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1
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,100
It's a while since I did this.
2
00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:23,680
Didn't do it in the police force,
then? Problem was keeping your helmet on.
3
00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:27,560
Didn't you've a chin strap?
Very dangerous, chin straps.
4
00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:34,220
A person could creep up behind,
grab your helmet, start pulling back and there you were being strangled.
5
00:00:34,220 --> 00:00:37,540
Did it ever happened to thee?
Fairly regularly.
6
00:00:37,540 --> 00:00:40,860
Sounds a bit rough.
Where were you stationed?
7
00:00:40,860 --> 00:00:46,440
It wasn't at work. It happened
at home. It was the former Mrs Truelove.
8
00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:50,260
As soon as I came through the door,
wallop! Grab your helmet.
9
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,100
Why don't you get something on?
10
00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:39,740
If you can't stand the heat,
keep away from the oven.
11
00:01:39,740 --> 00:01:43,740
You don't see me parading
outdoors in only my nightie.
12
00:01:43,740 --> 00:01:48,400
Only?! I've seen it on the line.
You call that only?
13
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,440
You need planning permission
for that these days!
14
00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:56,400
Talk about a granny flat! You should
be wearing flannelette at your age.
15
00:01:56,400 --> 00:02:00,200
Them things don't belong with
a senior rail card.
16
00:02:01,540 --> 00:02:04,380
He had lovely manners.
17
00:02:04,380 --> 00:02:07,480
But then he was foreign.
18
00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:09,960
How foreign?
19
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:12,780
In some respects, very.
20
00:02:18,420 --> 00:02:22,320
I've enough trouble with the
natives without going foreign.
21
00:02:36,820 --> 00:02:41,420
I'm teaching him a few card tricks,
improving his social skills.
22
00:02:41,420 --> 00:02:45,900
He'll be in demand at parties. Top
hat, tails, rabbit up his sleeve.
23
00:02:45,900 --> 00:02:49,320
He'll need one up his jumper
to put some life into him(!)
24
00:02:50,380 --> 00:02:53,900
Old fashioned. He should try
something different.
25
00:02:53,900 --> 00:02:58,120
Maybe juggle three washing machines?
I could supply.
26
00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:01,520
How to shine at parties -
27
00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:03,760
that's always been my problem.
28
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:06,100
How do you take
a bow and arrow to a party?
29
00:03:06,100 --> 00:03:10,520
The question is, WHY would you want
to take a bow and arrow to a party?
30
00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:15,200
In case somebody asks,
"Is there anybody here who is good on a bow and arrow?"
31
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:20,320
Ask that a lot, do they? I've heard
them ask if you can play a musical instrument.
32
00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:25,400
There is your cue then! You leap up
and shout, "I can play the bow and arrow."
33
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,500
They can hum along with it.
34
00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:30,640
It's no good if
you haven't got one with you.
35
00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:33,420
It's a spur-of-the-moment thing.
36
00:03:33,420 --> 00:03:36,380
You've got to catch them
while they are in the mood.
37
00:03:36,380 --> 00:03:40,300
You know what they're like
at parties. Ugly.
38
00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:43,960
Ugly? I don't know why.
39
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:47,900
I just know the one who gets
you in a corner, always ugly.
40
00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:50,340
It'll get better as
the night goes on.
41
00:03:50,340 --> 00:03:55,340
Anyway, when you get back with
your bow, they've probably forgotten who you are.
42
00:03:55,340 --> 00:04:00,260
Probably won't even let you back in.
They'll be watching me doing card tricks.
43
00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:04,620
I went to some very funny
parties in the vice squad.
44
00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:07,660
The dress codes were very relaxed.
45
00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:13,920
I do good at parties. I tell future.
What sort of stuff you tell 'em?
46
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,520
I tell them, buy a washing machine.
47
00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:20,020
Does it work? Better than bow
and arrow.
48
00:04:21,580 --> 00:04:23,580
Pick a card.
49
00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:30,380
Eight of hearts. Don't tell me,
I'm supposed to tell you.
50
00:04:30,380 --> 00:04:33,300
Oh, all right then. What was it?
51
00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:38,600
Eight of hearts. Smiler!
52
00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,880
That was marvellous!
53
00:04:45,540 --> 00:04:50,420
I sometimes wonder if you two look
like the kind of executive smoothies
54
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:53,380
one expects to see behind the modern
business handcart.
55
00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:56,880
Give us a chance!
He's learning card tricks.
56
00:04:56,880 --> 00:05:02,480
I am going to be in demand for
social occasions. But will it improve his style, business-wise?
57
00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:06,660
The trouble here is we don't look
like a slick, modern operation.
58
00:05:06,660 --> 00:05:08,840
I think that's a fair comment.
59
00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:12,500
Your handcart's past it.
Look who's talking!
60
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:31,020
Don't get excited. We're here
on behalf of a charitable cause.
61
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:38,320
Dash it, and I've just given my
last penny to some starving orphans.
62
00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:41,900
She thinks on her feet,
you've got to give her that.
63
00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:46,160
I always found that
things got trickiest when you were off your feet.
64
00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:51,640
Did you spend much time
being ill, Auntie Ros?
65
00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:54,680
It's about now your mother
would say, "Drink your coffee."
66
00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:59,920
I wouldn't say I was
ever really ill, love,
67
00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:04,220
it was more that I tended
to give in under pressure.
68
00:06:04,220 --> 00:06:07,180
I think we all
sometimes feel like that.
69
00:06:07,180 --> 00:06:10,400
Not quite like that, we don't.
70
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:15,180
Let's face it, there's none of us
under much pressure these days.
71
00:06:15,180 --> 00:06:17,680
But what about when
you were courting?
72
00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:21,040
Your Sunday-best had to last.
73
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:25,940
There was no way you could
afford the wear and tear of more than one steady boyfriend.
74
00:06:25,940 --> 00:06:31,080
Besides, if you went home with
any creases, there was uproar.
75
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:33,580
I must have missed all that.
76
00:06:33,580 --> 00:06:38,200
I gave up love for money
and we've lived happily ever since.
77
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:41,160
Just remember, this is for charity.
78
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:46,640
We're looking for something
exceptional in a nearly-new oven. For the church hall.
79
00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:55,020
What did we do with that
exceptional, nearly-new oven?
80
00:06:55,020 --> 00:06:58,000
I left it to him. Eh?
81
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:02,340
I don't remember any...
Step inside, ladies.
82
00:07:04,420 --> 00:07:11,320
By exceptional, as well as
beautiful condition, we were thinking of something very reasonable.
83
00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:13,880
Reasonable is what we're famous for.
84
00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:16,660
Ow!
85
00:07:16,660 --> 00:07:20,640
Are you in pain, Mr Simmonite?
Only till five o'clock.
86
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:26,200
HE IMITATES SOUND OF AEROPLANE
87
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:35,200
No, I told him, I've done it.
88
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:38,080
Personally. More than once.
89
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:43,140
I swore an oath on
the Gardener's Weekly.
90
00:07:43,140 --> 00:07:48,680
There is no arguing with that.
It was all that was handy.
91
00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:53,240
He must have believed you then.
There's no messing lightly with a Gardener's Weekly.
92
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:56,360
Not him. Not old McDermott!
93
00:07:57,940 --> 00:08:02,000
So, how are you going to
convince him? I'll prove it.
94
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,580
I'll repeat the experiment.
95
00:08:04,580 --> 00:08:07,800
Old McDermott never
believes anybody.
96
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:12,260
I am surprised he
doesn't put his talents to some use and become a policeman.
97
00:08:12,260 --> 00:08:17,320
He'd have felt right at home. His
wife's built like a police station.
98
00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:25,200
The man is unreliable. He promised me
300 marbles in exchange for Lucy Templeton, and I'm still waiting.
99
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:29,040
I only had a catapult
and a white mouse. How come you had a Lucy Templeton?
100
00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:35,420
I won her from Coggy for
holding my breath the longest. Ah well, as long as it was all legal.
101
00:08:37,180 --> 00:08:39,920
MUFFLED RADIO MESSAGE
102
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:43,760
Was that for us?
103
00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:46,800
No. How do you know?
104
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:49,480
Instinct. It's good enough.
105
00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:56,660
You're not going back
to sleep again, are you? I've never been asleep.
106
00:08:56,660 --> 00:09:02,980
I may have closed my eyes,
as you do when you are running important things through your mind.
107
00:09:02,980 --> 00:09:10,880
You were snoring. I was trying to
memorise things so complicated that it could sound like snoring.
108
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:16,860
What things? Are you cleared for
classified information?
109
00:09:18,500 --> 00:09:23,740
As clear as you are.
You understand that what I am about to tell you must go no further.
110
00:09:23,740 --> 00:09:26,260
I understand. All right then.
111
00:09:26,260 --> 00:09:28,260
I admit, I was sleeping.
112
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:38,380
Now you've seen it, did I lie?
Is it a fine nearly-new oven?
113
00:09:38,380 --> 00:09:41,360
But it's your oven,
from your own kitchen.
114
00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:43,600
You can't take the woman's oven.
115
00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:46,860
We might if the price is right.
116
00:09:46,860 --> 00:09:50,900
You sound just like an older
version of me, Mrs Batty.
117
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:56,920
Not linked by blood, are we?
We might be, if I hear any more cracks about older.
118
00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:59,340
Will the price include delivery?
119
00:09:59,340 --> 00:10:02,800
Ye gods, we're all related,
it's a family reunion.
120
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:06,440
Just remember,
this oven's for the church hall.
121
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:10,960
So think of the number
you first thought of and half it.
122
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:13,980
You'll be storing
up treasure in heaven.
123
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:16,760
But at what rate of interest?
124
00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:20,640
It's them orphans I gave
my last penny to, isn't it?
125
00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:24,260
They have been talking, telling
everybody what a soft touch I am.
126
00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:29,680
All right. I'll throw in
free delivery.
127
00:10:36,154 --> 00:10:38,334
I'm sure it was this tree.
128
00:10:38,334 --> 00:10:41,894
I remember thinking,
"What a tall tree!"
129
00:10:41,894 --> 00:10:45,434
I remember thinking that
particularly when I fell.
130
00:10:47,934 --> 00:10:52,714
We used to fall a lot in those days.
How come we never got killed?
131
00:10:52,714 --> 00:10:56,794
We were saving that for a rainy day.
132
00:10:56,794 --> 00:10:59,354
Did little Bobby Watson get killed?
133
00:10:59,354 --> 00:11:02,594
No. They moved to Luton.
134
00:11:02,594 --> 00:11:05,374
I knew it was something sad.
135
00:11:07,154 --> 00:11:10,554
I used to climb faster than this.
136
00:11:10,554 --> 00:11:17,074
We were younger and fitter. I used
to be shy and unsought-after until I took this body-building course.
137
00:11:17,074 --> 00:11:20,194
Did you have much trouble
getting your money back?
138
00:11:22,714 --> 00:11:25,314
Yes!
139
00:11:25,314 --> 00:11:27,714
Yes! This is it,
140
00:11:27,714 --> 00:11:31,074
this is the tree.
141
00:11:31,074 --> 00:11:34,914
You can see Tollgate church! Ha ha!
142
00:11:34,914 --> 00:11:42,054
I told McDermott, you can see
Tollgate church clock from this tree.
143
00:11:42,054 --> 00:11:46,274
Keep it down, Clegg,
we've got company. Look who's coming.
144
00:11:54,814 --> 00:11:58,054
It's where young people
used to come in those days.
145
00:11:58,054 --> 00:12:04,374
Young people! Oh, Howard,
it's not everybody who realises I still fit into that category!
146
00:12:04,374 --> 00:12:06,394
Cleggy reminded me.
147
00:12:06,394 --> 00:12:09,214
It's such a nice, quiet spot.
148
00:12:09,214 --> 00:12:13,974
It is quiet -
cut-off, remote, isolated.
149
00:12:13,974 --> 00:12:17,454
It's a good job I'm confident
that you'll behave like a gentleman.
150
00:12:17,454 --> 00:12:19,574
Haven't I always?
151
00:12:19,574 --> 00:12:22,054
Every single time.
152
00:12:31,914 --> 00:12:35,494
You're doing it again.
153
00:12:35,494 --> 00:12:38,834
Unfasten your seat belt, Barry,
this is the captain speaking.
154
00:12:38,834 --> 00:12:43,614
Where are we going, Glenda? We're
not going anywhere. I've got to get a meal ready.
155
00:12:43,614 --> 00:12:48,694
Where's the world going?
I don't know, but it can get its own meals ready.
156
00:12:56,094 --> 00:12:58,614
Alone at last.
157
00:12:58,614 --> 00:13:01,554
It feels very like it.
158
00:13:01,554 --> 00:13:05,834
Once she's alone at
last, a girl can't help wondering what comes next.
159
00:13:05,834 --> 00:13:08,694
I thought you might have some ideas.
160
00:13:08,694 --> 00:13:12,894
All my planning goes into
getting us alone at last.
161
00:13:12,894 --> 00:13:17,094
You should have said, I could
have brought some embroidery.
162
00:13:17,094 --> 00:13:20,194
It's years since I've
done any embroidery.
163
00:13:22,114 --> 00:13:24,334
A mutual interest.
164
00:13:24,334 --> 00:13:31,034
I was always torn between needlework
and becoming a wrestler.
165
00:13:31,034 --> 00:13:33,514
A flyweight, of course.
166
00:13:33,514 --> 00:13:35,634
So those are the options?
167
00:13:35,634 --> 00:13:38,034
Needlework or wrestling?
168
00:13:42,094 --> 00:13:45,334
Well, since we haven't
brought any needlework...
169
00:13:47,614 --> 00:13:52,654
I'm not sure it would
work without a referee.
170
00:13:52,654 --> 00:13:56,514
I shall just have to
trust you, Howard, not to cheat.
171
00:13:56,514 --> 00:14:02,154
If you could help me down
from this tree, I'd be available to ensure fair play.
172
00:14:08,454 --> 00:14:12,534
Cheer up, Howard,
the world's full of referees.
173
00:14:17,494 --> 00:14:20,794
It's too steep. For two grown men?
174
00:14:20,794 --> 00:14:23,534
Your muscle and my brains? Give over!
175
00:14:23,534 --> 00:14:28,774
There's usually only one grown man
doing all the work, and that's me.
176
00:14:28,774 --> 00:14:33,054
Oh yes,
am I detecting a tone of resentment?
177
00:14:33,054 --> 00:14:36,894
Is this what I get after smothering
you with care and attention?
178
00:14:36,894 --> 00:14:39,054
Who takes all the
management decisions?
179
00:14:39,054 --> 00:14:41,914
Who keeps you free
from executive stress?
180
00:14:41,914 --> 00:14:48,194
It's too steep! It's not too steep!
Trust me, that's a management decision.
181
00:14:48,194 --> 00:14:50,974
There aren't any brakes, remember.
182
00:14:50,974 --> 00:14:53,934
I'll be the brake.
I'll be at the front, won't I?
183
00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:57,274
Taking the weight and
keeping it from going too fast.
184
00:14:57,274 --> 00:14:59,394
Are you sure about that?
185
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:07,874
That's what management's all about -
being able to see a way out of any problems.
186
00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:11,314
Let's go. Wagons roll!
187
00:15:13,714 --> 00:15:16,074
Oh! Oh-h-h-h-h-h!
188
00:15:19,034 --> 00:15:21,314
Ow! Ooh! Oh!
189
00:15:22,854 --> 00:15:27,054
You're going too fast.
I know I'm going too fast.
190
00:15:27,054 --> 00:15:30,254
That's the first
thing we have agreed on all day!
191
00:15:43,134 --> 00:15:46,514
Tha's doing well,
Alvin, for a short bloke.
192
00:15:48,094 --> 00:15:52,094
This is easier than staring at the
stuff on Nora Batty's clothes line.
193
00:15:52,094 --> 00:15:56,174
We can understand that,
but is the staring compulsory?
194
00:15:57,314 --> 00:16:03,594
You try not to,
but it draws you like there's some terrifying presence behind it.
195
00:16:03,594 --> 00:16:07,174
I've taken to drawing curtains and
wearing dark glasses on wash days.
196
00:16:07,174 --> 00:16:10,934
Save your breath for blowing
your pudding and helping me!
197
00:16:10,934 --> 00:16:14,254
What's Cleggy
doing up there, anyway?
198
00:16:14,254 --> 00:16:17,654
I was wondering that.
You don't always like to ask.
199
00:16:17,654 --> 00:16:20,814
He wanted to see
Tollgate church clock.
200
00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:25,074
Why doesn't he buy a
watch like anybody else?
201
00:16:25,074 --> 00:16:27,914
I heard that, Howard.
202
00:16:27,914 --> 00:16:30,774
Does Pearl know about the wrestling?
203
00:16:30,774 --> 00:16:33,554
Don't you dare!
204
00:16:33,554 --> 00:16:37,674
A gentleman would only eavesdrop
in the strictest confidence.
205
00:16:37,674 --> 00:16:41,514
I'm sure it was a momentary lapse
from his interest in embroidery.
206
00:16:41,514 --> 00:16:44,794
He'll be doing several laps
if Pearl find out!
207
00:16:46,654 --> 00:16:49,854
What's he gonna do
when he gets here?
208
00:16:49,854 --> 00:16:53,774
Is he any good at helping
people down from trees?
209
00:16:53,774 --> 00:16:56,414
We will find out, won't we?
210
00:16:57,554 --> 00:17:01,574
I'm Alvin,
rescuer of people up trees.
211
00:17:01,574 --> 00:17:04,094
Fancy sending Alvin!
212
00:17:04,094 --> 00:17:06,154
He volunteered.
213
00:17:06,154 --> 00:17:09,494
There you go! You see,
he's an idiot.
214
00:17:11,034 --> 00:17:13,094
I'm Alvin, idiot and rescuer of...
215
00:17:16,574 --> 00:17:21,734
If that's his idea of getting
people down, I'm staying up here!
216
00:17:25,594 --> 00:17:27,574
Mother.
217
00:17:35,814 --> 00:17:39,294
You wouldn't think he'd got so much
speed in him! He was a blur.
218
00:17:39,294 --> 00:17:43,994
He is well known for being a blur!
My knees are still shaking.
219
00:17:43,994 --> 00:17:46,314
I'm surprised they're not red-hot!
220
00:17:46,314 --> 00:17:48,394
Does he always fly about like that?
221
00:17:48,394 --> 00:17:54,054
It's his nature to push
where few have gone before. I was trying to go slower!
222
00:17:54,054 --> 00:17:58,234
Something that he
normally does very well.
223
00:17:58,234 --> 00:18:03,994
To the left. That one's nearly as
fast wi' his mouth as t'other one is wi' handcart.
224
00:18:03,994 --> 00:18:09,714
That's it. Both there watching.
I wonder if this is just the tip of some giant criminal enterprise.
225
00:18:11,274 --> 00:18:14,654
One oven, one handcart?
226
00:18:14,654 --> 00:18:18,714
Just the tip. I'm not saying
we have got as far as Mr Big yet.
227
00:18:22,194 --> 00:18:29,974
Do you realise how long people
are dead? Not just long people, short people are dead too.
228
00:18:29,974 --> 00:18:33,894
Do we spend enough time
thinking about the big questions?
229
00:18:33,894 --> 00:18:38,594
Do you want mash tonight or chips?
Chips.
230
00:18:38,594 --> 00:18:41,134
I'm gonna begin, Glenda.
231
00:18:41,134 --> 00:18:45,274
I'm gonna start thinking
about the really big questions.
232
00:18:45,274 --> 00:18:47,314
Who's that coming out of number 23?
233
00:18:47,314 --> 00:18:49,714
Oh, that bigger question!
234
00:18:52,034 --> 00:18:54,954
I thought she was brunette.
235
00:18:54,954 --> 00:18:58,974
She's brunette, that's not her.
236
00:18:58,974 --> 00:19:02,874
She could be just a friend. She
doesn't look like just a friend.
237
00:19:02,874 --> 00:19:07,414
She looks like someone who
shouldn't be there with make-up on when his wife's away.
238
00:19:09,054 --> 00:19:11,514
We've no evidence
for thinking that.
239
00:19:11,514 --> 00:19:17,634
Oh, really? What do you think she
might be doing there? Maybe his wife asked her to keep an eye on him.
240
00:19:17,634 --> 00:19:21,994
You really think she's the
kind a wife would pick for keeping an eye on her husband?
241
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:27,434
I can see her with an eye on
somebody's husband all right, but without being commissioned.
242
00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:32,434
Maybe she has been baking for
him while his wife is away. She looks like a baker to you?!
243
00:19:32,434 --> 00:19:38,994
How can you tell at a distance?
Barry, wives are born being able to tell from a distance.
244
00:19:38,994 --> 00:19:41,734
She could be selling something.
245
00:19:41,734 --> 00:19:45,114
Right(!) And don't ever
let me catch you buying.
246
00:19:47,254 --> 00:19:52,154
She could be his sister. Now there
you've got me, it's true.
247
00:19:52,154 --> 00:19:54,354
She could be his sister...
248
00:19:54,354 --> 00:19:59,734
that looks nothing like him,
that we have never heard about and only comes when his wife's away.
249
00:19:59,734 --> 00:20:03,214
Glenda, you are getting
really suspicious about a neighbour.
250
00:20:03,214 --> 00:20:06,174
One who not only keeps a
clean car but is a golfer.
251
00:20:06,174 --> 00:20:10,134
You think either of those activities
guarantee his good behaviour?
252
00:20:10,134 --> 00:20:14,654
They're pointers.
I keep a clean car, I am a golfer.
253
00:20:14,654 --> 00:20:19,494
They aren't the things that give me
confidence in you, Barry. What then?
254
00:20:19,494 --> 00:20:23,534
If you ever feel guilty,
you turn beetroot-red.
255
00:20:23,534 --> 00:20:27,014
If you were misbehaving,
I couldn't help but notice.
256
00:20:27,014 --> 00:20:31,774
It would be like living
with a sad fire engine.
257
00:20:31,774 --> 00:20:35,174
I still say she could
be there on business.
258
00:20:35,174 --> 00:20:39,874
When you get back from Disneyland,
let me know what you want for tea.
259
00:20:39,874 --> 00:20:42,054
Maybe she's his secretary.
260
00:20:42,054 --> 00:20:46,114
He's a travelling salesman.
Lucky she found him in, then!
261
00:20:54,974 --> 00:21:00,034
Help is on its way! Keep your
spirits up, sing or something!
262
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,874
"Alone at last?!"
263
00:21:03,874 --> 00:21:07,094
It was just our timing that was off.
264
00:21:11,474 --> 00:21:15,294
The people down there are behaving
suspiciously, by the tree.
265
00:21:17,834 --> 00:21:22,454
What do think they're doing?
Probably some ancient custom.
266
00:21:22,454 --> 00:21:25,474
Behaving suspiciously
under t'tree(?)
267
00:21:25,474 --> 00:21:27,554
They probably don't call it that.
268
00:21:27,554 --> 00:21:32,014
They won't go about saying,
"Let's go and behave suspiciously at the foot of a tree."
269
00:21:32,014 --> 00:21:34,074
They'll have some ancient name
for it.
270
00:21:35,134 --> 00:21:37,634
What kind of thing
could they be doing?
271
00:21:37,634 --> 00:21:39,734
We're talking really ancient here.
272
00:21:39,734 --> 00:21:43,714
Ten to one it's some kind of
pagan religious ceremony.
273
00:21:43,714 --> 00:21:48,094
I thought they were mostly Chapel
around here. No, it's older than that.
274
00:21:48,094 --> 00:21:51,874
They hang on to their ancient
customs in these country areas.
275
00:21:51,874 --> 00:21:55,034
Such as? Human sacrifice.
276
00:21:58,014 --> 00:22:01,194
You think they're still
doing human sacrifice?
277
00:22:01,194 --> 00:22:06,454
They have that three-legged race
on a pancake Tuesday! How old's that?
278
00:22:23,154 --> 00:22:25,454
This'll do it.
279
00:22:25,454 --> 00:22:29,514
Who's going up this time?
I've got no head for falls.
280
00:22:31,914 --> 00:22:35,554
He's my neighbour, I'm going up.
281
00:22:35,554 --> 00:22:38,694
Oh, Howard, you will be careful?
282
00:22:38,694 --> 00:22:43,234
Tell this young lady, whoever she
is, yes, I will be careful.
283
00:22:43,234 --> 00:22:45,414
Yes, he will be careful.
284
00:22:45,414 --> 00:22:49,574
You're not sending Howard up?
He volunteered.
285
00:22:49,574 --> 00:22:54,994
Well, there you go again,
how can you trust anybody like that?
286
00:22:58,514 --> 00:23:01,394
Right, now,
287
00:23:01,394 --> 00:23:03,974
this is your safety net.
288
00:23:03,974 --> 00:23:08,094
It can't go wrong, Howard.
Did that sound convincing to you?
289
00:23:08,094 --> 00:23:11,094
I am not sure it
sounded convincing to me.
290
00:23:11,094 --> 00:23:15,834
If you fall... Don't say that!
I should hate that to happen.
291
00:23:15,834 --> 00:23:18,014
Even to a comparative stranger.
292
00:23:18,014 --> 00:23:21,874
Nobody's going to fall but we'll
all be on the end of the rope.
293
00:23:21,874 --> 00:23:26,954
If he slips,
he'll just swing gently in the air and we'll lower him to the ground.
294
00:23:29,294 --> 00:23:32,834
Where's your sense of danger?
Where's the adventure?
295
00:23:32,834 --> 00:23:39,954
You might be opening a tea-room in
Leamington Spa! Have you made up your minds who's coming up?
296
00:23:39,954 --> 00:23:47,794
I am. He is.
Oh, great(!) I can understand that Tarzan's not available, but really!
297
00:23:47,794 --> 00:23:50,054
He's not going to carry you.
298
00:23:50,054 --> 00:23:52,974
He's just going to watch
where you put your feet.
299
00:23:52,974 --> 00:23:55,994
Will someone escort this
young lady to safety?
300
00:23:55,994 --> 00:24:00,094
I would hate to fall on her.
You never give that impression(!) He does to me(!)
301
00:24:05,814 --> 00:24:09,934
They've got a truck and a rope now.
Why do they need a truck and a rope?
302
00:24:09,934 --> 00:24:14,294
Hanging somebody from a truck,
bound to be illegal.
303
00:24:16,194 --> 00:24:18,294
Unless...
304
00:24:18,294 --> 00:24:21,374
Unless what? Unless it's his truck.
305
00:24:21,374 --> 00:24:25,854
Is it illegal if it's his truck?
It gets trickier.
306
00:24:25,854 --> 00:24:29,634
I'm much happier with
traffic offences. Me too.
307
00:24:29,634 --> 00:24:35,294
You know what we ought to do? Go
back and get that restless beggar who was speeding with his handcart.
308
00:24:36,914 --> 00:24:40,234
Where we going to be if everybody
starts speeding wi' handcarts?
309
00:24:43,554 --> 00:24:46,634
Going well, Howard, nearly there!
310
00:24:46,634 --> 00:24:49,254
It's getting higher!
311
00:24:49,254 --> 00:24:52,014
Yes, it does that when you keep
going up(!)
312
00:24:53,374 --> 00:24:57,154
It's all right going up.
It's coming down you have to watch.
313
00:24:57,154 --> 00:25:00,814
Tis the way you do it. I usually
have wonderful balance.
314
00:25:00,814 --> 00:25:03,014
Does that include
your mental balance?
315
00:25:04,354 --> 00:25:06,634
I'll have to think about that.
316
00:25:06,634 --> 00:25:09,014
Can you see Howard, Clegg?
317
00:25:09,014 --> 00:25:12,834
I daren't look,
I'm not looking down!
318
00:25:12,834 --> 00:25:15,114
That's a great help(!)
319
00:25:15,114 --> 00:25:17,274
I'm not supposed to help!
320
00:25:17,274 --> 00:25:19,614
You are supposed to be the help!
321
00:25:19,614 --> 00:25:22,454
I bet Robin Hood is
turning in his grave.
322
00:25:22,454 --> 00:25:25,214
He used to practically
live in a tree!
323
00:25:25,214 --> 00:25:29,534
I'm beginning to feel like
I'm practically living in a tree.
324
00:25:29,534 --> 00:25:35,454
You want washing machine,
about so high. How would that help?
325
00:25:35,454 --> 00:25:39,454
It would help me,
I sell washing machines.
326
00:25:39,454 --> 00:25:41,994
Are you getting any nearer, Howard?
327
00:25:41,994 --> 00:25:45,334
Yes. I can see Cleggy's feet.
328
00:25:45,334 --> 00:25:49,934
The rest of him should
be there somewhere.
329
00:25:51,154 --> 00:25:53,294
I've got him.
330
00:25:53,294 --> 00:25:58,334
Hook the rope over that branch
and tie yourself to Clegg.
331
00:25:58,334 --> 00:26:01,414
We'll hold the rope
and gently lower them down.
332
00:26:05,374 --> 00:26:10,994
Didn't I tell you? When Truly says
you'll be safe, he means safe.
333
00:26:10,994 --> 00:26:13,214
TREE MAKES CRACKING NOISE
334
00:26:34,734 --> 00:26:37,614
Another book lover,
how may we help you?
335
00:26:37,614 --> 00:26:39,794
Have you got
How To Poison Your Husband?
336
00:26:39,794 --> 00:26:42,674
I am sorry, it's out.
337
00:26:42,674 --> 00:26:44,854
Anyway, there's a waiting list.
338
00:26:48,714 --> 00:26:52,334
Good heavens, a reading rush!
339
00:26:52,334 --> 00:26:56,754
We want a book on the law.
Oh, we have several.
340
00:26:56,754 --> 00:26:58,934
Oh, they have several.
341
00:26:58,934 --> 00:27:01,974
We'll have the biggest.
We'll have the biggest.
342
00:27:12,654 --> 00:27:15,054
Oh, we don't want that much.
343
00:27:15,054 --> 00:27:18,514
We just want to know how
an oven can get a speeding ticket.
344
00:27:21,974 --> 00:27:26,474
I'm not sure that old McDermott
believes me, even now.
345
00:27:26,474 --> 00:27:32,754
Didn't you tell him you had just
been up the tree and checked it? I told him, you know what he's like.
346
00:27:32,754 --> 00:27:35,534
I think he invented suspicion.
347
00:27:35,534 --> 00:27:38,394
Probably nicked from my missus.
SIREN WAILS
348
00:27:38,394 --> 00:27:44,354
When I fell from the tree,
I had this ringing noise in my ears. Now it's a siren.
349
00:27:44,354 --> 00:27:46,794
Matches your underpants.
350
00:27:46,794 --> 00:27:49,034
SIREN GETS LOUDER
351
00:27:57,594 --> 00:27:59,674
Now where's that going?
352
00:27:59,674 --> 00:28:05,234
It's old McDermott.
He's stuck up the tree trying to see Tollgate church clock.
353
00:28:06,314 --> 00:28:09,414
Remind him he owes me 300 marbles!
354
00:28:09,414 --> 00:28:14,974
To old McDermott. Old McDermott.
McDermott.
355
00:28:17,374 --> 00:28:21,234
I'd stay up
a tree if I had Mrs McDermott.
356
00:28:21,234 --> 00:28:25,954
They start well, but they can
all finish up as Mrs McDermott.
357
00:28:25,954 --> 00:28:29,094
Mine started as Mrs McDermott.
358
00:28:29,094 --> 00:28:31,774
I never really looked at Mrs Clegg.
359
00:28:31,774 --> 00:28:35,274
You don't when you're
living with someone.
360
00:28:35,274 --> 00:28:37,614
You wake up in the night
361
00:28:37,614 --> 00:28:40,794
and you take it for
granted who's lying beside you.
362
00:28:40,794 --> 00:28:44,114
Good God, I had better check!
363
00:28:48,594 --> 00:28:51,994
Take a card.
364
00:28:51,994 --> 00:28:54,354
Thank you.
365
00:28:54,404 --> 00:28:58,954
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