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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,380 Coo-ee! 2 00:00:56,380 --> 00:01:00,460 Norman! Over here, Norman. 3 00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:04,720 Your friendly female person. 4 00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:07,160 Marina! 5 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:11,220 Norman Clegg with the green fingers. 6 00:01:11,220 --> 00:01:17,160 What a touch with growing things. I think I hear my kettle boiling. 7 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:23,200 Doesn't surprise me for a minute. Come here, Norman. 8 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:26,280 Come closer. 9 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:28,700 I need a favour. 10 00:01:35,540 --> 00:01:38,680 STRANGLED SOUNDS FROM CLEGG 11 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:45,740 It's been a long time, Norman Clegg, since we were as close as this. 12 00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:51,400 You're blushing. 13 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:54,260 I'm choking. 14 00:02:04,860 --> 00:02:10,260 Okay, enough is enough. I give up. I'm here. Take me. 15 00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:14,180 # All of me Why not take all of me? # 16 00:02:14,180 --> 00:02:20,560 You want locking up. That's an idea. Your place. Throw away the key. 17 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:28,340 You'll never get invited into my house. Never? NEVER ! Even if I have a shave? NEVER ! 18 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:32,420 Tha's missin' a golden opportunity. 19 00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:37,340 Tha wants to grab me whilst I'm up to British Standards. 20 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:49,000 Do it for me, Norman. For old times' sake. 21 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:54,080 What old times? I was always too young for old times. 22 00:02:54,080 --> 00:03:01,620 By the time I was old enough for old times they'd gone. I'd be ever so grateful, Norman. 23 00:03:01,620 --> 00:03:06,740 It's a birthday present for Howard. And I want YOU... 24 00:03:06,740 --> 00:03:13,800 to sneak it to him when Pearl's not looking. When is Pearl ever not looking? 25 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:21,220 Right, I'll just have to keep on kissing you till you do it. I'll do it, I'll do it. 26 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:33,140 Couldn't you have got something smaller? Like a bungalow. 27 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:41,380 It's something he's always wanted. Something cuddly. 28 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:16,080 Has to be admitted. First-class bit of rope is this. 29 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:23,440 Always used to carry a bit of rope. World War II I'm speaking of. In the jungle. 30 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:31,340 Once you'd taken your Jap alive, a couple of half-hitches and a sheepshank and he was yours. 31 00:04:31,340 --> 00:04:37,360 This could tell a few stories. In Japanese, of course. 32 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:40,500 Well, it's Japanese rope. 33 00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:48,200 That surprises you, doesn't it? You're wondering what I'm doing with it. Well, I'll tell you. 34 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:55,040 The little beggars had captured me. Tied me up with this very rope. 35 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:57,980 They were interrogating me. 36 00:04:57,980 --> 00:05:02,060 The usual unpleasant little tricks, 37 00:05:02,060 --> 00:05:07,580 trying to force out of me the details of the Allied plans. 38 00:05:07,580 --> 00:05:10,520 But don't worry. I stuck it out. 39 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:13,960 It's what we were trained for. 40 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:19,300 Not everyone, of course. Just a few of the tougher ones. 41 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:23,760 I tell you what... 42 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:31,640 You tie my wrists behind my back, and I will demonstrate to you how I gave them the slip. 43 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:34,840 Tie your wrists? Here? Yes. 44 00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:39,920 I'll be out in a jiffy. Don't worry about it. 45 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,520 That's it. 46 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:45,540 Tighter than that. 47 00:05:45,540 --> 00:05:53,080 Pretend you're a Jap and I'm all that stands between you and the conquest of India. 48 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:56,840 Oh, oh! That's right. Good and tight. 49 00:05:56,840 --> 00:06:03,100 Know what she said? "Tha'll never be invited into my house. Never." 50 00:06:03,100 --> 00:06:09,220 Don't tell me. I've got me own troubles. What a thing to say. 51 00:06:09,220 --> 00:06:14,600 What a thing to say. And me her next-door lover. 52 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:22,100 You're not her lover. Only because of a technical hitch. She keeps hitting you with a brush. 53 00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:24,680 That's the one. 54 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:28,460 Anyway, I've got enough troubles of me own. 55 00:06:30,340 --> 00:06:36,540 What troubles have tha got? THAT'S what troubles I've got! 56 00:06:36,540 --> 00:06:40,860 By heck, that's trouble if tha's got THEM. 57 00:06:40,860 --> 00:06:45,020 Tha'll never find a mousetrap that big! 58 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:50,220 I'll be out in a jiffy. 59 00:06:50,220 --> 00:06:54,780 It's...just a question of mind over matter. 60 00:06:54,780 --> 00:06:57,380 Will power, really. 61 00:06:57,380 --> 00:07:05,260 See, if you can exert sufficient mental force you can actually... shrink the dimensions of the wrist. 62 00:07:05,260 --> 00:07:12,400 ..An old Asiatic trick I picked up out East. Listen...I'll have to go. 63 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:20,580 Yes, yes. Just toddle along. Don't worry about me. I'll be free in a flash. 64 00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:32,480 I've been faithful to Nora Batty all these years. 65 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:35,600 How can you lie like that? 66 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:40,960 Practice. In my own way I've been faithful. 67 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:46,660 Fancy letting myself get lumbered with a panda. 68 00:07:46,660 --> 00:07:49,680 I'll make her eat her words. 69 00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:56,140 I'll make meself irresistible. She'll be GLAD to invite me in. 70 00:07:56,140 --> 00:08:01,500 I could KILL that Howard. Fancy wanting a panda! 71 00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:05,860 On the other hand, fancy wanting Marina! 72 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:14,060 Hey up, there's Howard. Let's catch him up, give him the panda. 73 00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:18,440 I'm not going outside with a giant panda. 74 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:25,100 A thing like that can seriously affect your hormone balance. SLURPS 75 00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:27,980 Careful. 76 00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:34,760 No, no, no, no. It's no good. 77 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:38,260 The feet don't look natural. 78 00:08:38,260 --> 00:08:44,100 People say that about me wellies. I know. I'm one of them. 79 00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:49,960 What's it matter? It's only a giant panda. What does it matter ?! 80 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,620 Me going round with a giant panda! 81 00:08:54,580 --> 00:09:00,000 Me, who used to collect Tom Mix and William S Hart cigarette cards. 82 00:09:01,900 --> 00:09:04,800 No, don't. How dare you! 83 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:09,860 Every library gets its share of weirdos. It's a known fact. 84 00:09:09,860 --> 00:09:17,460 Literature seems to attract every ding-a-ling for miles, but YOU are in a class of your own. 85 00:09:17,460 --> 00:09:23,940 It's a good job my hands aren't free. You're close to mortal danger. 86 00:09:23,940 --> 00:09:31,520 There are sensible, sober-minded people trying to read in there. Just my kind of people. 87 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:36,520 You don't imagine I'm the type to mix with ANYBODY. 88 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:41,500 You'll only ever find me in the most respectable company. 89 00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:44,740 I do not associate with weirdos. 90 00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:54,440 Hey up, has tha been arrested, Foggy? 91 00:10:06,077 --> 00:10:08,557 Dear, oh dear. 92 00:10:12,157 --> 00:10:14,797 Oh... 93 00:10:17,357 --> 00:10:21,457 It was a demonstration of will power. 94 00:10:21,457 --> 00:10:27,797 How to release yourself by pure will power. Well, you made a good job of it. 95 00:10:27,797 --> 00:10:32,977 I didn't get two minutes of peace in order to concentrate. 96 00:10:32,977 --> 00:10:37,917 I think I'll write to the Chief Librarian. 97 00:10:37,917 --> 00:10:44,797 Tha's always bein' thrown out. Exactly. That's not a staff, it's the Gestapo. 98 00:10:45,197 --> 00:10:47,657 Phew! 99 00:10:47,657 --> 00:10:55,457 I was just about to slip free, you know, when this uniformed fool came and threw me out. 100 00:10:55,457 --> 00:11:00,617 He spoiled the entire process. It's been one of those days. 101 00:11:00,617 --> 00:11:08,317 For me too. Me too. Never gonna get an invite into Nora's house. Shift up! 102 00:11:12,377 --> 00:11:17,977 Well, we're never gonna catch Howard at this rate. 103 00:11:33,377 --> 00:11:40,037 It's Howard's birthday. You're buying him glasses? I am. 104 00:11:40,037 --> 00:11:45,837 Best pair I can find. Isn't that unusual? He'll think so. 105 00:11:45,837 --> 00:11:49,077 He's always wanted a giant panda. 106 00:11:49,077 --> 00:11:56,757 They get barmier. Last year mine asked me for a set of hub caps. 107 00:11:56,757 --> 00:11:59,937 I mean, how can they do it? 108 00:11:59,937 --> 00:12:05,057 Form a passionate attachment to something like hub caps? 109 00:12:06,217 --> 00:12:09,217 There's worse than hub caps. 110 00:12:11,317 --> 00:12:14,717 My Barry wants Ordnance Survey maps. 111 00:12:14,717 --> 00:12:19,037 You want to straighten HIM out as well. 112 00:12:19,997 --> 00:12:23,037 That's better. Just the job. 113 00:12:23,037 --> 00:12:25,517 Absolutely great! 114 00:12:53,257 --> 00:12:58,217 I'm glad he's not wearing his old ones. 115 00:12:58,217 --> 00:13:03,577 At least he buys his own. You can't buy your husband glasses. 116 00:13:03,577 --> 00:13:09,597 They're not for him. They're for me! I have to watch him like a hawk. 117 00:13:09,597 --> 00:13:12,317 I've warned him. 118 00:13:12,317 --> 00:13:19,477 If he turns up with any surprise birthday present from anybody... 119 00:13:19,477 --> 00:13:21,937 he's dead. 120 00:13:27,157 --> 00:13:29,937 Howard! 121 00:13:30,837 --> 00:13:34,037 Howard, come here! 122 00:13:34,037 --> 00:13:37,017 At the double, Howard. 123 00:13:38,897 --> 00:13:45,137 What is it? Happy birthday, Howard. That's what it is. 124 00:13:45,137 --> 00:13:49,757 It's a panda. It's a giant panda. 125 00:13:49,757 --> 00:13:53,357 What's it doin' all dressed up? 126 00:13:53,357 --> 00:14:01,397 Well, you don't think I'm lugging it around the streets stark naked? A giant panda. 127 00:14:01,397 --> 00:14:09,417 I've always wanted a giant panda. Well, this is your lucky day, Howard. Here it is. 128 00:14:09,417 --> 00:14:13,537 For me? That's really nice of you, Cleggy. 129 00:14:13,537 --> 00:14:18,737 It's not from me, you muffin! It's from Marina. 130 00:14:18,737 --> 00:14:21,237 Marina! 131 00:14:21,237 --> 00:14:24,477 I don't know that I know the person. 132 00:14:24,477 --> 00:14:29,217 I thought I could lie, but that bloke's a pro. 133 00:14:29,217 --> 00:14:34,557 You've always wanted one. Take it! That is an order, Howard. 134 00:14:34,557 --> 00:14:41,497 No, I can't take it. I daren't take it. Pearl's watching me like a hawk. 135 00:14:41,497 --> 00:14:45,277 If I get so much as a cufflink... 136 00:14:45,277 --> 00:14:47,557 Howard! 137 00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:56,917 Lucky you! Looks like tha's just won a giant panda. 138 00:15:08,277 --> 00:15:11,437 I'll be with you in a minute. 139 00:15:13,157 --> 00:15:16,037 SOUND OF CROCKERY SMASHING 140 00:15:19,917 --> 00:15:23,377 This is going on your bill ! 141 00:15:33,197 --> 00:15:41,377 I've often wondered why 'panda cars'. Well, they're black and white. 142 00:15:41,377 --> 00:15:46,297 I know. But we're in the middle of the British Isles. 143 00:15:46,297 --> 00:15:50,577 We're not gonna see a panda around here. 144 00:16:18,897 --> 00:16:25,877 Come on. Let's go. It's embarrassing playing with a panda in public. 145 00:16:25,877 --> 00:16:33,537 Hang on, hang on. Make a note in your book. Always make a note in your book. 146 00:16:33,537 --> 00:16:40,917 The one safe way to stay out of trouble is always make a note in the book. 147 00:16:43,017 --> 00:16:47,957 Whatever you do, never forget any details. 148 00:17:18,777 --> 00:17:21,177 Same again! 149 00:17:22,217 --> 00:17:25,457 I'll kill that Howard. 150 00:17:25,457 --> 00:17:30,817 Tell Pearl about it, she'll probably kill him for thee. 151 00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:34,457 That's a good idea. I like that. 152 00:17:34,457 --> 00:17:40,597 Oh, you can't do that. It's sneaky. I feel like sneaky. 153 00:17:40,597 --> 00:17:47,537 How long am I supposed to walk around with this thing? I know what we need. 154 00:17:48,997 --> 00:17:56,577 We need some form of transport for it that will make it look inconspicuous. 155 00:17:58,817 --> 00:18:04,117 There you are, you see? That fits the bill nicely. 156 00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:11,937 Now you can sneak the panda home and hide it indoors until you can pass it to Howard. 157 00:18:11,937 --> 00:18:17,377 But he won't accept it. The man's gone completely sensible. 158 00:18:17,377 --> 00:18:24,557 Never mind pandas. How am I going to get myself invited into Nora Batty's? 159 00:18:24,557 --> 00:18:32,497 Nora Batty is NEVER going to invite you into her house. I mean, why would anyone? 160 00:18:32,497 --> 00:18:37,197 I'm a challenge. People like a challenge. 161 00:18:37,197 --> 00:18:43,837 If this gets out, I'm gonna be known as 'him with the panda'. By heck! 162 00:18:43,837 --> 00:18:46,737 He could do with a second opinion. 163 00:18:52,557 --> 00:18:59,937 Well, wait until Howard comes home, and insist he takes his panda. Be firm. 164 00:18:59,937 --> 00:19:05,917 Right, for once I am going to be firm. Why don't we wait outside? 165 00:19:05,917 --> 00:19:12,957 Because we don't want Pearl to see any of this. FOOTSTEPS 166 00:19:12,957 --> 00:19:20,317 What's she bought you for your birthday, then? I don't know what you mean, love. 167 00:19:20,317 --> 00:19:27,517 Hidden it away, have you? Why would I hide anything from you, precious? 168 00:19:40,757 --> 00:19:46,997 Know what I would like for me birthday? Maybe a compact disc. 169 00:19:46,997 --> 00:19:50,097 Something cool and up tempo. 170 00:19:54,617 --> 00:19:58,117 TRIPS AND FALLS 171 00:20:03,057 --> 00:20:07,257 I will ! I'll KILL that Howard. 172 00:20:07,257 --> 00:20:10,337 Killing's not that easy. 173 00:20:10,337 --> 00:20:15,677 You have to know where to apply the pressure. I'll find out. 174 00:20:15,677 --> 00:20:22,197 Are we finished with this wheelchair? Right. Here's the plan. 175 00:20:22,197 --> 00:20:25,437 We just leave it on his doorstep. 176 00:20:26,077 --> 00:20:29,437 I like it. I like it. 177 00:20:30,517 --> 00:20:38,377 Talk to yourself, Compo. Oh, I will. Have we finished with this wheelchair? 178 00:20:38,377 --> 00:20:43,457 Why are you so interested in a wheelchair? I'm hurt. 179 00:20:43,457 --> 00:20:50,477 When Nora Batty sees me in this wheelchair, that should do the trick. 180 00:20:50,477 --> 00:20:56,037 Lump in the throat, feeling of guilt... I'll be in. 181 00:20:56,037 --> 00:21:04,297 Alright, Little Sly Person, suppose she enquires about the nature of your injuries? 182 00:21:04,297 --> 00:21:08,877 What are you going to tell her you've done? 183 00:21:08,877 --> 00:21:16,437 I'll think of something. I'm great under pressure. Yes, we've heard you burping. 184 00:21:16,437 --> 00:21:23,537 Just get me there and watch me make her sad. I'll melt her old heart. 185 00:21:23,537 --> 00:21:28,897 It'd be quicker with a blowlamp. Do you think she's GOT a heart? 186 00:21:28,897 --> 00:21:34,117 Nora Batty deep down is soft and feminine. 187 00:21:34,117 --> 00:21:38,997 I think there IS something wrong with him. 188 00:21:41,177 --> 00:21:45,777 There'll be repercussions. I warned her. 189 00:21:45,777 --> 00:21:52,837 You can't suddenly switch from flannelette to see-through without some penalty. 190 00:21:52,837 --> 00:21:56,117 Well, she smiles more these days. 191 00:21:56,117 --> 00:22:03,057 That'll come to an end when HE finds out. Oh, he's bound to find out. 192 00:22:03,057 --> 00:22:07,957 You'd think he'd have noticed by now. He must be thick. 193 00:22:13,597 --> 00:22:16,237 Two teas, please, Ivy. 194 00:22:16,237 --> 00:22:18,157 TWO ? 195 00:22:18,157 --> 00:22:20,757 One, two. 196 00:22:20,757 --> 00:22:23,357 Only two? 197 00:22:23,357 --> 00:22:26,877 Where is he? 198 00:22:28,037 --> 00:22:32,897 Where is who? Shouldn't that be whom? 199 00:22:32,897 --> 00:22:38,517 You know WHOM. Where is he? I like to know where he is. 200 00:22:38,517 --> 00:22:44,797 I can't bear the tension knowing he's around but not sure where. 201 00:22:44,797 --> 00:22:47,817 Oh, him? He's outside. 202 00:22:47,817 --> 00:22:53,157 What's he doing outside? He wanted us to leave him out there. 203 00:22:53,157 --> 00:22:59,517 It's the pain. He handles it better alone. What pain? 204 00:22:59,517 --> 00:23:02,717 He'll be alright - eventually. 205 00:23:02,717 --> 00:23:10,297 Brave thing to do, really. Ran out into the road to rescue this small child. 206 00:23:10,297 --> 00:23:15,197 Oh, smaller than that. Is he alright? 207 00:23:15,197 --> 00:23:22,677 He received a glancing blow from an articulated vehicle. Apart from that, he's fine. 208 00:23:31,477 --> 00:23:34,697 You can't just leave him out there. 209 00:23:34,697 --> 00:23:38,877 Bring him in. Get him a cup of tea. 210 00:23:38,877 --> 00:23:45,897 He'd only spill it. His hands are still shaking. Post-incident trauma. 211 00:23:45,897 --> 00:23:50,057 Poor soul. How can you leave him out there? 212 00:23:50,057 --> 00:23:54,697 You just put the brake on and walk away. 213 00:23:55,697 --> 00:24:00,797 Where does it hurt, love? Have you seen a doctor? 214 00:24:00,797 --> 00:24:08,617 No doctors. I can handle it. Oh, I think that's stupid - but brave. 215 00:24:08,617 --> 00:24:13,077 Which makes a change from just stupid. 216 00:24:15,057 --> 00:24:20,677 If you ladies will pardon me while I try and bite back the pain. 217 00:24:20,677 --> 00:24:23,737 Oh, it's a shame. 218 00:24:23,737 --> 00:24:26,977 You were very, very brave, love. 219 00:24:26,977 --> 00:24:31,437 I know. I know. He ought to have a medal. 220 00:24:31,437 --> 00:24:34,177 I'll take him home. 221 00:24:34,177 --> 00:24:40,277 Home. Home. Home. That's the place to be at a time like this. 222 00:24:40,277 --> 00:24:42,557 Home. 223 00:24:42,557 --> 00:24:45,437 Or somewhere close by. 224 00:24:58,597 --> 00:25:01,637 Here we are. 225 00:25:01,637 --> 00:25:08,717 Oh, I couldn't stand that gloomy old house all alone. Not right now. 226 00:25:08,717 --> 00:25:14,857 I'll stay out here. What about your ferrets? It's their day off. 227 00:25:14,857 --> 00:25:19,817 Come up to my place if you can manage the stairs. 228 00:25:19,817 --> 00:25:24,177 I don't know whether I could make it, love. 229 00:25:25,797 --> 00:25:28,477 Ahhh! Ohhhh! 230 00:25:28,477 --> 00:25:31,317 Oh, woe is me. 231 00:25:31,317 --> 00:25:34,497 Ahhhh.... Ohhhhh..... 232 00:25:34,497 --> 00:25:39,757 How's the pain? Oh, it's terrible, terrible. 233 00:25:39,757 --> 00:25:42,277 Oh, you poor love. 234 00:25:42,277 --> 00:25:44,957 I know, I know. 235 00:25:51,517 --> 00:25:53,917 Ohhhh.... Oh! 236 00:25:56,937 --> 00:26:01,437 It shouldn't be long now. Any minute. 237 00:26:01,437 --> 00:26:04,657 NORA SHRIEKS 238 00:26:06,837 --> 00:26:09,457 You told me you were injured. 239 00:26:09,457 --> 00:26:13,897 Tha's cured me, love. It's a miracle. 240 00:26:13,897 --> 00:26:18,717 # A mir-acle... A mir-acle... A lovely, lovely... # 241 00:26:32,157 --> 00:26:35,517 DOORBELL 242 00:26:45,097 --> 00:26:49,237 Who was that at the door? Nothing. 243 00:26:49,237 --> 00:26:52,157 What do you mean, nothing? 244 00:26:52,157 --> 00:26:54,677 I mean nobody. 245 00:26:54,677 --> 00:26:57,317 Nobody we know. 246 00:26:57,317 --> 00:26:59,917 A stranger. 247 00:26:59,917 --> 00:27:02,597 Got the wrong house. 248 00:27:02,597 --> 00:27:06,017 You're wearing your guilty look. 249 00:27:06,017 --> 00:27:09,557 What are you hiding? Hiding? 250 00:27:09,557 --> 00:27:12,337 I don't know what you mean, love. 251 00:27:12,337 --> 00:27:17,857 I always know when you're lying. Because you're ALWAYS lying. 252 00:27:18,997 --> 00:27:21,897 It's a surprise. 253 00:27:21,897 --> 00:27:27,497 I thought, why don't you surprise Pearl for your birthday? 254 00:27:34,937 --> 00:27:40,277 I've bought you a panda, love, for me birthday. 255 00:27:48,317 --> 00:27:54,797 If you don't like it, I can take it back and we can exchange it. 256 00:27:54,797 --> 00:27:58,177 # Happy birthday to you 257 00:27:58,177 --> 00:28:04,117 # Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, dear Howard 258 00:28:04,117 --> 00:28:07,757 # Happy birthday to you. # 259 00:28:31,917 --> 00:28:36,697 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 260 00:28:36,747 --> 00:28:41,297 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 22192

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