Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:14,755 --> 00:00:16,635
Don't worry about me.
2
00:00:16,635 --> 00:00:18,995
HE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS
3
00:00:18,995 --> 00:00:20,995
I'll get used to being homeless.
4
00:00:20,995 --> 00:00:22,615
Good.
5
00:00:22,615 --> 00:00:25,755
I've got used to
you being homeless already.
6
00:00:32,035 --> 00:00:33,215
PHONE RINGS
7
00:00:38,595 --> 00:00:40,215
I can't get a signal. Hang on.
8
00:00:44,555 --> 00:00:46,795
That's better.
9
00:00:46,795 --> 00:00:49,455
So why didn't she fall for it?
10
00:00:49,455 --> 00:00:52,955
Did you look pathetic? Did you do
your little cough like I showed you?
11
00:00:54,515 --> 00:00:57,295
How could she resist that?
12
00:00:57,295 --> 00:01:00,275
You were looking good.
I could have taken you home myself.
13
00:01:00,275 --> 00:01:02,335
In fact I did.
14
00:01:02,335 --> 00:01:06,375
You were snoring all night.
No wonder she threw you out.
15
00:01:06,375 --> 00:01:09,755
Never mind.
She's seen you living rough.
16
00:01:09,755 --> 00:01:12,295
We've planted the image.
17
00:01:12,295 --> 00:01:15,455
It's bound to start working
on her conscience.
18
00:01:15,455 --> 00:01:18,335
I'll have to go.
I'm photographing wildlife.
19
00:01:18,335 --> 00:01:21,055
Don't call again while
I'm silent and invisible.
20
00:02:19,315 --> 00:02:24,875
I was lying there,
shivering, behind her dustbin and all she did was laugh.
21
00:02:24,875 --> 00:02:27,215
You should have called us.
We enjoy a laugh.
22
00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:35,275
I'm sorry, but it's getting serious
when your wife leaves you lying about outdoors on bits of cardboard.
23
00:02:35,275 --> 00:02:40,275
I can see where that
might be classed as the "first passions starting to cool."
24
00:02:40,275 --> 00:02:42,895
Been there.
25
00:02:42,895 --> 00:02:47,055
You don't think this could mean
she's losing interest in me?
26
00:02:47,055 --> 00:02:51,595
Must you leap to that conclusion
just because she's thrown you out?
27
00:02:51,595 --> 00:02:53,635
Never thrown you out before, has she?
28
00:02:53,635 --> 00:02:56,315
That's not much comfort.
29
00:02:56,315 --> 00:03:01,915
Give her time to think about it.
I'm sure she'll wonder why she didn't do it years ago.
30
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:04,355
Or even sooner.
31
00:03:04,355 --> 00:03:06,475
Thank you very much.
32
00:03:06,475 --> 00:03:08,675
It's been a real tonic(!)
33
00:03:15,675 --> 00:03:16,655
Look at this.
34
00:03:18,775 --> 00:03:21,715
I bet Wildlife would
like to photograph this.
35
00:03:28,915 --> 00:03:31,695
Well done, team. Right on time.
36
00:03:31,695 --> 00:03:35,295
Mind the twigs. It takes ages
to make this thing look natural.
37
00:03:35,295 --> 00:03:37,435
This is natural?!
Just lift, lift, lift.
38
00:03:37,435 --> 00:03:39,075
Gently, gently. Mind the twigs!
39
00:03:49,535 --> 00:03:52,995
I used to be
a bit of a wandering lad.
40
00:03:52,995 --> 00:03:56,335
I never thought I'd hear me say it,
41
00:03:56,335 --> 00:04:00,275
but I hereby acknowledge
I miss the comforts of home.
42
00:04:01,315 --> 00:04:02,735
I miss mine.
43
00:04:02,735 --> 00:04:06,875
You're bound to miss the woman
you've lived with all those years.
44
00:04:06,875 --> 00:04:08,795
You think so?
45
00:04:08,795 --> 00:04:11,955
I miss my favourite armchair,
46
00:04:11,955 --> 00:04:13,835
fully fitted bathroom...
47
00:04:13,835 --> 00:04:15,295
the Jaguar.
48
00:04:16,915 --> 00:04:18,655
Yes, even the Old Bat.
49
00:04:20,355 --> 00:04:23,155
I miss chips.
50
00:04:23,155 --> 00:04:26,315
Glenda's banished chips.
51
00:04:26,315 --> 00:04:29,275
Don't go to pieces.
52
00:04:29,275 --> 00:04:31,955
Morton will slip you a few chips.
53
00:04:31,955 --> 00:04:33,595
Would you do that?
54
00:04:33,595 --> 00:04:35,735
Plain or crinkly?
55
00:04:35,735 --> 00:04:40,095
You're an ace, Morton.
And you...Toby.
56
00:04:41,295 --> 00:04:44,975
I never thought I'd get to call you
by your first name.
57
00:04:44,975 --> 00:04:47,635
I can live with "sir",
if you'd rather?
58
00:04:51,415 --> 00:04:55,555
It's amazing how adversity
brings out the best in people.
59
00:04:55,555 --> 00:04:57,355
Yes, isn't it?
60
00:04:57,355 --> 00:05:00,935
I do opulence better.
61
00:05:00,935 --> 00:05:04,295
I thought my wife was happy with me.
She liked my cooking.
62
00:05:04,295 --> 00:05:07,715
Do you mind not using
that kind of language?
63
00:05:07,715 --> 00:05:14,235
I'd rather not hear the word
"cooking" until Glenda drops this slimming campaign.
64
00:05:14,235 --> 00:05:16,355
You hear about the world going green.
65
00:05:16,355 --> 00:05:19,495
You should see my plate.
66
00:05:19,495 --> 00:05:22,315
She had me decorate
the spare bedroom.
67
00:05:22,315 --> 00:05:24,755
I wondered who'd be using it.
68
00:05:24,755 --> 00:05:27,515
It turned out to be me.
69
00:05:27,515 --> 00:05:30,295
We had our own bedrooms.
70
00:05:30,295 --> 00:05:33,555
I can't do with waking up
to wrinkles.
71
00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:39,555
There were bits of her
peculiarly blue.
72
00:05:39,555 --> 00:05:42,715
Why was she blue?
73
00:05:42,715 --> 00:05:45,555
You don't enquire.
74
00:05:45,555 --> 00:05:47,475
Flight is the only solution.
75
00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:50,635
Glenda's not blue.
76
00:05:50,635 --> 00:05:52,775
Then treasure her.
77
00:05:52,775 --> 00:05:57,015
She's worth the ploughing through
a bit of lettuce.
78
00:05:57,015 --> 00:05:59,395
Is that your benchmark?
They mustn't be blue?
79
00:06:00,975 --> 00:06:04,195
I like them almost
every other shade.
80
00:06:06,075 --> 00:06:09,395
She wanted excitement.
81
00:06:09,395 --> 00:06:11,555
It's overrated,
82
00:06:11,555 --> 00:06:13,855
not to mention tiring.
83
00:06:15,455 --> 00:06:21,095
The great irony for me is that
I was almost ready to settle
84
00:06:21,095 --> 00:06:26,115
for domestic dullness,
when she threw me out.
85
00:06:26,115 --> 00:06:28,075
She caught you with someone.
86
00:06:29,655 --> 00:06:32,775
I was merely tying up
a few loose ends.
87
00:06:47,555 --> 00:06:50,135
Your mascara's running.
88
00:06:50,135 --> 00:06:53,195
Oh, this?
It's just a little something I wear
89
00:06:53,195 --> 00:06:55,735
when photographing wildlife.
90
00:06:55,735 --> 00:07:00,075
You could stare right at me,
you know, and never see me.
91
00:07:00,075 --> 00:07:01,935
That sounds like a good idea.
92
00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:06,295
Where is he? Who?
93
00:07:06,295 --> 00:07:11,095
You know who. The little weasel
who's pretending to be living rough.
94
00:07:11,095 --> 00:07:15,155
The little weasel who's
pretending to be living rough?
95
00:07:15,155 --> 00:07:16,495
No. Sorry.
96
00:07:16,495 --> 00:07:20,195
Don't give me that.
I know he's been sleeping here.
97
00:07:20,195 --> 00:07:22,355
He's probably in there now.
98
00:07:22,355 --> 00:07:24,175
Well, you can tell him from me
99
00:07:24,175 --> 00:07:27,215
I don't want to see him
round me dustbin.
100
00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:31,775
In me dustbin,
I'm prepared to discuss.
101
00:07:33,355 --> 00:07:36,055
I'm getting a flash of insight here.
102
00:07:36,055 --> 00:07:41,075
It's all coming together.
I bet you're talking about Howard.
103
00:07:41,075 --> 00:07:46,255
Isn't he out wandering
lonely as a cloud, in some wilderness, pining for you?
104
00:07:46,255 --> 00:07:49,375
He's wandering round here,
that's where he's wandering.
105
00:07:49,375 --> 00:07:54,255
I keep getting reports of this lonely
figure seen haunting the bleak hills.
106
00:07:54,255 --> 00:07:57,415
Oh, he's already
entering into legend.
107
00:07:57,415 --> 00:08:00,995
I know where he's entering.
He's entering here every night.
108
00:08:00,995 --> 00:08:03,255
They know he's out there.
109
00:08:03,255 --> 00:08:06,635
They're whispering his name
on stormy nights.
110
00:08:06,635 --> 00:08:09,695
The Sad Man of Satterthwaite Moor.
111
00:08:09,695 --> 00:08:13,095
Give over.
And you know what he's sad about.
112
00:08:13,095 --> 00:08:15,855
All he's sad about
is losing the idiot
113
00:08:15,855 --> 00:08:20,435
who used to warm his pyjamas
every night in the airing cupboard.
114
00:08:20,435 --> 00:08:22,795
Yes, I heard about that.
115
00:08:22,795 --> 00:08:25,235
In my book, that's true love.
116
00:08:26,835 --> 00:08:31,475
Or maybe I preferred it to
some of the other ways of warming a man's pyjamas.
117
00:08:34,435 --> 00:08:40,575
You're telling me
that Howard went off to the wild with all that camping gear
118
00:08:40,575 --> 00:08:43,695
and now he's camping
in Hobbo's bedroom?
119
00:08:43,695 --> 00:08:47,315
Well, it was lonely in the wilds,
and he kept hearing funny noises.
120
00:08:47,315 --> 00:08:50,295
Oh, why should England tremble?
121
00:08:50,295 --> 00:08:52,855
What time did he leave
for the wilderness?
122
00:08:52,855 --> 00:08:56,895
Around 2pm. And what time did he
come scuttling back to Hobbo's?
123
00:08:56,895 --> 00:09:00,595
Around half past seven.
He didn't even wait for dark?
124
00:09:00,595 --> 00:09:03,135
Forward planning.
125
00:09:03,135 --> 00:09:06,035
Please put it somewhere non-slip.
126
00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:09,675
HE CHUCKLES
127
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:19,795
Came by river.
Never pays to do the obvious.
128
00:09:19,795 --> 00:09:21,515
Keep the enemy guessing.
129
00:09:21,515 --> 00:09:24,495
Keeps getting feet wet.
130
00:09:24,495 --> 00:09:28,355
Good morning, Stella.
Never seen you looking better.
131
00:09:28,355 --> 00:09:30,675
He does talk some faff.
132
00:09:30,675 --> 00:09:32,555
But fluently.
133
00:09:32,555 --> 00:09:35,895
We need to borrow Alvin.
134
00:09:35,895 --> 00:09:38,395
There's a hole in
Howard's camping image.
135
00:09:38,395 --> 00:09:41,355
Needs mending.
136
00:09:41,355 --> 00:09:42,875
Follow me, team.
137
00:09:52,049 --> 00:09:56,669
I thought I'd pop round and
we could have a face-to-face.
138
00:09:56,669 --> 00:09:59,469
The old forgiveness thing.
139
00:09:59,469 --> 00:10:03,629
Spot of making up
and happy ever after.
140
00:10:03,629 --> 00:10:05,269
What do you say?
141
00:10:05,269 --> 00:10:06,989
GROWLING
142
00:10:09,949 --> 00:10:11,629
How long have we had a dog?
143
00:10:18,169 --> 00:10:21,269
But Pearl knows I've been
sleeping at your place.
144
00:10:21,269 --> 00:10:24,689
Not any more. I've thrown you out.
145
00:10:24,689 --> 00:10:27,889
You mean I've got to sleep out here,
all alone?
146
00:10:27,889 --> 00:10:32,769
You'll get used to it. I always
found there was a sock to darn,
147
00:10:32,769 --> 00:10:39,029
a button to sew on, bits of someone
to remove from your combat knife.
148
00:10:39,029 --> 00:10:42,589
Busy hands. That's the secret.
149
00:10:42,589 --> 00:10:45,469
But what can you do out here?
150
00:10:45,469 --> 00:10:47,509
Can I say one word?
151
00:10:47,509 --> 00:10:50,669
Eyebrows.
152
00:10:50,669 --> 00:10:54,149
When was the last time
we plucked our eyebrows?
153
00:10:54,149 --> 00:10:55,869
Got me there.
154
00:10:55,869 --> 00:10:57,669
Would that be last Tuesday?
155
00:10:57,669 --> 00:10:59,729
Or was it Wednesday?
156
00:10:59,729 --> 00:11:04,609
No porkies, please. Let's face it,
we all neglect our eyebrows.
157
00:11:04,609 --> 00:11:08,729
Never have the time. It's been
my experience in war zones
158
00:11:08,729 --> 00:11:14,669
and hell spots the world over
that men neglect their eyebrows.
159
00:11:14,669 --> 00:11:18,469
Well, out here,
alone in the wilderness,
160
00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:22,149
what better time for a good
old session with the tweezers?
161
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:24,609
I'm not plucking anything out here.
162
00:11:24,609 --> 00:11:27,469
You told Pearl you were
going off into the wilderness.
163
00:11:27,469 --> 00:11:31,249
I didn't mean as wild as this.
164
00:11:31,249 --> 00:11:34,709
Suppose there are
still wolves out here?
165
00:11:34,709 --> 00:11:36,949
There's nothing bigger than a mouse.
166
00:11:36,949 --> 00:11:38,789
But how big are those out here?
167
00:11:38,789 --> 00:11:41,569
As big as a bus, Howard.
168
00:11:41,569 --> 00:11:44,309
Only single-decker.
169
00:11:44,309 --> 00:11:46,669
Stop winding him up.
170
00:11:46,669 --> 00:11:48,949
I'm not sleeping out here.
171
00:11:48,949 --> 00:11:53,169
You don't have to.
You can sneak back to my place.
172
00:11:53,169 --> 00:11:56,669
All we have to do is convince Pearl
that you're living out here.
173
00:11:56,669 --> 00:11:59,569
Wretched, dirty, lonely...
174
00:11:59,569 --> 00:12:01,609
With great eyebrows.
175
00:12:11,849 --> 00:12:14,489
Am I interrupting your picnic?
176
00:12:14,489 --> 00:12:18,169
We're on the front line.
You snatch a bite when you can.
177
00:12:18,169 --> 00:12:20,469
Can we be of assistance?
Within reason.
178
00:12:20,469 --> 00:12:23,149
I want you to take me home.
179
00:12:23,149 --> 00:12:25,789
Give over. We've only just met.
180
00:12:28,409 --> 00:12:31,249
You finally find a policeman
and he's a comic.
181
00:12:31,249 --> 00:12:33,729
You have to have a laugh, sir,
in this job
182
00:12:33,729 --> 00:12:36,069
when your eyes have seen
what ours have seen.
183
00:12:36,069 --> 00:12:38,789
Hasn't spoiled your appetite.
184
00:12:45,289 --> 00:12:49,869
Now, a few pictures to show Pearl
how miserable your life is out here.
185
00:12:51,029 --> 00:12:53,629
Look pathetic. He can do that.
186
00:12:54,909 --> 00:12:56,429
I mean really pathetic.
187
00:12:56,429 --> 00:12:58,249
Does that, too.
188
00:12:58,249 --> 00:13:03,969
You can laugh, but it's the
secret of my power over women.
189
00:13:03,969 --> 00:13:07,509
He's too clean. Maybe we should
grunge him up a bit.
190
00:13:07,509 --> 00:13:09,509
I don't want to look scruffy.
191
00:13:09,509 --> 00:13:13,689
Yes, you do.
Scruffy, neglected, lost.
192
00:13:13,689 --> 00:13:16,189
You've got to pluck at
Pearl's heartstrings.
193
00:13:16,189 --> 00:13:18,629
Oh, not her eyebrows?
194
00:13:18,629 --> 00:13:19,729
Her heart.
195
00:13:19,729 --> 00:13:23,129
Pearl has heart?!
Of course she has a heart.
196
00:13:23,129 --> 00:13:25,149
She loves this man.
197
00:13:25,149 --> 00:13:27,309
Ask him.
198
00:13:27,309 --> 00:13:29,609
She warms his pyjamas.
199
00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:33,069
That's another reason why
I'm not sleeping out here.
200
00:13:33,069 --> 00:13:35,349
If we bring you warm pyjamas?
201
00:13:35,349 --> 00:13:38,669
No. I want to go home.
202
00:13:38,669 --> 00:13:40,569
We're working on that.
203
00:13:40,569 --> 00:13:43,629
You're not alone.
You're surrounded by...
204
00:13:43,629 --> 00:13:45,429
Idiots.
205
00:13:45,429 --> 00:13:50,269
..friends. Not the same as being
shouted at by your woman at home.
206
00:13:51,329 --> 00:13:56,049
It's true. I keep seeing her
in me mind's eye,
207
00:13:56,049 --> 00:13:58,369
snarling at me.
208
00:13:58,369 --> 00:14:01,429
That's when you know
you really belong.
209
00:14:02,989 --> 00:14:06,089
I wish she was shouting at me now.
210
00:14:06,089 --> 00:14:09,149
We'll get you back
to being shouted at.
211
00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:10,989
Promise?
212
00:14:15,709 --> 00:14:18,009
Are you suggesting
your wife is violent?
213
00:14:18,009 --> 00:14:21,209
It's not a suggestion.
She IS violent.
214
00:14:21,209 --> 00:14:24,829
Can't help you there, sir. Not
until you've actually been assaulted.
215
00:14:24,829 --> 00:14:27,709
She set the dog on me.
216
00:14:27,709 --> 00:14:30,749
Bit thin, sir. You'd be on firmer
ground if she'd hit you.
217
00:14:30,749 --> 00:14:32,809
Stabbing, even better.
218
00:14:32,809 --> 00:14:36,129
You get yourself a nice wound or
two and we'll be there in a flash.
219
00:14:36,129 --> 00:14:38,909
Or at least, once we've done
a safety assessment.
220
00:14:38,909 --> 00:14:41,649
What about my safety?
221
00:14:41,649 --> 00:14:44,629
Naturally that's our
first consideration.
222
00:14:45,749 --> 00:14:48,129
Oh...
223
00:14:48,129 --> 00:14:53,469
So he set off with his camping gear,
heading for some remote wilderness.
224
00:14:53,469 --> 00:14:55,189
How far did he get?
225
00:14:55,189 --> 00:14:58,089
Next door but one.
226
00:14:58,089 --> 00:15:00,549
He's been sleeping at Hobbo's,
227
00:15:00,549 --> 00:15:02,649
but I'm not supposed to know this.
228
00:15:02,649 --> 00:15:06,169
You might have known
somebody would take him in.
229
00:15:06,169 --> 00:15:11,689
He always looks so pathetic.
I prefer to think of it as devious.
230
00:15:11,689 --> 00:15:15,069
Don't you ever feel like
reaching out and cuddling him?
231
00:15:15,069 --> 00:15:18,109
Cuddling him? No.
232
00:15:18,109 --> 00:15:20,069
Strangling, yes.
233
00:15:21,389 --> 00:15:23,169
You must miss him.
234
00:15:23,169 --> 00:15:27,389
I mean, I even miss mine -
much to my surprise.
235
00:15:27,389 --> 00:15:30,569
She does. She is missing him.
236
00:15:30,569 --> 00:15:33,829
I know what it's like to
live in an empty house.
237
00:15:33,829 --> 00:15:36,149
You've got your Travis.
238
00:15:36,149 --> 00:15:39,549
I rest my case.
239
00:15:39,549 --> 00:15:42,369
What makes you think
I'm missing him?
240
00:15:42,369 --> 00:15:45,269
It's only till you get used to
cooking for one.
241
00:15:45,269 --> 00:15:48,729
They leave a gaping hole
in your bed.
242
00:15:48,729 --> 00:15:52,329
Mind you, in Howard's case,
not a very big one.
243
00:15:52,329 --> 00:15:55,629
The only gaping hole
was him snoring.
244
00:15:55,629 --> 00:15:59,489
True.
It is the little things you miss.
245
00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:06,469
It's coming on. He's looking good.
246
00:16:10,189 --> 00:16:13,229
What are you doing
with your hands in your pockets?
247
00:16:13,569 --> 00:16:16,429
"Hands in pockets unless
accompanied by the owner."
248
00:16:21,629 --> 00:16:23,669
Howard looking good?
249
00:16:23,669 --> 00:16:25,909
You believe that?
250
00:16:25,909 --> 00:16:27,189
It's not easy.
251
00:16:29,649 --> 00:16:33,829
She'll melt. When Pearl sees him
like this, she'll melt.
252
00:16:33,829 --> 00:16:37,309
Does that sound like Pearl to you?
253
00:16:37,309 --> 00:16:41,909
I reckon if Pearl had been
Little Red Riding Hood she would've eaten the wolf.
254
00:16:41,909 --> 00:16:44,809
I like good, strong, nasty women.
255
00:16:44,809 --> 00:16:47,009
Married one.
256
00:16:47,009 --> 00:16:51,309
It's all you can do. They're not
built for casual entertainment.
257
00:16:52,889 --> 00:16:55,829
Ooh, you can take your hands
out of your pockets now.
258
00:16:55,829 --> 00:16:57,909
It's not that I don't trust you.
259
00:16:57,909 --> 00:17:00,389
Or is it?
260
00:17:00,389 --> 00:17:02,309
Maybe it is.
261
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:06,149
Are you ready for this?
262
00:17:10,669 --> 00:17:13,989
I can't breathe in all these coats.
263
00:17:13,989 --> 00:17:16,529
Fake it. Fake it.
264
00:17:16,529 --> 00:17:20,909
You need the coats to keep
out the chill of loneliness.
265
00:17:20,909 --> 00:17:23,329
This is your ticket home
266
00:17:23,329 --> 00:17:25,709
once she sees how rough
you've been living.
267
00:17:30,009 --> 00:17:31,469
Aargh!
268
00:17:35,129 --> 00:17:39,589
I've never been highly
motivated, fashion-wise.
269
00:17:39,589 --> 00:17:42,349
And it shows.
270
00:17:42,349 --> 00:17:47,089
I believe personal qualities
are worth more than appearance.
271
00:17:47,089 --> 00:17:49,769
And that's why you're still alone.
272
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:53,389
You spend on clothes
and you're still alone.
273
00:17:53,389 --> 00:17:56,629
I know.
I can't understand it, either.
274
00:17:57,649 --> 00:17:59,529
You scare the men off.
275
00:17:59,529 --> 00:18:05,129
I don't know why. I'm just a simple
home maker underneath.
276
00:18:05,129 --> 00:18:07,749
It's what they can see
that worries them.
277
00:18:09,309 --> 00:18:10,869
I'm going to change that.
278
00:18:18,249 --> 00:18:22,609
Ye Gods!
She really does do antiques!
279
00:18:22,609 --> 00:18:25,949
They're just looking
for an old hat for me.
280
00:18:25,949 --> 00:18:29,029
Check him out, Morton.
See if he's hygienic.
281
00:18:29,029 --> 00:18:33,489
I don't mind poor people, as long as
they're using a decent aftershave.
282
00:18:33,489 --> 00:18:36,089
He's all right once you
get past the first shock.
283
00:18:36,089 --> 00:18:39,789
He's only playing a tramp
for charitable purposes.
284
00:18:39,789 --> 00:18:42,029
I'm sorry. I haven't got any change.
285
00:18:42,029 --> 00:18:46,529
Charity for him. He's trying
to work his way back home.
286
00:18:46,529 --> 00:18:48,749
Who'd give a home
to anything like that?
287
00:18:48,749 --> 00:18:52,169
It's me. Howard.
288
00:18:52,169 --> 00:18:56,089
That's marvellous, Howard.
I never would have recognised you.
289
00:18:56,089 --> 00:18:59,129
I wouldn't admit
to knowing him either.
290
00:18:59,129 --> 00:19:03,589
I sometimes think I might
go off and be a tramp.
291
00:19:03,589 --> 00:19:06,129
Who's going to cook my meals?
292
00:19:06,129 --> 00:19:09,289
We could go together,
now we've got no ties.
293
00:19:09,289 --> 00:19:10,629
I'd do the cooking.
294
00:19:10,629 --> 00:19:13,449
We could lie out under the stars,
around the campfire.
295
00:19:13,449 --> 00:19:18,249
Oh, do be quiet, Morton.
This is no time to go insane.
296
00:19:18,249 --> 00:19:22,929
Now, lad, I'm looking for a few more
cheap sticks of furniture
297
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:26,709
that Morton can carry home for me.
298
00:19:26,709 --> 00:19:29,609
Oh, that's why you brought me?
299
00:19:29,609 --> 00:19:33,409
"Why don't we have
a stroll into town," you said.
300
00:19:33,409 --> 00:19:37,509
It was while we were strolling
I made this tactical decision.
301
00:19:38,949 --> 00:19:41,229
I think this will fit.
302
00:19:41,229 --> 00:19:43,929
It's filthy!
303
00:19:43,929 --> 00:19:46,589
It's a genuine tramp's hat.
304
00:19:47,669 --> 00:19:49,309
He was starving.
305
00:19:49,309 --> 00:19:51,329
ALL: Ahh.
306
00:19:51,329 --> 00:19:56,109
I felt so moved, I let him
exchange it for a slice of bread.
307
00:20:01,349 --> 00:20:03,569
I didn't realise it was you.
308
00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:05,729
It's not me.
309
00:20:05,729 --> 00:20:08,849
I'm having to stop being so
"in your face."
310
00:20:08,849 --> 00:20:11,149
I'm scaring the men off.
311
00:20:11,149 --> 00:20:14,369
And you think
this is going to do it?
312
00:20:14,369 --> 00:20:19,129
I have to try, even though I
look like somebody's granny,
313
00:20:19,129 --> 00:20:21,349
and she's probably dead.
314
00:20:21,349 --> 00:20:23,429
Do you think men are worth it?
315
00:20:23,429 --> 00:20:27,669
No, but I'm really too young
to stop dreaming.
316
00:20:27,669 --> 00:20:32,849
You should get married.
That's the best cure for any illusions about men.
317
00:20:32,849 --> 00:20:35,029
I'm ready when they are.
318
00:20:43,849 --> 00:20:46,369
Oh, I give up!
319
00:20:46,369 --> 00:20:48,309
You see what kind
I'm attracting now?
320
00:20:53,789 --> 00:20:58,129
Oh, Barry, look!
They've given that old tramp a lift.
321
00:20:58,129 --> 00:21:00,189
I think that's nice.
322
00:21:00,189 --> 00:21:04,429
Yeah. Barry! I mean really nice.
323
00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:06,789
I think it's sweet,
324
00:21:06,789 --> 00:21:09,989
and I think
we ought to do something.
325
00:21:09,989 --> 00:21:12,889
We should take him
and get him something to eat.
326
00:21:12,889 --> 00:21:16,449
That's nice. You won't give
me anything solid to eat,
327
00:21:16,449 --> 00:21:18,829
but the first tramp
that comes along...
328
00:21:18,829 --> 00:21:22,689
Poor old soul. He looks hungry.
329
00:21:22,689 --> 00:21:25,349
Look at me, Glenda. I look hungry.
330
00:21:25,349 --> 00:21:29,289
No, you don't.
Not till after Gloria's wedding.
331
00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:32,189
We're going
to take that poor man for a meal.
332
00:21:33,909 --> 00:21:36,989
It's Howard. Howard? Pearl's Howard?
333
00:21:36,989 --> 00:21:40,749
Yes. Under all those coats
he's in there somewhere.
334
00:21:40,749 --> 00:21:45,349
Look, if he's gone native,
maybe we didn't ought to be taking him anywhere.
335
00:21:45,349 --> 00:21:47,969
Suppose he goes berserk
with a big chopper?
336
00:21:47,969 --> 00:21:49,569
They do that. Ask anybody.
337
00:21:49,569 --> 00:21:52,849
Rubbish.
What's he doing in that condition?
338
00:21:52,849 --> 00:21:56,849
She's thrown him out. He's living
in a tent somewhere in the wilds.
339
00:21:56,849 --> 00:22:00,429
I told you. That's stage one.
Stage two - the chopper.
340
00:22:00,429 --> 00:22:02,489
Be quiet, Barry.
341
00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:07,129
If he's living in the wilds,
we've got a duty to see he gets fed.
342
00:22:07,129 --> 00:22:10,889
We'll take him from here,
Mr Hobdyke.
343
00:22:10,889 --> 00:22:12,349
Make sure he gets a good meal.
344
00:22:16,249 --> 00:22:18,289
No, no. You must go. Go.
345
00:22:18,289 --> 00:22:20,909
When Pearl finds out
that people are feeding you,
346
00:22:20,909 --> 00:22:24,669
she'll be so embarrassed and ashamed,
you'll be home double quick.
347
00:22:35,429 --> 00:22:37,829
There you are.
348
00:22:39,129 --> 00:22:44,069
Where did you find that?
You're not going to believe it.
349
00:22:44,069 --> 00:22:47,189
I'd be happier not believing it
if you'd left him outside.
350
00:22:49,249 --> 00:22:51,069
I can smell cooking.
351
00:22:51,069 --> 00:22:52,849
Maybe I'd better wait outside.
352
00:22:52,849 --> 00:22:56,109
Stay here. On the other hand,
I suppose I could stay here.
353
00:22:57,289 --> 00:23:01,989
Don't look at him and embarrass him,
but who does he remind you of?
354
00:23:01,989 --> 00:23:05,989
The mess that's left
after Bonfire Night.
355
00:23:05,989 --> 00:23:08,669
It's Mr Sibshaw.
356
00:23:08,669 --> 00:23:11,469
Pearl's Howard?!
357
00:23:11,469 --> 00:23:14,989
(WHISPERS) Pearl's Howard?
I told you you wouldn't believe it.
358
00:23:14,989 --> 00:23:17,889
Is that a beef stew you've
got simmering back there?
359
00:23:17,889 --> 00:23:19,969
Be quiet, Barry.
360
00:23:19,969 --> 00:23:21,749
And close your nose as well.
361
00:23:21,749 --> 00:23:25,269
So he is camping in the wilds.
362
00:23:25,269 --> 00:23:28,349
I'd no idea
he was in that condition.
363
00:23:28,349 --> 00:23:33,489
I know what you mean.
He looks like he ought to smell bad, but he doesn't actually.
364
00:23:33,489 --> 00:23:37,269
He's going to get some
air freshener if he does.
365
00:23:41,249 --> 00:23:43,289
Ye Gods!
366
00:23:43,289 --> 00:23:46,829
It is a day for surprises.
What happened to you?
367
00:23:47,889 --> 00:23:50,269
Absolutely nothing.
368
00:23:50,269 --> 00:23:52,589
Story of my life.
369
00:23:56,549 --> 00:23:57,909
There he goes again, look.
370
00:24:07,769 --> 00:24:09,049
Merciful heavens!
371
00:24:09,049 --> 00:24:12,169
You make a few changes to
your appearance and bingo.
372
00:24:12,169 --> 00:24:14,629
They can't wait to manhandle you.
373
00:24:14,629 --> 00:24:17,209
You look...different.
374
00:24:17,209 --> 00:24:21,069
Do you mean basic different,
or wow different?
375
00:24:22,649 --> 00:24:24,189
I think basic, don't you?
376
00:24:26,649 --> 00:24:27,629
Basic.
377
00:24:28,969 --> 00:24:30,709
You can't win.
378
00:24:30,709 --> 00:24:35,669
Important message. Your country needs
you to keep away from the tramp.
379
00:24:38,169 --> 00:24:40,889
I think he likes me.
380
00:24:40,889 --> 00:24:43,449
He's not too bright.
381
00:24:43,449 --> 00:24:44,909
I can live with that.
382
00:24:44,909 --> 00:24:47,169
Eats caterpillars.
383
00:24:47,169 --> 00:24:48,389
I've got breath mints.
384
00:24:48,389 --> 00:24:52,329
You'd be getting in the way of
something big here.
385
00:24:52,329 --> 00:24:56,429
Trust me. There are forces here
you wouldn't want to mix with.
386
00:24:57,949 --> 00:24:59,409
I'm being warned off?
387
00:24:59,409 --> 00:25:03,189
Bad day for tramps.
Next week better.
388
00:25:04,249 --> 00:25:09,069
Why don't we take you home? I
don't suppose you mean me any harm.
389
00:25:10,649 --> 00:25:12,789
No, I didn't think so.
390
00:25:19,229 --> 00:25:21,409
Mr Hobdyke.
391
00:25:21,409 --> 00:25:24,309
I can't stop. I'm just
dropping this young lady off.
392
00:25:25,889 --> 00:25:30,109
How can you be annoyed with
anyone who calls you "young lady."
393
00:25:30,109 --> 00:25:32,689
What are doing with my man?
394
00:25:32,689 --> 00:25:37,729
He's up to something with
some mysterious tramp, who finds me attractive.
395
00:25:37,729 --> 00:25:39,989
That IS mysterious.
396
00:25:41,529 --> 00:25:45,129
I don't believe he's a tramp at all,
the way they're guarding him.
397
00:25:45,129 --> 00:25:49,529
I think he's probably some
eccentric wealthy person
398
00:25:49,529 --> 00:25:54,109
who's living out his fantasy of
being free from all his obligations,
399
00:25:54,109 --> 00:25:59,129
and who may be looking for some
wild thing to share his dreams.
400
00:26:02,869 --> 00:26:05,809
But what if Pearl doesn't come?
401
00:26:05,809 --> 00:26:09,869
You've showed her up all over town.
She'll come if it's only to kill you.
402
00:26:09,869 --> 00:26:13,169
I don't care, as long as
she takes the body home.
403
00:26:13,169 --> 00:26:16,889
You'll be home tonight.
My team have told her where you are.
404
00:26:16,889 --> 00:26:23,409
She'll be coming over that hill
and she'll see you all alone, in this pitiful condition.
405
00:26:23,409 --> 00:26:26,229
Where will you be?
Oh, she won't see me.
406
00:26:26,229 --> 00:26:28,309
I'll be blending into the background.
407
00:26:28,309 --> 00:26:30,949
Now come on. Lie down and look lost.
408
00:26:30,949 --> 00:26:34,489
I'm boiling in all this lot.
Can I take a few off?
409
00:26:34,489 --> 00:26:37,849
No! You need them. Your blood's thin.
410
00:26:37,849 --> 00:26:40,129
You're wasting away.
411
00:26:40,129 --> 00:26:42,209
Now lie down.
412
00:26:42,209 --> 00:26:44,209
Are you sure it's clean?
413
00:26:44,209 --> 00:26:46,789
It's clean enough for dying tramps.
414
00:26:46,789 --> 00:26:48,789
Argh! There's an ant!
415
00:26:48,789 --> 00:26:52,869
Then lie where there isn't an ant!
416
00:26:52,869 --> 00:26:55,869
Coo-ee!
417
00:26:55,869 --> 00:26:59,089
It almost makes a girl
believe in fate,
418
00:26:59,089 --> 00:27:03,349
bumping into you, like this,
out here.
419
00:27:03,349 --> 00:27:05,229
PHONE RINGS
420
00:27:07,709 --> 00:27:09,769
Pearl's here. Get rid of that woman.
421
00:27:09,769 --> 00:27:10,989
Where? In the tent.
422
00:27:13,589 --> 00:27:16,389
Oh, good heavens!
So this is life in the wild.
423
00:27:27,569 --> 00:27:30,509
Is that sad, or what?
424
00:27:30,509 --> 00:27:34,149
He'll be sad when I get him home.
Playing me up like this.
425
00:27:34,149 --> 00:27:36,489
Looks nearly dead to me.
426
00:27:36,489 --> 00:27:38,989
And it's going to get worse.
427
00:27:38,989 --> 00:27:42,049
No, not dead, look. He's moving.
428
00:27:43,089 --> 00:27:45,709
Ants. They're everywhere!
429
00:27:45,709 --> 00:27:47,589
Lie down, man!
430
00:27:47,589 --> 00:27:49,989
We're on an ants' nest!
431
00:27:49,989 --> 00:27:54,149
Ignore them. Focus the mind.
432
00:27:54,149 --> 00:27:56,189
Find your calm centre.
433
00:28:03,229 --> 00:28:05,609
All alone in the wilderness?
434
00:28:05,609 --> 00:28:08,989
Looks to me like he's got
all mod cons.
435
00:28:44,989 --> 00:28:47,989
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
436
00:28:48,039 --> 00:28:52,589
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
33640
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.