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1
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,600
Are you sure it was under here?
2
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:38,300
I'm sure it were under here.
3
00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:42,180
I mean, we all know how reliable
your sense of direction is.
4
00:00:42,180 --> 00:00:46,620
Listen, Noddy,
I know my way about!
5
00:00:46,620 --> 00:00:50,360
I mean, how can you rely
on the judgement of anybody
6
00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:52,620
who always heads for Nora Batty?
7
00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:56,180
It's just a homing instinct.
8
00:00:56,180 --> 00:00:58,440
You're right, Norm.
That's just what it is!
9
00:00:58,440 --> 00:00:59,960
A homing instinct!
10
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:02,500
She's not my idea of home.
11
00:01:02,500 --> 00:01:04,040
Could you get a mortgage on her?
12
00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:07,920
She's great on Mondays.
13
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:12,480
From the knees up I admire
that woman, especially on Mondays.
14
00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:14,980
Why Mondays?
She washes on Mondays.
15
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:19,960
I wish we could say
the same for you.
16
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:21,900
I see her out in the yard,
17
00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:25,260
hanging up her things
with a peg in her mouth.
18
00:01:25,260 --> 00:01:29,580
Oooh, she drives me wild
when she's got a peg in her mouth!
19
00:01:29,580 --> 00:01:33,180
She's just like Dorothy Lamour
with a flower in her teeth.
20
00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:37,540
She looks like a Labrador,
carrying a basket.
21
00:01:38,340 --> 00:01:41,920
You turn a pigeon loose,
it flies to it's old shed.
22
00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:43,120
You turn him...
23
00:01:45,220 --> 00:01:48,680
You turn him loose and off
he goes straight for...
24
00:01:49,580 --> 00:01:53,520
Well, if anything ever looked
like an old shed, it's Nora Batty.
25
00:01:54,500 --> 00:01:57,440
Dorothy Lamour used to have
this flower in her teeth.
26
00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:00,640
Did a lot of baking, did she?
27
00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:03,440
Not baking flour, you great ninny!
28
00:02:04,780 --> 00:02:08,600
A geranium. And it came to me
in a flash one washday.
29
00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:10,660
Would you care to rephrase that?
30
00:02:10,660 --> 00:02:15,800
Nora Batty with a peg in her teeth
looks exactly like Dorothy Lamour.
31
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,440
Exactly?
32
00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:20,480
Oh! Um... Oh! Exactly?
33
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:22,960
Well... nearly exactly
34
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,540
It's a likeness that's eluded me.
35
00:02:25,540 --> 00:02:31,240
You'd see it at once if Dorothy
Lamour had wrinkled stockings.
36
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:33,220
Never mind about Nora Batty's looks,
37
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:36,160
what are we supposed to be looking
for underneath here?
38
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,460
I think it were an old treacle tin.
39
00:02:38,460 --> 00:02:43,840
Oh, how appealing.
A sticky old treacle tin!
40
00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:46,540
It were cleaned out, you clown!
41
00:02:46,540 --> 00:02:50,200
Nobody left any treacle
when we were kids.
42
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,520
We were all treacle freaks!
43
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,240
This thing we're...
44
00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:58,440
This thing we're looking for...
45
00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:00,960
Could it be long and wriggly,
46
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:04,720
with 84 feet and what looks like
a nasty bite?
47
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:07,100
No, it couldn't.
48
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:10,640
Well, there's one under here.
49
00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:15,920
Oh... Did it have eyes... Get out!
50
00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:24,720
If she had been abandoned
by a rich lover,
51
00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:26,680
without a roof over her head,
52
00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:28,380
I would've taken her in.
53
00:03:29,700 --> 00:03:33,860
Would you like to clarify,
little tatty person? Taken who in?
54
00:03:33,860 --> 00:03:36,600
Dorothy Lamour.
55
00:03:38,420 --> 00:03:40,800
I once had a pair of trousers
taken in.
56
00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:44,460
It's not the same thing, Norm.
57
00:03:44,460 --> 00:03:47,000
I thought it wasn't
all that exciting.
58
00:03:47,780 --> 00:03:51,480
Would've been a treat for Dorothy
Lamour though, lodging with him.
59
00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:54,080
She'd have had the run of my house.
60
00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:55,520
Just like your ferrets.
61
00:03:57,140 --> 00:04:00,820
All I would've asked
was that she did me washing
62
00:04:00,820 --> 00:04:03,280
and changed her flower
now and then.
63
00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:06,680
Absolutely essential
is flower-changing.
64
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,000
Well, it's only fair, Norm.
65
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:10,540
Couldn't agree more.
66
00:04:10,540 --> 00:04:12,300
Don't encourage him.
67
00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:15,180
The first thing to make clear
to the woman round here
68
00:04:15,180 --> 00:04:16,840
is change your flowers daily!
69
00:04:25,020 --> 00:04:28,380
I mean, if they go traipsing
around in sarongs,
70
00:04:28,380 --> 00:04:31,760
the flower in the teeth
must be changed daily.
71
00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:38,940
Seen enough have you?
72
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:50,360
Now think, man, think.
73
00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,720
I'm thinking. I'm thinking!
74
00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:58,120
Just look at him.
75
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,940
You see that expression
on the face of confused ostriches.
76
00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:06,080
He looks like a retarded walnut.
77
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,840
Does it hurt when you think?
78
00:05:10,580 --> 00:05:13,680
I does a bit, Norm.
I haven't got the brain for it.
79
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:16,000
What's 30p to win at 17 to 1?
80
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,480
£4.86 after tax.
81
00:05:18,660 --> 00:05:21,620
You see, you could have a PhD
in horse racing.
82
00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:24,980
A P-H-D?!
83
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:28,340
Certainly, and a Diploma
for Advanced Ferreting.
84
00:05:28,340 --> 00:05:30,160
Haw-haw, I could?
85
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:32,500
And a thesis on Nora Batty.
86
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,480
A thesis on Nora Batty!
87
00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:38,680
Could I keep her in after school?
88
00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:41,040
Never mind Nora Batty.
89
00:05:41,980 --> 00:05:45,840
Never mind Nora Batty?!
Is he mad?
90
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,620
You will apologise, Monsieur.
91
00:05:49,620 --> 00:05:52,560
I am ze most famous swordsman
in France.
92
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,900
Stop waving that damned thing about.
93
00:05:54,900 --> 00:05:58,980
Zis sword is for the protection
of all mademoiselles,
94
00:05:58,980 --> 00:06:01,400
who have wrinkled stockings!
Hey-hey!
95
00:06:07,220 --> 00:06:10,920
And la same to you,
Frehra Jacka!!
96
00:06:12,460 --> 00:06:15,680
Very nearly up Frenchman's Creek
La narrow squeak.
97
00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:17,380
La great twit!
98
00:06:17,380 --> 00:06:19,460
Now, concentrate.
99
00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:24,400
I want you to study the landscape
with the eye of a trained soldier.
100
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,320
Divide it into quadrants.
101
00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:30,680
Quadrants, Norm. The same to you.
102
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,920
Note every little feature.
103
00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:36,780
Then tell us which bush it's under.
104
00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:41,040
That one!
105
00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:43,420
There you are you see.
106
00:06:43,420 --> 00:06:46,940
You can do these things
under proper leadership.
107
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:48,200
Are you sure?
108
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:52,400
I'm ceratin it was that one.
109
00:06:58,440 --> 00:06:59,960
Or it could'a been that one.
110
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,420
You've no idea, have you?
111
00:07:04,420 --> 00:07:07,940
It's somewhere round here.
In an old treacle tin? Aye.
112
00:07:07,940 --> 00:07:10,400
Or was it a cocoa tin?
113
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,400
Are you sure it's in Yorkshire?
114
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,320
Don't be clever!
115
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:16,700
Well, that narrows it down.
116
00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:20,140
An old cocoa tin,
somewhere in Yorkshire.
117
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:23,600
Treacle! It were definitely
a treacle tin.
118
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:29,080
And you say you buried it,
under a bush, somewhere round here.
119
00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:31,940
Definitely. Me and Thunder.
120
00:07:31,940 --> 00:07:36,260
When did you bury it? 1932.
121
00:07:36,260 --> 00:07:38,820
We come down that lane
on roller skates,
122
00:07:38,820 --> 00:07:42,720
glided round this corner, braked
and went for the nearest bush.
123
00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,760
"This'll do", said Thunder.
124
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,040
You buried it?
125
00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,580
So where is it then?
126
00:07:51,580 --> 00:07:53,400
Could have been nicked.
127
00:07:54,020 --> 00:07:58,260
By some desperate gang
of old treacle-tin thieves.
128
00:07:58,260 --> 00:08:02,900
What can you get in a treacle tin
that's worth stealing? Yorkshire remains.
129
00:08:04,180 --> 00:08:07,020
They told us at school
about Roman remains,
130
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:10,140
so we thought we'd bury
some Yorkshire remains.
131
00:08:10,140 --> 00:08:12,700
Such as what?
132
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:17,480
Oh... I can't remember.
But they could be antiques by now.
133
00:08:17,660 --> 00:08:21,460
I like it.
A late Georgian catapult,
134
00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:25,860
the toenails of a schoolboy,
circa 1932.
135
00:08:25,860 --> 00:08:27,520
What I fail to understand
136
00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:30,720
is why you didn't do us all
a favour and bury Thunder.
137
00:08:46,561 --> 00:08:48,001
Oh, God!
138
00:08:48,001 --> 00:08:50,321
It's sad but true.
139
00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:52,081
What's wrong with the tea?
140
00:08:54,521 --> 00:08:56,321
Who said owt about the tea?
141
00:08:56,321 --> 00:08:58,001
You're always on about the tea.
142
00:08:58,001 --> 00:09:00,221
He said it was sad but true.
143
00:09:00,221 --> 00:09:03,421
If he doesn't like it,
he can... bog off!
144
00:09:04,181 --> 00:09:07,501
You can always tell
when they're trained at the Savoy.
145
00:09:10,741 --> 00:09:15,101
Sad but true. Well, it's not
a bad description of this tea.
146
00:09:15,101 --> 00:09:17,901
I never said anything
about the tea.
147
00:09:17,901 --> 00:09:21,781
I don't care what you said.
Anyway I've more to do than gossip.
148
00:09:21,881 --> 00:09:23,761
I were talking about women.
149
00:09:23,761 --> 00:09:24,881
Women.
150
00:09:24,881 --> 00:09:27,301
Oh, talking about women, are we?
151
00:09:27,961 --> 00:09:30,041
Go on then. Who's going to start?
152
00:09:30,041 --> 00:09:31,541
Start what?!
153
00:09:31,541 --> 00:09:35,441
Uh... wiping their feet. I keep on
to them about wiping their feet.
154
00:09:35,441 --> 00:09:37,081
He's lying!
155
00:09:37,081 --> 00:09:39,461
I know he's lying.
156
00:09:39,461 --> 00:09:42,441
I had me back to you.
How do you know I'm lying?
157
00:09:42,441 --> 00:09:44,641
Experience!
158
00:09:44,641 --> 00:09:47,601
Women! See how unreasonable they are.
159
00:09:47,601 --> 00:09:49,561
No use asking him, he's a Virgo.
160
00:09:49,561 --> 00:09:50,921
Gemini actually.
161
00:09:50,921 --> 00:09:53,021
Oh, sorry, love.
162
00:09:54,141 --> 00:09:57,481
You don't have to marry
to see how unreasonable they are.
163
00:09:57,481 --> 00:09:59,481
No but it helps.
164
00:09:59,481 --> 00:10:01,501
Marriage wasn't an option for me.
165
00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:04,981
I knew from an early age
my path was the way of the Samurai.
166
00:10:05,741 --> 00:10:08,581
That's why he went to work
for Northern Dairies.
167
00:10:10,701 --> 00:10:12,781
I was killing time
till war broke out.
168
00:10:12,781 --> 00:10:16,141
I wish they could have started
with a smaller war.
169
00:10:16,141 --> 00:10:21,121
It seemed such a big one
to go into without any experience.
170
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,081
It was over in a few years though.
171
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:26,761
Marriage just goes on... and on...
172
00:10:26,761 --> 00:10:28,741
and on.
173
00:10:28,741 --> 00:10:32,641
Yep. Well, if you'll excuse me
for a couple of minutes...
174
00:10:32,641 --> 00:10:34,101
Where are you going?
175
00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:37,621
I'm going into the kitchen
to get me head bashed. Oh.
176
00:10:58,531 --> 00:11:01,011
By 'eck, that clears your catarrh!
177
00:11:01,011 --> 00:11:02,251
Get out!
178
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:08,251
Oh, you've got some funny friends!
179
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:09,751
I've got some funny relatives.
180
00:11:10,851 --> 00:11:14,071
You can't hear him in his wellies.
181
00:11:14,071 --> 00:11:17,071
You shouldn't complain
about sneaking up on people.
182
00:11:17,071 --> 00:11:19,591
Somebody's got
to keep an eye on you!
183
00:11:19,591 --> 00:11:21,751
You'd be great
at strangling sentries.
184
00:11:22,651 --> 00:11:24,571
Just keep him out of my kitchen.
185
00:11:24,571 --> 00:11:27,551
They're not the sort of trousers
you expect there.
186
00:11:28,411 --> 00:11:31,131
I can't help admiring his nerve.
187
00:11:31,131 --> 00:11:33,611
It's not his nerve I worry about.
188
00:11:34,151 --> 00:11:38,831
For a short person, he's got a
surprisingly prominent index finger.
189
00:11:46,111 --> 00:11:49,891
I think we should help Foggy
get involved with women.
190
00:11:49,891 --> 00:11:51,811
You needn't bother.
191
00:11:51,811 --> 00:11:54,211
Hey, you might enjoy it.
192
00:11:54,211 --> 00:11:56,451
It's like unarmed combat.
193
00:11:56,451 --> 00:11:59,291
Why pick on me? Try Clegg.
194
00:11:59,291 --> 00:12:02,091
He's not all that interested either.
195
00:12:02,731 --> 00:12:05,951
Hey? Is that true, Norm?
196
00:12:05,951 --> 00:12:09,631
Well, I was just getting
interested in women
197
00:12:09,631 --> 00:12:13,111
when I had this terrible setback.
What was that?
198
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:16,351
I got married.
199
00:12:30,631 --> 00:12:34,891
My God, I've see dead Japanese
looking more cheerful than that.
200
00:12:34,891 --> 00:12:37,251
What's that doing sitting out here?
201
00:12:37,251 --> 00:12:39,611
I'm punishing the wife.
202
00:12:40,311 --> 00:12:42,171
Looks terrifying.
203
00:12:42,771 --> 00:12:44,671
I'm giving her hard time.
204
00:12:45,871 --> 00:12:48,951
Sure you're not overdoing it?
I don't care.
205
00:12:49,071 --> 00:12:52,431
I stand so much.
Then I get me rag out!
206
00:12:52,431 --> 00:12:55,671
And then what?
Then I come out here and sulk.
207
00:12:56,231 --> 00:13:00,831
Oooohhh she hates it
when I come out here and sulk.
208
00:13:04,931 --> 00:13:07,891
It's Venus in wrinkled stockings.
209
00:13:07,891 --> 00:13:09,671
What are you lot doing here?
210
00:13:09,671 --> 00:13:13,031
Perfection from the hem
of her pinnie upwards. Get home!
211
00:13:13,031 --> 00:13:16,311
It's just that bit from her knees
down, yeuch.
212
00:13:16,611 --> 00:13:18,531
Go on. Get home.
213
00:13:19,431 --> 00:13:22,311
Hey up. I am home.
Some of us live here.
214
00:13:22,451 --> 00:13:24,211
And don't we know it!
215
00:13:24,211 --> 00:13:26,591
The council should do something!
216
00:13:27,011 --> 00:13:28,091
Here, you!
217
00:13:29,051 --> 00:13:30,311
Inside!
218
00:13:31,571 --> 00:13:33,471
I'll come inside when I'm ready.
219
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:37,811
As it happens, I'm just ready.
220
00:13:38,831 --> 00:13:42,931
If you get fed up with her, Wal,
say the word, I'll fetch her.
221
00:13:43,731 --> 00:13:46,771
Listen, I'll deliver.
222
00:13:46,771 --> 00:13:48,451
Gift-wrapped!
223
00:13:50,791 --> 00:13:55,431
Ooooh, if only I were rich, Nora,
I'd make tha head spin
224
00:13:55,431 --> 00:13:58,051
with expensive brands
of spray polish,
225
00:13:58,051 --> 00:14:00,571
imported oven-cleaners...
226
00:14:00,571 --> 00:14:02,211
Shammy leathers...
227
00:14:02,211 --> 00:14:04,351
Scouring powders...
228
00:14:04,351 --> 00:14:06,971
Take him home before
he starts talking legs.
229
00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:09,791
He's always talking legs.
230
00:14:09,791 --> 00:14:12,651
Run away with me
and I'll smarten myself up.
231
00:14:12,651 --> 00:14:15,451
Suede wellies. I can see it now.
232
00:14:15,631 --> 00:14:19,031
I'll part me hair in the middle
I'll wear a tie, I'll...
233
00:14:19,031 --> 00:14:22,371
I'll even iron
them wrinkled stockings.
234
00:14:23,451 --> 00:14:26,431
There he goes! Listen. Legs!
235
00:14:26,431 --> 00:14:31,371
Least you can do is think about it.
It's a decent offer.
236
00:14:35,251 --> 00:14:37,131
Ta. Thank you.
237
00:14:37,131 --> 00:14:38,951
Hey up.
238
00:14:45,651 --> 00:14:47,951
Look at him!
239
00:14:49,491 --> 00:14:51,731
Old fancy fingers.
240
00:14:52,711 --> 00:14:55,731
We ought to find him
a woman occasionally.
241
00:14:55,731 --> 00:14:57,211
I can find my own.
242
00:14:57,211 --> 00:14:59,271
Legs like a grasshopper.
243
00:14:59,271 --> 00:15:02,311
At running from woman
he's faster than my ferrets.
244
00:15:02,311 --> 00:15:06,331
But could you relax the same
with him inside your pocket?
245
00:15:06,331 --> 00:15:07,711
Oh, I don't think...
246
00:15:07,711 --> 00:15:11,511
Will you just sit down over there
where people can see you?
247
00:15:12,331 --> 00:15:18,071
Last person who crept up on me
is lying in an unmarked grave somewhere in the jungle.
248
00:15:18,691 --> 00:15:20,391
A snake got him, did he?
249
00:15:21,771 --> 00:15:24,151
No, it did not!
250
00:15:24,151 --> 00:15:28,731
Probably decency.
An acute attack of decency.
251
00:15:28,731 --> 00:15:29,831
Of what?
252
00:15:29,831 --> 00:15:34,191
Decency. They used to drop
like flies from decency.
253
00:15:34,191 --> 00:15:36,571
Oh, if you mean dysentery
you little...
254
00:15:38,091 --> 00:15:40,191
It wasn't that either.
255
00:15:40,191 --> 00:15:43,491
I like it! Just imagine,
dying of decency.
256
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:48,071
What got him was the killing edge
of one of nature's lethal weapons.
257
00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:49,891
Thee nose!
258
00:15:49,891 --> 00:15:51,931
Tha stabbed him with thee nose.
259
00:15:51,931 --> 00:15:53,231
Now, listen you...
260
00:15:57,611 --> 00:15:58,791
My God!
261
00:16:00,211 --> 00:16:01,851
Did you see that?
262
00:16:02,851 --> 00:16:04,711
Has it started to swell yet?
263
00:16:06,071 --> 00:16:08,571
That's how the Black Death
got under way.
264
00:16:08,571 --> 00:16:10,211
I thought it were rats?
265
00:16:10,211 --> 00:16:12,431
People kissing rats?
266
00:16:12,431 --> 00:16:15,811
Well, they had to make
their own amusements in those days.
267
00:16:15,811 --> 00:16:18,871
We had to invent ours, in school.
268
00:16:18,871 --> 00:16:22,611
Very colourful some of them were.
They made me blush.
269
00:16:22,611 --> 00:16:24,671
It were just high spirits.
270
00:16:24,671 --> 00:16:27,211
You weren't tall enough
for high spirits.
271
00:16:28,131 --> 00:16:30,331
Hardly tall enough for low spirits.
272
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:32,731
I were a bit of a terror, though.
273
00:16:32,731 --> 00:16:34,871
Oh, unquestionably. Yes.
274
00:16:34,871 --> 00:16:39,491
Oh, yes. You were above average
at things like being obnoxious.
275
00:16:39,491 --> 00:16:41,311
And chasing the lasses.
276
00:16:41,311 --> 00:16:45,971
He got best marks chasing girls
I did, Norm. I did!
277
00:16:46,791 --> 00:16:49,591
Show him where Eileen Watkins
marked you.
278
00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:53,051
No, you needn't bother.
279
00:16:53,811 --> 00:16:56,291
Ah, it's probably wore off by now.
280
00:16:56,291 --> 00:16:57,631
Don't you know?
281
00:16:57,731 --> 00:16:59,871
Listen, Freda...
282
00:16:59,871 --> 00:17:04,051
At my age it's not the easiest thing
to keep tabs on.
283
00:17:04,511 --> 00:17:07,831
You've got to be young
and athletic these days
284
00:17:07,831 --> 00:17:10,611
to reach places you once took
for granted.
285
00:17:11,571 --> 00:17:13,331
You mean...
286
00:17:16,051 --> 00:17:17,991
Yes, well there's that too.
287
00:17:17,991 --> 00:17:21,851
I was thinking of that big tree
we used to climb. Oh, sorry.
288
00:17:25,031 --> 00:17:27,371
I mean it not as if
he ain't got any money.
289
00:17:27,371 --> 00:17:29,131
That's a lie.
290
00:17:29,231 --> 00:17:32,071
Tha could probably do very well
with the lasses.
291
00:17:32,071 --> 00:17:34,291
It's a rumour.
I haven't got any money.
292
00:17:34,291 --> 00:17:36,811
Look how well I do with the lasses.
293
00:17:36,811 --> 00:17:39,011
And I mean, I'm short of a...
294
00:17:39,011 --> 00:17:42,051
Leg? Capital. Oh, sorry.
295
00:17:42,051 --> 00:17:45,331
Which brings me
to another painful subject.
296
00:17:45,571 --> 00:17:46,791
What's that?
297
00:17:48,291 --> 00:17:49,831
It's your round.
298
00:17:51,651 --> 00:17:53,571
Are you sure it's my round?
299
00:17:53,671 --> 00:17:56,271
It's your round!
It's your round!
300
00:17:56,271 --> 00:17:59,631
I don't know... You think
you're relaxing with friends
301
00:17:59,631 --> 00:18:01,791
and all the time
they're keeping count.
302
00:18:07,691 --> 00:18:08,991
Well?
303
00:18:09,691 --> 00:18:11,631
Eh, could I have a word with you?
304
00:18:13,751 --> 00:18:16,331
If you're after me body,
you can hold your breath.
305
00:18:17,571 --> 00:18:19,091
I think I'll come back later.
306
00:18:19,091 --> 00:18:20,551
Sit down!
307
00:18:21,391 --> 00:18:24,611
Tell her I'm celibate.
I'm in this strict lay order.
308
00:18:25,831 --> 00:18:29,991
He's taken a vow of chastity,
haven't you? In writing.
309
00:18:29,991 --> 00:18:33,131
How about you? I'm sorry, love.
I'm spoke for.
310
00:18:33,131 --> 00:18:35,171
Thank God for that.
311
00:18:35,171 --> 00:18:37,251
It's him!
312
00:18:38,391 --> 00:18:40,811
Him? The tall one
with the empty glasses.
313
00:18:40,811 --> 00:18:42,451
And the three pint pots.
314
00:18:43,351 --> 00:18:46,231
Another weird beggar.
They come from miles around.
315
00:18:46,231 --> 00:18:49,231
We must be in the Weird Beggars'
Good Pub Guide.
316
00:18:49,231 --> 00:18:53,571
He's the richest bloke around here.
You want to take care of him.
317
00:18:53,571 --> 00:18:55,691
Him? He doesn't look rich.
318
00:18:55,691 --> 00:18:57,791
But then he's eccentric, isn't he?
319
00:18:57,791 --> 00:19:01,811
I mean he's famous round here
for being rich and eccentric.
320
00:19:14,511 --> 00:19:18,051
Made it all from what?
Ah... Frozen turkeys.
321
00:19:18,051 --> 00:19:19,811
Gobble, gobble.
322
00:19:21,691 --> 00:19:23,391
That's his trade mark.
323
00:19:24,291 --> 00:19:26,711
If he's got money, why's he with you?
324
00:19:26,711 --> 00:19:30,771
Well, I'm glad you asked. Aren't
you glad she asked that? Tell her.
325
00:19:30,771 --> 00:19:32,811
No, no, no, no. Thee tell her!
326
00:19:32,811 --> 00:19:34,531
Gobble, gobble.
327
00:19:35,211 --> 00:19:37,371
I told you. He's eccentric.
328
00:19:37,371 --> 00:19:39,651
How eccentric can you get?
329
00:19:39,651 --> 00:19:44,331
As is the want of most successful
businessmen waiting quietly for a knighthood,
330
00:19:44,331 --> 00:19:46,251
he is also shy.
331
00:19:46,251 --> 00:19:48,411
Hey-hey, sit down, sit down.
332
00:19:48,411 --> 00:19:51,991
Shy. Gobble, gobble. And rich.
333
00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:56,011
He keep us to remind him
how awful failure is
334
00:19:56,091 --> 00:19:58,171
and to help him to meet people.
335
00:19:58,271 --> 00:20:02,531
Hey-hey. He does, Norm. He does.
That's just what he does, love.
336
00:20:02,671 --> 00:20:06,011
If it wasn't for us, his only
friends would be frozen turkeys.
337
00:20:06,011 --> 00:20:07,911
They'd have to buy their own round.
338
00:20:09,031 --> 00:20:13,291
But now this lonely man is able
to tell us who he'd like to meet
339
00:20:13,291 --> 00:20:16,391
and we, uh, arrange it for him.
340
00:20:17,291 --> 00:20:19,171
Get off!
341
00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:21,911
He wants to meet me?
342
00:20:21,911 --> 00:20:25,111
He thinks you have
distinctive features.
343
00:20:26,451 --> 00:20:27,891
He said that?
344
00:20:28,251 --> 00:20:30,711
Distinctive features?
345
00:20:30,711 --> 00:20:33,891
Don't stare at him.
You'll make him nervous.
346
00:20:33,891 --> 00:20:39,171
If you're interested, then you've
got to give him some little private signal.
347
00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:41,091
Between the two of you.
348
00:20:41,091 --> 00:20:43,851
That nobody else need understand.
349
00:20:43,851 --> 00:20:45,091
Such as what?
350
00:20:50,211 --> 00:20:51,731
He's a bit funny looking.
351
00:20:52,311 --> 00:20:55,811
But not as funny looking
as when you thought he was poor.
352
00:20:56,691 --> 00:20:58,731
He grows on you.
353
00:20:58,731 --> 00:21:03,031
Remember, between the two of you.
354
00:21:04,091 --> 00:21:06,811
Ah! Ah! Ah! Temper, temper.
355
00:21:07,891 --> 00:21:10,091
I nearly had it yesterday.
356
00:21:10,931 --> 00:21:12,671
Three pints, please, Miss.
357
00:21:20,391 --> 00:21:23,471
I nearly had it
then our Edgar dropped in.
358
00:21:23,471 --> 00:21:25,811
Knows it all, our Edgar.
Give it here, he said.
359
00:21:32,771 --> 00:21:35,191
You dozy twonk.
360
00:21:35,191 --> 00:21:39,151
I must've been knocked. Knocked?
You want knocking!
361
00:21:39,151 --> 00:21:41,951
I don't know why you're worrying,
you were going...
362
00:21:45,671 --> 00:21:48,351
You were going to smash it
yourself a minute ago.
363
00:21:48,351 --> 00:21:51,151
That's my privilege.
I didn't ask you to do it.
364
00:21:51,151 --> 00:21:54,271
There's nothing the matter with it.
Does it sound alright?
365
00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:56,951
Give it to me.
Give it here.
366
00:22:01,111 --> 00:22:04,271
Give it to me.
It probably just needs adjusting.
367
00:22:04,271 --> 00:22:06,651
It's thee that needs adjustment
Give it here!
368
00:22:06,651 --> 00:22:08,231
Just a minute. Just a minute.
369
00:22:21,411 --> 00:22:23,031
Gobble, gobble.
370
00:22:28,931 --> 00:22:30,991
You great dozy twerp!
371
00:22:30,991 --> 00:22:33,211
I mean... I didn't know...
You don't...
372
00:22:33,371 --> 00:22:35,231
You flaming idiot!
373
00:22:35,531 --> 00:22:37,491
Bog off!
374
00:22:37,491 --> 00:22:38,731
Ger out of it!
375
00:22:42,431 --> 00:22:44,531
There's no need
to take that attitude.
376
00:22:44,531 --> 00:22:46,611
Go on. Bog off!
377
00:22:46,611 --> 00:22:49,151
And take what's left of it with you.
378
00:22:49,251 --> 00:22:51,011
Go on!
379
00:22:51,691 --> 00:22:53,291
Charming!
380
00:22:56,451 --> 00:22:57,771
Gobble, gobble?
381
00:23:02,551 --> 00:23:04,311
Gobble, gobble.
Gobble, gobble.
382
00:23:12,911 --> 00:23:16,051
They've got a lot of energy,
these frozen turkey people.
383
00:23:16,171 --> 00:23:18,431
Tha can slow down.
384
00:23:18,431 --> 00:23:22,071
I'm fed up a searching
under bushes for old treacle tins!
385
00:23:23,011 --> 00:23:24,791
You won't be fed up this time.
386
00:23:24,791 --> 00:23:30,791
I, former Corp Dewhurst, promise
by the application
387
00:23:30,791 --> 00:23:35,291
of keen, military logic, I shall
take us to the very bush.
388
00:23:35,291 --> 00:23:36,971
1932 you buried it.
389
00:23:36,971 --> 00:23:39,071
He's pointing his stick at me.
390
00:23:40,031 --> 00:23:43,371
You were 12 years old.
What were you on at the time?
391
00:23:43,371 --> 00:23:45,711
Nothing stronger than Woodbines.
392
00:23:47,311 --> 00:23:50,371
On your feet, you dozy man.
What did you have on your feet?
393
00:23:52,211 --> 00:23:54,351
You had little cuddly wellies...
394
00:23:55,291 --> 00:23:56,771
..and roller skates.
395
00:23:58,431 --> 00:24:01,991
So we've been going wrong,
coming round as pedestrians.
396
00:24:01,991 --> 00:24:04,691
No wonder we missed the bush.
Why did we miss it?
397
00:24:05,811 --> 00:24:07,711
Maybe it's not a bush stop.
398
00:24:11,271 --> 00:24:14,611
We missed it because we didn't
come on roller skates.
399
00:24:14,611 --> 00:24:17,531
We haven't got any roller skates!
400
00:24:17,531 --> 00:24:20,991
Ah! I've already thought of that.
401
00:24:29,691 --> 00:24:30,891
You wanted wheels.
402
00:24:31,011 --> 00:24:32,811
There are your wheels.
403
00:24:32,811 --> 00:24:35,731
That's still not roller skates.
404
00:24:35,731 --> 00:24:37,251
Getting nearer.
405
00:24:37,251 --> 00:24:38,911
Can I have me scooter back?
406
00:24:38,911 --> 00:24:42,851
Just a minute, sonny.
Just a minute.
407
00:24:43,891 --> 00:24:45,491
I'm supposed to meet me mate.
408
00:24:45,491 --> 00:24:47,771
You'll be amply rewarded.
409
00:24:47,771 --> 00:24:48,991
How much?
410
00:24:48,991 --> 00:24:54,211
Ah. See the gentleman there,
he'll arrange the details.
411
00:25:02,831 --> 00:25:06,851
Are you coming? I'm coming,
I'm coming.
412
00:25:10,771 --> 00:25:12,491
Get me off, will you?
413
00:25:12,611 --> 00:25:14,371
GET ME OFF!
414
00:25:18,471 --> 00:25:22,351
He's doing it all wrong.
I think he knows.
415
00:25:29,971 --> 00:25:32,471
We're getting very close now.
416
00:25:36,251 --> 00:25:38,771
It's still not roller skates.
417
00:25:38,771 --> 00:25:42,171
Well, very similar though.
418
00:25:55,531 --> 00:25:57,551
No. They're not flaming similar!
419
00:26:10,431 --> 00:26:13,191
The dreaded Yorkshire
lotus position.
420
00:26:14,091 --> 00:26:16,531
Very few Westerners achieve that.
421
00:26:17,251 --> 00:26:19,891
I don't understand why, Norm.
422
00:26:19,891 --> 00:26:22,911
He'll be alright with some speed.
423
00:26:30,051 --> 00:26:32,491
Oh, you're doing splendidly.
424
00:26:32,491 --> 00:26:34,971
It's better with some speed.
425
00:26:37,291 --> 00:26:41,411
Don't let me go! Don't let me go!
426
00:26:43,331 --> 00:26:45,391
Help!
427
00:26:45,771 --> 00:26:47,371
What did he say?
428
00:26:47,891 --> 00:26:50,251
I think he said, "Don't let me go".
429
00:26:51,371 --> 00:26:53,371
Oh, "Don't let me go".
430
00:26:54,591 --> 00:26:58,451
It didn't sound like that.
He doesn't speak clearly, you know.
431
00:26:59,071 --> 00:27:00,551
Help!
432
00:27:01,891 --> 00:27:03,911
It sounds clear enough to me.
433
00:28:02,691 --> 00:28:05,651
Look! Yorkshire remains!
434
00:28:13,811 --> 00:28:15,291
Yeuch! Phew! Phaw!
435
00:28:15,341 --> 00:28:19,891
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