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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,080 --> 00:00:05,620 I thought Howard was looking stressed. 2 00:00:05,620 --> 00:00:09,260 That swingers lifestyle will do it every time. 3 00:00:09,260 --> 00:00:13,080 Has he no plans for hanging up his bicycle? 4 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:14,960 Early retirement? 5 00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:16,960 No, I don't think so. 6 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:22,020 But if he's getting flak now from Marina as well as Pearl...! 7 00:00:22,020 --> 00:00:25,200 Well...showing courage under fire. 8 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:30,400 Pity there isn't an award for sheer dogged flight from reality. 9 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:38,740 Anyway, who's been complaining about us? 10 00:00:38,740 --> 00:00:41,880 The sergeant... and some of the other blokes. 11 00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:44,440 We're leaving too many crumbs in t'car. 12 00:00:46,060 --> 00:00:48,160 Somebody's counting? 13 00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:51,880 Did they give an indication of how many crumbs we're allowed? 14 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,300 They've found bits of fast food. 15 00:00:54,300 --> 00:00:56,540 Well, they will be bits. 16 00:00:56,540 --> 00:01:00,720 I've never seen you leave anything substantial. Look who's talking. 17 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:04,520 There's no survivors when you start chomping. 18 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:07,720 Didn't you tell them we always use a napkin? 19 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:12,240 The sergeant said ours is the only car that looks like a crime scene. 20 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,800 You should have told him how dainty we are. 21 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:18,200 Is that a good image, do you think, in our job? 22 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,440 And stay out...till you can put a smile on your face. 23 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:31,320 I'm fed up of you moping around looking like a bruised elbow. 24 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,480 Trouble at home, Howard? 25 00:01:40,940 --> 00:01:44,540 But how are things... elsewhere, shall we say? 26 00:01:44,540 --> 00:01:47,640 She's getting temperamental as well. 27 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:50,000 How are you handling the stress? 28 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,460 Have you tried camomile tea? 29 00:01:52,460 --> 00:01:54,860 It's seen me through some rough patches. 30 00:01:54,860 --> 00:01:56,620 Look at that skin, eh? 31 00:01:56,620 --> 00:01:59,280 No worry lumps there. 32 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:02,200 And here's my big tip for all-day peace of mind... 33 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:08,220 Two thin slices of fresh cucumber, laid for ten minutes on closed eyes. 34 00:02:08,220 --> 00:02:11,060 Cucumber doesn't agree with me. 35 00:02:11,060 --> 00:02:13,800 Oh...not only Pearl, then? 36 00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:03,720 And what may library services do for Mr Hobdyke? 37 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:07,640 I'm here with my team to offer our talents in any charitable capacity. 38 00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:12,100 Fund-raising, security consultancy, hostage negotiation. 39 00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:15,180 Hostage negotiation? 40 00:03:15,180 --> 00:03:17,020 Don't the police normally do that? 41 00:03:17,020 --> 00:03:20,360 We're here if anyone wants to go private. 42 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:25,220 We also offer counselling, yoga and rewiring electric motors. 43 00:03:25,220 --> 00:03:27,960 My team has all the skills. Your team? 44 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:34,080 Come in. 45 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:38,400 Why were you hanging back? 46 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:39,980 Seemed like good idea. 47 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:43,560 All I ask is a little support. 48 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:46,120 That's what you're getting - little support. 49 00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:54,420 What? 50 00:03:54,420 --> 00:03:57,140 What can you see that's making you stare? 51 00:03:57,140 --> 00:04:00,020 It's all there, isn't it? You can read it. 52 00:04:00,020 --> 00:04:02,780 A life at the edge leaves its traces. 53 00:04:02,780 --> 00:04:07,120 I have to tell you, Mr Hobdyke - you've got lovely eyes. 54 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,260 We've noticed that. 55 00:04:09,260 --> 00:04:11,320 We like left one. 56 00:04:12,940 --> 00:04:17,420 You heard Miss Davenport. You laughed when you caught me with cucumber on my eyes. 57 00:04:17,420 --> 00:04:20,640 I should think so. We were in the bank. 58 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:24,020 Fascinating eyes. Mobile, always on the move. 59 00:04:24,020 --> 00:04:26,200 Don't let them fool you. 60 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:27,980 They're also killer's eyes. 61 00:04:27,980 --> 00:04:30,660 I don't believe it. 62 00:04:30,660 --> 00:04:33,000 Have you never married, Mr Hobdyke? 63 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:36,040 I can't remember. But it's more than likely. 64 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:37,840 They messed with my mind, you know. 65 00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:39,560 They wiped my memories. 66 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:43,940 There could be a little woman pining for me somewhere. There is! 67 00:04:43,940 --> 00:04:45,560 And she's standing right here! 68 00:04:53,140 --> 00:04:56,640 You'll understand the lady and I are just friends. 69 00:04:56,640 --> 00:05:01,320 So I'm totally unconcerned if she has other friends - 70 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:03,160 as long as they're not men. 71 00:05:04,780 --> 00:05:10,520 And now, suddenly, she's comparing me with a Mr Waddle and I think I'm losing. 72 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:15,320 This is not something I can discuss with Pearl. 73 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:19,240 You know how unreasonable wives can be. 74 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:24,320 So I'm turning to both of you for the advice I know I can expect 75 00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:28,840 from people who have always been so interested in my problems. 76 00:05:36,580 --> 00:05:38,680 Where's the fire? Oh, I can't stop. 77 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:42,940 I've just had an embarrassing encounter in the library. 78 00:05:42,940 --> 00:05:45,120 All I ever get's a book. 79 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:52,040 Brighten up! 80 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,920 You look like a collapsed lung. 81 00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:57,840 I don't see what there is to feel bright about. 82 00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:02,580 You've got your health and a better woman than you deserve. 83 00:06:02,580 --> 00:06:05,240 I always thought so, 84 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:09,240 but now all I'm hearing is Mr Waddle. 85 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:11,760 I was referring to me. 86 00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:17,140 Well, of course! 87 00:06:17,140 --> 00:06:18,760 I knew that. 88 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:28,320 LOUD CRY 89 00:06:30,820 --> 00:06:32,600 What? Don't ask. 90 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:35,900 Of course I'm going to ask. I don't wish to talk about it. 91 00:06:35,900 --> 00:06:37,980 I'm still going to ask you what's wrong. 92 00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:41,460 If I didn't ask you what was wrong, you'd think that was wrong, 93 00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:43,360 so what's wrong? Why did you shriek? 94 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:46,140 It wasn't a shriek. It was a cry of pain. 95 00:06:46,140 --> 00:06:49,440 Look at me, Barry. What do you see? 96 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:52,580 I see somebody who's not telling me what's wrong. 97 00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:55,020 I'll show you what's wrong. 98 00:06:55,020 --> 00:06:56,660 Look at it. 99 00:06:56,660 --> 00:06:58,760 Oh, I like you in that skirt. 100 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,920 I like me in this skirt. So, what's the problem? 101 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:04,640 I can't get into it. I'm fat. 102 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,240 You're not fat. 103 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:08,160 We're both fat, 104 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:10,660 and it's got to stop. 105 00:07:10,660 --> 00:07:14,840 It'll soon be Gloria's wedding, and I want to be wearing something 106 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:18,320 that doesn't look like the refreshment tent. 107 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:20,720 I've seen you looking good in a tent. 108 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:25,000 Of course, your mother didn't believe in camping before marriage. 109 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:34,200 (VOICE WITH ECHO) This is a recorded message. 110 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,820 You have reached the home of Luther Hobdyke. 111 00:07:36,820 --> 00:07:39,040 I'm not here at the moment. 112 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:44,040 Please leave after the tone. Beeeeeeep! 113 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,700 Open the door, Hobbo. Stop being an idiot. 114 00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:47,740 Who is it? 115 00:07:47,740 --> 00:07:49,020 Two other idiots. 116 00:07:49,020 --> 00:07:51,460 One only part time. 117 00:07:51,460 --> 00:07:53,340 Give me the password. 118 00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:55,000 What password? 119 00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,620 If I have to tell you the password, 120 00:07:59,620 --> 00:08:01,940 the system's not really working, is it? 121 00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:04,320 You never gave us password. 122 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:06,100 Are you sure? 123 00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:08,540 I'll get you one. 124 00:08:08,540 --> 00:08:11,540 We'll change it daily. Have you been followed? 125 00:08:11,540 --> 00:08:13,220 Why all the panic? 126 00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:14,960 It's not panic. 127 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:18,820 It's standard operational procedure. And then you panic. 128 00:08:18,820 --> 00:08:20,900 You've not brought a female, have you? 129 00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:23,660 You want female bringing, you fetch your own. 130 00:08:23,660 --> 00:08:25,280 I don't want one bringing. 131 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:28,160 I've just had a frightening experience in the library. 132 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:30,180 She thinks you've got lovely eyes. 133 00:08:30,180 --> 00:08:31,740 It was so embarrassing. 134 00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:35,400 He has. He's got lovely eyes. 135 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:40,340 They're trained eyes. Oh, yes. You'd be amazed what these eyes have seen. 136 00:08:40,340 --> 00:08:42,860 Eyes, window of soul. 137 00:08:42,860 --> 00:08:44,740 You've got double glazing. 138 00:08:56,020 --> 00:08:57,600 He wants a book. 139 00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,860 Well... Can you narrow that down a bit? 140 00:08:59,860 --> 00:09:02,080 What kind of book? 141 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,200 A very thick one. 142 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:08,460 I want him reading in his spare time, not frolicking with my ex. 143 00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:12,080 I wasn't frolicking. We got nowhere near frolic. 144 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,840 I trust this person with my ironing. 145 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:18,380 He knows every secret of my intimate wardrobe, 146 00:09:18,380 --> 00:09:24,800 then off he sneaks to apply his knowledge to the woman I hope to recover. 147 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:27,380 It wasn't a sneak. I was practically kidnapped! 148 00:09:27,380 --> 00:09:29,720 Can you find him a book? 149 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:33,620 Something to cool his enthusiasms. 150 00:09:33,620 --> 00:09:36,440 I've always had cool enthusiasms. 151 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:40,440 My wife left me because she said I was too cool with the enthusiasms. 152 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:43,720 Find him something very unstimulating. 153 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:47,280 "Superconductivity In Metals"? 154 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:52,335 Sounds good. I'd rather wait for the film. 155 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:40,240 Oh Marina. How can you say he dresses better than me? 156 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,900 He seems to care more to please me. 157 00:10:42,900 --> 00:10:46,720 I don't like you mixing with these flash dressers. 158 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:49,140 Will you please stop following me, Howard! 159 00:10:49,140 --> 00:10:52,040 I need some space to consider my future. 160 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:04,680 Trouble in paradise, Howard? 161 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:14,340 She wants some space. 162 00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:16,160 Lend her your shorts. 163 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:18,780 Space enough for anybody. 164 00:11:18,780 --> 00:11:21,760 She says I don't have any dress sense. 165 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:24,060 Well...who are we to judge? 166 00:11:24,060 --> 00:11:27,180 I don't think we've ever seen you in a dress. 167 00:11:27,180 --> 00:11:31,400 She says I always wear the same old things. 168 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:34,320 Marina usually. 169 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,620 She says I'm not cool. 170 00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:39,960 That's only because you're not cool. 171 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,800 We can help here. 172 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,360 You lot? It's what we do. 173 00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:46,860 Now, let me take a look at you. 174 00:11:46,860 --> 00:11:51,760 I could embroider your initials on your shorts. 175 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:53,520 Maybe a logo. 176 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:55,680 A little flash of lightning. 177 00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:58,980 He's got something on it already. It looks like... 178 00:11:58,980 --> 00:12:01,400 tomato sauce? 179 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,460 I made us a sandwich. 180 00:12:03,460 --> 00:12:07,080 He could embroider round trace of sandwich. 181 00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:10,020 I've been so wracked emotionally. 182 00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:13,900 I didn't realise I was dropping tomato sauce. 183 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,940 Have you told her that? 184 00:12:15,940 --> 00:12:22,640 Does she know you've been hurt so badly that you've been splashing tomato sauce? 185 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:26,520 These little details soften the female heart. 186 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:29,320 Unless she prefers mustard. 187 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:30,880 Ignore that. 188 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:32,440 We can help here. 189 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:35,100 I think this is a case for the team. 190 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,420 Does your Travis ever laugh? 191 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,720 You've got me there. 192 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:54,660 You can't remember? 193 00:12:54,660 --> 00:13:00,520 Well... Not specifically, but I suppose he must laugh sometimes. 194 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:04,620 But you're not sure? Well... 195 00:13:04,620 --> 00:13:09,080 I can't off the top of my head remember an occasion. 196 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:12,440 You won't. There won't be one. 197 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,920 They do misery much better. 198 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,580 You should see the face on mine. 199 00:13:17,580 --> 00:13:20,720 It's wearing me down, I'll have to sort him out. 200 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:24,080 At least yours goes out. 201 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:26,080 Oh, Howard goes out. 202 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:28,640 There's nobody better at going out. 203 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,160 You don't know how lucky you are. 204 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:34,360 Travis just sits there all day. 205 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:37,200 I have to vacuum round him. 206 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,040 What does he do all day? 207 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:43,560 He just sits there, being Travis. 208 00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:45,560 Is it enough for all day? 209 00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:47,920 He seems happy enough with it. 210 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:49,460 GRUMBLING IN NEXT ROOM 211 00:13:56,240 --> 00:14:00,260 Speaking of happy... Happy? 212 00:14:01,460 --> 00:14:06,100 And where do you find that, I'd like to know, in this uncertain world? 213 00:14:06,100 --> 00:14:09,800 It's not as if you haven't looked, is it? 214 00:14:14,060 --> 00:14:17,160 I am. I'm going to have to sort him out. 215 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,340 Where did you meet your wife? 216 00:14:27,340 --> 00:14:31,580 At a dinner-dance. The food wasn't all that good either. 217 00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:35,220 Got you trained though, hasn't she? 218 00:14:35,220 --> 00:14:38,760 She's a civilian. She's allowed brutality. 219 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,680 And it works. 220 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:45,280 I've seen you backing off when she gives you that look. 221 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:47,660 Simple self-preservation. 222 00:14:47,660 --> 00:14:49,140 She's connected. 223 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,500 Like the mafia? 224 00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:55,620 She's got a direct line to t'Godfather? 225 00:14:55,620 --> 00:14:58,720 Worse, she's got her mother. She does voodoo. 226 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,200 She reads tea leaves. 227 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,020 She talks to dead people. 228 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:06,660 Does she get replies? 229 00:15:06,660 --> 00:15:10,080 What, with my mother-in-law? They'd never get a word in edgeways! 230 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:12,120 It's a monologue. 231 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,960 "You're there, aren't you, Bill? 232 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:16,620 "I know you're there. Still looking out for us. 233 00:15:16,620 --> 00:15:19,420 "You warned her not to marry him." That's me. 234 00:15:19,420 --> 00:15:23,560 I've got a terrible reputation in the afterlife. 235 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,020 Not so hot in this one. 236 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:35,240 Glenda. 237 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:37,500 Going well, good rhythm! 238 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:42,260 Enjoying the fresh air, Barry? 239 00:15:42,260 --> 00:15:45,560 It's killing me. Glenda's going well. 240 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,780 It's her idea. 241 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,420 We've got to lose weight before Gloria's wedding. 242 00:15:50,420 --> 00:15:53,640 I better go before she finds out she's fitter than me. 243 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:56,040 Too late. Hang on, Barry. 244 00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:59,160 Can I just say one word? Posture. 245 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:04,220 Pushing the body to its limits is all about good posture. Look at the way you're standing. 246 00:16:05,900 --> 00:16:08,500 Look at the way you're nearly falling. 247 00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:13,960 You've got to be upright - expand the chest cavity - room to breathe. 248 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,000 HE WHEEZES 249 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:19,120 I was happy being fat! 250 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:24,500 When I'm thin, I shall look back nostalgically on that pleasantly rounded person. 251 00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:26,840 So tell her. No more slimming. 252 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:32,000 Yes, yes, I can do that! 253 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,200 All it takes is... 254 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,120 ..one big decision. 255 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:39,100 Yes! Are you coming? 256 00:16:39,100 --> 00:16:40,560 CAGILY: Coming. 257 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:46,560 Just improving his posture. 258 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:49,580 That's it. Posture - posture. 259 00:16:51,180 --> 00:16:56,340 He looks deformed. Yes, he looks deformed - but he's breathing better. 260 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,240 How many is that today? 261 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,720 What? That behind your back. 262 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:10,000 Bacon butties. I like bacon butties. 263 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,840 You like her that's selling them. 264 00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:14,080 You must admit she's very attractive. 265 00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:16,600 She smells of fried onions. 266 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,720 Only for the first couple of hours. 267 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:20,400 I bet you get used to it. 268 00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:21,920 BELL TINKLES 269 00:17:26,860 --> 00:17:31,240 There's a parking charge if you bring that in here! 270 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,860 But I can't leave it outside! 271 00:17:33,860 --> 00:17:37,640 It good job he doesn't drive a 4x4! 272 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,480 You have to take it out, lad. 273 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,360 Tom can watch it for you. 274 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:44,220 He leaves greasy finger marks. 275 00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:47,160 Not on Mondays. She doesn't open on Mondays. 276 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:49,320 Come back on Monday. 277 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:52,420 I won't be here Monday. 278 00:17:52,420 --> 00:17:57,940 I wanted everything a man needs for going off into the wilderness. 279 00:17:57,940 --> 00:18:02,340 Oh well, in that case, I can find room for a bicycle. 280 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:08,960 I think this bit's damp. 281 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:12,220 I hate damp. Oh, stop fussing. 282 00:18:12,220 --> 00:18:16,120 It's not fussing. It's elementary survival training. 283 00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:18,400 Sounds like fussing. 284 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,280 The body's a machine. 285 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,260 A fussy machine. 286 00:18:22,260 --> 00:18:25,460 If you look after the body, it will look after you. 287 00:18:25,460 --> 00:18:28,880 Bad things can happen from damp, you know. 288 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:32,680 I shall be awake half the night applying heat to the small of my back. 289 00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:34,680 Why not big of your back? 290 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,760 Cover more ground. 291 00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,200 There is no big of your back. 292 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,280 Hobbo's got a part missing. 293 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:44,100 Comes as no surprise to me. 294 00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:47,840 It's we tall people who are martyrs to tricky backs. 295 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:49,620 It's evolution. 296 00:18:49,620 --> 00:18:53,620 Humans weren't supposed to turn out tall and impressive. 297 00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:58,920 We were supposed to remain little hairy chunkies. Speaking of which... 298 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,940 I tell a lie. 299 00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:05,240 It's not a little hairy chunky, it's Howard. 300 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:07,560 With everything but Marina. 301 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,520 She could be in there somewhere. 302 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,420 He'll never get her through customs. 303 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:17,080 I'm looking for somewhere secluded. 304 00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:20,040 On your own. That makes a change! 305 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,200 Of course, on my own. 306 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,160 I'm finished with women. 307 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:25,720 All of them? 308 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:27,820 Yes, all of them. 309 00:19:27,820 --> 00:19:31,580 You're looking at Mr Completely Independent. 310 00:19:31,580 --> 00:19:36,420 I'm going off into the wilderness and I'm going to search for wisdom. 311 00:19:36,420 --> 00:19:40,580 What happens when your bus pass needs renewing? 312 00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:44,940 I don't care any more. Oh, it's serious this time. 313 00:19:44,940 --> 00:19:48,440 The man's in emotional turmoil, you can see it. 314 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,560 Well, I mustn't stop chatting. 315 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:54,020 Which way is Albania? 316 00:19:54,020 --> 00:19:57,700 A long way from Marina as the crow flies. 317 00:19:57,700 --> 00:20:00,880 Please - do not speak to me of that name. 318 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:02,800 Crow? 319 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,560 No. 320 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,500 The other one. 321 00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:11,360 The one that's being led astray by a Mr Waddle. 322 00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:12,960 Not that I care. 323 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,000 It's no business of mine. 324 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,920 Look at the face on it. 325 00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:19,320 The man needs help and support. 326 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:23,640 And you've found just the right team. 327 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,100 You're going home. 328 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,440 I'm never going home. Howard! 329 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:32,040 There's a little woman there waiting. 330 00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:33,920 She's not deserted you. 331 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,260 She's not gone off with a Mr Waddle. 332 00:20:36,260 --> 00:20:39,320 Count your blessings. You'd have hated Albania. 333 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:41,040 Go home, Howard. 334 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,360 I can't go home. 335 00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:45,200 I've burned my bridges. 336 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,200 Burnt britches? 337 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,400 Maybe saddle too high. 338 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:53,760 Bridges. Bridges. 339 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:55,620 Why? What have you done? 340 00:20:55,620 --> 00:21:00,160 I left a note saying I've gone forever. 341 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,600 She knows you'll be back by teatime. 342 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:04,360 Not this time. 343 00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,180 I've got my pride. 344 00:21:06,180 --> 00:21:10,040 I'm spending a night out at the very least. 345 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:12,800 All night - alone - in dark? 346 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:18,080 I could stay at your place. 347 00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:19,960 There'll be no need. No. 348 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,320 We'll get you back home. 349 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:22,580 Right, team. Let's go. 350 00:21:22,580 --> 00:21:25,440 Howard, get your bike over - we'll go the short way. 351 00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,440 I can't get this lot over the wall! 352 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,360 It's all in the mind. 353 00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:31,700 You find your calm centre. 354 00:21:31,700 --> 00:21:34,800 You focus all your inner power and you... 355 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:35,860 HIS BACK CRACKS 356 00:21:38,820 --> 00:21:42,380 I find myself enormously attracted to Mr Hobdyke, 357 00:21:42,380 --> 00:21:45,120 but I don't think I'm getting through. 358 00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:46,700 Tell me about it. 359 00:21:46,700 --> 00:21:49,240 I've wasted years not getting through. 360 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:52,960 He's got the most fascinating eyes. 361 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,040 What can I say about Howard? 362 00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:56,680 He's got... 363 00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:59,320 quite a decent bicycle. 364 00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:04,440 And I hope he looks after it, because in future that's the only companion he's going to have. 365 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:06,160 How sad! 366 00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:09,480 No, it's not. It's freedom! 367 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,440 I'm in search of pastures new. 368 00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:15,660 Look out Mr Waddle, here I come! 369 00:22:18,260 --> 00:22:22,160 Everybody I know seems to be going to Gloria's wedding. 370 00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:23,820 Her mother's behind it. 371 00:22:23,820 --> 00:22:27,480 You might've known she'd have to make a big splash. 372 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:29,440 I don't know what I'm going to wear. 373 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:31,780 An ex-pub landlady? 374 00:22:31,780 --> 00:22:36,000 You've got more outfits than Posh Becks. 375 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:40,780 You have to give the drinkers something to keep pulling them back to the bar. 376 00:22:40,780 --> 00:22:43,580 But it's not stuff you could wear in church! 377 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:51,400 What's up with him? 378 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,640 It's all in the posture. 379 00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,060 Found his calm centre. 380 00:22:56,060 --> 00:22:59,540 Just let me just stand for a moment, handling the pain. 381 00:22:59,540 --> 00:23:03,080 First thing you have to learn is handling the pain. Ah! 382 00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:06,360 HIS BACK CRACKS 383 00:23:07,420 --> 00:23:11,800 I've never known anybody in that condition and still sober. 384 00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,020 Get him moved. 385 00:23:14,020 --> 00:23:18,100 I can't have him on catering premises looking like that! 386 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:21,920 HE MOANS 387 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,760 It's only me. Oh, come in. 388 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,700 Are you going somewhere? No. 389 00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:36,240 He is. I thought he'd left home already. 390 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,740 Oh, he has. Like he often does, 391 00:23:38,740 --> 00:23:42,560 but he's always back in time for his tea. Well, this time... 392 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,200 he's in for a shock. 393 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,220 You're throwing him out? 394 00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,020 Watch this space! 395 00:23:55,540 --> 00:23:59,580 If we're going to live on salads, why don't we just buy some from the shop? 396 00:23:59,580 --> 00:24:03,120 It's much fresher if you pick your own. 397 00:24:03,120 --> 00:24:06,280 That looks like one of these. 398 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:09,120 Are you sure? Of course I'm... 399 00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:11,220 almost certain. 400 00:24:11,220 --> 00:24:14,660 Nibble a bit, it's supposed to taste minty. 401 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,000 Mmm... 402 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:18,940 HE SPITS IT OUT 403 00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:30,220 Walking better, you see. 404 00:24:31,820 --> 00:24:35,400 Ignore the pain and they'll never spot you've been injured. 405 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:37,660 Never spot? 406 00:24:37,660 --> 00:24:40,120 You're walking like a constipated parrot. 407 00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:41,800 Which is not good, 408 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:44,700 since they live for hundred years. 409 00:24:44,700 --> 00:24:49,280 I'd defy anyone to notice this from normal. 410 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:50,960 Oh, Mr Hobdyke! 411 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:53,160 Why are you walking so strangely? 412 00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:55,880 Do you need help? 413 00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:57,760 Does he ever. 414 00:25:00,460 --> 00:25:04,120 There is no cause for alarm, madam, everything is under control. 415 00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:06,480 Is there anything I can do? 416 00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:11,000 Oh, Marina! 417 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:14,840 Oh...whoever you are. 418 00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,760 She won't even look at me! 419 00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:19,620 What do you care? 420 00:25:19,620 --> 00:25:22,980 You're going home to the welcoming arms of a loving woman. 421 00:25:22,980 --> 00:25:26,620 I tried that once, but wife found out. 422 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,260 Stop! 423 00:25:30,260 --> 00:25:33,420 You can't end this on such a petty note. 424 00:25:33,420 --> 00:25:37,840 You owe each other a decent, final parting. He's right. 425 00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:40,440 A sad but romantic ending. 426 00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:44,120 I like it! A last goodbye. 427 00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:46,380 A solemn shake of hands. 428 00:25:46,380 --> 00:25:49,080 Somewhere where his wife can see that it's all over. 429 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:52,140 Her man is coming home. 430 00:25:56,760 --> 00:26:00,120 Signal him to keep Pearl busy. 431 00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:02,180 No, we're ready down here. 432 00:26:02,180 --> 00:26:06,720 Are you sure Pearl will be able to see? Good. 433 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:09,600 Here we go then. 434 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:12,580 OK, you're on. And make it look good. 435 00:26:12,580 --> 00:26:16,540 The world's sweetest, saddest handshake. 436 00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:20,120 Not me - Marina! 437 00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:49,120 Oh, Marina. 438 00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:51,900 Oh, Howard. 439 00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:57,340 Oh, to heck with a handshake! 440 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:10,580 What if Pearl won't let me in? 441 00:27:10,580 --> 00:27:14,980 You'll be fine - as soon as she understands you were saying goodbye. 442 00:27:14,980 --> 00:27:17,380 And saying it well. I'd say he's done it before. 443 00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:21,360 Stop winding him up. 444 00:27:21,360 --> 00:27:24,040 Go on, Howard. Where's your smile? 445 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:28,120 She wants a smile, give her a smile! 446 00:27:28,120 --> 00:27:30,160 A fresh start, Howard. 447 00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:32,580 Day one of domestic bliss. 448 00:27:32,580 --> 00:27:35,380 And later, when you're snuggling close together - 449 00:27:35,380 --> 00:27:38,160 tell her what she can do with two slices of cucumber. 450 00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:50,960 Honey, I'm home! 451 00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:01,660 ALL: Ooh... 452 00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:40,000 She's put everything in! 453 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:43,200 All me stuff! There's a note. 454 00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:45,200 She's left a note. 455 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:47,080 She's still communicating. 456 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,860 What does it say? 457 00:28:51,860 --> 00:28:53,660 "Happy camping". 458 00:28:53,710 --> 00:28:58,260 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33931

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