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1
00:00:05,555 --> 00:00:09,615
Oh, she looks great when she's
in polish. I think she likes it.
2
00:00:09,615 --> 00:00:16,255
I think she likes ME. Come inside,
Barry. I can't see her if I'm inside. I want to talk to you.
3
00:00:18,455 --> 00:00:20,515
What is it?
4
00:00:20,515 --> 00:00:26,835
Come inside, Barry, and sit down.
What's wrong? Nothing's wrong. I just want a word with you.
5
00:00:26,835 --> 00:00:30,895
I knew it - something's wrong. I
don't want you to get upset, Barry.
6
00:00:30,895 --> 00:00:36,395
You're in love with somebody!
You've been swept off your feet by some Romeo.
7
00:00:36,395 --> 00:00:39,555
Oh, Glenda,
tell me it's not a pedestrian.
8
00:00:39,555 --> 00:00:44,435
I'm in love with YOU!
Then why are you leaving me?
9
00:00:44,435 --> 00:00:48,935
Nobody's leaving you! Then why am I
sitting here, waiting for bad news?
10
00:00:48,935 --> 00:00:51,715
It's not REALLY bad news.
11
00:00:51,715 --> 00:00:54,675
Mother's coming for tea.
12
00:00:54,675 --> 00:00:58,095
Couldn't you have had a Romeo?
..Only joking.
13
00:00:58,095 --> 00:01:02,375
No, what's to joke about?
Your mother's coming for tea!
14
00:01:37,115 --> 00:01:41,435
But what I...
what I thought was funny...
15
00:01:42,835 --> 00:01:45,395
He's coming. Who's coming?
16
00:01:45,395 --> 00:01:49,355
Howard. I can feel him.
I know when he's coming. KNOCK
17
00:01:51,035 --> 00:01:53,095
It's uncanny.
18
00:01:53,095 --> 00:01:55,615
Worse than that. It's Howard.
19
00:01:57,475 --> 00:02:01,515
Have you any overalls, Cleggy?
Any old overalls?
20
00:02:01,515 --> 00:02:06,655
Howard, I was a lino salesman.
We wore a brown warehouse coat.
21
00:02:06,655 --> 00:02:11,235
After 30 years' loyal service,
they allowed us to give it back.
22
00:02:11,235 --> 00:02:14,795
Tha's not the overall type.
Tha's more frilly pinny.
23
00:02:14,795 --> 00:02:19,155
Not any more.
No, you're looking at Mr Handyman.
24
00:02:19,155 --> 00:02:23,715
Ha! But Pearl does all her own
repairs. She mends your Scalextric.
25
00:02:23,715 --> 00:02:27,575
You sprained your finger opening
a packet of biscuits.
26
00:02:27,575 --> 00:02:30,095
Who put the new shelves up?
27
00:02:30,095 --> 00:02:32,275
CRASH!
28
00:02:32,275 --> 00:02:35,175
What the Heckmondwike was that?
29
00:02:35,175 --> 00:02:38,315
Probably
Howard's shelves falling down.
30
00:02:45,555 --> 00:02:51,215
Is he all right? As opposed
to being dead, for instance. Well, it's moving.
31
00:02:51,215 --> 00:02:55,355
The Eagle has landed.
Looks more like a folding bedstead.
32
00:02:59,815 --> 00:03:05,315
Does anybody here speak English?
I bring greetings from across the Channel.
33
00:03:05,315 --> 00:03:10,375
Not only a bum pilot.
His navigation's well off.
34
00:03:10,375 --> 00:03:14,855
Are you all right? Can you follow
the movement of this finger?
35
00:03:14,855 --> 00:03:17,955
She's a saucy little French thing.
36
00:03:17,955 --> 00:03:22,115
They're a bit forward,
these intrepid aviators.
37
00:03:22,115 --> 00:03:25,115
Do you think he's from outer space?
38
00:03:25,115 --> 00:03:27,555
I think he's out of something.
39
00:03:27,555 --> 00:03:33,175
Shouldn't we take him in?
You're not. You don't know where he's been.
40
00:03:33,175 --> 00:03:37,015
It's where he's come from
that we ought to worry about.
41
00:03:37,015 --> 00:03:40,855
If he starts saying,
"Take me to your leader," I'm gone.
42
00:03:40,855 --> 00:03:46,235
Er, can you move everything? One
at a time will suffice. I'm fine.
43
00:03:46,235 --> 00:03:49,035
No problem - bulldog breed.
44
00:03:49,035 --> 00:03:51,635
What was tha doing?
45
00:03:51,635 --> 00:03:54,255
Great. And then something snapped.
46
00:03:54,255 --> 00:03:57,195
Where were you heading?
47
00:03:57,195 --> 00:04:01,755
Well, the last thing I remember...
straight for the ground.
48
00:04:01,755 --> 00:04:04,435
Well, you've reached it.
49
00:04:06,935 --> 00:04:11,095
Where was tha heading for?
For the altitude record.
50
00:04:11,095 --> 00:04:15,695
How high did you get?
Oh, well, above those chimneys.
51
00:04:15,695 --> 00:04:21,075
Well, the lower ones anyway.
If at first you don't succeed...etc.
52
00:04:21,075 --> 00:04:25,875
I must say, I'm very impressed
at the way you can all speak English.
53
00:04:31,415 --> 00:04:35,835
This could be the one, kiddo.
"Lonely widow seeks a companion."
54
00:04:35,835 --> 00:04:39,055
How lonely?
Well, let's hope very lonely.
55
00:04:39,055 --> 00:04:42,855
She'd have to be.
She'd have to be seriously lonely.
56
00:04:42,855 --> 00:04:46,895
You're a widow, Ivy...
That's not my advert.
57
00:04:46,895 --> 00:04:49,435
Don't start spreading rumours!
58
00:04:49,435 --> 00:04:52,815
Whoa! All I'm saying is,
you've got experience.
59
00:04:52,815 --> 00:04:55,355
And not so much of that, either!
60
00:04:55,355 --> 00:04:59,515
Despite what you may have heard
about wartime.
61
00:04:59,515 --> 00:05:04,475
Experience at being a widow. You
could be a guide to this man here.
62
00:05:04,475 --> 00:05:07,515
He's not practising on ME!
63
00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:13,415
You could advise and guide him
into the arms of a lonely widow seeking a companion.
64
00:05:13,415 --> 00:05:19,355
I wouldn't accept such
a responsibility! The poor woman's not done me any harm!
65
00:05:20,275 --> 00:05:23,975
How old is this widow woman?
Young 60.
66
00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:28,795
Oh. I was...
I was thinking more of, uh...55.
67
00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:32,875
If you're looking for something
to match YOUR speed, try 85!
68
00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:37,735
If you advertised for a companion,
Ivy, what would you look for?
69
00:05:37,735 --> 00:05:44,235
I should be looking
for psychiatric help, because it would mean I'd gone peculiar.
70
00:05:44,235 --> 00:05:46,895
How long has tha been hang-gliding?
71
00:05:46,895 --> 00:05:49,755
Since yesterday. And it shows.
72
00:05:49,755 --> 00:05:54,015
I calculated I'd be so high,
I'd come down in France.
73
00:05:54,015 --> 00:05:57,855
Tha were better off crash-landing
than reaching France.
74
00:05:57,855 --> 00:06:01,835
How far have you travelled?
From Cooper's factory roof.
75
00:06:01,835 --> 00:06:04,395
That's about three streets away!
76
00:06:04,395 --> 00:06:08,135
Maybe you should go
for the SHORT distance record.
77
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:13,935
I was after altitude.
Up there with the real flyers. How were you planning to breathe?
78
00:06:13,935 --> 00:06:17,975
Sucking in and blowing out
has always been adequate.
79
00:06:17,975 --> 00:06:22,475
Sorry if this comes as a surprise,
but there's no air up there.
80
00:06:22,475 --> 00:06:24,535
I knew that!
81
00:06:24,535 --> 00:06:29,075
I was going to take in
a great lungful before I got there.
82
00:06:29,075 --> 00:06:33,035
Tha were right, Cleggy.
He IS from outer space.
83
00:06:33,035 --> 00:06:37,335
Have you considered taking up
something less technical?
84
00:06:37,335 --> 00:06:43,355
Staying in bed, for example.
I want the name Alvin Smedley to be in the history books.
85
00:06:43,355 --> 00:06:47,115
I want it known
that somewhere Alvin was first.
86
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:50,155
Couldn't you explore something?
87
00:06:50,155 --> 00:06:53,615
Like...are you really well?
88
00:06:53,615 --> 00:06:58,535
I would if there was anything left.
But there's nothing left, is there?
89
00:06:58,535 --> 00:07:01,535
What's left
that's not been explored?
90
00:07:01,535 --> 00:07:05,855
There's Nora Batty.
It'll probably stay left.
91
00:07:05,855 --> 00:07:11,375
I want somewhere where I can be
a first. To be in the record books?
92
00:07:11,375 --> 00:07:16,035
We should respect our forefathers,
but they grabbed everything.
93
00:07:16,035 --> 00:07:20,715
Did one of them think, "Why don't
we leave this bit for Alvin?"
94
00:07:20,715 --> 00:07:24,735
What you need, Alvin,
is better management.
95
00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:27,335
The strength of a team behind you.
96
00:07:30,795 --> 00:07:33,895
I thought you were cleaning your car.
97
00:07:33,895 --> 00:07:38,015
It no longer soothes.
Why is your mother coming for tea?
98
00:07:38,015 --> 00:07:41,355
That's what mother's do -
come for tea.
99
00:07:41,355 --> 00:07:46,855
She came last year. Don't be rotten.
My mother's welcome to come for tea.
100
00:07:46,855 --> 00:07:50,955
She comes to check up on ME.
Don't be silly!
101
00:07:50,955 --> 00:07:55,015
She's thinking, "Has he stopped
beating my daughter?"
102
00:07:55,015 --> 00:07:58,435
She just likes to check
we're all right.
103
00:07:58,435 --> 00:08:04,635
Why don't you tell her? Next time
she says she's coming, tell her, "No, we're all right."
104
00:08:04,635 --> 00:08:11,035
Go and clean your car. I'll clean it
when your mother's here. You will not. You'll sit at the table with us.
105
00:08:19,515 --> 00:08:25,235
Why do you want to explore anyway?
I have this urge to pioneer.
106
00:08:25,235 --> 00:08:29,955
Well, you only need the PION bit.
You've just landed on your EAR.
107
00:08:29,955 --> 00:08:36,195
I want to make my mark
before it's too late. By the look of you, it already is.
108
00:08:36,195 --> 00:08:40,015
See how people think I'm past it.
Time's pressing.
109
00:08:40,015 --> 00:08:44,655
I don't want to be plain Alvin
Smedley. I wouldn't say "plain".
110
00:08:44,655 --> 00:08:48,255
I think you're
an outstanding Alvin Smedley.
111
00:08:48,255 --> 00:08:52,515
But what's wrong with
Sir Alvin Smedley? I'm ready.
112
00:08:52,515 --> 00:08:56,775
One triumph and they'll start
coming up to me and saying,
113
00:08:56,775 --> 00:08:59,675
"Please sign this for our Phyllis."
114
00:08:59,675 --> 00:09:06,835
Not here. I'm a descendant of Robin
Hood, and no chuff's ever asked me to sign anything for their Phyllis.
115
00:09:06,835 --> 00:09:12,175
This bit on the moors here is very
remote. Why don't you explore that?
116
00:09:12,175 --> 00:09:18,455
It's not the same, is it?
"Alvin Smedley - he explored that little bit of the moors over there."
117
00:09:18,455 --> 00:09:22,595
It's not like,
"Alvin Smedley opened up America."
118
00:09:22,595 --> 00:09:25,075
I wish some beggar'd close it up.
119
00:09:25,075 --> 00:09:29,575
Can you read a map? I want to go
where there are no maps.
120
00:09:29,575 --> 00:09:34,415
Oh, well, pick any city -
it's called a one-way system.
121
00:09:34,415 --> 00:09:37,255
I find there's only one thing to do,
122
00:09:37,255 --> 00:09:41,195
when a serious discussion
like this is going nowhere.
123
00:09:41,195 --> 00:09:43,755
It's an old explorer's trick, Alvin.
124
00:09:43,755 --> 00:09:48,335
You take a bearing on the sun.
You divide it by pi R squared,
125
00:09:48,335 --> 00:09:50,835
and you find it's opening time.
126
00:09:50,835 --> 00:09:53,295
Alvin can buy the first drink.
127
00:09:53,295 --> 00:09:57,415
Me? Well, tha wanted
to be first in something.
128
00:09:59,855 --> 00:10:04,655
Ah, I woke up one morning and
I thought, "I'm still Alvin Smedley.
129
00:10:04,655 --> 00:10:08,075
"All these years
I've always been Alvin Smedley.
130
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,455
"It's time to move on."
131
00:10:10,455 --> 00:10:15,275
What's tha want to be, Alvin? It'd
be nice to be raised to the peerage,
132
00:10:15,275 --> 00:10:17,775
to be called something else.
133
00:10:17,775 --> 00:10:22,655
Make the shot, Alvin. Well, why
don't you just change your name?
134
00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:26,135
Ah, it's not the same?
Doesn't carry the same clout.
135
00:10:26,135 --> 00:10:29,855
Alvin,
why don't you make the shot first
136
00:10:29,855 --> 00:10:32,855
and then get raised to the peerage?
137
00:10:35,875 --> 00:10:40,495
I wouldn't mind being Lord
Skelderdale. That has a nice ring.
138
00:10:40,495 --> 00:10:48,375
What can you do now for a peerage?
Row a boat across the Atlantic? Done. If tha built it, she'd leak.
139
00:10:48,375 --> 00:10:52,015
Not at this speed.
He'd never get as far as a leak.
140
00:10:55,295 --> 00:10:58,995
I ought not to be playing pool.
Time's passing.
141
00:10:58,995 --> 00:11:01,515
ALL: Make the shot, Alvin!
142
00:11:01,515 --> 00:11:08,035
Do it! Before we all have
a great hormonal disturbance and want a conservatory.
143
00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:10,115
I'm doing it!
144
00:11:18,255 --> 00:11:20,635
He lands just like Alvin.
145
00:11:20,635 --> 00:11:22,975
Nice one, Alvin.
146
00:11:22,975 --> 00:11:26,391
Well, if you will rush people!
147
00:11:26,451 --> 00:11:28,631
You must get off to a good start.
148
00:11:28,631 --> 00:11:32,631
Let the widow see you
doing something she admires.
149
00:11:32,631 --> 00:11:36,051
I haven't met her, yet.
I know!
150
00:11:36,051 --> 00:11:40,271
We've got to rehearse.
What shall I do that looks good?
151
00:11:40,271 --> 00:11:42,971
You'll tackle this ferocious dog.
152
00:11:42,971 --> 00:11:47,731
I'm not tackling any ferocious dogs.
I'm busy enough with the widow.
153
00:11:47,731 --> 00:11:50,211
It's not ferocious - it'll be Waldo.
154
00:11:50,211 --> 00:11:53,831
You'll walk your widow here.
I'll be over the wall.
155
00:11:53,831 --> 00:11:57,551
As you approach,
Waldo's head will dart into view,
156
00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,791
looking and sounding evil.
157
00:11:59,791 --> 00:12:04,851
The widow will panic. You'll stride
bravely forward and terrify the dog.
158
00:12:04,851 --> 00:12:09,771
Why are we back on bicycles?
Because you keep bending the car.
159
00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:13,211
Fair enough.
Long as it's nothing personal.
160
00:12:13,211 --> 00:12:17,631
You don't listen properly
to your navigator. I said turn left.
161
00:12:17,631 --> 00:12:19,911
You were pointing right.
162
00:12:19,911 --> 00:12:24,771
I was pointing at some clown
who was driving recklessly.
163
00:12:24,771 --> 00:12:28,311
I never saw him.
I was pointing at YOU!
164
00:12:28,311 --> 00:12:34,391
Uhh. Then you turned right
and hit that wall. I felt I'd been pointing at the right person.
165
00:12:34,391 --> 00:12:37,831
I didn't "hit the wall".
It was a glancing blow,
166
00:12:37,831 --> 00:12:41,831
unavoidable in the circumstances.
What circumstances?
167
00:12:41,831 --> 00:12:45,451
The high-speed chase.
We weren't in a...
168
00:12:45,451 --> 00:12:48,271
Oh! Right! The high-speed chase!
169
00:12:49,951 --> 00:12:52,031
A bit further.
170
00:12:54,191 --> 00:12:58,991
Right. You've got the widow
on your arm. Start walking.
171
00:13:05,371 --> 00:13:07,871
Woof! Woof! Woof!
172
00:13:20,931 --> 00:13:23,391
I shouldn't be lying here.
173
00:13:23,391 --> 00:13:28,411
That's what the fella with the tray
thought, when you were playing pool.
174
00:13:28,411 --> 00:13:31,971
This is no way
to become Lord Skelderdale.
175
00:13:31,971 --> 00:13:37,531
Tha could become the first man to
find a place without a McDonald's.
176
00:13:37,531 --> 00:13:43,531
Why don't you try to be the first
one to identify the holiday beetle?
177
00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:47,811
What's a holiday beetle?
Billy missed one only recently.
178
00:13:47,811 --> 00:13:51,531
Shot between his legs
while he was drawing his bow.
179
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:55,951
I've never heard of it.
Drawing a bow? You pull the string.
180
00:13:55,951 --> 00:13:58,671
I think somebody's pulling my string.
181
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,251
Don't be such a cynic, Alvin.
182
00:14:01,251 --> 00:14:05,411
What I can tell you
about the holiday beetle is
183
00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:10,571
that that wasn't one that's crept
up your trouser leg. Which leg?
184
00:14:10,571 --> 00:14:13,091
It went up with all six legs.
185
00:14:13,091 --> 00:14:17,811
Don't make it spit. It leaves
blisters. I can't feel anything.
186
00:14:17,811 --> 00:14:23,671
That's the first sign - numbness.
It's not numb. You're having me on!
187
00:14:23,671 --> 00:14:27,891
Not about the holiday beetle.
The authorities are worried.
188
00:14:27,891 --> 00:14:33,971
Why do they call it the holiday
beetle? It invades people's houses when they're on holiday.
189
00:14:33,971 --> 00:14:38,331
When it's safe - unless
it gets trampled on by burglars.
190
00:14:38,331 --> 00:14:43,751
Highly coloured, lively creatures.
How does it know when people are on holiday?
191
00:14:43,751 --> 00:14:49,891
That's what science wants
to find out. They're desperate to get hold of a specimen.
192
00:14:49,891 --> 00:14:53,391
Maybe it watches who stops leaving
the milk bottles out.
193
00:14:53,391 --> 00:14:56,311
What happens when they come home?
194
00:14:56,311 --> 00:15:01,211
While they're still groggy
from waiting long hours at airports,
195
00:15:01,211 --> 00:15:03,591
it sneaks out.
196
00:15:03,591 --> 00:15:08,151
What does it live on?
Suntan oil and holiday brochures.
197
00:15:08,151 --> 00:15:10,791
Give over!
198
00:15:10,791 --> 00:15:16,671
And every three months it sheds
its sunglasses and grows a new pair.
199
00:15:22,591 --> 00:15:26,011
Look at him.
His heart's not in it!
200
00:15:26,011 --> 00:15:31,051
He has to be deeply distressed
to stop enjoying cleaning his car.
201
00:15:31,051 --> 00:15:33,071
Is he feeling poorly?
202
00:15:33,071 --> 00:15:35,871
No - my mother's coming for tea.
203
00:15:35,871 --> 00:15:38,231
Oh! Worse than poorly!
204
00:15:38,231 --> 00:15:41,891
I have to invite her, sometime.
What can I do?
205
00:15:41,891 --> 00:15:45,511
It does husbands good
to suffer once in a while.
206
00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:49,011
When I say, "once",
of course I mean, "regularly".
207
00:15:49,011 --> 00:15:53,911
They don't suffer for long, in my
experience. They soon get over it -
208
00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:56,871
with a little help from friends.
209
00:15:56,871 --> 00:16:01,511
My Barry's not built for suffering.
He's got A levels.
210
00:16:01,511 --> 00:16:07,431
None are! Their immune system fails,
leaving everything to their wives.
211
00:16:07,431 --> 00:16:10,511
Or an acceptable substitute.
212
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:13,851
I don't like my Barry suffering.
213
00:16:13,851 --> 00:16:16,111
Oh, that's a shame!
214
00:16:16,111 --> 00:16:20,431
It's not half as much fun
if you don't enjoy it.
215
00:16:24,971 --> 00:16:27,911
What did I do?
216
00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:35,551
There you go -
test your metal on that.
217
00:16:35,551 --> 00:16:38,631
The lair of the cat creature.
218
00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:43,071
I hope you lot
are not jerking my string again.
219
00:16:43,071 --> 00:16:46,871
I can solemnly swear
on my mother's gravy.
220
00:16:46,871 --> 00:16:53,351
That's a serious oath round here.
We have our Montagues and Capulets. All down to gravy.
221
00:16:53,351 --> 00:16:56,211
Nobody messes with his mam's gravy.
222
00:16:56,211 --> 00:17:00,851
Hanging matter. People have
had to flee to Lancashire.
223
00:17:00,851 --> 00:17:04,431
And there's no bigger flee
than that.
224
00:17:07,551 --> 00:17:09,951
Has anybody seen this cat?
225
00:17:11,471 --> 00:17:13,711
He means, "And lived".
226
00:17:13,711 --> 00:17:17,831
There's been several sightings.
It's a big cat.
227
00:17:17,831 --> 00:17:19,691
Huge.
228
00:17:19,691 --> 00:17:22,271
It's not your fireside moggy.
229
00:17:22,271 --> 00:17:25,691
You don't go in there shouting,
"Hey, Pussy!"
230
00:17:25,691 --> 00:17:28,391
Of course, when we say Cat Creature,
231
00:17:28,391 --> 00:17:35,231
nobody's sure it is a cat.
All we know is, it's big and nasty. It could be the wife's sister.
232
00:17:35,231 --> 00:17:41,591
Has it killed anything?
It's killed the trade in people going for picnics in the woods.
233
00:17:43,451 --> 00:17:48,491
Tha's just in time. I was planning
a mission with a few merry men.
234
00:17:48,491 --> 00:17:52,791
They're not just merry -
they're usually legless.
235
00:17:52,791 --> 00:17:59,811
It's the excitement.
Not everybody can handle it. I know. I failed Butlins.
236
00:17:59,811 --> 00:18:02,731
You think I daren't do it, don't you?
237
00:18:02,731 --> 00:18:07,571
I don't need any merry men.
I'm not sharing the credit.
238
00:18:07,571 --> 00:18:12,391
I want headlines like,
"Lone Hunter Confirms Cat Creature".
239
00:18:12,391 --> 00:18:14,751
Like your spirit!
240
00:18:14,751 --> 00:18:17,211
If you're not back by Thursday,
241
00:18:17,211 --> 00:18:20,651
we'll hold
a tasteful little ceremony.
242
00:18:20,651 --> 00:18:24,111
Ceremony?
What's wrong with a rescue party?
243
00:18:24,111 --> 00:18:28,571
We don't like parties.
It's the Protestant ethic.
244
00:18:28,571 --> 00:18:32,991
If it is the wife's sister,
don't worry about the teeth -
245
00:18:32,991 --> 00:18:35,211
it's the tongue.
246
00:18:35,211 --> 00:18:38,811
Yeah, well, er,
I can't go just now.
247
00:18:38,811 --> 00:18:41,611
I'm not dressed for it.
248
00:18:41,611 --> 00:18:44,391
Did your mother-in-law come to tea?
249
00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:48,771
Now and again. Just to make sure
I were warming his pyjamas.
250
00:18:48,771 --> 00:18:52,411
She spoilt him, then?
You know what mothers are like.
251
00:18:52,411 --> 00:18:56,991
Not really. I spent all my time
trying not to be one.
252
00:18:56,991 --> 00:18:59,471
Why've you never had any children?
253
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:04,251
We wanted to wait till he'd finished
the spare room. We're still waiting.
254
00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:08,451
Well, where are you going in those?
255
00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:11,271
Oh, I'm breaking them in.
256
00:19:11,271 --> 00:19:16,211
You can't just get into overalls
and start working straight away.
257
00:19:16,211 --> 00:19:21,191
You've got to get the hang of them
first. It's a huge personality shift.
258
00:19:23,411 --> 00:19:27,371
How long has he been fluent
in rubbish?
259
00:19:27,371 --> 00:19:29,271
Ages!
260
00:19:29,271 --> 00:19:31,931
You'll need extensive equipment.
261
00:19:31,931 --> 00:19:37,551
I'd worry
if you went without expensive... I mean extensive...equipment.
262
00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:39,851
She means expensive.
263
00:19:39,851 --> 00:19:44,751
Basically, all I need is a pair
of binoculars and a cheap camera.
264
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:50,691
Suppose it kills you! Do you want
to be found with a cheap camera?
265
00:19:50,691 --> 00:19:55,971
I won't get that close. But money
is no object on the right occasion.
266
00:19:55,971 --> 00:19:59,851
I do hope he survives.
I hate to lose a good customer.
267
00:19:59,851 --> 00:20:04,831
You'll find it cheaper being dead,
Alvin. Unless she opens a branch.
268
00:20:05,891 --> 00:20:09,651
He'll never get angel's wings
after his hang-gliding.
269
00:20:09,651 --> 00:20:12,591
You'll be wanting a hunter's outfit.
270
00:20:12,591 --> 00:20:16,471
I'm not going to catch it.
You'll want camouflage.
271
00:20:16,471 --> 00:20:20,131
She's right -
tha'll need camouflage, Alvin.
272
00:20:20,131 --> 00:20:23,871
Something to disguise
what a crackpot you are.
273
00:20:23,871 --> 00:20:26,491
And something for your own safety.
274
00:20:26,491 --> 00:20:31,851
Safety? If it jumps on you, Alvin,
it's not because it wants to play.
275
00:20:31,851 --> 00:20:35,391
It sounds even more like
the wife's sister.
276
00:20:35,391 --> 00:20:37,871
You'll want mosquito netting.
277
00:20:37,871 --> 00:20:41,331
Mosquitos?! What? Out here?
And a canoe.
278
00:20:41,331 --> 00:20:45,431
It's miles from any water.
That's what Noah said.
279
00:20:51,891 --> 00:20:56,751
Hide that. Don't let Alvin see it.
What's he got against Waldo?
280
00:20:56,751 --> 00:21:00,331
That's not Waldo.
That is the cat creature.
281
00:21:00,331 --> 00:21:04,471
We have to borrow it for a while.
It can be arranged.
282
00:21:04,971 --> 00:21:09,951
Ah, Barry! Ha, ha! You look as if
you could do with a change.
283
00:21:09,951 --> 00:21:14,511
We require a lift
to the lair of the cat creature.
284
00:21:14,511 --> 00:21:18,951
I'd love to, but my mother-in-law's
coming to tea.
285
00:21:18,951 --> 00:21:24,931
Barry, I am talking legendary
creature - fierce and watchful.
286
00:21:24,931 --> 00:21:27,331
Me, too, Mr Truelove.
287
00:21:27,331 --> 00:21:32,311
A man in there's preparing to
embark on this desperate expedition,
288
00:21:32,311 --> 00:21:35,871
single-handedly,
to face-down the cat creature,
289
00:21:35,871 --> 00:21:40,791
and you'll miss this because your
mother-in-law's coming? I'm not.
290
00:21:40,791 --> 00:21:45,591
I'm not. I'm going with you
to the lair of the cat creature!
291
00:21:45,591 --> 00:21:48,051
Wouldn't that be dangerous?
292
00:21:48,051 --> 00:21:51,951
Compared to Glenda's mother,
it's a pussycat.
293
00:21:51,951 --> 00:21:54,531
Great! The day sets off gloomy
294
00:21:54,531 --> 00:21:59,711
and then, all of a sudden, out of
the blue, comes the cat creature.
295
00:21:59,711 --> 00:22:02,511
I'm in love with the cat creature.
296
00:22:02,511 --> 00:22:08,131
You said overalls. You didn't say
big, blue, masculine overalls.
297
00:22:08,131 --> 00:22:10,591
I thought you knew what I meant.
298
00:22:10,591 --> 00:22:14,031
If you want overalls,
this is all I can offer.
299
00:22:14,031 --> 00:22:18,871
It's not that I don't like them,
I just think we ought to leave town.
300
00:22:18,871 --> 00:22:21,311
You see. They're working already.
301
00:22:21,311 --> 00:22:25,871
Here we go, then!
Ready when you are, Howard.
302
00:22:25,871 --> 00:22:28,431
Would you like a coat or something?
303
00:22:28,431 --> 00:22:33,151
A coat, no, but the "or something"
we could think about -
304
00:22:33,151 --> 00:22:37,031
as long as it was in
the best of taste.
305
00:22:38,511 --> 00:22:42,871
What's my mother going to say?
Oh, she'll think of something.
306
00:22:42,871 --> 00:22:47,791
Tell her I'd love to have been here
if it wasn't for this emergency.
307
00:22:47,791 --> 00:22:51,991
Don't lie to me, Barry.
I'm not - I'm lying to your mother.
308
00:23:12,231 --> 00:23:16,871
Where was Barry going
in such a hurry? It's an emergency.
309
00:23:16,871 --> 00:23:20,431
It looked like it,
the way he was driving.
310
00:23:22,131 --> 00:23:24,451
Here we are.
311
00:23:24,451 --> 00:23:29,091
I hope it's a big cat. I'll look
a right dillop if it's cuddly.
312
00:23:29,091 --> 00:23:34,771
It leaves a paw print
the size of a dinner plate. Guess who's for dinner.
313
00:23:34,771 --> 00:23:37,671
A dinner plate? The large size.
314
00:23:37,671 --> 00:23:41,491
Er, I think we'll have
a little nip first.
315
00:23:41,491 --> 00:23:44,511
I mean, there's...there's no hurry.
316
00:23:44,511 --> 00:23:49,091
I mean, it's probably been in
there for years. Getting hungrier.
317
00:23:49,091 --> 00:23:53,791
Did we have to bring him?
You'll be glad in an emergency.
318
00:23:53,791 --> 00:23:58,871
The minute he hears your first
scream, he'll swing into action.
319
00:24:08,071 --> 00:24:10,811
Hey, this is all right, eh?
320
00:24:10,811 --> 00:24:14,991
Just like the greenwood.
That's cos it is the greenwood.
321
00:24:14,991 --> 00:24:19,271
But this is a proper greenwood
for me and my merry men.
322
00:24:19,271 --> 00:24:21,651
You call him a merry man?!
323
00:24:21,651 --> 00:24:26,211
I'm worrying about this Cat Creature.
There is no Cat Creature!
324
00:24:26,211 --> 00:24:29,551
There's me and Waldo
and you making rustling noises.
325
00:24:29,551 --> 00:24:33,051
What kind of noise
does this Cat Creature make?
326
00:24:33,051 --> 00:24:35,351
Let's find out.
327
00:24:35,351 --> 00:24:37,631
Barry.
328
00:24:37,631 --> 00:24:41,151
What? What? Do the Cat Creature.
329
00:24:41,151 --> 00:24:45,991
I can't. You don't get much call
for it in a building society.
330
00:24:45,991 --> 00:24:49,571
Oh, go on!
Before Alvin comes. Go on!
331
00:24:50,831 --> 00:24:53,291
Whooo! Howwwll!
332
00:24:53,291 --> 00:24:57,731
I don't think so, lad.
That was more your mouse creature.
333
00:24:57,731 --> 00:25:01,251
Sends a shudder
up your little finger.
334
00:25:01,251 --> 00:25:05,871
Smiler, you have a go, hey!
335
00:25:07,331 --> 00:25:10,831
Give it some wellie! Eh? Go on!
336
00:25:10,831 --> 00:25:16,131
Suppose I make a noise like
the Cat Creature and it hears me?
337
00:25:16,131 --> 00:25:20,991
It could be the beginning
of a meaningful relationship.
338
00:25:20,991 --> 00:25:23,431
What happened to the widow?
339
00:25:23,431 --> 00:25:27,851
She'll be impressed that
you've been hunting the Cat Creature.
340
00:25:27,851 --> 00:25:31,831
Tha could thrill her
with Cat Creature impressions.
341
00:25:31,831 --> 00:25:35,391
So come on lad, eh!
Do it for the widow!
342
00:25:36,631 --> 00:25:38,911
MiaOWWW!
343
00:25:38,911 --> 00:25:41,831
I think that cat's been to the vet.
344
00:25:41,831 --> 00:25:46,131
Thank you, Smiler.
Don't call us, we'll call thee.
345
00:25:46,131 --> 00:25:50,051
Why don't you have a go,
Mr Hardcastle?
346
00:25:50,051 --> 00:25:53,771
Well, no,
I'm more your executive merry man.
347
00:25:53,771 --> 00:25:58,711
I bet Robin Hood had to make his
voice carry through the greenwood.
348
00:26:06,111 --> 00:26:09,071
UNEARTHLY CRY
349
00:26:12,611 --> 00:26:15,191
That was great, Mr Hardcastle!
350
00:26:15,191 --> 00:26:20,411
Uh! Bit embarrassing, really.
I never realised I'd that much gob.
351
00:26:20,411 --> 00:26:24,551
You should have asked us,
we could have told you.
352
00:26:25,811 --> 00:26:28,551
HAUNTING CRY
353
00:26:30,651 --> 00:26:32,991
What's that?
354
00:26:32,991 --> 00:26:38,371
Tranquilliser darts. You don't think
I'd go in there without protection?
355
00:26:38,371 --> 00:26:40,771
Are they likely to be fatal?
356
00:26:40,771 --> 00:26:44,271
I won't hurt it.
I need some photographs with it.
357
00:26:44,271 --> 00:26:48,631
Just put it to sleep for a while.
What's wrong with that?
358
00:26:48,631 --> 00:26:52,031
What's wrong with that?
Sounds reasonable to me.
359
00:26:52,031 --> 00:26:54,351
Off you go, then, Alvin.
360
00:26:57,391 --> 00:26:59,911
Is it likely to be dangerous?
361
00:26:59,911 --> 00:27:04,031
Not here. I can't see us
being in any danger here.
362
00:27:04,031 --> 00:27:06,491
No, I mean for them. Oh, for them.
363
00:27:06,491 --> 00:27:11,491
There might be a bit of danger for
them. That's what life's all about.
364
00:27:11,491 --> 00:27:16,311
They'll be all right. Can you see
Alvin hitting anything with a dart?
365
00:27:16,311 --> 00:27:20,451
Look how far-off he was
with the altitude record.
366
00:27:20,451 --> 00:27:24,111
ANGRY SCREECHES
367
00:27:25,451 --> 00:27:27,711
HE SCREECHES
368
00:27:32,231 --> 00:27:35,531
SCREECHING
369
00:27:35,531 --> 00:27:38,151
SCREECHES
370
00:27:43,571 --> 00:27:45,991
Eeouiiiiowww!
371
00:27:57,171 --> 00:27:59,831
SCREECHING CONTINUES
372
00:28:05,591 --> 00:28:07,871
GUNSHOT
373
00:28:07,871 --> 00:28:09,991
YELPS
374
00:28:46,611 --> 00:28:51,151
I'll tell thee what,
the ale's improving round here.
375
00:28:51,201 --> 00:28:55,751
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