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1
00:00:03,037 --> 00:00:06,267
[ Hip hop playing ]
2
00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:27,495
MAN: This summer --
"Jabber Honkey."
3
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:28,558
[ Woman screams ]
4
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:32,096
An HBO miniseries event.
5
00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:39,373
[ Electronic music plays ]
6
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:41,737
[ Woman laughs ]
7
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:43,035
* Come gather 'round the TV
8
00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:44,577
* But first you better bleep
9
00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:46,912
* Because this shit is freakin'
out of control *
10
00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:48,917
* We got a show
with naked people *
11
00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:50,279
* A show that's barely legal
12
00:00:50,318 --> 00:00:52,788
* And a show about
a magical hole *
13
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:53,890
* Whoo
14
00:00:53,921 --> 00:00:55,291
* And down in Calabasas
15
00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:56,793
* The girls have got the asses
16
00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:58,734
* And don't let me catch you
being a troll *
17
00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:00,859
* Just keep your eye
upon the Kendall *
18
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,464
* Kylie, Khloe, Kourtney, Kim
19
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:04,226
* All of them girls are like
some beef in the bowl *
20
00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:06,965
* C-C-C-C-Come and watch
the TV *
21
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,300
* It's ancient aliens
22
00:01:08,336 --> 00:01:09,966
* Come and watch the TV
23
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:11,613
* Episcopalians
24
00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:13,039
* Come and watch the TV
25
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,643
* How 'bout Australians
26
00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:16,105
* Come and watch the TV
27
00:01:16,144 --> 00:01:18,484
* C-c-c-c-ca, c-c-c-c-ca,
c-c-c-c-ca, c-c-c-c-ca *
28
00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:20,482
* Come on
29
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:22,324
[ Laughs ]
30
00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:37,004
This is my self-portrait.
31
00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:42,500
See, I'm really big
and I'm up above the city.
32
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:45,506
And I got all this money.
33
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:49,839
And all the people are scared
and love me.
34
00:01:49,877 --> 00:01:53,277
And all the women are up there
on me.
35
00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:55,624
And the sky got flames,
36
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:59,789
and my teeth are gold
like a villain.
37
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:03,190
And my chain is crystal.
38
00:02:03,224 --> 00:02:06,164
I think I got
a pretty good likeness
39
00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:09,034
across of how my face is.
40
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:11,372
Thank you.
41
00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:13,969
[ Applause ]
42
00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:18,407
[ Soft music plays ]
43
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,222
Papa?
44
00:02:30,251 --> 00:02:33,721
I'm in love
with a ground boy.
45
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:38,455
Get thee down from me!
46
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:41,062
[ Sobbing ]
47
00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:50,135
MAN: Nerf Dad!
48
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,240
Wrestle with it!
Swim with it!
49
00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:53,973
Play football with it!
50
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,307
Nerf Dad can beat up
the other dads.
51
00:02:56,344 --> 00:02:57,754
He can do your homework
with you,
52
00:02:57,778 --> 00:03:00,348
tuck you in at night,
teach you how to shave,
53
00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:01,721
how to deal with shame.
54
00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:03,749
He'll be there when you build
your tree house.
55
00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:06,254
If mom forgets to pick you up
from school,
56
00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:08,017
he'll be there to walk you home.
57
00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:11,085
He's Nerf Dad!
58
00:03:13,761 --> 00:03:16,031
I'm getting brunch!
59
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:18,833
We're getting benedicts.
60
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,896
[ Laughs ]
61
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:24,144
Do you like it?
62
00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:28,437
[ Beat playing ]
63
00:03:28,476 --> 00:03:30,406
* Boom
64
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:33,445
* Stripper with a booger
65
00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:35,081
* Boom
66
00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:37,515
* Stripper with a booger
67
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:38,551
* Boom
68
00:03:38,586 --> 00:03:41,016
I just kind of
want to go home now.
69
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,064
* Stripper with a booger
70
00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:43,359
* Boom
71
00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:45,131
Oh, my God, there she is!
72
00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:46,558
* Stripper with a booger
73
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:48,234
* Boom
74
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,400
So, my mom asked me...
75
00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:53,232
"So who's your favorite
comedian?"
76
00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:55,697
And I said, "God."
77
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:56,936
And she said...
78
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:58,470
Honey, don't.
79
00:03:58,506 --> 00:04:01,606
Don't heckle God, I'm trying
to win a sweepstakes.
80
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,154
WOMAN: Oh, here we go.
81
00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:10,281
At the bus stop,
what do you think?
82
00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:12,418
WOMAN #2:
Mmm, I don't know.
83
00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:13,653
Hard to say.
84
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:16,557
I bet...
85
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,660
Three fingers.
86
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:19,261
Solid, solid.
87
00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:21,263
Okay.
What about that one?
88
00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:23,095
Mmm, hell yeah.
89
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:25,170
I know what you'd want
to get up him.
90
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:27,568
[ Sing-song voice ]
88 pencils!
91
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,401
I knew you would say that.
92
00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:31,507
Do you know
who he looks like?
93
00:04:31,539 --> 00:04:32,609
Howard.
94
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:33,640
[ Laughs ]
95
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:35,084
Oh, remember
when we went fishing?
96
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:38,948
Ohh. We put every fish
we caught up Howard.
97
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:40,949
Ohh.
There's a tighty-whitey.
98
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:42,581
Nope, he's a loose goose.
99
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:45,416
You have to look at the way
he walks,
100
00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:48,593
his attitude, the way
he dresses, et cetera.
101
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,692
And look at the bites
he's taking.
102
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:53,134
I bet I could wine-bottle
that hunk!
103
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,260
Yeah.
You're right.
104
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,525
Look at that stride.
105
00:04:57,565 --> 00:04:59,165
Like the Colossus
of Rhodes.
106
00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:02,269
Like a swing set
with a hole in it.
107
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,802
Girls, what are you doing?
108
00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:06,337
I told you if you're gonna work
at my Kinkos,
109
00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:07,784
I get to pick the guys
110
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:10,038
and you tell me what goes up
their asses, okay?
111
00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:12,707
Yeah, there are rules here.
112
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,084
[ Shrieking ]
113
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:27,194
* I'm a man
114
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:33,027
* And I do ma-a-a-an things
115
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,796
* Yes, I know
116
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:37,195
* Wait, please shut up
117
00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:41,977
* I know how I so-o-o-ound
118
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,479
* Three, four
119
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:45,911
* I drink it all up
120
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:48,176
* Hell, I even go down
121
00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:50,245
* I piss on a bush
122
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:52,493
* I unzip the gowns
123
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:55,760
* You gotta come see me
124
00:05:55,789 --> 00:06:01,599
* Be a man or else
I'm nothing at all *
125
00:06:01,629 --> 00:06:04,429
[ Coughs ]
126
00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:08,704
* We're a man
127
00:06:08,736 --> 00:06:15,236
* And we're doing
ma-a-a-an things *
128
00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:17,105
* Yes, we know
129
00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,414
* Hey, please shut up
130
00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:24,517
* We know how we so-o-o-ound
131
00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:27,292
* We're a man
132
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:33,190
* And we're doing
ma-a-a-a-an things *
133
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,456
* Yes, we know
134
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:37,225
* Hey, please shut up
135
00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:41,974
* We know how it so-o-o-ounds
136
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:48,412
* We're a ma-a-a-an
137
00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:50,812
ALL: Shrimp juice!
138
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,314
MAN: I know you don't want to,
but pulverize it!
139
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:53,805
I know you don't want to,
but juice it!
140
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:55,617
I know you don't want to,
but chug it!
141
00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:57,249
Lose weight -- kind of.
142
00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:59,924
It's shrimp juice!
143
00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:02,822
Uh, that's great and all,
144
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:05,326
but that's not how we did it
when I was a girl.
145
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:07,898
When I was a girl, we were all
phantoms of the opera,
146
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:08,928
you know what I mean?
147
00:07:08,962 --> 00:07:10,232
No one was the girl.
148
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,573
Back then, it was just
a little different.
149
00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:13,499
We all had, like,
super burned up faces,
150
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:14,844
but we had
nice, fit bodies,
151
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:17,098
clean suits and capes,
you know what I mean?
152
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:18,467
It was just
a different time.
153
00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:19,636
We all had masks.
154
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:21,013
Sure, I mean,
don't get me wrong.
155
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,181
That was the same as now.
156
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:23,839
But even so,
back then you could tell,
157
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:26,107
we all had, like,
super masculine jaw lines
158
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,346
and nice hair.
159
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:28,680
I mean,
it's not like now
160
00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:30,776
when everyone has
super gross facial scars.
161
00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:32,748
Back then, we just had,
like, you know,
162
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:35,516
a little scrunched up cheek,
and we took it really seriously.
163
00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:37,926
And -- and -- and --
and hid in stuff.
164
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,528
But the girl knew we were hot
because of our voices.
165
00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:43,301
Everyone's voice back then
was killer, not like now.
166
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:45,400
[ Gulping ]
167
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:47,837
MAN: Grape!
168
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,298
Pizza!
169
00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:50,836
Busy.
170
00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:51,941
Mole.
171
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,112
Ready.
172
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,880
Biblical.
173
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:56,838
Vibrating.
174
00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:58,677
Ugly!
175
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:05,145
Son, I know you didn't
come up in here
176
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:07,415
without no crackers for me!
177
00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:12,657
Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
178
00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:18,827
* My [bleep] too big
for this [bleep] *
179
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:23,196
* My [bleep] too big
for this [bleep] *
180
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:27,706
* My [bleep] too big
for this [bleep] *
181
00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:31,441
* My [bleep] too big
for this [bleep] *
182
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:39,753
I can't [bleep] believe
this is taking this long!
183
00:08:39,787 --> 00:08:44,057
I mean, all I [bleep] need
is a minor fifth from you
184
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:46,731
and whatever the [bleep]
you're trying to do over there,
185
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:50,730
grabbing your nuts like you're
[bleep] praying to God!
186
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:52,674
What have you been doing?!
187
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:55,100
Sucking each other dry
all night?
188
00:08:55,135 --> 00:09:00,005
Oh, you need some honey and some
lemon and some hot water?
189
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:05,080
Or are you gonna man the [bleep]
up on this next take?!
190
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:08,952
Why can't you take a page
from Nerf Dad's book, huh?
191
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:12,352
God damn Nerf Dad's so pro,
he's gonna up and leave me,
192
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,415
I bet, get a solo career.
193
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:17,725
Don't you do it, boy.
194
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:20,128
Now, all right,
on the count of one --
195
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:23,360
Don't you look at me like that,
you [bleep] sucker!
196
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:25,096
On the count of one --
that's right,
197
00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:28,772
I don't go to three,
I'm a [bleep] pro!
198
00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:30,442
All right,
y'all ready in there?!
199
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:31,640
One!
200
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:35,942
* Amazon prime
201
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:41,154
People don't really realize why
turtles are so God damn slow.
202
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,921
It's because we jazzy.
203
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:45,150
[ Scatting ]
204
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:48,115
I'm a turtle with a penis neck.
205
00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:51,085
[ Mellow music plays ]
206
00:09:57,665 --> 00:09:59,925
* First you get the haircut
207
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:02,667
* Then you get the titties
208
00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:04,673
* First you get the haircut
209
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:07,775
* And then you
get them titties *
210
00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:10,338
* First you get the haircut
211
00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:12,677
* Then you get the titties
212
00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:14,183
* First you get the haircut
213
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:16,584
* And then you
get them titties *
214
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:17,746
* I need a haircut
215
00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:19,585
* First you get the haircut
216
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,349
* Then you get the titties
217
00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:22,688
* I need some titties
218
00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:24,023
* First you get the haircut
219
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:26,927
* And then you
get them titties *
220
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,460
* First you get the haircut
221
00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:31,426
* Then you get the titties
222
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,804
* And I need titties
223
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:34,133
* First you get the haircut
224
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:36,337
* And then you
get them titties *
225
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:37,709
* I need a hair cut
226
00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:39,268
* First you get the haircut
227
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:41,006
* Then you get the titties
228
00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:42,541
* Ooh, I need the titties
229
00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:43,875
* First you get the haircut
230
00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:48,551
* And then you
get them titties *
231
00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:52,287
Thank you.
We are Fruit Blood.
232
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:56,159
We are juic-c-c-e.
233
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:59,059
[ Hip hop playing ]
234
00:11:10,938 --> 00:11:12,338
Bye-bye.
235
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:13,542
Chirp.
236
00:11:13,592 --> 00:11:18,142
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