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1
00:00:03,080 --> 00:00:05,620
I thought Howard
was looking stressed.
2
00:00:05,620 --> 00:00:09,260
That swingers lifestyle
will do it every time.
3
00:00:09,260 --> 00:00:13,080
Has he no plans
for hanging up his bicycle?
4
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:14,960
Early retirement?
5
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:16,960
No, I don't think so.
6
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:22,020
But if he's getting flak now
from Marina as well as Pearl...!
7
00:00:22,020 --> 00:00:25,200
Well...showing courage under fire.
8
00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:30,400
Pity there isn't an award for
sheer dogged flight from reality.
9
00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:38,740
Anyway, who's been
complaining about us?
10
00:00:38,740 --> 00:00:41,880
The sergeant...
and some of the other blokes.
11
00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:44,440
We're leaving too
many crumbs in t'car.
12
00:00:46,060 --> 00:00:48,160
Somebody's counting?
13
00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:51,880
Did they give an indication of
how many crumbs we're allowed?
14
00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,300
They've found bits of fast food.
15
00:00:54,300 --> 00:00:56,540
Well, they will be bits.
16
00:00:56,540 --> 00:01:00,720
I've never seen you leave anything
substantial. Look who's talking.
17
00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:04,520
There's no survivors
when you start chomping.
18
00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:07,720
Didn't you tell them
we always use a napkin?
19
00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:12,240
The sergeant said ours is the only
car that looks like a crime scene.
20
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,800
You should have told him
how dainty we are.
21
00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:18,200
Is that a good image, do you think,
in our job?
22
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,440
And stay out...till you
can put a smile on your face.
23
00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:31,320
I'm fed up of you moping around
looking like a bruised elbow.
24
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,480
Trouble at home, Howard?
25
00:01:40,940 --> 00:01:44,540
But how are things...
elsewhere, shall we say?
26
00:01:44,540 --> 00:01:47,640
She's getting temperamental as well.
27
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:50,000
How are you handling the stress?
28
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,460
Have you tried camomile tea?
29
00:01:52,460 --> 00:01:54,860
It's seen me through
some rough patches.
30
00:01:54,860 --> 00:01:56,620
Look at that skin, eh?
31
00:01:56,620 --> 00:01:59,280
No worry lumps there.
32
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:02,200
And here's my big tip for
all-day peace of mind...
33
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:08,220
Two thin slices of fresh cucumber,
laid for ten minutes on closed eyes.
34
00:02:08,220 --> 00:02:11,060
Cucumber doesn't agree with me.
35
00:02:11,060 --> 00:02:13,800
Oh...not only Pearl, then?
36
00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:03,720
And what may library services
do for Mr Hobdyke?
37
00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:07,640
I'm here with my team to offer our
talents in any charitable capacity.
38
00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:12,100
Fund-raising, security consultancy,
hostage negotiation.
39
00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:15,180
Hostage negotiation?
40
00:03:15,180 --> 00:03:17,020
Don't the police normally do that?
41
00:03:17,020 --> 00:03:20,360
We're here if anyone
wants to go private.
42
00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:25,220
We also offer counselling, yoga
and rewiring electric motors.
43
00:03:25,220 --> 00:03:27,960
My team has all the skills.
Your team?
44
00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:34,080
Come in.
45
00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:38,400
Why were you hanging back?
46
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:39,980
Seemed like good idea.
47
00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:43,560
All I ask is a little support.
48
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:46,120
That's what you're getting -
little support.
49
00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:54,420
What?
50
00:03:54,420 --> 00:03:57,140
What can you see
that's making you stare?
51
00:03:57,140 --> 00:04:00,020
It's all there, isn't it?
You can read it.
52
00:04:00,020 --> 00:04:02,780
A life at the edge leaves its traces.
53
00:04:02,780 --> 00:04:07,120
I have to tell you, Mr Hobdyke -
you've got lovely eyes.
54
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,260
We've noticed that.
55
00:04:09,260 --> 00:04:11,320
We like left one.
56
00:04:12,940 --> 00:04:17,420
You heard Miss Davenport.
You laughed when you caught me with cucumber on my eyes.
57
00:04:17,420 --> 00:04:20,640
I should think so.
We were in the bank.
58
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:24,020
Fascinating eyes.
Mobile, always on the move.
59
00:04:24,020 --> 00:04:26,200
Don't let them fool you.
60
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:27,980
They're also killer's eyes.
61
00:04:27,980 --> 00:04:30,660
I don't believe it.
62
00:04:30,660 --> 00:04:33,000
Have you never married, Mr Hobdyke?
63
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:36,040
I can't remember.
But it's more than likely.
64
00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:37,840
They messed with my mind, you know.
65
00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:39,560
They wiped my memories.
66
00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:43,940
There could be a little woman
pining for me somewhere. There is!
67
00:04:43,940 --> 00:04:45,560
And she's standing right here!
68
00:04:53,140 --> 00:04:56,640
You'll understand
the lady and I are just friends.
69
00:04:56,640 --> 00:05:01,320
So I'm totally unconcerned
if she has other friends -
70
00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:03,160
as long as they're not men.
71
00:05:04,780 --> 00:05:10,520
And now, suddenly,
she's comparing me with a Mr Waddle and I think I'm losing.
72
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:15,320
This is not something
I can discuss with Pearl.
73
00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:19,240
You know how unreasonable
wives can be.
74
00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:24,320
So I'm turning to both of you
for the advice I know I can expect
75
00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:28,840
from people who have always been
so interested in my problems.
76
00:05:36,580 --> 00:05:38,680
Where's the fire? Oh, I can't stop.
77
00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:42,940
I've just had an embarrassing
encounter in the library.
78
00:05:42,940 --> 00:05:45,120
All I ever get's a book.
79
00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:52,040
Brighten up!
80
00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,920
You look like a collapsed lung.
81
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:57,840
I don't see what there is
to feel bright about.
82
00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:02,580
You've got your health
and a better woman than you deserve.
83
00:06:02,580 --> 00:06:05,240
I always thought so,
84
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:09,240
but now all I'm hearing
is Mr Waddle.
85
00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:11,760
I was referring to me.
86
00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:17,140
Well, of course!
87
00:06:17,140 --> 00:06:18,760
I knew that.
88
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:28,320
LOUD CRY
89
00:06:30,820 --> 00:06:32,600
What? Don't ask.
90
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:35,900
Of course I'm going to ask.
I don't wish to talk about it.
91
00:06:35,900 --> 00:06:37,980
I'm still going to
ask you what's wrong.
92
00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:41,460
If I didn't ask you what was
wrong, you'd think that was wrong,
93
00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:43,360
so what's wrong? Why did you shriek?
94
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:46,140
It wasn't a shriek.
It was a cry of pain.
95
00:06:46,140 --> 00:06:49,440
Look at me, Barry. What do you see?
96
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:52,580
I see somebody who's not
telling me what's wrong.
97
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:55,020
I'll show you what's wrong.
98
00:06:55,020 --> 00:06:56,660
Look at it.
99
00:06:56,660 --> 00:06:58,760
Oh, I like you in that skirt.
100
00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,920
I like me in this skirt.
So, what's the problem?
101
00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:04,640
I can't get into it. I'm fat.
102
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,240
You're not fat.
103
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:08,160
We're both fat,
104
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:10,660
and it's got to stop.
105
00:07:10,660 --> 00:07:14,840
It'll soon be Gloria's wedding,
and I want to be wearing something
106
00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:18,320
that doesn't look like
the refreshment tent.
107
00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:20,720
I've seen you
looking good in a tent.
108
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:25,000
Of course, your mother didn't
believe in camping before marriage.
109
00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:34,200
(VOICE WITH ECHO)
This is a recorded message.
110
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,820
You have reached the home
of Luther Hobdyke.
111
00:07:36,820 --> 00:07:39,040
I'm not here at the moment.
112
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:44,040
Please leave after the tone.
Beeeeeeep!
113
00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,700
Open the door, Hobbo.
Stop being an idiot.
114
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:47,740
Who is it?
115
00:07:47,740 --> 00:07:49,020
Two other idiots.
116
00:07:49,020 --> 00:07:51,460
One only part time.
117
00:07:51,460 --> 00:07:53,340
Give me the password.
118
00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:55,000
What password?
119
00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,620
If I have to tell you the password,
120
00:07:59,620 --> 00:08:01,940
the system's not really working,
is it?
121
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:04,320
You never gave us password.
122
00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:06,100
Are you sure?
123
00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:08,540
I'll get you one.
124
00:08:08,540 --> 00:08:11,540
We'll change it daily.
Have you been followed?
125
00:08:11,540 --> 00:08:13,220
Why all the panic?
126
00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:14,960
It's not panic.
127
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:18,820
It's standard operational procedure.
And then you panic.
128
00:08:18,820 --> 00:08:20,900
You've not brought a female,
have you?
129
00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:23,660
You want female bringing,
you fetch your own.
130
00:08:23,660 --> 00:08:25,280
I don't want one bringing.
131
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:28,160
I've just had a frightening
experience in the library.
132
00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:30,180
She thinks you've got lovely eyes.
133
00:08:30,180 --> 00:08:31,740
It was so embarrassing.
134
00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:35,400
He has. He's got lovely eyes.
135
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:40,340
They're trained eyes. Oh, yes. You'd
be amazed what these eyes have seen.
136
00:08:40,340 --> 00:08:42,860
Eyes, window of soul.
137
00:08:42,860 --> 00:08:44,740
You've got double glazing.
138
00:08:56,020 --> 00:08:57,600
He wants a book.
139
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,860
Well...
Can you narrow that down a bit?
140
00:08:59,860 --> 00:09:02,080
What kind of book?
141
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,200
A very thick one.
142
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:08,460
I want him reading in his spare
time, not frolicking with my ex.
143
00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:12,080
I wasn't frolicking.
We got nowhere near frolic.
144
00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,840
I trust this person with my ironing.
145
00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:18,380
He knows every secret
of my intimate wardrobe,
146
00:09:18,380 --> 00:09:24,800
then off he sneaks to apply
his knowledge to the woman I hope to recover.
147
00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:27,380
It wasn't a sneak.
I was practically kidnapped!
148
00:09:27,380 --> 00:09:29,720
Can you find him a book?
149
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:33,620
Something to cool his enthusiasms.
150
00:09:33,620 --> 00:09:36,440
I've always had cool enthusiasms.
151
00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:40,440
My wife left me because she said I
was too cool with the enthusiasms.
152
00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:43,720
Find him something
very unstimulating.
153
00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:47,280
"Superconductivity In Metals"?
154
00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:52,335
Sounds good.
I'd rather wait for the film.
155
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:40,240
Oh Marina. How can you say
he dresses better than me?
156
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,900
He seems to care more to please me.
157
00:10:42,900 --> 00:10:46,720
I don't like you mixing
with these flash dressers.
158
00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:49,140
Will you please stop
following me, Howard!
159
00:10:49,140 --> 00:10:52,040
I need some space
to consider my future.
160
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:04,680
Trouble in paradise, Howard?
161
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:14,340
She wants some space.
162
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:16,160
Lend her your shorts.
163
00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:18,780
Space enough for anybody.
164
00:11:18,780 --> 00:11:21,760
She says I don't have
any dress sense.
165
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,060
Well...who are we to judge?
166
00:11:24,060 --> 00:11:27,180
I don't think we've ever
seen you in a dress.
167
00:11:27,180 --> 00:11:31,400
She says I always wear
the same old things.
168
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,320
Marina usually.
169
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,620
She says I'm not cool.
170
00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:39,960
That's only because you're not cool.
171
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,800
We can help here.
172
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,360
You lot? It's what we do.
173
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:46,860
Now, let me take a look at you.
174
00:11:46,860 --> 00:11:51,760
I could embroider your initials
on your shorts.
175
00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:53,520
Maybe a logo.
176
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:55,680
A little flash of lightning.
177
00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:58,980
He's got something on it already.
It looks like...
178
00:11:58,980 --> 00:12:01,400
tomato sauce?
179
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,460
I made us a sandwich.
180
00:12:03,460 --> 00:12:07,080
He could embroider
round trace of sandwich.
181
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:10,020
I've been so wracked emotionally.
182
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:13,900
I didn't realise I was
dropping tomato sauce.
183
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,940
Have you told her that?
184
00:12:15,940 --> 00:12:22,640
Does she know you've been
hurt so badly that you've been splashing tomato sauce?
185
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:26,520
These little details
soften the female heart.
186
00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:29,320
Unless she prefers mustard.
187
00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:30,880
Ignore that.
188
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:32,440
We can help here.
189
00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:35,100
I think this is a case for the team.
190
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,420
Does your Travis ever laugh?
191
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,720
You've got me there.
192
00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:54,660
You can't remember?
193
00:12:54,660 --> 00:13:00,520
Well... Not specifically, but I
suppose he must laugh sometimes.
194
00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:04,620
But you're not sure? Well...
195
00:13:04,620 --> 00:13:09,080
I can't off the top of my
head remember an occasion.
196
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:12,440
You won't. There won't be one.
197
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,920
They do misery much better.
198
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,580
You should see the face on mine.
199
00:13:17,580 --> 00:13:20,720
It's wearing me down,
I'll have to sort him out.
200
00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:24,080
At least yours goes out.
201
00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:26,080
Oh, Howard goes out.
202
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:28,640
There's nobody better at going out.
203
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,160
You don't know how lucky you are.
204
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:34,360
Travis just sits there all day.
205
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:37,200
I have to vacuum round him.
206
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,040
What does he do all day?
207
00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:43,560
He just sits there, being Travis.
208
00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:45,560
Is it enough for all day?
209
00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:47,920
He seems happy enough with it.
210
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:49,460
GRUMBLING IN NEXT ROOM
211
00:13:56,240 --> 00:14:00,260
Speaking of happy... Happy?
212
00:14:01,460 --> 00:14:06,100
And where do you find that, I'd like
to know, in this uncertain world?
213
00:14:06,100 --> 00:14:09,800
It's not as if you
haven't looked, is it?
214
00:14:14,060 --> 00:14:17,160
I am.
I'm going to have to sort him out.
215
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,340
Where did you meet your wife?
216
00:14:27,340 --> 00:14:31,580
At a dinner-dance.
The food wasn't all that good either.
217
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:35,220
Got you trained though, hasn't she?
218
00:14:35,220 --> 00:14:38,760
She's a civilian.
She's allowed brutality.
219
00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,680
And it works.
220
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:45,280
I've seen you backing off
when she gives you that look.
221
00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:47,660
Simple self-preservation.
222
00:14:47,660 --> 00:14:49,140
She's connected.
223
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,500
Like the mafia?
224
00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:55,620
She's got a direct
line to t'Godfather?
225
00:14:55,620 --> 00:14:58,720
Worse, she's got her mother.
She does voodoo.
226
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,200
She reads tea leaves.
227
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,020
She talks to dead people.
228
00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:06,660
Does she get replies?
229
00:15:06,660 --> 00:15:10,080
What, with my mother-in-law?
They'd never get a word in edgeways!
230
00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:12,120
It's a monologue.
231
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,960
"You're there, aren't you, Bill?
232
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:16,620
"I know you're there.
Still looking out for us.
233
00:15:16,620 --> 00:15:19,420
"You warned her not to marry him."
That's me.
234
00:15:19,420 --> 00:15:23,560
I've got a terrible reputation
in the afterlife.
235
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,020
Not so hot in this one.
236
00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:35,240
Glenda.
237
00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:37,500
Going well, good rhythm!
238
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:42,260
Enjoying the fresh air, Barry?
239
00:15:42,260 --> 00:15:45,560
It's killing me.
Glenda's going well.
240
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,780
It's her idea.
241
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,420
We've got to lose weight
before Gloria's wedding.
242
00:15:50,420 --> 00:15:53,640
I better go before she finds
out she's fitter than me.
243
00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:56,040
Too late. Hang on, Barry.
244
00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:59,160
Can I just say one word? Posture.
245
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:04,220
Pushing the body to its limits
is all about good posture. Look at the way you're standing.
246
00:16:05,900 --> 00:16:08,500
Look at the way
you're nearly falling.
247
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:13,960
You've got to be upright - expand
the chest cavity - room to breathe.
248
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,000
HE WHEEZES
249
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:19,120
I was happy being fat!
250
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:24,500
When I'm thin, I shall look back
nostalgically on that pleasantly rounded person.
251
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:26,840
So tell her. No more slimming.
252
00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:32,000
Yes, yes, I can do that!
253
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,200
All it takes is...
254
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,120
..one big decision.
255
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:39,100
Yes! Are you coming?
256
00:16:39,100 --> 00:16:40,560
CAGILY: Coming.
257
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:46,560
Just improving his posture.
258
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,580
That's it. Posture - posture.
259
00:16:51,180 --> 00:16:56,340
He looks deformed. Yes, he looks
deformed - but he's breathing better.
260
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,240
How many is that today?
261
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,720
What? That behind your back.
262
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:10,000
Bacon butties. I like bacon butties.
263
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,840
You like her that's selling them.
264
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:14,080
You must admit she's very attractive.
265
00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:16,600
She smells of fried onions.
266
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,720
Only for the first couple of hours.
267
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:20,400
I bet you get used to it.
268
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:21,920
BELL TINKLES
269
00:17:26,860 --> 00:17:31,240
There's a parking charge
if you bring that in here!
270
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,860
But I can't leave it outside!
271
00:17:33,860 --> 00:17:37,640
It good job he
doesn't drive a 4x4!
272
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,480
You have to take it out, lad.
273
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,360
Tom can watch it for you.
274
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:44,220
He leaves greasy finger marks.
275
00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:47,160
Not on Mondays.
She doesn't open on Mondays.
276
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:49,320
Come back on Monday.
277
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:52,420
I won't be here Monday.
278
00:17:52,420 --> 00:17:57,940
I wanted everything a man needs
for going off into the wilderness.
279
00:17:57,940 --> 00:18:02,340
Oh well, in that case,
I can find room for a bicycle.
280
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:08,960
I think this bit's damp.
281
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:12,220
I hate damp. Oh, stop fussing.
282
00:18:12,220 --> 00:18:16,120
It's not fussing.
It's elementary survival training.
283
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:18,400
Sounds like fussing.
284
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,280
The body's a machine.
285
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,260
A fussy machine.
286
00:18:22,260 --> 00:18:25,460
If you look after the body,
it will look after you.
287
00:18:25,460 --> 00:18:28,880
Bad things can happen
from damp, you know.
288
00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:32,680
I shall be awake
half the night applying heat to the small of my back.
289
00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:34,680
Why not big of your back?
290
00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,760
Cover more ground.
291
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,200
There is no big of your back.
292
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,280
Hobbo's got a part missing.
293
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:44,100
Comes as no surprise to me.
294
00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:47,840
It's we tall people who are martyrs
to tricky backs.
295
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:49,620
It's evolution.
296
00:18:49,620 --> 00:18:53,620
Humans weren't supposed to
turn out tall and impressive.
297
00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:58,920
We were supposed to remain little
hairy chunkies. Speaking of which...
298
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,940
I tell a lie.
299
00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:05,240
It's not a little hairy chunky,
it's Howard.
300
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:07,560
With everything but Marina.
301
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,520
She could be in there somewhere.
302
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,420
He'll never get her through customs.
303
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:17,080
I'm looking for somewhere secluded.
304
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:20,040
On your own. That makes a change!
305
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,200
Of course, on my own.
306
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,160
I'm finished with women.
307
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:25,720
All of them?
308
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:27,820
Yes, all of them.
309
00:19:27,820 --> 00:19:31,580
You're looking
at Mr Completely Independent.
310
00:19:31,580 --> 00:19:36,420
I'm going off into the wilderness
and I'm going to search for wisdom.
311
00:19:36,420 --> 00:19:40,580
What happens when your
bus pass needs renewing?
312
00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:44,940
I don't care any more.
Oh, it's serious this time.
313
00:19:44,940 --> 00:19:48,440
The man's in emotional
turmoil, you can see it.
314
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,560
Well, I mustn't stop chatting.
315
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:54,020
Which way is Albania?
316
00:19:54,020 --> 00:19:57,700
A long way from Marina
as the crow flies.
317
00:19:57,700 --> 00:20:00,880
Please - do not speak to me
of that name.
318
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:02,800
Crow?
319
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,560
No.
320
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,500
The other one.
321
00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:11,360
The one that's being
led astray by a Mr Waddle.
322
00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:12,960
Not that I care.
323
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,000
It's no business of mine.
324
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,920
Look at the face on it.
325
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:19,320
The man needs help and support.
326
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:23,640
And you've found just the right team.
327
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,100
You're going home.
328
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,440
I'm never going home. Howard!
329
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:32,040
There's a little woman there waiting.
330
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:33,920
She's not deserted you.
331
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,260
She's not gone off with a Mr Waddle.
332
00:20:36,260 --> 00:20:39,320
Count your blessings.
You'd have hated Albania.
333
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:41,040
Go home, Howard.
334
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,360
I can't go home.
335
00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:45,200
I've burned my bridges.
336
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,200
Burnt britches?
337
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,400
Maybe saddle too high.
338
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:53,760
Bridges. Bridges.
339
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:55,620
Why? What have you done?
340
00:20:55,620 --> 00:21:00,160
I left a note
saying I've gone forever.
341
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,600
She knows you'll be back by teatime.
342
00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:04,360
Not this time.
343
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,180
I've got my pride.
344
00:21:06,180 --> 00:21:10,040
I'm spending a night
out at the very least.
345
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:12,800
All night - alone - in dark?
346
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:18,080
I could stay at your place.
347
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:19,960
There'll be no need. No.
348
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,320
We'll get you back home.
349
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:22,580
Right, team. Let's go.
350
00:21:22,580 --> 00:21:25,440
Howard, get your bike over -
we'll go the short way.
351
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,440
I can't get this lot over the wall!
352
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,360
It's all in the mind.
353
00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:31,700
You find your calm centre.
354
00:21:31,700 --> 00:21:34,800
You focus all your inner power
and you...
355
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:35,860
HIS BACK CRACKS
356
00:21:38,820 --> 00:21:42,380
I find myself enormously
attracted to Mr Hobdyke,
357
00:21:42,380 --> 00:21:45,120
but I don't think
I'm getting through.
358
00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:46,700
Tell me about it.
359
00:21:46,700 --> 00:21:49,240
I've wasted years
not getting through.
360
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:52,960
He's got the most fascinating eyes.
361
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,040
What can I say about Howard?
362
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:56,680
He's got...
363
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:59,320
quite a decent bicycle.
364
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:04,440
And I hope he looks after it,
because in future that's the only companion he's going to have.
365
00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:06,160
How sad!
366
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:09,480
No, it's not. It's freedom!
367
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,440
I'm in search of pastures new.
368
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:15,660
Look out Mr Waddle, here I come!
369
00:22:18,260 --> 00:22:22,160
Everybody I know seems to
be going to Gloria's wedding.
370
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:23,820
Her mother's behind it.
371
00:22:23,820 --> 00:22:27,480
You might've known she'd
have to make a big splash.
372
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:29,440
I don't know what I'm going to wear.
373
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:31,780
An ex-pub landlady?
374
00:22:31,780 --> 00:22:36,000
You've got more outfits
than Posh Becks.
375
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:40,780
You have to give the drinkers
something to keep pulling them back to the bar.
376
00:22:40,780 --> 00:22:43,580
But it's not stuff you
could wear in church!
377
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:51,400
What's up with him?
378
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,640
It's all in the posture.
379
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,060
Found his calm centre.
380
00:22:56,060 --> 00:22:59,540
Just let me just stand for a moment,
handling the pain.
381
00:22:59,540 --> 00:23:03,080
First thing you have to learn
is handling the pain. Ah!
382
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:06,360
HIS BACK CRACKS
383
00:23:07,420 --> 00:23:11,800
I've never known anybody in that
condition and still sober.
384
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,020
Get him moved.
385
00:23:14,020 --> 00:23:18,100
I can't have him on catering
premises looking like that!
386
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:21,920
HE MOANS
387
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,760
It's only me. Oh, come in.
388
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,700
Are you going somewhere? No.
389
00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:36,240
He is.
I thought he'd left home already.
390
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,740
Oh, he has. Like he often does,
391
00:23:38,740 --> 00:23:42,560
but he's always back in time
for his tea. Well, this time...
392
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,200
he's in for a shock.
393
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,220
You're throwing him out?
394
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,020
Watch this space!
395
00:23:55,540 --> 00:23:59,580
If we're going to live on salads, why
don't we just buy some from the shop?
396
00:23:59,580 --> 00:24:03,120
It's much fresher
if you pick your own.
397
00:24:03,120 --> 00:24:06,280
That looks like one of these.
398
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:09,120
Are you sure? Of course I'm...
399
00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:11,220
almost certain.
400
00:24:11,220 --> 00:24:14,660
Nibble a bit,
it's supposed to taste minty.
401
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,000
Mmm...
402
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:18,940
HE SPITS IT OUT
403
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:30,220
Walking better, you see.
404
00:24:31,820 --> 00:24:35,400
Ignore the pain and they'll
never spot you've been injured.
405
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:37,660
Never spot?
406
00:24:37,660 --> 00:24:40,120
You're walking like
a constipated parrot.
407
00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:41,800
Which is not good,
408
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:44,700
since they live for hundred years.
409
00:24:44,700 --> 00:24:49,280
I'd defy anyone
to notice this from normal.
410
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:50,960
Oh, Mr Hobdyke!
411
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:53,160
Why are you walking so strangely?
412
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,880
Do you need help?
413
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:57,760
Does he ever.
414
00:25:00,460 --> 00:25:04,120
There is no cause for alarm, madam,
everything is under control.
415
00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:06,480
Is there anything I can do?
416
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:11,000
Oh, Marina!
417
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:14,840
Oh...whoever you are.
418
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,760
She won't even look at me!
419
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:19,620
What do you care?
420
00:25:19,620 --> 00:25:22,980
You're going home to the
welcoming arms of a loving woman.
421
00:25:22,980 --> 00:25:26,620
I tried that once,
but wife found out.
422
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,260
Stop!
423
00:25:30,260 --> 00:25:33,420
You can't end this
on such a petty note.
424
00:25:33,420 --> 00:25:37,840
You owe each other a
decent, final parting. He's right.
425
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:40,440
A sad but romantic ending.
426
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:44,120
I like it! A last goodbye.
427
00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:46,380
A solemn shake of hands.
428
00:25:46,380 --> 00:25:49,080
Somewhere where his wife
can see that it's all over.
429
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:52,140
Her man is coming home.
430
00:25:56,760 --> 00:26:00,120
Signal him to keep Pearl busy.
431
00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:02,180
No, we're ready down here.
432
00:26:02,180 --> 00:26:06,720
Are you sure Pearl will
be able to see? Good.
433
00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:09,600
Here we go then.
434
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:12,580
OK, you're on. And make it look good.
435
00:26:12,580 --> 00:26:16,540
The world's sweetest,
saddest handshake.
436
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:20,120
Not me - Marina!
437
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:49,120
Oh, Marina.
438
00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:51,900
Oh, Howard.
439
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:57,340
Oh, to heck with a handshake!
440
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:10,580
What if Pearl won't let me in?
441
00:27:10,580 --> 00:27:14,980
You'll be fine - as soon as she
understands you were saying goodbye.
442
00:27:14,980 --> 00:27:17,380
And saying it well.
I'd say he's done it before.
443
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:21,360
Stop winding him up.
444
00:27:21,360 --> 00:27:24,040
Go on, Howard. Where's your smile?
445
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:28,120
She wants a smile, give her a smile!
446
00:27:28,120 --> 00:27:30,160
A fresh start, Howard.
447
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:32,580
Day one of domestic bliss.
448
00:27:32,580 --> 00:27:35,380
And later, when you're
snuggling close together -
449
00:27:35,380 --> 00:27:38,160
tell her what she can do
with two slices of cucumber.
450
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:50,960
Honey, I'm home!
451
00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:01,660
ALL: Ooh...
452
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:40,000
She's put everything in!
453
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:43,200
All me stuff! There's a note.
454
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:45,200
She's left a note.
455
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:47,080
She's still communicating.
456
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,860
What does it say?
457
00:28:51,860 --> 00:28:53,660
"Happy camping".
458
00:28:53,710 --> 00:28:58,260
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