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♪ Beneath the moon ♪
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♪ And starry sky ♪
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♪ Heaven writes
A lover's song ♪
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♪ Writes a song ♪
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00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:45,587
♪ A reverie ♪
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00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:49,966
♪ Of happy dreams ♪
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00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:55,764
♪ Midnight comes
The nightingale sings along ♪
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♪ Melody ♪
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♪ With harmony ♪
10
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♪ Makes a lover tune ♪
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♪ The night will play ♪
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♪ Its serenade to you ♪
13
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♪ Love writes a rhyme ♪
14
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♪ And gentle we find ♪
15
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♪ Magic and beauty begin
Or begun ♪
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♪ Dance until morning ♪
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♪ Drift along ♪
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-♪ Listen ♪
-♪ Listen ♪
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♪ And you'll hear a song ♪
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00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:08,920
Once upon a time
in a magical kingdom
21
00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:10,879
known as New York City,
22
00:02:10,879 --> 00:02:14,341
in a city that doesn't sleep,
but sleeps around a lot,
23
00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:17,679
a land of dollar pizza
and crowded subways,
24
00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:19,472
there lived two millennials
25
00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:22,559
cursed with the paradox
of choice.
26
00:02:22,558 --> 00:02:26,103
Like many stories, ours begins
on a phone screen
27
00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:28,940
on the latest dating app
called Meet Cute.
28
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:34,279
She was Wendy Brinkley, a name
derived from the character
29
00:02:34,278 --> 00:02:36,739
who dated the boy
who never grew up.
30
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:39,409
Wendy scoured her albums
for a photo
31
00:02:39,408 --> 00:02:42,286
that didn't include necks...
32
00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:46,499
and cautiously accepted
her new destiny.
33
00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:53,922
Then there was Milo Marks
34
00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:57,218
and his 77 unread
text messages.
35
00:02:57,217 --> 00:02:59,678
To Milo, Meet Cute
was just another app
36
00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:01,473
for his dedicated folder.
37
00:03:03,307 --> 00:03:05,351
Milo was a 5'8"...
38
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,729
10?
39
00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:09,856
5'8", born-and-raised
New Yorker
40
00:03:09,855 --> 00:03:11,899
who had no shortage of selfies
41
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:14,652
that he justified as self-love.
42
00:03:14,651 --> 00:03:16,570
The app asked you
a few questions,
43
00:03:16,570 --> 00:03:18,864
then wrote your own
personal love story.
44
00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:27,624
Romantically, Milo knew
what he wanted,
45
00:03:27,623 --> 00:03:32,044
as did Wendy, but she was
too afraid to admit it.
46
00:03:32,044 --> 00:03:34,129
They had nothing in common,
47
00:03:34,129 --> 00:03:37,966
except an idealized version
of modern romance.
48
00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:39,803
With their profiles set,
49
00:03:39,802 --> 00:03:43,514
they swiped left,
they swiped right.
50
00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:47,935
But one day,
thanks to some magic
and an algorithm,
51
00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:50,313
they had their Meet Cute.
52
00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:53,565
They met at a cute little spot
53
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,610
in the West Village
called Lylis.
54
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:58,279
Milo found it
on the Infatuation's list
55
00:03:58,278 --> 00:04:01,073
of best bars where you won't
run into an ex.
56
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,284
-He never came back from London.
-He never came back?
57
00:04:03,283 --> 00:04:06,829
-Never came back.
-Does he still have your nudes,
by any chance?
58
00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:09,916
Um, what, are you afraid of him
leaking your nudes?
59
00:04:09,915 --> 00:04:11,792
-Sorry, that was
a weird question.
-If he ever did,
60
00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:14,170
I have nudes of him
that are not as favorable.
61
00:04:14,169 --> 00:04:16,005
Really?
He has peasant nudes.
62
00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:17,840
-What is your baggage?
-I just don't have any.
63
00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,884
-Wow.
-Yeah, I checked my baggage.
64
00:04:19,884 --> 00:04:22,053
-No baggage, no nudes?
-Just got my MacBook
in a tote bag.
65
00:04:22,052 --> 00:04:23,637
-Oh.
-Might get some work done
on this flight.
66
00:04:23,637 --> 00:04:25,931
What does it feel like
to be so perfect?
67
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:29,811
Basically, what I tell people
is like I'm just like you,
except perfect.
68
00:04:29,810 --> 00:04:31,937
-Wow. Oh, my God.
69
00:04:31,937 --> 00:04:33,939
Thank you so much
for getting a drink with me.
70
00:04:33,939 --> 00:04:36,233
I don't even know how I made it
through my life
71
00:04:36,233 --> 00:04:38,902
until this moment.
72
00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:42,657
But, no, honestly, I think
whenever I meet someone,
73
00:04:42,656 --> 00:04:45,325
I create this fantasy version
of this person.
74
00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:47,704
And then the more
that we get to know each other,
75
00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:51,124
the more that fantasy
just sort of whittles away,
76
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:55,503
and then all that's left
is, like, this real person.
77
00:04:55,502 --> 00:05:00,341
And a lot of the time,
I don't like the real person
78
00:05:00,341 --> 00:05:02,134
as much as I like
the fantasy person.
79
00:05:02,134 --> 00:05:05,888
Sounds like you idealize
and then devalue.
80
00:05:08,223 --> 00:05:10,559
It's a very clinical language.
81
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,645
-Spot-on.
-Thank you.
82
00:05:12,644 --> 00:05:15,898
-Um, I'm gonna go
to the bathroom, okay?
-Wait, wait, wait.
83
00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:18,610
Do you actually have to go
or do you just wanna check
your phone?
84
00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:21,780
If you just wanna check
your phone, we could do
a mutual check right now.
85
00:05:21,779 --> 00:05:24,698
-I would love
to just check my phone.
-Okay, okay, me too.
86
00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:27,702
-I could use a hit.
87
00:05:28,702 --> 00:05:30,871
No notifications.
88
00:05:33,415 --> 00:05:36,168
-Uh, cheers to being single.
89
00:05:37,711 --> 00:05:40,047
What? Sorry, um...
90
00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:42,842
It's okay.
I like a woman who ignores me.
91
00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:11,705
Only in New York
could you make out
92
00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:14,373
in front of a bunch of garbage
and it's still romantic.
93
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,910
They kissed
under the stars.
94
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:55,457
And after a perfectly crafted
follow-up text from Milo
95
00:06:55,456 --> 00:06:58,876
and an equally witty response
from Wendy,
96
00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:02,756
they would go weeks
before they ever spoke again.
97
00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:10,597
Three weeks and no signs
of un-ghosting later,
98
00:07:10,596 --> 00:07:14,600
Milo and his friend opted
to drink overpriced cocktails
99
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:18,062
to celebrate someone
from college's best friend
100
00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:20,564
from high school's birthday.
101
00:07:20,564 --> 00:07:23,025
Did you hear about
this In-N-Out Burger
102
00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:25,070
that they found at a bus stop
in Jamaica, Queens?
103
00:07:25,069 --> 00:07:27,946
How did a cheeseburger
fly 3,000 miles?
104
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:30,075
Yeah, that's fake.
That's a viral stunt.
105
00:07:30,074 --> 00:07:32,576
-That's not real.
-You serious?
106
00:07:32,576 --> 00:07:35,662
This is Hank Kadner,
Milo's best and most
put-together friend.
107
00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:38,208
He is a financial analyst
at JP Morgan
108
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:41,378
who is as savvy
with his spreadsheets as he is
with his dating advice.
109
00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:44,296
-People will do
anything for clout.
-No, it's not fake.
110
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,965
-Whoa.
-It was a pristine
In-N-Out Burger.
111
00:07:45,964 --> 00:07:47,257
Who's that?
112
00:07:49,259 --> 00:07:50,344
-No.
-Yeah.
113
00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:51,554
-Don't.
-That's it.
114
00:07:51,553 --> 00:07:54,139
I'm going to marry that woman.
115
00:07:54,139 --> 00:07:56,558
-You know, you always do this.
-Do what?
116
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:58,895
You point at a girl
and you say, "I'm gonna
marry her."
117
00:07:58,894 --> 00:08:01,188
So, in the off chance you guys
do get married...
118
00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:03,108
at your wedding.
-...you can say you said that
-I don't sound like that.
119
00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:05,276
You look crazy.
Look, this is how you look.
120
00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:07,487
"I'm gonna marry her."
121
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,489
-That's not what I sound like.
-That is exactly what
you sound like.
122
00:08:09,488 --> 00:08:12,157
-That's not
what I sound like at all.
-Hi.
123
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,202
Can I help you?
124
00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:16,870
-Um, no--
-That's you.
125
00:08:16,870 --> 00:08:19,289
Why did you point at me?
126
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,876
I was making a point.
127
00:08:21,875 --> 00:08:26,338
My friend here, he likes to--
he does this thing where he--
128
00:08:26,338 --> 00:08:28,132
he points
at the prettiest girl at the bar
129
00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:29,883
and he says,
"I'm gonna marry her."
130
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,636
And in the off chance
that he happens
131
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:33,638
to actually get married
to that girl,
132
00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:35,515
then he can say it
at the reception
133
00:08:35,514 --> 00:08:37,349
and it can be
like a cute moment.
134
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,144
-He does it
in every bar we go to.
- Aw.
135
00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:40,353
-So it's kind of--
-Okay.
136
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,731
So you think
I'm the cutest girl at this bar?
137
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:47,110
I think that--
that's pretty fair to say.
138
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:49,446
Ap spritzes on me.
139
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:52,907
-Um, go talk to her.
-That'd be weird.
140
00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:55,326
-I'm not just gonna
go talk to her.
-Yeah, go.
141
00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:57,287
-What would I say?
-Oh, are you shy?
142
00:08:57,287 --> 00:09:00,957
"Uh, I'm shy.
I'm shy."
143
00:09:00,956 --> 00:09:02,791
That's me being shy.
How annoying is that?
144
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:05,337
We don't have time for that.
Go talk to that girl!
145
00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:07,254
You said you're gonna marry her.
Now you won't even talk to her?
146
00:09:07,254 --> 00:09:09,840
Here's what you do you.
You go over, say "hi."
147
00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:11,801
-Touch her shoulder
a little bit.
-Okay.
148
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:14,054
And then lean in,
say something funny.
149
00:09:14,053 --> 00:09:18,182
Maybe say it quietly
so she has to, like, lean in
towards you.
150
00:09:18,182 --> 00:09:20,851
-Okay.
-I had an ex who I thought
I was interesting for years.
151
00:09:20,851 --> 00:09:22,936
Turns out he just spoke
really quiet.
152
00:09:23,937 --> 00:09:25,314
That's cool.
153
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,986
All right, I'll leave you to it.
154
00:09:32,279 --> 00:09:33,906
-What's up? Hey.
-Hi.
155
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,451
-How you doing? I'm Milo.
-Hi.
156
00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:37,994
-Olivia.
-Olivia.
157
00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:39,704
-Nice to meet you.
-Nice to meet you.
158
00:09:39,703 --> 00:09:40,788
Where are you from?
159
00:09:40,788 --> 00:09:42,581
-I'm from Texas.
-Oh.
160
00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:44,124
A Southern belle.
161
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:46,210
-Yeah, there we go.
-You're in the big city.
162
00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:48,505
Thank you, sir.
-Mm, you're welcome, ma'am.
163
00:09:48,504 --> 00:09:51,340
-Oh, my God,
we're doing accents.
164
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:53,551
Help!
No, just kidding.
165
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:57,055
No, I went to college
with, um, a friend of Lucy's
166
00:09:57,054 --> 00:09:59,264
who's also named Olivia.
167
00:09:59,264 --> 00:10:00,474
-Oh.
-Which is fun.
168
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,435
-And-- what?
169
00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:06,648
Do you dress up
or you're like, "I don't do
costumes."
170
00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:08,942
-Um, I don't really... yeah.
171
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,820
-Do costumes?
-I like to wear, like,
a fun hat.
172
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,488
Just like a normal outfit,
fun hat.
173
00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:15,615
-I have a face for hats.
-Oh.
174
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,492
It's so round.
Look how round it is.
175
00:10:17,491 --> 00:10:19,618
Just thought I'd come,
be a little, you know, wingman.
176
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,287
-Oh, a wingman.
-Yeah.
177
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,415
That's fun, interesting.
I like what you did there.
178
00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:25,290
One little wing, yeah.
Other wing holding him up.
179
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,502
Yeah, he has really bad
social anxiety, so...
180
00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:28,877
-Oh, wow.
-...I try to help him out
with that.
181
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,088
-Okay, that's intense.
-Yeah.
182
00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:31,755
-Touch it. Touch it.
-Can I?
183
00:10:31,755 --> 00:10:34,049
-I'm giving you permish.
184
00:10:34,049 --> 00:10:37,469
-It's soft, right?
You like that?
-Yeah, it's very soft.
185
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,847
- Okay.
-Oh, wow.
186
00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:40,472
-Get the aromatics.
-Breathe it in.
187
00:10:40,472 --> 00:10:42,516
-Let the wine breathe.
-Wow, look at you go.
188
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:46,312
-Stop-- look at our friends.
-Look at them over there.
189
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:49,441
-Mmm, you are dying
to kiss my little mouth.
-Maybe I am.
190
00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:51,693
I don't have a top lip,
but I'm-- I can make it work.
191
00:10:51,692 --> 00:10:55,279
-What do you mean?
-I don't have a really big
top lip.
192
00:10:55,279 --> 00:10:57,448
That might be the best wine
I've ever tasted.
193
00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:58,949
Where did you get this?
194
00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:01,369
Uh, it's my boyfriend's family,
actually--
195
00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:03,079
My boyfriend's family.
196
00:11:03,078 --> 00:11:05,664
My boyfriend's...
197
00:11:05,664 --> 00:11:07,333
family
actually owns the vineyard
198
00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:12,046
that this is from,
and it's a rosé white wine.
199
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:17,635
-What happened?
-Did you get her number, brah?
200
00:11:17,634 --> 00:11:20,012
-No. She actually has
a boyfriend.
- Oh.
201
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,098
-How'd you find that out?
-I think I knew that.
202
00:11:22,097 --> 00:11:24,183
Oh, my-- thanks for telling me.
203
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:26,727
Cheers for telling me
that she had a boyfriend.
204
00:11:26,727 --> 00:11:29,480
-Drama queen.
-Whoa.
205
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:32,149
-Or king.
-Progressive.
206
00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:33,776
I don't wanna put you in a box.
207
00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:36,112
Yeah, drama king,
or drama prince over here.
208
00:11:36,111 --> 00:11:37,780
Okay, stop stealing my thunder.
209
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:40,199
People should have to wear
these shirts
210
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,077
that say "I'm single."
211
00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:43,494
Uh-huh.
212
00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:44,954
Because then it would help us,
213
00:11:44,953 --> 00:11:47,164
know who's single,
who's not single.
214
00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:49,875
So, you found out
she had a boyfriend,
then you just walked away?
215
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:51,377
Yeah.
216
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,796
-Serious?
-The conversation was done.
217
00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:54,422
-Hi.
-Oh, my God!
218
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:56,049
-How are you doin'?
-Liv, how are you, babe?
219
00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:57,841
-I'm good.
-Good to see you.
220
00:11:57,841 --> 00:12:00,177
So you'll never guess
what this guy just did to me.
221
00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:03,389
He walked away because I said
I had a boyfriend.
222
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:06,517
Uh, yes.
Yes, I did.
223
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:09,145
Why would you do that?
We were having a conversation.
224
00:12:09,144 --> 00:12:11,188
We can be friends.
225
00:12:11,188 --> 00:12:12,648
I don't know if you guys
have heard
226
00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:14,734
of this word before-- friends.
227
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,778
-Absolutely.
-I've heard of that too.
228
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:18,405
I think that's
a very normal thing to do
229
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:20,155
is to make friends.
230
00:12:20,155 --> 00:12:22,574
Theoretically, yes,
we can be friends,
231
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,286
but we're in our 20s--
I'm sure you have your friends,
232
00:12:25,285 --> 00:12:27,246
I have my friends, I don't
really need more friends.
233
00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:30,749
I sort of need something
a little bit more serious.
234
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,292
You're looking for a girlfriend?
235
00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:34,087
Not like a girlfriend,
girlfriend, but--
236
00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:36,714
Raise your hand if you're
looking for a girlfriend.
237
00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:44,305
We missed it.
238
00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:54,857
-That girl Jessie was cute.
-Yeah, she was really cute.
239
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:57,484
-You guys seemed to hit it off.
-Yeah.
240
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,696
-She gave me her number.
-Really?
241
00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:01,239
Are you gonna text her?
242
00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:05,034
-I think I'm gonna call her.
-What?
243
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:07,327
-Yeah.
-You're joking.
244
00:13:07,327 --> 00:13:09,621
No. What are you doing?
245
00:13:09,621 --> 00:13:11,248
-You're joking. Hang up.
-What?
246
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,835
- What are you doing?
-It's her voicemail.
247
00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,754
That's worse.
That is so much worse.
248
00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:18,131
Hi, Jessie.
Yeah, this is-- this is Hank.
249
00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:21,050
-Don't hang up, press one.
-We met tonight
at Jessie's party.
250
00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:23,053
-Press one, press one.
-Not Jessie's party.
251
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:25,804
We met tonight at that party.
You told me to give you a call.
252
00:13:25,804 --> 00:13:27,931
-Erase it.
Pretend it was a butt dial.
-So, here I am.
253
00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:29,851
So let me know
if you'd like to hang out...
254
00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:31,810
-Do not hang up.
-...and get a drink sometime.
255
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,730
-Okay. Bye.
-Press one, then three.
256
00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:36,900
-What's wrong with you?
257
00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:40,110
-What's wrong with you?
-Let me make a phone call.
258
00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:43,947
You just met
and you just left a voicemail
on this person's phone.
259
00:13:43,947 --> 00:13:45,741
Yeah, I mean business.
260
00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:49,036
-Is that okay?
-No, that's psychotic!
261
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:52,457
I would not do that, personally.
That's not my ministry.
262
00:13:52,456 --> 00:13:56,919
I wouldn't personally do that,
but go ahead.
263
00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:58,545
It's not your ministry?
264
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:00,423
Who are you, Joel Osteen?
265
00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:03,718
Leaving someone a voicemail--
that's not your ministry?
266
00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:26,907
Do you ever feel like New York
is talking to you?
267
00:14:35,332 --> 00:14:36,500
No.
268
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:46,218
Days later,
in a different part
of Manhattan,
269
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:49,681
Wendy and Jessie took
New York's most reliable
mode of transportation
270
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:53,768
and floated the idea of never
having to be an ex again.
271
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:56,021
-Look into my beautiful
green eyes.
-Okay.
272
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:57,855
When someone says
they wanna date themself,
273
00:14:57,855 --> 00:15:00,399
there's always an ex, okay?
274
00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:03,068
Jessie Katz has been
Wendy's best friend
275
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:06,030
since they met at Wesleyan
and both got dumped the day
before graduation.
276
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:09,366
They were bound
by their singlehood and love
of New York.
277
00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:11,827
Sometimes it's us,
sometimes it's them,
278
00:15:11,827 --> 00:15:14,788
but behind
every disappearing person,
there's an ex.
279
00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:18,876
-Trust me.
-No, I hate that.
I don't like exes.
280
00:15:18,876 --> 00:15:22,004
I don't like being an ex,
I don't like talking about exes,
and it stresses me out.
281
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:24,465
When someone brings up their ex,
they're just tryin' to show you
282
00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:26,259
that they were once
a hot commodity.
283
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,136
-Exactly.
-So I should like them
even more,
284
00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:30,471
because they have
a series of exes.
285
00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:33,349
-Speaking of people you like,
what is going on with--
286
00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:36,895
It was at this point
that the nosy app Meet Cute
287
00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:39,021
reminded Wendy
of her date with Milo
288
00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:42,942
and gave her an idea
of how to never be an ex again.
289
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:50,407
Meanwhile, bored and alone
on the Upper West Side,
290
00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:52,869
Milo is catching up
on his stories.
291
00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:54,788
Instagram stories.
292
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:58,124
- Wait, is that Jessie?
293
00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:11,303
Until all of a sudden...
294
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,196
Unknowing
of what was to come,
295
00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:30,949
Milo met Wendy
at a neutral diner
296
00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:33,492
placed equidistant
along the F train.
297
00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:38,122
So, what do you think?
298
00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:39,791
Nope.
299
00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:41,459
No, I'm not.
300
00:16:41,458 --> 00:16:43,002
I don't think so.
301
00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:44,796
No, because I'm just gonna
fall in love,
302
00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:46,923
I'm gonna get my heart broken,
and then you see
303
00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:48,758
how that could be
very bad for me.
304
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:52,178
-No.
-You use that word so loosely--
fall in love.
305
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,804
You literally said
you were gonna fall in love
306
00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:55,681
with the girl we saw
with the New Yorker bag.
307
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,017
Okay, but did you see her,
though?
308
00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:58,435
Anyway, where were we?
309
00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:00,144
-We were, uh--
-Oh, my God!
310
00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:01,895
We were acknowledging the fact
311
00:17:01,895 --> 00:17:04,523
that we are both mutually
heartbroken people
312
00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:06,400
who want all the benefits
of a relationship
313
00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:08,778
without the miserable torture
of actually being in one.
314
00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:10,155
Wendy, a couple hours ago,
315
00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:11,864
I thought that you were
ghosting me.
316
00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:13,199
I was ready to cut you
out of my life,
317
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:15,744
forget about you, move,
honestly.
318
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:18,120
Then you text me
out of nowhere,
319
00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:20,707
"Hey, we need to talk.
It's very important."
320
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,375
All lowercase.
321
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:23,877
You can understand
how I'm freaking out, right?
322
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:26,128
I'm like, "She's pregnant.
She's pregnant."
323
00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:29,798
And if you are pregnant,
then I'm ready.
324
00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:32,259
Um, we used,
like, so many condoms,
I wouldn't be worried.
325
00:17:32,259 --> 00:17:35,054
-Thank God you're not pregnant.
-Oh, man, I know, I know.
326
00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:39,059
-Wouldn't that be terrible?
-Whoo! I was freaking out.
327
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,393
-Like, I said I was ready;
I'm not ready.
-Rewinding.
328
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:44,647
Do you not want consistent sex
without the emotional
attachment?
329
00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:47,399
Okay, no, I do want
consistent sex, I want that,
330
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,819
but I also want
the emotional attachment.
331
00:17:49,818 --> 00:17:51,362
Okay, how about this?
332
00:17:51,363 --> 00:17:53,573
We could be each other's
guides, Milo, right?
333
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,283
Like you guide me, I guide you.
334
00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:57,826
I could teach you
how to not be ghosted.
335
00:17:57,826 --> 00:18:01,038
I look like I get ghosted?
336
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:02,122
-Yeah.
-Me?
337
00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:04,542
-Mm-hmm.
-No. I ghost.
338
00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:06,043
-I don't get ghosted.
-Oh.
339
00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:08,380
You maybe look like
you could use help
340
00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:10,548
not dating douche bags.
341
00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:12,884
I don't think that men
are as complicated
as you want us to be.
342
00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:15,387
You're playing chess,
we're playing Xbox.
343
00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:18,222
-What?
-You're playing chess,
we're playing Nintendo 64.
344
00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:20,808
-Who?
345
00:18:20,808 --> 00:18:22,101
Boom.
346
00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:26,815
You've never blown a cartridge?
347
00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:28,650
I'm sitting here,
I'm listening to you,
348
00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:31,236
I'm thinking, and, you know,
you seem like a sweet guy.
349
00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:33,029
You seem like
a really, really nice guy,
350
00:18:33,028 --> 00:18:35,823
but I'm thinking that this is
just maybe a bad idea,
351
00:18:35,824 --> 00:18:38,118
'cause I'm just being selfish,
I'm just being selfish.
352
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:41,203
I'm projecting my own fears,
and I don't wanna take
advantage of you.
353
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,997
I mean, you're a nice dude
and, you know, it's stupid.
354
00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:46,835
So, we should probably just
sit here, enjoy this meal.
355
00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:07,229
Okay, all right, after some
non-awkward silence--
356
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:09,524
Ah! You've come to your senses.
I am so glad!
357
00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:10,774
Okay, let's talk terms.
358
00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:15,738
Lucky for you, I come up
with this little gem.
359
00:19:15,739 --> 00:19:18,700
This was Wendy's solution
to any future heartbreaks,
360
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:23,288
because you can't get dumped
if you were never in a real
relationship, right?
361
00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:28,877
Here's the brass tacks--
basically, we don't get jealous
of each other.
362
00:19:28,876 --> 00:19:31,628
And for every night that I spend
at your place, you spend
two nights at mine.
363
00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:33,297
-How is that fair?
-You live with your parents.
364
00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:35,884
I don't.
I live with my mom and Larry.
365
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:38,928
And they travel a lot,
so I'm being financially
responsible.
366
00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:46,102
I'm not even gonna consider
signing that
367
00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:48,646
until you add cuddling.
368
00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:50,522
-Add cuddling?
-Yup.
369
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:52,608
And none
of that on opposite sides
of the bed stuff.
370
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:57,654
I need, boom, 75% of the night
together, at least. At least.
371
00:19:57,654 --> 00:20:00,616
Separation, that makes me
think of divorce.
372
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:03,202
-I don't like it.
-Most marriages
end in divorce anyway.
373
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,286
No deal.
374
00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:10,417
Fine!
Fine, you can have cuddling.
375
00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:12,670
♪ We're gonna cuddle
I'ma be big spoon ♪
376
00:20:12,671 --> 00:20:16,007
♪ Sometimes little spoon
'Cause I like feelin' safe ♪
377
00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:18,385
-♪ What? ♪
-You have a nice voice
and we can sing later.
378
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:19,843
You have to ad lib.
379
00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:21,596
-♪ What? ♪
-I don't know.
380
00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:24,349
-Okay, go on, go on, go on. Go.
-Okay, one more thing.
381
00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:25,933
-This is very important.
-Mm-hmm.
382
00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:28,394
The words "I love you,"
in that order,
383
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:31,355
cannot be shared with one party
to the other
384
00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:33,440
unless they are used
in a non-affectionate way.
385
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,318
What does this mean?
Let me explain it to you.
386
00:20:35,317 --> 00:20:37,111
Any example of that exemption
would be
387
00:20:37,112 --> 00:20:38,905
if we were to impersonate
someone
388
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:42,157
or if we use it in a sarcastic
and/or educational
389
00:20:42,157 --> 00:20:44,201
and/or non-truthful tone.
390
00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:46,578
Does that make sense?
391
00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:48,831
-Okay.
-We shake.
392
00:20:48,832 --> 00:20:51,418
And so,
once upon a time,
in New York City,
393
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:55,421
Milo and Wendy's non-love story
finally began.
394
00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:58,466
-Everything was perfect.
395
00:20:59,384 --> 00:21:02,053
This is going to end
with one of you guys
getting your heart broken.
396
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:04,097
No, we're not, because
we're being really open
397
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,556
and transparent
about the whole thing.
398
00:21:05,557 --> 00:21:07,100
We're not playing any games.
399
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:09,476
Okay, but in the entire history
of romance,
400
00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:13,231
whenever two people start
sleeping together, like,
it gets complicated.
401
00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:16,650
That's why we did the contract,
so we know what we can
and cannot do.
402
00:21:16,651 --> 00:21:18,987
We set boundaries, so no one's
heart's getting broken.
403
00:21:18,987 --> 00:21:22,490
Yeah, the contract
that establishes you guys
as friends with benefits?
404
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:24,409
Oh...
405
00:21:24,409 --> 00:21:26,453
This is going to end poorly
for you, my friend.
406
00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:29,038
Look, it's not like
we were friends, you know,
407
00:21:29,038 --> 00:21:30,622
and then we started
sleeping together,
408
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:32,334
and now we're reverting back
to friendship.
409
00:21:32,334 --> 00:21:34,919
It's like, you know,
we started with sex,
410
00:21:34,919 --> 00:21:37,255
and now we're turning that
into a very beautiful
411
00:21:37,255 --> 00:21:40,717
and respectful friendship
with sex.
412
00:21:40,717 --> 00:21:42,552
Here's where I think
it's gonna go, okay?
413
00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:45,387
Act one, inciting incident--
you sign the contract.
414
00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:47,973
You're laughing, laughing,
laughing, having amazing sex.
415
00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:50,309
Congratulations.
Having the time of your life.
416
00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:51,852
You start to get
some inside jokes.
417
00:21:51,853 --> 00:21:53,688
"I'm hilarious."
418
00:21:53,688 --> 00:21:55,440
That's my impression of you
in this fun relationship.
419
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:57,192
Act two-- fun and games.
420
00:21:57,192 --> 00:21:59,235
You guys start to have
the perks of a relationship
421
00:21:59,234 --> 00:22:01,612
without actually having to deal
with being in a relationship,
422
00:22:01,613 --> 00:22:04,908
because being in a relationship
is famously hell on Earth.
423
00:22:04,907 --> 00:22:07,534
And then act three--
one of you randomly decides
424
00:22:07,535 --> 00:22:09,412
you do actually want to be
in a relationship...
425
00:22:09,412 --> 00:22:11,664
And then, yeah, boom,
movie's done.
426
00:22:11,663 --> 00:22:13,624
I don't believe in traditional
three-act structure.
427
00:22:13,625 --> 00:22:15,584
Not every movie
needs three acts.
428
00:22:15,585 --> 00:22:18,421
Some are just one honeymoon act.
429
00:22:18,421 --> 00:22:20,590
It's kind of risk-free
and there's ultimately--
430
00:22:20,589 --> 00:22:23,050
it's just like me wearing
the pants, which is kinda nice.
431
00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:24,468
But does he know that?
432
00:22:24,469 --> 00:22:26,471
Plus, I think
she's as in love with me
433
00:22:26,471 --> 00:22:30,475
as I am with her,
so it's gonna work out.
434
00:22:33,103 --> 00:22:35,355
And the friends
that I was talking about,
435
00:22:35,355 --> 00:22:41,236
they got back together
and, uh, were confused.
436
00:22:41,236 --> 00:22:43,655
They were confused as to why
they got back together.
437
00:22:43,654 --> 00:22:45,781
And they were like,
"Oh, we don't know
438
00:22:45,781 --> 00:22:48,117
how we got back together
after all this time."
439
00:22:48,117 --> 00:22:49,535
They were apart three years.
440
00:22:49,536 --> 00:22:51,246
They weren't together
for three years.
441
00:22:51,246 --> 00:22:53,998
They get back together, and then
they're asking me like,
442
00:22:53,998 --> 00:22:56,751
"What do you think it was?"
I'm like, "I know what it was.
443
00:22:56,750 --> 00:22:59,044
It was roll-over feelings.
444
00:23:00,672 --> 00:23:02,549
Which is when
you're in a relationship,
445
00:23:02,548 --> 00:23:05,634
you got feelings, you got
the relationship planned,
446
00:23:05,634 --> 00:23:08,470
hoping it's gonna be
a family plan, right?
447
00:23:09,263 --> 00:23:13,308
Then you break up, but then
you get back together
448
00:23:13,308 --> 00:23:16,729
with those same minutes
from that phone
449
00:23:16,730 --> 00:23:18,732
and it's like same phone.
450
00:23:18,731 --> 00:23:20,149
Who this?
451
00:23:20,150 --> 00:23:24,446
Whoo! Amazing!
452
00:23:24,445 --> 00:23:27,865
-I think I'm gonna marry her.
- Because she laughed
at your jokes?
453
00:23:27,865 --> 00:23:29,742
I don't think her mom
likes me, though.
454
00:23:29,742 --> 00:23:31,910
- You met her mom?
-Yeah, accidentally.
455
00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:33,413
- How?
-Bloomie's.
456
00:23:33,413 --> 00:23:35,331
What were you doing
at Bloomingdale's?
457
00:23:35,330 --> 00:23:37,833
-I was getting free cologne.
-You're stealing cologne now?
458
00:23:37,834 --> 00:23:39,669
No, you just walk in,
459
00:23:39,669 --> 00:23:42,213
and then you
get your free sample,
and then you go.
460
00:23:42,212 --> 00:23:45,257
-Anyway, I see Wendy's mom.
-Wait, Wendy wasn't there?
461
00:23:45,258 --> 00:23:47,469
No, but I recognize her mom
from her Instagram.
462
00:23:47,469 --> 00:23:49,512
-Cool.
-So, I go over to say hello.
463
00:23:49,511 --> 00:23:51,764
So I walk up to her
and I'm like, "Oh, hello."
464
00:23:51,765 --> 00:23:53,975
And then she's like,
"Uh, who are you?"
465
00:23:53,974 --> 00:23:56,185
I'm like, "Oh, sorry,
sorry, sorry, I'm Milo.
466
00:23:56,185 --> 00:23:59,146
I met Wendy on a dating app
and we're sort of friends now.
467
00:23:59,146 --> 00:24:00,647
You're Wendy's mom, right?"
468
00:24:00,647 --> 00:24:02,191
She's like,
"Yeah, yeah, indeed I am.
469
00:24:02,192 --> 00:24:04,694
I don't know who you are."
470
00:24:04,693 --> 00:24:06,570
She didn't know who I was.
471
00:24:06,570 --> 00:24:11,241
So that either means that A,
Wendy did tell her about me
472
00:24:11,241 --> 00:24:14,286
and she doesn't like me,
so she's trying to neg me
473
00:24:14,287 --> 00:24:16,122
by acting like
she doesn't know who I am
474
00:24:16,122 --> 00:24:21,836
or Wendy didn't tell her,
because she takes me as a joke.
475
00:24:21,836 --> 00:24:24,839
-Wait, do we care
what Wendy's mom thinks?
-Yes.
476
00:24:24,838 --> 00:24:28,592
I mean, I want Wendy to like me,
so I want her mom to like me.
477
00:24:28,593 --> 00:24:32,430
Okay, never underestimate
the will of a girl
478
00:24:32,430 --> 00:24:35,600
to disrespect
her parents' wishes, okay?
479
00:24:35,599 --> 00:24:37,393
Make sure you get my T-zone.
480
00:24:37,394 --> 00:24:39,145
I've been told it's very oily.
481
00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:41,897
Ooh, did I tell you
that I broke up with Katie 7F?
482
00:24:41,897 --> 00:24:44,608
What? I didn't even know
that you were dating her.
483
00:24:44,608 --> 00:24:46,527
You're already breaking up
with her?
484
00:24:46,528 --> 00:24:48,905
Katie 7F
grew up on the seventh floor
485
00:24:48,904 --> 00:24:51,448
in apartment letter F
in Milo's building.
486
00:24:51,449 --> 00:24:54,786
They rediscovered
each other sexually
after a romantic elevator ride
487
00:24:54,786 --> 00:24:58,206
wherein Milo AirDropped
his phone number to her phone,
488
00:24:58,205 --> 00:24:59,665
by mistake, of course.
489
00:25:06,338 --> 00:25:10,092
- That's a good one,
yeah.
490
00:25:10,093 --> 00:25:12,095
Is that gonna make it
to your Instagram?
491
00:25:12,095 --> 00:25:13,722
What?
492
00:25:13,721 --> 00:25:16,682
Is it just gonna make it
to your grid?
493
00:25:16,682 --> 00:25:18,976
'Cause I'm usually
in your story, which is dope,
494
00:25:18,977 --> 00:25:21,563
love that, just hoping that,
you know,
495
00:25:21,563 --> 00:25:25,025
maybe we can make
the next step, go to the grid.
496
00:25:25,025 --> 00:25:26,401
What do you mean?
497
00:25:26,401 --> 00:25:29,821
I've posted you
on Instagram before.
498
00:25:29,820 --> 00:25:32,031
-No, you haven't.
-Yes, I have!
499
00:25:32,031 --> 00:25:35,909
That one time we were in Maine
at that ice cream store,
Scoop Du Jour.
500
00:25:35,910 --> 00:25:37,454
We had mousse vanilla.
501
00:25:37,453 --> 00:25:39,496
I remember you posted
the ice cream cone
502
00:25:39,497 --> 00:25:41,708
and then you tagged me
503
00:25:41,708 --> 00:25:43,084
in the photo
of the ice cream cone.
504
00:25:43,084 --> 00:25:45,587
No, your name was in the photo.
505
00:25:45,586 --> 00:25:48,047
Okay, that's not my face,
though,
506
00:25:48,048 --> 00:25:50,175
that's my Instagram handle.
507
00:25:51,384 --> 00:25:53,678
Well, what do you mean?
508
00:25:53,678 --> 00:25:56,306
People are gonna be like,
"Oh, he made that ice cream
for her."
509
00:25:56,306 --> 00:26:00,602
I didn't. I was there,
took the train up with you.
510
00:26:00,602 --> 00:26:02,687
-Do you not get that?
-Yes.
511
00:26:02,686 --> 00:26:04,438
-You do get that?
-I--
512
00:26:04,439 --> 00:26:05,690
So you know,
but you're just ashamed.
513
00:26:06,316 --> 00:26:07,984
No, it was on my Instagram.
I don't understand the problem.
514
00:26:08,734 --> 00:26:10,152
-We should break up.
-Serious?
515
00:26:10,153 --> 00:26:12,364
Yeah!
I think we should break up.
516
00:26:12,364 --> 00:26:14,866
-Actions speak
louder than captions!
-Please stop yelling at me!
517
00:26:14,865 --> 00:26:18,285
It's really nice,
because I realize
the role that I play
518
00:26:18,286 --> 00:26:21,873
is I'm sort of like this
between-relationship doula
for women.
519
00:26:21,873 --> 00:26:23,583
Am I not present with you
right now?
520
00:26:23,583 --> 00:26:25,126
You're screaming at me
in the middle of the park!
521
00:26:25,125 --> 00:26:26,710
-I'm not screaming at you!
-Yes, you are!
522
00:26:26,711 --> 00:26:28,254
No, I was tryin' to have
a conversation with you!
523
00:26:28,253 --> 00:26:29,880
This is so embarrassing!
524
00:26:29,881 --> 00:26:31,758
So they could go
from, like, one guy,
525
00:26:31,758 --> 00:26:33,718
improve themselves, and then
go on to the next guy.
526
00:26:33,718 --> 00:26:36,179
I'm sort of like a manic pixie
dream boy in that way.
527
00:26:36,179 --> 00:26:37,931
I think we need to just break up
with each other.
528
00:26:37,931 --> 00:26:39,599
-What?
-I think it's over.
529
00:26:39,598 --> 00:26:41,850
You're obsessed with Instagram,
with social media.
530
00:26:41,851 --> 00:26:43,770
I'm not obsessed.
531
00:26:43,769 --> 00:26:45,646
You have a sick obsession with
how people think about you.
532
00:26:45,646 --> 00:26:46,980
What are you talking about?
533
00:26:46,980 --> 00:26:48,399
It's like, "Damn,
you're awesome,
534
00:26:48,692 --> 00:26:51,403
but Wendy, she's uh--
she's the one, you know?"
535
00:26:51,403 --> 00:26:52,904
-Right...
-Or at least I think.
536
00:26:52,903 --> 00:26:54,196
-I don't know.
-Yeah.
537
00:26:54,196 --> 00:26:56,281
So, it's over,
538
00:26:56,281 --> 00:26:58,450
because she wouldn't post
a picture of you two?
539
00:26:58,451 --> 00:26:59,577
Yeah.
540
00:26:59,576 --> 00:27:01,161
I think that she was embarrassed
541
00:27:01,162 --> 00:27:03,039
to have people know
that we were dating.
542
00:27:03,038 --> 00:27:04,748
-Hmm.
-I know.
543
00:27:04,749 --> 00:27:07,544
So I had to break up with her.
Had to do it.
544
00:27:07,544 --> 00:27:09,963
Oh, don't be rude
to my friend Milo.
545
00:27:09,962 --> 00:27:12,673
Oh. Yeah... I don't know.
546
00:27:12,673 --> 00:27:15,551
Over before it started,
on to the next one,
547
00:27:15,551 --> 00:27:17,970
which is the name
of my dating podcast,
by the way.
548
00:27:17,971 --> 00:27:20,807
-The one
you haven't started yet?
-We're looking for guests.
549
00:27:20,807 --> 00:27:22,642
I don't know
if it's about dating yet.
550
00:27:22,642 --> 00:27:24,185
It might just be about life,
but if you wanna come on,
551
00:27:24,184 --> 00:27:25,436
talk about any guys
that you're dating,
552
00:27:25,436 --> 00:27:27,521
that you might really like.
553
00:27:27,521 --> 00:27:29,690
If it is,
can you talk about people
who break up with you,
554
00:27:29,691 --> 00:27:31,401
and then still follow you
on Instagram,
555
00:27:31,401 --> 00:27:33,361
and like all your photos
and your pictures?
556
00:27:33,361 --> 00:27:35,280
Orbiters.
They're orbiting you.
557
00:27:35,279 --> 00:27:38,032
-What do they do?
-They're orbiting, you know,
like...
558
00:27:38,032 --> 00:27:39,825
Oh, my God, you're gonna poke
my eye out!
559
00:27:39,826 --> 00:27:42,078
-Stop, stop.
I get it, I get it.
-Okay, whoa.
560
00:27:42,077 --> 00:27:44,788
All right, but there was
this New York Times article
that I sent you.
561
00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:47,041
I don't read any of the articles
that you send me.
562
00:27:47,041 --> 00:27:49,501
-You never read any of the
articles that I send you?
-Who has time?
563
00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:51,378
-You know what really does
annoy me, though?
-Hmm?
564
00:27:51,378 --> 00:27:53,839
I hate it when someone
posts something
565
00:27:53,839 --> 00:27:56,133
and you can really tell
that they're trying
566
00:27:56,134 --> 00:27:59,012
-to get under your skin,
you know?
-Mm-hmm.
567
00:27:59,011 --> 00:28:02,639
They'll post something
at a place that was special
to the both of you.
568
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:05,352
And then it's like,
"Oh, who's this new person?
569
00:28:05,352 --> 00:28:07,145
They just invited
some new person."
570
00:28:07,144 --> 00:28:09,688
-Yep.
-And they're
at Shakespeare in the Park
571
00:28:09,689 --> 00:28:13,401
and they're
just having a great time
at Shakespeare in the Park
572
00:28:13,401 --> 00:28:15,528
with some guy probably named
Greg or something,
573
00:28:15,528 --> 00:28:17,447
who works in finance
and is a loser.
574
00:28:17,446 --> 00:28:21,784
That is honestly called
"targeted offensive orbiting,"
575
00:28:21,785 --> 00:28:23,536
and it is a serious problem.
576
00:28:23,536 --> 00:28:26,122
It's like a lighthouse
in the deep, dark sea of emotion
577
00:28:26,122 --> 00:28:27,832
that's tryin' to get the boat
back to the dock.
578
00:28:27,832 --> 00:28:30,210
It's literally someone going,
"Hey, look at me.
579
00:28:30,210 --> 00:28:32,253
I'm recreating this experience
that we had together
580
00:28:32,252 --> 00:28:34,546
with someone else,
and I am happier doing it.
581
00:28:34,547 --> 00:28:36,091
Ha ha ha ha ha."
582
00:28:36,090 --> 00:28:37,966
It's like a foghorn.
583
00:28:37,967 --> 00:28:40,595
-It's...
- Foghorning! Yes!
584
00:28:40,595 --> 00:28:42,681
-Okay, that was good.
-Oh, my God, okay.
585
00:28:51,730 --> 00:28:53,774
I need some time.
586
00:28:53,775 --> 00:28:56,069
-I'm almost ready,
I'm almost ready.
-Silence is boring.
587
00:28:56,068 --> 00:28:59,029
Shh, hurry up.
Are you ready?
588
00:28:59,029 --> 00:29:00,739
I'm ready.
What are your thoughts?
589
00:29:00,740 --> 00:29:04,577
I thought that was funny,
but it could be shorter.
590
00:29:04,576 --> 00:29:06,120
I thought it was really long.
591
00:29:06,121 --> 00:29:08,373
But it was funny, though.
It was funny.
592
00:29:08,373 --> 00:29:10,083
Okay, okay.
593
00:29:10,083 --> 00:29:14,421
I am still trying to figure out
what the movie's about.
594
00:29:14,421 --> 00:29:16,464
Does it have to be
about something?
595
00:29:16,463 --> 00:29:18,841
It's about a dude
that turns into a dog.
596
00:29:18,842 --> 00:29:21,344
I'm trying to think
of what the movie's
trying to say,
597
00:29:21,344 --> 00:29:23,847
because that's
just such a basic plot point.
598
00:29:23,846 --> 00:29:25,347
A guy turning into a dog?
599
00:29:25,347 --> 00:29:26,974
It's saying that,
wow, isn't it crazy
600
00:29:26,974 --> 00:29:28,517
when someone turns into a dog?
601
00:29:28,518 --> 00:29:30,228
I feel like
that's what they're saying.
602
00:29:30,228 --> 00:29:31,855
No, art is art because
it lets us feel something.
603
00:29:31,855 --> 00:29:33,231
Here's my gist.
604
00:29:33,230 --> 00:29:34,815
I think it's about parenthood
605
00:29:34,816 --> 00:29:36,568
and how it's difficult
to raise a child,
606
00:29:36,567 --> 00:29:38,402
because we really take advantage
of the little moments
607
00:29:38,403 --> 00:29:41,573
and how we need to savor life
a little bit more.
608
00:29:41,573 --> 00:29:43,324
That's just off the top
of my head.
609
00:29:43,324 --> 00:29:44,909
-I need more time to think.
-That was smart.
610
00:29:44,909 --> 00:29:46,703
-Thank you.
-You're making me a cinephile.
611
00:29:46,702 --> 00:29:48,662
-I know.
-That was good.
612
00:29:48,663 --> 00:29:50,832
What if we were a movie?
What would our movie be?
613
00:29:50,832 --> 00:29:55,086
Oh, my God,
I think it would be like
a slasher horror film
614
00:29:55,086 --> 00:29:56,755
where Denzel Washington
plays you
615
00:29:56,755 --> 00:29:58,381
-and Margot Robbie plays me.
-Okay.
616
00:29:58,381 --> 00:30:00,425
And we both get gutted
and die together.
617
00:30:00,424 --> 00:30:02,051
And then we have to solve
our own murders.
618
00:30:02,051 --> 00:30:03,510
And then we come alive
in different universes
619
00:30:03,510 --> 00:30:05,137
and solve who murdered
each of us.
620
00:30:05,137 --> 00:30:07,264
I like the different universe
aspect of it.
621
00:30:07,265 --> 00:30:09,100
-That's nice.
-Yeah, and then we-- exactly.
622
00:30:09,099 --> 00:30:11,560
And then we, and then we,
and then we.
623
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:13,103
-Stop, stop, stop!
-And then we--
624
00:30:13,104 --> 00:30:15,857
-Clever, but, no.
-No? No hand holding?
625
00:30:15,856 --> 00:30:18,108
Why? No!
Do you want my social too?
626
00:30:18,108 --> 00:30:20,110
-Yeah, that'd be nice.
-I'll give you all my
credit card numbers.
627
00:30:20,111 --> 00:30:23,198
Honestly, I would love that.
You pay for dinner anyway, so.
628
00:30:23,198 --> 00:30:24,324
-That's true.
629
00:30:25,157 --> 00:30:28,369
So what about holding hands
makes you uncomfortable?
630
00:30:28,369 --> 00:30:30,371
That's Milo's doorman Cole.
631
00:30:30,372 --> 00:30:33,124
I hear he's a really handsome
and charming guy.
632
00:30:33,124 --> 00:30:35,794
-Well, he's not my boyfriend,
so why would he hold my hand?
-Right.
633
00:30:35,794 --> 00:30:38,505
-Can you guys go on dates
with other people?
- Duh.
634
00:30:38,505 --> 00:30:39,964
-That's the whole point.
-Why not?
635
00:30:39,963 --> 00:30:41,173
Who pays for dinner?
636
00:30:41,173 --> 00:30:42,508
-She does.
-We split it.
637
00:30:42,509 --> 00:30:44,803
-Hmm, no.
-Excuse me?
638
00:30:44,803 --> 00:30:46,471
-You do.
639
00:30:46,471 --> 00:30:48,640
I literally have sent you,
like, 50 Venmo requests,
640
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:51,893
and they're all sitting there,
and I am being a gentle woman
641
00:30:51,893 --> 00:30:53,895
by not reminding you
that they are there.
642
00:30:53,894 --> 00:30:58,982
Okay, I got one more
very, very important question.
643
00:31:03,113 --> 00:31:04,364
Hang on.
644
00:31:04,364 --> 00:31:05,365
Hi.
645
00:31:06,615 --> 00:31:08,701
Sorry about that.
Uh, who are you here to see?
646
00:31:08,701 --> 00:31:10,619
-7F? What's your name?
-Brian.
647
00:31:10,619 --> 00:31:13,664
-Brian, all right.
-Okay, he's also totally lying
648
00:31:13,664 --> 00:31:15,874
-about not telling
people's business.
-Oh, my God.
649
00:31:15,875 --> 00:31:19,379
He was the person
that told me my parents
were having an affair.
650
00:31:19,378 --> 00:31:21,046
-Stop!
-Yeah.
651
00:31:21,047 --> 00:31:23,299
-That's unreal.
-I know.
652
00:31:23,298 --> 00:31:25,843
-I'm sorry!
-It's totally unreal because
I'm just messing with you.
653
00:31:25,844 --> 00:31:27,387
-That didn't really happen.
-Are you kidding?
654
00:31:27,386 --> 00:31:30,180
Sorry about that.
Where were we?
655
00:31:30,181 --> 00:31:31,599
Important question.
Ready?
656
00:31:35,060 --> 00:31:39,898
What happens when one of you
catches feelings?
657
00:31:39,898 --> 00:31:43,694
Uh, you mean if one of us
catches feelings?
658
00:31:49,742 --> 00:31:52,828
Yeah, yeah, if.
659
00:31:52,828 --> 00:31:56,248
No, no, I mean when.
660
00:31:56,249 --> 00:31:58,668
It's never if.
661
00:31:58,667 --> 00:31:59,835
It's never, ever if.
662
00:31:59,836 --> 00:32:02,589
It's-- it's always when.
663
00:32:06,259 --> 00:32:08,636
You guys are gonna have
a lot of fun...
664
00:32:10,512 --> 00:32:12,556
but it's never gonna work out.
665
00:32:14,558 --> 00:32:16,393
Take it from me.
666
00:32:27,364 --> 00:32:28,782
Sweet and salty.
667
00:32:30,115 --> 00:32:31,241
How's that?
668
00:32:32,826 --> 00:32:34,119
Hmm.
669
00:32:36,455 --> 00:32:38,624
How about the Razzle Dazzle?
670
00:32:38,625 --> 00:32:40,292
Does it razzle?
671
00:32:40,292 --> 00:32:41,460
Does it...
672
00:32:42,420 --> 00:32:43,630
Dazzle?
673
00:32:45,089 --> 00:32:46,799
All right, that's it.
674
00:32:48,259 --> 00:32:50,303
-No. It's not.
-No. Okay.
675
00:32:50,303 --> 00:32:52,138
Well, at least
you're predictable.
676
00:32:52,137 --> 00:32:53,472
Huh?
677
00:32:53,472 --> 00:32:54,640
Cookie dough.
678
00:32:54,641 --> 00:32:56,059
Why would you say that?
679
00:32:56,058 --> 00:32:57,518
Well, you just gotta
pick a flavor
680
00:32:57,519 --> 00:32:59,437
and then just go
with that flavor.
681
00:32:59,436 --> 00:33:01,689
And why would I pick a flavor
and just go with that flavor
682
00:33:01,690 --> 00:33:03,024
when I can try all the flavors?
683
00:33:03,023 --> 00:33:04,566
Because if you try
all the flavors,
684
00:33:04,567 --> 00:33:06,361
then you never really get
to experience
685
00:33:06,361 --> 00:33:12,200
just one good flavor at once.
686
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:14,953
- Let me
think about that.
-Mm-hmm, yeah.
687
00:33:14,952 --> 00:33:17,371
Yeah, I think I'm just gonna
exercise my right
688
00:33:17,372 --> 00:33:20,542
-to try all the flavors
because I can.
-Okay.
689
00:33:20,541 --> 00:33:22,501
And I'm going to get
the vanilla cone.
690
00:33:22,501 --> 00:33:24,586
- Boring. Predictable.
-That's not boring.
691
00:33:24,586 --> 00:33:27,464
No, I like vanilla,
because I'm traveled, I'm wise,
692
00:33:27,464 --> 00:33:29,341
I'm cultured,
I've had the other flavors.
693
00:33:29,342 --> 00:33:31,761
Chocolate varies too much
brand to brand.
694
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:34,263
-Cotton candy, that's one
of the fun flavors, right?
-Yeah.
695
00:33:34,263 --> 00:33:36,348
You take two bites of that,
too sweet.
696
00:33:36,348 --> 00:33:37,766
Thank you.
697
00:33:37,767 --> 00:33:39,894
-It's melting and everything.
-Cheers.
698
00:33:41,438 --> 00:33:45,066
Okay, well, I guess
you'll never experience the joy
699
00:33:45,066 --> 00:33:48,236
of having a Razzle Dazzle,
salted caramel,
700
00:33:48,236 --> 00:33:52,449
-and cookie dough,
in a cup, please.
- Okay.
701
00:33:52,449 --> 00:33:55,660
I guess
you'll never experience the joy
of committing to something.
702
00:34:00,664 --> 00:34:04,168
What are you guys
really talking about?
703
00:34:04,169 --> 00:34:05,920
Just some metaphors.
704
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:07,964
Yeah, metaphors are great ways
to talk about things
705
00:34:07,963 --> 00:34:10,758
-that you don't actually
wanna talk about.
-Mm-hmm.
706
00:34:14,179 --> 00:34:17,015
Do-- do you wanna check out?
707
00:34:17,014 --> 00:34:19,975
Three avoided "what are we"
conversations later,
708
00:34:19,976 --> 00:34:24,022
Milo wished he was the flavor
that could make Wendy happy.
709
00:34:24,021 --> 00:34:26,607
-I think you make me
a better person.
710
00:34:26,608 --> 00:34:29,694
I'm literally the same person
you've dated your entire life,
711
00:34:29,693 --> 00:34:32,571
and if you're really
on the quest to look
for the one,
712
00:34:32,572 --> 00:34:35,116
then you really have to stop
looking in the same place.
713
00:34:35,115 --> 00:34:36,867
I think you need to give
yourself more credit.
714
00:34:36,867 --> 00:34:38,494
You don't make me
a better person.
715
00:34:38,494 --> 00:34:40,120
That's why this works so well.
716
00:34:40,121 --> 00:34:42,165
We're like the TV show
you watch every night,
717
00:34:42,164 --> 00:34:44,667
that episode of The Office
that you know line by line.
718
00:34:44,668 --> 00:34:46,586
You just know what to expect.
719
00:34:47,461 --> 00:34:48,587
What's wrong with that?
720
00:34:48,588 --> 00:34:50,256
Okay!
721
00:34:51,925 --> 00:34:53,968
Hook, Hook, Hook.
Wait, wait, wait.
722
00:34:53,967 --> 00:34:57,638
Um, no, I know--
stop, I know who is in Hook.
723
00:34:57,639 --> 00:34:59,766
-Rufio.
-Whoa!
724
00:34:59,766 --> 00:35:01,976
-Um, yes, that's his na--
-Has a name.
725
00:35:01,976 --> 00:35:03,603
Okay, calm down.
726
00:35:03,603 --> 00:35:05,438
Uh, his name is, uh...
727
00:35:05,438 --> 00:35:06,606
- Three...
-Two...
728
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:08,858
No, wait,
no, no, no, stop!
729
00:35:08,858 --> 00:35:10,777
-...one.
-Stop!
730
00:35:10,777 --> 00:35:14,239
Chug, chug, chug, chug!
731
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:15,532
-Chug it, chug it.
-That's alcohol.
732
00:35:15,532 --> 00:35:17,242
-No more.
733
00:35:17,242 --> 00:35:20,495
- Oh, Dante Basco, duh.
-Should we split it?
734
00:35:20,494 --> 00:35:23,414
-No, I think we should
do individually.
-Why?
735
00:35:23,414 --> 00:35:26,458
-That's, like,
extremely difficult...
-Hank had two mains.
736
00:35:26,458 --> 00:35:28,002
He did, didn't he?
737
00:35:28,003 --> 00:35:30,005
Yeah, I'm bulking.
738
00:35:30,005 --> 00:35:31,715
You ate like two people.
739
00:35:31,715 --> 00:35:34,175
You got the sea bass
and you got a hanger steak.
740
00:35:34,175 --> 00:35:38,013
But that hanger steak
was not for the table,
that was for you.
741
00:35:38,012 --> 00:35:40,681
Okay, fine, I'll--
I will pay the tip.
742
00:35:40,681 --> 00:35:42,307
-Okay.
-Okay.
743
00:35:42,307 --> 00:35:44,560
-Aw! You guys!
- Settled. That's fair.
744
00:35:44,561 --> 00:35:47,063
Say "Thank you, Daddy" on three.
One, two, three.
745
00:35:47,063 --> 00:35:49,107
-Thank you, Daddy.
- Very good.
746
00:35:49,106 --> 00:35:50,774
-Why didn't you say it?
-'Cause it's uncomfortable.
747
00:35:50,775 --> 00:35:52,944
-I always tell them that.
-He liked that too much.
748
00:35:52,943 --> 00:35:56,405
Now that that's settled,
Wendy has big news,
speaking of news.
749
00:35:56,405 --> 00:36:00,075
-Oh, does she?
-Wendy is moving to LA.
750
00:36:00,076 --> 00:36:01,870
She's movin' to LA.
She just told me.
751
00:36:01,869 --> 00:36:03,996
-That's exciting,
that's awesome.
- No...
752
00:36:03,996 --> 00:36:06,123
-I-- what?
-I'm-- I'm just...
753
00:36:07,291 --> 00:36:10,377
contemplating a life there...
754
00:36:10,378 --> 00:36:12,297
Like, on purpose?
755
00:36:12,297 --> 00:36:13,798
Hate that for you.
756
00:36:13,797 --> 00:36:16,633
-LA is a haunted house...
-Oh, my God.
757
00:36:16,634 --> 00:36:18,887
...full of cardboard
sunshine people.
758
00:36:18,887 --> 00:36:20,472
Why did you do that?
See, you've made her mad.
759
00:36:20,472 --> 00:36:22,891
-You're being a child.
-I'm not being a child.
760
00:36:22,891 --> 00:36:24,601
-You're being a child.
-Mm-mm.
761
00:36:24,601 --> 00:36:26,061
You look like a child right now.
762
00:36:26,061 --> 00:36:28,229
The way you're drinking
is childlike.
763
00:36:28,228 --> 00:36:31,732
If they're not a couple,
they're definitely fighting
like a couple.
764
00:36:31,733 --> 00:36:34,194
-Well, they are.
-I don't think--
that was bickering.
765
00:36:34,193 --> 00:36:36,236
-I don't think
that was fighting.
-It wasn't fighting.
766
00:36:36,237 --> 00:36:37,822
You were being kind of dramatic.
That wasn't fighting.
767
00:36:37,822 --> 00:36:39,783
That was a discussion.
We were discussing.
768
00:36:39,782 --> 00:36:42,326
It was-- it was a salon.
769
00:36:42,327 --> 00:36:45,622
Oh, uh, my ex just moved to LA.
770
00:36:45,621 --> 00:36:47,414
- Oh, really?
-I'll give you her number.
771
00:36:47,414 --> 00:36:48,749
-You guys would
totally get along.
- Yeah.
772
00:36:48,750 --> 00:36:51,126
Oh, amazing.
773
00:36:51,126 --> 00:36:54,338
That sounds incredible.
What's up with your ex?
774
00:36:54,338 --> 00:36:56,340
Cool.
775
00:36:56,340 --> 00:36:59,051
She just moved there
a few months ago.
776
00:36:59,052 --> 00:37:00,970
I didn't know
you still talked to her.
777
00:37:00,969 --> 00:37:03,597
-I don't, really.
778
00:37:03,597 --> 00:37:06,016
She just told me that
she was leaving to New York.
779
00:37:06,016 --> 00:37:08,519
She told you?
Like, you guys text?
780
00:37:08,519 --> 00:37:12,439
Not often, but she texted me
because we have...
781
00:37:13,900 --> 00:37:17,320
a "text when a big life event
happens" type of relationship.
782
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,197
She's moving to LA?
What is she, an actress?
783
00:37:19,197 --> 00:37:20,907
-She's moved to LA.
-She's an actress?
784
00:37:20,907 --> 00:37:22,450
-No, she works in PR.
-Is she blonde?
785
00:37:22,449 --> 00:37:24,618
Okay, how tall she?
Look at me in the eyes.
786
00:37:24,619 --> 00:37:26,746
How-- hey!
787
00:37:26,746 --> 00:37:28,498
How tall is she?
788
00:37:28,498 --> 00:37:30,375
You know, that's something--
that we don't do that.
789
00:37:30,375 --> 00:37:32,794
We don't have to do that.
We're immune to stuff like that.
790
00:37:32,793 --> 00:37:35,671
-We are immune.
-We don't have that element
to be worried about it.
791
00:37:35,672 --> 00:37:37,298
We can't even get to the point
where we fight.
792
00:37:37,297 --> 00:37:39,383
- I'm not mad.
-You're overreacting--
793
00:37:39,384 --> 00:37:42,137
-I'm overreacting?
It's called reacting, so.
-You're-- I--
794
00:37:42,137 --> 00:37:44,014
-You know that I hate--
-I've mentioned that--
795
00:37:44,014 --> 00:37:46,683
Overreacting?
Are you serious?
796
00:37:46,682 --> 00:37:49,101
I am going to go.
797
00:37:49,101 --> 00:37:51,603
This was so freaking
cool and fun.
798
00:37:51,603 --> 00:37:54,148
- Bye.
- Bye.
799
00:37:54,148 --> 00:37:56,525
- Have an amazing
night, everyone.
- Love you.
800
00:37:56,525 --> 00:37:58,610
- Love you.
- Later.
801
00:38:01,739 --> 00:38:03,824
You still have
her number?
802
00:38:03,824 --> 00:38:05,784
Yeah, what am I supp--
803
00:38:05,784 --> 00:38:08,287
Am I not allowed to have
an ex-girlfriend?
804
00:38:08,288 --> 00:38:09,789
You need
a whole new phone now.
805
00:38:09,789 --> 00:38:13,460
I'm gonna go,
um, deal with this.
806
00:38:13,460 --> 00:38:15,128
- Okay.
- Okay?
807
00:38:15,128 --> 00:38:17,630
-Are you leaving
without paying?
-Leave a card.
808
00:38:17,630 --> 00:38:21,259
-Definitely leave a card.
-But you got a lobster,
that's not even--
809
00:38:21,259 --> 00:38:22,510
Even the size,
what do you think?
810
00:38:22,510 --> 00:38:25,555
Is there-- no way.
811
00:38:25,554 --> 00:38:27,514
-No kiss? No kiss?
-No.
812
00:38:27,514 --> 00:38:29,516
PDA is a no-no for us.
813
00:38:29,516 --> 00:38:32,686
-Come on, just give me a kiss.
-It's gross, it's gross.
814
00:38:32,686 --> 00:38:34,396
-I don't wanna do it.
-Look at them.
815
00:38:34,396 --> 00:38:36,065
Are you kidding?
816
00:38:36,065 --> 00:38:37,649
I think
they're overcompensating
for something.
817
00:38:37,650 --> 00:38:39,903
I mean, they were literally
just fighting.
818
00:38:39,902 --> 00:38:42,404
And now they're not.
I don't know.
819
00:38:42,405 --> 00:38:44,407
I think they really love
each other.
820
00:38:44,407 --> 00:38:46,826
And I think that
they've been dating
for, like, two weeks.
821
00:38:46,826 --> 00:38:49,496
Two months!
822
00:38:49,496 --> 00:38:52,332
They don't love each other.
That is the honeymoon stage.
823
00:38:52,331 --> 00:38:54,249
I don't know.
824
00:38:54,250 --> 00:38:55,669
So?
825
00:38:55,668 --> 00:38:58,003
What?
My place, your place?
826
00:38:58,003 --> 00:39:01,006
What are we doing, hmm?
What are we doin'?
827
00:39:01,007 --> 00:39:03,885
I think I owe you
two sleepovers, so.
828
00:39:03,885 --> 00:39:07,180
Um, actually...
829
00:39:08,139 --> 00:39:11,393
-I do.
-You got other plans?
830
00:39:11,393 --> 00:39:12,727
Okay, all right.
831
00:39:12,726 --> 00:39:14,645
So what?
That's a date?
832
00:39:14,646 --> 00:39:17,899
Yeah.
Yeah, I already got a date.
833
00:39:19,483 --> 00:39:20,526
All right.
834
00:39:22,987 --> 00:39:25,365
I have to dip my toes
back in the water.
835
00:39:25,364 --> 00:39:26,490
Come on.
836
00:39:26,490 --> 00:39:28,367
Actually, while I have you,
837
00:39:28,367 --> 00:39:30,786
is this a good text
to send someone
838
00:39:30,786 --> 00:39:33,539
or is it, like,
way too aggressive?
839
00:39:35,833 --> 00:39:37,626
-Really?
-What?
840
00:39:37,626 --> 00:39:39,378
Wendy, no matter
what I tell you,
841
00:39:39,586 --> 00:39:42,256
you're just gonna like the guy
that doesn't like you back.
842
00:39:42,257 --> 00:39:46,302
Hey, emotionally unavailable
people need love, too, so help.
843
00:39:47,594 --> 00:39:49,805
We're more afraid of you
than you are of us.
844
00:39:49,806 --> 00:39:51,307
That's not helpful.
845
00:39:51,306 --> 00:39:54,226
Give me something more.
Elaborate, please.
846
00:39:54,226 --> 00:39:58,731
Huh. You know,
be your charming self,
make small talk,
847
00:39:58,731 --> 00:40:03,360
have an emotional connection,
you know, bite your lip, right?
848
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:05,946
But you can't text him.
Do not!
849
00:40:05,947 --> 00:40:07,949
Seriously, you have to act
like he died.
850
00:40:07,949 --> 00:40:10,618
Do not text him,
and then, boom, he's yours.
851
00:40:12,454 --> 00:40:14,914
He'll fall in love with you.
852
00:40:14,914 --> 00:40:16,624
Thank you.
853
00:40:16,623 --> 00:40:18,834
But I have to go,
and I'm gonna call you later.
854
00:40:28,052 --> 00:40:33,265
Uh, yeah, thank you
for the drinks.
855
00:40:33,266 --> 00:40:35,101
I mean, I kind of wish
you let me split it,
856
00:40:35,101 --> 00:40:37,395
but, whatever,
it was really nice of you.
857
00:40:37,394 --> 00:40:40,939
Um, so thank you... again.
858
00:40:40,940 --> 00:40:43,401
Yeah, of course, no worries.
859
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:45,819
Uh, so drinks again next week.
860
00:40:45,820 --> 00:40:47,447
This was Mort,
861
00:40:47,447 --> 00:40:49,532
a man Wendy matched with
on Meet Cute.
862
00:40:49,532 --> 00:40:53,453
He lived
only one train stop away
and was a clean 6'2".
863
00:40:53,452 --> 00:40:56,663
Rather than seeing a therapist,
Mort co-hosted a podcast
864
00:40:56,664 --> 00:40:59,709
where he interviewed
ex-girlfriends about
what went wrong,
865
00:40:59,708 --> 00:41:02,920
called Let's Catch Up,
available on iTunes
and Spotify.
866
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:04,922
So, I'll see you again
for drinks next week.
867
00:41:04,922 --> 00:41:07,132
We'll do drinks next week.
868
00:41:07,132 --> 00:41:09,134
No, actually.
869
00:41:09,135 --> 00:41:10,595
What? Why? what?
870
00:41:10,594 --> 00:41:12,763
I mean, you lied.
871
00:41:12,764 --> 00:41:14,015
About?
872
00:41:14,014 --> 00:41:15,140
Come on.
873
00:41:15,849 --> 00:41:17,309
-What?
-Mort.
874
00:41:17,309 --> 00:41:19,520
-Yes?
-Mort, you said you were 6'2".
875
00:41:22,856 --> 00:41:27,152
I am essentially 6'2".
876
00:41:27,152 --> 00:41:28,821
What-- what are you
talking about?
877
00:41:28,822 --> 00:41:31,950
You're not 6'2".
878
00:41:31,949 --> 00:41:34,618
Okay, fine.
879
00:41:34,619 --> 00:41:37,288
I'm like 6-- I'm like 6--
I'm like a solid 6 foot.
880
00:41:37,288 --> 00:41:38,957
I'm like a clean 6-- 6'0".
881
00:41:40,458 --> 00:41:42,002
Sure, you know what?
You're right.
882
00:41:42,001 --> 00:41:45,170
If I take off my shoes,
yeah, I'm six foot.
883
00:41:45,170 --> 00:41:47,756
-But shoes back on,
I'm probably like 6'3".
-It's okay, honestly.
884
00:41:47,757 --> 00:41:51,052
6'2" is merely a number.
885
00:41:51,052 --> 00:41:52,721
You don't wanna give
this a chance
886
00:41:52,721 --> 00:41:55,015
'cause I'm slightly smaller
than I said I was?
887
00:41:55,014 --> 00:41:57,766
"Slight" is generous, Mort,
but I appreciate you
keeping yourself up.
888
00:41:57,766 --> 00:42:00,728
Here, come take a seat, let me
explain something to you.
889
00:42:02,021 --> 00:42:06,817
Your optimism is endearing,
honestly, but let's dig deeper.
890
00:42:07,777 --> 00:42:09,362
Why do you feel the need
891
00:42:09,362 --> 00:42:12,240
to exaggerate certain aspects
of your profile?
892
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:15,659
-I mean, do you not love you?
-I do love me.
893
00:42:15,659 --> 00:42:18,579
Oh, good.
Let's start there.
894
00:42:18,579 --> 00:42:23,042
It's just that dating--
dating can be so hard.
895
00:42:23,043 --> 00:42:25,587
It is.
It can be.
896
00:42:25,586 --> 00:42:29,965
And I go on all these dates
and I finally meet people
that I like,
897
00:42:29,965 --> 00:42:32,718
and then the more I like them,
the less they like me.
898
00:42:33,594 --> 00:42:35,929
Hmm, I know the feeling.
Do you smoke?
899
00:42:35,929 --> 00:42:37,264
-No.
-I don't either.
900
00:42:37,264 --> 00:42:39,933
Listen, Mort, here's the thing.
901
00:42:39,934 --> 00:42:43,313
Sometimes things in life
just don't pan out the way
we want them to,
902
00:42:43,313 --> 00:42:46,608
but you have to be able
to get over it and you have to
be okay with that.
903
00:42:46,608 --> 00:42:49,110
On a different couch,
in a different part
of Manhattan,
904
00:42:49,110 --> 00:42:51,363
Milo was enjoying
temporary validation
905
00:42:51,362 --> 00:42:54,406
from all the likes
on his most recent selfie.
906
00:42:54,407 --> 00:42:56,368
He was surprised,
but not shocked,
907
00:42:56,367 --> 00:42:58,869
to see that Katie 7F
liked his photo
908
00:42:58,869 --> 00:43:01,705
despite their theatrical
Central Park breakup.
909
00:43:01,706 --> 00:43:03,541
He quickly scrolled her grid,
910
00:43:03,541 --> 00:43:05,710
and with no evidence
of a significant other,
911
00:43:05,710 --> 00:43:10,048
her percentage of singlehood
was likely high.
912
00:43:26,940 --> 00:43:29,859
Did you know that Sunday
is the busiest day for people
on dating apps?
913
00:43:29,858 --> 00:43:34,238
I wonder if it's because
of the impending horror
of the work week.
914
00:43:34,239 --> 00:43:37,617
-Actually, I'm sure
that's probably it, yeah.
915
00:43:37,617 --> 00:43:41,079
Oh, and January sixth
is the busiest day of the year.
916
00:43:41,079 --> 00:43:42,288
Why is that?
917
00:43:42,288 --> 00:43:44,207
'Cause people want Valentines?
918
00:43:44,206 --> 00:43:45,874
No, I think it's because
people break up
919
00:43:45,875 --> 00:43:47,711
after they go meet
each other's families,
920
00:43:47,710 --> 00:43:49,712
'cause they realize, "I was
just in this relationship
921
00:43:49,713 --> 00:43:53,133
so I wouldn't be
the only single person
at Thanksgiving dinner."
922
00:43:53,132 --> 00:43:57,177
Ooh, and did you know
that you're 80% more likely
to be swiped right on
923
00:43:57,177 --> 00:43:59,346
if you use the word guacamole
in your profile?
924
00:43:59,347 --> 00:44:01,558
-Guacamole?
-Mm-hmm.
925
00:44:01,557 --> 00:44:03,225
Hmm.
926
00:44:03,226 --> 00:44:05,603
Do you know what men lie about?
927
00:44:05,603 --> 00:44:06,771
Their height?
928
00:44:07,771 --> 00:44:09,606
How did you know that?
929
00:44:09,606 --> 00:44:12,192
Because I'm 5'8", not 5'11".
930
00:44:12,985 --> 00:44:14,945
Mmm, right.
931
00:44:14,945 --> 00:44:16,947
Yes, I wish I knew that.
932
00:44:19,617 --> 00:44:21,202
Do you wanna come over?
933
00:44:21,202 --> 00:44:23,955
-That's a rule breaker.
-What.
934
00:44:23,954 --> 00:44:26,457
I am sleepy,
and I'm already in bed,
935
00:44:26,458 --> 00:44:30,211
and I'm watching Harry Potter,
and... yeah.
936
00:44:30,210 --> 00:44:32,713
But I can talk to you
until I fall asleep.
937
00:44:32,713 --> 00:44:36,091
-Okay, I'll settle for that.
-Mm-hmm.
938
00:44:37,802 --> 00:44:40,930
Wait, where did you go?
939
00:44:40,929 --> 00:44:45,851
I just, uh, checked Instagram.
940
00:44:46,936 --> 00:44:49,564
-Oh, my God.
941
00:44:49,563 --> 00:44:52,816
-Thank--
-But, uh, yeah, yeah,
I have to go.
942
00:44:52,817 --> 00:44:54,486
What?
Wait, what?
943
00:44:54,485 --> 00:44:56,528
Yeah, I gotta--
I gotta go for real.
944
00:44:56,528 --> 00:44:58,906
Whatever, you suck.
945
00:45:10,085 --> 00:45:11,378
- Hi.
-Hey, what's up?
946
00:45:11,378 --> 00:45:12,879
-Hey.
947
00:45:12,878 --> 00:45:14,463
-Thanks for coming.
-Yeah, for sure.
948
00:45:14,463 --> 00:45:16,882
-Do I...?
-Good, yeah, yeah, yeah.
949
00:45:16,882 --> 00:45:19,968
Um, so, yeah.
950
00:45:19,969 --> 00:45:21,930
Easy time getting here?
951
00:45:21,929 --> 00:45:24,598
Yeah, I mean,
all of six minutes it took me.
952
00:45:24,599 --> 00:45:26,851
-I took the stairs.
- Oh, okay.
953
00:45:26,851 --> 00:45:29,229
-A little cardio,
a little workout, that's good.
-Got my steps in.
954
00:45:29,228 --> 00:45:32,898
-Right, right, that's good.
Do you want some wine?
-I would love some wine.
955
00:45:32,898 --> 00:45:34,608
-Yeah, okay.
-Yes, one of those days.
956
00:45:34,608 --> 00:45:37,069
-I've got a nice Flemish red.
-Yep.
957
00:45:37,070 --> 00:45:39,030
Okay.
958
00:45:41,199 --> 00:45:42,784
-You like wine?
-Yeah.
959
00:45:42,784 --> 00:45:44,160
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
960
00:45:44,159 --> 00:45:45,953
You know, I indulge,
I would say.
961
00:45:45,954 --> 00:45:47,789
-Um...
962
00:45:47,789 --> 00:45:50,333
- It's hard not
to miss it, eh?
963
00:45:50,333 --> 00:45:53,586
- Right. Cheers.
- Cheers.
964
00:45:53,585 --> 00:45:56,714
Despite the contract stating
they could sleep with others,
965
00:45:56,715 --> 00:45:58,800
Milo had a rush
of morning guilt
966
00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:01,011
and Wendy couldn't help
but feel a little bitter.
967
00:46:01,010 --> 00:46:03,387
I guess there's something
you can learn from that.
968
00:46:03,387 --> 00:46:07,224
Like don't be stupid,
don't just immediately have sex
with someone, I guess.
969
00:46:07,224 --> 00:46:09,768
But like
any healthy adult relationship,
970
00:46:09,768 --> 00:46:13,105
the two addressed
their emotions head-on.
971
00:46:13,106 --> 00:46:15,108
-Why are you being moody?
972
00:46:15,108 --> 00:46:17,777
-I'm not.
-You're being really moody.
973
00:46:17,777 --> 00:46:20,905
-No, I'm not being moody.
-Oh, my God, let's not
play this game.
974
00:46:20,905 --> 00:46:22,365
Just tell me if you're mad.
975
00:46:22,364 --> 00:46:23,907
If you're mad,
we can talk about it.
976
00:46:23,907 --> 00:46:26,827
I'm not mad, I'm not.
I was just saying.
977
00:46:26,827 --> 00:46:29,830
While one relationship
tiptoed around their feelings,
978
00:46:29,831 --> 00:46:33,460
another was about to take
a huge step forward.
979
00:46:33,460 --> 00:46:36,463
Okay, this neighborhood
is very hot, very hot.
980
00:46:36,463 --> 00:46:38,340
Did you notice the Whole Foods
they were building?
981
00:46:38,340 --> 00:46:40,800
-They were opening one
down the street.
-Oh, on 24th?
982
00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:43,470
-No, the one on 23rd.
-Uh, how's the landlord?
983
00:46:43,469 --> 00:46:45,220
Oh, completely insane.
984
00:46:45,221 --> 00:46:47,974
You'd be lucky if you
get your security deposit back,
985
00:46:47,974 --> 00:46:51,186
but you have to ignore
all these red flags for...
986
00:46:52,478 --> 00:46:53,896
natural light.
987
00:46:53,896 --> 00:46:55,814
It's a little small,
right, Hanky?
988
00:46:57,275 --> 00:46:58,860
It's New York!
989
00:46:58,860 --> 00:47:00,487
Yeah, uh,
can I think about it?
990
00:47:00,487 --> 00:47:01,988
Well, not too long,
991
00:47:01,987 --> 00:47:04,740
because this place
is gonna be snapped up.
992
00:47:04,740 --> 00:47:08,118
A place like this
in this hot neighborhood,
very desirable.
993
00:47:08,119 --> 00:47:10,080
Take five seconds.
994
00:47:10,079 --> 00:47:11,955
Five, four, three, two--
995
00:47:11,956 --> 00:47:13,833
-I'll take it!
996
00:47:13,833 --> 00:47:16,044
-Good choice.
-Are you serious?
997
00:47:16,043 --> 00:47:17,920
-She's good.
-Okay, let's go.
998
00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:19,797
You're very good at your job.
All right, let's see.
999
00:47:19,797 --> 00:47:22,049
You're gonna definitely have to
move some of this furniture.
1000
00:47:22,050 --> 00:47:25,387
It's very sad.
Very, very sad couch over there.
1001
00:47:25,387 --> 00:47:27,263
And you're gonna wanna
move that up.
1002
00:47:27,262 --> 00:47:30,140
You're gonna have to get rid
of literally everything in here.
1003
00:47:30,141 --> 00:47:32,227
This is the saddest couch
in the universe.
1004
00:47:32,226 --> 00:47:34,353
That's scientific fact.
1005
00:47:34,353 --> 00:47:37,231
The sad Eiffel Tower,
"I'm a girl who studied abroad"
painting,
1006
00:47:37,231 --> 00:47:38,565
you'll have to move that.
1007
00:47:38,565 --> 00:47:41,777
-Come on.
-You mean, um...
1008
00:47:41,777 --> 00:47:45,030
You mean,
we're gonna have to move that.
1009
00:47:45,030 --> 00:47:46,740
What are you talking about?
1010
00:47:48,034 --> 00:47:50,829
-I know that your lease is up.
-Okay.
1011
00:47:50,829 --> 00:47:53,665
It's coming up,
and you don't like
living with roommates...
1012
00:47:53,664 --> 00:47:58,460
-I don't.
-But what if you live with me
and I was your roommate?
1013
00:48:00,422 --> 00:48:01,923
-Are you askng me
to move in with you?
-Mm.
1014
00:48:01,922 --> 00:48:04,383
-In front of our new friend?
-Yeah.
1015
00:48:04,384 --> 00:48:06,136
-Are you nervous right now?
-A little bit.
1016
00:48:06,135 --> 00:48:08,345
I know, I could tell.
What do you want me to say?
1017
00:48:08,346 --> 00:48:10,598
-You think I'm gonna say no?
-I want you to say yes.
1018
00:48:10,597 --> 00:48:12,766
-Of course I'll say yes!
-'Cause I like you so much.
1019
00:48:12,766 --> 00:48:14,643
I like you!
I like you so much.
1020
00:48:14,643 --> 00:48:16,562
-What do you mean? Wait.
- What?
1021
00:48:16,563 --> 00:48:18,398
-You-- you like him?
-Yeah.
1022
00:48:18,398 --> 00:48:19,899
-You like her?
-Yeah.
1023
00:48:19,898 --> 00:48:21,233
- Big-time.
-Do you love her?
1024
00:48:21,233 --> 00:48:22,943
-Do you love him?
1025
00:48:22,943 --> 00:48:24,486
The first time I'm gonna say it
in front of--
1026
00:48:24,487 --> 00:48:26,823
-He's obsessed with me.
-Yeah, I love you.
1027
00:48:26,822 --> 00:48:30,159
-I love you too.
-Oh, so beautiful!
1028
00:48:30,159 --> 00:48:31,744
We're gonna live
in this little shit-hole
together.
1029
00:48:31,744 --> 00:48:33,912
Okay, but first,
you're gonna have to--
1030
00:48:33,913 --> 00:48:37,167
first and last month's rent
and my commission.
1031
00:48:37,166 --> 00:48:38,542
You know what?
Anything for you.
1032
00:48:38,543 --> 00:48:40,503
You're a queen.
Come here.
1033
00:48:40,503 --> 00:48:42,547
-You're our girl.
- Oh!
1034
00:48:42,547 --> 00:48:44,299
-Oh, that-- that's nice.
-Thank you.
1035
00:48:46,217 --> 00:48:47,552
We live here now!
1036
00:48:47,552 --> 00:48:49,721
That's my shitty couch!
1037
00:48:53,349 --> 00:48:56,769
...to grab your attention with
its nice, broad green leaves
1038
00:48:56,769 --> 00:48:58,437
and its air filtering prowess.
1039
00:48:58,438 --> 00:48:59,981
Now give it a little touch.
1040
00:48:59,981 --> 00:49:02,692
-Don't-- no, no, not too much.
-Sorry.
1041
00:49:02,692 --> 00:49:04,652
Now it might require
a little bit more maintenance
1042
00:49:04,652 --> 00:49:06,404
-than the other plants...
-Mm-hmm.
1043
00:49:06,403 --> 00:49:08,697
...but as we all know,
nothing good comes easy, right?
1044
00:49:08,697 --> 00:49:11,950
Ah, ha! Do you have anything
from the Jurassic era?
1045
00:49:11,951 --> 00:49:13,661
-You know what, let me check.
-I'll look too.
1046
00:49:13,661 --> 00:49:15,497
-Let me see.
-I'll give it a quick gander.
1047
00:49:15,496 --> 00:49:17,206
You guys just do your thing.
1048
00:49:17,206 --> 00:49:19,166
I want something that looks like
it came out of a movie.
1049
00:49:19,166 --> 00:49:20,751
So you want a fossil?
1050
00:49:20,751 --> 00:49:22,920
I would also want
a fossil, but...
1051
00:49:26,757 --> 00:49:28,717
Is there a price tag?
1052
00:49:31,387 --> 00:49:32,846
What's wrong?
1053
00:49:32,847 --> 00:49:34,724
- We have to go now.
-Why?
1054
00:49:34,724 --> 00:49:37,477
-I wanted to get the plant.
- We have to go now.
1055
00:49:37,476 --> 00:49:39,812
Don't forget, don't forget,
don't forget, don't forget.
1056
00:49:39,813 --> 00:49:42,357
-Hey, Bradley!
-Who is--
1057
00:49:42,356 --> 00:49:44,775
Damn, damn... Wendy, Wendy.
Okay, basically, listen, here.
1058
00:49:44,775 --> 00:49:46,151
SparkNotes version.
1059
00:49:46,152 --> 00:49:47,904
I dated
that guy Bradley over there
1060
00:49:47,903 --> 00:49:49,988
and he basically ghosted me
for an unknown reason.
1061
00:49:49,989 --> 00:49:51,741
Maybe it could have been
because I texted him
a bunch of times.
1062
00:49:51,740 --> 00:49:53,283
I'm not sure, but he's here,
so we're gonna say hi.
1063
00:49:53,284 --> 00:49:54,577
-All right.
-We're gonna be fierce.
1064
00:49:54,577 --> 00:49:57,539
Be the better version of you.
1065
00:49:57,539 --> 00:49:59,666
-Hey!
-Hello!
1066
00:49:59,666 --> 00:50:01,334
Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh.
1067
00:50:01,333 --> 00:50:03,043
I was blind, but now I see.
1068
00:50:03,043 --> 00:50:04,920
-I see you.
-Duh, missed it, missed it.
1069
00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:07,923
Sorry, that was aggressive.
1070
00:50:07,923 --> 00:50:09,925
-Hi, what's up?
- Kind of insensitive,
given the climate.
1071
00:50:09,925 --> 00:50:11,760
-Okay.
-How are you?
1072
00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:14,346
Good. I mean, I don't know,
how is the sun, you know?
1073
00:50:14,347 --> 00:50:17,642
How is the sky?
It's grateful and expansive.
1074
00:50:17,641 --> 00:50:20,102
-Thank you, Father, up there.
- Thank you.
1075
00:50:20,103 --> 00:50:21,855
Thank you for asking me.
How are you?
1076
00:50:21,855 --> 00:50:24,607
-I'm amazing. Look, I'm--
-Come here, come here.
1077
00:50:24,606 --> 00:50:27,443
-Oh, okay.
-Mm.
1078
00:50:27,443 --> 00:50:30,362
Mm, yeah, it is you, it is you.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
1079
00:50:30,362 --> 00:50:32,239
Brad, baby, I found one.
1080
00:50:32,239 --> 00:50:33,574
Oh, Erica.
1081
00:50:33,574 --> 00:50:35,451
Hey, uh, this is Wendy,
actually.
1082
00:50:35,452 --> 00:50:37,370
-Oh, hi.
-Hi.
1083
00:50:37,369 --> 00:50:39,496
- Hi...
- Hey.
1084
00:50:39,496 --> 00:50:41,999
She looks just like you.
1085
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,753
-Oh, stop, that's so--
-You're so sweet.
1086
00:50:44,753 --> 00:50:46,504
This is Milo.
Sorry, this is Milo.
1087
00:50:46,503 --> 00:50:48,547
-He's, um... He's my friend.
-Yeah, hey. What's up?
1088
00:50:48,547 --> 00:50:50,674
He's my, um, sex friend.
1089
00:50:50,675 --> 00:50:53,261
-Yeah, by contract.
-By contract, by contract.
1090
00:50:53,260 --> 00:50:55,512
Well, Erica's my fiancée.
1091
00:50:55,512 --> 00:50:56,972
So, we're waiting.
1092
00:50:56,972 --> 00:50:58,640
Just kidding!
We're freaks!
1093
00:50:58,641 --> 00:51:00,894
Wow!
Did you hear that, Milo?
1094
00:51:00,893 --> 00:51:02,853
He has a fiancée now.
1095
00:51:02,853 --> 00:51:04,980
That's crazy!
It's wild!
1096
00:51:04,981 --> 00:51:07,984
I just-- I remember
you kind of saying something
along the lines
1097
00:51:07,983 --> 00:51:10,819
of, "Hey, you know, Wendy,
I don't wanna date you anymore.
1098
00:51:10,820 --> 00:51:12,447
I wanna date myself
and be single."
1099
00:51:12,447 --> 00:51:14,824
And I was like, "Oh, cool,
you go do that."
1100
00:51:14,824 --> 00:51:17,660
Well, last time you saw me,
I was like... "Whoo!"
1101
00:51:17,659 --> 00:51:19,620
-You know?
That was me!
- Yes, yes.
1102
00:51:19,621 --> 00:51:22,123
But not anymore, not anymore,
'cause I was looking.
1103
00:51:22,123 --> 00:51:23,750
I was searching,
I was searching.
1104
00:51:23,750 --> 00:51:25,584
But, you know,
the universe provides, right?
1105
00:51:25,585 --> 00:51:27,545
"I was trying to date myself,"
you know,
1106
00:51:27,545 --> 00:51:29,255
what an egotistical thing
to say.
1107
00:51:29,255 --> 00:51:31,299
-No, babe, that was your past.
-That was my past.
1108
00:51:31,298 --> 00:51:33,842
Then they put us together
at the singles' table
1109
00:51:33,842 --> 00:51:36,136
at a mutual friend's wedding
and, um...
1110
00:51:36,137 --> 00:51:38,056
I don't know
how to describe it,
we just fell in love.
1111
00:51:38,056 --> 00:51:39,974
We just fell in love.
1112
00:51:39,974 --> 00:51:41,893
I'm so happy to say that
out loud.
1113
00:51:41,893 --> 00:51:44,562
- It still gets me.
Oh, my God.
-Yeah, baby.
1114
00:51:44,561 --> 00:51:46,105
Isn't that great?
1115
00:51:46,106 --> 00:51:47,482
-Wow.
-We found the energy.
1116
00:51:47,481 --> 00:51:48,982
-Isn't that great?
-That's great.
1117
00:51:49,192 --> 00:51:53,697
You know what that is?
That's rollover feelings.
1118
00:51:56,657 --> 00:51:59,326
It's like rollover minutes,
but with feelings.
1119
00:52:00,161 --> 00:52:01,371
Huh.
1120
00:52:02,121 --> 00:52:05,708
It's like rollover minutes,
but it's with feelings
1121
00:52:05,708 --> 00:52:07,960
and you got the family plan
of feelings.
1122
00:52:07,960 --> 00:52:10,045
-Like the phone plan!
-Oh, my God, oh, my God!
1123
00:52:10,045 --> 00:52:12,589
-I'm gonna roll over
with laughter from that.
-Yeah, oh, my God!
1124
00:52:12,590 --> 00:52:15,552
You jokester.
So charming.
He's funny.
1125
00:52:15,552 --> 00:52:17,470
You're very funny.
What does he do?
1126
00:52:17,469 --> 00:52:19,680
-It's a new bit I'm working on.
-He's a comedian.
1127
00:52:19,681 --> 00:52:21,349
-Oh, I love Canadians.
-Me too.
1128
00:52:21,349 --> 00:52:23,268
That's so cool.
They are very funny.
1129
00:52:23,268 --> 00:52:25,478
I have some rollover feelings
about a coffee table there.
1130
00:52:25,478 --> 00:52:28,106
-Yeah. Oh, my God!
-I'm sorry, I stole your joke.
1131
00:52:28,106 --> 00:52:29,566
-Mee-lo?
-Milo.
1132
00:52:29,565 --> 00:52:31,108
-Milo, great. Okay.
-Milo.
1133
00:52:31,108 --> 00:52:32,818
- Bless you.
-Yeah.
1134
00:52:32,818 --> 00:52:34,820
Uh, good luck with the sex.
It sounds fantastic.
1135
00:52:34,820 --> 00:52:36,238
-Bye.
- Goodbye.
1136
00:52:36,239 --> 00:52:38,366
Blessings to you.
1137
00:52:38,365 --> 00:52:40,242
After running
into Bradley,
1138
00:52:40,242 --> 00:52:43,454
Wendy was visited
by Ghost of Boyfriends Past.
1139
00:52:43,454 --> 00:52:46,582
Always the heartbroken
and never the heartbreaker,
1140
00:52:46,583 --> 00:52:48,543
it finally clicked.
1141
00:52:48,543 --> 00:52:53,173
To never feel heartbreak again,
she need only do one thing.
1142
00:53:00,429 --> 00:53:03,849
On a different phone screen,
with no new matches,
1143
00:53:03,849 --> 00:53:06,643
Milo made
a life-changing decision.
1144
00:53:19,865 --> 00:53:21,700
As both were down
on dating,
1145
00:53:21,701 --> 00:53:24,537
Milo and Wendy visited
Tompkins Square Park,
1146
00:53:24,536 --> 00:53:27,873
New York's breakup hot spot,
to relieve some despair
1147
00:53:27,873 --> 00:53:31,710
via people who were full
of even more resentment
than they were.
1148
00:53:31,710 --> 00:53:33,921
"You don't take
my food blogging seriously."
1149
00:53:33,922 --> 00:53:36,091
"I would love to take
your food blogging seriously,
1150
00:53:36,090 --> 00:53:39,593
but you
literally only blog things
I'm allergic to, I can't eat."
1151
00:53:39,594 --> 00:53:41,721
"Uh, yeah, I blog
things that you're allergic to
1152
00:53:41,721 --> 00:53:44,307
because I wanna raise awareness
around your allergy."
1153
00:53:44,306 --> 00:53:47,059
-"Oh, babe,
I need you to stop crying."
-"I'm not crying."
1154
00:53:47,059 --> 00:53:49,061
-"You're always crying."
-"I don't always cry."
1155
00:53:49,061 --> 00:53:51,063
"Can we just have
an adult conversation
for once?"
1156
00:53:51,063 --> 00:53:52,731
"We're are having
an adult conversation."
1157
00:53:52,731 --> 00:53:55,150
-"Oh, my God."
-"Stop. Stop it."
1158
00:53:55,150 --> 00:53:57,194
"I literally can't.
I need to go have a beer."
1159
00:53:57,195 --> 00:53:59,280
-"You're just not emotionally
vulnerable like I am."
-"I am!"
1160
00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:00,907
"And that's something
that you need to work on."
1161
00:54:00,907 --> 00:54:02,909
"I bought the journal
like you told me to."
1162
00:54:02,909 --> 00:54:05,161
-"I bought it!"
-"You never use it,
'cause I've read it."
1163
00:54:05,161 --> 00:54:08,331
You ever think
about how now it's so easy
to break up with someone?
1164
00:54:08,331 --> 00:54:10,166
Back in the day, what?
1165
00:54:10,166 --> 00:54:14,921
You had to, like, show up
to their house, do it in person.
1166
00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:18,090
Now you can just...
"It's not workin' out,
slanty face."
1167
00:54:18,090 --> 00:54:22,720
I, for such an occasion,
have a pre-written breakup text.
1168
00:54:22,721 --> 00:54:24,806
-Like a template?
-Yeah.
1169
00:54:24,806 --> 00:54:26,182
-Seriously?
-Yeah.
1170
00:54:26,181 --> 00:54:27,808
-Show me.
-No.
1171
00:54:27,809 --> 00:54:29,310
Why?
1172
00:54:29,309 --> 00:54:30,686
Fine.
1173
00:54:30,686 --> 00:54:32,312
-You ready?
-Lay it on me, yes.
1174
00:54:32,313 --> 00:54:34,607
-Break up with me,
break my heart.
-Okay.
1175
00:54:36,735 --> 00:54:39,779
"Hey, insert name there,
1176
00:54:39,778 --> 00:54:42,031
thank you so much
for the last couple of dates.
1177
00:54:42,032 --> 00:54:44,409
They were really fun.
1178
00:54:44,409 --> 00:54:47,787
Unfortunately, I feel
more of a friend vibe going,
1179
00:54:47,786 --> 00:54:50,372
but you're such a great person,
and I really hope
1180
00:54:50,373 --> 00:54:53,293
that you have a great future
and a successful year."
1181
00:54:53,293 --> 00:54:54,711
-That's it?
-That's it.
1182
00:54:54,710 --> 00:54:57,212
You feel more
of a friend vibe going?
1183
00:54:57,213 --> 00:54:58,715
If I got that after a date,
I'd be like,
1184
00:54:58,715 --> 00:55:00,175
"Oh, great,
they wanna see me again."
1185
00:55:00,175 --> 00:55:03,178
-What?
-Yeah, that doesn't seem bad.
1186
00:55:03,177 --> 00:55:06,138
I think you're the only person
that would read that text
that way.
1187
00:55:06,139 --> 00:55:07,849
Honestly, just ghost me.
1188
00:55:07,849 --> 00:55:10,977
I'm not even...
I don't wanna even get the text.
1189
00:55:10,976 --> 00:55:14,563
Just let me spiral,
let me make up my own story.
1190
00:55:14,563 --> 00:55:17,524
-Let me write that
in my Noteshelf.
-Okay, I keep it in mine.
1191
00:55:17,525 --> 00:55:19,652
"Ghost Milo."
1192
00:55:19,652 --> 00:55:21,863
It's just every time
I've liked someone,
they've ghosted me.
1193
00:55:21,862 --> 00:55:25,616
And at this point, fine,
I'll just be single forever.
1194
00:55:25,617 --> 00:55:28,995
-Are you kidding?
-It's like, what am I--
what am I doing?
1195
00:55:30,204 --> 00:55:35,959
You are smart, and funny,
and kind, and inspiring,
1196
00:55:35,960 --> 00:55:39,673
and hard-working,
and determined, and passionate.
1197
00:55:41,757 --> 00:55:43,467
You're gonna be just fine.
1198
00:55:47,597 --> 00:55:48,598
Okay.
1199
00:55:50,307 --> 00:55:51,892
-That was a good pep talk.
-Thank you.
1200
00:55:51,893 --> 00:55:53,436
I think I know what I want now.
1201
00:55:54,813 --> 00:55:56,022
What is that?
1202
00:55:57,481 --> 00:55:59,608
"I think I'm gonna be
a food blogger and..."
1203
00:55:59,608 --> 00:56:00,609
"You're gonna be
a food blogger?"
1204
00:56:01,945 --> 00:56:03,780
"I'm gonna start by blogging
about this brunch
we're going to."
1205
00:56:03,780 --> 00:56:05,949
-"I'm all about brunch."
-"It's gonna be so good."
1206
00:56:05,949 --> 00:56:09,202
"It's gonna be so good, right?
It's gonna be so good."
1207
00:56:09,202 --> 00:56:10,870
-"You want a ride?"
-"Okay, go."
1208
00:56:12,121 --> 00:56:14,164
To blogging!
1209
00:56:15,166 --> 00:56:18,003
- Oh, my God.
- Your curls are
literally perfect today.
1210
00:56:18,003 --> 00:56:20,964
-Can I touch one?
-Yes, every curl has a story.
1211
00:56:20,963 --> 00:56:23,173
Does it?
Tell me this one's story.
1212
00:56:23,173 --> 00:56:24,925
What happened to this one?
1213
00:56:24,925 --> 00:56:27,761
-He is a first-generation
college student.
-Mm-hmm.
1214
00:56:27,762 --> 00:56:30,181
And he is going to be
taking care of his family.
1215
00:56:30,181 --> 00:56:33,977
-Oh, sad.
-Which is so--
But he really takes pride in it.
1216
00:56:33,976 --> 00:56:35,894
He really takes pride
and enjoys it.
1217
00:56:35,894 --> 00:56:39,273
-Get another one.
-All right, I want this one.
1218
00:56:39,273 --> 00:56:42,317
- That one
is a billionaire, actually.
-Okay.
1219
00:56:42,318 --> 00:56:45,572
All the other curls hate him.
- That makes sense.
1220
00:56:45,572 --> 00:56:47,032
-That's makes sense.
-Yeah.
1221
00:56:47,032 --> 00:56:48,575
Like the Daddy Warbucks.
1222
00:56:48,574 --> 00:56:50,534
I don't know why I'm referencing
musicals today.
1223
00:56:50,534 --> 00:56:52,453
What's going on here?
1224
00:56:53,663 --> 00:56:55,415
-What?
-What?
1225
00:56:55,414 --> 00:56:57,958
You decided to sit
on the same side of the booth.
1226
00:56:57,958 --> 00:57:00,669
It's kind of a pretty big booth.
1227
00:57:00,670 --> 00:57:03,882
Uh, would-- yeah, well,
if we sat right there,
1228
00:57:03,882 --> 00:57:06,259
we'd be closing ourselves off
from the world.
1229
00:57:06,259 --> 00:57:08,845
Exactly, I like to look.
Like, "Oh, hey, what's up?"
1230
00:57:08,844 --> 00:57:10,763
Oh, look, that guy--
that's a great coat.
1231
00:57:10,764 --> 00:57:12,265
-Maybe I wanna get that coat.
-Wow.
1232
00:57:12,264 --> 00:57:14,600
-Oh, a taxi!
-Oh, look, there's a taxi.
1233
00:57:14,601 --> 00:57:16,561
We're taking in New York.
1234
00:57:16,561 --> 00:57:19,064
Also, the seat creases there.
I don't wanna sit in the sink.
1235
00:57:19,063 --> 00:57:20,647
If you don't like the streets,
don't live in New York.
1236
00:57:20,648 --> 00:57:22,400
Also, I like to look at you
in the eye.
1237
00:57:22,400 --> 00:57:24,361
I like to have a conversation
with you eye to eye.
1238
00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:26,737
Are you gonna pull up a chair
right there and then--
1239
00:57:26,737 --> 00:57:28,113
Exactly!
Exactly, that's so rude.
1240
00:57:28,447 --> 00:57:31,158
- It only makes sense.
-Something's different.
1241
00:57:33,911 --> 00:57:36,288
You guys
are more into each other
than you were before.
1242
00:57:39,958 --> 00:57:42,920
-That-- I mean, yeah.
- No.
1243
00:57:42,920 --> 00:57:44,713
It's, uh...
1244
00:57:44,713 --> 00:57:47,049
You've noticed
that we have a...
1245
00:57:47,050 --> 00:57:48,677
-Have a freelance.
-We upgraded.
1246
00:57:48,677 --> 00:57:51,221
We're freelancing
an upgraded relationship.
1247
00:57:51,221 --> 00:57:52,722
Yeah,
a freelance relationship.
1248
00:57:52,722 --> 00:57:56,059
Oh, a free--
a freelance relationship?
1249
00:57:56,059 --> 00:57:57,727
Funny you should ask because...
1250
00:57:57,726 --> 00:58:01,313
Because a freelance
relationship is, uh...
1251
00:58:01,313 --> 00:58:04,900
a relationship where you are...
1252
00:58:04,900 --> 00:58:07,736
Given your status,
you have a fair amount
of benefits.
1253
00:58:07,737 --> 00:58:10,073
You have a certain amount
of relationship benefits.
1254
00:58:10,072 --> 00:58:14,660
Benefits that you can take,
and you leave the awful ones.
1255
00:58:14,661 --> 00:58:16,746
So it's friends
without benefits.
1256
00:58:16,746 --> 00:58:19,958
Depending on your employer
and your insurance package.
1257
00:58:19,958 --> 00:58:21,626
-Boom.
-It's a bit I'm working on.
1258
00:58:21,626 --> 00:58:23,670
-You got yours wallet-size?
-I did, actually.
1259
00:58:23,670 --> 00:58:26,006
-It's really nice.
Here, I made you one too.
-Oh, thank you.
1260
00:58:27,132 --> 00:58:28,967
Let me see this.
1261
00:58:28,967 --> 00:58:30,301
And look, laminated.
1262
00:58:30,300 --> 00:58:32,386
You went to Staples,
1263
00:58:32,387 --> 00:58:34,014
and took a little piece
of paper,
1264
00:58:34,014 --> 00:58:35,849
and made them laminate it?
1265
00:58:35,849 --> 00:58:38,226
-Why are you so invested?
-What is this? Do you litigate?
1266
00:58:38,226 --> 00:58:40,437
Okay, can you guys stop talking?
1267
00:58:41,353 --> 00:58:44,440
I called you here today
because, um...
1268
00:58:53,615 --> 00:58:54,700
Yes!
1269
00:58:55,952 --> 00:58:57,328
Yes!
1270
00:58:57,327 --> 00:58:59,872
Yes, put it on,
put it on!
1271
00:58:59,873 --> 00:59:02,917
-Okay, seriously,
though, that is--
-That is--
1272
00:59:02,916 --> 00:59:04,293
Amazing!
1273
00:59:04,293 --> 00:59:06,837
Yeah, I'm gonna ask her
on Thanksgiving.
1274
00:59:06,838 --> 00:59:09,049
-Wow.
-You wanna touch the box?
1275
00:59:09,048 --> 00:59:11,175
-Yeah, it's velvet.
-This whole relationship
1276
00:59:11,175 --> 00:59:13,969
is moving
at seventh grade speeds.
1277
00:59:13,969 --> 00:59:15,929
-Yeah, we're doing...
-It is, kind of.
1278
00:59:20,976 --> 00:59:23,645
Is it messed up if...
1279
00:59:24,646 --> 00:59:26,190
Huh, okay.
1280
00:59:26,190 --> 00:59:30,444
Do I owe this girl--
woman a breakup text
1281
00:59:30,445 --> 00:59:33,073
if we only went on one date?
1282
00:59:33,072 --> 00:59:34,740
No.
1283
00:59:34,740 --> 00:59:37,368
Maybe, honestly,
if you had sex with her.
1284
00:59:37,369 --> 00:59:39,371
-Did you have sex with her?
-No.
1285
00:59:39,371 --> 00:59:41,664
Well, then you don't
really need to explain anything.
1286
00:59:41,664 --> 00:59:44,042
It's not really ghosting
if there's no sex involved
1287
00:59:44,041 --> 00:59:46,126
or if you went
on more than one date.
1288
00:59:47,711 --> 00:59:50,005
Okay, I lied.
We had sex, we had sex.
1289
00:59:50,005 --> 00:59:51,548
Then you should probably
send a text.
1290
00:59:51,548 --> 00:59:54,009
You should send,
like, a simple breakup text.
1291
00:59:54,010 --> 00:59:56,721
But I feel like if I do that,
then she's gonna think
1292
00:59:56,721 --> 00:59:59,474
that it's because we had sex,
but it's not.
1293
00:59:59,474 --> 01:00:02,769
It's because...
I just didn't like her.
1294
01:00:02,768 --> 01:00:03,769
Oh.
1295
01:00:03,769 --> 01:00:05,312
She just...
1296
01:00:05,313 --> 01:00:07,273
I feel like that sounds harsh,
but she...
1297
01:00:07,273 --> 01:00:10,110
It does.
1298
01:00:10,110 --> 01:00:14,072
She just wasn't it.
She just, she just wasn't it.
1299
01:00:14,072 --> 01:00:17,701
She kept asking
what time I was born,
and that was the only question
1300
01:00:17,701 --> 01:00:20,120
she asked about
my personal life at all.
1301
01:00:20,119 --> 01:00:21,995
The whole date.
And then at the end
of the night,
1302
01:00:21,996 --> 01:00:24,791
she was like,
"Have a wonderful night,"
1303
01:00:24,791 --> 01:00:27,961
just like in this weird tone,
like Mary Poppins tone.
1304
01:00:27,960 --> 01:00:30,879
-Mm-hmm.
-And she lives
in Murray Hill, so.
1305
01:00:30,880 --> 01:00:33,091
-Oh, very dramatic.
-That is a no.
1306
01:00:33,090 --> 01:00:34,258
Well, why don't you just
be like,
1307
01:00:34,259 --> 01:00:38,138
"Hey, you know, date was fine,
1308
01:00:38,137 --> 01:00:41,181
we're better as friends"?
1309
01:00:41,181 --> 01:00:43,934
I don't wanna see her again.
I don't wanna
see her again.
1310
01:00:43,934 --> 01:00:47,938
Okay, then just be like,
"Hey, I'm not looking for
anything serious."
1311
01:00:47,938 --> 01:00:50,024
Well, that'd be lying.
1312
01:00:50,025 --> 01:00:53,153
Okay, then just don't say
anything at all.
1313
01:00:53,152 --> 01:00:55,362
Okay, settled.
I won't say anything.
1314
01:00:55,362 --> 01:00:56,822
-Boom. Nailed it.
-Easy.
1315
01:00:59,451 --> 01:01:00,452
Boom.
1316
01:01:01,452 --> 01:01:03,245
Could you pass me
a fortune cookie?
1317
01:01:03,246 --> 01:01:05,749
No, it is bad luck to eat
a fortune cookie
1318
01:01:05,748 --> 01:01:07,541
before you have finished
your meal.
1319
01:01:07,541 --> 01:01:10,502
-Okay. That makes sense.
-You're welcome.
1320
01:01:10,503 --> 01:01:14,591
Just gonna...
get some dinner running.
1321
01:01:16,384 --> 01:01:19,763
- God. So smooth.
1322
01:01:27,686 --> 01:01:30,939
-What if we became boyfriend
and girlfriend?
1323
01:01:30,940 --> 01:01:32,942
Yeah, what if we were boyfriend
and girlfriend?
1324
01:01:32,942 --> 01:01:36,112
-No, I'm serious.
-It's a great idea.
1325
01:01:36,112 --> 01:01:38,031
What if we were exclusive?
1326
01:01:39,365 --> 01:01:41,116
But you don't want that.
1327
01:01:41,117 --> 01:01:42,202
Yeah, I do.
1328
01:01:43,869 --> 01:01:47,122
Wait, why are-- why are you
doing this?
1329
01:01:48,583 --> 01:01:53,171
Because I think that we would
be good together?
1330
01:01:53,170 --> 01:01:54,171
Mm-hmm.
1331
01:01:54,922 --> 01:01:57,257
And I like what we're doing.
1332
01:01:58,092 --> 01:02:00,803
You know, we're-- we're--
we have this great thing where
1333
01:02:00,804 --> 01:02:03,390
we're allowed to be single
but not be lonely.
1334
01:02:03,389 --> 01:02:06,892
-Like, that's the dream.
-Oh, I don't know.
1335
01:02:06,893 --> 01:02:08,353
I feel like we have two
different versions
1336
01:02:08,353 --> 01:02:09,938
of what a dream is.
1337
01:02:12,898 --> 01:02:17,820
Okay, well,
then maybe we should stop.
1338
01:02:19,155 --> 01:02:20,865
Stop what?
1339
01:02:20,864 --> 01:02:23,784
Stop hanging out, stop talking
every day,
1340
01:02:23,784 --> 01:02:27,121
stop watching TV shows together.
1341
01:02:27,121 --> 01:02:28,122
Okay.
1342
01:02:30,833 --> 01:02:34,086
That's cool, but the thing is...
1343
01:02:38,090 --> 01:02:39,383
I love you.
1344
01:02:42,177 --> 01:02:43,178
-I love you.
1345
01:02:44,431 --> 01:02:46,266
I'm sorry.
1346
01:02:46,266 --> 01:02:48,101
You don't love me.
1347
01:02:48,101 --> 01:02:49,644
There's no way,
you don't love me!
1348
01:02:49,643 --> 01:02:51,478
How could you love me?
1349
01:02:55,483 --> 01:02:57,819
What do you mean
how could I love you?
1350
01:02:57,818 --> 01:03:00,237
What-- we spend so much time
together.
1351
01:03:00,237 --> 01:03:04,116
-Milo, Milo, Milo, Milo, Milo,
you love everyone.
-We're always--
1352
01:03:04,117 --> 01:03:06,661
You love everyone
and everything.
1353
01:03:08,704 --> 01:03:09,788
You're afraid.
1354
01:03:10,914 --> 01:03:12,708
-You're afraid.
-Excuse me?
1355
01:03:12,708 --> 01:03:14,918
-You're afraid.
-What are you even
talking about?
1356
01:03:14,918 --> 01:03:18,047
-You're afraid to be loved.
-That's not fair.
I'm not afraid.
1357
01:03:18,047 --> 01:03:19,131
You...
1358
01:03:20,925 --> 01:03:25,221
So if it's
going good, you like it,
you're having a good time,
1359
01:03:25,221 --> 01:03:28,725
which is what you said,
we're havin' a good time,
what's stopping you?
1360
01:03:28,724 --> 01:03:31,935
Okay, okay,
you wanna know what happens?
What happens when we date?
1361
01:03:31,936 --> 01:03:33,688
Let's just say we start dating,
all right?
1362
01:03:33,688 --> 01:03:36,483
And then suddenly, there are
all these expectations
1363
01:03:36,483 --> 01:03:37,859
and they just keep piling,
and piling,
1364
01:03:37,858 --> 01:03:39,568
and piling, and piling,
and piling,
1365
01:03:39,568 --> 01:03:42,029
and then suddenly, you know,
I'm getting mad at you,
1366
01:03:42,030 --> 01:03:44,908
because, you know, you're not,
you're not expressing your
feelings well enough
1367
01:03:44,907 --> 01:03:47,534
or you don't even wanna come
near me,
1368
01:03:47,534 --> 01:03:49,787
because I'm suffocating you
all the time.
1369
01:03:49,788 --> 01:03:52,415
And then we finally
get to the point
where we break up,
1370
01:03:52,414 --> 01:03:54,416
and we never see each other
again,
1371
01:03:54,416 --> 01:03:57,753
and we have no friends,
and we're just alone.
1372
01:03:59,005 --> 01:04:01,132
That wouldn't happen.
1373
01:04:01,132 --> 01:04:03,259
That wouldn't happen.
1374
01:04:03,259 --> 01:04:04,260
Not to us.
1375
01:04:06,429 --> 01:04:07,847
You're afraid of being alone.
1376
01:04:07,847 --> 01:04:09,099
I'm not afraid of being alone.
1377
01:04:09,099 --> 01:04:10,684
I love bein' alone.
1378
01:04:10,684 --> 01:04:12,977
I've been alone so much.
1379
01:04:12,976 --> 01:04:14,353
I just wanna be alone with you.
1380
01:04:14,353 --> 01:04:16,397
And I wanna be alone alone.
1381
01:05:20,670 --> 01:05:25,258
-I haven't even thought about
her in what? Uh, three weeks.
1382
01:05:25,257 --> 01:05:30,387
-I can't even-- it-- it's so far
out of mind at this point.
-That's great!
1383
01:05:30,387 --> 01:05:33,432
- I can't get Milo
out of my head.
1384
01:05:33,432 --> 01:05:36,560
Mm, I'm sorry, it'll pass.
Remember, half the time
you were together
1385
01:05:36,561 --> 01:05:38,355
equals the time it takes
to get over them.
1386
01:05:38,355 --> 01:05:40,774
It's math.
I'm basically a scientist.
1387
01:05:40,773 --> 01:05:43,317
We were supposed to be
the unsinkable relationship,
you know?
1388
01:05:43,318 --> 01:05:46,613
-Like the Titanic.
-The Titanic sunk, dude.
1389
01:05:46,612 --> 01:05:48,030
But the love lasts forever.
1390
01:05:48,030 --> 01:05:49,406
I'm worried I made a mistake.
1391
01:05:49,407 --> 01:05:51,910
No, it didn't work out,
that's okay.
1392
01:05:51,909 --> 01:05:54,828
Just 'cause it ends doesn't mean
it wasn't a successful thing
when it was happening.
1393
01:05:54,829 --> 01:05:57,248
-You know what I mean?
-Yeah, but what if I didn't
give it a real shot?
1394
01:05:57,248 --> 01:05:59,751
-I always do this to myself.
-Is this self-sabotage?
1395
01:05:59,751 --> 01:06:01,836
I mean, I really just hope
that she found somebody
that she likes.
1396
01:06:01,835 --> 01:06:03,962
Like, I'm good, I just hope
she's good.
1397
01:06:03,963 --> 01:06:07,008
What? Why are you wishing--
look, look,
1398
01:06:07,007 --> 01:06:09,968
you are being way too hard
on yourself, okay?
1399
01:06:09,969 --> 01:06:12,889
You guys weren't supposed to be
"not together" together anyways.
1400
01:06:12,889 --> 01:06:15,183
I mean, how can you even
break up when--
1401
01:06:15,182 --> 01:06:17,351
-You weren't even dating.
- It's for the best.
1402
01:06:17,351 --> 01:06:19,353
I'm sure he'll just fall
in love with the next girl
1403
01:06:19,353 --> 01:06:21,105
he locks eyes with
on the L train.
1404
01:06:21,106 --> 01:06:23,858
-Have you spoken to each other?
-Have you spoken to her?
1405
01:06:23,858 --> 01:06:25,485
-No.
-I accidentally viewed
her LinkedIn.
1406
01:06:25,485 --> 01:06:27,904
Well, he viewed my LinkedIn.
1407
01:06:27,903 --> 01:06:29,780
-How is he?
-How is she?
1408
01:06:29,780 --> 01:06:32,116
-You'll see her at the wedding.
-You'll see him at the wedding.
1409
01:06:32,117 --> 01:06:33,785
-Are you alone?
-Wait, who are you talking to?
1410
01:06:33,784 --> 01:06:35,744
-Oh, I'm with Hank.
-I'm with Jess.
1411
01:06:35,744 --> 01:06:37,413
-Pi-pa-po.
-That's so cute.
1412
01:06:37,414 --> 01:06:38,581
Cute.
1413
01:06:38,581 --> 01:06:40,125
Are you seeing anyone?
1414
01:06:40,125 --> 01:06:41,834
I'm just sort of, like,
dating myself right now.
1415
01:06:41,835 --> 01:06:44,921
Yeah, just-- yeah, and I'm
really happy about it.
1416
01:06:44,920 --> 01:06:46,547
Yeah, actually, this guy.
1417
01:06:46,547 --> 01:06:48,424
He's in finance,
he works constantly,
1418
01:06:48,425 --> 01:06:49,968
and he's completely emotionally
unavailable,
1419
01:06:49,967 --> 01:06:52,469
which is perfect,
and I'm really happy.
1420
01:06:52,469 --> 01:06:54,096
That's great.
1421
01:06:54,097 --> 01:06:55,682
Dating sucks.
1422
01:06:55,681 --> 01:06:57,933
- Uh-huh.
1423
01:06:58,809 --> 01:06:59,810
Absolutely.
1424
01:07:00,728 --> 01:07:05,107
Well, we can definitely
be there Monday if we have to.
1425
01:07:05,108 --> 01:07:07,527
I would never say we won't.
1426
01:07:07,527 --> 01:07:09,154
Okay.
1427
01:07:09,153 --> 01:07:11,155
Absolutamente.
1428
01:07:11,155 --> 01:07:13,157
No, we're delighted.
1429
01:07:13,157 --> 01:07:14,950
You kidding me?
This is great!
1430
01:07:14,951 --> 01:07:17,495
-So, hey.
- This was
Trent Wilkinson,
1431
01:07:17,494 --> 01:07:21,081
an incredibly emotionally
unavailable 34-year-old
1432
01:07:21,081 --> 01:07:24,626
who lied about his age
to make the Feingold
30 Under 30 list
1433
01:07:24,626 --> 01:07:28,881
for selling his sock company,
GotSoxx, spelt with two Xs.
1434
01:07:28,882 --> 01:07:31,885
He DM'd Wendy on Instagram
after finding her geo tag
1435
01:07:31,885 --> 01:07:33,803
at Surf Lodge in Montauk.
1436
01:07:33,802 --> 01:07:36,263
Wendy had spent
the last three weekends
1437
01:07:36,264 --> 01:07:37,932
at Trent's apartment in Tribeca
1438
01:07:37,931 --> 01:07:40,476
and even had
her own toothbrush.
1439
01:07:40,476 --> 01:07:44,480
Attention, uh, Kmart shoppers,
I'm gonna be presenting
1440
01:07:44,481 --> 01:07:47,233
to, like, a whole bunch
of restaurant groups
1441
01:07:47,233 --> 01:07:49,277
because they said that my app
is brilliant.
1442
01:07:49,277 --> 01:07:52,614
-Wow! That's amazing!
That's so amazing!
-Yeah! I know.
1443
01:07:52,614 --> 01:07:55,116
Oh, my God!
I mean, it is brilliant
and you're brilliant.
1444
01:07:55,115 --> 01:07:57,242
-Yeah. Makes sense right?
-Yeah. It does.
1445
01:07:57,242 --> 01:08:00,245
-But, yeah.
-It makes perfect sense.
When are you, um, leaving, then?
1446
01:08:00,246 --> 01:08:04,459
Uh, it's, like, Sunday.
1447
01:08:05,418 --> 01:08:07,295
Sunday night.
1448
01:08:07,295 --> 01:08:09,881
Sunday, like tomorrow?
1449
01:08:09,880 --> 01:08:13,175
Uh, yeah.
1450
01:08:13,175 --> 01:08:16,053
-Tomorrow, uh-- tomorrow night.
-Awesome.
1451
01:08:16,054 --> 01:08:18,431
Awesome, and how long are you
gonna be gone?
1452
01:08:18,430 --> 01:08:21,100
They said, uh, it was gonna be
like meetings,
1453
01:08:21,100 --> 01:08:22,976
and greetings,
and stuff like that
1454
01:08:22,976 --> 01:08:25,145
for, like, a couple of weeks.
1455
01:08:25,145 --> 01:08:26,438
-Wow!
-Yeah.
1456
01:08:26,439 --> 01:08:28,733
-That's amazing!
-Yeah.
1457
01:08:28,733 --> 01:08:32,570
No, I know, it just, uh,
maybe we could, like, uh,
1458
01:08:33,529 --> 01:08:37,449
just kinda slow her down
a little bit.
1459
01:08:37,783 --> 01:08:40,369
Yeah, I-- I know.
I-- yeah, I mean.
1460
01:08:40,369 --> 01:08:45,082
Just, like, pull the car over
for a bit.
1461
01:08:45,291 --> 01:08:47,085
-Oh.
-Bad metaphor.
1462
01:08:47,085 --> 01:08:48,461
Uh, just slow down.
1463
01:08:52,673 --> 01:08:55,217
While Wendy sold
all her stock in Trent,
1464
01:08:55,217 --> 01:08:57,261
Milo was three stops
into the one
1465
01:08:57,261 --> 01:09:00,556
on his way to a John Mayer
concert.
1466
01:09:00,556 --> 01:09:04,059
Did I tell you about the time
that I got a fortune cookie?
1467
01:09:04,060 --> 01:09:06,938
-No fortune
in the fortune cookie.
-No.
1468
01:09:06,938 --> 01:09:11,901
Her name was Jenna Brookes,
and she was a recent graduate
of NYU's Gallatin program
1469
01:09:11,900 --> 01:09:15,195
where she wrote her thesis on
the life, death, and rebirth
1470
01:09:15,195 --> 01:09:18,282
of chivalry in millennial
dating culture.
1471
01:09:18,283 --> 01:09:20,535
Yeah, there was no fortune
in the fortune cookie.
1472
01:09:20,534 --> 01:09:23,287
-That's crazy, yeah.
-That's crazy.
1473
01:09:23,287 --> 01:09:25,164
-What's wrong?
1474
01:09:25,164 --> 01:09:26,582
-Nothing. No.
-Something's wrong,
what's wrong?
1475
01:09:26,582 --> 01:09:28,751
-No, I'm excited.
-No, you're not.
1476
01:09:28,752 --> 01:09:30,462
-Yes, I am.
-You're not excited,
something's up.
1477
01:09:30,462 --> 01:09:32,213
-No.
-We're going to see John Mayer.
1478
01:09:32,212 --> 01:09:35,049
-Yay!
-You don't seem stoked.
1479
01:09:35,050 --> 01:09:37,218
-No, I'm excited.
-Something's wrong.
1480
01:09:37,217 --> 01:09:39,553
♪ Something is wrong ♪
1481
01:09:39,554 --> 01:09:40,847
I'm not going to stop
bothering you
1482
01:09:40,846 --> 01:09:42,473
until you tell me what's wrong.
1483
01:09:42,474 --> 01:09:45,226
I think-- I think we want
different things.
1484
01:09:45,225 --> 01:09:46,393
What?
1485
01:09:46,394 --> 01:09:47,687
What, what do you mean?
1486
01:09:47,686 --> 01:09:49,480
What are you talking about?
1487
01:09:49,480 --> 01:09:52,316
I don't-- I don't think I see
a future with us.
1488
01:09:55,319 --> 01:09:56,320
No.
1489
01:09:57,363 --> 01:09:58,906
You FaceTimed my mom.
1490
01:09:58,907 --> 01:10:00,533
-Yes, that was--
-I let you FaceTime my mom.
1491
01:10:00,533 --> 01:10:02,202
Well, she's wonderful.
I loved her!
1492
01:10:02,202 --> 01:10:04,204
Oh, I wish that we-- I love her.
1493
01:10:04,203 --> 01:10:05,746
The next stop
is Heartbreak Boulevard.
1494
01:10:05,747 --> 01:10:09,042
I think you, uh, I like you.
1495
01:10:09,042 --> 01:10:11,544
You deserve someone great, so...
1496
01:10:16,091 --> 01:10:19,052
No, I'm sorry, I don't wanna
kiss you.
1497
01:10:19,051 --> 01:10:20,386
Okay, don't cry.
1498
01:10:20,386 --> 01:10:22,096
I have to-- I have to go.
1499
01:10:22,096 --> 01:10:23,847
- Dang it!
1500
01:10:23,847 --> 01:10:25,432
Things turn around, they change.
1501
01:10:25,432 --> 01:10:27,976
That sounds like it should be
encouraging,
1502
01:10:27,976 --> 01:10:30,270
but it's actually really
depressing.
1503
01:10:30,270 --> 01:10:32,231
Okay, new topic.
1504
01:10:32,231 --> 01:10:35,275
Uh, the podcast thing.
The podcast thing.
1505
01:10:35,275 --> 01:10:37,945
Did you-- did you start it?
You should start it.
1506
01:10:37,945 --> 01:10:41,073
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm probably gonna
do some, some episodes.
1507
01:10:41,073 --> 01:10:43,200
I just gotta get a microphone,
1508
01:10:43,201 --> 01:10:44,786
and then come up with some ideas
1509
01:10:44,786 --> 01:10:46,830
for episodes and the podcast.
1510
01:10:46,829 --> 01:10:48,997
Well, here's an idea.
You should have me on
as a guest.
1511
01:10:48,997 --> 01:10:50,958
Maybe not like your first guest
out of the gate,
1512
01:10:50,958 --> 01:10:53,377
but let me-- I quit this place,
1513
01:10:53,377 --> 01:10:55,796
I'm gonna spill all the tea
on everybody.
1514
01:10:55,796 --> 01:10:57,506
I mean, there's some stuff
that's going on in here
1515
01:10:57,506 --> 01:10:59,049
that I think the listeners
1516
01:10:59,050 --> 01:11:00,677
would wanna know.
1517
01:11:00,676 --> 01:11:02,344
-Oh.
-Yeah.
1518
01:11:02,345 --> 01:11:04,806
Come on, man,
I miss you smilin'.
1519
01:11:04,805 --> 01:11:05,889
You're, like,
one of the few reasons
1520
01:11:05,890 --> 01:11:07,183
why I stay in this place.
1521
01:11:07,182 --> 01:11:08,434
The phone never stops here--
1522
01:11:08,435 --> 01:11:11,312
-Front desk.
1523
01:11:11,311 --> 01:11:12,563
At a bar in Hell's Kitchen,
1524
01:11:12,564 --> 01:11:14,232
where she would never return,
1525
01:11:14,231 --> 01:11:16,233
Wendy listened to a man she met
at Whole Foods
1526
01:11:16,234 --> 01:11:18,361
talk about his screenplay
that would never get made.
1527
01:11:18,360 --> 01:11:20,070
Yeah, so the script's
back at my place
1528
01:11:20,070 --> 01:11:22,865
-if you wanna come read it.
-So this is really fun.
1529
01:11:22,865 --> 01:11:26,285
Um, I might-- I'm gonna go to
the bathroom first before that.
1530
01:11:26,286 --> 01:11:29,289
-Lovely invite, thank you.
-We can go right now.
1531
01:11:29,288 --> 01:11:31,582
-I'm actually
right around the corner.
-Um... yeah.
1532
01:11:31,582 --> 01:11:33,125
You know, uh,
I could play the lead or,
1533
01:11:33,126 --> 01:11:34,961
-or you could play the lead.
-Yep.
1534
01:11:34,961 --> 01:11:38,173
-It's sort of a strong
female heroine.
-Yep.
1535
01:11:38,172 --> 01:11:40,507
And, you know, we're thinking...
1536
01:11:44,429 --> 01:11:46,139
Hello, hello, hello.
1537
01:11:46,139 --> 01:11:49,309
I only got about five,
so let's keep 'em comin'.
1538
01:11:49,309 --> 01:11:51,102
Hey, hey, yeah, um,
okay, um,
1539
01:11:51,101 --> 01:11:52,436
so who paid for dinner?
1540
01:11:52,436 --> 01:11:54,146
He did, but I did offer
to split,
1541
01:11:54,146 --> 01:11:55,939
and then he insisted
on doing it,
1542
01:11:55,939 --> 01:11:57,691
so I was like, "Whatever,
this is terrible anyway."
1543
01:11:57,692 --> 01:11:59,527
Will you ever see him
again?
1544
01:11:59,527 --> 01:12:01,321
You know, I like to go into
these things open-minded.
1545
01:12:01,320 --> 01:12:03,697
You know, if it goes well,
it goes well, but--
1546
01:12:03,698 --> 01:12:05,241
Look, we all know
dating sucks,
1547
01:12:05,240 --> 01:12:06,450
but wouldn't you just rather
be with Milo
1548
01:12:06,451 --> 01:12:07,952
than keep this up?
1549
01:12:11,081 --> 01:12:14,751
Is this an interview or is it
a therapy session?
1550
01:12:14,751 --> 01:12:16,961
-Thank you so much, goodnight.
1551
01:14:40,979 --> 01:14:43,816
So, Milo, you just got
your heart broken.
1552
01:14:43,817 --> 01:14:46,986
How are you feeling?
What's going through your mind
right now?
1553
01:14:46,985 --> 01:14:49,697
Uh, thanks for having me,
I'm really excited to be here.
1554
01:14:49,698 --> 01:14:52,325
I am completely dead inside.
1555
01:14:52,324 --> 01:14:54,743
I feel nothing.
1556
01:14:54,743 --> 01:14:57,996
I feel like a no one, a nobody.
1557
01:14:57,997 --> 01:15:01,584
I haven't showered
in a long time.
1558
01:15:01,583 --> 01:15:03,877
Wow, that's amazing!
1559
01:15:03,877 --> 01:15:07,006
Everybody, give it up
for this guy, he's so good.
1560
01:15:07,006 --> 01:15:10,300
So are you wondering why maybe
the breakup happened?
1561
01:15:10,301 --> 01:15:11,803
Do you think it's something
that you said
1562
01:15:11,802 --> 01:15:13,512
or maybe something
that you didn't say
1563
01:15:13,512 --> 01:15:16,515
or are you just totally broken
as a human being?
1564
01:15:16,515 --> 01:15:19,685
I'm sort of like a cracked
iPhone screen right now.
1565
01:15:19,685 --> 01:15:24,148
Yeah, you could fix me,
but it's probably best to just
upgrade to the next
1566
01:15:24,149 --> 01:15:26,693
and better thing.
1567
01:15:26,693 --> 01:15:29,654
All right, everybody,
that's all the time
that we have.
1568
01:15:29,654 --> 01:15:31,406
Give it up again for Milo.
1569
01:15:31,405 --> 01:15:34,825
He's so good, he's so funny,
isn't he great?
1570
01:15:34,826 --> 01:15:35,952
Isn't he amazing?
1571
01:15:35,952 --> 01:15:38,163
Isn't he great?
1572
01:15:38,162 --> 01:15:39,455
Isn't he so good?
1573
01:15:39,456 --> 01:15:42,250
Milo's so great, he's so good!
1574
01:15:42,250 --> 01:15:43,250
Isn't he great?
1575
01:15:43,251 --> 01:15:44,711
Isn't he amazing?
1576
01:15:44,711 --> 01:15:46,171
Isn't he great?
1577
01:15:46,171 --> 01:15:48,048
Isn't he amazing,
isn't he so good?
1578
01:15:48,047 --> 01:15:49,173
Such a good catch.
1579
01:15:49,173 --> 01:15:51,508
So funny, so good, so funny.
1580
01:15:51,509 --> 01:15:55,096
You're strong, you care,
you're a catch, you're humble.
1581
01:15:55,095 --> 01:15:56,638
You're-- you're
underappreciated.
1582
01:15:56,639 --> 01:16:01,269
You, um...
You're trying.
1583
01:16:01,269 --> 01:16:05,732
You're trying, you're trying,
you're, um...
1584
01:16:07,024 --> 01:16:08,942
Ugh, I love New York.
1585
01:16:08,943 --> 01:16:10,487
The only place where you can get
toilet paper,
1586
01:16:10,487 --> 01:16:11,738
a toothbrush, and a turkey
bacon sandwich
1587
01:16:11,738 --> 01:16:13,656
all in one place.
1588
01:16:13,655 --> 01:16:17,159
This is a decent one,
but I really like a "bougdega"
1589
01:16:17,159 --> 01:16:19,203
-instead of just a plain bodega.
- Oh, no.
1590
01:16:19,203 --> 01:16:21,246
-You know what I'm sayin'?
-This is, this is New York.
1591
01:16:21,247 --> 01:16:22,916
-This has everything.
-Yes, I know the rent
is gonna go up,
1592
01:16:22,916 --> 01:16:25,126
but the gluten-free pasta
is kind of worth it.
1593
01:16:25,126 --> 01:16:26,544
Yeah, but I wanna see
a cat.
1594
01:16:26,543 --> 01:16:28,671
Oh, planning a wedding
is so stressful!
1595
01:16:28,671 --> 01:16:31,298
Come on, man, I don't know
why you're so stressed
about this.
1596
01:16:31,298 --> 01:16:33,342
You're getting married
to the love of your life.
1597
01:16:33,342 --> 01:16:35,219
Didn't you get
like a wedding planner
or something like that?
1598
01:16:35,220 --> 01:16:36,721
No, do you know how much
they cost?
1599
01:16:36,720 --> 01:16:39,056
I watch a lot of wedding
videos on YouTube,
1600
01:16:39,056 --> 01:16:42,142
I could do it for like 800.
But I do like a minimal fare
sort of thing.
1601
01:16:42,143 --> 01:16:44,854
-Yeah, thank you, thank you.
-Small invite list.
1602
01:16:44,854 --> 01:16:47,732
an article
Which is good, because I read
We're doing it together!
1603
01:16:47,731 --> 01:16:49,900
that said that couples
that plan together
stay together.
1604
01:16:49,900 --> 01:16:51,026
What was that, a late daily?
1605
01:16:51,027 --> 01:16:53,988
No, it was a meme on Instagram.
1606
01:16:53,988 --> 01:16:55,657
How do you know that she's
the one?
1607
01:16:55,657 --> 01:16:56,658
Jessie.
1608
01:16:57,867 --> 01:16:59,452
Oh, I don't know.
1609
01:17:00,578 --> 01:17:03,039
I guess I don't think about it.
1610
01:17:03,038 --> 01:17:06,500
I guess we both just don't
overthink it.
1611
01:17:06,501 --> 01:17:07,585
Well, what if you're
in a relationship
1612
01:17:07,585 --> 01:17:09,629
and you're both like prone
1613
01:17:09,628 --> 01:17:11,964
to overthinking things, then?
1614
01:17:11,965 --> 01:17:13,466
If you need to get over
this girl,
1615
01:17:13,466 --> 01:17:15,010
you need to delete
all the apps, okay?
1616
01:17:15,010 --> 01:17:17,220
No Venmo, no Instagram.
No Twitter, none of it.
1617
01:17:17,220 --> 01:17:18,888
Because if you don't, you'll be
getting into this space,
1618
01:17:18,887 --> 01:17:20,681
which is like this weird
spiral depression
1619
01:17:20,681 --> 01:17:22,808
Where you become very annoying
and a hypochondriac.
1620
01:17:22,809 --> 01:17:25,895
-Did I tell you
that I found a lump?
-Where'd you find a lump?
1621
01:17:25,895 --> 01:17:27,689
-Right there.
-That's your Adam's apple.
1622
01:17:27,689 --> 01:17:29,065
That's not what
the internet said.
1623
01:17:29,064 --> 01:17:30,816
-So you're gonna reach out?
-No.
1624
01:17:30,817 --> 01:17:32,485
That would just make her mad,
so I'm not gonna do it.
1625
01:17:32,484 --> 01:17:34,153
I'm just gonna fall back,
give her her space.
1626
01:17:34,154 --> 01:17:35,321
-That's it.
-Really?
1627
01:17:35,320 --> 01:17:36,989
No grand romantic gesture?
1628
01:17:36,989 --> 01:17:39,283
That stuff is the
take-me-back-culture thing.
1629
01:17:39,283 --> 01:17:41,326
No, that's toxic,
it's a disease,
1630
01:17:41,327 --> 01:17:43,246
and I'm gonna be the cure,
1631
01:17:43,246 --> 01:17:45,040
even if that means I never get
to tell her that I love her.
1632
01:17:45,039 --> 01:17:46,498
Right, you've told her
that you love her.
1633
01:17:46,498 --> 01:17:47,541
Yeah, but I mean tell her
I love her
1634
01:17:47,542 --> 01:17:49,336
and mean it, you know?
1635
01:17:49,336 --> 01:17:50,795
Like, I love you.
1636
01:17:50,795 --> 01:17:53,173
Like,
like-- what's that?
1637
01:17:53,172 --> 01:17:55,632
-Incense, Jessie loves it.
1638
01:17:55,632 --> 01:17:57,509
She likes bodega incense?
1639
01:17:58,845 --> 01:18:00,680
Wendy cherished New York
1640
01:18:00,680 --> 01:18:02,932
for its endless encounters
with the people you love
1641
01:18:02,931 --> 01:18:05,142
and the places you learn
to love them.
1642
01:18:33,003 --> 01:18:34,004
Sir.
1643
01:18:37,509 --> 01:18:39,719
By now, you've probably
figured out
1644
01:18:39,719 --> 01:18:43,139
that I am that soothing,
old voice you've been hearing
1645
01:18:43,139 --> 01:18:45,809
holding your hand through
this tale of commitment.
1646
01:18:45,809 --> 01:18:48,895
Did I mention that I also
moonlight as a voice-over
artist?
1647
01:18:48,895 --> 01:18:51,481
-Hang on.
1648
01:18:51,480 --> 01:18:53,691
-Wendy!
-Hey!
1649
01:18:53,692 --> 01:18:56,444
-Hi!
-Cole, what are you doing here?
1650
01:18:56,444 --> 01:18:58,363
-My job.
-Oh, wow.
1651
01:18:59,238 --> 01:19:00,239
What's up?
1652
01:19:01,990 --> 01:19:03,659
-You okay?
-Yeah, I'm great.
1653
01:19:03,659 --> 01:19:05,494
I'm great, I'm not here
to see Milo. What?
1654
01:19:05,494 --> 01:19:07,538
-What?
-Who said that?
1655
01:19:07,538 --> 01:19:12,084
No, no, I'm here to--
to go to a meeting.
1656
01:19:12,085 --> 01:19:14,421
-I'm here to go to a meeting,
a meeting.
-Oh, here.
1657
01:19:14,421 --> 01:19:17,298
No, no, no, no, no,
just in the area.
1658
01:19:17,798 --> 01:19:20,634
It's this way.
Um... It's this way.
1659
01:19:20,635 --> 01:19:22,470
-Okay.
-So bye.
1660
01:19:22,470 --> 01:19:23,930
-Bye.
-Bye.
1661
01:19:27,016 --> 01:19:30,561
I love a good New York
love story.
1662
01:19:30,561 --> 01:19:32,604
The city, you know,
it's one of the only places
1663
01:19:32,604 --> 01:19:34,023
where you could--
1664
01:19:35,108 --> 01:19:36,526
-Hi.
-Hi.
1665
01:19:36,525 --> 01:19:37,943
-Um...
-What's up?
1666
01:19:37,944 --> 01:19:40,655
Just a quick question.
It's nice.
1667
01:19:40,654 --> 01:19:44,575
Um, is Milo, uh, upstairs?
1668
01:19:45,618 --> 01:19:47,328
Yeah, nope.
1669
01:19:47,328 --> 01:19:49,164
I don't think so.
1670
01:19:49,163 --> 01:19:50,998
Oh, cool. Cool. Uh...
1671
01:19:50,998 --> 01:19:52,958
Did he maybe say
when he was gonna be back?
1672
01:19:52,958 --> 01:19:54,710
If he's maybe gonna be gone
all night
1673
01:19:54,711 --> 01:19:56,963
or just like five more minutes?
1674
01:19:56,962 --> 01:19:58,797
-Wendy.
-Right.
1675
01:19:58,797 --> 01:20:00,758
-I hate to be the one
to tell you this.
-Okay.
1676
01:20:00,759 --> 01:20:03,261
I think he's seeing someone.
1677
01:20:07,556 --> 01:20:08,557
Okay.
1678
01:20:09,934 --> 01:20:10,935
Okay.
1679
01:20:12,354 --> 01:20:13,438
I'll see you.
1680
01:20:14,773 --> 01:20:16,608
I'll see you, Wendy.
1681
01:20:18,318 --> 01:20:21,696
Little did she know that Milo
wasn't seeing anybody
1682
01:20:21,695 --> 01:20:24,990
and was, in fact,
painfully single.
1683
01:20:24,990 --> 01:20:27,701
And where better to doubt
your own singlehood
1684
01:20:27,702 --> 01:20:29,788
than under holy matrimony
1685
01:20:29,787 --> 01:20:31,914
at the very bar
in which they met,
1686
01:20:31,914 --> 01:20:34,166
where love filled the air--
1687
01:20:34,167 --> 01:20:37,337
the wedding of Hank and Jessie.
1688
01:20:37,337 --> 01:20:39,631
I'm not sweaty,
it's just really hot.
1689
01:20:39,631 --> 01:20:41,049
Okay, I'm nervous, I'm nervous,
I'm nervous.
1690
01:20:41,048 --> 01:20:43,217
Uh, you're gonna
do great, man.
1691
01:20:43,217 --> 01:20:44,927
How are you so calm?
1692
01:20:44,927 --> 01:20:47,179
Of course I'm calm.
1693
01:20:47,180 --> 01:20:49,432
I'm marrying
the love of my life.
1694
01:20:49,431 --> 01:20:50,933
-I'm proud of you, man.
-Thanks.
1695
01:20:50,934 --> 01:20:52,602
I'm so proud of you.
I really am.
1696
01:20:52,601 --> 01:20:53,936
So what are you gonna say
to her?
1697
01:20:53,936 --> 01:20:55,604
-Who?
-Don't "who" me.
1698
01:20:55,604 --> 01:20:57,106
I don't know
who you're talking about.
1699
01:20:57,106 --> 01:20:58,107
I love you.
1700
01:20:59,192 --> 01:21:01,861
-Bring it in.
-Mm. Thanks.
1701
01:21:01,860 --> 01:21:04,071
And you are not an ugly
Jon Hamm, I take it back.
1702
01:21:04,072 --> 01:21:05,615
You are a hot Jon Hamm.
1703
01:22:14,184 --> 01:22:16,019
Everyone, please take
your seats.
1704
01:22:18,479 --> 01:22:20,022
The bride and groom would like
to share their vows
1705
01:22:20,023 --> 01:22:22,901
with us tonight
and with each other.
1706
01:22:22,900 --> 01:22:24,985
-Jessie.
-Yeah.
1707
01:22:24,985 --> 01:22:27,821
The first day that I saw you,
I pointed at you
1708
01:22:27,822 --> 01:22:30,200
and said, "I am going to marry
that girl."
1709
01:22:30,199 --> 01:22:32,159
-I know.
1710
01:22:32,159 --> 01:22:34,036
-Jess, it's my vows.
-Okay, sorry.
1711
01:22:34,037 --> 01:22:35,663
-Okay.
-You go.
1712
01:22:35,662 --> 01:22:37,790
Mm, no, stop Not yet!
Stop, don't do it yet.
1713
01:22:37,791 --> 01:22:39,834
Sorry.
1714
01:22:39,833 --> 01:22:41,293
-Start over.
-Okay.
1715
01:22:41,293 --> 01:22:43,128
-Mm-hmm.
-First day that happened.
1716
01:22:43,128 --> 01:22:45,214
-Yes.
-I was doing it as a joke.
1717
01:22:45,215 --> 01:22:47,884
-Uh-huh.
-But you have kept me laughing
ever since.
1718
01:22:47,884 --> 01:22:50,595
-Mm-hmm.
-I promise to be
your best friend
1719
01:22:50,595 --> 01:22:52,931
and to love you always.
I love you.
1720
01:22:52,930 --> 01:22:54,598
I love you.
1721
01:22:54,599 --> 01:22:57,435
Hank, a lot of people
say that cheesy thing
1722
01:22:57,435 --> 01:22:59,688
where they're like,
"I don't always like you,
but I love you,"
1723
01:22:59,688 --> 01:23:01,773
but I like you and I love you.
1724
01:23:01,773 --> 01:23:05,151
And I don't even care
that you always fall asleep
1725
01:23:05,150 --> 01:23:07,069
the second we pick a movie,
1726
01:23:07,069 --> 01:23:08,779
and I don't care that sometimes
1727
01:23:08,779 --> 01:23:10,572
you only respond "ha-ha"
to my texts
1728
01:23:10,573 --> 01:23:13,201
and don't add additional info.
1729
01:23:13,201 --> 01:23:15,286
And I really love that we both
like that meme
1730
01:23:15,286 --> 01:23:18,707
about birds that look
like old ladies wearing hats.
1731
01:23:18,707 --> 01:23:20,333
And I just love you so much
1732
01:23:20,332 --> 01:23:22,835
and I'm the luckiest girl
in the world
1733
01:23:22,836 --> 01:23:24,713
that you love me, too.
1734
01:23:24,712 --> 01:23:26,296
Is that good?
1735
01:23:26,296 --> 01:23:27,506
You like that shit?
1736
01:23:30,885 --> 01:23:32,095
Ooh!
1737
01:23:34,055 --> 01:23:35,682
Fashion moment.
1738
01:23:35,681 --> 01:23:37,349
-Same time.
-At same time?
1739
01:23:37,350 --> 01:23:40,979
-Okay.
-One, two, three.
1740
01:23:40,979 --> 01:23:42,939
You may now kiss the bride.
1741
01:23:47,652 --> 01:23:50,030
All right, let's get drunk.
1742
01:23:58,537 --> 01:24:02,166
♪ Relive that moon ♪
1743
01:24:02,167 --> 01:24:06,171
♪ And starry sky ♪
1744
01:24:06,171 --> 01:24:11,176
♪ Heaven writes
A lover's song ♪
1745
01:24:12,886 --> 01:24:19,851
♪ The reverie of happy dreams ♪
1746
01:24:19,850 --> 01:24:27,191
♪ Midnight comes
A nightingale sings along ♪
1747
01:24:27,192 --> 01:24:34,115
♪ Melody with harmony ♪
1748
01:24:34,114 --> 01:24:41,163
♪ Makes a better tune ♪
1749
01:24:41,163 --> 01:24:44,625
♪ The night will play ♪
1750
01:24:44,626 --> 01:24:50,548
♪ Its serenade to you ♪
1751
01:24:51,925 --> 01:24:55,261
♪ Love writes a rhyme ♪
1752
01:24:55,261 --> 01:24:58,848
♪ And chance that we find ♪
1753
01:24:58,847 --> 01:25:01,975
♪ Magic and beauty ♪
1754
01:25:01,975 --> 01:25:05,938
♪ Begin, ah, begun ♪
1755
01:25:05,939 --> 01:25:12,821
♪ Dance until morning
Drifts along ♪
1756
01:25:14,738 --> 01:25:18,409
♪ Listen ♪
1757
01:25:18,409 --> 01:25:24,665
♪ And you hear the song ♪
1758
01:25:45,770 --> 01:25:47,480
Do you not want
consistent sex
1759
01:25:47,479 --> 01:25:48,981
without the emotional
attachment?
1760
01:25:48,981 --> 01:25:50,524
I want that,
but I also want
1761
01:25:50,524 --> 01:25:51,775
the emotional attachment.
1762
01:25:51,775 --> 01:25:53,068
The words "I love you,"
1763
01:25:53,069 --> 01:25:54,154
in that order,
1764
01:25:54,154 --> 01:25:55,363
cannot be shared
1765
01:25:55,363 --> 01:25:56,906
with one party to the other.
1766
01:25:56,905 --> 01:25:58,407
You just gotta pick a flavor
1767
01:25:58,408 --> 01:25:59,993
and then just go
with that flavor.
1768
01:25:59,993 --> 01:26:02,328
I care about you
so much, Milo.
1769
01:26:02,328 --> 01:26:03,830
Will I see you again?
1770
01:26:07,500 --> 01:26:10,837
-Yeah.
1771
01:26:14,716 --> 01:26:16,718
-Hello. Hey, hey, what's up?
-Hi, hi.
1772
01:26:16,717 --> 01:26:17,968
-How's it going?
1773
01:26:21,264 --> 01:26:22,932
I really miss you.
1774
01:26:24,600 --> 01:26:26,268
I really miss you.
1775
01:26:27,311 --> 01:26:32,733
And I would really like it
if you were back in my life.
1776
01:26:35,110 --> 01:26:37,988
I'd like to be back
in your life, too.
1777
01:26:37,988 --> 01:26:43,077
And I promise I'm done trying
other flavors.
1778
01:26:44,287 --> 01:26:45,622
I just want one.
1779
01:26:49,250 --> 01:26:51,002
I love you so much.
1780
01:26:53,337 --> 01:26:54,463
I love you, too.
1781
01:27:09,604 --> 01:27:12,273
Once upon a time,
1782
01:27:12,273 --> 01:27:15,568
in a magical kingdom
known as New York City,
1783
01:27:15,568 --> 01:27:19,322
there lived a happily married
couple.
1784
01:27:19,322 --> 01:27:23,785
Then there was Milo and Wendy
or Wendy and Milo.
1785
01:27:23,784 --> 01:27:27,413
Maybe it was vows,
the ubiquitous feeling
of romance,
1786
01:27:27,413 --> 01:27:29,331
or the magic of Manhattan,
1787
01:27:29,332 --> 01:27:33,086
but they finally had
true love's kiss,
1788
01:27:33,086 --> 01:27:35,839
and the heartbroken
learned to love again.
1789
01:27:37,881 --> 01:27:39,758
Their thread began again
1790
01:27:39,759 --> 01:27:43,263
and they finally dated
happily ever after.
1791
01:27:47,225 --> 01:27:49,811
For a few more months.
131275
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