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1
00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:03,335
[ Hip-hop playing ]
2
00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:26,091
If I'm in my apartment,
I stay naked.
3
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:27,597
Like, if I'm in a closet
4
00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:29,758
and I put my coat away
and the door's shut,
5
00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:31,827
I stay naked.
6
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:35,765
If I'm in a bathroom to [bleep]
I stay naked.
7
00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:39,243
If I'm out on the lawn and then
I see, like, fireflies come out,
8
00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:40,843
I stay naked.
9
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:44,614
If I'm on a tire swing,
I stay naked.
10
00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:47,775
If I drive when it's dark,
I stay naked.
11
00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:51,115
And then if I drive until
it's light again, I stay naked.
12
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:53,692
When I go to church,
I stay naked.
13
00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:57,431
If I get groceries,
I stay naked.
14
00:00:57,458 --> 00:01:00,558
If I go to a water park,
you know I stay naked.
15
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:04,064
But it's tough,
do you know what I mean?
16
00:01:04,098 --> 00:01:06,568
[ Applause ]
17
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:12,572
* If you get me in a headlock
18
00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:16,136
* Well, I will get you
in a dick-grab *
19
00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:19,377
* I don't really want to hurt
you *
20
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:23,153
* But you don't want to
make this boy mad *
21
00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:27,524
* If you get me in a headlock
22
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:32,733
So I'm doing a show with Kurt
at Bonnaroo
23
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:36,900
and that's not a totally fun
place to do stand-up comedy.
24
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,300
I don't know if you know this,
like, in our tent,
25
00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,473
the wireless mikes,
we were trying to do a set
26
00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:44,912
to people who are like coming
down off "E" or whatever.
27
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,308
And, like, Nine Inch Nails
28
00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:49,240
is somehow piping through
our cordless mikes
29
00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:50,677
while we're trying to
tell jokes.
30
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:53,311
And so finally we're done,
and Kurt is like,
31
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:55,747
"Good news, I got some
chocolate-covered 'shrooms."
32
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:58,523
And I was like,
"I guess I need it."
33
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:01,622
So I popped the 'shroom
and it's delicious.
34
00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:03,915
And then he's like,
"Let's go listen to some music."
35
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:07,427
So we walk out from
the artist area of Bonnaroo,
36
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:08,861
like, into the crowds.
37
00:02:08,896 --> 00:02:11,096
And it was such a mistake
38
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:15,271
because everybody turned around
and taped me dancing to Phoenix.
39
00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:16,873
And I was like,
"Oh, this is bad."
40
00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:18,774
So I just turned on my heel
41
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:21,106
and I walked right to
the nearest porta-potty.
42
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,441
And at that point
in the festival,
43
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,276
it was filled with so much shit.
44
00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:26,052
Like shit, like,
coming out the top
45
00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:27,449
of the rim of the toilet seat.
46
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,881
And I just stared at it
and breathed it in
47
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:34,287
until I puked out the 'shrooms
before it hit my system
48
00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:36,522
so that I wouldn't lose my mind.
49
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:39,657
And then I went back out,
tried to watch Phoenix.
50
00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:40,963
And Kurt is like,
51
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,634
"Good news, I got some
chocolate-covered 'shrooms."
52
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:46,004
And I was like,
"Goodbye forever, Bonnaroo.
53
00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:47,743
I'm never coming back."
54
00:02:49,437 --> 00:02:52,237
Dad, I know what I want to be
when I grow up --
55
00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:54,043
a starving artist!
56
00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:55,414
What?!
57
00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:58,713
Dad, I'm a gay woman,
and I'm getting married!
58
00:02:58,746 --> 00:02:59,706
What?!
59
00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:02,817
Dad,
I'm dating a black guy.
60
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:03,820
What?!
61
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:07,151
Dad, I joined
the Black Panthers!
62
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,157
What?!
63
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,758
Dad, I went to college,
64
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:12,830
and I decided
I hate America.
65
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:15,300
What?!
66
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,497
Uh, is your blank blanked up?
67
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,343
Is it full of skunky fruit?
68
00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:22,999
Is your stump full of gunk,
69
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:26,166
or are you hurting from the
milks thickening in your glands?
70
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:30,106
Do your knuckles lock with
that salt-sugar putrescence?
71
00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:33,213
Mmm.
I mean is your blank blanked up?
72
00:03:33,781 --> 00:03:37,591
* You're giving me
testicular answers *
73
00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:39,588
* Talking about her snip,
her hatch *
74
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:41,120
* Her gulch, her dip
75
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:42,564
* Her puppet, her shack
76
00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:43,790
* Her mulch
77
00:03:43,824 --> 00:03:45,364
* And her mitt
78
00:03:45,393 --> 00:03:49,103
* You're giving me
testicular answers *
79
00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:50,359
* Talking about her pore
80
00:03:50,398 --> 00:03:51,698
* Her gripper, her gum
81
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,372
* Her syrup, her drooler
82
00:03:53,401 --> 00:03:54,641
* Her cruller, her yum
83
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,768
* Her her-cup
* Yeah
84
00:03:56,804 --> 00:04:00,714
* You're giving me
testicular answers *
85
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,911
So why don't you give me a call,
Trina?
86
00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:09,583
Man: You know, I always see
Harrison Ford as, like,
87
00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:12,317
you know,
everybody's clock-maker.
88
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:15,893
You know, like, he makes that
big clock that everybody is,
89
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:18,963
like, setting their
[bleep] heartbeats to.
90
00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:21,062
But, you know,
he's like a granddad
91
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:25,774
who's really mad that he made
a Pinocchio out of all of us.
92
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:27,999
And, you know,
he gets really scared
93
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:31,405
whenever he starts
thinking about his legacy
94
00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:34,979
of, like, changing the path of
human history
95
00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:38,078
into a bunch of Pinocchios
who are, like,
96
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:43,421
dancing to the beat of a [bleep]
metronomic click-clack.
97
00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:46,591
You know,
that's Harrison Ford in my mind.
98
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,490
[Bleep] great guy, you know,
99
00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:51,362
crashing airplanes
on golf courses
100
00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:55,432
and saving people from ravines.
101
00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:58,573
That's him!
102
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:06,165
Man: Introducing
the 100% ground woman burger.
103
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:08,706
Now at Carl's Jr.
104
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:15,522
This is the thinker.
105
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:21,019
These are
the reproductive glands.
106
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:23,024
Now for the best part.
107
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:26,126
These are his food supply.
108
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,459
Okay, he pops them out,
109
00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:30,996
he eats them with his mouth,
110
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:37,841
and even when dead, the creature
will regenerate new food buds.
111
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:39,911
It's fascinating.
112
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:41,840
Watch.
113
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:44,380
Any minute.
114
00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:48,322
Any minute now,
some more will grow back.
115
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,948
Any minute now.
116
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:58,357
**
117
00:05:58,392 --> 00:06:01,232
* Los Angeles, Los Angeles
118
00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:06,471
* Los Angeles,
my heart is in your hands *
119
00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:12,039
* Los Angeles, Los Angeles
120
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:16,782
* Los Angeles,
no one can understand *
121
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:23,423
* I've been around the world
so many times *
122
00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:26,291
* And now my heart
is within you *
123
00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:28,719
[ Barking ]
124
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:33,530
* Los Angeles, Los Angeles
125
00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:37,771
* Los Angeles,
no other place will do *
126
00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:42,938
**
127
00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:48,944
Hi.
How much are $1,000?
128
00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:51,136
Oh,
those are 10,000 grands.
129
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:54,278
Oh, I only have dollar bills
in the installments of 400s,
130
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:55,954
and 12 little bits
of pennies.
131
00:06:55,983 --> 00:06:59,653
That's okay, we take coins as
long as they are in Japanese Yen
132
00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:01,387
and that they are
in one millions.
133
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,061
Oh, okay.
I have one millions.
134
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,760
Is it cool
that they are Sing Sings?
135
00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:08,302
Sing Sings,
let me just check.
136
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:09,998
Okay,
we are fine here.
137
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:13,130
Hmm. Well, how man dollar bills
do those coins need to be
138
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:15,066
if the Yens are
in monetary increments,
139
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:17,612
say such as a Poky Poky
or a dollar holler?
140
00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:19,568
I don't know,
we need dollars here.
141
00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:21,107
Plain and simple.
142
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:24,310
I am a dollar bill.
143
00:07:24,344 --> 00:07:25,914
I'm a roll of quarters.
144
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:29,176
Oh. I lost my virginity
to a roll of quarters.
145
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:30,416
Me too.
146
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:34,450
Then I guess
I'll show myself.
147
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:38,260
[ Rumbling ]
148
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,961
Man: Hyah, hyah!
149
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,034
Get along!
150
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:44,902
[ Whooping ]
151
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,970
[Bleep] cowboys.
152
00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:55,543
* I am a reader
153
00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:58,606
* So I am a appalled
154
00:07:58,646 --> 00:08:01,006
* My cat is a kneader
155
00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:03,378
* But I don't get clawed
156
00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:04,716
* I read it all
157
00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:06,122
* I read it fast
158
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:08,723
* I read books
that hold up and last *
159
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,456
* I read the sad,
I read the sweet *
160
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,130
* I read the ones with
lots of blood in the streets *
161
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,460
* I am a dog
162
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,125
* Ain't that right, kitty?
163
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:20,374
Let's finish "Gravity's Rainbow"
tonight, okay?
164
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:21,670
Yes, we will.
165
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:23,142
Yes, we will!
166
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:26,510
But I will,
'cause you can't read.
167
00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:30,135
I go in you.
168
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,507
I go in you!
169
00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:35,546
Loosen up, let me in.
170
00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:39,693
I go in it.
171
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,324
[ Motor revving ]
172
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:46,556
**
173
00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:51,396
* I am the man who comes to
blow your leaves *
174
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:54,841
* You are the girl
who brings a drink to me *
175
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:58,068
* I blow the...out
of your grass *
176
00:08:58,105 --> 00:09:01,005
* You ask me in,
I say I have to pass *
177
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:04,511
* They want me quiet,
but you want me loud *
178
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:06,914
* You'll find me blowing up
the greenest of clouds *
179
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:11,747
* I'm about to
blow your mind in two *
180
00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:13,185
* Oh
181
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:18,190
* About to
blow your mind in two *
182
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:19,355
* Oh
183
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:24,462
* About to
blow your mind in two *
184
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:25,897
* Oh
185
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:30,703
* About to
blow your mind in two *
186
00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:31,968
* Oh
187
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:33,705
* About to blow it
188
00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:35,311
* Oh, no, don't blow it
189
00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:36,882
* I'm gonna blow it
190
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,550
* Oh, no, don't blow it
191
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,308
* Gonna blow it
192
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:41,817
* Oh, no, don't blow it
193
00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:43,479
* I'm gonna blow it
194
00:09:43,516 --> 00:09:45,916
* Don't blow it
195
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,117
[ Gasps ]
196
00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:51,356
Mmm!
197
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:56,960
Um...My boyfriend plays
the bass guitar, okay?
198
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,427
So I think I know
what cool is.
199
00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,566
Shit, girl!
200
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:06,171
You ever seen my man play
an elect-ter-ric bass guitar?
201
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:07,606
He pops, okay?
202
00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:09,741
He sla-aps, mm-kay?
203
00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:11,237
Both his hands are like
Michael Jackson's,
204
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:14,178
and the bass is a moon
for them to walk on, so, like...
205
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:17,484
Well, my boyfriend can't even
play the damn bass guitar
206
00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:20,987
unless he got his shirt off.
Okay, shirt got to be off.
207
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:23,261
And not even in the same room
with him
208
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:25,830
when he plays
the mother [bleep] bass!
209
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:29,099
Nobody be feeling
your shirtless caveman
210
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:34,169
when my damn boyfriend got his
foot up on whatever is knee-high
211
00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:37,101
so's he can rock against
something
212
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:39,467
when he be thumping, 'kay?
213
00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:43,806
And that is
how he [bleeps]
214
00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:48,284
I can't even share a moment
with you anymore, Tammy.
215
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:49,745
Damn.
216
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:59,856
[ Hip-hop playing ]
217
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:11,473
Bye-bye.
218
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:12,914
Chirp.
219
00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:17,514
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