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1
00:00:06,344 --> 00:00:07,688
[birds chirping]
2
00:00:09,793 --> 00:00:14,551
Alexa? How many
ounces are in 2 cups?
3
00:00:14,787 --> 00:00:17,304
ALEXA: 2 cups is
16 fluid ounces.
4
00:00:17,462 --> 00:00:19,325
Thanks.
5
00:00:19,961 --> 00:00:22,513
Alexa, where do
pancakes come from?
6
00:00:24,034 --> 00:00:26,793
ALEXA: The Ancient Greeks made
pancakes called tigan�tes.
7
00:00:26,896 --> 00:00:30,551
The word derives from
tig�ni, meaning "frying pan."
8
00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:33,586
Ah. I thought it
was the Chinese.
9
00:00:33,689 --> 00:00:37,482
The Chinese love inventing
things, like the compass
10
00:00:37,586 --> 00:00:41,310
and fireworks and gunpowder.
11
00:00:41,413 --> 00:00:43,896
And part of Naomi
Campbell. He, he!
12
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:47,310
Did you know that Naomi
Campbell was part Chinese?
13
00:00:47,413 --> 00:00:50,137
Oh hey, I made some
special breakfast for you.
14
00:00:50,241 --> 00:00:51,310
I can't. I gotta go to work.
15
00:00:51,413 --> 00:00:52,620
I'll be back later, though.
16
00:00:54,724 --> 00:00:58,482
It's okay. I'll eat
the pancakes by myself.
17
00:00:58,586 --> 00:01:00,862
- [sad violin]
- And then I'll die.
18
00:01:00,965 --> 00:01:05,517
I'll collapse on the floor
and nobody will find me.
19
00:01:05,620 --> 00:01:09,241
And then the maggots will
come and just eat me out.
20
00:01:09,344 --> 00:01:15,310
- [rock music ringtone]
- [phone vibrates]
21
00:01:16,862 --> 00:01:19,551
- Hello?
- MAN: Hello, is this Mrs. Lin?
22
00:01:19,655 --> 00:01:21,793
- Speaking?
- MAN: Hi, Mrs. Lin.
23
00:01:21,896 --> 00:01:23,665
It appears that there's
been an error at the bank.
24
00:01:23,689 --> 00:01:25,551
And we have $50
that belongs to you.
25
00:01:25,655 --> 00:01:26,724
We can credit your account now
26
00:01:26,827 --> 00:01:28,389
if you're able to confirm
your account number.
27
00:01:28,413 --> 00:01:31,206
Okay, uh, you know,
uh, I'm not sure.
28
00:01:31,310 --> 00:01:34,724
Let me find my card.
Oh, here it is.
29
00:01:34,827 --> 00:01:35,862
MAN: Go ahead.
30
00:01:35,965 --> 00:01:39,724
The number is four,
five, seven, nine,
31
00:01:39,827 --> 00:01:41,517
Fuck off, you scammer!
32
00:01:42,517 --> 00:01:48,448
?
33
00:01:50,241 --> 00:01:53,448
So, we're all here.
34
00:01:53,551 --> 00:01:55,172
Wait, where's Shu Shu?
35
00:01:55,275 --> 00:01:56,827
She said she can't make it.
36
00:01:56,931 --> 00:02:00,000
Maybe she's still recovering
from the flesh-eating bacteria.
37
00:02:00,103 --> 00:02:02,482
Typical Shu Shu.
38
00:02:02,586 --> 00:02:05,793
Well, anyway, it was Siqi's
turn to pick the book this time.
39
00:02:05,896 --> 00:02:08,310
I hope everyone
enjoyed "Little Women"
40
00:02:08,413 --> 00:02:10,137
by Louisa May Alcott.
41
00:02:10,241 --> 00:02:12,310
To be honest, I did not.
42
00:02:12,413 --> 00:02:16,137
Yes, a better title
would've been "White Women."
43
00:02:16,241 --> 00:02:17,441
Mm-hmm.
44
00:02:17,482 --> 00:02:21,103
- [rock music ringtone]
- [phone vibrates]
45
00:02:21,206 --> 00:02:23,586
Hello? Oh, sure.
46
00:02:23,689 --> 00:02:27,241
My account number is
six, nine, six, nine,
47
00:02:27,344 --> 00:02:29,241
fuck off!
48
00:02:29,344 --> 00:02:32,517
Ay-ah, can you believe
these tele-scammers?
49
00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:36,310
They think we're stupid, like
us Chinese can't smell a trap.
50
00:02:36,413 --> 00:02:39,034
Saying I have $50 credit
in my bank account.
51
00:02:39,137 --> 00:02:43,034
- He said a credit of $50?
- Yeah!
52
00:02:43,137 --> 00:02:45,000
And his voice was
clearly altered
53
00:02:45,103 --> 00:02:46,620
like he was some kind of robot.
54
00:02:46,724 --> 00:02:49,586
Oh no! I think I
got the same call.
55
00:02:49,689 --> 00:02:50,586
Me too.
56
00:02:50,689 --> 00:02:53,206
You didn't fall for it, right?
57
00:02:53,310 --> 00:02:55,551
I sent him a selfie
with my debit card.
58
00:02:55,655 --> 00:02:57,517
I faxed him my
birth certificate.
59
00:02:57,620 --> 00:03:00,172
You have to check
your bank accounts.
60
00:03:00,275 --> 00:03:01,862
I think you got scammed!
61
00:03:01,965 --> 00:03:03,827
- Ooh!
- That's it!
62
00:03:03,931 --> 00:03:06,103
We have to do
something about this.
63
00:03:06,206 --> 00:03:12,206
?
64
00:03:14,448 --> 00:03:17,034
I'm here to report
multiple crimes.
65
00:03:17,137 --> 00:03:18,551
What can I do for you?
66
00:03:18,655 --> 00:03:21,965
My friends got ripped off
by a telephone scammer.
67
00:03:22,068 --> 00:03:25,275
He got their bank account
numbers and stole from them.
68
00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:28,241
- $120 each!
- Okay.
69
00:03:28,344 --> 00:03:31,137
Someone will be out to give
you some paperwork to fill out.
70
00:03:31,241 --> 00:03:33,862
- We don't have time for forms!
- Where's the sheriff?
71
00:03:33,965 --> 00:03:36,965
Nonviolent cases are
automatically lower priority.
72
00:03:37,068 --> 00:03:41,137
We have drug dealers.
We have stabbings.
73
00:03:41,241 --> 00:03:43,366
So if you and your friends
could please take a seat,
74
00:03:43,413 --> 00:03:45,000
someone will be with you.
75
00:03:53,482 --> 00:03:56,689
Congrats on the wedding.
76
00:03:56,793 --> 00:03:58,251
NORA: We have a bevy
of different strains
77
00:03:58,275 --> 00:03:59,517
in the CBD world.
78
00:03:59,620 --> 00:04:01,454
Upper... you know, you
drink a cup of coffee,
79
00:04:01,482 --> 00:04:02,734
feel like having
a little diarrhea,
80
00:04:02,758 --> 00:04:04,413
this is not gonna
make you that up.
81
00:04:04,517 --> 00:04:06,044
I think on a scale of
coffee to crystal meth,
82
00:04:06,068 --> 00:04:08,206
this probably lies
well below coffee.
83
00:04:08,310 --> 00:04:09,310
It doesn't really work.
84
00:04:09,413 --> 00:04:11,448
But, this one,
actually very special.
85
00:04:11,551 --> 00:04:12,758
It's a lube, right?
86
00:04:12,862 --> 00:04:14,527
But lube can be used
for all sorts of things,
87
00:04:14,551 --> 00:04:15,931
not just tires, right?
88
00:04:16,034 --> 00:04:20,413
I would put it up...
in my asshole...
89
00:04:20,517 --> 00:04:22,655
Hold it. If you just
would excuse me.
90
00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:28,655
You should do a
focus group or two.
91
00:04:28,758 --> 00:04:30,010
I think you'd be amazing at it.
92
00:04:30,034 --> 00:04:31,896
- Oh, shit!
- Hey!
93
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,000
[shouting]
94
00:04:34,103 --> 00:04:35,769
How long have the two
of you been partners?
95
00:04:35,793 --> 00:04:38,620
Partners? It's like one kiss.
96
00:04:43,034 --> 00:04:44,241
- Nora!
- [yelps]
97
00:04:44,344 --> 00:04:45,586
What's going on?
98
00:04:45,689 --> 00:04:47,551
What are you doing
here, Margaret?
99
00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:49,551
You are on the FBI's
Most Wanted List.
100
00:04:49,655 --> 00:04:51,344
- I'm not anymore.
- They cut me a deal.
101
00:04:51,448 --> 00:04:52,482
I missed you.
102
00:04:52,586 --> 00:04:53,655
Oh, they made you a deal?
103
00:04:53,758 --> 00:04:55,206
What are you, fucking Big Lots?
104
00:04:55,310 --> 00:04:56,344
MARGARET: No, truly, though.
105
00:04:56,448 --> 00:04:57,665
It turns out if you
just turn somebody in
106
00:04:57,689 --> 00:04:58,655
that's doing some stuff,
107
00:04:58,758 --> 00:05:00,206
the FBI just
totally lets you go.
108
00:05:00,310 --> 00:05:01,793
And my brother-in-law?
109
00:05:01,896 --> 00:05:03,689
He was just taking hot,
wet dumps in, like,
110
00:05:03,793 --> 00:05:04,993
public parking lots?
111
00:05:05,034 --> 00:05:07,034
And people don't like
that shit, literally.
112
00:05:07,137 --> 00:05:09,241
And he also had sex with
a couple of rare birds
113
00:05:09,344 --> 00:05:10,678
but, you know, to
each their own.
114
00:05:10,758 --> 00:05:12,344
So I turned him in
and he got arrested.
115
00:05:12,448 --> 00:05:14,034
And so here I am.
How are you doing?
116
00:05:14,137 --> 00:05:15,827
Good? You look good.
117
00:05:15,931 --> 00:05:18,827
- You almost put me in jail.
- You remember that, Margaret?
118
00:05:18,931 --> 00:05:22,034
Look, this is a legitimate
job for me, okay?
119
00:05:22,137 --> 00:05:25,310
I'm not trying to scam
anybody. That's in my past.
120
00:05:25,413 --> 00:05:27,965
What's in the past
is in the P-A-S-T.
121
00:05:28,068 --> 00:05:29,758
- You know what that spells?
- Past.
122
00:05:29,862 --> 00:05:32,379
I'm on the straight and narrow.
123
00:05:32,482 --> 00:05:34,793
Mostly narrow.
124
00:05:34,896 --> 00:05:37,379
Did I mention you look good?
125
00:05:37,482 --> 00:05:38,793
- So good.
- Thank you.
126
00:05:38,896 --> 00:05:41,044
Like you're just drinking
all the pineapple juices.
127
00:05:41,068 --> 00:05:42,862
Is this a wig? 'Cuz
this is a good wig.
128
00:05:42,965 --> 00:05:45,206
- No, all mine, all mine.
- Is it?
129
00:05:45,310 --> 00:05:48,965
?
130
00:05:49,068 --> 00:05:53,000
- Those cops are assholes.
- Just because it's, what?
131
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:56,586
Not a murder? I'll
murder their faces.
132
00:05:56,689 --> 00:06:01,586
[phone ringing, vibrating]
133
00:06:01,689 --> 00:06:03,206
MAN: Hello, Mrs. Lin.
134
00:06:03,310 --> 00:06:05,896
Did you enjoy your little
tattletale trip to the cops?
135
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,586
I'm sure that they were
very helpful in giving back
136
00:06:08,689 --> 00:06:11,482
all this money that I
stole from your friends...
137
00:06:11,586 --> 00:06:14,413
Who by the way, are
now all broke as shit.
138
00:06:14,517 --> 00:06:16,827
[gasps] He's taunting me!
139
00:06:16,931 --> 00:06:18,896
- He's taunting us.
- MAN: That's correct.
140
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,379
Too bad you can't stop
me from doing it again.
141
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:23,689
In fact, I've already
done it again.
142
00:06:23,793 --> 00:06:25,551
- What does that mean?
- Done it to who?
143
00:06:25,655 --> 00:06:27,103
[knocking at door]
144
00:06:30,241 --> 00:06:32,413
Shu Shu! Are you okay?
145
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:36,068
?
146
00:06:36,172 --> 00:06:38,068
- Hi.
- Oh my god.
147
00:06:38,172 --> 00:06:39,827
Did you get scammed too?
148
00:06:42,103 --> 00:06:43,310
That's it.
149
00:06:43,413 --> 00:06:47,206
- This bitch is gonna die.
- Fuck yeah.
150
00:06:50,413 --> 00:06:52,562
I faxed him a proof of payment
and my driver's license because
151
00:06:52,586 --> 00:06:54,148
he told me he would throw
in a gift certificate
152
00:06:54,172 --> 00:06:55,517
to Edible Arrangements.
153
00:06:55,620 --> 00:07:01,000
Shu Shu, how is it that
you still look so good?
154
00:07:01,103 --> 00:07:03,379
Stop. I look young
on the outside.
155
00:07:03,482 --> 00:07:06,655
But internally,
I have prolapsed.
156
00:07:06,758 --> 00:07:09,344
- Oh, thank god.
- Yeah, I can tell.
157
00:07:09,448 --> 00:07:11,172
The only thing
that's gonna prolapse
158
00:07:11,275 --> 00:07:13,275
is this scammer asshole!
159
00:07:13,379 --> 00:07:18,586
Since the police won't help
us, we must resort to plan B.
160
00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:21,000
We take him on ourselves.
161
00:07:21,103 --> 00:07:25,000
Siqi, you have a moderately
successful Etsy store
162
00:07:25,103 --> 00:07:26,310
and animals love you.
163
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:28,827
You're basically
a dog whisperer.
164
00:07:28,931 --> 00:07:31,689
Shu Shu has broken
every bone in her body
165
00:07:31,793 --> 00:07:33,206
through freak accidents.
166
00:07:33,310 --> 00:07:35,517
But she's an all-around badass.
167
00:07:35,620 --> 00:07:38,275
Iris, you are criminally cute.
168
00:07:38,379 --> 00:07:40,000
And you always have
lotion on hand.
169
00:07:40,103 --> 00:07:43,137
You can get us out of
any sticky situation.
170
00:07:43,241 --> 00:07:46,620
And I'm our fearless leader.
171
00:07:46,724 --> 00:07:48,758
Voiceover queen, amazing friend,
172
00:07:48,862 --> 00:07:51,689
I once ate a fuck
ton of shrimps.
173
00:07:51,793 --> 00:07:55,862
So, first let's find out where
the hell he's calling from.
174
00:07:55,965 --> 00:07:58,275
- On it.
- I'm Googling the number.
175
00:08:00,241 --> 00:08:05,137
He's calling from... from the
G&Y Food Mart on 30th Avenue.
176
00:08:05,241 --> 00:08:10,068
- All right, then.
- Let's go there and kick his ass!
177
00:08:10,172 --> 00:08:13,344
?
178
00:08:13,448 --> 00:08:14,827
[door chime]
179
00:08:18,827 --> 00:08:20,482
- Can I help you?
- Yeah!
180
00:08:20,586 --> 00:08:24,206
You can start by giving my
friends their money back, thief!
181
00:08:24,310 --> 00:08:25,344
I'm sorry.
182
00:08:25,448 --> 00:08:27,115
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
183
00:08:27,206 --> 00:08:30,137
Liar. You are running a
phone scam out of this bodega
184
00:08:30,241 --> 00:08:31,344
and we want justice!
185
00:08:31,448 --> 00:08:33,068
No, I'm not.
186
00:08:33,172 --> 00:08:35,206
Our number is
spoofed all the time.
187
00:08:35,310 --> 00:08:36,510
What!?
188
00:08:36,551 --> 00:08:38,827
It wasn't anybody actually
calling from here.
189
00:08:38,931 --> 00:08:41,000
They were just
faking the number.
190
00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:43,586
Now, I'm sorry, but the
nervous teenager behind you
191
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:46,137
is trying to buy condoms.
192
00:08:46,241 --> 00:08:48,965
MAN: Hello, Mrs. Lin.
193
00:08:49,068 --> 00:08:51,482
Good job tracking
down the bodega.
194
00:08:51,586 --> 00:08:53,862
Did you really think
that I was stupid enough
195
00:08:53,965 --> 00:08:55,724
to use my own phone number?
196
00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:57,551
Maybe I'll go here next.
197
00:08:57,655 --> 00:08:59,724
- He knows where I live?
- MAN: Or here.
198
00:08:59,827 --> 00:09:02,482
- IRIS: [gasps]
- He knows where we all live?
199
00:09:02,586 --> 00:09:04,862
- MAN: That's correct.
- The fun is going to continue.
200
00:09:04,965 --> 00:09:06,310
'Cuz I'm gonna
scam this grandma.
201
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:07,413
[gasping]
202
00:09:07,517 --> 00:09:08,620
- MAN: And this one.
- [gasping]
203
00:09:08,724 --> 00:09:09,827
- MAN: And this one.
- [gasping]
204
00:09:09,931 --> 00:09:11,344
- MAN: And this one.
- [gasping]
205
00:09:11,448 --> 00:09:14,275
MAN: And there's nothing
you can do to stop me.
206
00:09:15,379 --> 00:09:17,724
Oh, by the way, try the
Fuego Chili Lime Takis
207
00:09:17,827 --> 00:09:19,241
in the last aisle.
208
00:09:19,344 --> 00:09:22,620
They'll take your tongue skin
right off, but in a good way.
209
00:09:22,724 --> 00:09:25,344
What the hell was that
"V for Vendetta" shit?
210
00:09:25,448 --> 00:09:29,000
?
211
00:09:30,068 --> 00:09:31,320
MARGARET: This'll make
your hands tingly,
212
00:09:31,344 --> 00:09:33,320
but don't put it on your
tongue... unless you want to.
213
00:09:33,344 --> 00:09:35,251
Unless you have a lot of
homework, you know what I mean?
214
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:36,941
Also, I can just find
you something stronger...
215
00:09:36,965 --> 00:09:40,448
Hey. You got Blue Shoes?
216
00:09:40,551 --> 00:09:42,689
Um, I... I don't
know what those are.
217
00:09:42,793 --> 00:09:46,793
Come one, I know you have 'em.
218
00:09:46,896 --> 00:09:48,689
Let me... let me go
ask my manager...
219
00:09:48,793 --> 00:09:50,655
- No, no, no.
- I... I... I know you got 'em.
220
00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:53,310
This is where I always get 'em.
221
00:09:53,413 --> 00:09:54,379
We have a blue bath bomb.
222
00:09:54,482 --> 00:09:56,586
Dick pills!
223
00:09:56,689 --> 00:09:58,482
We don't sell dick pills here.
224
00:09:58,586 --> 00:10:00,896
- Her. Curlita!
- She got them for me.
225
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,137
- Hey, Oscar!
- Right back, okay?
226
00:10:03,241 --> 00:10:05,172
- What's up?
- What are you doing in here?
227
00:10:05,275 --> 00:10:07,251
- What do you mean?
- I'm working like you doin'.
228
00:10:07,275 --> 00:10:11,482
- You are selling dick pills.
- What are you talking about?
229
00:10:11,586 --> 00:10:13,241
Okay, you need your
green juice today.
230
00:10:13,344 --> 00:10:14,544
Will you take care of them?
231
00:10:14,586 --> 00:10:15,907
They're ready to spend
some money they don't have
232
00:10:15,931 --> 00:10:18,275
and I'm here for it. Hey, Oscar.
233
00:10:18,379 --> 00:10:19,734
OSCAR: [whispers] Hey,
Curlita, how are you?
234
00:10:19,758 --> 00:10:20,827
I'm good.
235
00:10:20,931 --> 00:10:23,068
I love that you love
Blue Ivy Carter.
236
00:10:23,172 --> 00:10:26,517
- She's making an appearance.
- Yes, tonight, tonight.
237
00:10:26,620 --> 00:10:28,517
Yes, and we do
love Blue so much.
238
00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:29,586
[camera shutter clicking]
239
00:10:29,689 --> 00:10:32,034
?
240
00:10:32,137 --> 00:10:34,965
That hacker is
underestimating us.
241
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:38,448
He doesn't know that my grandson
is also a computer genius.
242
00:10:38,551 --> 00:10:40,896
You know, I'm an actor now.
243
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,379
I haven't actually hacked
into anything in over a year.
244
00:10:43,482 --> 00:10:44,896
Not since I
accidentally uploaded
245
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:46,862
the wrong workout
photo to Scruff...
246
00:10:46,965 --> 00:10:50,758
Will you stop thinking
about ass and help us?
247
00:10:50,862 --> 00:10:52,620
Sorry, okay.
248
00:10:52,724 --> 00:10:55,793
Um, let me find the IP addresses
249
00:10:55,896 --> 00:10:57,251
that are linked to
the bank accounts
250
00:10:57,275 --> 00:10:59,862
and we'll go from there.
It shouldn't take too long.
251
00:10:59,965 --> 00:11:05,965
?
252
00:11:08,448 --> 00:11:10,172
[sighs]
253
00:11:10,275 --> 00:11:16,275
?
254
00:11:17,413 --> 00:11:19,000
[cracking]
255
00:11:19,103 --> 00:11:24,551
?
256
00:11:24,655 --> 00:11:25,947
EDMUND: Okay, I need a break.
257
00:11:26,034 --> 00:11:32,034
?
258
00:11:32,172 --> 00:11:36,448
[typing]
259
00:11:38,310 --> 00:11:39,551
I got it!
260
00:11:39,655 --> 00:11:41,079
I found the address where he's
getting the cash delivered!
261
00:11:41,103 --> 00:11:43,206
Oh, I am so ready
to cut a bitch!
262
00:11:43,310 --> 00:11:47,275
Ah, thank you for
helping us, Edmund.
263
00:11:47,379 --> 00:11:48,862
No, thank you, Grandma.
264
00:11:48,965 --> 00:11:51,827
I think I sweat so much
that I lost 5 pounds.
265
00:11:51,931 --> 00:11:53,827
I'm gonna be so thin
for my audition.
266
00:11:53,931 --> 00:11:56,827
Oh, audition? What for?
267
00:11:56,931 --> 00:11:58,734
Okay, so it's this cross
between "Dear Evan Hansen"
268
00:11:58,758 --> 00:11:59,862
and "Cabin in the Woods"...
269
00:11:59,965 --> 00:12:02,551
Edmund, I don't give
a shit right now.
270
00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:04,620
But Grandma loves you.
271
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:08,310
?
272
00:12:09,310 --> 00:12:10,872
[whispers] Penis
enhancement drug ring...
273
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,310
Long Island
274
00:12:12,413 --> 00:12:14,655
24 people arrested?
275
00:12:14,758 --> 00:12:20,758
?
276
00:12:24,586 --> 00:12:26,517
[typing]
277
00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:30,827
?
278
00:12:30,931 --> 00:12:35,206
[gasps] I knew it! Blue Shoes.
279
00:12:35,310 --> 00:12:38,793
I knew there was a
dick pill conspiracy.
280
00:12:38,896 --> 00:12:40,241
[camera shutter clicking]
281
00:12:41,413 --> 00:12:42,613
SHU SHU: Now what?
282
00:12:42,655 --> 00:12:47,413
Now we get revenge.
283
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,482
Don't fuck with grandmas.
284
00:12:53,620 --> 00:12:54,941
GRANDMA: Okay, it's pretty clear
285
00:12:54,965 --> 00:12:57,586
there's one best way to do this.
286
00:12:57,689 --> 00:13:01,310
We'll have to stealthily
sneak into the house.
287
00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:04,000
SIQI: Wait, which one of
us is doing the flips?
288
00:13:04,103 --> 00:13:06,172
- GRANDMA: Shut up, Siqi.
- Don't interrupt me.
289
00:13:06,275 --> 00:13:10,413
There is a dog door. That's
how we're getting in.
290
00:13:10,517 --> 00:13:12,448
We'll sneak through the kitchen.
291
00:13:12,551 --> 00:13:16,482
Then we'll charge upstairs
and take down the scammer.
292
00:13:16,586 --> 00:13:18,586
Amazing. Let's go.
293
00:13:18,689 --> 00:13:22,793
Eh, it's 8:15 and
I'm pretty tired.
294
00:13:22,896 --> 00:13:24,965
- Me too.
- Yeah.
295
00:13:25,068 --> 00:13:27,724
Okay, what if we all
get a good night's sleep
296
00:13:27,827 --> 00:13:30,275
and then reconvene at
4:00 in the morning,
297
00:13:30,379 --> 00:13:31,827
when it's still dark?
298
00:13:31,931 --> 00:13:34,793
- Great.
- Love it!
299
00:13:34,896 --> 00:13:37,482
I'm just gonna sleep
here tonight, okay?
300
00:13:37,586 --> 00:13:43,586
?
301
00:13:45,620 --> 00:13:47,034
- [whispers] Hey, Merlene?
- Hey.
302
00:13:47,137 --> 00:13:49,241
Can I just talk to you
for a quick second?
303
00:13:49,344 --> 00:13:52,275
Traditionally one works at a
job for longer than a few months
304
00:13:52,379 --> 00:13:53,896
before asking for a raise.
305
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,827
No, I'm not... I'm not
asking for a raise.
306
00:13:55,931 --> 00:13:59,862
- Um... it's Margaret.
- Love her.
307
00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:04,379
Right, she's also, like, a
maniacal con artist/ex-convict.
308
00:14:04,482 --> 00:14:06,068
She's my best salesperson.
309
00:14:06,172 --> 00:14:10,517
- I have photo evidence...
- Photo evidence...
310
00:14:10,620 --> 00:14:12,620
That she is selling
drugs up in here.
311
00:14:12,724 --> 00:14:14,758
And not these kinds of drugs.
312
00:14:14,862 --> 00:14:16,724
[whispers] Penis drugs.
313
00:14:16,827 --> 00:14:19,000
[sighs] Follow me.
314
00:14:25,172 --> 00:14:26,896
I surrender!
315
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,586
- Oh, hey, boo-boo. To what?
- What are you surrendered to?
316
00:14:29,689 --> 00:14:31,206
A maxi dress?
317
00:14:31,310 --> 00:14:32,344
Are you in on this?
318
00:14:32,448 --> 00:14:34,482
There's a CBD store
on every block now.
319
00:14:34,586 --> 00:14:36,034
And Nora, I have a family.
320
00:14:36,137 --> 00:14:37,965
You have two
chinchillas, Merlene.
321
00:14:38,068 --> 00:14:39,896
Yeah, and one of
them has diabetes.
322
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,103
Oh, I'm so sorry.
323
00:14:41,206 --> 00:14:43,103
I donated to your
GoFundMe, by the way.
324
00:14:43,206 --> 00:14:44,734
Thank you so much,
Margaret. She's...
325
00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:47,517
MARGARET: Yeah, I'm the best.
326
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:49,172
Come on, Nora,
just join us, okay?
327
00:14:49,275 --> 00:14:51,827
I do the sales. Merlene
does the distro.
328
00:14:51,931 --> 00:14:53,769
He gets the goods for
the supplies and whatnot.
329
00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:54,993
Ah, come on.
330
00:14:55,034 --> 00:14:56,734
And, like, Oscar, Sad
Dad, always has a boner.
331
00:14:56,758 --> 00:14:57,793
Eew.
332
00:14:57,896 --> 00:14:59,146
It's a win-win. Come join us.
333
00:14:59,241 --> 00:15:02,137
- No, this is... this is wrong.
- This is not okay.
334
00:15:02,241 --> 00:15:05,931
- Come on, be cool, be chill.
- You know, we were lovers once.
335
00:15:06,034 --> 00:15:07,793
She was very chill back then.
336
00:15:07,896 --> 00:15:10,862
- It was a one kiss situation.
- No tongue.
337
00:15:10,965 --> 00:15:12,482
It was so much more to me.
338
00:15:12,586 --> 00:15:15,689
I mean... you should see
the memories on my phone.
339
00:15:15,793 --> 00:15:17,689
I'm just saying,
Nora, lighten up.
340
00:15:17,793 --> 00:15:18,793
We could use your help.
341
00:15:18,896 --> 00:15:20,551
You'd make 2 grand a week.
342
00:15:20,655 --> 00:15:22,827
?
343
00:15:23,586 --> 00:15:26,862
?
344
00:15:26,965 --> 00:15:29,758
Iris! What the fuck is that?
345
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:31,275
We're supposed to
wear all black.
346
00:15:31,379 --> 00:15:32,413
It's camouflage.
347
00:15:32,517 --> 00:15:35,275
- That's flowers!
- And what the fuck is that?
348
00:15:35,379 --> 00:15:36,620
A shoehorn.
349
00:15:36,724 --> 00:15:40,517
- What... ah, never mind.
- It's go time.
350
00:15:42,310 --> 00:15:46,517
?
351
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:54,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
352
00:15:56,448 --> 00:15:57,517
GRANDMA: Uh oh.
353
00:15:57,620 --> 00:16:01,344
This dog door's a lot
smaller than we thought.
354
00:16:01,448 --> 00:16:04,551
My bones are soft and pliable
because of osteoporosis.
355
00:16:04,655 --> 00:16:05,896
I got this.
356
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:09,000
I just need Siqi to
take care of the dog.
357
00:16:10,862 --> 00:16:13,137
Here, puppy, puppy, puppy!
358
00:16:13,241 --> 00:16:14,724
- ALL: Oh!
- [Chihuahua barks]
359
00:16:14,827 --> 00:16:16,517
A Chihuahua!
360
00:16:17,965 --> 00:16:19,689
Iris, you're up.
361
00:16:19,793 --> 00:16:21,344
Lotion bitch time.
362
00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:24,965
?
363
00:16:25,068 --> 00:16:28,586
Time to shine, Shu Shu.
364
00:16:28,689 --> 00:16:31,448
BOTH: [grunting]
365
00:16:31,551 --> 00:16:32,751
Boop.
366
00:16:36,724 --> 00:16:39,379
[house alarm wailing]
367
00:16:42,965 --> 00:16:44,344
- [wailing stops]
- [grunts]
368
00:16:44,448 --> 00:16:46,000
[pants]
369
00:16:49,448 --> 00:16:54,068
?
370
00:16:58,034 --> 00:16:59,976
- [hushed chatter in Chinese]
- IRIS & SIQI: Walk faster!
371
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:01,562
- [chatter continues in Chinese]
- IRIS: Go, go!
372
00:17:01,586 --> 00:17:04,000
- [chatter continues in Chinese]
- SIQI: Don't be so loud!
373
00:17:05,310 --> 00:17:07,689
[thump, something breaking]
374
00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:11,206
[overlapping chatter in Chinese]
375
00:17:11,310 --> 00:17:14,689
?
376
00:17:14,793 --> 00:17:16,448
Oh, what the fuck, Shu Shu?
377
00:17:16,551 --> 00:17:17,655
Help me!
378
00:17:17,758 --> 00:17:21,034
[frantic muffled voice]
379
00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:25,172
Oh, shit. It's a kid.
380
00:17:25,275 --> 00:17:28,413
It's you. How did you...
381
00:17:28,517 --> 00:17:31,586
Help! Help! Child in
danger! Child in danger!
382
00:17:31,689 --> 00:17:33,241
How do we get him to shut up?
383
00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:36,379
We do what grandmas
do best: Feed him.
384
00:17:38,068 --> 00:17:39,896
Actually, I am pretty hungry.
385
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,482
Aw, shut up.
386
00:17:41,586 --> 00:17:44,655
?
387
00:17:45,827 --> 00:17:48,000
MERLENE: Nora, you already
work for me selling CBD.
388
00:17:48,103 --> 00:17:50,068
This is basically
the same thing.
389
00:17:50,172 --> 00:17:52,006
Who doesn't wanna be
part of the Rod Squad?
390
00:17:52,034 --> 00:17:53,344
Look how cool we are.
391
00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:57,034
We are helping sad dads
all across the country.
392
00:17:57,137 --> 00:17:58,793
We are saving marriages.
393
00:17:58,896 --> 00:18:00,758
Don't you wanna help that dick?
394
00:18:00,862 --> 00:18:03,862
No, no, sorry, no,
no, I can't, I can't.
395
00:18:03,965 --> 00:18:05,620
Okay, fine.
396
00:18:05,724 --> 00:18:07,769
But if you change your mind,
you know where to find me.
397
00:18:07,793 --> 00:18:09,320
By the way, I'm not going
by Margaret anymore.
398
00:18:09,344 --> 00:18:11,275
- I'm going by Beef.
- Why?
399
00:18:11,379 --> 00:18:13,182
Because it's delicious and
you always wanna eat it.
400
00:18:13,206 --> 00:18:15,793
Duh! It's what's for dinner.
401
00:18:15,896 --> 00:18:19,517
And lunch. It's low
carb. High protein.
402
00:18:19,620 --> 00:18:22,241
Come on, you know you have,
like, a iron deficiency.
403
00:18:22,344 --> 00:18:24,724
It's how I came up with
it in the first place.
404
00:18:24,827 --> 00:18:26,655
- [whispers]
- Did you have to... Okay.
405
00:18:26,758 --> 00:18:28,842
Remember you always talked
about the Atkins Diet?
406
00:18:28,931 --> 00:18:30,655
Beef all day, boo-boo.
407
00:18:30,758 --> 00:18:31,862
Great, awesome.
408
00:18:31,965 --> 00:18:34,758
Well, with that in
mind, I guess I quit.
409
00:18:34,862 --> 00:18:36,665
If you're quitting, you
need to return your shirt.
410
00:18:36,689 --> 00:18:38,068
It's $39.
411
00:18:38,172 --> 00:18:39,862
I will return the
shirt, Merlene.
412
00:18:39,965 --> 00:18:42,137
MARGARET: Love you!
413
00:18:42,241 --> 00:18:43,655
Your dick's gonna break.
414
00:18:43,758 --> 00:18:45,310
?
415
00:18:45,413 --> 00:18:47,344
I didn't mean to
hurt any of you guys.
416
00:18:47,448 --> 00:18:49,655
It's why I just took a
little bit from each person.
417
00:18:49,758 --> 00:18:52,931
A little to you can mean
a lot to someone else.
418
00:18:53,034 --> 00:18:54,379
I guess.
419
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:59,275
I... I was just trying to
do enough to get noticed.
420
00:18:59,379 --> 00:19:02,000
Nobody notices me. My
parents are never there.
421
00:19:02,103 --> 00:19:04,034
Just...
422
00:19:04,137 --> 00:19:06,379
I literally didn't have
anything better to do.
423
00:19:06,482 --> 00:19:09,172
You know, nobody
notices us either.
424
00:19:09,275 --> 00:19:12,896
Old people, young people,
nobody takes us seriously.
425
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,103
Well, obviously not
old people. Duh.
426
00:19:18,172 --> 00:19:20,724
My friend wants to kill you.
427
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,482
But I know you're a good kid.
428
00:19:22,586 --> 00:19:25,413
Just promise me you
won't scam anybody again.
429
00:19:25,517 --> 00:19:27,172
- Yeah, yeah, okay.
- GRANDMA: Good.
430
00:19:27,275 --> 00:19:30,655
But you're gonna have
to eat an entire durian
431
00:19:30,758 --> 00:19:32,034
in under 60 seconds.
432
00:19:32,137 --> 00:19:33,337
Wait, no, no, no.
433
00:19:33,413 --> 00:19:35,448
It says no outside
food right over there.
434
00:19:35,551 --> 00:19:37,113
We're a bunch of old
people and a kid.
435
00:19:37,137 --> 00:19:38,379
Who's gonna notice?
436
00:19:38,482 --> 00:19:41,413
One Mississippi,
two Mississippi...
437
00:19:41,517 --> 00:19:43,684
- No, no, no, really.
- I'm allergic to Asian food...
438
00:19:43,758 --> 00:19:48,000
- Eat the durian, bitch.
- With stinky tofu.
439
00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:51,206
Three Missi... oh,
nominy nom nom nom.
440
00:19:51,310 --> 00:19:53,172
- Chew it.
- Yum.
441
00:19:58,620 --> 00:20:00,655
Ah, yeah.
442
00:20:00,758 --> 00:20:04,827
[laughs] Oh, yeah.
443
00:20:04,931 --> 00:20:06,907
You weren't kidding when you
said shopping spree, huh?
444
00:20:06,931 --> 00:20:09,724
GRANDMA: Yeah, we got the
money back from that scammer.
445
00:20:09,827 --> 00:20:11,896
Well, from his parents.
446
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,137
This is gonna be the
best book club ever.
447
00:20:14,241 --> 00:20:16,275
I should start
reading some more.
448
00:20:16,379 --> 00:20:18,689
I have time now
that I quit my job.
449
00:20:18,793 --> 00:20:20,793
What? What happened?
450
00:20:20,896 --> 00:20:22,586
It just, um...
451
00:20:22,689 --> 00:20:24,620
You know, it wasn't
the right fit for me.
452
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:25,965
That's okay.
453
00:20:26,068 --> 00:20:27,562
I'm gonna find something
else and it'll be good.
454
00:20:27,586 --> 00:20:30,586
Okay, I'm sure you'll find
something soon, Bao Bao.
455
00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:32,389
I want to see what
the fuss is all about
456
00:20:32,413 --> 00:20:34,137
with these spicy
lime fuego chips.
457
00:20:34,241 --> 00:20:36,103
NORA: Be careful with those.
458
00:20:36,206 --> 00:20:39,275
I think those are for young
people, Shu Shu, not you!
459
00:20:39,379 --> 00:20:42,517
[crunching]
460
00:20:42,620 --> 00:20:48,448
Hah, hah, hah, hah, oh...
461
00:20:50,172 --> 00:20:52,551
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
462
00:20:52,655 --> 00:20:54,827
Oh, shit, my tongue skin!
463
00:20:54,931 --> 00:20:57,793
My tongue skin! Oh my god!
464
00:20:57,896 --> 00:21:03,034
[shouting]
465
00:21:04,655 --> 00:21:06,275
SHU SHU: [yells]
466
00:21:08,482 --> 00:21:14,482
?
467
00:21:26,862 --> 00:21:31,137
??
468
00:21:31,241 --> 00:21:33,206
Who the [bleep] is Awkwafina?
469
00:21:33,310 --> 00:21:35,241
?
470
00:21:35,344 --> 00:21:37,344
? MTV
471
00:21:38,305 --> 00:22:38,766
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472
00:22:38,816 --> 00:22:43,366
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