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1
00:00:01,660 --> 00:00:03,680
KNOCK AT DOOR
2
00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:07,340
Cleggy, can I leave
this here a minute?
3
00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:10,940
If it's Marina the answer is no,
Howard.
4
00:00:10,940 --> 00:00:14,200
Keep your voice down.
It's NOT Marina.
5
00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:18,720
It's just something I don't
necessarily want Pearl to see.
6
00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:22,300
Come on, Cleggy,
she could come out any minute.
7
00:00:22,300 --> 00:00:24,940
Oh, bring it in, then.
8
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:41,480
What the heck is that?
I'll show you in a minute. Can you give me a hand?
9
00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:49,160
When you asked to leave something
here I thought maybe it was going to be something like a small parcel.
10
00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:55,520
You know the sort of thing I mean?
Something gift-wrapped. Dainty. Where can I put it?
11
00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:58,080
Well, back outside would be nice.
12
00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:03,780
I can't do that, Cleggy. I'll take
it away as soon as Pearl's gone out.
13
00:01:03,780 --> 00:01:07,540
Oh, just put it here then,
14
00:01:07,540 --> 00:01:11,520
and promise me
it's not going to grow any bigger.
15
00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:13,140
Aagh!
16
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:49,060
I-I-I was just wondering.
17
00:01:49,060 --> 00:01:51,680
YOU live on your own. Yes.
18
00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:56,160
I live on my own.
Where's this conversation going?
19
00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:59,820
I don't think I want to move in
with you.
20
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:05,900
I'm a light sleeper
and I'd hear you being miserable. I wasn't going to ask you.
21
00:02:05,900 --> 00:02:12,800
And there's no room in my place
because of all those boxes of medication for my skin condition.
22
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:17,560
I was just wondering if you felt
lonely. Not THAT lonely.
23
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:21,600
I mean do you miss
female companionship? Ah!
24
00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:26,620
Well, if I do all I have to do is
think of the former Mrs Truelove
25
00:02:26,620 --> 00:02:31,460
and the pleasures of living alone
become immediately apparent.
26
00:02:31,460 --> 00:02:37,060
I get lonely. You miss having
somebody you can have a laugh with.
27
00:02:37,060 --> 00:02:42,080
It looks as if you've missed having
a laugh by a good margin, Smiler.
28
00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:46,860
You miss having someone
for those little feminine things
29
00:02:46,860 --> 00:02:49,420
such as...sewing a button on.
30
00:02:56,000 --> 00:03:01,060
You get rid of it as soon as Pearl
goes out. I will, I will.
31
00:03:01,060 --> 00:03:08,180
I don't know why you do these things
to me, Howard. Well, if you can't leave something with a friend...
32
00:03:08,180 --> 00:03:15,000
When I think, a few years ago you
could have gone to Australia for �10. It would have been worth every penny.
33
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:20,280
I don't see you in Australia.
I don't mean me, I mean you.
34
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:24,180
Maybe, it's, aha,
maybe it's not too late, yeah.
35
00:03:24,180 --> 00:03:30,220
Think how impressed
Marina would be if you went off to wrestle crocodiles.
36
00:03:31,340 --> 00:03:34,380
Speaking of crocodiles...
37
00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:40,980
Are you going out, love?
I'm going to the dustbin that's how far I'm going out.
38
00:03:40,980 --> 00:03:44,280
Why all this interest in me
going out?
39
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:51,340
Why do you want ME to go out?
I don't want you to go out.
40
00:03:51,340 --> 00:03:56,320
I was just saying to Cleggy, I don't
care if Pearl never goes out.
41
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:59,900
We're quite happy together,
the two of us.
42
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:07,180
Well, you handled that really well,
Howard.
43
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:13,440
Even I wouldn't have fallen
for a line like that and I buy extended warranties.
44
00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:16,040
Now she's never going to go out.
45
00:04:25,540 --> 00:04:27,720
PHONE RINGS
46
00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:30,140
Mortgage department. Barry speaking.
47
00:04:30,140 --> 00:04:35,400
It's me, Barry. I had to ring you.
It's lonely in the house without you.
48
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,220
I've only been at work two hours!
49
00:04:38,220 --> 00:04:45,280
I know you don't like me ringing you
at work, Barry, but I think we've reached a crossroads in our lives.
50
00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:51,800
I know I was all right at breakfast.
You were there then. I need to fill these lonely hours.
51
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:55,240
If you're gentle
you can clean the car.
52
00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:58,840
I think we should start a family,
Barry.
53
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,540
Well, I don't mind starting but...
54
00:05:03,540 --> 00:05:06,680
I'd have something of you at home,
Barry.
55
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:11,520
You know what kids are like, love,
they tend to be messy in your car.
56
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,720
I want children, Barry.
57
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,940
Well, I can't help you
over the phone.
58
00:05:16,940 --> 00:05:19,640
I want a girl called Natalie.
59
00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:31,580
The object in your path is
the property of the object next door.
60
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:41,400
What's he want with a thing
like this? He wants it for Marina.
61
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:47,820
We had a police sergeant built
like that but she's retired now.
62
00:05:48,940 --> 00:05:55,860
Well, I'll say this for this area.
It's rich in natural beauty and some real barmpots.
63
00:05:55,860 --> 00:06:01,300
When's he going to get it
to Marina? Very soon, I hope. She must like gnomes.
64
00:06:01,300 --> 00:06:06,360
Well, she likes Howard. I mean if you
could get Howard a hat like that...
65
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:11,840
It's true. He'd look grand
in a garden, would Howard.
66
00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:14,360
As long as it's not mine.
67
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:33,940
What time is it? About three
minutes later than the last time you asked me what time is it.
68
00:06:33,940 --> 00:06:36,680
Good heavens, is it that time
already?
69
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:43,060
You going somewhere? Not me, love.
I thought YOU were. Coffee with the ladies.
70
00:06:43,060 --> 00:06:50,420
That's right. Coffee with the ladies.
Sounds nice. You enjoy your coffee with the ladies. Yes, I do.
71
00:06:50,420 --> 00:06:54,400
I'll get your coat.
Oh, you needn't bother.
72
00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:56,940
They're coming here.
73
00:06:59,020 --> 00:07:01,920
Oh, that's nice(!)
74
00:07:06,140 --> 00:07:11,260
You get worse things in gardens than
gnomes. Any policeman will tell you.
75
00:07:11,260 --> 00:07:15,160
If it's about bodies
I don't want to hear.
76
00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:22,440
How can you NOT be interested?
Everybody's interested in bodies. The press can't get enough of them.
77
00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:25,980
Is there a connection,
I've often wondered.
78
00:07:25,980 --> 00:07:31,700
Did you ever have to dig
for things like that? I was Truly of the Yard, lad.
79
00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:37,440
There was one period
when I seriously considered getting my own shovel.
80
00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:40,320
He does spin some fiction.
81
00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:43,500
Oh yes, I've done my digging.
82
00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:50,360
You used to read these adverts
that said gardening was the Englishman's main hobby.
83
00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:54,060
And I used to think yes.
And I know what he's been planting.
84
00:07:54,060 --> 00:07:55,020
DOOR OPENS
85
00:07:56,680 --> 00:08:03,900
Come in, Howard. Don't stand there
breathing. It's just a habit. Take your gnome and go.
86
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:09,180
I can't, Cleggy. That's what I came
to tell you. She's not going out.
87
00:08:09,180 --> 00:08:12,680
The ladies are coming to our place
for coffee.
88
00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:15,260
Nora Batty's coming here.
89
00:08:15,260 --> 00:08:21,500
You don't think she's started
following me? Why not? The finance company does.
90
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:27,900
I want rid of this gnome, Howard.
This has always been a gnomeless zone. OK.
91
00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:32,820
As soon as they're all busy with
their coffee I'll give you a knock
92
00:08:32,820 --> 00:08:37,880
and then why don't you hide it
somewhere and I'll pick it up later.
93
00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:40,740
I've got to go -
she gets suspicious.
94
00:08:40,740 --> 00:08:45,860
You want the advice
of an old policeman, Howard? Keep the gnome, lose Marina.
95
00:08:45,860 --> 00:08:51,620
Just be careful with it.
It's the only one of its kind in existence.
96
00:08:51,620 --> 00:08:54,560
Go! Before we bury you in the garden.
97
00:08:57,740 --> 00:09:00,320
You look far too cheerful.
98
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:03,840
Have you thought
of going for counselling?
99
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:07,200
Why don't we get Wesley's
Landrover?
100
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:12,280
Get him to park it near the house
and when the ladies are busy...
101
00:09:19,040 --> 00:09:22,300
Put your handbrake on, Mother.
102
00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:26,900
Handbrake? Your father never said
anything about a handbrake.
103
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:32,280
It's that thing there.
Oh, that thing. I never bother with that.
104
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,480
I have enough trouble
with this damn thing here.
105
00:09:39,220 --> 00:09:43,560
Where are we going, Mother?
Don't ask me.
106
00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:49,960
Where's Our Edie going?
I don't know but aren't you glad we didn't get a lift?
107
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:56,300
It sometimes takes her
three tries before she can make it behave and sit.
108
00:09:56,300 --> 00:10:00,100
If she's not here soon
I'll put the kettle on.
109
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:05,580
It's our Glenda I feel sorry for.
Your Edie didn't ought to be on the road.
110
00:10:05,580 --> 00:10:12,260
- Half the time she's not!
- No, she's on the pavement. And she accuses ME of going off the rails.
111
00:10:15,915 --> 00:10:18,815
SAWING
112
00:10:23,275 --> 00:10:26,055
Anybody home? Are you there, Wesley?
113
00:10:27,875 --> 00:10:30,495
Who is it? It's The Hawk.
114
00:10:30,495 --> 00:10:37,095
Go away, Billy, I haven't time.
Hey, less of the Billy. When I'm on duty it's The Hawk.
115
00:10:42,135 --> 00:10:46,475
Where's your Robin Hood outfit?
Oh, I've had to modernise.
116
00:10:46,475 --> 00:10:49,875
You're laughed at
for wearing tights.
117
00:10:49,875 --> 00:10:54,955
Anyroad, if Our Robin were alive
today, THIS is what he'd be wearing.
118
00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:58,415
Our Robin? Family.
On me mother's side.
119
00:10:58,415 --> 00:11:02,375
I heard you were having difficulty
finding any merry men.
120
00:11:02,375 --> 00:11:05,635
Ah, The Hawk laughs at difficulties.
121
00:11:05,635 --> 00:11:11,735
Anyroad, we were doing fine until
Friar Tuck's missus wanted him home for his tea.
122
00:11:11,735 --> 00:11:15,015
So you just do days now? Temporarily.
123
00:11:16,555 --> 00:11:22,675
Listen, you'd be handy
in't greenwood. We could do with a mechanic. For what?
124
00:11:22,675 --> 00:11:26,515
General maintenance.
Maid Marian's microwave.
125
00:11:26,515 --> 00:11:33,475
You've got a Maid Marian? I'm sorry.
I'm sworn to secrecy when it comes to operational details.
126
00:11:34,515 --> 00:11:38,695
Hello, it's The Hawk.
The Hawk laughs at danger.
127
00:11:38,695 --> 00:11:44,175
Until his missis finds out
about Maid Marian. Big gob!
128
00:11:44,175 --> 00:11:48,235
Looking very military, Billy.
It's in the blood.
129
00:11:48,235 --> 00:11:52,875
Direct descendant of Robin Hood.
On his mother's side.
130
00:11:52,875 --> 00:11:56,395
The Hawk laughs at
not looking military.
131
00:11:56,395 --> 00:11:58,455
Robin Hood's mother was a Bristow.
132
00:11:59,595 --> 00:12:04,095
There was a Bristow used to run
a chippy. Not THAT Bristow.
133
00:12:04,095 --> 00:12:11,155
Must have made life easier in
the greenwood. Send in your orders every night by flaming arrow.
134
00:12:11,155 --> 00:12:15,395
One of each - salt and vinegar -
94 times.
135
00:12:15,395 --> 00:12:18,795
I think I've been behind him
in the queue.
136
00:12:18,795 --> 00:12:22,415
What DID they wrap
hot chips in before newspapers?
137
00:12:22,415 --> 00:12:28,875
The Hawk laughs at hot chips.
They'd have had serfs who were FORCED to carry hot chips.
138
00:12:28,875 --> 00:12:33,435
That's where the art of juggling
comes from, ooh, ooh.
139
00:12:33,435 --> 00:12:38,895
Wesley, we need you
and the Landrover. We've got a gnome to move.
140
00:12:38,895 --> 00:12:45,575
Gnome? Why do you need transport
for a gnome? Because it's never learnt to ride a bicycle.
141
00:12:52,395 --> 00:12:59,655
Park beyond the house, Wesley,
so we won't be seen. I see. One of them sort of gnomes.
142
00:13:07,815 --> 00:13:13,355
Where are we taking it to?
Anywhere. Marina's.
143
00:13:13,355 --> 00:13:16,735
Gets worse by the minute.
Don't panic.
144
00:13:16,735 --> 00:13:22,915
Howard swears her bite's not septic.
Now, you get the back down. We'll fetch the gnome.
145
00:13:22,915 --> 00:13:29,615
I-I'm not sure The Hawk ought
to get involved with garden gnomes. It's sending the wrong message.
146
00:13:29,615 --> 00:13:34,795
I think he's right.
I hate carrying gnomes. People think it must be Freudian.
147
00:13:34,795 --> 00:13:39,795
You want it out of the house, don't
you? Oh, I do. I want it far away.
148
00:13:39,795 --> 00:13:44,175
Although the one we really ought to
be transporting is Howard.
149
00:13:44,175 --> 00:13:49,995
People will soon be going to Mars
and he hangs about next door to me. Poor Howard.
150
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:53,075
You wouldn't really send him
into space? No?
151
00:13:53,075 --> 00:14:00,375
If he finds himself lashed to a stick
in a bottle on bonfire night he'd better hope I'm out of matches.
152
00:14:29,615 --> 00:14:33,155
# I wanna be happy
153
00:14:33,155 --> 00:14:36,115
# But I won't be happy
154
00:14:36,115 --> 00:14:39,075
# Till I make you happy too
155
00:14:39,075 --> 00:14:44,175
# Life's really worth living,
When we are mirth-giving
156
00:14:44,175 --> 00:14:47,415
# Why can't I give some to you? #
157
00:14:52,495 --> 00:14:58,955
You're supposed to be doing it
quietly. You didn't tell us it was musical, twithead.
158
00:14:58,955 --> 00:15:01,555
You must have knocked its switch.
159
00:15:01,555 --> 00:15:07,655
In future I'm always going
to carry matches. You're right. He'd look great in a bottle.
160
00:15:12,835 --> 00:15:16,055
Howard, what have you got
under there?
161
00:15:16,055 --> 00:15:18,615
I was just asking that.
162
00:15:20,075 --> 00:15:24,095
It'll be nothing useful.
They're not big on useful.
163
00:15:24,095 --> 00:15:29,615
- No, they're not saying
what it is either. - It's not a dead pedestrian, is it?
164
00:15:29,615 --> 00:15:33,335
You didn't hit anybody, did you?
No, I did not.
165
00:15:33,455 --> 00:15:36,615
I don't believe my Barry has one.
166
00:15:36,615 --> 00:15:40,935
Where are you taking it?
Into Cleggy's, of course.
167
00:15:45,635 --> 00:15:48,075
Hoi!
168
00:15:48,075 --> 00:15:52,055
They don't need you.
169
00:16:03,815 --> 00:16:08,095
You see some funny things
under a sheet but, oh...
170
00:16:08,095 --> 00:16:10,675
And some of us more than others.
171
00:16:10,675 --> 00:16:17,895
- Makes you wonder what it was.
- Oh, you never know with men. They find interest in the weirdest things.
172
00:16:17,895 --> 00:16:20,835
You can say that again.
173
00:16:20,835 --> 00:16:25,375
Whatever it was, they had guilt
written all over 'em.
174
00:16:25,375 --> 00:16:28,095
Possibly an item of furniture.
175
00:16:28,095 --> 00:16:32,835
They wouldn't buy furniture.
They wouldn't buy anything so useful.
176
00:16:32,835 --> 00:16:35,915
It's got to be something
to play with.
177
00:16:35,915 --> 00:16:40,655
Then they get fed up and it
finishes up in your spare bedroom.
178
00:16:40,655 --> 00:16:43,555
Over my dead body.
179
00:16:44,715 --> 00:16:50,315
- When he got too playful mine used
to finish up in the spare bedroom. - Oh, yes.
180
00:16:50,315 --> 00:16:55,295
Oh, I always enjoyed a cuddle.
Didn't you lot enjoy a cuddle?
181
00:16:57,315 --> 00:17:00,935
I enjoy a cuddle.
Drink your coffee.
182
00:17:00,935 --> 00:17:04,815
How can you cuddle
and maintain discipline?
183
00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:07,735
Oh, I'd miss my Barry.
184
00:17:07,735 --> 00:17:10,615
Not if you got an electric blanket.
185
00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:14,495
And you can switch them off.
186
00:17:15,555 --> 00:17:21,015
No, it'll be something foolish under
that sheet. Never anything practical.
187
00:17:21,015 --> 00:17:23,595
My Barry's quite practical.
188
00:17:23,595 --> 00:17:27,855
Since when? He was all thumbs
last time I met him.
189
00:17:27,855 --> 00:17:32,075
- Well you make him nervous, Mother.
- Me? Oh, rubbish.
190
00:17:32,075 --> 00:17:34,595
It's your father I make nervous.
191
00:17:45,655 --> 00:17:47,975
# I wanna be happy... #
192
00:17:47,975 --> 00:17:53,455
Oh, nice one, Billy.
# But I won't be happy... # No, not back inside!
193
00:17:53,455 --> 00:17:58,635
# Life's really worth living
When we are mirth-giving
194
00:17:58,635 --> 00:18:03,335
# Why can't I give some to you. #
Find the switch!
195
00:18:03,335 --> 00:18:05,895
There must be a switch.
196
00:18:05,895 --> 00:18:12,035
Well, it's not its nose.
Look at me - a grown man, twisting a gnome's nose.
197
00:18:12,035 --> 00:18:16,135
How do you think The Hawk feels?
Try his buttons.
198
00:18:16,135 --> 00:18:18,355
# ..happy too. #
199
00:18:18,355 --> 00:18:22,615
He sounds cheerful enough.
Has he got a drink problem?
200
00:18:22,615 --> 00:18:25,475
# ..make you happy too
201
00:18:27,715 --> 00:18:30,075
# Life's really worth liv... #
202
00:18:30,075 --> 00:18:33,735
It's the belt buckle.
You press the belt buckle.
203
00:18:33,735 --> 00:18:40,455
Don't give me the gruesome details.
Go and get Howard. Howard? Small bloke. You can't miss him.
204
00:18:40,455 --> 00:18:44,695
He looks the kind of idiot who buys
gnomes. Why do we need him?
205
00:18:44,695 --> 00:18:50,275
It's HIS gnome.
Where does he want it to go? And get a move on. I'll go.
206
00:18:50,275 --> 00:18:52,915
I shouldn't be messing with gnomes.
207
00:18:55,935 --> 00:19:01,055
Why don't you keep it quiet? Why
did you have to pick a gobby gnome?
208
00:19:01,055 --> 00:19:03,755
What were all that noise?
209
00:19:03,755 --> 00:19:07,295
Noise?
Oh, don't give me that innocent bit.
210
00:19:07,295 --> 00:19:12,295
They do. It's a bad sign when
they give you that innocent bit.
211
00:19:12,295 --> 00:19:17,975
Did you ask them about that noise?
Because if their ears turn red they're lying.
212
00:19:17,975 --> 00:19:20,575
NOW she tells me.
213
00:19:20,575 --> 00:19:24,375
It sounded like singing.
Very bad singing.
214
00:19:24,375 --> 00:19:30,475
Oh, that? You mean the singing?
Yes. What was it?
215
00:19:30,475 --> 00:19:34,735
This is no time to stop being gobby.
Tell her, Howard.
216
00:19:34,735 --> 00:19:42,615
Oh, after you. It seems only fair.
It were me and him. We were doing our little act.
217
00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:45,295
Act? With him?
218
00:19:45,295 --> 00:19:51,375
He's great. Lovely little mover.
Natural sense of rhythm. Him?!
219
00:19:51,375 --> 00:19:55,255
We're going to have to show
her, Howard. Go on.
220
00:19:55,255 --> 00:20:01,815
One, two and follow me.
Some people really know how to drop people in it.
221
00:20:01,815 --> 00:20:06,955
Don't be shy. He's been practising.
You'd think it was Ginger Rogers.
222
00:20:09,995 --> 00:20:13,415
# I wanna be happy
223
00:20:13,415 --> 00:20:16,455
# But I can't be happy
224
00:20:16,455 --> 00:20:19,115
# Till I make you happy too
225
00:20:21,355 --> 00:20:26,375
# Life's really worth living
When we are mirth-giving
226
00:20:26,375 --> 00:20:29,315
# Why can't I give some to you? #
227
00:20:31,775 --> 00:20:34,375
Well, maybe Roy Rogers.
228
00:20:34,375 --> 00:20:36,995
How about Trigger?
229
00:20:38,275 --> 00:20:42,955
You never realise how insanity
can be set to music.
230
00:20:44,035 --> 00:20:46,835
Hey up, is that the time already?
231
00:20:46,835 --> 00:20:49,955
We'll have to dash.
Say goodbye, Ginger.
232
00:20:52,175 --> 00:20:59,175
- Mr Hardcastle is surprisingly
flexible at the hips. - It's their heads that's loose.
233
00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:03,795
I'll be off. Your time's
not your own in the catering trade.
234
00:21:39,935 --> 00:21:46,475
Have you got anything for ladies
who feel lonely around the house? You must be psychic.
235
00:21:46,475 --> 00:21:53,455
Fate sent you here. How could you
know I've just acquired the very thing? What is it?
236
00:21:53,455 --> 00:21:58,635
If you give me a minute
I'll think of something. How lonely is this person?
237
00:21:58,635 --> 00:22:04,535
Well, it's when I'm not there really.
Glenda feels lonely when I'm not there.
238
00:22:04,535 --> 00:22:10,335
Has she got a radio?
She's got everything like that. So how come she's so lonely?
239
00:22:10,335 --> 00:22:14,275
You'd better come inside.
We'll see what we can find.
240
00:22:14,275 --> 00:22:19,075
I don't want anything too...
Don't say anything you'll regret.
241
00:22:19,075 --> 00:22:23,615
This is your partner, remember.
Your life's companion.
242
00:22:23,615 --> 00:22:29,735
If she doesn't like it,
will you exchange it? You haven't bought anything yet.
243
00:22:29,735 --> 00:22:36,075
You're not exactly throwing
yourself recklessly into this operation, are you?
244
00:22:50,795 --> 00:22:55,875
She doesn't even know I've got it
for her yet. You haven't told her?
245
00:22:55,875 --> 00:23:00,255
You were just going to hit her
with this unsolicited gnome?
246
00:23:00,255 --> 00:23:05,975
It was going to be a surprise.
Well, it was to me. What was wrong with perfume?
247
00:23:05,975 --> 00:23:08,575
She's got perfume.
248
00:23:09,995 --> 00:23:16,055
I hope tha told the missis
it was aftershave. It IS aftershave. On your collar?
249
00:23:16,055 --> 00:23:18,855
Shaves his collar. Interesting.
250
00:23:27,115 --> 00:23:30,415
Hello. Could I speak to Marina,
please?
251
00:23:31,815 --> 00:23:35,715
Who am I? Oh, just tell her
it's a close friend.
252
00:23:38,135 --> 00:23:43,335
Oh - she's not available. Well,
could you pass a message, please?
253
00:23:44,995 --> 00:23:50,075
Would you tell her that a close
friend has bought the gnome she admired?
254
00:23:51,415 --> 00:23:53,715
That's correct.
255
00:23:53,715 --> 00:23:59,575
Yes, a gnome. It's the only one
of its kind in existence.
256
00:24:00,915 --> 00:24:04,255
And he's having it delivered
to her home.
257
00:24:16,815 --> 00:24:19,115
Here we go.
258
00:24:26,655 --> 00:24:31,755
I think we're being followed.
I hope it's only the police.
259
00:24:31,755 --> 00:24:34,675
Well, they're wearing funny hats.
260
00:24:37,175 --> 00:24:39,395
Hey up, Wesley,
261
00:24:39,395 --> 00:24:44,175
we're being followed. Your Edie
and the vice squad. Our lass?
262
00:24:44,175 --> 00:24:47,015
That's trouble.
Only if they catch us.
263
00:24:47,015 --> 00:24:53,335
Where are you going?
Back to town. Emergency planning. Rule One. Get sneaky.
264
00:24:53,335 --> 00:24:55,915
We've got to get rid of the gnome.
265
00:25:13,195 --> 00:25:17,415
They said a close friend
had bought me a gnome.
266
00:25:17,415 --> 00:25:22,155
YOU must be a close friend.
Not necessarily, no.
267
00:25:22,155 --> 00:25:26,275
You needn't be shy
after going to all this trouble.
268
00:25:26,275 --> 00:25:29,035
Also a cart loaded with furniture.
269
00:25:29,035 --> 00:25:33,675
Good heavens, you'd think we were
setting up house together.
270
00:25:45,615 --> 00:25:52,455
They've seen us carrying something
under the sheet. They'll want to know where it's gone.
271
00:25:52,455 --> 00:25:56,135
Good thinking, Wesley.
Panic suits you.
272
00:25:56,135 --> 00:26:02,495
You gave me a lift. We'll say
I was out in the hills admiring nature and you gave me a lift.
273
00:26:02,495 --> 00:26:08,835
Who is this total stranger?
Never seen him before. Come on! How often do I ask a favour?
274
00:26:20,495 --> 00:26:27,455
You see, I was thinking more along
the lines of... She wanted company, you said. She'll love it.
275
00:26:27,455 --> 00:26:33,395
You're never alone with a gnome.
No, well, I shall never be alone with this one.
276
00:26:33,395 --> 00:26:39,115
It's embarrassing.
Er, the other thing, of course, is its extreme rarity.
277
00:26:39,115 --> 00:26:46,015
Where else do you find a gnome
this size? Rarity? Certainly. A one off. Extremely rare.
278
00:26:46,015 --> 00:26:50,315
The only one of its kind
in existence. Oh, well!
279
00:26:50,315 --> 00:26:52,975
If it's extremely rare...
280
00:27:00,095 --> 00:27:06,175
Of course I can't be responsible
for forgeries. Excuse me, I think that's my telephone.
281
00:27:07,455 --> 00:27:11,475
Another close friend.
It never rains but it pours.
282
00:27:18,095 --> 00:27:19,615
Wesley Pegden!
283
00:27:21,935 --> 00:27:27,435
They've gone. You've got to be quick!
- Well, they must have left in a panic.
284
00:27:27,435 --> 00:27:34,695
Maybe it's innocent
and they've nothing to hide. - That'll be the day!
285
00:27:34,695 --> 00:27:39,935
- Well, we might as well
have a look at it. - It's not really our business.
286
00:27:39,935 --> 00:27:42,215
That's true.
287
00:27:42,215 --> 00:27:44,675
How do we get at it?
288
00:27:45,355 --> 00:27:49,515
I don't know whether I've still got
the use of my limbs.
289
00:27:49,515 --> 00:27:53,155
Well, that'll be a relief
in certain quarters.
290
00:27:55,655 --> 00:27:58,215
Are you ready?
291
00:27:58,215 --> 00:28:00,675
Here we go.
292
00:28:02,755 --> 00:28:05,635
Has it gone?
293
00:28:05,635 --> 00:28:07,795
Has what gone?
294
00:28:07,795 --> 00:28:12,595
They didn't say,
just that it was dangerous.
295
00:28:12,595 --> 00:28:16,195
You'd better hide under the sheets,
they said.
296
00:28:53,415 --> 00:28:56,095
Subtitles by Subtitling Unit,
BBC Scotland. 2001.
297
00:28:56,145 --> 00:29:00,695
Repair and Synchronization by
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