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1
00:00:08,366 --> 00:00:11,626
I knew it. She's wiped my paintwork.
2
00:00:11,626 --> 00:00:19,886
So? I'm lying in bed and I'm
thinking, "I'm here, her next door. We could be lying on a beach!"
3
00:00:19,886 --> 00:00:23,786
And tha's wiping paintwork!
4
00:00:23,786 --> 00:00:26,586
Why would I lie on a beach with you?
5
00:00:26,586 --> 00:00:31,566
Tha bought that fancy bikini.
Tha might as well give it an airing.
6
00:00:31,566 --> 00:00:34,786
I'll give you an airing in a minute!
7
00:00:34,786 --> 00:00:40,666
Just an idea. I'm in a holiday mood.
You've never been in anything else!
8
00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:44,786
What about me and thee
and a weekend in Blackpool?
9
00:00:44,786 --> 00:00:52,126
Apart from that being the worst idea
I've ever heard, how could you afford a weekend in Blackpool?
10
00:00:52,126 --> 00:00:57,806
I'd sell summat. I've got all sorts
of genuine old stuff in here.
11
00:00:57,806 --> 00:01:00,646
Who wants to buy dead ferrets?
12
00:01:00,646 --> 00:01:03,526
Do I take that as a no?
13
00:01:03,526 --> 00:01:08,906
I wouldn't go away with any man.
Even if he wasn't scruffy!
14
00:01:08,906 --> 00:01:10,926
Scruffy?!
15
00:01:10,926 --> 00:01:13,926
That's nice!
16
00:01:13,926 --> 00:01:17,806
I never made any comment
about your bikini!
17
00:02:08,686 --> 00:02:10,746
Cleggy?
18
00:02:10,746 --> 00:02:16,286
Howard? Whatever it is you're going
to ask, the answer is no.
19
00:02:16,286 --> 00:02:21,306
It's all right, Cleggy. This one
won't get you into any bother.
20
00:02:21,306 --> 00:02:26,226
I've got this new tactic.
I'm playing things really crafty.
21
00:02:26,226 --> 00:02:33,666
That sounds like bother for a start.
You're not good at crafty. Your talent is more for incompetence.
22
00:02:33,666 --> 00:02:39,366
You know how Pearl is. She thinks
I'm always trying to sneak out.
23
00:02:39,366 --> 00:02:42,866
I wonder
where she got that idea from.
24
00:02:42,866 --> 00:02:47,906
This is the clever bit, Cleggy.
I'm changing tactics totally.
25
00:02:47,906 --> 00:02:53,126
I'm going to stick to her like glue
until she's glad to throw me out.
26
00:02:53,126 --> 00:02:55,886
It's applied psychology.
27
00:02:55,886 --> 00:03:03,266
What do you need me for?
I want you to come round and ask if I'm coming out and I'll say no.
28
00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:08,666
Don't lie to me, Howard.
I'm your main link with freedom.
29
00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:13,126
I'll make sure that she hears me say
I want to stay in.
30
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:16,966
That'll baffle her
and start getting her worried.
31
00:03:16,966 --> 00:03:21,626
It's getting ME worried!
If I ask if you're coming out,
32
00:03:21,626 --> 00:03:25,066
you're not
gonna grab your cap and come?
33
00:03:25,066 --> 00:03:27,506
No!
34
00:03:27,506 --> 00:03:33,126
I'm going to make a big issue
of wanting to stay in with Pearl.
35
00:03:41,166 --> 00:03:44,006
Maybe it's that bit.
36
00:03:44,006 --> 00:03:48,526
Why should it be that bit?
Just a policeman's instinct.
37
00:03:48,526 --> 00:03:55,046
It's rubbish.
That bit's not even a moving part. This machine's clapped out!
38
00:03:55,046 --> 00:03:59,486
Wesley, I thought
you liked a mechanical challenge.
39
00:03:59,486 --> 00:04:04,346
I like a fair fight. Whose
lawn mower is it, anyway? It's mine.
40
00:04:04,346 --> 00:04:11,046
You haven't got a lawn.
That doesn't mean I can't recognise a bargain when I see one.
41
00:04:11,046 --> 00:04:14,026
A bargain? Ask Auntie Wainwright.
42
00:04:14,026 --> 00:04:19,066
Auntie...? You're not going
to doubt the word of an old lady?
43
00:04:19,066 --> 00:04:23,086
You went to Auntie Wainwright's
for a lawn mower?
44
00:04:23,086 --> 00:04:25,726
No, actually, I was just passing.
45
00:04:34,986 --> 00:04:43,306
Go on, Cleggy! Knock on the door
and ask for me. And you're gonna say no, you don't wanna come out?
46
00:04:43,306 --> 00:04:47,186
Right.
If you're lying to me, Howard!
47
00:04:47,186 --> 00:04:49,926
Cross my heart!
48
00:04:51,006 --> 00:04:56,386
I'm a soft touch. Everybody knows
that Clegg is a soft touch.
49
00:04:56,386 --> 00:05:00,146
It's amazing
how the word gets around.
50
00:05:01,206 --> 00:05:03,806
Oh, yes, it's you, then, is it?
51
00:05:03,806 --> 00:05:08,966
What's this? What are you plotting
between the two of you today?
52
00:05:08,966 --> 00:05:13,966
Plotting? You're talking to someone
who failed elementary lying!
53
00:05:13,966 --> 00:05:16,526
Go on, let's have it.
54
00:05:16,526 --> 00:05:19,086
What's the latest move?
55
00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:22,066
I was wondering if Howard was in.
56
00:05:22,066 --> 00:05:26,926
I've been wondering if Howard was
altogether in for years!
57
00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:29,766
It's for you!
58
00:05:29,766 --> 00:05:33,726
For me? Goodness gracious,
who can that be?
59
00:05:36,006 --> 00:05:39,966
Oh, it's you, Cleggy.
What a surprise!
60
00:05:39,966 --> 00:05:44,506
I was wondering if you were going
to come out, Howard.
61
00:05:44,506 --> 00:05:51,046
No, Cleggy. Thanks all the same.
But I think I'd rather stay in with Pearl.
62
00:05:51,046 --> 00:05:55,546
Sometimes it pays
to count your blessings, Cleggy.
63
00:05:55,546 --> 00:06:00,606
You look round at this snug little
nest your wife's made for you
64
00:06:00,606 --> 00:06:04,426
and you think,
"This is where I belong."
65
00:06:04,426 --> 00:06:06,906
(Don't overdo it, Howard.)
66
00:06:13,186 --> 00:06:17,166
How long has Howard
been not going out?
67
00:06:17,166 --> 00:06:20,346
Since this morning. It's Plan B.
68
00:06:20,346 --> 00:06:25,426
You've got to give him points for
trying. And for being a duck egg!
69
00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:29,926
Speaking of which,
will you come down before you fall?
70
00:06:29,926 --> 00:06:34,946
You're worried about him falling?
At one time you would've pushed him.
71
00:06:34,946 --> 00:06:39,986
I'm worried about him falling,
making a splash and we all get wet!
72
00:06:39,986 --> 00:06:42,746
They say policemen don't care(!)
73
00:06:42,746 --> 00:06:48,746
Ze human fly never falls,
except for ze Nora Batty!
74
00:06:48,746 --> 00:06:52,686
Is he with you?
Never seen him before.
75
00:06:52,686 --> 00:06:58,726
I did some mileage
on the bridge here before. This is where we had the duels.
76
00:06:58,726 --> 00:07:00,846
Duels?
77
00:07:00,846 --> 00:07:07,746
Thumpy dub. Thumpy dub?
That takes you back a bit. I don't remember it.
78
00:07:07,746 --> 00:07:13,326
Has tha never played thumpy dub?
No, I think you've got me there.
79
00:07:13,326 --> 00:07:20,806
I've had some funny skirmishes
with the former Mrs Truelove, but we never played thumpy dub.
80
00:07:20,806 --> 00:07:24,166
And if we did, I wasn't aware of it.
81
00:07:24,166 --> 00:07:28,006
Was marriage like that
for you, too?
82
00:07:28,006 --> 00:07:32,586
I could never understand
half of what was going on.
83
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:40,126
We got a padded stick and faced
each other on a bridge. We used to knock each other into the water.
84
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:44,806
That was thumpy dub? Aye.
No wonder it never caught on.
85
00:07:44,806 --> 00:07:47,786
You never can tell.
86
00:07:47,786 --> 00:07:49,466
Honeymoons did.
87
00:07:50,926 --> 00:07:55,326
It did catch on.
We all used to do it.
88
00:07:55,326 --> 00:08:02,846
When you say "all", you mean the
shaven-headed, grunt and ringworm faction? That was only the girls!
89
00:08:02,846 --> 00:08:06,406
Everybody played it.
I never played it.
90
00:08:06,406 --> 00:08:11,806
There was a war coming. I figured
that would be enough excitement.
91
00:08:11,806 --> 00:08:15,046
He's made it up. Thumpy dub!
92
00:08:15,046 --> 00:08:19,786
Rubbish! I were the champ,
the thumpy dub champ!
93
00:08:19,786 --> 00:08:23,846
Me and Doggy Barnes.
We had three falls each.
94
00:08:23,846 --> 00:08:31,426
He knocked you in the water three
times? I knocked him in. You were in the water three times? So what?
95
00:08:31,426 --> 00:08:39,486
Didn't leave you with a taste for
it. You've not been back that often. And lose all my natural oils?
96
00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:43,886
Remind me never to go near him
with a naked light.
97
00:08:43,886 --> 00:08:46,646
I've got skin like a 20-year-old.
98
00:08:46,646 --> 00:08:49,446
You've just been folding it badly.
99
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:52,146
It's supposed to be non-iron.
100
00:08:55,026 --> 00:09:00,126
He were twice as big as me, were
Doggy Barnes, but I were quicker.
101
00:09:00,126 --> 00:09:04,646
Thumpy dub. I've never heard of it.
He's made it up.
102
00:09:04,646 --> 00:09:07,346
Everybody's heard of it.
103
00:09:08,606 --> 00:09:13,206
State your business
from a safe distance and be done!
104
00:09:13,206 --> 00:09:17,746
Hey-up! Whatever happened
to being polite to customers?
105
00:09:17,746 --> 00:09:22,546
You're not so much a customer.
More like a cyclical recession.
106
00:09:22,546 --> 00:09:25,066
I'll take that as a compliment.
107
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:33,106
Listen. I'm going to say summat
to you and I want thee to tell me what it reminds thee of.
108
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:38,026
And I'm going to say something
to you. Just be careful here!
109
00:09:38,026 --> 00:09:41,386
It's nothing personal. Come on!
110
00:09:41,386 --> 00:09:44,066
Thumpy dub!
111
00:09:48,306 --> 00:09:51,186
You see? She knows what it's about.
112
00:10:11,786 --> 00:10:14,366
Hey-up! There's Eli.
113
00:10:14,366 --> 00:10:16,866
Eli!
114
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,466
Over here, Eli!
115
00:10:19,466 --> 00:10:22,506
Oh, there you are!
116
00:10:23,946 --> 00:10:26,766
It's a roll of lino, Eli.
117
00:10:26,766 --> 00:10:30,466
Are you sure?
It was just talking to me.
118
00:10:30,466 --> 00:10:35,126
Probably makes as much sense
as anybody else round here.
119
00:10:35,126 --> 00:10:37,686
Eli, does tha remember thumpy dub?
120
00:10:37,686 --> 00:10:40,246
Do I remember thumpy dub?
121
00:10:40,246 --> 00:10:42,746
Stand aside! Boom, boom!
122
00:10:43,946 --> 00:10:46,786
Boom, boom, boom, boom!
123
00:10:46,786 --> 00:10:49,686
Steady on!
124
00:10:49,686 --> 00:10:52,206
She remembers thumpy dub.
125
00:10:55,006 --> 00:10:57,586
I bet Wesley remembers.
126
00:10:57,586 --> 00:11:01,606
Why do we need to bother Wesley?
He'll be busy.
127
00:11:01,606 --> 00:11:06,666
Never stopped you before. I don't
like interrupting people at work.
128
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:12,266
He could be lying. Wesley used
to like thumpy dub. He'll remember.
129
00:11:15,306 --> 00:11:18,026
She's not ready yet. I told you,
130
00:11:18,026 --> 00:11:22,986
she's clapped out. I don't know
why you bought a clapped-out relic.
131
00:11:22,986 --> 00:11:25,646
Who bought it? He did.
132
00:11:26,886 --> 00:11:30,806
Probably a case
of mistaken identity.
133
00:11:30,806 --> 00:11:33,366
Where did he buy it from?
134
00:11:33,366 --> 00:11:35,726
Auntie Wainwright's.
135
00:11:35,726 --> 00:11:38,406
LAUGHTER
136
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,946
It was a bargain.
137
00:11:40,946 --> 00:11:43,566
Tha's not got a lawn!
138
00:11:43,566 --> 00:11:50,566
Maybe it IS a case of
mistaken identity. Maybe he thought he was buying a coffee-grinder.
139
00:11:50,566 --> 00:11:53,566
She hasn't the power.
140
00:11:53,566 --> 00:12:00,406
I know what I'm doing.
I shall be able to resell that machine and make a handsome profit.
141
00:12:00,406 --> 00:12:03,106
Never!
142
00:12:23,346 --> 00:12:27,186
The thing is,
why should I want to take it back?
143
00:12:27,186 --> 00:12:33,286
Because it's clapped out.
Wesley said so. He's overlooking the finer points.
144
00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:38,326
Don't return it. Auntie Wainwright
will sell you something else!
145
00:12:38,326 --> 00:12:45,026
He daren't take it back.
OK, big mouth, you take it back! Why should I take it back?
146
00:12:45,026 --> 00:12:50,526
Don't look at me. I ask to be
excused on compassionate grounds.
147
00:12:51,586 --> 00:12:54,226
I could pay a slight commission.
148
00:12:54,226 --> 00:12:58,386
How slight? Get my money back,
a fiver. Ten. Done.
149
00:13:03,126 --> 00:13:08,106
Norman Clegg, that was,
and various assorted males!
150
00:13:08,106 --> 00:13:13,706
Tell her I'm contagious, that I've
got this deadly lawn mower disease.
151
00:13:17,386 --> 00:13:21,406
She reminds me
of the Monster of Hackney Wick.
152
00:13:21,406 --> 00:13:23,926
Feasible.
153
00:13:23,926 --> 00:13:26,886
Except, of course, he was Bulgarian.
154
00:13:29,446 --> 00:13:31,506
Yes?
155
00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:36,466
I'd like two of your delicious
vanilla slices to take away.
156
00:13:39,926 --> 00:13:42,606
Could you put them in a box?
157
00:13:42,606 --> 00:13:46,366
A box? Where do you think you are?
Harrods?
158
00:13:47,666 --> 00:13:51,746
Hey! I wonder
if Marina wants to buy a lawn mower.
159
00:13:51,746 --> 00:13:58,366
She has this gentleman friend
who cuts it for her every week. Does Howard know?
160
00:13:58,366 --> 00:14:00,946
It is Howard.
161
00:14:00,946 --> 00:14:05,186
We always came this way
before we were married.
162
00:14:05,186 --> 00:14:08,166
Didn't seem to be so muddy then.
163
00:14:08,166 --> 00:14:14,706
You never worried about mud
in those days. You were in love. Not with mud!
164
00:14:14,706 --> 00:14:19,766
We should do this more often.
I think this is really romantic.
165
00:14:19,766 --> 00:14:24,586
People could still see us.
We're lawfully married, Barry.
166
00:14:24,586 --> 00:14:28,826
That's a wedding licence,
not a licence to go mad!
167
00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:34,926
What's Eli doing? Barry,
you don't think he's going to jump?
168
00:14:34,926 --> 00:14:39,926
Do I remember thumpy dub?
I was a wizard at thumpy dub!
169
00:14:39,926 --> 00:14:42,386
Eli, come down!
170
00:14:42,386 --> 00:14:46,306
I'm coming, I'm coming!
LOUD SPLASH
171
00:14:59,486 --> 00:15:02,406
What's wrong with it? It don't work.
172
00:15:02,406 --> 00:15:09,966
I can't be responsible for all the
ill treatment once it's left these premises. He wants his money back.
173
00:15:09,966 --> 00:15:17,506
He wants his money back? That's
a wicked thing to say to an old lady! Suppose I had a heart attack?
174
00:15:17,506 --> 00:15:20,046
Tha needs a heart first.
175
00:15:20,046 --> 00:15:25,086
How long have you had that jacket?
Aren't you due for a new one?
176
00:15:25,086 --> 00:15:31,626
Can't afford it.
Not till he gets his money back. That's hard luck for both of us.
177
00:15:31,626 --> 00:15:38,006
It's no good if it don't work. No
good? Let's look at this logically.
178
00:15:38,006 --> 00:15:41,806
Right.
Then can he have his money back?
179
00:15:41,806 --> 00:15:46,546
How long a week
does a lawn mower actually work?
180
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:52,066
Tha's lost me already. How often
does your average man cut his lawn?
181
00:15:52,066 --> 00:15:56,106
Once a week.
How long does it take? An hour.
182
00:15:56,106 --> 00:16:00,806
For the rest of the week,
a lawn mower is stuck in a shed.
183
00:16:00,806 --> 00:16:02,866
So?
184
00:16:02,866 --> 00:16:07,926
So that lawn mower is perfectly good
for all but one hour a week.
185
00:16:07,926 --> 00:16:12,846
He can't expect his money back.
One out of 168 is not bad.
186
00:16:30,806 --> 00:16:34,626
Why do you keep
following me around?
187
00:16:34,626 --> 00:16:39,026
It's togetherness
that makes a marriage, love.
188
00:16:43,286 --> 00:16:45,826
Sit down!
189
00:16:45,826 --> 00:16:48,606
Sit there and don't move!
190
00:16:53,906 --> 00:16:57,926
Tha'll have to try and sell it
to somebody else.
191
00:16:57,926 --> 00:17:04,326
You can't bring that in here.
We'll keep him quiet. Not him, that thing!
192
00:17:04,326 --> 00:17:10,886
I don't want oil over my carpets.
Take it out. They'll be bringing JCBs here next!
193
00:17:10,886 --> 00:17:17,026
Let's go. He's prejudiced
against lawn mowers. There's tables outside. Sit there.
194
00:17:17,026 --> 00:17:19,086
Out!
195
00:17:19,086 --> 00:17:23,126
But, honeybun...
Don't honeybun me! Go!
196
00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:43,686
If we did manage to sell it,
do we still get our commission?
197
00:17:43,686 --> 00:17:46,246
Yes. You're worse than Dick Turpin!
198
00:17:46,246 --> 00:17:48,866
What do you mean, "we sell it"?
199
00:17:48,866 --> 00:17:55,646
It may have escaped your notice,
but I am not one of your machine-gun-mouth sales types.
200
00:17:55,646 --> 00:17:58,186
I am one of nature's buyers.
201
00:17:58,186 --> 00:18:03,026
You worked for the Co-op
selling lino. I know, but lino...
202
00:18:03,026 --> 00:18:07,526
I can handle the technical
specifications of lino.
203
00:18:07,526 --> 00:18:10,346
Bragging again! Selling is selling.
204
00:18:10,346 --> 00:18:17,446
Not lino. People came in
looking for lino. They were lino-conscious in those days.
205
00:18:17,446 --> 00:18:20,366
Comfort hadn't been invented.
206
00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:23,726
Yes, it had. We couldn't afford it.
207
00:18:23,726 --> 00:18:27,606
All right.
Let's approach this scientifically.
208
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:32,626
For starters, let's figure out what
kind of person we're looking for.
209
00:18:32,626 --> 00:18:36,686
Who would be a natural type
to buy a lawn mower?
210
00:18:36,686 --> 00:18:41,206
Only somebody gormless
would buy this lawn mower.
211
00:18:41,206 --> 00:18:43,726
I bought it. See what I mean?
212
00:18:44,966 --> 00:18:51,346
Where do we find the gormless
at this time of year? They're abroad on holiday.
213
00:18:52,406 --> 00:18:55,046
No, there must be one somewhere.
214
00:18:57,506 --> 00:18:59,606
Miss...
215
00:19:02,566 --> 00:19:04,546
Aaaagh!
216
00:19:06,686 --> 00:19:10,006
What was Eli doing in the water?
217
00:19:10,006 --> 00:19:15,506
Making spluttering noises when
we got there. Barry pulled him out.
218
00:19:15,506 --> 00:19:19,626
He looks magnificent when he's wet,
my Barry.
219
00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:22,506
Drink your coffee!
220
00:19:22,506 --> 00:19:28,546
It must be disconcerting
on a summer's day - sudden handfuls of wet Eli!
221
00:19:28,546 --> 00:19:31,206
What were you doing down there?
222
00:19:31,206 --> 00:19:38,306
It's known locally as Lovers' Lane,
Mother. There's no rule that says you have to be single.
223
00:19:38,306 --> 00:19:42,086
You didn't happen to see
anybody I know?
224
00:19:42,086 --> 00:19:48,526
- Just Eli.
- If he was down Lovers' Lane, he does need new glasses!
225
00:19:48,526 --> 00:19:52,566
Is your Barry aware
it could injure his prospects?
226
00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:57,066
It was my idea.
We just went for a nostalgic walk.
227
00:19:57,066 --> 00:20:05,206
- How did Eli get in the water?
- He stepped off the bridge. It was where he used to play thumpy dub.
228
00:20:05,206 --> 00:20:09,746
Thumpy dub? That's the second time
that's come up today.
229
00:20:09,746 --> 00:20:14,946
They did it with padded sticks,
trying to knock each other in.
230
00:20:14,946 --> 00:20:21,046
Who was Eli doing it with?
Nobody. I think he was just practising.
231
00:20:21,046 --> 00:20:27,306
That's basically true of my Howard.
He doesn't get far beyond practising.
232
00:20:27,306 --> 00:20:31,626
You'll never guess who came in
for vanilla slices.
233
00:20:31,626 --> 00:20:35,626
We don't have to.
You're going to tell us.
234
00:20:35,626 --> 00:20:39,366
She wanted one
for her gentleman friend.
235
00:20:39,366 --> 00:20:45,386
Is it like that stuff they smoke?
Are they doing things with vanilla slices?
236
00:20:45,386 --> 00:20:50,986
A certain person with her skirt so
tight, it was making her eyes pop.
237
00:20:50,986 --> 00:20:55,806
Marina. You'd recognise
a skirt like that anywhere.
238
00:20:55,806 --> 00:20:58,706
Did she say who the gentleman was?
239
00:20:58,706 --> 00:21:02,566
No. She was making
a big mystery of it.
240
00:21:02,566 --> 00:21:09,026
You wonder how somebody like her
attracts men, but I never thought of vanilla slices.
241
00:21:09,026 --> 00:21:11,726
My Barry likes vanilla slices.
242
00:21:11,726 --> 00:21:18,766
Not that much. I've told you
not to overdo him on sweet things. They want more roughage.
243
00:21:18,766 --> 00:21:23,286
Being with her is as much roughage
as anybody needs.
244
00:21:23,286 --> 00:21:26,186
It couldn't have been my Barry?
245
00:21:26,186 --> 00:21:33,186
Of course it couldn't have been
your Barry. He was out with you, wringing water out of Eli.
246
00:21:33,186 --> 00:21:35,686
Oh, yes.
247
00:21:35,686 --> 00:21:38,846
Anyway, I trust my Barry.
248
00:21:38,846 --> 00:21:46,306
- Sounds like it(!)
- It's unsettling when you know someone who likes vanilla slices.
249
00:21:49,106 --> 00:21:53,906
Where are we going to find
a gormless twit round here?
250
00:21:55,446 --> 00:21:58,406
Just what we've been looking for!
251
00:21:58,406 --> 00:22:01,126
What's this?
252
00:22:01,126 --> 00:22:03,946
Just what YOU'VE been looking for.
253
00:22:03,946 --> 00:22:09,006
I haven't got a lawn. That's OK.
The last owner hadn't got a lawn.
254
00:22:09,006 --> 00:22:14,506
Why did he have a lawn mower? Makes
you attractive to the ladies. What?
255
00:22:14,506 --> 00:22:19,266
I had to give mine away.
It was worse than rhino horn.
256
00:22:19,266 --> 00:22:26,806
It's right. Once they know tha's
got a lawn mower and are willing to travel to cut a bit of grass...
257
00:22:26,806 --> 00:22:31,286
You've been alone
since your wife left you. I have.
258
00:22:31,286 --> 00:22:35,746
I don't know why she left.
You didn't have a lawn mower!
259
00:22:35,746 --> 00:22:42,666
You're never alone with
a lawn mower. There's a lot of lonely women out there, Smiler,
260
00:22:42,666 --> 00:22:49,666
just waiting for some tall stranger
to appear a couple of days a week with his lawn mower.
261
00:22:49,666 --> 00:22:52,766
Who pays for the petrol?
262
00:22:52,766 --> 00:22:57,366
Errol Flynn never asked
questions like that!
263
00:22:57,366 --> 00:23:00,366
You're missing a golden opportunity.
264
00:23:00,366 --> 00:23:05,866
The lawn mower comes with a list of
ladies having problems with grass.
265
00:23:07,946 --> 00:23:12,426
That Smiler's a bit tight.
He don't spend a lot.
266
00:23:12,426 --> 00:23:19,486
He doesn't deserve a happy
love life. I wonder if I can fix him up with the former Mrs Truelove.
267
00:23:19,486 --> 00:23:22,126
Doggy Barnes!
268
00:23:22,126 --> 00:23:27,666
Are you putting it about that
you were the champ at thumpy dub?
269
00:23:27,666 --> 00:23:31,726
It were thee and me.
It were more me than thee!
270
00:23:31,726 --> 00:23:35,766
Sometimes it were thee,
sometimes it were me!
271
00:23:35,766 --> 00:23:40,226
Gentlemen, gentlemen.
There's one way to settle this.
272
00:23:42,366 --> 00:23:49,906
I just want you to know that
that was probably the nicest vanilla slice I've had in many a year.
273
00:23:49,906 --> 00:23:53,926
It's my pleasure, Howard.
What shall we do next?
274
00:23:53,926 --> 00:23:55,986
Well...
275
00:23:55,986 --> 00:23:59,826
I really think
we ought to be going.
276
00:24:02,486 --> 00:24:05,246
We don't want to overdo it.
277
00:24:05,246 --> 00:24:09,966
One vanilla slice, Howard.
I don't call that overdoing it.
278
00:24:11,086 --> 00:24:15,326
Hello, hello, hello!
A suspicious pair here!
279
00:24:15,326 --> 00:24:17,886
What's suspicious?
280
00:24:17,886 --> 00:24:22,946
I was just giving this young lady
directions back to town.
281
00:24:22,946 --> 00:24:25,666
She knows her way about!
282
00:24:26,766 --> 00:24:31,406
Norman Clegg, that was!
Shy as ever!
283
00:24:31,406 --> 00:24:35,986
Tell her I've really got
a very nasty disposition.
284
00:24:35,986 --> 00:24:41,346
Don't worry, Norm, I'll protect
thee. I'm used to dangerous women.
285
00:24:41,346 --> 00:24:43,906
Can we have a word with you?
286
00:24:43,906 --> 00:24:49,446
I hope you don't think it's unusual,
me being seen with a young lady.
287
00:24:49,446 --> 00:24:56,446
I think it's very useful, Howard.
She'll be able to give you a hand home with the lawn mower.
288
00:24:56,446 --> 00:24:58,946
What lawn mower?
289
00:25:04,326 --> 00:25:07,406
DOOR OPENS
290
00:25:07,406 --> 00:25:11,406
- It's only me, love!
- Hello, love.
291
00:25:11,406 --> 00:25:16,386
- Guess what I've brought you?
- Oh, great.
292
00:25:16,386 --> 00:25:18,946
I haven't told you what it is.
293
00:25:18,946 --> 00:25:23,626
How was your mother?
Pay attention, Barry!
294
00:25:23,626 --> 00:25:28,686
I've brought you something.
I thought we'd have a cup of tea.
295
00:25:28,686 --> 00:25:33,766
And you've got the choice of a
chocolate eclair or a vanilla slice.
296
00:25:36,646 --> 00:25:39,246
I'll have the eclair.
297
00:25:39,246 --> 00:25:43,946
Barry! You don't know how glad I am
to hear you say that!
298
00:25:47,426 --> 00:25:50,406
TRUNDLING SOUND
299
00:26:15,386 --> 00:26:20,246
I thought it was really time
I bought something for Pearl.
300
00:26:20,246 --> 00:26:24,106
You bought it for me?
Of course I did.
301
00:26:24,106 --> 00:26:31,626
You think I go out there and never
think about you? This just shows I think about you all the time.
302
00:26:31,626 --> 00:26:35,606
Did you think about
"We haven't got a lawn"?
303
00:26:35,606 --> 00:26:39,626
How is a bloke supposed
to remember everything?
304
00:26:39,626 --> 00:26:43,666
What's that on your mouth?
It's not lipstick.
305
00:26:43,666 --> 00:26:47,686
I can see that.
So it doesn't matter what it is.
306
00:26:47,686 --> 00:26:50,346
Wipe it off, then!
307
00:26:52,366 --> 00:26:56,126
Oh, it's just a bit
of vanilla slice!
308
00:26:57,166 --> 00:26:59,446
Inside!
309
00:26:59,446 --> 00:27:03,626
Do you know
why we haven't got a lawn?
310
00:27:03,626 --> 00:27:07,786
Because I'd be tempted
to bury you under it!
311
00:27:18,206 --> 00:27:20,706
Take it easy!
312
00:27:22,566 --> 00:27:25,506
I thought Howard was looking well.
313
00:27:25,506 --> 00:27:28,386
Yes. A lawn mower suits him.
314
00:27:28,386 --> 00:27:34,526
I wouldn't mind a little drink.
Do you think these two will be long?
315
00:27:34,526 --> 00:27:37,086
No, I wouldn't think so.
316
00:27:37,086 --> 00:27:39,686
Aaagh! Aaagh!
317
00:27:41,366 --> 00:27:43,906
You were right.
318
00:28:02,366 --> 00:28:04,366
Out!
319
00:28:06,806 --> 00:28:09,066
Out!
320
00:28:09,066 --> 00:28:13,526
What's wrong now?
We haven't got a lawn mower. Out!
321
00:28:13,576 --> 00:28:18,126
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