.

I said,
"I wonder if she's still alive."

So, I call, and now she's 96.

"Hello." "Hi, it's Jay Leno."
"Oh, Jay!"

I said,
"The car is all finished.

Uh, you want to go for a ride?"
"Oh, I'd love--

I got to get my hair done."
I said, "Uh, okay."

Now this woman is 96,
no hearing aid, no glasses.

And she goes, "Can the kids
come? Can the kids come?"

I-I said,
"Yeah, sure, bring the kids."

Well, the kids are 72 and 74,
okay.

So I got out there,
and the two kids

have got her blindfolded, right,
and she's touching the car,

doing this, and then
they take the blindfold-- "Oh!"

She starts crying,
the car looks so nice, you know?

I say, "You want to go
for a ride?" She goes,

"Can the kids come?" "Yeah,
put the kids in the back."

So the kids are in the back,
and we're talking

and she's telling stories.
Now the 72 and the 74-year-old

start doing this
to each other, poking,

and she started,
"I-I told you two!"

And she's whacking the crap
out of them, she's...

"I told you two, if you can't

when Mr. Leno's taking us
for a ride--"

And-and the three of them
are just screaming laughing,

just having the time
of their lives, you know?

and she's, and she's really
whacking 'em in the head.

I mean, she's just,
like, I thought she was gonna

put their eye out, you know,
and th-they're just having

the time of their lives. And
then the two kids are telling me

that when they were teenagers,
their dad had

this 15-year-old car,
and they were so embarrassed

that the-the dad
would drop them off

-three blocks from school
so the kids wouldn't see it. -Mm-hmm.

Their dad had to-- and,
of course, now it's a classic.

And it was just so much fun.
And that lady lived

to be 104 years old.

-But it-it,
the story is so great. -The story attached to the car.

Yeah, I like the-- Yeah,
the story is what makes it.

The story attached--
You told me one, um,

when-when you told me
about the lady.

It was--
I-I'm not sure what it was.

Was-was it the bike
that-that you ended up buying

that was Elvis's bike
or something?

-No, I never-never bought
Elvis's bike. -What was it?

What-- Whose bike did you buy?
You bought something.

It was somebody--
somebody, you bought something,

and you went to go
see something,

and later found out
that it was a famous person's.

No, no, that's not true.

But this is what happens
when you don't do research

-on this show. The, uh...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. -I don't do research.

Okay. I'm gonna,
I'm gonna found out

what it is, and-and then
I'm gonna test you.

First of all, you're not gonna
"found" out what it is,

-you're gonna "find" what it is.
-I'm-a find out what it is.

-I'm drinking wine. Yes.
-Find out what it is. And I know, I know, I could see.

-I'm drinking the wine.
-Yeah, yeah.

-I'm gonna find out what it is.
-This is why I drink Australian water only.

No, you drink water
because something happened

-that you don't want to tell us
when you drank one time. -No, no, th-that's not true.

-That's not--
but that's not true. -You've never drank?

-No, I never drank.
-Never?

-No. No.
-What's the reason? There has to be a reason.

It-it doesn't interest me.
I-I...

you know,
it's just not something--

I was always the designated
driver in high school.

I was always the guy that would
drive the drunk kids home.

And-and so, it-it's just nothing
that ever appealed to me.

-You didn't like
the way they looked. -Here-here's the thing.

I'll tell you why.
This, again, is show business.

I always tell people,

"If you can physically make it
to the stage for seven years,

-you'll be successful,"
and most people can't. -Mm-hmm.

Too drunk, too straight,
too gay, too some--

There's some reason--
jealousy, envy.

There's always some reason,
other than their talent,

that they don't make it
to the stage.

Um, you know, Sam Kinison,

classic example of this,
just spun out of control.

Funny, hilarious.

Just spun out of control,
because it's like the boar

where the horns grow
into your own head.

You just become so crazy.

You know, the idea is to just
try to keep a lid on it,

try to keep
a certain amount of control,

try to keep moderation.

And most guys--
men and women, rather--

that don't make it, don't make--
it has nothing to do

-with their ability to be funny.
-Mm.

They're either jealous
of other comics,

or they're so sick of their act,
they hate doing it,

or there's-there's
just some reason why.

Other things, other things
have gotten in the way.

How many, how many people we
know have spun out of control,

-I know tons.
-and it-it had nothing to do with--

it wasn't
'cause they weren't funny.

They didn't
spin out of control onstage

because people walked out
'cause it wasn't funny.

There was some
other reason, you know?

I mean, the classic example is
Richard Pryor, the greatest.

-Yeah.
-Uh, you know, I followed Richie every night

when he was doing his,
he was breaking in his,

um, "Sunset--
Live on the Sunset Strip" album.

-Did you guys have
a relationship? -Again, like Carson,

you know, sometimes,
"Hey, Mr. Pryor,"

sometimes it was "Richie."
He was always Richie.

He wasn't Richard Pryor then.
It was always Richie.

Uh, and there was
nobody funnier.

And I realize--
And a lot of people say,

"I don't want to follow Richie.
He's too good."

I'd said, "Well, how am I gonna
know if I'm any good?"

And after following Richie, I
realized I didn't have an hour.

I had maybe 16 minutes,
but I would tape it.

And if I got 16 minutes'
wor-worth of laughs

after an hour following Richie,

the next time I got onstage,
I just did 16 minutes.

-Mm.
-And that's how you grow.

I mean, you know this-- comics
go, "I'm not playing that club.

The audience suck."
That's right!

Go where the audiences
suck, you know?

I booked myself
on Oral Roberts University once,

just to see if I could play it,
and it was fine.

It was different.
It's a challenge.

You know, comics are lazy.
It's like water.

It follows the path
of least resistance.

You go to where,
uh, go to where you suck.

-Don't go to where you kill.
-Mm.

Go to the places
you do terrible at,

and then try
to win those people.

-What about Redd Foxx?
-Oh, Redd Foxx is great.

Nobody funnier than Redd Foxx.

Did you have
a relationship with Foxx?

Uh, no, just to say hello.

I was with him one time
in Vegas. (chuckles)

The IRS would follow
Redd around.

They'd go, "Ladies and gentlemen
Redd Foxx." And they'd run up

onstage, they'd take the ring
and they'd take a picture of it,

give him a receipt.
"How much cash you got?"

-'Cause he never paid taxes,
so they would follow him around. -So that-that stuff was true?

Yeah, they would take
his car. (chuckles)

He would have
to take a cab home.

Oh, it was, it was...
it was hilarious.

It was just, like, funny.
"I'm not paying the tax--"

He would... (muttering)
And he'd do a lot of...

But, yeah, he was very funny.

* *

* *

Is there a punctuation
to all of it?

Is there an end day for you,
for stand-up?

You mean, when I have my
stroke? Is that what you mean?

-Heart attack?
-No, not a stroke. Is there a day

when you're like, "I'm done,
I don't want to do it anymore"?

No, no, I don't think
I'd ever not want to do it.

I mean, that's what,
that's what keeps you alive.

And that's the fun part for me.

I mean, yeah. I mean, no. No.

I think I'm the only one.
I'm really the only one.

Are you looking
at an-an end date?

-I'm-I'm...
-I assume it's-- this is it.

-Every-every... every comic
-Oh.

that I've, that I've asked,

every actor or entertainer
that I've asked,

everybody's like, "No, I just
want to go. I want to do it."

And I don't know
why I'm the only one.

It seems like I'm the
only one thinking about a moment

where it's like,
"Okay, I'm-I'm done."

-And now I'm just going to...
-And why, do you think?

So you won't be funny after
that point, is that right?

No, it's not
about not being funny.

It's just an-an end date.
Like, I-I'm-I'm, I don't know.

-I'm still calculating.
-Remember-remember when you were 15

and somebody 60 died and you
went, "Well, that seems okay.

-I mean... (scoffs)
60, that's long enough." -Yeah.

And then you get to be 59 and
a half, "Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey, wait a minute,
I-I was only kidding," you know.

I-I just think,

I-I bust my ass,
as you have, as well.

-That's a busted ass...?
-I'm-I'm... I'm busting my ass.

-Okay.
-This is-- if I show-- this is a busted ass.

-Uh-huh.
-So at-at some point,

at some point, I just...

I know I'm going to want
to sit down.

At some point, I know
I'm gonna want to not have

to do as much to bust my ass.

It doesn't mean, like, not have
fun, not have a good time.

- Yeah, yeah.
-It just means, like, at some point, I know...

And when do you think that is?

Uh, I don't know. I feel like
you're gonna get mad at me.

-Huh?
-After-after hearing your reaction.

No, no. No, wh-when do you think
it is? How old are you now?

-Right now, I'm 41, yeah.
-41, okay.

So, so, what-what's the number?

-I think, like, 50.
-50?

-I think.
-Really, like, 50?

I-I think. I'm telling you,
I think. Who knows? I may...

I-I, I was interviewing Sean
Connery when I was 50, so...

-Wow!
-That was a great guest.

-Sean Connery?
-Oh, I love Sean Connery.

Sean Connery was great
because he--

-People don't really--
you know, he was a tough guy. -Mm-hmm.

He was a longshoreman.

And he-he would get
in fights like that.

You know, he was Mr. Universe,
third runner-up, 1953.

-I didn't know that.
-Yeah, he was a tough guy.

And whenever he'd come to
"The Tonight Show," "Jay, Jay,

what's the latest filthy joke,
Jay? What's the new joke?"

And I would tell him a joke,
and he would laugh

like a pirate. He'd go...
(laughing loudly)

"Jay, that's a good one, Jay!"

And everybody would hear.

And he was the only guest
that would take a shower

at "The Tonight Show."
"Jay, I want to take a shower."

And he'd take his shirt off.
He'd be all masculine, you know?

And we'd give him a towel,
and you could hear him

in the shower... (vocalizing)
He would, like, sing, and...

Uh, he-he killed me.
And he's the only guy

I ever saw
actually slap his knee.

-Actually go... (laughing)
-As he, as he-as he laughed. As he laughed.

Yeah, yeah, as he laughed.
Yeah, hilarious.

-That's a big deal.
-Hilarious.

Uh, is there any guests--

'Cause you can't say...
I know you can't

-throw them under the bus...
-What?

What the-the--

No, I don't want to put you
on that seat.

-I'm not gonna put you--
I was gonna say... -What, what, what?

I was gonna say
"the worst guest."

I don't want to put you
on that. I was like, yeah.

I know you know the worst guest.

Well, no, you know,
the worst guest

is usually somebody
that doesn't want to be there,

their publicist
made them do the show.

Yeah, so I don't really blame--

I know why they came.

That was always bad, but, no,

I don't really focus on-on that.

And-and did you cut those short?
Did you just, like...

Well, you-you plow through it,
you know?

Okay. I will, I will ask you...

-What's that?
-What's what?

Well, I was gonna tell you
my favorite one, one time.

-Okay.
-Uh, uh, Tracy, who works for you.

-Okay.
-One day, one day, you know,

we're trying to book Ka--

uh, Kathie Gifford on the show,
Kathie Lee Gifford.

-KEVIN: Mm-hmm.
-And she was mad at me, 'cause I was doing--

Remember, her husband, Frank,
was having an affair?

-Remember that whole...?
-Yes, yes.

And I did this joke,
made her particularly mad.

I said, uh, "Uh-oh, Kathie Lee
Gifford just found out

there's no such thing
as 'Tuesday Night Football.'"

You know? So, okay, so that
joke got picked up everywhere.

And she's furious, right?
So I-I'm thinking

she's mad at me. So let's--
I said, "Tracy,

call Kathie Lee Gifford."
She goes, "I just called today.

She won't speak to you." I go,
"What are you talking about?"

She said,
"No, she won't do the show."

So I go out, and I say
to one of the interns,

"Get me Kathie Lee's phone
number, would you, please?"

I go-- So, I dial it.
"Kathie Lee?" "Yes?"

"Jay Leno." "Jay! How wonderful
to hear from you."

"Listen, we'd like to have you
on Thursday after 'ER.'

It's a big night for us, Ka--"

"Jay, I would love to be on."

"Okay, great."

So I'm thinking, well, Tracy
doesn't know what she's doing.

Let me go in and tell all these
people, "I'll book the show."

You know? So, I go, "Tracy, uh,

I just booked Kathie Lee
Gifford, so we're all set."

She goes, "Jay, I just spoke
to Kathie Lee again.

She said she's not doing it."
"Well, I just spoke to her."

"You didn't speak
to Kathie Lee."

So, I say to the intern,
"Whose number did you give me?"

"Cathy Lee Crosby."
"Cathy Lee Crosby?!"

I just booked Cathy Lee Crosby
Thursday night on 'ER'?!"

I said, "'That's Incredible'
hasn't been on

for, like, 20 years!"

How old is Cathy Lee Crosby?

Now I have to call
Cathy Lee Crosby back,

and, "Listen, uh, Cathy Lee,
there's a m-mistake."

And, oh, it was, like,
the most humiliating, yeah.

Have you ever--?
Did you ever, uh--?

-Have you ever got enemies,
based off of... -Have I ever got enemies?

Yeah, like, how many,
how many enemies

have you gotten that you were
like, "Oh, this is ridiculous.

"Like, there's-there's no reason
that we should be enemies

or that there should be
a level of anger"?

Well, Arsenio and I
were always friends.

Then, we got the show,
that whole thing started,

"I'm gonna kick
Jay Leno's ass," you know?

-Remember that whole thing
was going on... -I thought it was a joke.

-But I found out it was real.
-Well, no...

So-so, anyway,
so Arsenio's show premieres,

and I'm watching it, you know?

-And he had Brooke Shields,
the first night. -Mm-hmm.

And he said something like, uh,

"This show is gonna be
about the funk.

You're not gonna see Barry
Manilow's ass on this show."

Something like that, you know?
And the audience went...

So I'm, uh, I'm watching
all the shows every night

to make sure I don't do
the same jokes.

So about two months in,
I see Arsenio's show,

"And, uh, tomorrow night"--
or next week, rather--

"Barry Manilow will be
on the show."

And I go, "Oh!"
So, next day, I dial in, like,

"Hi, it's Jay Leno
to speak to, uh, Arsenio."

"He doesn't want to speak
to you." "Just put him on."

"No, he won't speak to you."
And I hear him say,

"Who's that, who's that?"
"It's Leno."

"I'm not speaking to that
asshole," blah-blah, blah-blah.

I said, "Put him on the phone."
He goes, "What do you want?!

What do you want, man?"
I went, "Ooh!

Next week, Barry Manilow."

Well, he broke out laughing,
I broke out laughing.

I mean, it was really funny.
It was really funny.

And 'cause I said,
"You need everybody.

You can't not get everybody."

-Have every-- No, you...
-You need everybody.

You're doing too many episodes.
You have to have everybody.

You need everybody. I just
remember, that was my favorite.

And then Arsenio
and I were fine after that.

But it did-- Like, but there was

the-the "beef" was
just for nothing?

Well, no, I guess it is.
I mean, you know what it is?

-If people around you start the
beef and keep the things going. -Mm-hmm.

He and I were always friends.
I mean,

I knew his mom in the old--
I mean, yeah, and he's great.

-And he's great
in the new movie. -Yes. Uh...

And he looks exactly the same.

I look like his father,
but he looks exactly the same.

Jay, what are you talking
about? You haven't--

You've looked
the same for 20 years.

No, that's your eyes are
going bad.

No, you've looked
the same for 20 years.

Well, thank you.
That's-that's very kind.

You look great.
Your energy is always great.

And I love that you're living
life at a high level, man.

And for you, like you-you...
you walk your own beat.

You're-you're on your own path.
You always have been.

And I think it's, honestly,
I'm envious of your love

for the craft of comedy.

-I can't get over that.
-Oh, yeah, I love it.

-It's great.
-Hearing you talk about it,

it's like, damn, you know,

why am I, why am I always
thinking about the end?

Why am I always thinking about

how am I going to exit,
what's my out?

Well, you know, the-the thing
about being a comic is,

you're a comic 'cause you don't
fit in anywhere.

-Mm-hmm.
-When I used to live in New England,

I was the laziest person
anybody knew.

I come here, suddenly,
I'm the hardest-working.

Well, how does that--
I didn't do anything different.

And then I realized
that's what I loved

about hosting "The Tonight
Show," in the fact that...

I could be in show business
and around show business

without being absorbed by it,
you know?

Like, I love Charlie Sheen.

-He's a friend of mine, but I
don't want to be Charlie Sheen. -Mm-hmm.

So whenever he would have
his antics and be in the paper,

and I'd have him on the show,
I enjoy observing him

-without being in it.
-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

You know, I wasn't a guy going
to the coke party

or any of that kind of stuff.

I had no interest in it,
but I-I like being around it.

I love the energy of it,
and that's what was the most fun

-about it, and that's what
I like about doing comedy. -Mm-hmm.

There's always energy
in it, you know?

Was there ever a moment
where you almost stepped

in that space, where you almost
went into the...

the-the...
the fast lane of Hollywood?

-No.
-No, never?

No, no, I, no, I always--
You know something?

I got the same friends
I had in high school,

been married to the same woman
for 41 years.

-Wow.
-It's just easier, it's just easier.

-You come home,
"Okay, thank you." -Good for you, man.

I don't get a dessert fork in
the back of the neck, you know?

H-How many guys I know,

you know, they're sleeping
and the wife's,

"I'm gonna kill you."
"What was that?" You know?

Yeah, I mean,
how many guys go through that?

Yeah. Yeah!

Right?
How many idiots out there?

Well, no, but I mean,
i-it's about, you know,

h-here's the trick.

You-you make show-business money

-and you lead a normal life.
-Mm-hmm.

And that works
pretty good for me.

* *

* *

I can say, if I had the...

if I had the information

that you're giving now
at the earlier points of my life

and career, of course, a lot of,
uh, mistakes and missteps,

uh, probably
wouldn't have been made.

But just like you,
the level of understanding

and now knowledge
that I have because of them

-is so much better.
-Yeah, but you learn from all of them.

-Absolutely.
-So that, so-- and it makes you who you are.

-Absolutely.
-So none of this would've happened

without those mistakes,
probably.

But you seem to just be--

Your-your...
your mental strength

and, you know, commitment

to just doing
what's right for you.

-I don't want
to say right overall. -I am a huge believer

-in low self-esteem.
-What?

Okay, what does that...?

-What that means is,
when you have low self-esteem, -What does that mean?

-you don't think you're the
smartest person in the room. -Ah!

When I was on "The Tonight
Show," I hired the best

director, I hired the best
talent, uh, coordinators,

the best producers,
the lighting guy.

I let them do their job.
I never said,

"Well, I know a little bit
more about lighting..."

-Mm-hmm.
-I, uh, you know, I just let people do their job.

-Mm-hmm.
-And anybody on "The Tonight Show,"

when I was there, could pull
the cord and stop the train.

You know, people go,
"Jay, this bit sucks."

"It does?"
Nobody was afraid to say that.

And that's what saved us.
I mean, it was a team effort,

and everybody worked hard.

And I-I took the crappiest
office in the middle.

And Debbie was the producer
'cause she does all the work,

so she should have
the big office.

And I was there before everybody
came in the morning,

-and I was there
after they left. -Wow.

And so people-- There wasn't
a lot of resentment.

You know, there wasn't
a lot of that stuff where people

don't care if the show goes
down, as long as you lose it.

They don't care
about losing their job as long

-as you get screwed. I mean,
-Mm-hmm.

I see so many, people are
so angry and mad, you know?

And the idea of you
just let people do their job,

-don't admonish people
in public. -Mm-hmm.

You pull them aside and go,
"Hey, you know, this is,

uh, what's this about?"
But low self-esteem is good,

'cause you don't speak--
If you don't--

If you're not sure
about the answer,

-you're not gonna
say something stupid. -Mm.

You know, so you just let
people do it, you know?

I mean, a classic example is
like the Cathy Lee Crosby story.

"I'll-I'll call.
I'll get Kathie Lee's number."

-You wanted to do it?
-Yeah, that's what I mean.

-"I'll get it done."
-I mean, that could have,

that could have been something.
It turned into a funny story,

but it could have been,
"Oh, I was pissed

I called the wrong person."
But, you know,

you see the humor in it, and you
have fun with it, you know?

-Are you still doing
the car show? -Oh, yeah, yeah.

-"Jay Leno's Garage," yeah.
-And "Jay Leno's Garage"

right now, I mean,
what season are you in?

It's the number-one show
on CNBC.

Uh, we're in season seven
of that.

Season seven.
I had a ball doing it. I...

Yeah, we loved having you on.
You were great. You were funny.

Well, dude, I mean,
I-I love your--

I just love your knowledge
behind cars, you know?

-I'm-I'm now getting
into the world of cars. -Right.

I'm jumping in, uh,
as a car enthusiast,

but more importantly,
this car culture, as a guy

who's ignorant to a lot
of stuff, but willing to learn.

-Right, right.
-And, uh, me, my friends, The Plastic Cup Boyz,

you know, we're-we're doing
a show on MotorTrend now.

But, you know, you act
as a big inspiration

from the entertainer
tapping into that space

and showing that there's
a world where you can bring

your following into this space

and have your following
appreciate

-what you love, as well.
-Yeah.

So thank you for that,
because I wouldn't have,

-I wouldn't have known
that that door existed -Well, thanks. Sure. Sure.

if it wasn't for you and
your car show, that's been,

-I mean, successful.
-Well, we enjoyed having you.

Anytime you want to be on again,
you let us know.

Well, don't ask, don't
threaten me with a good time,

but except it's gonna be me
and all my guys.

-So I'm just gonna
ask you for, uh, -Yeah.

a little more camera time
because I got five guys

-that's gonna be there with me.
-Yeah, sure, sure.

And, uh, you know,
I'm not gonna say it's gonna be

the easiest show for you,
'cause, uh, they don't listen.

-And, you know, it's-it's
tough, but it'll be well. -Yeah.

We'll have a good time.
I promise you that.

But they make the best
burgers and fries.

-(stammers) Well, yeah.
-Five Guys.

-Five Guys? Five... (laughs)
-Yeah, yeah. Is that--?

Is that--? I'm sorry.
What were you talking about?

(laughter)

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were
gonna get a bite to eat now.

-Goddamn Jay Leno.
-Um, um, I'm-I'm sorry.

-Jay, uh, in conclusion...
-Ketchup only? Yeah.

-Before we wrap up.
-No-no cheese. No cheese.

The king of zingers.
The king of punch lines.

-"Zing-gers"?
-Zingers.

"Zing-ger"? I'm Jewish now?

-No. Zingers!
-"The king of zing-gers."

-The king of zingers.
-Yeah.

The punch-line king himself,
man, Jay Leno.

Jay, I mean
what I'm about to say, man.

You are a-a dope guy.

Like, you've always
welcomed me with open arms.

Well, I'm very proud of you.

You-you were a guy that
literally came out of nowhere

and appeared one day
and just grew faster and faster

and faster, and it's-it's been
fun to watch.

I enjoy watching
people like yourself.

I like people that started
after I kind of made it,

and then came along
and passed me

and went on to do
other great things.

And i-it's great.
I really enjoy it. I mean,

I-I take great pleasure in that.
It's fun.

-You know, I like to think,
"Oh, you know, I knew him when." -I...

And it, and it,
and it, and it's true.

-Well, you're...
-I enjoy your success as much as you do.

Your-your welcoming
in open arms,

it-it meant a lot.
When you, when you...

Yeah, well, again, with
the touching thing, that was,

-that was... It's one incident.
-Well, it's-it's not touching, Jay.

Okay, guys, I'm talking
about coming on the show.

You didn't have to let me come
on the show, but when you did,

uh, it meant a lot,
and then you continued

-to let me come on
and then through the years, -Right.

-and over the times--
-But if I didn't put you on the show,

you were gonna go to the police,
and of course,

that would have been
another whole problem.

(laughing)

Ladies and gentlemen, Jay Leno.
It doesn't get goddamn better.

It definitely doesn't
get bigger.

-Dude, I love you.
-Thank you.

-I appreciate you, man.
-Now where's Robert Wagner and Stefanie Hart?

No, you're not getting--
There is no Robert Wagner.

Okay. Thank you, man.
Give me a hug.

Come here, man. My guy, dude.
Did you finish the water?

I'm proud, I'm proud
of all your success, man.

-Thank you.
-It's really great to watch you

-just rise to the top.
-Thank you, man.

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