All language subtitles for American.Sausage.Standoff.2021.720p.WEBRip.800MB.x264-GalaxyRG-HI-English

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

[radio static]

[male sheriff]
A friend of mine once told me

when one delves into the mind
of a sausage lover,

one encounters
that the combination

of a hard exterior
and a soft interior,

plus the succulent
and tender aftertaste,

make the sausage
irresistible.

The same can be said
about Jesus.

[cow lows in distance]

Sounds like
a harmless enough remark.

Nevertheless, it triggered part
of the muddle

of the events
that took place here

in our otherwise
peaceful little town.

Some said it was a love story.
To me, it was.

Some said it was a crime story,
or a family tragedy.

I was new in town,
didn't know the people so well,

but I'd say this,

and I'm sorry if it comes out
a little academic.

There are those you will claim
that the liberation of humanity,

that the freedom of man,
and mind is nothing but a dream.

And they're right.

That's the American dream.

♪ It's America ♪

♪ Love it or leave it ♪

[rooster crows]

♪ Well, I'm getting mighty tired
Of seeing hippies running wild ♪

♪ And burning down the schools
And stepping on the flags ♪

♪ Things are getting out of hand
When you read about a man ♪

♪ That'll burn his draft card ♪

♪ Hang around the pool room
And brag ♪

♪ Some folks think it's okay
But I wasn't raised that way ♪

♪ And I won't be satisfied
Till I've had my say ♪

♪ It's America ♪

♪ You got no right
To deceive it ♪

♪ It's the best there is ♪

♪ You'd better believe it ♪

♪ Good men gave their lives ♪

♪ So we could live
To see it ♪

♪ It's America ♪

♪ Love it or leave it ♪

♪ Things are going mighty wrong
When respect for law is gone ♪

♪ And it seems that everybody
Hates a uniform ♪

♪ It's kinda hard to understand
When you read about a man ♪

♪ That's talking about love and
Knocking the place he was born ♪

♪ If things don't go their way
They can always move away ♪

♪ That's what democracy means
Anyway ♪

[sheriff] What in Gutterbee
made it all end so tragically?

Folks leaving town
is probably why

things had gone bad
to begin with.

- [siren blares]
- [rooster squawks]

Had I been less of an optimist,

I'd I had seen seen
the writing on the wall.

Edward Hofler.

He was new here.

First thing he ever did,

he explained to me
the difference between

various kinds of sausage

while I cited him
for a traffic violation.

Sometimes you do not even
have to cook, like, frankfurter,

knockwurst,
some kinds of bologna.

- I love bologna.
- However, liverwurst,

bratwurst, bockwurst,

you definitely need
to keep refrigerated.

Thank you.

[sheriff] It's too much
to get into right now,

but the way he explained it
definitely got me hooked.

Sausages, that was
his choice in life.

It wasn't that Edward
didn't have a plan,

though sipping bitters
and mourning his dead parents

was all he was doing.

Now, as a longtime bachelor,

I thought, a lonely man
seeking companionship.

And the truth of that
wasn't all wrong.

But, aye, there's the rub.

For what is truth?

Jimmy Jerry Lee,

visionary horse man
and local venue owner.

You like my new suit, Daddy?
I got it online.

Yeah. Yeah, Hank,
it looks manly.

[sheriff] Determined
to make this town

a better place.

Try a little harder, Jimmy,

they'll all be gone
by the end of the year.

You just remember,
push comes to shove,

there's one person
who will come through for you.

We should not have
to put up with strangers

from parts of the world
that wish us no good.

Our gentle community
depends on that.

I'm Jimmy Jerry Lee Jones, Jr.,

and welcome to the splendid
night of cabaret.

[laughs]

Boys and girls,
pick a number out of the jar

that's floating around.

We got music, we got food,
we got the beer,

and maybe a little bit later
we're going to have some honey.

[sheriff]
Apart from Jimmy's cabaret

for the special invited,

there was no cause
for concern,

except that I was dealing
with a thinning hairline

that seemed determined.

And little did I know that
everything was about to unravel.

You watch this face now.
I'm going to be big.

Good luck.

You make your own luck
in this world, compadre.

Any y'all know where
the nearest bus stop is?

[car engine starts]

[car doors close]

[♪♪♪]

All right, man!

All right!

[♪♪♪]

[metallic clang]

[male deejay] Hello out there.
This is Steve Barker.

You're listening to...

[Edward]
Frankfurter.

How's your day so far,
Edward?

[inhales sharply]

Uh...

- Hey, you!
- Hey, hey, hey!

- I heard you were getting out.
- Yes, indeed, ma'am.

Magic Mike is back in town.

- [Sue] Come here.
- [Mike] Give me some sugar.

[Mike]
Mm, good to see you.

[Sue]
How's everything?

[zipper rasps]

Monkey on a tie.

Huh?

[Britt] Get the junk off my bar,
and pay your tab, Mike.

[Mike laughs]
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Britt, where's the fire?
- Never mind her.

What kind of "welcome home"
is that?

Lots have moved lately.

Oh, Robert and Cliff left too,
huh?

Yep.

[Mike]
Oh, fucking Barney as well?

Told me to say hello.

- [Mike scoffs]
- Sorry.

[Sue] You know, I like
that old idea of yours.

Tarping up the lake
so kids could jump on it.

It's still on the bucket list.

Hey, new guy.

I'm Mike, by the way.

- You?
- Edward.

Hey, can I call you Eddie?

I don't like formality
amongst friends,

so how about, uh Eddie?

Or Ed?

Ted?

Ford? Huh?

Why don't you tell me
a little bit about yourself.

As the saying goes,
you are what you wear.

Now look at this. Look at it.
That is handcrafted.

Perfect quality.
It doesn't wrinkle.

What do you say?

I say you are
a self-licking lollipop,

and you and your ties
lack direction.

Both of you.

[dry chuckle]

[Mike]
You lack direction, man.

What do you got going on, huh?

You getting' boozed
in the afternoon?

[Mike] What's that?
Sausages.

Sausages, that's...
That's your big plan?

Wow.

- You know what?
- [Sue] That's enough.

- [Mike] He started it.
- [Sue] That's enough.

[Mike] Okay.

[radio playing blues music]

[door opens]

[♪♪♪]

[hammering]

[country music playing
over speakers within]

♪ I need you now
I need you tonight ♪

♪ To make my broken heart
Be your whole ♪

[laughs]

[clapping]

Spot on, man!

Yeah! Go, Daddy!

Everybody's going
to love you, Daddy.

I know I sure do.

[laughs]

Ah, come here, son.
Give me some.

They let you out
of the slammer, huh?

- Yes. Mm-hmm, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
- [laughs]

Yeah, you're taking
a fall for me.

That's a lesson this whole town
ought to learn from.

Yeah, I agree. Mike is a sport.
Come here!

- We hug in this family, huh.
- [Mike] Yeah.

It's good to see you, man.

Good to see you too, Hank.
You too.

Lemonades, Hank.
Make Mike's a generous pour.

Make mine a hot toddy.

This frog in my throat's
getting a little thirsty.

- [laughs]
- Ah-ha.

- So you've seen the strip?
- Mm-hmm.

Finally got it cleaned up.
Got it cleaned up the right way.

[laughs]

Got to keep an eye out,
though,

because I heard
there's some Chinaman

living outside of town.

Plus, I got that new sheriff.

He's looking over my goddamn
shoulder at every...

Hank, use the tray.

- Right.
- It is good to have you back.

Put you back to work.

Me and you together,
we take care of things.

Like first, we started
with the natives.

Then the Africans.

Then the Mexicans.

Now the Asians.

[stammering]
This can't go on.

Lemonade...

- America first, Mike.
- America first.

- America first.
- [glasses clink]

Mm.

[slurps]

Mm, yeah.

Ooh. Heh. Delicious.

[clears throat]

You know, Jimmy,

while I was in jail,

I got some time to do
some thinking of my own.

Maybe I haven't fulfilled
my potential, know what I mean?

Maybe I haven't done everything
that I could with my life.

So I decided to get something
going for myself.

Ready?

Ties, Jimmy.

It's got a monkey on it.

Of course it does.
A little monkey on it.

It's beautiful, man.

See, I'm offering you an
opportunity to be a part of it.

You know, I need some
start-up money and I figured,

well, maybe Jimmy
would want to chip in.

Know what I mean?

Hmm.

Here, I thought you was
coming back to the fold

and go back to respectable work.

To resume the job
that we had started.

That's...

No, no, no. Not you.

No, you decide
not to give a damn.

You just think
that it's a big fat nothing.

One big fat,
burlesque nothing.

Hey, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!
Goddamn it, Mike.

It's been months
since she fainted.

That had nothing
to do with me, man.

[Hank] Don't upset him.
You know he can take it.

[Mike] I'm sorry,
I didn't do anything.

- Yeah, you never do anything.
- No, I did not, Hank.

- Daddy? Daddy?
- [wheezing]

- There you go.
- Huh?

While you were out,
I told Mike to say he's sorry.

Listen, Jimmy, Jimmy,
I'm sorry, man.

I'm sorry. I know that
over the years you spend a lot

on my well-being,
and you helped me out so much

with Uncle Arnie's funeral.

I just need...
Oh, Jimmy, come on, man.

Jimmy, I can't go back
to prison, man.

You know, I guess
if our friendship

of all these years was nothing
but lies and deception,

- all right, all right.
- [Mike] Oh, man...

But I expect you
to pay me back.

I just did two months
on your behalf, man.

Out of honor to the history
of our relationship,

you've always been
like a son to me.

I'm going to let you
pick a number.

Pick a number
that you think is fair.

Something that'll square
things up between us.

All right, well...

How about...

$3,721.

Balance due.

Three thou...?

[sign buzzing]

[♪♪♪]

[Mike groans]

You have a place to sleep?

Yeah, of course I do.

[crickets chirping]

[dogs barking distantly]

[dogs barking continues]

[glass shatters]

[coughs]

Fritz?

Edward?

[snaps fingers]

Edward?

Yo. Yo, Eddie.

- [Edward] Come in!
- [Mike] Hey!

[Eddie gasps]

My window is broken.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But don't worry about that.

Don't worry about that.
I'm going to fix that. I just needed to...

Well, I needed to check
the place out for storage.

I'm renovating my trailer
at the moment,

and I need to, um...

Well, I needed
somewhere to crash.

You fix it right now,
or I call the sheriff.

Seriously, I will fix that.
Do not...

You don't need to call
the sheriff, okay?

I'll fix it.

Say, uh...

all this antiquey-looking
stuff.

Yes. It's a German place.

Gourmet.

In here?

[Edward] Yes.

What's the food?
What's your poison?

Sausage.

Oh, you were serious
about that?

Sausages.

It's a gourmet
house of refuge.

Oh.

That...

That's a great idea, man.
That's genius.

Really great.

Tell you the truth,

I just don't know why you
haven't already got it built.

- What's your point?
- You're probably thinking,

I'm just some guy that came in
through a hole

in your window, right?
But Edward,

stop for a minute
and think about this.

Do you believe
that was an accident?

See, I'm starting to pick
something up in here.

I am.

I don't think
it was no accident.

I think something in here
made me pick up this rock

and-and-and break through
that barrier there.

You understand me?

I can help you
put a team together

and get this place
up and running in no time.

We can talk about my fee later,
but I just want enough

to put a roof over my head
and a little change

in my back pocket,
but truthfully,

what I want
is for you to succeed.

[♪♪♪]

You see this door?

Oh, did I ever.
Beautiful door.

It belonged
to Johann Georg Lahner,

the inventor of the weenie.

Like a frankfurter?

No. The weenie is younger.

Frankfurter dates back
to 1487, actually.

You like this table?

[Mike]
Gorgeous. Mm-hmm.

[Edward]
You want to feel it?

Please, be my guest.

Yeah! I'll feel the table.
Of course.

- Hmm.
- [Edward] What do you think?

Oh! Good table.

[Mike] Good wood.

So...

you wanted a place to crash?

[empty cans clatter]

Yeah, so rent is 200 flat.

Oh, okay. I thought you meant
I could just use it.

Yeah, 200 flat.

[clucking]

[door creaks open]

[sheriff]
There's an old saying.

Don't blame it on the rooster.

Kenny.

Jimmy's rooster.

Jimmy claimed it had skills
to track down outsiders,

which I never believed
to be true.

I thought a lonely animal
seeking companionship,

like we all do.

But the truth is,
I missed my turn on that one.

And, sadly, never saw
the real connection

before it was too late.

[♪♪♪]

[Mike] He told me
to hire personnel, man.

- Leave him alone. He's a wreck.
- He was adamant.

So I said, "All right, Edward,
I'll help you out."

And he said,
"All right, great."

So I go, "Well, luckily,
we both know

one of the best in the business:
William."

But he ain't going
to do it for free.

So there's, like, I don't know,
500 bucks in it for you, man.

Why would I trust
anything you say?

Well, bring your tools.
See for yourself.

- What tools?
- Fucking window-fixing tools!

- All right.
- Man!

I'll go and get 'em.

[church bell tolling]

[Edward]
Thank you for being here.

Michael, William,
thank you.

Please, sit down.

[radio crackles]

[soft music playing]

[woman singing
over radio indistinctly]

First, ahem, you must understand
the basics.

This is my mother,
Ermatrude Hofler.

And my father,
Gunter Hofler.

They had a vision,
to make under this roof

a house of love
and satisfaction,

and to spread the joy
of my father's hot sausages.

The black pearl.

My father's own recipe.

I call it the Magic Wand.

Unfortunately,
my mother and father

was unable to complete
the mission,

for almost immediately,
they both died

in a tragic bathing accident
in Acapulco.

So I suddenly became an orphan,
deported back to Bavaria,

and delivered into the cruel
hands of the Salvation Army,

who attempted to turn me
into a soldier of Jesus Christ,

brutally sucking out
my innocent little heart.

But I refused to be conquered.

I simply gripped on tighter
to sausage,

feeling that primeval life force
reverberating through me

and throughout
all of human history.

Sausage became my linchpin.

But eventually my addiction.

[breathing heavily]

Wait here.

[footsteps ascending stairs]

[door slams]

[panting]

The historical bullet points.

Start with the crucifixion,

the Romans, and how it was all
meant to be.

[♪♪♪]

[William] Do you hear a rattle
when the wind blows?

[Edward] William, please explain
to this man,

you cannot fix it
with a screwdriver.

No, he can't,
but I can fix it.

There you go.

I put a patch right in here.

- You won't be able...
- Exactly.

- [both grunt]
- Mm-hmm.

- [glasses clink]
- Cheers, gentleman.

This is the real stuff.

[horse whinnies]

[door opens]

[hinges creak]

[rooster clucking]

[door closes]

[whirring]

[turns clippers off]

[clucking continues]

This is your lucky day.

Gather up all your folks,
get on the first banana boat

heading back to where
you came from.

And don't even think about
looking back.

Make me regret
just giving you a trim.

Good work, Kenny.

[door opens]

[grunts]

[Jimmy]
Halt, who goes there?

Reveal yourself.

It's me. Mike.

Whoa.

Seems we hadn't exactly

got rid of all
of our Chinese problem.

Kenny tracked him.
Feels a storm coming.

I heard there was a fellow
of unknown origins

over at the grocery store,

ripping up some expensive
food stuff.

I don't need that here.
Bad enough people are leaving.

This is perfect, Jimmy.
This is what

I was coming
to talk to you about.

This is going to put a smile
on your face.

Me and Edward,
we're opening a restaurant.

Yeah. Bring a little business
into town and also, you know,

start paying you
some money back, man.

Well, it could be that
this Edward's German, Daddy.

German?

[Hank]
Kenny would know.

Well, that's all I need.
Why didn't somebody tell me?

[Hank]
Well, I-I-I just found out.

[Mike] Edward's not going to be
a problem to you, Jimmy.

He's a sausage
scholar, man. Heh.

German sausage.

Don't you know what I am
attempting to do in this town?

I don't think so.

[horse chuffs]

Sorry, Mike.

Nothing good's
going to come from this.

[Edward]
So listen to this.

Every single sausage will be
served with a tiny little flag.

A flag that matches
an identical flag in the map,

so that when you're eating
your sausage,

you can look up
at the map and you can see,

where am I eating,
sausage-wise?

And outside will be a forest
of chestnut trees,

and everybody singing
and drinking

and dancing
and eating sausages.

And all the girls in
dirndl dresses, and dancing.

and looking really beautiful.

[hinges creaking]

[Jimmy]
Howdy.

I don't believe that we have
been formally introduced.

I'm Jimmy Jerry Lee Jones, Jr.

Edward.

Edward Hofler.

[Jimmy]
Well, Mr. Hofler,

though I appreciate you attempt
to accommodate our little town,

there's a lot of hatred
out there,

and it's worse than any
I've ever seen.

And I'm doing my best
to try to fix it...

which is why this restaurant
must be terminated.

I mean, it is imperative
that we stick

with a straight
American food line

for the furtherance
of our community.

Around here, we speak hamburgers
and French fries.

[Jimmy] Well, it's nice to make
your acquaintance

and become friends.

We just do things
by the book.

Outside, Mike.

What the hell is William
doing in there?

- Y'all ganging up on me?
- I'll tell William to leave

and mind his own business.

By God, you better
take care of this,

or I can't promise
about the consequences.

- [Mike] I will.
- [Jimmy] That place is cursed.

[Hank] I was baptized
in that chapel, Daddy.

[Jimmy]
Yeah, I'm aware, Hank.

[clucking]

[♪♪♪]

[loud banging in distance]

[Edward grunting
intermittently]

[Jimmy]
What we need to do,

we need to come together
as neighbors

and look each other
in the eye,

and get to know one another,
because that's what we are.

We are neighbors.

That is what the splendid night
of cabaret will accomplish.

We need to keep our eyes out

for restaurants
that are opening,

that serve Beijing black rice.

[Edward speaking
indistinctly in distance]

Y'all hold that thought.
I'll be right back.

[Edward]
Three thousand years ago

the Babylonians began stuffing
intestines with meat.

The Romans called them "salsus."

It means "salted."

"To preserve." You see?

The clue was in the title.

The sausage must preserve
and persevere.

But then came cataclysmic
persecution and darkness.

First of all,
they crucified the fantasist.

You know who: big JC.

Then they even crucified
our friend, the sausage.

Two thousand years
of Christian mindlessness.

The holy babble spread it
like a plague.

Entire civilizations enslaved
into pitiful mediocrity.

Here in Gutterbee,

we have something that we can

really hold on to,
something real.

We must just rise up
and embrace the incarnation.

That carpenter, he died on
the cross crying for his daddy,

"Why have you forsaken me?"

But his daddy let him go.

He left it for us
to decide.

I have the sheriff's permission
and legal right to be here.

[Jimmy]
Oh, you don't say.

Well, let me
tell you something, Fritz.

I am a simple man,
and this is my turf.

This is not
a neck and neck race.

The name's Edward.

Edward Hofler.

We have whupped
a Kraut's ass before,

and don't you think
that we won't do it again.

[sheriff] This is where
it started to go bad.

However, if you want

to get naked
with the chosen people,

prepare to be just that.

My dad used to tell me this

when I was growing up
to become a man.

I can't say I wasn't pleased
that I was finally called for.

The question is, could I have
done anything different?

The answer is no.

Though I can't stress enough
that taking a man's life

is never a pleasant thing.

[slurping]

[Mike]
That was a great speech, Eddie.

See, you just threw
so much shit at the fan,

that it was basically
a declaration of war, man.

[Edward]
So?

[Mike]
Let me explain something to you.

Jimmy...

Jimmy, you probably heard
of the party

that he'd dedicated
his whole life to.

- No.
- Okay.

Well, it's called
his splendid night of cabaret,

and it's basically
local people getting together

to hook up
and multiply, right.

Now, the problem is, people
don't really like Jimmy,

so they're not showing up
like they used to.

So Jimmy is getting desperate...

I am not afraid of Jimmy.

Why are you so wimpy?

Fucking Edward, I'm not...
I'm not...

I'm not afraid of him at all.

I'm not proud of it,
but I used to help him

scare Chinese people
into leaving town, all right?

Nothing serious.
I'd just bug them after dark.

Shit.

I did two months
in the farm for it.

- [Edward] In the farm?
- [Mike] Prison, Edward, prison.

The important thing here
is that you do not upset Jimmy.

You stay here,
talk to Sue

while I go
and sort this out.

Talk to her, man.
Just be honest.

Make shit up. Be yourself.

- Sue.
- No!

Yes. Sue, come on over here,
love.

[Jimmy]
We got to draw line in the sand.

I will not be mocked
by a goddamn foreigner,

or an atheist.

This is my homeland.

I love my homeland.
He left his.

Maybe the restaurant is not such
a big problem, Jimmy.

See, Edward,
he's got this book, right?

And now in this book,
there's a whole chapter

on how the sausage
actually came to America

in the first place.

That's just
your education talking.

I don't need
to study no book.

What I'm dealing with's
based in facts.

- [plopping]
- [horse whinnies]

You need to get yourself
a horse,

you will have a relationship
that you can always count on.

A creature that won't
let you down.

You let this marinade.

You stir it up,
wait 45 minutes and repeat.

I know you think
stirring road apples

is just a bunch
of horseshit.

You think that
it's just manure.

It's just there to be muck,
spread around as fertilizer.

But no, droppings is a window

into the health status
of any creature.

A good bowel movement
sets your mind straight,

whether you're horse or man.

That's what you need, Mike.

You need to set
your mind straight.

You come here every day,
we'll get this sorted out.

You know,
I can stir that too, Daddy.

- I don't mind doing that job.
- [Jimmy] It's not a job.

Is a life lesson.

Life lesson for a real man.

[Mike]
Look, about Edward, I'll fix it.

In fact, he's a bit
of a ladies' man,

so why don't you invite him
to your shindig.

I don't need to dangle
no poontang as lure.

Folks come to the cabaret
because they understand

the real reasons
behind it.

It was hard enough chasing
that Chinaman out of town.

I can still smell his damn
fryers in the morning.

- It smells like defeat.
- Here you go, Daddy.

[flies buzzing]

[cow lowing]

You want some lemonade, Mike?

I made it with the lemons back
from the tree in the garden

we used to run around on
when we were kids.

No, I don't want
lemonade, Hank.

[♪♪♪]

Whoa, the Holy Ghost!
Yeah!

This is all the Lord
allowed me to drink.

Just two in the night.
Thank you.

Praise Jesus on that one.

I haven't seen you
in church lately, honey pie.

[clears throat]

What's keeping you away
from the Holy Ghost?

All right, folks,
dig into your pocketbooks.

Let's go, let's get some money.
Praise Jesus! Praise!

Most of all, I am grateful
and thankful to God

that he saw something in me,

and allowed me the privilege
of serving his people.

I try not to be a celebrity,
but a servant.

I once bought into that lie,

but when you meet people
that depend on you,

you realize that we're all
created for community.

We need each other,

and the church leaders are
not an exception to that rule.

Say it like it is,
or don't say it at all.

[cow lowing in distance]

What's that I hear
about a sausage pearl?

Oh, Luke...

I didn't know
you was coming.

I got it all under control.

[Luke]
Hank, get people together.

[Luke]
Be aware of false prophets,

which come to you
in sheep's clothing.

Inwardly, they are
ravenous wolves.

[organ music playing]

- Mike.
- [Mike grunts]

[Luke] After your uncle died,
you'd gone off the rails,

not taking the Lord serious.

Is that correct?

Yes.

God put you on a road to walk.

You get off that path,
you are subject to attack.

- Lead that man...
- Ow!

...back to the church!

[grunts]

- [Luke] Amen!
- [punches landing]

[Luke] Leave $20!

- Give me some love.
- Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

[Luke]
Come on, give me some love.

That is the love.

Now come on over here
and give me hug.

Come on.

[Luke] Ah!

That's the power
of the Holy Ghost!

Amen.

Take it. Take it.

Take it.

That is the power
of the Holy Ghost.

Take it!

The power of the Holy Ghost.

Take it! Take it!

Take it. Take it.

[chair scrapes]

[coins clatter]

I'm being nickeled and dimed
to death here.

This is my constituency,
and I need people in my church.

It's the German.

He bought that old chapel.

He's making a restaurant
or something.

Don't try to weasel
out of this.

I'm not weaseling out.
I got guys on it.

I mean, people's backing me.

Folks just don't go to church
the way they used to.

[Luke] God takes pleasure
when people are happy,

and when there's money.

Go to Edward,
make him happy.

"Like a sausage
filled with fat and blood,

"turning in front
of a blazing fire,

"twisted about by the man
who roasts it.

Eager to see it done."

"The Odyssey," by Homer.

Yes, actually, he was the first
to put it in words.

The holy grail
of harmonic coexistence.

Barbecue.

[laughs]

[gasps softly]

What happened
to your knee?

It's a prosthetic.

It's okay, I've gotten used
to people staring.

- Oh! Oh...
- Yeah.

It's nothing
to brag about.

[Edward] Huh.

It needs a little
freshening up.

Well, perhaps I could
put some oil on it for you.

That's the sweetest thing
anyone has ever said to me.

[Edward blowing]

Is it matte?

It's, uh... It's glossy.

[♪♪♪]

[William]
Hold that right there.

Edward. Mike.

Come and see.

Oh, William, you made it
really fantastic.

It's exactly as I imagined.
Like having some déjà vu.

[Jimmy] I think we may have
got off on the wrong foot.

Not to diminish the gravity
of what's already discussed,

but I've never been a man
to shy away from a few tweaks.

I'm a song stylist myself,

Jim Reeves being a personal
all-time favorite,

and I have established
a fine cabaret tradition.

Singing and dancing.
Boy meets girl.

All virile white people.

And I would like
to invite you to attend.

You have strong bones,
and I believe the girls

who attend my party
would appreciate that.

All healthy females. All intact.

Look here, Fritz,

if you do this for me,

I'll forget that little
incident.

[all exclaim]

[Mike]
No! No! No! Eddie!

[Edward]
The name is Edward.

Edward Hofler.

That was a peace move!
He was trying to make friends!

What is wrong with you?
He was trying to make peace.

Jimmy! He didn't mean it!

♪ Regional leaders of sales ♪

♪ Frat-housing, keg-tapping ♪

♪ Shirt-tucking, backslapping ♪

♪ Haters of hippies like me ♪

♪ Tree-hugging, peace-loving
Pot-smoking... ♪

[Hank] Worshipping a phallus
instead of the holy cross.

The church is empty.

People are leaving,
never to return.

This town's dying, Luke,
and Daddy's dying with it.

I love you.

You know I love you.

Let's go inside.

♪ Protestors
Of corporate greed ♪

♪ We who have nothing
And most likely will ♪

♪ Till we all end up
Locked up in jails ♪

♪ By conservative Christian... ♪

You're lucky.

Jimmy's not going
to press charges.

Says he's a philanthropist.

He wants happy people
to celebrate.

I run a tight ship.

Big canon pointing
right at you, Mike.

Well, I'm cooperating, sir.

I'm a fucking puppy dog.

Would you excuse us?

You going to tell me
what happened?

The Bavarian white.

This one you do not even
have to chew it.

Then how do you eat it?

[male TV announcer]
This broadcast is made possible

by the prayers
and financial support

of listeners like you.

I'm just afraid that Dad
is never going to love me.

I'm afraid that something bad's
going to happen to him.

I-I don't know, Luke.
I'm just...

I'm so afraid.

I-I can't think straight.

Show Jimmy you care.

That's all there is to it.

Remember the camp?

- A Bible and a belt.
- [chuckles]

- A Bible and a belt.
- Yeah.

[Hank groans and laughs]

[Luke chuckles]

I'm going to go ahead and pay
some of Daddy's installment.

Don't tell him about that,
though.

[Mike] Why don't we try
talking to Luke?

I've already talked to him.

What do you think
I'm doing here?

I'm backed into a corner.
I'm just...

Either you take care of this,
or I swear on my daddy's grave

your ass is going back
in the slammer.

By God, if I'm going down,
you're going down with me.

I'll take every goddamn
living creature down with us!

[Mike] Jimmy ain't the problem.
Luke's the problem.

He doesn't like his source
of income being taken away, no.

And the Church
banned the sausage

because it had blood in it,

and was therefore
a religious insult.

If you were caught eating one,

authorities came at you
with extra brutality.

You could have
your hair cut off,

or be expelled from town,
or burned severely.

Hair... Hair cut off?

And run out of town?

Yes, it's in the book.
The Roman feast for Lubercus.

Nothing's changed.

The Jimmys and the Lukes
have always been here.

- I've dealt with them before.
- With all due respect, Edward,

you don't know shit about
what you're talking about, okay?

Luke, he's a fucking
T. rex, man.

[Edward]
I think it's time to show you

a little magic trick.

[Mike]
"Roman's feast for Lubercus.

"On the night of celebration,
boys and girls would pick a name

from a small jar and become
partners for the evening."

This is the same
as Jimmy's cabaret, man.

[Edward]
This is the switch.

The black pearl.

The book is just a map.

You need to set
your mind straight.

Take it.

- Take it.
- Edward...

Now...

get angry at me again.

Yell at me again.

- Come on!
- What?

Little lollipop.

Wimpy little wet
lollipop man.

What?

Okay, okay.

Now try.

Oh, Edward, I can't just get
angry out of the fucking blue.

You see? Anger, right there.

Look, take it again.

Now try.

Wimpy little wet
little lollipop boy.

Have you lost
your little lollipop?

You're laughing.
Ah, you're smiling!

- Now you smile.
- Yeah.

This is fucking crazy.

Aggression again. See?

You see?

Up yours!

Now, that was pretty fake.

But that thing before,

that was real.

Did you feel it?

I call it the pipeline.

When your subconscious
tells the mind

that what you can conceive,

you can achieve.

But you're thwarted.

You're simply all mouth,
no trousers.

No. You two are paired now.

[♪♪♪]

[Mike]
Luke's just acting up, man.

Like he has done
for centuries.

What do you mean?

With all due respect, Jimmy,

there's some things
going on here

that you don't
fully understand.

What are you saying?

I'm saying that you,
my friend...

you're thinking too little
of yourself.

Listen to this.

In the early Roman times,
the Romans,

they had this celebration:
the feast for Lubercus.

A kind of
pre-Valentine's Day party

where folks would get together
to party and hook up.

How it worked was, every boy
would take a number from a jar,

and every girl would take
a number from different jar,

and the ones
with matching numbers

were partners
for the evening.

- That's like my cabaret.
- Bingo.

How do you know this?

It's all in the book.
And guess what?

Sausages were a part of it.

- Roman sausages.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe.

But people didn't care.
That was just another food, man.

An everyday part of life.

Only sausages weren't just used
for eating at the party,

if you catch my drift.

But who cares, right?

That's just
a little more sweet honey.

Just like your cabaret, man.

"Food, beer.
and some sweet honey."

- I like the sweet honey.
- Yeah, so you'd think.

But no.
For that very reason,

the Church banned
the celebration

and made sausage eating a sin.

They said that sausages
had blood in them,

and were therefore
a religious insult.

Now listen to me, this is where
it gets interesting.

If you went ahead and ate
sausage anyway

and you got caught,

the Church would come down

on you with extra brutality.

They would cut off your hair,
severely burn you,

or run you out of town.

- I invented that. That's mine.
- Exactly!

See? You took
those old scare tactics

and you brought them
into modern times, man.

Now, you see where I'm going
with this?

You picking up
what I'm putting down?

You getting
the connections here?

Put it into the broader context.

You have been chosen
by the Lord.

He saw you,
and he saw it was good.

He did, didn't he?

Oh, did he ever.

And let me tell you something
right now, Jimmy.

Your daddy...

he stands right beside God.

He sits in his right hand.

He is proud of you.

- I'm somebody.
- Oh, no, Jimmy.

You're not just somebody.

You, my friend,
are a true visionary.

And, Luke,
he doesn't like that.

- No.
- Here's the thing, though.

The sausage,
he never recovered.

It was never looked at
the same way again,

even to this day.

The people suffered,
and the celebration...

well, it fell apart,

just like your cabaret
is about to.

But you, Jimmy,
you can change all that.

How?

Well, people already like
the pearl, right?

- Yeah.
- So give to them, man.

Give it to them. Make it your idea.
Don't try and stop it.

See, the Church tried to stop it
back in the day,

but people just started
meeting up in secret clubs

to eat their sausages in peace.

Eventually, the Church realized
they couldn't stop it.

You can't stop
a beloved treat, Jimmy.

But neither should you
want to.

It's time to let go
of those scare tactics.

Well, I thought you said
that they was good.

Yeah, they were good.
They're not anymore, okay?

Give the people
what they want, Jimmy.

- But Luke...
- Fuck Luke!

What's he ever done, man,

except make you dance
to his tune,

and laugh at your vocal?

Yeah, Luke never liked
my vocal.

Exactly, and all
we're trying to do

is make your splendid night
of cabaret

as beautiful and wonderful
as it once was.

That's it.

I always hated Luke.

And my daddy
will not die in vain.

Oh, amen, brother.

Amen. It is time for you
to make you mark.

To set your footprint, Jimmy.

As soon as Luke sees the town
coming together,

he's going to back off,

just like the Church did
back in Roman times.

I promise you that, man.

Help us help you
make Gutterbee great again.

Hmm?

Come on. Let's do it, Jimmy.

Or should I say...

Jimmy Jerry Lee Jones, Jr.

The matchmaker.

[Jimmy chuckles]

How come it's so dinky?

[inhales deeply]

[sighs]

- Hmm?
- The sausage.

How come the sausage
is so dinky?

It's little. It's teeny.

We'll find you
a more neutral one.

Good, good.
And less foreign.

Make it bigger.
Like...

Like big.
You know, like America.

Like America-big.

Yeah, we can put
the mashed pellicle,

the crushed bone
and the fat back in.

We can use the Bavarian white.
That's big.

And call it the American white.

American white.

[laughs]

I like that.

- I like that.
- All right!

- Daddy, he's back.
- What?

- I caught him for you.
- Who?

Chang.

[Hank] You tell him
what I just told you.

He forced me in his car.

[Hank stammers]
What?

You brought him back here
from out of town?

No, I swear, Daddy,
me and Kenny found him

sneaking around with a big bag
of Chinese spices or something.

- That's not true.
- Shut up.

[sighs]
Well, you're here now.

Jimmy, we-we-we just agreed,
man.

No more scare tactics.

He'll never learn.

- Me?
- Yeah.

Well, but...

Jimmy, this could put me back
in the slammer, man.

For a long time.

I can do it, Daddy.
I'm not afraid.

Mike has returned back
to the patriotic fold.

He's paid his debt, now it's
time for him to participate.

Don't let me down now, son.

All right, drop them silk
drawers and get her done.

[Chang screaming in pain]

[chuffs]

[Steve Barker on radio] Hey out
there, all you sexy people.

This is Steve Barker.

You're listening
to US Midnight News.

[sheriff]
It's irreversible.

You are who you are.

Doesn't mean
you're always the same.

That's when I saw a man
run past my window.

An Asian...

in the nude.

Not that I hadn't seen
a naked man before.

My dad took me swimming
by the lake many times

when I was teen.

Him and some friends.

What I saw was not only a crime

that called for my immediate
attention...

It was the indisputable truth.

A naked, hurtful truth.

- [wind gusting]
- You can run but you can't hide.

Weather the storm,
my fellow townsmen.

Weather the storm.

[thunder rumbling]

[Mike] Oh, my God!

Eddie?

Eddie!

Edward!

Eddie!

Edward!

[Edward yelping]

Eddie.

[panting]

You all right?

Thank you.

[door closes]

[Mike] So I'm standing there
with the pearl,

and all of a sudden your words
echo through my mind, man.

Self-licking lollipop.

[Edward chuckles]

Lollipop. Lollipop.
Lollipop.

And I realize... it's me.

I always thought that I lived
the American dream.

But I don't, Eddie.

And as I realize that,

I just started
to talk, man.

I mean, really talk, you know?

The early Romans, his cabaret,
worlds are merging.

And it's beautiful, man.

And right then in that...

that divine euphoria...

I suddenly find myself burning
the ass of an innocent Chinaman.

Sucked right back
into my old self, man.

But worse.

No mercy.

Now, that just don't
make sense to me.

Because that thing you did
with the pearl,

that helped me understand
what I'm back here for.

This is it, man.

This is our chance to show
the world what we're capable of.

[sniffs]

I don't want to end up being
nothing or doing nothing, Eddie.

But good for you,
though, man.

Hmm? Sue.

It's a perfect match, man.

You're made for each other.

Her tits are as flat
as your table.

She already has
a wooden leg.

[deeply sighs]

[chair scrapes]

[gasps]

Oh, and, uh...

guess what?

Jimmy's onboard.

All we got to do is make
your sausage bigger, man.

We just throw back in the mashed
pellicle, the crushed bone,

the additives, use the Bavarian
white as a template,

call it the American white,
and we are golden.

We're not going to do that.

I just told Jimmy
that we're going to do that.

That's all.

[chuckles]

[♪♪♪]

Edward, Mike,
come take a look.

[laughs]

[Mike]
It's beautiful.

[Edward laughs]

Let's not fuck this up, man.

[Mike] We're going to have
one hell of an open.

Slap dance and everything.
I'll do one with you.

That's a promise.

Wunderbar.

[Jimmy]
Edward.

Uh...

I brought you a little
housewarming.

Thought it'd look good
in there.

It's 100% American-made.
Made by my daddy and his family.

- Where should we put it, Daddy?
- Hush, Hank.

- This don't concern you.
- Right here is fine, Hank.

Come on in, Jimmy.
See what we done.

[Jimmy] It means a lot to me
that you understand

the importance of the cabaret.

And my precarious
financial situation.

I have to say, I was bit
blindsided by everything.

And, after all, you did draw
first blood, Edward.

But Mike explained it to me,

explained things so I understood
them in a wider context.

Now, you might have noticed
my guitar.

I don't just carry it around
as a fashion accessory.

No, I wanted to share
a little something with you,

out of tribute.

By the way, I really appreciate
your attending the cabaret.

You're gonna have grand time.

Mike, he knows,
he's been there before.

- [Mike] Oh...
- But I wrote a new song.

It's a special song that I'm
going to premiere for everybody.

You'll be the first to hear it.

But you get
an extra special tidbit.

I'm going to share a little
piece of it with you now.

This comes from
the intimate side of myself.

It's for all the girls
I've loved.

[Mike]
Here we go...

[Edward] Wunderbar.

It's really reaching
maximum capacity.

So you twist...

and you place it
just in the groove.

- You see that?
- Uh-huh.

And then squeeze.

So...

We make 28 of these
for appetizers.

A true serving of frankfurter
is always in pairs.

Since 1875, there were two
families in Frankfurt: butchers.

And the daughter of one family,

she fell in love with the son
of the other family.

The family of the son,

they made little long,
thin frankfurter.

And the daughter's family
made a short, fat frankfurter,

which they also called
the frankfurter.

And when the two married,
at the wedding,

the families made peace
by serving two frankfurters

side by side.

Short and fat.

[♪♪♪]

Hey, Luke, what that's shit
on your car?

You're driving
a Poop de Ville.

[both laugh]

[Luke]
That car is a living entity,

bought and paid for
by my own hands.

It engenders confidence
and pride,

which is the awareness
of which I pray.

And now I hear you've gone
and sold your soul to Edward.

That's the person that's
responsible for this aggression.

I only did it for the betterment
of the town.

Nothing else. You'll see.

We're going to return
the splendid night of cabaret

to its former glory.

That's wonderful, Jimmy.

That's exactly why God
called you to church,

to bring this town's
vision to pass.

But God's not free.

You got to start giving,
and you just can't be fed.

Just fed.

All right, I'll call the bank,
go over and have meeting.

You do what you got to do,
but you do it quick.

God don't like to foreclose.

[grunts]

Okay.

[accordion music playing
in distance]

My father's lederhosen.

I think it fits you
pretty tight.

[accordion music continues]

This is costing Jesus
his heart.

If you don't dig deep
into you pockets tonight,

you could die like a snap
of my fingers.

- And then you'll go to hell.
- [snoring softly]

[muttering]

[crickets chirping]

[sheriff]
Though Jimmy and Edward

suddenly seemed
to be getting along,

it wasn't over for Luke.

[rooster clucking]

Kenny also got
more and more eerie.

But as my mind never got around
to being bothered

by a racist bird,

I did turn to our elders,

who clearly didn't like
Jimmy nor Luke.

Better safe than sorry.

I thought I'd point out
the drawback

of fear in our lives,

and what it does to a man.

But I do remember when...

got me kind of worried
and wondering.

Scared too, of course,

when somebody actually
took a shot at me.

Missed my chin by an inch.

[sheriff] By virtue of Merle's
accumulated wisdom,

people here
still looked to his actions

with ceremonial respect.

Well, that's too bad...

[sheriff]
And then it happened.

Merle relocated.

[cow lowing in distance]

[Jimmy]
Well, I'll be goddamned.

Merle got up and moved.

He ain't moved that bench
since his daddy died.

[Luke]
This is the authorities!

- [Edward] Oh...
- [bottles clinking]

[Luke] Let me
tell you something, brother.

And I hope all of you
are listening.

I'm a church boy,

and a church boy
don't allow Satan

to devour God's people.

I say, get out of God's way,
Fritz,

for God's gonna shoot you
if I don't.

[Edward] Mm-hmm.

- Oh!
- [all gasp]

Come on, fellas.

[Luke] Ah!

[groans]

[Mike]
Fellas...

[Luke groaning and grunting]

[Luke screams]

Come on, fellas...

[Jimmy groans in pain]

- [screams]
- [Mike] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[Luke]
I'm not done with you!

God is not in a good mood now!

You pick your weapon!
You pick your weapon!

This town is not big enough
for the both of us!

[Luke screams]

- [Luke] Get out!
- [car horn honks]

Get in! Get in!

Get in the car!

[♪♪♪]

What's going on,
William?

A woman answered by ad.

We, uh, compared profiles.

Perfect match.

Earl, tell him
what you told me.

He was running in circles
like a terror-stricken bull.

First he looked to the sky,

eyes wide,
vicious and greedy stare,

before the falcon
sinks its teeth

deep into the baby robin

that had fallen
from its nest.

Then, as if the gravitational
pull suddenly let go,

he set off in that direction.

- Toward the refuge?
- Yeah.

But he didn't get far.
He tried to speak,

but all I heard
was a hoarse whisper

before he fell over, dead.

[Jimmy]
Good God, what happened here?

Sheriff.

- Mr. Jones.
- [Hank] The rapture.

The rapture.

[♪♪♪]

It smells good.

[car engine starts and revs]

[police siren blurts]

[cruiser engine turns off]

Sheriff.

Hank.

Sorry about Kenny.

Yeah.

Dad said he must have sensed
something so evil about to come

that it just tore
his heart out.

I saw a naked man running down
the street the other night.

Asian.

Yeah, I heard about that.

You seem troubled, Hank.
Is something bugging you?

Well, heh...

I've always been a bit
of a troubled youth, Tim.

I-I-I can call you Tim, right?

Yeah, if you want.

I like your suit.

Oh, thanks.

I got it online.

You know, it needs
a little tailoring,

but I can give you the website
if you want.

[chuckles]

Thanks.

[Tim] All right, you think of
anything else, you let me know.

[Mike] Tell me you're
not going though with this.

Would you just calm
the fuck down, Edward?

You're gonna ruin it all, man...
the restaurant

and everything
you worked so hard for.

You do this, you're on your own,
all right? I'm leaving.

I'm leaving.

[Mike] Goddamn it.

That's for me?

Choose your weapon.

[Luke laughs]

[Edward] Pick one.

One is poisoned.
The other one's not.

[clears throat]

Pick one, Luke,
you big chicken.

Just pick it!

- Pick one!
- Pick it! Pick, pick, pick.

[all chuckle]

[Luke groans]

Let's go.

You...

[Mike] Now...

no more bullshit,
all right?

No more.
No more hitting people.

No more fucking killing people.
It stops now.

[water trickling]

[grass crunches]

[punch landing]

What have you done?

He is going to bulldoze down
the dance hall.

You've ruined my life.

- Get the money from Edward.
- Jimmy, hold on.

I never said that Edward
had any money.

I said we'd get the sausage
finished for the cabaret.

Kill him.

- Edward?
- Luke. Kill Luke.

- [scoffs]
- He's going to bulldoze

the goddamn dance hall!

What do you got in your pocket?
You got money in your pocket?

- What?
- Got money, put it in the till.

No, no, no!
Jimmy, it's just sausages.

It's nothing.
It's just samples.

Just variations
on the American white.

First Kenny
dropped like a fly.

Then Luke, ridiculed.

What's next?

If Grandpa Sr. was here
he would have put his fist down.

Don't you use his name
without permission.

I'm just speaking my mind.

I know good and darn well
what your mind is.

Why do you got to keep
digging that hole?

I've had it up to here
with you, Daddy.

You know, you...

If you spent just a little bit
of time interested in me

at any point in my life,

maybe things
would've ended different.

- And you shut up.
- No, Daddy, you shut up!

Don't you raise
your voice at me!

That's the last time
I ever want to hear that!

You understand what I'm saying?
I ain't so bad, am I, Daddy?

I mean, ain't I what
you want me to be? Huh?

I slimmed down.
I got this suit online

that even you say
it makes me look manly.

And by God, I... I do.

I feel manly now.

But you're not.

You're a homosexual,

and I wish you'd never
been born.

[horse chuffs]

Look, you have
upset Blackie.

Coming around getting my horse
all worked up of a morning.

Watch your mouth
around my horse.

[Hank]
Okay, Father.

And I need you
to take care of Luke.

Yes, sir.

[Jimmy] Now let's see
what the fuss is about.

[horse whinnies]

Ooh! Oh, that's spicy.

That kind'll burn you
in the morning.

It's gonna burn you twice.
Whoo!

[police siren blurts]

[♪♪♪]

[cruiser door slams]

Mm.

[panting]

- What do you got there?
- Sausage.

Any good?

Well, that one's a little spicy
and that one's a little sweet.

[Tim]
I have a few questions,

if you don't mind.

[siren blurts]

[door opens]

What's your business
with Jimmy?

I put shit in a jar
and I stir it.

And then I wait a while
and I stir it again.

To check the health status
of his horse.

I don't believe a word
of what you said.

Look, this is
all Luke's fault, man.

You should talk to him.

[Tim] Or maybe I should
blame it on the rooster.

I should throw you right back
in the slammer.

But I'd rather you did
community work for me,

chance to do what's right.

You also have a party
to attend tonight.

- Right?
- Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Then I know
where to find you.

It's all Luke's fault, man.

[William]
Carol-Anne.

[laughs]

This is my matching profile.

Hello.

Yes, welcome to The Gourmet
House of Refuge.

Kenny?

I know I promised you that
I wouldn't go back to prison,

and I wasn't going to drag

your good name
through the mud and...

that I was going to make
something of myself, but...

Well, it looks like I might
have to go back on that promise.

[crow caws]

[Jimmy]
You betrayed me, Mike.

It was all a big scam.

Kenny felt this coming
and died because of it.

I'm sorry about this, Jimmy.

[Hank]
You killed Kenny, Mike.

The Indian and the elves,
together at the restaurant.

Stories about Romans,
getting Luke run out of town.

- Did it to distract me.
- What?

Distract me from the truth.
I know what's going on.

It's the uprising.
It starting all over again.

[Hank] Kenny came back
like a thief in the night,

and he showed me the way.

[Jimmy]
Edward, William, Sue too.

All delinquents.

This is my family.

I was adopted.

[Mike] I don't know anything
about no Indians, Jimmy.

But even if I did...

so what, man?

Jesus was an Arab,
and you love Jesus.

- Jesus was a white man.
- Was an Arab.

- Was a white man.
- Jesus of Nazareth, Jimmy.

He was a cool Arab dude, man.

Hung out with prostitutes
and thieves, drank wine.

Hey, he did not.

We all go back to Africans
anyway, so who cares?

- Edward. Edward.
- [Edward] Yes?

I'm Jeff, from The Herald.
I'm here for the interview.

But we...

We've gone
on a real tight run tonight,

and we need
to get on with it, okay?

Certainly. We just have to wait
maybe five minutes.

My partner Michael
is a bit late.

You don't understand.
We just have to call it off.

- Just one moment.
- Please.

Where are...?

I'll find him.
You just get it started.

But don't rush it.

[both groaning and grunting]

[Hank]
There's a chair right there...

Come on. Get you up.

Get you up. Get you up.
Get you up.

[Jimmy groans]

[Hank]
All right.

You got it.

[Jimmy groans]

[Hank] There's
a chair right there, okay?

This whole thing is one
big misunderstanding, man.

This is not over.

I will get to the bottom
of this.

[groans]

[Hank]
Daddy, you okay?

[stammering] You just nervous
because of the cabaret?

No, just... Just got
the Battle of Little Bighorn

going on
in my lower intestines.

But the white man
will win this battle.

Son...

I'm going to need you
to keep an eye on him.

If you get a chance, be there
in the wings to hear me sing.

I wrote some new material.
I think you'll like it.

Yeah, Daddy, I...

Yeah, of course I will.

[door hinges creak]

- You hear that? He...
- [door closes]

...he called me son.

He called me son.

[footsteps]

[Edward]
So this was mixed up completely.

This is not...
[speaking German]

[laughs]
I got them mixed up.

But too many flags.

I couldn't find him.

[Edward] What happened?
We need to find him.

Everything is going so well.
He should be here with us.

[Sue]
I'm sure there's an explanation.

[grunting]

[Jimmy] We should not
have to put up

with foreigners who come
from strange parts of the world

and wish us no good.

Our gentle community
depends on that.

Hear, hear!

I always say,

don't break a man's heart.

He's only got one of 'em.

Break his bones,
because he's got 206.

- [laughter]
- [rim shot]

Got a strange feeling
come over me tonight.

I got...

music and food and beer.

I feel strange.

Yeah.

And with...

[sighs]

- [microphone stand falls]
- Da-Daddy?

[Jimmy wheezes]

[stammers]
You okay?

Hank...

Oh, son.

I love you, son.

I love you, and I never
wanted it to be like this.

And I never...

I love you too, Daddy.

[gasping]

[laughs nervously]

Uh, here.

Well...

[feedback squeals]

When you got to go,
you got to go, I guess, huh?

- [all laugh]
- [man] Hallelujah.

[Hank]
Let's get it started, huh?

Remember, the honey's only
for the young single people.

[men laugh]

Boys find the boys' jar.

Girls find the girls' jar.

And then pick a number.

And remember, they're hidden,
but that's half the fun, huh?

One of the joys of...

Germany's Bavarian region is,
of course,

without a doubt,
the slap dance.

The Schuhplattler.

This dance was made
so that young men

could impress young ladies.

And often this would result
in marriage,

so I would love
to share with you

a demonstration
of the Schuhplattler.

Fuck this.

We're running late,

and I think we got
what we came for.

[door opens]

Um, he-he's just tired.

I'm going to take him home.

- I'll take them.
- It's late.

I'm going to be right back,
Edward.

[door opens and closes]

[snoring]

I knew the Lord would bring us
back together

as a family, Daddy.

I always knew it.

Hallelujah.

I love you.

Hey, I found something out.

You want to hear it?

Daddy?

[Sue] Was that sausage
really poisoned?

You okay in there?

[toilet flushes]

You okay?

Want to hear
what I found out?

[tap water running]

[sniffles]

[sighs]

He was a Semitic Jew.

Jesus. I looked him up.
Right, Daddy?

You tried to poison me.

[Jimmy] Mm-hmm.

You tried to make me doubt
the ethnicity of my creator,

and everything that I have built
my life upon.

[cart rattling]

[Mike] Jimmy...

Do you remember
how I told you

that nothing sets
the mind straight

like a good
bowl movement?

By God, I had one that lasted
for 27 minutes,

and my mind
is set straight.

Mm, you hear that, Mike?

You're in for it now.

Shut up, Hank.

Leave us alone.

You can call me son, Daddy.
You just did.

I never did
no such thing.

Yeah, you did.
You told me you loved me.

I said shut up, Hank,
and leave us alone...

you fruit-flaming
butt-hugger.

Now...

[door opens and closes]

...every time that my daddy...

[metal scrapes]

What's that going to solve,
Jim...?

Every time my daddy
had to raise his hand to us,

teach us a lesson,

he always prefaced it by saying,

"How else are you ever
going to learn?"

God is righteous.

We do this.

You and me.

We're done.

Fair and square.

And you don't hurt
no one else.

Not Edward.

Not William. Not Sue.
Not anyone.

It ain't got nothing
to do with them.

Got everything to do
with them.

Hell, I was doing just fine
till two elves come along

and stabbed me in the back.

Elves.

Why has Mike abandoned me?

I called the hospital
and everything.

I'm sure there's
an explanation.

We'll do it again
another night.

Oh, everybody left?

Sorry I missed everything.

I never got to dance
the Schuhplattler.

That was going to be the icing
on the cake.

Well, at least we got everything
the way we wanted it to be.

Look at it.

It's beautiful.

No one can ever
take that away from us.

[door crashes open]

That's what you get
for messing with Jimmy!

Edward! Edward...

[♪♪♪]

Edward...

[Sue] Come on.

[panting]

Told you.

God is not in good mood.

[Sue] Edward! Edward!

[car engine starts]

[Sue] Edward!

Tonight is the night.

We have been waiting for this
for a long time.

Yeah, Daddy's cabaret.

Ain't no way Luke's
going to ruin this.

Now, I know... I know you're
disappointed.

I know you're disappointed
you can't be there,

but know this: I'm going
to dedicate a song to you.

It's going to be good.

[car approaches]

[engine idling]

[car door opens]

What happened to you?

Oh...

turns out Jesus is white
after all.

What happened to you?

Let's go.

Howdy, folks. It's been a while.
I haven't seen you all.

Now I know where y'all been.

Doesn't seem like
Jimmy's around here right now,

but I'm sure
he'll be back soon, and...

But now that God's
in good mood,

I'd say let's keep
the festivities going, shall we?

Hey, y'all see them jars
over there.

What y'all need to do
is you need to dig deep

into your billfolds,
go deep into your pockets,

and get a little money out
and give some money to Jesus.

I mean, you might think
this about peace and joy.

But don't forget,
Jesus himself was rich.

He was a treasure. Amen.

[Luke] Don't get me wrong.

I don't come here
to get anything.

I'm already loaded.

I'm a blessed man.

I come here because...

I want to see life change
and hope restored.

- Let's go, man.
- [Luke] To me, that's worth every dollar.

What, are you going
to beat him to death

with a fucking meat grinder?
Come on...

Look, if you want to commit
suicide, you're on your own.

[Luke]
How about I start with a...

Jimmy!

Jimmy!

[groans]

[horse whinnies]

[grunts]

[Jimmy] This is a mighty
splendid cabaret!

Son?

Fucking crazy.

[stomps foot]

[stomping and clapping
rhythmically]

Son, folks come
to hear me sing!

Oh, you'll sing.

[horse chuffs]

[sniffs]

[Hank]
Good boy.

[horse snarls]

[Jimmy]
Whoa!

[horse whinnies]

[horse neighing]

- [screams]
- [horse grunting]

[hesitant applause]

[applause picks up]

Bravo!

You know what they call
that dance?

They call that dance
the dance of the two queers.

That kind of thing
will send you one way...

a one-way ticket to hell.

- And their asses...
- [audience booing]

[shouting and jeering]

Oh, you like that?

[indistinct shouting]

Well, how about
we give ourselves

a little... encore!

[audience gasps]

Come on, it's cabaret night.

[whinnies]

Let me see you dance, Fritz.

♪ Dee-dee-dee ♪

[laughing]
Funny.

[gunshot]

[audience gasps]

[all screaming and clamoring]

Edward!

[gasps]

[Sue sobbing]

[♪♪♪]

[inaudible]

Happy birthday, kid.

Stay warm.

[water trickling]

[crickets chirping]

[door opens]

[door closes]

Tell you later.

[slurps]

[Tim] Eddie discontinued
the sausage business,

at least officially.

World's just not ready yet.

Sad but true.

But Edward is also human.

And he kept a window open up

for those of us
who got attached.

This is his own recipe.

The American white.

Delicious.

You don't even chew it.

Then how do you eat it?

You suck it.

[♪♪♪]

[sucking and snorting]

[horse whinnies]

[♪♪♪]

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

[♪♪♪]

♪ Planted flag
In the desert sand ♪

♪ The old country
And the promised land ♪

♪ Dreams don't lie
When they're coming in ♪

♪ Whose fault is it
For the shape I'm in? ♪

♪ And I bet a compass
Won't get you far ♪

♪ You're most ways gone
In a mason jar ♪

♪ And all the best ideas
Been had ♪

♪ Whose fault is it
When you feel so bad? ♪

♪ When the night gets darker ♪

♪ Buildings burn ♪

♪ Blame it on the rooster ♪

♪ When the day returns ♪

♪ When the day returns ♪

♪ May be silver
And it may be gold ♪

♪ Whose fault is it
When they let you go? ♪

♪ When the night gets darker ♪

♪ Buildings burn ♪

♪ Blame it on the rooster ♪

♪ When the day returns ♪

♪ Mm-mm ♪

♪ Dogs will bark
And birds will sing ♪

♪ But they won't tell you
Anything ♪

♪ And when the dog's
About to break ♪

♪ The cock will crow ♪

♪ That's all it takes ♪

♪ God makes way
For a starting line ♪

♪ This land is yours
This land is mine ♪

♪ Sold me all
The stars above ♪

♪ Whose fault is it
When you fall in love? ♪

♪ When the night gets darker ♪

♪ Buildings burn ♪

♪ Blame it on the rooster ♪

♪ When the day returns ♪

♪ Blame it on the rooster ♪

♪ When the day returns ♪

♪ Yeah, blame it
On the rooster ♪

♪ When the day returns ♪

♪ When the day returns ♪