All language subtitles for The Other Two s02e06 Pat Becomes 1 In Daytime.eng

[upbeat music]

- It's official.

"Pat!" is now the number one
show in daytime.

And to thank my fans,
you can now Win-A-Chance

to come see a matinee
of "Chicago" with me, Pat.

Starring Audrina Patridge
as Mama Morton.

Enter to win
at ThePatShow.com.

- Okay. Reset camera.

- That was great, Mom.
Let's move on to number 12.

- Do you have a sad, grumpy
friend who needs a pick-me-up?

Then enter them to win
a shopping spree with me, Pat.

Sponsored by Mastercard,
but paid for by me personally.

- Great, number 13.
- Hold for camera reset.

- Brookie, we're really
scheduling a lot of these.

But don't forget that I have

Lisa's son's wedding
in Ohio next month.

- Keep reading.
- "Do you like weddings?

"Win-A-Chance to come to
my friend Lisa's son's wedding

in Ohio next month--
oh, with me, Pat."

- Okay. Great.

Thanks, Mom.
That's all of them.

- Oh, there's actually
one more in the prompter.

- No, Melanie,
we said we'd lose that one.

- Oh, but this one's
for the whole family, Brookie.

That's--that will be
so much fun.

- Oh, God.

- Ugh, I am not doing
one of these again.

- I know.
I tried to get rid of it.

Slow down, Gail.

- This is so fun.

[quirky music]

- Hi.
- He--hey.

- I'm so sorry
to keep you waiting.

Can I get you some water?

- Oh, I'm okay.
- Okay.

- Thanks so much
for meeting with me.

I know it was crazy
to email you

'cause you represent
so many big people,

but I--I really need
a new agent.

And I know I'm good.

I just haven't really
been given the chance.

- Well, you certainly come
from a talented family.

What exactly would you like
to be doing?

- Acting.

You know, I wanna
audition for a movie

or a miniseries or even
one of those Netflix shows

that just comes and goes
and no one even sees.

- I think we can
make that happen.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

- That would be great
'cause my last agent

only ever sent me out
for hosting gigs.

And, you know, I'm not a host,
I'm just an actor.

- Well, you're not just
an actor though, right?

- What's this now?

- Well, it's not enough to be
"just an actor" these days.

- We here only represent
multi-hyphenates.

You know,
actors who can also write.

- Oh, my God.

- I mean, being just an actor's
sad, but being an actor/writer?

My absolute God.

- [whispers]
This is such bullshit.

Uh, well, luckily,
I do write.

Yeah, I--

I actually just finished
a web series.

I mean, pilot.

Uh, it's actually
more of a feature.

- I love features.
Can I read it?

- [whispers] Shit.
[normally] Yes, yes.

Yeah, I just--I just need
to polish it up and--

- Great.
How does Monday sound?

And then hopefully
we can move forward?

- Sure.
- Yeah.

- Yeah. I will send you
a full-length feature film

in three days
and then I can act.

- Terrific.
- Makes sense.

- Great.

- Ugh.

- Wow, Brooke,
you look like shit.

- I'm sick
from working all the time.

How are you so healthy?
- I'm not.

I've had pneumonia
for 20 years,

I just don't make it a thing.

Okay.

Wanna talk to you about
pulling Chase from that church.

Thanks to his little speech
going viral, he's now

being sued by Pastor Jax Dag,

Pastor Jax Dag's dad,
and Seinfeld.

Not sure why he cares.

- Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

I just--I thought it was
the right thing to do.

- Are you kidding?
It absolutely was.

You haven't arrived
till you've been sued, Brooke.

Beyoncé's lawyer
wants to represent Chase.

We're in the big leagues
now, baby.

I'll make sure to CC you
on all the lawyer emails.

- Oh, good.
I've been wanting more emails.

- You're killin' it, Brooke.
- Yep.

- That's why I nominated you
for "30 Under 30."

- What's this now?
- Every year,

"Variety" does a list of the
Top 10 actors, singers,

and creative directors
who are 30 and under.

I nominated you.

If you get it, there's
a photoshoot and a gala.

- So this would--this would be
something for me?

Like, lil' Brookie
gets a thing?

- I almost didn't nominate you
because I thought you were 40.

But then I checked
your Wikipedia,

and it said you were 19,
so I asked Chase,

and he said you're still 30
for a couple weeks.

- Oh, my God.
Thank you, Shuli.

You have no idea
how much this means to me.

- You're not on it yet.

It's still up to this woman
Dina who runs "Variety."

She picks the final 30.

It's just whatever names
she's been hearing the most.

So obviously Chase
is a shoo-in.

Anyway, the list
comes out on Monday.

- Okay, so Dina just needs
to hear my name

as many times as possible
before Monday?

- Brooke, don't do it.

- Shuli,
I am absolutely doing it.

- Have a great day.
Thank you so much.

- Thank you.

- Hi, I'd like to buy
this Moleskine

because I'm a writer now,
as you can tell from my gloves.

- Cool.
You know, I'm a writer, too.

There's--there's actually
this little theater

in the back of the store

and I'm workshopping
my one-man show later today

if you would like to come?

- Oh, thanks, but I--I can't.

I'm starting a screenplay.

Yeah, I'm more
in the feature space.

Yeah, I've never really
written before,

but as they say,
write what you know.

So I'm gonna tell "The Cary
Dubek Story" like only I can.

- Well, good luck.
- Thanks. Thank you.

- Yeah.

- Oh, do you know where I could
also buy a thin little scarf?

[melancholic music]

♪ ♪

[music stops]
- Seems like enough for now.

And you know, to create art,
you--you first need to see art.

- Hey, Brooke, Dubek.

Just calling to see
where you are.

Oh, no.
You can't come shopping anymore

because you're too busy
with your clients,

ChaseDreams and Pat Dubek?

No, do not apologize.

You are as kind as you are
a creative director.

Hi, can I help you
find anything?

I'm the manager of this store,
and I'm 40.

Unlike Brooke Dubek,

who's the manager of two
huge superstars and is only 30.

[Australian accent] Oh, crikey.
This suit's a beaut.

I feel like a regular
Brooke Dubek.

- I'm taking a break
from writing a feature.

I actually--I just
finished the outline.

- Cool.
- Yeah.

- What's it about?

- The year, 2004.

The setting, Ohio.

And me?
Gay.

And not only was I gay,

but I had a dad who was
not like the other dads.

I had a dad who was mean.

And that was hard for me.

- [Australian accent]
And I mean,

even our kangaroos
know the name Brooke Dubek.

- Wait. Brookie?

Hi, honey.

- What?
No, I'm not Brooke.

[normally, softly]
Mom, what are you doing here?

- Oh, I'm here with Carla,
the grumpy lady

who won a chance to go
on a shopping spree with me.

Which reminds me,
how long is a "spree?"

- Pat,
do you like this cardigan?

- I love it, Carla.

- Hon, do you like these jeans?
- What about this scarf, Pat?

- Hold on a second, Carla.

I still haven't gotten
my answer about the jeans,

and Saturdays are usually
our shopping day.

- I won this.

- Brookie, would you maybe
wanna come pitch in on Carla?

She and Streeter
aren't really getting along.

- I'd love to, but again...

[Australian accent]
I'm not Brooke Dubek,

so toodle-oo.

- Okay, honey.
Bye.

- But I sure would give
every boomerang I own

to be Brooke Dubek.

She really does put--

- Look, I know what you're
doing, and it's pointless.

I finalized the list
last night.

- [normally]
Oh.

Okay, well, then I guess--fuck.

- No.

Not fuck.

- [squeals]

- Can you imagine writing that

and thinking that's enough
for a story?

- Yeah, I'm gay?

My dad was mean?
Then what?

Like, I kept waiting for him
to get gay-bashed or something.

- Yeah,
definitely wasn't enough.

But maybe if one
of his parents died--

- Ugh, so overdone.

- I can't with
dead parents anymore.

- Yeah...
[sighs]

Hey, Mackenzie,

could I get a little bit longer
with my script?

Just wanna make sure
it's super polished.

- Sure.
How about Friday?

- Yeah.
Great. Great.

Excited to send you
a fully original,

never-been-done-before movie
in less than a week.

- Great.
- Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

- [squeals]

Hi, Brooke Dubek,
"30 Under 30."

Brooke Dubek,
soon to be seen in "Variety."

I just want you to know
that I appreciate you.

I'm usually
behind the camera too,

but today I'm in front of it.

- What's this for again?

- Mm-kay, very funny.
Ha-ha.

It's for "Variety."

It's one of the largest
trade publications.

[phone buzzes]
Oh, sorry, I have a call.

Hey.

- I did it.
I wrote a screenplay.

- Cary. I knew you could.

- Yeah, it actually flowed
outta me pretty easy.

It's about this old man

who comes out of the closet
after his wife dies.

But it's also about his son,
sort of a Ewan McGregor-type

who meets this French woman
at a Halloween party and--

- Cary, that's the movie
"Beginners."

- What?

- Yeah, and Ewan McGregor
is in it.

You were obsessed with it,
remember?

You made Lance and I watch it
while you sat facing us.

- Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.
How did I do this?

- Hey, Chase. Are you excited
for our photoshoots?

- Yeah. I'm--
- Just a reminder that today

I'm not your manager,
I'm your peer.

- How did I not realize I was
writing the movie "Beginners"?

And my script is only 59 pages.
What did I leave out?

- I'm guessing a lot
of the nuance?

- Fuck!

I said I was gonna send her
something today.

Why do I even have to do this?
This is such bullshit.

- Why don't you just go
and have a new life experience

and then write about that?

- What's an experience
I can have in one day?

- I don't know, but I gotta go
'cause I'm about to get in hair

and makeup, and girl,
you know that takes forever.

- Okay, actor, singer,
or creative director?

- Creative director.

- Okay, all set.

- This is the Metro North.
Next stop, 15 minutes.

15 minutes, next stop.

- Hey, this is crazy,
but what if we just

got off this train
right here,

and just spent the day
together?

See where it takes us?

- Are you trying to
"Before Sunrise" me?

- No, that's already a movie,
so I can't do that.

Our day would take
very original twists and turns.

- What twists and turns?
- I don't know.

That's what you're supposed
to help with.

So what do you say
we just figure it out together?

- No.
- Ugh.

Hey, this is crazy, but--

- No.
- God.

Is no one on this train a film?

- Great, Chase.
You're hot. You're a king.

- God, this looks so cool.

- What's this for?

- What do you mean?
It's "Variety's 30 Under 30."

It's a big deal.

You're one of the top 10
singers in the world.

- Does that mean
I can sing again soon?

- Remember that
we're peers today

and that's really more
of a manager question.

- Okay, that's a wrap on Chase.
Moving on to Brooke Dubek.

- Ooh, Chase,
do you wanna watch me?

- Yeah.
I'm just gonna grab a water.

- Okay.
I cannot wait to see my setup.

What's the theme?
Underwater, '20s?

- Uh, it's just this.

- Okay, minimalist.
Cool.

I just need to know
what wardrobe to hop into?

I brought two suitcases
filled with options,

and there is an UberXL
idling out front with more.

- All right, that's a wrap
on Brooke Dubek.

- Brooke, you're gonna kill it.

- You missed it.
- Next up is Tavi Gevinson.

Let's break out
the wind machine.

- Now approaching
Preston Station.

- Excuse me, sir.

You look like
you've lived a full life.

Mind if I adapt it
into a major motion picture?

- Hi, ma'am,
what's your life story,

and can I tell it through film?

- Hey, I have a story

and no one's ever
been brave enough to tell it.

- I will. I'll be brave.
- Okay.

Did you know over 100,000
dead people vote every year?

- God damn it.
- Wait. Cary?

Hi, honey.
- Mom, what are you doing here?

- I'm on a Win-A-Chance.

Phyllis and I are going
apple picking upstate.

- Traditionally a couple's
activity, but three is fun too.

- Would you wanna come
and maybe pitch in on Phyllis?

She's a very unique woman.

- I--I can't.
I have to go figure out

a whole stupid screenplay
to write from scratch.

- Oh, I didn't know
you were writing. Since when?

- Also, none of those
dead voters are white?

Put that in your script.

- I'm not writing that, bitch.

- Yeah, bitch!
- [sighs]

- Okay, well, call and let me
know how it goes, Cary.

- I will.
- And say hi to Jess.

- Great, Tavi.
Yes.

You're a businesswoman.
You're making calls.

- Can I please just take a few
in this setup?

I am a literal businesswoman.

Look, what she's doing
up there right now?

That's my whole day.

- What's this for again?
"Elle"? "Vogue"?

- Oh, even better, girl.
It's actually for "Variety's"

"30 Under 30."
You're on for acting,

and I'm on for
creative directing.

- Cute.
- Okay, bitch.

- All right,
that's a wrap for the day.

- Are you sure you can't--

okay, well,
before everyone leaves,

to thank you all for your
hard work, I got a taco truck.

It's not here
for another two hours

'cause I thought my photo was
gonna take longer, but--

Tavi, tacos?

Okay, I'll see you
at the party, girl.

- Okay. You can do this.

You told her
you'd send her something,

so just write something.

You already have the title,

so just scroll down
and write any first line.

[sighs]

[tapping]

[fingers crack]

[tapping]

[fingers cracking]

[tap]

Oh, I'll start
with a flashback.

But to what?
And from where?

[urinating]

Okay so, it's a guy and a girl.

Wait, fuck, how do girls talk?

Okay.

[panting]
Huh?

[static]
Okay.

[phone dings]

Fuck.

Hey, Mackenzie.

- Hey, Cary.
How's the script coming?

- Good.
It's very good, actually.

Just polishing it.
- Great.

- I was wondering can I get
just like a little more time?

- I'm sure whatever you have
is fine, just send it.

Seriously.
Send it now.

- You know what?

What the hell.
I'll send it.

And you can just see.
You can finally see.

- Great.

- Oh, my God, "30 Under 30."

This is so cool.

I mean, the photoshoot
sucked ass but who cares?

This is the main event.

- Well, I'm glad you're killing
it 'cause I haven't heard

from Mackenzie since I sent her
that title page a week ago.

- Oh, my God.
Don't be so hard on yourself.

You wrote "Beginners."
That's a great movie.

I wonder who's gonna be seated
at our table.

Maybe Dua Lipa?
Or Alessia Cara.

Oh, my God, remember when
I DMed her, like, 1,000 times?

That was so lame.

But tonight, we're going
to actually meet

as, like,
peers in the industry.

- Oh, my God, Brooke.
- What?

That's not me
calling us that now.

It's "Variety."

- Oh, cool.

- I should probably
try and find Chase.

[line ringing]

- Hello.
- Hey, buddy, where are you?

- Hi, Brooke.
I'm with Beyoncé.

- Oh, my God. She's only 30?
That's insane.

- Yeah, we have the same
lawyer now, so she invited me.

- Invited you where?

- To the Nets game.

- What? Why aren't you
at "30 Under 30?"

It's the industry's
biggest night.

- Shuli says I'm not supposed
to go to things like that.

- Oh, shit.
Mackenzie's here?

Oh, God. I cannot talk to her,
it'll be so bad.

- Chase, "30 Under 30"
is a huge deal.

You could have met
Alessia Cara.

- Oh, I just did.
She's here too.

- What?
But she's supposed to be here.

- No, Shuli said
actors and singers don't go.

Just people like you.

- Okay.
That doesn't make any sense.

Chase, give the phone
to Alessia.

- Sorry, Brooke, I gotta go.

We're about to be
on the Jumbotron.

- Well, if none of the real
people are going to be here,

then what loser no-name

am I gonna be seated next to
all night?

Oh, my God.

- Sup, B.
- What are you doing here?

- I'm on "30 Under 30."

- How?
- I tried to tell you that

last time I saw you.

Nike licensed
my dry erase shoe.

You know Nike, right?

And I took that money
and I started my own label.

And now I'm in talks
with Shawn Mendes.

You know Shawn Mendes, right?

And we're talking about
doing our own line together.

So yeah, I'm kind of
a celeb streetwear designer.

- This is a nightmare.

- You know, I think I am gonna
go talk to Mackenzie.

- What?
You said it would be so bad.

- Not as bad as this.
- [sighs]

- That sounds great.
I'll see you Friday.

Okay. Thanks.

[softly]
Oh, sweet Jesus.

[normally]
Cary, oh, my gosh, hi.

- Hey, Mackenzie,
good to see you.

I'm guessing
you read my script.

- You can do this.

You told him
to send you something.

So read it.
Just fucking read it.

You've already got it open
to the title page,

just scroll down and read it.

Oh, God.
Just fucking read it.

Read it. Read it.
Just scroll down and read it.

- Yes.

I did read it.
And I loved it.

I love the beginning, I love
the middle, I love the end.

- Really?
- Yes.

- Well, good, 'cause I wrote--
I wrote the whole script.

I'm a great writer
and I wrote it.

- And I'm a great agent
and I read it.

- Ugh.

So I guess
it's just you and me.

How have you been?
- Good.

I can leave if you want.
- No.

No, it's fine.

- Hey, congrats on getting
"30 Under 30."

And right under the wire,
since your birthday's tomorrow.

- Oh, is that what
all of this is for?

Yeah, I didn't even know.

This was not really
a big deal to me at all, so...

- Hey, Mom.
Just calling to update you.

I got some exciting news--
- Hey, Car, it's Streeter.

I got your mom's phone.
We're at Lisa's son's wedding.

- Oh, right. How is it?

- I don't know. I'm outside.

Your mom had to take
Helen Biesel from Iowa

as her plus one.

- Oh, weird.
Well, I'm gonna go.

- No, no, no. You can tell me
the exciting news, you know.

I'm sort of a parental person
in your--hello?

[dance music playing
over speakers]

- I'm dancing with Pat!

- [clears throat]

- You know, this may not be
a big deal to you,

but it is a huge deal to me.

I've been working
my ass off lately,

and I really wanted this.

- That's sad for you.

- This is embarrassing,
but I even brought

two suitcases full of options
to the photoshoot.

- You did?
- Yeah.

And I had Uber
out front with more.

[laughs]

- I had an UberXL.

- Hell yeah, you did, girl.

- I just feel so stupid because
nobody else is here but--

- But it's a big deal to you?

- Yes.
This is a big deal to me.

- And you really wanted this?
- I did. I really wanted this.

- And you got it.
- Yes.

Yes, I fucking got it.

- That's cool.
That's cool.

Just because
this ain't cool enough

for Alessia or Dua,

doesn't mean that it can't be
cool enough for you-a.

- [laughs]

- I'm serious, B.
Out of the whole world,

there's only 30 people
allowed to be on this list,

and we're two of them.

That is dope as hell.

And you know what else is dope?

There's a red carpet over there

which means that
Getty Images is here.

- Of the Watermark Images?
- Guess what?

I got that agent.
- Oh, my God, Cary.

Congrats.
- Permission to pound?

- Permission granted.
Wait, how did this happen?

What about the script
you didn't write?

- She didn't read it.
She just pretended to.

Remember when I said
it was bullshit?

I needed to write just to act?

Well, it was.
It was literal bullshit,

which is actually
kind of liberating.

Like, that was all fake.

- Yeah, Car,
this whole industry is fake.

- What?
Lance?

- No, I mean,
not all of it is fake.

This is real.

- Yeah, no, the awards stuff
is real, of course.

- Okay, cool.

Well, I'm gonna
do the red carpet.

Cary, do you wanna
come with me?

- No, that's okay.
It's your night.

- Okay.

- Car, what else is different
about you? You been fucking?

- [laughs]

I--I have been fucking.
Yeah.

And this is insane to tell you,

but I recently found out that
my dick is bigger than yours?

- Hell yeah, Car.

I always knew you were packing.

[phone chimes]

- Oh, my God, wait.

Mackenzie's, like, already
forwarding me auditions.

This is so stupid.
You know what?

I think I am gonna
do the red carpet.

- Yeah, boy. Get up there
with that big ol' dick.

- [laughs]

- Can I get one more here?
[indistinct chatter]

- Brooke Dubek, "30 Under 30."

- Cary Dubek, actor/writer.

- Yo, B.
Midnight. Let's go.

♪ Happy birthday to you,
ya, ya, ya ♪

all: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
- ♪ Ya, ya ♪

[beatboxing]
all: ♪ Happy birthday ♪

♪ Dear Brooke ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

- Ooh!

[cheers and applause]

- Thank you.
- So how old are you?

- 31.

- I'm gonna have to
ask you to leave.

- What?

- Mmm.

- God, these nachos
are so good.

- I know, right?

This is actually a perfect
start to my birthday.

Just sitting on the ground,

eating shitty food
in a shitty, little apartment.

- Brooke, this is my apartment.
- Oh, sorry.

It's gorgeous, Cary.
- Mm-hmm.

- And hey, thanks for being

such a good friend in there
tonight.

- You got it, homie.
Anytime.

- Also, you're not doing
a clothing line

with Shawn Mendes anymore.

You're doing one with Chase.

- Okay. Hell yeah.
Fuck Shawn Mendes.

- Oh, God. Would I?
- I know, right?

He's, like, small and big.

- [laughs]

- Hey, listen.
I don't wanna ruin this,

but I feel like
I should tell you.

I'm seeing someone.

It's new,
but she's sorta my girlfriend.

Is that okay to say?

- I don't know. It depends.

Is she skinnier than me?

- I shouldn't have.
- [laughs]

No, it's cool.
I'm happy for you.

- Thank you.

- Whoa, I really am.

That's great.

- Okay, hopefully
these are something.

I cleaned out my fridge
while I was writing.

- Aw, thanks, Cary.
- Hey, happy 31, B.

- Thanks.
- Cheers.

- So wait, Lance,
what are you working on now?

- Okay, so it's a hoodie,
but the hood is so big

that it doubles
as a sleeping bag.

- So do you, like,
crawl into it?

- If you need to.
[laughter]

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