Original subtitles

[Theme - Jack Jones, "the love boat theme"]

Theme song: Love, exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow, it floats back to you.

The love boat, soon we'll be making another run.

The love boat promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance, and love

won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard, it's love.

[Music playing]

Excuse me.

How do I find--

hi.

I'm minni dunlap.

How do you do?

I'm gopher Smith.

Gopher.

That's cute.

How do I find my cabin?

I'm 342 aloha deck.

Ok, that'll be right through those doors

there and around to your left.

Thank you, gopher.

You bet.

Nice boat you have here.

It's a ship.

What's the difference?

One of them you have to row.

Well, you better have some pretty big oars.

Oh no.

What are you doing on this cruise?

Planning to have a good time, until now.

I'm getting seasick and we haven't even left yet.

Good.

Good.

Harlan weatherley.

Mr. Weatherley, you are on aloha deck, cabin 344.

It's right next to Ms. Dunlap.

I'd like another cabin.

I'd like another ship.

I'm afraid we can't change any cabins.

We're completely booked.

Well then, could you arrange to have him thrown overboard?

If I go, you go, too, with my hands around your throat.

I guess you two have met, huh?

She used to be my landlady.

But I wasn't expecting to see him again until next week

in court.

Have a nice--

no bother.

Julie: The great stalini is appearing

nightly in the acapulco lounge.

He's a fabulous magician.

You're going to love him.

Julie, is the great stalini really as great as the great

stalini appears to be?

Greater.

He's one of the world's best magicians.

And it was quite a trick for me to book him.

Well, I've always said that you were sheer magic.

That must be the great stalini.

[Applause]

Either the great stalini is here

or we've just been attacked by a rival cruise line.

I am the great stalini.

We guessed that.

And this is the great stalini's daughter

and assistant, Christina.

Hi.

Welcome aboard.

I loved your entrance.

Do you know what it's like being introduced to a smoke

screen all of your life?

I'm really looking forward to seeing your act.

Yes, So am I. I never cease to baffle me.

Mr. Stalini.

You must be referring to my father.

He is Mr. Stalini.

I am the great stalini.

I know.

I'm Joey gardner.

I'm a magician, like you.

No one's a magician like me.

I sure hope you're his daughter and not his wife.

You're right the first time.

I'm Christina.

Hi.

From one magician to another, now you see her, now you don't.

Welcome aboard.

I didn't miss him, did I, Adam?

No, he hasn't boarded yet.

Look, merrill, I'm just as anxious to see him as you are.

Who hasn't boarded yet?

Do we have a movie star coming on the cruise.

Better than a movie star, Vicki.

Roscoe weber, the eminent professor of psychology.

A professor of psychology is better than a movie star?

This professor is.

He's the most honored man in his field.

Do you know when he won the nobel prize?

In the '20s.

The '20s?

How old is he?

Professor weber's 91 years old.

He's still going strong.

He certainly is.

Professor weber, I'm Adam bricker, the ship's doctor.

I don't believe in doctors, but other than that,

how do you do?

How do you do?

I'd like to introduce you to captain

stubing and his daughter Vicki.

Pleased to meet you, Vicki.

Pleased to meet you, professor.

And it's also a pleasure to meet you,

captain, assuming you know your job

and you'll return me to this port

no wetter than when I started.

Well, you can count on me to protect

a national treasure like you.

A national treasure?

You make me sound like a museum piece.

Well, how can I find my cabin.

Oh, I'll show you, sir.

Wow, your bag is light.

Of course it is.

You think I came to be 91 carrying things

that are too heavy for me?

[Laughs]

See you later, captain.

All right, professor.

Excuse me, that is professor Roscoe weber, isn't it?

Yes.

Are you a colleague of his?

No, not a colleague, a very admiring former student.

Wonderful.

I'm sure he'll be delighted to see you.

Maybe not.

I've just been chosen to replace him at the university.

Does he know?

Oh, I'm sure they told him.

I hope they have.

[Ship horn]

[Music playing]

Pa: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

Whether its ping-pong on the promenade deck,

shuffleboard on the starlight deck,

or just sunning yourself by the pool,

we know you'll have a wonderful day.

Well, Ms. Dunlap owns the apartment building

that you live in, right?

Landlords and tenants always have problems.

Right.

Can you imagine going to court over a little water

damage in my apartment?

Excuse me.

Did he say a little water damage?

Yes, he did.

Look over the rail.

There's less water there than the one in his apartment.

At least it was the first time in three

days I had running water.

[Laughs]

We'll see how funny you are next week in court.

You are going to pay me every cent of the $2,500

I am suing you for.

$2,500.

By the time you pay the lawyers, you won't have anything left.

You know what you guys ought to do?

You ought to take your case to that TV

show, the people's court.

I've seen that show.

Hey, that's not a bad idea.

Julie: If it saves money, I'm for it.

Yeah, but I hear it takes ages to get on that show.

Oh wait a minute.

I've got a better idea.

Why don't I just round up the rest of our crew and we'll

be your people's court.

Why not?

You look like honest people.

Are you kidding, gopher?

We all have pretty busy schedules.

How long can it take?

What do you say?

Fine.

Any dummy could judge this case.

Hi.

Don't tell me your father let you get out of his sight.

I sneaked out in a disguise.

Well, I love the costume you picked.

You know, he's really a very sweet man.

It's just since my mom died, he's

been playing father and mother, and he's

a little overprotective.

I don't blame him.

If you were mine, i'd keep you in a steel cage.

Then you couldn't get at me.

Oh, I'd be in there with you.

Well, well, well, look who's here.

Hello, sir.

Oh, you're leaving.

No, he isn't.

He just stood up to be polite.

You don't understand.

That wasn't a question.

You are leaving.

Daddy, please.

You know, a good magician always remembers every trick

that he's ever performed, but I don't remember making most

of your bathing suit disappear.

I was just telling your daughter how much I liked it.

Oh yes, of course, you were.

You see, the hand is still quicker than the eye.

Oh Maria, she's just like you, nothing but aggravation.

I just can't tell you what a great pleasure it

is to see you again, professor.

What a pleasure it is to see you, Helen.

You were one of my favorite pupils.

Professor, you were not only my favorite teacher,

I sometimes think you were my only teacher.

The others just got me ready for you.

You don't have to be that nice to be, Helen.

I already passed you.

Tell me, how are things going at your college?

As a matter of fact, professor,

I'm not there anymore.

I resigned.

Good.

It's always a great feeling to quit a job.

It makes the adrenaline flow.

Now, you're just a lady of leisure, writing books.

No, I accepted a new position.

Another school?

Uh, yes.

Don't be afraid.

It's good to change schools sometimes.

Otherwise, you become a fixture, like me,

and they never let you leave.

To tell you the truth, Helen, I can't wait to begin

teaching my next semester.

I've got so many new ideas, new experiments to try.

But there I go talking about myself.

Where is your new position?

Well, I think it's only proper for the president

of the university to announce it first.

The only time I ever hear from horrible Harlow, our president,

is when he wants to cut our main budget.

Want to know a secret?

He called me five times last week,

and I didn't return a single call.

[Knock on door]

Come in.

My, my, don't we look pretty?

You know, you look just like your mother when you're angry.

She was always angry.

Maybe she had a reason.

Daddy, you have to stop interfering

in my personal life.

I am a big girl now.

Why yes, but that big girl is still my little girl.

I know.

But what are you going to do when

this little girl grows up, falls in love, and gets married?

Well, I'll do what every father does.

I'll give you the biggest, most expensive wedding

the world has ever seen.

Then I'll kill myself.

Anyway, when you meet someone who is worthy of you,

we'll discuss it.

Now come, let's have a nice dinner together.

I'm having dinner with Joey.

What?

You're having dinner with a magician?

You're a magician.

Don't change the subject.

I'll see you when we do our show.

Maria, don't worry about me.

I'll have a glass of water and a roll in my cabin.

Good evening.

It was.

I'm glad the sea air hasn't affected your child.

Oh, sir, those are the two people I was telling you about.

Yes, but being their jury is very commendable, gopher.

Remember, do it on your own time.

You still have ship duties.

No problem, sir.

How long--

good evening.

May I join you?

This is just a table for two, dad.

Abracadabra.

Now it's a table for three.

I hope I'm not interfering.

Not at all.

I've been dying to talk to the great stalini.

Someday, I want to be as good as you are.

That's quite an ambition for an unknown magician.

Well, not right away, but someday.

I hope you come from hearty stock

because you'll have to live a long, long time.

Good.

I plan to.

Young man, an idea just struck me.

How would you like to be my apprentice?

Oh Joey, that would be wonderful.

Thank you, sir.

I would love to.

Fine.

You can start by taking my rabbit for a walk on deck.

You're going to be very sorry you did that.

Oh, Maria, where are you when I need you?

I would like to propose a toast to our honored guest,

professor Roscoe weber.

We all hope to make some Mark on the world with our lives,

but most of us have to be content with being remembered

well by our immediate family.

Professor Roscoe weber has gone beyond that.

Through his teaching and his writing,

he has changed our thinking.

He has made a difference.

Thank you.

Thank you, captain.

And if you say I indeed have made some little difference

in this world, it is through my extraordinary and bright-eyed

students.

To one of the most extraordinary, and certainly

the most bright-eyed, of my students,

professor Helen Burton.

I hope that wasn't too [inaudible]

No

Roscoe is taking the news of his

being replaced remarkably well.

He doesn't know.

The university hasn't told him yet

and I haven't had the chance.

You haven't had the chance?

You haven't had the heart.

What are you doing, preparing your case?

No, and it's none of your business.

Minnie, why can't you be nice, like I am?

The only nice thing you ever did was move out.

I didn't move out, you threw me out.

Unfortunately, not far enough.

Thank you.

I'll see you in court.

Enjoy your dinner.

Whatever you're eating, I hope it has bones in it.

[Music playing]

[Chatter]

Hear ye, hear ye.

Hear ye, hear ye.

Hear ye.

Hey, court is now in session.

Is the plaintiff, Ms. dunlap, in attendance?

Gopher, she's right there.

Courtroom procedure.

We don't want anyone appealing on a technicality.

I am appealing.

Would you get started with this thing?

Take my word for it, you're not appealing.

I'll be $2,500 more appealing when this case is over.

All right, let's get started.

Ms. Dunlap, state your case.

Thank you.

This animal--

I object.

I'm sorry.

That animal--

Ms. Dunlap, please, just the facts.

The facts are very simple.

That animal flooded my apartment.

That's because the pipes in your crummy building leaked.

They didn't leak.

You broke down.

I didn't break them, I was trying to fix them.

And the water damaged the antiques

I furnished his apartment with.

The only thing antique was the plumbing.

Excuse me, Mr. Weatherley, are you a plumbing expert?

Well, I was getting a reduction in the rent

for being like the building super.

Oh, believe me.

There's nothing super about him.

[Laughs]

We're going to be here all night.

How can you start like that?

Don't start with me.

You're out of your league, you know that?

All right, all right.

Is there any way you two could just sum up the case?

Do you want to start, motor mouth?

Excuse me, [Inaudible] Procedure--

sit down, gopher. Or what will happen to you won't be civil.

Mr. Weatherley, sum up the case.

None of this thing was my fault, and even if it was,

that junk wasn't worth no $2,500.

How about pain and suffering?

No thanks.

I've had enough already.

Ms. Dunlap, would you like to sum up for us?

Yes, I would.

One lamp, $91.40.

One ruined, rotted carpet, $200--

no, no, Ms. Dunlap.

Excuse me, I think what he means is would

you like to sum up your case?

Oh, my case.

Yes.

Well, since the perpetrator's negligence caused the damage--

how do you spell perpetrator?

D-u-m-m-y.

Full restitution to the wounded party, me.

Give me a gun, I'll show you wounded.

All right, all right.

Thank you.

We have all the facts.

You're both excused.

You had one defense, but you didn't use it.

What was that?

Insanity.

Look who's talking, one flew over the cuckoo's nest.

Ok, let's begin our deliberations.

Oh gopher, we don't have time for that.

I've got to get to the acapulco lounge.

Me, too. My break's up in five minutes.

I'm sure I have something to do.

Ok, but I want you all to know, I made up the duty roster

and I know when we're all free.

Let's adjourn until midnight.

Midnight?

When are we going to get a chance to sleep?

How long can it take?

[Applause]

And now, ladies and gentlemen, for my next miracle,

my lovely assistant is going to hand me an ordinary child's

balloon in the color of red.

I want you to watch not my hands,

but I want you to watch the balloon as I

place it gently on this tray.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, before your very eyes,

you're going to see something amaze you and confuse you.

Are you ready, my lovely assistant?

Are you ready, audience?

Here we go, watch closely, closely.

[Applause]

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I want you to stay away from that Joey.

It's my life.

I want you to stay away.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, as you know,

there is a little magic in everything,

in the smallest of things and in the very largest.

Now, there are those who refuse to believe in magic.

They rationalize that it is an illusion.

Well, as you can see, there's no illusion that this box

is completely empty.

Now, my beautiful assistant, if you will.

[Knocking]

[Drumroll]

[Applause]

Ladies and gentlemen, it is a crime to lose

such a beautiful assistant.

So what do we do?

We must bring her back.

Watch closely, please.

[Drumroll]

Wa-la.

[Gasps]

There she is, my lovely assistant, Christina,

just like magic.

[Laughs]

[Applause]

Bravo.

[Music playing]

Did you ever see a man who enjoys

life more than professor weber?

And you don't want to destroy his happiness.

Know you, you still have to tell him.

I just wish he'd returned one of president Harlow's calls.

Maybe it's just as well.

I think it'll hurt a lot less coming from you.

Perhaps less, perhaps more.

I'll tell him, but I don't know how I'm going to do it.

Why don't you do it the way the professor would, truthfully

and quickly.

[Applause]

Captain, I haven't told Vicki yet, but I've decided she

and I are going to get married.

[Laughs]

Of course, we'll have to wait until we're

both through with college.

Professor, could we go for a walk on deck?

There's something i'd like to talk to you about.

Is there anything wrong?

Of course there's something wrong.

You've been leading me on for all these years

and now you say you're going to marry another woman.

[Laughs]

Helen, maybe I was wrong about you.

What do you mean?

I've always remembered you as an articulate student,

but now that you have something important to say to me,

you seem strangely nonverbal?

Well, professor, in attending your classes,

I also learned the effectiveness of dramatic pauses.

There's a difference between a dramatic pause

and a complete, grinding stop.

But hold on to what you were going to say because I've

got something to say to you.

What?

I know you've taken a new position at another university,

but since you're making a change,

how would you like to become my associate

in my psychology department?

Professor.

I would personally see to it that your salary

equaled whatever you've been promised in your new position.

I'll call horrible Harlow and insist on it.

I'll tell him, if he doesn't agree

to hire you as by associate on my terms, I'll resign.

Put a little scare into him.

I don't know what to say.

As an old psychology professor,

I know when someone says she doesn't know what to say,

she really knows what to say but she doesn't wish to say it.

So say it.

I was hired to replace you.

I thought you'd been told.

That's why president Harlow was phoning you to tell you.

Don't cry, Helen.

Part of psychology is learning how

to deal with disappointment.

I suppose it's easier to teach than to learn.

You really shouldn't have done that.

I thought you enjoyed it.

I don't mean the kiss, I mean what you did to your father.

I know.

And he finds you he is going to have your head.

While it's still here, let's use it.

Ingrate.

Humiliate a father.

How could you do this to me?

I'm sorry, dad.

I was wrong.

But now you know how I felt when you

humiliated me in front of Joey.

That wasn't important.

Ruining my act is.

My life is as important to me as your act is to you.

Mr. Stalini--

great stalini, at least I was until tonight.

Sir, i--

quiet.

Go take my rabbit for a walk.

This whole thing is your fault.

No, it isn't.

It was my idea.

We'll discuss this in private.

This is a family matter.

Go to your cabin.

There you go again, talking to me like I'm a child.

Joey, let's go.

You be back in your cabin in one hour.

I may not be back at all.

Oh, Maria, if you were alive to see this, you'd drop dead.

[Music playing]

I still say we should not make a snap decision.

Snap decision?

Gopher, I don't know how you talked us all into this,

but we've been deliberating on this ridiculous issue

for over an hour.

[Banging]

Oh, my foot's asleep.

I wish any part of me was asleep.

How do you think I feel?

He got me out of bed for this.

Vicki, this happens to be important.

Two people have entrusted us to come up with a just verdict.

How long could it take?

All right, let's review the facts for the last time.

Ms. Dunlap owns the building.

Mr. Weatherley was a tenant.

He said he tried to fix the pipes that were leaking.

She said he broke the pipes, causing the leak.

In either case, the apartment was flooded,

resulting in extensive damage.

You should have been a lawyer, doc.

Cool it gopher or you'll need him as a doctor.

All right, let's get on with it.

Mr. Weatherley is either guilty or not guilty.

Let's vote.

Remember, it has to be unanimous.

- Guilty. - Guilty.

- Guilty. - Guilty.

Not guilty.

Well, maybe it'll take longer than I thought.

[Music playing]

Good morning.

Good morning.

Mind if I join you?

Are you trying to get on the good side of me?

I have to find it first.

Still Mr. Lovable.

I started by saying good morning.

Now, why don't you try good bye?

Look minnie, we used to eat together a lot

before we started hassling.

Yes, I remember some very nice dinners.

Followed by some very pleasant breakfasts.

That's true.

But I'm suing you now.

That's true, too.

Sit.

Stop talking to me like I'm your dog.

You sure have turned into a hard-nosed woman, minnie.

I have?

Yeah.

I never used to be like that.

I know.

I wonder what caused it.

You wonder what caused it?

I'll tell you what, that blonde.

That's what caused it.

Blonde?

What blonde?

What bl-- the blonde that moved into your apartment,

the one with the long hair and the big--

oh, that blonde, my sister-in-law, Selma.

Oh sister-in-law, come on.

Sister-in-law.

[Laughs]

Yeah, she stayed with me for two months

when my brother was in the hospital.

Your sister-in-law?

Honest?

Minnie, you saw her.

Would I let a girl like that go if she wasn't a relative?

Harlan, you know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to drop the lawsuit to $2,000.

What happened to you last night?

You look exhausted.

I am.

I'm going to need all the coffee I can

get just to stay awake today.

Bad night with your father?

No.

I didn't want to argue so I didn't go back to the cabin.

I went to Julie to apologize about ruining the show

and I slept on her couch.

Don't say I didn't offer you a better deal.

Good morning, bums.

Daddy, don't start.

Disgusting, two strangers spending

the entire night together.

Sir, you've got it all--

Joey, please.

My father always told me you don't contradict your elders.

Christina, can't you see?

You're making a fool out of yourself.

He doesn't care about you.

He's using you to get close to me,

to get the secrets of my act.

Right, especially the trick you did last night.

Ask my assistant, she'll teach you that one.

How can you stand there and let your father

be insulted by this nobody?

Daddy, I will always be your daughter,

but you're going to have to find yourself another assistant.

I quit.

Good morning, professor.

May I?

Please do.

Thank you.

Well, how are you feeling today?

Well, I'm hungry, so at least my stomach feels I'm fine.

Well, how about the rest of you?

The rest of me has just been thrown on the garbage heap.

Ah.

Obviously, professor Burton finally told you.

It was a very difficult thing for her to do.

I know.

But captain, speaking as a man who has spent his entire life

pursuing truth, the truth is it was a hell of a lot

harder on me than it was on her.

I'm sure it was.

But being the kind of man you are,

I know that you still have a lot to offer.

Perhaps.

If not, they're now converting garbage

into fuel, so maybe some day soon I can

be used to start a sports car.

Julie: Welcome to magnificent acapulco, ladies and gentlemen.

Parachuting, snorkling, sailing, or just lazing on the beach,

take your pick.

Still not unanimous.

Whose idea was it to go to a secret ballot, anyway?

Mine.

I was raising my arm so much I got a cramp.

Well, I think we ought to go over the aspects

of the case one more time.

Gopher, we could have decided a murder

case in less time than this.

Stick around, Julie.

We may.

We haven't heard from Vicki yet.

Vicki?

Vicki?

Guilty.

So this is where you all are.

I know we're in port, but do you think

this ship operates by itself?

No, sir.

We'd be happy to go back to work.

Sir, I do think we owe some obligation to

the American system of justice.

Gopher.

Hm?

This is your captain speaking.

Sir.

This is your purser leaving.

This is nice, Harlan.

Yes, minnie, kind of like it was before we started

batting each other's brains out.

Yeah.

Maybe part of it came from living so close to each other.

Well, maybe it came because we were afraid of getting

too close to each other.

Well, we're close to each other now.

Yeah.

But you know what got me mad?

Not that dumb water damage.

It was because you made me move out.

I was afraid i'd never see you again.

Oh, Harlan, I never knew you had such a sweet side to you.

I guess I never showed you how I really felt.

It wasn't your fault. I never showed you, either.

Maybe it's about time we did.

Yeah.

[Music playing]

[Knock on door]

Just a second.

Oh, great stalini.

Come in.

Julie, I'm sorry to have to tell you this,

but I can't go on tonight.

Why?

Christina quit, and without an assistant,

there just is no show.

Can't you talk to your daughter?

It's funny, you know, I always loved my work because it

kept her close to me.

Well, I know she was upset about what happened

between you and Joey gardner.

She told you about that?

Oh yeah, we were up half the night talking about it.

We would have been up the whole night talking about it,

but she fell asleep on the couch.

She was here all night?

Yes.

I know you love your daughter, but sometimes when

we love people, we hold onto them so

tightly that we suffocate them.

I never meant to do that.

Well, I know that.

But when that happens, sometimes they have

to break away just to breathe.

Julie, I tell you what.

I will do the show tonight on one condition.

What?

That you bring Christina and have her

sit right down in the front with you.

It's a deal.

Great.

What have you got up your sleeve?

I'm sorry, Julie, but a magician

can never reveal his secrets.

[Music playing]

Professor.

May I come in?

Please.

I just came from the radio room.

I was going to send a wire congratulating

president Harlow for selecting you as my replacement .

Then I saw this.

Don't send this cablegram, Helen.

How did you get that?

I told the radio man you asked me to get it back.

Professor.

I've spent a great many years perfecting

a look of [inaudible].

Then I'll send it again.

I don't want to work for people who would fire a man like you.

Helen, just to say it's wrong to replace old people simply

because they're old, it would be wrong not to give opportunities

to talented, younger people.

Professor.

I just noticed you always call me professor

and I always call you Helen.

So good night, my dear professor.

Now I think I'll take a stroll on the deck.

Stay warm, professor.

Pa: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

We have just left at anchor and are leaving acapulco.

Won't you join us in the lounge for another night of magic?

[Applause]

[Drumroll]

Thank you.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, prepare

yourselves for another dazzling display of prestidigitation.

May I present the one, the only, the great stalini.

[Applause]

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you, thank you.

Tonight I'm going to start with what is usually my final trick.

But I will need a lady volunteer from the audience.

Is there anyone out there that would help me?

Let's see.

You, young lady, would you care to help the great stalini?

No, thank you.

No?

No?

You dare to say no to the great stalini.

Audience, let's give her a little help getting up here.

[Applause]

Now, as you all know, the great

stalini never repeats a trick in two performances in a row.

However, since I started this disappearing trick last night,

I feel it only proper to finish it tonight.

And if it doesn't work tonight, I'll be the one

that's disappearing forever.

[Laughs]

Now, as you can see, plainly, this is an empty box.

And if you please.

If this is not a success tonight,

this box will not be the only thing that's closing.

Are you ready?

[Applause]

We got this far last night.

But folks, that's only half a trick.

Last night, when I turned the box again,

there was supposed to be someone in it.

But alas, the box was empty.

So tonight, I owe you not one, but two people.

[Applause]

Bravo.

Ladies and gentlemen, I promise

never, ever to make these two delightful people

disappear again.

[Applause]

All this over a little water damage?

Well, gopher's in for some water damage, too.

I'm going to drown him.

Oh hey, we've got to wake Vicki so she can vote.

Vicki.

Hey, Vicki, come on. Vicki.

I already have hers.

All right.

Guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, pizza.

What?

Oh, I thought we were voting on what

to have for midnight snack.

All right, this has gone far enough.

Farther than that.

I think we should call it off for now.

Let's call it off forever.

No, no, no, no, no.

Wait a minute.

I want to ask Ms. Dunlap and Mr. Weatherley

a couple more questions.

We can't wake them up now.

It's late.

We're up.

Stick with me, you guys.

We're near the end.

I can feel it.

[Phone ringing]

Hello?

Gopher Smith (on phone): Ms. Dunlap.

Hi, it's gopher Smith.

Well, this is a heck of a time to be bothering somebody.

No problem.

Listen, could you and Mr. Weatherley

answer a couple of questions for us?

We'd like you to come down to the crew lounge right away.

Uh, hold on.

Harlan, Harlan.

They want us in the crew lounge.

Now?

Yeah.

Why don't you tell them to come up here instead.

[Kissing sounds]

I don't feel like suing you anymore, Harlan.

Oh.

In fact, I think you ought to move back in the apartment.

I think had to move into yours.

[Laughs]

Ms. Dunlap, are you still there?

Ms. Dunlap?

Oh, look, I'm sorry if I troubled you,

but I've changed my mind.

I'm dropping my lawsuit against Mr. Weatherley.

Well?

On second thought, I've decided to vote guilty.

Help.

Somebody help me.

Professor, I still remember the first exam I took with you.

It was a true or false test.

And now, I want to give you an exam.

All right.

When president Harlow hired me,

he gave me complete authority to choose my own staff.

So would you possibly consider coming to work

with me as my associate?

No.

I was afraid that would be your answer.

I won't work with you, but I'll work for you.

Don't start messing up your department

by hiring an associate who doesn't know his place.

Professor, I love you.

That's another thing.

We have to keep our office door open.

I don't want faculty thinking you picked me because i'm

your sexual plaything.

Professor.

[Laughs]

[Music playing]

Great stalini, your act was--

sheer magic.

Exactly.

I hope you'll come back and perform for us again real soon.

Oh, I'm sorry, Julie, but that's impossible.

As of today, I am officially retired.

But we'll be happy to come and perform for you.

Joey and I are taking over my father's act.

It's my wedding present.

Oh, that's great.

And I only hope that someday Joey and Christina

will be able to perform the greatest trick of all,

turn me into grandfather.

[Laughs]

Bye bye.

Bye bye.

We sure want to thank you and the rest of the crew

for being so nice.

Hey, no problem.

Listen, I know you've got a long walk to that parking lot--

well, Mr. Weatherley, you sure look happy for a man

who lost a lawsuit.

Oh, he didn't lose.

Didn't gopher tell you?

I dropped the case.

I lost all that sleep for nothing?

Yeah Vicki, well I can explain.

Oh gopher, I could kill you.

Come on, honey, let's go.

Yeah.

I hate to be around people who argue.

Bye.

She drops the case and you didn't tell us.

Vicki, it could have been a lot worse, you know.

How?

Well, doc, Julie, and Isaac could have found out about it.

Well, good bye, professor, Helen.

You certainly make a handsome and distinguished

looking psychology department.

Well, Burton is certainly distinguished looking,

so I suppose i'm stuck with handsome.

[Inaudible]

Professor weber, I think it's very admirable of you

to take the position of professor Burton's associate.

Don't tell her, doctor, but I plan to apply myself and maybe

work my way up to the top.

[Laughs]

[Music playing]

[Theme music]

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