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1
00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:01,470
Oh.
2
00:00:04,050 --> 00:00:07,230
I used to go about with Audrey
Monks. She didn't look like a horse.
3
00:00:07,230 --> 00:00:10,410
More of a pony,
but then you were only 11.
4
00:00:10,410 --> 00:00:12,170
Audrey Monks?
5
00:00:12,170 --> 00:00:14,590
Blonde hair, blue eyes.
6
00:00:14,590 --> 00:00:16,730
Had about eight stitches
on her chin.
7
00:00:16,730 --> 00:00:18,590
I remember, a bit of a tomboy.
8
00:00:18,590 --> 00:00:21,290
Ah, she were brilliant
with a catapult.
9
00:00:21,290 --> 00:00:24,530
Didn't she once bite
the senior mistress?
10
00:00:24,530 --> 00:00:27,110
Ah! She had lovely teeth! 11.
11
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:29,190
She had more than 11!
12
00:00:30,770 --> 00:00:34,610
11 years of age, I was about to say,
when I was so rudely interrupted.
13
00:00:34,610 --> 00:00:37,670
So I should think.
She only lost about eight.
14
00:00:37,670 --> 00:00:40,710
Seems just incredible that
we were ever 11 years of age.
15
00:00:40,710 --> 00:00:44,650
And she lost four of them
when she fell off that thing at the safety exhibition.
16
00:00:44,650 --> 00:00:49,770
When she used to smile after that,
bless her, it was like looking through a turnstile.
17
00:00:49,770 --> 00:00:54,690
Ah, makes me sad sometimes
when I think back.
18
00:00:54,690 --> 00:00:58,530
You know, when I was 11 years of
age, I wanted to be a fighter pilot.
19
00:00:58,530 --> 00:01:00,970
Of course they were all
double-wingers then.
20
00:01:00,970 --> 00:01:03,210
Now they're all one.
There's progress for you.
21
00:01:03,210 --> 00:01:05,770
It's just another word
for saving materials.
22
00:01:05,770 --> 00:01:09,030
Hey, what did you want to be at 11?
23
00:01:09,030 --> 00:01:11,270
Heavy smoker.
24
00:01:25,470 --> 00:01:29,030
Good morning, young lady. I would
like to see your personnel manager.
25
00:01:29,030 --> 00:01:30,950
Have you got an appointment?
26
00:01:30,950 --> 00:01:33,150
No, not exactly.
Well, you can't then.
27
00:01:36,670 --> 00:01:39,150
So much for looking them
straight in the eye.
28
00:01:39,150 --> 00:01:42,290
Excuse me, miss, but why
don't you stop practising
29
00:01:42,290 --> 00:01:47,990
all that charm and just nip through
and ask him if he'll see this gentleman for just two minutes?
30
00:01:47,990 --> 00:01:51,350
You don't know what you're missing.
He actually likes work.
31
00:01:51,350 --> 00:01:54,870
Oh, it doesn't matter.
It's the same response everywhere.
32
00:01:54,870 --> 00:01:56,690
Brings a twitch to you war wounds.
33
00:01:56,690 --> 00:02:01,950
It does matter. If it's a vacancy
you're after, you'll have to fill in the standard application forms...
34
00:02:01,950 --> 00:02:04,330
Two minutes.
..and leave them with us,
35
00:02:04,330 --> 00:02:11,190
together with the telephone numbers
of two referees. After which, you will be contacted...if necessary.
36
00:02:11,190 --> 00:02:16,950
Two minutes, during which he can,
if he likes, continue venerating a photograph of the managing director.
37
00:02:16,950 --> 00:02:20,170
He's got his pension, he won't
want much wages. He's crackers.
38
00:02:20,170 --> 00:02:22,450
He'll make an ideal worker.
39
00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:24,890
I do not know these people.
40
00:02:24,890 --> 00:02:28,690
I was merely foolish enough to
drop something in their caps on the street.
41
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:32,030
Well, I suggest you all clear off
and try the labour exchange.
42
00:02:32,030 --> 00:02:35,590
If you don't mind my saying so, miss,
I think you're a bit wasted here.
43
00:02:35,590 --> 00:02:39,070
You ought to be out tending
the dying with a whip.
44
00:02:39,070 --> 00:02:42,450
As a final inducement for you,
let me introduce my friend.
45
00:02:42,450 --> 00:02:47,230
He used to be the
Huddersfield Strangler, but now he's out on probation.
46
00:02:50,870 --> 00:02:51,870
Grr! Agh!
47
00:02:54,590 --> 00:02:56,830
How embarrassing can you get, eh?
48
00:02:56,830 --> 00:03:00,650
You've set me off to
a right first impression. What's she going to tell him?
49
00:03:00,650 --> 00:03:05,310
"There's a bloke out there
with the Huddersfield Strangler who's looking for a job."
50
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:08,790
I have never felt
so humiliated in my life.
51
00:03:08,790 --> 00:03:11,190
Come on. Yes, you have.
52
00:03:11,190 --> 00:03:14,870
What about that time when we left
you holding Mrs Jack Holbury?
53
00:03:14,870 --> 00:03:16,830
Don't remind me.
54
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:21,190
She shouldn't have been up there
in the first place, a woman of her impressive physique.
55
00:03:21,190 --> 00:03:25,330
It's all very well stopping them
falling, but I never know where to put my hands.
56
00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:28,170
In your pocket. Pay for the teas.
57
00:03:28,170 --> 00:03:29,890
Her centre of gravity was all wrong.
58
00:03:29,890 --> 00:03:32,350
Ah, but it were cuddly,
though, weren't it?
59
00:03:32,350 --> 00:03:35,150
And I seem to remember a time
when you were exposed without
60
00:03:35,150 --> 00:03:39,050
your trousers in the men's department
of JW Mulcaster & Sons.
61
00:03:39,050 --> 00:03:43,090
Only because he did something
unmentionable in the fitting room.
62
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:46,250
Well, he'd been in there
half an hour.
63
00:03:46,250 --> 00:03:48,950
How long does it take to
buy a pair of trousers?
64
00:03:48,950 --> 00:03:51,290
How long does it take? How long?
65
00:03:51,290 --> 00:03:53,430
Here, look at these, look at them.
66
00:03:55,450 --> 00:03:59,530
It'd take me a long time before
I bought a pair like that.
67
00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:03,070
I'll admit they're going a bit
here and there. Here and there?
68
00:04:03,070 --> 00:04:05,990
If I look through here, I can see
everything that's there.
69
00:04:10,970 --> 00:04:17,790
I wouldn't be surprised if that isn't
the exact same movement whereby Salome used to inflame King Herod.
70
00:04:20,350 --> 00:04:24,950
He'd be inflamed all right
if he clapped eyes on that trotting round the palace.
71
00:04:24,950 --> 00:04:27,670
It's bingo now. What is bingo now?
72
00:04:27,670 --> 00:04:31,710
The Palace. They closed it right
down after The Vicar And The Virgin.
73
00:04:31,710 --> 00:04:35,210
Not that Palace! It were Double X
the last week I were there.
74
00:04:35,210 --> 00:04:36,870
You were there all week?!
75
00:04:36,870 --> 00:04:40,350
No, you daft pillock,
just the last performance.
76
00:04:40,350 --> 00:04:43,090
The other film was Swedish.
It would be, wouldn't it?
77
00:04:43,090 --> 00:04:45,450
I can't remember
what it were called.
78
00:04:45,450 --> 00:04:49,490
But it were about this lumberjack
who had a big chopper.
79
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:54,790
And he were going to chop
this bird's tree down so she tied herself to it with nowt on.
80
00:04:54,790 --> 00:04:59,010
So he went and had a go
at this big horse chestnut.
81
00:04:59,010 --> 00:05:02,430
Well, you would. It happens all
the time in the Forestry Commission.
82
00:05:02,430 --> 00:05:06,150
She said something to him
in Swedish.
83
00:05:06,150 --> 00:05:10,130
He nearly missed his stroke,
nearly took off his foot.
84
00:05:10,130 --> 00:05:12,490
I don't know what it was she said.
85
00:05:12,490 --> 00:05:14,350
It had sub-tittles.
86
00:05:15,410 --> 00:05:17,990
It had what? Sub-tittles!
87
00:05:19,590 --> 00:05:22,170
And they were right down
the bottom of the screen.
88
00:05:22,170 --> 00:05:26,550
I hadn't paid my money to come in
and watch them, not when there was
89
00:05:26,550 --> 00:05:32,670
this daft bird jack naked,
tied there to this clouting great tree. Cor!
90
00:05:32,670 --> 00:05:36,950
Sub-tittles! And they were right
down at the bottom of the screen.
91
00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:57,250
Ah! This must be it, over t'shop.
Is that what it says in your paper?
92
00:05:57,250 --> 00:06:02,630
No, all it says in the paper is,
"Are you dynamic, ambitious, a real goer?
93
00:06:02,630 --> 00:06:04,970
"Want to earn 4,000 a year?
94
00:06:04,970 --> 00:06:06,650
"No experience necessary.
95
00:06:06,650 --> 00:06:09,990
"Apply, 14, Condron Street,
Mr Green."
96
00:06:09,990 --> 00:06:12,870
It doesn't look as though
they've got 4,000 quid.
97
00:06:12,870 --> 00:06:17,990
All right, don't knock it
just because it's not got a lot of flash executive top show.
98
00:06:17,990 --> 00:06:23,030
No, that's true. They don't go in for
a lot of flash executive top show.
99
00:06:38,450 --> 00:06:41,110
What do I want it for? Work it out.
100
00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:44,230
You're dynamic,
ambitious, a real goer.
101
00:06:45,750 --> 00:06:48,710
Oh, I shouldn't bother to
wipe your hands for this mob.
102
00:06:48,710 --> 00:06:51,250
That's tidy enough.
Wait for me, I'll meet you...
103
00:06:51,250 --> 00:06:53,210
No, we're coming in with you.
104
00:06:53,210 --> 00:06:57,370
Listen, this could be
my last chance for a shot at the top executive suite.
105
00:06:57,370 --> 00:07:00,710
Don't be a little pig. They're
looking for more than one real goer.
106
00:07:00,710 --> 00:07:04,450
You're not the only one who
wants to earn 4,000 quid a year.
107
00:07:23,750 --> 00:07:26,110
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
108
00:07:45,710 --> 00:07:48,730
Well, I tell you, Harry,
I don't care.
109
00:07:48,730 --> 00:07:50,870
Listen, a deal's a deal.
110
00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:55,690
I asked for 100,000,
I want 100,000, not 750.
111
00:07:55,690 --> 00:08:00,630
I want to flood the market, not
piddle about with it a squirt at a time. I'll be with you in a minute.
112
00:08:00,630 --> 00:08:03,990
Don't give me that, Harry,
we've all got production problems.
113
00:08:03,990 --> 00:08:08,150
Do you think I don't know,
that my people don't need a boot up the tail occasionally?
114
00:08:08,150 --> 00:08:12,210
Why do you think I closed
the Enfield factory? A load of bums.
115
00:08:12,210 --> 00:08:14,770
Listen, you'll have to
deal with it, Harry.
116
00:08:14,770 --> 00:08:18,710
I've got some people here. Yes, but
get your priorities right, boyo.
117
00:08:18,710 --> 00:08:21,990
Just remember who
your biggest customers are.
118
00:08:21,990 --> 00:08:25,630
You look after me and ICI and let
the small stuff take its chances.
119
00:08:27,390 --> 00:08:30,130
Dog eat dog,
that's how it is at the top.
120
00:08:30,130 --> 00:08:34,930
Think about it and march
straight out of that door, boys, if you can't handle it.
121
00:08:34,930 --> 00:08:39,230
I'll tell you what. I'm going to
turn my back on you now and I'm going to count up to ten,
122
00:08:39,230 --> 00:08:41,690
and if you're still there
when I turn round again,
123
00:08:41,690 --> 00:08:46,710
it means that you're telling me
that you are aggressive, action-packed go-getters full of
124
00:08:46,710 --> 00:08:50,690
zap, powee and kaboom.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
125
00:08:50,690 --> 00:08:51,730
Welcome aboard, boys.
126
00:08:51,730 --> 00:08:54,490
You've made the right decision.
127
00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:59,070
Welcome aboard
the good ship Prosperity under the flag of Shinyglow.
128
00:08:59,070 --> 00:09:01,650
That's the magic word, boys -
Shinyglow.
129
00:09:01,650 --> 00:09:07,690
It'll transport you like a magic
carpet into a world of limousines, tax avoidance and yachts.
130
00:09:07,690 --> 00:09:10,230
You are about to achieve
your goals in life.
131
00:09:10,230 --> 00:09:13,730
We've all got goals in life,
get-up-and-goers like us.
132
00:09:13,730 --> 00:09:15,370
Come on, come on, tell me, tell me.
133
00:09:15,370 --> 00:09:22,110
Tell old Greeny, you sales adviser,
leader and friend - what are we seeking to snatch from life?
134
00:09:22,110 --> 00:09:26,470
Well, I was hoping to find some sort
of contributory pension scheme.
135
00:09:26,470 --> 00:09:31,250
I thought I'd better ask for
a bit more zap, powee and kaboom - especially kaboom.
136
00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:35,590
Well, you see, I've got this back,
so I hope that work's not too heavy, like, you know?
137
00:09:35,590 --> 00:09:36,850
Well, you show promise.
138
00:09:36,850 --> 00:09:40,190
My instinct's telling me to give
you a chance. Now, sit down, boys.
139
00:09:40,190 --> 00:09:42,810
We don't stand on ceremony
here at Shinyglow.
140
00:09:44,810 --> 00:09:47,490
That's it, boys,
show your initiative.
141
00:09:47,490 --> 00:09:51,370
You'll have to excuse
my temporary premises, but I've got the architects in
142
00:09:51,370 --> 00:09:56,410
at my prestige office block,
and I find it best to keep out of the way with all those architects -
143
00:09:56,410 --> 00:10:00,630
they're like a load of delicate
Maureens whispering about the place!
144
00:10:00,630 --> 00:10:03,510
Our Barry's youngest went for
a draughtsman.
145
00:10:03,510 --> 00:10:07,490
Oh, yes? Aye. He can draw you a plan
of a garage if you ever want one.
146
00:10:07,490 --> 00:10:11,190
I'll remember that.
Or a conservatory. It don't have to be a garage.
147
00:10:11,190 --> 00:10:14,070
Versatile, is he?
Well, so are we at Shinyglow.
148
00:10:14,070 --> 00:10:17,910
There's no such thing as sales
resistance, only bad salesmanship.
149
00:10:17,910 --> 00:10:19,770
That's our motto,
the Shinyglow motto.
150
00:10:19,770 --> 00:10:23,710
Or a shed. You know,
I think he can draw a shed.
151
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:25,530
Will you keep quiet?!
152
00:10:25,530 --> 00:10:29,730
I wish you wouldn't keep rabbiting
on about your Barry's youngest.
153
00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:33,750
We know he made the grade
educationally, but look at the advantages he had.
154
00:10:33,750 --> 00:10:37,170
All those small
private classes at borstal.
155
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:40,290
Sorry about that, Mr Green.
Oh, that's all right.
156
00:10:40,290 --> 00:10:44,710
It's never been part of
the Oswald Green method to stifle discussion. Unless, of course,
157
00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:50,290
they're customers, in which case
prudence dictates that they ought never to get a word in edgeways!
158
00:10:50,290 --> 00:10:56,470
Now, remember that. Your first
free gem of sales wisdom from the lips of Oswald Green.
159
00:10:56,470 --> 00:10:58,410
Don't write it down,
keep it in here.
160
00:10:58,410 --> 00:11:02,010
You stick with me, and I'll
send you out on the streets as sharp as razors.
161
00:11:02,010 --> 00:11:04,510
You'll be able to slice through
all resistance.
162
00:11:04,510 --> 00:11:06,390
You'll have Shinyglow get up and go.
163
00:11:06,390 --> 00:11:09,390
What will you have?
Come on, come on, tell me, tell me.
164
00:11:09,390 --> 00:11:11,370
Shine and get up. ..and go.
165
00:11:14,210 --> 00:11:15,190
And kaboom.
166
00:11:16,930 --> 00:11:19,190
That's it, that's what you'll have.
167
00:11:19,190 --> 00:11:22,130
This is your promise from
Oswald P. Green.
168
00:11:25,830 --> 00:11:28,670
Well, this is it, boys...
169
00:11:28,670 --> 00:11:29,910
The product.
170
00:11:31,930 --> 00:11:35,670
Here, handle it, go on.
Feel it. How does that grab you?
171
00:11:35,670 --> 00:11:40,390
Right weight, right place,
a revolutionary new aerosol cleaner
172
00:11:40,390 --> 00:11:45,510
guaranteed to put
the sparkle back in anything, even your mother's smile.
173
00:11:45,510 --> 00:11:47,870
Use that if you like, lads.
174
00:11:47,870 --> 00:11:50,110
Another free gem from Oswald Green.
175
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:54,710
It's rusty.
I told you it was revolutionary.
176
00:11:54,710 --> 00:11:57,250
Now let me tell you
what makes a thing sell.
177
00:11:57,250 --> 00:12:00,150
Image, clear product identity.
178
00:12:00,150 --> 00:12:04,050
You stick that little beauty on the
shelf, and forget the competition.
179
00:12:04,050 --> 00:12:06,690
The housewife can spot
Shinyglow anywhere.
180
00:12:06,690 --> 00:12:08,570
She knows that we at Shinyglow
181
00:12:08,570 --> 00:12:11,710
haven't wasted her money
tarting up the package,
182
00:12:11,710 --> 00:12:15,110
but we've put value
where it counts, inside the can!
183
00:12:46,922 --> 00:12:48,942
Back you go.
184
00:12:48,942 --> 00:12:51,882
Back you go. Go on, go on.
185
00:12:51,882 --> 00:12:54,342
Not on the pavement,
not on the pavement!
186
00:13:01,062 --> 00:13:04,402
Why doesn't he
take it into the house?
187
00:13:04,402 --> 00:13:10,982
Now cast off. To the left,
to the left, you fool! Come on!
188
00:13:16,102 --> 00:13:18,262
ENGINE STOPS
189
00:13:25,962 --> 00:13:31,502
This van,
let me tell you, is slap bang in line with the Shinyglow image.
190
00:13:31,502 --> 00:13:33,322
And so is your driving.
191
00:13:33,322 --> 00:13:36,242
It's exciting watching you
stirring about, looking for a gear
192
00:13:36,242 --> 00:13:38,562
and wondering which one
you're going to find.
193
00:13:38,562 --> 00:13:41,042
He's had my leg in neutral twice.
194
00:13:42,102 --> 00:13:45,962
Come on, let's have a fag before
we start. Well, get 'em out, then.
195
00:13:45,962 --> 00:13:52,202
Oh, I will, I will, as soon as
I've sold my first gross of these squirters.
196
00:13:52,202 --> 00:13:53,662
Here...
197
00:13:58,342 --> 00:14:01,402
He's a great talker, is Green.
We must be crackers.
198
00:14:01,402 --> 00:14:03,522
It's work, isn't it?
199
00:14:03,522 --> 00:14:06,982
We've got to establish ourselves
any way we can.
200
00:14:06,982 --> 00:14:11,662
Yeah, I don't go much
on that "no pay, just commission".
201
00:14:13,522 --> 00:14:16,622
Ta. That's quite usual
in the selling field.
202
00:14:16,622 --> 00:14:19,282
It means that we're more
or less self-employed.
203
00:14:19,282 --> 00:14:22,222
Yeah, if we don't sell any
we'll be unemployed.
204
00:14:22,222 --> 00:14:25,482
'Ey up, where's all
the Shinyglow get up and go?
205
00:14:25,482 --> 00:14:27,662
It got up and went.
206
00:14:30,882 --> 00:14:35,042
Now, come along. We've got to
start taking this seriously.
207
00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:39,282
If we make a success of this
we could be launched on a second career,
208
00:14:39,282 --> 00:14:41,442
or in some cases a first career.
209
00:14:41,442 --> 00:14:45,402
Come on, shape yourselves.
We've got to get the hang of these.
210
00:14:45,402 --> 00:14:48,902
And remember,
all the value is in the can.
211
00:14:48,902 --> 00:14:52,102
Aye, it looks as though
it's going to stay in there an' all.
212
00:14:55,602 --> 00:14:57,622
RAUCOUS LAUGHTER
213
00:15:10,682 --> 00:15:12,942
There, then,
I've got the knack of it.
214
00:15:12,942 --> 00:15:15,142
You just have to
wobble the plunger a bit.
215
00:15:16,742 --> 00:15:20,062
There you are, you see?
One has to think positively.
216
00:15:20,062 --> 00:15:22,262
This stuff polishes anything.
217
00:15:46,222 --> 00:15:48,262
It must be very inferior paint.
218
00:15:52,202 --> 00:15:54,582
Accidental chemical reaction!
219
00:15:54,582 --> 00:15:57,062
One in a million.
220
00:15:57,062 --> 00:15:58,542
There we are.
221
00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:08,602
For goodness' sake,
now what's the matter?
222
00:16:08,602 --> 00:16:12,162
Nothing, nothing, it's just nerves.
223
00:16:12,162 --> 00:16:18,582
You know how it is. When you're on
the verge of an important new step, the world seems changed.
224
00:16:18,582 --> 00:16:22,062
Everything suddenly looks different!
225
00:16:22,062 --> 00:16:23,942
Well, pull yourselves together.
226
00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:28,182
Now, you conquer that side of
the street and I'll conquer this.
227
00:16:43,802 --> 00:16:47,602
Good morning, madam. I'd like to
introduce you to Shinyglow, which...
228
00:17:00,302 --> 00:17:03,022
Good morning, Madam!
I'd like to introduce you...
229
00:17:15,162 --> 00:17:17,262
Good morning, madam... Aaargh!
230
00:17:42,522 --> 00:17:44,922
What are you doing, then, eh?
Gossipy lot.
231
00:17:44,922 --> 00:17:48,522
We were just explaining to Sid that
we're back among the great employed.
232
00:17:48,522 --> 00:17:51,702
Very temporarily,
unless we start selling something.
233
00:17:51,702 --> 00:17:53,542
I can't understand it.
234
00:17:53,542 --> 00:18:00,762
A van full of blasted aerosols,
me full of personality, we haven't sold one. Not one.
235
00:18:00,762 --> 00:18:02,642
It's him.
236
00:18:02,642 --> 00:18:05,002
I know what it is. It's him.
237
00:18:05,002 --> 00:18:08,362
They see him in the street,
dressed like that. Like what?
238
00:18:08,362 --> 00:18:11,662
Dressed as if for an accident
under a tram.
239
00:18:11,662 --> 00:18:16,182
They look straight past me
and see him. Mobile disaster area.
240
00:18:16,182 --> 00:18:18,542
No wonder they keep slamming doors.
241
00:18:18,542 --> 00:18:22,002
You've not put that stuff away,
I see!
242
00:18:22,002 --> 00:18:26,062
But I am not going to lose
my temper.
243
00:18:26,062 --> 00:18:30,162
We are doing no good going through
life yelling at one another.
244
00:18:30,162 --> 00:18:31,622
Don't you feel very well?
245
00:18:33,702 --> 00:18:35,642
I never felt better.
246
00:18:35,642 --> 00:18:38,702
I've been talking to
Mrs Brocklesby about eternal peace.
247
00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:40,582
Are you going to give me some?
248
00:18:43,362 --> 00:18:48,042
You can scoff if you like
but she's found great consolation since her Harold went.
249
00:18:48,042 --> 00:18:50,142
Aye, his insurance.
250
00:18:51,142 --> 00:18:53,422
She practises meditation
251
00:18:53,422 --> 00:18:55,442
and deep breathing.
252
00:18:55,442 --> 00:18:57,462
And she isn't afraid of dying.
253
00:18:57,462 --> 00:19:03,842
And she's going to take me to a lady
in Retford Street who's in touch with an angel called Kathleen.
254
00:19:03,842 --> 00:19:08,462
Can you call in at Abercrombie's
on the way back? We're running short of crisps.
255
00:19:08,462 --> 00:19:13,122
You can try, but you will not
provoke me into raising my voice.
256
00:19:13,122 --> 00:19:16,482
It is possible, you know,
with a little imagination,
257
00:19:16,482 --> 00:19:20,962
to appreciate the superior virtue
of calm and the spirit of peace.
258
00:19:20,962 --> 00:19:23,042
My yelling days are...
259
00:19:23,042 --> 00:19:24,622
Aaaaahh!
260
00:19:28,722 --> 00:19:32,402
Are just about
to begin, you useless hooligan!
261
00:19:32,402 --> 00:19:37,422
If you've no more brains than to go
piddling about painting the faces of your perishing friends!
262
00:21:02,642 --> 00:21:07,662
I can't even get in to resign. Maybe
just as well. He'd charge for it.
263
00:21:07,662 --> 00:21:10,482
Well, lock the van and put
the key through the letterbox.
264
00:21:10,482 --> 00:21:13,262
He'll get the message. I bet his
salesmen are always doing it.
265
00:21:13,682 --> 00:21:17,102
We could squirt the door with
Shinyglow and burn it down.
266
00:21:17,102 --> 00:21:20,302
I've spoken my last
of the Shinyglow, thank you.
267
00:21:35,082 --> 00:21:38,282
All right, one more then, only.
268
00:21:38,282 --> 00:21:42,542
I've had an exhausting day and
I'm going to have an early night.
269
00:21:42,542 --> 00:21:46,582
I shall lay down, pat cream on me
face, have 10 hours' sleep
270
00:21:46,582 --> 00:21:51,382
and pray
that when I wake in the morning, my face hasn't melted away.
271
00:21:51,382 --> 00:21:54,002
Well, have you had enough,
has it cured thee? Cured me?
272
00:21:54,002 --> 00:21:56,402
Of the restless urge for employment?
273
00:21:56,402 --> 00:21:58,682
No, it has not. Oh, well.
274
00:21:58,682 --> 00:22:00,322
It has merely whet the appetite.
275
00:22:00,322 --> 00:22:04,302
Aye, you nearly wet your
britches an' all when you saw your face, didn't ya?
276
00:22:05,482 --> 00:22:08,842
I admit that incident was unusual
but it's not typical.
277
00:22:08,842 --> 00:22:12,462
Even today, there were moments when
I felt the blood beginning to surge.
278
00:22:12,462 --> 00:22:18,402
Ay, I know, it's his driving,
it made my guts go wobbly an' all.
279
00:22:18,402 --> 00:22:21,322
I don't believe I've
ever seen you nosh.
280
00:22:21,322 --> 00:22:25,242
It's my fundamental belief that
you've got unshakeable innards.
281
00:22:25,242 --> 00:22:27,502
Aye, and wicked eyes.
282
00:22:30,062 --> 00:22:32,482
You know, I could get the feeling
for salesmanship.
283
00:22:32,482 --> 00:22:35,022
Lots of them do, but you're
better off with the money.
284
00:22:35,022 --> 00:22:37,882
If I had the product, I could sell.
285
00:22:38,862 --> 00:22:41,762
What for? We're all right as we are.
286
00:22:41,762 --> 00:22:46,502
What, redundant?
Well, we have a giggle. We get about a bit. Killing time, eh?
287
00:22:46,502 --> 00:22:49,582
You don't have to kill it
all the time, you can use it as well.
288
00:22:49,582 --> 00:22:53,482
What for? Looking for the key,
if you like. What key?
289
00:22:53,482 --> 00:22:57,482
To why the Almighty won't have
any truck with comprehensives
290
00:22:57,482 --> 00:23:02,362
but still insists on streaming,
that sort of key. To the universe.
291
00:23:02,362 --> 00:23:04,482
Why, did somebody lose it?
292
00:23:04,482 --> 00:23:07,022
You read the papers.
It makes you think so.
293
00:23:07,022 --> 00:23:10,762
Are we going to have a trot up the
hill tomorrow if it's a nice day?
294
00:23:10,762 --> 00:23:14,962
We are not. I am trotting without
reason round no more hills.
295
00:23:14,962 --> 00:23:18,442
I'm going to find meself a job
in the selling profession.
296
00:23:18,442 --> 00:23:20,942
Oh, God, here we go again.
297
00:23:20,942 --> 00:23:22,502
You lot give up too easily.
298
00:23:25,702 --> 00:23:30,102
Farewell, unemployment
and former friends.
299
00:23:33,282 --> 00:23:35,362
Proud blood, the Blamires.
300
00:23:35,362 --> 00:23:37,382
Ah, his mum were crackers and all.
301
00:23:38,502 --> 00:23:41,482
Hey. here it is, then.
302
00:23:41,482 --> 00:23:45,582
Vacancy. Wanted,
live salesman for painting trade.
303
00:23:45,582 --> 00:23:48,882
They also have dead ones?
304
00:23:48,882 --> 00:23:53,402
Top class opportunity for keen,
ambitious man. Apply personally.
305
00:23:53,402 --> 00:23:56,302
Room 14, Red Lion Hotel.
306
00:23:56,302 --> 00:23:58,742
I've got experience now, you know.
307
00:23:58,742 --> 00:24:02,542
I can honestly tell them
that I used to work for Shinyglow.
308
00:24:02,542 --> 00:24:08,522
Yeah, but I wouldn't say it as loud
as that. More like, "I used to work for... QUIETLY: Shinyglow."
309
00:24:08,522 --> 00:24:13,362
And you can tell them you'll do
anything for a sale, even paint your face.
310
00:24:24,802 --> 00:24:26,642
The sky is the limit, boyo.
311
00:24:26,642 --> 00:24:31,762
You get all the resources of Stripo
behind you, and that's a multi-million international deal,
312
00:24:31,762 --> 00:24:34,162
on top of which, look what you get
for a product.
313
00:24:34,162 --> 00:24:38,182
This little beauty. The finest
paint remover in an aerosol can.
314
00:24:38,182 --> 00:24:41,422
It's going to revolutionise
the paint trade.
315
00:24:44,422 --> 00:24:47,062
Just get the last
few bugs out of this.
316
00:24:52,582 --> 00:24:56,842
You'll get used to
unemployment, I promise thee. I did.
317
00:24:56,842 --> 00:24:58,862
Ah, but then you had a flair for it.
318
00:24:58,862 --> 00:25:00,482
That's true.
319
00:25:00,482 --> 00:25:02,682
It must be a gift.
320
00:25:02,682 --> 00:25:05,542
Oh, shut up and go
to sleep, you two.
321
00:25:05,542 --> 00:25:08,962
You're like a pair of
matching motor horns.
322
00:25:08,962 --> 00:25:12,662
You wanted to waste time,
all right, we'll waste time.
323
00:25:12,662 --> 00:25:15,942
I found you a quiet spot. Enjoy it.
324
00:25:17,002 --> 00:25:20,082
Cyril, could I ask you something?
325
00:25:20,082 --> 00:25:22,062
What is it now?
326
00:25:22,062 --> 00:25:25,062
Could you tell me why we're
lying on this ant's nest?
327
00:25:26,035 --> 00:26:25,909
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