Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:33,078 --> 00:00:35,538
Come ALONG that man!
You're hanging behind!
2
00:00:39,978 --> 00:00:41,898
And in front, and sideways.
3
00:00:42,718 --> 00:00:46,018
Listen, Mavis,
I'd like to think about this.
4
00:00:46,878 --> 00:00:49,318
Good grief! It's not as if
you're getting married.
5
00:00:50,398 --> 00:00:53,497
If I were,
I wouldn't 'ave to think about it.
6
00:00:53,498 --> 00:00:55,838
You know what to expect.
7
00:00:56,398 --> 00:00:59,198
Oh, I don't know, a lot of it came
as a shock to me.
8
00:00:59,418 --> 00:01:01,398
Tha soon got the hang of it though.
9
00:01:02,478 --> 00:01:05,758
I don't remember, it all seems
like a bad dream.
10
00:01:06,278 --> 00:01:09,758
See this?
Have you any idea what it is?
11
00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:13,258
Norm, what is he on about?
12
00:01:13,818 --> 00:01:16,077
That's not just a roll of concrete.
13
00:01:16,078 --> 00:01:19,437
THAT is the path of duty
waiting in front of us.
14
00:01:19,438 --> 00:01:22,478
You know these people
have called for volunteers.
15
00:01:22,818 --> 00:01:24,198
Tha's a Christian, thee go.
16
00:01:24,378 --> 00:01:26,458
You were baptised, weren't you?
17
00:01:27,798 --> 00:01:30,738
It wasn't Total Immersion,
that's for sure.
18
00:01:31,898 --> 00:01:33,618
Technically, he IS a Christian.
19
00:01:34,158 --> 00:01:35,237
Me?
20
00:01:35,238 --> 00:01:36,798
Certainly.
21
00:01:37,878 --> 00:01:39,978
I'm a Christian?
22
00:01:41,058 --> 00:01:45,098
Not a good one, if I was God,
you wouldn't get past the door.
23
00:01:46,418 --> 00:01:50,178
But... His Mercy knows no bounds.
24
00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:54,897
It's funny they only see you're a
Christian when needing volunteers.
25
00:01:54,898 --> 00:01:56,197
Exactly!
26
00:01:56,198 --> 00:01:59,597
You're not surprised nobody's
recognised him as a Christian.
27
00:01:59,598 --> 00:02:02,598
After all, he has been wearing
this SUPERB disguise.
28
00:02:03,338 --> 00:02:05,838
Norm, why is he tidying me up?
29
00:02:06,038 --> 00:02:10,458
It's not personal, he thinks you
look scruffy, and he's ashamed.
30
00:02:10,558 --> 00:02:13,057
I just wondered.
You do, don't you?
31
00:02:13,058 --> 00:02:15,037
Check him from your angle.
32
00:02:15,038 --> 00:02:17,318
For things visible
that should be invisible.
33
00:02:17,778 --> 00:02:19,897
Well, it all looks fairly...
34
00:02:19,898 --> 00:02:21,518
yeeuch!
35
00:02:22,958 --> 00:02:25,117
Why didn't you
do yourself up a bit?
36
00:02:25,118 --> 00:02:27,038
You knew I was planning
to see the vicar.
37
00:02:27,398 --> 00:02:30,738
I wasn't meeting the vicar.
HEY! Have we to go to church?
38
00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:33,037
It won't do you any harm!
39
00:02:33,038 --> 00:02:34,977
I'm not going to church.
Come here.
40
00:02:34,978 --> 00:02:40,658
We don't have to go to church.
We are merely volunteering to assist the concert party.
41
00:02:40,998 --> 00:02:44,378
CONCERT PARTY?
I'm not goin' on the stage.
42
00:02:44,818 --> 00:02:46,797
That's right, ruin it for everybody.
43
00:02:46,798 --> 00:02:51,578
Never mind how much some of us
have been... secretly rehearsing.
44
00:02:52,098 --> 00:02:54,277
I'm NOT going on the stage.
45
00:02:54,278 --> 00:02:58,197
We heard you...
Well, perhaps there's...
46
00:02:58,198 --> 00:03:00,498
something we can do,
behind the scenes.
47
00:03:01,418 --> 00:03:04,318
Foggy, what's tha been rehearsing?
48
00:03:05,758 --> 00:03:10,098
Never mind...
It doesn't seem to matter much now.
49
00:03:10,498 --> 00:03:11,598
I can't help it.
50
00:03:12,078 --> 00:03:16,958
I get this sense of inadequacy
when I know I'm being watched.
51
00:03:17,418 --> 00:03:18,798
When did tha find out?
52
00:03:19,858 --> 00:03:21,778
On me honeymoon.
53
00:03:31,518 --> 00:03:35,277
Now, stay at the back,
and try to keep out of sight
54
00:03:35,278 --> 00:03:38,557
until I have successfully
concluded the arrangements.
55
00:03:38,558 --> 00:03:43,917
Oh... If that's all we've go to do,
I don't mind doing that.
56
00:03:43,918 --> 00:03:47,018
I'm naturally gifted at staying
at the back, out of sight.
57
00:03:47,658 --> 00:03:49,437
Not you, him.
58
00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:53,277
The thing to aim at, is keeping
old-reckless-trousers invisible
59
00:03:53,278 --> 00:03:56,577
until such time as it becomes...
safe, for him to pop out
60
00:03:56,578 --> 00:03:58,617
and when I say POP OUT,
61
00:03:58,618 --> 00:04:00,477
I mean the ENTIRE PERSON,
62
00:04:00,478 --> 00:04:02,878
not just some little bits
which shall be nameless.
63
00:04:07,998 --> 00:04:12,418
What was that? A nervous lady,
getting rapidly worse.
64
00:04:12,978 --> 00:04:14,538
It were the vicaress.
65
00:04:17,378 --> 00:04:19,438
You couldn't warn me, could you?
66
00:04:19,998 --> 00:04:23,078
How could I?
With a death grip on me windpipe.
67
00:04:23,898 --> 00:04:25,917
You could have nudged me, oh no.
68
00:04:25,918 --> 00:04:28,337
Just stood there,
slyly being strangled.
69
00:04:28,338 --> 00:04:29,878
Playing for sympathy.
70
00:04:31,518 --> 00:04:34,457
We are here, madam
in a voluntary capacity
71
00:04:34,458 --> 00:04:39,618
If we could have
a moment of your VALUABLE time.
72
00:04:39,778 --> 00:04:43,337
Creep, no wonder he made corporal.
73
00:04:43,338 --> 00:04:45,357
Oh, credit where it's due.
74
00:04:45,358 --> 00:04:48,158
He talks very nicely
through strange letter boxes.
75
00:04:48,358 --> 00:04:52,058
If I could just have a moment
of your valuable time.
76
00:04:54,038 --> 00:04:56,218
Shut up! Ow... ow... ow!
77
00:04:58,458 --> 00:05:01,417
HE'S BROKE IT! HE'S BROKEN MY LEG!
78
00:05:01,418 --> 00:05:03,258
Only at the bottom.
79
00:05:03,838 --> 00:05:07,338
Tell me, Doctor, do you think
I'll ever play for England again?
80
00:05:12,158 --> 00:05:15,697
I want you to go out there,
and WIN, for Nora.
81
00:05:15,698 --> 00:05:17,898
I will, I WILL!
82
00:05:20,658 --> 00:05:22,697
Will you keep quiet you two.
83
00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:25,158
I'm trying to establish contact.
84
00:05:26,598 --> 00:05:29,737
Don't be alarmed, madam,
I have them under control.
85
00:05:29,738 --> 00:05:32,397
GO AWAY!
86
00:05:32,398 --> 00:05:34,358
I've come to offer my services.
87
00:05:35,558 --> 00:05:39,817
That's very kind, but
I don't need anyone strangled.
88
00:05:39,818 --> 00:05:42,317
There's no demand for it.
89
00:05:42,318 --> 00:05:44,278
I've come for the concert party.
90
00:05:44,558 --> 00:05:48,977
You could strangle them for ME,
but HE'D never allow it.
91
00:05:48,978 --> 00:05:53,557
It's HIS concert party,
I deny ANY responsibility.
92
00:05:53,558 --> 00:05:57,918
I am merely here to keep them
gorged on tea and buns.
93
00:05:58,618 --> 00:05:59,937
HAVE YOU ANY IDEA
94
00:05:59,938 --> 00:06:03,258
WHAT AN INFINITY
OF TEA AND BUNS CAN DO TO A PERSON?
95
00:06:04,478 --> 00:06:06,437
Please, madam,
don't excite yourself.
96
00:06:06,438 --> 00:06:09,978
We are here
merely to offer our services as volunteers.
97
00:06:10,598 --> 00:06:13,538
My God,
three MORE for tea and buns.
98
00:06:16,138 --> 00:06:17,177
Vicar!
99
00:06:17,178 --> 00:06:20,037
I'm very busy, Miss Hare.
100
00:06:20,038 --> 00:06:23,037
The WEIGHT of this enterprise
is on these shoulders.
101
00:06:23,038 --> 00:06:24,937
I know, I sympathise.
102
00:06:24,938 --> 00:06:27,138
We need your approval.
103
00:06:28,958 --> 00:06:30,637
What is it? What is it?
104
00:06:30,638 --> 00:06:32,818
The rough lay-out
for the programme.
105
00:06:32,938 --> 00:06:34,198
I hate it.
106
00:06:36,198 --> 00:06:38,178
I hate it. It's got no pzazz.
107
00:06:39,418 --> 00:06:40,838
Showbiz, Miss Hare.
108
00:06:44,178 --> 00:06:46,458
Must have pzazz.
109
00:06:47,938 --> 00:06:49,698
Why are you in your costume?
110
00:06:50,038 --> 00:06:53,758
There's a lot of spadework before
putting on our funny clothes.
111
00:06:55,398 --> 00:06:58,738
Cheeky wap.
He's got HIS funny clothes on.
112
00:06:59,818 --> 00:07:01,258
They're his overalls.
113
00:07:01,938 --> 00:07:03,818
What's he doing on his knees?
114
00:07:04,158 --> 00:07:07,538
As a clergyman, you're AGAINST
people on their knees?
115
00:07:07,918 --> 00:07:11,258
In broad daylight? Out of doors?
It's too damned Oriental.
116
00:07:13,098 --> 00:07:18,057
He's not on his knees.
He's chatting up your missis through the letterbox.
117
00:07:18,058 --> 00:07:19,258
Lydia!
118
00:07:19,458 --> 00:07:20,698
What now?
119
00:07:22,418 --> 00:07:24,058
Are you in that letterbox?
120
00:07:24,218 --> 00:07:25,338
It's mine.
121
00:07:25,418 --> 00:07:27,458
Why converse through a letterbox?
122
00:07:27,538 --> 00:07:30,037
I think this strangler wanted to...
123
00:07:30,038 --> 00:07:33,458
I mean, this gentleman
wanted to see you.
124
00:07:35,138 --> 00:07:37,398
Volunteers, Vicar.
125
00:07:38,598 --> 00:07:42,057
Will you explain why you were...
The man from the council rang.
126
00:07:42,058 --> 00:07:44,378
..conversing through a letterbox?
127
00:07:44,618 --> 00:07:46,657
I'd rather NOT discuss it.
128
00:07:46,658 --> 00:07:48,277
I think we ought!
129
00:07:48,278 --> 00:07:52,758
Not in front of stranglers,
eh, I mean strangers.
130
00:07:55,018 --> 00:08:00,198
A small reservoir,
not only of performing talent, but managerial capacity.
131
00:08:00,338 --> 00:08:05,978
Hey, missis, give us a bun
and I'll give you a flash of me matchbox. Oooh!
132
00:08:07,458 --> 00:08:09,458
What ARE you gasping for?
133
00:08:09,878 --> 00:08:13,298
You're looking tired,
I've WARNED you.
134
00:08:13,418 --> 00:08:18,157
I am not looking tired,
Am I looking tired? Would you say I was looking tired?
135
00:08:18,158 --> 00:08:21,978
No, not exactly... Yes, I am.
I am looking tired.
136
00:08:22,138 --> 00:08:23,758
He tires easily.
137
00:08:24,858 --> 00:08:27,018
I DO NOT TIRE EASILY!
138
00:08:27,138 --> 00:08:29,098
He's VERY highly strung.
139
00:08:29,298 --> 00:08:31,538
I DON'T SPEAK THROUGH LETTERBOXES.
140
00:08:32,878 --> 00:08:36,658
Don't SHOUT, dear.
These persons want to SEE you.
141
00:08:37,138 --> 00:08:39,478
I can't see them now, not anyone!
142
00:08:40,058 --> 00:08:42,098
He's very busy, as you can see.
143
00:08:58,555 --> 00:09:00,275
Anyone at home?
144
00:09:01,575 --> 00:09:05,155
Reinforcement party here,
NCO and two other ranks.
145
00:09:05,775 --> 00:09:08,614
Ah well, that's it, nobody here,
let's go.
146
00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:12,414
Hey up! Just a minute,
we can wait, can't we?
147
00:09:12,415 --> 00:09:16,874
They'll be back. In the meantime,
have a brief inspection.
148
00:09:16,875 --> 00:09:20,235
Yes... get the feel of things.
149
00:09:21,915 --> 00:09:23,995
A decent little stage.
150
00:09:24,115 --> 00:09:25,375
Great, let's go.
151
00:09:25,475 --> 00:09:27,595
I could get the hang of this stage.
152
00:09:28,615 --> 00:09:34,494
Friends, Romans, Countrymen
lend me your ears.
153
00:09:34,495 --> 00:09:37,594
Let's go.
We've only just got here.
154
00:09:37,595 --> 00:09:42,134
Look, come up here, come up here.
Stand here, you'll soon get the feel of things.
155
00:09:42,135 --> 00:09:47,354
By Jove! I could dominate
an audience from here.
156
00:09:47,355 --> 00:09:48,715
Hey up, they've got mice!
157
00:09:48,895 --> 00:09:51,554
There you are, they've got mice.
Let's go.
158
00:09:51,555 --> 00:09:56,315
You can't take HIS word.
The Great White Hunter. How does he know?
159
00:09:56,995 --> 00:10:00,915
Listen, Noddy, I'll tell thee
how I know there's mice... Here!
160
00:10:06,055 --> 00:10:09,295
What's that?
What d'you think? It's mouse crap!
161
00:10:11,875 --> 00:10:14,454
Urgh! Oh, no!
162
00:10:14,455 --> 00:10:17,275
Oh my God!
He's riddled me with germs!
163
00:10:17,715 --> 00:10:20,195
A LITTLE SPECK OF MOUSE! Give over!
164
00:10:20,275 --> 00:10:22,715
I'm a mass of micro-organisms.
165
00:10:22,835 --> 00:10:24,814
See, he's not just an ex-corporal.
166
00:10:24,815 --> 00:10:28,235
It's all very well for him,
he'd give a germ a disease.
167
00:10:28,775 --> 00:10:32,915
WHAT A CARRY ON! ALL OVER A LITTLE
SPECK OF MOUSE CRAP!
168
00:10:33,055 --> 00:10:36,454
I KNOW what it's over.
Don't go on about what it's over!
169
00:10:36,455 --> 00:10:40,155
Find a sink! There must be
a place to wash! Find A SINK!
170
00:10:45,095 --> 00:10:47,715
This is a good time to find
him a sink. Yeah.
171
00:10:47,935 --> 00:10:50,454
Come here!
Come back, give me a hand!
172
00:10:50,455 --> 00:10:55,935
Will you, will you see
what some fool has built here!
173
00:10:56,115 --> 00:11:02,715
Ha-ha-ha! Good job I spotted
the flaw in that rickety structure. Somebody could have been hurt.
174
00:11:17,655 --> 00:11:21,015
Encore! Encore! Very good!
175
00:11:22,155 --> 00:11:26,894
Eh, you can see
that they are, eh, rather short of high-calibre volunteers.
176
00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:29,755
Oh aye!
You made a right boghole o' that!
177
00:11:31,055 --> 00:11:34,554
Me? I was just passing by
when it fell on me, didn't it?
178
00:11:34,555 --> 00:11:36,574
Don't just sit!
179
00:11:36,575 --> 00:11:43,995
Come on, help me put it back.
You see, it probably just gets a hold of a bit there, you know...
180
00:11:44,115 --> 00:11:50,215
if we all push... Does tha know
this feller? Complete strangler to me. Stop messing about.
181
00:11:52,535 --> 00:11:56,935
I'll say this for scenery shifting -
his mind's off the mouse crap.
182
00:12:03,675 --> 00:12:08,495
You must admit,
when Foggy volunteers, you can see where he's been.
183
00:12:08,615 --> 00:12:12,694
I-I-I'll attend to the scenery,
when I've washed my hands.
184
00:12:12,695 --> 00:12:17,315
Oh, and made sure that the mouse
mechanic here has washed his.
185
00:12:17,755 --> 00:12:20,475
Think I'll wash, Norm.
Looks that way.
186
00:12:28,295 --> 00:12:30,635
HEY! YOU!
You promised you'd have...
187
00:12:30,755 --> 00:12:33,094
my scenery erected. I did?
188
00:12:33,095 --> 00:12:36,635
Oh well, at least he admits it.
189
00:12:40,335 --> 00:12:43,835
Where's my scenery? It's all
here somewhere.
190
00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:50,075
It's a tangled mass on the floor!
That's a novel idea! Who are you?
191
00:12:50,195 --> 00:12:52,195
I think there's been a mistake.
192
00:12:52,315 --> 00:12:54,854
I've come to that conclusion myself.
193
00:12:54,855 --> 00:12:58,854
Now your name is? I'm sorry,
I'm terrible at names.
194
00:12:58,855 --> 00:13:01,574
If we've known each other
for years, I apologise.
195
00:13:01,575 --> 00:13:04,814
You must realise I DO meet a lot
of people, many of whom are dead.
196
00:13:04,815 --> 00:13:08,834
So, well, where's the incentive?
Now, your name is?
197
00:13:08,835 --> 00:13:14,835
Well, really, honestly, truly,
there's been... Come, come, come, your name, your name. It's Clegg.
198
00:13:14,955 --> 00:13:17,674
I see, well, this is what I propose.
199
00:13:17,675 --> 00:13:22,094
You mustn't take offence at this,
so brace yourself, man,
200
00:13:22,095 --> 00:13:26,474
I'm going to take you off scenery,
you need a complete change.
201
00:13:26,475 --> 00:13:29,134
I won't argue, it's settled.
202
00:13:29,135 --> 00:13:34,454
The truth is, I know you'll agree,
you're not very good at scenery.
203
00:13:34,455 --> 00:13:38,494
Not to worry, we'll soon
find something for you to do.
204
00:13:38,495 --> 00:13:41,974
It's only fair to point out
that as a volunteer,
205
00:13:41,975 --> 00:13:44,915
I fall short of many
of the basic skills.
206
00:13:45,255 --> 00:13:48,035
Ballad singer.
Including ballad singing.
207
00:13:49,315 --> 00:13:51,755
I need a strong, male, ballad singer.
208
00:13:52,115 --> 00:13:54,954
Unsuitable on all three counts.
209
00:13:54,955 --> 00:13:58,115
No need to be modest,
all friends here!
210
00:13:58,215 --> 00:14:02,975
It's not affectation, I've got
genuine reasons for being modest.
211
00:14:03,575 --> 00:14:07,755
Come on... let's hear you sing.
212
00:14:07,875 --> 00:14:10,174
Sing? Me? Here? Now?
213
00:14:10,175 --> 00:14:14,275
Come on, just a few bars.
♪ Come into the garden Maude... ♪
214
00:14:14,355 --> 00:14:18,054
♪ Come... come into the ga... ♪
215
00:14:18,055 --> 00:14:21,874
No, you can't sing in a waistcoat
and pullover.
216
00:14:21,875 --> 00:14:28,475
When I was young, I had to choose
between singing and waistcoats. I chose, and I don't regret it.
217
00:14:29,735 --> 00:14:32,075
Oh dear. Can you juggle?
218
00:14:32,235 --> 00:14:36,674
Ju...? No, no, I'm famous
in supermarkets for dropping bacon,
219
00:14:36,675 --> 00:14:38,874
and sometimes eggs.
220
00:14:38,875 --> 00:14:40,514
Contortionist?
221
00:14:40,515 --> 00:14:44,395
No, I don't bend easily.
It comes from my mother's side.
222
00:14:44,755 --> 00:14:46,094
Must be something.
223
00:14:46,095 --> 00:14:48,674
Don't put money on it,
it's a bad bet!
224
00:14:48,675 --> 00:14:51,234
What are you doing here?
225
00:14:51,235 --> 00:14:55,335
There is a destiny that shapes
our ends, he's washing his hands.
226
00:14:56,055 --> 00:14:59,414
Top hat and cane dance,
with a few elegant steps.
227
00:14:59,415 --> 00:15:01,835
Now you MUST... No! No!
Be able to... No! No! ..do it.
228
00:15:02,375 --> 00:15:04,835
Yes, we can do
a top hat and cane dance. Oh!
229
00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:08,155
Excellent! Pzazz!
That's the spirit!
230
00:15:08,515 --> 00:15:12,035
Just the two of you?
No, three. No!
231
00:15:12,435 --> 00:15:13,435
Name?
232
00:15:13,855 --> 00:15:16,075
The Three Astaires.
233
00:15:16,155 --> 00:15:17,755
What stairs?
234
00:15:19,635 --> 00:15:21,874
A-staires, as in Fred.
235
00:15:21,875 --> 00:15:24,075
Oh! The Three Astaires.
236
00:15:24,735 --> 00:15:26,715
It'll look more like
the Three Freds.
237
00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:31,734
Splendid!
Now, we'll be counting on you.
238
00:15:31,735 --> 00:15:33,955
I'll soon whip them into shape.
Good show.
239
00:15:35,495 --> 00:15:37,475
Oh, em... Yes?
240
00:15:38,615 --> 00:15:44,435
Keep that one away from the scenery.
Eh, ballad singer, must find one.
241
00:15:45,715 --> 00:15:48,514
♪ On the road to Mandalay
242
00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,175
♪ Where the... ♪
243
00:15:52,075 --> 00:15:57,455
Three of us? Well, I've got
to include him... Oh, my God!
244
00:16:00,815 --> 00:16:04,115
I've found this hamper
full of gear like this.
245
00:16:05,555 --> 00:16:07,875
The Yorkshire Bandito. Hey hey!
246
00:16:07,995 --> 00:16:09,915
Get it off!
247
00:16:14,695 --> 00:16:17,275
Senor, who eez thees Gringo?
248
00:16:17,615 --> 00:16:22,174
Look, I could sever your neck.
This weapon is bone and gristle.
249
00:16:22,175 --> 00:16:25,795
His nose! He's going to STAB me
with his nose!
250
00:16:26,895 --> 00:16:29,875
Listen Speedy, get that stuff off,
report back here.
251
00:16:30,115 --> 00:16:33,975
El! Noso! Magnifico!
252
00:16:36,915 --> 00:16:39,395
It's a soldier's nose.
253
00:16:39,515 --> 00:16:41,455
Give it back to 'im then.
254
00:16:43,775 --> 00:16:46,955
It's a well-shaped nose, isn't it?
Well, say something.
255
00:16:47,095 --> 00:16:51,395
I saw Viva Zapata - you don't
contradict short Mexicans.
256
00:16:51,735 --> 00:16:55,374
Yeah, well, I mean, you've seen
what he's like, haven't you?
257
00:16:55,375 --> 00:16:59,355
I mean, we've got to include him
or he'll start taking the mickey.
258
00:16:59,535 --> 00:17:03,074
I mean, you... you know
what he's like, scruffy.
259
00:17:03,075 --> 00:17:05,094
We'll have to smarten him up.
260
00:17:05,095 --> 00:17:08,315
Well, I can do it.
I'm a trained leader of men.
261
00:17:09,295 --> 00:17:13,054
If I can make civilians
killers with knife-edge creases,
262
00:17:13,055 --> 00:17:15,214
I can shape HIM up for a top hat
and cane dance.
263
00:17:15,215 --> 00:17:18,715
A good bath, and a stiff dickey -
that'll transform him.
264
00:17:18,815 --> 00:17:21,595
It's not him I'm worrying about.
Why do you have to include ME?
265
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:26,854
I need three, it's the minimum
for executing precision footwork.
266
00:17:26,855 --> 00:17:31,655
I shall need, I shall need you two
as a sort of showcase.
267
00:17:31,775 --> 00:17:34,754
You needn't be shy,
They'll be watching ME.
268
00:17:34,755 --> 00:17:37,315
"Six legs in perfect unison."
269
00:17:37,495 --> 00:17:40,074
I've not got one leg
in perfect unison.
270
00:17:40,075 --> 00:17:44,474
♪ Da da di di, da da da dah... ♪
271
00:17:44,475 --> 00:17:50,634
An elegant top hat and cane dance.
I've always sensed I was the man for an elegant hat and cane dance.
272
00:17:50,635 --> 00:17:54,474
I've got stuttering feet,
It's only fair to warn you.
273
00:17:54,475 --> 00:17:57,435
It's, eh, very like army drill.
274
00:17:59,655 --> 00:18:02,814
I've always sensed it.
We both have the same gift.
275
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:07,274
Both? Me and Fred Astaire,
I spotted it instantly.
276
00:18:07,275 --> 00:18:11,314
The same... slim figure, the knack
for wearing clothes.
277
00:18:11,315 --> 00:18:13,794
Feet, like precision instruments.
278
00:18:13,795 --> 00:18:19,595
Oh yes, I saw it at once.
It could have been me with Ginger. CAN YOU COME 'ERE A MINUTE, NORM?
279
00:18:19,695 --> 00:18:24,195
Once I've worked out a routine,
it'll just take practice. OOOWW!
280
00:18:24,855 --> 00:18:27,814
I warn you... OOOWWW!
..I'll drive you at rehearsals.
281
00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:29,555
I'll demand perfection!
282
00:18:29,655 --> 00:18:34,834
Success is a matter of driving the
body... to the utmost. AOOW!
283
00:18:34,835 --> 00:18:36,214
What is it?
284
00:18:36,215 --> 00:18:39,935
DON'T STRETCH IT!
THA'S STRETCHING IT! OOWW!
285
00:18:40,135 --> 00:18:43,054
Come here, I'm talking about
rehearsals, come here!
286
00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:46,355
I-I-I'm just trying... Come here!
Don't leave me, Norm!
287
00:18:46,455 --> 00:18:47,555
Come here!
288
00:18:47,635 --> 00:18:49,195
That's showbiz!
289
00:18:53,655 --> 00:18:57,834
That's better, I don't want you
to move till I dismiss the artists.
290
00:18:57,835 --> 00:19:02,035
It's not personal, I'd expect
the same discipline from Larry.
291
00:19:02,195 --> 00:19:05,115
Larry? What, big Larry
at the cake shop?
292
00:19:05,595 --> 00:19:07,755
Sir Laurence to you.
293
00:19:07,835 --> 00:19:09,275
CAN YOU COME HERE, NORM?
294
00:19:09,395 --> 00:19:14,215
No, he can't come there!
You come here! Do as you're told. Come and stand here!
295
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:50,099
Look! Will you STOP playing about
with these costumes and props!
296
00:19:50,100 --> 00:19:53,160
I thought he'd shout, you said
he wouldn't.
297
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:57,819
I was wrong. Look, take this
stupid stuff off!
298
00:19:57,820 --> 00:20:01,559
I can't get the helmet off.
Of course you can!
299
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:03,819
AAAHHHH! AAAHHH! Steady! Steady!
300
00:20:03,820 --> 00:20:07,200
You MUST be able to get it off.
Mind me 'ead!
301
00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:12,600
You got it on, you must be able
to get it off. OOOWWW! OOOWWW!
302
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:16,000
It won't come off.
303
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:17,960
Ye daft pillock.
304
00:20:19,180 --> 00:20:21,320
It's what I said, twisting
people's heads.
305
00:20:21,580 --> 00:20:25,579
You can see why it won't come off.
It's a cheap, theatrical copy.
306
00:20:25,580 --> 00:20:29,019
I mean, you wouldn't find a real,
military helmet seizing up.
307
00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:33,640
It's the hinges, you see,
it's the hinges. Oh aye, aye.
308
00:20:35,140 --> 00:20:39,339
Just a moment, come over here.
Come along, I'm going to help.
309
00:20:39,340 --> 00:20:44,719
Actually, it suits him.
He looks like the Black Prince.
310
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:47,200
Yes, well half of him does anyway.
311
00:20:48,260 --> 00:20:50,360
Come over here, take the rear end.
312
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:51,699
Rear end?
313
00:20:51,700 --> 00:20:53,979
Into every life
a little rain must fall.
314
00:20:53,980 --> 00:20:56,720
Just bend over, would you?
315
00:20:56,980 --> 00:20:59,360
Now, when I give the word, pull.
316
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,360
Are you ready? Yup. Right.
317
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:08,400
Ready, steady, go!
318
00:21:10,220 --> 00:21:13,480
Will you shut up when people
are trying to help!
319
00:21:14,380 --> 00:21:17,779
AH! OH! He does remind me
of the Black Prince.
320
00:21:17,780 --> 00:21:21,760
Me neck, you're stretchin' me neck.
Don't you want to be taller?
321
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:28,360
Make a bit of an effort,
wriggle your face free. I'll wriggle SUMMAT free in a minute!
322
00:21:29,940 --> 00:21:34,539
It was just an idea, you've got
the sort of face for wriggling.
323
00:21:34,540 --> 00:21:36,580
I'll 'ave a neck like a giraffe.
324
00:21:36,820 --> 00:21:39,040
You can't wash the one you've got.
325
00:21:40,060 --> 00:21:44,019
All right, calm down, we'll take
you someplace with some tools.
326
00:21:44,020 --> 00:21:48,480
Hey up! I'm not going out
in the street like this.
327
00:21:48,660 --> 00:21:52,559
Is there no satisfying the man.
He's always complaining.
328
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:56,200
All right, all right, we'll fix
you with some sort of disguise.
329
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,200
What d'you think this is?
330
00:21:58,860 --> 00:22:03,960
I think he means a disguise,
to disguise your disguise. OH!
331
00:22:17,380 --> 00:22:20,000
Come along that man, at the double.
332
00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:22,440
This is no good.
333
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,720
You look VERY attractive.
334
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,440
Doesn't he look very attractive?
335
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:40,480
It's Dolly Parton.
336
00:22:41,060 --> 00:22:43,560
I could have sworn,
it's Dolly Parton.
337
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:45,960
Hello, Dolly.
338
00:23:06,060 --> 00:23:09,599
I've just caught you, 'aven't I?
Goin' off, sneakin' out.
339
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:13,059
I should'a paid more attention
at school.
340
00:23:13,060 --> 00:23:17,760
I seem to remember a rumour about
this bein' a free country.
341
00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:20,859
You get back inside that house.
342
00:23:20,860 --> 00:23:23,480
You can give me a hand out wi' that
feather quilt!
343
00:23:25,820 --> 00:23:28,319
Marriage is so unequal!
344
00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,079
How d'you make that out?
345
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:36,000
Because you're
only married to me. Look what I'm married to.
346
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:49,040
Well, come along then.
347
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:51,920
Not if there's anybody about.
348
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:53,840
There's nobody about.
349
00:24:02,420 --> 00:24:06,680
Some disguise this is, everybody
staring at me on the bus.
350
00:24:07,420 --> 00:24:11,400
In sympathy though, weren't they?
Feeling sorry for you.
351
00:24:11,580 --> 00:24:13,640
Not because I look stupid?
352
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,280
No, of course not.
353
00:24:17,500 --> 00:24:19,640
Is that true, Norm?
354
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:26,440
I think so,
they're bound to feel sorry for anything that looks so stupid.
355
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:30,039
What ever 'as he done?
356
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,360
What's 'appened to his poor 'ead?
357
00:24:32,980 --> 00:24:38,720
Don't concern yourself, madam.
There's nothing to... Oh God! Oh! (Shut thee face.)
358
00:24:38,980 --> 00:24:42,160
If she want to feel sorry for me,
leave well alone.
359
00:24:42,660 --> 00:24:47,639
Oh Nora, I 'ad to see thee
before it were too late.
360
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:49,840
"Have you any last wish?" they said.
361
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:51,400
Who said?
362
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:53,959
Shut yer face.
363
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:59,760
I said, "Aye, take me home to Nora
Batty before it's too late."
364
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:03,099
Oh, me poor lamb.
365
00:25:03,100 --> 00:25:06,480
What ever 'ave you done?
I'd rather not talk about it, Nora.
366
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:15,160
Just hold me close, I'm sinking
fast. Hold tight love, hold tight. I will, I will.
367
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:22,880
His 'ead's all queer lumps.
368
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:28,760
What's 'e done? What's 'e done?
369
00:25:29,580 --> 00:25:30,960
Nothing yet.
370
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:35,560
I think his trouble's just about
to begin. WOOOH!
371
00:25:35,660 --> 00:25:39,640
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! HOW DARE YOU!
Go on, you creepy devil!
372
00:25:41,140 --> 00:25:42,880
That's no way to behave!
373
00:25:45,540 --> 00:25:47,840
COME BACK HERE, I'LL GIVE YOU
SOME MORE LUMPS.
374
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:52,560
And you! Go on, get inside!
375
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:15,719
Oh dear! Never mind, if at first
you don't succeed... Yeah. Oh you, dozy great pillock, put me down.
376
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:19,819
PUT ME DOWN! You don't want
to go through life with this on.
377
00:26:19,820 --> 00:26:23,080
I think he wants to try. I do,
I WANT TO TRY.
378
00:26:24,820 --> 00:26:28,780
Come on... No, oh no... Come on.
Nooo! No, no.
379
00:26:32,260 --> 00:26:34,520
That's it, that's it. AAAAAHHHH!
380
00:26:38,300 --> 00:26:43,560
Hah! There you are, came off
easily that time, nothing to it.
381
00:26:45,820 --> 00:26:50,800
You great big prawn... What are
you doing? There's no need to take that attitude.
382
00:26:52,100 --> 00:26:56,539
You were right, Foggy.
That's a very good top hat and cane dance.
383
00:26:56,540 --> 00:26:57,560
I'LL GET YOU!
384
00:26:57,610 --> 00:27:02,160
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
31378
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.