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1
00:00:02,790 --> 00:00:06,130
Do you think Alexander the
Great used to have a packed lunch?
2
00:00:08,190 --> 00:00:11,870
You can't go
conquering without a packed lunch.
3
00:00:11,870 --> 00:00:15,470
They couldn't
drop in to a Jumbo Burger.
4
00:00:15,470 --> 00:00:18,790
History never gets down to these
revealing details.
5
00:00:18,790 --> 00:00:24,450
Like, did the man have a painful
corn so he had to wear sandals?
6
00:00:24,450 --> 00:00:30,130
He'd have a corn
specialist amongst his retinue and an ear, nose and throat guy.
7
00:00:30,130 --> 00:00:32,090
He died young, though, didn't he?
8
00:00:32,090 --> 00:00:34,370
Well, maybe his corn went septic.
9
00:00:34,370 --> 00:00:41,110
Well, I expect if they were
riding all day they probably got their corns somewhere else.
10
00:00:41,110 --> 00:00:45,070
Stands to reason he'd have a packed
lunch. I bet his mother said...
11
00:00:45,070 --> 00:00:48,790
"You can't go conquering the
known world on an empty stomach."
12
00:00:48,790 --> 00:00:53,390
Aye! "Keep off those oily foreign
foods," she said, "eat your greens."
13
00:00:53,390 --> 00:00:57,270
"And don't let me catch you up those
mountains without a woolly vest."
14
00:00:57,270 --> 00:01:00,290
Do you think
that's why he left home?
15
00:01:01,850 --> 00:01:03,310
Probably.
16
00:01:48,610 --> 00:01:49,850
Have you nothing better to do?
17
00:01:49,850 --> 00:01:51,870
What did you have in mind?
18
00:01:51,870 --> 00:01:56,130
I hope you're not about to coax me
into a weekend at Bridlington.
19
00:01:56,130 --> 00:01:58,290
I'd sooner paper a ceiling.
20
00:01:58,290 --> 00:01:59,950
You don't like Bridlington? Fine.
21
00:01:59,950 --> 00:02:02,450
Take me to Cleethorpes.
You want taking somewhere...
22
00:02:02,450 --> 00:02:04,170
and it's not Cleethorpes.
23
00:02:04,170 --> 00:02:05,890
It would have to be separate rooms.
24
00:02:05,890 --> 00:02:11,410
You do understand that? It would
have to be separate boarding houses and not even the same week.
25
00:02:11,410 --> 00:02:14,570
You shouldn't fight these impulses.
26
00:02:14,570 --> 00:02:16,410
I realise I stir your blood.
27
00:02:16,410 --> 00:02:18,290
There's no need to be ashamed of it.
28
00:02:18,290 --> 00:02:20,550
You stir anybody's blood?
29
00:02:20,550 --> 00:02:23,810
You'd need a lot bigger
spoon than you've got.
30
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:29,890
I shan't be alarmed if you start
wearing a bit of make-up and dyeing your curlers a more attractive shade.
31
00:02:29,890 --> 00:02:36,430
I'm not the kind
who goes around all dolled up trying to inflame the senses of men.
32
00:02:36,430 --> 00:02:40,070
No, you've cracked that all right.
I'll give you that.
33
00:02:47,970 --> 00:02:50,950
What's tha doing staring into space?
34
00:02:50,950 --> 00:02:54,210
I've just had the last
word with Nora Batty.
35
00:02:54,210 --> 00:02:56,310
It's not like her.
36
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:58,850
I thought she'd give
me a stronger reply.
37
00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:08,270
That's better. I thought for a
minute she was losing her grip.
38
00:03:13,730 --> 00:03:16,350
What you got for lovers of adventure?
39
00:03:27,050 --> 00:03:29,630
I think I've read that.
40
00:03:34,270 --> 00:03:37,410
What's out there
that's so fascinating?
41
00:03:37,410 --> 00:03:38,890
Freedom.
42
00:03:42,030 --> 00:03:45,230
Hills are for climbing,
not for looking at.
43
00:03:45,230 --> 00:03:48,630
Plus, it makes no sense at
your age to be in a draught.
44
00:04:02,570 --> 00:04:05,530
Help me! Get help.
45
00:04:05,530 --> 00:04:08,410
I'm a prisoner in my own house.
46
00:04:08,410 --> 00:04:11,190
Now you know how it feels.
47
00:04:11,190 --> 00:04:15,450
I trust we can look forward to a
little more sympathy in future.
48
00:04:15,450 --> 00:04:17,750
Don't be a pain, Howard.
49
00:04:27,170 --> 00:04:28,810
I'll get it.
50
00:04:32,210 --> 00:04:34,190
What do you want?
51
00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:38,290
Well, if you're going to be so shy
about asking, I've brought his milk.
52
00:04:38,290 --> 00:04:39,850
I live next door.
53
00:04:39,850 --> 00:04:41,490
He doesn't want this.
54
00:04:41,490 --> 00:04:43,330
He's always wanted it before.
55
00:04:43,330 --> 00:04:45,490
In future, bring him reduced fat.
56
00:04:45,490 --> 00:04:47,530
He wants less fat.
57
00:04:50,390 --> 00:04:52,910
He wants less of
you is what he wants.
58
00:04:54,490 --> 00:04:56,130
What are you grinning at?
59
00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:58,670
Nothing, precious.
60
00:04:58,670 --> 00:05:02,950
I was just thinking
how handy Cleggy's cousin will be
61
00:05:02,950 --> 00:05:06,890
when you want someone to
practise being nasty with.
62
00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:09,530
I don't need the practise.
63
00:05:09,530 --> 00:05:11,750
And don't you forget it.
64
00:05:26,730 --> 00:05:29,190
Suppose they hit truck.
65
00:05:30,250 --> 00:05:31,470
This truck?
66
00:05:31,470 --> 00:05:35,030
You pretty quick on uptake.
Yes, this truck.
67
00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:37,730
OK. Let's look at the
worst-case scenario.
68
00:05:37,730 --> 00:05:39,810
Two people...at speed...
69
00:05:39,810 --> 00:05:41,530
hitting truck.
70
00:05:41,530 --> 00:05:43,350
I don't like already.
71
00:05:43,350 --> 00:05:46,950
Well, here's the good
news - if we stay inside,
72
00:05:46,950 --> 00:05:51,310
keep our hands and feet out of the
way, I think we'll be all right.
73
00:05:51,310 --> 00:05:55,570
What about truck? Oh, don't ask
me truck. I'm a people person.
74
00:05:55,570 --> 00:05:57,830
Ah, here they come.
75
00:06:03,790 --> 00:06:07,570
Better than hit truck.
Aye, it's an ill wind...
76
00:06:20,150 --> 00:06:24,550
From a distance
would you recognise me?
77
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:28,230
Could I be any golfer or
is there something that says me?
78
00:06:29,530 --> 00:06:31,730
SHE YELPS
79
00:06:31,730 --> 00:06:33,350
Oh, I was miles away.
80
00:06:33,350 --> 00:06:36,090
I wondered who it was.
It's our house. I live here.
81
00:06:36,090 --> 00:06:38,550
That should have given you a clue(!)
82
00:06:38,550 --> 00:06:41,630
Next time cough, or something.
I daren't cough.
83
00:06:41,630 --> 00:06:44,690
At the first cough you start
jamming medication down me.
84
00:06:44,690 --> 00:06:46,750
Would you rather I didn't care?
85
00:06:46,750 --> 00:06:50,330
No. I just wish you'd care with
something that tasted a bit better.
86
00:06:50,330 --> 00:06:53,290
My mother used to swear by it.
87
00:06:53,290 --> 00:06:55,290
AT it, I can understand.
88
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,310
Anyway, dressed like this...
89
00:06:57,310 --> 00:06:59,710
at a distance...
would you know it was me?
90
00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:03,390
Well, of course. You're supposed
to know the person you married.
91
00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:06,690
I'm too conspicuous, aren't I?
I'm going to have to tone it down.
92
00:07:06,690 --> 00:07:08,330
I need to blend in more,
93
00:07:08,330 --> 00:07:10,150
so the captain doesn't see me.
94
00:07:10,150 --> 00:07:12,850
I seem to put him off his
stroke for some reason.
95
00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:17,710
If he doesn't like playing with you,
tell him to go play somewhere else. Glenda!
96
00:07:17,710 --> 00:07:21,470
That's like telling Mrs Batty she
can't make a Yorkshire pudding.
97
00:07:21,470 --> 00:07:24,590
How do you know what her
Yorkshire puddings are like?
98
00:07:24,590 --> 00:07:27,910
Glenda, some women
attract men physically.
99
00:07:27,910 --> 00:07:31,510
Others have to manage with
great Yorkshire puddings.
100
00:07:40,350 --> 00:07:43,690
Looks like you've been
over-reaching again.
101
00:07:43,690 --> 00:07:45,770
Takes one to know one.
102
00:07:45,770 --> 00:07:47,330
How is Marina?
103
00:07:47,330 --> 00:07:49,770
Sh-sh-sh!
104
00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,350
Walls have ears.
105
00:07:51,350 --> 00:07:55,370
What am I saying?
Round here they've got radar.
106
00:07:55,370 --> 00:07:57,670
Go and tell Cleggy
to put the kettle on.
107
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:02,570
Cleggy's not in charge
of who puts the kettle on.
108
00:08:02,570 --> 00:08:04,450
He's under new management.
109
00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:07,470
His cousin Aubrey's taken over.
110
00:08:07,470 --> 00:08:10,930
Hmm, sounds like a case
for Truly of the Yard.
111
00:08:10,930 --> 00:08:12,890
We'll have to sort that out.
112
00:08:12,890 --> 00:08:16,050
Wife has cousin like that. No cure.
113
00:08:17,650 --> 00:08:21,930
If Alexander the Great could do
what he did on a packed lunch, we should be able to help Cleggy.
114
00:08:21,930 --> 00:08:26,490
No question about that,
but I can't believe the situation is all that bad.
115
00:08:32,530 --> 00:08:35,130
What do you want?
116
00:08:35,130 --> 00:08:37,750
It is. It's that bad.
117
00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:42,570
Speak up. I haven't got all day.
Is your Norman coming out to play?
118
00:08:46,170 --> 00:08:47,850
Told you. No cure.
119
00:08:50,710 --> 00:08:53,730
He's probably nicer
when you get to know him.
120
00:08:53,730 --> 00:08:56,810
Who's ever going to want to?
121
00:08:56,810 --> 00:08:59,530
No, let's be charitable.
122
00:08:59,530 --> 00:09:03,970
He's the kind who never got over
losing his sweetheart on the very day of their wedding.
123
00:09:03,970 --> 00:09:07,490
Died still clutching her bouquet.
124
00:09:07,490 --> 00:09:11,750
Paramedics probably couldn't
get near until the photographer had finished.
125
00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:13,950
They tried to keep it
from the bridegroom
126
00:09:13,950 --> 00:09:17,570
but he couldn't help noticing
there was only him and the best man.
127
00:09:17,570 --> 00:09:20,170
Two not always company.
128
00:09:20,170 --> 00:09:22,030
Sad story.
129
00:09:22,030 --> 00:09:25,770
Makes you wonder if they enjoyed
reception and disco afterwards.
130
00:09:25,770 --> 00:09:28,590
She'd never been strong.
131
00:09:28,590 --> 00:09:32,410
I bet he sits inside, staring
at the one souvenir she left him -
132
00:09:32,410 --> 00:09:38,250
the violin, which she'd been
bravely learning to play once she'd recovered the use of her arm.
133
00:09:43,637 --> 00:09:46,637
Which one has a happy ending?
134
00:09:46,637 --> 00:09:49,137
They all have. I made sure.
135
00:09:49,137 --> 00:09:50,977
You can do that with books.
136
00:09:50,977 --> 00:09:54,197
Life, on the other hand,
is trickier.
137
00:09:54,197 --> 00:09:57,477
Do you see me as a tragic figure?
138
00:09:57,477 --> 00:10:01,137
Oh, I wouldn't say that.
139
00:10:01,137 --> 00:10:04,637
All you need is a
bit off your bottom.
140
00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:06,217
Oh!
141
00:10:06,217 --> 00:10:08,277
Does it show?
142
00:10:08,277 --> 00:10:10,997
Not when you're behind a desk.
143
00:10:10,997 --> 00:10:12,917
You wonder if it's worth bothering.
144
00:10:12,917 --> 00:10:16,677
Oh, it is, it's worth bothering.
145
00:10:16,677 --> 00:10:18,997
You've got to believe that.
146
00:10:18,997 --> 00:10:21,617
I'm in the library, Travis.
147
00:10:30,117 --> 00:10:33,077
They say her husband dotes on her.
148
00:10:33,077 --> 00:10:36,257
Yes, I've heard the whispers.
Is it true, then?
149
00:10:36,257 --> 00:10:40,657
Makes you wonder what they have
that other people don't have.
150
00:10:40,657 --> 00:10:44,757
I wonder if she'd
advise on a consultancy basis.
151
00:10:44,757 --> 00:10:46,737
AHEM!
152
00:10:49,737 --> 00:10:55,197
We were just debating
whether romance is still a possibility for the middle aged.
153
00:10:55,197 --> 00:10:57,777
Or even for those much younger.
154
00:10:57,777 --> 00:11:00,897
It's possible at any age.
155
00:11:00,897 --> 00:11:05,297
I had a friend who went quite
bananas in her 70s.
156
00:11:05,297 --> 00:11:08,977
Of course she'd always
been a keen self-improver.
157
00:11:08,977 --> 00:11:11,717
Handled many of her own repairs.
158
00:11:11,717 --> 00:11:16,797
No, I think romance is one
of the last things to go.
159
00:11:16,797 --> 00:11:21,637
Although eventually it does
become a race against arthritis.
160
00:11:21,637 --> 00:11:23,557
I've already got a touch
on me elbow.
161
00:11:23,557 --> 00:11:25,977
No problem, love.
162
00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:32,857
In my experience romance is entirely
possible with only one elbow.
163
00:11:34,457 --> 00:11:41,457
What about hips?
Once they don't swish like they used to, my advice is try longer drapes.
164
00:11:44,577 --> 00:11:47,457
How long is the man
planning to stay anyway?
165
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:51,817
Too long, judging by the look
on Norman Clegg's face.
166
00:11:51,817 --> 00:11:55,337
Long-lost cousins very
difficult to remove.
167
00:11:55,337 --> 00:11:58,897
If tha think cousins are bad,
tha should try the wife's sister.
168
00:11:58,897 --> 00:12:01,677
Some wives are tricky enough
without a sister.
169
00:12:01,677 --> 00:12:04,817
And they're going to stay that way.
170
00:12:07,197 --> 00:12:09,837
The man needs to be frightened off.
171
00:12:09,837 --> 00:12:12,277
Sounds like a case for Nora Batty.
172
00:12:12,277 --> 00:12:15,437
That's no good.
She'll frighten Clegg.
173
00:12:15,437 --> 00:12:17,237
DOOR CLOSES
174
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,697
I'll be with you in a minute... Ah!
175
00:12:23,737 --> 00:12:29,737
What we need is a couple of display
dummies out there on the pavement.
176
00:12:29,737 --> 00:12:32,917
Where are you going to find
a couple of display dummies?
177
00:12:32,917 --> 00:12:36,877
Funny you should ask that. There's
none. He broke the last one.
178
00:12:36,877 --> 00:12:38,797
I didn't break it.
179
00:12:38,797 --> 00:12:40,537
Its head fell off.
180
00:12:40,537 --> 00:12:43,437
Never mind - you've kept yours...
181
00:12:43,437 --> 00:12:46,537
though Lord knows why. Now listen up.
182
00:12:46,537 --> 00:12:51,097
Imagine! If I had
two dummies in good condition...
183
00:12:51,097 --> 00:12:55,217
Well, with no parts missing as far
as the casual observer can tell.
184
00:12:55,217 --> 00:13:01,177
..I could stand one at each side of
the door and create a very eye-catching effect.
185
00:13:01,177 --> 00:13:03,157
I think that's probably true...
186
00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:04,937
if you had two dummies.
187
00:13:10,897 --> 00:13:13,837
What will you do when you
get him out there in the hills?
188
00:13:13,837 --> 00:13:19,137
Do? We'd do what any red-blooded
adventurous male would do out there...
189
00:13:19,137 --> 00:13:22,877
which I suppose you could
loosely describe as nothing.
190
00:13:22,877 --> 00:13:24,877
We'd just enjoy it.
191
00:13:24,877 --> 00:13:27,097
Aimless, you see.
192
00:13:27,097 --> 00:13:28,997
No purpose.
193
00:13:28,997 --> 00:13:31,457
No organisation.
194
00:13:31,457 --> 00:13:34,257
Aimless is what we do best.
195
00:13:34,257 --> 00:13:38,017
Clegg's up there among the
Nobel prizewinners for aimless.
196
00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:41,457
I don't like people
wandering about aimlessly.
197
00:13:41,457 --> 00:13:43,097
Life's too short.
198
00:13:43,097 --> 00:13:46,157
Howard's too short
but he gets everywhere.
199
00:13:46,157 --> 00:13:48,517
You need purpose.
200
00:13:48,517 --> 00:13:50,097
I'm teaching him upholstery.
201
00:13:50,097 --> 00:13:52,597
Yes, yes.
202
00:13:52,597 --> 00:13:55,177
He's teaching me upholstery.
203
00:13:55,177 --> 00:13:58,197
You get to hold little
tacks in your teeth.
204
00:13:58,197 --> 00:14:02,757
Could be handy if ever we need
person with tacks in his teeth.
205
00:14:02,757 --> 00:14:06,537
Look, we're sorry your
bride died on her wedding day.
206
00:14:06,537 --> 00:14:10,377
What's he talking about?
My wife's still alive.
207
00:14:10,377 --> 00:14:13,757
What? Well, then, you've
got absolutely no excuse.
208
00:14:13,757 --> 00:14:17,377
And I'd like you to know
that we're not always aimless.
209
00:14:17,377 --> 00:14:21,877
These two are seriously pathetic.
210
00:14:21,877 --> 00:14:25,657
Did I say pathetic?
I meant, of course, athletic.
211
00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:28,157
I thought pathetic pretty close.
212
00:14:28,157 --> 00:14:30,597
Always in training.
213
00:14:30,597 --> 00:14:32,297
Stretching their limits.
214
00:14:32,297 --> 00:14:34,137
Expanding the envelope.
215
00:14:34,137 --> 00:14:37,857
Which is not easy when
your underpants are climbing up your back?
216
00:14:37,857 --> 00:14:39,977
Have you tried jockey shorts?
217
00:14:39,977 --> 00:14:42,877
They feel so strange
without the horse.
218
00:14:42,877 --> 00:14:46,297
Always in training for what?
219
00:14:46,297 --> 00:14:47,897
You name it.
220
00:14:47,897 --> 00:14:52,597
There's very little sporting-wise
they don't do to a professional standard.
221
00:14:52,597 --> 00:14:55,117
But can they do upholstery?
222
00:14:55,117 --> 00:14:58,397
He just missed the Olympics
on account of a torn ligament.
223
00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:01,817
Snapped. You could hear it go twang.
You could.
224
00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:06,537
We all stopped what we were
doing and said, "That sounds like Alvin's torn ligament."
225
00:15:06,537 --> 00:15:10,017
And this is a direct
descendant of Robin Hood.
226
00:15:10,017 --> 00:15:13,017
He laughs at danger.
227
00:15:13,017 --> 00:15:18,897
Famous throughout the entire region
for his dedication to acts of outstanding stupidity.
228
00:15:18,897 --> 00:15:21,977
Never altered me, though.
I'm still the same simple chap.
229
00:15:21,977 --> 00:15:23,877
He is. He's simple.
230
00:15:23,877 --> 00:15:26,157
We can all vouch for that.
231
00:15:26,157 --> 00:15:29,297
He laughs at intelligence.
232
00:15:29,297 --> 00:15:31,097
They don't look like athletes.
233
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:34,677
In fabulous condition.
Train every day.
234
00:15:34,677 --> 00:15:39,357
Of course, it's a SLOWER train
these days.
235
00:15:39,357 --> 00:15:41,577
Do they do hill-racing?
236
00:15:41,577 --> 00:15:43,777
Up three peaks on a bicycle?
237
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:46,537
Do they do hill-racing?
238
00:15:46,537 --> 00:15:49,697
THEY CHORTLE
239
00:15:49,697 --> 00:15:52,697
That's my game, hill-racing.
240
00:15:52,697 --> 00:15:54,237
We'll have a match.
241
00:16:02,097 --> 00:16:07,437
Now, just leave your arms where I
put them. Don't move a muscle.
242
00:16:07,437 --> 00:16:10,617
And look vacant. Lord knows
you've had enough practise.
243
00:16:10,617 --> 00:16:12,777
And keep your eyes still.
244
00:16:12,777 --> 00:16:14,797
What if a customer comes in?
245
00:16:14,797 --> 00:16:17,637
Especially if a customer comes in.
246
00:16:17,637 --> 00:16:20,277
I want to see two statues.
247
00:16:20,277 --> 00:16:23,777
You never used to have any
trouble giving that impression.
248
00:16:25,217 --> 00:16:27,357
Why do we have to wear a bad wig?
249
00:16:27,357 --> 00:16:30,437
Oh, every display dummy wears
a bad wig. It's traditional.
250
00:16:30,437 --> 00:16:33,357
It itches! You can't feel it.
251
00:16:33,357 --> 00:16:35,817
You're made entirely of plastic.
252
00:16:35,817 --> 00:16:37,777
Mummy was a credit card.
253
00:16:40,337 --> 00:16:42,697
Shouldn't we be smiling?
254
00:16:42,697 --> 00:16:45,497
You've never been in a hurry before.
255
00:16:45,497 --> 00:16:47,517
Oh, don't let's be over-ambitious.
256
00:16:47,517 --> 00:16:50,837
No, just do vacant. Now come on
both of you - show me vacant.
257
00:16:52,597 --> 00:16:55,697
What's wrong with the
one you usually do?
258
00:16:55,697 --> 00:16:57,397
All right.
259
00:16:58,457 --> 00:17:00,617
Oh, that reminds me,
260
00:17:00,617 --> 00:17:06,457
when you were dusting yesterday,
who broke the arm off that little figurine?
261
00:17:06,457 --> 00:17:08,437
That's it! Vacant.
262
00:17:13,757 --> 00:17:17,497
How come I'm selected for
racing bicycles uphill?
263
00:17:17,497 --> 00:17:19,177
Thought of you immediately.
264
00:17:19,177 --> 00:17:24,217
As you would. I'd have volunteered
if I'd known you wanted a cyclist for racing uphill.
265
00:17:24,217 --> 00:17:26,877
Your life's going to be uphill
if you don't watch it.
266
00:17:29,397 --> 00:17:32,137
Truly's the only one
who volunteered...
267
00:17:32,137 --> 00:17:34,737
only he volunteered me and Billy.
268
00:17:34,737 --> 00:17:36,857
What about my torn ligament?
269
00:17:36,857 --> 00:17:38,617
Healed marvellously.
270
00:17:38,617 --> 00:17:40,477
Shows how fit you are.
271
00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:42,617
You should leave
your body to science.
272
00:17:42,617 --> 00:17:45,277
Hey up! How tough a race is this?
273
00:17:46,877 --> 00:17:50,097
And all uphill! Does that
sound like much fun to you?
274
00:17:50,097 --> 00:17:52,557
Aubrey enjoys it.
275
00:17:52,557 --> 00:17:56,337
Aubrey's an idiot.
And you're an idiot.
276
00:17:56,337 --> 00:17:57,997
Not that sort of idiot.
277
00:17:59,557 --> 00:18:02,397
Why did you lend him your bicycle?
278
00:18:02,397 --> 00:18:06,257
Oh, ho! You don't lend things to
Aubrey.
279
00:18:06,257 --> 00:18:09,137
Aubrey kind of borrows them.
280
00:18:09,137 --> 00:18:10,997
Is he any good on a bicycle?
281
00:18:10,997 --> 00:18:15,297
Well, he has very muscular calves
as a result of constant pedalling.
282
00:18:15,297 --> 00:18:17,557
Not to mention his lips.
283
00:18:17,557 --> 00:18:21,157
Of course, the machine's not ideal -
a borrowed bicycle.
284
00:18:21,157 --> 00:18:24,657
But I dare say I shall still
give you both a thrashing.
285
00:18:24,657 --> 00:18:27,057
Well, tha can start without me.
286
00:18:27,057 --> 00:18:29,217
I'm currently between bicycles.
287
00:18:29,217 --> 00:18:31,777
You can borrow mine.
288
00:18:33,497 --> 00:18:36,397
I'll kill that Howard
first chance I get.
289
00:18:36,397 --> 00:18:39,497
Well, you'll have to
master his bicycle first
290
00:18:39,497 --> 00:18:43,897
or it'll take you straight into
the bushes, looking for Marina.
291
00:18:47,117 --> 00:18:50,337
Right. Customers coming.
Let's have a rehearsal.
292
00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:53,557
SHOP DOORBELL RINGS
293
00:18:55,537 --> 00:18:57,457
Do you think I should?
294
00:18:57,457 --> 00:19:00,137
You want to call that Alvin's bluff.
295
00:19:00,137 --> 00:19:04,337
If he thought
you were getting dolled-up for him, you'd scare him to death.
296
00:19:04,337 --> 00:19:07,057
Why don't I just flatten him?
297
00:19:07,057 --> 00:19:09,397
You save that till last.
298
00:19:11,217 --> 00:19:14,277
Shop! That's just what you want.
299
00:19:14,277 --> 00:19:19,037
A wig as bad as that,
but more blonde.
300
00:19:19,037 --> 00:19:22,137
Those are terrible wigs.
301
00:19:22,137 --> 00:19:25,397
Mind you, they've got faces to
match.
302
00:19:25,397 --> 00:19:29,917
You do have to wonder why anybody
would display faces like that.
303
00:19:34,477 --> 00:19:37,417
What am I going to do with
a blonde wig?
304
00:19:37,417 --> 00:19:40,497
Your best to give that Alvin a
fright.
305
00:19:40,497 --> 00:19:42,117
He's overdue for one.
306
00:19:45,857 --> 00:19:46,977
Shop!
307
00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:48,897
Ladies?
308
00:19:48,897 --> 00:19:51,377
She wants a bad wig.
309
00:19:51,377 --> 00:19:53,237
I always thought she had one.
310
00:19:55,097 --> 00:19:56,657
Blonde.
311
00:19:56,657 --> 00:19:58,537
But it must be reasonable.
312
00:19:58,537 --> 00:20:01,097
She means cheap. Very cheap.
313
00:20:03,297 --> 00:20:06,097
Now let's be reasonable.
314
00:20:12,217 --> 00:20:14,817
Oh, it was a bit of a pull.
315
00:20:14,817 --> 00:20:16,537
Are you out of breath?
316
00:20:16,537 --> 00:20:22,237
You hear about men doing things
that can take your breath away, but it sounded more fun than this.
317
00:20:22,237 --> 00:20:26,537
I wonder sometimes
if we need more exercise.
318
00:20:26,537 --> 00:20:28,897
That's a yes, Howard.
319
00:20:28,897 --> 00:20:31,417
I used to have a rowing machine.
320
00:20:31,417 --> 00:20:33,457
I wonder where it went.
321
00:20:33,457 --> 00:20:38,797
Howard,
promise me you're not going to start bringing your rowing machine.
322
00:20:38,797 --> 00:20:42,777
I wonder if there's
anything upstairs.
323
00:20:42,777 --> 00:20:45,157
Funny you should say that.
324
00:20:49,757 --> 00:20:53,037
Of all the hills round here they
had to choose this one.
325
00:20:54,737 --> 00:20:56,297
Oh, heck.
326
00:21:05,537 --> 00:21:08,597
Oh, you're really very fit, Howard!
327
00:21:08,597 --> 00:21:11,317
What makes you think you
need a rowing machine?
328
00:21:16,837 --> 00:21:21,357
It's a bit unsettling,
you going blonde, Nora.
329
00:21:21,357 --> 00:21:23,957
Some things
should never be tampered with.
330
00:21:23,957 --> 00:21:26,097
I've never been tampered with yet,
331
00:21:26,097 --> 00:21:28,117
and I don't plan to start.
332
00:21:28,117 --> 00:21:30,897
She's planning a
surprise for her neighbour.
333
00:21:30,897 --> 00:21:36,297
I'll surprise mine one of these
days if she keeps shouting and frightening Travis.
334
00:21:36,297 --> 00:21:39,097
Why is your neighbour shouting?
335
00:21:39,097 --> 00:21:42,237
You've got a decent postal code.
336
00:21:42,237 --> 00:21:44,097
She's between husbands.
337
00:21:44,097 --> 00:21:46,057
It always makes her tense.
338
00:21:46,057 --> 00:21:50,657
I think Nora's chemistry must
have gone a bit unstable if she's going blonde.
339
00:21:50,657 --> 00:21:52,497
No, it hasn't.
340
00:21:52,497 --> 00:21:54,577
It wouldn't dare.
341
00:21:56,577 --> 00:21:59,357
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
342
00:22:01,157 --> 00:22:03,097
I'm coming, Travis.
343
00:22:03,097 --> 00:22:05,597
I shan't be long...
344
00:22:05,597 --> 00:22:09,257
You heard there was an
accident in High Street?
345
00:22:09,257 --> 00:22:11,877
No, I wasn't there,
346
00:22:11,877 --> 00:22:14,417
it wasn't me.
347
00:22:14,417 --> 00:22:19,857
I promise you, Travis,
I have not been staggering around with a cut on my head.
348
00:22:19,857 --> 00:22:22,597
I don't know how she does it.
349
00:22:22,597 --> 00:22:27,717
It's a mixture of superhuman patience
and shouting at him.
350
00:22:28,957 --> 00:22:34,097
No, there's no need for you
to go down and give blood.
351
00:22:34,097 --> 00:22:36,617
You need all you've got.
352
00:22:36,617 --> 00:22:38,677
I'm coming, Travis.
353
00:22:40,097 --> 00:22:43,897
No, I don't need a bed downstairs.
354
00:22:43,897 --> 00:22:46,057
Don't touch anything.
355
00:22:46,057 --> 00:22:51,497
Goodbye, Travis. ..No, not forever.
356
00:22:51,497 --> 00:22:53,237
I'll see you in a minute.
357
00:22:54,437 --> 00:22:57,917
I'll have to go.
KNOCK AT DOOR
358
00:23:00,177 --> 00:23:02,437
Oh, Miss Davenport, come in.
359
00:23:02,437 --> 00:23:05,597
Hello. ..Mrs Batty,
I knew I had it somewhere.
360
00:23:05,597 --> 00:23:08,297
Is this the kind of
thing you're looking for?
361
00:23:08,297 --> 00:23:11,717
Oh, that'll do nicely, thank you.
362
00:23:11,717 --> 00:23:14,457
Is it your wig, Miss Davenport?
363
00:23:14,457 --> 00:23:20,517
Yes. It was my glam period. Well,
they say gentlemen prefer blondes...
364
00:23:20,517 --> 00:23:24,997
also those who are very far from
gentlemen, as one soon finds out.
365
00:23:40,977 --> 00:23:43,497
I need to blend in more.
366
00:23:43,497 --> 00:23:45,637
I don't want to stand out.
367
00:23:45,637 --> 00:23:50,297
Oh, Barry, I think you always stand
out. I could pick you out anywhere.
368
00:23:50,297 --> 00:23:54,017
I don't mind if it's you, but I
don't want the Captain picking me out.
369
00:23:54,017 --> 00:23:56,617
You want to blend into the
background?
370
00:23:56,617 --> 00:23:58,457
I do.
371
00:23:58,457 --> 00:24:01,177
I want to do a really good blend.
372
00:24:01,177 --> 00:24:03,197
You want inconspicuous.
373
00:24:03,197 --> 00:24:07,357
That's right. The effect I'm after
is inconspicuous. You're in luck.
374
00:24:07,357 --> 00:24:09,917
I'm doing a special on inconspicuous.
375
00:24:09,917 --> 00:24:12,277
Wait here.
I'll bring you a selection...
376
00:24:12,277 --> 00:24:15,797
if it's not so inconspicuous
that I can't find it.
377
00:24:15,797 --> 00:24:18,717
I don't think I like
this inconspicuous.
378
00:24:18,717 --> 00:24:23,277
Just for golf. Is it because I
bought you those fancy boxer shorts?
379
00:24:23,277 --> 00:24:27,777
You're telling me, "Glenda, don't
buy me any more boxer shorts." No.
380
00:24:27,777 --> 00:24:29,917
You bring some colour into my life.
381
00:24:29,917 --> 00:24:35,017
I thought you were going to say they
bring some colour into your cheeks.
382
00:24:35,017 --> 00:24:37,417
Ah... Ah... Ah...
383
00:24:37,417 --> 00:24:39,917
ACHOO!
384
00:24:41,017 --> 00:24:42,477
BOTH: Bless you!
385
00:25:01,917 --> 00:25:06,677
Maybe I'm going soft, but I
think they deserve a lift home.
386
00:25:06,677 --> 00:25:11,097
Have you gone soft enough
to buy washing machine? No.
387
00:25:11,097 --> 00:25:13,417
You tell me when.
388
00:25:13,417 --> 00:25:16,277
You'll be the first to know.
389
00:25:16,277 --> 00:25:21,157
I bet Aubrey's bouncing up and down
showing off his calf muscles.
390
00:25:21,157 --> 00:25:23,777
He'll be unbearable
now that he's won.
391
00:25:23,777 --> 00:25:25,677
He'd be unbearable if he lost.
392
00:25:25,677 --> 00:25:29,077
That's true.
At least he's consistent.
393
00:25:29,077 --> 00:25:32,797
You think while he's in good
mood he might buy washing machine?
394
00:25:32,797 --> 00:25:35,837
He doesn't have good moods.
He makes bad do for everything.
395
00:25:35,837 --> 00:25:37,397
SQUEAKING
396
00:25:40,537 --> 00:25:42,117
Look!
397
00:25:42,117 --> 00:25:44,937
They've killed Aubrey.
398
00:25:44,937 --> 00:25:46,577
No, I mustn't say that.
399
00:25:46,577 --> 00:25:48,577
Sorry, God.
400
00:25:48,577 --> 00:25:50,757
But it's fine by me
401
00:25:50,757 --> 00:25:55,777
if he's only so severely
wounded that he has to go home.
402
00:25:55,777 --> 00:25:57,697
You've broken Aubrey.
403
00:25:57,697 --> 00:26:00,117
How did you manage to break Aubrey?
404
00:26:00,117 --> 00:26:03,937
His drinking muscles aren't
as sharp as his leg muscles.
405
00:26:03,937 --> 00:26:08,717
You were supposed to be racing
not boozing. We did race. He beat us up every hill.
406
00:26:08,717 --> 00:26:12,397
Oh, he would.
He does things like that.
407
00:26:12,397 --> 00:26:15,057
He was becoming unbearably cocky.
408
00:26:15,057 --> 00:26:17,737
Oh, he does that, as well.
409
00:26:17,737 --> 00:26:21,177
So we issued him another challenge.
410
00:26:21,177 --> 00:26:23,397
Who could drink the fastest pint?
411
00:26:23,397 --> 00:26:26,877
First two rounds were a tie.
So we had to go again.
412
00:26:28,457 --> 00:26:30,637
And again, by the look of it.
413
00:26:30,637 --> 00:26:34,117
The landlord was very critical
of his performance.
414
00:26:34,117 --> 00:26:37,877
I don't think Mrs Aubrey's
going to be all that thrilled.
415
00:26:37,877 --> 00:26:40,377
Tha can't send a bloke home
in that condition.
416
00:26:40,377 --> 00:26:42,637
That's against the Geneva Convention.
417
00:26:42,637 --> 00:26:47,477
Don't start getting picky. I can
send him home in ANY condition.
418
00:26:47,477 --> 00:26:50,217
He should take her some small
gift...
419
00:26:50,217 --> 00:26:53,317
like washing machine.
420
00:26:59,637 --> 00:27:04,737
You know I'd never throw you in a
hedge bottom except in emergency.
421
00:27:12,497 --> 00:27:15,317
Where do you want this?
422
00:27:17,577 --> 00:27:19,237
SMASH!
423
00:27:23,797 --> 00:27:27,557
Bye-bye, Aubrey!
ALL: BYE!
424
00:27:56,477 --> 00:27:59,937
Did something move? I could have
sworn I saw something move.
425
00:28:02,957 --> 00:28:08,237
It did. It did. Something moved.
I knew it - something moved!
426
00:28:12,297 --> 00:28:16,477
It's him. It's always him!
427
00:28:34,037 --> 00:28:37,437
I think I liked Aubrey better
when his knees were wobbly.
428
00:28:38,477 --> 00:28:42,757
True. But I see Aubrey as the kind
of person who had legs that would sober up.
429
00:28:42,757 --> 00:28:45,797
Just shows - you can't trust
anybody.
430
00:28:45,797 --> 00:28:50,517
Well, even wobbly, you couldn't
live long with Aubrey's knees.
431
00:28:51,937 --> 00:28:54,937
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432
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