All language subtitles for Boy.Meets.Boy.2021.1080p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-EVO

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Hey, excuse me!
Have you seen my wallet somewhere?

Sorry!

Hi, have you found a wallet?

Really?

It’s a black leather wallet.

Johannes Müller, yes.
My wallet got stolen.

I’d like to block my credit card.

Yes, ok.

The IBAN?

Erm...

The number?

What was that?

Er, just, I have to...

I have to block my cards, um...

..because my wallet got stolen.

I don't know.
Just a fucker,

you know, stole...

I'm sure you just lost it -
it's fine. It's gone.

Yeah, sure. How do you
know that, that I lost it?

Oh, fuck, man, I don't know.
You think I'm stupid and rich?

No, I think you're
clever and poor.

I cannot believe it, man.

It's the second time this
summer I lost my wallet.

Same procedure, all over again.

Oh.

- Oh, holy shit.
- What?

I've been in this club
for, like, two days.

- Classy!
- I'm leaving Berlin tonight.

I haven't seen
any of the city

and I need to print my
fucking boarding pass.

Yeah.

I can show you around
if you like.

Really? You don't...
You don't have to.

Yeah, I think I would be a fool
if I wouldn't.

Oh, OK.

- So, list game.
- Yeah?

- Yeah.
- Let's go for it.

Erm...

Dixis or actual toilets?

What?

I saw a Dixi over there.
I don't know.

- Er, anal or oral?
- You didn't answer my question,

- so I will not answer yours.
- Answer my question.

What was your question?
I didn't hear.

OK, so, hummus or
peanut butter?

Hummus. Anal or oral?

You said that before.
You asked...

You didn't answer it.

You don't ask the question
twice, so I am.

Minus point for you.

Oh, wow!

So, sunrise or sunset?

Er...

Sunset. Having a blow job

or getting a blow job? Sorry.

Giving a blow job or having
a blow job given to you?

I can't... I can't hear you.

Er...

- That's a hard one.
- Is it?

Ha-ha! No pun intended.

Ah, let's say both. So, um...

Are you getting hard?

I am getting slightly hard,
yeah. Do you wanna...

- Oh, fuck.
- ..sit back a little?

No, no. I will crash into
a tree if you touch me.

OK. Top or bottom?

Er...

Oh, we have green light.
Let's go.

Hello.

- May I have a computer, please?
- Hi! Yes. Number ten.

Thanks!

I fucking love these places.
They're so '90s.

- Yeah?
- I remember, like,

the first cyber internet cafe
in Nottingham

and I used to have all these
international cyber boyfriends

and we used to
talk to each other

in a disgustingly dirty way.

Oh-ho! So, you jerked off in
public on Windows 95 or what?

Who do you think I am?

It was Windows 97.

Oh. It's Harry Munro.

Mm.

Well, hello, nice to meet you,

Mr Harry Munro.
I'm your biggest fan.

- Nice to meet you.
- Can I have an autograph?

No, you can't. It's nice to
meet you too, though, Mr...

Wait. Let me... Let me guess.

Daniel?

Callum?

No, no, I've got it.

Adolf.

Yes, please.

It's Johannes.

Nice to meet you, Mr Johannes.

OK, so, my flight is at 11pm...

- Mm.
- ..from Sho-nen-field.

Sch nefeld.

From Sho-ne...

Sch nefeld.

Sch nefell?

Sch nefeld.

- I really couldn't give a shit.
- Oh, OK.

My flight's at 11pm
from Sch nefeld.

Sch nefeld.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

I've got, like, a million
e-mails from work.

Oh.

I'm not gonna bother
with that now.

Let me just check one thing.

Oh, football.
Are you fucking kidding me?

Oh, fuck, yes,
we beat the bastards!

Don't you like sport?

Yes, but not football.

I like elegant sport -

- for example, gymnastics.
- Mm-hm.

- Synchronised swimming or...
- Mm-hm.

I'll show you something.
This is insane.

- You know about diving?
- Mm.

And the bodies
of these athletes

are, like, from another planet.

Look at this.

- That's amazing.
- Mm.

Shame it was
Nazi propaganda, though.

Wait - why don't you
like football?

Oh, you know, 11 idiots running
after a ball and both teams,

too, are waiting for them

and you need to put a ball
into a square.

Like, I think there are

more interesting things
in the world.

OK, Mr Black-And-White Films.

Don't tell me
it wasn't beautiful.

- It was beautiful.
- I saw you cry.

I didn't cry.
But it was beautiful.

It was the reflection
in your glasses.

OK, shut up.

OK, what we doing now?
We've got 17 minutes left.

Hmm...

Let's make a photo and send it

out in the universe
of the internet.

- Boring!
- OK.

Why don't we do a Chatroulette
instead? That sounds great.

Chatroulette - what's that?
This website with, um,

people in front of camera,
like, I don't know,

- practising fisting...
- Mm-hm.

- ..and gangbang and stuff?
- Yeah, exactly.

- OK.
- What we should be doing.

- Oh, shit.
- What?

This does not have a computer
camera - that's so annoying.

- Oh, no.
- I should've known that in 1990

Well, thank you, Berlin.

- Wait.
- Sorry.

I have an idea.

- Yeah, just...
- What?

Take your face
and move it like this.

Hey, be careful.

Yeah, no, it's...

- Don't move. That's perfect.
- OK.

Hmm?

Oh, just Paint still exist?

It does indeed.

Oh, wow!

So gorgeous.

Oh, you little bastard.
I look like a football...

- I'm just drawing what I see.
- ..with Dumbo ears.

Fuck you. Now it's my turn.

- Turn and face...
- OK.

See how Picasso
is drawing this.

Picasso.

I like it.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, that's not even funny.

That's not even funny.

Let's give it a blue
background.

Yes.

- Print.
- Mm.

So...?

So?

Any other amazing ideas?

Mm, I've got a few on my mind.

- So, where next?
- We've got the tickets.

Yes.

Erm...

What?

Did... Did I not put
my bike here?

Fuck!

Oh, shit.

- Erm...
- Erm... OK.

Sorry.

OK, we have to go to

- the police straightaway.
- We can't.

We're too high to go to
the police. Don't be stupid.

[Harry tries to read in German.]

- Oh!
- Sh!

The German language is so sexy.

Can you just speak to me in
German continuously?

- Can you, please?
- I forgot all my language.

You've forgotten all your
language but you know English?

Yeah, but all the German
is gone.

It's too much in my head.
Too much...

Talk anyway...

Car-wash-ma-chi-ne.

Herr Müller?

Hate to watch him go.

Where were you?

Fancied a smoke.

Fair enough.

It wasn't fun anyway, so...

What did they say?

Oh, there were some problems...

..with my lost wallet,

so I couldn't give my
personalities and so on.

- I have to come again.
- Sorry.

It's fine.

Hmm. Please, let's do
something fun.

- Yes!
- Drink prosecco?

Yes!

- Can we go back a bit, cos...
- OK.

Let me get this straight -

you actually genuinely think
that...

That being gay puts you

in a privileged position
in society?

Yeah, I think we have
both brains develop

and therefore
we have another sensibility.

Oh, my gosh! Is that the same
sensibility as saying,

oh, the same difference

- between lilac and purple...
- Yes.

..or being a master of
fashion at birth?

It's just... No, no.

This is just as stupid
as saying that

every gay loves Barbra
Streisand or Judy Garland

and who the fuck
listens to Judy Garland anyway?

Identify split ends in women's
hair. Appreciating small boobs.

Or watching Eurovision Song
Contest as gay revenge...

- Yeah.
- ..for the World Cup.

Yeah, yeah.
Cos all gays masturbate

to the fucking Eurovision.

Is there anything more straight
than the YMCA dance?

♪ YMCA

♪ It's fun to stay at the... ♪

Wow! This is intense.

Yeah.

You know, there is nothing
worse than being

surrounded by businessmen

while you are high
or coming down.

No. No, children.
Children are worse.

Honestly, it's awful. I...

I feel like a paedophile
and at any minute,

someone's gonna
call me out on it.

- Do you ever get that?
- No. Never.

- No?
- No.

But I will rescue you
from that.

We are away from there
any minute.

Mm. Oh, wow!

This is a side of Berlin
that I haven't seen before.

Lots of bankers
and fancy hotels -

the new beating heart
of neoliberalism

and the capital of Europe.

Do you know, I find it cute.

You find neoliberalism cute?

No, kids.

Oh! Fair enough.

You know, my biggest dream
is to become a father.

Your biggest dream
is to become a father?

- Yes.
- Wow!

You want to bring a kid into
this mess of a world

- we live in.
- Oh, come on! I mean...

- You think the world is a mess?
- Yeah.

Yeah, yeah,
we are fucking the world up

and the worst thing is that we
think we're doing a lot

by reducing and reusing plastic
and it's not even about that.

It's all about
the big companies

and the politicians
who enable them.

Like, I watched a documentary
the other day and it said...

Another documentary - I know.

It was saying that over 70% of
the world's greenhouse gases

come from the word's
biggest 100 companies.

- Yeah?
- We don't need more people.

Yeah, but...

I'm not sharing that thought.

I mean, don't you think,
for example,

our child could help the world,
being a better place?

Sorry, did I just hear you say
"our child"?

Oh! Yeah, ours, mine, yours.
I mean...

Oh, hello.

Mm.

You know what I mean.

So, my mother, you know, she...

..raised me with so much
effort, energy and love...

..that I think I need to pass
that on to somebody, you know?

- That's cute.
- Thank you.

So, if he's a he,

we should call him Julian,
for Julian Assange.

And if she's a she - and she
would definitely be a she -

we should call her...

..Cleopatra.

What?! That's...
That's ridiculous.

Maria Cleopatra M ller Munro.

No, no, no, no.

Maria Cleopatra Munro M ller.

Maria Cleopatra Munro/M ller,
and here we go.

Yeah. OK, then.

A compromise -
I can work with that, I guess.

- Wie geht es dir?
- Hi.

We are not interested.

One of you guys
sounds British - am I right?

- Yeah, I'm from Devon. And you?
- Nice. Nottingham.

Nice. And you're living here?

No, I'm just here on
a weekend break.

How... How about you guys?

I joined the mission about
three months ago

and, er, I'll be...
I'll be here for a year.

Yeah.

So, you're making
new friends or...?

Yeah, what's wrong with that?

So, what do you do?

We just like to talk to people,

answer their questions and...

Do you think we need help?
I don't think so.

We don't need help,
to be honest. So...

Hold up, Johannes.
I'm... I'm interested.

I guess my question would be...

I don't know - why?

You guys are young and this,
kind of, seems like,

sort of old-fashioned.
But I get...

If you believe in God,
everyone has the right

to their own faith, but...

I don't know.
Why study an ageing book

that's full of, like,
obnoxious and boring people?

And you must get abuse from
the general public as well.

Like, why put yourselves
through that?

Yeah, I understand what you're
saying but we believe that

the people of this world
are suffering from

a lack of faith and religion.

Society is becoming, er,
more individualistic.

And...

religion is dying and nothing
is there to fill that void.

Yeah, I agree - society's
lost something

that holds us together

and often, religion does a lot
of good things.

Like, we see it
at work all the time.

There are so many people that
don't have access

to public health care or
services, like asylum seekers.

And it's often religious people
or religious organisations

that helps them out,
so, yeah, I...

Sounds so cute and interesting,
right?

What about eternal damnation?
Hmm?

I know... I don't think
it will bother you

but do we have a place
in paradise left for us?

God loves all his children.

There are many modern
interpretations of the Bible.

And we believe there is a place
for the both of you in heaven.

Oh, wow! You know what?

I think I'd prefer it in hell,
you know?

Kind of warm and sweaty,

a lot of collars and harnesses

and rings around
the cocks and...

Really?
You're gonna go there now?

- Yeah. Why not?
- Oh, no. You do you. It's fine.

Maybe you just want one?

Oh, yeah, they're always
perfect for a wrap. Thank you.

- Right. OK. Thank you.
- Bye-bye.

Have a lovely day.

- You too. Nice to meet you.
- Ciao.

OK.

You are a Manchego.

As in the cheese?

Mm. Kind of intense and hard.

Looks more like Camembert.

I know. They didn't have a
Manchego here but still...

Hmm.

OK. Tell me about that and
where we're going with this.

Everybody is a cheese.

Not the cheese you like

but you're kind of
human cheese.

There are some people who are

toxic and disgusting in a way.

They're more like
blue cheese.

And these super-boring
clean boys,

they are more like Babybel.

OK, so, everyone's a cheese?

- Mm-hm.
- OK, let's go with that.

And, um, what kind of cheese
would you be?

Like, um, Philadelphia -
soft and sweet?

No, no, no, no, no.
I'm a cheddar.

Yeah, more, like,

easy-going and tender.

OK, you've thought about this
for far too long,

far too long. Stop now.

I have two weaknesses -

good food and men,
in that order.

The gospel according to Dolly.

Mm. I can't stand all this
pretentious rubbish.

You see it everywhere
in London.

Like, a pop-up vegan bumhole
cum-filled soul-food fusion.

- It's just ridiculous.
- Yeah?

- I don't like it.
- No.

I think it's cool, you know,
to have all these differences -

kind of experimental.

It's pushing the boundaries.

It's bullshit.
OK, first of all,

they rip you off and then they
hand you something

the size of a Mentos.

A Mentos.

And what's even worse is this,
like, celebrity-chef culture.

Every fucking middle-class
person in the UK has

a copy of Ottolenghi's
cookbook for £20,

and then they spend £50
on the fucking ingredients

that they can't find
anywhere else,

like sheep testicles marinated
in a bed of babies' tears.

Gold saffron. All this shit
that you can never find...

I don't know what you're
talking about.

I'm sorry. Rant over.

So, what we gonna do -
dine and dash?

When and what?

You've lost your wallet,
so I'm guessing

all of this is on me, right?

This is on the city of Berlin.

How is the city of Berlin
funding our date?

So, we went through
the back yard,

and I've detected
some blind spots

where we are invisible
for the reception, so...

behave and then
everything will be fine.

Hmm - if we behave,
everything will be fine.

Isn't that sweet?

Do you take all your
one-night stands here

to make them feel special?

No. I try to not come in here
more than once a month,

Yeah, and the other thing -
I'm not doing it at all.

Yeah, right.

Mm-hm. What the fuck
are you doing?

Are you giving me a footsie
with your cheap shoes?

Mm.

Oh, hello. Ooh!

- Mm. Mm!
- Stop it.

You're ruining my trousers, OK?

It's a dirty business.

And I'll get us a dessert now.

Mm! Sit down.
I'll get this one.

So, what are you doing?

Hmm? I'm... enjoying
a continental breakfast

while stroking the crotch
of a cute German boy.

No, no, I mean
in ordinary life.

Oh, I'm... I'm a doctor.

Oh, what?
No, I don't believe you.

Why not?

I mean, the circumstances
we met?

You don't give off
the doctor vibe so much.

OK, and what is
the doctor vibe?

Fuck! When you were talking
about work, work, work, work,

I was imagining you, like,
working in a factory or,

I don't know, as a butcher
cutting meat in thin slices

with an overall, gloves and
a hairnet and things like that.

OK, I guess it's the same sort
of uniform, but...

OK, wow!

You know what?
I always find this weird.

Whenever I tell someone
I'm a doctor, I always get this

same sort of reaction,
like I should be proud

that I'm some
sort of an elitist.

I should be waving
like the Queen.

Like, "Oh, look at me.
Hello, hello."

So, what are you doing?

I am a junior doctor
working in A and E.

A and E?

It's like...
the emergency room.

OK.

So, how many lives
did you save recently?

Can we not talk about that?
I didn't come to Berlin

to talk about work, work, work.

Sorry.

But... wow! I mean,

you've got your shit together.
I mean...

Your parents must be proud.

Mm. They're, um, unhappy,
but...

..extremely proud.

We should move on.

Oh, shit, all right.

- So close.
- Sorry.

You know, I think this is the
first time I've been on a date

without using Grindr or Tinder
or anything like that.

I haven't been on any
Tinder date, to be honest.

Really? Well, how about Grindr?

Mm. I mean, I downloaded
the app for a while

but I got bored of it
straightaway. And...

Yeah, I don't know, for me
it's like cock shopping.

Decent 24cm XXL top
says "hi".

Or Super Sucker, 22,
is texting you,

"Hi, wanna come over
and suck my dick?"

And...

Is there a more sophisticated
way to find sex?

Oh, my God. OK. Firstly,

I don't think that sex has to
be sophisticated.

I mean, do you? And moreover,
I think you're generally just,

like, clutching at straws.
I don't think it's that bad.

I... Like, it's not always
like that, you know?

Well, then...

..show me your profile.

OK. Here we go.

- I'm surprised.
- Hmm?

The first one's actually
quite cool.

Thank you.

OK. Let's continue.

- Topless. Sure.
- Mm.

Here we go. Football!

Yes! Sure.

And, wow! The doctor fetish.

- In a lab coat.
- Mm-hm.

- OK, how about Grindr?
- Mm.

OK, Grindr.

OK, I think it's enough.

Thought it might be
too much for you.

This is nothing for me.

- Sorry.
- It's all right.

But, you know,
it's not that bad, Grindr.

If it wasn't for Grindr,
I wouldn't

be able to have sex -
simple as.

- That sucks.
- Why does it suck?

Because... you don't meet people
in a different way? That's...

- It's not...
- ..bad.

It's not the how -
it's the what.

OK.

You know, with Tinder, you can
be more classy and gentle.

Wow!

On average, it takes me five
glasses of wine

and I can get drunk and sleep
with someone,

whereas with Grindr, it's...

It's kind of the same
but with less chat.

You know, honestly,
I scare myself sometimes.

I-I go to work and I sleep with
a random guy

and it satisfies me for, like,
5, 10, 15 minutes

and then I just...

come and I feel...

..disgusting.

It's like I just wanna
chop my dick off, you know?

OK, so, I have an idea.

- Let's play a game.
- OK.

The game's about guessing

what profession the people
we see have.

- How exciting.
- OK.

Yeah? I'll start. Um...

This guy over there.
What's his profession?

- What's his profession?
- Yeah.

I think he works in
genetic mutations.

What is that?

When you, like,
modify the DNA of, like...

- ..stuff.
- OK.

Genetically modified tomatoes.

What about...

those three over there?

Oh! They're like a family,

like the royal family
of Berlin.

- OK.
- But...

they had a huge fight,
you know?

Like, they're actually
not liking each other.

Oh.

And the man
slept with the sister.

Oh, wow!

What about those two there?

- Oh, wow.
- Mm.

- The kiss is kind of intense.
- Yeah.

Bit much, isn't it?

Wait a minute.
Is he fingering her?

There might be a cheeky
finger going in there.

- It's kind of gross.
- No, it's...

- It's kind of good.
- No.

Come on, it's cos they just
only met each other

and they're in love.
In a few months,

they'll have forgotten
each other completely.

Yeah. And then they end up like
this couple over there.

Oh, my God!

Barely looking at each other
and talking.

- That's so sad.
- No! It's cool.

If I end up like that, like,
kill me. Like, no, thanks.

No, that's actually...

- Why? It's a victory of love.
- Oh, God.

Probably they're not in the...

..start of, I don't know, their
relationship or something.

But still, it's like another
fire burning, you know?

The silence is sexy.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I would rather be
them than them.

That just looks so boring.
They look just sad.

I'd rather be like those two
than those two. It's just...

Well, OK. Well, I find it
beautiful, though.

You know, my parents are
like that and it's...

You don't have to speak
about everything

all the time, you know?

It's only about love for them

and, therefore,
this is beautiful.

If you say so.

- OK.
- How about you?

Mm.

What do you do?

What do I do?

- Yeah.
- I dance.

- Really?
- Yes.

And I deliver food by bike, OK?

That's so cool.
That you dance, I mean.

- That's really cool.
- Thank you.

- Good for you.
- Erm... You know, I'm...

My sister was going to dance
class when we were younger...

- Mm-hm.
- And this is, like,

a memory that is, like, burned
into my head like yesterday.

And I remember my mother took
me one day, with her,

and when I entered
that dancing classroom,

there was, like,
this old lady teaching.

And she looked like she...

I don't know, older than my
grandma, sort of thing.

But she could move.
And when she started dancing...

I don't know -
it was just like...

Wow!

She could move in ways

that were so pure and
so beautiful, you know?

Since then,
I'm obsessed with it.

Like... Oh,
that's the thing I want to do.

Mm.

And what kind of dance
do you do?

Er... Whoa!

Look at the prosecco.

Er, I do contemporary.

And a bit of physical theatre,
though.

I'm totally into Pina Bausch.

You know her? She's amazing.
And DV8.

Never heard of it. I don't know
why I asked. Sorry.

Ah, you have to watch them.

They have, like, a lot of
videos on the internet,

and they are so amazing.

What they express
with their bodies...

- Unbelievable.
- I kind of wanna see.

- What?
- You dance.

- No.
- Yeah. Go on.

- No.
- Why not?

No way. I'm... No.

Because I'm high and...

And, I don't know, I'm, like...

Well, because of you.

I hate to say it but I don't
think we're gonna get

another chance for this,
so I think... you should

actually just stand up
and dance right now.

Come on. Like, I might never,
ever see you.

- I don't do those things.
- Come on, you have to dance.

- No, I'm not dancing.
- Please. Just do it for...

Live life. Like, "I should
have danced that day."

- Leave me alone!
- Come on. Just do it.

I know you want to.
You can tell you want to.

Show me what you can do.

OK.

OK, correct answer.

Yeah, that's really fit.

I don't think so. I'm not...

No, I don't... That's...

Do you think this is joy?

What?

This feeling.

Pure joy, baby.

You're probably still high.

No. I think I'm coming down,
actually,

so I don't think it's...

I don't think it's that.

I'm thinking about this
a lot lately, you know?

Like, the difference
between joy, pure joy,

and the one you get from drugs.

Like, they feel so similar

but there must be some sort of
difference.

You know, can we experience joy
by popping a pill?

All right, Socrates. Well...

yeah, why not?

No, no, no. I-I...

don't think it should come
that easy, you know?

Things like that
are reserved for love.

OK. Erm...

I fall in love
as often as I get high.

Really?

Yeah, the bus driver, the cute
guy who serves me coffee,

the old lady on my street
who only wears reds.

No, that's not what
I'm talking about.

OK. Why?

Like, society tells us who
we can fall in love with

and how we should fall in love
with them,

but we can fall in love
with anyone.

Like, why can't we just fall
in love with anyone?

- That's...
- Be shit.

Yeah, and it kind of works.
It be shit.

- It works, it works.
- No, no, this is not the love

I'm talking about, you know?

This is... This is love your
neighbours,

love your community,
love humanity, OK?

This is general love.

I'm talking about love
between two persons.

Like, it gets possessive,
it gets hard.

It's fucking painful.

You know? You...

You get inspired by a person

so much that he moves,
you do things,

that you... That you...

You can't get this person
out of your mind.

He's, like, stuck in here
and...

in your dreams
and you connect that

to everything in your complete
life, and you end up, also,

thinking of the possibility
that this could last forever.

You know what I mean?

Honestly? I've never
experienced that.

Really? You were never in love?

No. Not by your definition,
anyway.

I mean, when I was younger,
I thought

I was in love with people
but from afar, but, like...

I guess when I was in year two,
I kissed my best friend.

But usually, I just go on
Grindr

and I fuck guys
and that's my life.

I work, work, work, eat, fuck,

work, work, work.
Eat, fuck, work, work, work,

- and that's fine with me.
- Yeah, well...

- It works for me.
- ..this is, like, the norm

in gay community, you know?

To be sexually free,
to have this instable libido,

but this is not my drive.

You know? I like...

It's not that I'm not
enjoying sex, you know?

But I want to fuck the person
I love

and I trust, and this brings it
to another level, you know?

Then you are...

You're noticing all
the things in between.

It's not only about coming -

it's about worshipping
each other,

being valued
and to not be alone.

No, that's fine and that's good
for you but that's probably cos

you grew up in a household
with love,

and whose family got along
and parents loved each other.

We don't have all that.

I don't think it's about
only the parents.

I think it's also
tied up to masculinity,

the gay community, you know?

That we are... We prove to each
other our virility and...

Then, I don't know,
we just want to prove

that we are as much a man
as a straight man.

And there I get confused.

I don't think it's an
expectation - I just... need it.

- Need what?
- Like, fucking for me...

- Well, fucking.
- OK. Oh, wow.

It's a release for me.
I just...

You know, I've never been in
a relationship

or anything like that, but I...

I just can't fuck the same guy
more than once, you know?

And it...

It gets to the point where I
have to fuck different guys

at different times,
as many times as possible.

I think it's also about
rejecting the hetero norms.

- Mm.
- Like, that's it.

I just can't fuck
the guy same...

- The same guy more than once.
- Yeah.

OK, here we are, but I have to
ask you to put your shoes off.

Of course I can
take my shoes off.

And the socks if you want
but it's not necessary.

I'll leave my socks on
if that's OK.

Yeah, leave them on,
you amateur.

Wow! Wow!

Wow!

It has its own dance studio.
Check out the floor -

- isn't it amazing?
- Is that...?

The ash wood - it wouldn't
be... It would be better.

OK.

Erm, I think it's time for...

- What?
- You.

- Do what?
- I think you should...

I think you should dance
for me.

I told you before -
I'm not going to do it.

- No? Come on. Please.
- No.

- No.
- Pretty, pretty please.

- No, no, no, no, no.
- Why not?

I didn't ask you to operate me
or something, you know?

You don't need an operation.

No. I'm not going to do it.

If you need an operation,
I will operate on you happily.

Not on your free time.

OK. OK, OK.

Well...

I'm just going to ask
one more time -

will you dance for me,
please?

I would really, really like it
if you dance for me.

No.

Fine.

I'll dance for you, then.

Are you sure you want
to do that?

Yeah. Yeah, I will. I'm gonna
use those Hula Hoops over there

and I'm gonna dance for you,
if that's OK.

Feel free.

Oh, God, no!

Ah! Ah!

Oh.

Next.

Oh, there we go.
We're getting it, getting it.

- Uh-oh.
- Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

- Oh, be careful!
- Oh!

OK. That was... a surprise.

Sh, sh, sh.

Hmm.

Oh, wow! You know, I find
this architecture fascinating.

I think it's crazy how
something so ugly

can be just so romantic.
It's...

I think it's a little more than
romantic. It's idealistic.

It is somehow melancholic
in its own way, and utopic.

You know, seeing all these
trains makes me realise

that I have to go back to work.

Fuck!

Why do you hate your work
so much?

I'm fed up, Johannes.

You get to do what you love
and that's great,

but maybe you don't
make enough money,

or you won't be able to afford
your own house until you're 50

at least, or if... ever.

Thank you for that.

It's not about that. The most
important things in life is...

to be able to do whatever you
want or to...

To be with who you want
to be. Like...

Like this now.

So, why, then,
don't you do whatever you want?

I don't know what
I want to fucking do.

I don't know what I want
to do tomorrow. Like,

you won't believe the amount of
times I said that I will

go into work and quit my job
and blah, blah, blah. Like,

in January I said that I would
become a person who helps

inmates get back into society.

And then I decided
I'd make cheese.

Cos who doesn't love cheese?
I could make Cheddar cheese,

Halloumi cheese. All kinds
of cheese. And then...

I said to myself I would become
a cleft-palate surgeon and help

children who are born with
cleft palates get rid of them.

- And then...
- Wow!

Bloody hell! Germany!

And then I said to myself
I would

become a tree surgeon,
you know?

Because I watched a documentary
about tree surgery

and those people are great
and they help trees

and it's just so exciting.
And then, do you know what?

All these people who can't get
abortions in the world

who want to have abortions.
I thought I'd become, like,

someone who can stand up for
them and help them and then...

Wh-What's so funny?

I'm sorry - it's just...
you sound so neurotic.

Come on - with cheese
and trees...

I just... Ever since I
learned about the world,

I've wanted to change the
world, but what do I do?

I just come to Berlin for
three days to get high on 2CB.

2C-what? I mean, feeling guilty
will not help you or the world.

2CB is just like M
but a bit more trippy.

How did you do it? How did you
find your passion and be happy?

To be honest, I'm not...

Not really completely happy
with what I'm doing.

I think nobody is, but, yeah,
I think... Yeah, I don't know,

we all search for
the state of happiness

but we can actually not
find it. It's probably unreal.

But you know what
the problem is?

It's actually...

Maybe you will never find
what makes you happy.

Or maybe you will
never find someone

who will tell you what
happiness is.

But I think this is OK.
You know?

What I'm trying is...

I know what I have
to do tomorrow

and I try to enjoy that
as much as possible.

My God, you are literally
so inspiring.

Like, I'd love to be able
to walk into work tomorrow

and just say "bye" to everyone.

Just be like,
"I'm going. I'm gone."

But, like, do it in, like,
a big massive, like, musical,

kind of Bollywood-fashion way,
you know, with all the songs

- and dances and, like, "Ah!"
- Yeah.

That would be absolutely great.

I can picture that 100%,
to be honest.

You know, and...

And then what?

What do you mean?

Like...

Look at you and me.

Harry... I have a boyfriend.

Oh.

Hm.

- What are you doing?
- Come on.

- No.
- Come on.

What is...? No.

- Come on. We're taking a photo.
- No, please!

I've decided we're doing this,
so we're doing this.

Just get in.

- How much is it? Two euros?
- For real?

- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm sure.

I've got...

So, I have a boyfriend,
it's true.

- That's all right.
- But you know what?

This is true too.

It's fine.

OK.

Does, erm...

Does he know
that you're doing this?

No.

But we have an
open relationship, so...

Oh, how's that going for you?

Lots of chemsex
and threesomes?

Are you sure you are all right?

Yes. I'm sure I'm all right.
Why wouldn't I be all right?

Do I look fine to you?
Do I look upset to you?

I'm completely fine.
I don't give a shit.

I don't care if you are married

and have one of those
little shitty dogs

and like to take them
on walks in parks

and play
happy fucking families.

I don't... I don't care.
Why would I care?

Why did you tell me this after
spending ten hours with me?

Did you feel sorry for me

because I said that I wanted
to chop my dick off

- or something like that?
- No. No. It's not that.

I... I just didn't find
the right moment. I'm sorry.

Great.

Fucking great.

And how is he?

- He's OK.
- He's OK.

Isn't that great?

Well, if that's love,
then I don't want

anything to do with that,
thank you very much.

Let's say the relationship is
more open to him than for me.

What does that mean?

That means he wanted
an open relationship.

- Mm.
- As you were saying before,

because he needs to fuck around
all the time.

And...

I'm cool with it
as long as he loves me.

But I... I don't
need to fuck around.

OK, so you're happy with him
being able to fuck

anyone he wants to
and still loving you,

while you don't get to fuck
anyone else and you love him?

Why don't you just
fuck more people?

Because I'm OK
fucking just him.

Really? How about the other
way round?

Are you happy with that? That
he gets to fuck random people?

I accept his rules, OK?
I need to trust him.

Oh, wow! You accept his rules,
you need to trust him?

I'm not the best person about
knowing about relationships

but I know trust doesn't
work like that.

You trust because you just
trust, not because you need to.

Like, way, way back in the day,
when we were

living in caves, still,
everyone was polyamorous.

Everyone just
fucked around with everyone

and that was just
the way that it was.

The only reason why it stopped
is because of STDs on the rise,

killing people off. So, if you
look at it, back in the past,

our basic function
was just to...

To fuck everyone,
just like most animals.

Yeah, and this is bullshit,
you know?

OK, I agree with you that we
are polyamorous by nature.

But it's not about health.

We live in a monogamous world,
OK, because of religion.

Religion claimed
the traditional family.

- Religion?
- Yes, religion.

OK, what about
Muslims and Mormons?

Yeah, OK,
bullshit right again there.

- OK, so...
- OK, one man fucks ten women.

Tell me - did these women
choose polygamous conditions?

And, anyway,
I understand our nature.

But I cannot accept it.
You know why?

Because I was raised in
a fucking traditional family.

- Mm.
- Yeah, where happiness

means two people together.
So simple as that.

And then I have all my friends,
you know? Sexually free.

Having free sex,
all of that shit.

And there am I, here,
feeling different.

- And then I have Klaus, OK?
- Klaus?

- Klaus is my boyfriend.
- Oh, great.

And he wants
an open relationship,

so why not have it?

You know, I'm gay,
so I should, right?

Because it's super-cool to have
an open relationship, it's...

Everybody has it.

So if I'm not doing this,
I am the fucking weirdo.

And this is... And then...
I don't know.

I don't know why
I'm lying to myself.

If you don't want to do it,
then just don't do it.

Yeah, why don't you just cut
off your dick

with a knife, then?
It's so easy, right?

Call me stupid
but I didn't expect this.

I'm sorry - I just started to
believe it, you know?

Fucking fool.

So did I.

I have an idea.

Hmm.

So... what do you want
from life?

Ooh.

That's a deep question.

Really... goes far down.

Can still jump, you know.

I don't know. I guess...

I guess I want to be
able to see my family

and know that it's not the last
time I'm gonna see them.

I wanna be able to sit with
the worst posture in the world

and... not have to worry
about my back in 30 years.

I guess I also wanna
be able to, like,

spend money without worrying
about running out.

To always be in the plus and
not have to worry

about rent or
anything like that.

Fuck! What's that?

Calm down.
It's just... my alarm clock.

Fuck, it's...
Why is it so fucking loud?

What is this?!

What's wrong with this? It's
so I don't miss my flights.

Yeah, I mean,
we have phones nowadays.

Yeah, I have a tendency to lose
my phone, so I bought this.

It's big, it's ugly
and I never lose it.

- Bibi Blocksberg?
- What's wrong with that?

- You fucking kidding me?
- Nothing wrong with that.

You know,
if I would be a thief,

I would return it straightaway.

That's the point of it, you
know? It's meant to be...

like that.

Oh!

That'll be me soon, I guess.

So, um...

This is it?

Time's up.

Well, I have to be at the
airport in three hours, so...

Hmm.

Do you want to see
my apartment?

Really?

I don't know. It's...

OK.

Hmm.

Usually, I would say "yes"

and it wouldn't even be
a question, but with...

I don't... You know?

Mm-hm.

I can show you my kitchen.

Photos and...

Give you a massage.

Massage.

- You OK?
- Yes.

- Mm.
- Mm.

This is the S9 train
to Schönefeld airport.

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull