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1
00:00:04,744 --> 00:00:07,624
D'you think that we'll ever
have to do sommat brave?
2
00:00:09,184 --> 00:00:11,264
It could happen anytime.
3
00:00:11,264 --> 00:00:12,784
We have to live with that.
4
00:00:17,284 --> 00:00:19,164
Do you think she's his mother?
5
00:00:19,164 --> 00:00:21,804
Well, he has been wrong before.
6
00:00:21,804 --> 00:00:24,464
Oh, I can't believe it of Nelly.
7
00:00:24,464 --> 00:00:27,544
Although, she did move down south.
8
00:00:27,544 --> 00:00:30,184
Oh, well,
that practically proves it then.
9
00:00:30,184 --> 00:00:35,544
No, but it does suggest that she
might have a flaw in her character.
10
00:00:35,544 --> 00:00:37,224
What about in yours?
11
00:00:37,224 --> 00:00:39,384
You're the right age group.
12
00:00:39,384 --> 00:00:41,184
Watch your mouth.
13
00:00:41,184 --> 00:00:43,084
We can still be friends.
14
00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:44,744
You're entitled to one mistake.
15
00:01:25,244 --> 00:01:28,464
If you had woman of your own,
you could forget mother.
16
00:01:28,464 --> 00:01:31,564
How can a person forget his mother?
17
00:01:31,564 --> 00:01:34,224
She forgot you for 50 years!
18
00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:35,964
You don't know that.
19
00:01:35,964 --> 00:01:39,144
She could have been
pining for me every day.
20
00:01:39,144 --> 00:01:41,364
She left you on a doorstep.
21
00:01:41,364 --> 00:01:44,024
Out of the draught.
22
00:01:44,024 --> 00:01:46,144
They said I was well wrapped up.
23
00:01:47,724 --> 00:01:49,884
Sounds like spoiled kid to me.
24
00:01:49,884 --> 00:01:52,404
Wasn't just any old doorstep.
25
00:01:52,404 --> 00:01:55,504
No doorstep too good for my kid.
26
00:01:55,504 --> 00:01:59,464
Do you two mind?
This is very personal for me.
27
00:01:59,464 --> 00:02:03,024
I still say, forget mother,
get woman.
28
00:02:03,024 --> 00:02:06,384
How do I know there isn't a woman?
29
00:02:06,384 --> 00:02:09,304
Sinister forces wiped
some of my memory.
30
00:02:09,304 --> 00:02:13,964
I sometimes get the feeling
I might have a wife somewhere.
31
00:02:13,964 --> 00:02:16,664
Another one in big
hurry to find you.
32
00:02:18,324 --> 00:02:21,504
How come you remember anything
if they wiped your memory?
33
00:02:21,504 --> 00:02:24,204
They only wiped the secret bits.
34
00:02:24,204 --> 00:02:26,864
I can remember being a milkman.
35
00:02:26,864 --> 00:02:29,664
But they put a big blackout
over everything I did
36
00:02:29,664 --> 00:02:31,304
for the Secret Service.
37
00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:42,784
Oh!
38
00:02:42,784 --> 00:02:45,684
You wanted a City suit.
39
00:02:45,684 --> 00:02:48,104
I thought they'd pulled
up all the tramlines.
40
00:02:55,584 --> 00:02:56,704
Here she comes!
41
00:02:59,404 --> 00:03:01,424
That's mother.
42
00:03:01,424 --> 00:03:03,584
Don't tell me that's not mother.
43
00:03:06,484 --> 00:03:08,224
What do I say?
44
00:03:08,224 --> 00:03:11,944
What do you say to
your mother after 50 years?
45
00:03:11,944 --> 00:03:13,344
"What kept you?"
46
00:03:13,344 --> 00:03:16,024
Or you could try,
"Was it something I said?"
47
00:03:16,024 --> 00:03:18,424
Don't say a word.
Just give her a smile.
48
00:03:18,424 --> 00:03:20,424
Let her see you're harmless.
49
00:03:20,424 --> 00:03:23,224
What do you mean harmless?
I'm a lethal machine!
50
00:03:23,224 --> 00:03:26,424
Well, pretend you're harmless,
just this once. I can do that.
51
00:03:26,424 --> 00:03:29,044
Yes, I'm good at disguise.
52
00:03:29,044 --> 00:03:30,984
I'm a master of disguise.
53
00:03:30,984 --> 00:03:35,044
I was known throughout
Eastern Europe as The Shadow.
54
00:03:35,044 --> 00:03:37,304
You said you were called Ace.
55
00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:41,264
By my friends.
My enemies knew me as The Shadow.
56
00:03:55,364 --> 00:03:58,224
Don't say it.
How've you been keeping?
57
00:03:58,224 --> 00:04:00,484
Fine. Until now.
58
00:04:00,484 --> 00:04:04,044
I can show you a distinguishing mark.
59
00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:06,344
You dare and you'll get another.
60
00:04:06,344 --> 00:04:10,964
Can't we just make conversation
like two civilised people?
61
00:04:10,964 --> 00:04:12,784
D'you ever hear from dad?
62
00:04:18,064 --> 00:04:21,064
I'm only a couple of doors away.
63
00:04:21,064 --> 00:04:22,544
Terrific(!)
64
00:04:27,784 --> 00:04:29,644
It was before the war.
65
00:04:29,644 --> 00:04:33,244
I went up there with a young lady
from the Bradford & Bingley.
66
00:04:33,244 --> 00:04:35,884
You were seeking financial advice?
67
00:04:35,884 --> 00:04:37,584
Not exclusively.
68
00:04:39,164 --> 00:04:41,924
I understand she married
and moved to Leicester.
69
00:04:41,924 --> 00:04:45,944
Oh, well, made a
big impression there, didn't you?
70
00:04:51,544 --> 00:04:53,124
OK, not mother.
71
00:04:53,124 --> 00:04:55,064
Maybe she'd be your aunt.
72
00:04:55,064 --> 00:04:58,124
She's my mother. I'm a trained spook.
73
00:04:58,124 --> 00:04:59,904
We never forget a face.
74
00:04:59,904 --> 00:05:01,724
You were three days old.
75
00:05:01,724 --> 00:05:05,784
I remember faces. What else
is there to do on a doorstep?
76
00:05:05,784 --> 00:05:07,424
I forgive her.
77
00:05:07,424 --> 00:05:13,624
I'm like that. Except with enemies
of this nation - then I'm a tiger.
78
00:05:13,624 --> 00:05:15,704
D'you fancy a drink, Tiger?
79
00:05:15,704 --> 00:05:18,244
I shouldn't really
while I'm on medication.
80
00:05:18,244 --> 00:05:20,084
But I'm not driving.
81
00:05:20,084 --> 00:05:22,904
You're not driving my truck.
I've seen you.
82
00:05:22,904 --> 00:05:25,544
I was all right once
I lost the twitch.
83
00:05:25,544 --> 00:05:27,984
You can't forecast every twitch.
84
00:05:27,984 --> 00:05:30,724
What's this
medication you're on, Tiger?
85
00:05:30,724 --> 00:05:34,984
It's for a touch of arthritis in the
left ear. It hurts when I wiggle it.
86
00:05:34,984 --> 00:05:37,604
So why wiggle it?
87
00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:38,844
At close quarters,
88
00:05:38,844 --> 00:05:43,084
that can sometimes be a distraction
to an enemy - a ploy like that.
89
00:05:43,084 --> 00:05:45,104
Use the right ear.
90
00:05:45,104 --> 00:05:48,404
I like all my moving parts
to be fully operational.
91
00:05:48,404 --> 00:05:50,184
There's no answer to that.
92
00:05:51,964 --> 00:05:54,704
I want to see this performing ear.
93
00:05:54,704 --> 00:05:57,624
I'm sworn only to
use it in emergencies.
94
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:06,204
You look very smart.
95
00:06:06,204 --> 00:06:09,364
And always remember how
reduced it was in the sale.
96
00:06:09,364 --> 00:06:12,484
Suppose I'm mistaken for
a zebra crossing!
97
00:06:12,484 --> 00:06:15,724
People tend to
walk all over me as it is.
98
00:06:15,724 --> 00:06:17,904
Not when I'm there.
99
00:06:17,904 --> 00:06:24,104
Off you go, before I kidnap you and
sweep you away to somewhere exotic.
100
00:06:25,684 --> 00:06:27,184
We've been to Leeds.
101
00:06:33,604 --> 00:06:35,104
He's there again, look.
102
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:40,184
I think he just waits to
say good morning.
103
00:06:40,184 --> 00:06:41,884
Then be nice to him.
104
00:06:41,884 --> 00:06:43,744
Say good morning.
105
00:06:48,824 --> 00:06:51,004
Morning, Morton. Morning suit...
106
00:06:51,004 --> 00:06:52,704
Barry.
107
00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:55,104
It's too loud, isn't it?
You don't like it.
108
00:06:55,104 --> 00:06:56,744
You're my friend.
109
00:06:56,744 --> 00:06:59,764
Love me, love the suit.
110
00:06:59,764 --> 00:07:03,164
That's very decent of you, Mort.
But I don't like it.
111
00:07:03,164 --> 00:07:06,104
You're right. It's terrible.
112
00:07:06,104 --> 00:07:08,664
Odds's teeth, lad,
113
00:07:08,664 --> 00:07:12,544
I've heard of power dressing,
but this is naked aggression.
114
00:07:12,544 --> 00:07:16,304
It was in the sale.
I should damn well think so.
115
00:07:16,304 --> 00:07:18,324
Well, let's not stand out here.
116
00:07:18,324 --> 00:07:22,604
Why don't we go inside and
help old Toby unblock his sink?
117
00:07:22,604 --> 00:07:24,184
I'll love to help... Good!
118
00:07:24,184 --> 00:07:26,544
I like that attitude.
119
00:07:26,544 --> 00:07:30,184
Come along then. It's Barry,
isn't it? Yes. And Harry.
120
00:07:30,184 --> 00:07:33,024
Barry and Harry. It's a double act.
121
00:07:33,024 --> 00:07:35,244
It's Morton, actually.
122
00:07:35,244 --> 00:07:37,364
Well, that's blown that, then.
123
00:07:37,364 --> 00:07:39,564
Never mind. Barry and Morton.
124
00:07:39,564 --> 00:07:41,584
I can live with that.
125
00:07:41,584 --> 00:07:47,164
Of course, I used to have my
own personal sink unblocker.
126
00:07:47,164 --> 00:07:50,124
And then she divorced me,
127
00:07:50,124 --> 00:07:53,264
the ungrateful,
treacherous, conniving...
128
00:07:54,844 --> 00:07:58,224
It's at times like this
you miss them terribly.
129
00:08:04,024 --> 00:08:06,104
I've been thinking. Bad move.
130
00:08:06,104 --> 00:08:07,744
Relax.
131
00:08:07,744 --> 00:08:09,464
What do you do for fun?
132
00:08:09,464 --> 00:08:11,464
Life isn't for fun.
133
00:08:11,464 --> 00:08:14,684
Life is for testing
yourself to the limit,
134
00:08:14,684 --> 00:08:17,284
for being a rock against
Her Majesty's enemies.
135
00:08:17,284 --> 00:08:20,024
Why are we talking to this rock?
136
00:08:20,024 --> 00:08:22,744
How often do you get the chance?
137
00:08:22,744 --> 00:08:26,024
Since you're on my team,
I've been thinking.
138
00:08:26,024 --> 00:08:29,224
We're on his team? Looks like it.
139
00:08:29,224 --> 00:08:31,184
What do we do on team?
140
00:08:31,184 --> 00:08:34,444
We look for
Her Majesty's enemies mostly.
141
00:08:34,444 --> 00:08:35,944
Sounds like fun.
142
00:08:37,544 --> 00:08:40,824
Man who makes enemies
shouldn't throw glass houses.
143
00:08:40,824 --> 00:08:44,384
I think I've heard that.
I'm not surprised. I just said it.
144
00:08:47,244 --> 00:08:52,044
D'you think she'll like me when
she gets to know the essential me?
145
00:08:52,044 --> 00:08:56,604
Hobbo, YOU don't even
know the essential you.
146
00:08:56,604 --> 00:09:01,384
How's she going to say no
to a decorated Cold War hero?
147
00:09:01,384 --> 00:09:05,024
You see what I mean?
You spend half your time dreaming.
148
00:09:05,024 --> 00:09:08,724
Dreams? I'll have you know
these are genuine flashbacks
149
00:09:08,724 --> 00:09:11,144
to a life from the cutting edge of...
150
00:09:11,144 --> 00:09:13,304
Primrose Dairies.
151
00:09:13,304 --> 00:09:18,404
That's just cover. You don't imagine
the most secret of Secret Services
152
00:09:18,404 --> 00:09:20,604
operates under its own name?!
153
00:09:20,604 --> 00:09:24,684
There are dark areas in this world
where the name of Primrose Dairies
154
00:09:24,684 --> 00:09:28,964
still strikes fear
into the hearts of evil doers.
155
00:09:28,964 --> 00:09:34,964
In those dire communist regimes, old
ladies in shawls lit secret candles
156
00:09:34,964 --> 00:09:38,284
for those of us who,
on a daily basis,
157
00:09:38,284 --> 00:09:41,424
risked our lives for the Dairies.
158
00:09:41,424 --> 00:09:44,624
Primrose Dairies
was a beacon of hope!
159
00:09:47,684 --> 00:09:50,224
Primrose Dairies sold bacon?
160
00:09:50,224 --> 00:09:52,264
SPLASHING
161
00:09:53,724 --> 00:09:57,144
Beacon. Beacon!
162
00:10:06,041 --> 00:10:09,081
They say he was
something highly secret.
163
00:10:09,081 --> 00:10:12,841
You mean HE says he
was something highly secret.
164
00:10:12,841 --> 00:10:15,561
I heard MI5.
165
00:10:15,561 --> 00:10:17,321
I heard milkman.
166
00:10:18,901 --> 00:10:21,861
I heard that was just his cover.
167
00:10:21,861 --> 00:10:24,641
I must say,
I do like a bit of heroism.
168
00:10:26,701 --> 00:10:29,281
Well, you should have said!
169
00:10:29,281 --> 00:10:33,861
I was beginning to believe
all the heroism's gone.
170
00:10:33,861 --> 00:10:38,921
I think I can confidently say it's
still there if you look for it.
171
00:10:38,921 --> 00:10:42,701
At one time of day, men would
go to the ends of the earth
172
00:10:42,701 --> 00:10:44,761
to win their ladies.
173
00:10:44,761 --> 00:10:48,201
Well, it's not easy when
you've got to be back by teatime.
174
00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:52,501
It's not supposed to be easy.
175
00:10:52,501 --> 00:10:56,361
A man's expected to
challenge himself against all odds.
176
00:10:57,961 --> 00:11:01,301
I built a castle
entirely from matches.
177
00:11:01,301 --> 00:11:03,901
About two inches high.
178
00:11:03,901 --> 00:11:05,841
He gave it to me for my birthday.
179
00:11:05,841 --> 00:11:07,401
Awww.
180
00:11:07,401 --> 00:11:10,201
It's just not the same
as diamonds, is it?
181
00:11:17,481 --> 00:11:19,901
I wonder if I should
take a flu powder.
182
00:11:19,901 --> 00:11:21,541
Or perhaps put on a winter vest.
183
00:11:21,541 --> 00:11:23,621
I was only wearing a summer vest.
184
00:11:23,621 --> 00:11:25,861
He lives for danger(!)
185
00:11:25,861 --> 00:11:28,181
Listen, only a summer vest.
186
00:11:28,181 --> 00:11:30,181
I think that's normal.
187
00:11:30,181 --> 00:11:33,241
Only thing that is. I want you to
188
00:11:33,241 --> 00:11:36,701
keep your eye on me for any
signs of a chill.
189
00:11:36,701 --> 00:11:40,101
Don't let me over-exert. How did
you come to fall in the water?
190
00:11:40,101 --> 00:11:41,961
Fall?!
191
00:11:41,961 --> 00:11:46,401
That wasn't a fall -
it was a finely-tuned evasive action.
192
00:11:46,401 --> 00:11:48,741
The old life saver.
193
00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:50,741
"Evasive action"?
194
00:11:50,741 --> 00:11:52,901
I don't suppose you saw it.
195
00:11:52,901 --> 00:11:56,401
What? The tell tale glint.
196
00:11:56,401 --> 00:11:59,781
I caught the briefest flash
of sunlight on glass,
197
00:11:59,781 --> 00:12:02,161
and that means telescopic sight.
198
00:12:02,161 --> 00:12:06,101
And that means move your
carcass, Hobdyke - fast.
199
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:08,781
You're right. We didn't see it.
200
00:12:08,781 --> 00:12:10,581
Nobody saw it.
201
00:12:10,581 --> 00:12:13,521
Peripheral vision needs training!
202
00:12:13,521 --> 00:12:17,681
If you're gonna be in my team
I'll need to bring you up to speed.
203
00:12:17,681 --> 00:12:20,301
Who's likely to be
after you with a rifle?
204
00:12:20,301 --> 00:12:22,941
My guess would be Putin's people.
205
00:12:22,941 --> 00:12:25,681
Must have his shirt off again.
206
00:12:25,681 --> 00:12:28,241
And that's as
much as I'm allowed to say.
207
00:12:40,121 --> 00:12:42,961
So why does he think
you're his mother?
208
00:12:42,961 --> 00:12:44,521
It's not funny.
209
00:12:44,521 --> 00:12:46,781
Oh, it is funny.
210
00:12:46,781 --> 00:12:48,941
What am I going to tell Travis?
211
00:12:48,941 --> 00:12:51,581
What have you got to hide?
212
00:12:51,581 --> 00:12:53,581
Do stop giggling.
213
00:12:53,581 --> 00:12:55,701
Nothing. I've got nothing to hide.
214
00:12:55,701 --> 00:12:57,661
At least not that big.
215
00:12:57,661 --> 00:12:59,601
Then don't tell Travis anything.
216
00:12:59,601 --> 00:13:03,161
I mean, he rarely goes out.
He's not gonna hear anything.
217
00:13:03,161 --> 00:13:05,121
But everybody else will.
218
00:13:05,121 --> 00:13:09,461
It's embarrassing. Some clown
going about calling you "mother".
219
00:13:09,461 --> 00:13:12,001
At least you missed the nappy stage!
220
00:13:26,381 --> 00:13:31,001
What? Would you say
221
00:13:31,001 --> 00:13:35,121
I was capable of doing something
adventurous and heroic?
222
00:13:35,121 --> 00:13:40,241
Well, I'm sometimes amazed at
what you're prepared to tackle.
223
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:46,161
I would say about
as heroic as Travis - and
224
00:13:46,161 --> 00:13:49,861
he needs an anaesthetic before you
can get near him with a band aid.
225
00:13:51,441 --> 00:13:54,281
This one would wear
a helmet for playing Ludo.
226
00:13:54,281 --> 00:13:58,421
Well, you certainly
know how to hurt people.
227
00:13:58,421 --> 00:14:00,521
Well, you might be sorry.
228
00:14:00,521 --> 00:14:07,081
I...am toying with the idea of
rowing the Atlantic single-handed.
229
00:14:07,081 --> 00:14:09,041
THEY LAUGH
230
00:14:13,081 --> 00:14:15,801
I'm not fully committed yet, but...
231
00:14:15,801 --> 00:14:17,721
it's firming up.
232
00:14:39,301 --> 00:14:41,321
Any Russians in recently?
233
00:14:41,321 --> 00:14:43,701
How would I know if
they're Russians?
234
00:14:43,701 --> 00:14:46,281
Sturdy build. Bad tailoring.
235
00:14:46,281 --> 00:14:49,981
That's not Russian,
that's basic Yorkshire.
236
00:14:49,981 --> 00:14:51,941
But with a funny accent.
237
00:14:51,941 --> 00:14:54,381
Yes. Basic Yorkshire!
238
00:14:54,381 --> 00:14:57,721
Now why don't you sit down
and give your tongue a rest?
239
00:14:57,721 --> 00:15:01,181
You know, I do get nostalgic
about the ambience here.
240
00:15:01,181 --> 00:15:03,001
Early Formica.
241
00:15:04,781 --> 00:15:06,661
Quaint. "Quaint"?!
242
00:15:06,661 --> 00:15:08,641
What's "quaint" about it?
243
00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:10,921
Take it as a compliment.
244
00:15:10,921 --> 00:15:14,721
People don't believe these places
still exist. "These places"?!
245
00:15:14,721 --> 00:15:18,001
It's a trip down memory lane.
246
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:23,001
That old wartime absence
of comfort and frills.
247
00:15:23,001 --> 00:15:26,241
You've got it absolutely right.
248
00:15:26,241 --> 00:15:31,661
That atmosphere of rationing,
that well-scrubbed feel of austerity.
249
00:15:31,661 --> 00:15:35,161
Wise man shuts mouth before
he puts own boot in it.
250
00:15:36,341 --> 00:15:38,101
I'm a fan.
251
00:15:38,101 --> 00:15:39,841
I'm half in love with the place.
252
00:15:39,841 --> 00:15:43,721
With a bit of imagination, you could
easily convert it into something
253
00:15:43,721 --> 00:15:45,541
as cheerful as a packing crate!
254
00:15:45,541 --> 00:15:47,121
Only joking, of course.
255
00:15:47,121 --> 00:15:49,541
You'll have to excuse him,
he's just been wet.
256
00:15:49,541 --> 00:15:51,501
We found him while we were fishing.
257
00:15:51,501 --> 00:15:54,261
You should have thrown him back.
258
00:15:54,261 --> 00:15:57,101
Don't think we didn't try.
259
00:15:57,101 --> 00:15:59,861
Ha! They jest.
260
00:15:59,861 --> 00:16:02,921
Now you look like a lady of taste.
261
00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:04,521
What's the special today?
262
00:16:07,101 --> 00:16:08,681
Come and have a look.
263
00:16:17,381 --> 00:16:21,321
BANGING
264
00:16:23,461 --> 00:16:25,981
Are you ready to order?
265
00:16:25,981 --> 00:16:27,761
Oh, don't wait for your friend.
266
00:16:27,761 --> 00:16:30,921
He seems to have got his tie
nailed to my chopping block.
267
00:16:37,901 --> 00:16:39,361
DOOR SHUTS
268
00:16:45,121 --> 00:16:49,061
What are you doing back already?
I'm going to change.
269
00:16:49,061 --> 00:16:51,841
I'm afraid I've ruined the suit.
270
00:16:51,841 --> 00:16:54,741
I've been unbunging
the captain's sink.
271
00:16:54,741 --> 00:16:56,901
Can't he unbung his own sink?
272
00:16:56,901 --> 00:16:58,801
"Toby Mowbray hyphen Smith"?
273
00:16:58,801 --> 00:17:02,461
Does that sound like a
name for unbunging sinks?
274
00:17:02,461 --> 00:17:05,041
Glenda, the world is divided
275
00:17:05,041 --> 00:17:08,341
into those who unbung sinks
and those who bung them up.
276
00:17:08,341 --> 00:17:11,261
Toby is a bunger-upper.
277
00:17:11,261 --> 00:17:13,201
Is he going to pay for your suit?
278
00:17:13,201 --> 00:17:14,941
He calls me Barry.
279
00:17:14,941 --> 00:17:16,741
It's your name.
280
00:17:16,741 --> 00:17:19,021
It is now.
281
00:17:19,021 --> 00:17:20,481
It used to be, "Hey, You".
282
00:17:36,581 --> 00:17:38,781
'Place your feet on the white marks.
283
00:17:38,781 --> 00:17:43,241
'Don't move. A member of staff
will escort you to safety.'
284
00:17:45,021 --> 00:17:47,121
What's not safe?
285
00:17:47,121 --> 00:17:50,081
Anybody in here that's
not under supervision.
286
00:17:53,481 --> 00:17:55,901
No, don't turn your back.
287
00:17:55,901 --> 00:17:57,981
I've finished with all that!
288
00:17:57,981 --> 00:18:01,121
It's just a reflex. I can't kick it.
289
00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:04,061
He used to chase me for money.
I know the feeling.
290
00:18:04,061 --> 00:18:07,381
I've been trying to get my money's
worth out of you since day one.
291
00:18:07,381 --> 00:18:08,901
Don't believe her.
292
00:18:08,901 --> 00:18:10,541
She gets value.
293
00:18:10,541 --> 00:18:12,401
They take advantage of me.
294
00:18:12,401 --> 00:18:14,521
Because I'm poor and simple.
295
00:18:14,521 --> 00:18:16,781
And nobody taught her
to lie like that.
296
00:18:16,781 --> 00:18:19,021
She picked it up
entirely by herself.
297
00:18:19,021 --> 00:18:21,681
Don't interrupt me.
298
00:18:21,681 --> 00:18:25,461
I'm getting a feeling
for what this gentleman wants.
299
00:18:25,461 --> 00:18:28,101
I was thinking about... Yes!
300
00:18:28,101 --> 00:18:29,741
I must be psychic.
301
00:18:29,741 --> 00:18:32,601
It's here, ready for you.
302
00:18:32,601 --> 00:18:36,501
It's uncanny, really.
I scare myself sometimes.
303
00:18:36,501 --> 00:18:39,741
What is it? You asked for it.
304
00:18:39,741 --> 00:18:42,341
It's what you've been pining for.
305
00:18:42,341 --> 00:18:47,281
It's probably been your
most secret wish. What?
306
00:18:47,281 --> 00:18:51,561
A genuine, reconditioned,
at-a-bargain-price-never-repeatable
307
00:18:51,561 --> 00:18:54,041
tractor tyre you'll never
tell from new!
308
00:18:55,741 --> 00:18:57,421
I don't have a tractor!
309
00:18:57,421 --> 00:19:00,121
You never will have if you
go on being negative!
310
00:19:00,121 --> 00:19:05,161
You've got to start thinking
tractors, dreaming tractors.
311
00:19:07,881 --> 00:19:11,061
How did you get that
hole in your tie?
312
00:19:11,061 --> 00:19:14,841
Will you please
concentrate on your mission?
313
00:19:14,841 --> 00:19:18,801
But why do I have to wear
a wire in my own house?
314
00:19:18,801 --> 00:19:22,161
So I can listen in and
hear what Mother says.
315
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,721
I can tell you what she says.
316
00:19:24,721 --> 00:19:27,821
She says she's not your mother.
317
00:19:27,821 --> 00:19:30,041
That's what she says in public.
318
00:19:30,041 --> 00:19:32,421
But what does she say to Pearl
in private?
319
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:36,241
Oh, they won't speak privately
in front of me. Well... SCREECHING
320
00:19:36,241 --> 00:19:40,241
Just stay nearby, or keep
passing through, or come up
321
00:19:40,241 --> 00:19:44,021
with some clever contrivance to make
them think you're not listening.
322
00:19:44,021 --> 00:19:46,101
No chance.
323
00:19:46,101 --> 00:19:49,261
He failed clever contrivance.
324
00:19:49,261 --> 00:19:55,181
You'll be sorry for thinking
me useless when you see me on TV rowing the Atlantic.
325
00:19:55,181 --> 00:19:57,781
Oh, you're going then? Tuesday.
326
00:19:57,781 --> 00:20:00,181
Forecast rain Tuesday.
327
00:20:00,181 --> 00:20:02,821
All right, Wednesday.
328
00:20:02,821 --> 00:20:05,441
FEEDBACK SCREECHES
329
00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:17,441
Morton, come in.
330
00:20:17,441 --> 00:20:20,221
Actually, I've got something
out here to show Barry.
331
00:20:20,221 --> 00:20:22,381
Is Barry in? Barry!
332
00:20:22,381 --> 00:20:25,161
Morton wants to show you something!
333
00:20:25,161 --> 00:20:27,641
He's the first one I thought of.
334
00:20:27,641 --> 00:20:33,061
I suppose this bond develops when
you've been unbunging sinks together.
335
00:20:33,061 --> 00:20:34,881
It's not another sink, is it?
336
00:20:44,421 --> 00:20:46,601
He's at the door.
337
00:20:48,021 --> 00:20:49,701
(I'm going in!)
338
00:20:49,701 --> 00:20:51,221
HE BLOWS
339
00:20:51,221 --> 00:20:52,521
SQUEAKING
340
00:20:54,221 --> 00:20:57,381
You met him at Cleethorpes.
341
00:20:57,381 --> 00:21:00,501
And it was love at first sight.
342
00:21:00,501 --> 00:21:02,661
He had a motor bike.
343
00:21:02,661 --> 00:21:04,641
I fell for that first.
344
00:21:04,641 --> 00:21:08,321
I know what they're like,
these holiday romances.
345
00:21:08,321 --> 00:21:13,241
How come you know so much about
holiday romances? Stop earwigging.
346
00:21:15,381 --> 00:21:17,861
What makes you think I'm earwigging?
347
00:21:29,321 --> 00:21:32,461
That's it, then.
I'm from Cleethorpes.
348
00:21:32,461 --> 00:21:36,541
You've got no proof of that.
You heard it. "A holiday romance".
349
00:21:36,541 --> 00:21:38,261
I'm a love child.
350
00:21:38,261 --> 00:21:40,201
I knew she was the one.
351
00:21:40,201 --> 00:21:43,301
There was this instant
something between us. A handbag.
352
00:21:43,301 --> 00:21:44,781
She was hitting you with it.
353
00:22:02,601 --> 00:22:05,141
Why don't you go and
change your library book?
354
00:22:05,141 --> 00:22:07,181
I've only just changed it.
355
00:22:07,181 --> 00:22:09,881
It's never stopped you before.
356
00:22:09,881 --> 00:22:13,781
You'd be astonished at how often
he can change a library book.
357
00:22:13,781 --> 00:22:16,061
I think he must have the record.
358
00:22:16,061 --> 00:22:18,001
I'm a speed reader.
359
00:22:19,581 --> 00:22:23,061
Well, get some speed up now.
360
00:22:23,061 --> 00:22:24,861
He'll be going in a minute.
361
00:22:24,861 --> 00:22:26,361
Won't you?
362
00:22:26,361 --> 00:22:29,721
As soon as I've finished the paper.
363
00:22:32,621 --> 00:22:36,221
(What's up with him?)
364
00:22:36,221 --> 00:22:38,921
(He's up to something.
365
00:22:38,921 --> 00:22:44,181
(He goes next door, then comes
back to force himself on us.
366
00:22:44,181 --> 00:22:46,081
(There's something going on.)
367
00:22:48,501 --> 00:22:50,181
RUMBLING
368
00:22:50,181 --> 00:22:51,641
(Listen!
369
00:22:53,221 --> 00:22:55,741
(To what? His stomach.
370
00:22:55,741 --> 00:22:58,701
(Can't you hear it rumbling? Oh!
371
00:22:58,701 --> 00:23:00,341
(Is that what it is?
372
00:23:00,341 --> 00:23:04,421
(I thought it was your pipes.
373
00:23:04,421 --> 00:23:07,701
(That's his guilty stomach.)
374
00:23:12,181 --> 00:23:14,201
We're getting some bad interference.
375
00:23:14,201 --> 00:23:16,501
Listen...
RUMBLING
376
00:23:16,501 --> 00:23:18,661
That's not interference.
377
00:23:18,661 --> 00:23:22,061
Sounds like the thermostat's
gone on your immersion heater.
378
00:23:22,061 --> 00:23:24,021
They could be coded signals.
379
00:23:24,021 --> 00:23:26,901
Little bursts of sensitive matter.
380
00:23:26,901 --> 00:23:29,481
It sounds like something's burst.
381
00:23:29,481 --> 00:23:32,421
We may have locked into
someone's secret traffic.
382
00:23:32,421 --> 00:23:35,081
RUMBLING CONTINUES
383
00:23:36,781 --> 00:23:38,401
FEEDBACK SCREECHES
384
00:23:45,641 --> 00:23:47,721
SCREECHING CONTINUES
385
00:24:06,500 --> 00:24:10,000
That's the weirdest
stomach I've ever heard.
386
00:24:19,940 --> 00:24:22,460
I want to know what's going on.
387
00:24:22,460 --> 00:24:26,220
RUMBLING AND SCREECHING
388
00:24:26,220 --> 00:24:28,480
I know that stomach.
389
00:24:41,020 --> 00:24:43,340
It's Morton.
390
00:24:43,340 --> 00:24:45,960
What's he doing with all that tyre?
391
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:49,900
Maybe all he's got in
world is old tractor tyre.
392
00:24:49,900 --> 00:24:51,660
He takes it walkies.
393
00:24:51,660 --> 00:24:53,180
I think that's nice.
394
00:24:54,740 --> 00:24:57,180
Pull up near the idiot but watch out.
395
00:24:57,180 --> 00:24:58,640
It could be a ploy.
396
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:05,100
It's like Aunty says. You could
do a million things with these.
397
00:25:05,100 --> 00:25:06,980
You could fill the middle in.
398
00:25:06,980 --> 00:25:09,100
Make a little garden pond.
399
00:25:09,100 --> 00:25:11,180
Maybe a fountain.
400
00:25:11,180 --> 00:25:12,880
Plant things in it.
401
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,560
They're gonna be a real
asset to any garden.
402
00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:20,540
Morton... Is it fine by
you if we call you Morton?
403
00:25:20,540 --> 00:25:23,040
Oh! Wow! Great!
404
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:28,280
The thing is, Mort, I see you pushing
an old tractor tyre up a the hill,
405
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:31,300
and I think, this
is my kind of person.
406
00:25:31,300 --> 00:25:34,320
Oh, I am. I bet I am. I know I am!
407
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:38,340
I think this chap's entirely
off the radar, behaviour-wise.
408
00:25:38,340 --> 00:25:42,020
He'll never going to look like
a threat to Her Majesty's enemies.
409
00:25:42,020 --> 00:25:45,420
He could be one of my spotters!
410
00:25:45,420 --> 00:25:46,960
Great! Absolutely!
411
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:49,100
I can do that.
412
00:25:49,100 --> 00:25:50,780
What am I looking for?
413
00:25:50,780 --> 00:25:52,860
Russians.
414
00:25:52,860 --> 00:25:56,140
Russians?! And an old tractor tyre.
415
00:25:56,140 --> 00:25:58,320
Yours seems to have slipped away.
416
00:26:10,100 --> 00:26:12,560
We'll never get there at this rate.
417
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:16,080
And what's there when we get there?
Trouble.
418
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:20,740
I think it's often more
satisfying to travel than to arrive.
419
00:26:20,740 --> 00:26:22,860
You're a philosopher.
420
00:26:22,860 --> 00:26:25,200
This job can do that to you.
421
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:28,940
Anyway,
we're in the middle of a game.
422
00:26:28,940 --> 00:26:32,680
What game? The Tease.
423
00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:36,660
I'll show you how to joust a little
with the Great British Public.
424
00:26:36,660 --> 00:26:39,080
We keep a nice, steady pace.
425
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:42,660
Traffic piles up behind
because they don't know whether
426
00:26:42,660 --> 00:26:44,400
they dare pass a police car.
427
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:03,120
Are you sure you're ready
for the Atlantic, Howard?
428
00:27:03,120 --> 00:27:07,680
Well, not yet. But I'm not planning
anything till next Tuesday.
429
00:27:26,360 --> 00:27:28,960
Don't tell me you've
done the Atlantic already.
430
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:44,540
He said he was doing
it single-handed!
431
00:27:44,540 --> 00:27:46,140
He is in future.
432
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:55,420
Call me Ace! Have you
ever heard anything so flash?
433
00:27:55,420 --> 00:27:57,380
Bit of competition.
434
00:27:57,380 --> 00:28:00,040
You'll have to shape up, Howard.
435
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:03,920
Oh, don't think I can't.
Ha-ha!
436
00:28:33,420 --> 00:28:36,640
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437
00:28:36,690 --> 00:28:41,240
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