All language subtitles for Last of the Summer Wine s19e09 From Audrey Nash to the Widow Dilooley.eng

Hey up! Hey up!
Thee down there with the brush.

What's your problem?
Tha's been banging about since six.

How would you know? I've been
lying in bed listening to thee.

You've no business listening to folk.

Didn't know it were thee.
Thought we had builders in.

I'm giving my house a good fettling.
It's time you gave yours one.

My place would never take
the beating you give yours.

What's it all about anyroad?

I've got a visitor coming,
if it's any of your business,

and she's a lady, so don't
loaf about in your underwear.

How about half a loaf?
It's better than none.

While she's here,
do us all a favour, and stay in bed, out of sight.

Three meals a day, tha's got a deal.

Agh!

All right. Two and a snack.

Nora Batty's got a visitor coming.

I don't know how we'd have got
through the day without knowing that.

At last.
Something to write in my diary.

I just thought I'd mention it.

Is that our excitement for the day
or is there more?

Who is this visitor?

She didn't say.

Oh, well, that makes it
even more fascinating.

I do believe I'm all agog.

I just thought I'd mention it,

seeing as how she doesn't
have visitors very often.

Nobody OFTEN has visitors.
Who could stand the strain of OFTEN having visitors?

Oh, I don't know. I wonder sometimes
if I oughtn't to entertain more.

Make the effort, get out the silver.

A knife and fork that says,
"A Present From Blackpool."

There's an egg cup and a serviette
ring. I hope tha's well insured(!)

What do you want to start
entertaining for?

Oh, I don't know. I sometimes wonder
if we have a full enough social life.

Oh, it's full enough for me.

Never did much entertaining
with the former Mrs Truelove.

She was more your best kept
well-hidden sort of person.

I wouldn't mind entertaining Nora.

Oh, yes, I can see it now.
A table by candlelight.

Just you and Nora
and several ferrets.

I could put them out while she's
there. Oh, that's nice, isn't it?

A total stranger comes in
and out go your ferrets.

She's not a total stranger.

She's strange enough for me.

What are you looking at?

I am making sure that underneath
all that grease and grime, I am not talking to a complete stranger!

I'm busy. What is it? When are you
going to fix that dripping tap?

I fixed it
first thing this morning.

Well, now you're acting
like a stranger. I've got to go.

I'm onto something. It's terrific.
Well, don't forget where you live.

I shan't. It's the only house in
the street with paper on the floor.

I remember her vaguely.
That's her. She was then, anyway.

Sort of dreamy.
A bit slow.

I thought so too, but she was
good looking and I hated anybody who was better looking than me.

Did you feel like that as well?
Yes!

Looks like school's out.
Good morning. It WAS.

Hey up! I'm always one
to accept a challenge.

How about you and me
round the back for a snog?

I'd sooner have flu.

How about thee, then, Ivy?

It's nearly as attractive
as cleaning out drains.

I think that was a no.

If these birds will keep
wasting their opportunities!

What kind of opportunity d'you think
you are? I've kissed 'em all before.

BOTH: When?!

At school.

You kissed everybody at school.

Not the boys.

Well, maybe him once or twice.

He looked so attractive in his
little sailor suit. That's a lie.

I used to look like Nelson in
my sailor suit. Aye, Wendy Nelson.

I thought we could go for a bicycle
ride. Pearl's gone out for the day.

I don't want to spend my lunch hour
going for another bicycle ride.

Not ANOTHER bicycle ride.

You used to like bicycle rides
in your lunch hour.

That was when I was younger.
That was last Tuesday.

I've grown up a lot since last
Tuesday. I'm not the same person.

You look close enough for me.

I suppose it's only fair to warn you
that there might be someone else.

Someone else? A girl has to think
of her future, Howard.

Just leave it with me. I'll fill
your future with bicycle rides.

A girl wants more.
More than bicycle rides? MUCH!

Howard, I've been corresponding
secretly for some time

with a gentleman who signs himself
"Lonely Blue Eyes".

We're meeting today
for the first time.

If it goes well, I may decide
to attach myself to him, Howard.

He's free. It may mean
everything a girl desires...

..marriage, children,
respectability.

Well...OK.

Then can we go for a bicycle ride?

I wonder what I could do to
increase my chances with Nora Batty.

If absence
makes the heart grow fonder,

have you thought
of emigrating to China?

I'm being serious here!

Fancying Nora Batty
is REALLY serious.

I can't think of anything
more serious.

As an ambition, it's like
aiming for the North Pole.

For all her faults, the former
Mrs Truelove had a wonderful ability

to reduce a chap's interest
in the opposite sex.

I like the opposite sex.

I've always been glad
there's an opposite sex.

Well, if you're looking for
something opposite,

Nora Batty's about as good
as you'll find.

She taught me to be very steady
in the presence of women,

although they could be
quite fun to arrest.

Come on. I'm closing early.
What's this all about?

I'm meeting Nora's visitor.
Oh, the secret visitor.

There's nothing secret about it.

We go through life
with hardly a thought for all those poor devils having visitors.

Who is this visitor?
It's a Mrs Dilhooley.

Dilhooley? Dilhooley?

Is she any relation to a strangler
of the same name?

She's a widow from Australia,
visiting the old country.

She was born here.

Hey up! Look at this!

Didn't I see thee
play the lead in Evita?

Or was it Phantom Of The Opera?

Closer.

Keep away. I don't want
to get creased up.

Tha won't get far
if tha never gets creased up.

Come on! Out, you lot!

Come along. Stop pestering these
ladies. I were born to pester ladies.

Some are artistic. I pester ladies.

It makes you wonder who has the
nerve, not only to go to Australia, but then to come back?

You may remember her by her maiden
name. She used to be Audrey Nash.

Audrey Nash?
The widow Dilhooley was Audrey Nash?

I've told you. She was Audrey Nash.

He's gone, Norm.

All the way back to Audrey Nash.

ENGINE SPLUTTERS

ENGINE STOPS

Is that you, Barry?
You've just timed it nicely.

I haven't much time. I'm going home
for my lunch. Your lucky day, lad.

You'll be going home in style. Just
step inside the office a moment.

I shan't get my suit dirty, shall I?
Why should you get your suit dirty?

I don't remember him being
all that keen on her at school.

I thought all he was interested in
was drink and slagging off the former Mrs Truelove,

which he does quite well.

I think he still loves her, his ex.
You little romantic!

That's you and Barbara Cartland.

Audrey Nash! After all these years.
Calm thaself, Truly.

Don't think of her as Audrey Nash
if it upsets thee.

Think of her as the widow Dilhooley.
Damn Dilhooley!

She was mine. She was my Audrey Nash.
When was she yours?

I will always remember that night at
the tennis club dance. We were young.

It was my magical time
with Audrey Nash.

He's gone.

He's absolutely gone. So much for
still being in love with his ex.

I thought his only aim in life
was to arrest people. Only in business hours.

In his own time, all it seems
he wanted was Audrey Nash. I don't really remember her.

She were a dreamy,
little, skinny bird.

She was not a dreamy,
little, skinny bird.

She was elegant and poetic.
What was she? Elegant and poetic...

dreamy, little, skinny bird.

ENGINE BANGS

ENGINE SPLUTTERS

You're not fit to be on the road.

By heck, Truly,
tha got that sarnie down quick.

He has. He's really gone.

Funny. You never think of policemen
being in love.

Tha never think
tha could nick tha sarnies.

She was like a vision in that white
dress at the tennis club dance.

The orchestra was playing. I was
sipping a D and B on the rocks.

D and B?

Dandelion and burdock.
The world was still innocent.

You never dreamt
of the terrible things to come.

The war.

Mabel.

The former Mrs Truelove.

Now, Audrey Nash
was wearing a white dress.

What were thee wearing?
Blazer and flannels.

We were very sharp dressers,
the men in the tennis set.

Striped blazers, Oxford bags.

Oxford bags?

They were very loose-fitting
trousers.

They were fashionable THEN.

I thought he were talking about
the pair that I used to know in Aldershot.

You had an interesting war.

Oh-oh! I did, Norm.

I wondered who was making it last.

I can see her now,
in that white dress,

just a slip of a thing.

Oh, happy days...happy days.

What's up with him? He's in love.

Who's he in love with?
I demand to know.

Relax, Howard.
What's the matter with thee?

Is he going around signing himself
"Lonely Blue Eyes"?

Certainly not
on his income tax returns.

Let me look in your eyes.
Back off, Howard.

I'm looking for Lonely Blue Eyes.

We'd never make a go of it.
I'm not your type.

And I'm married. No, you're not.

Well, I used to be
and the licence hasn't expired.

They make a lovely couple.

Looks more like one and a half.

We'll get you home in comfort, lad.

You're the first passenger of the
Wesley Pegden motorised rickshaw.

Is there a call for a rickshaw here?

Not if some poor devil had to pull
it, lad, not with all these hills,

but with a MOTORISED rickshaw,
now there you've got a proposition.

Two passengers carried in comfort,
little petrol, cheaper than a taxi.

I've a strong suspicion we might be
ending up with a fleet of these.

Hop in, then, lad.

Make yourself comfy, Barry.

There you see the value of testing.
Wants more weight at the front.

I'll show you where we used to go -
me and Audrey Nash.

One of our favourite places.

Tha used to bring her here? Yeah.
Big spender(!)

We've spent many happy times in here,
especially in inclement weather.

We used to watch the rain fall,
making plans.

How to get out, I expect.

This was our telephone kiosk.
Hey-ho!

Don't sigh. There's no room.

Good job she were skinny. Slender.

He meant slender.

What are you doing?

"I hate Lonely Blue Eyes."

Well, go on, then, lie to me.
Tell me what it means.

I didn't realise I was writing it.

I suppose it's what you'd call
the work of the unconscious.

Oh, I could believe that.

If there's anybody around here with
a gift for the unconscious, it's you.

It's frightening really,
what mysterious things can happen, even in ordinary life.

You used to write
"Howard loves Pearl".

Keep your voice down!

I hope you never told anybody.
I don't think I ever told anybody.

Why shouldn't I tell somebody? Are
you telling me it's no longer true?

Well, of course not.
It's still absolutely true.

It's just a little embarrassing.

It wouldn't be embarrassing
if it were you-know-who.

I don't know who you mean.
You don't? Well, that's funny, because here she comes.

She's not fooling me,
pretending not to know you.

You're quite wrong. I bet she's
on her way to meet another man.

And all this time, you've thought
she's been meeting me.

I hope you're not lying again.
I don't know how you can say that.

If you don't believe me,
we'll follow her and see who he is...(the swine!)

Right.

When she gets off the bus,
I'm going to be there.

I want her to see me
as I was at the tennis club dance.

Where'll you find a striped blazer
and Oxford bags? I'll find them.

I'll be wearing them to meet Audrey
Nash. She's the widow Dilhooley.

Not to me. To me,
she'll always be little Audrey Nash.

ENGINE SPLUTTERS

How do, lads?
Anybody know a Chinese feller?

I don't. Then that must be Wesley.

We left from this very platform
on our honeymoon.

Me too. Mind you, after that,
we only went on pleasure trips.

For pleasure trips, we used
to go by motorbike and sidecar.

That was in the days before helmets
when you could still wear a hat.

For years, we didn't have transport.
It was trains or buses or nothing.

Usually it was nothing.
He wasn't keen on going far... except on honeymoon.

I couldn't complain about Wally
on honeymoon.

He was so well behaved -
almost as good as if he wasn't there.

Funny how you love 'em,
despite everything.

You've got to be careful
not to show it.

Absolutely. You can't show it.

They're hard enough to handle
under strict conditions.

It was one of those trains
with compartments for our honeymoon.

It had a picture of Skegness.
Funny the things you remember.

I remember his wedding suit
didn't fit, but it was smart.

I like a stripe.

We said we would,
but we never went to Skegness.

There's only so much time.

TRAIN APPROACHES

We'll try Auntie Wainwright's
bargain clothing department.

If anyone has a striped blazer and
Oxford bags, it's Auntie Wainwright.

He must be in love
to go in Auntie Wainwright's.

I don't see any reason to inform
the public why I want the garments.

Too late. I've told everybody.

A thing like that dents my image as
a powerful force in crime prevention.

We'll tell Auntie Wainwright
they're for amateur theatricals.

Alice In Wonderland!

And guess who's going to play Alice.

I don't care what he wants them for
as long as he wants them.

It's for him.

I've got all the clothing I need.

You look as if you're wearing it
all at once.

It was chilly this morning.
Where were you - Alaska?

Well, if it gets really warm,
I take a pullover off.

I can be a sun worshipper
as well as the next bloke.

What kind of trollop goes alone
into public houses?

Oh, I know what you mean.
I hope she's all right.

There are some rough pubs
in the area.

They won't be too rough for that one.

Excuse me.

I'm looking for Lonely Blue Eyes.

It's you. You're Lonely Blue Eyes.

You said in your letter
you were just a touch over 30.

And that was just
the waist measurement.

DOOR SHUTS

You see, another man.

And you thought
she was going out with me.

I suppose I owe you an apology.
You certainly do. OK.

I suppose you're right.

If I've been wrong about you
all this time,

you can kiss me and we'll make up.

I wouldn't say all this time.

Kiss me, Howard.

You've forgotten how, haven't you?

I wouldn't mind
but I'm not even musical.

Well, what did tha buy it for?
I didn't buy it. It was sold to me.

It's valuable. Oh, don't you start.
That's what SHE said.

A little snug
at the major intersections.

Oh, tha looks ravishing!

It feels a little like the deadly
embrace of the former Mrs Truelove.

That's the way it used to be. It's
the cut. I suppose you're right.

It's the cut.

It's a cut below the rest.

I'm glad you bought the gramophone.

Well, I'm glad somebody's glad.

They're here! It's them.

Stand by, Clegg.
The timing's crucial here.

I don't know why I didn't get
a monkey to go with my barrel organ.

It's a big moment for me.

It's them. They're coming!
Don't let them see you.

Have you wound it up?
It's wound up.

Stop fiddling. Is it all right?

It's terrible,
but that's not making it any better.

You're honest and reliable
and kind enough to lie for a friend.

How do I look, Clegg?

You ARE Lobby Ludd
and I claim my ten shillings.

Here we go, then. My magical reunion
with Audrey Nash. Play it again, Sam.

Here they come.

MUSIC PLAYS
I thought we had a good journey.

We'll see you on Wednesday.
Goodbye.

Why are you playing a gramophone
in the street?

I've always wanted to play
a musical instrument.

They get barmier.

Who's the drongo
in the funny trousers?

I told you. They get barmier.

You remember Herbert Truelove.

Truelove? Truelove?
I don't remember any Truelove.

By heck, she's a big lass
is that Audrey Nash.

That wasn't Audrey Nash.
That was the widow Dilhooley.

I bet she's related to the strangler.
No good wasting the music.

Hey up, lass. How about a dance?

Come on, lass.
Let tha hair down.

Good on you, mate.
I like your spirit.

Turn it off. Get me out!
Get me out of this!

Don't tell me. Tell lover boy.

Aren't tha going to cut in?

I'm afraid it's quite impossible
in these trousers.

Subtitles by BBC - 1998

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0