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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,560 This programme contains strong language and adult humour. 2 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:07,240 Love, Laugh and then Live. Live. The five best ever words. 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:09,520 Tacky. That? 4 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:12,200 Yeah. Oh, no, no, it's actually very, very nice. 5 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:17,960 Obviously we're going to plaster over that wall 6 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:20,240 so you don't have to look at all those crispy old bricks. 7 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:21,480 No, don't do that. 8 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:24,160 No, that's lovely exposed brick work. 9 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:28,400 Oh, do you not have very nice, like, taste and things like that? 10 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:29,800 Does this fridge have to stay? 11 00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:32,800 Just cos I've got this beautiful old, like, vintage brown one. 12 00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:35,800 I'd love to put it there, if that's cool? 13 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:38,680 You want to put a old, brown fridge in here? 14 00:00:38,720 --> 00:00:40,880 Well, do you like that? 15 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:42,440 Yeah. No! 16 00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:45,080 You like the floor? Yeah. No! 17 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:48,320 People would pay a lot of money for that sort of thing. What, for brack? 18 00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:49,800 It's really, really nice. 19 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:52,560 The broke door? 20 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:54,520 What's your name again, first and second? 21 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,400 Alan Shepherd. Alan Shepherd. 22 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,960 You've got bad opinions on the floor. 23 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,760 Sophie, everyone I'm showing around there is so cold to me 24 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,320 and they're rich, rich, rich 25 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:07,200 but they're dressed like a bloody charity. 26 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:08,280 HORN BEEPS 27 00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:10,520 Oh, Christ, that's the beep, my foot on the beep. 28 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:11,960 Hello. 29 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,400 Are you here for the viewing? It's Harriet. 30 00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:15,840 I'll get out... Oh. 31 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:19,720 Oh, my... 32 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:22,600 Hello. 33 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:24,120 Sorry, too much stuff I think. 34 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:28,960 Um, yeah, I just... I saw the, um, your agency... 35 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,120 Sorry, sorry, sorry. SHE LAUGHS 36 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,840 Just the way you got out of the car was so funny. 37 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:35,040 Oh. 38 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:37,040 I'm so sorry for laughing. 39 00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:41,160 You seem very happy about something. 40 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,520 Ladies walk before men in this house, please. 41 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:53,240 What? OK, yeah. 42 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,800 I was thinking maybe, if you wanted, in this room 43 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:59,720 you could put a broken, rubbish old guitar on top of the telly there. 44 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:02,000 Everyone likes things like that now, innit? 45 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,880 Yeah. OK. Good one. 46 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:05,560 That's good, yeah fair point. 47 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:07,240 I'm a bit of a clone, I suppose. 48 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:09,600 You got me back for laughing at you. 49 00:02:09,640 --> 00:02:11,080 Sorry. 50 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:12,880 But what could you mean, Harriet? 51 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:16,520 Oh, I just... Oh, I thought you were making a joke 52 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:20,120 cos, like, I'm an obvious, like, posh indie girl. 53 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:22,960 No, no, I said about a guitar, I didn't say you were Indian girl. 54 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:24,160 Are you? 55 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,240 No, just a snoring white girl. 56 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,640 SHE IMITATES A SNORE 57 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,480 Wow. Actually, do you mind me asking, 58 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,520 your accent, it's... Where are you from, originally? 59 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:34,120 Oh. Just... 60 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:39,080 Uh, well, I was born Cyprus and my Dad's from Greece. 61 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:40,520 Oh. Cool. Yeah. 62 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:44,600 I moved to London when I was 14 so it took me a while to say, like, 63 00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:47,120 words like...cherish, 64 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:50,320 uh, but I say it all the time now, like every night. 65 00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:51,800 Cherish. Oh, God. 66 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:54,400 What, pardon? 67 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,160 No, sorry, I just... It... 68 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:58,600 It is harsh how much shit letting agents get, 69 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:01,680 and, like...and, like, no-one looks at the individual, 70 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,720 and I just, I mean you probably had it 71 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:06,640 shit loads harder than I have, and I just... Ah. 72 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:08,200 Blah, blah, sorry, boring. 73 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,160 Shall we just keep looking at the flat? 74 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:13,040 Yeah, OK. This is the... 75 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:15,120 ..wine of the flat. 76 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:21,360 It's from 1991, which is 18 years ago today. 77 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:24,400 Happy birthday, Like, it's the bottle's birthday! 78 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:26,920 That's so random. The wine's old enough to drink. 79 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:31,240 And we were laughing and laughing because of wine. 80 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,280 You don't even like wine. 81 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:36,920 Oh, man, 82 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:38,760 do you fancy her? 83 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,880 Yes. Definitely. 84 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:42,640 Definitely, I do, Sophie. 85 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:45,400 Why are you shouting about definitely? It's 8 PM. 86 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:48,160 Sorry. Stath fancies someone. 87 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,920 Who? Girl called Harriet. 88 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:54,000 OK, well, I thought it might be me. 89 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:55,520 Well, it's not, it's Harriet. 90 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:58,520 Well, shut up, then, because I have to get up at 4am. 91 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:00,960 Why? I'm a postwoman! 92 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:05,160 HE SIGHS 93 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,120 When do you want to go to bed? 94 00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:08,480 Not too late. 95 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:14,280 You, are you staying here again tonight? 96 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:15,600 Yeah. 97 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,840 Oh, I'm thinking so much about my viewing with that girl tomorrow, 98 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,720 it's like a clucking in my head. 99 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:24,440 I'm thinking about her, as well, actually. 100 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:27,160 Are you? That's quite supportive, innit? 101 00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:32,480 Oh, Sophie, don't go to sleep, I'm excited. 102 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:36,680 ♪ When you meet someone and you can't believe your luck 103 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:42,840 ♪ When you meet someone and you can't believe your luck. ♪ 104 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:46,160 Sophie. Sophie. 105 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:48,240 Sophie, do you mind if I have some of this water? 106 00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:49,800 HE GULPS 107 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:53,960 Oh, my God. 108 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:58,960 Mm. Oh, brilliant, I was almost asleep there. With your "Mm." 109 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,040 Sophie, I haven't slept, I feel mad. 110 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,200 HE SNORES 111 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,520 Are you going to drive? 112 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:10,840 Yes. 113 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:13,120 There we go... 114 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:14,280 Ah! 115 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:15,560 CAR ALARM WAILS 116 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:17,040 Are you too tired to drive? 117 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,360 I'm actually quite awake now cos I just smashed into that car. 118 00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:28,000 Oh, lovely. How old did you say she was? One? 119 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,800 She looks four. 120 00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:31,440 What an old baby! 121 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,320 Sorry, is there anywhere I can sit down? 122 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:36,200 Well, we've actually gone a little bit modern, little bit of a rebrand, 123 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:37,560 so not at present, no. 124 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:40,480 Anyway, us single mums have got to stand up for ourselves, haven't we? 125 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:41,640 I'm not single. 126 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:43,120 No, neither, am I, I've got a boyf. 127 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:47,440 Don't. Do you know where the desks and tables have gone? 128 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,040 Julian got rid of all the furniture 129 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,520 cos he thinks this looks good. We're all loving it. 130 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,160 Deanie! On your feet, my man. 131 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:54,520 No, you're all right. 132 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:57,400 Come on, I'm trying to get this whole boutique warehouse vibe going. 133 00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:00,400 You know, I need my top dog! No, I'm sitting down. 134 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:03,720 All right, well, just...you know, don't want you missing out, do I? 135 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:10,600 What's Stath doing? SOPHIE: He didn't sleep. 136 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:12,880 Morning, Al. Oh, exactly, yeah. 137 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:16,280 How are you doing, lady, lady? 138 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:18,120 Oi. Stath's Sister. 139 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,680 Trying to give you more responsibility here, if you follow? 140 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:22,840 Yeah, sorry. Stath got lost on the way here. 141 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:25,480 I need you to hand these out on the street for me, OK? 142 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:27,600 Beautiful bottle of Irish sparkling. 143 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,960 Someone takes one, you send them into the office, 144 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,040 yeah, for a little chat, then I can boa constrictor, right? 145 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:34,520 How are you going to get them in? 146 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:35,880 Uh, tell them they have to. 147 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:37,640 Right, what are you going to say? Passion! 148 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,800 Look, I'll say, "You have to go in and chat to them 149 00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:41,080 "or I'm calling the police." 150 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,240 Christ. Actually don't mind that. 151 00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:44,560 Come on. 152 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,680 Dean, I want to have a man chat with ya. 153 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:48,680 Oh, that's not a desk. Can't do that. 154 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,320 Where's that guy? Al? 155 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:55,280 Come over here, man. It's boys, boys, boys. 156 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:58,440 ♪ Come on over to the corner where we chat 157 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:01,320 ♪ I don't have a problem with you. ♪ 158 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:03,920 What are we saying, man? 159 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,880 Oh, Jesus, last night man. 160 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:09,840 I didn't thing, sleep, because I was too excited for to 161 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:12,480 get my head down cause I have had the tour in the day with a girl. 162 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:13,800 Oooh! 163 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:17,760 So did, did she take the flat, or...? 164 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:20,400 No, I'm going to do the tour... Where are you going? 165 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,640 I'm going to do a tour with her this afternoon. 166 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:24,320 Oh, yeah, is this Harriet Richards? 167 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:25,720 No, Harriet. 168 00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:28,320 Yeah, no, I've toured her before. Yes, yeah, very charismatic, 169 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,040 yeah, a bit arty, wasn't she? 170 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:32,960 Can't really see that being a match, cos you're more sort of, uh... 171 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,440 ..hell. Actual hell. 172 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:38,480 Oh. Hiya, Vas. 173 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:40,480 What does the king think of his new palace, then? 174 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:42,480 Like I said, I've done a bit of a Gordon Ramsay. 175 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:44,520 Is it nice to have nothing at all? 176 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,320 Yeah, well, it's all on these. 177 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:48,840 That's how we did it at Smithwick's. It's the game these days. 178 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:51,360 And did Dean win the game? He got to keep the chair. 179 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,480 No, no, the only game that Dean's winning, 180 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:55,880 is cheekiest legend in the office! 181 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:57,640 I didn't hear that. 182 00:07:57,680 --> 00:07:59,600 See? New space. 183 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:01,320 Brings laughter. 184 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:02,640 Explore. 185 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:07,800 Do you want some water? You should go inside, there's nothing. Right. 186 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,360 She's not wrong. 187 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,760 It's amazing watching you, your hustle. 188 00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:13,360 Is it? Yeah. 189 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:15,920 Like watching a...a young Alan Sugar, you know. 190 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,120 Oh. 191 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:21,360 I...I knew you were a...a triple threat you know, with...with 192 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,000 the singing and the dancing and the...and the wit. 193 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,480 But now you've got water thrown into the mix and it, 194 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:28,960 it's a little bit much! It's a lot. 195 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:32,040 What's your favourite threat? 196 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:34,640 What? As in the...the triple threat. 197 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,280 Probably singing. 198 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:40,080 Music has been me and Katya's life ever since we started in July. 199 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,520 So admirable. 200 00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:44,840 She could be doing water with me today and we could be doing tracks. 201 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:48,080 All she does is just post sexy selfies all day, doing letters. 202 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:50,960 No, I could, I could maybe do a track with you. 203 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,880 Maybe, like, a hot track. Do you do hot tracks? 204 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:57,400 Oh, no, I... I go to a choir in Birmingham on Sundays. 205 00:08:57,440 --> 00:09:00,120 So... Like a church, Whoopi Gold, one? 206 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:01,360 No. It's... 207 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,600 It's just in an old guy's flat, it's only three of us. 208 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:08,960 I'm actually the female soprano, so I go high. I go high. 209 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:12,800 Me and Katya both like it low, so we never know who does what. Right. 210 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:17,120 ♪ You know I'm feeling sneaky when I'm winking and I'm teasing. ♪ 211 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,880 Oh, wow. It's... 212 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:25,040 ♪ And I'm sneaking all night in the sneaky party, baby. ♪ 213 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:26,720 I don't know, I just... 214 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:28,280 I just don't know. 215 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:30,720 Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky. Sneaky. 216 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:32,560 ♪ Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky. ♪ 217 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:34,400 SQUEAKILY: # Sneaky. ♪ 218 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,000 That's what you sound like! 219 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:38,160 How is your new flat? 220 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,480 I don't have a... My new flat is quite big, actually. 221 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:42,000 DOOR OPENS 222 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,840 Hello. Hello. What's all this? 223 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:48,440 How are you? 224 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:51,000 Oh, sorry, that was weird, sorry. 225 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:52,600 It was, wasn't it? Yeah. 226 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:55,440 No, not, yeah, Carole, no. 227 00:09:55,480 --> 00:10:00,440 So, what. have you come just for a little chuckle with me. or what? 228 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:03,840 No, I actually came for the viewing at 10:30. 229 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,000 Wrong. 230 00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:08,080 Cos your viewing's at 12:30, I've got another one that's , 231 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:09,600 a different one that's at 10:30. 232 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:13,880 Oh, sorry, it's just I said 10:30 and then you said yes, 233 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:16,040 so I just assumed it was 10:30. 234 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,920 You mustn't assume, sorry. 235 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:20,160 I can do it, darling. 236 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,560 Yeah, I'll throw myself in the mix for this one. Oh, no. 237 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:25,000 No, no, it's OK, I can actually wait a couple of hours, yeah, 238 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,400 I have to do some prep for this group discussion thing 239 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:30,160 I'm running tonight, so I'll just find a cafe and then... 240 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:33,640 ..and then I'll go with you, Stath. Sorry, is that right? Yes. Yeah. 241 00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:36,760 Yeah, of course, you've got to for the dis...discussion... 242 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,440 ..that thing, the coffee. Yeah, yeah. 243 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:40,960 Exactly, yeah, I have to do that sometimes as well. 244 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,440 Yeah. Yeah. OK. 245 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:46,200 So this is my dad, not him, him, that's my dad. 246 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:49,000 Hello, hi, hi. Hello, this is Steven. Hello. 247 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:50,920 Hello, hi. This is Stath. 248 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,400 Harriet knows that. 249 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:53,800 Hello. 250 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:55,640 Oh. Hello. 251 00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:59,920 Oh, my God. I love this. 252 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:11,920 See the letting agent on the road! 253 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:20,960 Is he...? I don't know. 254 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,040 Hey! Hey, hello. 255 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:24,400 I drove all the way here. 256 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:27,640 Hello, I'm Harriet. 257 00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:34,000 The whole thing's just going to be brimming with rooms. 258 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:35,720 It's a bit bigger actually, than... Yeah. 259 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:38,760 ..than it looked online, yeah. It's more light than we thought it would... 260 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:41,040 Yes, we were a bit concerned, looking at the photos, 261 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:42,760 that you wouldn't actually... 262 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:45,880 Um, excuse me... Yeah. Yeah. 263 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:48,840 Tell...tell me about it, man. 264 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:53,440 The interesting thing is, there's actually three or four of these 265 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,320 that you might not have seen before. 266 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:57,000 Other properties, or...? 267 00:11:57,040 --> 00:11:58,520 No, these. Do you mean...? That... 268 00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:00,960 No, I thought there was something there, there's not. Oh. 269 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:02,600 Come on. 270 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,640 Mate? Do you need the toilet? 271 00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:13,120 No, no, I was just checking you're... Are you OK? 272 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:16,680 Yeah, you OK? You OK? Yeah. Yeah. Well, that makes three. 273 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:17,920 Oh, watch out. 274 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:19,480 To the master bedroom! 275 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:21,000 For the master... 276 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,200 ..of the thing, the tides. 277 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,600 Actually? 278 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:32,880 Actually/ 279 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,280 Are you two from America? No. Stop asking us that. No. 280 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,960 Let me see, what's the time, me old mucker? 281 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,520 Um... 282 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:44,840 Well, it's just gone 12. 12! 283 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:47,320 What's he doing? I don't know, is he...? 284 00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:49,720 He's just going. He's just gone. 285 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:52,160 When he arrived, did he say his name was Harriet? 286 00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:58,200 HE SNORES 287 00:12:58,240 --> 00:12:59,480 HE SNIFFS 288 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:06,720 I slept for four hours and 35 minutes. 289 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,080 I flipping missed her! 290 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:19,040 Let me know, but it's all above order, I think you'll find. 291 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:22,520 Done! You got done! 292 00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,120 You snooze, you standing. 293 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:25,160 Huh... You got me. 294 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,240 BOTH: # I got dumped, dumped 295 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:34,440 ♪ And I'm feeling loony. 296 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,880 ♪ Why do I always go for the nasty chicks 297 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,080 I don't know... 298 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,160 HIGH-PITCHED: # I got dumped, dumped! And... ♪ 299 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:45,200 Isn't it politically illegal to call a chick nasty? 300 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:47,920 Oh, yeah, yeah, it is, yeah. 301 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:51,800 I think that we should just do that gangster dirty one we done. 302 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:55,680 I mean, you know, I guess deep down we're all thugs. Yeah... 303 00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:57,880 Did you show Harriet around? How was it? 304 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,680 Does she want to do another viewing? 305 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:01,000 Did you tell her I was sorry? 306 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:03,280 In my car, I suddenly fell asleep for four hours. 307 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,960 Yeah, she says she doesn't want the flat no more cos her parents 308 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,720 have got a spare one in West London, which is nice for her, innit? 309 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,680 Oh, yes, meanwhile, Clerk is telling me we're going to have to raise 310 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:14,160 our baby in his dad's hotel in Morecambe. 311 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,360 And did Harriet say anything, or...? 312 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:19,280 Yeah, the stuff Carole just said. 313 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:20,760 Right...! 314 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:23,880 And she was going on about some discussion drinks, 315 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:26,160 some hipster shit that she wants us to go to tonight. 316 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,160 Are we going to go? Let's go. Are we going to go? 317 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,520 No, I'm sitting down tonight. 318 00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:32,920 No! Al, are you going to go to the...the discussion thing? 319 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:35,360 Oh, well... No, I was actually going to write some songs... 320 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:37,000 No, no, no, you're not, no... 321 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,400 I'm not good at discussing. You know, I'm a shit talker. 322 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:41,720 No, you're not. ITALIAN ACCENT: I talk-a the shit! 323 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:43,040 Italy, Italian... 324 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:44,760 Um, we've also just got to finish this track. 325 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,080 That's easy - I'll do a rap. 326 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:47,720 Give me your phone - I'll record the rap 327 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:50,120 and that's the track finished and that's the time for discussion. 328 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:52,320 Time for discussion! 329 00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:57,320 It's fine. 330 00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:00,800 You should go out and then maybe you can come to mine after 331 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:04,200 the chatting thing and we can show Katia the song 332 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:07,720 and have some dips and spicy crackers. 333 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:09,440 Yeah. Yes. 334 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,200 Yeah, I'd love that. 335 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,320 RAPS: # Come on, stuckerambos! 336 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:16,240 ♪ Speaking very quickly tonight. ♪ 337 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:18,760 Don't throw phones, Dean! 338 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:27,560 OK, well it says the idea of the group is to provide a safe space 339 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:31,920 to discuss social issues with people who may not share your beliefs. 340 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:33,000 Fantastic. Yeah. 341 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:36,360 It's nice that we're doing the discussion thing, but I wish it was just me and her. 342 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,640 I'm worried there's going to be, like, clever clogs. 343 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:40,640 You know, if she seems a little different to you, 344 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:41,960 that's kind of cool. 345 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,640 Yeah, but do you think she's the same as me? 346 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,360 Yeah. Yeah, I do, yeah. Just... Just the same. 347 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,440 So, it's seven now. 348 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:51,520 Erm, we're not going to be there too long, are we? 349 00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:54,200 Uh, yeah, I think we are, yeah, too long. 350 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:58,280 You all right, Harriet? 351 00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,760 Oh, my God. This is so great. Oh! OK, OK... 352 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:02,640 Bless! Thank you for coming. 353 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:03,920 I know you guys are coming from 354 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:05,960 a slightly different place from these lot, so... 355 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,280 Yeah, we've come from our office. 356 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:12,440 And, look, this is Al. Al, say something in Japanese to her. 357 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:14,640 "Tokidoki" means "sometimes". 358 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:16,800 Is that true? Yes. 359 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:20,280 Well, shoes off, firstly, and I think we're going to get started. 360 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:22,920 OK, so I think I might be a bit sick when I say this, 361 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,320 but I think that the key to loosening up 362 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:28,160 before we have a big old groan about life is...fun! 363 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:31,240 LAUGHTER 364 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:32,880 SHE IMITATES VOMITING Oh, no! 365 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:35,840 See. No, I'll clear that up later. 366 00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:39,680 I get sick too sometimes, Harriet. SHE CHUCKLES 367 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:43,160 But when I have too much hard choccy! 368 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:46,520 OK, that's very specific. Yes. OK, OK. 369 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,280 Right, I want to play some on-theme games, 370 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:52,200 so, yeah, I want to see some serious tolerance, OK? 371 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:54,040 So get up on your feet. 372 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,640 So, if you're ashamed of it, then shout it! 373 00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:59,080 My parents financially support me! 374 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:00,280 CHUCKLING AND GROANING 375 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:01,920 I eat red meat! 376 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:03,800 My carbon footprint. 377 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:06,080 My white male privilege. Yes! 378 00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:08,080 DJ, DJ, DJ! 379 00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:10,640 Sorry, Stath, you're ashamed of DJs? 380 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:13,080 Oh, no, I was just doing, like, what's the coolest job? 381 00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:15,760 DJ! Scratch the scratch! 382 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:19,320 I mean, I love that, but we're talking about shame. 383 00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:21,320 Oh... Juicy shame. 384 00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:24,160 OK, just because it's a chair to me doesn't mean it's a chair to you. 385 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:27,280 What else could the chair be? Chair... 386 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:28,720 It's a pedal-stool. 387 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,520 A destitute block of flats. 388 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:32,640 What? 389 00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,600 It's a flat, new brand-new flat, 390 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:37,400 only a couple of hairs stamped into the carpet. 391 00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:38,600 Still very nice. 392 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,240 That's a real property that we have if you want to...to consider that. 393 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:43,240 STATH APPLAUDS 394 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:46,760 Make a point, say agree or disagree, and then move on. 395 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:48,000 Oh, God. 396 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,160 I don't think people should have to be sent to prison. 397 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:53,040 I think the treatment of rats and mice is just disgusting. 398 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:54,840 Sorry, who's treating rats and mice. 399 00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:56,640 No, no, treating them badly. 400 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:58,720 Oh, yes, you want to kill them whenever you can 401 00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:00,440 in case they spit at you. 402 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,160 No, you don't - they're living things. 403 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:03,800 I think we're saying the same thing. 404 00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:06,120 You want to kill all mice badly. 405 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,000 Agree! 406 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:10,240 Stath, we're not going to stay for much longer, are we? 407 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,200 Yeah, well, we'll stay, don't worry. 408 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,640 Harriet, after this, do you want to go for a drink? 409 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,640 Hey, girl. Hey, babe. How was post? 410 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,080 Uh, whatever, fine. 411 00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:23,720 I had to stay late and I got tired 412 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:27,000 and I spilt smoothie over every letter. Hakuna matata. 413 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,160 What have you done? 414 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:31,560 Well, me and Al wrote a song today for us 415 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:34,600 and it's sort of a nasty, bad girl track. 416 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,560 OK. Sing it. 417 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:40,880 He's coming over later to sing it with me 418 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,920 cos it needs his high voice. 419 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,520 Sophie, babe, sing the song. 420 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,200 Two, three, four. 421 00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,600 ♪ When a gangster comes to town 422 00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:55,760 ♪ You better hide in your house, 423 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,360 ♪ Cos a gangster, he don't care who you are 424 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:01,200 ♪ He just shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot. ♪ 425 00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:03,680 That was fucking shit. 426 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:06,560 Well, it does need a higher part. I said that. 427 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,560 And also, actually, there is more. 428 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,960 STATH RAPS ON PHONE: # I got so much money going to buy the Titanic 429 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,040 ♪ Ride the Titanic all the way to Ayia Napa 430 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:17,920 ♪ When I get to Ayia Napa I'm going to have a drink 431 00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:20,440 ♪ Cos there wasn't any drinks on the Titanic ride. ♪ 432 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:22,040 That was pretty good. 433 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:23,920 So, is there anything that came out of those games 434 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:25,320 that anyone would like to share? 435 00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:28,200 Anything that pleased or displeased? 436 00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:31,600 Oh, I loved it, and I think we should all give Harry 437 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:34,920 a round of a clap for doing such a good play. 438 00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:38,120 APPLAUSE 439 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:42,000 I really like this guy. He's unreal. 440 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:43,760 Ah, that's so good. Any, anyone else? 441 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,400 Yeah, I think there's getting out of your echo chamber, 442 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:48,200 and there's just mingling with pricks. 443 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:51,120 Yes, that is two different things completely. 444 00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,320 He said a thing that he disagrees with is 445 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:56,640 when a tenant complains on a viewing because a box of old medals 446 00:19:56,680 --> 00:20:00,720 has fallen on their son's head because it makes him feel bad. 447 00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:02,480 What, me?! 448 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:05,080 No... That's all right, isn't it? 449 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:08,000 What, you want me to feel good because he got a medals all over, 450 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,440 scattered on his head, cutting his head? 451 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,440 He also said some pretty awful stuff about my mice. 452 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,200 They're YOUR mice. 453 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,720 No, right, no... No, no, no, no, you don't understand, 454 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:22,720 I... I'm sorry if I've done offence to you, but I really, trust me, 455 00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:25,280 yeah, I'm very, VERY nice. 456 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,200 I think you're definitely not nice. 457 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,080 I think that you are fucking the housing market by overcharging 458 00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:32,480 people so that you can swan off to your swish lad pad. 459 00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:33,640 Who's swanning? 460 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,600 My dad kicked me out of my flat and he lives in Cornwall. Birmingham. 461 00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:38,000 OK, good, good. 462 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:42,040 Well, a healthy debate, although I would say that the assumptions 463 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:45,200 that you make, Rose, are reflective of a wider issue. 464 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:47,520 I mean, you've barely met this person 465 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,600 and you've decided you know everything about him. 466 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,840 Thank you, Harriet. 467 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:55,320 Did you want to go for a drink after this? Cos... 468 00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:57,400 Why are tsk-ing all night, every day? 469 00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:58,680 Do you know what I mean? 470 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,040 I don't know you at all. 471 00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:02,720 Really? 472 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:04,240 You showed my wife and I a flat. 473 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:06,960 Nothing. 474 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:10,360 The whole garden went up in flames. 475 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,680 Oh, no, do you have a pregnant wife? 476 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,080 Is your baby born, bless her? 477 00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:18,480 He is, yeah... Oh! 478 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:19,760 But I don't... 479 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:26,600 Actually...fine. Sorry, fuck it. 480 00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:29,880 So the house that you said was fine for us to view, 481 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:34,600 after you casually drove away from that house that was literally 482 00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:37,640 blazing with smoke and fire, 483 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:42,280 my wife thought that she could hear a boy screaming inside the house. 484 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:45,520 I tried to convince her the noise was coming from the place next door, 485 00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:47,760 but she wouldn't believe me. 486 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:51,160 So she went inside, and I didn't, 487 00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:54,520 and they... 488 00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:57,280 ..they managed to get her out, sort of concussed, 489 00:21:57,320 --> 00:21:59,160 and when she woke up... 490 00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:05,880 Anyway we're not together any more, because there's no trust now. 491 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:10,160 There's no trust now. 492 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,800 Did anyone else think that when he went into the house, 493 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:26,240 the wife was going to be dead when he went in the house? 494 00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:27,920 Oh, my... 495 00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:29,480 OK, I'm sorry. 496 00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:31,960 I think I've made... I think I've made a mistake here, I think. 497 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,160 What mistake? You thought she was going to be dead as well? 498 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,200 Fucking hell! What? 499 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:38,240 I think you have to go. Just cos he done a story? 500 00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:41,120 I'll show you out. That wasn't real. Do I have to go? 501 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:44,520 Harriet, please, I don't want to have to go back to Al's tonight. 502 00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,120 SOPHIE: # When a gangster comes to town 503 00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,440 ♪ You better hide in your house 504 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:56,880 ♪ Cos a gangster, he don't care who you are 505 00:22:56,920 --> 00:23:00,240 ♪ He just shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot. ♪ 506 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:28,040 Subtitles by Red Bee Media 38890

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