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1
00:00:03,070 --> 00:00:05,710
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:19,461 --> 00:00:20,841
(music playing)
3
00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:24,151
Yo, Baby Girl,
dinner's ready. Come on.
4
00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:26,684
Oh, uh, honey,
I already fed her. She ate.
5
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:28,440
She was starving when
she came home from school.
6
00:00:28,512 --> 00:00:30,022
What?
Yeah.
7
00:00:30,097 --> 00:00:32,147
What did I tell you about
wearing your earplugs at the table?
8
00:00:32,158 --> 00:00:33,858
(loudly)
They're not on.
9
00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:36,034
I got a good idea.
10
00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:38,163
Why don't you go this,
uh, Halloween
11
00:00:38,238 --> 00:00:39,958
as the Wicked Witch
from the East?
12
00:00:40,032 --> 00:00:43,372
Speaking of costumes,
I've narrowed my choices down to six.
13
00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:46,173
After dinner, I will
distribute a secret ballot
14
00:00:46,246 --> 00:00:47,826
to each of the family members.
15
00:00:47,906 --> 00:00:50,366
Please assign three points
to each of your first picks
16
00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:53,210
and one and one-third points
to each of your secondary picks.
17
00:00:53,286 --> 00:00:55,336
You know what?
I have a better idea.
18
00:00:55,413 --> 00:00:57,213
I think you're big enough
now for me to give you your own money
19
00:00:57,290 --> 00:00:59,050
and let you go purchase
your own costume.
20
00:00:59,126 --> 00:01:01,176
And accessories?
Sure.
21
00:01:01,253 --> 00:01:03,053
I gotta go tell Norman.
22
00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:05,060
Look. I'm just thankful
23
00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:07,392
he only wants to dress up
on Halloween.
24
00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:11,147
Moving in the right direction,
America, if you ask me.
25
00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:18,151
This is a letter
from Bryana's school.
26
00:01:18,228 --> 00:01:21,068
And I bet these
are her scores
27
00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:23,658
from the standardized
state test.
28
00:01:23,733 --> 00:01:25,333
JORDAN:
You may want to read them after dinner.
29
00:01:25,402 --> 00:01:27,452
You don't want
to lose your appetite.
30
00:01:27,463 --> 00:01:28,843
Be quiet.
31
00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:32,918
Oh, my goodness.
32
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,423
(gasps)
33
00:01:34,494 --> 00:01:38,004
Oh, she's in the
90 percentile.
34
00:01:38,081 --> 00:01:41,221
And sometimes you wonder
why you take after your Uncle Bernie.
35
00:01:41,227 --> 00:01:42,467
Because he's smart.
36
00:01:42,478 --> 00:01:45,018
Um, okay, wait
a minute, honey.
37
00:01:45,097 --> 00:01:47,927
She's in the 90 percentile
out of Wellington.
38
00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:53,098
In this column, it says that
she's in the 39th percentile out of the nation.
39
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:55,440
See this here?
She'd better grow up pretty.
40
00:01:55,515 --> 00:01:56,915
Shut up.
41
00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:00,200
Don't worry, Uncle Bernie.
I'm know I'm intelligence.
42
00:02:02,772 --> 00:02:06,952
I'm... I'm gonna
make an appointment
43
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:08,367
with Miss Lefko.
Okay.
44
00:02:08,445 --> 00:02:11,245
You're damn right
we're seeing Miss Lefko.
45
00:02:11,257 --> 00:02:13,747
I want an explanation, America.
46
00:02:13,825 --> 00:02:16,785
Thirty-ninth percentile?
That ain't no education.
47
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:19,880
I'm looking forward to seeing
that woman eat some crow.
48
00:02:19,956 --> 00:02:23,386
Could have put her in a public
school and bought me a boat.
49
00:02:25,212 --> 00:02:28,472
Look at this.
Look at it.
50
00:02:28,548 --> 00:02:31,218
Ha. Some bull.
51
00:02:31,301 --> 00:02:33,241
(children shouting, playing)
52
00:02:34,763 --> 00:02:37,653
Unlike the public system
that gears its curriculum
53
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:41,284
solely towards
these standardized tests,
54
00:02:41,353 --> 00:02:44,493
we don't consider ourselves
a trade school--
55
00:02:44,564 --> 00:02:48,744
hammering multiplication tables
into our children's heads.
56
00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:52,042
Yeah. I don't know why
she needs math, anyway.
57
00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:56,037
(chuckles)
Mr. Mac.
58
00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:58,461
You know, these state exams,
59
00:02:58,536 --> 00:03:03,556
they don't test for conflict
resolution, need articulation,
60
00:03:03,634 --> 00:03:06,894
or... self-esteem.
61
00:03:06,962 --> 00:03:09,552
And on those fronts,
believe you me,
62
00:03:09,631 --> 00:03:13,401
our students
are in the 100th percentile.
63
00:03:19,641 --> 00:03:22,111
She's supposed to be
eating crow.
64
00:03:22,185 --> 00:03:24,535
Uh-uh!
Not feeding us bull.
65
00:03:25,855 --> 00:03:27,695
(dog barks in distance)
66
00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:29,204
WANDA: Bryanna's school yearhas already started.
67
00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:30,240
Maybe you should just
wait till next year.
68
00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:31,742
Uh-uh, uh-uh.
69
00:03:31,820 --> 00:03:33,370
We're gonna look for
a school for her tonight.
70
00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:35,616
She's gonna start Damien
with her brother Jordan.
71
00:03:35,699 --> 00:03:38,539
Damien?
You're doggone right.
72
00:03:38,618 --> 00:03:41,998
Okay, well I don't
exactly consider that a nurturing environment.
73
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:43,760
I mean, Jordan's
doing well, but...
74
00:03:43,832 --> 00:03:46,642
They already nurtured her down
to the 39th percentile.
75
00:03:46,718 --> 00:03:49,348
It's time for somebody to
start beating her up to 90.
76
00:03:51,172 --> 00:03:52,312
(sighs)
77
00:03:52,382 --> 00:03:54,522
(school bell rings)
78
00:03:56,344 --> 00:03:59,534
I understand that you
and Mrs. Mac want Bryanna to attend Damien.
79
00:04:01,641 --> 00:04:02,871
But, Mr. Mac...
80
00:04:04,403 --> 00:04:07,613
much like when
the baby Jesus was born,
81
00:04:07,689 --> 00:04:11,249
Joseph and Mary found there
was no room at the inn.
82
00:04:13,245 --> 00:04:14,995
So what are you saying,
there's no room?
83
00:04:15,071 --> 00:04:19,261
I'm saying that I have
a gymnasium needs a new roof.
84
00:04:24,831 --> 00:04:29,011
Isn't extortion one of
the seven deadly sins?
85
00:04:29,085 --> 00:04:30,845
Mr. Mac, all I've done
is tell you
86
00:04:30,929 --> 00:04:34,479
that I have a gymnasium
that needs a new roof.
87
00:04:35,925 --> 00:04:37,985
(flicks lighter)
88
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:47,435
Well, she's still angry.
89
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,070
Well, that's
the best thing for her.
90
00:04:49,147 --> 00:04:50,607
But it's not the
best thing for me.
91
00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:52,780
Listen, Jordan,
don't start with me.
92
00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:55,289
But Damien is
my fortress of solitude.
93
00:04:56,547 --> 00:04:58,957
Superman.
I'm Superman.
94
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:01,502
I go to Damien to get away
from things I don't like.
95
00:05:01,576 --> 00:05:04,786
Things like Bryana.
Now, that's enough.
96
00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:06,311
(groans)
97
00:05:06,381 --> 00:05:09,051
But I'm known at school
for being the smart one.
98
00:05:09,125 --> 00:05:10,625
She's gonna ruin my rep.
99
00:05:10,710 --> 00:05:12,300
Let me tell you
something, son.
100
00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:14,599
Only thing that's gonna
ruin your rep is kryptonite.
101
00:05:14,672 --> 00:05:16,312
Now, what's wrong with you?
102
00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:18,223
You scared, Superman?
103
00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:20,645
(groans)
104
00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:26,320
Aunt Wanda, I don't want
to change schools.
105
00:05:26,327 --> 00:05:27,947
Please.
106
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:31,488
Don't worry, little mama,
you're gonna love it, okay?
107
00:05:31,564 --> 00:05:34,624
Oh, come on, the uniform
is not so bad.
108
00:05:34,692 --> 00:05:37,082
Your Aunt Wanda wore one
just like this
109
00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:38,917
all through high school.
110
00:05:38,997 --> 00:05:41,407
And let me tell you,
you get to learn a few little tricks along the way--
111
00:05:41,491 --> 00:05:47,511
like these gold-post
earrings for your ears.
112
00:05:51,334 --> 00:05:53,844
Uniform?
What uniform?
113
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:56,720
Those gold-post earrings
are so distracting,
114
00:05:56,798 --> 00:05:59,438
all we do is focus
on your beauty.
115
00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:03,188
You got 30 seconds.
Get over it.
116
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:05,233
(funky music playing)
117
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:06,660
Come on.
118
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:09,033
And, Baby Girl,
don't pout.
119
00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:10,572
You're gonna be fine.
120
00:06:10,645 --> 00:06:12,855
You got your big brother
looking after you.
121
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,783
(groans)
122
00:06:14,792 --> 00:06:16,502
Jordan, don't start.
123
00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:19,456
I'm telling you,
don't start with me.
124
00:06:22,782 --> 00:06:25,462
What's wrong with these kids
today, America?
125
00:06:25,535 --> 00:06:28,995
He should want to be there
for his baby sister.
126
00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:30,864
That's what family's all about.
127
00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:33,632
Jordan better walk in
holding that girl's hand,
128
00:06:33,710 --> 00:06:35,720
or I'll pop him upside
his head--
129
00:06:35,795 --> 00:06:39,555
with love, of course...
'cause we're family.
130
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,980
(kids chattering)
131
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:51,490
You're on your own.
132
00:06:56,232 --> 00:06:58,032
(class bell rings)
133
00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:01,843
(down-tempo music playing)
134
00:07:13,750 --> 00:07:17,640
But the most fun of all
are homonyms,
135
00:07:17,712 --> 00:07:20,602
such as "principle"
and "principal."
136
00:07:20,673 --> 00:07:23,823
And here's a little
spelling trick for you.
137
00:07:23,894 --> 00:07:28,774
Only the school principal
is your pal. Hmm?
138
00:07:28,848 --> 00:07:30,068
(chuckles)
139
00:07:38,650 --> 00:07:42,490
"I" before "E," except after "C"
140
00:07:42,570 --> 00:07:45,590
or when the vowel
sounds like...?
141
00:07:46,699 --> 00:07:47,709
Drew.
142
00:07:47,784 --> 00:07:48,514
"A."
143
00:07:48,585 --> 00:07:51,085
Very good. Now...
144
00:08:00,004 --> 00:08:01,864
Bryana...?
145
00:08:01,932 --> 00:08:03,142
Can I help you?
146
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:04,556
Are you feeling sick?
147
00:08:04,634 --> 00:08:07,734
No, just bored.
I need personal time.
148
00:08:07,804 --> 00:08:08,954
(all gasp)
149
00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:12,980
Sister?
Yes.
150
00:08:13,059 --> 00:08:14,579
What's personal time?
151
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:17,362
(quiet giggling)
Um...
152
00:08:17,438 --> 00:08:20,408
(organ music playing)
153
00:08:20,483 --> 00:08:24,963
...which is why Damien
doesn't recognize personal time.
154
00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:30,583
Bryana, I think
you're going to discover
155
00:08:30,660 --> 00:08:33,250
that your Mrs. Lefko and I
156
00:08:33,329 --> 00:08:38,009
run two very different
institutions.
157
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:42,054
One is an anything-goes,
do-what-you-want,
158
00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:44,440
laugh-out-loud wonderland...
159
00:08:45,717 --> 00:08:47,857
...and the other's a school.
160
00:08:47,936 --> 00:08:50,846
I'm sorry.
It won't happen again, Sean.
161
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,074
(gasping)
162
00:09:02,942 --> 00:09:08,462
Little girl, even my mother
calls me Father.
163
00:09:24,881 --> 00:09:27,851
I ain't never seen the priest
that doggone angry.
164
00:09:27,925 --> 00:09:29,985
He was using everybody's
name in vain.
165
00:09:30,061 --> 00:09:31,851
Mine, too.
166
00:09:31,929 --> 00:09:34,319
Well, uh, so, sweetie,
what we're saying is,
167
00:09:34,399 --> 00:09:35,939
is that the way
that you behave at home,
168
00:09:36,017 --> 00:09:37,817
you know,
minding your manners,
169
00:09:37,894 --> 00:09:39,204
being polite...
Right.
170
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:40,599
...and doing what
you're told,
171
00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:42,161
is the way that you behave
at school.
172
00:09:42,231 --> 00:09:44,201
That doesn't sound like fun.
173
00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:45,829
School ain't fun.
174
00:09:48,237 --> 00:09:50,457
You hear that, America?
175
00:09:50,531 --> 00:09:52,041
Fun in school?
176
00:09:52,116 --> 00:09:53,326
(scoffs)
177
00:09:53,409 --> 00:09:55,419
(chuckling)
She really must be slow.
178
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:58,755
Well, from now on,
she got two fathers.
179
00:09:58,831 --> 00:10:02,521
And trust me, that father can
give me a run for my money.
180
00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:04,849
(kids chattering)
181
00:10:06,631 --> 00:10:09,351
Whew! Okay. I got the 411
182
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:11,429
on the Halloween party
for our class.
183
00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:13,101
It's at Michael's house
on Saturday.
184
00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:16,559
Great, because I finally
got my costume choices down to three.
185
00:10:16,575 --> 00:10:18,515
It took me all night,
but I'm finally there.
186
00:10:18,601 --> 00:10:20,991
Me, too.
So, I propose a vote.
187
00:10:21,062 --> 00:10:23,452
In the first round,
assign three points... I know the procedure.
188
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,623
(slams locker door)
189
00:10:25,692 --> 00:10:27,332
Why are you
yelling at me?
190
00:10:27,402 --> 00:10:31,042
Because. Bryana's exactly
the embarrassment I knew she'd be.
191
00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:34,458
Did she really call
Father Cronin "Sean"?
192
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:36,544
Yes. Can you believe that?
193
00:10:36,619 --> 00:10:38,419
No, I cannot.
194
00:10:38,496 --> 00:10:41,666
I even heard some kids telling
her they thought that was cool.
195
00:10:41,749 --> 00:10:43,469
No!
Yeah.
196
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:45,103
Ridiculous.
197
00:10:47,714 --> 00:10:49,224
What is that?
198
00:10:49,298 --> 00:10:52,178
Only the best Halloween costume
you'll ever see.
199
00:10:52,260 --> 00:10:53,390
Puss N' Boots.
200
00:10:53,469 --> 00:10:54,979
You look stupid.
201
00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:57,984
(sighs) That really means
a lot to me,
202
00:10:58,057 --> 00:11:00,567
coming from a person
who's so stupid,
203
00:11:00,643 --> 00:11:02,653
she had to change schools.
204
00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:04,529
At least I'm not a nerd.
205
00:11:04,605 --> 00:11:06,915
That's your opinion.
206
00:11:06,991 --> 00:11:09,581
It's not my opinion.
It's the whole school's opinion.
207
00:11:09,586 --> 00:11:11,536
What?
208
00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:14,036
Your name's on the wall
of the girls' bathroom--
209
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:15,959
the Nerd Wall.
210
00:11:16,033 --> 00:11:19,133
(Brenda Holloway:
"Every Little Bit Hurts")
211
00:11:19,203 --> 00:11:21,933
(coughs)
212
00:11:27,044 --> 00:11:31,114
♪ Every little bit hurts ♪
213
00:11:32,049 --> 00:11:35,859
♪ Every little bit hurts ♪
214
00:11:36,971 --> 00:11:41,941
♪ Every little bit hurts ♪
215
00:11:42,018 --> 00:11:46,288
♪ Every little bit hurts... ♪
(groans)
216
00:11:54,614 --> 00:11:56,264
(humming)
217
00:11:56,332 --> 00:11:58,132
(toilet flushing)
218
00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:01,339
(screams)
219
00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:02,636
(screams)
220
00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:08,975
I thought little would surprise
me about your nephew, Mr. Mac,
221
00:12:09,053 --> 00:12:12,603
but I never saw him turning
into a peeper.
222
00:12:12,673 --> 00:12:15,733
Yeah, a peeper I can understand,
223
00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:18,346
but looking at nuns, ugh.
224
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,233
Let's agree
that it's frowned upon.
225
00:12:20,306 --> 00:12:21,726
Yeah.
226
00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:24,658
And now I have
another matter at 2:20.
227
00:12:25,770 --> 00:12:28,320
All right.
Sit down, Mr. Mac.
228
00:12:28,397 --> 00:12:30,867
Bryana's the other matter.
229
00:12:30,942 --> 00:12:32,582
Bryana?
230
00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:34,702
I already helped her
with her behavior problems.
231
00:12:34,779 --> 00:12:37,499
She's no longer calling people
by their first name.
232
00:12:37,573 --> 00:12:39,263
No. Her behavior's improved.
233
00:12:40,576 --> 00:12:44,086
The issue is her academics.
Academics?
234
00:12:44,163 --> 00:12:47,223
She's not the swiftest deer
in the forest, Mr. Mac.
235
00:12:47,291 --> 00:12:48,761
In fact,
236
00:12:48,835 --> 00:12:50,585
she may well be the dumbest.
237
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:52,760
You watch your damn tongue,
Father Cronin.
238
00:12:52,839 --> 00:12:54,599
I'm telling you right now.
239
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:57,734
Mr. Mac, the girl couldn't
understand fractions
240
00:12:57,802 --> 00:13:01,652
even after Sister Mary Pete
broke every piece of chalk she had into thirds.
241
00:13:01,731 --> 00:13:03,771
The girl's a little kid!
242
00:13:03,850 --> 00:13:06,530
The school's not made
of chalk, Mr. Mac!
243
00:13:06,602 --> 00:13:08,372
Yeah, I know the roof ain't.
244
00:13:10,898 --> 00:13:12,658
I'm afraid I have no choice
245
00:13:12,733 --> 00:13:14,923
but to push Bryanna back a year
into second grade.
246
00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:18,294
Now, you hold on one minute.
I helped her with one problem.
247
00:13:18,364 --> 00:13:20,264
Give me a chance to help her
with another one.
248
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,630
All right.
249
00:13:25,454 --> 00:13:27,144
I'll give you one week.
250
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:30,473
But remember,
251
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:33,653
not everyone can turn water
into wine.
252
00:13:35,423 --> 00:13:37,443
One of my children held back
253
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:41,347
because I left her in hippie
school too long, America.
254
00:13:41,429 --> 00:13:44,149
That's 39th-percentile
parenting.
255
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:48,027
And Bernie Mac should be
a hundredth percentile--
256
00:13:48,102 --> 00:13:49,662
a hundredth!
257
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:51,960
You're a smart kid.
258
00:13:52,031 --> 00:13:53,741
All you have to do
is start applying yourself,
259
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:55,280
you'll start
getting good grades.
260
00:13:55,359 --> 00:13:57,959
At Wellington, they say
the most important grade
261
00:13:58,037 --> 00:13:59,947
is the grade you give yourself.
262
00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:01,795
And I give myself an "A."
263
00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:06,468
Wow, that woman wasn't kidding
about that self-esteem.
264
00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:08,346
This one has got
a little too much.
265
00:14:09,665 --> 00:14:12,835
A child is like a tree, America.
266
00:14:12,919 --> 00:14:15,599
Sometimes you have to cut 'em
down a little
267
00:14:15,671 --> 00:14:17,731
so they can grow big and strong.
268
00:14:17,807 --> 00:14:19,107
You understand?
269
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:22,635
Well, Father Cronin said
if you don't start improving,
270
00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:24,440
he's gonna push you back
a whole grade.
271
00:14:24,513 --> 00:14:26,363
And there ain't nothing
but babies back there, anyway,
272
00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:27,402
and you're not no baby, are you?
273
00:14:27,475 --> 00:14:30,895
No. But my homework is hard.
274
00:14:30,978 --> 00:14:32,948
Well, you know what?
Don't worry.
275
00:14:33,022 --> 00:14:35,502
See, now, this is where
your Uncle Bernie could help you.
276
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:36,485
Isn't that right?
277
00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:37,621
You're doggone right.
278
00:14:37,693 --> 00:14:38,953
And I got an ace.
279
00:14:39,028 --> 00:14:41,448
I know a guy got exact "A's"
280
00:14:41,530 --> 00:14:43,710
in the same exact exams
that you got.
281
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:45,077
Hold on one minute.
282
00:14:45,159 --> 00:14:47,459
Hey, Jordan, come here
for a minute.
283
00:14:47,536 --> 00:14:50,006
No!
Jordan, come here!
284
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:52,719
If you don't come here,
you're not going to the Halloween party.
285
00:14:52,792 --> 00:14:55,182
Good!
I don't want to go!
286
00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:56,551
Excuse me, Baby Girl.
287
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,023
It's gonna take me
a few minutes.
288
00:14:58,097 --> 00:14:59,757
I'm going to comfort your
brother or whop his butt.
289
00:14:59,833 --> 00:15:01,973
Either way, it's just gonna
take me a few minutes.
290
00:15:02,051 --> 00:15:05,241
(chuckling)
Jordan... Boy!
291
00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:07,318
Jordan.
292
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:10,324
Hey, man, what's wrong?
293
00:15:10,327 --> 00:15:11,907
It's too humiliating.
294
00:15:13,038 --> 00:15:14,528
Humiliating?
295
00:15:14,605 --> 00:15:16,155
That's what family
is for, man,
296
00:15:16,232 --> 00:15:18,252
to listen to
humiliating stories.
297
00:15:19,369 --> 00:15:21,699
Everyone thinks I'm a nerd.
298
00:15:21,779 --> 00:15:23,199
Jordan, you're not a nerd.
299
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,080
You know why I was on my way
in here, man?
300
00:15:25,157 --> 00:15:28,207
I was calling you, man,
because I needed your help.
301
00:15:28,285 --> 00:15:30,585
I need you to help your sister
with her homework.
302
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:31,923
She's struggling.
303
00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:33,918
Yeah, I need somebody
I can trust.
304
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,550
I need a man.
Yeah, right.
305
00:15:36,627 --> 00:15:38,487
No, I'm serious.
306
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,261
Look at what you did
when you were in third grade.
307
00:15:40,339 --> 00:15:42,469
I left her in that doggone
school too doggone long.
308
00:15:42,550 --> 00:15:44,810
When you were there
in third grade, what you get?
309
00:15:44,885 --> 00:15:46,975
Three A's and two A-minuses.
310
00:15:47,054 --> 00:15:50,074
Four A's and one A-minus.
311
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:55,823
I rest my case.
312
00:15:55,896 --> 00:15:57,946
Uncle Bernie.
Hmm?
313
00:15:58,024 --> 00:16:00,374
Bryana really didn't learn
a thing in that school, did she?
314
00:16:00,443 --> 00:16:02,543
Not a blessed thing.
315
00:16:02,611 --> 00:16:05,451
(chuckles) So you were really
wasting your money, huh?
316
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:07,501
Hmm.
(chuckles)
317
00:16:07,575 --> 00:16:08,995
You know one
thing, Jordan?
318
00:16:09,076 --> 00:16:13,296
I won't hit a nerd,
but I'll hit a man.
319
00:16:14,790 --> 00:16:16,310
In the jowl.
320
00:16:18,919 --> 00:16:21,599
Okay, Bryanna, listen
to this sentence carefully.
321
00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:23,561
Jack threw the ball
to Jill.
322
00:16:23,632 --> 00:16:26,612
If Jill is
the indirect object in the sentence,
323
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:28,556
then what is the subject?
324
00:16:28,637 --> 00:16:30,267
Baseball?
325
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:31,611
(sighs)
Okay.
326
00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:33,341
We're gonna need milk
and cookies
327
00:16:33,417 --> 00:16:35,357
and small candies
and anything else we can use
328
00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:36,690
as little reward treats.
329
00:16:36,771 --> 00:16:37,861
Oh, 'cause that was wrong?
330
00:16:37,938 --> 00:16:39,738
Yeah.
Oh.
331
00:16:39,815 --> 00:16:42,405
Jack threw
the ball to Jill.
332
00:16:42,485 --> 00:16:44,365
(Earth, Wind & Fire:
"Yearnin' Learnin'")
333
00:16:44,445 --> 00:16:46,825
♪ Stop!Look what's behind you ♪
334
00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:48,756
♪ Fame and lovegonna find you ♪
335
00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:50,833
♪ We're just hereto remind you ♪
336
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:54,840
♪ Yearn and learnis what you do, oh ♪
337
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:56,644
♪ Yow ♪
338
00:16:56,716 --> 00:16:58,516
-♪ Yeah ♪
-Mmm...
339
00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:02,550
Tasty.
340
00:17:02,630 --> 00:17:04,060
♪ Once upon a time ♪
341
00:17:04,131 --> 00:17:06,061
♪ A child was born ♪
342
00:17:06,133 --> 00:17:10,313
♪ With the light to carry on ♪
343
00:17:10,387 --> 00:17:14,317
♪ Didn't knowwhat he had to be ♪
344
00:17:14,391 --> 00:17:16,031
Uh.
♪ Had a feeling ♪
345
00:17:16,102 --> 00:17:18,242
Mm-mm.
♪ He was bound to see ♪
346
00:17:18,312 --> 00:17:23,172
♪ So the streetshe fled to shine ♪
347
00:17:23,242 --> 00:17:25,952
Hot! Hot!
♪ In a worldof a different kind... ♪
348
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:28,542
So one-fourth
plus two-eighth
349
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:30,664
plus six-twelfth
equals one.
350
00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:32,535
What'd you say?
351
00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:35,538
One-fourth
plus two-eighth
352
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:37,511
plus six-twelfth
equals one.
353
00:17:38,457 --> 00:17:40,557
It is one!
354
00:17:40,635 --> 00:17:42,545
Uncle Bernie! Uncle Bernie!
355
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:44,308
Yes!
356
00:17:44,388 --> 00:17:46,348
♪ We're just hereto remind you ♪
357
00:17:46,423 --> 00:17:48,073
♪ Yearn and learnis what you do ♪
358
00:17:52,346 --> 00:17:55,356
Does this mean I get to stay
in the third grade?
359
00:17:55,441 --> 00:17:56,731
Are you kidding?
360
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:58,939
You keep getting work
like this, hell, yeah.
361
00:17:59,019 --> 00:18:02,199
Who's the baby now, Sean?
362
00:18:02,207 --> 00:18:03,197
(laughs)
363
00:18:03,274 --> 00:18:05,704
Jordan, you are the man.
364
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:09,580
Pardon me, but I have to
go put some finishing touches on my costume.
365
00:18:09,655 --> 00:18:11,205
Buckles need swashing.
366
00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:16,263
(up-tempo music playing)
367
00:18:18,414 --> 00:18:21,674
Uncle Bernie, you said you would
take us trick-or-treating.
368
00:18:21,750 --> 00:18:23,340
You're going
as a donkey?
369
00:18:23,419 --> 00:18:26,099
Duh. Where's Jordan?
I don't know.
370
00:18:26,172 --> 00:18:30,102
Oh, he said that he was gonna
go to that costume Halloween party after all.
371
00:18:30,176 --> 00:18:33,266
The party at Michael's house?
That's not a costume party.
372
00:18:33,345 --> 00:18:35,735
What made him think
it was a costume party?
373
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:37,405
'Cause he's a nerd.
374
00:18:40,352 --> 00:18:42,162
Oh, my God.
375
00:18:42,980 --> 00:18:44,540
(sighing)
376
00:18:45,274 --> 00:18:46,624
Excuse me.
377
00:18:52,448 --> 00:18:53,878
Hey, Jordan.
378
00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:57,304
(chuckles) Just coming
from the Halloween party, huh?
379
00:18:58,462 --> 00:18:59,842
How was it?
380
00:18:59,914 --> 00:19:01,384
Not good.
381
00:19:01,457 --> 00:19:02,637
Not good, huh?
382
00:19:03,959 --> 00:19:05,639
I'm afraid
that's my fault.
383
00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:09,522
Jordan, I haven't been
honest with you, man.
384
00:19:11,175 --> 00:19:12,845
You're a nerd.
385
00:19:12,927 --> 00:19:14,307
(sniffs)
386
00:19:14,386 --> 00:19:16,306
There's nothing wrong
with being a nerd, though.
387
00:19:16,388 --> 00:19:19,768
Some of your most
famous, richest people are nerds.
388
00:19:19,850 --> 00:19:22,200
Bill Gates, nerd.
389
00:19:23,312 --> 00:19:25,152
Bill Clinton
just wrote a book
390
00:19:25,231 --> 00:19:27,321
about being a nerd.
391
00:19:27,399 --> 00:19:31,619
Wynton Marsalis just wrote about
how he loved classical music
392
00:19:31,695 --> 00:19:33,615
and was crazy about Beethoven.
393
00:19:33,697 --> 00:19:35,917
Who's Wynton Marsalis?
394
00:19:35,991 --> 00:19:38,331
The point I'm trying
to make, son, is,
395
00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:43,050
the race is not always won
by the swift, but by the strong.
396
00:19:43,123 --> 00:19:47,933
Bill Gates,
Bill Clinton, Wynton Marsalis
397
00:19:48,003 --> 00:19:52,893
and Jordon Thompkins,
my man.
398
00:19:52,967 --> 00:19:54,227
Uncle Bernie.
Hmm?
399
00:19:54,301 --> 00:19:57,191
Were you a nerd, too?
Hell, no. All man.
400
00:19:57,263 --> 00:19:59,773
Came out circumcised.
401
00:19:59,848 --> 00:20:01,588
(exhales) Tell me.
402
00:20:03,394 --> 00:20:06,154
But you know what?
I'll take one nerd and ten fools any day
403
00:20:06,230 --> 00:20:08,320
than go to a Halloween party
without a costume.
404
00:20:08,399 --> 00:20:10,029
I know.
That's crazy, isn't it?
405
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:12,529
What the
hell they smoking? I don't know.
406
00:20:12,611 --> 00:20:13,951
BRYANA: Uncle Bernie!
407
00:20:14,029 --> 00:20:16,459
Hey, I gotta
take your sister trick-or-treating.
408
00:20:16,540 --> 00:20:19,170
Come on, go with us.
Okay, sure.
409
00:20:19,243 --> 00:20:20,923
Yeah.
Hey, are you ready?
410
00:20:20,995 --> 00:20:22,705
Come on.
Let's go this way.
411
00:20:22,788 --> 00:20:23,958
Cool costume.
412
00:20:24,039 --> 00:20:26,049
Yeah, I got it
downtown.
413
00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:27,845
I saw an old lady
throwing it in a Dumpster.
414
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:30,047
♪ What your life can truly be ♪
415
00:20:30,129 --> 00:20:32,139
♪ Shining star for you to see ♪
416
00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:34,518
♪ What your lifecan truly be ♪
417
00:20:36,844 --> 00:20:40,704
(whistling "TurkeyIn The Straw")
418
00:20:54,403 --> 00:20:56,633
MAN: All right, good.
here we go.
419
00:20:56,706 --> 00:20:57,996
(laughter)
420
00:20:58,007 --> 00:21:01,507
(women speaking off-camera)
421
00:21:04,514 --> 00:21:06,434
Ha-ha.
(laughs)
422
00:21:11,253 --> 00:21:12,403
Captioned by Visual Data
423
00:21:12,453 --> 00:21:17,003
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